A Love Like This: An Epic Contemporary Christian Romance (The Grace Series Book 3)
Author: Stallings, Staci
Date: 2016-12-01

A Love Like This

The Grace Series

Book Three

By: Staci Stallings

KINDLE EDITION

~*~*~*~

Spirit Light Publishing

A Love Like This

Copyright © 2016 by Staci Stallings

Cover Art by Marion Ueckermann
www.marionueckermann.net

Author’s Website
http://www.stacistallings.net

Kindle Edition License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to eStore and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

What Readers Are Saying About

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Table of Contents

What Readers Are Saying

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Epilogue

Also Available from Staci Stallings

About the Author

*~*

Always know that grace

Is only not for the “chosen few.”

It is God’s gift

To anyone who chooses

To accept it!

*~*

Chapter 1

“I don’t know about this,” Caleb James said even as his boss, Derek West, wired the mic to his shirt. He re-angled his gaze downward, simultaneously trying to see and to find a way to talk his boss out of this craziness. “I’ve never done a stand up before. How will I know what to say?”

“You’ll do fine,” Derek said as he reset the wire and stepped back, clapping Caleb on both shoulders. “Look, you know more about this project than all of us combined. You’ll do great.”

“Yeah, but me? On camera? What if I completely mess this up?”

Derek quirked a mischievous grin. “What if you don’t?”

When his boss stepped away, Caleb closed his eyes and exhaled hard, wanting to argue, but not knowing how to get Derek to understand what a thoroughly horrible idea this was. It was, after all, a thoroughly, unimaginably bad idea.

However, before Caleb could get any more of his protest out, Cliff, the head of the camera crew, stepped up with three camera-people in tow, including the girl with the make-up brush who came right over to Caleb and started dusting him with some powder that smelled like awful old-lady perfume.

“You about ready over here?” Cliff asked.

Squinting as she dusted his face once more, Caleb fought to get all of his thoughts into some logical order. It wasn’t working very well.

“As we’ll ever be,” Derek said before turning to Caleb. “Now, seriously, you can do this. Just take a breath and explain what you’ve been doing. It’s simple.”

“Simple. Yeah, right. Like losing my mind simple?” Caleb mumbled. “’Cause that’s what I’m doing. I’m losing my mind. I have to be. How else did I let you talk me into this one? This is insane. Certifiably insane.” He rolled his shoulders around twice and tipped his head first one way and then the other as if he was about to go into the ring with the heavyweight champion of the world. “Okay, Caleb, dude, you can do this. If Derek thinks you can do this, then you can do this.”

Just then, at the curb of the house where they were standing, a tan-gold older model car pulled up, and Caleb’s gaze snagged on it, caught, held, and then jerked his heart to its knees with a yank. Rachel.

Great. She had to show up now. Like he needed any more pressure or distractions. Without even trying, she was both in massive doses.

“We’re ready when you are,” Cliff said in front of him, and with one more sidelong glance over to the curb, Caleb asked himself once more how he had gotten talked into this.

“Guess I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, fighting not to let his shaking spirit sound in his voice.

“K. Then in five, four, three, two…” Cliff pointed at him, and just like that, Caleb James stepped into a whole new chapter of his life.

Seeing the knot of people up on the small incline of the yard of her home which was in far better shape than when they had shown up four weeks before, Rachel Taylor tried not to think about them as she popped open the back door to the old sedan and retrieved first her son and then with considerably more effort, her daughter.

“Hey, Rachel, we’re so glad you could make it,” Jaycee Lawrence, one of Rachel’s long-ago classmates and the spear-head for this crazy project, said as she strode up. “Caleb is doing his first stand-up.”

“Oh, yeah? How’s that going?” Rachel swung little Natalie up onto her hip and had to resettle her own shoulder-length, reddish brown hair that got caught in the transaction. With no thought to it at all, she grabbed Rhett’s hand at her side and shut the car door with a quick back kick.

“Great. He seems to be a real natural at it.” Jaycee didn’t come any closer to the children than need be, but Rachel understood. In her pressed white cotton business button-down shirt and stylish black pants, Jaycee probably couldn’t afford to get fingerprints and kid stains on it. No, Rachel didn’t blame her one bit.

Ever since the television and construction crews had arrived in Ridgemount after Hurricane Gabriel, Rachel had done her level best to steer clear of Jaycee and most of the others. She felt like yesterday’s garbage next to them, especially the ones who were regulars on camera. Not that Jaycee was or wasn’t. Rachel hadn’t really bothered to ask, but her old classmate oozed big-city style, and Rachel had no reason to even try to compete with her. It was a hopeless cause going in.

“They were hoping we could do a stand up or two with you today,” Jaycee said as they made their way up the long sidewalk, “if you’re up for it.”

“Me?” Rachel squeaked out, her eyes going wide with fear as she clutched her son’s hand tighter. Without stopping they went right past the standups now being conducted on her front lawn. Rachel swallowed down the panic, at least she tried to. “Why would they want me?” She looked down at herself. Having just gotten off of work at the school, she hardly looked camera-ready.

“Just a few words about how it’s going, what you think of the work, that kind of thing,” Jaycee said as the four of them climbed the porch.

It was times like this that Rachel felt surreal slither over her. Not that she hadn’t had her fair share of surreal moments in the last several years, but these felt very different. The others were wrapped in numbness, shock, pain, and grief. These only held utter panic and the sharp desire to run away from it all.

“Uh, I really don’t think today’s a good day for that,” Rachel said, and she flipped her hair back with a twist of her head. “I just came by to check on things. I’m not really…”

For one heart-stopping second her gaze slipped out to the yard and held on the gathering of men and women amidst the cameras and then to one man in particular. Muscles bulging from his tanned arms under the simple smoky blue T-shirt, face dusted with dark whiskers under the dark waves of hair. He had a face that would stop women in their tracks and a body to match. She knew he had definitely stopped her in her tracks more than once in their last few weeks together. Caleb James.

A gentleman in every sense of the word. Kind. Compassionate. Helpful. Handsome.

It was too bad the date he had asked her on had never actually materialized. First it was Rhett who had gotten sick, and then Natalie. And just when Rachel thought they were through it all, her mother came down with the awful stuff. It was by the Grace of God alone that Rachel herself had stayed on her feet, but by the time everyone got healthy and well, Caleb had clearly forgotten all about the offer.

Granted that was just as well. There were so many things standing in their way—the fact that he traveled for work and she couldn’t leave even if she wanted to; the fact that she still wasn’t ready to really move on after losing Nathan; the two kids, her mother, her job. Yes, Caleb was a nice fantasy, but Rachel knew as well as anyone that’s all he would ever be.

“Well, the good news is, we’re finally making some actual progress,” Jaycee said, clearly noticing Rachel’s momentary pause but choosing not to say anything about it. “It’s a good thing we had Caleb over here. Derek would have gone nuts trying to do all of this himself.”

“Mommy, I’m thirsty,” Rhett said at her side, and Rachel looked down at him, knowing she really should have just headed straight home from the babysitter’s. The kids were tired, and she wasn’t much better.

“There’s some water inside,” Jaycee said. “I’m sure the guys would love for you to see the place if you can stay just a little bit.”

What to do. What to do. Rachel always found herself asking that question these days. Being a single mom who was also the main caregiver for a mother who could no longer care much for herself, Rachel’s life was pretty well set on ‘what should I do,’ and often the answers that came back to her were either undoable or beyond what she ever thought she would be asked to do in this life. “Okay. I guess a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.”

Concentrating on explaining their final flooring choices and what they had decided to do for the handrails up the stairs was seriously taxing Caleb’s brain capacity, and her arrival hadn’t helped anything.

“Since we couldn’t really rework the fireplace like we wanted,” he said, ticking down the list of items he could talk about with some amount of confidence, “we decided to paint it a soft white and then trim it out with a dark-stained cedar mantel to match the baseboards. Of course, Rachel had already nixed the idea of the crown molding to save some money, but the dark baseboards will still play nicely off of the engineered hardwoods we decided to go with.”

“And cut,” Cliff called. “Perfect. Let’s do one more about the upstairs bathroom issues.”

“I can’t believe how different it looks,” Rachel said as she and Jaycee stood with the kids in what would soon be the kitchen. It was sheet-rocked now and painted. The cabinets were to go in the next day, and she could hardly wait. “I absolutely love the color of the floors. And these walls.”

“It’s going to look so incredible with the cabinets and the dark countertops,” Jaycee said. “And I think the backsplash came in today too.”

Looking around, Rachel tried to picture it all even as she thought through the project. “So did they get the upstairs bathroom figured out?” she asked, giving Natalie small sips from the water bottle, being extra careful not to let her daughter’s drinks get all over the both of them. They really would have to be going soon, but she was hoping to squeeze at least a few minutes of talking to Caleb out of the visit. Not that she should want that, but she did just the same.

“Ugh. Finally. I think they ended up taking a couple feet out of the bedroom to get the tub figured into it and turned the way it needed to be. Whoever designed that thing had no idea what they were doing.”

“I know Caleb’s been really worried about it,” Rachel said as Natalie squealed and kicked. Smiling, at her daughter’s antics, Rachel shifted her to the other hip with no small amount of effort. “Come here, you.”

Jaycee smiled. “She’s so precious.” Reaching over, she put her hand on the little girl’s back, and Rachel noticed the flash on her friend’s left hand.

“Whoa! Hold up just a second there.” Carefully Rachel reached for her friend’s hand and pulled it out into the light. “Why, Jaycee Lawrence, is there something you haven’t told me?”

Smiling shyly, Jaycee ducked. “It just happened last night. I’m still trying to get used to it.”

“You and Derek?” Rachel asked, excited for her friend even as the memories of that time in her life came rushing back with stabbing velocity. True, she was learning to deal with that though it never really seemed to get any easier.

“Yep. Me and Derek…”

The front door snapped open and with no attempt to be quiet, the guys walked in. Instinctively, Jaycee shrank back taking her hand with her, clearly not wanting to talk about it with them right there.

“Well, that went about as well as it could have,” Derek said to Caleb who looked like he might be sick at any moment. Rachel wanted to ask, but she ducked back instead, intentionally preoccupying herself with giving her daughter a drink.

“I’m glad you think so, I nearly passed out. I don’t know how you do it.”

“You get used to it.” Without pretense, Derek went over to Jaycee and wrapped her in his arms. “Hello, love of my life, I missed you.”

Jaycee laughed a small squeal. “I missed you too, but I never actually left, you know that, right?”

“Details.” And Derek kissed her soundly.

Swinging her gaze from them over to Caleb who had wound his arms over themselves watching his boss and his lady friend with a grin, Rachel grimaced but with a happy tinge. It was truly amazing how many times a day one could be blind-sided by memories.

“Uh-hmmm,” Caleb finally said loudly as he watched them. Then he shook his head at Rachel as if he was annoyed. “Who knew they were going to be this obvious?”

“Well, I guess when you’re in love…,” Rachel said with a wistful lilt. In love. How she remembered being in love. When all the world just disappeared and forever seemed well within reach. It was still hard to believe how short forever actually was.

“Caleb!” Rhett picked that moment to wander back into the room. He shrieked and raced over to his new best friend who scooped him up and sent him in a death spin right over his shoulder.

“Hey, there, Buddy! How’re you doing?” Caleb’s gaze swept up and over the child he righted with ease. “You good?”

Rhett nodded seriously, and Rachel had to make herself breathe for the scene. Somehow she knew she shouldn’t let Rhett get close to another guy who would be leaving soon, but somehow she hadn’t really had a choice in the matter. They were like long lost best friends every time they were in the same room. Granted, she loved that Rhett had a male presence, but it worried her just the same. Before she could get those thoughts all the way to some satisfactory conclusion, Caleb looked over at his newly-engaged friends once again and shook his head.

“You know,” he said, directing the words at the two love birds, “we could go down to the church right now and just do this thing up right if you want. I just saw the pastor go by a few minutes ago.”

Coming up for air with a laugh, they turned to him, Jaycee caught firmly in Derek’s embrace though they were both now facing outward. In their defense, Rachel thought, they had waited until nearly everyone else had gone home. However, she could tell the wait and being demure about the engagement had not been easy.

“We’ll get there,” Derek said, smiling. “We’re going tell her folks tonight.”

Caleb grinned and shook his head. “So does this mean we’ve got the night off at Ms. P’s?” He glanced over at Rachel though she could tell he hadn’t really meant to.

Jaycee’s gaze went instantly over to Rachel and then up to Derek, and Rachel understood the silent conversation better than she had ever understood outright words.

“Oh,” Rachel said, straightening, “you know, it’s fine if you’re going to Ms. P’s.” She looked down at Natalie, now huddled into her shoulder, sucking her thumb. “It’s a school night anyway, so we sure won’t be doing anything special out at Mom’s but baths and early bed time.”

“Nothing special?” Caleb asked, looking at Rhett in mock horror. “Why, every night’s special with these two.” Reaching down, he tickled the little boy who squiggled and squealed in his arms. A moment more of playing and Rhett came up to throw his arms around Caleb’s neck. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Caleb hugged the little boy to him, his hand wrapping all the way around the child’s ribcage.

“So did Caleb get to show you upstairs?” Derek asked without letting Jaycee go.

“Oh. Uh. No. Not yet.” Rachel always got a lump of tears caught in her throat when she watched Caleb and Rhett together like that. What she wouldn’t have given to see Nathan with his son just enjoying being together. But she of all people knew that was a dream she would never realize, so she shook out of that thought, and looked over at Derek with a stoic tilt of her head. “But I’d love to see it.”

“Great. Let’s go.”

As they turned for the stairs, Rachel shook her head, honestly in awe of how different the space looked now. “You know, I still can’t believe how different it looks without that wall here. I just can’t get over how much bigger it is.”

In tandem, they all started for the stairs that wrapped up the wall opposite the fireplace and just beyond the little space where a table would eventually go.

“The new bay window should be here tomorrow or the next day,” Caleb said, following all of them and shadowing Rachel as she went up the as-of-now handrail-less stairs. That always kind of freaked her out, and she was glad for his presence right behind her to keep her from plunging off the edge.

“It’s hard to believe this is even our house to be honest with you,” she said, two steps behind Jaycee who was holding Derek’s hand in a death grip ahead of them. “I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.”

“Me either,” Jaycee said. “It’s funny. I remember coming here with Mom when I was little. It was always so dark and gloomy.”

“Well, it’s not going to be dark and gloomy anymore,” Derek said as they reached the top of the second story landing to find light pouring in through one of the new windows they had installed earlier. “Welcome to your new upstairs.”

“Oh! Wow!” Rachel’s eyes widened at the scene, and she stopped, spellbound. Light seemed to emanate from the room itself. Since she hadn’t been here since the sheetrockers had come through, she’d only been relying on her imagination and Caleb’s vision to see how the space might be when it was finished. Now with the window in and the walls up, imagination paled in comparison to reality. “Wow. I love this little space right here. I can so see the kids playing here when they get a little older. We could put up a bookshelf here and a couple of little beanbag chairs.”

“We’re planning to put a gate here.” Behind her, Caleb indicated the wall to the stair post. “That way when they’re up here at night, you don’t have to worry about one of these little guys getting up and wandering off where they shouldn’t be.” He bounced Rhett twice and buried his nose into the child’s neck, making the three-year-old squeal with delight, which brought a hearty laugh out of Caleb.

True wonder and awe took over then as Rachel walked slowly from the landing area over to the bedrooms, knowing how amazing they would be and yet so wanting to see them in real life. Into the first, Rhett’s, she went, and awe fell into something far deeper. “Oh, wow. I can’t believe how much bigger it looks. You said you were going to take some footage out of it, but it doesn’t…”

“Well, we did our best to keep as much of the original footprint as possible,” Caleb explained even as Jaycee and Derek faded to the side. Rachel knew she should be self-conscious with them standing right there, but she was far too overwhelmed to think about that. “This wall came in about two extra feet here, but because it kills into this closet, you don’t really notice that you’ve lost anything.”

“Oh, my…. Wow. I just can’t believe it.” Rachel hugged Natalie to her and fought to keep the tears at bay. “I had no idea it could look like this.”

Caleb grinned at her. “So, you want to see the new bathroom?”

Her eyes lit with anticipation. “Try and stop me.”

He laughed and led the way out. “Okay. Now, there’s no fixtures or anything yet, so you’re going to have to use your imagination, but...” At the door frame, he turned to let her go in ahead of him, and she dipped past him, feeling the magnetism of his body on hers as she did so. He slid his free hand up the doorframe and leaned there, holding Rhett and watching her.

However, once she was in the room, awe didn’t come close. “Oh, my…! Oh, wow! I… You said, about the tub, but… You were serious?” Her gaze went over to him but didn’t hold. The transformation of the space gripped her so powerfully that remembering propriety or how she should act slipped away and disappeared. “So we’re really going to have an actual-actual bathtub in here?”

She went over and inspected the walls that would frame where the new tub would go. In her wildest imagination, she had never thought they might really be able to put a tub in that space when she had mentioned it on their first walk-through. How many times had she knelt by the little shower hosing a child off and wishing she had thought about the task when she and Nathan had first toured the house what now seemed eons ago?

Then again, at that time, Rhett was still getting his baths in the sink, and a shower had been more than adequate for just the two of them. Kids and bathtubs. It was strange how right the two of them felt together. Once again she hugged Natalie to her, and this time she couldn’t stop the tears from stinging into and then out of her eyes. Sniffing, she tried to stop them but that didn’t work at all.

“Aw, hey.” Caleb let his arm slide back down the doorframe as he came over to her and wrapped her into the protection of his embrace. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Rachel knew she was being ridiculous. All this emotion over a simple bathtub was beyond embarrassing. Still, the tears kept streaming out. She sniffed again and then harder, trying to get them to stop. Her smile came but couldn’t hold. “I’m sorry.” Pulling back, she swiped at her eyes, fought for a smile, and then took several breaths. Another sniff did a better job of stemming the tide of tears. “I just…”

Taking only a half-step back from her, Caleb leveled his dark-eyed gaze on her in sympathy and concern. “Hey, no need to be sorry. This all must be pretty overwhelming for you.”

With a soft laugh and another swipe of her eyes, she looked up at him. “You can say that again.” And then as she stood there in the confines of that small space gazing up at him, she had to say it because she knew sometimes you don’t get a second chance. “Thank you for all of this.”

His smile, soft and gentle, glided across her heart and brushed the sadness away. “My pleasure.”

The bathroom turned out to be the end of the tour. Natalie was tired, and Rhett clearly wasn’t much better. Caleb followed the others down the stairs, knowing they needed to get the railing up sooner rather than later. The issue was, with so much to do, things on the schedule kept getting bumped around. However, as he angled between her and the drop, he vowed that tomorrow they would find a way to at least get started on it.

“So, what do you think?” Derek asked when they were all at the bottom.

Rachel was still sniffing just enough to tell Caleb she was a far cry from stable and all right. He worried about her, probably more than he should. They had spent enough time together over the previous weeks for him to get to know some of her story—tragedy after tragedy, enough to take the knees out from under a mere mortal. The last thing he wanted to do now was to add to the load she was already carrying.

“It’s beautiful, really,” Rachel said with another small but audible sniff. “I mean, already, it is. I can’t wait to see the cabinets and the tub…” She smiled though the tears were right there on the surface. “Honestly, it’s a dream come true.”

Derek smiled at her in that way that Caleb knew he was pleased with the work and with her reaction to it. “That’s what we aim to do, make dreams come true.”

“Well.” Rachel looked down at her little girl. “I’d better get these two home. Mom will be wondering where we are.”

With only a bit of a conversation to let them know he would help her to the car, Caleb followed her out, and when the door banged behind them, finally they were alone. What he wanted to do was to sweep her off her feet and carry her off into the sunset. What he did instead was dive into the details.

“We’re going to be picking out paint color for the outside tomorrow if you want to swing by—either before school or after.” He was still carrying Rhett who strangely felt made to fit right there in the crook of his arm.

“Oh, gosh. Paint color? I don’t know how good I’ll be with that.” At the car, she put Natalie in the back and secured her into the car seat.

“I don’t know that you have to choose it so much as I’d like your opinion. I mean, it is your home we’re talking about here. I’d like it if you don’t absolutely hate it.” He followed her around the beat-up beige-gold sedan and handed her Rhett on the other side.

“I doubt I’ll hate it. You haven’t let me down so far.”

With the child gone from his arms, Caleb put his hands on his hips and watched her. Slight build. Lithe and graceful. He loved everything about her. “So far?” he asked with a teasing quirk of his eyebrow. “You’re expecting that to happen?”

Both children secured, she came out of the car, straightened, and brushed the hair out of her face that didn’t quite come all the way with her. “No, I didn’t mean…”

But Caleb just laughed and crossed his arms. That was the safer bet when she was around. For some unknown reason his arms had this crazy desire to pull her into them and hold her there forever, but he knew she wasn’t ready for that. If she was ready for anything. He still wasn’t convinced that her whole family getting sick all at the same time wasn’t a ruse to have an excuse to let him down easy over the whole date thing. He hoped it wasn’t, but that nagging thought wouldn’t leave him alone. “I know you didn’t.”

His gaze dropped from hers to the back seat. “You’d better get these two on home. I’m sure supper and baths are sounding really good to both of them about now.”

She smiled, and as always, he saw flecks of the latent sadness in her eyes. “And to me too.” Holding her hands out to the sides, she looked down at herself. “I think I’m covered in paste and crayon.”

Caleb laughed and stepped forward to open her door.

However, before getting in, Rachel stopped. “Uh, are you… coming over… to Mom’s tonight?”

Oh, how he wanted to say yes with every fiber of his being, but he knew what the answer needed to be. “Probably not. I’m sure Luke and I will be working late on Ms. P’s, but maybe I can take a rain check?”

Knowing slid into her eyes as she nodded. “Okay. A rain check it is then.”

Chapter 2

By the time Caleb got back into the house, Derek was inspecting the baseboards around the living area. His boss was someone Caleb wanted to impress, not so he could move up the food chain but just because his approval was what Caleb knocked himself out every day to get. Older than him by five years, Derek West was the epitome of compassionate excellence in construction. He did nothing halfway, and his work ethic was second-to-none. The very last thing Caleb ever wanted to do was let him down.

“Did Jaycee leave?” Caleb asked, looking around for Derek’s now better half.

“She went over to Ms. P’s to check in with Luke. We’ve got to get that window reordered. It still hasn’t come in.” Derek nodded his satisfaction of the work. “So how’s Rachel?”

With a half-shrug, Caleb went over and started picking up the few pieces of trash left over from the window caulking guys. “It’s tough, you know. I mean, her mom’s not in great health, and with the two kids… I can tell it’s really hard on her sometimes.”

Derek nodded. “So I never did ask, how’d the date go the other night?”

“Eh.” Caleb pitched the three tubes in the trash. “It didn’t happen. The kids got sick, and she couldn’t leave.” He shrugged. “It’s tough, you know, trying to go out with the kids. Her mom isn’t well enough to take care of them, so if we go, there’s finding a babysitter, which let me tell you is a lot harder than it sounds.”

“But she’s worth it, right?” Derek had stopped his inspection to lean on the wall, looking at his foreman.

“Well, yeah.” Not able to hold Derek’s gaze, Caleb’s found the floor. “I mean, when she’s here, and we’re together… yeah. But I don’t know that it’s a good idea to even pursue it. We’re not even going to be here that long, and what happens then, you know? Maybe it’s not even fair to her to go there.”

For a second, Caleb really thought Derek would just let it go. After all, what difference did it make to him anyway? However, just before the conversation snapped closed, his boss’s face fell into deep consideration.

“So, what if we could get the babysitter thing handled?” Derek asked.

That threw Caleb into confusion. “The…? What? What does that mean?”

“It means, if we could handle the babysitting thing, would that make a difference? Would you ask her out again if that wasn’t a problem?”

At the speed of light, Caleb thought that through. “Um, well, yeah. I guess so. But I’m telling you, finding a babysitter around here is not that easy.”

Derek smiled with a mystery dancing behind his eyes. “Let me do some checking. I think we might be able to make something happen.”

A second and Caleb shrugged. “Okay. Sounds good to me.”

The next morning Caleb was indeed on site although he and Luke had quit at nearly midnight the night before. He wasn’t used to sheetrocking anymore, and truth be told, he was a little more sore than he wanted to admit. But sore or not, he was already rolling on their options for the outside paint color by the time her little sedan pulled up at the bottom of the trail of sidewalk.

Turning and realizing it was in fact her, he left the paints and went down the porch steps and then down the walk through the early morning dew to greet her. “Hey, there. You made it.”

She got out and sighed, her light peach blouse no match for the chill of the early autumn morning. Wrapping her arms over themselves, she shook off a shiver. “Yeah. I’ve got to be at school in like 45 minutes. Is this going to take long?”

He laughed. “Not unless you’re really picky.”

“Well, considering I know next-to-nothing about paint colors, I’m thinking that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Why was it so nice to just stand there and look at her? Caleb couldn’t account for it, but he felt it all the same. “Come on. I’ve got some on we can take a look at it.”

Feeling the weight of failing everyone’s expectations that she was an adult and knew how to do any of this, Rachel followed him up the little incline to the front of the house. The original color was white, but it was peeling and flaking and truly horrible. The hurricane hadn’t done it any favors either. At the top of the incline, he stopped and she did too. On the front of the house were three colors—one a light celery green, one a darker taupe, and the third a blue.

“Hmm. So these are my choices?” she asked, staring at them with some concern.

“Well, I figured this would give us a clue as to which direction you want to go in. Unless you hate them all, and then we can just start over.” He picked his hand up and started pointing. “I figured if we went with the blue one, we could do a darker blue on the shutters and the trim, or we could go white if you wanted. The green one, we could probably do some kind of a beige for the trim work. And if we did the taupe, we’d probably want like a dark chocolate or coffee brown to go with it.” Stopping the explanation, he crossed his arms, waited, and then looked over at her. “Is there one you just hate?”

She tipped her head one way and then the other. “Well, I’m not a big fan of brown although chocolate and coffee do sound kind of good right now, but maybe that’s because I didn’t get breakfast.”

He raised his eyebrows. “So brown is out then?”

“Yeah, I think brown is out.”

“Okay. Well, first decision made. That’s progress. How about the green?”

Twisting her face, she considered. “I’ve never been a big fan of green, but I don’t know, it’s kind of working for me. With the beige… I think that one could actually be kind of nice.”

“So do you like that color green, or would you like to see some other options in that general color scheme?”

Rachel considered deeper and then looked from the house out to where the sun was just peeking up through the trees. “I don’t know. I mean, I like that, but what if I hate it in the bright sunshine? Colors don’t always look the same in every light.”

“Well, that’s true.” He thought for a moment and then let out a breath. “How about this? What if I go in, get some color samples in the green hues, come back and paint a few. You can swing back by on your lunch break or after school to check them out.”

It was a good plan, and besides that, it would give her an excuse to come by for a little while. “Okay. That sounds good.” With that, she glanced over at him. “So, is that all? You don’t have like something else for me to look at or decide?”

“Uh, nope. I think that’s got it for now.”

She let out the breath she had been holding. “Good, because I’m starting to get a little decisioned-out here. Who knew there were so many?”

Caleb turned to her and his gaze didn’t leave. “I know it’s a lot, but I really want this to be home to you, not just a place some crew put together that you’re supposed to ooh and aah over, and then we leave and you’re miserable.”

Laughing softly, she kicked at the moist earth. “I hardly think I’ll be miserable. Give us running water and a roof over our heads, and we’ll be totally grateful to all of you.”

“Well, I’m glad, but I hope we can do more than that.”

At the curb, Matt, one of the crew guys pulled up with five others in tow. “Hey, boss,” Matt called, hopping out. “We got some burritos on the way in. You hungry?”

Glancing sheepishly over at her, Caleb smiled and called back, “Sure. Sounds good.” Then he looked back at her and his thoughts seemed to jerk a gear. “You know, you’re welcome to stay. The guys always get way more than we can or should eat.”

“Oh. No. I’m…”

“Come on. You said yourself you haven’t eaten breakfast yet.” He glanced at his watch. “Besides, you don’t have to be at school for at least another 20 minutes, and it’s just around the corner. It’s not like you’ve got a commute.”

Knowing she shouldn’t but not being able to come up with a better reason than that, Rachel finally consented. “Well, I guess one burrito won’t kill me.”

Caleb couldn’t believe his luck. Another ten minutes with her and she was coming back in the afternoon? Life didn’t get any better. He shadowed her inside and pulled over an unopened lacquer can for her to sit on. “The accommodations could be better, but I needed a little more notice that you were coming.”

Laughing, she sat down as he went over to the saw horses and got two of the burritos and a couple of the coffees.

“You like hot sauce?” he asked, juggling everything.

“Uh, no. I’m probably better off if I don’t.”

Coming over, he handed her one of the burritos and some coffee which she set on the floor by her shoe. Quickly pulling over his own upside down bucket, Caleb sat down and half watched as she opened her burrito and took a small bite.

“Mmmm. That’s really good,” she said, leaning on her elbows that were planted on her knees.

“It’s a place out of Greely,” Caleb said. “I think we all got addicted to these things this last month.”

She nodded. “It’s very good.” Taking another bite, she picked up the coffee and took a small drink. “Breakfast. Wow. What a concept.”

Glancing over at her, he puzzled at that statement. “What? You don’t normally eat breakfast?”

With a shake of her head, she took another drink. “Not enough time most mornings. It’s all I can do to get the kids up and dressed and Mom’s day laid out before we leave. Most of the time I don’t even think about eating until it’s 10 a.m. and my stomach is pitching a hissy fit.”

He considered that as he took another bite. “Must be tough. Being there for everyone else, trying to fit you in on the margins.”

Although she sighed, he could tell she was trying not to. “It’s not too bad unless I stop to think about it.” She took another bite and chewed slowly. “If I just try not to be too selfish, I hardly notice it.”

He regarded her for a long moment, knowing he couldn’t say what was in his heart. “Yeah, but your life counts too, doesn’t it? I mean, sure the kids and your mom are important, but doesn’t there need to be some time for your life?”

She scrunched her lips in a smile that really wasn’t. “This is my life.”

This is my life. Her words haunted Caleb, whispering to the deepest recesses of his being the rest of the day. He made the quick trip to the Greely Paint and Stain store, picked out enough greens to make them both crazy and headed back. On the drive back, he thought about her, about her life and about life in general. He couldn’t imagine the pressure she was under. The pressure of having kids. The pressure of taking care of her elderly mom. The pressure of working all day and then all night as well. And yet, she carried it all with such grace, like it wasn’t even terribly difficult though he knew it was.

He thought back to the few evenings he had spent at her mother’s and then about her mother. She was a nice woman, older, probably early 70’s at least. She walked with a walker, and fast was not a movement she was proficient at. They hadn’t offered an explanation of her malady, and although Caleb had considered asking, in the end, he had decided that he didn’t want to pry.

The kids, of course, were great, but they were kids just the same. Little Natalie, not even a year old, and Rhett, a little boy who would surely have to become a man far too soon. How could he not? With three women in the picture, even with a mom like his, the child was destined to step into the role of the man of the house long before he would be ready.

Not that Rachel would expect that or even want it. No, Caleb could easily see her protesting her son’s need to shelter and protect her. It was the path of the son of a single mother. There were just things—killing spiders, burying dead things, tuning up a car—that boys took to naturally, and eventually, they grew up and became the caretaker whether anyone thought they should or not.

But for now, Rachel was the caretaker, of everyone, it seemed. He thought about her not eating breakfast, and he wondered how many meals she had skipped, how many opportunities she had passed up because her family needed her. Putting his hand on the already forming five-o’clock shadow on his jaw, he thought through and around the situation even as he drove over the rolling green hills. Yes, he wanted to help her, them. In fact, had things been different, he would probably want to do far more than that. But they weren’t different, and what she needed, he wasn’t sure he had to give.

So, he vowed to make this house a home for her. A place where she would feel loved and secure and well taken care of. At least he could do that much.

Because she didn’t have to wait for parents to pick up their children like the regular teachers did, Rachel left school five seconds after the last bell had rung. Being an aid in the pre-K had never really been her calling, but job options and openings in the small town were not abundant. So when this position had come open sometime between the first tragedy and the second, she had jumped at the chance to take it. And she was glad of that, even after the second tragedy swept away what was left of her life.

At least at the school she had connections, people to talk to, things to occupy both her time and her mind. It was better that way. Too much time alone was not good. She had learned that lesson the hard way. As she left, she waved at several of the teachers who were lined up with their students, trying to get everyone headed home in the right mode of transportation. Carefully avoiding the melee, Rachel drove the other direction and headed down a side street to Mrs. Carrasco’s.

Dear Mrs. Carrasco. One of her mother’s friends from way back. Rachel wasn’t sure just what she would have done had it not been for the generosity of the woman. Yes, she of all people knew she should pay her more, but Mrs. Carrasco had insisted that keeping the children was her way of helping out. And the sad fact was, Rachel needed the help. Down the street and up the short drive she went. Tired followed but she tried not to think about that. There were still too many hours between her and rest.

At the front door she opened it and went right on in, long since a tradition in her daily routine.

“Aw, baby girl,” Mrs. Carrasco said with her slight Hispanic accent as she angled her gaze down to Natalie who was resting there on her chest, the little wicker rocking chair moving beneath them, “look-it who’s here.”

Natalie’s gaze came over to Rachel, and her precious daughter smiled brightly.

“Hey, there, baby doll.” With a smile of her own, Rachel went over and took her from the older woman. “How’s my girl? Did you have a good day today?”

“Tell Mama we did.” Mrs. Carrasco pulled herself up and out of the chair. “We ate our cereal and all of the carrots.”

“Good girl.” Rachel hugged her daughter to her, grateful for the simplicity of that blessing.

“And I’m betting the little man is still asleep.” Mrs. Carrasco headed off into the other room, and Rachel followed. “He went down kind of late. We were playing outside. He loves that sandbox. I’m so glad I didn’t take it out when my babies left home.”

Sure enough on the small den couch, they found Rhett, curled, covered, and asleep.

“Rhett, darlin’, your mama’s here.” The older woman rubbed and then shook his little shoulder. A centimeter at a time, his eyes came open, and he stretched and rubbed them.

“Hey, cutie pie.” Sitting down on the end of the couch, Rachel let him come to her, and for a few minutes, she simply sat and held her babies. “Wow. You look like you need a bath, Mister.”

His shirt was dirty and so were his pants. Not that she was mad about that. He was a boy. He was made for the dirt.

Coming back over to them with the bag, Mrs. Carrasco checked everything and then brought Rhett’s shoes. “I’m sorry about his socks. He decided to bury them in the sand when I wasn’t watching. I’m not sure they’ll be wearable until they’ve been washed.” Instead of putting them on him, she tucked them into the side of the bag.

Rachel laughed. “What were you doing? Making a sock monster?”

Her son huddled into her. “I was burwing tweasure in the sand.”

“He was being a pirate,” Mrs. Carrasco said with a tiny laugh. “The things they learn from the television.”

Running her hand under and up onto his hair, Rachel looked down at him. “Well, let’s get your shoes on so we can go see Caleb. How would that be?”

His eyes widened in excitement, and he turned to Mrs. Carrasco who bent to put his shoes on him, sans socks. “We’re getting a new house!”

She smiled at him. “So I’ve heard. Is it nice?”

“Caleb’s building it. He knows everything. He let me hold the hammer and hit the nail.”

“Oh, my! How exciting.” Her gaze came up to Rachel’s. “So how long before the house is ready again?”

Rachel sighed, not because she was upset but because that was one more thing to think about. “A couple of weeks I think. I’m supposed to go pick out the color for the outside of it today. You know, there are moments I think someone who is a little adultier than me should really be in charge of all of this.”

“Oh, darlin’, you are doing a marvelous job, but I know it must be a real challenge sometimes.”

She looked at the babysitter sheepishly. “Just sometimes?”

Mrs. Carrasco smiled. “Do not wonder if it is worth it. It is.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself.” Then she looked at the kids. “Well, bunch, it’s time to make tracks.” She swung Natalie up to her hip and picked up the bag. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Carrasco. I don’t know what we would do without you.”

“Oh, think nothing of it. It gives me something productive to do. Otherwise I’d probably sit here in my little rocking chair and waste what little time I have left.”

“Now, don’t even say that. You’re going to be here for a long, long time. You can’t go anywhere. We need you too much.”

The older woman laughed. “I’m glad someone does. Tell your mother I said hi and that I will try to get out there to visit her one of these days.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her.”

In tandem, they all walked to the door, and Rachel went out of it on one push. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Rhett.” The old woman waved to him, and he turned and waved back.

“Bye! See you tomorrow!”

And they left her there and loaded into the car. Waving once more, Rachel backed out and turned not for home but for the house. Excitement mixed with anticipation in such a bubbly froth that she had to tamp her heart down to keep it inside her chest. He had said she should come by so it wasn’t like she was springing her presence on him and being a pest. At the same time, she didn’t want to be in the way and keep showing up just because she wanted to see him, which she always felt like she was doing.

At the turn to the house, she saw the knot of cameras on the front lawn again, and she hoped they wouldn’t think today was a good day for her to talk. There had never been a day made that was good for that, so she really hoped they would forget the idea altogether.

Winding in through and among the cars, vans, and pickups, she parked not on the little driveway but once again at the street. With one glance up the incline, she had to take a breath to steady her nerves. This part always intimidated her to the max. People had never been her forte. These people, somehow, were worse than most.

Pep-talking her way forward, she got out and went to the back to retrieve the children. Unfortunately when she came up, there was no Jaycee today. No. She was apparently on her own trying to locate Caleb in this mess. With a long breath to keep her nerves in check and talk herself out of just leaving, she took Rhett’s hand even as she repositioned Natalie on her hip. Almost as one, they headed up the walk where she glanced over to the cameras, wondering if he was amongst them.

Then, one flash of the square of his jaw in the midst of the others told her he was, and concern for what to do next slithered over her and gripped on so tightly she stopped breathing. Should she stop? Wait for him? Get his attention? Go on in and wait for him there?

Had he seen her? If he did, would he suggest they film her now? She should have just gone on home, not stopped, kept going. Now what?

Heat burned its way up from her neck onto her face, and although no one seemed to notice she was even there, she felt like the eyes of the world were upon her.

“So we’ll get the house color picked out today,” Caleb said to the camera, “and we’ll be set to get started on the final push to finish this one up.”

“And… cut!” the guy by the cameras said.

Rachel couldn’t remember his name. There were too many of them to keep straight. She gripped Rhett’s hand a little tighter than she should have and gulped just as Caleb looked their direction.

“Oh, hey! Look who’s here,” Caleb said with one glance and a happy grin, and then as if no one was watching, he strode right through the cameras and came over to them. His gaze barely brushed hers as he bent down to pick up Rhett. In seconds the child was out of her grasp and inches from Caleb’s blindingly handsome face. “Hey, buddy. Did you have a good day?”

“I buwied tweasure,” Rhett said, the pride in himself shining through.

“Treasure?” Caleb asked as if this was some majorly super secret. His eyes widened on the news. “Where did you find treasure?”

“His socks,” Rachel said with a laugh. “We may have to trash them. I’m not sure we’ll ever get all the sand out of them.”

Caleb’s smile and laugh seemed as if it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard as he looked back at Rhett. “Socks? What an imagination you have, little man.” He pointed to the little picture on Rhett’s shirt. “So who’s this?”

“Elmo,” Rhett said, laughing and kicking in joy. He already knew this game very well.

“Elmo? Hey, isn’t Elmo the one that’s ticklish?” And with that the tickle game commenced.

As Caleb and Rhett played tickle monster, Rachel glanced past him over to the crew, several of whom were watching the little meeting and smiling knowingly.

She didn’t want them to get the wrong idea, so she jumped into the role of homeowner with both feet hoping she wouldn’t drown. “Uh, I hope we’re not keeping you. You said to come by about the paint?”

“Oh, yeah, good news,” Caleb said, both fighting Rhett and sounding professional, a feat she had no idea how he pulled off so effortlessly. “I got about eight shades, so you’ll have your pick.”

“Oh, great.” However, she knew she didn’t sound as happy as she should have. Nervous was more like it. The good news was, Caleb didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, come on.” He turned for the house. “Maybe we can do this on camera.”

Camera? Panic surged over the nerves as she started after him. “Oh. I… Uh…”

But he was already calling to the camera guys and walking over to consult with them. Helplessly Rachel looked down at herself, knowing no actress alive would go on camera looking like this. She wanted to tell him that, to explain that if she was going to be on camera, she needed to go home, shower, and take three hours to get ready. Not that she had anything better in her closet, but this outfit did not scream television material.

Still half-playing with Rhett, Caleb came back down the sidewalk where she hadn’t even moved. “Cliff said it sounds like a great idea.”

“Great.” It sounded like she was being strangled. Felt like it too. Something. She had to come up with some way to get out of this. “Uh, you know, what’re we going to do with the kids? There’s no one to really watch them.”

Caleb laughed as she swung Rhett back and forth. “We’ll let them play around us. It’ll be great TV.”

Great might have been stretching it by a few thousand miles, but what could she say? “Okay.”

Chapter 3

Caleb knew his face probably shouted everything he was feeling, but he simply couldn’t help himself. She was fascinating, amazing, beautiful, strong—all wrapped up in one package. With the cameras rolling, they stepped back from the porch to look at the colors he had picked out. “So what do you think?” he asked, glancing over at her as Rhett played at his feet.

However, he wasn’t at all prepared for his reaction with her this close. She was beyond gorgeous, and not in the fake way either. Trying not to let his thoughts go where they already had, he looked from her back up to the house.

“Um, I don’t really like the darker green,” she said as if this was a test she was destined to fail. “The lighter one that we looked at earlier is better.”

He pointed one way and then the other. “We’ve got the grayer one on that side or the truer green on the other side. Do you like either of them any better?”

Thinking for a second she shook her head. “No. Not the true green. I don’t want it to look like a farm tractor.”

He couldn’t hold back the laugh because it attacked him too quickly. She was witty without even trying. “Okay, so no tractor green.”

“Definitely not.” Scrunching her face, she thought and then tilted her head.

Watching her, he was having a really hard time remembering they were talking about paint colors.

“I don’t know,” she finally said, “I’m kind of leaning toward the one we looked at this morning—the celery one. Isn’t that what you said?”

With a nod, he fought not to smile. “You do know if you choose that one, I just wasted an hour going to get the others ones, right?” He grinned at her, and she looked at him and shrugged one shoulder.

“I told you I’m not good at this.” Then she stopped apologizing and really looked at him. “Well, now, okay, smart guy. What do you think? You’re the designer.”

He half-shrugged. “I really like the celery one too. We can off-set it with a cross between beige and white like an eggshell or winter white, and I thought about adding a planter in front of those two sides of the bay window with maybe some flowers in them.”

“Oh, wow.” She repositioned Natalie as her imagination took over on his light push. “You know, that would be amazing although you’d better make the flowers something super-super easy because I can kill plastic plants.”

His smile widened. “Oh, come on now. It can’t be that bad.”

The glint in his eyes brushed softly across her heart as a tiny laugh slipped from her. “You would be surprised.”

Looking at her at that moment, Caleb had the sensation of floating away, off the planet into a realm he’d never known existed. She was beautiful, amazing, enthralling, and she took his breath away. “Okay, so we’ve got celery green on the main part, eggshell on the trim, and super-super easy flowers that nobody can kill in the planters. How’s that?” He grinned at her mostly because he couldn’t help himself.

Her grin back felt better than any space he had ever existed in. “Sounds like a plan.”

For a second they stood just looking at each other because he got caught in her eyes, and she didn’t look away.

“And cut!” Cliff called. The activity level increased around them, but for a second or two Caleb didn’t even really notice. Then with a shake he came back to reality.

“See?” He reached over and barely got the trajectory of his hand recalibrated from her back to Natalie’s. “That was pretty painless, wasn’t it?”

Letting her eyes go wide as she let out a long breath, Rachel shivered. “Wow. I don’t know how y’all do it. I would be a basket case in two takes.”

“Well, I do have to say, I was with you on that score yesterday, but it’s already getting easier.” Especially when you’re doing it with me, his brain added though thankfully his mouth didn’t follow suit. “Oh, hey, they got most of the cabinets in. You want to see?”

“Sure.”

Careful not to drop Natalie or fall herself, Rachel extracted her little family from the chaos outside and followed him into the chaos inside. The sounds of nail guns and screw guns going were nerve-shattering.

“They got the back run of cabinets in, and we were hoping the island would show up today.” At the door, Caleb held it for them, and they slipped past him inside. “But the transport hasn’t shown up with it yet.”

It was darker inside owing to the fact that the large bay window still wasn’t in the front. Rachel swiped at her hair, knowing it was probably a complete mess. However, she stopped with a jerk when she got far enough in for her eyes to adjust and she saw the kitchen. Dark floors off-set the cherry cabinets creating a stunning panorama. “Oh,… wow! This almost looks like a real house.” She heard him chuckle as he retrieved Rhett from her side and picked him up.

“Well, that’s kind of the point.”

At that moment she realized one of the cameras had beaten them inside and was filming her reactions. There was no way to make herself be okay with that, so she breathed that horrible thought down and slapped on a smile meant solely to cover her quaking unease. Walking over, just a step in front of him, she stopped in the center of the kitchen where the island would eventually go. The cabinets, now stained, although they were the same ones from before, looked completely different. “I can’t believe how amazing they look. It’s like they’re brand new. And I really like them with the darker floors. I can’t believe this is going to be my kitchen. I can’t wait to cook in here.”

“And…” Coming over to her, Caleb took hold of her arm and gently turned her, a move which really shouldn’t have been caught on camera for what it did to the center of her heart. “We also got the fireplace done today too.”

“Oh! Wow!” She knew she sounded like a stuck record, but she just couldn’t help herself. Every new thing, every improvement was so far beyond anything she had imagined it could be that ‘oh, wow’ was the only thing she could get out.

“We’ll be putting in the hearth tomorrow,” he said as they walked together over to the fireplace. He had let go of her, which in one way was good, but in another was completely dangerous as she might start walking and forget real life altogether. “The tile is all ready to go in. They got the gas hooked up today, so it’s usable now.”

He twisted a silver thing off to the side, and the fire whooshed to life in the black box. A warm fire on a cold, dark night. How many times had Nathan said that as he worked to keep the wooden fire going to warm the chilly, drafty old house?

As Rachel looked at it and then took a real look at what would soon be her new living room, tears knifed into the backs of her eyes, and she had to sniff and mash back the emotions they brought with them. So many things she had survived to somehow be standing here on the precipice of a dream she never would have even allowed herself to have. No, dreams were for suckers. She knew that now, to the very depths of her being. So how was it that here the dreams could feel so very possible even though they were already gone forever? A second and Caleb seemed to realize she wasn’t going to be able to fight this wave of feelings.

Carefully, gently he stepped over to her and lowered his head toward hers. “Hey. You okay?” Reaching out, he rubbed up and down her arm, a move that really wasn’t helping her equilibrium.

“Uh, yeah…” Fighting to force a nod, she sniffed and smiled tightly, which only brought up more tears. “It’s just…” She nodded, battling to get the words out but they kept getting lost in the hard, desperate gasps for air. “It’s just that we were going to do this together, you know? When we bought this place. We had plans to fix it up like this. I guess I just never thought that would happen after…”

Caleb pursed his lips and took one more step toward her, concern lacing every movement. “Hey.”

With every fiber of her being, Rachel wanted to squelch all of it like she had so many other times. She wanted to, and she tried, but for the first time in as long as she could remember, she simply couldn’t. There were too many feelings, too much hurt, too much pain. In half a breath it overtook her in a wave she could not out run.

Watching as the pieces of her heart came apart in her eyes, Caleb simultaneously realized what was happening and that someone was still in the room with a camera rolling, capturing every emotion as it ripped loose. Something told him Derek would know what to do in this situation, but Derek wasn’t here. What to do, how to do it—the questions went through him with frightening speed, finding not answers but only more questions. Then he knew, even with everyone watching, the truth was, he couldn’t just leave her standing there all alone, ripped and bleeding for all the world to see.

Gently, questioning it even as he did it, he moved closer to her and tilted his head to look at her. “Rachel…?”

“Mommy sad,” Rhett said, and his little voice was filled with fear and tears. With one glance down at him, Caleb knew the worry the child was already carrying for his mother.

“Hey.” Recalibrating his gaze back to her, Caleb put his hand out to run it down her arm as knifing concern sliced into him so sharply it felt like a stab to the heart. “Rach…?”

She sniffed hard, let out a sharp breath, and swiped at her nose, blinking and fighting to keep breathing as her face crumpled into a depth of anguish he’d never known possible. “I’m sorry. I know I should be…” A sob tore from her even as she gasped it back. “I’m so sorry…”

“No, hey. No,” he said, feeling the need to both protect her and to get her out of this horrible situation. “This isn’t about should or shouldn’t.” Somehow he knew the camera was recording all of this like a greedy glutton with no will to say when was enough. “Okay? Just…” Then, in one breath he knew, and in the next he had her wrapped under his arm and they were moving. “Cut,” he snapped angrily as they ducked past the cameras bound for… where? He didn’t know, but in the next second they were headed up the stairs which thankfully now had at least a partial handrail.

“’scuse us. ‘Scuse… ‘Scuse us,” he said as they barreled upward through the stunned wrought iron workers who dove this way and that to get out of their way.

“Caleb, where…?” she asked as they made the top stair.

“It’s okay. Come here.” And with that, he reached down and grabbed her free hand. Through the upstairs they went and right into the expanse of the master bedroom. With no furniture, it was big and very empty. Only then safely away from the cameras and crew did he stop and turn to her. His hand was on her arm before he knew it was going there. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Caleb, I’m…” she said, her voice broken though it was trying to be whole.

“No. Rach. Don’t. Okay? Don’t apologize.” Leveling his gaze at her, he frantically searched his brain for what to do next. “That… Down there… I’m sorry. I never thought…” He reached up and snaked his fingers into the thick waves of his hair. “That was all wrong. I should have known… I should have thought…”

Her lashes glistened with tears as she looked up at him, the anguish subsiding into the will to make him believe she was all right though she clearly wasn’t. “It’s okay. That wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what? Remember? That’s just it. You do remember. You should remember. I didn’t think about what that would be like for you.” Horrible. He felt so horrible for putting her grief and heartache out there for all to see. Ratings. Good television. He wanted to throw up at the very thought, as if her grief was a commodity to be bought and sold as entertainment for the world.

“Mommy sad,” Rhett said softly, and a breath washed through Caleb as he looked down at the child once again. Painful understanding of the position he had callously put them all in sliced through him.

“No. I’m okay, baby doll,” Rachel said, swiping at her tears, clearly trying to be okay—not for herself but for everyone else. “Really.” She smiled, bravely sniffing what would be the last of the tears down. “Mommy’s okay.”

“Mommy okay?” he asked, tipping his head in concerned confusion.

“Yeah. Here.” And with that, she folded herself onto the ground, pulled Natalie close to her and opened her arms for Rhett.

Carefully, Caleb set the child into the other side of her lap. Knowing nothing else to do, he stepped back, looking down on them. If he could have fixed it, he would have, but as he watched, true admiration for her swept over him. She spoke to the two children softly, lovingly though only Rhett was really listening.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise. We’re going to get through this together just like always, right? But no matter what, remember that Mommy loves you, okay?” She hugged them to her. “I love you so much.”

Still standing there over them, Caleb heard footsteps coming down the hallway floorboards toward the room. Fully prepared to tell whoever it was to go take a long jump at a short donut, he turned to the door just as Derek came through it. With one look at his boss, Caleb headed that direction. They needed to do this, they needed to do it now, but they didn’t need to do it here.

“What…?” Derek started just as Caleb got to him.

“Let’s talk out here.” He turned Derek who looked both unhappy and confused as his gaze went past Caleb to the little confab on the floor. Out into the hallway they went, all the way down to the door of the second bedroom.

“What is going on?” Derek asked, clearly not happy.

Caleb shook his head and exhaled. “It was all my fault. I was showing her around and everyone was there, the cameras and everything. She…” Sending both sets of fingers through his hair, he shook his head again. “She wasn’t ready for the reveal, not like that.” He closed his eyes, desperately trying to make time run backward. “I should have thought what it would be like for her.” Disappointment with his own judgment wound his arms in front of him, and he glanced back down to the room where she still was. “I’m worried about her, Derek. Seriously. This is really taking a toll on her. I see it every time she’s here. The decisions, the memories. All of it. It’s too much.”

Before Derek could insert his opinion, movement at the other door jerked their attentions that way.

Sniffling softly but imminently more in control, Rachel appeared, baby Natalie on one hip, Rhett’s hand in the other. Lithe, almost gaunt, she stood there with the light pouring in from behind her. Another soft sniff and she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and squared them. She took one more breath to push her forward. When she walked up to them, Caleb glanced over at Derek, hoping he would take the lead. Unfortunately he didn’t.

“I think,” she said before anyone else got something out, “we need to be getting home.” Her gaze went down to her daughter, and she fought to get a natural smile out. It didn’t work very well. “They’re getting hungry, and I’m sure Mom’s wondering where we are.”

The men nodded as if unable to think of a reply.

Rachel glanced down at Natalie, bounced her once, and looked back up at them with a smile meant only to hide the sharp shards of the pieces of her heart. “The kitchen really looks great.” Her gaze went only to Derek and held, and Caleb felt the slight. “I know it’s going to be fabulous. We can’t wait until it’s finished.”

She sounded like she’d rehearsed the lines, but not nearly enough. They still sounded painfully prepared, or maybe just outright painful.

Derek glanced over at Caleb and nodded, his lips pursed with worry. “I hope this isn’t…”

“No,” she said, cutting him off. “I’m fine. Really. Just a little over-tired today. It’s been a long day.” This smile would have looked genuine had he not known, but now he did. “Too many late nights up with this one.” She bounced her daughter once again. It was only when her gaze came back to the men that the shadow slipped across the brightness. “Well, thanks for everything. We’ll just be…”

Without really finishing the sentence, she gathered the children closer to her and stepped past the men, headed for the stairs. Caleb took one glance at Derek and started after them.

“I’ll walk you out.”

She never really got her gaze up to his. “Oh, you don’t have to. I know you’re busy with everything.”

However, even as he looked at her, he bent and swept Rhett from her side. “Yeah? Well, humor me.”

Rachel knew better than anyone just how dangerous humoring him could be. She felt it every time he was around, every time he looked at her—just how easy it would be to get lost in his eyes and the fantasy that he could ever be a part of her reality. She shrugged as if she didn’t care one way or the other. “Suit yourself.”

Carefully hugging the wall even though some of the wrought-iron railing was now on the other side, she made her way down the stairs and around the workers. The railing really was beautiful, or it would be when it was finished. Somehow even as she lived it, she knew the hardest thing would be forgetting these moments once the project was finished and he was gone. However, in the midst of living that moment it was just too easy to feel his solid presence shadowing her and to wish he never had to leave.

She tried not to notice or feel the gazes or hear the hushed tones of the workers as they extracted themselves from the space, but she did just the same. Truly, she hoped she hadn’t gotten Caleb into trouble with Derek. Nothing in her wanted to be the cause of Caleb having trouble at work. If she just could have kept it together…

Down the sidewalk without a glance or a word to anyone she went. At the car, she walked around it and secured Natalie before coming around the other way to retrieve Rhett. It was impossible not to feel how close and concerned Caleb was and stayed as he stood there, watching. It was as if he was hovering there, protective and prepared, for what she didn’t really know as the worst of the storm had already passed.

With Rhett secure, she backed up and shut the door, being careful not to let any feeling get into the motion. However, with everything else taken care of, now there was nothing between them, and it was up to her to keep the walls standing around her heart.

Sticking her hands into the pockets of her slacks, she lifted her shoulders. “Uh, thanks,” she said, tipping her head toward the house but not really looking at him or it, “for before. I’m really sorry about that.”

Somehow she hadn’t thought he would actually reach out to her, out here with everyone around. She was wrong. His hand came over, touched and slid down her arm. Why did it have to feel like that? So safe. So tempting to believe…

“No need to be sorry. I know none of this can be easy for you.”

It hurt, but she put a smile onto her face and moved back just enough to make his hand fall. “I guess I’ll see you… later?”

He nodded as his hand left her, but his gaze never did. “I’ll be here.”

Sadness dripped into her spirit, soaking everything with the tears she didn’t dare let herself cry. “Okay. Thanks.”

And with that, Caleb watched her get into the car, start it, and drive away. He exhaled long and slow as he closed his eyes, asking God to please go with her. What else could he do? He had never been a particularly religious person, and his beliefs about God were less solid and more malleable. But the truth was, he figured if anybody could help her, it would surely be God because he himself certainly didn’t know how.

“Hey,” Jaycee said, coming up the sidewalk the other direction. “What’re you standing out here for? Shouldn’t you be in there working?”

When Caleb turned, his heart almost burst with the weight of the worry. He reached up and scratched his eyebrow with his thumbnail. “Rachel just left.”

“Oh.” At first that syllable sounded happy, and then the happiness fled from her face. “Is everything okay?”

“Well, ‘okay’ might be pushing it.”

“Why? What happened?”

Both of them looked toward the front door as Derek came out and down the sidewalk to join them. Caleb wound his arms in front of himself, holding the worry in while preparing to defend himself from whatever was coming.

“How’s Rachel?” Derek asked, the worry overflowing from his voice. His fiancée seemed to cue into his concern as she glanced up at him, her face taking on the seriousness of his.

“I don’t know.” Caleb shook his head, took a step back as he glanced at the project and put his hands on his beltline. “I really don’t. I mean we talked about some of this before, like what she wanted to do with the place when they first got it and stuff. I guess now that it’s really happening… I don’t know… it’s like everything she sees just reminds her of everything she’s lost?”

It came out as a question because he was still trying to sort through all of it in his own heart and soul, and he wasn’t at all sure he understood any of it.

Jaycee nodded. “Sage and I have talked about it some, about everything that’s happened with Rachel. She’s had her heart ripped out and stepped on so many times, I don’t really know how a person recovers after a while.”

Derek wound his arms at his chest, the concern in his face dropping yet another octave. “Okay. I had thought you know B-roll with a lot of this stuff, but maybe this needs a little more from us than B-roll background treatment.” He shook his head and exhaled. “I’ve wondered about that before, on some of the harder ones. You know like, what was that father-daughter one we did in Gary?”

“Gene and Kathleen,” Jaycee said.

“Yeah. So we go in, tragic situation, lost the mother, we fix the house up, their physical world, but when we’re gone, what happens then? Does that really make it any better, or does life get the final say?”

Jaycee nodded. “You know, there’s always a fine line before you hit gossip, but there’s probably some things I never really told y’all about Rachel. I just kind of hoped this whole thing would fix everything for her, and it would make up for all of the past stuff. But maybe that was being too optimistic.”

“By ‘fix,’” Derek said, “what do you mean exactly?”

With a shrug, Jaycee sighed. “I barely even remember some of it, and I was gone for a lot of it. But Rach went off to college like a lot of the rest of us—hell bent on getting out of here once and for all. I don’t know the whole story, but I do know she fell in love with a military guy. Head over heels, like so-in-love-I-can’t-breathe from the way Sage tells it. Next thing anybody knows, they show up with a baby and no official documents of any kind.”

“Rhett,” Caleb said as his spirit fell deeper and deeper into seriousness.

“Yeah,” Jaycee confirmed. “Her dad kind of flipped out, and they ended up going down to the Justice of the Peace, made it official and everything, and everyone thought that settled things. But then her parents had the wreck, and her dad was killed, and after that…”

“Whoa, wait a minute, hold up,” Caleb said, putting his hands up. He blinked slowly. “Back the train up. What was that about a wreck?”

Knowing and empathy crossed through Jaycee’s eyes. “I would have thought she would have told you about it by now. Yeah, Rach and Nathan were living in Virginia or something like that at the time. Nathan was stateside anyway. In fact, it happened on their way home from visiting Nathan and Rachel or going there, I don’t remember. It was just a freak accident. Some car ran a red light and broadsided them. Her dad died almost instantly if I remember right. Her mom was in a wheelchair for months afterward. It was really awful. Very sad.”

“But they were in Virginia?” Derek asked.

“Yeah, and that meant her mom was all alone down here,” Jaycee said with a nod. “Turns out Nathan was a real stand-up guy, real responsible and solid. He knew Rachel wanted to be here with her mom to help out. And I’m sure they both knew he was about to be deployed anyway, so they made the decision to buy a house here about the time they found out they were pregnant again. They bought this old place. I’m sure they had plans to fix it up, but…” Jaycee shrugged. “Well… You know, life.”

Derek nodded. “And then Nathan was killed, and Rachel was left. Two kids, an old house, and a mom who needed her too.”

“It’s weird, you know,” Jaycee said. “I remember her from high school. She wasn’t a beauty queen or top of the class. She was just this really nice girl, a little geeky maybe, but no more than any of the rest of us.” She shook her head slowly. “I’m not sure why life decided to deal her such a rotten hand. I’m not sure I could have played it with as much grace as she has.”

Absorbing the pain of the story into his heart, Caleb glanced back up at the work going on at the house. “I don’t think she’s ever dealt with any of it. Not after what I saw today.”

“I’m not sure how she could have,” Jaycee said. “I’m sure it’s felt like a never ending spiral downward.”

“So, the question then becomes, where do we go from here?” Derek asked. “I mean, we can’t just quit. That wouldn’t help anything at all. But I don’t want to push her over the edge either.”

“I think some of it is just knowing and thinking and being sensitive to the fact that she’s carrying a lot. I know she’s freaking out about being on camera, so maybe the less we do of that the better.”

“We have to do some,” Derek said.

“Some. Yes,” Jaycee said, now sounding far sterner. “But we need to let her be prepared for it. We could even schedule the stand-ups with her. Say on Friday or something, rather than springing them on her.”

“That was totally my fault,” Caleb said, raising his hand sheepishly.

“It’s not about it being anybody’s fault,” Jaycee said. “This is about us all being on the same page of doing this in a way that helps her. I know you want that.”

Caleb nodded, feeling just how much he wanted it.

“Well, that helps,” Derek said. “And just so you know, Caleb, I’m more worried about fixing this than about how it got broken or how we found out it was broken. Sometimes out here doing this stuff, we’re working on setting cabinets or putting in the flooring, not really realizing all the emotions and stuff going on around us. I know I’m not very good at that. But I also know working on the pastor’s has taught me a whole new level of respect for what this process must be like for the people going through it.”

“K.” Caleb nodded again. “I just feel like I let you guys down. I mean, you trusted me with this one, and when you show up, everything’s a mess.”

Derek laughed. “Let me tell you, if everything wasn’t a mess, I would think I was working on the wrong show.”

That brought a laugh out of Caleb as well. “It’s just…”

“I know,” Derek said. “Believe me. I know.”

Chapter 4

Getting it back together had never been such a challenge, and driving was always the worst. The tricks weren’t working like they had in the past. Breathing. Blinking. Not breathing. Rachel couldn’t get the tears to stop or the ache to quit jabbing the memories into her.

Only a few times had those tricks not served her well when she tried to shut the emotions off. Today, the feelings and the pain were winning no matter what she did. Finally, after her third time down the road past her mother’s, she mashed everything deep down into her heart and slammed and bolted the door. Her mother didn’t need her falling apart, certainly not now when it finally seemed that things were going her way.

At the house, Rachel pulled the kids out and steeled herself to act like all was right in her world as she went through the door. “We’re home!”

Home. It was such an odd concept these days. Home was now just a stopping place on the way to somewhere else. None felt permanent. Only and always temporary. She hated that, but there was no getting away from it. The memory of the new house, of him following her down the stairs cut through all of her other thoughts, jerking her breath from her. “Rachel Taylor. Seriously. Stop that,” she berated herself under her breath.

“Oh, good.” Her mother came in from the other doorway, pushing the walker ahead of her. The age gap would have been startling anyway, but the accident and walker had made her mother look even older than she was. “I was hoping that was you.”

“It’s us.” Putting Natalie down on the floor and untangling herself from her purse, Rachel went about unwinding who she was outside these four walls. “Sorry we’re late. We had to stop by the house. Outside paint color.” She readjusted the ends of her shirt. “I am so bad at that stuff.”

“And Caleb?” her mother asked. “How is he?”

“They’ve gotten some of the kitchen cabinets in.” Rachel went over and started looking for something to make for supper. “It’s going to be really nice. Do you want spaghetti? I don’t think we have time for much else.”

“Oh. That’s fine, dear. Genevieve was going to put something on, but I guess she didn’t get time.”

Genevieve, the woman who came to help tidy up and stay with her mother during the day, often at least started something for supper. Tonight, Rachel should have guessed she wouldn’t get that lucky. Retrieving the ingredients from the cabinets, she went about preparing the meal.

“So Caleb was there?” her mother persisted as Rachel did everything in her power to act pre-occupied and distracted.

“Yeah, he was there, and then Derek showed up.” She pulled out a couple of pans and went over to the pantry. “We went with celery green on the outside, and beige-white, I think for the trim. Oh, and they’re finally getting the staircase in, but the front window’s still not there. It kind of makes the living room dark.”

Dumping one and then two handfuls of broken spaghetti noodles into the water, she flipped on the gas stove. “But they did get the fireplace done. Not the mantel or the hearth yet, but the painting and trim work. It looks amazing.” She put the sauce in the other pan and stirred it slowly as if it needed to be. “Not that anything they do isn’t amazing.”

“So, how is Caleb? He hasn’t been out here in a while.”

“No. They’re working on Ms. P’s at night, and I think he’s staying in Greely now, which is way better than Norfolk. I think that drive was about to make them all crazy.” She tipped her head and spun her hair over her shoulder. “That’s good because they’ll get it all done so much faster like this. It’s unbelievable how much they’ve already gotten done.”

“You should invite him out again,” her mother said from where she was now sitting at the table.

“Oh, I don’t know. They’re really busy.”

“He did promise to fix my gutter spout when they replaced the shingles on the roof that time,” her mother said. “I’m hoping a rain doesn’t damage the roof. The last thing I need is to be replacing that thing at this point.”

Knowing there was no way to decline, Rachel smashed her lips together and let out a very slow breath. “If I think about it, I’ll mention it to him.”

“Oh, would you? That would be wonderful.”

Rachel made it a point the next morning to avoid the street with her house as she went through her morning drop-off routine. It wasn’t hard, really, other than her heart wanted to drag her there so badly it hurt. But she knew she was better off not going by.

After all, he would probably be nice and offer her another burrito, and they would sit on buckets and talk, and she would feel like this had a chance, and…

Yanking in a hard breath, she pushed that thought away with a quick swipe of her eye. If she could just stop being so emotional about everything, that would be a major step in the right direction. It had been so easy before. Why was it such a challenge now?

At the school she grabbed her purse and headed inside through the melee of cars, busses, parents, kids, and teachers. Another day to add to all the others. Even now, she wasn’t sure she understood the point of it all anymore. Oh, she had at one time. When she was young and going through these doors as a student. Then, it had made sense. Then, she was going toward something—a future she wanted—instead of only looking at her life through the rear view mirror at all she had lost.

Now it just felt pointless. So she went to school, helped kids brush their teeth and read a few stories. Next year she would do it all over again with a new batch of kids who wouldn’t so much as remember her name in six months. The awful melancholy that stalked her now wrapped into and through her so thoroughly she couldn’t disentangle herself from it.

The only thing left as her defense was the mask of happiness she had perfected wearing over the last couple of years. “Morning,” she said to Elaine Sanchez, the actual pre-K teacher.

“Oh, good morning.” Elaine looked up from her work getting the little trays ready on the desks.

“Looks like art this morning?” Rachel put her things in the closet and came back out.

“Yes. Mr. McGuffy wants artwork displayed for the meet the teacher night next week, so I figured we’d better do something easy.”

Rachel looked the project over. “What do you need?”

Elaine laughed. “48 more hours in every day?”

Yes. This job was good for her. Distraction. Just what she needed.

Laughing, Rachel nodded. “How about I get these petals cut out?”

“That would be wonderful.”

“Okay, guys on three,” Caleb said from his side of the island that stood outside the front door. “We’re going to have to tilt it through the opening there and then it should be a straight shot to where we’ll set it in the kitchen.” He bent down with the others. “Here we go. One. Two. Three.”

By noon, Rachel had almost so fully immersed herself in children that she hadn’t thought of the house or Caleb at all. Well, okay, “at all” might be stretching it, but she was proud of herself that it hadn’t been every, single second. As usual she ducked into the closet to check her cell phone just before she was to take the kids to lunch.

Taking kids. That was a major part of her day. Take them to music, bring them back. Take them to the gym, bring them back. Take them to lunch… She timed her whole day by where she was taking them and what was left to take them to.

“Okay, everyone,” Elaine said in the classroom. “Let’s get our areas clean so we can line up for lunch.”

In the closet, Rachel swiped on her cell phone to check for messages. Sometimes Mrs. Carrasco needed to tell her something, and even if she didn’t, checking made Rachel think that everything was okay when there was no message. However, when she turned the thing on, there was a message, and her heart hitched. What was wrong? Had she forgotten something? Was one of the kids sick? A message always meant something was wrong.

Come by after school. We have a surprise for you.

The breath out did nothing to get her heart beating again. Caleb.

She closed her eyes, wishing she could tell him she simply hadn’t seen his message. Nothing in her had any belief at all that she could just go by the house and not completely lose it again. Yes, some of it was the memories, but some of it was being there with him and keeping herself in one piece. Normal. What was that anymore?

Heaving a sigh and not really making a solid decision of if she would in fact go by or not, she shut off the cell phone and stowed it in her purse which went back into the little cabinet which she locked. Time to get back to real life.

“So is Rachel coming after school?” Derek asked as he inspected the cabinets with the countertops and the island. Once the back splash was in, all they had left would be the appliances.

The rest of the crew was taking their lunch outside and at the community center, so for this lull, it was only the two of them left.

“Uh, I don’t know.” Caleb watched his boss, hoping they had done everything right and he hadn’t missed anything as well as noticing what Derek checked so they could make sure those things were right on the next job. “I texted her earlier, told her she should stop by.”

Derek nodded, came up from checking the island, and splayed his hands there, looking over at Caleb. “So, how’s the date thing going? You ask her out again?”

Caleb stumbled on the question. “Uh, well, no. I haven’t really had the chance.”

“Had the chance or taken the chance?”

Trapped. Derek could make him feel so trapped in a second flat. “I don’t know, Derek. I mean, she’s clearly struggling with all of this, with the house and her mom and the kids. I don’t even know if she’s interested or not. I don’t really want to add to all of that for her.”

Considering that, Derek nodded. “Look, I’m no relationship expert, but I can tell this isn’t about a one-night thing for you.”

“I’m…”

Derek put up his hand. “Let me finish.”

Caleb nodded.

“The truth is, it took me a whole year to figure out what you guys all knew about me and Jaycee. Then it took almost losing her to get me into gear enough to get up the courage to go where my heart was saying to go with her. That wasn’t easy, let me tell you. I was worried about what everyone would think, what she would think, how it would all work out, if it would all work out.” He shook his head. “And I very nearly talked myself right out of the whole thing.” Stepping back, he shrugged and nodded. “I almost let the best thing to ever happen to me get away because I was being so logical about it all. My head told me all the ways it could go wrong. All my heart said was this was the woman I wanted to be with more than I wanted life itself.”

Lifting his eyebrow, Caleb let out a soft laugh.

“I know,” Derek said. “Believe me, I do. But I also know sometimes it’s more important to be honest than safe. Truth is, I just don’t want you to miss out on whatever this could be.”

“I don’t know.” Caleb shook his head. “I don’t know if I can be who she needs me to be, and besides, it’s not like we’re staying here in Ridgemount after this.”

The front door opened, and the workers began streaming back in to get to work.

“Well, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that sometimes you’ve got to take this step to get to the next one,” Derek said.

Caleb’s lips lifted into a grin. “Jaycee sure did a number on you.”

That made Derek laugh. “You have no idea.”

Rachel was still arguing with herself by the time she left Mrs. Carrasco’s with the kids in the back. She backed out of the driveway and headed north four blocks where she stopped at the stop sign. Two cars from the school came from the east, and she watched them, wishing they would go just a little slower so she would have more time to make this decision—to either talk herself into it or out of it, and she wasn’t at all sure which one was what she should be doing.

One car passed, and she watched it, looking through the intersection to the other side. Left would take her home. Forward would take her…

Her breath snagged at the thought of going to the house, of seeing him. A surprise. What did that mean anyway? True. She would have to go sooner or later. Right? She couldn’t just leave in the middle of such a major project never to return.

Watching, she sat as the second car passed. Yes, she could have already gone, but she hadn’t because… well, just because. Because going meant facing him. Because going meant fighting every feeling he dredged up in her, feelings she didn’t want to feel anymore, emotions she didn’t want to admit she could even still have. Fear rose up in front of her, seemingly from the road itself, and she closed her eyes in the face of it. Overwhelm snaked over her as she tried to tell herself this was no big deal. She could do this. It wouldn’t be as bad as she was thinking.

But if all of that was true, then why was she still sitting here, watching another car she hadn’t seen before that moment go by?

Finally shaking some sense into herself, she glanced into the rearview mirror and saw a car coming up from behind. She couldn’t just sit here. She had to make a decision. Right or wrong, she couldn’t sit here forever.

With a hard breath of frustration, she let off the brake and went through the intersection, still not sure it was the right decision. The velocity of the scream of fear through her was nearly impossible to ignore, and anger with herself and her incredible weakness surged into her. “Stop it, Rachel. For the love of Pete, get it together already. You are not two.”

And then, before she could hardly think what came next, she was pulling up to the house wondering how she had gotten there. The workers were on the outside, spraying on the green paint. If it hadn’t been her house, she would have thought how nice it was. Instead, all she could see everywhere she looked was the mess even as her heart both searched for him and didn’t.

That’s when she decided it would be best not to think. So she put the car into park and extracted herself from its confines. Pulling down the tail of her shirt, she went first to get Rhett. “Come on, big guy.”

“Caleb?” Rhett asked as Rachel worked to get him out.

“Yeah, we’re going to go see Caleb. I just have to get your sister.”

“Hey, there. You guys made it.”

Heart, body and soul she froze. Oh, lands, what that voice did to her heart. Closing her eyes to explain to herself that she couldn’t be anything other than the put-together homeowner today, she stood Rhett down and was not at all surprised when he raced past her. A sigh and she closed the door, turning just slightly to acknowledge Caleb.

“We did. We can’t stay though.” Around the car she went, wishing she could run away and never have to face this, or him. How stupidly weak did he now think she was? Worse, how was she going to hold onto normal when she felt like she was on an out-of-control emotional Tilt-a-Whirl? The feelings and scenes from the day before rushed on her, and she had no defense against them. Pulling Natalie out, she shut the door and plastered a smile onto her face. Just get this over with. Get through it, and we can go home.

As she walked around the car, she tried to both look at him and not, which wasn’t exactly easy. But it was the only way to stay in one piece. “So what’s this big surprise you have for us anyway?”

His happy, amazing grin did nothing to tamp down the conflict raging in her spirit. “You’re going to love it. Come on.”

“Oh, yeah?”

He turned and started up the walk. She followed, her heels clicking on the concrete.

“No hints? Not even a little one?”

“You’ve just got to see it,” he said over his shoulder as he went up the front steps and over the painting supplies. “Be careful here. It’s still wet.”

“This is looking nice,” she said, glancing up and around at the work on the porch.

“They should be done with it by Friday. I think it’s going to be really great.” He opened the door, went in, stopped, and held it for her.

The space was still dark, so she entered carefully. “Still no front window, huh?”

“The back ordered thing is killing us. Derek decided to reorder from a different company today. I think the other company was working his last nerve.”

The living area had construction stuff scattered everywhere. A scaffold. Tools. Odd pieces that were either extra or not yet in. Tarps and cords. But as Rachel’s gaze swept over all of it, she caught sight of the fireplace, the hearth and mantel now in place. “Oh, wow. Oh, you were right. That is awesome. It turned out so good.”

Caleb grinned as he shut the door behind her. “I was hoping you’d like it.”

“Like it? It’s beautiful. This tile?” However, just as she started over to it, her gaze went the other way into the kitchen. “Oh!” The air literally vanished from her lungs. She glanced over at him as her heart fell in love with the scene before her. “Caleb, it’s… oh, wow. I don’t… Oh, man!”

Forgetting everything else, she went through and over all of the mess and right into the kitchen. She stopped at the island, in complete awe of the size and the beauty of it. “I never thought it would…” Then she looked up and really saw the rest of the kitchen. “The backsplash. Oh! Wow!” She exhaled hard as she went over to it. “I never… I have a backsplash. Look at this! I can’t believe it! I feel like this is some kind of a dream! Look at these counters. They’re perfect. Oh, wow. You’ll never get me out of here.”

“The appliances should be in tomorrow or Monday, but I really think the sink works well over here now.” He came into the kitchen to stand there, watching her. “I was really happy with how it turned out.”

“I can’t… I can’t believe it. And these cabinets.” She went from cabinet to cabinet, opening doors as if she might find one that wasn’t real. “Oh, baby girl, we are going to be stylin’ when we’re making supper now. And baking! I can’t wait to get my hands on this space. I won’t be bumping into everything anymore. This is incredible!”

When she turned around, it was only then that she realized just how she must sound. He was standing there grinning at her, and she smiled sheepishly back.

He ducked to Rhett. “I think she likes it. What do you think?”

Leaning on the cabinet by the sink, she let out a breath as she looked around. “Like it? I think we left ‘like’ waaay back there.”

Caleb laughed.

She shook her head, still trying to take it all in. “Wow. I can’t believe it. I really can’t. I think I’m in shock.”

“But it’s good shock, right?”

It was impossible not to look around, to absorb it, to take it all in and then just to want to do it all again. “Yeah, it’s definitely good shock. I can’t believe how much difference this island makes in here. It’s like it’s a completely different room, like yes, they are together, but now they’re separate too. And I can stand here and bake and watch the kids in there…” Sweeping her hair off of her face, she shook her head. “I don’t think I could have pictured this in a million-gazillion years. Even after seeing the sketches and everything.” She let out a breath. “Wow.”

Coming around the island, he leaned back against it as she leaned back against the sink. “So is there anything you would change? Anything that doesn’t look just the way you want it?”

For some reason, when her gaze came up to his, all thoughts of the kitchen left, and she smiled softly. There was only one answer to that question. “No. It looks absolutely perfect just the way it is.”

Wow. As he stood there and looked at her, so close, only feet away, outlined by the light coming in from the kitchen window, Caleb couldn’t help but think for that split second that he wished they weren’t talking about the kitchen but about them. She was right. This felt so perfect. Her standing there, holding Natalie. Him, holding Rhett. Standing in the middle of a reality he wanted more than anything.

“Oh,” she suddenly said, snapping the moment in two. “Mom was saying last night that her gutter spout never got fixed. Remember, from when y’all were out there before?”

“Oh.” Caleb shook out of the dream he was having and nodded quickly. “Yeah, with Ms. P’s and everything…”

“I know. That’s what I told her…”

“But we can. I mean, I can. It won’t take that long. It just needs reshaped and set. That’s all.”

“I hate to ask,” Rachel said, wrinkling her nose, “and if it was me, I probably wouldn’t, but…”

“No. I said I would get to it. I need to. I just hadn’t thought about it again.”

Okay, that wasn’t wholly true. That night, the one he and four of the guys had gone over to her mother’s to fix her roof. He had tried not to think of it again, how she looked in her jeans and loose-fitting T-shirt, how she kept coming out to check on them, how she had stood on the yard at the roof-line and offered them fried chicken. Even now, he knew it was a memory he would never forget.

“So do I get fried chicken again?” he asked with a sly grin.

She laughed and shook her head. “Well, I’ve got to pay you somehow, don’t I?”

Chapter 5

“So when do you think we’ll catch a break on this one?” Caleb asked Luke Wednesday evening as they worked replumbing Ms. P’s house. They were in the bathroom, Luke working under the floorboards as Caleb handed him the pipes and pieces.

“Well, it hasn’t happened yet,” Luke said, ducking down again.

Derek and Jaycee were hard at work in the living room, painting. Caleb could hear them just down the hallway.

“This should take care of the plumbing though, finally,” Luke said. “The electrical is done, so surely we’re getting close.”

“Yeah.” Caleb nodded. “I was just wondering how much longer.” He handed him the glue.

“Any particular reason for that, or are you just tired of hanging out with us?” By the look on Luke’s face, Caleb knew he was teasing.

“Nah, I just have another little job I was needing to get to before we left next week.”

“Oh, so you’re leaving then? When Rachel’s is done?”

Jiminey, what that name did to him. It was downright frustrating. “That’s the plan.” He handed down another joining pipe.

“How’s that going anyway?”

“Oh, it’s great. The kitchen’s almost done and most of the upstairs. We’re waiting on the tub and the front window, painting the outside, little stuff like that.”

“And Rachel? How is she?”

That one was much harder to answer. “Good. I guess.”

Luke’s gaze came up with concern. “You guess?”

“She’s just… It’s been a tough couple of months on her.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve been worried ever since she lost her dad, and when Nathan died…” He went back down into the hole to fit the pipes together. “Not that I blame her at all. I mean, I’m not sure what that much loss would do to my faith, but I always kind of hated it that she drifted away from everyone like she did.”

That piqued Caleb’s curiosity. “Oh? What do you mean?” Another pipe that would eventually come up to the sink made the transfer.

“It’s just tough, you know? I know what it’s like to have everybody in town looking at you and talking about you. I probably would’ve done the same thing she did.”

Trying very hard to sound like this was no big deal to him, Caleb measured two pipes and handed Luke the shorter one. “Oh? What did she do?”

“Oh, you know, making herself as scarce as possible, not coming to stuff. Even to church. Not that I blame her, what with her mom and all.”

Why did it always feel like they were speaking in code? “Oh? What about her mom?”

“Well, first it was the wheelchair, and the fact that the church really isn’t designed for one, and then the walker. I’m sure Rach didn’t want to just leave her mom out there and go to church. Not that she would have gone anyway probably, but I can see why she didn’t.”

“So, what does she do if she doesn’t go to church, just go to work and home?”

“Pretty much I guess. Every so often you’ll see her at other places, the grocery store, the post office, but mostly, I think she just exists in her own little world as far away from other people as possible.”

When Rachel stopped by the house on Thursday afternoon, even she had to agree they had come a long way. The green now covered the facade, and the eggshell white was going on the trim. It wouldn’t be long now.

“Let’s go see what they’re doing today,” she told Rhett as she held onto him around the car once she had gotten Natalie out. “It’s looking really fancy, don’t you think?”

“Caleb!” Rhett pried himself loose from her grasp to run up to where Caleb was bounding down the steps and striding toward them.

He looked so perfectly perfect doing that. It really wasn’t fair how intertwined he was with her thoughts about the house. In the kitchen. Upstairs. Out front. Everywhere. Her heart saddened at the thought of it without him even as it cataloged everything about him she so liked—arms, face, hair, smile. He wasn’t playing fair with her determination to not notice.

“Hey, buddy!” Caleb swept the child up and spun him around before settling him on his hip and straightening the little shirt. “You are growing up, you know that? You’re getting so big.” He hugged the little child to him. “Wait ‘til you see your bedroom. They got it all painted today.”

His gaze came over to her, coming up the walk, and he grinned. “I was hoping you’d swing by.”

She let out a sigh. “We’re here.”

Worry trounced across his face. “You sound tired.”

They turned up the sidewalk together, him looking at her, her looking at the concrete.

“What’s new?” She laughed. “A whole day of pre-Ker’s and the letter A. That really shouldn’t be as tiring as it is.”

At the door he went in and held it for her. Stepping inside, she did as she always did and let her gaze sweep the room.

“They got the handrail done,” she said, noticing the black wrought iron to the left. “It looks great. And the baseboards. Wow. It almost looks ready to move into in here.”

“And…?” he said, sweeping his hand forward.

She looked at him with skepticism. “And?” When he didn’t explain, she moved in the direction he was indicating, right over to the boundary of the kitchen. The instant her foot crossed the threshold, her eyes widened. “You got them in.”

“We did,” he said, grinning. “What do you think?”

Awe came over her as slowly she walked into the space now gleaming with brand new appliances. “Oh, Caleb,… It’s…” Then her gaze snagged to the far side, and she stopped short. “Wait. Is that…?” Going over, she opened first the top and then the bottom before turning to him in utter disbelief. “A double oven? Are you serious? But you said…”

Happiness and hope met in his eyes. “It seemed important to you, so we did a little work-around.”

“A work…” Rachel swallowed as the fact that he had listened and then made her one real dream for the house a reality overtook her. She shut the oven door without seeing it. “I… don’t… You…”

Coming over to her, assessing her with each step, his face held deep worry that he’d just pushed her off another emotional cliff with his thoughtfulness. “Rach?”

She smiled up at him, softly, at least as much of one as she could get out, and then she shook her head. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That’s… it’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time.”

“Ah, I just…” He picked up his hand as if to dismiss the effort and thought that had gone into making her dream come true.

“No,” she said, stepping closer to him and then coming all the way under his arm to give him a hug. “Thank you.”

This close he was even more of a magnet than she had imagined. His back muscles, smooth and solid, under her hand, his chest under her cheek. She only tightened her hug for a second, wanting him to know what she couldn’t put into words.

His arm came down and around her for one brief second and held there. “You’re… welcome.”

Sniffing, she dragged herself backward and out of his arms though that was not the direction she wanted to go. “This is… It’s all very, very sweet. Thank you.”

The happiness and hope were back in his eyes. “I’m glad you like it.”

It was crazy how much effort it took for Caleb to simply step back from her and keep breathing. He had imagined how she would feel wrapped in his arms, but he hadn’t been at all prepared for the reality of it. Then it had happened so fast and been over even faster, it was like he couldn’t decide if it had even really happened at all. However, his body was now imprinted with her in every place she had touched, and all he wanted was to feel her there again.

“So,” she said, “how soon are you thinking we’ll be able to move in?” She was over by the island now, tracing her finger over and over the surface.

Watching her was like dancing without the benefit of music. She was fascinating to behold, to experience. “Probably next weekend if things go as well as I’m hoping they will.”

With a nod, Rachel’s gaze came over to his, and his breath left once again. How could she do that to him so easily? One look could send him spiraling. Her soft smile wafted across his heart. “That means I should probably start boxing stuff up at Mom’s then. I’m sure she’ll be glad to get us out from under foot.”

Caleb’s mind slipped into and over the coming changes, not totally grasping until that moment what they would mean. “Is she…? Will she be… all right out there? By herself?” It wasn’t something that was technically on his list of responsibilities, but he was concerned just the same.

The movement with her finger slowed. “I think she’s going to move.”

“Move?” he asked with more concern. “What? Here?” All the things they should have done so differently flashed through his mind. Why hadn’t she mention this until now?

“No,” Rachel said softly. “Not here. There’s a little set of apartments just down from the church. They’re small. Single bedroom, little kitchen. She was planning to move there at the end of September. That was the plan anyway, and then, well, I guess life had a different idea.”

“What’s she going to do with her place?”

When the movement stopped altogether, worry dropped on him once again. “Rach?”

Her gaze came up to his, hard, sad, accepting. “She’s going to sell it.” Rachel shook her head as she let her gaze slip back down to the shiny surface. “It’s too big now that it’s… just her.”

The wreck. The memories. No matter how far they went, they always seemed to run right back into them. “And she’s okay with that?”

Rachel laughed softly. “Probably more than I am.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s like I’m losing something else. The place was where I grew up, you know? I remember it that first day like it was five minutes ago, but I guess, that was a long time ago, right? Time to let it go, move on, get on with life. Isn’t that what they say?”

Slowly Caleb stepped over to her. “I don’t know. Is that what they say?”

A breath and she shrugged. “It’s what they think.”

Half a step away he stopped, unsure if he should complete the journey or not. “Rachel?”

She sniffed hard and angled a wistful smile up at him. “I’m fine. Really. I guess I’m just learning that nothing is forever, don’t get so attached, you’re just going to get hurt if you do.”

The front door snapped open then, and Rachel’s gaze jerked over to the sound as she stepped backward, away from the eyes of the new arrival. Sniffing, she ducked and didn’t stop her retreat until she was leaning on the opposite cabinet.

“Hello? Anybody here? Caleb?”

Caleb took one look at Rachel and knew he had no choice. “Yeah, Cliff. We’re in here.”

The director came in, took one look at her, and clearly lost his certainty in this visit. His gaze hung on her and then swung over to Caleb. “I just left Ms. P’s. All the windows are all finally in.”

“Oh, that’s great,” Caleb said with only a single glance at her. He could feel how small she was making herself. It was almost like she was trying to disappear completely.

“I was…” Cliff glanced at her again. “We’re needing to figure out the final schedule over here, what we want for the final reveal, when that will be, that kind of thing.”

She was in the way. Rachel knew that much. She could feel it. “You know, I think it’s time for us to get going.”

“Oh, no. You don’t…” Caleb started, but she was already there to retrieve her son from him.

“No. Really. We didn’t mean to stay this long.” Reaching for Rhett, she managed to get him and stand him on the ground. She took his little hand. Caleb was right. His hand was bigger.

Pushing that thought and all the feelings it dragged up in her away, she got herself to smile at the two men. “We’ll just get out of your way.” Then she had to say it so he would know. “And thanks, Caleb. Really. The kitchen is amazing.” With that, she turned and hurried out.

However, letting her go so easily wasn’t an option. Caleb took only a second to decide as much. He held his finger up to Cliff. “Just a second. Rachel, hang on. I’ll walk you out.”

He decided she should have taken up track for as fast as she was exiting the premises. She never so much as slowed down all the way to the car where she reached for the door handle.

“Here, let me get that,” he said, reaching around her.

Thankfully she let him, but only that as she went about putting the kids in. Caleb stood there, watching her, feeling as helpless as he ever had. Why did they always seem to come back to this? It was like she couldn’t get away from him fast enough.

“You know, I talked with Luke last night,” Caleb said, desperately trying to think of some way to hold onto the connection with her. “I think Saturday I could probably swing by and take a look at that gutter spout for your mom.”

“Oh, yeah? Okay. Whatever.” She came up and brushed the hair back off of her face. “We should be home, so if you want to, that’s fine.”

What he wanted to do clearly had no bearing whatsoever on the situation at hand. “And, um, did Jaycee talk to you about tomorrow?”

Rachel tilted her head. “Tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah. We were kind of thinking maybe you could come over, and we could get some of the stand-ups out of the way. Just a few about the progress so far.”

Abject terror jumped into her eyes.

“If tomorrow isn’t good, we could do it on Monday if that would be better.”

The 13th of never might be too soon by the look on her face. “I don’t know. I’ll have to see. I’ve got school tomorrow and everything.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t want to push, but…”

Lifting her chin, she smiled at him with that one he hated. “I know. It comes with the territory.”

Movement from the backseat yanked their gazes that direction, and Rachel shook her head so her hair skittered in the breeze. “I’d really better get going.”

He stepped over, opened and held the door for her to get in. “Come by tomorrow, even if you don’t want to do the camera stuff. We should have some more things finished.”

She nodded. “I’ll have to see how things go.”

What could he say? “Okay. Well, drive carefully.”

“K. See ya.” And with that, she reached over and closed her door.

As she drove off, all Caleb could think was why that seemed to be such a pattern with her. With a long sigh after she had turned the corner and disappeared, he shook his head and turned for the house. Time to get back to work.

All night long it was all she thought about. The camera. Stand ups. Her.

Rachel hated doing them, and worse, she remembered the last time. What if that happened again? What if she freaked out and made a fool of herself?

How had she gotten into all of this anyway? When Jaycee and the two women Rachel had never really felt at all comfortable around had shown up, she had never envisioned this. Fix the window, clean up the water, maybe do a little remodeling. It had sounded so easy. This didn’t look or feel at all easy.

None of it did. Even the part that should feel exciting. Moving in.

She bumped hard into that thought and turned over, twisting the blankets with her. In just a few days they would be moving in, and he would leave, and nothing would ever be the same again. Twisting the other way, she put her forearm up on her head and stared at the ceiling. She could hear Natalie’s soft sighing breath as she slept in the little baby bed between her and the wall. How would the children adjust to the new place? Another new place?

It felt like all they did was have to adjust to new place after new place. Rachel hated that. Long ago she had promised herself that her children would never have to go through what she had growing up. And now, honestly, the life she had provided for them didn’t look all that different from the one she had endured.

Rolling over again, she laid her chin on her hand angled off the bed as the other fell to the little body in the crib. She lay there, just feeling her daughter breathe. Part of her wanted to explain to God that none of this was fair; part of her was so angry with Him, she had no desire to ever speak to Him again. But it was weird, on nights like tonight, when the house was quiet, the thoughts of talking to Him like she had so many years ago in this very room seemed so close, she could still almost hear them.

“Thank You, God,” she had whispered with tears streaming down her face. “Thank You for Mr. and Mrs. Murphy. Thank You for bringing me here.” How safe she had once felt in this room, how hopeful.

Strange what the years had done to that hope, and how very empty the world now felt without it. Moving on.

It was all she had left.

As Caleb lay in the generic Greely hotel room listening to the world that only came alive after dark crawl out from under the rocks, he closed his eyes and hers were right there. Sadness. That’s what he always saw in them. He wished he knew how to put happiness in them, and although he had seen sparks of it, it never lasted.

Tomorrow. He thought about telling her about the stand ups earlier. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have let Jaycee. Then again, he didn’t want her to get ambushed like the last time. Cliff’s list of what he still needed to get on camera did nothing to make Caleb think this would be easy on her.

Rolling over, he did the one thing he had come to know was the only thing he could really do. “Dear God, this isn’t about me or for me, it’s about Rachel. If You want me to help her, show me what to do. If I’m not the one, then please send the right one to her. She needs somebody. Just please, don’t leave her alone. In the meantime, please be with her. Please.”

The next morning, Rachel got up ten minutes earlier than normal. If she was going to face a camera today, she wanted to be prepared. Clothes. Make-up. She was so bad with all of it. Brushing the blush on, she looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in longer than she could remember, and the sigh spoke of the great disappointment in that sight.

Gaunt. She didn’t remember herself looking so thin or so sallow. The camera was going to freak out and run the other direction. She had once considered herself attractive, not beautiful really, but not bad. Now she looked wan and very tired.

Not that she didn’t have good reason to be tired. The bleep of her alarm clock singled the beginning of another day, and she stood leaving the beauty supplies where they landed. She shut off the alarm, bent over and put her hand on her sleeping baby. “Here we go again, baby doll.”

Caleb righted the little window box he had just nailed together and examined his handiwork as Cliff and the camera crew recorded every second. He tested the strength of the thing and then looked up. “All done. Time to get these beauties set and get the flowers in them.”

“And cut!” Cliff yelled. “Great take, guys. How’s the planting out front going? You ready to tackle that one, Caleb?”

“Might as well.” He stood from the planters, knowing someone else would now come to install them. Yes, he had done most of the work on them, but he was also learning when you were doing the camera work, you didn’t get to do a lot of the actual work yourself.

Going around the house, he found the truck with the new plants for the front just pulling up. The reds, golds and greens would definitely pop the house with color. He just hoped they were the low-maintenance variety as her comment about the plastic plants slipped into him and caused a half-smile to dance on his lips. “Okay, guys, let’s get this in before it’s time to go home for the weekend.”

Rachel was seriously questioning her own sanity by the time she made the last corner headed to her house. Was she really going to voluntarily be on camera? Really, they should have chosen someone else, someone who knew what they were doing or at least someone who wasn’t so bad at everything.

However, as she pulled up at the curb, those thoughts dissipated like dew in the morning sunlight. The painting supplies were nowhere to be seen. Instead, the place looked like it could be featured on House Beautiful and no one would suspect it had never been anything less than spectacular. “Wow,” she breathed.

Home. The word surged through her so sharply and clearly, she could hardly think it hadn’t been spoken aloud.

“Caleb!” Rhett squealed from his backseat, and Rachel’s heart did a back flip when he came out of the house, looking only at her.

“Uh.” Park. She was supposed to put the car in park. She was glad some part of her was still thinking because most of her had gone numb with the shock.

“Hey, you made it,” he said, his voice sparkling with joy as he held the door for her to get out. “Welcome home.”

Blinking at him as she got out and stood there, Rachel couldn’t find the words. “When…?”

“Just finished up about 30 minutes ago. You have great timing.” He shut her door and started for the back one. “Come on. Let’s go see it.”

The inside hadn’t changed all that much, but Caleb was imminently proud of the transformation of the outside. “So what do you think of the planter boxes?”

“I love the red flowers. They look so bright and cheerful. And you were right, the eggshell really works with the green.”

Instead of basking in the glow of her praise, Caleb leveled his gaze at her as they stood on the walk. “So, Cliff and the crew stuck around if you think you’re up to doing the stand ups.”

Her hesitation told him as much as any words could have.

“Jaycee’s coming in like five minutes.” He looked at his watch. “She said she’d watch the kids inside so we can just get them done. That way, all we’d have left is the final reveal next week.”

“Oh. Jaycee,” Rachel said unsteadily. “Okay.”

The sound of a car pulling up dragged their attentions that direction.

Caleb smiled. “Leave it to Jaycee. She’s right on time. Come on.”

“Okay, Ms. Taylor,” Cliff said, positioning her in front of her new shrubbery.

She was fighting to keep a visual on Caleb even as the make-up lady covered her in a cloud of powder.

“I think first we would like for you to talk a little about the history of the house before Gabriel and then what Gabriel did to it, how that was. Things like that. Then, we’ll move on and talk about the house and the improvements.”

Rachel nodded through the poof of the powder. “Okay.” Waving her hand in front of her face, she fought not to choke.

“Just very natural now,” Cliff said, and she thought his definition of natural must not be in the same dictionary as hers.

“Natural. Got it.” She nodded the panic down. Just as she reached for the belief she could do this, she noticed Derek pull up in his enormous black pickup, and rabid nerves ripped into her full on. Had everyone come to watch her decent into utter failure?

“You can do this, Rach,” Caleb said from the side out of the cameras’ sightline. “You’ll do fine.”

Fine? She seriously doubted it. These definitions were becoming a real issue.

“And action!”

The breath hardly made it into her lungs. She blinked hard and nodded to get the words going. “I… Uh… The house here…” She turned and lifted her hand to indicate the one she was speaking about even though that was probably obvious. “…was in pretty bad shape when we bought it. In fact, the city owned it because the previous owners had passed away with no one to inherit it. It was built in like the 1930’s, during the depression, I think… I mean, yeah, I know. The 1930’s were in the depression.”

That train of thought went sliding off the tracks, each thought piling into the others as she fought to figure out where she was going with that line of wording.

“Cut!” Cliff yelled, and Rachel jumped. He looked like she must when she was trying to talk her pre-K students into washing up for lunch. “Okay. Can we try that again? I like the part about the depression, but it needs to be shorter. Can you do that?”

“Uh, y-yeah.” Rachel had no idea what she’d just said. It was all a blur. She glanced to the side and found both Caleb and Derek watching, and neither looked at all happy. Drowning in the nerves sounded like the best possible option.

“Okay, take two, and action!”

“Uh, we… bought… Nathan… and I bought the house… uh, this house… from the city. It was… uh, the previous owners…” She couldn’t remember if he wanted that part or not. Keep going, her fear screamed. “Uh, we… we bought it from the city a few years ago. It was built in the 1930’s during the depression… at the time of the depression…”

“Cut!” Cliff yelled, and Rachel slammed her eyes closed and put her fingers on her forehead.

She let out the breath she was holding that was giving her a terrible headache. She was tanking this thing so badly, there would be no rescuing it. “I’m sorry.”

“Cliff,” Derek said, stepping over and into the cords.

“Yeah?” Cliff asked and stepped over to meet Derek halfway. Rachel watched in growing agitation as Caleb joined them. All she wanted to do was disappear. She was killing this for all of them. Finally Cliff nodded. “Okay. We can try it. Make-up!”

Derek and Caleb continued to huddle as the make-up woman came over and started working on Caleb. Rachel wished she could hear what they were saying. Maybe she was off the hook. Maybe Caleb would do the stand-ups for her. Maybe…

“Okay,” Cliff said, coming back into his director’s spot. “We’re going to try a two-shot, Ms. Taylor. Reset the cameras.” He stepped forward toward her as Caleb came over, and Rachel’s eyes went wide. A two-shot? What?

Panic struck her hard. Isn’t that what had gotten her into trouble the first time? Her and Caleb on camera? How could they think this was a good idea? She backed up and put her hands on her hips as her gaze found the grass. Breath and sanity left as if escaping for their lives.

“Let’s try this with just the two of you talking,” Cliff said as if that was meant to be helpful. It wasn’t, but he seemed to be the only one who didn’t know that. “Just talk about the history of the place a little bit, and we’ll see what happens.”

Rachel was still panicking when she felt Caleb glance at her. She glanced up at him, willing him to talk them out of this craziness, knowing how freaked out she must look. However, he only smiled at her and nodded.

“It’s okay. We can do this,” he said softly but solidly.

She licked her parched lips and nodded before readjusting the bottom of her shirt. “Okay.” If he thought they could… She pulled in a thin stream of air and let it out slowly, telling herself she couldn’t let them down.

“Okay?” he asked, never taking his steady gaze from her.

When she looked up again and found the peace in his eyes, courage came into her. “Okay. Yeah. We can try it.”

He nodded, letting her have the safety of his gaze one more moment, and then he flipped the words, “Okay, we’re ready,” over his shoulder.

“Quiet on the set,” Cliff yelled. “And… action!”

“So, I’m curious, what is the biggest change you’ve seen in the place so far?” Caleb asked, glancing back at the house.

“The biggest?” she asked, still sounding shaky. “Well, it’s not winter yet, but I did notice you can walk by the windows and not feel a breeze coming through them anymore.”

Caleb laughed at that. “Yeah, those windows were all-but open for all the missing chalking and insulation. I can’t imagine how cold it must have been in those upstairs bedrooms in the wintertime. You’re just lucky it doesn’t snow much down here.”

“Well, the house was built in the depression, so I’m sure they used whatever they had for insulation, which probably wasn’t much.”

He grew more serious as different thoughts went through his eyes. “You know, that actually makes some sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we found old newspaper balled up in some of the walls. We thought it was like time capsule stuff, but it was in almost every single outside wall.”

Rachel nodded. “That’s what they used back then for insulation. I remember my dad telling us that when we found some in one of the wall outlets that was broken out when we first got the house.”

“That’s so crazy to me,” he said with a shake of his head. “90 year old newspaper and electrical that crumbled in your hand? Not the safest combination in the world.”

“Well, it’s not like we had all that much wiring anyway. I had to practically carry a flashlight with me everywhere I went it was so dark.”

He laughed again. “I’ll bet. I think there were two plugs in the whole upstairs.”

“Three,” she said with no hint of sarcasm. “I counted.”

This laugh was genuine. “Well, I think there are about twelve now, so…”

“Twelve?” She shook her head in mock-shock. “You mean I’ll be able to dry my hair in the morning with an actual blow dryer?”

“With real light!”

“At the same time?” she gasped with a real laugh. “What a concept.”

“Oh, and… did you happen to notice the planters we put in today?” He half-twisted to indicate the front porch. “I made sure to get the super-easy, nearly-impossible-to-kill flowers just for you.”

“Oh, yeah?” She glanced that direction, nodded, and lifted her eyebrows. “You come back in a year, we’ll see how hard they are to kill.”

His laugh was really starting to loosen up her nerves. “So, now I really want to know what you think of the kitchen.”

“Oh, the kitchen’s outstanding. Totally amazing. That double oven is going to be my new best friend.” She quirked her eyebrows at him as if they had become animated. “The weirdest thing is I never really imagined having a kitchen like that. I mean, granite was something you did when you forgot to say, ‘Thank you’ to someone.” Laughing at her own joke, she heard the pause and felt his confusion. Looking over at him, she realized he hadn’t gotten her joke. “You know, you take them for granite.”

For some reason the second he actually got the joke it struck him as much funnier than it really was. This laugh had nothing fake or showy about it.

“What?” she asked. “This poor old house had been dressed for work so long, it didn’t know Sunday dress was even an option. And now, it’s like got a ball gown and tiara on. Who knew it could look like this? When we bought it, the poor guy at the city that signed the papers thought we were either crazy or going to knock it down and start over. He’s probably down there right now thinking we’ve all lost our minds. But boy, won’t he be surprised. I know I sure am.”

“And cut!” Cliff yelled. “That was perfect, Rachel. Perfect. We need to get one about the paint and the front window still being missing, and then we’ll move on inside.”

Somehow, she could hardly believe her nerves had made it through one. How was she going to do three more?

“You’re doing great,” Caleb said, angling his body so it nearly shielded hers from the camera and the others altogether, and in the next second his fingers brushed across and around hers, caught and held. “Really, Rach. That was awesome.”

Her cheeks flamed to life at the warmth of his touch and at how close he was. She had assumed the brush with his fingers was an accident, but they stayed right there, around hers, gentle, strong, perfect. When she looked up into his eyes, she had the sensation of falling right through them into another dimension, and all she wanted was to keep falling forever.

“Seriously,” he said, holding her gaze even as his slid back and forth across hers. “You’re doing great.”

Great? He had no idea.

Chapter 6

By the time the stand ups were done and the camera crew had called it a week, Caleb was so enamored with her, he hardly could think about what anyone else might think about the two of them. Her humor came so unexpectedly, it often caught him off-guard and completely blew him away. He was pretty sure every feeling he was having was captured on the film and then some, but what choice did he have? He wasn’t going to abandon her when he was the one who had asked her to do this in the first place, and once he was in the boat with her, well, he had no real desire to get out.

“So,” Jaycee said, coming over to them with Natalie now permanently attached to her hip, “what do you say, Rachel? Do you and the kids want to come out to Sage’s tonight? We’re having a little down time party. Nothing big. Just the four of us and the kids, now that Ms. P’s is practically done. You guys are welcome if you want to come.”

Caleb knew Rachel would find a way out of it if he let her, so he took only a half-breath and said, “You know, after the week we’ve had, I think some down time sounds terrific. Doesn’t it, Rach?”

Her gaze said she didn’t know at all how to answer that. “Oh. I don’t…”

“I’m sure the kids would love playing together,” Jaycee said without letting her get the full protest out. “I know Sage said she’d love for Natalie and Macy to play together, and I think Rhett and Livvie are about the same age, too.”

“Oh, I don’t…”

“I could probably swing by your mom’s with you,” Caleb said, “take a quick shower there. That is, if you don’t mind.”

He hated trapping her like this, but he would hate missing the chance even more.

She looked at him, wide-eyed and then let out a breath. “Uh, y-yeah. Of course, I don’t mind.”

“Great,” Jaycee said with a grin. “Then we’ll see you there in an hour or two.” She handed Natalie back. “Oh, and don’t worry about bringing anything. I think Sage has been cooking for three days.”

The fact that Caleb was following her home drilled into Rachel as she drove out of town and made the familiar turn. And now, they were going to Sage and Luke Baker’s? Luke Baker. Rachel’s heart snagged at that thought. She had liked him in high school. Not that they had ever dated and not that she’d ever had any chance with him next to Sage. No girl did, or ever would.

That woman had been drop-dead gorgeous when she’d arrived, and time hadn’t done her any damage. Reaching up, Rachel swiped at her own stringy brown hair, feeling how dry and mangy it was. What was she thinking going on camera like that? Then her mind traced back to being on camera, and strangely, the memories faded into a softened haze the second she thought about him by her side. Life had a way of doing that with him around. It got softer and not nearly as harsh or frightening. Just why that was, she couldn’t quite tell.

She pulled into the yard, knowing what her mother was going to think, them showing up like this, almost together and all. Worse, Rachel knew what her mom thought of Caleb, and it was all and only good things. In fact, there wasn’t a night she had come home since he’d arrived that her mother hadn’t asked about him. In a way, she thought, it would have been nice if it could’ve happened. Too bad she was the only one who knew it couldn’t.

Climbing out of the car, she figured she would have to get the kids out on her own, but she figured wrong. She was working to get Rhett out when Caleb came straight to the other side and bent to get Natalie.

“They said to take our time,” he said, “so there’s no rush.” He pulled Natalie out like she weighed no more than a feather. With one push, he shut the door and came around by her.

The fact that they couldn’t go in the house holding hands drilled through her, so she stood Rhett between them quickly and grabbed his hand.

“That’s good because this little guy’s been playing in the sandbox again. I think he’s going to need a bath before we go.”

As a unit they went to the back door and Caleb opened it for her.

“Thanks,” she said, ducking past him.

“Well, it’s good to see you’re not taking me for granite yet,” he said with a laugh.

She turned in shock that he had remembered the joke. “Like I would ever do that.”

He shrugged, looking imminently right in the place, much more than her heart could take. “You never know. It could happen.”

“I would never.” Rachel was halfway turned around to him as they made it into the kitchen where her mother was sitting at the table playing triangle solitaire.

“Well,” her mother said, looking up at them, causing them both to stop as if they had been doing something wrong. Her mother smiled. “Caleb, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Good evening, Mrs. Murphy,” he said, straightening. “Sorry to just show up like this, but Jaycee and Derek invited us over to the Bakers’ for a little party tonight.”

“A party? Oh, how wonderful. That was nice of them. They are all such lovely people.”

“Yes, well.” Caleb looked down at himself, still covered in the day’s work. “Do you mind if I slide through your shower? I didn’t want to go all the way back to Greely.”

“Oh, of course. You know where it is, just down this hall. There are fresh towels in the cabinet.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Rachel had to eat her smile to keep from making another granite joke, but when she glanced at him, his gaze was only soft.

“I’ll be out as quick as I can so you can get ready,” he said, handing Natalie to her.

How could she get caught in that gaze so quickly and so thoroughly? “Okay.”

With that and only one more lingering look, he turned and headed with his duffle bag down the hallway. When he was gone, it took Rachel a moment to remember where reality was.

Her mother flipped two cards onto the table, lifting her chin so she could see the cards through her reading glasses. “He’s such a nice young man.”

“Ugh. Don’t start, Mom.” Rachel went over to the cabinet to get a glass and water. She felt like she hadn’t had any in days. “I know he’s nice. I know he’s stable, but there’s nothing going on. Remember? He moves around for work. He lives in California or something like that. By next week he’s going to be gone, and I’m never going to see him again.” She took a drink as if to put a stamp on that in her own heart as well as in the conversation.

“Uh-huh.” Her mother flipped out another card and laid it on the table. “And the house?”

Turning, Rachel leaned on the counter. “It’s great.” She shook her head and let out a breath. “The kitchen, the front. It’s all…”

“Amazing?” her mother asked, looking at her over her glasses.

“Yeah.” Rachel took another drink.

“And you think all that amazing would’ve just happened without someone amazing behind it?” Her mother wasn’t looking at her anymore, and Rachel knew she was being baited.

“Of course it did. Of course, he is. Look, Mom. I know he’s great. I do, okay? But I also know that great doesn’t last forever.” This sigh was one of acceptance and surrender. “Look, I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m saying it’s not possible for us. Not because of him, but because of me.” She looked down at her daughter. “These two are the loves of my life now, and that’s really all I need.”

“Rachel.” Her mother looked over at her like a stern librarian though the look in her eyes was anything but stern. “You, of all people, know that life has no guarantees.”

Her gaze flopped to the floor. “I know that.”

“And you know that when the right one comes along, you have to be ready to grab on and hold on for dear life.”

“I did that, Mom. I did grab on. You know I did, and then…” She looked at the bottom of her empty glass, feeling the same way. The ache waited for moments just such as these to remind her it had never really left. “I lost it.”

“But you can’t live the rest of your life never loving because you might lose what you love, that’s not living.”

Rachel heaved a sigh. “No, Mom. Don’t. Okay? Nathan was my ‘right one,’ and now, he’s gone. Love died for me, and it’s not coming back.”

“Love didn’t die, honey. Love is still very much right here, but you can’t let someone new in by holding onto what’s gone.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don’t want to?”

Her mother’s eyes fell into questioning. “Don’t want to, what?”

Looking up, Rachel let one small sliver of the anger find her voice. “Don’t want to love? Don’t want to be loved? Don’t want to be in love? What if I’m done with love?”

A second and her mother nodded. “That may be, but love has a way of coming after you even when you don’t go after it.”

The shower felt good, but as Caleb dressed, he knew being with her tonight was going to feel even better. He smiled at the thought of Derek and Jaycee. He knew they had set this up as surely as he knew his own name. They were just subtle enough though that he was pretty sure Rachel hadn’t figure it out. He slipped on his belt, grabbed his stuff and put it in the duffle bag, glad he always carried one with fresh clothes in the truck just in case.

One more look in the mirror to run his fingers through his damp hair, and he grinned. “Here we go.”

It wasn’t like Rachel ever tried to get the melancholy to find her, but it always did just the same. In fact, by the time he got out of the bathroom, she had all-but talked herself out of going. The kids were tired and so was she. She hardly knew Luke and Sage, and she felt weird just showing up at their house. Besides, Jaycee and Derek, not to mention Caleb, were all out of her social league. They were TV people. She was not.

So when Caleb appeared in the little doorway still damp and all clean, she knew she should put an end to this insanity before her heart had a chance to say any differently.

“The bathroom’s all yours,” he said with a smile so bright it could’ve been used as a spotlight. “Who’s first, you or Rhett?”

“Uh,” Rachel let out a breath even as she felt the sidelong glance her mother gave her, “you know, I didn’t realize it was getting so late.”

“Late?” he asked in concern. “It’s only seven.”

“Yeah, but the kids haven’t even eaten yet, and I’m really starting to get tired.”

“Jaycee said Sage is making supper. Remember?” He leaned on the doorway, obviously not making even a single movement toward her though worry was now pouring over his face. “You can’t bail now. We already said we were coming.”

“Yeah, but, you have their cell numbers surely. You could just call and tell them…”

“Now, Rachel,” her mother said, and both of their gazes yanked that way, “I think a night out would do you and the kids some good. And the Bakers have always been nothing but kind to us. You don’t want to seem ungrateful for their hospitality, now do you?”

She wanted to ring her mother’s neck. Couldn’t she see how desperately Rachel was trying to bow out gracefully?

“Yeah,” Caleb said. “Besides, I can’t show up all alone.” He held up both hands. “I promise just supper and the second you’re ready to go home, we’ll leave.”

It was a thoroughly bad idea, but with everyone else bound and determined to talk her into it, she knew talking them out of it was hopeless. “Fine.”

Caleb was imminently grateful for Mrs. Murphy. He was quite sure Rachel would have found a way out of going had it not been for her mother. As it was, they were all washed up and ready to go in less than an hour.

Because the car seats were in her car and because she really didn’t give him much of a choice as she went right to it, Caleb followed her lead and put Rhett in the back. However, when he opened the driver’s door, she nearly whacked her head on the back one, coming up so fast.

“What’re you…?” she asked. “Are you… driving?”

He stopped and looked at her over the top of the car. “Unless you want to.”

For the longest moment of his life, he thought she was going to say she would, but finally, she shook her head and sighed. “No. I guess not.” And with that, she got into the passenger’s seat not looking at all happy about any of it.

It was weird being on this side. She had never been on this side in this car. The car had come to be in her possession shortly after her move back here, somewhere between the move and Nathan being deployed. All of those months were encased in such a thick haze she had trouble clearly remembering them even now. The truth was, she really didn’t know when she had gotten it. The thing she did remember was the price tag. $1,295.00. It ran and had four doors. At the time, that was all she cared about.

As Caleb started the car, he glanced over at her. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

“Like I had a choice,” she mumbled, winding her arms in front of her. She knew she was acting like a petulant child, but for some reason, she didn’t feel like trying to pretend with him.

He pulled out of the drive to the roadway. “I take it you don’t get out much.”

She never said anything because the anger at life was starting to bubble inside her.

At the highway, he turned left. “Not that I blame you.” He glanced at her. “I’m sure going anywhere is a lot harder than just staying put.”

Glancing into the back, Rachel shrugged. “No reason to go anywhere. It’s just easier to stay home.”

He nodded. “I can imagine.” Settling down into the seat, he glanced at her again. “But you have to go out sometimes, right? Like to church and stuff.”

Her side went even quieter as the battle inside her sparked to life and sent slicing ache spiraling through her. “Uh, I don’t really… hmm… I don’t really go to church anymore.”

“Oh?” This glance held concern. “I’m surprised. Church seems like kind of a big deal around here to most people.”

She didn’t really even try to stop the anger as she turned her gaze out the window. “Maybe to them, but I’m not like other people.”

“Like them, how?”

They turned into the Bakers’ driveway, and she pounded the anger down inside her, fighting to keep it there. She shouldn’t have come. This was a very, very bad idea. “Lotta ways,” she said, really hoping he would drop it. She didn’t like people asking questions. It was too dangerous to her ability to keep up the charade. “I really don’t want to stay too late. The kids have had a long day.”

Caleb nodded once. “Just say the word, and we’ll go whenever you want.”

The truth was, Caleb had never prayed so much in his life. As they walked with the kids to the door, he found a whole new level to how fast and vehemently he could do so. If this evening tanked, he knew he would never get another chance with her, and right now, tanking was looking like the best possible outcome. Long about the time he knocked, he seriously questioned his own sanity even as he smiled at her. She looked even more panicked than he did, and that was saying something.

“Ah! The troops have arrived,” Luke said, appearing at the door and swinging it open for them. “We were just about to start the burgers on the back grill.”

“Great,” Caleb said, willing himself to sound happy and not at all worried or anxious. “We came hungry.” He stepped in because she seemed to be hiding behind him, and with a quick turn he made sure she was following and not running. “I believe you two know each other.”

“Hi, Rachel.” Luke stood there, clearly unsure of the proper way to greet her.

“Hey,” she said as if the word took more breath than she had to give it. “Thanks for having us.”

“Oh, absolutely.” Then Luke turned to take them into the kitchen, and heads down, they followed. “We’re glad you could come.”

“You made it,” Derek said as he crossed through the kitchen with an empty plate that had presumably had burgers on it at one point. He put it in the sink with a clatter and dug another one out from the cabinet.

“We did,” Caleb said as Jaycee and a woman who had to be her sister came in from the other way. One had blonde hair, the other brunette, but the resemblance was impossible to miss.

“Oh, yay!” the sister said. “We’re so happy y’all could come.” She actually clapped before coming right over to them and holding out her hand. “I’m Sage Baker, Luke’s wife.”

“And Jaycee’s sister,” Jaycee said, causing Sage to laugh.

“Ha. Yeah. That’s important too,” she said as Jaycee came forward to shake their hands as well. “And Jaycee’s sister. Uh, the kids are all in here if you want…”

Overwhelming. It was the word that came to Caleb’s mind. He was not from an overly big family, and this was like being dunked into a reunion without warning. With one look down at Rhett, he knew the child felt the same way. “You want to go see what the kids are doing?”

Rhett’s eyes were the size of headlights.

“Come on,” Jaycee said with a huge grin. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”

Rachel had known this was a bad idea, and every single minute that passed only confirmed that thought. Her kids weren’t used to this many people and neither was she. However, they were all being so nice, she could hardly sound the alarm for them to go home already. So wordlessly she followed Caleb and Jaycee into the little living room, surprised to find it wasn’t any bigger than her mother’s. Strange, she had always pictured Luke and Sage to have a huge house with fifty rooms and a deck overlooking a crystal-clear pool.

Why she thought that, she had no idea as she had known they had purchased his grandparents’ place when that generation had passed on. But logic wasn’t always her strong suit, so maybe that accounted for the discrepancy between her imagination and reality.

In truth the room was quite small with only a few pieces of furniture and a television in one corner. As promised two boys sat in the recliners playing some kind of cartoon video game on the television and two little girls played on the floor. Well, one of them was playing, the other one was simply crawling all over the place.

“Macy Jane,” Jaycee said, sweeping the crawler off the floor. “Come here. I have someone for you to meet. This is Natalie.” She came over to Rachel and held Macy just far enough away for them to see each other.

A second and Natalie spun into her mother’s shoulder. “Hey, Nat,” Rachel said, knowing the feeling well but trying to pry her daughter from her neck just the same. “This is Macy. Can you say hi?”

Coming around so that she was under her mom’s chin instead of latched onto her shoulder, Natalie eyed the other two with distrust and fear.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said, rubbing her daughter’s back. They really shouldn’t have come. This was a disaster. “She doesn’t get out much.”

“That’s okay.” Jaycee smiled and put her hand on Natalie’s back before sliding a kicking Macy back to the floor. “We understand.” And then she looked down to find Olivia at her knees staring up at them.

“Baby?” Livvie pointed up at them, wide-eyed, and Jaycee laughed and picked her up.

“Natalie,” Jaycee said, pointing to the child.

“Baby?” Livvie asked again.

“Can you say hi to the baby?”

“Hi baby,” Livvie said in the sweetest, little voice ever.

“Can you say, I’m Livvie?”

“I Livvie.” Leaning over, Livvie reached for Natalie, and Natalie smiled and kicked.

“Play with baby,” Livvie said.

“Okay,” Rachel said, taken in by the little girl’s outgoing nature. “We can play with you. What are you playing?” And with that, she and Jaycee sat on the floor to play whatever game Livvie had created there.

Caleb was having introduction issues himself as Rhett had completely by-passed the girls and headed straight for the television the second Caleb put him down. He stood in front of the thing watching the cartoon characters zip and zag all over the screen.

“Come here, you,” Caleb said, grabbing him up and going over to the little ottoman to sit and watch. “Looks like fun.”

“I’m on level 19,” the boy in the blue recliner said.

“I’m only a level behind you, Jeremiah,” the other one said in annoyance. “It’s not like you’re some kind of expert.”

“Well, I’m a level ahead of you, aren’t I?” Jeremiah said.

Caleb watched, trying to figure out what they were doing, but before it made any sense, that game ended and the scores came on the screen.

“Boys!” Luke called from the kitchen door. “Can you two help us set up the table and chairs on the patio?”

Neither one of them looked particularly thrilled about the request, but they shut off the game and headed out. Seeing it was either follow them out or play dolls, Caleb decided to join them. “Come on, Rhett-my-man, let’s go see what the guys are up to.”

He went back through the kitchen, ostensibly following the boys though they knew where they were going and he didn’t.

“Oh, Caleb,” Sage said from the sink. “The guys are out back. Just go through this room and out the door.”

“Okay.” Although he did as instructed, it felt odd, going through a house he was neither working on nor a part of. However, one push of the door and he found not just a backyard, but what seemed a late-summer oasis. It was ringed by trees and had several close by as well for shade though they all had clearly been weather-beaten by Gabriel. There was a deck covered with a wooden pergola and grass that seemed to stretch for miles beyond the small circular space of concrete just steps off the deck.

The boys were busy placing a table with Luke as Derek manned the grill that was smoking on the deck.

Caleb stopped to look over Derek’s shoulder. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“It’s better than letting Luke. Trust me on that.” Derek flipped a burger and squirted the flames that resulted with a spray bottle. “Don’t ask about the salmon he made in the dishwasher last weekend.”

“Hey,” Luke called. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t that good either,” Derek called back, squirting down another jump of the flames.

“Nice place you have here,” Caleb said as he went out to where they were finishing up with the chairs and table next to an already placed picnic table.

Luke straightened. “Thanks. It’s our own little slice of heaven. Or it will be when it grows back next year.”

“It’s great.”

The boys had taken to running around the yard, and Rhett watched them as if terrified by the motion.

“Hey, you two,” Luke called. “Why don’t you take Rhett and let him slide?”

One and then the other boy came over to coax Rhett away from his safety net. At first Caleb didn’t think they would have a prayer, but after only a few minutes, Rhett let himself be taken by one of them. They headed across the yard to the massive, clearly sturdy playset. It, too, was made of wood, heavy, not-going-anywhere kind of wood.

In no time the boys had Rhett sliding down the yellow swirl slide, and their happy laughter and voices lifted a portion of the worry in Caleb.

“This is really a nice place,” Caleb said again. “Did you build it?”

“Not the house but most of this.” Luke arranged the last of the chairs and came over to where Caleb was standing. “I’m no Home and Hearth handyman though. You guys do amazing work.”

Caleb put his foot up on the cross brace of a lounge chair. “It’s mostly Derek. I just show up and do what he tells me to.”

From the grill Derek half-turned. “Don’t listen to him. You should see Rachel’s. It’s going to be a knock-out from start to finish, and you and I both know I haven’t been doing much of that one at all.”

The flames shot up again, and Derek leaned back to avoid getting singed.

“So, how’s Ms. P’s going?” Caleb asked. “Y’all about done with that one?”

“Getting there,” Luke said. “We’ve got some finish plumbing to get done this week—fixtures and stuff, and we should be pretty close to getting that one in the done column.”

“Cool,” Caleb said. “So how’s the pastor’s going?”

Derek turned. “Good. We should be out of there by the end of next week, and then Alex’s crew comes, and we put the polish on the church. I can’t believe we could be out of here in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, haha.” Sage laughed as she came partway through the door with her hands full of plates of fixings and food. Instantly Caleb jumped into action, going over to first open the door and then to take two of the top plates.

“You need some help with that?” he asked as if that wasn’t perfectly obvious.

“Hazards of the job,” she said, brushing a stray strand of blonde hair from her forehead.

Luke came over as well and took the other things from his wife. “Do we want to put these over here so everyone can make their own burgers?”

“Sure. Sounds good to me.”

“You got more?” Luke asked as he set and arranged the plates.

“Yeah.”

“Great,” he said. “Let’s get this set up so we can eat. I’m starved.”

As she turned, she angled her gaze up to his. “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” She grinned as he shook his head, shadowing her so there was no space between them.

“And that’s a bad thing?” he asked as he leaned down and kissed her sideways and backward.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” Her soft laugh bubbled out of her even as Caleb followed them into and through the house into the kitchen.

He felt a little awkward, but what could he do? He was coming to help. He couldn’t exactly transmogrify from one room to the other.

In the kitchen, Luke picked up two big bowls and handed Caleb the one with watermelon. “This stuff go too?”

She looked at the things lined up on the cabinet. “Yeah, all of it.”

As Luke turned to Caleb, he shook his head. “No one is ever going to go hungry with Sage around.”

Caleb raised both eyebrows. “I believe that.”

Rachel’s nerves had just had a chance to unlatch from the tight coil they were in when Sage stepped into the room.

“This is ready if y’all are,” she said, and the nerves knotted once again into a clench so tight it hurt.

Great. As if sitting here with Jaycee and the girls wasn’t intimidating enough now she got to go face three guys who she could hardly look at without wanting to disappear. Pulling herself up off the floor reluctantly and then picking up Natalie, she spun her hair and tried to fix it. Like that had any hope of working.

“There’s good news,” Jaycee said.

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“We get burgers rather than steak.”

They crossed into the kitchen.

“What does that mean?” Rachel asked. “What’s wrong with steak?”

“Steak is Derek’s all-time favorite. He would eat it three meals a day if we’d let him.”

Through the back room they went, and Rachel thought again how small the rooms in the house were. It was truly unbelievable. The back door was open so Jaycee went out first, and Rachel followed, hearing the excited, happy laughter.

“Burning down the place, huh?” Jaycee asked and carrying Macy, she went right over to Derek, leaving Rachel standing at the door with Olivia and Natalie.

“Livvie girl!” Luke came over and swooped his child up and flipped her over his shoulder.

“Daaaddy!” she shrieked.

“What?” he asked, stopping, though she was upside down at the back of his shoulder.

“I not potatoes.”

“You’re not?” He looked both surprise and confused. “Really?”

“I Livvie!”

“Haha.” Laughing, he spun her around into his arms. “Well, you could have fooled me. Are you hungry?”

She nodded, and as Rachel watched, her heart turned over. Such a fragile, tender moment. Probably the two of them would never know how important or precious it really was, but she did. Not every little girl was so lucky to have a dad who played with her and picked her up and hugged her like that. Gently she pulled Natalie just a bit closer even as she fought the stab that went through her heart.

“I think Rhett’s having fun,” Caleb said, coming up behind her, and Rachel twisted as if worried he might have seen her and surmised her thoughts.

“Oh, that’s… that’s good.”

“We may never get him off that slide.” Although Caleb was only a foot from her, he never so much as moved to touch her.

We. Such a strange word in such a strange world. How were they here again?

“Burgers are ready!” Derek called, picking up the plate to bring it to the spread of food.

“Perfect timing.” Sage came out of the house carrying a platter of brownies.

“How many people are you guys planning to feed?” Jaycee asked. “Did somebody invite an army and not tell us?”

“It’s not that much,” Sage said as she set the brownies at the end of the table.

“Not that much,” Jaycee said, giving Macy to her sister. “Right. We’re going to be eating on this for a month.”

“Then let’s pray so we can dig in,” Luke said. He called to the boys who came running over with Rhett as the others gathered around and quieted for prayer.

Awkward settled over Rachel and refused to leave. This was uncomfortable in the extreme. Not that she didn’t know about prayers or how to pray, but she was pretty sure Caleb wasn’t into talking to God though they had never really talked about it. Worse, she felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite. Here she was, the woman who had railed against God and His stupid choices on her account more times than she wanted to admit, praying. Or at least not leaving. Where did that make any sense?

“Dear Jesus,” Luke began as he stood next to his wife, their children surrounding them, “we thank You and we praise You for the gift of this time together. Thank You for bringing our new friends to be with us this evening. May this time together be filled with joy and peace. Please guide our steps from this night forward into all of the abundance You have planned for us. Please bless this food and nourish our bodies with it. And as we share this meal, may we always remember that You are our provider, our strength and our shield in the storms of this life. Amen.”

“Amen,” the others said, and she even heard Caleb’s soft voice behind her though his amen was much, much quieter than the others.

She lifted her head, glad that was over even as she wondered if they could all see her transgressions etched on her being. Whether they could or not, she felt them just the same.

“Let’s eat,” Luke said, clapping his hands, and with that, the chatter returned.

If she could have blended into the house’s siding and disappeared, she would have. They all seemed to fit so perfectly together, like they were made to be here. She felt like a freak someone had inadvertently put on the guest list and forgot to scratch back off. Maybe they could just eat quickly and leave. She should have insisted that Caleb drive his own vehicle, that way she could have left early without dragging him away from his friends. Better yet, she shouldn’t have come at all.

“You want me to make a plate for Rhett?” Caleb asked from what felt like inches behind her as everyone else swarmed the food table in front of them. “Or would it be better if I just put his burger on my plate and feed him like that?”

We. She heard the word again though he never said it out loud. He really should stop doing that. If he didn’t, she might start believing it, and then where would they be?

“Oh, it’s okay,” she said, twisting a piece of hair over her ear as she turned. “You don’t have to…”

However, when her gaze got far enough around, she realized two things in the same breath: He was far, far more heart-stopping up close than he ever had been from a respectable distance, and he had absolutely no intention of letting her talk him out of helping. “Rach.” His eyes dropped as if he was tired of fighting about it.

“No,” she said quickly. “Really I can…”

Then his eyes lost the frustration and picked up sympathy. “I know you can. That’s not why I’m asking.” He let that settle for one second. “Now, do you want me to get him his own plate or do you want me let him eat off of mine?”

There really was no way out, no way to get away from those eyes or his presence and how it made her feel. Falling in love. She’d felt it once, but back then, it was a pleasant feeling, a desirable one even. Now she knew she couldn’t let herself give in to it—for her sake and her sanity if nothing else. Stubbornly holding onto the belief he wasn’t affecting her like he was, she shook her head and shrugged. “He’ll probably want to sit with the boys, so…”

“Okay,” Caleb said, his eyes still locked with hers, “then I’ll fill his first. Is that what you want?”

Seeing no other option, she nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.” Her whole body shook with the effort it took to fight the feelings flooding through her. “Thank you.”

He smiled a half-grin. “No problem.”

By the time they were seated at the little table, plates filled and children taken care of, Caleb knew she was regretting her acceptance of the invitation and that he was not. Work. It was what filled most of his days and had for the past several years. Before the show, he had been on multiple crews—buildings and houses. Remodeling was his specialty, but all that work left little time to socialize more than a night out here or there. And his friends were mostly the other guys who worked with him.

He couldn’t explain the lack of a girlfriend or significant other more than the simple reason he had never pursued a relationship, nor had he had the driving desire to. Women were not enemies, but they were not the goal either. They simply were. Until she showed up and changed the game completely.

“These burgers are fantastic,” Sage said, and Derek grinned.

“Glad you like them,” he said.

“So swinging a hammer isn’t your only talent,” Jaycee said. “Who knew?”

He leaned down and kissed her. “Oh, you’d be surprised.”

She laughed.

“Okay, so, you’ve told Mom and Dad,” Sage said. “Have you decided about the wedding? Is it going to be here, or are we going to Hawaii?”

The two of them looked at each other.

“Here,” Jaycee said, still looking at her fiancé, and after a moment, she nodded once. “In fact, since you’re all here.”

Tipping his head as he ate a bite of potato salad, Caleb cued in to the conversation though he knew they weren’t talking about or to him.

“Sage,” Jaycee said as she put her fork down and looked across the table at her sister. Suddenly a feeling of immense import swept the table.

“What?” Sage asked in fear and trepidation. “What did I do?”

Jaycee laughed, a breathless one that sounded wholly unlike the starched businesswoman Caleb had come to know so well. Giddy had never been a word he would attach to his boss though it seemed to fit her now. “I was…” She looked up at Derek with sparkles in her eyes. “We were wondering if you would be our maid of honor.”

“What? Your… what?” Sage’s fork clattered to her plate as shock danced down the table. “Your maid…” Her eyes went wide as she stared at her sister. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t serious, would I?”

“I… omigosh.” Completely out of the blue, Sage burst into tears. “Are you serious? You really want me? Really?”

Leaving her spot, Jaycee hurried around the table to her sister and hugged her. “Yes, of course. I want you. There’s no one else I’d rather have standing up there with me on the most important day of my life.”

“Oh, wow. I don’t believe this.”

The sniffles and tears had such an intimate quality to them that Caleb was forced to avert his gaze. He sensed it was a moment they didn’t want to be put on display for those who happened to be in proximity to it. However, he did smile, glad for Jaycee and for Derek. They deserved great people to stand up for them when the day came. They were some of the best people he knew or had ever had the good fortune to meet not to even mention work with.

He took a bite of his watermelon as his gaze tripped over to the other table where the boys and Livvie were eating. It seemed they were all getting along and not doing anything that needed much adult supervision. For that he was glad since it meant Rachel wouldn’t have to be on guard as much as she normally was. Yes, this was turning out to be a very nice, comfortable memory.

However, next to him, Rachel was looking more at her food than at her fellow tablemates. He wished he could fix that—her perpetual need of isolating herself, but he didn’t know how. And so far, his pathetic attempts at doing so hadn’t worked very well at all.

After a few moments, Jaycee came back around to sit by Derek, and a soft, peaceful quiet drifted over the table for a full thirty seconds.

“So, Caleb,” Derek said, clearing his throat from the other end of the table, and something about how he said it made Caleb grab for his drink.

He took a quick sip and retrained his gaze that direction. “Yeah?”

For one more second Derek sat without saying anything, and then he looked down the table at his foreman. “I… uh… we…” He glanced down at Jaycee who smiled at him. “We were wondering if you would be our best man.”

Although he had just witnessed Sage’s shock at the question, Caleb had never thought to so much as prepare for it to come his way. His hand lowered his cup to the table without him even realizing it as Rachel’s gaze snapped over to him and held. He glanced down at her though he saw practically nothing. Finally, he got the shock from his being into a word as he picked his gaze back up to Derek’s. “Me?”

Derek laughed as the tension broke. “You know, it’s funny. I didn’t realize this was going to come as this big of a shock to everyone. Yes, you. We’ve been working together for three years, and well, you know Jaycee and me better than anyone. What do you say, you interested in standing up with us?”

How the shock could be so thorough in shutting down every sane thought and movement, Caleb didn’t know, but it did. “Uh.” He glanced at Rachel again as if to ask if she knew the right answer to that question. “Uh. Y-yeah. Yeah. Of course. Of course I will. I’d be honored.”

“Oh, good.” Then, lowering his eyebrows, Derek stared at him. “You’re not going to start crying, are you?”

Across the table, Sage burst out laughing even as she wiped at her eyes.

“Uh. No.” Caleb lifted his own eyebrows at the thought. “I think I’m good.”

“Good,” Derek said, letting out a breath, “because I ain’t coming down there to hug you.”

Caleb’s eyebrows went up another notch. “And I have to say, that is very good news.”

After the laughter died down, Jaycee and Derek asked Luke to be an usher and if their kids would be in the wedding as well. Apparently Jaycee’s little brother would also be an usher, and they were planning a very small wedding with basically only family and very close friends.

“When you work in television,” Derek said, “it’s easy for the guest list to blow up on you.”

“We really don’t want that,” Jaycee said, taking his hand in hers. “Just something simple. Say our vows, have some cake, celebrate with people we really care about.”

“And then hop on a plane to Hawaii,” Derek said just before kissing her.

“I knew it!” Sage laughed. “I knew Hawaii was going to be in there somewhere.”

The others joined in the laughter, and really Rachel tried, but it all felt so wholly outside of her sphere of reality. A wedding. An actual standing in front of everyone wedding. Not a hastily-thrown-together-ten-minutes-at-the-justice-of-the-peace kind of thing. She didn’t want it to, but her heart remembered that day, and sadness washed over her. Sometimes there really was no way to deflect it even if you saw it coming.

“We’re thinking early December,” Jaycee said. “That way we can be back here for Christmas and New Years before we have to get back on the work schedule.”

“We’ve already talked with Brent and with Pastor Steve.” Derek ticked down the list of names. “We’re going to book the community center Monday.”

“Eep!” Sage squealed. “When are we going to look for your dress? I have the perfect idea for your veil and flowers. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

Fun. For them, yes. For Rachel, fun had long since ceased to exist.

As the others carried the remains of the food back into the house like a little trail of ants, Caleb and Rachel stayed behind, gathering and setting everything at the end of the tables. She had been so quiet all evening, and that worried him in ways he couldn’t put into words.

“Are you wanting to go?” he asked with worry lacing across his heart. Her eyes were so sad, so distant.

“No, we don’t have to.” She picked up the nearly empty bowl of potato salad and set it there for Luke who came out at that moment to get it. Waiting until Luke was gone, she put her gaze only on the task at hand. “I don’t want to mess up your time with your friends.”

“My…?” His gaze snapped over to her as his hands slowed. “Rach, this… tonight… this wasn’t about them, you know? I had no idea they were going to ask me that.”

“No,” she said, her gaze coming up to his, clearly knowing she had made him feel badly and wanting to assuage that message. “I’m not mad or anything. I’m really happy for y’all, for them, and everything.” She let her gaze fall as she set the watermelon to the side just as Derek came out to clean the grill.

Looking over at her, Caleb wanted to continue the conversation with everything in him, but he saw her glance over at Derek and he knew now was not the time. She was like a cornered animal, cowering and terrified. The last thing he wanted to do was push her into talking about it when she clearly didn’t feel comfortable doing so.

“So who’s up for a night time game of Cowboy Golf?” Luke asked, coming out of the house with two awkward pole stands on either side of him.

Caleb straightened and put his hands on his beltline. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Hey. I never kid about Cowboy Golf.”

And so, Rachel found herself ensconced on a deck chair watching the guys throw golf balls tied with string at wooden poles with plumbing pipe stretched between them.

“I swear, they can make a game of anything,” Sage said, shaking her head.

“And they do,” Jaycee said, “on a regular basis.”

The two sisters laughed before growing quiet.

“So, Rachel,” Sage said after a few seconds, “we’re really glad you could come tonight. I’ve been hearing how great the house is going. I would love to stop over there sometime and see it.”

“Oh, yeah, you’ll have to.” The effort to join in the conversation took more than Rachel had realized it would. Anytime she was called on to join in, she felt how hard they were trying to include her and how much easier it would have been for them had she not been there. “I’m just glad it’s almost over.” She jumped when she realized how that sounded and put her hands up. “Not that I’m ready for y’all to leave or anything.” Then she realized how that would sound, and she stumbled to fix her blunder. “But not like I want you to stay or anything either.”

A moment and Jaycee smiled. “No need to explain. We know how hard it is on the homeowners. Having your whole life pulled apart and basically put on hold. That can’t be easy.”

Rachel considered that and sighed. “Yeah? Well, sometimes it’s easier than others.” She sat back and watched as Derek hooked a perfect throw around the bottom rung. He did a little happy dance and high-fived one of the twins that was his current partner.

“Don’t worry. Don’t let them get to you,” Caleb said to his twin partner from across the way. “We’ve got this.”

“He’s so good with the kids,” Sage said as if to the clouds.

“Derek?” Rachel asked, nodding her agreement.

“Oh, him too,” Sage said, “but I meant Caleb. Him and Rhett are like best buds.”

In fact, even now, Rhett was up in Caleb’s arms helping him throw, and Rachel couldn’t disagree other than she knew it was going to kill her son when Caleb left. She pushed that thought away because it might kill her too. “Rhett really likes having him around.”

Why did it feel like she might choke on the words? Worse, why did she feel both of the women’s gaze slip over to her?

“You know, Derek and I were talking on the way over tonight,” Jaycee said. “When are we planning to move your stuff back in? We were thinking Thursday or Friday.”

Rachel shrugged, knowing whatever day it was would come too soon. “It’s just sitting in Mom’s shed so whenever.”

Another loud cheer and set of groans went up from those playing on the lawn.

“Silly boys,” Sage said with a shake of her head. “They never grow up, do they?”

Jaycee laughed. “They haven’t yet.”

Rachel’s brand of quiet had a way of twisting in Caleb’s gut so he couldn’t simply be okay with it even though he always felt like it wasn’t his place to ask. As he drove the little family home, he glanced at her once. Her head was down, her gaze on her fingers in the darkness of her lap.

“It’s a little weird, you know?” he finally said because the silence was starting to crawl across his nerves.

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Life?”

Confusion slipped onto her features as she looked over at him. “Meaning?”

Tipping his head the other way, he shook it slightly. “I guess I just never really realized we were friends.” Then his gaze jerked to hers. “Not you and me. I mean, Derek and me, and Jaycee of course. We’ve worked together, of course, but it’s just weird to be asked like that.”

Her gaze slipped into wistfulness. “They think a lot of you.”

He looked at her in surprise. “What does that mean?”

However, she just nodded and smiled. “They do. They trust you.”

“Huh. Guess I never really thought about it. I’ve always thought they figured I was one step up from better-than-nothing.”

She shook her head as her gaze found him. “Come on, Caleb. You’re a lot better than that and you know it.”

True surprise jumped on him so fast, he forgot to hide it from his gaze.

Her smile and soft laugh waltzed across his heart. “And don’t say you’re not either because we both know that’s a lie.”

He couldn’t stop his own grin. “Oh, yeah? Are we talking personally or professionally?”

As they turned in to her mother’s drive, she backhanded his shoulder. “You’re terrible.”

“What? Why is that terrible?” He parked the car and turned it off.

“Ugh.” She rolled her eyes as she got out of her side.

Caleb had kind of hoped they would get a moment alone, but that hope scattered as she went straight to the backseat to get Natalie out. “It was just a question,” he said, getting himself out of his side and going to the door where Rhett was.

“Stop,” she said like a mother scolding her child. “Digging for compliments is not very attractive, you know?”

“Not attractive?” he asked, coming out with Rhett who was beyond sleeping. The child was like a rag-doll on Caleb’s shoulder. “So I’ve gone from better-than-nothing all the way to not-attractive in like five seconds. How’d that happen?”

“I didn’t say you weren’t attractive. I said you digging for compliments isn’t attractive.”

At the door to the house, he opened it for her and held it. “So then you think I am attractive?”

She let out a low moan. “Ugh. You’re driving me nuts, you know that?”

He laughed softly as they went through the house. “Short drive?”

This time she didn’t even make a sound. Instead, she wrinkled her nose at him and shook her head. “Give me a second and I’ll come put him to bed.”

“Changing the subject,” he said, still laughing. “Isn’t that like pleading the fifth?”

With a harder shake of her head and a quick roll of her eyes, she left him there in the dark hallway to go into Natalie’s room. “I’ll be right back.”

Caleb was having trouble holding his laugh to a bare minimum. Her mother was surely sleeping as were the kids, so he needed to be quiet. However, he couldn’t deny the fact that it was fun to tease her.

One glance down the hallway, and he decided to go put the rag-doll child to bed himself. It wasn’t like he didn’t know which room it was. Two doors down, he went into the room and over to the bed where he clicked the little bedside light on. The room was small, barely big enough for a toddler bed. Caleb thought how it wouldn’t even fit a growing boy, and then he remembered they wouldn’t be here much longer. His heart turned over at that thought as he got the child out of his play clothes and into the little pajamas.

It was crazy how small those pajamas looked when he held them up, how small the child was, how fragile. Caleb’s protective instincts washed over him as he changed Rhett and slipped him under the covers to tuck him in. How could you love someone so much? Caleb had no accounting for it. Standing there, gazing down at the little face and the closed eyes, he got lost in the thoughts for a moment too long.

“He asleep?” Rachel asked, suddenly stepping up right next to him and putting her hand on his back.

“Out like a light.” Caleb looked down at her and couldn’t keep himself from wrapping her up into his arms. When she was there, wrapped next to him, he let out a long breath. Why that felt so good, he couldn’t quite put into words. “It’s crazy how much I love that kid.”

He felt her start at the words and then felt as her gaze twisted up to his. When he looked down at her, it was with regret because they both knew sooner rather than later this connection would be only a memory.

“I’d better be getting home,” he said, “or it’ll be time to come back.”

Her gaze never left him. “Are you coming back tomorrow?”

“Gutter’s got to be fixed, right?”

Oh, how easy it would be to delude herself into believing this was real. As Rachel stood there, her body pressed next to his, soaking in his warmth and solidity, one part of her wanted nothing more than to talk him into staying for the night and then for forever. Of course she couldn’t do that, and she wouldn’t. For one thing, she knew where even one night would lead. For another, she couldn’t do that to him. He had dreams, a destiny, and it definitely did not include her. “Yeah,” she said softly. “We’d better get you home.”

As they left the room, Caleb let her go so she could turn off the light and kiss the little head. But he was waiting for her in the darkened doorway, and as Rachel met him there, she had to breathe down the crazy thoughts of how much she wished this was all so different.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” he said, turning to her about the time they got to the kitchen.

“Thanks for asking. I had a really good time.”

Together they went all the way to the back door, and Rachel thought for a second that he was just going to keep walking. However, at the threshold, he stopped and turned to her, and her own footsteps had to do a quick shimmy so as not to run her right into him.

His gaze tripped and then poured down over her as he stood there only inches away, not so much as moving.

“You’ll be back tomorrow?” she finally asked because his wordlessness was starting to make her wonder if his thoughts were mirroring her own.

“Yeah. I’ll be here.” And then he took one step over to her and pulled her into his embrace.

It happened so suddenly she hadn’t been aware she needed to prepare, and then, in the next heartbeat, his arms were around her and she was pressed up next to him again so that she felt every ripple of every muscle all the way through him. Then, before she had so much as a chance to react or to question it, he stepped back, holding onto her arms with his hands.

“G’night,” he said as if he was about to be strangled.

“’Night,” she said, barely getting the syllable out as she gazed up at him, asking only with her eyes and her heart because she could never have said the words.

However, with only that, he turned and headed out.

When he was gone, she leaned against the door frame so she might have some hope of not falling apart. As she stood, she rubbed her arms where his hands had been and watched him stride out to his pickup. He got in it, and in seconds the headlights slashed through the darkness of the night. Still, she couldn’t make herself leave, and so she watched as he turned and went down the driveway.

Oh, how she wished that she could wish for what she was telling herself was impossible. Oh, how she wished she could let herself feel what it was like to be in his arms and to pretend even for a second that this could be for real. But she knew, as well as he clearly did, that this, whatever it was between them, wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. And one small part of her knew he was fighting to protect her even from himself, from getting in too deep and then making her watch him leave for good.

But as she closed the door and let the darkness envelope her, she wondered if it would even matter, or had she already fallen too far so that his leaving would slash yet another wound into her ripped and bleeding soul? She wanted the answer to be no, but she suspected that would be a lie.

Chapter 7

The whole way back to Greely Caleb slid around and around the question of what he was thinking. What he was thinking at her door and even before when he took her to the picnic. Yes, he wanted to be with her more than he had ever wanted anything, but the question of ‘what then’ haunted his every thought. If someone else had so much as considered loving her and leaving her, he would have put them through a wall. So why was it so hard for him to just be her friend, enjoy her company, knowing he would have to leave in barely even a couple of weeks?

His mind asked what if. What if he could stay? What if they got together, would he stay? What if they were together and he stayed with the show and simply came back for a couple weeks at a time? Would that really be so bad?

And then he remembered how hard it was to walk away from her just minutes before, and he asked himself with no small amount of sarcasm if he really wanted to do that to her and to himself every two weeks. No, the truth was, she couldn’t move, and he couldn’t stay, and being anything more than friends with those facts cemented in place wasn’t fair to either of them.

At the hotel, he took a shower which did nothing to quash the frustrating thoughts and feelings, and then he lay in bed, long, long after he should have been asleep.

“God,” he finally said because he was getting nowhere on his own, “please take these feelings away from me. Please. I can’t do that to her, and this is killing me.”

He never really went to sleep because his mind kept saying if God would just be reasonable about this, he might be able to salvage some sanity. However, by morning, sanity was no closer than it had been the night before.

And so, seeing no way to get himself talked out of how he felt about her, Caleb dragged himself out of bed and grabbed the first clean T-shirt he found, a smoke blue one that had no holes in it. He grabbed his jeans and slid them on, telling himself he shouldn’t worry about what he looked like. This wasn’t a date. This was going to fix a gutter. And that was it.

The good news was, he made it sound so convincing. The bad news was, he didn’t believe a word of it.

Rachel was up with the sun, cleaning the kitchen because he was coming today, and she really didn’t want him to think they lived like pigs. She went around and dusted the living room. She thought about vacuuming, but she knew that would wake everyone up, and she didn’t want that. At just after eight, her mother appeared, and she was clearly surprised by her daughter’s industriousness.

“Well, you’re up early,” her mother said.

“Yeah. Would you like some eggs? I thought eggs sounded good for breakfast.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow in concern. “Breakfast and dusting? Must’ve been some party last night.”

Laughing, Rachel waved her off. “It was fun. They asked Sage and Caleb to stand up for them at the wedding.”

“Oh?”

Rachel started the scrambled eggs in the pan. “The wedding’s at Christmastime. Not sure of the actual date, but I’m sure they know it. They’ve got the church booked and everything.”

Her mother nodded slowly. “And Caleb?”

“Caleb?” Rachel asked as if she had no idea what the question might mean though it skipped across her heart just the same.

“He was there. How was that?”

With a nod, Rachel dug her focus into the growing mound of yellow eggs. “Oh, good. He was good.”

“Just good?”

The sound of gravel crunching out the window where the sun was streaming in yanked Rachel’s gaze out to it, and her heart skittered three beats and then thudded onto its face. Caleb. The fact that she was going to have a massively difficult time pretending he was just her friend that she had no feelings for at all slammed into her heart about the time it picked itself back up. The thud it did forward the second time nearly took her breath away.

Well, it was either that or him getting out of the pickup. She shouldn’t notice the strength and perfection of his body. She was pretty sure that was against some rule somewhere, but her being noticed for her and appreciated the sight before she had the chance to yank that back, throw it in a box, and slam and lock the door on it. What was she thinking letting herself notice things like that?

“Who’s that?” her mother asked, straightening to try to see out.

“Ca—,” Rachel started, and her voice cracked through three octaves. She cleared her throat, knowing it wouldn’t help her heart at all. “Uh, Caleb.” Ratcheting her voice downward, Rachel tried to get it and herself under control. “He… uh, he said he’d come and look at that gutter for you today.”

“Oh, how nice of him.” However, the way her mother looked at her, Rachel was pretty sure there was far more to that statement than the five easy words it contained.

Trying not to be obvious about it, she watched him stride to the backdoor. Oh, lands. This was not going to be easy. The knock slammed her into movement, and she banged the spatula on the pan. “Coming!”

There was no doorbell to ring, and Caleb was sure he shouldn’t just walk in. He hadn’t considered that they wouldn’t be awake yet, but as he stood at the door, he wondered what he would do if they were. Just as he reached up to knock again, the door squeaked open and then the screen door came his direction. His heart lifted as he caught it with his hand only to find her standing there.

“Good morning,” Rachel said, ducking as she said the words and stepped backward. “I didn’t think you’d be here this early.”

Dang it. All that begging God to take away the feelings hadn’t done a single ounce of good. His heart knew that and so much more with one look. “Oh, yeah. I… Uh, we didn’t really talk about what time. Do you…? Uh, should I come back later?”

Putting her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, she shrugged. “No. It’s fine. Mom and I are up already.”

As he looked at her, standing there so simply beautiful, all the air evaporated and his thoughts went scattering like frightened bunnies at the sound of a gunshot.

“Oh,” she said with a start, “Uh, please, come on in.” She turned and started for the kitchen, leaving Caleb to follow her as he tried desperately to break the attraction that was becoming stronger by the second. “We’re having eggs. Do you want some?”

In the kitchen, thankfully, he found her mother. A mother. Good. That would keep this from getting out of hand. “Oh, good morning, Mrs. Murphy.”

“Good morning, Caleb.” She smiled at him as she glanced at her daughter who went right over to the stove. “Would you like to join us for breakfast?”

“Oh… I… uh…” What was the right answer to that? Wasn’t accepting imposing or taking advantage? But not accepting didn’t seem very gracious.

Rachel half-turned to him though it was mostly just her quick gaze. “I can make more if you want. We could call it payback for the burritos.”

The craziest thing about the suggestion was the hint of teasing he saw in her eyes when his gaze caught hers. His grin lit through him. “Well, I guess. Since you owe me and everything.”

Her smile danced across her face as her cheeks dusted pink. “You are awful.”

“I’m awful? All I did was accept your offer of eggs. How is that awful?”

“You know what I mean,” she said, stirring the eggs before scraping them onto a plate.

He didn’t know at all what she meant, but he knew one thing, he sure would like to watch her like this forever. “So are you going to make toast with that?” Stepping over to where she was cooking, he looked over her shoulder as she cracked more eggs into the pan.

“Uh, no.” Twisting just a little, she looked up at him. “But there’s bread if you want some.”

“I think I can make toast without burning the place down.” He crossed behind her and slipped his hand onto her waist as he went. “Do you want toast, Mrs. Murphy?”

When he turned, there was no mistaking that smile. “How can I refuse an offer like that?”

Oh, yes. This was going to be far more difficult than Rachel had imagined. As they cooked together, she felt him, moving behind her in the kitchen, and although she made sure to keep her attention on the eggs, her instincts picked up every single movement he made. Out of her peripheral vision she caught sight of his hands, strong hands, sure hands. She closed her eyes and let out a breath to keep herself from careening off the cliff of “who cares, take me now.”

“You got butter or jam?” he asked, going over to the refrigerator.

“Caleb?” Rhett came in, rubbing his eyes.

“Buddy!” Caleb said with a level of happiness that danced right across Rachel’s heart.

She turned just as Caleb swept her son up into his arms.

“We’re making eggs.” Without pause Caleb went to the refrigerator and pulled out both the butter and the jam, handing the butter to Rhett. “Here, you hold that. Do you like eggs?”

Rhett nodded.

“Good because I hear it’s bad luck to eat eggs by yourself, so we can eat them together. How would that be?” Continuing his one-man monologue, Caleb sat Rhett on the cabinet and searched three drawers quickly for a butter knife. “Ah, here we go. Here, you hold this.” He gave Rhett the knife. “We’ll get out the butter and the jam.”

Taking the knife back, he made short work of preparing the toast.

“This looks so good,” he said, slapping the jam on the last piece of toast. “So what do we drink? Orange juice or milk?”

“Milk,” Rachel said, clinging to her heart with all of her strength. Why did he have to look so right there? Why did he and Rhett seem like such a perfect fit? She knew what her heart was telling her, but somehow, she couldn’t quite get her hopes wrapped around it because she knew the reality.

“Perfect.” Caleb dusted the toast crumbs from his hands, slid Rhett off the cabinet, and handed him the plate of toast. “Take that over to the table.”

As if it was the queen’s robe, Rhett did as asked.

“Look, G’ma, I made toast.”

With mist in her eyes, his grandmother took the plate and set it on the table. “That toast looks better than anything I’ve had in a long time.”

“Caleb helped me,” Rhett said as he climbed up on his chair. “It was easy.”

Coming over to the table, Caleb set the milk there and then came back over to where she was finishing the eggs. “Glasses?” he asked, searching the cabinets before he’d hardly gotten the question out.

“Oh, right here.” Rachel opened the cabinet right next to her, and in the next instant he was standing there, shadowing her one half breath away.

A shimmy shot through her at the warmth of his body only inches from hers. This was impossible. The craziest thing was he didn’t even seem to notice she was about to go into full-blown cardiac arrest.

“You want the plates here or on the table?” he asked, clearly not feeling the electricity that was igniting her entire being.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. The table is fine.” She nodded, willing herself to stop already. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, he was nice and kind and a perfect gentleman, but this was ridiculous. He was here to fix her mother’s gutters—because he was a nice guy. Not because he liked her. Not because of any other stupid idea her mind and heart were trying to tell her. He just was.

Banging the spatula on the pan, she grabbed a pot holder and carefully lifted it. “These are ready.”

“Great,” he said.

However, when she turned and found him standing at the table, she knew that telling herself not to fall for him was the funniest, saddest, stupidest lie she had ever tried to convince herself of because in truth, she didn’t even believe it.

They were only a few minutes into breakfast when the little cry drifted out over them.

“I was wondering when she would wake up,” Rachel said, laying her fork to the side and standing. “I’ll be right back.”

Caleb nodded, really wishing he had taken acting class when he was in high school. That could have come in very handy at this moment. In the next second she was gone, and he let out a long breath as he closed his eyes, completely forgetting he was not alone.

“So Rachel tells me you’re going to be standing up for Derek and Jaycee,” her mother said, and panic hit him when he realized how easily she could have seen and misinterpreted him letting his guard down.

“Oh. Yeah. I guess so,” he said, forking into his eggs.

“That’s so wonderful.” She nodded. “They are such a great couple, so thoughtful and generous.”

There was no reason to argue, so he didn’t. “They are that.”

“I’m sure they’re wonderful to work with too. And you all do such a fabulous job. Why I was just talking to Ramona the other day about how great it’s been to have you all here. You just give such energy to the rebuilding process. It’s been so nice to think we’re not alone.”

Softness for her and all of them traced across his heart. “That’s what we try to do, and the people of Ridgemount have been so welcoming to all of us. The women who work at the center making sandwiches, the pastor and well, everyone. It’s not hard to want to help people who are so hospitable and appreciative of every little thing.”

“So you’ve spoken with the pastor then?”

Surprised by the question, he stumbled. “Oh, Yeah. Uh. A little. But I’ve mostly been doing Rachel’s though. I mean, I know Derek and Jaycee have been doing a lot on the pastor’s house and the church.”

“The church?” the older woman asked as if that piqued her curiosity. “What’re they doing at the church?”

“Just the roof and replastering the sanctuary inside. That wall really took a beating.”

“Oh. Yes.” Her gaze went down to her eggs and stayed there. “It’s such a beautiful church. I really hate the thought of it being damaged.”

As he tried to decipher the undercurrent of the conversation, Rachel walked back in and came around him to her chair where she put Natalie into her high chair. Then she went over to the cabinet as Caleb’s attention split in half.

“I just wish…” her mother started, and because he was so divided, Caleb almost didn’t hear her words. Then he yanked himself back and gave himself three hard shakes to get his full focus on her.

“You wish what?”

She smiled softly, a faded light in her eyes. “Oh, you know, the wishes of an old woman, probably not worth five nickels or two seconds.”

Coming back, Rachel sat next to him and started feeding Natalie mushed up something. It didn’t look at all appetizing. However, he glanced at her just the same, but she didn’t so much as look over at him. The distance she could put between them when they were only two feet apart drove through his heart, telling him everything he’d been trying to tell himself for the past 24 hours.

Seeing that he really should keep his mind on his work and away from her, he picked up some eggs and then bit into the toast. Something about the church comment pulled up concern, and though he tried not to be worried about it, with three chews, he knew he was. “So what’s this you’re wishing for with the church?”

The glance between mother and daughter could not have held any more words had it tried. With instant concern, Caleb looked from one to the other, trying to figure out what he was missing. “What? Is there something else we should be doing over there?”

It was then that he saw Rachel’s head go side-to-side once very slowly and almost imperceptibly, and true worry cascaded into him.

He lowered the toast as he looked at her mother. “Is there something wrong with the church, Mrs. Murphy?”

Rachel could hardly keep her zinging feelings from erupting all over the table. The church. She had gone so far as thanking God that they couldn’t attend. It was the height of hubris to thank God for making it so they couldn’t, but she was grateful just the same. If they just couldn’t go, then she didn’t really have to worry about not going. Even better, people would understand her not going on account of her mother’s disability. If that obstacle was removed, what excuse would she have then?

“Uh, what am I missing here?” Caleb asked not two feet from over her shoulder, and Rachel wanted with everything in her to figure out a way to change the subject.

However, her mind was so mixed up in the emotions his pervasive presence was causing in her that she couldn’t put two sane words together to save her life.

“What’s wrong with the church?” he asked them again when no one said anything.

“Well,” her mother finally said with one half-glance at Rachel that said she was either sorry or not but she was going to tell him anyway, “the truth is, it was never outfitted for non-able-bodied people.”

His fork lowered slowly, and Rachel rolled and then closed her eyes. Why did her mother have to bring this up? It wasn’t his problem. He probably didn’t even care about church. In fact, in a week he would be gone. He didn’t have time to be taking on something else. They had Ms. P’s to finish not to mention her own house. The excuses stacked up like suitcases headed onto an airplane.

“I don’t think I’m understanding,” he said slowly.

“When that church was built, it was on what amounts to a flood plain, so they made stairs up to the inside of it. Don’t get me wrong. They are beautiful, but wheelchairs and walkers really don’t have much of a prayer of going up them.”

“It isn’t ADA?”

Her mother laughed. “When that church was built, there was no such thing as ADA, and now that our church population is getting older, well…”

“Is there room,” Caleb asked as his mind spun into and around the project, “for a ramp? If there’s room, a ramp would be really simple.”

“I’ve never been very good with measurements and things like that. Charlie used to tease me because I couldn’t even put leftovers in bowls without having to use two or three to try to get the right size.” She laughed, and then her gaze cut over to her daughter and the laughter stopped. Her gaze hit the table and held there for a moment. “I had just kind of hoped I might get to see the inside of that church again before…”

Caleb was one second away from asking before what when he realized what she wasn’t saying and sucked that question back in with a glance at Rachel. And they were back again to her looking like she wanted to be anywhere but here with him. He rerouted the words and his thoughts with no small amount of effort. “Well, maybe I could swing by and take a look at it.”

“Oh, no, I’m sure you don’t have time for that,” her mother said quickly. “What with finishing Rachel’s and everything. That’s much more important.”

Maybe, he thought, but once Rachel’s was done, he had two weeks of vacation time staring him in the face. Maybe sticking around and getting the church up to speed wouldn’t be the worst idea in the whole world.

“Are you finished with that?” Rachel asked, suddenly standing in front of him, pointing at his plate.

He looked down to find it empty. “Oh. Uh. Yeah.”

“K.” She picked up the dish and hers and went over to the sink, never so much as glancing at him.

Concern pricked through him as he watched her. He wanted to ask, knew that was a bad idea, and once again rerouted what he really wanted to say. Standing, he let his gaze and heart linger one more moment at that table. Home. He hadn’t felt that word in a very long time. It would have felt wonderful if it hadn’t felt so utterly horrible. “Well, I’d better be getting to work.”

Rachel knew better than to acknowledge the statement or him, and although she also knew it was ungracious at best, she kept her hands in the dishwater and pretended she never even heard him leave. Her heart was in her throat and spinning there uncontrollably. Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone? He was supposed to leave on Saturday. Next week. Six days. Not even one week.

He was supposed to get her house ready and then ride out of town on his white horse, never to be seen or heard from again. So what was he thinking with this whole church thing?

Then again, she reasoned, he would be working on the church. It wasn’t like they would even see each other. No. He would be working and she would be settling in to her brand new house. Her gaze picked up to his movement outside the window, and her heart spun once again.

At the pickup, he leaned over the bed to get the tools he would need, and her attention yanked there and held completely out of her control. With a hard gasp to get her eyes away from him she bent into the dishes and scrubbed a little extra hard. He was leaving. Leaving! Why couldn’t she get that into a place it would stick within her?

Still, she watched as he strode from the pickup and around to the front of the house. She was losing her mind. She was. She was completely losing her mind. That’s all there was to it.

The simple job of reshaping the gutter quickly took on a life of its own. First of all, it wasn’t just bent, it was broken. Second of all, the connection at the top of the ridge was mangled beyond repair. No. Simply fixing it was out of the question. It needed to be replaced.

Hating to be the bearer of bad news almost as much as the thought of going back in to talk with her, Caleb took the little bent and broken piece that snapped off in his hand and headed back inside. He knocked softly and then went on in. “Rach? Mrs. Murphy?”

He went into the kitchen and found no one. Hearing music down the hall on the right, he banked that direction and ducked into the space where the bedrooms lined up like soldiers. “Hm. Rach? Mrs. Murphy?” Two more steps and he was at the threshold of the room where the music was coming from.

Just beyond that threshold stood Rachel, her back to him as she folded Natalie’s clothes and laid them in the large box on the twin bed that stood in the middle, flanked by the baby bed. Caleb puzzled about that for a second and then he remembered her comment about boxing things up this week to get ready for the move. Another good-bye. His heart went out to her.

“Uh, Rach?”

In one breath, she spun, holding the little jumper up like it would shield her from whatever had come to eat her. With one look at him, a sniff and shake of her head, she turned back around and put the outfit in the box. “Oh. I didn’t hear you there. Did you need something?”

Probably. He probably did but what that something was fled from his mind with one look at the distress and sadness cloaking her. “You boxing things up?” he asked, forgetting the gutter and everything else.

Her folding picked up pace. “Yeah. I figured I’d better get a jump on it since I won’t have much time this week.”

A nod, a swallow and he stepped into the room. He didn’t stop until he was standing next to her. “You got much to go?”

“Oh, you know, it’s mostly clothes. No biggie.” She put another outfit into the box and sniffed so softly he almost didn’t hear it. “Did you need something?”

His attention jerked from her down to the busted in his hand. “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m afraid this gutter is toast.” He held it up and turned it side-to-side. “I was going to try to get it back into shape, but it’s so busted up, there’s really no fixing it.”

She nodded, folded another outfit and put it in the box. “Guess that means we need a new one.”

“Yeah. I think that would be the smartest.”

Another nod, and the folding slowed. “How much is a new one?”

Why did the news have to keep getting worse? “Well, all you really need is the connector and the downspout. The leader head seems to be okay. So probably a hundred bucks would cover it.”

There was a very short pause, and then she laid one more outfit in the box before she turned around away from him and headed to the door. “K. Hang on.”

When she was gone, Caleb stood there, wholly hating all of this. ‘Hang on’ didn’t exactly inspire confidence, and as he looked down at the little stack of clothes, all he could feel was utter helplessness. Well, if he couldn’t get the gutter fixed, at least he could fold a few clothes.

“I can cover it,” her mother said as Rachel followed her down the hallway to her room. “The insurance man said I’d get something for the roof anyway, and we may as well get this done now since Caleb’s here.”

“But it’s a hundred bucks, Mom. I thought that was going to be for hooking up the new utilities in town.”

“Rachel, honey,” her mother said as she bent and pulled out the small rainy day fund from her dresser drawer, “God knows what He’s doing.” She fingered through the bills and handed some over. “He’s taken care of us this long. I’m not going to start doubting Him now.”

When Rachel didn’t take the cash immediately, her mother shook it at her.

“Take this. Tell him to fix it. It will be all right. Trust me.”

He had folded and packed the remainder of the stack by the time she made it back. He only hoped she wouldn’t take one look at his work and start over again.

“I hope this is enough,” she said, coming in and handing him the money without so much as looking at him. At the bed, she stopped, surveyed everything, and let out a long, quiet breath.

He wanted to say something. Something like he would get it, that she didn’t have to pay for it, but she would never let him do that. He knew that much, so he took the money, hating life. “I guess I’ll run over to Greely and I’ll be back.”

“K.” Folding the box edges over, she pulled them together and dumped that one off onto the ground before pulling another from the floor on the other side of the bed. She went over to the dresser and brought a stack of bed clothes before she stopped. “Did you need something else?”

You. But he just shook his head. “No. This should get it.”

Rachel really shouldn’t have been so glad when he left. To her way of thinking that made no sense, except that it did because having him around looking like that was about to kill her. “Stop it, Rachel. Seriously. Just stop it already. He’s got a life and you’re not part of it.”

She wondered then as she boxed the next things up if he would so much as think about Ridgemount once he moved on. Probably not. Then she wondered if he always made the homeowners he worked for fall in love with him. Probably though she was generous enough to think he also probably didn’t do it on purpose. “Get him out of your head, girl. What guy would want you? Two kids and a life held together with duct-tape and chicken wire. Yes, it sounds positively inviting.”

And for the rest of the boxing task she told herself every way and reason that he would want nothing to do with her. She had almost convinced herself of it when she heard the pickup on the gravel outside. The truth was, she had grown up listening for that sound so even now it made her feel safe and excited. Dad was home. Only now it wasn’t dad. Just a guy, passing through her life on his way to somewhere else, just like they all did.

For a second she considered going out to see if he got something, but she beat that idea back. The last thing she wanted to do was to look and act like a teenager with a bad-awful crush. No. She would finish boxing the rest of this, and then she would make lunch. The smile slid up from her heart to her lips at the thought of the fried chicken she had planned. He might have a girl in every state, but nobody made chicken like her. She was determined it would be a meal he would never forget.

Caleb was at the top of the ladder attaching the elbows to the outside wall when she suddenly appeared at the bottom of it. Glancing down, he found her, hand on hip and the other shielding her eyes.

“You about ready for lunch?” she asked, looking about as cute as any person he had ever seen.

“Lunch? But you already fed me breakfast.”

“That was payback for the burritos. This is the chicken dinner I promised.”

Raising his eyebrows, Caleb stared down at her. “You really made chicken?”

She didn’t look overly happy about the question. “Of course I made chicken. You asked for chicken, I made chicken.”

“Wow.” He came down the ladder. “Ask and you shall receive, huh?”

With a tip of her head, she shrugged. “It’s ready. You can wash up in the mud room.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Why was simply eating with her, with them, so unbelievably easy? It was weird because Caleb had been on plenty of dates in his lifetime. He had taken women to the clubs, to restaurants, even to shows that he endured because people said that’s what women liked. But never, once, had he considered the possibility that simply spending time together could be worth much of anything.

And now, somehow, here he was, in his work clothes already dusty and dirty from the day’s work, eating fried chicken for lunch, at her table in the middle of the afternoon with her mother and her children right there with them, and he couldn’t have been more attracted to her if he had tried. He kept sneaking glances over at her as she fed Natalie the horrible-looking mashed carrots and squash. At least that’s what she said it was, he would take her word for it.

“More tatos, please,” Rhett said, picking up his plate from across the table.

Rachel looked over at his plate. “No. You need to eat your peas first.”

He twisted his little face. “No like peas.”

“Well, no more potatoes until you eat those peas.” She scooped up a bit more squash and put it in Natalie’s mouth.

Caleb choked back the laugh at the face Rhett made when he set his plate back down and looked at the small mound of peas lying there. There couldn’t have been 15 of them in total. Feeling for the little boy, Caleb picked up a spoonful of his own peas and held them over his plate.

“Well, I’m sure glad I ate all of my peas when I was little because they helped me grow up big and strong.” He ate that spoonful and picked up another. “You know, my mom used to tell me to eat my peas, too, and I didn’t want to, but she was right. They’re really good for you.” He ate that spoonful. “And now, I love peas. They make me feel all good and strong inside.”

Although Caleb didn’t look over at Rhett exactly, he was watching the child out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes, sirree-bob, peas are mighty good if you want to grow up to be big and strong.”

A second and Rachel’s gaze slipped over to her son who was now happily eating his peas, picking them off the plate with his fingers and stuffing them in his mouth. When her gaze drifted over to Caleb’s, he winked at her.

“Yep, these are some mighty amazing peas,” Caleb continued, finishing his off. “In fact, I might just have me another helping of those they are so good.”

Rhett scooped the last pea into his mouth and held up his plate. “Me too please.”

Gratefulness. That had to be it Rachel decided as she washed the dishes. She was just so grateful to him for all he had done for them. She smiled about the peas. Somehow, with her kids, trying to find ways to talk them into things often got lost in the fact that she was so tired she just wanted the things done. Caleb, on the other hand, was so creative in how he dealt with them, especially with Rhett.

They were outside even now putting up the gutter together, and Rachel had no doubt that her son was both safe and feeling proud for what he was doing. She wished she could give that to him, that she knew how. But in that area too, she felt like an utter failure. As a mother she knew the truth was she was skating on ice that could well break underneath her at any moment. She, of all people, knew how little she really knew about how to do any of this. And worse, she was barely hanging on, barely getting the things she knew to do done.

So when she finally had a chance to think about it, she knew what she was feeling for him must be gratefulness for how he was with Rhett. Sure, it couldn’t last, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be grateful for now.

They finished the gutter around two, and Caleb let Rhett talk him into exploring in the trees for a while. Rhett was so fascinating to be around. Almost as much as his mother was. Caleb chopped that thought in half, knowing he had to stop thinking about her like that lest he do or say something to mess up what they had. Still, when they went inside and found her in the chair rocking Natalie to sleep, he had to beat back the feelings that surfaced without his permission.

“Sweet baby,” he said, tipping his head to look softly at the sleeping child. Then he refocused on her mother and had to pull professional back over himself. “Well, we got the gutter done. It should last a good 30 years barring another hurricane.”

Rachel nodded. “Okay. So what do I owe you?”

That knocked him backward. “Owe me? You don’t owe me anything. I’m fine.”

Struggling to get out of the chair without waking her daughter, she looked like a fish flopping around out of water. Without really thinking about it, he stepped over to help her up.

“Here.”

“I’ve got it.” Just like that, she was on her feet but a mere foot away from him. Their gazes met, locked and held. Then with a shake of her head, she dropped hers to the carpet and went past him toward the door. “I’ll just put her down right quick.”

As he watched her exit the room like it was on fire, Caleb put his hands on his waist. She wasn’t the easiest person in the world to help. He shook his head and settled the matter in his chest. She was not going to pay him. No way. He would die before he took her money.

When she came back, she had her checkbook in hand. “Now seriously. What do I owe you? Ten an hour, would that be fair?”

He put his hands on his beltline as he scowled. “Rach, I’m not taking your money. I did it as a favor.”

“But…”

“No. Now no buts.” Stepping over to the little desk, he swiped the checkbook from her and closed it. “Put your money away. I’m not taking it.”

Corkscrewing her face, she glared at him. “I didn’t mean for you to do it for free.”

“And I didn’t mean you were going to need to pay me.” He held the checkbook up. “Now put this away, and we’ll call it even.”

She didn’t look overly happy about that even as she took the thing from him. “Fine. But I’ll find a way to pay you back.”

Rather than argue, he let out a breath. “You fed me chicken. That’s payment enough.”

“No, it’s not,” she said, laying the checkbook on the little side table, and Caleb had the thought that he’d better be very watchful so she didn’t try to sneak the payment somewhere without him realizing it.

“So did you get your stuff all boxed up?” he asked.

She sighed as she crossed her arms, her gaze mostly on the ground. “Some of it. A lot of it’s still out in the shop from when we moved it here back in September.”

September. Just after Hurricane Gabriel. When they met. Caleb remembered that day like it was two seconds ago, how stressed she was, how overwhelmed. Not that he blamed her at the time. They were, after all, dismantling her entire house without so much as asking for her input. “So,” he said, giving some voice to a concern he’d been having about the move back, “what are you thinking about the furniture?”

Her eyebrows did a quick pucker. “My furniture? What’s wrong with my furniture?”

Oh, how to say this and not sound elitist and condescending. He wrapped his arms in front of him. “Well, I just remember it was kind of not in the best of shape when we moved it over here. Were you thinking about replacing it, or were you just going to use what you have?”

A second and she spun a loose strand of hair over her ear. “Uh, I hadn’t really thought about it. I don’t really have the money to be going out to buy all-new furniture. Is that going to be a problem?”

In the strictest of senses, no. It was, after all, her house. However, he wasn’t sure that furniture would scream renovated space on camera. “No,” he finally forced out. “I was just wondering if I needed to add furniture shopping to my list of to-dos this week.”

“Oh.” She deflated and then shook her head. “No. I don’t think so. I think I’ll just keep what I have and call it good.”

He nodded and then another thought hit him harder than the first one had. “You know, I was wondering.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” She looked up at him then, and it was hard to explain why when she did such a simple thing, his thoughts went scattering and he had to breathe down the snap of desire that yanked his whole being forward toward her.

He unwound his arms and put his hand on the little desk, trying to be as casual as she was. “Well, your mom was saying before about the church and everything, and since I’ve got a week or so after we finish your place, I was kind of thinking about going over there to take a look at it.” Assessing. He was completely homed in on her, analyzing her with every word he said. “I was kind of thinking maybe we could go tomorrow morning. That way you could go to church, and I could maybe talk with the pastor and take a look at it.”

Her eyes went wide just before she ducked. “Oh. I… Uh. You want to go during services? Wouldn’t it be easier to just go over and talk to him now?”

“Well, I thought about that, but I don’t want to bring it up if there isn’t really a practical way to do it. If I just go and scope out the space without them knowing about it, I might be able to present him and Derek with a plan that won’t be overly challenging.”

If it was possible, her eyes went even wider. “Derek? Is this… for the show?”

Caleb shrugged. “Probably not. It’ll be more like the inside of Ms. P’s or your mom’s roof, just something to help out while we’re here.”

With everything in her, Rachel wanted to talk him out of this insane idea. He wanted to go to church… and bring her? Did he not realize what that would mean, how that would look? Every person in town would have them married and pregnant by nightfall. Yet, she knew it was her mother’s fondest wish to be able to go to church again, and Rachel knew as well as anybody this was the only way that would ever happen. She didn’t want to go for his sake not to even mention her own, but she couldn’t deny her mother this one gift, not after she had given her so much.

Trying not to let him see, she let out a breath, closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay.”

Chapter 8

When Caleb got to her house the next morning, he hoped once again that he wasn’t hopelessly early or obvious. The dark blue suit jacket, pressed white button-down shirt and dark blue jeans were as good as he could do on such short notice. He hoped everyone at church wouldn’t be in tuxes and ties because he didn’t own a tux and he hated ties. The problem was it had been so long since he had been in a church, he wasn’t overly sure about what the experience might entail.

In fact, he was pretty sure the last church he’d been in was when he was four and his grandfather had passed away. It was family legend that he had gone into the church fully clothed and come out with his mother holding every stitch of clothing that wasn’t glued onto him. He’d always hated shoes and socks were worse, and if dapper and handsome couldn’t be accomplished in a T-shirt and jeans, he wanted nothing to do with it.

So, at her back door, he readjusted the cuffs of the white shirt and rounded his shoulders in the confines of the jacket. “Here we go.”

Rachel was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack when she heard the knock. She was hardly what anyone would call ready. Flowing flower dress that hit just above her knees, hair in no logical order, no shoes or hose. Her toenails weren’t even painted, and there had been a time in her life that would have been a crime against humanity.

Worse, her children were nowhere near ready either. She had thought she would have another 20 minutes at least before he showed up and even then, it was a dead-sure bet she wouldn’t have been a smidge more ready or calm than she already was. However, the crunch of the gravel and the knock on the back door had sent her into an orbit so high she might never be able to pull herself back down to earth.

“I think that’s Caleb,” her mother said, watching from the table as Rachel flew out of the bedroom hallway toward the mud room.

“I heard him. I’m coming!” Through the kitchen and into the back she went, and she hardly stopped even a second to regroup when she got to the door.

Somehow in all of her panicked dreams about what today would bring, she had never so much as considered what she found standing on her back step. One look and her panic slammed into shock so fast it buckled and disintegrated. Caleb stood there, looking very, very un-Caleb-like in a dark suit jacket, a perfectly pressed white shirt, jeans and a smile. Her heart did a double back flip and then thudded in her chest as she stood there, looking at him, speechless and blinking. Finally she got a thread of her senses back to at least intermittently working as she pushed open the door.

“Morning.” She knew she sounded strange, breathless, stunned, but she couldn’t help it because she was all of those and more.

“Morning,” he said, coming in the door with a grin. “I hope I’m not too early. You said eight.”

“I… did.” The truth was she had no memory of what she’d ever said in her entire life. Everything had snapped and latched onto him and then spun into an absolute blur. “Uh.” Fighting to shake out of all of that, she yanked her gaze down to herself, realizing what state she must be in. “Yeah, sorry. It’s kind of been a crazy morning.”

Turning because if she stood there another second she might throw herself at him and not even know she wasn’t supposed to, she headed from the mud room into the kitchen. Her nerves frayed as she realized he had come looking like perfection personified only to find them one-half step away from insanity.

“Rhett,” she said, “finish up your breakfast. We need to get ready.” Going over, she wiped her daughter’s face and snapped her out of the confines of the high chair. “I need to get her ready.”

“Good morning,” Caleb said to those in the room.

“Morning,” her mother said, making no attempt whatsoever to hide the smile that drilled into Rachel’s last nerve.

“Caleb!” Rhett jumped up and ran over to Caleb as horror bounced across Rachel’s heart.

“Rhett!” She spun to stop him just as the child reached his friend. “Don’t touch Caleb. You’re a mess.”

“Eh.” In one swing Caleb grabbed up Rhett and headed for the sink. “It’s just a few Cheerios, Mom, and a little milk. I think I’ll wash.” Laughing the whole way, he took the child over to the sink and had him all cleaned up in no time. “See? All clean!”

Caleb hugged Rhett and grinned at her although the thought of what he was probably thinking about her mothering skills sliced right through her.

“I really need to get her ready,” Rachel said, drowning in the comparison between his life and hers. “We can be ready in like ten minutes.”

He spun his wrist to reveal a gold and silver toned watch. It looked expensive, and then she realized with a gulp that it surely was. The suit jacket alone probably cost what she made in a month. How her whole pathetic existence could be laid so bare and exposed, she had no idea, but she felt it to the core.

“It doesn’t start until nine, right?” he asked, feathering his fingers into and through the dark waves of his hair. “And it’s a what? Like a five minute drive at most. We’ve got plenty of time.”

“O…okay,” she fought to get the words out. “Uh, you can wait, in the living room, if you want.”

“Or,” he said, that playful, mesmerizing grin coming back to his face, “I can help this little guy get ready and you can concentrate on Nat and yourself.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh, you don’t have to do that. I can…”

However, he winked at her and smiled. “I know you can, but I’m here and I want to.”

A second of battling to breathe and she nodded. “Okay.”

Caleb felt like he’d been in a pitched battle with an opposing army. It wasn’t fair that she looked so casually stunning like that. Holy smokes was she gorgeous in that flirty little number that hugged and flared in all the right places. When she turned to leave the kitchen, he had to force himself not to watch her exit. He was sure doing so would say very bad things about his self-control and chivalry.

Figuring the best form of defense was a good offense, he twisted Rhett this way and that as the little boy squealed his delight. “Come on, you. Let’s go get you ready for church.”

Breathing. It had always seemed so easy; however, by the time they got to church, Rachel couldn’t remember if she had ever done it before in her life. Her head hurt from lack of oxygen, and her throat was on permanent lock-down from letting any more air in or out. This had to be some kind of nightmare or a dream, and she didn’t know which. But it had to be. That was the only logical explanation for how she was arriving at church in her beaten up old sedan with Caleb driving and her two children buckled in the back seat.

Completely out of the realm of belief, Caleb smiled over at her as they took the last turn. “By the way, if I don’t get a chance to tell you later, you look beautiful this morning.”

As if she wasn’t in dire enough emotional straits as it was. She ran her hand down her dress and shrugged. “Thanks. It’s been a long time since I’ve worn something like this.”

His smile was both happy and sincere. “Well, you should more often.”

Heat like a million suns poured over and down her as he turned into the little parking lot. Instantly she felt the gazes that tripped over to them and held. This was going to be a study in mortification she could well do without. However, he still seemed to think this was all perfectly normal, and who was she to tell him any different?

When he parked, she made sure to hop out quickly, not wanting to give the tongue-waggers any more ammunition than they would already have in this situation. She went to the back and extracted Natalie, seeing, knowing he was getting Rhett out of the other side. My, oh, my, this was going to be a fun one to try to explain to the world.

Just before she let her nerves take over and do the sane thing of jumping in the car and getting them all out of there, a very large black pickup pulled in one parking place down. Rachel hardly noticed as she was more concerned about somehow extracting the five pound diaper bag and sippy cup she knew they were going to need to get through this horrendous ordeal.

“Well, look who it is,” Derek said from behind her, and Rachel spun so fast she very nearly lost control of everything.

Her eyes went wide as true panic split through her. She turned back to her task, wishing, hoping, but knowing just the same.

“Fancy meeting you guys here,” Derek said as Jaycee joined him around the truck, looking more Hollywood than her sister ever had.

“Morning,” Caleb said, sounding decidedly unfazed by the impromptu reunion.

“Morning,” Derek said in return. “You need some help?”

Rachel was going both forward and backward and not really realizing she was even moving. “Oh, uh. No. Thanks. I’ve… I’ve got it.” Somehow she got Natalie into her arms and all of the things settled there as well as the three of them met at the back of her car for pleasantries. At that moment if she could have teleported to the moon to extract herself from this situation, she so would have.

“Yeah, well, we decided to come check it out,” Caleb was saying. He glanced over at her and realized her awkwardness. “Here, let me take that.”

And then, as if the world had indeed tilted right off its axis, he took the diaper bag from her and put it over his own shoulder. Rachel’s will to do any more than follow them evaporated. How was she now walking into church looking like one-half of the newest celebrity couple? Everyone was looking, whispering, talking, staring.

How was it he didn’t seem to feel or notice any of it? No. Instead, he was walking, talking to Derek and Jaycee as if this was all 100% normal and right. But it wasn’t, and she knew it. At the door, he opened it and held it for her.

“Thanks,” she whispered, knowing full well he probably never heard the word.

Inside, there were more people so that navigating in the space while keeping one’s distance was even more challenging. That’s when she felt his hand on the small of her back, and sanity swept away from her like it had gone over Niagara Falls. Oh, Caleb, please don’t do that. Not here. Not with all these people watching, and not to me, because I might think you mean it, and if you don’t or even if you do, where does that leave me?

“Is that the pastor?” he asked, leaning down to her, and Rachel looked over to where he nodded. She got the nod out, wondering what inhumane torture might come next. “You mind introducing me?”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. No.” What was the right answer to that? A sane person would know. She had no idea.

With a soft push, they were moving over to where the pastor and his wife and two boys were standing. Rachel wanted to explain to Caleb that the pastor hadn’t seen her in years, probably didn’t even know who she was, would probably throw her out if he did. However, she wasn’t talking and he clearly wasn’t listening.

“Why, Rachel Taylor,” the pastor’s wife said as if she was meeting the queen herself. She put out her hand to Rachel and smiled radiantly. “We’re so glad you could come.” A second and she trained her gaze onto Caleb. “And you’re Mr. James, right?”

“That’s right.” However, when Caleb went to take her hand, the bag slipped off his shoulder and he had to right it first before he could accomplish the gesture. “I’m with Derek’s crew.”

“Yes. Yes,” the pastor said. He put out his hand as well. “Pastor Steve and this is my wife, Jane.”

“It’s very nice to meet you both,” Caleb said, “and please, call me Caleb. Mr. James is my father’s name.”

They all laughed, even Rachel which was a minor miracle.

“Well, we’re very glad you could join us this morning,” Pastor Steve said.

Caleb nodded. “Thanks for having us.”

With that, Rachel allowed herself to be led away. At this rate he could lead her into a black hole and she wouldn’t have had the good sense to protest.

Once away from them, he glanced back. “They seem nice.”

She let out a breath. “They are. Very down-to-earth. Good people.”

“Awesome.” However, the farther they went, the less he seemed in her same realm. Instead, she noticed he was looking around, assessing the space.

Her gaze went up to him, and softness traced through her. He was amazing even if he could never be amazing with her. “So, what do you think? You got any brilliant ideas?”

In the next second she was swept into the depths of his dark chocolate eyes and soft, gentle smile. “A few.”

Caleb, stop it! We’re in church! As Caleb gazed down into her eyes, he had to blink to withstand the yank his spirit took toward hers. What was she doing to him? The others he had been with were fun for a night or two. A week tops.

But he had never once stood gazing into their eyes in a church with a hundred people milling about, completely at the mercy of a connection he could not break.

“Hey, you two,” Derek said, materializing at Caleb’s elbow though how or why seemed to have no bearing whatsoever on reality. “You want to sit with us? We’re headed in.”

“Oh. Uh, y-yeah?” Caleb as much as asked rather than said even as he silently asked her if that was okay. The soft, wary trust in her eyes was enough to take the knees right out from under him.

Finally with super-human strength, he dragged his gaze from hers over to his friend. “We’ll follow you.”

On unsteady legs, Rachel followed him and the others up the three steps and into the doors. She hadn’t been in this place in more than a year, and entering it now brought with it a wave of sadness she hadn’t anticipated. The last time she was here… Her heart turned over at the memory of her father’s casket laid out down front, the lines of people coming in to pay their last respects, Nathan holding her hand and letting her lean on him when it all became too much.

Too much. They were strange words now because back then, she had thought that reality too much. But if that was too much, then what was this? So much had happened since then, things she never could have imagined going through back then. Her mother’s convalescence, moving back home, finding out she was again pregnant, and then…

Somehow she got into the little bench. Somehow she sat without her whole being shattering into a million more pieces. Somehow, and yet just how she had no idea.

In the bench, she bent her head and willed the tears to stay down. She couldn’t start crying. Not now. Not here. First of all, there was the question of Caleb who was being so nice to her. He would think she had lost her mind. And then there was Derek and Jaycee who had done so much for her. The last thing they needed was for her to fall apart on their watch and with them sitting right there.

The breath hurt going down as she looked then at her children. They deserved to have a good mom, a stable mom, a mom that wasn’t always one second away from breaking down completely. She hugged Natalie to her, reached over and got the sippy cup and tipped it up for her daughter to drink. Yes, if she could just focus on them, on what they needed, then she wouldn’t have the head space or the heart space to get lost in her own stupid moments of selfishness. Yes. This was better. If she could just stay here, she could make it through this in one piece or at least without the pieces becoming any more broken than they already were.

With Rhett on his lap, Caleb settled in and looked around. He could clearly see the issue with the front wall, and he was glad Derek had consented to make it one of their projects. It wasn’t an overly big church. Double 25 pews on either side of a single aisle. However, having assessed the space in the lobby, he surmised that the wall opposite where they sat might have a space behind it because the windows only started halfway down. If they could start the ramp from the far corner or the lobby, run it along the back wall and down that side to a door they could cut there, that might have a chance of it working. The problem with ramps like that was always having enough space to get the pitch right.

His head was still working out the plan when the service started, and he stood with the others, once again knowing he had no idea what he was doing. But this wasn’t about going to church, this was about helping her out, or more specifically helping her mother out. He glanced down at her, standing right next to him, and in that second he felt how much space she had managed to put between them. It was like she was an island, intent on being isolated from everything and everyone else around her.

A second more of analyzing and Caleb shook his head. He was making too much out of it. She had come with him to church. What more did he want?

They stood for a song and a prayer and then sat for a reading. By the time the good pastor got up to speak, Caleb had the whole ramp project worked out to the square inch. His mind was so intent upon it, he hardly realized he was even listening to the sermon. Besides, it wasn’t like he had come for the service anyway.

“Here is a word,” Pastor Steve said, “that runs throughout the Bible but is never really spoken of directly. Transformation. Trans, meaning across time. And form meaning the substance of something. So transformation is the forming or reforming of something across time. In His time on earth, Jesus transformed the lives of many people. He called them to become something, someone new. As St. Paul says in our second reading today, “I urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received.

“That is a transforming message. You see, none of us can live worthy of the call we have received without first giving God the permission to transform us into something we have not yet become, to create in us and with us something completely new, something the world has never seen before. It’s very much like our good friends here who are working on the houses in town. They take a house that has been beaten down and damaged, and they transform it into something probably none of us even thought was possible.

“Take the house down on the corner. It has been there longer than I’ve been here at this pulpit. In fact, when we first came here, I figured they would probably knock it down shortly. Then Gabriel came through, and what was left of it was sorely put to the test. But through the amazing work that our friends have done on it, it has become truly transformed into something new.

“I drove by it the other day, and I couldn’t help but take away the lesson that no matter how down and out a person might look on the outside, no matter what they have been through on the inside, in the right hands, God can make a transformation. He can take what the rest of us see as something ready to be knocked down and make it whole and new and beautiful again. Yes, it takes the touch of a master’s hand, but the Master can and does take lives and through His grace transform them into men and women worthy of the call they have received, as St. Paul says, ‘with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love.’ Amen.”

“Amen,” Caleb whispered. Transformation. He had lived it his whole life, certainly since he had started renovating houses. How many beaten down, broken down houses had they seen over his time on the job? More than he could count, that was for sure. Yet he, much like Derek, didn’t see what was but rather what could be.

It was that vision that dragged him forward every day, that belief that nothing was impossible to fix or to make better. As he stood, his mind wondered in that moment if he had a calling, like the reading had said. He’d never thought of it as a calling, more what he was good at and loved doing. Was that enough for it to be a calling, or was a calling only about being a minister in a church somewhere?

Strange how he had never really contemplated those questions before and now, all he wanted to do was to have someone he could ask. He glanced down at Rachel, now cradling a sleeping Natalie on her shoulder. She clearly had a calling in the two precious angels he was fortunate enough to get to know. Yes, had life been different, he would have gladly accepted that calling for himself, taken onto his shoulders the responsibility of helping her raise them, and maybe even now just caring about them going forward would be his calling.

As he looked at Rhett so peacefully settled in his arms, Caleb couldn’t imagine walking away from them and never feeling this connection again. So, yeah, he thought as he sat once again and settled Rhett onto his lap up against him. Maybe they weren’t his kids, but maybe God had put him here for a reason, to be a presence if not a fixture in their lives. The smile was soft and filled with import. It felt like taking on a huge responsibility, one that would not have an ending like most of his projects did. But also one he couldn’t and wouldn’t just walk away from. He pulled Rhett into a soft hug, closed his eyes, and whispered a promise only in his heart that he would be for them from this point forward in what he felt God was calling him to be. A friend. A guardian. A mentor even. He smiled. Peas and everything.

Rachel made it through the service still breathing, which in a way was good but in another just meant she now had to face the world once again. As the last words were sung of the final hymn, she busied herself gathering their things. She swiped up the sippy cup about the time Caleb grabbed the diaper bag.

“I can get that,” she said, knowing how this must look to anyone who bothered to notice.

He grinned. “What? You think I can’t carry a bag?”

“No. It’s just that…”

Standing Rhett to the ground, Caleb took the little boy’s hand in his and went out of the bench with him. With everything in her, Rachel wanted to yell at him. Why wouldn’t he listen? Why couldn’t she explain, make him understand? Yes, the help was nice, but when he was gone, it would be her left to the knowing looks and innuendo. She couldn’t push those frustrating thoughts down, so she didn’t even really try as she followed him out. Instead, she let them bubble up and boil in her.

Then before she even realized anyone was there, Sage stepped up beside her. “Oh, hey, I’m so glad to see you all here this morning.” In the next second, Sage’s arm was around her and then it was gone before Rachel had so much as a chance to react. Up close, one thing was clear. If Sage wasn’t in fact a beauty queen, she should have been.

Rachel bounced Natalie once on her hip and fought to smile. “Yeah. We made it.”

“That is so great. Listen, Luke and I were talking. We had so much fun the other night, we thought maybe we’d have everybody back out to the house today. The weather is still so nice, and our boys so enjoyed having Rhett over to play the other night.”

It was a good thing for the handrail on the stairs or Rachel would have face planted from the shock.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, holding her emotional and physical balance with both hands and all of her strength. “I really need to be getting things ready for the move this coming week.”

Sage put a soft pout on her face. “But you have to eat, don’t you? I already put the roast and stuff on.”

Somehow Rachel knew she was going to get talked into this no matter how she tried to get out of it. Still, she fought to find something logical enough and pressing enough that she could just go home.

“So,” Derek said as Caleb stood there next to him looking far too much like Mr. Mom for her sanity, “Luke said we’re all invited over to their house for lunch. You guys in?”

When Caleb turned to look at her, Rachel had no defense left. “What do you say, Rach? How does lunch sound?”

She let out a breath. “I guess going for a little while won’t hurt.”

With a broad smile, Caleb turned back to Derek. “Great. Then we’re in.”

Caleb didn’t miss how quiet Rachel was or how she seemed to shrink to the point of disappearing as he talked with the others in the lobby of the church. Tired. She just looked so exhausted, and he questioned the wisdom of going to Luke’s afterward. Then again, if he took her home, she would be tasked with feeding the kids and packing more boxes. Maybe the time away from all of the responsibilities of life would do her good.

At the car, he laughed as Derek teased him about not getting lost on the way over there and he told his boss he should take his own advice. After slinging the diaper bag into the front, Caleb worked to get Rhett settled in the back. Rachel was already in her seat and had the buckle on by the time he climbed behind the wheel. He started the car before looking over at her.

“You okay? You got awfully quiet in there.” Reaching down, he readjusted the air and then looked over at her again.

“I’m fine.” Her fingers played with the material of her skirt. “Just got up kind of early.”

He wanted to ask if it was any earlier than she normally got up, but he didn’t want to pry. “But you’re cool with going out to Luke’s thing, right? I think it’ll be fun.”

A second and head down, she nodded. “That’s fine. We’ve got to eat.” Bravery. It’s what he saw when she looked up at him. “Really. It’s fine. We should go.”

Not sure he was happy with that answer, he put the car in reverse and headed out to Luke’s. He was trying to think of how to ask all of the questions tracing through him when her gaze came over to him.

“So do you think the ramp thing will be possible then?”

The ramp. The reason they had gone. He’d almost forgotten about it. “I think so. Do you know what’s behind that side door to the right of the steps into the church?”

“To the…? Oh, there’s just a couple little offices back there and maybe a janitor’s closet or something.” She shrugged. “Least that’s what was back there when I was in high school. They used to put things for the needy back there before they distributed it.”

He nodded. “Well, if it’s designed how it’s pictured in my head, I think we could make it work without too much trouble.”

Her gaze softened as she looked at him. “So have you always been like this?”

He looked over at her. “Like what?”

“Like this? Good with figuring things out, putting things together?”

“I guess. My mom always said I would have taken the neighborhood apart if she’d have let me when I was little. I was just fascinated with how things worked. I can’t count how many appliances I tore apart when I was in school. Sometimes they worked when I put them back together, and sometimes they didn’t.” He shrugged. “I never started the house on fire though which was a good thing.”

Rachel actually smiled at that, and it did his heart good. “I bet your mom was happy about that.”

His mind traced back to those times as he made the turn and headed down the dirt road. “Thrilled. But Dad was really into that stuff too, so by the time I was ten, I was in his shop all the time. I made a working antennae once, hooked it up to the television and it worked and everything.”

“No kidding? That’s pretty amazing for a 10-year-old.”

He laughed. “It freaked my parents out too. They couldn’t believe I got the thing to work.” Carefully he turned into the driveway, counted the cars and realized there were two vehicles he wasn’t expecting and didn’t at all recognize. “It’s probably still in my room. At least it was when I went back the last time.”

“Oh?” Tipping her head in curiosity, she gazed at him with no tentativeness. “And just where is ‘back’?”

“Jasper, Texas. It’s pretty much a dot on the map compared to most places.”

Her smile grew. “So small town Texas boy makes it big on television, huh?”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t say, ‘big’ exactly.”

“But you’re doing stand ups now,” she said as he parked.

His shrug was hardly there as he shut off the car. “On this one job. It’s not like I’m going to be some big-time TV star like Derek.”

“I don’t know about that. You never can tell. Maybe someday I’ll be able to say I knew you when.”

They got out of the car, and the fact that the mid-fall sun had come out full-force, bringing the humidity with it snaked over him. The jacket had to go. Shrugging out of it, he folded it and laid it over the seat before straightening and unbuttoning and rolling the white sleeves up. He felt a little formal for Sunday brunch, but that couldn’t be helped. “When what?”

“When,” she said. “You know before you got famous.”

Caleb laughed outright at that one. “Famous? Yeah, now that’s definitely stretching it.”

“What? You don’t want to be famous?” She bent to get Natalie out of the back. “I figured that was the next rung on the ladder.”

Fingering through his hair quickly, Caleb decided he was as good as he was going to get. “I didn’t know there was a ladder.”

She laughed. “There’s always a ladder.” Coming up with Natalie, she bent into the front to get the diaper bag but it wasn’t within her reach.

“Eh. Ladders are for people like Derek.”

“What does that mean?” Finally she gave up because it was either get the bag or drop Natalie. “Can you get that?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure.” He unclicked Rhett and stood him on the ground. “Stay right there, dude,” he said to the child. With one snap, he opened the front door and grabbed up the bag before swinging it onto his shoulder. Then he shut both doors and took the little hand before going to the front where she was already waiting for him.

“Seriously,” she said as they started for the house. “What does that mean? Ladders are for other people?”

One look at her and Caleb half-shrugged. “I guess I just never really saw this part. It’s not something I ever really thought about too much before.”

“And now?” She looked up at him as they stood on the back porch and he knocked.

His gaze slipped down over hers. “I don’t know. I guess I’m not ruling anything out right now.”

Rachel really wished Luke had better timing because he chose that moment to open the door.

“Hey! You found us again. Come on in. Come on in.”

Not ruling anything out. What did that mean exactly? She had just assumed this was the natural progression of things in his line of work. And why wouldn’t he want his own show? He was clearly talented, and she was equally sure he would look great on camera. How could he not? After all, he was one giant step over the line of smoldering hot in real life.

She yanked that thought back even as it seared across her face and down her being. What was she doing thinking about him like that? However, she really should have been paying more attention because suddenly arrayed around them was a whole flock of people, and she was sure with one look they could read her every thought. Her eyes widened and she shrank back behind him, wishing she had had any indication this was going to be more than the six of them.

“Mom, Dad,” Luke was saying to the older couple to one side, “this is Caleb James. He’s Derek’s crew chief.”

“Nice to meet you, Caleb,” the man said and stepped forward to shake Caleb’s hand.

If she concentrated hard enough, prayed even harder, maybe she could disappear. Come on. Come on. I don’t want to be here. I don’t...

“Caleb,” Luke’s mother said, and disappearing might not be necessary as spontaneous combustion became a real possibility. Luke’s parents. Feelings from her high school crush on him came gushing back over her, and it happened with such suddenness, she had no defense against it. This was beyond embarrassing. Why had she said she would come? Her head started swimming dangerously even as the introductions continued.

“And these are our parents,” Jaycee was saying. “Greg and Emily Lawrence, this is Caleb James.”

“Mr. Lawrence.” Caleb shook the older man’s hand. “Mrs. Lawrence.”

“And I think you all know Rachel,” Jaycee said about a half-second after Rachel had decided she had actually succeeded in willing herself into invisibility.

Shrinking back with a smile that really wasn’t, she waved an awkward wave at all of them. “Hi.”

“They’re here!” Jeremiah, one of the twins, yelled, racing into the room and right over to Rhett. “Come on, Rhett, Grandpa brought the go-carts!”

“Oh, Jeremiah,” Luke said with concern, “I don’t know…”

“Come on, Dad! You said we could when they got here.”

“I said we’d ask.” With clear concern and sheepishness, Luke looked over at them. “We’ve got safety helmets, and we can go out there with them.”

A second and Caleb looked down at her. In the next second, Rachel realized everyone was looking at her. “Oh, uh…” She had never even considered that such a question would be asked so early. She glanced down at Rhett, little, tiny Rhett. He looked so fragile, and she let out a breath. “Is it safe?”

Caleb nodded even as he looked at her. “We’ll make sure it is. I’ll be out there with him the whole time.”

Again she glanced around the room and then up at him, feeling how important this decision was. “Okay. As long as you’ll be there…”

“Yes!” Jeremiah shrieked. “Come on, Rhett! You’re going to love this!”

Go-carts. Caleb hadn’t ridden in one in years. A rite of passage, he had driven his until it either died or he got his first real set of wheels, he wasn’t sure. Just the same he followed Jeremiah out into the backyard, and sure enough, in the very back were two small go-carts. One look at them told him they couldn’t go 30 miles an hour. As long as they had good safety harnesses in them, Rhett should be fine.

“I really think it will be all right,” Luke said, coming up next to Caleb.

He nodded. “Yeah, these don’t look too outrageous.”

“Glorified lawn mowers if you want to know the real truth,” Luke said. “Dad just found them on a garage sale the other day. My only hope is I can keep them running long enough to make it worth the hundred bucks he paid for them.”

Caleb laughed. “That might take all of your mechanicking skills.”

“Tell me about it.”

Somehow when Rachel had sent Caleb out with Rhett, she hadn’t done the calculus enough to realize that would mean she would be left alone inside with the others.

“Oh, Rachel,” Sage and Jaycee’s mom said. “I have been watching that house of yours. It is a miracle come true.”

Feeling completely on display, Rachel hugged Natalie to her, wishing the child could shield her from the others. “It is that.”

“And that color on the outside,” Luke’s mom said, “it just brightens up the whole street.”

While Rachel appreciated the compliments, they were far more for him than for her. “They’ve really done an amazing job.” Her gaze slipped over to Jaycee. “All of them. It’s so much more than I ever could have imagined.”

“I bet the inside is like a show home,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “Did you get to pick out the colors and things?”

“Oh, uh. Some of them, but I’m not… really very good with that kind of a thing.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” Luke’s mom said.

“I know. I can’t wait to see it,” Sage said. “When’s the open house?”

“Okay.” Caleb laughed at how big the helmet was on the little head. Rhett wouldn’t be able to ride long or he would have a monstrous headache. “I think that’s got it.” He tested the safety harness once more. “Now take it easy,” he said to Jeremiah.

“Go slow with him,” Luke warned from the other side before turning to his other son. “No racing.”

Andrew held up one thumb.

“Okay. Have fun,” Luke said and stepped back.

Rhett’s head did a bobble as Jeremiah pushed on the gas and rolled forward two feet before stopping and then starting again.

“Be careful,” Luke said. “Easy.”

And with that, the little go-cart slid into motion. Standing and watching, the two men smiled.

“Nothing like go-carts,” Caleb said, and Luke slapped him on the back.

“You got that right,” Luke said as the go-carts went out and around the little turn smoothly. “We’re so glad y’all could come out. It’s about all Sage has talked about since Friday. I really think living so far out has been a challenge for her.”

“Oh?” Caleb asked in surprise. “How’s that?”

“Well, you know.” Luke’s gaze never so much as came over. “We lived in town at first, and then my grandma died, and this place went up for sale a couple years ago. I thought it was the answer to all of our prayers. The boys could have room to play. We wouldn’t have neighbors in our backyard. It was even something we could afford.” He let out a long breath. “And it’s been great for the kids, but I think sometimes Sage misses being around people.”

“Oh, she grew up in town then?”

Luke checked him with an odd look. “Actually, she grew up in California, right near Hollywood.”

“Whoa.” That surprised Caleb more than he could put into words. “Hollywood? Really?”

“Yeah.” With a shrug, Luke shook his head. “From California all the way to backwoods of North Carolina. I’m not sure you could make a jump that big if you tried.”

Caleb fought to figure out why Luke was telling him this, what it had to do with him other than he was a listening ear with no real opinion about any of it. Not that it wasn’t nice getting to know them or anything.

“I think she really misses having people over, parties, voices. I’m gone so much, so it’s just her and the kids a lot of the time.”

The nodding was thoughtful as Caleb processed what Luke was telling him.

Then without warning Luke glanced over at him. “But I guess Rachel knows what that’s like, huh?”

The change in subject happened so fast, Caleb puzzled at it.

“Being out there on that farm all alone like that. Course she’s got her mom, so there’s that.” Luke bent and swiped a blade of grass from one of the taller stalks just as the two little go-carts went motoring by. “It’s weird. I’ve always thought the two of them could’ve been friends. It’s just kind of nice for them to get a chance to finally know each other.”

Caleb continued to puzzle over the strangeness of the conversation even as he crossed his arms and stared out at the dust of the go-carts. “Yeah. It is.”

“I, uh,” Rachel stumbled around the words and the terror-inducing thought of an open house. It had many similarities to getting pitched headlong down a darkened staircase into oblivion. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Well, of course you’re going to have one,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “Everybody in town is just buzzing about seeing it.”

Was passing out an option? If it was, Rachel would gladly have taken it.

“Now, guys,” Jaycee said, jumping in. “I really think Rachel and the kids are going to need some time to get in there and get settled before we all go tromping through the place.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “You’ve gotten to see it already.”

At the sink Sage bounced on her toes. “Oh, I would love to help you get it ready, Rachel.” She clapped twice, and then the bouncing stopped though it was clear her enthusiasm hadn’t. “I mean, that is… if you want to and everything.”

What possible way was there to get out of this? The guys surely would love for everyone to see it, and how could she deny all of them that one moment of joy after all the heartache they’d endured? “I, uh, yeah, I guess maybe next Sunday would work if…?”

And just like that, everyone jumped into planning the biggest house warming party the town had ever seen.

Derek had emerged from the house about the time one of the go-carts decided to take a digger. That meant Luke was currently elbow deep in go-cart rehab.

“Looks like quite a project,” Derek said, coming up and stopping just abreast of Caleb as he lifted his chin to the scene.

With a short laugh, Caleb rolled his eyes. “It is that. What do you bet he’s going to be doing more fixing on those things than they’ll be running?”

That brought a laugh out of Derek. “I think I’ll let him worry about that. Me and engines don’t always speak the same language.”

“Ha.” Caleb held out his arm, adorn in white. “Grease and this shirt don’t speak the same language either.”

The little go-cart picked that moment to roar back to life. Luke called one more instruction to Andrew and then shut the little hood and dusted off his hands. In no time the two little vehicles were once again motoring around the back part of the yard.

“Nice job,” Caleb said as Luke came back over.

“Thanks.”

A second of no one saying anything, and then Derek glanced back at the house. “So, how’re things looking over at Rachel’s?”

Caleb wondered just which Rachel’s he was referring to. “The farm or the house?”

“The house. Cliff was asking for a finalized or close to finalized time frame on it.”

“Oh. Well, I think we’re down to just the bathroom and of course that front window. When those two are in, it’ll be finishing everything up and staging it.”

Derek nodded. “Great. Brent will sure be happy to hear that.” Then he laughed. “Although when I talked to him yesterday, he was about as happy as I’ve ever heard him. He kept going on and on about those standups you guys did on Friday.”

Worry slammed into Caleb. “Oh? What was wrong with them?”

This laugh held something Caleb couldn’t quite place.

“Wrong? From what I gather, there isn’t a thing wrong with them. What did Brent say again? Something about ‘Magic caught on camera’? Yeah, it was something like that.”

Caleb ducked. “Yeah, right.”

“No. I’m serious. Even Cliff was raving about them.”

“They weren’t anything special. We were just talking.”

Derek’s gaze snapped over to Luke, and they both nodded and then ducked.

“What?” Caleb asked, not understanding the words passing between the two.

“Let’s just say, Home and Hearth may have found their newest star.”

When they went inside for lunch, Caleb’s head was spinning. Derek couldn’t be serious, could he? A star? What if they gave him his own show? What if this was really happening?

That had always been something of a possibility when Derek had insisted about the stand ups, but Caleb had easily dismissed the thought. Now, it was nipping at his spirit like a rabid dog.

Back inside, they found the women in serious conversation in the kitchen. Something about Sunday and a party. He couldn’t quite decipher it mostly because his mind was too intent on refuting Derek’s certainty that he was on the threshold of a whole new destiny. He wasn’t, was he?

“Friday, I think, why?” Derek said, looking over at Caleb who hadn’t heard the question. “Rachel’s moving in on Friday, right?”

How could his mind be so preoccupied as to not remember such a simple detail? “Oh, yeah. Yeah. That’s the plan.” It was then that he came back to his senses and found her looking at him in a way he knew meant nothing good. He looked at Derek. “That’s what we talked about, right?”

Derek nodded as if he thought so too, then turned his attention to the women gathered there. “Why, what’s up?”

“A house warming party,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “The biggest one ever.”

With one look at Rachel, Caleb knew they were in trouble.

Both were spiraling in shocked silence through most of the meal. Rachel could tell Caleb wasn’t at all excited about the open house, and she knew she wasn’t either. She should tell them no, find a way to get out of it. But as she sat at the table, feeding Natalie the mashed potatoes and carrots from her plate, she couldn’t get enough working brain cells to fire at the same time to come up with the words to do so.

No. In fact, the planning was now in full throttle—who would bring what, finger-foods only of course, come-and-go made the most sense, getting the word out would be easy. Rachel couldn’t let herself listen to any of it or her heart might burst into overwhelmed tears right there.

When the meal was over and no one could stand to eat another bite, Sage and Luke shooed the rest of them out of the kitchen saying guests shouldn’t have to clean up. This would be a great time to tell them they needed to get on home, Rachel thought with an exhausted sigh of relief.

“Wanna go ride again?” Jeremiah asked Rhett who looked at Jeremiah like he was the King of the World. The little boy nodded and grinned before Rachel could think to stop him. Jeremiah grabbed Rhett’s hand, and they headed for the door. “Great! We’ll be outside. And don’t worry. I know how to put his helmet on.”

Panic and fatigue took a one-two punch at her as she looked over to Caleb, but he smiled softly. “Come on. It’s worth seeing.”

Rachel could feel the others watching them, and so she acquiesced without argument. It was better that way, less dramatic and gossip-inducing. Out into the bright sunlight they went, and she made sure to hold Natalie on the side he was on so he wouldn’t take her hand. Why she felt like he might, she couldn’t really explain, but she figured for both their sakes, she needed to save him from himself.

Instead of taking her hand, he walked with her across the yard to the little vehicles parked there as the boys climbed inside.

“Here,” he said, going over to Rhett, “let me help you with that.”

She let her gaze fall from the tender scene because once again, it would be so easy to think this was going somewhere, somewhere real, somewhere possible. How deeply she knew it wasn’t but how much she wished it was.

“There you go. Okay, take it easy now.” He patted the top of the go-cart as Jeremiah fired it to life and started forward slowly.

Her heart slipped into gratefulness for the kindness of the two older boys. They certainly didn’t have to entertain Rhett like they had. When Caleb came back over, he stood right there next to her, never so much as looking at her.

“They’re good kids,” she finally said, hugging her now sleeping baby to her chest.

He nodded. “Yeah, they are.” A second and he glanced back at the house. “So what’s all this about a house warming party?”

She shrugged a half-a-shoulder. “They all wanted to, and I couldn’t really tell them no.”

His gaze came over to her then, full of concern and worry. “Yeah, but are you okay with that?”

It would be a dead giveaway if she had looked at him, so she didn’t. “It’s cool. Everybody wants to see all the work you guys have done.”

Caleb let out a hard breath, trying to think of a way to get her out of this. He wondered whose idea it was. As he thought about, he realized other homeowners they had worked with probably did the same thing, but that was after they had left, after they had moved on to the next project in the next town. And, presumably, it was the homeowner’s idea. This clearly was not her idea. He wound his arms over themselves lest they do what they were begging to do and pull her into them. “We could always tell them no. It’s your house…”

Her gaze came up to his then, and never had he felt so helpless in the face of her accepting surrender. “No, it’s okay. It’s one day. Believe me, I’ve lived through worse.”

The truth was watching Rhett have so much fun really was worth watching. However, seeing his joy made her heart hurt for the child. She could never give him anything close to this—the wide-open outdoors, the space to play and explore and just be a little boy. Not that she wasn’t grateful for her house and even for her mother’s, but there was something different out here—a safety, a peace.

When Luke and Derek came out to join them, Rachel took her cue and went back into the house saying she was going to find a quiet place to put Nat down for a nap. That was partially true though not anywhere near as true as her need to not be the center of their concern. Up and back into the house she went, letting her eyes adjust to the softer light on the other side of the door before proceeding forward.

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” she heard Jaycee say in the kitchen. “You see how he looks at her.”

“Just like Derek looked at you all those times,” her sister said.

But for the two voices, Rachel heard nothing else. The others must have gone. Knowing she shouldn’t stand and listen to an obviously private conversation, Rachel went into the hallway, skirting the sisters in the kitchen.

“Don’t get me wrong. He’s a great guy,” Jaycee said. “One of the best I’ve ever worked with. Such a gentleman, always respectful and one of the hardest workers out there.”

“So what’s the problem?” Sage asked. “He sounds perfect for her.”

Two more steps and she would be in one of the bedrooms. Two more steps, and she shouldn’t be standing there listening anyway.

“I don’t know,” Jaycee said with a sigh. “Part of me knows how good he would be for her, and the romantic side of me hopes that it works out.”

“But?”

“He’s just got such an amazing presence on camera. Everybody’s talking about it.”

“Okay, so he gets his spotlight and he gets the girl. Would that really be so bad?”

Jaycee’s side went quiet, and although she knew she should move, Rachel simply couldn’t. “I just know how it is out there, how lost you get in the work. It’s not like an 8-to-5 job where you can come home every night.”

“But they would be so good together,” Sage said.

“I know. I just don’t know how they can have it all. As much as I hate to say it, I think something’s got to give.”

Give. Rachel stepped into the little bedroom, closed the door softly and went over where she laid Natalie on the bed covered in football team helmets. She couldn’t help but understand exactly what the sisters were saying. Something had to give, and Rachel knew that something, once again, would be her heart. She couldn’t ask him to give up his dream, not when it was right there hovering in front of him. And even if she had the temerity to ask him to give it all up for her, she had the sneaking suspicion that she would lose that deliberation anyway.

Caleb staying here with her when he could be out on the job, traveling, becoming a star? She swiped at the stupid tears that stung her eyes. Had she really let herself hope? Hadn’t she learned anything in the last three years?

No, hope was for suckers, and love didn’t last. That much she knew.

And now she was stuck. She couldn’t leave the bedroom. She couldn’t go out and face any of them like this. So finally, knowing she could neither go outside nor into the kitchen, she curled up sideways on the bed with her sleeping daughter. Laying her hand on the little body and feeling the breath there, she let her gaze fall and rest only on the tiny little sweet sleeping face. “Looks like it’s just us, baby doll. Not that it’s ever been anything else.”

When the guys made it back into the house, Caleb was surprised to find only the two sisters in the kitchen. “Where’s Rach?”

Instant panic washed across Jaycee’s face as she stood. “Rachel? She was outside with you guys.”

Caleb lowered his head. “No. She’s been in here with you for like an hour now.” He checked his watch. “At least.”

The five of them looked at each other for one more second, and then they all scattered. Caleb wasn’t very familiar with the house, so he went back the direction he had come from the outside only to find the boys coming in from storing the go-carts. “Have you guys seen Rachel?”

“No,” Jeremiah, always the spokesman in any situation, said. “She wasn’t out there.”

He didn’t think so, but that news did not set peace in his spirit. “Where did she go?” Turning, he found Luke coming the other direction.

“She’s fine,” Luke said. “It looks like she must’ve fallen asleep with Natalie on Andrew’s bed.”

A breath of relief so strong Caleb nearly went down with it washed through and over him. “Oh, thank God. Sheesh. I was about to panic.”

Luke smiled. “Been there.”

At nearly seven Sage had the brilliant idea to break out hot dogs and roast them over the open fire in the backyard. Caleb couldn’t help but remember Luke’s assessment of his wife and her love of parties. He had the feeling that if they never left, their hostess would be perfectly fine with that.

“I think I’ll go wake Rach up,” he said to the others as they began to gather the things from the kitchen to go outside.

“Okay,” Derek said, “but if you’re not out there in ten minutes, I’m coming to get you.”

“Derek!” Jaycee whacked his arm. “They are two grown adults. Stop acting like their chaperone.”

“What? That’s what Luke would tell me.”

Luke leveled a raised eyebrow at the two of them. “The man’s got a point. You keep your hands where I can see them until December, big guy. You got that?”

“Ugh,” Sage said with a roll of her eyes. “You guys are horrible.”

“Just trying to keep our boy Caleb here honest,” Derek said.

“Trust me, honey,” Jaycee said. “He doesn’t need your help.”

With that, Caleb extracted himself from the group and banked down the hallway in the opposite direction the others went. Derek might be teasing, but Caleb had to admit he had a point. A chaperone would at least keep him from doing something he knew he shouldn’t.

The room was dim as he went in, and softness touched his heart when he made it to the bed. Only Rachel would sleep sideways and wrapped like that so Natalie wouldn’t fall off. They both looked so peaceful, he almost didn’t want to wake them.

Bending, he reached over and touched Rachel’s shoulder. “Rach. Rachel. Hey, we’re about to eat supper.”

Darkness and quiet. Rachel’s spirit picked those two aspects of reality first. Safety and peace followed though in a drifting, not quite real way.

“Hey,” the voice said again, and a strong, warm hand brushed her arm. “We’re going to cook out for supper. You want to come?”

That’s when the unreality of his words and the understanding that she didn’t know where she was first came over her. Blinking and slightly panicked, Rachel sat up with a snap.

“Whoa,” he said, catching her when she nearly fell off the bed. “Slow down there. No reason to rush. They just started the hot dogs.”

So he wasn’t there to kill her. That was good news. She rubbed her eyes, stretched and yawned. It was dark. How long had she been asleep? “Caleb? What time is it?”

“A little after seven.”

“Seven? Are you serious? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He laughed softly. “I just did.”

“No. Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” Because she hadn’t modulated her voice down far enough, Natalie came awake as well. In a second and a half, she was not a happy camper. “Oh, baby girl. I bet you’re soaked to the bone.”

Rachel slid off the bed and stood, assessing the diaper situation even as she did so. “That’s what I thought.”

He had stepped back, hands on his beltline, clearly coming no closer. “Do you need the diaper bag?”

“Yeah, do you know where it is?”

“I can find it.”

She nodded. “I’d appreciate that.”

With no more, he left, and she went into harried-hurried Mom mode, removing first the outer part of the outfit and then the soggy diaper underneath.

“Here you go,” he said, coming back in and setting the bag on the bed next to her. “Do you want the light?”

“Uh, yeah. That would be a good idea.”

In seconds the space was bathed in soft yellow light as Natalie wriggled on the bed.

“Come here, you,” Rachel said when her daughter flipped over and tried to crawl away. “You are getting to be a little monkey girl.” Laughing because Natalie seemed in such a good mood, Rachel finished the task and picked her daughter up. “All better.”

As Caleb watched them, he had the strangest desire to not be just an observer, so when Rachel came up with Natalie, he didn’t just stand there, he stepped over. “Come here, you.” He put his hands out for the child, and with no hesitation, she simply leaned out of her mother’s arms and fell into his. The smile felt like it came from his shoes as he grinned at her. “You are the cutest thing in the world, you know that? Come on, let’s go have some hot dogs.”

Chapter 9

The evening had been nothing but wonderful. Only the understanding that it wasn’t real kept Rachel’s spirit in check. Although it hurt every time she thought about it, she was glad she had overheard the conversation earlier. It kept her from believing what she knew was not real.

After hot dogs, the guys talked the sisters into a game of Cowboy Golf, leaving Caleb and Rachel on the deck steps as the cool of the evening took over the world. Natalie and Macy were playing around on the grass just in front of them as Livvie played on the deck by the door.

“So,” Caleb said from his position four feet away from her as he sat on the top step. He looked like he didn’t trust himself to even look at her. “I guess this is going to be quite a week, huh?”

“Looks like it.” Leaning on her elbows which were propped on her knees, Rachel pinned her gaze to the game going on in front of them absurdly telling herself if she just kept herself from engaging with him, it would hurt less.

“I could talk to them, you know, if you want, about the house warming thing.” His gaze came across the air between them to brush her gently and then stayed.

Dragging a reluctant smile to her face, she shook her head. “It is what it is. I can’t blame them. They want to see the fabulous work you guys do. Why wouldn’t they? It’s gorgeous.”

“But it’s your house.”

She shrugged. “It’s just a house.”

Caleb felt that stab all the way through him. How could she even say that?

“Not that I don’t love it.” Her gaze jumped over to his in apology. “I do, but…” She let out a long, slow breath as her gaze fell to the grass. “I guess when you’ve lost as much as I have, you begin to realize that nothing here lasts forever. So you learn to accept what is and not get your hopes up about the rest of it.”

Trying to wrap his heart around what she was saying made his chest hurt. “That’s kind of cynical, don’t you think?”

When her gaze came over to his, it held only soft, sad acceptance. “Not if it’s the truth.”

How their magical day had taken such a hard turn for the worse, Caleb really couldn’t say, but by the time they headed back to her mom’s house, he could feel her sadness like a persistent, drippy fog. She wasn’t bitter, not even angry, just very quiet and heartbreakingly distant.

He glanced over at her and then into the backseat. Natalie was happily playing with her toes. Rhett was already asleep. “I think they wore him out,” Caleb said, tipping his head to indicate the sleeping child.

Rachel’s smile barely came. “Yeah. He’s not the only one.”

“Oh, come on now. You got a nap,” he said as he glanced over at her.

Her smile softened even further. “Being with people can wear me out.”

This was not boding well for the party the coming weekend. If she didn’t want to have the party, if she didn’t want to be around people, why was she so insistent that he couldn’t tell them it was a bad idea? “You know, I really could talk to them about Sun…”

“Caleb…” She looked like she was either going to sleep or just plain sick of talking about it. “I said it’s fine. Okay? Just leave it alone.”

“But…”

“No.” The word came out harsh and hard, and then she slammed her eyes closed and twisted her head as if fighting not to say the rest of it.

“What?” he asked, completely frazzled by her refusal to talk about it. “Why not?”

“I just…” She pulled in a very slow breath and let it out just as slowly. “Look, I know you don’t get this, but when you live in a small town, you don’t get to live without being on display. You just don’t. There is no place to hide, so you really can’t even if you want to.”

Anger and concern twisted across his face. “Why would you want to hide?”

“Because,” she spat and then yanked that back with a glance at her children, “because. Okay?”

“I’m really not following this at all,” he said, clearly trying not to get dragged into her upset. “And for your information, I grew up in a small town, and they aren’t the hell you’re making them out to be.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not your problem. Okay?” Her eyes closed as if she was fighting back tears. “It’s mine, and I’m dealing with it.”

He pulled up to her mother’s house, thinking they could talk a little easier now that he wasn’t having to split his attention between the road and her. “But you shouldn’t have to do something you don’t want just to make them all happy.”

She sniffed once and shook her head. “Look, when you’ve messed up as badly as I have, you don’t get what should be, you only get what is.” Her gaze slipped into the back. “I hate it for them because they deserve better, but I can’t change what happened or how it happened. All I can do is move forward and do the best I can.”

Frustration that she couldn’t see his heart on this matter traced through him. “And you are. You are an amazing mom.”

Rachel laughed at that.

“What?” More frustration catapulted into him. “You are. You love them so much. You put your whole life on hold for what they need, and you never complain, or if you do, you immediately feel guilty about it. I don’t know what more you think you’re supposed to do.”

Her gaze held only despondency and fatigue. “Get through it. That’s all I’m trying to do at this point. Just get through it.”

With that, she reached for the door handle and went out the other way.

Not at all at peace with anything she was saying, Caleb wrenched his door open but instead of getting Rhett out, he went around to where she was digging for Natalie. “Rachel.” He took hold of her arm and pulled her back out of the car, firmly but not so he would hurt her. However, he hadn’t counted on the venom that came with her.

“Stop it, Caleb. Okay? Just stop already!”

Backing up, he put both hands in the air.

“This is my life, okay?” Her eyes shot daggers for a full second, then the venom and knives melted away into careworn acceptance. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and shook her head before opening her eyes with an unnerving calm. “You’re a nice guy, a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you in her life. But I’m not that girl. Okay? I’m just not who you need me to be.”

The air went out of him as he stood there desperate to make her understand what he himself didn’t even comprehend.

“Look, I appreciate all you’ve done for me, for us. I really do, but this… us thing… it’s not happening. It can’t.”

An arrow through the heart couldn’t have hurt any more than her words did. “But…”

“No,” and this time the syllable had a pleading quality to it. “I know it’s a cliché, but it’s not you, it’s me. It really is. Please, can’t we just get through this week, make the best of it, and then go on with our lives? Please?”

What could he say? No, I’m going to love you no matter if you want me to or not?

Finally, knowing no other words to say to get her to be reasonable, he let his head nod. “Okay. Yeah. Whatever you want.”

She didn’t want to hurt him. She really didn’t. Rachel explained that again and again to her ceiling as she lay there long after he had left. But this was for the best. He had his life, and she had hers. Asking him to give up his would only lead them to heartache. That much she knew all the way to the depths of her.

Besides he was an amazing guy. He could have any girl on the planet. The last thing he needed was to be tied down to an instant family he had no hand in creating. Moreover, her life was a living nightmare. She couldn’t do that to him, not even if she wanted to.

Still, as she drifted off into the waiting arms of sleep, her heart remembered standing with him in the lobby of the church, looking into his heart-stopping eyes and feeling him looking into hers. They didn’t have forever, but she would never, ever forget that one moment. As she rolled over, a tear slipped out and slid down onto her pillow. “Please, God,” she whispered, “please show him he can do so much better.”

Anger. It was about the only emotion other than confusion that Caleb could latch onto. She was stubborn as a two-bit mule, and he was about as frustrated as he had ever been. Why couldn’t she see how good they would be together? Why was she so set on pushing him away?

Were there obstacles in their path? Of course, but he figured that was true for every relationship. The only explanation was that she didn’t feel for him what he felt about her. That was hardly a sugar pill to swallow, but it was the only thing that made any sense.

Just get through this week, Caleb. Just get through this week, and you’ll be out of here. You don’t even have to do the church. Nobody but her will ever know the difference anyway, and it’s pretty clear by now she doesn’t care.

Normally he wasn’t a man prone to emotions, but tonight, he let the anger take him into its clutches and twist him all the way into “you know what, I don’t even care anymore.”

The front window finally arrived the next morning, and although Caleb still felt like putting a hammer through it, he knew he couldn’t do that. Not just for the show either, for her too. Yes, as illogical and sappy as it sounded, he couldn’t keep himself angry at her. Frustrated, yes. Angry, no.

“Finally!” Derek said as he strode up the lawn a little after eleven as Caleb and one of the other workers put the final caulking on the plate of glass that now afforded an expansive view of the outside from the inside. From the outside, you couldn’t see in. He had checked. Not because he cared just because he wanted to make sure.

“You can say that again,” Caleb said, putting his hands on his tool belt as he stepped back to survey the completed project.

“Have we heard anything on the tub yet?” Derek asked, today all business.

“I called them this morning. It’s supposed to be here tomorrow at nine.”

“That is great news. We should be pulling up stakes for real by Friday easily at this rate.” He let out an exhale. “All we lack is the trim on the pastor’s windows and moving the furniture in. Mrs. P’s is almost done too. If we could’ve gotten those plasterers for the church out here right away, we could have been out of here by Saturday.”

“Yeah, well, that would require things going smoothly, which they never do.” Caleb grinned at Derek. “How long have you been working here? You don’t know that by now?”

Derek laughed. “Good point. So what’s the plan with the furniture for Rachel’s?”

“Well, the plan is to move it all back in on Friday,” Caleb said, really hoping he wasn’t stepping into a trap. “Right before the reveal in the afternoon.”

“Back? Wait. We’re using the old furniture?”

Caleb’s gaze fell to the porch boards at his feet. “You know Rach. She doesn’t want to spend anything extra if she doesn’t have to.”

“There wasn’t anything in the budget for it?”

“Well, yeah there was, originally, but remember we had to re-joist that upstairs floor at first so it wouldn’t come crashing down from the idiots that cut into it? That pretty much ate everything we had in contingency and the furniture budget and then some.”

Letting out a whoosh of frustration, Derek thought for a long minute. “So we’re going with the old furniture then. Brent will be thrilled.”

“Yeah.” Caleb wound his arms up in front of him. “I was afraid of that, but if there’s no money for anything new, our only other option is staging it and then taking that out and putting hers in after the reveal.”

That idea didn’t look like it tasted very good to Derek. “I hate to do that. I mean if she was just some random homeowner, I’d probably consider it.”

“But she’s Rachel, and it will break her into a gazillion pieces, kill her, and she’ll never so much as say it bothers her while she’s dying a slow, agonizingly painful death inside.” When the words stopped, Caleb stood for a second before having the courage to look at his boss.

“This has really been a lot tougher on her than I realized it would be.”

“Yeah, you and me both.”

Derek planted his hands on his waist and thought through it once again. “Wonder what she’d say to a few hand-me-downs.”

That piqued Caleb’s interest. “What do you have in mind?”

Rachel had almost convinced herself that she could get through the whole day without having a reason to go over to the house. No one would miss her if she didn’t show up for one day. Then, she checked her phone as the children were taking their final nap of the day, and the sigh of why did this have to be so hard cut right through her.

We need to talk about the furniture situation. Come by after school.

He sounded so cold, even in the text, like he really was just a guy working on her house. With a shake of her head, she beat back the stupid tears that welled up within her. There was no reason to get all emotional about it, just get it over with and let him go on with life.

K.

Caleb’s cell beeped as he worked cleaning the place to spotless. The other fixtures had come for the upstairs bath and the downstairs powder room. He would get to those in a little while. For now, he was intent upon removing every spec of dust from the entire place.

Reaching down, he whipped the cell from its case and sighed when he saw her message.

K.

K? That was it? That was all she was going to give him? Never in his life had he wanted to scream at someone more. Instead, he simply swiped the phone off and replaced it. Work. It made a whole lot more sense than relationships ever would.

Truly the very last thing Rachel wanted to do when she got off work was to go over to the house. But what choice did she have?

A large part of her hoped he had already solved whatever furniture crisis there was. Then she could beg off and just go home.

She picked up the kids, exchanged a couple pleasantries with Mrs. Carrasco, and headed to the house. “Please, God. I’m asking. Just let me do this and get out of there.”

However, when she pulled up, the sight that met her drained disbelief right down into the softest places of her heart. Never, ever would she have thought the outside of the house could look like that. As she put the car into park, one part of her wondered why it looked so very different, and then she realized it—the front window was no longer boarded over. The new glass sparkled in the bright sunlight.

It looked so inviting and homey, and even she had to admit that the flower boxes with the red, almost-impossible-to-kill flowers were the perfect touch. Crawling out, she tried not to look too mesmerized, but she feared it wasn’t working. No, the transformation was just too awe-inspiring to ignore.

She remembered then the pastor’s sermon, and she smiled softly. Never would she have signed up to be the town’s signature achievement, but she couldn’t deny everyone’s amazement either. They had a right to be amazed. She was amazed.

Going to the back, she got first Rhett and then Natalie out as part of her jerked in anticipation of him coming out to greet them. However, while there were workers milling around, no crew chief or anyone else came down the walk to bring them in. It was like no one even noticed they were on the premises. Even as she walked toward the porch steps, Rachel told herself it was just as well. It probably meant he had gotten her message the night before. Sad, but it was what it was.

At the door, she stepped inside and was astonished at the incredible amount of light pouring in from the window. It completely transformed the whole space making it cheery and warm and cozy. She smiled. Transformed. There was that word again. She was beginning to understand the sermon on a whole new level. “Hello? Anybody home?”

Caleb was under the first-floor powder room sink fighting with the last pipe when he heard her, and he nearly took his head off coming out from under the thing. He grabbed for a rag to wipe his hands. “Uh, yeah! I’m in here.”

Even as he stood, he checked his work watch. How had it gotten so late? He had wanted this to be finished by the time she arrived. And then, in the next breath, she had.

Eyes wide and smiling in appreciation, she stood in the doorway taking in the nearly complete renovated space. “Wow.”

Cleaning his hands, he fought not to watch her, to fall in love with that smile, those eyes, that face. “Did you see? We got the window in.”

“Yeah. I saw.” She half-turned and then came back, looking up, down and all around as she did. “This is totally amazing. I love the browns and tans. It looks like a spa in here.”

“It’s still mighty little,” he said, feeling like a giant because he could have practically touched every wall from his vantage point.

“Yeah, but… wow!” She let out a breath as her gaze came down to his. “It’s great. Really. It’s…”

“Wow?” he asked as a smile drifted through him.

She caught his laughter and smiled too. “Yeah. It’s all happening so fast.”

He laughed. “I’m glad you think six weeks is fast. I was beginning to think we were never going to get done.”

That took her brightness down a couple of notches. “It’s just hard to believe sometimes.” She ratcheted her shoulder that was holding Natalie up, looking almost contrite.

Caleb nodded, knowing, understanding, but still feeling how close he was to not having a reason to be around them anymore. His gaze slipped from hers down to Rhett, and he lowered his head. “Hey, you. Come here.”

A second and Rhett left Rachel’s side to go over to Caleb. When he picked the child up, the fact that he had no shoes or socks on brought up a new smile. “What happened to your shoes?”

Rachel laughed a soft laugh. “Sandbox again. At this rate I should buy stock in the sock company.”

Hugging Rhett to him, Caleb couldn’t help but feel how much he had missed the child even over the few hours they had been apart. “So did you see everything else? We’ve gotten most of it cleaned up.”

She put her finger up to indicate behind her. “I saw the living room. It looks like House Beautiful or something.”

“That’s what we’re going for. Come on. I’ll show you what else we got done today.”

Why did she think he was going to take her hand, and worse, why was she disappointed when he didn’t? From the tiny back hallway, they went first into the main living space—the living room now bathed in light, the kitchen gleaming, the floors, the walls, all of it. And in only a few days it would all be hers.

“We should have the water all hooked up by tomorrow if that tub comes in for upstairs,” he was saying as he led the little tour around the edge of the kitchen. “And the guys finally got the pantry all trimmed out.”

Near the back door, he stopped and opened the cabinet there. “It turned out a little smaller than I wanted, but when we took out that wall…”

Rachel stepped around to look and with one glance almost started crying. His gaze came over to her when she said nothing, and she felt his concern.

“Is it bad?” he asked. “We really tried…”

“No.” She sniffed, pushing the tears down. “It’s not bad. It’s…” Her laugh was laced with the unshed tears.

“Wow?” he asked, and this laugh was even more pronounced.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“Did you see the mud room yet?”

Shaking her head and wondering if she could withstand the rest of the tour, she sniffed down the pathetic tears and followed him off to the side. One little door led into the small space flanked on one side with a stacked, white washer and dryer and a small though full bank of cabinets complete with hooks for coats and a small shoe rack on the bottom.

She had the feeling that no surprise could outdo the last, and when it did, she had nowhere to go with the emotions. “Seriously? How did you…?”

He grinned. “I told you we would.”

“I know but…” At a loss for how to stop them, Rachel felt the tears as they coursed down her face.

“Mommy sad?” Rhett asked, and they both looked at the worry on his face.

Rachel couldn’t help it. She laughed out loud. “No, sweetheart, Mommy’s so happy it’s coming out her eyes.”

With concern, Rhett looked at Caleb for some explanation. Caleb chose instead to give the child a hug, which remarkably brought even more tears to the surface of her heart.

“Do you want to see upstairs, or is this enough for today?” he asked, somewhere between concerned and excited.

She looked at him and laughed. “Really. I’m not normally like this. It’s just all so…”

“Let me guess. Wow?” He grinned at her.

“I’ve said that a couple times, huh?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Just a couple.”

By the time they finished the quick tour of the upstairs which was ready but for the wayward tub, Caleb was feeling much better about the whole how bad-is-this-going-to-be thing. It hadn’t turned out badly at all. Yes, he still had to fight like the devil to not act like he was madly in love with her, but besides that, it was doable.

“So what did you need about the furniture?” she asked when they were back in the barren but bright living room.

“Oh, yeah.” He shifted Rhett to the other arm without so much as noticing. Then he put his hand up to his head. “Well, I know we talked about your stuff going back in, and I get that, I really do. The problem is…” The words slowed and then stopped. In his mind he sifted through their options once more but came up with no better workable solution than the previous million times he had reviewed them.

She dipped her head in confusion. “The problem is?”

It took a breath to get the words going again. “The problem is we’re doing the reveal on Friday, and…”

A second, a blink, and understanding slid over her face. “My stuff looks like rats have been living in it.”

He scrunched his face, knowing how that was going to feel to her.

She took a breath and whipped her head down. “Yeah. No. I know. I just…”

“I know you don’t have the money. I totally get that.” Watching her, head down, he hated himself for bringing it up. “It’s just that…”

“How’s it going to look to everyone else?” Her gaze came up and nailed his, and the sad acceptance there ripped his heart out. “No, I get it.” She seemed to think through the problem. “So, what then? I really can’t afford all new furniture.”

“I know, but… we have two options, and you tell me which you’d rather do. Option one is we get staging furniture, you know, just for the reveal. I think there’s a place out of Raleigh that would do that.”

Smashing her face into a grimace, she was clearly fighting to get herself to be okay with that.

“Or,” he said, hoping Derek’s compromise would be at least a possibility, “the pastor and his wife did spring for new furniture for their office. It’s not a lot of stuff, but I think we could make some of the old stuff work in here. The upstairs bedroom stuff I think we can work around and make work. It’s just that couch and chair we took out of here before…”

Rachel couldn’t be mad at him. He was right. Her furniture was beyond horrible. They had picked it up in a flea market in Norfolk, and when she thought about that market, there was always a heavy emphasis on the word “flea.”

“You know,” she said. “It’s not like I was in love with that furniture anyway.” She shrugged. “The couch had a broken piece down the one side, and that chair really was falling apart.”

Hope sparked in his eyes. “So you wouldn’t mind if we talked to the pastor about getting his?”

She shrugged. “That’s fine with me if you guys think it would be better.”

Knowing he couldn’t just start bartering on her behalf and having no idea what the pastor would say about the idea, Caleb came to the next fork in the road. “Okay. Then I think we should at least ask.”

He had hoped she wouldn’t notice the pronoun. She did.

“We?” she asked. “You can’t just ask him?”

“It’s not that I can’t. I just think it would be better if the two of you talked. That way everybody is on the same page about the idea.”

Panic hit her eyes about a second-and-a-half after he made the suggestion. “You want me to go talk to the pastor… by myself?”

It was crazy how many times they went off cliffs he never saw coming. “Well, I mean, I could… go with you if you want.”

She blanched in what could only be described as terror. “Well, I’m not going over there alone.”

They took her car. He drove. Rachel still couldn’t quite fathom how quickly it had all happened. He said six weeks, it felt like six seconds. Without comment though he did glance at her a couple of times, Caleb parked in the lot that had the pastor’s house on one side and the church on the other. There had been a time in her life when that parking lot was a sanctuary. It was where she spent her weekends, hanging out, helping with the community dinners and the community garage sales.

Now it felt foreign, frightening. Yes, she had talked with the pastor at church, but there, there were a hundred people around to disappear into if necessary. Here, there was no such cushion. Here, her life and offenses would be laid bare, and she had no real defense if he decided to bring all of that up. What if he refused to give the furniture to someone like her? Someone who had slept around, gotten pregnant without the benefit of marriage, and then slid off to get herself legally wed without the benefit or blessing of the church.

He knew all of that and probably more. Of course the more was not true, but at this point, what difference did that make? Enough of it was true that she wanted nothing to do with facing him.

Beyond her ability to get the emotional cyclone to stop, she got out of the car and extracted Natalie. Caleb and Rhett were already waiting for them on the other side. Just get this over with, Rachel. But what if he throws you out or calls you out in front of Caleb? What if he refuses to help with the furniture? So what? So then you just use your old stuff. The stuff that Caleb already said is worthless and horrible? You mean that stuff?

Worthless and horrible. Yep, those were two good words right there. She followed Caleb up two steps as he went all the way to the top and rang the doorbell. Once again, she realized she had completely stopped breathing. How air could hurt so badly, she had no idea, but she was beginning to wish that breathing wasn’t necessary for life.

Caleb reached over and rang the doorbell again just as the interior door swung open. He put a pleasant smile on his face as the woman he recognized as the pastor’s wife opened the door.

“Well, Mr. James,” she said. “This is a surprise.” She looked at the others. “Can I help you?”

He took only one breath to solidify the confidence. “I sure hope so. Derek and I talked today about possibly purchasing your old office furniture for Rachel’s house?” Turning slightly in case the woman didn’t know who Rachel was, he looked down at her. She sure was good at that shrinking thing. If she got any smaller, she would disappear altogether. “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

At that moment a car drove into the little lot behind them and parked near the road. The woman looked over to it and smiled. “It’s a great time. Steve’s the one you need to talk with anyway. Please, come on in.”

Ducking, Caleb went past her into the house and stopped in the tiny hallway to wait for Rachel. Once inside, she huddled behind him, and he got the impression that if she could cut a hole in the back wall and run, she would.

“Oh, hello there,” Pastor Steve said with a hurried gait as he came in. “It’s nice to see you all again.” He stuck out a hand and shook Caleb’s quickly. “Please come on in.” Going by them, he took a few steps and banked into the first door on the left.

Caleb followed, less-than-certain the farther into this idea they went. Beyond the door, however, he found a freshly-renovated room. The office. Even standing there, he had to admit Derek’s excellence shown through on every job he tackled.

“I’m sorry about the office,” the pastor said, heaping his current belongings on top of a stack of other belongings next to a large bookshelf they had clearly just refinished. “The joys of renovation.” He came up and held out his hands. “Now, what can I do for you folks?”

Part of Caleb thought this really should be her place to ask, but the bigger part of him knew that wasn’t happening in this lifetime. “Well, sir, we actually came to talk about your furniture.”

The pastor laughed. “I hope it shows up soon. Derek is going to have a heart attack if it doesn’t.”

That made Caleb laugh as well. “I’m sure, but I’m not talking about that furniture.” He swiveled again, but she hadn’t so much as picked her gaze up off the carpet. “The truth is we’re looking to find some gently used furniture for Rachel’s place. Hers is… well, it’s less-than-ideal.”

“Ah.” The pastor nodded, his face going grave. “Oh, well of course, you’re welcome to our old furniture if that’s what you’re asking.”

Finally Caleb took a real breath. “Great. Um, what do you need for it?”

The pastor tipped his head. “Need?”

“Yes, in payment. We wouldn’t just take it from you.”

That brought another laugh out of the pastor. “Oh, no.” His gaze slipped past Caleb and landed on Rachel. “I wouldn’t take any money for it.” Then his gaze came back to Caleb. “It’s yours if you want it. Though I have to say, I’m no designer. It’s not a matching set or anything like that.”

Caleb had wondered as much, but he nodded. “Do you mind if we take a look at it?”

“Oh, absolutely. It’s over in the church.” He felt in his pockets and came up with a ring of keys. “Let’s go take a look.”

Rachel followed because what other choice did she have? She had never seen the pastor’s furniture, had never been in his house prior to today, and so she had no idea what she had just agreed to take possession of. Her logical side said if she didn’t like it, she could always get rid of it after Friday. Her ultra-logical side asked just how she was planning to do that.

Worse, the whole town was coming on Sunday so it wasn’t like there would be the time or the money to swap it out by then. No, for what it was worth, whatever they found would be what she would live with for at least as long as she cared to think about.

Into the lobby of the church they went. Caleb and the pastor were carrying on something of a conversation. It was about the plasterers coming and how the reveal would happen at his house in just a couple of days. They went right to the little locked door off to the side of the steps, and the pastor unlocked the door and flipped a light on.

Sure enough, that hallway hadn’t changed a bit since she had been in it in high school. At the end of the hall was the room she remembered. The pastor led the way right into it as he turned that light on as well. “I don’t know how good of shape any of it is, but you’re welcome to whatever you want.”

“Wow,” Caleb said, and Rachel wondered at the intent of that syllable. “You had all of this in your office?”

It looked like the rejects from a massive garage sale, and then Rachel realized it probably was.

“No. It’s not all from the office. We get pieces in periodically. Things others don’t want but don’t want to throw away. If it gets too crowded, we take some of it to the one of the thrift stores in Raleigh. But mostly we just keep it on hand for those who could use some better-than-nothing furniture.” He glanced at Rachel and then smiled at Natalie. “She has gotten so big.”

Putting her gaze down, Rachel had no idea what to say to that, so she said nothing. Disappearing. Why did it always sound like such a great idea?

“Oh, wow. Look at this.” In the back of the room, Caleb took hold of something, yanked and then yanked again before freeing the solid-wood rocking chair.

“I think that one has a couple of bad spindles,” the pastor said.

Caleb brought it over, set it down and pushed it to rock which it did perfectly.

“Yes, these two back spindles…” the pastor said, showing them the loose pieces.

“A little glue and some TLC, it’ll be as good as new,” Caleb said, dismissing the pastor’s concern. He turned as if on a mission. “How about this coffee table? It’s worn, but we could refinish it. And this end table too.”

Rachel stood there, wondering how and when they were going to do all of this refinishing and refurbishing. She hardly had time to live, and the job looked positively overwhelming.

“This love seat isn’t in too bad of shape.” Caleb went over and inspected the thing. It was light tan and had a few stains on the sides. “We could cover this up with some throw pillows or slipcovers. I think it could work.” He stood and surveyed the rest of the furniture. “If you don’t mind, I think we’ll come back tomorrow and pick these up.”

“Oh, no. I don’t mind at all. You’re welcome to whatever you can use.”

Caleb nodded, thinking through it all. “Okay. I think we’ll do that then.”

A second and the pastor moved toward the door. He opened it and held it for them, shutting the light off once they made it out.

“Mommy, I hungry,” Rhett said, and Rachel’s gaze went down to him.

“I know, baby. We’re going home. I promise.”

And home they went, only stopping long enough to drop Caleb off at what would again be their home in just a few days. When she said good-bye, she watched him go back up the walk to the front door and her heart slid through her chest at the sight. Four more days. Or was it three now?

With a shake of her head, she refocused on the road and fought to get the image and the thought out of her mind.

“We can use a couple of the pieces,” Caleb said as he ate the sandwich Jaycee had brought for him at Ms. P’s later. “I don’t think it will take much to fix them up, but it’s mostly wood stuff, not ‘sit down on it’ furniture. There is a loveseat. It’s old and has some stains, but we might be able to cover that up with pillows or even slipcovers.”

“I just hate this,” Jaycee said. “That house is so amazing, and it would be out of this world with the right stuff.”

“Are you sure we don’t have any more anywhere in the budget?” Derek asked.

“I’ve been through the numbers on everything,” Jaycee said. “There’s just no wiggle room anywhere.”

Caleb sighed. “I think we’re going to have to go with what we’ve got.”

Chapter 10

“I know, baby doll. I know.” Rachel was elbow deep in baby food and grilled cheese when her mother found them in the kitchen. “Mommy’s coming.”

“Oh, you’re home.”

“We are.” She flipped the sandwich in the skillet and brought the jar over to Natalie who was mushing her fingers through the mound of oatmeal-mush on her tray. Dipping into the jar, Rachel gave the child a spoonful of mashed baby food carrots that came right back out as they always did. “Seriously? Come on, baby girl. You’ve got to eat your veggies.”

“I hungry,” Rhett protested, his little head on the table.

“It’s almost ready.” She wiped off the baby and grabbed the spatula to get out the sandwich. “Here we go.” Cutting it into four squares, she blew on it quickly to kill the heat. She put the plate in front of him and went to get milk from the refrigerator.

“You were awful late. Did you go over to the house?”

It was easier just to answer than to fight it. “Yeah, then we had to go over to the church. We’re having fits with the furniture situation.”

“Oh? Why? What’s wrong?”

She poured the milk into a sippy cup, put it in front of Rhett who had already devoured half of the sandwich, and grabbed up the oatmeal. This spoonful was markedly more successful. “Rhett, are you going to want another one?”

He nodded even as he chewed. Swallowing her sigh, she went back over and slapped the bread together with the cheese. With the last thread of sanity she still had, Rachel threw the meal into the skillet. “The problem is my furniture looks like it came from a dead witch that put a hex on it.” She gave Natalie another spoonful. “So our only other option is the pastor’s old stuff, and it’s not really that much better.”

“You can’t get new things?”

“You know I can’t afford that.” She flipped the sandwich. “Besides, what am I going to do, spend money I don’t have to impress people I don’t even like?”

“You don’t like Caleb?”

Okay, that so wasn’t fair, but it deflated the brusqueness just the same. “I wasn’t talking about him.”

“How are you two doing these days? You were looking pretty comfortable on Saturday.”

How could she explain what she couldn’t even understand herself? “We’re just friends. If that.”

Her mother sighed long and slow. “Darlin’,…”

“I know, Mom. But it’s not like that, okay?”

The next morning Caleb decided to go take a second look at the pastor’s great room of mis-matched furniture. It was like going to the Isle of Misfit Toys and praying they weren’t as bad as you knew they were.

“Morning,” he said to the pastor who came to the door.

“Morning,” the pastor said. “Are you here to get the furniture?”

“Well, I thought I’d look it over again if you don’t mind.”

“Nope. Don’t mind at all just let me finish up my breakfast, and I’ll be there.”

The walk over to the church was short but actually quite nice. The town was small, so there were no huge buildings to block the emerging light from the horizon beyond. Slowing down. It was the first time he had done that in a while. At the church door, Caleb sat down on the large rock that sat there. Landscaping, or what would pass for it.

He leaned back and slid the three-quarter sleeves of his gray-with-blue sleeves work shirt up. Early October. In no time the temperatures would drop and all the leaves would fall. Even now, he could see the first of them scattered across the grass. Funny, this time of year always reminded him of home. Friday night football games, cheerleaders, and halftime band performances. There was just something about this weather that had a way of bringing him right back there again.

He thought about his parents and realized he hadn’t called them in more than a week. He needed to do that tonight. Not that they worried about him, but still, it was nice to touch base.

“Sorry about that,” the pastor said, hurrying across the lot.

“Oh, no problem.” Caleb pulled himself up off the rock and shadowed the pastor at the door.

“Always too much to do, not enough time.”

“I hear you there.”

With the door unlocked, they stepped inside, and the pastor snapped on the light in the lobby. “Janice won’t be here for another hour or so. You never can quite tell when.”

Figuring that was the church secretary, Caleb nodded. Then his brain kicked into gear as he waited for the pastor to open the second door. His mind scoped out the project, the space and how it would lay out. The real problem was that hallway. “So just out of curiosity, have you ever considered the ADA issues of this building?”

The pastor twisted so quickly, he nearly fell over. “ADA? We’ve been talking about that for years, why?”

Caleb shrugged as they went down the hallway. “I was just talking about it with Rachel and her mom the other day.”

“Oh?” At least he sounded interested. “We remodeled the bathrooms several years ago, but every plan we’ve considered for the front just wound up unworkable.” He unlocked the furniture room and flipped on the light. “Expensive would probably be a better word for it.”

“Isn’t everything?” Going into the little room, Caleb surveyed their previous day’s finds. The rocking chair was definitely a yes. He took it and set it in the hallway as the pastor stepped back and watched. The coffee table was also a yes though not quite as enthusiastically.

“Do you need some help with that?” Pastor Steve asked.

“Do you mind?”

The good pastor laughed. “As long as I don’t have to fix anything, I think we’ll be fine.”

They each got a good hold on it and lifted.

“Do you want this in your pickup out front?” the pastor grunted.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Out the door and across the lot they went, the pastor seeming to do way more of the work because he wasn’t at all used to such things. When they got the piece in the pickup, he dusted his hands off and exhaled hard. “That’s quite the workout plan you’ve got there. If you would come over every morning, I might not have this.” He patted his belly. “Jane would love you for it.”

Caleb laughed. “It does keep you in shape, that’s for sure.”

As they walked back, the pastor became less jovial and more thoughtful. “It was nice of you and Rachel to come to the service on Sunday, nice of you to bring her I mean.”

“Oh. We… Uh… I didn’t…” But what could he say to refute that?

“I really did want to apologize to her though. I didn’t mean to make her Exhibit A on the one day she decided to join us.”

“Exhibit A?” Caleb held the door for the pastor.

“You know, talking about her house in my sermon. I never even thought about it until I got right there. I’m sure that went over like a lead balloon.”

At the hallway door, Caleb puzzled at that. “She never said anything about it.”

Pastor Steve nodded. “I’ve just been so fascinated with the work you all have done. It keeps finding its way into explaining the Scriptures to me in such a practical way.”

“Oh? How’s that?” Taking hold of the rocking chair, Caleb lifted it easily and swung it up over his head.

One look of concern at him and then the pastor started back out without asking. “It’s just that you all have been so selfless in your giving to the community.”

Caleb laughed. “You do know we’re getting paid for this, right?”

But the pastor shook his head. “Some of it, yes. But this isn’t just a job to all of you. It really is very much a calling.”

The word went right into Caleb like a shot, and he had to take a conscious breath to reset his spirit around it. “It’s funny you should say that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I was wondering about that on Sunday when you said it.” Across the parking lot he went and over to the pickup. “I’ve always thought of a ‘calling’ like being… I don’t know, a spiritual thing, you know? Like God coming down from the mountain and decreeing that you are to preach to the people, that kind of thing.”

Pastor Steve laughed.

“I guess nobody ever said it could be just, you know, doing what you love.”

With a nod, the pastor stood as Caleb got into the truck bed and secured the rocking chair.

“Least that’s kind of what you said, right? Like it’s not just being called to be a preacher.”

“Oh, goodness,” the pastor said, “that would be bad for it to only be about preachers. We’d have millions of preachers and nobody to build the churches.”

Caleb jumped down out of the pickup bed before securing the tie-downs to the side. “Huh. I never thought about it like that.”

“In fact, Romans 12 speaks to that very thing. I love how The Message Bible says it, ‘Each of us finds our meaning and function as part of the Body of Christ.’ That may be a little paraphrase but it’s close.”

Going back across the lot, they went back into the church.

“See, I think God put each of us here for a reason,” the pastor said. “Both here as in on the earth here and here as in… well, here.” He put both hands, fingers down as if pressing upon something. “We’re here to be the functioning Body of Christ with and for each other. So our calling is not just about what we do physically although it is that. It’s also what we do relationship-wise.”

Together, they picked up the end table, which really was much more worn than Caleb had remembered, and much heavier than he expected.

“Like this morning,” the pastor said with a grunt as they manhandled the heavy piece of furniture out of the door and down the hallway. “Believe me, I was not planning on moving furniture before ten a.m. I usually like to have my coffee before I do real actual, hard labor, but then you came, and here we are.”

Out into the growing light of the morning they went. Caleb wanted to ask more, but he figured he might have a cardiac arrest on his hands if he did. So he waited until they got the thing in the bed of the pickup. Thankfully, it fit just along the edge.

“Whew! I should have taken my vitamins,” the pastor said, wiping his forehead. “You all make this look so easy.”

“Not always.” Caleb tied that one down as well just as Jane came out of the house.

“Steve, phone call.”

“Oh. Okay.” Pastor Steve looked at Caleb.

“Go on,” Caleb said. “I’m just going to go look to see if there’s anything else we can use. I can’t get that sofa with this load anyway.”

“All right.”

And so, back to the church Caleb went, realizing only then that he should have been smart and moved the pickup to this side of the lot. The poor pastor was going to be so sore he wouldn’t be able to move by morning.

However, instead of going to the back room, he took out his tape measure, a little notebook, and the pencil from behind his ear. With nobody around, he could take the measurements and see if they lined up with what he was thinking. It wouldn’t take long, and if he hurried, the pastor would never so much as know the difference.

Rachel checked her phone just before music and then again when they returned. Still nothing. She wanted to text him, to ask, but what would she say that wouldn’t sound hopelessly desperate? She could ask if the tub was there or if he needed her to come by after school, but he would probably see right through those as the thinly-veiled excuses they were.

So, with a sigh, she turned off her phone and slipped it back into her purse. It was crazy how when he texted her, it made her crazy and if he didn’t, she went equally crazy. What sense did that make? It didn’t, so she pushed past it and left her pathetic self in the closet.

“Caleb?” the pastor asked with a quirk to his head when he found Caleb measuring the hallway.

“Uh, yeah?” Caleb snapped up. Ten more seconds and he would have been done. He made the note in the little book, closed it, and slipped it into his back pocket. “Something wrong?”

The pastor’s eyes were still questioning just what he was doing, but he shook out of that. “That phone call was actually kind of for you.”

“Me?” He pulled out his cell phone to check it. There were no missed calls or texts.

“Yes, actually, it was Rachel’s mom.”

That slammed into him so hard he forgot all about the phone and the measurements. “Mrs. Murphy? What’s wrong? What did she need? Is she all right?”

“Well,” the pastor said with a small smile, “actually she had a proposition for us about the furniture.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Although she had thought this was going to be a normal day just like all the others for the past few weeks, that thought evaporated when Rachel found none other than Caleb himself leaning against her car just after the bell rang. Her surprise felt more like concern as she walked up, glancing around because with him out here looking like that, rumors were bound to start flying any second. “Well, this is a surprise,” she said, unsure just how to take his presence or what it meant.

“I know.” He straightened to standing and nodded. “Sorry. I just didn’t want to do this over text.”

“Oh.” The worry mounted. “Okay? What’s… going on?” She was nearly a hundred percent sure she did not want to hear this, but she figured she didn’t have much of a choice.

Gazing at her, he wound his arms over his chest. In that shirt, the muscles that were inherent to him could not go unnoticed. Heat started inching over her, and no amount of scolding from her sensible side would get it to stop. “Well, I know you’ve been coming over the last couple of weeks and everything. It’s just that… Well, we talked about it, and we think it’s probably time you stopped coming.”

Her eyes widened. “Stopped coming?” Then a frown plummeted across her face. “Stopped coming to my house? It’s my house. Why can’t I come see it?”

He didn’t look overly excited about delivering the news. “Because it will be better on the reveal day if you’re not seeing it all here at the end.”

“But it’s my house. How’re you going to know how to set up the rooms?”

Caleb laughed. “I’m a designer, remember? I think I can set up a few rooms.”

Her confusion tilted toward anger, and she laid her things on the front of the car with a decided thud. “But it’s my house.”

“I know, and believe me, I hate doing this. But it really is better if we can capture you seeing it for the first time.”

This just got better and better. “Oh, yeah, ‘cause that worked out so well before.”

“Look, Rach. I know this is asking a lot. I get that, but the fact is the show financed most of this project. If they want a surprise shot on the reveal, is that really such a big deal?”

Not for you! The opportunities for humiliation were lining up in front of her like waves on a surf. “Fine. Okay. Whatever. I… I won’t.”

He put his head back an inch. “Come on, Rach. Don’t be mad. Please? I’m not doing this to upset you. I’m really not.”

Tired infiltrated the anger, and exploded it all over her emotions. “Yeah. I get it. Whatever.” She grabbed up her things and started for her door.

“Rachel. Rach…” Reaching out, he took hold of her arm, and she spun on him, tired of pretending that she was all right when she really wasn’t.

“Stop, Caleb! Just stop. Okay?” Then she looked around and lowered her voice. “I’m cool with it. Really. Just send me an engraved invitation when it’s all right for me to drive by my own house.” And with that, she got in the car and left him standing right where he’d let her go.

As she backed out and he watched her go, Caleb put both hands on his head. “Well, that went about as bad as it could have.” He spun his gaze and then angled it upward. “This is seriously getting old, You know that, right?”

Funny, he’d been doing that a lot recently, talking to God. When he was younger, he had gone to church with his mom to church as little as possible, but since he’d been on his own, he’d never really seen the point of continuing the practice even sporadically. Now, however, with her, he could use all the help he could get. The only problem was, he wasn’t even sure if God remembered who he was anymore. “Just so You know, that woman is about to get on my last nerve.”

Rachel stopped at Mrs. Carrasco’s and barely got “normal” over “livid.” She made a little small talk, picked up her kids, and headed out. The problem was the car had gotten so used to going to the construction house, it turned that way without her thinking about it.

It wasn’t until the next intersection that where she was dawned on her, and she realized she couldn’t go one more street or she would be able to see…

With the anger of a 1,000 suns, she flipped the blinker the other direction and spun the wheel. “Fine. You know what? I don’t even care.”

“Uh, yeah,” Caleb said to Derek when he made it back to the house just about the time the new tub did. “She was thrilled. And let me tell you, Rachel Taylor has a very special way of letting you know you’re not on her favorites list when she gets steamed.”

Derek nodded as the two of them flanked by two other guys muscled the tub up the stairs, barely skirting the walls at the top. “Eh, don’t worry about it too much. She’s going to love it when she sees it.”

But Caleb wasn’t so sure of that. Not that she wouldn’t love it. Who wouldn’t? It was going to be showroom amazing with the furniture her mom had generously purchased for it. The problem was, she had two whole days to get really worked up over the deal, and by that time, the Taj Mahal might not be enough to get her down off the anger ledge.

“You’re home early,” her mother said, coming into the kitchen when the three of them made it in just after 4:30.

“Yeah.” Rachel put Natalie on the floor and went for the refrigerator. She needed chocolate. Lots of it.

Opening the freezer door, she pulled out one bar and snapped part of it off. If she dared to let herself hold the bar while she ate it, it would be gone in a flash.

Her mother puzzled over her foul mood. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Everything is just peachy.” She slammed the freezer door to emphasize just how wonderful her life was at the moment.

Her mother scratched across her silver-gray hair, pushed the walker further into the room, and sat down.

“What?” Rachel asked in annoyance, taking a generous bite of the chocolate she held.

“You tell me.”

“I’ll tell you what.” Anger locked her face into a frown. “After all of this, they forbid me to see my own house. My own house! Forbid me like I’m five or something.” This bite she hardly saw or tasted. “Caleb showed up at school a while ago and told me not to come over anymore. Some nonsense about them wanting to surprise me.”

“Well, would that be such a bad thing?”

“Yes.” She knew she sounded like a brat, but she was too mad to care. “It’s my house! How will they even know how to set it up? What if I want the bed against a different wall or different curtains?”

“You know you can change it after they leave, right? You’re not stuck with whatever they do.”

“Yeah, me and what army?” The first of the chocolate bar was gone, so she opened the freezer and got the other half. “I don’t know why they won’t let me at least see it. What am I going to do, tell them I hate it?”

“Is it possible that everything isn’t how it seems? Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe they have a reason.”

“What? They want me to lose what’s left of my mind?”

Her mother smiled. “It’s only a couple of days. Surely you can wait that long.”

But Rachel wasn’t so sure.

Chapter 11

“North Carolina?” Caleb’s mom said that night as he sat in the little hotel room in Greely, picking at the pizza he had ordered. He was probably hungry, but he couldn’t get up enough emotion to care.

She was going to hate him forever. In one way he knew she was being ridiculous. In another, he really couldn’t blame her. If it was his house, if it was the house he had purchased with his wife and had dreamed of living with her in, and someone just came in and made wholesale changes without even consulting him…

“Yeah. They let me do a couple of stand ups for it.” Amazing how exciting that should have felt and how flat it actually did. He picked up one pepperoni and let out a long exhale before bothering to eat it.

“That’s a good thing, right?” his mom asked clearly confused by his intense lack of enthusiasm.

“What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It’s great.”

“It doesn’t sound very great.” She paused for a second. “Are you feeling okay? You sound… not yourself. Are you eating okay? You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“No. I’m fine, Mom. Really.” Then why did he so want to cry?

Jerking up, Caleb snapped out of that thought almost hard enough to get himself out of the emotion too. This was stupid. The last thing he should be doing is crying—over her of all people. She was a homeowner, one of hundreds. So what was he getting so overly emotional about? Emotions had never really factored into his life until now, and now, he couldn’t seem to get away from them.

Maybe his mom was right. Maybe he was getting sick. He had been working night and day for three weeks or more.

“Hey, Caleb.” His dad’s voice came on the other side of the line, and Caleb sat up on the bed, knowing his dad would have nothing of the earlier emotion. “What’s going on? Your mom was getting worried we hadn’t heard from you lately.”

Caleb half-laughed. “You do know this phone thing works both ways, right?”

“Oh, I know. I know. We just don’t want to be bothering our superstar son.” His dad chuckled. “How’s everything going?”

“Good. Great. I’ve gotten to do some stand-ups on this one.” Even here half-a-country away, Caleb could see his mom with her arms crossed, knowing he was lying through his teeth. He also knew he would be called on it when his dad wasn’t within earshot.

“Well, that is some mighty good news. Are they going to give you your own show?”

Caleb laughed again. “I don’t really know, but even if they’re thinking that, it’ll be a long way down the road.”

“With your talent and the James men good looks, it’s only a matter of time.”

That was his dad, always his son’s biggest fan. Once again, the lights of Friday night football flashed through his mind, and he smiled at the memories and the feelings. They hadn’t won every game, but they had won enough for him to know what his father being proud of him felt like. “Yeah, well, we’ll see.”

“Listen,” his dad said, “I hate to run, but…”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Caleb said. His dad—a man of few words and lots and lots of action. “Take care.”

“You too. I’ll talk to you later.”

“K.” Reaching down, Caleb pulled up another pepperoni but didn’t bother eating it. Instead, he just twirled it in his fingers on his knee. He sighed when he heard the click of the phone.

A second and his mother’s soft sigh brushed his heart. “I sure wish there was something I could do, be there, at least to give you a hug. Something.”

He smiled. “Me too, Mom. Me too.”

She sighed again. “You know, don’t ever let anyone tell you that your kid getting older means you stop caring because you don’t.”

The picture of Mrs. Murphy flashed through his mind. Bent and barely mobile, she clearly loved her daughter more than any of them had probably ever even realized. “Thanks for that, Mom.”

“No thanks needed. It’s not a gift. It’s just a fact.”

On Wednesday afternoon, Rachel made it a point to drive well away from the house. If they didn’t want her to see it, then she didn’t want to see it. In fact, if she never saw it again, she wouldn’t even cry about it. Besides, who even cared about a silly house anyway? It wasn’t like she would ever feel comfortable there. It was a show house, far above what she wanted or deserved.

Maybe after they all left, she would just sell the thing. That would be good, she decided about the time she pulled up at the grocery store after school. Just sell it and buy another house. Something simple. Couple of bedrooms. Single story. That would be better anyway. What did she need with a two-story monstrosity anyway? Besides, the property taxes would surely go through the roof when it was re-appraised, not to even mention the home owner’s insurance. How would she ever afford that? Answer, she couldn’t. Not now. Not ever.

In fact, she had all but put the thing on the market when she turned the aisle to grab some more chocolate and her basket met up with Sage’s coming the other way.

“Oh!” Rachel stopped so fast that both kids’ heads bobbed though not dangerously.

“Oh, wow. Rach.” Sage giggled softly. “Fancy meeting you here.” Her soft face got even gentler. “Looks like we had the same idea.”

Not wanting to, Rachel looked at Sage’s basket—Livvie in the basket like Rhett was, Macy in the top like Natalie. For that split second, all Rachel could do was compare herself and her pathetic life to this goddess in denim, and to put it mildly, she did not fare well in the comparison. “Yeah. Looks that way.”

“Huh,” Sage said, puzzling at the dirge-like quality of Rachel’s voice. She smiled questioningly. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, of course.” Rachel waved that off. “Why wouldn’t it be, right?” The fake smile felt like her face was designed to wear it. She widened her eyes. “Everything is peachy.”

She had the sense that she would have been able to get away with that lie if she had just stopped when she was ahead. But the peachy comment was drenched in far too much sarcasm to deny.

“I’m sorry.” Sage backed up slightly though she never really even moved. “Uh, did I miss something?”

Truly Rachel needed to work on her lying skills when asked directly because she hesitated for one second too long for her normal “I’m fine” to be believable. “I…” The mask slipped dangerously, and she put her head partway down so Sage wouldn’t see the struggle. “Um… it’s just… it’s been a long day.”

However, when she looked up at Sage, there wasn’t a single inch of her that looked to be believing that. Sage glanced around at the store with life going on around them, and then her gaze came back and landed on Rachel and held. “I’m about finished here. I was going to take the girls over to the park while we wait for the boys to get out of football practice.”

Rachel wanted to ask what that had to do with her, but she didn’t get the chance.

“Why don’t you join us? We won’t be having many more days like today, and I know the girls would love playing with Rhett and Natalie.”

Something about the sound of her children’s names and how her selfishness was affecting their lives snapped her out of her instant no. “Oh, uh…”

Sage smiled with that bright one that looked straight out of California. “Come on.” She reached into her cart and picked something up. “I’ve got chocolate.”

The taupe walls worked perfectly with the forest green and beige-toned tile work surrounding the new tub. Caleb had chosen to do this final detail himself. The last thing he wanted was to get this far and have someone mess something up. Above him, the tiny recessed lights played off the walls and fixtures causing them to glint and glow. Had she not been so mad at him, he was pretty sure she would have loved it. As it was, he couldn’t be sure of anything.

“Wow,” Derek said, ducking into the space and appraising his work. “Nice.”

Caleb came up from the grout bucket and swiped at his forehead as he stepped back to look at his work as well. “It’s going to turn out pretty good.”

“I’ll say.”

Going back for more grout so he could finish up the last of the tiles, he let out a breath. “So what’s up?”

Derek grimaced. “Well, I really hate to ask this, but are you about finished with that?”

Carefully Caleb set the final tile in place. “Looks like it. What do you need?”

“Well, the pastor’s furniture just got here, and they unloaded it.”

“K?”

“It’s really not much. Shouldn’t take 30 minutes.”

With one glance, Caleb knew. “I guess you need some help?”

“Good guess.”

Rachel had every intention of using the frozen food she had in the car as an excuse to get her out of this playdate as soon as possible. She didn’t need to be here. She should be at home, finishing up packing. Then again, when was she going to actually get to move her stuff in? She had planned on doing that on Friday, but who was even to say what was going to happen on Friday now. Certainly not her as she was now hostage to what the production company wanted.

“I can’t believe it’s already October,” Sage said as they sat on the little bench overlooking the play area. The two girls were at their feet. Rhett and Livvie were just a few feet away.

“Pretty soon it’ll be Thanksgiving and then Christmas,” Rachel said, purposely looking away from the perfection sitting next to her.

“That must be really hard.”

The comment came so from out of the blue that Rachel looked over. “What?”

Sage tipped her head. “Thanksgiving. Christmas.” Her eyes were gentle but intense. “I know the first few times just being out here and away from my mom were tough over the holidays.”

“Yeah, well, Mom and I do okay.”

There was a small nod. “It’s still got to be hard.”

Rachel couldn’t really deny that, so she didn’t.

“But then again, maybe the guys will come back this year,” Sage said with a tip of her head.

“Guys?”

“Yeah, you know, Jaycee and Derek and Caleb.”

That yanked Rachel’s gaze down to the little leaf that had fallen in her lap. She picked it up and pitched it off to the side. “I’m sure Caleb’s got better things to do than come here. Besides, his family’s in Texas. What reason would he have to come out here?”

A question drifted through Sage’s eyes, but she didn’t voice it. “So are you ready for the big move this weekend?”

One second and Rachel shrugged and looked the other direction. “I guess.”

It really would’ve been nice if she could have found some fake happiness somewhere in her. This dour mood was digging her deeper into Sage’s concern, and that was the last place she wanted to be.

“Jaycee told me about them kicking you out of the house,” Sage said softly, her eyes soft pillows to fall into. “She said they do that with all the homeowners at the end.”

“Oh, so I’m not singled out for this special torture then? Good to know.” Really Rachel wished she could get the venomous sarcasm under control. She was only going to make things worse.

“It’s got to be hard, but I’m sure they do know what they’re doing.”

“Of course they do.” Rachel brushed off her hands. “It’ll be a ratings bonanza I’m sure.”

True worry slithered down Sage’s face. “This isn’t about the ratings to them. You know that, right?”

Rachel laughed softly. “I’m just trying to get through it with as much sanity as possible. At this point I just want them to get done and this to be over with.”

Somehow the softness in Sage’s eyes became even softer. “Boy do I know that feeling.”

“I think this one would be better angled that way crosswise with the window,” Derek said as Caleb stood, thinking he really should be over at Rachel’s. Her furniture would be arriving in the morning, and nothing was clean enough to be moving in.

“Okay.” He picked his side of the mauve wing-back chair up and moved it where Derek indicated.

“And then this can go here.” Derek swung the little end table around. “Wow. That sucker is solid now.” He bent and inspected the thing for a moment. “Handmade.” He stood. “Nice.”

“There’s another one over here,” Caleb said, going over to it.

“Yeah. When they got the new couch for the living room, Pastor Steve said these no longer fit, but he didn’t want to just give them away.”

“I wouldn’t either. These things are as solid as they come.”

“Well, well,” Pastor Steve said, coming in the door and stopping when he found the two of them, “I should have known those two trucks in my driveway meant nothing but trouble.”

Derek grinned. “Always.” He nodded at Caleb. “Pastor, you know Caleb James, right?”

The pastor stepped forward and held out his hand. “Moving furniture again, I see.”

Caleb couldn’t stop the grin. “Looks like it.”

“We were just going to get most of this set tonight,” Derek said, “so when we get here in the morning, we just have to touch things up before the reveal.”

Pastor Steve nodded. “What can I say? I never thought it could look like this. You all really are miracle workers.”

“I wouldn’t know about that,” Derek said. “Oh, by the way, Jaycee said thanks for that book you sent over. She said it’s really good.”

“And you just passed it along without looking at it yourself?”

“I will. I will. I promise.” Derek waited for Caleb to get the other side of the couch. “I’m just a little busy right now if you can’t tell.”

“Never too busy for what’s really important.”

Coming up from the couch, Derek laughed. “Gotta watch out for this one.” He looked at Caleb and tipped his head toward the pastor. “He doesn’t let you get away with anything.”

They went over to the other chair and lifted on three without bothering to count. In seconds it too was right where it was always meant to be.

It was beginning to become a question to Caleb just why he had been summoned. Surely the good pastor and Derek could have moved this stuff. It wasn’t like there was a showroom full.

“I guess that just leaves the books,” Derek said, clapping his hands together and from his desk, the pastor looked up.

“Tonight?”

“Well, I’m certainly not moving them in the morning.”

“I… I don’t understand,” Rachel said, coming very close to taking offense that Sage Baker would know anything about the misery she herself was in.

Sage, however, took one look at Rachel and smiled sadly. She shook her head and looked out to the kids as she straightened her arms, wrists down on the bench. “It’s crazy to even think about it now.”

That intrigued Rachel enough to yank her back from taking offense. “What is?”

The glance and small smile Sage sent her way tugged at Rachel’s heartstrings though she didn’t quite know why. A second and she brushed away the strand of hair that wisped across her face on the breeze. “How out of place I felt when I first came here,” Sage said, the words getting swallowed up by the sunshine.

“Out of place?” Rachel puzzled at that. “You?” She shook her head at the incongruity of the statement. “How is that even possible? You were like aaaahhhh.” The sound was like the angels just before they broke into the Hallelujah. “Why would you ever feel out of place?”

Sage’s gaze traipsed down to her lap and held there. “I guess that does sound kind of weird, huh? But even weirder than that is I still feel that way sometimes. I mean, I’ve been here for more than a decade, and sometimes I get the feeling like they all still look at me like I don’t belong, like I should go back where I came from.”

The very thought slammed Rachel backward. “What? But you’re Sage Baker? You’re like…” She searched for the words. “You and Luke are like pillars of the community. Ridgemount Royalty.”

This smile from Sage held much more sadness as she shook her head. “Luke is. Not me.”

Rachel was positively dumbfounded. Sage couldn’t be serious, could she? “But you’re Miss Perfection. Everybody knows that.”

“Sometimes the only thing perfection does is keep people way over there.” Sage brushed at the wind and then shrugged. “And sometimes it’s almost easier that way.”

Following this trail was getting harder by the step, and Rachel shook her head because there was no way she was hearing this right. “Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold up just a second. You’re Sage Baker. When we were in school, every girl wanted to be you, and every guy wanted to be with you. You were so far out of our league, there wasn’t even a league to put you in.”

Strangely, haughty and arrogance were nowhere to be seen on that beautiful face. “Yep, I was different all right.”

Each comment dragged Rachel farther down into confusion. “But you’re perfect. You did everything right. You and Luke. You graduated. You went to college, got married, had kids. If that’s ‘different,’ then give me different any day of the week.”

A second and Sage’s gaze came over to her. “I guess it always looks easier from the outside.”

“The…?”

Sage shook her head and let her gaze plummet back down. “The truth is, I was the illegitimate child of the town’s golden boy. I was the reason he nearly didn’t come back. I was the reason he left his wife. I was the reason the Lawrences were talked about and whispered about and pretty much dragged through the mud. I did that… to them.”

The gulp stuck in Rachel’s throat. Sure, she had heard the rumors in school, but a big part of her never really believed them. “So that was all true?”

Slowly Sage nodded. “Yep. All true. Every bit of it.”

Wow was the only thing Rachel could even think though she had the good sense not to say it out loud. “But now… I mean, your mom and dad, they were there the other night…” She was trying to make it make sense in a way it just didn’t anymore.

This nod was slower. “It hasn’t been easy. I’ll tell you that.”

Strange, Rachel had never thought she had anything in common with Sage Baker until that moment. She leaned down on her elbows now propped on her knees. “Tell me about it.”

“Have you ever thought about contacting Guinness?” Caleb asked when he’d brought the third box of incredibly heavy books back into the office from their current location in the pastor’s bedroom.

“How’s that?” Pastor Steve asked as he replaced the books on the shelf.

“You could apply for the most books ever owned by a single person and win in a landslide.”

Derek brought another box in, and seeing the desk full, he set it on the floor. “Hey now, no breaks. If you do that, we’ll never get this done.”

Caleb let his arm slide off the box. “Oh. Didn’t I tell you? I quit.”

“Quit? What’s that?” Derek asked as Caleb followed him out.

“The sane thing to do, that’s what. Why didn’t you bring the dolly?”

“Luke’s using it at Ms. P’s.”

“A likely story.” Back in the bedroom, they each picked up a box. “What are all these things anyway? Who needs this many books?”

“Rock polishing instruction manuals I’m assuming,” Derek said as he lifted and resettled a box in his arms.

Puzzled, Caleb followed his boss down the hall back to the office. “Then shouldn’t the pastor be carrying them if he wants to be a rock?”

Derek laughed in a way that Caleb didn’t understand at all. “No. Not like the weight lifting kind. Like the helping people kind. They’re teaching the good pastor how to be the right kind of rock. Isn’t that right, Pastor?”

Turning as he shelved books, the pastor smiled down at Derek from the ladder. “You give me far too much credit.”

After putting the box down, Caleb set his hands on his beltline. “Mind letting me in on the joke?”

Instead of going back for more books, Derek chose instead to go over to a box and hand some books up to the pastor. “Oh, it’s not a joke. Not by a long shot.” He lifted three books and went for more. “How did you say it?” he asked the pastor. “The right kind of rock polishes, the wrong kind will break a fragile rock? Something like that.”

Coming to the edge of the desk, Caleb wound his arms over themselves, leaned there, and didn’t move his puzzled gaze from them.

A moment and the pastor looked down at him. “What Derek is trying to say is that the people who come in here for counseling are all made differently. If you don’t approach each one with that in mind, you can do far more damage than you ever do good. Like two rocks in a tumbler. If you put a brittle rock in with a dense rock, the dense rock will turn the brittle rock to dust. In counseling you can’t afford to do that, so you have to know what kind of rock to be for each person who comes in. Too hard and they break, never to be the same again. Too soft and they’ll never be polished. The best bet to polish a rock is to put a rock that’s similar in density and make up in with it.”

“Okay. I would’ve never thought of it like that,” Caleb conceded though he did think it was a rather profound way of looking at it. “So you need all of these books to learn how to do that?”

“No. I need God’s help to do that. I need all of these books to absorb as much of God’s help as I possibly can.”

“I guess you know what that’s like, huh?” Sage asked though her gaze barely grazed Rachel’s. “Feeling like the pariah? Like everyone’s talking about you and judging you.”

Despite how much it hurt, Rachel almost laughed. “Oh, yeah. Been there. Done that. Got 22 wrinkled T-shirts in the bottom of my closet to prove it.” Then she stopped and thought for a minute. “Still doing that if you want to know the real truth.”

Sage nodded. “I understand. I thought it would get better eventually, and maybe it has in some ways, but it still feels like they’re always right there, watching, waiting for you to slip up.”

“Because they know you’re going to sooner or later.” Rachel’s nod was slow and full of understanding. “And even if you don’t, you just know they’re still talking about when you already did. It’s like they judge you with whatever is handy.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve almost gotten to the point I don’t even care anymore.”

“Really?”

This smile was filled with irony. “I said almost.”

Sage smiled a real smile at her. “Yeah, sometimes it feels easier not to care, to just say, ‘You know what? I’m done with living my life to try to please you people.’”

“You can say it, but do you ever really believe it?”

“Yeah, that part is harder.”

Rachel leaned back on the bench and put her face to the breeze. “Sometimes I think it would be easier just not to believe at all. At least that way, you don’t get hurt.”

“I hear ya there.” Sage’s confidence waned. “But then…”

A second and Rachel looked over at Sage, and the strangest sensation of connection she had ever felt drifted through her.

When Sage’s gaze came over, it both said how reluctant she was to say what was on her heart and how much she wanted or maybe needed to. As Sage’s gaze fell, Rachel realized she wasn’t going to say whatever it was, and if she let her get away another second, the moment would be gone, lost into the waiting arms of forever.

“Then?” Rachel finally asked gently, not at all sure where this was going but knowing she couldn’t just let it go.

Sage sniffed, pursed her lips hard, and shook her head. “Sometimes when you don’t believe in anything and you live only so you don’t get hurt, you end up hurt and hurting anyway.”

Never ever in a million years would Rachel have ever thought she would do what she did then, but just like that, she reached across the bench and put her hand on Sage Baker’s shoulder as compassion and sympathy ran through her.

“Sometimes I feel so alone, like everyone else is living this amazing life, and I’m stuck.” Sage half-shrugged. “And then I think, what am I feeling sorry for myself? I’m married to this amazing guy, and I have these great kids.”

The thought that shot through Rachel was what do you have to complain about? But something yanked that back. Sage was not play-acting here. This sadness was real and it was deep. She pulled back from her own feelings of self-defense and let herself consider Sage, her current life and the life she had come from. “Do you think feeling out of place has something to do with how you grew up?”

A sniff and Sage’s gaze came over to her. “I don’t know. Maybe. Why?”

“Well.” Rachel leaned forward. “I’ve always felt like I didn’t quite fit, and I’ve always kind of wondered if that was because I didn’t or because…”

Concerned confusion washed over Sage’s face. “Because?”

“When I was born, my mom was real young,” Rachel said, putting words to a story she had only held in her heart all these years.

“Young?” Sage asked in confusion. “But…”

With one look, Rachel stopped her. “The Murphys are not my real parents. I mean, they are, but they’re not too.”

That stopped the tears and the sniffing as Sage turned all the way sideways slowly, clearly trying to understand what Rachel was telling her.

“I was adopted by the Murphys when I was eight. It was kind of a weird deal. My grandmother took me in after I was born, and I lived with her until she died of cancer. It was just the two of us for as long as I can remember before that. Mom was never around, and Grandma’s husband had left her a long time before that. So when she died, I really didn’t have anybody, until the Murphys stepped up and adopted me.”

If Sage could have looked any more shell-shocked, Rachel didn’t know how. After a second, she glanced over and laughed. “You can close your mouth now.”

A beat passed, and Sage laughed a hollow disbelieving sound, and then her face fell into deep confusion. “But Luke always talks about you being in school. I just assumed you’d been there forever.”

“From second grade on, yeah. Before that, no.”

Fighting to recover, Sage blinked, shook her head and then nodded before blowing out a puff of air. “Wow. Uh… I’m… shocked actually.”

“Shocked why?” Rachel asked totally taken in by Sage’s reaction.

“Shocked because I thought I was the only one. I thought everyone else had roots here that went back to before the Civil War.”

Rachel laughed at that. “Well, maybe everyone else does, but this everyone sure doesn’t.”

A second and Sage shook her head again. “I’m sorry. I’m just… wow. I always thought you were like a founding member of everything around here.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“Well, when I got here, you were at everything—helping at the community center and at church. You went to all the parties and the bonfires, and everyone seemed to love you.”

With half-a-shrug, Rachel dismissed that. “I showed up. It wasn’t like anyone wanted me there.”

“But you were so… I don’t know the word for it… you… fit. Like you had always been here and you would always be here. In fact, when we all left for school, it surprised me that you left and went so far away. Not that I thought you would stay, but somehow… I don’t know… you… it was like you couldn’t go far enough away.”

“That’s because I couldn’t. I wanted to see the world, take it and shake it and make it my own.” The thoughts of that time spiraled into where life had gone from there. “And then I met Nathan.”

Sage fell once again into contemplation. “You know the weird thing is, I can’t remember ever seeing Nathan. I mean, I remember Luke coming home and saying you guys had gotten married and all of that, and then later, you were going to buy the house. And I remember you, but I don’t remember ever seeing him.”

“I don’t think Ridgemount was Nathan’s idea of the best place in the world to live. He was used to more action. He was from Chicago, and this… well, this was a little slower than he had ever planned on life being.”

“So why did he agree to it?”

That part touched Rachel’s heart with a hard pang of regret. “Because I wanted to, I needed to, to take care of Mom.” She shook her head because the tears had ambushed her with no warning. “When we lost Dad…” A second, a breath, and she closed her eyes. “I don’t even know how I got through that. I think about it, and it’s like it’s just fragments of pieces of memories. Nathan knew I needed to be here, and he knew he was leaving anyway, so…”

For a moment Sage was quiet as the happy sounds of the children danced around them in the sunlight.

“And then before I knew it, he was gone too.” Rachel pursed her lips together, breathing down the emotions. Numb was easier. It was better. Better than falling apart. Better than letting anyone get that close.

“I’m sorry,” Sage said, her eyes glistening with tears. “I prayed for you so much after that, every night.” She sniffed back tears and angled her eyes upward as if that would make them stop. “I prayed that you would be comforted, that someone would be there for you.”

Shocked, Rachel looked at her. “I never knew that.”

Sage laughed. “Oh, yeah, I totally make it a habit to go up to people who are grieving and say… what? I didn’t even know you back then. And you didn’t know me.”

For the first time in a very long time, Rachel felt hope touch her heart. “No, but maybe I’m starting to.”

Chapter 12

At 6:15, Derek’s phone went off. “Hello?” He listened and fell into seriousness as he laid the books he was holding down onto the desk. “No. Why would I have seen her?” The pause dragged both of the other men’s gazes over to him. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be right there.”

When Derek clicked off the phone, Caleb looked at his boss. “Something wrong?”

“Luke’s looking for Sage and the kids.”

“Looking for them?” Caleb asked as the pastor came down off the ladder.

“Yeah, apparently the school called Luke because they couldn’t get in touch with Sage.” Without bothering with anything, he headed to the door. “I’d better go. I’ll be back.”

“You want me to come with you?” Caleb asked.

“No. That’s okay. You stay. Get these books ready for tomorrow.” And with that, he was gone.

Worry poured over worry as the two men looked at each other.

“I hope she’s okay,” Caleb said.

The pastor nodded, then closed his eyes and bent his head for a few seconds. When he came back up, he found a very confused Caleb staring at him.

“Prayer helps,” the pastor said just before climbing back up on the ladder. He reached for the next set of books from Caleb.

“Do you really believe that?” Caleb asked because he couldn’t keep the question inside of him.

“That prayer helps? Absolutely. When things are out of my control, you can bet I’m going to be praying about it, taking my petitions to God.”

“Do you always get what you ask for?” He handed three more books up.

The pastor looked at him and smiled. “Probably not the way you mean.”

Caleb twisted his face in confusion. “What does that mean?”

Taking another set, Pastor Steve put them on the shelf. “A lot of people fall into the trap of thinking of God as a vending machine. Like I put in my prayers or my good works, tell Him what I want, and bing out pops exactly what I asked for. But it doesn’t work like that.”

“Then how does it work?”

With a slight tip of his head, the pastor thought for a moment. “Do you ever have to adjust something when you’re remodeling? Like you thought it was going to work one way, but then you get in there and realize it would work better a different way?”

“Sure. That’s pretty much a given with remodeling.”

A nod and the pastor reached for more books. “Well, that’s kind of like this project I’m working on called life. Sometimes I think it would work better one way, but God has something better in mind. I can either choose to do it my way, which never works, or I can listen to God’s Plan and go with that instead.”

“But I thought you were praying.”

“I am… I was.”

“Okay. I’m lost,” Caleb said in confusion. “You are? You were? Which is it?”

Pastor Steve laughed. “I do. How’s that?”

Caleb lifted his eyebrows. “Like getting married?”

“Huh.” The pastor chuckled. “Kind of so. We’re in a relationship, God and me. I talk to Him, He talks to me, and we work together to bring His Kingdom here.”

“Um?” Caleb had no idea what to say to that.

“So like just now. I know of a need, and I told God I needed help with it, that we needed help with it. Then I put it into His hands to work on.”

Caleb’s cell phone beeped, and he whipped it out. “It’s Derek.”

Luke looked over at Rachel who wanted with everything in her to be somewhere else. “Why didn’t you call us?” he asked Sage, his worry sounding far more like anger. “We were freaking out.”

“I get that,” Sage said. “We just lost track of time. That’s all.”

“Did you not have your cell phone on?”

Reaching into her bag, she pulled the thing out and pushed the on button. Nothing. “I guess it ran out of battery.” Then she looked up sheepishly. “I’m really sorry. We just got started talking, and…”

At that Luke stepped over to her and wrapped her into his arms. “You about scared me to death. Don’t ever do that again.”

“She’s good,” Caleb said. “They found her at the park.”

“Oh, good.” The pastor let out a long breath. “I love it when it’s something simple.”

Putting his cell phone back in his pocket, Caleb nodded. “Yeah. Simple sure would be nice for a change.”

“Oh? How’s that?”

The rock polishing instruction manual went through Caleb’s mind, but he had no one else to talk to, and besides, this wasn’t about him anyway. “It’s just this thing with Rachel.”

“Ah, yes, Ms. Taylor.”

“Yeah. She’s about as maddening as trying to get water from a brick.”

Tipping his head, the pastor looked at Caleb. “How so?”

“It’s just this thing she has about always taking everything I say wrong. I don’t try to upset her, but I keep doing that no matter how hard I try or how much I don’t want to.”

This nod was very slow, almost not there. “Hurting people are often the prickliest.”

“Prickly. There’s a good word for her.” He kept handing books up, the frustration pouring out into the effort. “We went over to Luke and Sage’s on Sunday, and I thought everything was great, and then all of a sudden, when we were going back to her house, she was snapping my head off for no reason.”

A soft smile came to the pastor’s eyes and lips. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah? Well, it sure feels like it is. Besides now she probably wants nothing to do with me because we’re trying to surprise her on Friday with the furniture and the remodel. Part of me wants to go over there and explain. Part of me knows that wouldn’t do any good anyway.”

Strangely, the pastor said nothing, no advice, no suggestions. Instead, he kept nodding.

“She’s just so… determined to push me away, and I guess I understand that. Yeah, I understand it, but… we can’t even be friends? Why would being friends be such a bad deal?”

“Have you ever heard the story of Cinderella?” the pastor asked, and that slammed Caleb to a full stop. Somehow he had thought the pastor would break out the Bible or some tome by Billy Graham. Never once had he expected Cinderella.

“Uh. Yeah. Of course.” He shrugged. “Everybody’s heard of Cinderella. Why?”

“Have you ever thought about the story of Cinderella from the prince’s point of view?”

“The prince?” Caleb backed up six inches in confusion. “No. Not really. The prince was just some guy for her to fall in love with.”

As they kept transferring books, the pastor looked down at him. “Do you mind if I tell you the story from the prince’s perspective?”

Caleb didn’t see the point, but he didn’t see a reason not to either. “Uh. Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“Okay, we’ll skip the once a upon a time part and go right to the prince who had lived his whole life in a castle. That doesn’t mean his life was perfect, just that he had lived his life locked inside a safe but relatively lonely world. Then, one day, the prince had had enough of servants and proclamations, so he snuck out of the palace and went down to the market where the common folk gathered.

“Now the prince had put on the clothes of a servant so as not to be recognized, and it worked. Not a single person at the market recognized him. However, as he walked, he came upon a young maiden who had dropped the apples she was carrying in her cloak. The prince did not at first see she was a young maiden, just that she was having great trouble getting her apples to cooperate. Hurrying over, he bent to help her.

“‘Here,’ he said, handing her one, and when he glimpsed her hand, the realization of how beautiful she must be struck him as her delicate fingers touched his. He continued to pick up the apples, hoping now to catch a glimpse of her beauty hidden underneath the thick cloak, but she was careful, and the cloak did not come off.

“Then when all the apples had been gathered, she stood, thanking him for his kindness. Her voice was like that of the angels, and the prince began even at that moment to fall deeply in love with her. ‘You’re most welcome, my lady,’ the prince said, bowing gallantly which caused the young maiden to forget herself for a moment. The breeze picked just then to lift the cloak and remove it from her face. ‘I must be going,’ she said even as she turned, but the prince looked up and caught sight of her face for a split second.

“Stunned by her for one moment too long, he stood there just as someone from the crowd took notice of him. Realizing he might well be mobbed if he stayed, the prince hurried back to the castle and locked himself there once again. But no matter what he did, he could not get that glimpse of beauty out of his head.”

“Okay,” Caleb said. “So the guy’s got it bad for some girl he just met. What’s that got to do with me and Rachel?”

“Were you not equally struck with her beauty?” the pastor asked with a sly smile. “And just so you know, lying to the pastor is not allowed.”

Caleb smiled because he knew he had been expertly trapped. “Okay. Fair enough. So the prince has it bad for some girl he just met. Then what?”

“Well, he does what every man in love does. He comes up with a plan to find her. Now he knows he can’t go door-to-door looking for her, so he figures the next best thing to do would be to get her to come to him. He convinces his father to throw a ball, which his father does, and they invite all the eligible maidens in the land.”

“Including Cinderella,” Caleb said, sad to see the last box of books was empty. What if they didn’t finish the story? He hoped the pastor wouldn’t do that to him. Now that they were into it, he really wanted to know how it would end.

“Yes, including Cinderella, but remember, this story is not about her. It’s about him.”

“The prince,” Caleb said, and the pastor nodded.

Coming down off the ladder, the pastor went over to the new set up of furniture. He held out his hand to the wing-backed chair and seeing no way to protest without missing the story, Caleb sat. After sitting on the couch, the pastor continued, “So the prince sets up the ball knowing or more to the point, hoping, that his mystery girl would show up.

“The big night arrived, and as they had planned, all of the eligible maidens in the land came. There were girls everywhere. Thin girls, stout girls, shy girls, not-so-shy girls. Hundreds of them, everywhere, but as he danced and danced, the prince simply could not find the one girl he was searching for. After a while, he grew weary and despaired of ever finding her again. Despondent and out of ideas, he left the ball and went out onto the stone walkway that ringed the castle where he sat down to mourn the loss of the woman of his dreams.

“However, as he sat there, who should come up but none other than the girl herself? Of course, he did not see her at first for he was very despondent, and head down, he was looking at no one other than himself. For her part, Cinderella had come to a moment of despair herself as she knew her step-sisters and step-mother were in attendance at the ball. What if they recognized her? They would surely make a scene not to mention what they would do to her after the ball. Losing her courage, she stopped and leaned against the wall, looking out over the countryside, thinking it would be better if she simply went back home and forgot the whole idea.

“‘I cannot,’ she whispered into the night. ‘I do not belong here. I should go home.’”

Hearing a voice that was outside himself for the first time the whole night, the prince looked up and caught sight of Cinderella just as she turned to leave. Instantly he jumped up and grabbed for her hand, causing her to stop. Their gazes locked, and he knew with no doubt that this was the woman he had fallen in love with over a bunch of wayward apples. And so, right there, the prince did what all right-thinking princes do. He bowed and asked her to dance…”

“I’m back,” Derek called, coming in the front door without bothering to ring the doorbell.

That sent Caleb straight up and out of the chair and all the way to his feet.

“False alarm.” Derek came right into the room and stopped to appraise the book shelves. “I think we need to do a little reorganizing.”

The pastor’s eyes went wide. “I thought we were doing good to get them out of the boxes.”

“True, but tomorrow they are going to be on television for a couple million people to see.”

Looking at the shelves, the pastor nodded gravely. “Yes. I see your point. Do you have a plan?”

“Do I have a plan? You should know by now, I always have a plan.”

A plan. Caleb couldn’t help but think that having a plan would be helpful. The problem was with all three projects hurtling toward the finish line, he barely had time to breathe much less come up with a good plan. The first hurdle would clearly be that asking her out on an actual date would take time they did not have.

Yes, he could ask her out for next week, but he also knew how his schedule could get reworked at a moment’s notice. When Derek found out he was staying, if he did end up staying, his boss would surely find some work for him to do. Then there was the whole question of if he was staying or not. He had muffed his chances to ask the pastor about the ramp twice now. That raked over his nerves as much as anything.

As he sat in his hotel room that night ostensibly watching TV, Caleb thought about the pastor’s story. Of the young maiden frantically gathering up her apples. He had no trouble understanding that symbolism. When he thought about Rachel, he could see her always five apples short of what she had dropped. And of course, he couldn’t deny her beauty or how his heart jerked when she got close enough to touch his hand.

She could make something as simple as making breakfast twine with desire and romance such that he had never felt before. In fact, forget the restaurants and dance clubs, if he could just figure out a way to make breakfast with her again, he would find a way to ask her to dance.

Then again, what was that? Asking her to dance? Hoping she would fall for him, and what then?

By the time midnight rolled around, he was no closer to an answer, only more questions. He wished he could just go over to the pastor’s again and sit there and ask all the questions on his heart. He had the feeling that the pastor wouldn’t laugh, though Caleb felt like laughing at himself. It was crazy. How could he be this obsessed with her? And yet, there was no denying he was.

With that thought, he rolled to the side and willed himself to go to sleep. He would ask her to dance, somehow, some way even if it killed him. His heart would never forgive him if he didn’t.

Chapter 13

I prayed for you so much after that, every night. Sage’s words stayed with Rachel. That someone like Sage would even give her a second thought much less pray for her? She couldn’t really put words to it, but it humbled her in ways she could only feel. True a part of her wanted to tell Sage she shouldn’t have bothered. What did prayer do anyway? It hadn’t brought her father back or her grandmother before that. It hadn’t brought Nathan home safely either. And yet, that someone like Sage would think to ask God for her comfort, there was just something so calming even in the thought.

As she turned over just after midnight, Rachel had the crazy thought that she should ask Sage for prayer now. Not that it would do any good, but she just felt so alone in all of this. Of course, who could she really talk to? Who could she tell who would understand? She didn’t even understand most of it.

Her mother, now sleeping just down the hall, had told her everything was not as it seemed, but what did that even mean? Was reality not reality? How could it be anything else?

No. Reality was she was in this alone. Reality was in a few days he would be gone. Reality was she would sleep in this room only one more night, and then reality would shift on its axis once again and dump her off in a new reality, an alternate universe with cameras and microphones and wall-to-wall people in a house she didn’t even recognize.

Hugging her pillow, she rolled again as her heartbeat sped up to dangerous levels. How would she ever make it through the coming days? And once through them, would life on the other side be anything remotely resembling normal?

The thoughts began to overtake her, pounding into the carefully erected shields around her heart. If Nathan had just come home… If the storm just hadn’t hit… If she had just been strong enough to deal with the house issue on her own… Then she wouldn’t be in the middle of this emotional trap.

And it was a trap.

How was she going to act natural when she saw him again? How was she supposed to behave as if he hadn’t rocked her world off its foundation? And how, oh, how, would she ever be all right by herself in that beautiful space he had created for her?

She wondered then if it really was beautiful or if it only was because he was in it. If it only felt safe because for one moment in time she didn’t feel so alone. When he left, would it feel as empty as it once had when she had returned from Illinois without even a flag to hold? The lump in her throat and the clutch of her heart began to hurt physically, panging through her with waves of grief and agony.

“No, Rach,” she whispered into the darkness. “Please, let’s not go there again. Please.”

But go there her brain did. Right to the moment she opened the paint-chipped door to find the two men standing there in perfect military posture. “Are you Mrs. Nathan Taylor…?”

To this day, that was the last thing she remembered.

“Looks like everything is down to the wire here,” Derek said as they met on Thursday morning for the layout of who would need to be where when. “Mrs. P’s reveal will be filmed this morning. That shouldn’t take overly long as we’re only really shooting about the windows.”

Cliff nodded seriously and made a note on his clipboard.

“And then we’ll move over to the pastor’s and get that reveal done.” Then Derek looked at Caleb. “Meantime, you all will be finishing up Rachel’s with the furniture. It’s supposed to be delivered this morning around nine or so.”

Hands on his beltline, he nodded. “We should be ready.”

“Good.” Derek’s gaze swept the assembled group. “Any questions?”

When none were voiced, he nodded. “Then let’s get to work.”

“They won’t even let you see it?” Elaine whispered as Rachel sat reorganizing the little toothbrushes by the sink.

“Nope.” She shrugged. “They think it’s better like this.”

“Better for who? I don’t know about you, but that would drive me crazy.”

Rachel shrugged again, trying not to let the emotions catch her again. “It’s a ratings thing. Can’t compete with ratings.”

“Well, you’re sure taking this better than I would. I’d be beating down that door by now.”

“Yeah, well. It’s just a house.”

“That one goes right here,” Caleb said, directing the workers who were bringing in the new furniture. Every detail had to be more perfect than it had ever been. “And the rug goes here.”

After school, Rachel didn’t even have the heart to care about going by. She went to Mrs. Carrasco’s and picked up the kids, fighting like mad to keep from alerting any of them to the slow disintegration of her spirit.

“Okay,” she said in that sing-song voice she used when she talked for Natalie. “Say bye-bye.”

They were on the woman’s front porch, standing in the bright sunshine when Natalie waved as she always did.

“B-bye.”

Both women’s gazes swept down to the child.

“Natawe said bye-bye,” Rhett said at Rachel’s side.

She beat back the tears. “She sure did.”

The house was finished down to the last corner. They had gone and retrieved all of her bedroom furniture from the old shop. It was still in all right shape, which was good because even Mrs. Murphy’s generosity had only stretched so far.

Out in Rachel’s backyard, Caleb sat on his heels running a final coat of finish over the old rocking chair that now looked practically brand new. He smiled softly. She was going to love it.

Remembering the pastor and his quick prayer on the ladder and although he felt silly for it, Caleb put his hand out over the little chair. “God, please give her peace whenever she sits here. Let her know she is not alone, and please give her someone to watch over her so she really isn’t. Amen.”

He knew no more to say or do, so he did the only thing he knew. He went back to work.

“They were here earlier,” her mother said as they ate supper together for the last time.

“Who?” Rachel knew she was being willfully ignorant, but the less she heard about the coming day, the better.

“Caleb and the others. He’s such a nice young man.”

Twisting, Rachel put her shoulder to her mother as she fed Natalie who spit the carrots right back out. “Oh, come on, baby girl. Really? It doesn’t help if you don’t eat it.”

“Are the two of you going to get together this weekend after the house is done?” her mother asked with so much hope in her voice it collapsed Rachel’s will to pretend.

“I doubt it.” With a sigh, she got up and retrieved the washrag from the sink, wet it, and came back to wipe her daughter’s face off.

“Oh? Why not?”

Flipping the rag to the table, she got a spoonful of pears and gave it to her daughter. “I don’t know, Mom. Because it’s not like that? I know, you want it to be, but it’s just not.”

Stung and hurt her mother put her head down, and Rachel very nearly burst into tears.

“I’m sorry.” The breath stung like mad going down. “Really. I am. But it’s better this way. It really is. He’s got his life, and I’ve got mine. That’s just reality.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, Mom. I am.” Through the unshed tears, she smiled. “I’ve got you and the kids, and the house is going to be great.” It was crazy how she could say that and not shatter into five million pieces. Lying. She’d gotten so good at it over the years. She wasn’t proud of it, but she knew it just the same. “But Caleb and I are… Well, we’re not even really friends. He’s just a guy who worked on my house for a little while, and by Saturday he’ll be gone.”

A moment and her mother nodded. “I think you should know they called today about the little house in town. I told them I would be ready to rent it in November.”

The news felt like a rock between the eyes, but Rachel forced herself not to react.

“Harry said I can move in any time though, and he won’t even charge me for October.”

“That’s… good, Mom. Great.” One day, she would be struck by lightning for her lying tongue. She just hoped she could get through this weekend before that happened.

“This is incredible,” Jaycee said as the three of them toured the house.

The other two projects were now buttoned-up. Once this one was done in the morning, most of the Hearth & Home channel people would be moving out and on from North Carolina for good. There was talk of Baltimore or Phoenix, but until they gave him marching orders, Caleb didn’t really keep up with that part.

“Thanks,” he said, his heart aching more with every room they toured.

“Oh, and this is her mom’s quilt, isn’t it?”

Caleb nodded. The white, gold, and blue quilt fit perfectly in the master bedroom. It was truly the crowning jewel of the whole place.

“Well, once again you did an amazing job.” Derek clapped Caleb on the back and shook his hand with the other one. “Okay, you didn’t hear this from me, but Brent will be making some decisions based on how this one went.”

Stunned, Caleb looked up at his boss questioningly. “Decisions?”

“Nothing you haven’t earned,” Derek said with a proud smile. “Trust me on that.”

What he wanted to do more than life itself was go to her mom’s house after they left hers. What Caleb did instead was find himself pulling up to the pastor’s house long after he should have been headed to Greely. He knew the pastor would wonder what in the world he was doing there. The truth was, Caleb wasn’t even sure. But he needed to talk with the pastor about the ramp, and he hoped that was enough of an excuse.

He rang the doorbell once, turning to make sure it was the pastor’s car in the lot. It was. So he rang the doorbell again.

In surprise, the pastor opened the door. “Caleb? I didn’t expect to see you tonight. Is something wrong?”

“Uh. No. Not exactly.” He glanced back out at the street, wondering at the wisdom of even suggesting this. “I just wanted to talk with you about an idea I had if you have some time.”

“An idea? Oh, well, certainly. Come on in.”

Baths, bed and final packing. It had all sounded so incredibly simple when Rachel had picked the kids up. So why was it every step she took felt like she was going to rip in half?

When the baths were done, she spent a little extra time putting the bath toys one at a time into the little plastic bin that would be their home until they got them out at the new house. The new house. Why couldn’t she go a minute without thinking about it?

And with it, everything else. Bending her eyes to her sleeve, she berated herself. “Stop it, Rachel. For the love of Pete. This has got to stop. Grow up already.”

“A ramp?” the pastor asked slowly. “And you think this is possible?”

“I’ve measured it out, and if we take just a little space from that first room, we could make the ramp right there along that back wall.”

“But it will run right through the hallway,” the pastor said. “How will that work?”

Caleb nodded, thinking through the idea that had finally made its way into his brain one morning at three a.m. “I think we can design a bridge for it. It would fold back over onto the ramp so you could easily get down the hallway and into those two back rooms. Then when you needed it, you would just flip it over and you would have instant, easy access right into the church.”

“But there isn’t a door there.”

“True, but a door would be easy to put in. We would weatherstrip it, so when it was closed, it wouldn’t be an energy drain, and doors, even on load bearing walls will be structurally sound.”

Sitting back in his desk chair, the pastor thought through the plan. “And how are you proposing we pay for this?”

It was the part that made Caleb laugh the most. “Maybe we’ll just can call it a tithe.”

The pastor arched an eyebrow. “That’s quite a tithe for someone who has only been to our church one time.”

A second and Caleb shrugged. “Well, maybe it won’t be just the one time.”

Chapter 14

How she would ever live through this day, Rachel had no clue. She had taken off of work when she found out what day move-in day would be. However, her idea of move-in and their idea of move-in turned out to be very different animals.

For one thing, she had pictured herself carrying things in. For another, she hadn’t pictured it being filmed for all of posterity. As she carefully dressed for the occasion in her nicest gray slacks and light ruffled, silk top, she appraised the outfit and shook her head. “They’re going to have to live with it.”

After the clothes, she started with her hair which was cooperating even less than usual. Finally, after several attempts at putting it up into something glamorous, she gave up and just left it down. Good thing because the alarm to get the kids up started beeping, frazzling her nerves.

Why did time have to speed up to warp proportions just about the time she wanted it to stop altogether? “Time to make tracks, baby doll.”

Caleb should have called her. He knew he should have, and yet even now, he couldn’t get his shaking fingers to dial the number. At the little sink in the powder room, he adjusted the accessories and the towel and then took a quick look at himself in the mirror. If he lived through the morning, he was pretty sure he was permanently and forever immune to heart attacks.

“No. I’ll come,” her mother said. “I already talked with Genevieve, and after breakfast, we’re going to come over and see it. I promise.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us now?” Rachel asked, licking her lips because she was going to melt from the heat pouring out of her body. “I really don’t mind. I want you to.”

“No, baby doll.” Her mom laid her hand on her daughter’s as she stood there. “This is your time. You go enjoy it.”

“I have to say, you’ve really outdone yourself with this one,” Derek said as the two of them made a final pass through the living room. “So when did she say she would be here?”

Caleb turned the little vase of white flowers one way and then the other on the refurbished end table. It had to be perfect, not close, not almost. Perfect. “I didn’t really ask her. I just figured she’d be here this morning.”

“Wait,” Jaycee said from where she was fluffing pillows. “I thought you would have covered that.”

“Well, I did, a couple of weeks ago when we talked about it.”

Jaycee put her head back in frustration. “You’re kidding me. So we really don’t know when she’s coming, or if she’s coming?” She whipped out her cell phone as the cameras ate up the drama greedily. “I cannot believe…”

The flash of light was subtle, but Caleb had the space memorized down to how it looked at each time of the day. His gaze jumped over and through the window two seconds before his heart somersaulted through his chest. “She’s here.”

Rachel parked and stared straight ahead. She should have called, made sure of what she was supposed to do. Then again, the thought of talking to him, even to ask for some petty details threatened to pitch her right over the emotional cliff she was teetering off of. She closed her eyes and let out a breath that hurt as it raked across her heart. “Now what?”

“Caleb!” Rhett squealed in utter joy from the back, and without a single other thought, Rachel looked up the walk to find none other than the man who made her insides feel like mush coming down toward her.

“Oh, no,” she breathed. “No. I can’t do this.” Somehow she had absurdly convinced herself she could come today and not act like a teenager with a fan-girl crush on him. However, one look at him in the pressed jeans, navy button-down shirt and gray jacket, and she knew fan-girl crush would be a major step up from the humiliation she was about to endure.

He never stopped or even hesitated as he strode right down the sidewalk toward them, and then she glanced to the side and realized why. Her breathing stopped completely as the world swum around her. They were filming already. She wanted to disappear. Really, she did. And she would have if she could’ve figured out how.

What she did instead was reach for the door handle and wrench it open, willing herself not to act or react the way her heart wanted to. Then, in the very next breath he was standing right there, holding the door, offering her his hand, and smiling at her as if he had no idea of the turmoil he was causing in her.

“You made it,” he said as if none of this was a challenge for him at all.

“I did,” she choked out, and then she cleared her throat because her voice cracked when her hand touched his. “We… did.”

Floating. It was the only word to describe the sensation as she stood from the car and he shut her door. As she looked up at him, tears threatened because her only wish in life was standing right there in front of her, and yet it was a wish that would never, ever come true. The thought tore into her carefully constructed denial, laying it to waste with one, single glance.

“I can’t wait for you to see it,” he said, his voice sounding breathless though that must have been her imagination.

She swallowed and blinked, trying to find reality back and get it back in her grasp. “I have to get the kids.” Pointing back to the car, she managed to rip her gaze from his, but that only lasted a second because when she looked back, his was right there waiting for her.

He grinned, and she knew she would never recover from this. “I’m glad you brought them. They’re going to love it too.”

With his heart about to burst inside him, Caleb went to Rhett’s door and popped it open.

“Caleb!” Rhett squealed.

“Rhett!” Caleb answered back, and his joy was no act. The second he got the harness off of the child, he scooped him up and heedless of the cameras, he accepted and returned the massive hug. “I missed you, bud.”

If that hug had lasted forever, Caleb would not have complained. When it broke, he found her coming around the car with Natalie. What he wanted to do was to put his arm around her. Instead he simply smiled. “Are you ready for this?”

No, Rachel wanted to scream at him. Was he completely out of his mind? She would never be ready for this. Ever. However, she couldn’t say any of that, so she smiled, took a breath, and put on the mask as well as it would fit. “Sure. I can’t wait.”

Just like that he half-turned, and she stepped in front of him, whisking the hair that flitted into her face away. She could feel him glancing at her as if giving her a message he didn’t want to ask. That’s when she remembered her role in all of this. Dutifully and hammering like mad to keep the walls around her heart standing, she forced herself to look up at the house. Oh, boy, this was going to be harder than she thought.

“It’s so pretty,” she said, measuring her words and tone carefully. She wanted to sound grateful, happy even, but not overly grateful or happy. Dignity. She needed to keep her dignity in check. “I really like the flowers. They’re nice.”

His gaze came down to her, and she felt his concern. But what could she do? If she let even a sliver of her real feelings out, the dam holding them back would surely burst, and then where would they be?

“And you finished the trim,” she said, making herself focus on the details and not on the solid warmth of his presence or how overwhelming all of this was. In many ways it was like they were touring someone else’s house. Like he was showing her the grand version of a home that she could never hope to possess. In ways that made it easier so long as she simply didn’t let herself remember this was supposed to be hers when they all left.

“We installed all new windows,” he was saying. “We had the energy inspectors out yesterday, and this house received their highest rating.”

Rachel nodded and got an actual smile to her face. “Saving on bills. That’ll help.” She glanced up at him for a second, realized that mistake and ducked quickly.

Another second and he looked down at her before putting his hand at her back. “Come on. Let’s go see it.”

Heat and not the welcome kind slithered down her face and across her neck as she fought it with every sane piece left in her. He really shouldn’t do that here. Not here with everyone watching. How was she supposed to keep up this act with him doing that?

“New door,” he said at the bottom of the porch.

“I like it,” she said, knowing her heart would never be able to take all of this in with one pass. “Much better than the old, chipped one.”

Together they went up the three steps, and at the top, he opened the door for her to enter.

As Rachel stepped in, her first real thought she had was how perfect everything looked. It was as if they had brought a photo from a magazine to life. Sunshine streamed in the front windows, causing little particles to dance happily in the air in front of her, and everywhere she looked, it was more perfection than she ever could have dreamed possible.

In fact, she didn’t even realize she had stopped dead until she felt his gaze slide over her with concern and questions. Overwhelmed and not at all sure what she was supposed to do next, she looked up at him, and in his face was a vulnerability she had never seen before.

“It’s…” She blinked to get her sanity going again. That required much more than she realized it would. “It’s so… beautiful.” Her gaze trailed from his back into the space though she never moved. “The fireplace. The mantle. I just… It’s… amazing.”

“Well, come on in,” he said, pushing her just a little to get her actually into the space and away from the door so he could shut it.

Rachel swallowed hard to keep her heart down and her emotions in check as she went one more step in. That’s when she noticed the furniture, and her heart fell. So they had decided to stage the place after all. Not that she could blame them. Her stuff was old and would not transfer well to the camera. Still, she would have to be very careful not to get sucked into believing this really would be how it would look when they left.

However, at just that moment, she saw the rocking chair over by the fireplace. She couldn’t be sure it was the same one, but it called to her just the same. “Oh, is that…?” Without waiting for him, she walked over to it, and with Natalie still in her arms, she brushed her hand over the top of it. “Is this the one from the pastor?”

The look of soft joy on his face was enough to do her heart in as he came over to join her and nodded. “It is. I did a little work on it. Should be as good as new now.”

She felt the tears yank up into her eyes, but with determination, she ducked and mashed them back down. “It’s perfect.”

A second and still looking at her, he nodded toward it. “You want to try it out?”

Panic hit her when her gaze slammed into his. “Now?”

He shrugged as a playful grin slipped to his lips. “No time like the present, right?”

Courage, Rachel. Courage. Don’t think. Just do this for them. “O… okay.” She went around the thing, noticing then the soft blue and green afghan draped on the opposite armrest. Careful not to disturb anything too much, she sat and settled both herself and Natalie down. The rocking was easy, keeping her composure was not. “Oh, it’s perfect.”

She ran her hand over and across the soft armrest before putting her head back and letting herself feel how easily Natalie now fit in the hollow of her embrace. “Wow. I think we’re going to spend a lot of nights here, baby doll.”

For one moment Caleb let himself and his thoughts get lost in just watching her. Why doing that was so very simple to get caught up in, he couldn’t quite tell. However, he reminded himself he had a job to do. This was a job. He had to steer this day so they would get all the footage they would need later. So he looked over at Rhett.

“What do you say, buddy? You want to try it out too?”

The little eyes widened just before the child nodded.

“Oh, my!” Rachel said as Caleb bent to put her other child in her lap. “Wow. You’re getting big.”

He hoped this would work as well as his heart had said it would. When the three of them were down, sitting there, rocking and Caleb stepped back to take in just how perfect they looked in reality there, he had a hard time keeping his heart from wishing he could be here to see that picture every single night. It was better than he had ever let himself imagine.

“So?” he finally asked because he couldn’t stand it any longer.

When Rachel looked up at him, he was pretty sure there were words, but none really came out. She mashed her lips together and nodded as a sad, grateful, anguished smile came to her face. A prayer flashed through him, something about God helping her to get through all of this because they really didn’t have much of a choice. Then with a tiny sniff, she shrugged the emotions away and nudged Rhett toward him again. “We really should see the rest or we’ll still be here tomorrow.”

With a soft laugh, Caleb reached down and retrieved Rhett as if he weighed next to nothing. Her lap said differently however. When had her son gotten so big? In no time he would be starting school, and then…

Knowing she couldn’t let herself get dragged into thoughts she couldn’t deal with now, she shoved that aside as she yanked herself up. “You know, this fireplace really is amazing. It’s still the same brick that was here to begin with, isn’t it?”

The jerk out of the embrace of pure love and back into real life surprised Caleb so much, it took him a moment to recover. “Oh. Uh, yeah.” He nodded, trying to figure out why everything had suddenly gotten so bright. “We were able to save the bricks and just paint over it. That saved a ton of money, which was nice because we ended up having to replace a lot of the subflooring on this level and upstairs because of all the water damage.”

Rachel looked down to her feet and grinned. “The flooring is great—even if we didn’t go with the hand-scraped Italian kind you wanted.”

He grinned back at her as the quiet joke passed between them. How many hours did they spend those first few days arguing about the upgrades he wanted to include versus the practical way she wanted it done? Crown molding. Waterfall faucets. Hand-scraped flooring. He had wanted to give her the world. That she had managed to so thoroughly talk him out of so much of it made him remember his comment about getting water from a brick. She was one stubborn lady when she wanted to be.

“Well, we did have to choose which hills to die on,” he said with another soft laugh.

Her smile could light up a whole city. “It wasn’t that bad.”

His brows rose. “You sure about that?”

She joined his laugh. “Okay. Well, it’s good to see you lived through it anyway.”

He tipped his head. “It’s not over yet.”

With a duck of her head, Rachel knew she had to break the connection before everyone and their dog knew how thoroughly he had stolen her heart. It was strange though, how like this, just talking, he made it so easy. She picked her head up, and one glance away from him told her they were going to the kitchen. “I still can’t believe this kitchen.”

Stepping past him, she went that direction. It was indeed a sight to behold. Stately yet cozy the kitchen had a way of wrapping around you like a warm hug on a rotten day. “I just love this island.” She went over to it and ran her hand over the smooth surface. “And the storage in here goes on for days.”

“Don’t forget the pantry.” He went over to it and opened it for her inspection.

It really was a thing of beauty.

“Of course, back here we redid this space to make a proper mudroom, and we added the stacked washer and dryer.”

She shook her head. “It’s like you thought of everything and in such a small space too.”

“Space is rarely the issue. Most of the time it’s lack of vision of what can be accomplished in the space you have to work with.” Professional. It was the word that came to her mind when she looked up at him. This was his job, and he was very good at it. “We got lucky in that the water line from upstairs routed through this wall, so putting this here made perfect sense.”

“It looks like it was made for it.”

He grinned. “Well, it kind of was.”

She laughed before stepping into the little alcove that led to the back door. “And we have hooks for coats and a place for shoes. We may actually be on time for a change and not running around looking for everything.”

“That would be helpful.”

“Tell me about it.”

His eyes were sparkling like stars on a clear night. “Now, we looked at the kitchen, and I can’t believe you didn’t say one thing about that double oven.”

Her heart jumped at the thought. “Well, you didn’t give me a chance!”

He laughed, turned, and headed back the way they had come, dodging cameras and people the whole way.

“It’s so weird,” she said, her gaze bouncing around the kitchen as they entered it again.

“What’s that?”

“Every time I look at it, I see something different. Like these pendant lights. They are just perfect for the space, and they put so much light on the island.”

“And they have a little bling to them too, so it’s not so post-modern.”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “I’m not really a post-modern kind of girl.” Then her gaze slipped past him. “But I do have to say, I am loving this double oven.” Bouncing Natalie in her arms she ducked toward her daughter. “Just in time for someone’s birthday. That was good timing, don’t you think?”

The words hit Caleb like a punch. He hadn’t known Natalie’s birthday was coming up. In fact, he didn’t know when any of their birthdays were. Something about that made him almost sad because in the timeline of life staring at him from the future, he wouldn’t be here to celebrate any of it with them.

Shaking out of that, he lifted his chin. “You should be able to cook whatever you want in this thing. It has a self-timer and delay-start, the whole nine-yards.”

Her eyes widened. “I hope you’re leaving some instructions. I’ll probably burn the house down with that thing.”

“Oh, no. Don’t do that.”

Her smile and laugh danced right across his heart. “I guess that wouldn’t be good, would it?”

His smile perfectly matched hers. “No. It wouldn’t.”

Oh, how easy it would be to get snagged in those eyes and never come back again Rachel thought as she gazed up at him. He had a way of sweeping her into another dimension so that she forgot all about what she was supposed to be doing.

“Well,” he finally said after more time than it should have taken him, “you ready to see the rest?”

“Lead on.”

Trailing through the living room with him leading the charge, they stopped for a moment at the little table tucked in the corner of the living area and then headed to the little powder room just off the side of the staircase.

“So, this is your powder room.” He opened the door, and with one look, Rachel’s heart whisked away from her once again.

“Oh, wow! You’re kidding me. Oh, my…”

“It seemed like such a tiny space,” he was saying as she entered it, taking in the amazing transformation. What had been dingy yellow and all but falling down had somehow morphed into a space that looked like a million-dollar spa. Gray walls played off of white trim. The vanity, the tile, even the toilet seemed elegant and perfectly fitted into the space.

“I love these fixtures,” Rachel said as she touched the faucet.

“A little more bling,” he said with a grin.

“And this mirror.” She looked up into it, almost not even seeing herself for the fantasy that took over the moment. “I love it. All of it. It’s just so inviting and warm.”

“I’m glad.”

When she looked over at him, his grin was as telling as his words were.

She let out a long breath. “I think I’m speechless. Really. This is just… It’s all so incredible. And it’s mine. I can’t believe it.” Allowing her gaze to span the powder room once more, the thought traced through her that she would never again be embarrassed to let someone use it. How many times in the past had she closed that door, hoping no one would ask to use it? “I don’t ever want to leave.”

He laughed. “Well, if you think this is good, wait ‘til you see what’s upstairs.”

This breath was shorter and tilting on overwhelm. “I can’t wait.”

Chapter 15

Caleb knew there were multiple cameras waiting for them at the top of the stairs even as he climbed in front of her. “So, there’s railing now.”

“Great. I won’t fall off anymore. What a concept.”

“Oh, and there’s a temporary gate at the bottom you can put up when you’re downstairs so this little one can’t get herself into trouble.” Turning at the top, he tweaked Natalie’s nose and then ran his hand over her soft, silk-like hair as she giggled.

Rachel collected her back into her arms and laughed. “That’s good. She’s at that age…”

“And…” He stepped once more so she would follow before he went back around behind her. “This…” Reaching out, he unlatched a little gate that matched the handrail and swung it around and latched it to the black iron post on the other wall. “You can close this at night and nobody’s going to be getting where they shouldn’t be.”

Putting her hand over Natalie’s back, Rachel rubbed there as gratefulness rushed through her. “It’s like y’all thought of everything.”

He grinned as he put the gate back. “We tried.” Stepping past her, he spun his arm. “Come on. There’s more to see.”

Rachel followed him, dropping farther and farther into the abyss of awe and disbelief. There was the little sitting room where they had now added a small bookshelf and books too. However, she stopped in surprise when she saw the television mounted at the top of the bookshelf. “I… Where did that come from?”

“Special surprise. We figured this way, you guys could come up here, stretch out and relax. The kids could be entertained, and you have this little place to sit. And when the kids go to bed, you can sit up here and read or watch TV, and you’ll only be steps away from them.”

Then, as she looked at the little room, once again, she remembered the furniture downstairs, and though she loved the little love seat, she knew it wouldn’t be staying. Probably the television would also be going as well when the others left. “It’s great. Really. It’s so much more than I ever dreamed it would be.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Like it? Are you kidding me? I may never leave.”

His grin got even wider. “Well, you really won’t want to leave once you see… this…” Going over to the door to the left, he pushed it open for her, and Rachel glanced at him one time, hoping it was safe.

“I promise, you’re going to love it,” he said, bending down toward her so only she could hear.

With that she stepped into the space, and her heart slid right into her shoes, caught and held there. “Oh… Caleb.” She shouldn’t call him that. Not on camera. Like that. Something somewhere in the recesses of her mind told her she shouldn’t, but that thought was drowned out by the torrent of utter, all-encompassing disbelief washing over her, sweeping her along with it and dropping her right into sheer overwhelm. “It’s…” She let out a breath and tried to catch it again but even it got away from her. “It’s…” Everywhere she looked she saw something even more beautiful. The sink, the cabinet, the open shelving, even the walls.

“I love this color. It’s like a dream.” Two more steps in and her gaze slipped over to the tub now ensconced in the most gorgeous tilework she had ever seen. It was taupe and beige, off-set by a diamond of those two plus forest and teal green, all surrounding a gleaming new tub and shower. “Oh my...”

“And,” Caleb said, stepping next to her, “you now have…” Reaching up, he removed part of the showerhead from its perch, dropping it down so it was nearly on the floor of the tub.

She looked up at him in surprise. “I can rinse off the kids!”

He laughed. “That’s the idea.”

Letting out a breath as she took the whole scene in, she felt the tears sliding up, stinging her eyes and nose. “I just… I can’t believe all this. It’s so… it’s all so… beautiful.”

Carefully he replaced the showerhead before his gaze came back down to her and held there.

His plan was to plow through the rest of it and get this over with, but when he looked down at her, the thought that she was about to bust into pieces wrenched across his heart. Knowing nothing else to do, gently he reached over to her, hoping this wasn’t all too much for her fragile heart to take. Bending closer, he held her with his gaze. “You okay?”

She was gasping now, fighting to get it back together even as she nodded. Her hand went up to her nose as she beat back the emotions flooding across her face.

“Ah, hey,” he said, telling himself he would have them cut this in post. With only that thought, he pulled her to him and held her there, up against himself, in the protective circle of his free arm.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“No. Come on. Don’t be sorry.” He angled his gaze down to her as her tears flowed out onto his jacket. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“It’s just… I don’t… I don’t deserve this.”

Anger at life for picking her up and smashing her against the rocks flashed through him. “Okay. Now you listen to me. You have busted your tail to provide for these kids. You gave the love of your life so the rest of us could live in freedom and peace. I think you, of all people, deserve to have a nice, safe place to raise these kids and to come home to at the end of the day.”

Rachel sniffed at the tears, and the smile she managed to get up to him told him she would put on a brave front and not fall apart—for his sake if nothing else. She nodded. “Thank you.”

Having no words to tell her how he had wanted to do all of this and so much more for her, Caleb wrapped her once again into his embrace. “My pleasure.”

The next two rooms were a blur though Rachel did manage to notice that the beds were the ones she had sent from the barn. That was good at least they wouldn’t take all of the furniture at the end of this.

“And last, but not least,” Caleb said at the door to the master bedroom. He swung the door open for her grand entrance and watched as she passed in front of him. “A quiet sanctuary just for you.”

After all of the other stuff, all of the other rooms and surprises, Rachel really thought she was so numb she wouldn’t even react. She was wrong.

The sanctuary as he called it was bright and warm and welcoming. Light streamed in from the window above the bed—the very one that had started this whole mess. The shards of glass were long gone, replaced with a clear view of the trees in the side yard.

One part of her was glad they had used the old bed though it didn’t look at all the same in this place. The dark smoke blue of the side wall encompassed the two white sitting chairs that flanked the plain silhouette of the little table between them. On the windows hung simple yet elegant tan-taupe curtains, and on the bed…

“Wait. Is that…?” Rachel whipped her gaze up to his, and his smile wasn’t so much of a grin as just gentle hope.

“Your mom sent it over.”

“My…” Somehow she had thought she could get through at least this without the tears showing up. Oh, how wrong she was about that. “This was…” Going over to it, she put her hand on it and brushed it there as memories from a million years before crowded the confines of her heart. “This was my grandma’s.” She sniffed hard to get the memories to stop, but they poured over her until she could hardly breathe. “She made this.”

Caleb was nodding, standing right by her. “Your mom said it was something really special.”

Rachel nodded, overcome by the tears. “It is.”

Rachel felt like she’d been through an emotional meat-grinder by the time someone had the good sense to yell, “Cut!”

“Great. We’ll wrap this up downstairs everyone,” the director said as Rachel stood there, still trying to understand just how they had managed to get the quilt, and it was somehow clean now too. The last time she had seen it, it was stuffed in the closet with a huge yellow stain. How they had even known?

She started to explain all that was in her hear and then laughed softly as the tears welled up again. Putting her hand up to her eyes, she swiped there. “I knew I should have worn waterproof mascara today.”

“You look beautiful,” Caleb said, never so much as moving though it seemed the entire world around them was in motion.

With a laugh, her gaze jumped up to his. “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment.”

But his eyes held only sincerity. “You don’t have to.”

Gratefulness for his gentle spirit slipped over her. “Thank you. Really. For everything. This…” She swept her hand to the side. “It’s more than I ever could have hoped for.”

A moment and he put his hand on her arm, his touch heating through her like warm fire on a cold night. “You’re welcome. I really hope you like it.”

Laughing, she shook her head. “Uh. Yeah. I definitely like it.”

“Hey, you two,” Derek said, coming in as the others left.

In one motion Caleb turned and stepped away from her. “Hey!” He held out his hand and shook his boss’s. “Great timing. I guess they’re going to need you for the stand ups downstairs.”

“Yeah,” Derek said, taking a step back and putting his hands on his beltline. “I was going to talk to you about that.”

Caleb crooked his head. “Oh, yeah? Why? What’s up?”

“Well, Brent called earlier, and they’re really wanting to try a couple of different stand ups so they’ll have some options with this one.”

“Options?” Caleb asked in concern, and Rachel glanced up at him in worry. He didn’t sound confident nor steady about that.

“No biggie. They just want us to do a couple with me and a couple with you. Then they’re thinking about piecing it all together from that. If you’re up for it.”

Half a shrug and Caleb agreed. “Sounds good to me.” Then he turned back to Rachel. “Do you mind?”

What was she supposed to say to that? “Oh. Uh. No. Of course not. I can just…” She reached for Rhett, took him back and then slid him to the floor because he was far too heavy for her to hold. Resettling Natalie, she smiled at them. “Y’all go on. Do what you need to do. We’ll be fine.”

The last thing Caleb wanted to do right then was leave them, but he was going to have to eventually. “I guess let’s go get this done.”

He followed Derek out, leaving them with only one glance back. It was an image he would remember for the rest of his life.

Once they were gone, Rachel’s nerves and emotions began to uncoil around her. She sat down on her bed, glad they had used it so she had somewhere to sit that wasn’t rented or borrowed or whatever it was called when you staged a house.

It was then that she noticed the little shelf over on the blue wall, and she stood, knowing already what it held. Somehow they had made the wall look like a picture frame with pictures around it. The shelf was in the middle with the last family picture they had ever taken together—Nathan, her, and Rhett, and next to it was a small snapshot of Natalie.

Tears welled up again as she let her gaze take in the other photographs there on the wall surrounding the shelf. Nathan in his dress blues. The silly one of Rhett in the swimming pool. One of her parents and one of her when she was pregnant with Rhett. There was even one of Nathan and her the day they got married. It was unfathomable how young they looked although it had only been a couple of years since it was taken.

“I was wondering where you were,” Jaycee said, coming into the room. She stopped when Rachel turned, and a look of quiet concern crossed her face. “I was going to tell you, your mom is downstairs.”

“Oh.” Rachel swiped at her eyes. Waterproof mascara really would have been a good idea. “We’ll be right down.”

“Yes, yes,” her mother was saying as Rachel herded herself and the children down the stairs. “It is perfect. Just beautiful.”

“Well, no one deserves it more,” Caleb said, and Rachel wanted to smack him. He really needed to quit saying that.

“Look who I found,” Jaycee said as she descended the last step, and she turned to indicate the three of them. “Here. Why don’t I hold this little sweetie for a minute?”

And just like that Rachel handed Natalie to her old classmate. One look at her mother was enough to crack and crumble the dam of tears, and Rachel came over to her and right into her waiting arms.

“Oh, baby doll,” her mother said, stroking her hair. “It’s beautiful.”

Rachel nodded into her mother’s shoulder, glad the cameras were all safely outside. She sniffed and pulled back. “I can’t believe how great it all turned out.”

“Oh, and by the way,” Caleb said from the other side of her as she both held onto the embrace of her mother and turned to him. “I forgot to mention one little thing.”

Sniffing again, Rachel choked back the tears. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

He tipped his head and grinned at both of them. “Well, thanks to your mom’s generosity, we were able to get a few new pieces of furniture.”

Wariness and concern cracked into Rachel as she glanced at her mother. “Furniture? Like what?”

Hands on his hips, he shrugged. “Well, like all of it.”

Rachel’s eyes went so wide she had to blink to keep them in her skull. “All…?” She looked from him to her mother. “All of it? What…?”

Her mother smiled softly. “Just a little house warming gift.”

The surprise jerked her mouth down, and Rachel stood there stunned. “But you can’t afford…”

However, her mother just smiled and patted her hand. “There was some from the settlement left. It’s my gift.”

“But… that… that was for you, for your care.”

“I have plenty enough for my care. Besides, I can’t take any of it with me anyway, so call it an early inheritance.”

“Mom!” Rachel said in dismay. “Don’t even say that.”

But the smile never left. “Darling, you have put your whole life on hold for me. You endured moving here when you really didn’t want to and then nearly losing even this old house. You’ve been through so much and yet you still think about others before yourself. The plain fact of the matter is you are and always have been my inspiration, and I want to give back something of what you’ve given me over the years while I still can.”

What could she say to protest? She couldn’t, so she shook her head and put her arms around her mother. “I am so lucky to have you.”

“Not anymore blessed than I am to have you, baby doll.”

“Caleb?” one of the assistants said, coming in the door as he stood watching the tender moment between mother and daughter. “We’re ready for you.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, wishing he didn’t have a job to do.

When the two of them broke apart, he leaned in to them. “I’ll be right back.”

Rachel swiped at her eyes before nodding. “Okay. Go be fabulous.”

His grin came of its own free will. “Don’t go anywhere.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Hey, where would I go? It’s my house.”

Leaving them, he strode out into the sunshine, loving every minute of this day now that it hadn’t ended in disaster. “Okay, what do you need?”

“I can’t believe this is all mine,” Rachel said, going over to the living room intensely fascinated now that she knew it wasn’t all going to be taken away the second the cameras stopped rolling.

“It’s such a perfect mix,” Jaycee said, following her and sitting on the other side of the couch with Natalie who escaped from her arms and crawled like a race car over to her mother. “Old and new. Vintage and contemporary.”

Rachel picked her daughter up as Rhett came and snuggled in as well. She looked around as her mother sat in the stationary chair and set her walker to the side.

“It’s so warm and homey in here,” she said.

“I know, right?” Jaycee said. “Caleb did such an amazing job on it. I mean, truly, truly outstanding.”

Even as Rachel sat absorbing it all, his name made her heart jump. What she wouldn’t give to be able to just relive the last hour with him over and over again. Her sigh spoke of how much she was going to miss him when this was all said and done. How quickly that would happen now was something she didn’t even want to think about.

Natalie worked her way down off her mother’s lap, and Rachel stood her by the coffee table, knowing the child would be able to stand with something at just her height to hold onto.

“She’s going to be walking soon,” her mother said, gazing at the child.

“Tell me about it.” Rachel sighed. “It’s a good thing for those gates they put in on the stairs.” She looked around again. “It’s so weird. It’s like they literally thought of everything. I don’t think there’s a single thing I would change anywhere.”

“They do amazing work,” Jaycee said with a smile.

“You do amazing work,” Rachel’s mom said. “All of you do. I haven’t seen one single thing I’m not incredibly impressed with, right down to my gutter spout. It’s too bad you all have to leave now. We could sure use someone this good in these parts.”

“Always another house to do,” Jaycee said. “If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that.” A second and she stood. “I’d better go check on everything out there.”

“K,” Rachel said, and she watched as Jaycee left.

When the door closed, there was silence for one second.

“Caleb is looking mighty handsome this morning,” her mother said.

“Ugh. Mom.” Rachel closed her eyes. “Can you give it a rest already?”

“What? He is. I’m old. I’m not blind.”

Standing, Rachel straightened her shirt and turned for the kitchen. It really was beautiful though this whole thing was going to take a lot of getting used to.

“So, you didn’t notice?” her mother called. “Or you noticed but you’re trying not to?”

“Mom.” She stretched the syllable out to ten. “Can we just enjoy the house for two seconds without playing Fix Rachel Up With Someone?”

“Not ‘someone.’ His name is Caleb.”

“I give up.”

The stand ups went about as well as they could have, and for that, Caleb was glad. The special or specials if they chose to make more than one would be ratings gold. He was happy for Derek. This whole outing should push him into whatever new stratosphere he wanted to be in.

When the last “Cut” was yelled followed by the inevitable “that’s a wrap,” Derek stuck out his hand to Caleb. “Thanks, man. It’s been quite a ride.”

Strange how that almost sounded like one of them wouldn’t be there for the next job, but Caleb pushed that hint of a thought to the side and shook the proffered hand. “I’m just glad we survived it.”

“I’d say you did a lot more than survive it.” Derek glanced up at the house as the camera crew went about rolling up around them. “Rachel was looking awful nice today.”

Caleb laughed. “That’s what happens when you tell a woman she’s going to be on camera for a million people to see.”

“You sure she was thinking about the million? Or just one?” Derek bounced his eyebrows as Jaycee walked up.

It was still funny how on the job they danced around if they were together or not. Out here, with everyone milling around, they almost seemed like they had before. Only when they were well out of the limelight did they let their guards down and act like a real couple.

“So, now that the sandwich brigade is out of business,” Derek said. “What’re we doing for lunch?”

“We could go out to Sage’s,” Jaycee said. “I could call her.”

“Or we could pick something up and take it out there,” Derek said as Caleb began to fade off into the non-existent woodwork. This was their time, not his.

“I’ll call her and see.” And with that, Jaycee walked off and over by the porch.

“I’m sure you guys would be welcome if you want to come,” Derek said, but Caleb’s gaze betrayed him for one second and shifted back up to the house.

“I don’t know. I really think Rach is going to probably be moving her stuff from the farm today.” Overheating as the sun and humidity escalated, he shed the jacket that was becoming uncomfortably warm. He folded it over his arm. “I think I’ll just help her with that if you guys don’t mind.”

“Don’t mind at all. We could come help after lunch if you want.”

Caleb’s heart hitched remembering her aversion to the idea of a lot of people being around. “We’ll talk about it, and I’ll let you know.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Chapter 16

“Hey,” Caleb said, coming very slowly in the front door of the house that was now officially hers.

“Caleb,” her mother said from the chair not steps away from the door, “come on in. We were just talking about you.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “All good things I hope.” Coming in, he closed the door behind him, went over to the couch and laid his jacket on it. These button-down shirts were going to be the death of him yet. He unbuttoned the sleeves and set about rolling them up.

“Of course all good things,” her mother said. “Absolutely.”

With no thought to it, he watched the two siblings now playing on the rug and hardwoods in the living area, and the question of where their mother was zipped through him. He turned and found her, hands splayed on the island looking, well, less than pleased.

His eyebrows lifted even further. “Problems?”

She corkscrewed her face into either thought or anger, he couldn’t tell which. “Figures. Here I have this beautiful kitchen, and I have absolutely no food anywhere in it.” The anger melted into a sheepish smile. “How is that even possible?”

“What? You mean the construction crew didn’t stock it too? How dare they.” Crossing over to where she stood, he let out a breath. “Well, that was pretty thoughtless of them, don’t you think?” His grin brought hers out, and he couldn’t help but think how in love with that smile he had become. “Well, I guess we could always run to the store and grab something to make. I hear it’s not too far from here.”

Her eyes started dancing with mirth. “We?”

He laughed. “So, what? After all of this, you’re not even going to feed me? I figured it was worth at least a ham sandwich.”

“Well, since you put it that way…”

As it turned out, it was Caleb that went and bought groceries, enough for lunch, dinner, and breakfast the next morning. He didn’t want her to have to make a run while they were getting things in order.

“What, did you buy out the store?” Rachel asked when he made it back and in with all the bags in hand.

Those bags took the new-kitchen look and dropped it right into the realm of lived in. It was strange. After all the remodels he had done all over the country, Caleb had never experienced this part of it. Breaking the space in, making it your own. Okay, it wasn’t his own, but… He snapped all of those thoughts and crumbled them into little pieces because they could so get him into so much trouble if he let them. “Where’d your mom go?”

“Home. Genevieve came. Something about a nap.” Rachel came over and put her hand on his shoulder and her chin on her hand as he pulled things out of the bags. “What’d you get?”

“My mom used to make this. It’s called squash ribbon pasta.” He was busy unloading every bag he’d brought in until it was all scattered across the island in no discernable order.

“With bacon?” she asked, lifting one package.

“That’s for breakfast,” he said, half-turning to her because she was standing so close.

She dropped her hand and lowered her chin at him as with her eyes only she questioned the word.

“For your breakfast.” He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I figured it’ll be a big enough challenge to get this place together and ready for Sunday the way it is. You probably don’t have time to be running to the store for every meal.”

It was then that he turned completely to her as reality clicked into gear in his brain.

Noticing the look on his face, she backed up and folded her arms. “What?”

A second and he fought back the laugh that jumped from him anyway. “I just realized I got all this food, and we’ve got nothing to cook it in.”

Horror jumped to her face as her eyes went wide. “Uhhhhhh…?”

About that time he burst into laughter and after only a second she followed.

“Well, that was bright,” he said, putting his hand to his head.

She put her hand on his arm as her own laughter spilled out of her. “Man, I’m really going to have to talk with that construction crew. They are falling down on the job.”

“Tell me about it.” He lifted an eyebrow as he thought through their options. “Okay. So what’s Plan B?”

Plan B ended up being loading up in her car after hurriedly stashing all of the food in the refrigerator and pantry. She would have enough to eat for days with all he had brought. Still, after grabbing his duffle bag from his truck, when they headed out to her mom’s, Rachel couldn’t be upset.

This was better anyway. At least now the fantasy of him being there and cooking with her wouldn’t be any more than a nice dream. Actually living it would have made it too real.

“So,” he asked, looking over at her, a move which still made her heart jerk and jump.

“So,” she said back, and her gaze could hardly hold his.

“Are we moving today or what? Derek said they’d come and help if we wanted them to.”

“Oh.” Her gaze plummeted to her hands on her lap. “They don’t have to do that. I know this was all just doing their job.”

As Caleb looked at her, the decision should have been easy. He was in love with her, and he was pretty sure she at least liked him. It wasn’t like they were in high school. They were both adults who knew the score of this going in. Still, there was something about the giant leap of faith he was asking her to take with him that nearly talked him right out of it.

Then, with one breath to push all of that aside, he decided he had to know. Gently but solidly, he put his hand across the seat and found hers there. He carefully slid his fingers in between the cross of her hands and wrapped hers into his.

Surprise mixed with fear jumped to her face as she her gaze jerked over at him. However, Caleb wasn’t about to let her go now that he had made the decision. So instead of removing his hand from hers, he looked over at her and held her shocked gaze for a second before putting his attention back onto the road. Never removing his hand as it curled around her bottom one and caught there and held, the decision solidified in him.

“This isn’t about a job.” He glanced at her again. “I hope you know that.”

Spiraling. Flailing. Spinning. Falling.

Over the last six weeks, Rachel had gotten really good at talking herself out of this or into believing she was only being silly thinking he could ever feel that way about her. But with his strong, solid, warm hand now twisted and twined with hers, over hers, and through hers, it left little room for doubt that he felt anything less than she did.

“I…” she stumbled, knowing how dangerous this could be to her heart. It had been chipped, cracked, and broken before, and she wasn’t at all sure she could endure that again. “I just hate asking other people for help. I’m sure they’ve got better things to do than to come help me.”

Instead of trying to talk her out of that, he laughed as his gaze traced over to her. “So you’re really going to turn down help at this point?”

That hand was doing very bad things to her will to tell him she could handle it without him. She fought not to let herself feel it as his thumb rubbed across and over hers, but not feeling it was all-but impossible. It ricocheted through her, stealing her thoughts and her sanity. The swallow didn’t help. Neither did the breath she never really managed to take. Her head was starting to swim something awful, and she had no idea how to get it to stop.

“Well, what if I call them and ask them to come help me then?” He grinned over at her. “Because let’s face it, I’m going to be the one doing all the heavy lifting here.” He said it as if this was all perfectly natural and normal, as if he didn’t have a clue of the epic earthquake he had set off inside her.

Reality was starting to tip and tilt in front of her as they made the final turn into her mother’s driveway. If he didn’t quit soon, she wasn’t going to have an ounce of self-control left. “I… I guess if you want to ask…”

His grin became even happier. “Good. I thought you’d see it my way.”

Her hands were the softest things Caleb had ever touched in his life—somewhere between velvet and cashmere, he decided when he finally had to retrieve his hand to put the car in park. Not that he wanted to, but some things couldn’t be helped. Car in park and off, he looked over at her in case he should apologize. He knew how risky this must all be for her, and the last thing he wanted to do was push her into something she either wasn’t ready for or didn’t want to happen. He was one second away from saying I’m sorry when she let out the tiniest of breaths and her gaze came over to his. It was followed by the smallest, saddest smile he had ever seen.

“Thank you,” she whispered as if she only breathed the words rather than said them.

That surprised him into seriousness, and he tipped his head. “For what?”

The same soft anguish and crushed hope that seemed to permeate her being slipped into her eyes. “For being you. For all you did for us.” She glanced into the backseat, and when her gaze came back, it landed not on him but on her hands. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt…” Curling, her shoulders came around her as her hand slipped up to her other arm.

He heard the soft sniff though he knew she didn’t want him to.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a problem child through all of this. It was stupid of me…”

“Hey,” he said gently, sensing she was stumbling to the edge of a cliff he did not want to watch her go off of.

“I just… I’m not… It’s hard for me to let people…”

“Hey,” he said again, softening even more. Reaching over, he brushed her chin with his finger for one moment before lifting her gaze to his. His eyes drilled into hers as the tears glistened on her lashes sending ache spiraling through him. “Hey.”

He understood her struggled then, maybe better than he ever had before. “Come here.”

With her arm still awkwardly between them, she leaned into him as he gathered her into his embrace. His arm came around her and cradled her there for as long as she let him hold her, which to his way of thinking wasn’t nearly long enough. After only a heartbeat, she pulled herself up and back from him, sniffing and swiping at the tears.

“I’m sorry.”

Frustration poured through him as he looked at her, helpless not only to take away the pain but even to find a way to get her to let him help her through it. “Why do you keep saying that?”

Surprise jumped into her eyes though they were still not steady on his. “What?”

“I’m sorry. You always say I’m sorry.”

She shrugged as a hint of anger dusted her face. “Because I am. You’ve done so much for us, the last thing you should have to do is sit here while I act like a basket case.”

“You’re not acting like a basket case.”

“Yeah?” She sniffed the tears back hard. “Well, it sure feels like I am.” Her gaze jerked into the back. “We’ve really got to get these guys fed.”

He knew she was right even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. “Okay.” He glanced in the back and then let his face go serious. “But this isn’t over.”

This isn’t over. The words struck absolute terror into her heart even as Rachel got out of the car and they retrieved the kids. If he would just leave well enough alone, just be grateful for the memories of whatever it was they had and move on… If he would just do that, then she could get through this.

What she couldn’t do was let him talk her into lowering the walls around her heart about the time he was going to ride off into the sunset.

Together but not very happy about it, they went into the house and right to the kitchen where Rachel started assembling lunch for the kids.

“What do you need?” he asked as she spun like a whirlwind around him in the kitchen.

“Nothing. It’s okay. I’ve got it.”

Putting his hands on his beltline, Caleb watched her, wanting to scream at her though he knew that would do no good whatsoever.

“Oh, my.” Her mother came in from the other doorway. “I didn’t expect to see you all here this quickly.”

Opening and shutting what felt like every cabinet door in the place, Rachel barely glanced over at her mother. “Yeah, we forgot the pots and pans aren’t there yet. They’re still out in the shop.”

Caleb didn’t miss the concerned glance her mother took his direction, and if he could have figured out how to explain the situation to her without Rachel killing him right there, he might have tried. He was sure this looked like he had done something to hurt her, and then as he thought about it, maybe he had. Maybe he really had pushed too hard or asked her to take a step with him that she wasn’t ready to take. He wasn’t even sure anymore because about the time he figured out where he thought they were standing, the ground shifted underneath him so he was left picking himself up and wondering where he was now.

“Oh,” her mother said, “so Caleb came to help you move them then?”

Coming across and putting Natalie into the highchair, Rachel barely acknowledged him. “I guess.”

Though he was sure they shouldn’t, his eyebrows went up a notch as he watched her. I guess? What did that mean? What, was she not aware he had come home with her for that express purpose? And how was it she could be so soft and afraid one minute and such a dynamo bent on crushing everything in her path the next?

“I’ll get Rhett a sandwich,” he said, going to the refrigerator.

Not a person in the room missed the pause.

“Fine.”

Lands, this was getting worse. Rachel let the anger overtake the tears because they were about half-an-inch from spilling over and drowning her. He should have just left well-enough alone. He shouldn’t have come in here looking like that, all handsome and suave and perfect. She swallowed as she dove into the task of feeding Natalie. And now, what? He was trying to help? Why?

What did he want from her anyway?

The thought slammed into her as just what that might be cracked through her. So what? He wanted to bed her before he left? Was that it? Well, that was just great. Perfect. She sniffed the anger down as she whipped her hair back over her shoulder and dug the spoon into the green beans.

“So, Caleb?” her mother asked, and Rachel wanted to strangle her. That voice, that tone. He was going to know she was angling for him to get together with her daughter. The humiliation burned its way down her throat. If she wanted a sleeping partner for the night, she surely could have had one by now. After all, he probably did that kind of thing everywhere he went.

Smooth. He was so smooth, and charming too. Yes, she decided, he probably had every homeowner from sea to shining sea falling into the snare of his perfect smile and soft touch. She whipped that thought from her head as well. The last thing she should be letting herself think about was how easily he had gotten to her in the car. What was that? The desperation of a lonely widow?

That even sounded horrible. Where was her dignity? Where was her loyalty to Nathan if nothing else?

“Actually I’ve talked with the pastor a couple of times,” Caleb was saying as he cut Rhett’s sandwich in half diagonally. “I don’t think it will be overly challenging. Shouldn’t take me more than a few days to have it done.”

“Oh.” The joy in her mother’s voice sliced right through Rachel. “So you’ll be staying then?”

She felt the glance he took over at her though she didn’t return it.

“That’s the plan.”

He really did call them. It was all Rachel could get her brain to think when Derek and Jaycee showed up an hour later. As if dealing with him wasn’t enough, now she somehow had to put a show on for these two as well. She hoped they would just go out to the shop with him, but true to the way this whole thing was going, Jaycee told the guys she would let them do the heavy lifting and she would help Rachel in the house.

Although she kept telling herself she had done this for more than a year, Rachel was having a monster of a time putting on the mask of everything’s great. In her room, she pulled her meager wardrobe out and laid it on the bed.

“Do you have a box for your dresser stuff?” Jaycee asked, surveying the task.

Rachel sighed long and hard. “Maybe. Hang on.” She went over to Rhett’s room and found one that only had a few things in it. Going back in, she tossed it on the bed and headed back for the closet. “There’s some room in this one.”

Not at all interested in watching Jaycee Lawrence paw through her life and possessions, Rachel went into the closet and started pulling the things she would need off the shelves. She could hear Jaycee moving around in the bedroom, and it was all she could do not to let herself lose it. Just why, she couldn’t be sure, but it was right there, ready to dump her into a gulf of emotions if she let it. So she did what she had learned to do. She clamped numb over all of it and pretended it was not there.

“So I guess this all has to be pretty overwhelming right now,” Jaycee said from the depths of the small bedroom, and Rachel raked in a hard breath that tasted stale.

“It’s okay.”

“I know Caleb’s really been worried.”

Her heart snagged, but she jerked it back. “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”

“Oh, you know, the remodel, the move. He’s just been really worried about you.”

It was getting harder and harder to keep her heart from letting itself hope for what Jaycee was saying. “Me?”

“Of course you. Come on, Rach. You have to know how he feels about you, how he looks at you.”

Fingers of heat crept up the back of her neck. “He’s a nice guy.”

Jaycee laughed. “No. This goes way beyond being a nice guy. But you knew that. I mean you guys have been out and everything.”

Out? Is that what you call it? “Not on a date-date. We just went to Sage’s a couple of times.” The thought of Sage dredged up other memories and feelings. Sage bent and broken on the bench that day, the memory of her past and how it haunted her even now. Sage didn’t deserve that. She was a good person.

“Yeah, but you were together. It wasn’t like you just met up there.”

“He was being polite, taking me.” Rachel looked up at the now bare shelves and realized she couldn’t spend the rest of the day hiding in the closet. So she strode out and right over to the door. “Gotta get more boxes.”

“She is driving me nuts,” Caleb said to Derek as they muscled the packed boxes from the back of the dusty shop to Derek’s truck. “I mean, at first you know, I thought, yeah, homeowner and all of that, and maybe I just should have left it at that because now… Every time I think we’re going to take a step forward, she slams the door in my face, deadbolts the thing and shoves an armoire and three chest of drawers in front of it.”

Derek laughed.

“You think I’m kidding?” Caleb asked, letting a bit of the frustration come out as he headed for another box. “I’m not. She makes no sense at all. None.” He yanked up a box and then took a breath. “Okay. No. I get it. I do, you know. She’s been hurt. She lost her husband.” He took another breath. “That’s got to be rough on anybody. I get it, but it’s like she’s got herself locked in this chain link fence with electric barbed wire and snipers guarding the thing, and she ain’t letting that guard down either.”

“Hurt can do weird things to a woman. That much I’ve learned,” Derek said, setting one box in the truck. “It makes them hard and brittle and really, really angry. Although it’s not so much angry, it’s more like they’re afraid to feel, to let you see them feel. So they snap at you and go for the juggler to get you mad so you’ll start focusing on you rather than on helping them.”

“It sounds like you’ve been spending time with Pastor Steve,” Caleb said with a laugh.

However, Derek wasn’t laughing anymore. “We’ve had a few discussions. Okay, more than a few. He really is a smart man and not just about the God-stuff though he’s not shabby in that area either.”

Caleb shook his head. “Well, I wish he could help me figure out how to fix Rachel. That would be a big help at this point.”

But Derek shook his head. “It’s not about fixing her. It’s about you.”

“Me? I’m fine. I don’t need help other than that she’s driving me nuts.”

“No. I don’t mean you need fixing. I mean you need to learn.”

“Learn?” Caleb twisted his face as if he was either angry or confused. “Learn what?”

“How to love her.”

This laugh was sarcastic. “Come on. It’s not like I haven’t ever been in love before, you know.”

“Oh, yeah? And how’d that work out for you?”

Caleb ducked as he crossed past his boss. “Okay, not so good. We broke up, and I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Right.” Derek nodded. “Us guys are really good at the wooing part. Some of us anyway. We can send the flowers, make the phone calls, plan the romantic dates, but when it comes down to really loving them like they need us to, that requires a whole new level of commitment most of us don’t have a clue how to get to.”

“Whoa. Okay. Hold up there. Commitment? Who said anything about commitment?”

It was strange how Derek let that question hang there, echoing off the shop rafters.

“I mean,” Caleb said when he realized how that sounded. “Not that I’m against commitment or anything. It’s just… we aren’t even really dating. Commitment is kind of a long way off for us at this point.”

Slowly, Derek nodded as he put an elbow on the side of the truck bed. “Let me ask you this. Why should she trust her heart to you if you’ve already got one foot out the door?”

“Hello. I don’t have one foot in the door. Are you kidding me? She won’t even open the door.”

Derek’s gaze dropped into laser-like intensity. “Do you know how hard she’s worked to keep herself from falling apart? Do you know how many nights she’s spent alone and terrified of if she can handle what’s coming her way next? Do you know how much fear she has when she wakes up and faces another day alone?”

That dragged Caleb’s gaze and heart right to the floor and landed them there with a thud.

“I’ll tell you what, I know with Jaycee there was a whole lot going on there that I never saw or thought about or even wanted to see.” Going back into the shop, Derek retrieved another box. “The truth was, she was hanging on by a thread for most of our time together, and I was so focused on myself and my stuff, I didn’t even bother to notice what she was going through. Then when I did bother to notice, she was like a banshee coming at me with knives drawn to get me to leave her alone—war paint and the whole deal.

“She was terrified of letting anyone know she was coming apart inside or that she wasn’t as strong as everyone thought she was.” He put the last of the boxes in and checked over them. “It was only when Pastor Steve taught me how to love her the way she needed me to that those walls started coming down. It wasn’t easy, and it sure wasn’t painless. But it really started happening when I decided she was worth it enough to me to be committed to her no matter what she did with that commitment.”

Leaning on the truck, his arms exposed for the ripped off sleeves of the grey sweatshirt, Caleb bent and swiped his forehead on his wrist. He thought through everything Derek had said, letting it twine through his mind and down into his heart. “I don’t know, man. I don’t know if I can do that. If I can put my heart out there for her to keep stomping on with no guarantees.”

Quiet understanding drifted over Derek’s face. “There are no guarantees in this life.” He put his hands on the side of the truck and kicked the tire before looking back at the house. “I think she probably knows that better than anybody. Wouldn’t you say?”

“Are we taking the dresser?” Jaycee asked. “That was the one thing we never could quite get to work—more closet space.”

Rachel shrugged as she laid her few shoes into the box. “Probably I will eventually.”

“Eventually? Why don’t we get it today? The guys are here. We have the truck.”

Tired was overtaking her like a thick-black cloud, and Rachel sat down on the bed to get enough energy to fill that box with the three books on her night stand. She’d never read them, so she didn’t know what the point of even bringing them was. But it was either move them now or move them in a few days. Now won out. “I guess so. Might as well. It’s not like Mom needs it anymore.”

She felt Jaycee’s concerned gaze slide over her. “This is probably really tough on her too. Your mom.”

The laugh was hollow. “Yeah, well… new chapter for her too I guess.”

“Are you worried about her being out here by herself?”

Rachel had been trying not to think about that part. “Sounds like she won’t be for long.”

“Oh?”

The sigh would have split her in half had she let it. “Yeah, I guess she’s moving too. By November at least if not before then.”

Concern filtered over Jaycee’s face. “Where’s she moving?”

“That’s all the boxes from the shop,” Derek said, coming into the room with no warning at all, and Rachel yanked herself and her spirit up from the muck. Caleb was right there. She knew it though she never looked up as she recommenced putting things in the box with something at least resembling energy.

Jaycee said nothing for a solid ten seconds, and then she jumped into her role as director of all things remodeling. “I think Rach wants to take this dresser. That way she’ll have a place to put some more clothes.”

Rachel felt Derek’s concern as he glanced down at her. “Okay. Well, we’re not going to have room on this run. We only have room for a couple more boxes.”

The concern in the room was increasing in intensity, and Rachel knew only she could bring it down to normal levels, but she had no idea how to do that without breaking down completely.

“Okay,” Jaycee finally said. “Why don’t we grab a few more of these boxes and get them dealt with? Rach and I can stay over there and start going through this stuff.”

“K. Sounds like a plan,” Derek said.

They loaded some of the boxes from the house into the back of the pickup and a few more in the trunk of the car and with the kids in tow, they headed back up to the new house.

Caleb could feel the tension between them as he drove. She was quiet—that quiet that told him she was struggling. With a fleeting glance over at her, he thought through everything Derek had said, how she was struggling, how she tried to keep that from people. He thought about how thoroughly she could shut him out and how frustrating that was. And then the word commitment slid through him. What was that? They weren’t even in a relationship. How could they be committed if they weren’t even dating?

“So do we have much more stuff here other than the dresser and the boxes in Rhett’s room?” he asked, knowing the details of the move were far less threatening than everything else.

“Not really.”

He tipped his head at the level of distance she put in those two words. The long breath in and out did no good. Glancing into the back, he thought through the coming hours. “You know, I bet if we called Sage, she could take the kids for a couple hours so we could get this done.”

A second and Rachel shook her head. “I don’t want to be dumping them on her. She’s got enough to do.”

“Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want to help.”

One more shake and she let out a very small breath. “It’s fine. They’ll be fine.”

In all of his life through every frustrating moment of the job, Caleb had never swum this deeply in the emotion. “Are you sure…?”

“Caleb,” she said, and the name was harsh. Then she tipped her head and closed her eyes. “It’s fine.”

“Okay. Fine. Whatever.”

Rachel knew she was being completely ridiculous about everything. First of all the fact that she needed help at all was about to make her skin crawl right off her body. Not to mention that he had gotten Derek and Jaycee to help, and now he wanted to call Sage? Sage was dealing with enough. She didn’t need Rachel leaning on her too.

Just get through this, Rach. Just get it done, and they’ll leave. They certainly won’t stay around after today. That’s for sure.

At the house Caleb got Rhett out of the back and went to the trunk to retrieve the boxes. “Here you go, bud. I bet you can get this one.” He gave the child a small light box.

Coming around the car with Natalie, Rachel held her other arm out. “I can take one.”

He wanted to explain that they could get this, but he didn’t want to have a fight right out in the middle of the street for the whole neighborhood to hear.

“Here, Rachel,” Derek said, striding up with Jaycee in tow. “Let us get these. You go on in and you and Jaycee can put stuff where you need it. We can do the grunt work.”

A look of protest flashed across her face, but she swallowed that because it was Derek and not Caleb. Had it been him, he was sure she would have ripped him apart and never thought twice about it.

“Yeah. Okay.” She turned and put her hand on Rhett’s little shoulder. “Let’s go get things where they need to be.”

When she had started up the walk, Caleb made sure that she was out of earshot before he bent into the trunk. “Thanks for taking that bullet for me, dude.” He came out with two boxes. “She’s in high style today.”

However, Derek’s gaze was not harsh nor joining in on the joke. “It’s a tough day for her,” he said, resettling the boxes he took from Caleb. “Go easy on her, okay?”

Instantly, guilt at his own run away emotions stabbed into him. “She just doesn’t make this helping her thing at all easy on anybody, least of all me. I thought helping her would make her happy, take some of the load off. Guess I was wrong about that.”

As they started up to the house, both laden with boxes, Derek tipped his head. “Maybe she’s not had many people around willing to help, so she’s decided she’s not supposed to need anyone else.”

Caleb narrowed his gaze at his boss. “Man, the pastor sure did a number on you.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Before he could reply, they went up and into the house, so he was left only with stewing on those words. The boxes they had were from inside the farmhouse, so probably they were bedroom stuff. In a two-person trail, they went up the stairs and into one of the bedrooms.

“I think we’ll get all of these in and then go get the furniture she wants,” Derek said.

Caleb was too tired to argue. “Works for me.”

The boxes came in so quickly Rachel really didn’t have time to direct anything. How they even knew where any of them went, she had no idea. Figuring Jaycee could sort between girls’ clothes and boys’ clothes, Rachel put her to work upstairs as she started with arranging the kitchen.

“This is the last of them,” Caleb said, coming in, and when he made it to the kitchen, there was no more room on the island so he set the box on the cabinet by the sink. Once down, he put his hands on his beltline and watched her, pulling out pans and skillets and mismatched everything. She and Nathan hadn’t really had time to get their feet on the ground, and it showed in their eclectic assortment of cookery.

She moved to the next box and pulled it open. Dust filled the air, and she choked and brushed at it. She was going to have to clean the place when they got done, and with the open house set for Sunday, that would have to be done sooner rather than later.

“So just that dresser?” Caleb finally asked. “Is there anything else?”

The truth was, she could hardly make heads or tails of any of this much less decide what was hers from the old house, what was her mother’s, what needed to come or would come eventually, and what would be better off being left and rerouted elsewhere. “Yeah, I guess. And really, you don’t have to get it. Jaycee just thought…”

“We can get the dresser,” Caleb said. “I’m asking if that’s all you want.”

Pushing the ripping anger down into her heart made her chest ache, but she knew it was the only way to keep the tears down too. “Yeah. Um.” She scratched the side of her head as if she was thinking when in reality her head was so full of discombobulated emotions and thoughts, she couldn’t have made a rational decision had she tried. “I guess that’s all.”

“Okay.” Caleb turned as Derek came in from upstairs. “Then we’ll go get the dresser.”

With no other words, they headed out, and Rachel pulled another pan from the box. It had been her grandmother’s pan in a different lifetime. She wished she had known then all that she knew now. If she had, she would have appreciated that time more. One blink and she shoved that into the black hole that was growing in the middle of her and went in search of a good place for it.

“I just don’t get it,” Caleb said as the two of them climbed in Derek’s pickup. “I just don’t. I mean, I’ve been out before. Dating. But it’s never been like this.”

Derek nodded as he pulled out. “You know, I’ve been thinking about it, about everything you told me before, and… Well, I think there’s something that might actually help. I know it helped me when Pastor Steve told me.”

“Anything. I’ll take anything at this point.”

“Okay. Well, this is going to sound kind of off-the-wall, but go with it a little and see if it makes as much sense to you as it did for me.”

Narrowing his gaze in concern, Caleb nodded. “Okay.”

“It’s this theory that Pastor Steve told me about relationships being like Texas Hold ‘Em.”

Caleb’s eyebrows reached for the top of the cab.

“I know. Believe me,” Derek said quickly. “But hear me out. Pastor Steve says that relationships are a lot like playing Hold ‘Em. You get dealt a hand and you decide how much you want to invest on that hand. So maybe you get something promising and decide to make a bet on it, or you get a terrible hand and you fold it.”

“I know how to play.”

“Yes. The card game, not the relationship one. So let’s say you meet this girl, this woman, and she’s attractive, and she’s funny, and she dresses all nice and everything. So you figure, eh, decent ‘hand,’ I’ll play. So you take her out to dinner. You’ve invested some of your money and yourself into this relationship. But let’s say on the flop, at dinner, she is like this horrible person. She yells at the waitress and is just disgusting to be with. What do you say?”

“Check please!”

“Exactly. You fold that hand.” Derek made the turn and headed out to the farm. “But let’s say she’s really great. Let’s she’s nice and fun and polite. So you decide to invest a little more, and you ask her out again. If the cards keep falling your way, eventually, you decide to go all-in and marry her.” He glanced at Caleb quickly. “At least that’s the fairy tale ending, right?”

A strange feeling came over Caleb as he remembered the pastor’s story about Cinderella. “Uh, right,” he finally dragged out, wondering if someone was spy-camming his life.

“Okay, but here’s the thing. Rachel is also playing this game. She’s not your adversary so much as she’s playing her own game. She’s reading the cards, looking at the hand she’s been dealt and she’s deciding what to invest of herself in this hand.”

The flipping of the game from his control to hers tugged on Caleb’s heart up and held it by the throat.

“She’s deciding if this is a hand she wants to play or not,” Derek continued.

“Well, I think it’s pretty clear by now that she doesn’t want to play it. She keeps folding it before she even sees the flop or at least as soon as she sees it.” The analogy was bizarre, but Caleb could understand it nonetheless.

Derek glanced over at him. “Okay, then let me ask you this, if you only had a few chips left and outright losing any hand meant you lose everything. Not just what’s on that table, but everything. What would you do? Would you play every hand you got dealt, or would you be very, very careful about which one you decided to take a chance on?”

“No. Careful and what she’s doing are two different things,” Caleb said as the heat of his anger with her boiled over into his tone. “She won’t even give me a chance.”

“Look, Caleb, I know this isn’t what you want to hear,” Derek said as he pulled up at the old farmhouse and parked. “But I think Rachel is only putting in as much as she can afford to lose right now, and from what I can see, between those two kids and her life, I’d be willing to bet you, she can’t afford to lose much more.”

“So what? I’m supposed to wait around and hope she thinks I’m a hand worth playing?”

“I don’t know,” Derek said. “Are you?”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Jaycee said, coming down from upstairs.

Only at that moment did Rachel remember the gate. The pan in her hand clattered to the island as she raced that direction. How could she have been so careless?

“Yep. Nope,” Jaycee said as she held Natalie and worked the gate into place. “You don’t get to go up there, little missy. No you don’t. You get to stay down here.”

Rachel put her hand to her head. “I forgot. The guys were going up there…”

“It’s okay.” Jaycee smiled at Natalie. “I think she was just coming to help me.”

The sigh sent ache tumbling through her. “I’m sorry. This was Caleb’s idea. I shouldn’t have…”

“No. Hey, come on, Rach. We wanted to help. Really. Derek’s been lining stuff out all week so we would have today free.” She looked down at the baby in her arms and smiled. “We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

The dresser was heavier than it looked, and Caleb realized they probably should have brought the dolly.

“Is this all she wanted?” Derek said, carefully lowering himself and the thing down off the back step.

“That’s what she said, just about the time she bit my head off for the fifth time today.”

Together, they maneuvered it to the pickup and with no small amount of effort got it loaded. Derek hopped in and strapped it to the cab so it couldn’t go anywhere. Coming to the back, he jumped off and slammed the tailgate but instead of getting in, he put his elbow up on it and trained his gaze on Caleb. “Is it really that bad?”

Caleb set his jaw and looked at the ground. “You saw her back there. She didn’t want anything to do with me. What am I supposed to do with that? She…”

A second and Derek let his gaze go puzzled. “She?”

Thinking through it, Caleb put his hand up to his head. “She… Look, I’m trying here. I really am. I mean I want to invest more of myself, like you said, but how do you play with someone who keeps folding without even looking at the stupid cards?” He hit the side of the tailgate with the palm of his hand, put his foot up there, and bent his head into both arms as they stretched from the tailgate to his shoulders. “It’s just so frustrating, I can’t… it’s like I can’t even think straight. I mean, we talk, and I’m like, ‘Okay. I’m going to do that. I’m going to be patient with her and let her decide on the hand and all of that, and then BAM, she pulls her I’m-not-even-going-to-look-at-you thing, and I’m back to what am I doing this for, what is the point of even trying?”

With a nod, Derek spun and leaned on the tailgate. “Okay, perfect world. She’s the best of herself and you’re… well, you.”

“Gee thanks,” Caleb said, fighting the laugh.

Derek shrugged. “Hey, we can’t do miracles here, we’ve got to work with what we’ve got.” He grinned. “So she’s her and you’re you, where do you want this to go? Perfect world.”

Shaking his head and sighing, Caleb turned and leaned on the other side of the tailgate. “I don’t know, man. I mean, marriage? Marriage seems… like a lot, you know?”

“Okay, so you’re not thinking marriage?”

“It’s not that I’m not thinking it. It’s just that… I never really saw myself married before I met her. I mean I was traveling, working. Of course there were girls sure on the road and stuff, but they were never going anywhere. It was kill a few hours here or there. Nothing serious.”

“So why’s this different?”

He picked his foot up and angled it behind him. “I don’t know. I can’t really figure it out. It just… is. I mean, when I think about life, going on from here without her, without them, moving on. I can’t quite picture my life without them in it anymore. And then I think, that’s stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because.” He wound his arms up in front of him. “Where am I supposed to go with that? If she doesn’t want to be with me like that, then what are we going to be? Friends? Then what? Am I going to come visit them or call them sometimes? What? And what about her?”

“What about her?”

“Well, if I try to be friends with her, even just friends, isn’t that leading her on, making her think I want more?”

“Do you?”

“UGH!” He let out a growl as he put his head back. “You are not making this easy.”

“You want easy, get a dog,” Derek said with almost no humor.

“Well, that’s helpful,” Caleb said, laughing.

“It’s not a joke,” Derek said, and Caleb’s laugh stopped.

“Look. Rachel Taylor is an amazing woman. She has survived things most of us will never even have to imagine. That makes her vulnerable and almost certainly not your typical date.” He thought that through for a second. “In fact, no, she’s not. Right? She’s really not. She’s seen the other end of ‘til death do us part, and putting yourself out there to go through that again... If I’m her, I’m saying, ‘Uh, yeah. No thanks. I’ll just stay in my little house and you stay way over there.’”

“So then where does that leave me?”

Derek dragged in a very long, slow breath. “Well, I think you have one of two choices. You decide that you’re not up for this challenge, or you decide you are. But the thing is, I think if you’re going the being-together route, you’re going to have to decide to go all-in or fold it right now. I’m not sure for her sake that you can play this hand with a guard up around your heart, waiting to see how she plays before you decide how you’re going to play it.”

“Great, so that means I’m totally going to get sucker-punched. You know that, right? ‘Cause let me tell you, she can take you out without even aiming.”

“You’re probably right. So then the question becomes can you love her anyway?”

“Anyway?”

“Well, most of us think of love as something we like fall into, like it’s this easy, amazing thing. And it is. But I think a love like this, like we’re talking about here with Rachel is more than that. It’s about making the decision to love no matter what they throw at you, no matter how scary it gets, no matter how much you want to get out of that foxhole and go home. You make the commitment and you decide to stick it out. Good or bad. No matter what happens.”

“Commitment.” Caleb sighed. “There’s that word again.”

A second and Derek shook his head. “I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t tell you what you’re capable of or if she will ever come around. She might not. But what I can tell you is that when they really trust you and open up and finally, finally stop thinking they have to fight every battle on their own, it’s the most incredible feeling in the world.”

“But how do you get them to do that? How do you get them to trust and open up like that?”

“You learn to be someone safe enough for them to believe they can. That kind of love isn’t about it making you feel good. It’s about refocusing your life on what they need. I can’t explain how that works because I know it sounds 180-degrees backward, but I do know how it feels to be there for Jaycee, to know that she knows she can count on me, that I’m going to be there for her no matter what.”

“You’re not even married yet.”

“No, but I am all-in. And when I made that decision, I knew no matter what she decided, I wasn’t going back even if there were no guarantees.”

Caleb blew out a long breath. “This sounds really hard.”

“Yeah, well, why do you think she’s folding every hand she gets dealt?”

Chapter 17

By dinnertime, Rachel was two-threads away from being completely frazzled. Thankfully the dresser did fit in her room although she was still wondering if she should have put it in Natalie’s. However, she wasn’t in any mood to fight that battle now. Tomorrow. Next week. Six months from now. Maybe then, but not now.

As the guys took the empty boxes back out to Derek’s truck, she leaned on the island and looked around at her brand new life. For as wonderful as it should have felt, nothing was getting through the utter exhaustion.

“Yeah,” Jaycee was saying as she came back in the front door with the guys, and Rachel yanked herself up and grabbed up a rag to wipe off the island. She needed to sweep and mop too.

In fact, all of the floors needed a good going over after all the traffic across them today. Exhaustion took another swipe at her, and this one hurt. She swallowed that down, willing herself not to let it get the best of her just yet. A few more minutes, an hour at most, and she would. But not yet. Not until they were all gone.

“I think we’re going to go on,” Jaycee said. “Luke’s got some cabinets Derek promised to help him with.”

“A man’s work is never done,” Derek said, draping his arms over Jaycee as they leaned on the wall between the living room and kitchen.

“You poor baby.” Jaycee put her hand up on his chest as she put her head back to him. He leaned over her and gave her a kiss.

“I know. I have such a hard life,” he said.

“So, I guess we’ll see you guys on Sunday then,” Caleb said, and Rachel’s heart hitched at his voice and words. We’ll? Sunday? What was that? Why was he talking about them like that? Like he was going to be there? Like he was going to be here? Like he wasn’t leaving?

“Do you think you’ll need any help tomorrow?” Jaycee asked. “With the open house coming up and everything.”

“Oh, yeah.” Caleb’s sigh told Rachel just how much her life was now a burden to his. “I hadn’t thought about that. Yeah. If you could come by for a while tomorrow, that would be great. That is, if you don’t mind…”

“Well, cleaning really isn’t my specialty,” Derek said, and Rachel heard the jab Jaycee clearly did to his ribcage. “But we’d be happy to come and help.”

Caleb laughed. With everything in her, Rachel wanted to go out that back door and keep on walking. However, her two little ones were right there in plain sight, so that wasn’t an option.

“Great,” Jaycee said. “Then we’ll see you tomorrow. What? About ten?”

“Yeah, hang on,” Caleb said. “I’ll run that by Rachel.”

Her heart jerked painfully, and before she could recover, he came around the corner.

“Hey, Rach,” he said as if he had no idea she had heard them.

“Hmm?” It was best to sound distracted and not at all like she had been eavesdropping the whole time.

“Derek and Jaycee are going to come help clean tomorrow for the open house. How does ten sound?”

Well, other than the fact that she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen? “Uh. They… they really don’t have to. It’s fine. I’m sure…”

Tipping his head, Caleb put his hands on his beltline. “Do you want them earlier or later than that?”

A moment of disgust with letting herself get talked into this, and she sighed. “Ten’s fine.”

Every step Caleb took from the time they left the farmhouse until the moment he closed the door on Derek and Jaycee’s departure was a study in how to decide the impossible. When they got back and he looked around, feeling what it would be like to walk away from them… When he checked on the kids after getting the dresser in place… Even when he walked into the kitchen to her cold reception…

The ache of the question of what to do hounded him. Could he really do this? And if not, could he really walk away?

Coming back into the kitchen where she was slowly wiping off all of the back cabinets, he watched her for a moment. It was then he knew, no matter how far he ever went, no matter what happened or where life took him, what he really wanted was to be right here with her. Was that love?

He wondered then if he had ever really been in love before because it had never felt anything like this. Dangerous. Challenging. Impossible. Those were far, far closer to this feeling.

Leaning against the wall, he watched her and then he knew. One push and he stepped into the kitchen. “So how about that squash ribbon pasta for dinner?” He clapped his hands and went to the island to look for a good pot.

A soft sigh and she flipped the rag into the sink before half-turning. “You know, Caleb, it’s been a really long day…”

He glanced back at her and instead of frustration, he found peace in his soul. She needed somebody, and he was going to be that somebody no matter how impossible she made doing that. “You know what? You’re right.” Closing the cabinet door, he came over and reached for her hand. The touch on her wrist sent a shock wave through him, but he swallowed that down. “You look exhausted.”

“Huh,” she laughed softly. “That good, huh?”

“Really,” he said, twining his fingers into hers and tugging on her hand. “I think you need a nice long bath, some time to take a breath and regroup.”

One step out of the kitchen, and she stopped following. “But what about supper? What about the kids?”

Caleb just laughed as he tugged to get her to start moving again. “I handle a full crew of men every day. I think I can make some supper and watch a couple kids at the same time.”

“But…”

“I know. I know. It’s a big leap of faith, but I’m pretty sure I can handle it without burning the house down. Besides, I was the one who put the extinguisher in the mud room, so if things get really out of hand…” At the gate, he opened it for her and guided her around him and up onto the stairs. “Now, we put your shower stuff on the sink. Your clothes are in the little closet and the dresser, and everything that was in the dresser is back in there again.”

She sighed and dipped her head. “Caleb…”

“No.” He flicked his hands to push her up the stairs. “Go. Dinner will be ready in an hour. You’ve got plenty of time.”

“B…”

“I said, ‘Go.’”

Rachel stood there on the stairs, knowing she must have fallen down a well. She wanted to talk him out of this silly idea. Taking a bath before 11:30 when the sun was still up? What was that? But he seemed as if he didn’t even want to hear her protests. Finally, thinking a shower would feel good after being covered in so much dust she could taste it, she sighed again. “Fine. The pasta’s in…”

He leveled a disbelieving look at her. “Seriously? I was the one who put the pasta away this afternoon. Remember? I can handle it, Rach. I promise. Now no more arguing. Go.”

One more sigh to register her protest, and she shook her head and turned her steps up the stairs. A bath really would feel good.

When she had disappeared up the stairs, Caleb turned to find the two kids playing trucks on the floor by the fireplace. “Okay. Who wants to help cook?”

Rhett jumped up. “Me!”

“Great. Let’s do this thing.”

Although a bath really did sound nice, Rachel couldn’t justify leaving him downstairs to babysit by himself, so she slid through the shower instead. If she had wanted to impress him or make him think this was going somewhere, she would have put more effort into her appearance. As it was, she opted for a pair of jeans and a loose-fitting, raglan sweatshirt. It certainly didn’t scream available or sexy.

She twisted her hair up into a ponytail and slipped on some socks. These floors were going to take some getting used to, so she added her light house shoes as well. Finished, she didn’t even bother to look in the mirror for confirmation of how unappealing she must look.

As she got to the bottom of the stairs however, she heard a very unfamiliar thing. Happiness. And it was coming from her kitchen.

“Trust me, this is the best food on the whole planet,” Caleb was saying as she came around the corner, stopped, and leaned there to watch him. He was at the sink draining the noodles and sloshing them around as Rhett sat on the counter watching him in fascination. “My mom used to make this for me when I was about your age.”

“Your mom?” Rhett asked.

“Yep. My mom. She was about like yours. She loved me very, very much.”

Rachel heard a sound on the floor and in concern she arched her head to see what it was. There on the floor sat Natalie, chewing on a wooden spoon. Okay, so he was better at this than she was. Why was she surprised?

At that moment he turned with the pot to the island and caught sight of her leaning there. He frowned with his eyebrows as well as his lips. “Well, that was the shortest bath ever. You didn’t even have time to run the water.”

She shrugged, feeling all the worries and cares fall from her shoulders and slither onto the floor at her feet. “I figured you might need some back up.”

He set the pot down and went to get Rhett. One swing and the child was on the island. “You know what it is,” Caleb said, angling his words down to Rhett. “She doesn’t trust us. That’s what it is. She thinks we’re going to make a mess of her brand new kitchen.” He scooped out some butter and added it to the noodles before stirring them.

“We’re making noodles,” Rhett said proudly.

Rachel laughed as she came over to the island, folded her hands and put her elbows on it to watch them. “I can see that, and you’re doing a very good job too.”

“Caleb is good.”

She bit back the laugh as Caleb’s ears tinted pink when he glanced down at her.

“A good cook,” Caleb said, leaning down to Rhett. “I’m a good cook.”

“A good cook,” Rhett said, nodding seriously.

Caleb looked over at her and shrugged. “We’re working on that.”

“Good to know.” Pushing up, she took a real breath. The kitchen now smelled as good as it looked. “Okay. So what can I do?”

Once again, Caleb mashed his face into a frown. “I thought I was making dinner for you tonight.”

“Oh, come on. It’s my new kitchen. I want to help.”

His smile started small and then grew. “Well, okay. Since you put it that way.”

In no time Rachel was setting the little table when suddenly she stopped.

“You know what we forgot?” she called from the dining area.

“What’s that?”

“The high chair.” With a sigh, she thought back through the day and realized only then that she should have thought to have him grab it on their second run back to the farmhouse.

He came in and put a potholder down before setting the main course on the table. “I can go get it if you want. It would only take me like ten-fifteen minutes.”

Another sigh and she shook her head. “No. No, don’t worry about it. I think she can just sit on my lap. I can run out there and get it in the morning.”

“You sure? I could go get it.”

“Nah. Supper’s ready. Let’s just eat. I’m sure you’re starving.”

“Well, I would argue with you, but now that you mention it.”

And so, Rachel went and got Natalie from her travels around the kitchen floor, and the four of them sat down to the first meal in the new space. As she ate and they talked, helping both children eat as they did so, she couldn’t help but be grateful he hadn’t run screaming from the exits today. He should have, after all. She hadn’t been very congenial.

“You know,” she said, angling her gaze over to him sheepishly as Natalie munched on noodles on her lap, “I really am sorry about today.” Her gaze slipped to the table and then dared to come back up. “I just… I get a little crazy when…”

Caleb’s chewing slowed as he looked over at her, his hands folded in an inverted v fused with the fork between them. He didn’t look angry exactly, more serious than anything.

“I’m not… I don’t always handle things…”

“Rach.” His hands came apart and one of them landed on hers, cupping there, strong and warm.

She remembered that touch from the car ride earlier. Only now she knew how much grief she had put him through even after he had been so tender with her then. She couldn’t clearly remember just why that was. What was she thinking being so snippy with him? He was only trying to help.

“Hey,” he said gently which pulled her gaze up to his. “You don’t have to do this alone. Okay?”

A ragged breath and her gaze plummeted again. “It’s just… I’ve been…” She wanted to explain, to find the words, but they were so very slippery and hard to hold onto.

“I know.” His voice was as soft as a down blanket wrapping around her. “And it’s okay.”

It’s okay. His words twined and tangled into the soft center of her soul even as they finished the meal and she sent him to take his own quick shower. One by one, she rinsed the dishes off and put them in the dishwasher before cleaning each and every nook and cranny in the whole kitchen. By the time she was done, she realized it was after nine, and she hadn’t even called to check on her mom.

With the lights on dim, she went into the living room, picked up her cell and dialed the number. The soft ring brought a pang of sadness to her heart. She hated the thought of her mother being all alone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom.”

Caleb could hear her soft, murmuring voice as he exited the upstairs bathroom and headed back down. He was going to have to do a vat of laundry at this rate and when he was going to accomplish that at this rate was anybody’s guess. Still the clean jeans and T-shirt felt much better than the grungy work clothes had.

“Yeah, I’ll come get it tomorrow,” Rachel was saying. “It’s really been a crazy day around here… No. It’s good. Really. We ate supper together tonight. Caleb joined us. Yes, Caleb.” She laughed softly. “I figured since he spent the whole day moving us, the least I could do was feed him.”

The pause stretched a moment, and just as Caleb moved, she let out a sigh.

“No, of course not. You need to do what makes the most sense for you.”

He came down the stairs to find her in the soft yellow light of the lamp, her back to him as she sat on the couch, watching the small fire flit and glint in the fireplace. Nothing in him could regret a moment it took to get them here.

“Mom. Seriously. I can come help you start on Monday if you want. No, don’t have Genevieve do it. She does enough already. I can get it.”

Rhett looked up from his blocks and smiled over at Caleb. That was enough to alert Rachel to his presence and she sat up and spun.

“Okay, but don’t hurt yourself. I can get that stuff boxed up next week. We still have all the boxes from today. I think Derek took them out to Luke’s. I can get them, and we’ll…. Okay. Okay. I will. Listen, Mom.” Her gaze came up and locked his. “Yeah. I will. Listen, I’ve got to go. Okay. Okay. I will. You too. Love you, Mom. G’night.” Pulling the little phone down from her ear, she beeped it off and set it on the end table almost without seeing it. “How was the shower?”

“Great. I hope you don’t mind, I used one of your towels.”

She laughed as she stood and put the phone on the end table. “Oh, yes, you can use my shower but not my towels. Such a great hostess I am.”

As he came over, he dropped his duffle bag by the door. “That your mom?”

Rachel put her hands in her back pockets as her gaze fell. “Yeah.”

“She’s moving?”

Slowly she nodded. “Up town, which is good.” Somehow she got her gaze up to his devoid of tears and most of the emotion. “She doesn’t need to be out there by herself.”

Although she wasn’t sure of it, Rachel half-heard Natalie whimper, and it was as good an excuse as any to break the connection she felt growing between them. “I really should be getting the kids to bed. They’ve had a long day.”

Half-a-nod and he tilted his head. “I could… help. If you don’t mind.”

This was not at all the way she had thought this would go. How was he still here again, and looking like that while he asked that question? Her head said she would have to be out of her mind to take him up on the offer, but before it had a chance to formulate those words, her heart said, “Okay. Sure.”

It was almost too much for his heart to hold as Caleb sat down on the couch and Rhett climbed up into his lap. He accepted the book Rachel had brought down from upstairs where she had retrieved Natalie’s favorite blanket.

“Okay. What great work of literature do we have tonight?” Caleb asked in a silly, sing-songy voice. “Oh, look.” Widening his eyes in joy and surprise, he grabbed Rhett’s gaze. “It’s Green Eggs and Ham. Best. Book. Ever.”

Rhett giggled as he looked over to his mother and sister now snuggling in the rocking chair. With one glance at them, Caleb had to breathe the memory down and hold it there. He closed his eyes as it etched into his soul, whispering that this was what he was made for—to be here, with them.

He opened the book and in his best theatrical, though-not-loud-at-all voice said, “Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.”

After putting Natalie in her crib, Rachel came out of the room and closed the door. She went over to the other little bedroom only to find Caleb covering a sleeping Rhett. Her heart turned over at the sight and alighted there. Oh, how she wished…

“I think he was out before the house and the mouse,” she said, leaning on the door frame for a moment before coming over as Caleb looked over at her.

“Man, I forgot how long that book is.” He stepped back as she came forward, tucked the covers in around her son gently and kissed the little forehead. “The house and the mouse and the train and the rain… wow.”

With a smile, she turned to him and put her hand on his chest and shook her head. “You think that one’s fun. Wait ‘til you get to the Sneetches on the beaches.”

Her touch yanked Caleb’s breath right out of him. How she could laugh and act like she wasn’t torturing him, he didn’t know. “I can’t wait,” he choked out.

“Come on.” Carefully she turned off the little lamp which ignited the tiny nightlight by the door. Going out she closed the door and headed for the stairs.

Caleb followed her, being sure to latch the gate.

“I can’t believe it,” she said as she went down the stairs.

“What’s that?”

“It’s only a little after ten. Usually Rhett is up and down and up and down until at least midnight.”

Back in the living room, the fire still flickered even in the soft glow of the lamplight, and Caleb once again found himself at a crossroads in this relationship thing. He had the hand. He knew it. His only question was how to get her to play it without folding. “Maybe I’m just an extra-good storyteller.”

She grinned up at him. “And maybe he didn’t have a nap all day.”

“Oh, wow. Well, that’s one way to make a guy feel needed.”

A slow blink and her grin fell into only a smile. “I try.”

“Good to know.”

One second and she hooked her fingers into her pockets. “So are you headed back to Greely tonight then?”

This was it. The make-or-break moment. The point of no return. He knew it, and he nodded. “Yeah, in a little bit.”

She tipped her head with a soft, worried question in her eyes. “Oh?”

Laying a million dollars in chips on a table could not have taken any more courage. He let his gaze fall to the floor before bringing it back up to hers. “Actually I thought maybe we could…” One step and he was right in front of her, so close he could reach out and touch her.

She was staring into his eyes now, asking questions, saying things that never actually found the air.

Carefully reaching down, he retrieved her hands and pulled them into his. They were smaller than he realized, more delicate, more fragile. One more moment of wobbling on the cusp of the decision, and he let his eyes go steady. “Look, Rach, I know you’re scared. So am I. The last thing I want to do is hurt you or those kids, but I think…” He closed his eyes and shook his head before regathering the words and looking at her again. “No. I know, I want the chance to get to know you better, to see if this thing between us has a chance.”

Anguished pain sliced through her, taking her breath with it. His touch was making her sanity swim in unreality and whisper he’s-here-right-now-why-not? “Caleb…”

“No,” he said, the word brooking no argument. “Don’t. Okay? Not without at least giving us a chance. Look, I know you’ve been through hell, and I know this isn’t easy. But I can’t just walk out that door. I can’t, and I won’t. I’m not asking you to make any decisions tonight. I just want the chance to spend some time with you, to get to know you, and for you to get to know me.”

She knew he had no idea what he was asking. “Caleb…”

He let out a breath and with her hands in his pulled her over to the couch where he sat down before pulling her down too. “Look, Rachel, I’m not the enemy here. I’m not. You keep pushing me away and I get that, but you don’t have to do that anymore. Okay? You don’t because I’ll be here, I want to be here, for however long you need me to be, whatever you need.”

Scrambling to get out of the trap, she sat forward, putting her elbows on her knees as she fought to breathe. Closing her eyes, she put her hands on the sides of her head and frantically searched to find the words to tell him that he was wasting his time, that she wasn’t worth it. “Don’t get me wrong, okay, Caleb? You’re an awesome guy, and tonight…” Emotions dredged up into her heart, searing there, and she mashed her lips together and shoved them back down.

“Tonight, what?” he asked gently, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe them down anymore.

Her face twisted painfully as she willed herself to make him understand what she didn’t want to admit. “Tonight when you were here, with Rhett, with us…” Blinding tears ripped into her, shredding everything they clawed across.

It was at that moment, his hand touched her back, and the whimper it elicited from her sliced through the tears. “Rach…”

“No. Okay? Don’t. Please don’t.” She sucked down the tears, gasping to hold them inside of her, but they were building strength now having been held down too long. “It’s not you,” she rasped out. “It’s not. It’s me. I just… I can’t…”

With a short breath, he spun so he was sitting exactly parallel with her. In fact, he was almost a mirror image of her, hunched over with his elbows angled on his knees. His gaze came over, soft, gentle, and tender, and it slid down her. “You know, it really is okay to not be okay.”

A hard sniff of hurt and anger, and her gaze jerked over to him. “What?”

His gaze held her gently. “You try so hard to do everything by yourself, to carry it all. You’re a super mom, an amazing daughter. I’m sure you’re fabulous at work.” Flitting up to her head, his gaze caught there before sliding back down to her face. “But nobody says you have to do it all by yourself. You work and you do and you fix and you help everybody else, but I wonder if you ever take any time for you.”

She shook her head hard. Angry that he would tempt her with such a selfish idea. “I don’t have time for me.” The sniff was humiliating, and she put her hand to her wrist to get it to stop.

But his voice never lost the gentleness. “I’ve watched you, here and at your mom’s, and sometimes, it’s like you’re trying so hard to hold it all together…”

It was best if she cut him off now. “No. Look. I can’t fall apart. Okay? I can’t. I can’t let myself fall apart.”

“Why not?”

Anger took a hard swipe at her then as she looked at him. “Because if I fall apart, who’s going to pick up the pieces?” Ache and pain splashed across her heart. “My mom needs me. My kids need me, and I’m not going to let them down. I’m not.”

“And letting yourself feel is doing that?”

The anger took on a life of its own then. “Do you have any idea how easy it would’ve been to just give up? Do you? To just lay down and quit? To say I’m done with this?”

“But you didn’t.”

“No. I didn’t because I couldn’t.” Slowly she shook her head. “I couldn’t.” She let her eyes fall closed as more pain screeched through her. She had to make him understand. To do that she gave voice to the guilt as she never had before. “When Nathan died…” The words stopped because every one of them ripped up more anguish than she was prepared to deal with. A second and she stood, stepping away from him as she put her hand to her head. She had meant to finish the sentence but found she had lost the will and the words.

A moment and he stood and came up right behind her. “When Nathan died,” he said softly as his hands wrapped around her arms. “Finish that, Rach.”

Exhaustion hit her so hard it knocked her backward and she swayed. Just like that, he caught her, his body solid and strong behind her, cradling her, holding her up.

“When Nathan died,” he whispered right in her ear. “I want to know, Rach. Tell me.”

Tears. Millions of them, trampling one on top of the other, came up then. Spinning and gasping she shook at their fury, unable to so much as slow them down. They swarmed over her, yanking her down into them so she couldn’t find the surface. Black ache descended on her, drowning everything else out. The first sob rent from her, fraying the carefully patched-together tatters of her life.

“Okay,” he said as his embrace came full around her. “It’s okay.”

No longer in control, she collapsed back into his strength, and he held her.

“It’s okay. You’re safe. Just let it out.”

“I didn’t… He never…” The words wrenched free, tumbling out with the tears. She knew she wasn’t making any sense, but the words would start and end as if she had no control over them at all. Her heart clutched and pitched so she couldn’t even breathe. “I’m… I wasn’t…”

“Okay,” he repeated over and over again. “It’s okay. Just let it go.”

She fell then, through the middle of everything, dropping, plummeting, plunging. Down. Down. Down. Into the abyss of pain and grief and fear and guilt.

It was unfathomable how utterly without strength she became. Her whole system, both conscious and unconscious began to shut down, and had she had the will to fight it, she would have. But she didn’t. There was nothing left.

Never before had Caleb had the sensation of literally holding grief, but he did then. He had no idea what to do with it. All he could do was hold her and soothe her the best he could. So he did. “Shhh.”

As she released her hold on control, her body went slack until only he was holding them up. Carefully he lifted her into his arms and stepped over to the couch where he lowered her, then slipped under her to cradle her there in his arms. Over and over, his fingers brushed through and over her hair as she lay there, spent and drifting, against him.

The first real conscious thought Rachel had when the sobs let her go was that she was warm and safe. The second was that somehow she was lying down, how she had gotten there, she had no idea. She sniffed and twisted her gaze back and up almost getting it to his.

“What?” he asked softly.

Instead of replying, she simply shook her head and relaxed. It was like nothing she had ever before experienced.

A few minutes and without letting his fingers pause as they continued to slip through her hair, Caleb arched his gaze down and around her. Her breathing had softened and only every so often did it jerk as it settled. She didn’t move for so long, he thought she might have fallen asleep, but then she let her head fall to the side as if to decide if he was still listening. He was.

“Did you know I don’t have his flag?” she asked, and her gaze once again tried to arch up to his before simply returning to resting. Reaching up, she ran her hand across his that was tracing across her, holding her.

“I actually wondered about that, but I was afraid to ask.”

She nodded as her hand explored his. “His mom has it.”

Confusion flitted through him. “His mom? But I thought they give it to the spouse.”

“They do.”

Silence slipped over them, and Caleb simply held her and waited.

“They hated me,” she finally continued softly. “They thought I made him marry me, that I was ruining his life.”

“Who?”

“His parents. His mom especially. She said I was the reason…” The words trailed off, and she raked in a breath.

Caleb tightened his embrace around her. “You know that’s not true.”

Her hand gripped his for a second and then relaxed again. “I didn’t want it to be, but if…”

It was strange because it was as though she couldn’t form full sentences, like her brain and heart would only let small pieces out at a time. Although his first instinct was to push, something told him she would come if he let her.

“I was so in love with him. It was like nothing else in the whole world mattered. What could touch us? What bad could happen when you felt like that?” Her breath hitched and so did his heart, bracing for the next round of storms. “It was the best time of my life. I had someone who loved me enough to give up everything to be with me. His parents were furious. Mine weren’t much better though they kind of mellowed once we said the vows. At least Mom did. I’m not sure about Dad.

“It’s weird because I was like the least rebellious kid ever. I loved them. I really did, so why did I go so far off the rails?”

“You didn’t know things would go down like they did. You were in love.”

“Lotta good that did me.” Her breaths snagged and jagged again. “I don’t blame him for leaving. I really don’t. I just wish…”

When he felt her brace for the tears, Caleb once again tightened his grip on her. She arched forward, gripping his hand in hers as the shaking quaked through her. He closed his eyes and did his best to absorb her pain. Helplessness crept over him then, swiping at his spirit. What was he in the face of this? What could he even do? Nothing. Nothing at all to take away her pain or even ease it.

Knowing nothing else, he bent and kissed her head gently as she continued to sob in his arms silently. “Shhh,” he whispered. “Shhhh.”

“I wanted to tell him,” she finally said from somewhere in the midst of the tears, but as before, the words trailed off into nothingness.

“Tell him what?” Caleb finally asked, unsure how much to ask.

“About her,” she whispered. “About Nat.”

His breath snagged and refused to move. Nat? She didn’t tell him about Nat? How could Nathan not have known about her? Caleb knew he had to ask, knew she needed to say it, but every new revelation dug the knife deeper into his heart until he could hardly fathom the ache of it all. “Why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you tell him about Nat?”

Her shrug was much like that of a child who has just broken the best lamp, slow, sad, almost scared. “I wasn’t sure how he would take it.”

Caleb wasn’t at all sure where to go with that in his mind and heart. How he would take it? How a man would take the news he had a child on the way? It was only with strong-willed effort that he kept the flash of anger from finding his voice. “Okay. Explain that. Why didn’t you know how he would take it?”

He wondered then if she would even bother. Her energy was flagging, he felt it in the heaviness of her body on his. Maybe they should stop this for the night, regroup, wait until morning when they would both be less emotionally fragile. Then again, if she stopped talking now, he might not ever get her to start again. It was only that possibility that kept him pinned there, waiting for words that might never come.

“He… He came home, here,” she finally said in a hollow ghostlike way that carved painful gashes into the softest places in his heart. He never knew there were so many of them.

“Over Christmas,” she continued, the words and her body swaying on the emptiness of them, “just for a couple of days. Two or three. I don’t remember. But things were really different. He wasn’t like he’d been when we first got together. He was mad a lot, and he was drinking a lot by then too.

“We’d already been apart a few months with me here taking care of Mom and him back in Virginia. He’d gotten the orders about going overseas, and I think he was really worried about it. I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it much. He said he didn’t want to, so I left it at that. I didn’t want to push and make him angrier than he already was. They were going to be deployed in January, so I knew that was pretty much the last time we’d see each other until he got back unless I went to Virginia. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. I don’t know. Maybe I should have, maybe then….”

Her breathing was uneven and jerky. “We’d only been married barely a year at that point. Of course, Dad was gone by then, and I had the job with the school. I don’t know. I think he thought I’d be the same too, like we’d go out partying and stuff, and it would be like it was at first, but by then we had Rhett and the house and Mom.” She raked in a long breath and let it out very slowly. “I wanted it to be like it was. I really did. And I tried. I just didn’t know how anymore. There were meals to make and Christmas coming and it was the first year without my dad. Nathan kept asking me what was wrong because I wasn’t all happy and normal, and he asked and he asked until finally… I told him how hard it was to be here, how I didn’t have any friends, how tired I was all the time. It was like once I started saying it, I couldn’t stop.”

Picking at more than rubbing Caleb’s hand, she nodded, and he knew she was fighting not to cry once again. He wondered then just how many tears she had locked inside herself.

“But when I finally told him why I was like that, he said I needed to get over myself, that the last thing he wanted to come home to was a wife who griped and moaned all the time. He said if I wanted hard, I should go out and do what he was doing, training and stuff.” The jerk of her breathing tightened his grip on her as her pain stabbed into him. “I didn’t know what else to do. I told him I was sorry, that I would try to do better and not be like that anymore, that I wanted to be a good wife for him more than anything.” This nod went down, up, and then down again before she shook with the fury of a new onslaught of tears so heavy and hard, he could tell she wasn’t even breathing anymore.

Caleb let out a breath for her, to calm himself even as she struggled in his arms. “It’s okay, Rach. It’s okay. Let it out. Just let it go.”

The sob that wrenched from deep inside of her shook him to the core, and gasping and choking she yanked herself up from him and spun so she was now sitting on the bare edge of the couch. Shaken by her sudden movement, Caleb came up with her and watched in horror as she bent there, doubled over, holding only her stomach as she curled over herself, the sobs taking her down with them. Putting his hand on her back, he rubbed there, knowing nothing else to do. Helpless had never meant what it did at that moment.

There were strands inside of him that wanted to knock Nathan through a wall for doing this to her. There were others that simply wanted to find a way to rewind the clock so she would never have to get to this horrible place. But he could do none of that or anything else. “Shhhh.”

“I didn’t… I couldn’t… He was going to…”

“Okay. Okay.” Caleb nodded slowly, calmly, reaching for solid in the midst of the storm of emotions. “It’s okay, Rach. Breathe. Okay?” He steadied his own breathing though that wasn’t at all easy. “Breathe.” His entire focus fused to her and refused to let go. How he wished Derek or the pastor could be there. They would know what to do, how to do this. He didn’t, but he was here, and he wasn’t going to abandon her now.

“He wanted out,” she finally whispered. “He wanted to be free of this, of me.” Hollow returned to her voice. “I told… I told him I would do whatever he needed, whatever it was, be who he needed me to be. I told him I would change, that it was all me, that I was sorry. He finally said he’d have to think about it, that maybe things would be different when he got back. I couldn’t imagine what I would do if he really left, and I was spinning so badly in all of that I did the only thing I could think to do. On Christmas night, I made this really romantic dinner, and for that night, I was the wife he wanted, the one who didn’t have any worries other than what he needed from me.

“By the time he left the next day, I thought everything was better.” She picked up her gaze, hollow as it was and laughed as she looked over at the front door. “He stood right there and kissed me good-bye. He told me he loved me, and he would text me when he got back home. There was no mention of the divorce, no mention of him leaving us, no mention of any of that.” One swallow and her gaze fell again. “When I found out that I was pregnant in February, he was already in the warzone. I couldn’t… I couldn’t figure out how to tell him, what he would do, what he would think. And, I was afraid if he was distracted about us…”

A moment, a crush of tears that never quite fell, and her gaze came over to his, empty and void of emotion. “Two months later, he was gone.”

Rachel was imminently sure of one thing as she sat there looking at him, Caleb James would be gone before sunrise. Not just from her house but from her life as well. The thought of what that would do to her kids slashed through her heart, but she gripped the thought and refused to let it leave her being. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need to get tangled up in the mess of her life. The thought of watching him walk away nearly took her will to let him take her better sense hostage. But she couldn’t let that happen. He had a life, a destiny, a future, and it wasn’t them, it wasn’t her.

The problem was even thinking about him leaving yanked up more pain and hurled it at her heart, beating it, bruising it until she thought she might never withstand the onslaught. If she could just find a way to keep herself from feeling ever again, she should be able to get through this. Her kids deserved that much, and she was sure if she just stopped feeling, this wouldn’t outright kill her.

A second as he looked at her, and she knew the pain and disappointment she had caused him. What a weak and desperate idiot she was turning out to be. The one guy who had bothered to look her direction, and all she could do was blather on about her miserable life. What he must think of her now. Who would want to stay after all of that? No sane person, that was for sure.

“Well,” she said before he had a chance to say anything, “you know, it’s really late, and we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

With that, she stood, assuming he would come up with her, ready to run out the door at the first chance she gave him.

Caleb’s head and heart were in a spinning match, and he could hardly catch either of them long enough to sort through the story, her story, her life. However, he had just enough presence of mind to latch onto her hand before she actually threw him out of her house. “Rach,” he said, looking up at her, and when she looked down at him, there was no emotion in her eyes, only knifing understanding that he too was about to leave her.

“It’s late, Caleb.” She dropped her gaze between them, pulled her hand from his and slid it up her other arm. “Really. You should… you should be going.”

But late and going were the last things on his mind. Standing from the couch, he blocked her advance to the door with one step, reached over and put his hands on her arms before leveling his gaze at her although she never so much as looked up at him. “Hey.”

He needed to go, Rachel thought, forcing herself to breathe and not feel. He needed to go and leave well-enough alone. Why couldn’t he see that? She was poison, her life was in shambles. She was hardly eligible much less desirable. Needy, desperate and unbelievably whiny was far, far closer.

But then, even as she tried to simultaneously get him out and not fall apart over doing so, he did what she never, ever expected. He took one more step toward her and simply put his arms around her.

The instant it happened, her world rocked and pitched as if it would throw her right off of it. His touch, the warmth of his strong arms and chest swept through her, taking her breath and good sense away with it. However, she knew if she let herself believe in it for even one second, she would be a goner. Knowing he was making a horrible mistake that would ruin his whole life, she arched backward. “Caleb? Stop. What’re you doing?”

Somehow he hadn’t expected a fight, but he got one anyway. “What somebody should’ve done a long time ago.”

“No,” she whispered, half-clutching his shirt, half pushing him away. “Don’t do this. You can’t… you can’t fix it.”

Fix it. The words sliced through him like a machete. What had he said to Derek about wishing someone would fix her? Fix her. As if caulk and nails was all she needed. How arrogant could he be? How callous? She was fighting for her very survival, and all he was worried about was himself and how difficult she was making things on him?

“Rachel,” he said even as she continued to struggle against him. “Rach, come on. Stop. Please. Just stop.”

“No, Caleb. You’re not… I can’t… You don’t understand…”

“Okay, then help me understand,” he said without really releasing her. “Tell me. Give me one good reason why you want me to let you go.”

“Because,” she choked out as her will to fight tapered off and dissolved into hot, soaking tears.

“Because why?” he asked again, glad she wasn’t fighting anymore but worried she might just collapse and be done with it.

“Because…” The word was soft, frayed, frightened. “Because I love you.”

Chapter 18

Caleb was sure he hadn’t heard the words he thought he did. She couldn’t have just said that, could she? I love you? Had she really said that, to him, about him, out loud?

“What?” he asked before he could think not to.

“I know,” she said, the hard gasps of pain once again jolting through her and into him. “I know it’s stupid. We’re not even together. We’re not… anything. You’re just a guy who came to do some work on my house.” She sniffed and swiped at her eye as she dragged herself out of his arms. Her gaze was on the ground as she shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem. It’s mine. I mean… you don’t have to…”

“Rachel,” he said, eyeing her up and down, feeling like the biggest idiot on the planet. No wonder she was fighting him so hard.

“No, Caleb. Really… I don’t expect you to… I don’t even know why I said it.”

Gently he put his hands on her arms and lowered his gaze on her. “Because it’s true?”

She looked up at him, and in her eyes, he could see the depths of just how true it was. Her gaze fell again. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have…”

With a small laugh, he shook his head and simply pulled her into his embrace. “You’ve really got to stop apologizing all the time, you know that?”

Clutching his shirt, she sniffed and shook her head. “But I don’t… I mean… I know… You’re not…”

“In love with you?” he asked as his heart twined around just how ridiculous it was for him to have ever thought otherwise.

In his arms, up against him, she nodded.

“Well, now see, that’s where you’re wrong,” he said finally letting himself really feel just how perfectly she fit in the hollow of his embrace. “If you had any idea…” He let out a hard breath and shook his head. “Do you know how crazy you’ve been making me?”

“Crazy? What? Why?”

“Because I’ve wanted to ask you out ever since about two minutes after I met you. Remember that first day when I wanted you to go home instead of trying to help us clean?”

She laughed, and he was glad the storm seemed to have passed though he was quite sure that wasn’t all of them. “It was my house.”

“Yes, and you were the most stubborn homeowner I had ever worked with. It was like you didn’t want us to do anything.”

“It was my house.”

Slowly he shook his head even as he held her there. “And boy, you weren’t going to let us forget it either.”

She was calmer now, no fight left. “Want to know something?”

“What’s that?”

“I had an ulterior motive for not wanting to leave that day.”

Caleb smiled as he angled his gaze around and down to hers. “Oh, yeah? What was that?”

Picking her gaze up to his, she laid down the last of the weapons. “Being here with you.”

She had fought it so long and been so totally sure of the rightness of the battle that Rachel could hardly believe what happened when she finally stopped fighting. Gazing up into his eyes as he held her there, she let herself begin to absorb his strength, his goodness, his kindness, him and what it was like to be with him.

As his gaze twined with hers, surprise came over her as instead of running, he came toward her. Lowering, lowering, asking even as he came, his spirit fused with hers and meshed there, washing hope and anticipation through every fiber and thread of her.

Then, as if she was truly weightless, Rachel let go of even holding herself up as she relaxed into his approach. Her eyes fell closed, and her lips ached for the touch of his, knowing, hoping, wanting. In the next breath with a single brush of his lips, warmth spread through her entire being, whisking away what little was left of her sanity and strength. Soft. His lips were so soft and gentle as they tasted hers for the first time, left, and then came back again, hungry for more.

She had been kissed before, but never, ever like that. It left her breathless, starving, craving another and another so that everything else in the world simply slipped from her grasp. All she wanted was more of him. All she wanted was every scrap he would give her, and she gathered them up frantically, wildly, begging him to give her just one more.

When he finally pulled back, gasping and swaying, something other than sanity took over, and she reached up and dragged him back to her. He couldn’t stop. Not now. Not after just that small taste. If he stopped now, he might be gone forever, and she could not lose him.

“Rach,” he said, raggedly, kissing her again as if unable to stop himself or her. “Rachel.”

Why… How… What… She didn’t know, and she didn’t care. “Caleb…”

“Rachel, no,” he finally breathed, barely managing to break the connection as he arrested her hands from his body. “No. Not like this.”

“Why?” she gasped even as his hands held hers there, suspending her as if above the pull of gravity itself. “Why not?”

“Because… I love you,” he whispered, his voice and breathing both broken and raspy.

That stopped her as if she had taken a direct hit with a bolt of lightning. Maybe it shouldn’t have. Maybe it should have propelled her forward, but it didn’t. With one jerk, her whole being slammed to a stop as she looked up at him, hovering there, gazing down at her with bewildered, searching, fear-filled eyes.

“What?” she whispered, knowing she could not have heard that correctly.

At first what she saw in his eyes made no sense at all, but then as the heat began to dissipate between them, he blinked, his gaze cleared, and his eyes smiled down at her.

“What? You can say it and I can’t?” he asked with a challenge attached to the grin.

However, she was so stunned, she could hardly find the words to reply. But the fight to hold him, to get back to him left, leaving her only with a deep understanding of the fool she had just made of herself. What had she done? What was she thinking? “No, Caleb. You don’t have to. I don’t want you to say it unless it’s true.”

He laughed for real at that. “Are you kidding me?”

Confused, she regained her own footing and eyed him with concern. “No, I’m not kidding you. What does that mean?”

With a long breath and a shake of his head, he let her go, went one step backward and put his hands over his face and then sent both of them up and through his hair. “It means, for the first time in my life, I’m going to do what’s best for you rather than doing what I want to with no thought of you at all.”

More confusion coursed over her. “Huh?”

He let out a breath and brought his hands down without reaching out to her even as his gaze buried itself into the depths of hers. “Look, I’m not going to lie. This. Us.” He moved his hands back and forth between them. “You. Me. This.” Licking his bottom lip, he looked back and up before dragging his gaze back to hers. “Believe me, I would like nothing more than to take you up there right now and see where this takes us.”

The breath he took was longer, slower still. “Seeing you… like this… all... beautiful and vulnerable and…” It was as if he was having trouble breathing and talking at the same time. He put his hands on his beltline, closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’ve never felt like this before. Never. Not like I have no control over it, like I’m going to start and not be able to stop, and I’ve got to tell you, that’s freaking me out a little bit here. But as much as I want to give in to that, as easy as it would be, I love you enough to want to do what’s right for you. And this, like this, tonight…” He slammed his eyes closed. “You’re too important to me for this to just be a one night stand because I’m here and it’s late, and…”

Just what it was that brushed her heart, Rachel didn’t know. It was something about him being so honest, something about him protecting her even from himself, something she couldn’t even put into words. But if she had thought she loved him an hour ago, it paled in comparison to this. Carefully, gently, she stepped over to him, and after only a breath, she wrapped her arms through his and around him before laying her head on his chest. “Thank you.”

He seemed both completely stunned and wholly afraid to even touch her, but after a moment, he took a breath and settled his arms down and around her. “I just… I want to do what’s right, what…”

Rachel looked up at him and grabbed his gaze with hers. “I love you.”

His gaze jerked down to hers in surprise and confusion, and then drifted into peace. “I love you too.”

Most likely her alarm clock was still in one of the boxes. It didn’t much matter because Rachel had two little real life models that made the electronic ones redundant.

Her eyes protested the second she peeled them open to find sunlight in her room. “Ow.” Wincing at the pain that started at her head and ended somewhere in the vicinity of the neighbor’s fence, she arched her legs and immediately regretted that decision. “Oh! Ugh. Ow!”

The center of her right calf twisted painfully, sending the rest of her into an all-out spasm. She choked out a gasp and then another, clenching down on her teeth until they should have cracked right in two. Unfortunately, Natalie’s little cries did not subside.

“Okay. Okay, baby girl. I’m coming.”

Although he wanted nothing more than to be over at her place before breakfast, Caleb decided to give her at least a bit of breathing room. After the night before, or the morning before as it turned out to be, he wasn’t at all sure what he would find when he made it to her house at just after nine. In fact, he wasn’t even sure she would be awake yet. Figuring it was safer to knock than to ring the bell, he did just that.

Rachel was elbow deep in scrambled eggs and bacon when she heard the knock at the door. Who could that be? Derek and Jaycee weren’t supposed to be here until ten. Hobbling to the door and clutching her ratty robe closer to her, she dragged her fingers through the tangles in her hair. This should be interesting.

One swing and shock knocked into her. Caleb. And looking more gorgeous than he had the night before. That really wasn’t fair.

“Morning,” he said with a bright shine to the word.

“Something like that,” she replied. She stepped back and winced at the ache in her calf.

He came in though the brightness had faded. “You okay?”

Closing the door, she shook her head and limped off for the kitchen, hoping the eggs weren’t charred. “Charlie horse, and I’m about to die. Other than that, yeah, I’m fabulous.”

“Caleb!” Rhett jumped up from the floor and came over to leap into Caleb’s arms.

“Morning, bud.” He hugged Rhett before returning his attention to her, now concerned. “You want me to rub it for you?”

At the stove she waved the spatula in the air and stepped over to get a plate. “I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll live.”

“Other than that you can’t walk. Yeah, it looks wonderful.”

Putting the eggs on the plate, she limped back for more plates. “You want something?”

“Uh, no. I grabbed a burrito before I came.”

“There’s plenty.” Hobbling with every step, she took the things to the dining table and set them there.

Quickly, Caleb put Rhett in his chair and went to collect Natalie. He had a new appreciation for her this morning. “Come here, you.” He scooped her up, went over to the table with her in his arm, and started dishing out the food.

A minute and Rachel returned with cups and the milk. “Here you go, Rhett.” In no time she had the sippy cups filled and she sat down in front of the plate Caleb had made for her. She looked exhausted. Not that he blamed her.

Sitting down in what was beginning to feel like his place, he put Natalie on his knee. “I guess we need to go get the high chair today.” Carefully, he cut the eggs up into pieces the child could eat with her hands, and once she was happy, he turned to Rachel.

“I guess. I need to find my alarm clock too. It’s got to be somewhere we haven’t looked.” She grimaced when she moved her foot.

“Here.” Knowing it would be a bit awkward but not wanting her to be in pain, Caleb reached for her foot.

“What?” Rachel asked in concern.

“Don’t argue just put your foot up here.” He reached again and managed to take hold of her foot.

She gasped and winced at the movement of her foot up to his thigh. “What are you doing?”

Rachel had meant to get her foot off of him, but when his hand slipped off her house shoe and wrapped around her foot, she didn’t have the brain power to accomplish that. “Ow! Ugh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ugh. What are you trying to kill me?”

“I think you did way too much moving yesterday,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Yeah. I did way too much something.” She jumped when his hand met her twisted, unhappy calf. “Ow! Oh, wow. Could you not do that please?”

“You need to pull your toes up toward yourself.”

“Oh, yeah, that’ll be easy. Here. Why don’t I just put my leg up over my head and do a few cartwheels while I’m at it?”

His fingers were relentless in finding the knots and kinks.

“OW! If I knew you were going to torture me, I’d have left you on the front porch.”

“It’s going to feel better when we get it to loosen up, I promise.”

“And just when is that going to happen? Before or after I’m dead?”

He laughed. “If you would pull your toes, that would really help.”

Dutifully, she tried, but it wasn’t at all easy. She forked a few more eggs into her mouth, thinking that eating would distract her. It didn’t. “Hello. You. Are. Killing. Me. Do you do know that?”

His laugh this time was sheepish and apologetic. “Sorry.”

“Yeah. You should be. Ow.”

At least she wasn’t hobbling anymore, Caleb thought when the doorbell really did ring at just after ten. Instead she was in the kitchen, now, thankfully dressed because he had insisted she go get ready while he did the dishes. True, it wasn’t much easier to talk her into letting him help, but at least now he understood it more than he had before.

Going to the door, he swung it open, feeling what it might be like to welcome guests into his own home. It was a feeling he could get used to. “Hey, you made it! Morning.”

Jaycee checked him with a surprised glance and a tilt of her head although she should know he hadn’t stayed. He wasn’t even in the same clothes as the day before. “The reinforcements have arrived.”

“Awesome!”

“Do you need anything else from your mom’s besides the high chair?” Caleb asked just before lunch. “We thought we’d maybe run to Greely, grab a couple of pizzas and swing by there on our way back.”

“I still haven’t found my alarm clock,” Rachel said from the floor of the mud room where she was hand mopping the floor. Something about everyone in town coming tomorrow had her finding dirt even where there wasn’t any.

“Any idea where it might be?” He was standing in the doorway behind her, elbow up on the frame.

“Uh… I don’t know unless we didn’t get all the boxes out of one of our rooms?”

“K. We’ll look.”

“Good luck.”

“We’ll be back.”

The truth was, they really didn’t need both of them to get the pizzas, the high chair and the wayward alarm clock. The bigger truth was, Caleb really needed a sounding board, and Derek didn’t protest. So they jumped in Derek’s pickup, called in the pizzas and headed that direction.

“So,” Derek asked when they were on the way to Greely, “I take it there’s been a ceasefire?”

Caleb half-laughed and coiled his arms. “For as long as it lasts.”

“You don’t think it will last?”

“After last night, I’m not sure what to think.”

Derek glanced at him. “Oh?”

“No. It’s good. It is. I think.”

His boss’s laugh was accompanied by a raise of his eyebrows.

Letting out the breath, Caleb decided to be one-hundred percent honest. “I’ve never met anybody like her, anybody that makes me feel like she does, like nothing else in the whole world even matters, like everything else matters so much because of how it could mess this up. I don’t know. She told me, you know, some of it, last night about what she’s been through, what happened, and…” He sat up and shook his head. “I don’t even know how she made it through it. I really don’t. She’s stronger than I’ll ever be. That’s for sure.”

“Okay. So, what’s the problem then?”

He put his head down. “Remember yesterday when you asked if I was enough? I just don’t know if I am or not. I mean, can I really be that guy? The one who’s patient and calm and strong? My dad was like that. Nothing could shake him—not injuries or hard times. He was such a rock. I’m not sure I’m like that. I mean, when I’ve got just me to worry about, yeah. But a family? A wife? Is that really something I can do?”

Derek nodded. “It’s tough, growing up. I know. I fought it for as long as possible.” He grinned at Caleb who rolled his eyes. “But seriously, there’s something about stepping into that space. It’s more than just being good with some tools. It’s about being good with your heart, and let me tell you, that’s a whole lot harder.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You and Caleb seem happy,” Jaycee said as they dusted every spec of the living room.

“He’s Caleb,” Rachel said. “Of course, he’s great.”

“Happy. I said happy.”

Rachel’s eyes came up, flitted there, and then fell to the end table on the other side of her dust cloth. “It would be so easy, but then I remember that’s how it was with Nathan at first too. Easy, and then I can’t help but wonder if this is just another go around the same mountain.”

“Caleb is a good guy. He’s solid, he’s there no matter what. I’ve seen it—sometimes at one and two in the morning.”

That spun Rachel’s thoughts, and Jaycee jumped realizing how that sounded.

“Not because we were together,” Jaycee said. “I mean we worked together, and at the end of the job, it was always Caleb who never left until we shut off the last light. Everybody else would be headed out when the clock struck five or seven. Not Caleb. He was in there fighting until the last breath to make sure everything was perfect. Caleb doesn’t do things halfway. When he starts something, he finishes it, no matter what that costs him.”

With the pizzas between them, they were headed to her mom’s when Derek looked over. “Oh, I was going to tell you, Brent called this morning.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. He wants Jayc and me to come out there on Monday to talk next season.”

Caleb pulled his ankle up on his knee. “That’s cool. That mean more money?”

Derek laughed. “Probably.” He shifted a bit and glanced over again. “They were really impressed with how the show’s going at Rachel’s. They’re probably going with it in November, sweeps week probably.”

“Cool. It’ll be great exposure for the show, the draw on it should be really good with the hurricane tie-in and everything.” He hated talking about it like that, but it was his job after all, and this was his boss.

“I’m going to need some help though.”

“With…?”

“Well, if I’m in L.A., who’s watching the final push on the church? Of course Alex will be there, but…”

Caleb nodded. “You don’t trust him.”

“Not as far as I can throw him.”

Funny, he’d been trying to find a way to let Derek know he was planning to stay and work on the church ramp.

The glance from his boss was swift. “I was kind of hoping you might not have plans this week even though technically you’re supposed to be on vacation.”

Caleb laughed. “How’d you say it, ‘A good man’s work is never done’?”

Derek smiled. “I was hoping you’d see it my way.”

“I’m going to go ahead and feed these two,” Rachel said at half-past-twelve. “I’d really like to get Nat down for a nap if at all possible. This out-of-routine thing is not good on her little system.”

“Go ahead,” Jaycee said as she ran the sweeper over the living room floor and over it again. “The guys should be back any time now with the pizza.”

“I wonder what’s taking them so long.”

“With those two, whoever knows?”

“Oh, you boys,” her mother said, rolling into the kitchen. “I thought I heard someone out here.”

“Sorry, Mrs. Murphy,” Caleb said, standing to attention from where he had been trying to collapse the supposedly-collapsible high chair. “Did Rachel not call to tell you we were coming? We just came to get the high chair and to see if we can find her alarm clock. It seems to be missing.”

The older woman laughed. “It’s possible I missed it. I don’t run to the phone like I used to, don’t always hear the thing if Genevieve isn’t here to hear it for me.”

He ratcheted and surveyed the chair, bent and tried again. “Oh? Is she not here today?”

“She stepped out for a bit. Her grandchildren are coming through town. Can’t pass up seeing those babies, you know?”

Standing off to the side, Derek tipped his head toward the high chair. “You gonna get that, hotshot?”

Caleb looked up from the confounding thing. “It’s got to be something really simple.” He reached under the seat and found a small lever. “Oh, I bet this is it.” And just like that, the thing folded right up. “Got it.”

“You know, I wanted to tell both of you thanks so much for all you’ve done for Rachel. I was just beside myself when her house got damaged like it was.”

“I can imagine,” Derek said. “It was pretty much wrecked.”

“And to see what you all did with the place, how wonderful it will be for her and those babies. It just makes me feel so much better knowing she doesn’t have to worry about being safe and sheltered anymore. It’s just about killed me to see how she’s been since the funeral. Truth is there was a time I thought we’d be burying her too.”

Cutting his gaze over to Derek, Caleb nodded. “She’s one strong woman.”

“She is that,” her mother said. “Sometimes too strong for her own good I’m afraid. I guess it’s no secret how much I worry about her.”

“She worries about you too.”

Her mother nodded. “I can’t say I blame her. I’ve caused a lot of worry in my time, but I have to say it’s been really nice seeing that light back in her eyes again.” She smiled. “Now, you know, she’d kill me if she knew I told you this, but she’s really become quite fond of you, Caleb. Not that I blame her.”

“Well, I’m quite fond of her as well,” he said, ducking for having to admit that to both her mother and his boss, though he was quite sure both already knew where he stood on the subject.

“That’s why I was so happy to hear about you staying on with us for a while,” her mother said. “I bumped into the pastor today when we were picking up some groceries. He told me about your little project at the church. I have to say I was surprised and actually kind of flattered that you would offer to do such a big project simply because I suggested it.”

Caleb glanced over at Derek again, knowing he should have told his boss about his moonlighting job. “Well, I have the week, and it needs to be done.”

She nodded. “But you know, I got to thinking about it today, and well, you’ve been staying all the way over in Greely. That must be some trek home each evening.”

“It’s not too bad.”

“It’s not too good either. I should know. I used to work over at the hospital over there.”

“Really?” Caleb tipped his head, having never heard that piece of information.

“Yes, Sir. Forty-three years. Probably would’ve been fifty but for this stupid thing.” She shook the walker. Then she shook her head. “But, that’s neither here nor there now, water under the bridge and all of that. What I was going to suggest, however, was that you should consider staying out here instead. It would cut a good fifteen minutes off of your drive time morning and evening. I certainly wouldn’t charge you anything, so you’d save some money. Besides, Rachel has said she’d be coming out in the evenings this week to help me pack the place up. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind some help, and I know I’d sure feel better not being out here all alone this last week.”

There were so many ways this idea could be misconstrued by the woman he was trying at all costs not to upset, but at the same time, her mother made a lot of sense.

“You could stay in that room that was Rachel’s,” she continued as if piling on reasons he couldn’t say no. “There’s a bath down that way, and I have my own. I’m really pretty quiet as roommates go, and I wouldn’t even be too nosy if you don’t want me to be.”

Not being able to help himself, Caleb laughed. “I’m beginning to think you aren’t going to take no for an answer.”

“Not unless it’s, ‘No, of course I can’t turn such a great offer down.’” She grinned at him, and he shook his head.

“Only one question, who’s going to tell Rachel?”

“So what’s this about a project at the church?” Derek said with something of a smirk lurking around the edges of the question as they bounced down the dirt road on their way back to town.

Caleb sighed. “I really was going to tell you about it before you left, not that it’s any big secret or anything.”

“Okay. Details?”

“Well, it’s just that Mrs. Murphy hasn’t been able to attend the services since the accident because there’s no ramp for her to get into the church itself.” Instantly his brain started laying out the project, and he realized he would have to place the orders for materials Monday morning to have any hope of finishing by Friday. “I’m thinking I can take a little space out of that room at the far end of the lobby, craft a ramp, cut a door...”

“That’s quite a project to do on your own.”

Caleb shrugged. “What better way to spend a vacation than helping people out?”

Thinking, Derek nodded. “What would you say to adding it to the roster for the specials, maybe in conjunction with the one we’re doing about the church?”

“Oh. You don’t have to that. I was just going to do it on the side.”

“No reason to waste good material. Cliff and Alex’s bunch will be there anyway. You can just run it, film it, and see how it goes.”

The center of him hit the frantic button. “Are you kidding? But you’re not even going to be here.”

“All the more reason I need someone I trust there to run things, right?”

Caleb gulped. “Uh. Yeah. Right.”

“Well, it’s about time,” Jaycee said as Rachel stood in the kitchen, wiping off Natalie’s vegetable stained hands. “I didn’t know Greely had relocated to the other side of the state.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Derek said. “We took a short detour that turned into a longer detour than we planned.”

“We got the high chair,” Caleb called, coming in with the thing.

“Oh, good.” Rachel stepped from the kitchen. “Just when Nat’s finished with lunch.” She smirked at him. “You have such good timing.”

“Yeah, well, we’re going to have to talk about that.” Stopping by the table, Caleb pulled on the little lever and popped the high chair into place, making sure it snapped before he set it down. “I don’t know where you put that alarm clock, but it is not at your mom’s.”

“Seriously? You didn’t find it?”

“Nope. Looked in the room, under the bed, in the closet. Nothing.”

“We did, however, talk to your mom,” Derek said, going into the kitchen to the island and unfolding the boxes of pizza. “Nice woman. Very hospitable.”

There were times Derek West’s wit could be just this side of dangerous. This was one of those times. Caleb widened his eyes in warning at his boss. The last thing he needed was an argument about his future sleeping arrangements right there for everyone to see.

“She is that,” Rachel said, following Jaycee over. “Oh, you got supreme. Great. I’m starving.”

Thankfully they made it through the rest of the day with only a minimal number of heart-stopping moments. Overall, Derek and Jaycee were very helpful and kept their “oh, please don’t go there” comments to a minimum. By the time they were leaving at six, Caleb was grateful they had come. The house was ready for the bombardment the next day, and Rachel had even relaxed a bit with them around. That was good. He liked it when she didn’t look a half-breath away from completely breaking down.

“We’ll be here right after church,” Jaycee said as they stood on the front porch just as a rumble shook the air around them. “Was that thunder?”

Derek hopped down the steps and looked out to the horizon. “Looks like we could be in for some rain.”

“Oh, great,” Rachel said, “just when my floors are all nice and clean.”

“Eh, so we stay in a couple hours,” Caleb said.

“Couple hours?” Jaycee swiped on her phone, checked the radar and showed it to them. “The way this looks, it could still be raining tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, great.” Rachel leaned on the little post and put her head back. “That’s just what I needed to hear.”

After the others left, Caleb made a mad dash to the grocery store, hoping to beat the storm. At some point they really were going to have to get more food than for just a few meals at a time; however, this was not that time.

When he got back, the raindrops were starting to drip from the sky as heavy gray clouds overtook the landscape, smothering everything. He thought then about what happened to a dirt road when it rained. Considering that would be his transportation route in the coming days, it might be important to see just how long this rain might last before he mentioned it to her. The truth was, he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject with Rachel. One part of him said she wouldn’t be upset. Another part wondered why he would even consider testing the fragile understanding they had come to.

“I got hamburger,” he said, stacking the bags on the island. It was interesting to him how each day the space looked progressively more lived in. There were now pizza boxes out in the trash in the mudroom, a few dishes by the sink, toys in the living room. If they wanted it showroom perfect in the morning, they would already have to do a bit more cleaning. “I hope that’s okay.”

“I’m not picky.” She stood from where she had been on the floor with the kids and came over. At the island she put her elbows on it, forearms down and leaned on them. “So, you cook, you clean, you build amazing things. Is there anything you can’t do?”

When he looked over at her, he grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Going around beside him, she zipped through looking in the bags and sighed. “I really need to get some baby food. I think I’m down to like a jar and a half.”

A deep frown marred his face as he turned with one hand on the island and stared at her. One second and he yanked the anger down. “Why did you not tell me that before I went to the grocery store?”

Still looking into the bags, she shrugged. “I can go get some.”

His shoulders fell in frustration, and as she came up right next to him, he tipped his head at her. “You know, we’ve really got to work on this asking for help thing.”

Wide-eyed surprise met his gaze. “What?”

It was as if she really didn’t know. Somehow he got patience over the frustration, and letting the island go to stand toe-to-toe with her, he reached down between them and took her hands in his. With that, her eyes came up to his, caught, and held as thunder rent the sky outside. “Listen to me. I want to help, Rach. I want to help you. That stuff I said last night, it wasn’t just because it was late.”

One swallow and she nodded, never letting go of his gaze even as the thunder sounded again.

“I want you… no, I need you to let me help. Even something as simple as baby food. If it’s something you need, you’ve got to tell me. I’m not a mind-reader, and I can’t help if I don’t know.”

Outside, the rain began spattering on the window as gray sheets of it took over the world.

Slowly Rachel nodded again, but she never said even a word. A second and Caleb sighed, wrapped her up next to him, took in a long breath, and kissed her head as her hand came up to rest on his back. What had Derek said about learning to be good with his heart? That was certainly not as easy as it had sounded.

But he knew she didn’t need his anger. She needed his understanding. She needed, as crazy as that sounded, to learn to let someone else do some of the lifting for her.

“Now,” he said, turning back to the bags without letting her go. “What are we going to do with this?” And he held up the frozen brick of hamburger.

Even after the kids were in bed, with the rain still pattering on the roof, Rachel held his words and touch deep in her soul. There was something so comforting about them. Yes, he was strong and solid and hot as a mid-summer’s day, but he was also kind and compassionate. His annoyance with her not asking for the baby food earlier made her smile. As she sat down on the couch, he came and sat down too not really talking as he put an arm over the back of the couch and looked past her to the fire flickering in the fireplace beyond.

He said nothing, didn’t even really move even though there was a good amount of space between them.

She knew it was her move, her choice. He was here. He hadn’t left, even after her emotional vomiting of the night before. Somehow that made now feel even more vulnerable. If he was staying even when she was insanity personified, what would happen when she wasn’t?

Dragging in a breath for courage, she glanced over at him and smiled. “I love the rain.”

His eyes registered light and hope. “Me too.”

Rachel swallowed down the growing peace she didn’t understand even as it settled over her. If he had pushed, maybe she would have pushed back or simply given in. As it was, she didn’t feel fear of him or of what he might do, only an undeniable desire to be closer to him, which made no sense at all. No, she needed to keep her distance, keep her wits about her, stay sane enough to not want him. Not like the night before when she had practically thrown herself at him. That was all wrong, not that she really knew how to do it right. Her track record with guys proved as much. And still he hadn’t really moved.

His ankle was on his knee as he sat there arms arched one way and the other, just watching the fire. When she looked over at him again, her heart asked what in the world she was waiting for. He was right there. However, she just couldn’t trust herself that far. Angling her body so it was facing the fireplace, she put her head on the couch cushions, curled her legs up underneath her and just let the sound of the rain lull her down into its embrace. It was soothing and soft, with a cadence all its own.

A moment and the edge of his finger brushed across her shoulder, and she remembered the calf massage from the morning. Even when he was killing her, he was always so gentle about it. She murmured softly, melting into the sensation, more sighing than speaking. His touch, even just that much, whispered to her how safe she was with him, how protected, and slowly her heart began to wish for the freedom to respond, not from panic but only from a need for him, his presence, his peace.

Wondering at her own sanity, she came up a breath and pushed herself backward and back again, going where she most wanted to be though in so many ways it made no sense. Back and back again until the firm arch of his body became a shelter for hers, and she laid her head not on the cushion but on his arm that slipped down and around her. With one breath, every muscle in her body released its hold on her, relinquishing her softly into his strength. She breathed that in, closed her eyes and relaxed even more. It felt like floating, drifting.

Her senses began to lose their ability to decipher what was real and what was not, and she found herself somehow outside of reality and yet cradled within it deeper than she had ever been before. It was not unlike falling, or flying, she couldn’t really tell which, only that it was not as terrifying as she had thought it would be. Letting go of trying to understand or to explain the experience, she simply surrendered to it, trusting it in a way she never had before.

It was like waking from a dream, realizing the dream was real rather than the waking from it. His other hand came over and brushed her shoulder, tingling through the soft fabric of her shirt. Lulling, arching, her body reacted to the gentle rhythm of his touch. It wasn’t rough nor demanding. It wasn’t harsh nor insistent. It simply moved with the whisper of the raindrops as they fell in the darkness outside.

Peace. She breathed the word into her soul, all the way in, into the deepest depths of herself. As she opened her eyes and gazed into the fire, she began to question what was visible and what was invisible, what imagined and what real. She saw her past then, as if through a veil that had been pulled back. Nathan and the hurt, the flag as she handed over what had never been hers. They had been together in body but never in spirit, in lust but never in love.

She knew that now in ways she had never let herself even question before. Breath and hope touched somewhere in the midst of that moment, merging for the first time into one. Peace now held her, and in its embrace waited freedom, abandon, love even. She did not yet know how to live there, but she was learning.

Even as Caleb held her, the strangest thing was he had never felt closer to anyone in his whole life. It was as if their spirits were meshing, dancing together for the first time. His thoughts snagged on that as his breath caught, and he knew he had to ask or this one perfect moment might slip into the waiting arms of time and be gone forever. He willed his heart not to question if this was wise as he leaned down to her ear letting reckless hope take over his sanity. “Would you like to dance?”

Somehow the vibration of his voice did not startle her because it was of the same composition and structure as the timbre of her soul’s soliloquy. Still she did not move, only let her hand continue to memorize the curve of his. “There’s no music.”

It should have been ironic, funny even, but he never laughed. “I hear it. Don’t you?”

And then, as she listened, her spirit began to breathe in the softness of the rhythm, and she heard the music more profoundly than if it had been played by a thousand-piece orchestra. “I’d love to dance.”

With great care though she hardly felt herself move, she stood and her heart jolted forward as she turned to watch him stand in front of her. His gaze came down to hers, and his serene smile made it only to his eyes as his fingers wrapped into hers. She didn’t question it as he led her around the coffee table to the small expanse of floor over by the fireplace.

When he stopped, he paused one heartbeat before turning to face her only a breath away. Blinking as if to decide if this was real or not, she watched as he lowered his gaze into hers, and all will to move vanished from her being. Slowly, tenderly, he lifted her hand in his, spinning his fingers around it and under it, so it came to rest gently in the strength of his light grip. Her breathing latched in her lungs, spinning the room around her as he lowered his lips to the smooth surface of her fingers, his gaze never once leaving hers.

Truly even as she watched, she was no longer breathing nor thinking only experiencing, lost in his eyes, mesmerized by his quiet, gentle power. A gentle, soft smile dusted his lips as he held her with his gaze, and she fell with one look into the hope she found there.

Then as if nothing else in the world existed, he came toward her, slipped his hand to the small of her back and meshed her body into the intensity of his. She swayed, lost not in the music but in him, and as he took over control of her, she let it go, willingly, freely, knowing he would never, ever misuse or abuse the trust she surrendered.

No music had ever been so sweet, no moment ever so perfect as she let herself be pressed into him as he held her, and they danced.

Chapter 19

“I love you,” Caleb whispered even as he held her close in the flickering firelight.

She nodded against him. “I know.”

He hated the words he knew he had to say. “Then you know why I have to go.”

This nod was sadder. “Yeah.” However, instead of letting him go, her hand pressed into his back as if fear had taken over, and so he didn’t let her go as he had intended. Instead, he pulled her closer and closed his eyes.

“This isn’t the end.” His whisper slid from the promise he made himself as he swayed with her. “It’s just the beginning.”

Her smile when she arched her gaze up to his held mostly trust threaded with a thin sliver of fear. Slowly, gently, taking all of her beauty into his soul, Caleb lowered his lips to hers and caressed them, absorbing the precious treasure of her tentative trust in him.

“Mommy?” the little voice drifted down to them, and Rachel blinked as the kiss ended and he backed up. Just like that she seemed to be reabsorbed into reality. An apology flowed from her eyes, but Caleb knew there was no apology needed.

“Go,” he said softly, knowing midnight had come. He nodded once as she stepped from his arms. “It’s okay. I know my way out.”

The last thing Rachel wanted was for the magic of this night to end, but the little voice called from the top of the stairs again.

“Mommy?”

“I’m coming, baby.” Reluctance cascaded over her as Caleb relinquished her hand at the bottom of the stairs. Leaving him there, her feet moved though her heart did not.

“I’ll be here for church in the morning?” he asked more than said.

With her back pressed to the wall, she caught his gaze and nodded once.

“Mommy? I’m scared.”

“Go,” Caleb said again, knowing, seeing her hesitation in leaving him. He didn’t blame her. He didn’t want to leave either, but she had other responsibilities.

When she disappeared through the gate upstairs, murmuring softly, he let his gaze hold for a moment and then fall, telling his heart it couldn’t do the same. Going over to the fireplace, he turned the little handle and the flame went out. The rain outside continued however, and he realized this would be a drive home through the downpour.

With no jacket to thwart the cold drops, he went out the front door, making sure to lock it before he shut it. One more check of the door, and he stepped to the edge of the porch, looking up into the dark night. It was colder than he had anticipated, and he ducked his head to minimize the chill as he ran for the pickup. Once inside, he looked back at the house. Two small lights glowed from the windows beyond. One in the living room and one upstairs.

How he wished he could stay with her, take care of Rhett, calm his fears. But Caleb knew that wasn’t his place. Not tonight anyway. “God, keep them safe for me.”

It was a combination of too much excitement and too many sounds. The rain splattering on the window in a new, unfamiliar room. They did very bad things to little boys who were trying to be brave.

“Mommy?” the little voice called to her again when she made it all the way to the door after she thought he was asleep.

“Rhett. Come on, pumpkin head,” she whispered. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“I’m scared.”

Threading herself back onto the little bed beside him, she took his hand in hers and let him lay on her shoulder. Did she want to go to her own bed and dream the night away? Yes. Would she knowing he needed her? Never. “Mommy’s here. Close your eyes and get some sleep.”

When Caleb got to her house the next morning, the rain from the night before had moved on leaving in its wake a fresh, new world. He got out of the truck, took a deep breath in, and couldn’t stop the grin. It was going to be a great day.

At the first sensation of the new day’s arrival, Rachel squeezed her eyes closed against the onslaught of light and noise. Knocking? What was…?

One jerk and she was fully awake though completely unable to move. It took another five seconds to realize why. Her son had her arm and shoulder pinned to the bed. “Ugh.” She arched up, toward the wall, trying to untangle herself from him even as the knocking downstairs continued.

It was about that time Natalie woke up in the room next door.

Rachel had no idea what time it was, but she knew she was late. Really late. Hopelessly late. She had no idea who or what to attend to first as she pushed off the bed, swiping at the bush of hair on her head. Natalie.

Racing out of the room into the next room, she pushed inside just as the doorbell rang.

“I’m coming,” she said as if whoever it was could hear her. “Morning, baby doll. It’s okay. Mommy’s here.” With one sweep she had the child up; however, it took less than a second to realize she was soaking wet. “Oh, baby girl.”

Rachel weighed her options, finally deciding there really wasn’t a choice. As fast as she could, she pulled the diaper off and reached for another. Only two more left. She needed to go to the grocery store today.

Today. That’s when it hit her what today was and who was probably at the door.

Sunday. Church. Open house.

The words streamed through her consciousness with such force she had to blink them back. “I’m coming.”

“Why’s somebody knocking?” Rhett asked, appearing bleary-eyed at the door.

“I think it’s Caleb. Come on. Let’s go see.” And with that, she swept her children up and went to the little gate. She was so late. Too much sun. There was just too much sun at the bottom of those steps for it to be anything other than nearly time to leave.

The gate wasn’t cooperating, and she had to work the latch three times to get it to let her free. “I’m. Coming!”

Down, down the stairs they went, flying now more than simply moving. At the door she didn’t so much as try to make herself presentable. What would be the point? She wrenched the door open and met his worried gaze with her wild one. “I’m sorry. We’re not anywhere close to ready.” She spun and headed for the kitchen. “Rhett was scared of the storm. I slept in his room the whole night. We just woke up. Nobody’s eaten. Nobody’s ready.”

In the kitchen she stopped and turned to him at the island, and all she wanted to do was cry. Here he was, looking like he’d just stepped off the cover of GQ, standing in a home he had crafted into House Beautiful. He was perfect. She was a wreck.

Her gaze found the island as she shook her head. “Maybe you should just go without us.”

For some unknown reason, Caleb had been running on the fantasy that when he arrived, she would sweep out to meet him in a flowing red dress, heels, make-up, perfection. Not that he expected that. It was just where the fantasy in his head took him after the night before.

This, however, was not that. By a long shot.

“I’m sorry,” she said, deflating.

And there were those words again. Hands on his beltline, he assessed the situation before looking at his watch. “We can still make it. Why don’t you go get ready? I’ll feed them.”

“What’re you going to feed them?” she asked, her voice spilling into pitiful. “We don’t have any baby food remember?”

He wanted to tell her that they would have if she had thought to tell him to get some. “So I’ll improvise.” Whipping his jacket off, he came over and retrieved Natalie from her mother’s arms. “Can’t be that hard, right?”

“I don’t know, Caleb. Maybe you should just…”

“I’m not going without you, and you are going. Now go get dressed.”

Frustration with herself crowded in on her, and with a shake of her head, Rachel turned for the stairs. He was here to save the day, again, but she knew he was going to get tired of doing that. Why couldn’t she get it together enough to at least be presentable? Why did she always look like such an incompetent idiot like this?

What a mother she was turning out to be. Who would want someone so pathetically bad at organizing her own life? At the top of the stairs, she remembered what today was, and all she wanted to do was go climb into that perfectly made bed on the other side of her bedroom door. If she could crawl under those covers and never come back out, that would be a blessing too wonderful to wish for.

“Come on, Rach. You’ve got to snap out of this. Caleb is downstairs right now being three times the parent you’ll ever be, and they aren’t even his kids.” Strange how she wished then that they had been. Still, she couldn’t help but think as she ran into Rhett’s room and threw the little covers over the bed that even if he had been, she would still be herself. The one who gave new meaning to the word disorganized.

Racing into Natalie’s room, she knew there was no way she could make it look like it had that first day. That’s when she remembered the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom. She hardly saw Nat’s room or the tiny amount of work she did to it before she headed for the bathroom. Yes, she was supposed to be getting ready, but Jaycee had said they could put the nice towels out in the morning, and they weren’t out. Rachel had no clue what time people would start showing up. They might, in fact, come right after services.

Her entire being jerked at the thought. People. From town. In her house! Her stomach knotted into a clench so tight she could hardly breathe.

She swiped at the stuff on the sink, turned and threw all of the bath toys in the little plastic thing before shoving it under the sink. There was no time for a shower. They were going to be so late as it was.

Knowing she couldn’t make the bathroom one bit better, she ran into her bedroom and opened her closet. What in the world was she going to wear?

“Okay,” Caleb said as Rhett spooned the last of the little cereal pieces into his mouth. “You about ready there, big guy?”

Rhett nodded as he slid out of his chair. Caleb glanced at his watch before assessing Natalie’s progress. They didn’t have much time even though the church was literally right down the street. He had assumed he would hear the water running upstairs, but he hadn’t and that worried him. “K. Why don’t you go on up and see if your mom’s got your clothes out?”

When Rhett had gone, Caleb decided they really didn’t have more time for Natalie, so he picked her up out of the high chair being extra careful not to let her touch him with the milky fingers. “Come on, you. We’ve got tracks to make.”

It was hardly showroom material Rachel thought looking at herself in the little mirror in her room, but she didn’t have many other options. After today, she really needed to do laundry, tons of it. And she needed to go grocery shopping. Diapers, her head said. They needed to stop and get diapers and baby food.

Just when was she going to feed the kids? She hadn’t even thought about that. She couldn’t have them making a mess at the dining table with everyone coming in that front door. Grabbing up her watch from the dresser, she took one look at it and sheer panic hit her. The service would be starting in less than ten minutes. “Great, Rach. That’s just great. Now you’re going to show up with him late, so everybody gets a good long look at you. Terrific.”

“Mommy?” the little voice called from down the hall, and she strapped on the watch and yanked on her shoes.

“Coming, sweetheart.”

By the time Caleb made it up the stairs there was a frantic whirlwind in progress. She was in Rhett’s room, and he could tell by her voice, things were not going well.

“I thought they were right here,” she said. “Where are those…? Here they are.”

He stopped by the door, took one look in, and knew her morning was not calm and collected. “You need some help?”

“Yeah. I laid her dress out. It’s on the changing table. Can you get her ready?” She never so much as looked up from tying the little shoes.

“Sure thing.” With half a nod because he wasn’t at all sure he could do what she was asking, he went over to Natalie’s room and had to take a breath. In just a few hours, people were going to be here, inspecting his work, and the fact that it was less-than-perfect was not lost on him. Pushing that away because he didn’t have time to deal with it, he went over and laid Natalie down. Instantly she rolled, and he barely caught her before she went sailing off the little table. “Whoa. Where are you going? You’d better stay there.”

Figuring out the little purple outfit with the snaps and the ruffles while he tried to keep hold of the child proved more difficult than he had anticipated.

“You need help?” Rachel asked, coming in. “We’ve really got to be going.” She took one look at the progress he had made and stepped up to take the reins. “I’ll get her dressed. Can you get her shoes? They’re on that little shelf in the closet.”

“No problem.” He went into the closet and sure enough, they were right there. He was, however, immensely grateful that Rachel was there because with their tiny clasps, it was pretty clear he would never have gotten this feat accomplished. “These?”

She glanced over as she snapped the last of the outfit together. “Yeah.” Quickly she took them from him and in no time flat had them on the little feet. “We’d better get.”

He couldn’t argue so he didn’t as she herded the children down the stairs. Getting ready had never been so heart-stoppingly adrenaline-charged.

Checking her watch as they pulled up at the church, Rachel could only pray that God would take pity on them and let there be a back row seat. Four of them preferably.

“I’ll get the sippy cups,” she said jumping from the car about two seconds after it stopped. “Get the diaper bag.”

“Got it,” he said, going out his side to get Rhett.

Without pause they found each other at the back of the car and half-ran, half-strode to the big wooden door. Caleb swung it open for her, and Rachel stepped inside, finding the lobby empty. Great.

Tamping that as far down as she could get it, she went to the three steps and climbed them, praying that the first song wouldn’t already be over. But of course, she couldn’t be that lucky. When she opened the door, all she wanted to do was turn around and run. Everyone was already seated, preparing to hear the reading. One sweeping glance at the back benches and turning around to go home sounded better than it ever had. What was she thinking? She should have insisted he go alone. If he wanted to go so bad, that would have been by far the better thing.

However, before she got her feet to get the message from her brain, Luke stepped up to them and smiled. “Four?”

“Yeah,” Caleb whispered from behind her so close he was practically in the same space, and Luke nodded.

“There’re some down front. Come on.”

Oh, to be able to disappear, Rachel thought even as somehow she got herself moving enough to follow Luke down the side aisle. Where? Her heart screamed the word. Where are the seats?

Four from the front, in full view of the entire congregation, Luke stopped, turned, and put his hand out. Rachel tried to smile at him although really, she wanted to cry. She slipped down into the seat and bent over Natalie willing herself to disappear. “God, this is horrible,” she whispered, feeling the gazes, the judgments. She closed her eyes. “Please, please, please.”

She didn’t even know what she was praying for anymore, just that God would be merciful and make her become someone she was not. Someone who didn’t show up ten minutes late for church. Someone who could get there with bows in her daughter’s hair and her son all pressed, shined and polished. Instead, they looked like the rumpled version of homeless people. And now, somehow she had dragged Caleb into this nightmare with her.

How that had happened, she still wasn’t quite clear.

One piece of her remembered the night before, dancing with him by the fireplace as the rain fell outside. That had felt so perfect. This felt so glaringly not. She tried to figure out just why that was, but her head and her heart were spinning so fast and so loud, she didn’t have a prayer of really understanding either one. Only one thing was perfectly clear as she sat there, she couldn’t let Caleb think for another minute that he needed to rescue them. That’s what it was after all, they were the damsel in distress. He was the hero. He was there to rescue them.

The problem was, they were clearly too far gone to be saved by anyone.

Worry continued to course over Caleb, and he heard next to nothing of the readings. He wasn’t very good with Bible readings anyway. They all sounded the same to him. He well-remembered going with his mom when he was younger, sitting in church with her, wondering when it would be over. By the time he was in high school, it wasn’t overly hard to find some reason not to go, and once on his own, he didn’t even bother with the excuses.

Now there was a part of him that wished he hadn’t left it by the wayside. He glanced over at her, noticing how much distance she was able to put between her and him. Part of him wanted to put his arm around the back of her and gather her in like he had the night before. Part of him sensed she would literally jump up and run from the premises if he tried it. So he put his arms around Rhett and settled in, praying she wasn’t going to kill him for making her go on this little outing.

“So this week, we continue with St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, in which he writes, ‘But grace was given to each of us.’ There are many things in the Bible that we as believers get wrong. Grace, I believe, is too often one of them. We think of grace as God’s blessings, which is true, but it’s so much more than that. Grace is unmerited favor. It is God literally giving us what we do not deserve. We often speak of things like mercy and forgiveness as if they are separate components of salvation, and while there is some truth to that, it is important to grasp that we are given those things through God’s abundant grace. They are not separate pieces, rather they are bound up by grace, held together by grace, infused with grace. Grace gives them their meaning.

“Understand this, God does not look at us and decide what we deserve by our own accomplishments or how well we’ve lived. No, He looks at us through the eyes, His eyes, of grace. But what does that mean?” Pastor Steve put his finger to the book he was reading from. “To fully understand the profound mystery that St. Paul is showing us, we have to read on a bit further. ‘He ascended…’ He being Jesus Christ, of course. ‘He ascended on high and took prisoners captive; He gave gifts to men. What does ‘He ascended’ mean except that He also descended into the lower regions of the earth?’

“The Apostle’s Creed says it this way, ‘He descended to the dead’ or more accurately, ‘He descended into hell.’ He, again, being Jesus Christ.” Looking out over them, the pastor’s gaze sunk into deep thought. “Jesus Christ came not just to be an example for us. He came literally to set prisoners free. He came, and He died. Why did He die? He died specifically so He could go into hell.

“Did you catch that? Jesus hung on a cross and He died, He experienced death just as every person had before Him so that He could descend into hell. Why is that profoundly Good News? Because Jesus is God’s Grace personified. Grace is not some nebulous mystical thing. Grace is a person incarnate, in the flesh, in Jesus Christ. And that person, that Grace, Jesus, died and went into hell in order to free all those who were held prisoner by the warden of hell, Satan.

“God sent… get this, people, listen to this, God sent His Son purposely into our hell to rescue us from our own stupid mistakes, from our own sin, from death itself. He didn’t die on the cross and forgive our sins in spirit. He did it in the flesh! He went down into hell, and He personally unlocked those cell doors, He personally unlocked the hopelessness and the helplessness of our situation, and then it says, ‘The one who descended is also the one who ascended far above the heavens, that He might fill all things.’

“Did you catch that? Jesus Christ, God’s Grace personified, in the flesh, went into hell, set us free and then blazed the trail for us to follow Him right into the heavens. He filled all things with Himself. He filled us with Himself.”

The clunk at Caleb’s feet made him jump, and he glanced down to find Natalie’s sippy cup rolling there. With no thought to it at all, he reached down, careful to hold onto Rhett and grabbed the thing. He didn’t miss the fact that Rachel didn’t so much as look at him as he handed it to her, and he puzzled at that for a second before returning to the sermon.

“Grace does not give you free rein to do what you want to do because after all, God will forgive you for it. That is a twisting of the purpose of grace. No. Grace means your past mistakes, the time you spent in hell, can now serve a greater purpose. Instead of serving shame, trapped in hell, you can now follow Christ into a whole new life of freedom and forgiveness. And when you do that, when you choose to do that, your life becomes a witness to the amazing love of not just the Father but of the Son as well.

“He gave up heaven for you. He went to hell to get you. And he wants nothing more than for you to choose to follow the path He has set out for you into heaven. God’s Grace made that path an option, and it is freely given to you. The only question is, will you accept it?”

The clawing condemnation came at her from all sides as Rachel sat there. When the plate was passed, she passed it on, knowing she should have thought to bring something to put in it. When they stood to sing, she couldn’t manage to hold the book and Natalie at the same time, so she didn’t bother. Why was she here anyway? Because he wanted her to be?

The sad fact was, all she wanted to do was leave or cry. Or both.

When the service ended, she gathered her things, being sure to get the diaper bag so he wouldn’t have to. With the bag, the sippy cups and her daughter, she was one thread shy of completely unraveling.

Gaze down, she exited the bench, repositioning the bag on her shoulder.

“Rachel Taylor?” a woman behind her asked, and Rachel yanked up her best everything’s-fine smile and turned. “Well, I thought that was you.”

“It’s me,” she said with a shrug even as she let her gaze slide to the bag where she was putting the second cup into the depths of the thing.

“Well, what a wonderful thing that you’ve come back,” the woman said.

“Oh, thanks.” Would it be inappropriate to mention that she had no intentions of returning at that moment?

“Did I hear correctly that you’re having an open house today?”

Rachel really wished she could face-print or voice-print the woman. “Oh, uh, yes.” Finally zipping the bag, she straightened, finding she had to stop for the crush of people headed for the exit. Great. She was trapped with the crowd one way and all the questions the other.

“That is so wonderful, everything they’ve done for you,” the woman said. “I know it’s been such a blessing, seeing how difficult it would have been for you and the children.”

Why did that feel like such a back-handed compliment? She didn’t know, but she had to force herself to smile. “We’ve been very blessed.”

“Everyone is so sorry to see the construction crews go,” the woman continued, and Rachel truly wished she could make a new exit on her own power.

“Yes,” she said, forcing another smile that ripped right into her heart. “They’ve been wonderful.”

It was at that moment Caleb chose to lean back to her. “I need to talk to Derek and the pastor if that’s okay.”

“What?” Rachel asked as finally they cleared the back bench and headed for the doors. “Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. It’s fine.”

“It shouldn’t take long.”

“Okay.” She nodded, glad at least that they wouldn’t be coupled in the lobby. However, that meant the equally uncomfortable option of being alone.

“I may come by later,” the woman said. “I would love to see what they did with the place.”

If she could have melted into a hot bed of tears, she would have. “Great.”

Never putting Rhett down, Caleb took one look across those in the lobby, found his target and descended the stairs. How tomorrow would be Monday, he had no idea. Worse, he wasn’t at all sure when Derek and Jaycee would be leaving. If he waited, he was afraid he’d be trying to do this over the phone.

“Morning,” he said brightly when he got to where Derek and Jaycee and Sage were standing.

“Morning.” Jaycee tipped her head to look behind him in concern. “I thought you brought Rachel.”

“Oh.” He glanced behind him. “I did. She was talking to a lady in the church.”

He saw but didn’t understand the look the sisters exchanged.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Sage said, disengaging herself from the group, and Jaycee nodded and her gaze followed her sister.

A second and Caleb remembered why he had come. “I got to thinking, you never told me when you’re leaving or when you’re coming back. I thought maybe I could show you right quick what I was thinking.”

Derek nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Oh,” Sage’s soft laugh cut through the crowd surrounding Rachel as she came down the stairs, “good. There you are.”

Rachel pulled up the diaper bag. “Here I am, or what’s left of me anyway.”

Worry dropped into Sage’s eyes. “Rough morning?”

“I’m beginning to think they don’t make any other kind.” It was strange how safe she felt with Sage although that made absolutely no sense.

“I hear you there.”

“So, today’s the big day,” Luke said, bouncing down the stairs to join them. “Jaycee and Derek are so excited.”

Fighting to smile, Rachel let out a breath. “Yeah, me too.”

More worry drained down Sage’s face. “Do you need any help?”

“Help?” Rachel’s eyes went wide. Help, like getting Rhett’s bed perfect? Help like remembering to put that little afghan thing on the arm of the rocking chair or take the trash out or get the kids fed? “Oh, I… uh… Jaycee came and helped me clean yesterday. I think… it’s okay.” She glanced up at Luke, now shadowing his wife. Tall. Strong. Good-looking. Luke Baker. She shouldn’t but she thought just how lucky Sage was to have him beside her, how nice it would be to have someone like that.

Her heart hurt at the comparison with her own life. Glancing across the way at the others talking by the back wall, she willed herself to breathe, to smile, to keep the mask in place. Caleb was a nice idea, a dream even, but in a week he would move on, and he wouldn’t be back. It was just too hard. She knew that better than he did.

“I have the finger foods ready at home,” Sage said. “We were just going to run home and change and get it. Then we can be over there.”

“Oh.” Rachel fought to keep the smile on her face, fearing it was a grimace instead. “That would be… that would be great.”

Overwhelm would have been a step in a much better direction Rachel decided as the others came over to them. As it was, nervous breakdown wasn’t too far away.

“Okay, so, we’ll get this going tomorrow,” Caleb said. “And you want me to do the stand ups for it?”

“That would be good,” Derek said with a nod. “That way they’ll go with the progress of the work.”

“Okay.” He pulled his watch out, the same one that made her squirm at how loudly it blared she wasn’t in his league. “Well, we’d better get. We’ve got to run by the store first. But we’ll see you guys at the house in what? Twenty, thirty minutes?”

“Or there about,” Luke said. “So long as we can keep Derek here from eating all of the finger food before we get there.”

Jaycee put her arm around him and he around her. She put her hand on his chest and laughed. “Maybe we’ll grab something on the way. He won’t last long if he’s not fed.”

Derek grinned down at her. “The woman does not lie.”

“K.” Swinging in next to Rachel, Caleb went with the rest of them out into the bright sunlight. “At least we don’t have to worry about the rain anymore.”

“Thank God for small favors,” Derek said. He and Jaycee climbed into the big black pickup as Luke, Sage, and their kids went the other way. “We’ll see you guys over there.”

Caleb pointed over at his boss. “Don’t get lost.”

“Right back at you.”

Laughing, Caleb went about putting her family in the car, and Rachel again wanted to disappear. This car. That watch. Their pickup. It all screamed how she didn’t fit with them. The only reason they were even here was because she was so weak and helpless on her own. She hated that, but there was really no getting around it.

“Sorry about being late,” she said, head down when Caleb got in and started the car.

He looked over at her before putting his hand on hers. “It’s okay. We made it.” With a shrug, he took his hand away and backed out. “At least we went.”

However, her gut wouldn’t let her out of the guilt quite so easily.

“Grocery store?” he asked.

A second and she got the yeah out along with the sigh. It must be all the missed sleep. Whatever it was, she felt like she was barely keeping her eyes open. Oh, how in the world was she going to make it through this day?

They got the diapers and the baby food and some sandwich stuff for lunch. When they got to the front to pay, she angled forward about the time he reached for his wallet.

“I can get this,” he said as she pulled money from her purse.

“I’ve got it.” She handed the payment to the clerk as Caleb watched helplessly. Of course, the things were for her family, but still, he wouldn’t have minded paying for it.

The craziest thing was he marveled just watching her—how she could do it all—hold Nat, dig in the diaper bag, watch Rhett, tally the groceries, talk to the clerk. She was amazing.

“You get Rhett,” Caleb said when the transaction was complete. “I’ll get the bags.”

“Oh, they could…” she started.

“No. You get them. I’ll get these.”

With another sigh, she surrendered and grabbed Rhett’s hand. “We’d better get home. There’s no telling. People might be there already.”

“Didn’t you say two?”

“We said two, but nobody remembers that. They just remember they were invited.”

Walking out into the autumn-chilled sunlight, Rachel waited for a car to pass before guiding the little group over to hers. In a parking lot full of mostly nice cars, hers looked like a demo-lot reject. She pushed that thought down because she didn’t really have time to categorize all the flaws of the car. In the back, she put Natalie in one side and Rhett in the other.

They needed to get home, change the kids, get them fed, clean the place once more, and try, try, try to get it into the perfection it had been in when she had walked into it Friday morning. On her lap her hands fidgeted with the work spinning through her mind. Towels. She needed to put the towels out upstairs like Jaycee had said to. And her clothes from the morning were in a pile at the foot of her bed. She couldn’t forget that. Rhett’s bed needed to be made properly. Nat’s room needed picked up.

The bookshelves upstairs needed to be straightened or at least checked. The bathroom downstairs needed fresh towels as well. The trash needed to be taken out. The breakfast dishes needed dealt with as well.

Just as her brain hit the ultra-fast spin cycle, Caleb glanced over at her and put his hand over hers. “It’s going to be okay.”

She fought to smile, to breathe even as she nodded. He was wrong, but she appreciated the effort.

The second they hit the door of the house, Rachel went into all-out manic mode. She flew into the kitchen to do the dishes and make lunch, which she did at the speed of light. “The trash needs to go out. The pizza boxes are still in it.” She slapped the bread and turkey together for Rhett even as she put the things from the bags away. Diapers. They would have to go upstairs, so she put them on the edge of the island.

“I’ll get the trash.” Caleb shrugged out of his jacket and laid it on the back of the couch, which raked right through Rachel. What would people think if they saw it there?

“Are you going to wear that when they come?”

He stopped in confusion. “The jacket?”

She grabbed the milk out of the refrigerator and poured some, barely managing not to spill it all over the counter.

“I don’t know? Should I?”

Twisting the lid for the value of its life, she spun and grabbed the plate to take it to the table. “I don’t care. I was just wondering. Come on, Rhett. This is ready.” She didn’t so much as wait for him to get to the table before she went back into the kitchen to get the baby food ready. She needed to change Natalie or at least get a bib for her. Now where did they end up putting the bibs? Going through one drawer and then the other, she searched.

“Is it a big deal if I don’t?” Caleb asked, never moving from the spot as he watched her.

“I said I don’t care. It’s just… if you’re not going to, maybe we should put it somewhere else.” She tried to twist the lid from the baby food, but it was not budging. “Stupid thing. Dang it.” Turning it over, she banged it on the ledge probably harder than she should have. It took all her might to get it open. Finally it gave up. Its will less strong than hers.

Remembering that Natalie needed changed first, Rachel headed out of the kitchen. There was no way it was going to be showroom ready by the time their guests arrived. No. Way.

“Where would you like me to put it?” he asked, uncertainty hovering over the question.

“Uh, I don’t know. Upstairs in my… No. You’d better put it in Rhett’s closet.” She swept Natalie off the floor and went up the stairs. “In the back would be good.”

Standing there, Caleb let out a slow sigh. It was going to be a long day.

Tears threatened about the time Rachel heard the doorbell as she was frantically trying to get Natalie changed with no help from her shaking fingers. They were here already. Her only hope was it was Derek and Jaycee or even Sage and Luke. Not the town. Please not the town.

Her fingers snapped and straightened even as her brain went down the list again. Towels. Bathroom. Afghan. Natalie’s bed. Rhett’s bed. Picking her daughter up, she turned and realized the room had gotten no better than before.

Diapers! They were still on the island that was covered in lunch and bags. Tilting on the madness, she knew she didn’t have time to fix it now. Natalie needed fed. And they had to get that table cleaned up before town people got here.

Downstairs she heard the happy greetings at the front door, and her heart twisted painfully. It had begun.

Caleb was a million times glad when he opened that door to sanity and smiles. Derek and Jaycee. He wanted to hug them.

“Hey!” he said, forcing himself not to grab them and drag them inside. “Reinforcements have arrived!” He called out the words in hopes that she would hear them. He had the feeling that if nothing else, she would settle down with them on the premises. “Come on in. Come on in.”

“So what do you need?” Jaycee asked, clapping her hands as Rachel came flying down the stairs.

With one glance over at her, he saw the ashen look on her face and Caleb fought to stay stable and rational. He knew they should have called this off. He knew, and yet she had insisted. Just why that was, he couldn’t really tell.

“We’re here,” Jaycee said not to Caleb but to Rachel. “What can we do?”

“Oh, uh…”

Standing there, holding her daughter, her house and life in utter turmoil, with the people who wanted, no who needed her house to be show home beautiful looking at her, Rachel’s world spun.

“Rachel was about to feed Natalie,” Caleb said as he closed the door, dimming the space around them. “I just took out the trash, so that’s done. We’ll have to clean up in the kitchen.”

She heard him, somewhere outside herself, ticking through all the ways her life had come unraveled since they had left the night before. How could there be so many of them?

“I can work on upstairs,” Jaycee said, her voice gentle and concerned. “Why don’t you get Natalie fed? The guys can clean the kitchen.”

A second and Rachel nodded, wondering what this well was that she felt she was falling down into.

“It really shouldn’t take that long,” Jaycee was saying. “We got it all pretty clean yesterday.”

“Mommy, more milk please.”

All four gazes went to the table, and some part of Rachel snapped out of overload and back into motion.

“Okay, baby. I’m coming.”

Even as they worked, getting the place back to perfection, Caleb watched her. Something was different, or maybe it was the same as before. He had thought last night would change things, and it had, for him. For her, he wasn’t so sure.

He was the one who finally took the diapers up the stairs, and he was the one who finish making both the kids’ beds. He went into her room just to make sure even though he was pretty sure she had slept with Rhett the night before. The bed was practically pristine, but there were clothes heaped on the floor at the foot of the bed. Sweeping them up off the floor, he realized only then that there was no place to put them. No place for dirty clothes? Something about that seemed off.

How do you build the perfect house and forget that people will have dirty clothes? Not able to really do much about that, he opened the top dresser drawer and stuffed them inside it. He would tell her about it later, along with the news about her mother. In fact, he had checked out of the hotel that morning, intent on staying in Ridgemount tonight. Now he wasn’t at all sure that had been a good idea.

Going over, he straightened the quilt that wasn’t quite as perfect as it could be, shifted the little book area on the nightstand and the lamp. With a nod, he knew it was ready.

He remembered then her concern over his jacket, and although he wasn’t sure how he felt about her suggestion of putting it in the back of Rhett’s closet, he knew it had to go somewhere. And then he realized it should probably go back on his own body. Impressive. They wanted to be impressive. For the show, for the world.

He knew as well as anyone that someone would be snapping phone pics of the event and probably posting them to the fastest social media they could find. It was like getting a sneak peek at an upcoming episode. Yes, they needed to be ready and with that thought, he headed back through the upstairs, perfecting everything his trained eye had missed on the way in.

Sage and Luke showed up at one-fifteen with children and finger food in tow. The sheer volume of life increased, making what had once felt like a massive space feel positively claustrophobic. Rachel was just wiping off the table as Jaycee let them in, and at the happy sounds and greetings, her chest tightened to the point of oxygen-deprivation.

“Yay, you made it,” Jaycee said, taking the tray of food from her sister. “Come on in. Come on in.”

“Oh!” Sage’s gaze went up and over the space. “Rachel, it’s amazing.”

Rachel stood and smiled even as she held the dishrag. “It wasn’t me. It was all the guys.” Her gaze jerked over to the stairs as Caleb came down them, and one look at the perfection of him drove inadequacy all the way through her. She ducked as the oohs and aahs continued.

“The fireplace is… wow,” Sage said, and without comment or need to be amongst them, Rachel went back to the kitchen. She still needed to get the high chair out of the dining room and at least sweep the spot where it had been. Her mind wondered then about the upstairs. They said they would get it. Did they? She should tell Jaycee about the towels. Then again, that had been her job, and she hadn’t come anywhere close to getting it done. Towels. It seemed so very simple. Why could she not get something so simple done?

Her heart surged at the thought of the diapers still on the island, and she spun with concern, realizing only then that they were no longer there. One part of her sighed with relief. The other part wondered which one of them now knew she was completely incompetent to keep her own house.

“Wow, Rachel,” Sage said, coming into the kitchen. “I am so jealous. This is beautiful.”

Holding the rag to her because she didn’t know where to put it, Rachel turned and forced a smile. “Did you see my double oven?”

“Oh! A double oven!” Sage spun to Luke. “I want one!”

He laughed. “Of course you do.”

Jaycee set the food on the island, and Caleb reached over to snag a small sandwich. “Hey now!” Jaycee swatted at his hand.

“What? I haven’t eaten any lunch.”

It wasn’t meant as a dig, but Rachel’s heart felt the knife that went through it. Had the circumstances been different, she, too might have been hungry. As it was, if she ate even a bite, she would probably throw up. She needed to get upstairs, to make sure it was perfect before they went up. Quickly she tossed the rag into the cabinet under the sink, and knowing she could do no more there, she skirted around them and went into the living room. The afghan was still on the floor behind the chair, so she replaced it, stepping back, trying to get it just right. It would have to do.

Even as the others chatted in the kitchen, she raced into the little bathroom, glad to see someone had changed the towels, depressed that once again they knew she hadn’t. But she couldn’t think about that right now. No. She had to go check on the upstairs.

Just as she got halfway up them, the doorbell rang, and she yanked in a hard breath. Just get through this, Rach. Just don’t think. Do it. This is for them. They’ve helped you out so much. Don’t let them down now.

She checked the little sitting room first, and with a sigh saw it was as lovely as it was supposed to be. However, she couldn’t dwell on that. She raced to the bathroom, checked and rechecked everything. No shampoo in the shower. And thank goodness Jaycee had spent an hour cleaning the shower glass to a gleaming shine. No toys. Only good towels.

Downstairs even as she headed to the kids’ rooms, she heard the volume of the house increase, felt it increase. More people. More scrutinizing eyes.

Fighting not to let overwhelm overtake her completely, she went into Rhett’s room thankful to see it too back to perfection. Why couldn’t she keep it that way? But she didn’t have time to think about that. She went over to Nat’s room and found the little blanket nicely drawn over the side of the crib just as it had been when she walked in on Friday. Perfection.

Utter perfection that she could never hope to obtain or maintain. It was then that she remembered the heap of clothes on the floor at the foot of her bed, and she panicked. They would be coming up here any minute. Praying she wouldn’t trip and lay herself right out on the hardwoods, she ran to her bedroom door which was open. That was strange. She thought she had closed it this morning. However, the second she was in the room, she knew.

Someone had been in here. There were no clothes. The quilt had no sleep rumples anywhere on it. And while that should have made her grateful, all it did was yank up the ache of how imperfect she really was. Her gaze went then over to the pictures and stuck there. Nathan.

How proud he would be of all of this, how he would have loved having the whole town in his house, oohing and aahing over it. Her heart fell at the thought. Well, at least finally, she was good enough to be shown off—to them, for him. It wouldn’t stay that way, but at least for today, he would have been proud of her.

“Have you seen Rachel?” Caleb asked, coming through the kitchen as the sheer number of people in the living room filled it to bursting.

Sage looked up from where she was arranging the food. “What? No. I thought she was with you guys.”

He mashed his lips together in concern. “She’s probably upstairs.”

She had to go down. Rachel knew it. She couldn’t stay up here. Besides, soon it wouldn’t matter anyway. They would be coming up any minute now, and if she didn’t get herself to move, they would find her here crying. And they would know, even though they didn’t.

With superhuman willpower, she took a breath and sniffed. “Okay. Rach. You got yourself into this. Now stop being such a baby.”

Pinning her shoulders back and forcing them to not move, she turned and walked back through her house. Yes. It was hers, and yet it really wasn’t. It was theirs. Caleb’s. Derek’s. And for their sake, she needed everyone to be impressed by it. They had done so much for her. She couldn’t let them all down.

“There you are,” Caleb said just as he started up the stairs only to find her coming down them. “Everyone was wondering where you’d gone.”

She smiled with her lips though there was something incredibly different in her eyes. “I was just making sure things were ready upstairs.”

Something about the position of her head drove through Caleb as she descended the steps to where he stood. “Is everything okay?” He reached between them and slid his fingers over hers.

“What?” Her eyes looked as though she was seeing only an unreality he didn’t perceive. “Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”

He didn’t know, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t.

“We should go,” she said with another small smile. “We don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Just as a protest jerked up inside him, her gaze went down to the landing of the stairs.

“Oh, Rachel!” a woman he didn’t know said in something of a squeal behind him, and his gaze jerked around even as Rachel let his hand go. “Your home is absolutely beautiful.”

Without another glance at him, she went past him down the stairs. “Thank you. But it wasn’t me. Really. Derek and Caleb…”

There were no words for how deeply the ache tore through his heart. She wasn’t doing this for her. She was doing it for them. Caleb closed his eyes for one second and let the anger at himself for agreeing to this sear through him. “God,” he prayed as he looked up, “please get us through this.”

“Isn’t that right, Caleb?” Rachel asked, turning to him, and when his gaze slid down over hers, he knew there was no going back.

“I’m sorry. What’s that?” he asked. Carefully he came down the steps, afraid he might miss one for the slamming of his heart into his ribcage.

“I was just telling Mrs. Davenport about how you had to talk me into this wrought iron railing.”

Caleb had no idea how to handle this. Had they built the house together, as a couple, he would have stepped over to her, nuzzled with her, teased her. As it was, he knew that level of closeness would fire-start rumors, he knew she didn’t want nor need. “We had a lot of disagreements,” he said, purposely putting his hands on his beltline under the fall of the jacket and the other over on the railing. “That was one of the few I actually won.”

Mrs. Davenport found that exceptionally funny even as others snaked by past them and headed up the stairs. He saw and completely for the first time understood Rachel’s glance that direction. It was what he saw then however that dragged the air right out of his lungs. She ducked for a half-a-second, and when her gaze came back up, her smile had returned.

“I’m just going to go on up,” Mrs. Davenport said. “I can’t wait to see the upstairs.”

Rachel’s smile increased as the level of discomfort in her eyes hit panic-pitch levels. “They did an amazing job up there as well.”

Mrs. Davenport’s gaze slipped over to him. “I think they did an amazing job with all of it.”

He smiled. How, he did not know. “Well, thank you.”

A level of unreality took over Rachel then such that she hadn’t experienced since Illinois. She remembered this feeling, had felt it more than once in her life. A feeling of being somehow outside herself even as she moved about and through the throng in her living room.

How this many people could get into one tiny room, she did not know. What she did know was that she was the hostess as inadequate for that role as she was. She needed to do this well.

“Rachel, what a lovely home…” “Rachel, you are so lucky…” “Oh, Rachel, this fireplace is to die for…”

She smiled at the comments, accepted them, absorbed them. How saddened they would all be if they saw just how quickly she could let the place become imperfect. Still, she accepted their congratulations and even their offered hugs.

At one point she wondered what had happened with the children because they seemed no longer underfoot, and she had just enough sanity left to seek to do something about that. She went into the kitchen where ten people stood, looking through the cabinets and munching on the food. She smiled at one person she didn’t remember ever seeing before, looked on the floor for the kids and knew they weren’t here either. Where had they gone?

The gate! Her whole system screamed, and making sure to avoid eye-contact, she headed for the stairs. Had they gone up and gotten lost amidst the people? Up the stairs she went, her mind spinning all kinds of horrible thoughts like a spider weaving its web. At the top, she found only more people. People everywhere.

Hoping none of them would recognize her as she didn’t recognize most of them, she went to each room, finding no children and only more people. It was in her own bedroom that she found herself before she realized they must not be up here either.

“An IED from what I heard,” a woman was saying as she and another stood over by the wall of pictures. “It was tragic. I heard he lived a couple days after it, but they just couldn’t save him.”

“So sad,” the other woman said.

“Well, at least they got married,” the first said. “Although nobody’s even sure the other one was his.”

Air. Where was the air? Rachel couldn’t find it, and even if she could, she couldn’t get it into her lungs.

Out. She had to get out.

The swirling thoughts of her own survival eclipsed even her frantic search for her children. Turning, she stumbled into someone coming the other direction. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Excuse me.”

Through the upstairs, through the people, she stumbled as tears choked out her ability to see or think. She had to get out. Down, down she went, flying practically through people who checked her with annoyed, disgusted faces. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.”

All the way through the living area, into the kitchen, and out the back door she went, never so much as slowing down until the house vomited her out into the backyard, retching at having to shelter someone as worthless as her. Wrapping her arms around her middle, she stumbled forward, praying, hoping, knowing somehow she had to get it back together, somehow she had to push this down again, ignore it, get past it.

Only then, as she finally came up for air did she hear the happy sounds of the children, and her gaze slipped out to them on the lawn beyond. The twins with the others, playing duck-duck-goose. Energy drained from her as her progress got her all the way into the shade of the wall of the house where she sat down, heedless that she was still in her church clothes.

What she wanted to do was cry, but she couldn’t do that. Not here. Not now. It was too possible that someone would come out and find her like that. So she put her head back on the celery green siding and closed her eyes, determined to force herself through this death march even if it killed her.

“Have you seen Rachel?” Caleb asked, ducking into each room upstairs as Jaycee came the other way.

“Uh. No. I haven’t seen her. I don’t think she’s up here.”

Concern flashed through him, but he beat that back. She was here somewhere. She had to be.

“Oh, there you are,” Sage said, coming out the back and finding Rachel pressed up against the house. However, worry slid over her features as she glanced out at the kids. “Did you come out to check on the kids?”

“Y-yeah.” The word was choked and raw.

Instead of leaving like Rachel so wished she would, Sage came over and tipped her head to look down at her. “Uh, don’t you want to sit in the patio chairs?”

“I’m okay. Just needed a little air.”

A slow nod and a longer look of growing concern. “I really don’t think it’ll last much longer.”

“That’s good.”

Rachel knew more than she knew anything else that she needed to get it together, stand up, and keep marching. She was making Sage uncomfortable with her weakness and her inability to just suck it up and make the best of things.

“Are you…?” Sage started just as more footsteps came around the corner.

One glance up at them and Rachel knew she had just disappointed him too.

“There you are,” Caleb said, coming over and stopping next to Sage. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Yeah.” Oh, how hard the tears were to hold down. “I just… I needed a little air.” Knowing she had to though she wasn’t at all sure how she ever would, Rachel pushed away from the wall and went to stand. In the next breath he was right there to help her up. When she was standing, she let go of him and brushed herself off, feeling how perfectly horrible she looked in comparison to their perfection.

“Rach?” he asked, leveling his worried gaze at her. “Are you…?”

However, she managed to get her hand up onto his chest and her gaze to his with a soft smile she never even felt. “I’d better get back inside. We have guests.” And with that, she got herself moving again. Back to the house. She would do this. She had to. For them.

“Caleb,” Sage said, snagging the elbow of his jacket as he started after Rachel.

His heart was about to give out with the overwhelming sadness in her eyes. “Yeah?”

Sage looked at him for a long moment, worry and sadness coursing through her eyes as well. “You need to take care of her. She’s really, really fragile right now.”

He nodded. That much he was perfectly clear about. “I know.”

Chapter 20

“Oh, good, Rachel,” Derek said, meeting her as she came in the back door. “Pastor Steve and Jane just got here.”

“Oh,” she said, blinking back the tears and smashing them into the numbness that would have to deal with them because she just couldn’t. “Okay.”

Following him into the living room, the only good thing was that at least some of the people had left. The bad news was that left a dearth of protection and distraction around her.

“Here she is,” Derek said, delivering her right into their presence. “She was out back checking on the kids.”

“Oh, Rachel.” The pastor held out his hand to her. “I hope you don’t mind us stopping by.”

She slipped into unreality again and let it hold her there. “Of course not. I’m so glad you could come.” Offering him her hand, she smiled. “Thanks so much for coming over.”

“Well, we’ve been hearing so much about it,” Jane said. “I just saw Mrs. Davenport at the grocery store, and she said we just had to come by and see it.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Caleb,” the pastor said, extending his hand past her, and Rachel’s breath jerked and jammed into her heart. How would she ever manage to keep the mask in place like this?

“Pastor Steve, Jane, we’re so glad you all could come.” He sounded so right, so normal. She wondered how he did that. Then again, maybe he didn’t know how badly she was struggling. And why would he? He wasn’t the one who was on the verge of tanking this whole thing. “I think you’ll be surprised at some of the pieces you might recognize.”

“Well, look,” the pastor said as he gazed into the living room, “is that…?”

“It is,” Caleb said proudly, and Rachel couldn’t fault him for that. He should be proud of all of it. Minus her of course.

“Oh, my!” Going over to the rocking chair, the pastor gave it a push. “This is the one I was telling you about,” he said to his wife. “The one that was falling apart.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like it’s falling apart now. In fact, I want one.” She laughed, and the others did too. “May I?”

Rachel’s eyes widened. “Oh. Uh, of course. Please.”

Jane sat down, rocked a couple of times and closed her eyes. “What it must be like to sit here by the fire and hold your child while they sleep.” When she opened her eyes, there were tears shimmering on her lashes. She smiled with a sad tinge to it. “Sweet little babies.”

“Yes, they are,” Rachel said as she heard the back door close and Natalie’s cry. “Speaking of which.”

Helplessly Caleb watched her go that direction. Sage was right, this was far harder on her than even he had realized it would be.

“I don’t know why I’m so surprised,” the pastor said. “I mean you all did an incredible job on my office, but this… this takes it to a whole new level.”

Caleb returned to the conversation knowing the compliment was meant for him. “I try.”

“Well, if this is the level of work you do, I’m thinking our church is in very good hands.”

He wished he could feel the compliment. All he could feel was the worry for her.

“There’s more to see,” Derek said.

“We’d love to,” the pastor said.

It was after four. What had Rachel expected from her daughter? She wasn’t old enough to understand any of this. All she knew was she was over-tired and far overdue for a nap. How they would accomplish that was anybody’s guess, but after taking her back from one of the twins, she went into the kitchen to make the bottle.

“Do you need some help?” Sage asked as Rachel went to the cabinet, got a bottle and filled it with water.

“Oh. No. She’s just really tired.”

“I can imagine. Luke already took my two over to Mom’s.”

Rachel nodded, thinking then that she really needed to check on her mother as well. When was the last time she had done that? “The twins have been really great with them.” The bottle made, she gave it to her daughter who took it and drank greedily. She looked down and put her hand over the little head. “Tired, tired baby girl.”

Sage mashed her lips together and ran her hand down the little back. “You should go sit down with her.”

A moment and Rachel nodded. How she wished she could take a nap with her, but that wouldn’t be happening any time soon.

She went over and flipped the little afghan onto the floor. It was too hot for that right now. Sitting down, she pushed the rocker into motion and let her gaze slide over the room. With a breath she realized just how much perfection it had already lost. Not that she should’ve been surprised by that.

Her gaze went over to Sage, moving in the kitchen cleaning, and all Rachel wanted to do was to tell her she didn’t have to do that. Then as she looked, the tears welled up again. Perfect Sage in the perfect kitchen. She deserved that kitchen. So why was it Rachel’s?

The will to not cry took every shred of her strength. It was almost as hard as not going to sleep. But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Not yet.

A new set of people came in through the front door, and disappearing altogether sounded like the best idea ever. Watching, she saw Sage go over and greet them.

“Oh, Rachel,” the woman said, “what a beautiful house you have.”

“Oh.” Sage laughed in that bubbly way she had. “I’m not Rachel, but thank you.”

“Can we still look around, or are we too late?”

One glance her direction and Sage nodded. “No. No. Come on in.”

“This bathroom is so beautiful,” Jane was saying as she and Jaycee toured the upstairs with the men trailing them.

“It turned out so great,” Jaycee said.

“I wasn’t sure if we should come,” the pastor said, ducking to Caleb who turned surprised, confused eyes on him.

“Oh?”

“It’s just… well, I know how Rachel has just now started to take steps back to the church. I didn’t want to overstep again.”

Caleb remembered the pastor’s comments about the sermon topic. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

Natalie was asleep, but there was nowhere to put her, so Rachel stayed right there, rocking her and watching people walk through her house. She knew what they were all thinking—why her, why not them? And she didn’t have a good answer for that anywhere in her being. It made no sense to her either.

The knot of them came down the stairs, and Caleb was thankful to see only a few people left. His gaze snagged and held on Rachel, sitting in the rocking chair with Nat. Her gaze was on the kitchen, and he had never seen such utter despondency. This had been a thoroughly bad idea. Just then, she heard them and tipped her head the other way.

In one breath she was looking at him. In the next her gaze fell.

“It really did turn out just gorgeous,” Jane said as she and Jaycee made the last step. “Every part of it.”

“So you’ll be coming to the church in the morning?” the pastor asked, and Caleb snapped his attention from her to the pastor.

“That’s the plan.”

“Would that be before or after my breakfast?” Pastor Steve asked with a smile.

“I’ll be sure to come after.”

At the bottom of the stairs, the pastor put out his hand. “I’d appreciate that.”

Even as Caleb joined in the small talk, his heart was across the room, assessing, worrying, wondering.

“Thank you so much, Rachel,” the pastor said as he waved her direction, and she waved back with a simple lift of her hand from the chair arm.

“Thanks for coming.”

And with that, Derek and Jaycee saw them out. One sigh, and Caleb closed the door behind them and went right across the room to her.

“You need to put her down?” he asked, worry coursing through every vein in his body.

“I don’t know. Is there anyone still upstairs?”

“I think that was the last of them.”

She nodded slowly, and he could see the tired bleeding out of her. “Yeah. I probably should.” As she started up, he stepped over to her but she thwarted his assistance. “Tell Sage I can get that kitchen. She really doesn’t have to clean it.”

Caleb glanced over into the kitchen, saw Sage but trailed his gaze back to Rachel. “Do you need help getting her up there?”

The smile she gave him ripped his heart out. “No. I can get it.”

Helplessly, he watched her as she crossed the room and went up the stairs. He should have suggested she go up and take a nap, or sleep until morning the way she looked, but he didn’t and then she was gone. Not at all knowing how to right this shipwreck, he went over to the kitchen, swiping a wayward napkin up from the floor.

“How is she?” Sage asked, barely getting her gaze to him. It was as if she was afraid of being overheard.

“Not great.”

Sage nodded. “She’s really been through a lot, not just today.” She splayed her hands on the island and looked over at him.

Caleb nodded. “Was she okay? Before?”

With a skeptical tip of her head, Sage let out a breath. “You want what I know or what I think?”

He hoped he could withstand it. “What you think.”

Slipping her fingers up and brushing her blonde hair away, Sage thought for a minute before she glanced at the living room. “I know how they can be.”

“They?”

She glanced around and shook her head. “The people in this town. They’re good people, don’t get me wrong, but when you really mess up, believe me, they never let you forget it.”

He wanted to argue. Instead he just listened.

“She’s carrying a lot, Caleb. Losing her dad, her mom, Nathan, the kids, and none of that is easy. But around here, she’s also dealing with what people think about all of it. And not just that.”

More worry snaked over him. “What do you mean?”

A second and Sage lifted her gaze to him. “You’re a really great guy, Caleb. Everybody knows that, and I think the two of you would be great together.”

“But…?” he asked not sure he wanted to hear this.

“But, well… Rachel’s been tossed around a lot in her life, and I’m not sure how many more times she can take that.”

“Tossed?” he asked as Derek and Jaycee came in the front door, and instantly Sage’s gaze went that way and she started cleaning again.

“Just be careful, okay?” she said for only him to hear.

Caleb nodded with no real way to know just how to do that.

“Well,” Derek said, clapping his hands. “That was a success. What do you all think?”

Success was hardly the word Caleb would use though he was glad his boss was happy, but mostly he was just glad it was over.

When Rachel came out of Natalie’s room, she closed the door quietly and stopped to listen to the state of her house. Downstairs there were only a few voices. Only a few, but they were voices she couldn’t quite get herself to face. So instead she turned to her room, unsure what state she would find it in.

Sadness snaked over her at how perfect it still looked and how desolate it now felt. Going over, she restraightened the pictures though probably they didn’t need it. Then she looked at Nathan’s picture and the tears surged upward. “She really is yours, Nathan. She really is.”

Caleb had gone outside to get Rhett from the twins and had come back inside before Rachel made it down from putting Natalie to sleep.

“Did the others leave?” she asked, going straight to the kitchen where she started cleaning.

“They went out to Luke’s for dinner. They said we could join them if we wanted.”

He watched as she bent to the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a clearly wet dishrag. What was that doing in there? Wet rags, his brain asked, where else is she supposed to hide them?

“Oh,” she said as she wet the thing again and started wiping down the counters. “I don’t know. I just put Nat down. There’s no telling how long she’ll sleep.”

“That’s fine. I can just call and tell them to go ahead without us.”

She came over, wiping down the island, never so much as looking at him. “No. It’s okay. You can go. You should go.”

He stopped with the cell phone out just before he turned it on. “Well, I don’t want to go without you.”

Utter and complete sadness came up to meet his gaze. “It’s okay, Caleb. Really. You don’t have to stay here and babysit us. I know you want to go. You should go.”

What he wanted? What he wanted was for her to stop trying so hard to get rid of him. He hadn’t had five minutes with her all day, and every time he found her, she left. “What? Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked, hearing the edge of anger in his own voice though he didn’t know where it came from.

Her shoulders dropped and then lifted. “No. Of course not. It’s just… we’ve got… Tomorrow’s Monday, and I’ve got to get them bathed and fed, and we’ve got to get to bed earlier than we have been.”

He slammed into the wall she had erected so suddenly it took his breath away. “I could… stay. You have to eat too. I could make something.”

With a tired shake of her head, she flipped the water on and washed out the rag. “I think I’m just going to do a sandwich. I can’t even think about cleaning this kitchen again.”

“So that’s just it then? You’re not going?”

Rachel knew what this meant more than he probably did. She was saying good-bye to him, explaining without words that their lives were on completely different paths, and she just couldn’t justify pulling him down with her into this madness. She could also feel the pull of just going, doing what he was asking because not going would surely make a gash between them she could never hope to repair.

However, tired was winning over willpower, and she shook her head. “No. I don’t think so, but really, you should go. They want you to come.”

What was he supposed to say to that?

“Mommy, I’m hungry,” Rhett said, coming into the kitchen as he rubbed his eyes.

She took one look down at him and nodded. “Well, let’s find you something to eat then.”

They went over to the pantry, leaving Caleb where he stood. A second, a thought, and he clicked the cell phone on and put it to his ear. “Hey, Derek. Yeah. Listen…”

From her vantage point by the pantry Rachel tried not to listen, but she did anyway. He explained that she was really tired and that he really couldn’t stay very long. After a minute it was clear he would be leaving. She mooshed and mashed that understanding down into her heart and willed herself to be okay with it.

“Okay,” Caleb said, coming over to the door of the little room. “I’m going to run out there and grab us some food.”

Overwhelm hit her. “I’m really not hungry.”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Have you even eaten all day?”

The fact that she wanted to throw up crossed her mind. “I can just have a tuna sandwich with Rhett.”

Caleb’s face went hard. “Don’t do that. Feed him. I’ll be back.” And with that, he turned and went right through the kitchen and out the front door.

He might be back. He might not, so she grabbed the large can of tuna.

“Come on, big guy, let’s get something to eat.”

“Where’s Rachel?” Sage asked about two seconds after Caleb made it into her kitchen.

“Oh.” He put his hand to his head, knowing he was about to get blasted. “She was really tired, so I was just going to…”

“You left her there?”

Every gaze in the room snapped to them as all other conversation stopped.

“I was just going to come and get us some food,” Caleb said, stunned by the venom shooting from her eyes.

“I don’t believe this.” Sage smashed her teeth together. “What did I tell you?”

“I’m not staying,” Caleb said. “She was hungry. Derek said he was making…”

“The steaks are ready,” Derek said, coming in the other door and then stopping with one step as he hit the tension in the room. “Did someone die?”

Steaming, Sage checked Caleb with a hard stare, and he had no idea where to go with that. “Bring them here,” she said and her voice brooked no argument from anyone. “I’ll dish you up a couple of plates. Do you want everything on it?”

Caleb had no idea what the right answer to that was. “Uh, yeah. I guess so.”

Natalie’s cry from upstairs brought Rachel out of the little powder room where she was cleaning. Her tuna sandwich lay where it had hit the table, uneaten and unappetizing. She laid the little rag on the sink.

“Okay, baby girl. I’m coming.”

Caleb really hoped someone would talk to Sage, give her some boxing gloves and a test dummy, something. One thing was for sure, the woman was livid with him. As he headed back up town, the two overflowing plates of food next to him on the seat, he could only think how much he wanted to tell Derek that his heart was about two seconds from giving up on this whole being open thing. All he was getting was pounded from every side.

He pulled up next to her house and couldn’t stop the smile when he saw her car. They should have built a garage out back. He wondered then if there was room. Probably though it would take up most of the yard and not really help with bringing things in anyway. Grabbing up the stuff, he pushed that idea down and headed inside.

Rachel couldn’t even be surprised when she pulled the diaper off to find her daughter red and blotchy. What did she expect after the day they’d had?

“I’m back,” Caleb called from downstairs, and Rachel’s I-can’t-do-this-anymore meter went right through red alert and off the charts. “Rach?”

“I’m up here.” She tried to call the words loud enough for him to hear her, but they got choked on the way out.

Three more swipes of the diaper rash cream, and Rachel heard his footfalls on the stairs.

“Rach?”

“Yeah,” she said, willing herself to stay calm and keep the mask on long enough to get him out of the house.

“Oh. There you are.” He stood in the doorway and put his elbow up on the frame. “I got supper.”

“Oh. Okay. That’s good.” Picking up Natalie, she didn’t so much as look at him, sure her heart couldn’t withstand the hit. Going out past him, she went down the stairs. “You really could have stayed out there, you know. We’re not going to be very exciting company tonight.”

With a push and a roll of his eyes, Caleb came off the doorframe and followed her. “After the day we had, I think that’s a good thing.”

She went to the living room to put Natalie down, and he went to the table to unbag the meals.

“Sage sent extra potato salad in case the kids wanted some.”

“She’s so sweet,” Rachel said, going to the kitchen. “Do we need plates?”

“Uh, no. She sent paper ones.”

“K. You want water?”

“Sure.”

Normal. Calm. Not careening for the emotional ceiling or cliff. It felt good. Rachel brought the water, still unable to really look at him, but thankful he wasn’t going to blast her for not going with him. He put out the food and she added the silverware and glasses. When they sat, she had to remind herself this wouldn’t last.

“Derek makes the best steak,” he said. “I sure wish I knew his secret.”

At 8:30 as Rachel cleaned the kitchen for the last time of the day, her heart flipped over something she hadn’t thought of. “Dang it.”

“What?” he asked, coming in from having taken out the trash, still in his good shirt though he had lost the jacket. Rachel wasn’t sure when that had happened, before or after the crush of people, but it went through her head that she’d better make sure he got it before he left.

“Mom.” She flipped the rag over the sink. “She’s going to think I’ve forgotten about her.”

“I’m sure she knows how busy you’ve been.”

“Busy isn’t an excuse.” Then she stopped, realizing how harsh that sounded, not to herself as she was used to it, but to him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. It’s just been a really long day.”

The last thing Caleb wanted to do was make it any longer, but as he stood there, he knew he had to tell her. “Um, before you call her, there’s something…” His gaze slipped down between them. “Uh, well, actually your mom and I got to talking the other day and…”

Whatever this was, she wasn’t going to like it. Just like that, with four snaps, Rachel had the guard for her heart in place. “You got to talking, and…?”

“And, well…” His gaze came up to hers, holding only an apology. “I know I should’ve run this by you, but she insisted, and it really will be…” The explanation slowed and then stopped. “She invited me to stay out there, this week. With her. Instead of going back to Greely every night.”

As hits went, this one wasn’t too bad. “Oh. Uh. Okay.”

“I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that.”

Rachel nodded. “I… It’s fine. Uh. Unless you’re not cool with it.”

“No,” he said. “I think it will be great. I just know…” He stopped again and his gaze came over to hers, concern dripping from it.

One breath and she knew how horrible she had been to him. “I’m really sorry, Caleb. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to be around.”

Eyeing her, he shrugged. “I know today was really hard for you.”

Rachel let her gaze fall to the island and stay. “Yeah, but it was important for you.”

With a shake of his head, Caleb bridged the gap with one step and put his arms around her. “You really didn’t have to do that.”

In the crook of his shoulder she nodded. “Yes, I did.”

She was tired. He had work. The kids needed to get to bed. So after her short phone call to her mother, Caleb knew as much as he wanted to stay, he needed to go. At the door she took one glance back at the kids playing by the fireplace before returning it to him.

“So you’re working on the church tomorrow?” she asked, putting her hand up on her arm because she really didn’t know how to be around him anymore. Yes, he was charming and wonderful, and he’d said he loved her and kissed her and everything, but after today, the fact that her world was no place for him couldn’t be denied.

“Yeah.” He put his hand up on the wall and gazed down at her. “Derek and Jaycee are heading back to Hollywood tomorrow, so it’ll be me and the cameras until at least Wednesday.”

Rachel nodded, steeling herself for the question she knew had to be asked. “And once the church is done?”

One duck of his head, and she knew it was not good news.

“I haven’t heard exactly yet.”

“But not here,” she asked.

His gaze came up and held hers. “No. Not here.”

This nod was slower, filled with more understanding, and she smiled at him. “I wish it could be.”

“Me too.” Carefully he leaned over to her and kissed her though she didn’t allow herself to so much as feel it. “I’d better be going.”

“K.”

By the time Caleb turned in to her mother’s place, he was pretty sure this whole thing had been a giant mistake. How could he love someone if they didn’t want to be with him? How could he stay if he had commitments somewhere else? How could she not feel what he was after last night?

Anger and annoyance crowded into him as he pulled the suitcase from the back and went to the door to knock. Knocking. Why was he always knocking? He felt like he’d been knocking for two eternities at this point. Maybe they didn’t want to let him in. Maybe he should take the hint and go away already. Would they even care?

“Oh, Caleb,” her mother said, opening the door. “I wasn’t expecting you so early.”

“Rachel had to get the kids down. They had a long day.”

Her smile had no hint of anything other than welcome. “Well, come on in. I’m glad you’re here.”

Rachel had just settled onto the couch with a cup of hot chocolate when the little voice came from the top of the stairs.

“Mommy?”

“You’re welcome to any of the food you can find,” her mother said, going through the kitchen. “Here are the plates and the glasses. Silverware. Pans.” The tour was slow, owing to the walker, but Caleb didn’t have the heart to stop her. He didn’t have the heart left to do much of anything to be honest.

There was a very large part of him that regretted staying in Ridgemount at all. But he would stay, and he would see the projects at the church through. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

She turned then and her gaze held. “Is Rachel okay?”

His gaze fell because he couldn’t look at her and lie. “It was a really long day.”

“I was afraid of that.”

None of it made any sense to him, and although her mother might not have been the best choice, he needed to talk with someone. “I just don’t get it, you know.”

“What’s that?”

“Her. Rachel. The house is beautiful, and everybody was just so blown away by it.”

“But…?”

“But she acted like…”

“Like?”

“Like she didn’t even want to be there,” he finally said, giving voice to his frustration as he leaned on the cabinet. “I don’t get that. If that was my house…”

She stood, waiting. “Finish that. If it was your house…?”

“I would want everyone to see it. I did want everyone to see it.” Putting his hands on the counter, he stretched his arms behind him. “She did it for me.”

Her mother smiled and nodded. “Just like she does everything.”

Rachel knew when she went to sleep in Rhett’s bed that the chances of her waking up on time in the morning were next to nothing. She had to find that alarm clock or go get another one. That was an idea. Tomorrow, she would go to the grocery store. She would buy groceries just like always, and she would get herself an alarm clock. Tomorrow she would start over, arranging this new thing she now called her life.

“Can I get you anything before I turn in?” Caleb asked, coming into the dimly lit living room where he found Mrs. Murphy bent over a book in her lap.

“Oh, no thanks, dear.” She looked up at him. “And just so you know, I often don’t keep normal business hours around here. So if you notice the light on at odd hours, don’t be alarmed.”

He nodded. “It must get pretty lonely out here.”

“That it does sometimes, but I’ve learned to stay busy.” She lifted the book in her lap. “I read my Bible and I pray a lot. God and I have gotten very close.” Shifting in the chair, she went one way and then the other. “I’m sorry. Would you mind putting my foot up on this stool?”

“Uh. No, not at all.” Going over, he picked her leg up and set her foot on the small stool that sat there. “Is that better?”

“Much.” She shook her head. “Kinda tough being such a burden all the time.”

“You’re not a burden.”

Her smile was soft and grateful. “Rachel is very lucky to have you.”

Heat poured down his neck as hurt tumbled down with it. “Do you need anything else? It’s really been a long day.”

“No. No. Go on. I’ll be fine.”

All night Rachel’s alert system blared to life, waking her from a restless, dreamless, fit-filled sleep. Her mind and heart simply would not rest. She probably should apologize to Luke and to Sage for being so anti-social and not going to their house. In fact, she should have gone when he asked her. If she had, maybe he wouldn’t have given her just a pity kiss at the door.

Then again, she’d already decided he was better off without her. How could she lead him on knowing she was just going to have to let him go? A week wasn’t that long, and she ought to know. She had lived enough long weeks in her life.

As she carefully arched back into the wall behind her, she let it take her weight as the futility of everything drained over her. He was better off without her. She needed to hold onto that depressing truth and figure out a way to let him go.

Caleb rolled one way and then the other. She was maddening to the core. Why was it that she only wanted to be with him in the depths of the shadows when they were all alone? Was he really that bad of a guy, someone you didn’t want others to see you with?

As those thoughts reached the boiling point, his gut reminded him of the coming day’s responsibilities, and just like that, his brain started down those lists.

He needed sleep. Really he did. But he certainly wasn’t going to get any like this.

When the jolt of “I’m late” zapped through her long before the sun was up, Rachel gave up and got up. She extracted herself from the tiny body sleeping next to her, went to the stairs, being careful to latch the gate. The lamp was still on downstairs. She needed a better system for lights on and lights off.

Taking the now cold mug, she went into the kitchen and dumped it in the sink. The oven told her it was 5:17. There was no reason to try to go to bed now. No. She needed to go take a shower and start her day. The first day of whatever came next.

Caleb was up with the first beep of the alarm. With no Derek to fall back on, he knew he needed to be at the top of his game, and that was going to be a real challenge after the night he’d had. He slid through the shower, pulled on his clothes and headed out to the kitchen. He’d just started searching the cabinets when he heard the noise at the door. “Oh, good morning,” he said, sliding his fingers through the waves of his hair. “I didn’t expect to see you so early.”

“Eh.” She waved that off. “Time doesn’t mean much out here.” Sitting down at the table, she watched him.

“You want something?” he asked, finding some cereal and going for the milk.

“No. Genevieve will be here in a while. I’ll eat with her.”

“So you got up just for me?” he asked with a grin as he sat down.

She arched an eyebrow. “Considering I don’t have company very often, I thought it prudent.”

“Prudent, huh?” He poured some cereal.

“Are you starting on the church today?” she asked.

“That’s the plan. The pastor’s supposed to meet me there at seven.”

“But it’s only six.”

He grinned at her. “I want to make a good impression on my first day.”

Thankfully after a cup of instant coffee, Rachel felt like she might live. That was a miracle. She went upstairs and woke her two sleepy children. Time for another day.

“You do know, I would be no help at all,” the pastor said as Caleb hailed him from his house to go over to the church where the camera crew had just arrived.

“Well, letting us in would be a start,” Caleb said. “And we’d like to get a few preliminary stand ups with you, just talking about the issues with the church, why we’re doing the ramp, that kind of thing.”

“I only had to do a couple of those for the project at my house,” the pastor said with concern. “I don’t know how good I am at them.”

“I hear you there. I thought I was going to pass out the first few we did at…” He swallowed the name. “The first one I did. But it gets easier. Trust me.”

The pastor unlocked the church and turned on the lights. “I wonder if there is a word for being deathly afraid of cameras.”

Caleb laughed. “Hey, if I lived through it, I bet a great speaker like you will have no trouble.” Going over to the wall, he inspected it.

“Will the plaster people be starting today as well?”

“That’s the plan. They’ll set up inside. I’ve got a couple guys helping me with this. We should all be finished inside of a week.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was worried about next week’s services.”

Caleb dragged out his live wire finder and scanned the wall. “We’ll do a quick scan of these, see if we’ve got any electricity we’ll have to kill first. Then we’ll get the tools in here and get started.”

“Okay. Well, I will let you because this…” The pastor swung his hands at the wall. “… is way out of my league.”

“Just leave it to us.”

“I can and I will.”

“Rachel,” Elaine said the second she stepped into the classroom. “I am so sorry.”

Surprise jumped on her as fear pummeled into her. “Sorry? About what?”

“I was going to come yesterday, and then Dale got called out on a job, and things got crazy.”

Crazy. She knew the feeling. “Oh, it’s okay. We had plenty of people.”

“I’m sure, but I felt bad for missing it.”

“You didn’t miss anything too exciting.”

By lunchtime, the plasterers had arrived, and Caleb found himself elbow-deep in two projects. The removal of the wall for the ramp was going well and should be completed by the end of the day. The plastering was another issue. He’d never dealt with that type of project before, and since Derek had left Alex’s crew, Caleb was left trying to decide how best to use them on a project he didn’t know what needed to be done.

“It’s a little overwhelming,” he said on camera as he stood outside the church. “The plasterers are here to work on the ceiling and interior wall, and we’re tearing out the wall for the ramp. Never think that demo day is anything but exciting.”

“And cut!” Cliff yelled. “Okay, people, we’ll pick this up at 1:30. You’ll have time to go over to Greely and grab some lunch if you want, or the grocery store’s back online if you want to do that.”

Stepping out of the cords, Caleb wondered about his own lunch. He hadn’t thought about that. As the crews cleared out, he went back in the church lobby to get a handle on how much they had gotten done and what still needed to be done. He inspected the now stud-only wall. No electrical. No plumbing. That would make things a lot easier. They should easily have that thing out by the afternoon. Then they could reframe it and start over.

He pulled the cell phone out and placed the call to the lumberyard just to make sure the delivery would be there. They assured him it would. He had just decided to take a trip down to the grocery store to grab sandwich stuff when the pastor came in. Surprise jolted his face when he saw the state of his church.

“We’re making progress,” Caleb said.

“I can see that.” The pastor came over and with a nod inspected the mess. “Quite a project you’ve got going here.”

“If you think this is bad, I think you should probably avoid the church.”

Pastor Steve’s eyebrows went up. “That bad?”

“Let’s just say the less you know, the better for now.”

With a laugh, the pastor nodded. “Good to know. I came over to see if you would like some lunch. Jane’s gone to a women’s conference this week, so it’s just me for lunch if you’re interested.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice.”

And so together, they went over to the pastor’s house.

When the meal was on the table and Pastor Steve had taken the time to say grace, they dug in.

“So how was Rachel after the big day yesterday?”

Caleb lowered the forkful of chicken and rice he was about to eat as he let out a long breath. “Is that whole lying to the pastor thing still in effect?”

Pastor Steve’s eyes registered concern. “Explain that.”

Tired drained through him even as he made himself eat that bite. “It’s just that, I so don’t get her, you know?”

Nodding only, the pastor continued to eat.

“She’s amazing and awesome, and then, I don’t know. She just shuts down for no reason, and it’s like I’m Public Enemy #1.”

More nodding, and after a moment Caleb continued.

“I did what you said. You know, the whole Cinderella thing?” It was still odd to think about it that way, but he couldn’t deny it had been magical. “I asked her to dance, and it was great. She was great.”

Concern crept over the nodding as the pastor looked at him.

“Just dancing.” Caleb held up both hands. “I promise you. It was just dancing. But then…?”

“Then?”

“Then I don’t know. It was like one minute we were dancing, and then she was just… different.”

This nod slowed.

“She had to go put Rhett to bed, and so I left. When I came back the next morning…” He shrugged. “We went to church, and then the open house, and by last night, I don’t know. I don’t even think she wants to be with me.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. We were so together the night before, and then it was like she wanted nothing to do with me the next day. What am I doing wrong?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes!” Caleb nearly came out of his skin. Did the pastor really have to ask if he wanted the answer to this maddening situation?

“Have you ever thought about the prince?” the pastor asked, and they were back to that.

Caleb sighed. “Yes, remember, you told me all about the prince, and he found her with the apples, and he had the ball, and they danced.”

Pastor Steve chewed for a second. “And then?”

That slammed Caleb to a full stop. He tipped his head in confusion. “And then?”

“Is that the end of the story? They danced. The end?”

Caleb’s mouth jerked closed as he thought through the question. “Well, no. I mean everybody knows that. They dance and the clock strikes twelve and she…” Suddenly he didn’t like where this was going, and he swallowed hard.

“And she?” the pastor prompted.

“And she runs.”

“Why?”

“Because, the magic would end at midnight.”

“Right.” Nodding the pastor scooped up another bite. “And what does that mean?”

“Mean?” Caleb shook his head. “Uh, it means the magic ended, no more pumpkin coach, no more fancy dress.”

“And she was…?”

“Just… Cinderella.” Caleb thought through the implications of that.

“She ran not because the magic was ending but because…” the pastor started but did not finish.

Caleb began to really think about the story. “She didn’t want him to see her like that, without the magic.”

“Yes,” the pastor said. “You have to understand, she was a girl who slept amongst the ashes. Thus her name, Cinderella. She was for all intents and purposes a common servant girl to a family who treated her terribly.”

“But Rachel’s mom is awesome, and she doesn’t sleep in the ashes.”

“True,” the pastor said, “but have you ever thought how the prince felt holding that slipper, watching her run away from him back to the only world she knew?”

Caleb didn’t have to wonder how that would feel. He knew. “But I don’t get it. Why would she run back?”

A second and the pastor put his gaze down to his empty plate before bringing it back up to Caleb’s. “When the prince asked her to dance, who did he ask?”

“Cinderella.”

“No. He asked the woman he had fallen in love with, a woman he really knew very little about.”

“But she was still her. She didn’t change.”

“True, but sometimes we are only brave when we are the image we most want to be. When we don’t feel worthy, when we are faced with who we really are, we run. We hide. Even from true love. Look at Adam and Eve in the Garden. They were whole and holy, walking with the Lord, and then Eve got tempted, and they fell to sin. When that happened, what was their first reaction?”

“They hid,” Caleb said, recalling with ease the laughs he and his buddies had shared at the Sunday School teacher’s expense over that story.

“They hid, from love. Why?”

“Because they were ashamed,” he said slowly. A second of thought and he shook his head. “But we talked about it, about her and Nathan and how they got together and all of that. Why would she run now?”

“I don’t know. Why would she?”

One more moment and Caleb’s heart jolted. “But he went after her, the prince I mean. He didn’t just stand there and hold the shoe and give up.”

“And neither did God. God in His goodness sent His prince after us to find us and show us what real love is like.”

Caleb thought through it all and shook his head. “I don’t know how to do that though. I’m leaving in a week, and if she doesn’t want me…”

“Who said that?”

“It’s how she’s acting.”

The pastor nodded. “Chipped people will often push you away for your sake, not theirs.”

That dragged Caleb’s eyebrows up. “Chipped people?”

When the pastor stood and reached for Caleb’s plate, Caleb let him have it not realizing he’d eaten the whole thing. Wordlessly the pastor put the plates into the sink and ran water on them. “Come here.”

Not understanding the summons, Caleb stood, pushed in his chair, and went with the pastor into the little living room. On a shelf near the door, the pastor carefully took a small teacup from the shelf and handed it to Caleb. It felt tiny, fragile, delicate in his hands.

“What do you see?”

He hadn’t known there would be a pop quiz. “Uh? A teacup?”

“And?”

“Uh?” His gaze dug into the puzzle in his hands. “Well, it’s chipped over here for one thing, and there’s a crack in it, and the handle is chipped too.”

Nodding the pastor let him look a little longer and then lifted his chin. “You think it’s worth anything?”

Tipping and spinning the thing, Caleb debated that question. “Probably not much. You might get ten cents for it at a garage sale.”

The pastor smiled. “That’s actually about what I paid for it.” He took it and placed it back on the shelf, carefully, just so. The same way Caleb did with lamps and vases just before a big reveal. However, the pastor continued to look at it so long that Caleb did too. After another moment, the pastor dipped his gaze over and smiled softly at his guest. “So why do you think I keep it?”

Obviously it would have been because it had sentimental value, but then, he had just said he bought it at a garage sale for ten cents. “I don’t know.”

“I keep it because it’s a good reminder to me about the Cinderellas of the world. People who are truly beautiful inside but who have been chipped and cracked and thrown into the ashes and then pitched on the garbage heap of life because they have those cracks, chips, and ash-stains. You see, I believe people are valuable not because of their intrinsic perfection but rather because no matter how cracked we get, God refuses to throw us away, He refused to give up on us. I bought this teacup for ten cents because it reminded me that God never gives up on us. How many people had devalued it, overlooked it, and yet, someone believed in it enough to put it on a garage sale hoping someone would come along and see its value and still want it.”

“Can the prince love her for who she really is?” Caleb asked, seeing the story in living color for the first time as he looked at the teacup. “Does he believe in who she really is, or only who she is when she’s wearing that shoe and that dress?”

The pastor nodded.

“That palace thing,” Caleb said, and confusion marred the pastor’s face. “I’ve been thinking about that. How you said the prince escaped the palace at first, wanting to be like everyone else.”

“Okay?”

“He didn’t escape because he wanted to be like everyone else. He ran because he was lonely. The palace is a lonely place. Yes, it’s beautiful, but it’s not real.”

“How do you mean?”

Clarity poured through him, but he wondered if he should share something so intimate about her with the pastor. “Yesterday. When we were speed cleaning the house the last time…” He stopped, thought it through and pushed on. “I had built this amazing place for her to live, thinking I had done her this huge favor. And then I went in her room, and there was laundry on the floor.”

More confusion slid over the pastor’s face.

“I didn’t know what to do with it,” Caleb admitted. “I didn’t know what to do with that dirty laundry. There was nowhere to put it, no practical way to deal with something so… basic to life.” He put his head down, realizing he hadn’t even managed to tell her about it. “So I put it in her top drawer.”

“You hid it.”

Ache knifed into him as he nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t want the house to be anything but perfect.”

“Did she know that?”

It wasn’t hard to see the truth though he didn’t want to. “It would’ve been hard not to, but she was doing it too. We just got there, and she told me to put my jacket away. All I did was lay it on the couch, and she like freaked out on me.” Anger at the end of that story took his breath away. “She told me to put it in Rhett’s closet. In the back.”

A second and the pastor nodded. “She didn’t want your jacket hanging in her closet.”

“But I don’t…” And then suddenly he did get it. Open house for him meant others seeing his work. Open house for her meant them pawing through her life. “She didn’t want to go to church on Sunday because we got late.”

“I noticed that.”

“Yeah, you and most of the town.” That stopped him again. “I really wasn’t trying to embarrass her. I thought it would be good for us, for her. It’s just when I got to her house…”

Not asking, the pastor looked over.

“She was…” Caleb’s breath hitched as he remembered. “It was so great the night before, I thought… I just wasn’t prepared for…”

“Real life?”

Caleb laughed softly. “Something like that.”

“The fantasy is nice.” The pastor turned and looked up at the teacup. “Falling in love, thinking that it will fix everything, dancing and it all being so perfect. And then real life comes when the clock strikes midnight, and the question is what happens then? Do you let her go back alone to life, or do you go after her? Do you want to fall in love with who she really is, or is it enough to hold that shoe and the perfection you believed she was?”

“Boy, you don’t go for the easy answers, do you?”

Sad seriousness crossed the pastor’s face. “When you’re talking about real life people, with hurts and ashes and chips and cracks and even breaks, the answers are never easy.”

The answers are never easy. Oh, how Caleb was learning that one. As he went back to work, took out the rest of the wall, signed for and accepted the lumber delivery and kept an eye on the plastering demolition in the church that now started at the wall and arched over a good piece of the ceiling over the sanctuary, his heart traced over those words again and again. The answers are never easy.

He saw so many things now. Why she was how she was. How she could turn on a dime from hot to cold. How and why she had acted like she had at church and then afterward. He wondered then about finding her in the backyard during the open house. She was crying, he realized that now. Maybe not tears, but crying just the same. Sage knew that. It’s why she was so tough on him.

When he was finishing up at five-thirty after everyone else had cleared out, he wasn’t at all surprised to find the pastor come peeking in.

“You can come in. It’s safe,” Caleb said, or as safe as it could get. He was busy rolling up cords to get them out of the way for sheetrocking in the morning.

“Nice,” the pastor said, looking over the work. “There’s so much more room. It feels so much bigger.”

“Five feet makes a lot of difference.”

“So the ramp will start here.” The pastor walked where it would be. “And it will go.”

“Yep.” Putting the tools over into the corner, Caleb came back over. He really was happy with their progress.

“So is the church safe yet?”

Caleb laughed. “I’m thinking no. You might have a heart attack if you went in there now.”

“But it was just a little bit of plaster.”

“Yeah.” Caleb nodded. “That’s what we thought too, but apparently the cracks didn’t end in that little piece of plaster. They snaked all the way up into the arch, and they had to remove quite a bit of it to get to some that was stable enough to keep.”

“Are the pews and everything okay?”

“We covered everything. It’s safe. Everything will need a good dusting when they’re finished, but it’ll be as sound as the rest of it when they’re done.”

“Well, that’s good. I don’t want that thing falling down on anyone during services.”

“I hear you there.”

A second and the pastor looked over at him. “So are you going over to Rachel’s after this?”

The very thought jerked through him. “I don’t know. I was thinking about it, but…”

“Still holding that shoe trying to decide if you should go after her?”

Caleb sighed. “You’re good at this.”

“Lots of practice.”

“I want to, you know? I really, really do, but then I think what happens next week? What happens if I can’t be that guy?”

“What guy?”

“The one who doesn’t ever let her down. The one who doesn’t leave.” He shook his head. “Which is crazy because I am leaving.”

“Can I tell you a little secret?” the pastor asked.

“Please, by all means, anything you’ve got. I’m all ears.”

A slow nod and the pastor regarded him. “Far be it for me to make judgments, but I do notice things.”

“Like?”

“Like the fact that you have only now started going to church. Now don’t get me wrong, that is wonderful, but I wonder if that is based on a relationship with God or just wanting a relationship with her.”

Reaching up, Caleb scratched across his eyebrow.

“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“No,” Caleb said. “It’s a legit question.” He let out a breath. “To be honest, this whole church thing was never something I really bought into. My mom would take me when I was younger. I was baptized once, did the prayer thing at the front of the church, but I don’t know that I ever really paid enough attention to it to really even get what it was about. I mean, God… okay. He’s up there and everything. Whatever. But then I came here, and I listened to what you said about grace and Jesus, and part of me really started listening, you know? Not just sitting there but really listening.”

“And what have you learned?”

“That maybe there’s more to life than I ever realized.”

Chapter 21

Rachel had wondered all day how the church was going. Of course, she couldn’t go over there and see. That would be obvious. More obvious than she could afford to be. Still, she did wonder. However, after school, she forced herself to go to Mrs. Carrasco’s, get the kids, and go home.

When she pulled up, it was with sadness that she realized he wasn’t going to come out of that door and down those stairs. No. He was moving on, and real life was back.

Should he stop by? At one time it would have seemed such a simple question. Now it was bound up in other questions like what happened if he did, and what happened if he didn’t?

Her mother would ask. He knew that much, and what would he tell her?

There are no easy answers. He could see the teacup, chipped and cracked, and he knew she was too. But was love enough? Was his love enough?

Finally because he couldn’t justify missing spending time with her if he was here anyway, he turned the pickup onto her street and forced his nerves to settle. What he would find at that house was anybody’s guess, so he didn’t even try. Stopping at the curb behind her car, he gathered his courage and popped the door handle. “God, I hope this is the right thing to do.”

Nothing surprised her more than when the knock sounded on her front door. She was in the kitchen stirring up spaghetti, and she jumped at the sound. Banging the spoon on the pan, she headed through the living room to the front door with a glance out the window. Her nerves jumped to the surface when she saw the black pickup. Caleb.

What exactly was he planning on saying to her? The question had just made it through him when the door came open.

“Caleb,” she said, glancing past him. “Uh. I didn’t know you were coming.”

Honesty, he thought. Be honest. “Well, I didn’t exactly either. Um, are you busy?”

He thought for a split second that she would slam the door in his face.

“I was making some spaghetti.” She looked back at the house. “You’re… you’re welcome to join us. I can throw a few more noodles in.”

“If you don’t mind.”

“No. I don’t mind.”

Rachel ducked as he came in past her, and she closed the door before going into the living room to pick things up. “I’m sorry. We just got home a little bit ago. I haven’t really had time to…”

Caleb was standing in the middle of her living room, and in his work clothes he looked so much like he had that very first day. The day she had developed a terrible, mad crush on him. “You don’t have to clean for me.”

“Oh, it’s just… with their backpacks and everything. We really should put them in the mudroom. That’s where they go, and the shoes…” She picked the four little shoes up from the floor, and the thought of shoes ripped into him.

As he watched her, he saw her frantic attempt to get back into the magical dress. He saw how she didn’t want him to see what was real. “Rachel…”

“So how was work? Everything good at the church?”

Deflecting. Changing the subject. She was so good at that.

“We got the wall torn down, and they got the demo in the church mostly done too.”

“That’s good.” Going over, she stirred the sauce and replaced the lid before busting up more noodles and adding them to the other pan. The clinking of the pan lids clinked over his nerves. It was like she hardly acknowledged he was in the room as she opened a cabinet and took out bread.

Then he began to see that he had followed her home after the ball. The coach was back to being a pumpkin, and all the magic had disappeared. He got it then. This was how she lived when he wasn’t there. This was her existence, her real existence. Kids playing in the other room as she quietly made their dinner alone. “So, how was school?” he asked, trying to figure out how to start a conversation about her life.

Surprised, she glanced over at him and then went back to stirring. “It was school.”

He nodded, feeling the brush-off and not liking the feeling at all. Pastor Steve. Caleb thought about him, about how he talked when they had talked, what he said. Caleb had never been great with words. He wasn’t at all sure he could do that, but it was now or never. “So, what grade do you teach anyway?”

More surprise as she stirred the sauce and glanced back at him. “Uh. I don’t teach.”

Confusion twisted his mind. “But you work at the school, with kids.”

The glancing stopped altogether as she reached up into the cabinet. “I’m just an aid. Pre-K.” She added something to the sauce, and with all her movement and her back to him, Caleb hardly heard the words.

Realizing this was an awkward way to have a conversation, he straightened and went across the kitchen to where she was before he leaned on the cabinet. He crossed his arms and ankles and looked at her. “Pre-K, huh?”

There was absolutely no missing the surprise and fear that jumped to her face. “Uh, yeah.” Putting her head down and swiping a strand of hair over her ear, she turned away from him to attend to the toast which had come up in the toaster.

With no warning, she left him there, went over to the refrigerator and pulled out the butter. Had Caleb been a betting man, he would have put money on the fact that she was deliberately trying to shut him out. Well, he wasn’t about to just stand there and hold the stupid shoe any longer. He wanted more.

“So how many of them do you have?” Going over to the island, he put his elbows there and watched her butter the bread.

Her hands skittered. “How… m-many?”

“Kids.”

Nodding, she said nothing at first. “Uh. 21.”

“Twenty-one pre-K kids? Wow. There’s a tough gig, give me a hammer and saw any day.” He watched her, buttering the bread, head down, not looking at him. “So what made you want to become a teacher anyway?”

The messages in her eyes ran from fear right into panic just before she went back over and got the new toast. When she came back, she tipped her head as she buttered the toast. “I needed a job. They needed help.”

She was bound and determined to run away, to hide. “Kids,” she said, swiping her hands on her slacks and going into the living room, leaving him leaning there. “It’s time to eat.”

Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just leave well-enough alone? Rachel couldn’t let her heart ask the questions without it aching.

The remodel was over. The house was finished. They had even made it through the open house in one piece—barely, but it too was over. He was supposed to move on and leave, just like all the rest of them had. And yet, here he was, bringing food to the table, helping Rhett into his chair, scooping up noodles and dishing out bread.

Pushing it all away from her heart, she reasoned that he was lonely. Of course he was. Derek and Jaycee were gone. He hardly knew Luke and Sage. So this was just a pastime on his way to somewhere else. And as she sat down, Rachel told herself, for her heart’s sake, she needed to keep this light and not let her heart believe it was leading anywhere. The memory of dancing with him by the fireplace, of being in his arms, of kissing him peeked around the edges of her denial, but she knew, if she let herself remember, it would hurt that much more when it ended.

“So,” Caleb said, not so much as picking up his fork as Rachel reached for hers, “can we say grace?”

Her whole body slammed into the word and shattered there. “Grace?”

Open and hopeful, he looked at her. “Yeah, you know grace, like bless this food something, something, something.”

Worry for his sanity coursed through her. “Something something?”

“Hey, I didn’t say I was any good at it.”

Something. Something. She lifted her eyebrows and then frowned. “Uh, yeah. We can…” She glanced at her kids. “We can say grace. Sure.”

The light brightened in his eyes. “Great.” He reached for her hand, and tamping down the shock that caused was nearly impossible. Then he reached all the way across the table and took Rhett’s hand before bowing his head.

Stunned and wholly unsure of what came next, Rachel looked at him for a second and then bowed her head too.

Nothing moved for the longest minute of her life.

“Um,” he finally said, ducking and leaning over to her, “I don’t really know the words.”

She let out a breath of disbelief, shook her head that she was going to do this, and gathered her frustration. “Dear Lord.”

Only those two words and Caleb settled back into his place, head still down even as she glanced over at him. How did she get here again? At a table in this house, holding his hand. Saying grace?

It was almost too much to think about all at once. “Thank You,” she half-whispered, half-stammered, “for today. Thank You for Rhett and for Natalie. Please keep us safe tomorrow and tonight. Amen.”

“Amen,” Caleb said, and he waited before lifting his head. He looked at her and smiled.

“Sorry,” she said. “I haven’t done that in a really long time.”

The smile in his eyes was soft. “It was nice.”

He was like a black hole, dragging her closer and closer still. It was the not pushing thing. That she could have handled she decided as she twirled her spaghetti. If he had pushed, she would have run. But he didn’t, and that had her all discombobulated.

“So, did you ruin any more socks in the sandbox today, buddy?” he asked Rhett with a grin.

The meal was wonderful, not made from scratch or candlelit, but Caleb was beginning to appreciate those simple things in a whole new way. Trying not to be obvious, he watched her with Rhett and with Natalie. It was all so natural, so unpretentious. Patient though it wasn’t always easy. Kind though he could see the long day she’d had. She worked with them, talked with them, fed them, cared for them. And he found himself falling even deeper in love with her.

When the meal was finished, she stood, washed both children off and set them down to the floor once again. For his part, Caleb stood and began to gather the dishes and pans.

“Oh, it’s okay,” she said, seeming to move in four directions at once. “I can get these.”

He grinned at her. “I can handle a few dishes.”

Quickly she wiped off the high chair. “Yeah, but you’ve had a long day. The last thing you should be doing is our dishes.”

“I ate too you know?”

She stopped, put her hands on her hips, and frowned. “Caleb, really. I can get these.”

“Rachel, really. So can I.” With a tip of his head at her and a lift of his eyebrow, he took the dishes to the kitchen. He heard her sigh even as he heard her come into the kitchen behind him. Turning on the water, he started rinsing the plates and putting them into the dishwasher.

Never in her lifetime had Rachel been so frustrated with someone; however, she didn’t know how to get rid of him without literally throwing him out her door. This was crazy. Why was he still here? It made her nerves stand on end so she could hardly breathe or think.

“So when were you thinking about going to box up stuff at your mom’s?” he asked as he put the dishes into the dishwasher.

Her eyes went even wider. “Oh. Uh. I’m…” Was this a trap? Why would he ask that? “I was thinking sometime this week. She really wants to get moved.”

He nodded. “Does she have a place for all the stuff? Surely the new place isn’t as big as out there.”

Through, over, and around this, Rachel had already thought a million times. That he had thought about it once hooked into her and wouldn’t let go. “Uh, well… There’s a drop off place in Greely for stuff you don’t want anymore. I’m sure some of it will go there. Some she’ll take, most we’ll probably just pitch.”

Caleb washed out the sauce pan as Rachel began to wipe off the counters. “It’s a pretty big job, I mean just from what I can see. There’s even stuff out in the shop-barn thing, isn’t there?”

“Yeah,” she said softly, “that was my dad’s. It’s pretty much just old tools and stuff. I don’t even know who would want most of it.”

“So are you thinking, doing it room-by-room or what?”

She sighed. “I don’t know.” The second sigh was longer, slower, sadder. “I don’t want to do it at all if you want to know the real truth.”

His gaze came over to her as she rinsed out the rag in the sink that was now devoid of dishes. She felt it but didn’t return it. “Then I think maybe we should just get somebody to come box it all up and take it away.” Flipping the little rag over the sink, she never so much as glanced up at him.

Caleb carefully, gently tipped his gaze her direction and watched her, seeing her frustration, her struggle in the frenzy of her birdlike movements.

A moment more and she shook her head. “I know, crazy, right?” She turned, leaned on the counter, and shrugged. “But it’s just stuff. It’s not like it matters.” Her gaze slid up to his for one glance before falling to her feet. “Oh, man. Will I be glad when all of this moving is done, and everyone is settled.” Scratching at her head, she straightened going over to the island where she turned. “But I’m sure, I’ll get there, and the next headache will be waiting for me.”

“I’ll help,” he said as he finished the last dish and closed the dishwasher before turning.

At the island she leaned with her ankles and arms crossed watching him as he mirrored her at the sink. Her eyes fell into sad acceptance. “You’re leaving. Remember?”

He lifted both hands from his forearms though he never took them off the short sleeves of his T-shirt. “Not for a week. We could get a lot done in a week.”

Her gaze fell as she let out a breath.

“What?” he asked. “I’m just offering to help box some stuff up. I’m not asking you to get married.”

The bolt of lightning that shot through her eyes startled him, but just like that, it was gone. She put her head down and shook it. “I’m sorry I’m so high maintenance sometimes.”

Stepping across the little walkway, he pulled her into his arms and held her there. “We all have our moments.”

When Caleb said goodnight long about the time Rachel said she needed to put the kids in bed, he climbed into the pickup to go out to the farm. He wasn’t at all sure what had transpired in that house. It all felt so awkward and nerve-wracking. He wanted to do this right, wanted to be what she needed him to be for her, but he still wasn’t at all sure what that was.

He pulled up to the farmhouse that had the light glowing in the living room windows, shut off the truck, and grabbed his stuff. A shower and a bed were going to feel really good.

The kids were in bed, and Rachel finally took a breath for the first time all day. She blinked hard to keep the sleep away as she padded into her room, intent on taking a shower since she hadn’t had one in two days. Opening her top drawer, she reached for her night clothes but met up instead with something else. Confusion traipsed through her as she pulled the cloth out, and she held it there, trying to figure out what it was and where it had come from.

In the next second horror hit. Her clothes from Sunday. Or more to the point Saturday night. Her eyes widened as she realized they were the ones she had dropped to the floor in her mad-dash to get ready for church. She looked at the floor, knowing they hadn’t jumped into that drawer on their own. Someone had put them there.

Her mind slid through every possibility, and none were any better than the last. A moment to soak in how hideously embarrassed she was, and she threw the clothes back into the drawer and slammed it.

“Mommy?” the little voice came from down the hallway. “Mommy?”

Yanking all of the frustration back down inside her, she closed her eyes, praying she could find some patience somewhere. Finally, she tipped her head and called, “Mommy’s here, Rhett. Mommy’s here.”

“I need to give you a key,” her mother said, greeting Caleb at the door.

He grimaced sheepishly. “I hope I didn’t wake you. I’m sorry it’s so late.”

“Oh, no. No need to apologize.” She went back into the living room, pushing the walker, and he followed after her closing the door, unsure of the protocol in this situation. “I was up anyway.” After sitting down, she took the book from the little table and winced as she moved her foot. She shook her head. “Don’t move like I used to, that’s for sure.”

Caleb had no idea what to say to that. “I think I’ll just…” He went through the living room and made it all the way to the door between that room and the kitchen.

“How’s Rachel?”

The question jerked him to a complete stop. “Oh. Uh. She’s… good.” With a slow turn, he regarded her, hovering in the glow of the lamp. It was always such a challenge to figure out what he should say and what he shouldn’t. The boundaries were all so very vague. “I think we might come out tomorrow evening and start boxing things up, at least start going through them. I’d hate for her, for you all, to have to do it yourselves. That is, if that’s okay with you.”

“Well, forty-five years of stuff isn’t going to box itself,” she said, and he heard the sadness.

It took only a second for him to make the decision. Coming back over, he pointed to the ottoman. “Mind if I?”

Mrs. Murphy pulled off her reading glasses and waved them at it. “Go ahead.” She eyed him as he sat down. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, your daughter for one,” he said. “I think you and I both know this move, this whole remodel was hard on her.” He put his gaze on his hands as they rubbed together. “She’s really struggling with all of this, with all of the changes.”

Her mother nodded slowly.

“I just…” Caleb looked up, unsure of the words or if he should even say them. “The truth is I’m worried about her. The first move was hard enough, but when we talk about this one, she…” He wished he was better with words, with explaining things. He’d never noticed this problem before, but maybe it was because now he wasn’t talking about nails and screws and door knobs. This feelings and emotions stuff was nowhere near his comfort zone.

Mrs. Murphy said nothing for a long moment and then she smiled softly. “Did you know that Rachel was adopted?”

Whatever thoughts had been in his head prior to that question vanished as his eyes snapped up to her. “A…? Uh, no. She never told me that.”

Her mother’s smile softened even further. “We didn’t talk about it much. I think mostly for our sakes rather than hers.”

“What… happened?”

She thought and then nodded. “I told you I worked in Greely?”

“Yes,” he said, fighting through the tangle of new thoughts that had encapsulated the old ones.

“At the hospital,” she continued. “Well, we had a patient who was very ill when she got to us one night. Stomach cancer, the real aggressive kind, nasty horrible stuff.” Mrs. Murphy told it solidly with very little emotion. “She was older. Sixty or thereabout. And she had a granddaughter.” She nodded at him.

“Rachel?” he asked, supplying the name.

“Yes. She was eight at the time, and she came with her grandmother one night. A neighbor had brought them over, middle of the summer. I don’t even want to think about what that girl had been through prior to that night. The grandmother was in terrible pain, and Rachel just kept saying to her, ‘I’m sorry, Grandma. I’m sorry’ as we got her inside. I don’t think we ever really talked about what she thought she had to apologize for, but I remember her saying that like it was yesterday.

“I didn’t have any background on their situation, but I knew it was pretty desperate. So when I went in to take the grandmother’s vitals, it surprised me when she was lucid enough to talk. She asked where her granddaughter was, and I assured her we were watching her in the lobby, and that we’d be sure to take care of her. And right then and there, she asked me the question that changed my life. ‘She needs someone. Please, can you take her?’ I don’t know if I really meant it or not at the time, but to ease her distress, I told her that yes, I would take her.

“Little did I know that would be her last hour on this earth.”

“Rhett, baby, honey, you have to let Mommy get some sleep,” Rachel said when she’d barely made it out of the bed.

“Don’t leave,” he whined. “I’m scared.”

The sigh took everything out of her. “Okay. I’m not leaving. I’m right here.”

“She died?” Caleb asked, stunned into near speechlessness.

“She did. I’m sure they would have drawn up a treatment plan the next day, but she never made it that far.”

“Rachel… did Rachel get to see her before…?”

“We really didn’t know it would happen so fast,” her mother said slowly. “If I would have known… By the time she woke up the next morning, her grandmother was gone, and she was all alone in the world.”

“But her parents? Where were they?”

Mrs. Murphy shook her head. “Took us quite some time to sort it all out, going through the courts to adopt her and all. Her mother had gone down a path of drugs and destruction. We never did figure out who her father was. The grandfather was long gone too. Pretty broken up, messed up family all around. But Rachel was a light. She came to live with us eventually, and when the papers were signed, she became a Murphy for all intents and purposes.”

“Did she… does she… know?”

“Oh, yes. We talked about it some over the years, but it always seemed she had more want to go forward rather than to ever go back.”

That much he knew.

“You know that quilt? The one I gave you for her room?”

“Yeah?”

“That was the only thing she got from her grandmother. They sold all the rest of it, not that there was much, and we used it to raise her up as best that we could.”

He couldn’t imagine the picture she was painting. After all of that, how did Rachel stay… Rachel? “She was… a good kid though?”

“Oh, she was a very good kid.” A cloud slid over her eyes. “Though I’m afraid life hasn’t been very good to her.”

Caleb swallowed. He had to ask. “What did you think of him? Of Nathan?”

The cloud darkened, and anger split across her face. “He was piece of work that one. Charlie hated that kid the moment he set foot in this house. Didn’t have a use one for him. Not that I did either, but I was trying to be diplomatic about it for Rachel’s sake. She was head-over-heels though I don’t know that it ever did her any good. He took advantage of her is what he did. Charlie was livid when we found out she was pregnant, mostly at him but I’m sure she felt some of it too. He knew Nathan had no intentions of taking care of her, that he’d be gone if we let him.” She shook her head. “I still think making them get married was a mistake, but Charlie thought that would fix things, make the kid man-up or something like that, and of course, Rachel wanted to please her dad. So one day we all went over to Greely to the JP and they tied the knot. Shortest ceremony I’ve ever been to.

“If she was the grudge-holding type, she could well be bitter toward us to this day. But Rachel doesn’t hold grudges against other people, she only holds them against herself. She just knew Nathan’s anger was all her fault, and she knocked herself out to make it up to him. ‘Course he just took advantage of that too. They were living in Virginia, and we got really worried about her because she’d hardly talk on the phone. So Charlie decided we needed to go and get her.”

“Was he… Was Nathan…?”

“Beating her?” her mother asked, and Caleb nodded, unable to contemplate the anger boiling inside him. “We never knew, never got the chance to find out for sure. On our way there…”

The disparate pieces snapped into place with frightening speed. “The accident.”

She blinked twice and then brought stoic up once again. “I’m not even sure who called her. All I know is when I woke up, she was right there in that hospital room, holding my hand.”

Nightmare on top of nightmare cascaded over him.

“I don’t know, we’ve never talked about how she made it through that. I was in the hospital for two weeks in Virginia. Rhett was only, what? A few months old at the time. To hear people around here tell it, Nathan was the epitome of the good husband when they showed up, tall and handsome, in his full military garb at the funeral with her. I’m sure Rachel was spinning in a vat of yuck-soup, and to be honest, I’m not sure she’s ever really gotten out of that.”

He couldn’t imagine, and a big part of him wanted no part in even trying to. He wasn’t sure why, but his thoughts went to Sage. Fragile. That was the word she had used, and Caleb thought at that moment she had no idea.

Chapter 22

“I talked to her mom last night,” Caleb told Pastor Steve over lukewarm hamburger mac and cheese during his break from working at the church the next afternoon. “Talk about a complicated mess. I don’t know how somebody even survives that. She was adopted, did you know that? And not from a very stable environment from the sounds of it. The pit of hell comes to mind. And then all the stuff with Nathan. I’d like to knock him through a brick wall if you want to know the real truth. Rachel had told me some of it, but when you hear all of it, or at least I hope we’re getting to all of it now. If that isn’t all…”

He stopped talking, not wanting to tempt fate any further where it came to her. “I went over there last night, to her house. We ate dinner together with the kids.”

“And…?”

Caleb sighed. “And it was like you said, seeing Cinderella in the ashes. I mean, there aren’t real ashes, but watching her. She doesn’t complain about anything. She doesn’t talk about all she does or all she has to do. She just does it, and then she apologizes for being high maintenance. I mean, what is that?”

“Someone who thinks she’s the problem.”

This sigh was more of a growl. “That’s just it. What is that? She slam-dunks herself so often, I’m surprised she doesn’t have bruises.”

“She does. Just not the kind you can see from the outside.”

He nodded, completely sure the pastor was right. “But how do you help someone like that? Is it even possible?”

“Possible, yes, but not easy.”

“Possible but not easy,” Caleb repeated, sure wishing the pastor would learn to pull a few punches. His heart was starting to hurt. “Okay, so tell me how then. How do I help her?”

At first he thought the pastor might not even entertain the question, and Caleb wasn’t at all sure what to do if he didn’t.

“Remember yesterday when I asked about your relationship with God?” the pastor finally asked, and Caleb wasn’t sure that was where he wanted to start.

“Yeah?”

“Well, helping others never starts with them. It always starts with you.”

Caleb sat back and pushed at the jeans on his thigh. “You know, I get that, but I’m not really the problem here.”

“She is?” the pastor asked.

“Well, no. She’s not a problem. It’s…” Somewhere in the middle of the explanation, he ran out of words.

“Remember all those books?”

“How could I forget them? I’m still sore.”

“Those books didn’t help other people, they helped me, and through me God helped other people.”

“I don’t have time to read all of those books,” Caleb said as panic surged up in him.

“Well, then, lucky for you. I have.”

“Why do I feel like I’m about to go to boot camp?”

Pastor Steve grinned. “That bad?”

Caleb shrugged. “It’s just that all this stuff is so not me. I mean, I played football. I work with my hands. Feelings, emotions, that stuff? I think they forgot to put those wires in at the factory.”

The grin fell into deep thought. “So you say you played football.”

“Yeah. Some. In high school.”

Leaning back the pastor crossed his arms. “Did you ever see a team play to not lose a game?”

With a lift of one eyebrow, Caleb nodded. “Plenty of times.”

“And what usually happens to a team that is trying not to lose?”

This time it was more like half-a-shrug. “They lose.”

“Right.”

“So what is the key to winning?”

Caleb thought that through. “Playing to win.”

“Right again. Man, you’re good at this,” Pastor Steve said with a grin.

“I’m trying.”

“Okay, so how do you play to win?”

“In football?” Caleb asked, not at all sure where this was going.

“Yes. If you were going to be the coach and you wanted to play to win, what would that look like?”

“Well, for one, I’d want to know my team, what their strengths are and their weaknesses, and I’d want to know the same about the other team. Based on that, I’d come up with a game plan.” He tipped his head. “It’s weird. It’s kind of like tackling a remodel.”

“Oh, how’s that?”

“I mean, you can’t just go in and start tearing stuff up. You’ve got to look at what you’ve got, what’s there, and then look at what you want to do in the space. Sometimes you can do everything, sometimes you can’t. Strengths and weaknesses. Then you come up with a game plan, a blueprint or prints if you will. How you’re going to do it. Then, you get in there and you do it.”

“You play the game.”

Caleb laughed. “Now you sound like Derek and his whole Texas Hold ‘Em thing.”

The pastor raised his eyebrows in concern. “He told you that?”

“Why is that a problem?”

“No,” the pastor said, “it’s just that sometimes I say these things, and I don’t know how much people are really listening.”

“Oh, Derek was listening. Trust me on that. He thinks you’re Gandhi or something.”

“Gandhi?”

Caleb grinned. “Or something like that.” After a moment he stopped and sighed. “But you still haven’t told me how to do that, how to even start.”

“Strengths and weaknesses,” the pastor said. “Can I take a shot at this one?”

“Go ahead.” Caleb was glad he wouldn’t have to do the heavy-lifting of thinking, his brain was starting to hurt.

“Strengths – you are both kind, loving, caring, wonderful people.”

Why that surprised Caleb so much, he didn’t know.

“You are selfless and hardworking, compassionate and you love each other very much.”

Surprise jumped all over Caleb and he tilted his head.

“What?” the pastor asked. “You don’t?”

“Well, I do. I’m not sure about her.” Then he deflated. “No, you’re right. Okay. Continue.”

“Weaknesses.”

“Uh-oh. Here we go.”

“Stubborn.”

“Who? Her or me?”

The pastor lifted an eyebrow.

Caleb deflated again. “Both. Okay. Keep going.”

“Trying to build a life on an unstable, shaky, unfound foundation.”

That was harsh. “Come again?”

“Caleb, one thing you have to understand is the difference between romantic love that the world talks about and real love. The world’s kind of love is conditional. It’s a bargain. I’ll give you this if you give me that, and the second you’re not living up to your end of the bargain, I’m out of here. It’s not based on love. It’s based on fear—fear of getting hurt, fear of your issues, fear of her issues, fear of being alone. When you build a relationship on fear, you’re building on sand, and when the storms come, which they will, that house won’t stand. It can’t.

“The other kind of love, God’s kind of real love is built not on the relationship between the two people but on a relationship with Him first and her second. You learn to let Him love you, and through that love, you love her. You see, God’s love is unconditional. It’s not based on what you do or what she did or what happened or what will happen. It’s based on God, Who is, was, and always will be. He is the great I AM. Not ‘I was in the past.’ Not ‘I will be in the future.’ But I AM in this moment and every other moment. When you build your life on Him, you begin to learn to love unconditionally, and that’s how you go from an ‘I love you as long as’ relationship to ‘I love you just as.’ Just as you are. And then we grow together into something more than either of us could ever be on our own.”

Caleb’s head was spinning. Not really thinking about it, he looked at his watch only to see he had no time to waste getting back on the job. “I’m going to have to think about all of this a little bit.”

The pastor laughed. “A little bit?”

“Okay a lot. I’m going to have to think about this a lot.” He stood from the table, more grateful than he could put into words. “So, tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here.”

The wall was in, the ramp started. The plaster in the church still looked like a complete mess, but Caleb wasn’t too worried about that. They said it would take some time and it was. Besides, he had more important things to worry about. After work, he hopped in the pickup and headed to her place. His mind was still spinning, but somehow he felt it was now spinning in a good direction.

Hopping up the porch steps, he knocked once and waited. He always hated using the doorbell in case one of the kids was napping. When she opened the door, Caleb was surprised to find himself genuinely happy to see her, the awkwardness from the night before had left his heart. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said with a sigh and a smile. “I wasn’t expecting you so early.”

“Thought we’d better get a jump on it if we want to make much headway.”

She nodded. “Let me just switch out this laundry and get some snacks for the kids, and we’ll be ready.”

It wasn’t that she was surprised to see him. She would have been more surprised if he hadn’t come. Still, Rachel wasn’t up for a whole night of let’s-pretend-I’m-not-falling-apart.

She was already in her jeans and old T-shirt, so she didn’t have to worry about changing. In the mudroom, she transferred the wet load to the dryer, knowing she should throw another load into the washer so it could be going, but there wasn’t time. So she slammed the dryer and set it. Quickly she went to the pantry and pulled out some snacks and baby food. The chances of them getting back any time soon were less than zero. “Okay. We may have to scrounge at Mom’s for supper.”

Going back out, she found Caleb with the kids already corralled. He was putting Rhett’s shoes on, and something about that stopped her. She dragged in a breath as he looked up at her from where he was sitting on his heels by the couch.

“We need anything else?” he asked.

“Uh. No. I’m ready.”

Tonight they were just boxing so Caleb figured the car would be the simplest. If they ever got to the point of actually moving anything, he would have to switch to the pickup. Thankfully, Derek had thrown the boxes from her move out into the shop, so they had some to at least get started with.

“You go on in. I’ll grab the boxes,” he said as he stood Rhett out of the car.

“K.”

He just wasn’t fair to a girl’s heart, Rachel decided as she watched him walk off, especially one who was trying so hard not to notice. She went in through the back door as she always did and called to let her mom know they were there. “Knock. Knock.”

“Come in!” her mother called back as she always did, and Rachel’s heart knotted.

In less than two weeks, maybe sooner, she would no longer walk through this house, hear her mother call like that, go in search of her. Already it was different even since they had moved. There was no high chair in the kitchen, and all the dishes were done. She tried to keep the thoughts from her heart, but they streamed there just the same.

“Hey, Mom,” she said, going into the living room just as her mother started their direction.

“Hello, darling.” She came over and kissed Natalie. “Precious baby. And look at you, Mr. Big Guy.”

“He was asking about you earlier. Wanted to come see his nana.”

“Well, Nana is glad to see you.”

The back door banged, and Rachel’s attention jerked that way unwittingly.

Her mother tilted her head. “Did Caleb come with you?”

“Oh.” Rachel spun back around, knowing she was busted. “Yeah. We thought we’d get started boxing things up.”

Her mother nodded slowly as Caleb came in, a stack of boxes in his hands which made the muscles on his arms stand out even more than they normally did.

“Evening,” he said to her mother.

“Evening,” she said back, and then he looked at Rachel.

“Where do you want to start?”

Nowhere came to mind, but she couldn’t be that honest. “How about my room?”

“Works for me.”

As he headed back through the house, Caleb heard them discussing the children. In her room he set the boxes to the side and looked for the best place to start. There really wasn’t much left. A few trophies, a tack board, and of course the bed, which they couldn’t take because he would be sleeping there              the rest of the week.

“Okay, jail break,” she said, coming in with her hands up. “We’ve got five minutes before the first major catastrophe strikes.”

Caleb put his hands on his beltline and raised his eyebrows. “Okay. Your call. What’s first?”

She looked around, up and down. “I guess it pretty much all goes.”

“The trophies?”

A shrug and she went over to them, picked one up and handed it to him. “They’re trash. What do I need these for?”

He took the first one from her. It had a little round medallion of a man on top. Tipping it, he read the little plaque. “John Phillips Sousa.” Coming up, he held it up. “Band?”

“Don’t get too excited. I was the only senior who actually stuck with it. It was a pity trophy.” Taking it, she put it in a box.

She picked up the next one and handed it to him.

“Flags?” he asked.

“I hated marching season.”

The next one came down and she blew it off. “Wow. Eighth grade spelling bee. Second place out of five. Yay me.” She gave it to him and reached for the last one. However, as much as she wanted to make fun of it, she found she just couldn’t.

“What’s that one?” he asked.

“Most Creative Use of Electricity. My dad helped me one year on my science fair project. We put electrical currents in water to see what solution would conduct it the best.” Her smile held more memories than one should be able to. “Mom thought we were going to burn the house down.”

“The house? Why didn’t you do it in the barn?”

“It was Christmas, and we were supposed to be helping with the tree. It started out with a couple of little batteries and by the time we were done, we had a 12-volt battery and cables everywhere.”

Caleb looked at her skeptically.

“What?” she asked, wrapping the trophy to her. “It was fun.” She shrugged. “So I wasn’t all girlie-girl in school. Electricity is cool.”

As he watched her, a spark of joy and fun lit in her eyes, and it fascinated him. “Electricity, huh?”

“We used to build stuff out there. He never told me I couldn’t, never said it was impossible.” Her smiled faded into ache. “He was a really good man. I should have listened to him more.”

Carefully, Caleb took the trophy from her and got a new box to put it in.

“What did you do that for? There’s still room in this one.”

“This one is the keep box.”

As horribly awful as Rachel thought this would be, it wasn’t turning out that bad. After the trophies, they tackled the little batch of dried corsages and fake flowers on the table by the window.

“Should I ask?” Caleb asked, picking one up that was faded orange and tan.

She mashed her face, trying to remember. “Uh. Homecoming. Sophomore year. Paul Schmidt.”

He nodded, impressed. “Good memory.”

With a shrug, she sat down on the floor and pulled another out of the bunch. “When you don’t have many to remember, it’s not too hard.” She took one out as he sat down next to her, and she laughed. “Oh, boy. Junior Prom. Don’t Stop Believin’ A Celebration of the 80’s.”

“Wow. Are you serious?”

“Oh, yeah. We went for the gusto. We even had hot pink guitars on the walls.”

“Yikes,” he said, tossing it into the box with the trophies. “It’s so weird.”

She took two more out and tossed them as well. “What’s that?”

“How the same things are. I remember getting these things for my date for prom. Deana Pierce. Actually I think my mom got it. She was always better at that kind of thing.”

Rachel laughed and put her hand on his arm. “That’s what moms are for. Change your diapers and pick out your corsages. It’s crazy how fast time goes.” Her hand slid back to her lap, and she reached for the last of the little flowers. “You know, I remember being this age, hoping someone would ask me, telling all of my friends when they did. It all seemed so big, so… possible.”

“And now?” Caleb asked, his gaze fusing to her.

It was much harder to smile. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll make it through the next minute.” She wondered if she should tell him, burden him with it. Tossing the flowers into the trash box, she put her head down and shook it slowly. “Rhett hasn’t been sleeping. He keeps waking up, and I don’t know why.”

Caleb pulled his knee up under his elbow, and concern marred his face. “Just since the move?”

She nodded. “I’ve slept with him every night, and when I try to get up, he’s awake like that.” Putting her head all the way down, she tried not to think all the thoughts that never left. “Sometimes it’s so hard.” One sniff as she fought to get herself back together, but before she could manage that, he spun on the floor, coming to sit right next to her with one arm behind her though not on her shoulders.

She looked over at him, tried to smile but didn’t really before she leaned over and he caught her on his shoulder. With his other hand, he reached up and cupped her neck, his fingers splaying into and through her hair. Crying wouldn’t change anything, but Rachel had so many tears, they came out anyway.

Instead of talking, he simply bent his head and kissed her hair, holding her there as she cried the last tears she would ever shed in this room.

Chapter 23

They got three rooms of things boxed up or ready to pitch. Caleb would have been happy with the progress if she hadn’t looked so very sad. It was strange. He had worked on many houses over his time with the show, but this part, the dismantling of the old had never seemed so difficult.

“So you want to work on it again tomorrow night?” he asked as he drove them home.

“Want to or need to?” Her half-smile was filled with irony.

“This has got to be tough.” Why talk about the details when the rest was killing her?

“I try not to think about it, you know? Just get through it.”

Caleb nodded. “You do that a lot huh?”

She laughed as if he had found out her secret. “More you’ll ever know.”

When they got to her house, Natalie was asleep, Rhett nearly so. Rachel collected her daughter while Caleb got Rhett.

“How do you do this alone?” Caleb asked as they got to the door and Rachel worked to get it unlocked.

She shook her head even as she continued with the locks. “You do what you have to when it isn’t a choice.” The door gave, and she stepped in and turned the light on dim. “I’ll just get her in bed.”

“We’re right behind you.”

And they were. Up the stairs and into the kids’ rooms. In no time Rachel was in Rhett’s room, tucking him into the covers. “’Night, big guy.” She bent and kissed him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Rachel knew that was wishful thinking, but the chance that she could get an actual night’s sleep was enough to get her to say it. Thankfully, Rhett settled down, and they tip-toed out and down the stairs.

At the front door, she could hardly put into words what was on loop in her head. “Thank you so much.” She put her head down and let out a breath. “You really didn’t have to…”

It was times like this that Caleb felt the depth of his powerlessness. She was so withdrawn, so quiet. Knowing nothing else, he stepped over to her and put both arms around her. A second and she wrapped one of her hands up and around his shoulder. “You know, whatever you need, I’m here.” Pulling back an inch, he looked down at her. “You know that, right?”

Only a heartbeat and she nodded slowly.

“Mommy?”

Rachel’s eyes slammed closed as overwhelm engulfed her.

“Mommy?” Rhett said again, a bit louder this time from the top of the stairs.

She shook her head as the breath slid from her. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“And he doesn’t sleep,” Caleb said the next afternoon over fish sticks and French fries. “She’s at her wit’s end. I know she hasn’t slept a good hour since they got there.”

“Children perceive things very differently than we do. They don’t have filters and ways to talk themselves out of fears that we do. Sometimes that’s good, sometimes it can be very difficult for them,” the preacher said. “But they are very perceptive on a level we adults aren’t always tuned to.”

Caleb growled. “Well, that’s all well and good, Pastor, but it’s not helping me much. She’s drowning here, and I need something to help her. Something to make him sleep. Something so she’s not up with him all night.”

The pastor nodded very, very slowly. “And there’s nothing… physical going on. No stomach aches or cold drafts keeping him awake?”

“Not that I know of. Not that she’s said.”

The nodding continued though it slowed even further. Finally the pastor let out a breath. “Okay, I don’t know where you are on the God-perspective spectrum. We’ve only briefly touched on it.”

And they were back to God again. Caleb shouldn’t have been surprised, he was after all talking to the preacher, but he didn’t see how God could help with a little boy not sleeping. “I’m down with it,” he said, grasping at anything that might help. He was desperate enough to really consider God, and that was saying something.

“Okay, remember how we talked about trying to not lose?”

There were times when talking to the pastor was like building a million piece puzzle with no picture to go by. “Yeah?”

“Well, I’m going to share something with you that kind of riffs on that idea. When you play football, there are two sides to the game—offense and defense.”

Figuring it better to listen rather than question, Caleb did so.

“Now it’s possible to win the game with only defense, but that’s really difficult,” Pastor Steve said. “To win, you almost have to go on offense. Offense means you take the game to the other team. You make a strategy to out-wit or out-play the other team.”

“Okay. I think I’m with you so far.”

“Right now, you’re playing a defense Christianity, and not a very good one at that.”

Some things were definitely easier to hear than others. “Go on.”

“I said the other day that you’re trying to build on a shaky, unstable foundation. I did not mean that to be harsh, only your reality as I see it. You are a great guy with a big heart, Caleb, but without God on your team, the best you can do is play not to lose. Plus, you’re on the field playing defense the whole game, making no headway, and you’re wondering why it’s not working, what you’re missing, and why it feels like you are losing. To be honest, you feel like you’re losing because you are.

“Without God, you will lose every, single time. Trying to play the game without God is like plugging a lamp into your leg and trying to get light from it. It can’t be done. You are not the source. You are the lamp. God is the Source, and only He can provide the power you need to stop playing defense all the time and start playing offense.”

That the pastor was filled with passion about the subject was not lost on Caleb though he was only barely grasping the concepts. “Well, okay, then how do I go on offense?”

“Remember when Derek told you about Texas Hold ‘Em?”

This was getting worse. Could he not stick to one topic? Caleb’s head was starting to hurt. “Of course. Going all-in and all of that.”

“Right.” The pastor nodded vigorously. “All-in. Everything. Throwing your heart and soul over the bar. No holds barred.” His eyes seemed to take on the blaze of a fire. “I’m not talking about going to church once in a while or putting a few dollars in the plate here or there. I’m talking about throw out what you thought was your life and never be the same again.”

Caleb’s chest tightened so he could hardly breathe. “You make it sound like a grudge-match. Two go in but only one comes out.”

“And so it is,” the pastor said with gravity pulling the words down. “Caleb, I know you’ve lived your whole life on the surface. That’s not a judgment, just an observation. Most people live there. They get up, go to work, make some money, come home, have a little fun if they’re lucky, get up and go do it all again tomorrow. They are surviving, existing, but not really living. That was never God’s plan for us.

“I’m sure you’ve heard of the sinner’s prayer.”

Caleb nodded. He’d said that when he was 15 at some church camp and then gone out and partied with his friends. Nice words, but they hadn’t been magical or life-changing for him.

“Here’s the thing,” the pastor continued. “There is a line between belief and unbelief. You cross that line, and you go through a door that can, if you let it, get you out of the world’s drama. If you’ve said that prayer, you’re through the door, but that is not the end. It’s only the beginning.”

The hairs on the back of Caleb’s neck stood on end and his eyes widened.

“What?” the pastor asked, seeing his reaction.

“Uh. Well. I actually just told Rachel that same thing the other night. This isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning.”

The pastor’s eyes went wide too. “Awesome! That means we’re onto something here! This isn’t random, Caleb. None of this is.”

Fear was starting to overtake Caleb. “I don’t know what that means. Is that… a good thing?”

It was clear the pastor had to work to calm himself. “Yes, Caleb. It’s a very good thing. When signs start all pointing in the same direction, you can know without a doubt God is in the middle of it. He wants you on the field, Caleb, and not on defense either. He needs you out there for Rachel and the kids and maybe others we don’t even know yet.”

“Whoa. Okay, hold up there a minute. I’m cool with the whole offense thing, whatever that means, and of course, I want to help Rachel and the kids, but I’m not a preacher. I’m just a guy who’s good with a hammer.”

“Do you remember…?”

And Caleb took in a big breath because he sensed they were now going down a different path. How there could be so many, he had no idea.

“Remember when you asked me about your calling? About if you could have a calling that wasn’t about being a preacher?”

“Yes. And you said, yeah, we don’t need that many preachers.”

“Exactly. What I didn’t tell you was that once you have a God calling on your life and you really ‘get it,’ your calling becomes your place in the world where God wants to shine His light. You’re not a preacher necessarily standing at a pulpit, but you are bringing God into the world just the same. The thing is though, you can’t do this halfway. You cannot play at this. It can’t be a fun-and-games kind of thing for you because this stuff is as deadly serious as it gets. Eternally serious.”

“You mean like heaven and hell.”

“I mean like life and death.” The pastor sat back. “We use those terms, heaven and hell to denote a place. A place of peace—that’s heaven. A place of torment—that’s hell. But those aren’t just places for in the ‘someday.’ They truly are right here and right now. They are where you are living, where Rachel is living. But what you have to decide first and foremost is are you all-in? If you’re not, now’s the time to get off the field.”

“All-in… with Rachel?”

“No, Caleb. All-in with God.”

“You look exhausted,” Elaine said as Rachel sat over the little leaf cut-outs sorting them into the children’s folders. September was well over. They were moving on to pumpkins and Halloween. Then it would be turkeys and soon snowflakes and Christmas decorations. She already knew the cycle by heart.

“Gee, I wouldn’t know why.” Rachel blinked hard and pulled her eyes open before yawning so wide, she nearly hurt herself. The names of the children swam in front of her. She still didn’t know all the folders yet, so searching was required. She yawned again.

“It looks like you need to take a nap more than the kids.”

“Oh, that sounds like a marvelous idea.” The problem was, she wasn’t going to get a nap. Not now. Probably not ever. Keep going, Rach. Just keep moving.

“So how does someone go all in with God?” Caleb asked, not wholly sure any of this was a very good idea.

“In one way, it’s very simple. You ask Him to come into your heart and your life. In another it is the hardest thing you will ever do because when you really mean it, the next step is total surrender to His way of doing things.”

“Surrender, huh? I thought I was supposed to go on offense.”

“Yes, but if you go on offense on your own terms, in your own strength, and with your own power, you won’t just lose, you will flame-out. Crash and burn. Nothing left.”

Caleb raised his eyebrows. “Wow. You make it sound so graphic.”

“It can take drama to a whole new level, that is almost a guarantee. Because once you go all-in with God, none other than Satan himself is going to step up to take you out. Right now, you’ve been playing with some of his demons probably. Fear, greed, jealousy, frustration. But if you decide to do this, hell will be brought against you—to make you quit, to get you to give up, to get you to get off the field. Satan doesn’t want to just convince you. He is out to destroy you, to eliminate you, to annihilate you. He doesn’t want you off the field, he wants you out of the game—permanently.”

Although he tried to laugh, Caleb’s fear monitor was skyrocketing off the charts. “I thought preachers were supposed to talk about love and hope and stuff like that.”

“There is a battle, Caleb, a spiritual battle being waged for souls everywhere we look. God has been in a pitched battle for your soul for some time now.”

“But I’m not a bad person. I’ve got a good life.”

“Yes, and that’s what Satan wanted you to think, to stay, in that nice, safe good life. He wanted you to believe there was no battle, so you had no real reason to fight. God, however, had different plans.”

It was not easy to keep himself calm and unaffected by this discussion. “You said about offense. How do I do that? How do I go on offense?”

The pastor shook his head. “First is the decision to go all-in. Until you make that, I don’t want to go even a step farther because before you get out there to really play this game, I want you fully-protected with the glory and armor of God. That is the only way this will ever be won.”

Caleb looked at his watch. How did an hour and a half always go by so fast? “Can I think about it?”

With a nod, the pastor agreed. “And pray about it.”

The new wall for the ramp was up, and the stationary part of the ramp was almost built. Caleb was standing on a ladder carefully cutting the hole in the wall for the door when movement below him snagged his attention. He killed the saw and whipped off the protective glasses. “Derek?”

Standing there hands on beltline, Derek raised his eyebrows and then crossed his arms. “Could you use some help?”

“Absolutely.”

How Rachel stayed awake and on her feet the whole day, she had no idea. The thought of sleep teased her at every turn, but she couldn’t give in. She wouldn’t. They only had a couple more days to get her mom’s stuff ready to go, and she wasn’t going to waste his help by being lazy.

“You going over to Rachel’s?” Derek asked when they closed up shop for the day at five-thirty.

“Kinda. We’re boxing stuff up at her mom’s. She’s moving into town.” Caleb carried the saw over to the pallet they had made to keep the tools off the floors. “Forty-five years of memories as she calls it. I think we’re going to tackle the kitchen tonight. We got three of the bedrooms done last night.”

“Sounds like you’ve got quite a project there.”

“More than.” He said it before he thought it through.

“Meaning?”

Caleb shook his head. “Just something the pastor and I’ve been talking about.” He stood from the floor, straightening and glancing past Derek to make sure no one else was listening. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

However, he hesitated. This wasn’t something you talked about on the job with your boss. “It’s kind of personal, so if you don’t want to…”

Derek came up and looked at him, solid and level. “You ask and then I’ll tell you if it’s too personal.”

“Okay.” He wound his arms in front of him and heaved a breath before looking around at the church. “Where are you with this whole church thing? I mean, I know you go to church and everything… now, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t before. So is this a new thing? A here thing? What?”

The pause was long enough to tell Caleb he shouldn’t have asked. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…”

“No.” Derek put both hands up to stop him. “I didn’t say I wasn’t going to answer. It’s just that it’s all pretty new to me, and I’m not sure how to answer.” Going over he sat down by the windows and took a long drink of the water there.

Caleb waited a moment before joining him. Not knowing what came next, he decided to let Derek figure out how to say it rather than bombarding him with all the questions rampaging in his soul.

“I never thought about God too much before,” Derek finally said. “Then Jaycee and I started… well, started getting together or however you want to say it. About the time I realized she wasn’t just my assistant, the hurricane came through and nearly scared us both to death—her for her family, me for her. Then we came here, and…” He thought through the next part without saying anything long enough for Caleb to panic. “There’s something about being in love, really in love, where you want to do what’s best for them, you want to be the best of yourself, but you’re not real sure that’s even possible.

“I think that’s when I found God. When I realized what He was asking of me in being with Jayc wasn’t something I could do on my own.”

“But people fall in love all the time,” Caleb protested, “people who don’t even believe in God.”

Derek shook his head. “I feel sorry for them.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because love isn’t something a person can really do. Love is… love is…” And then Derek laughed. “Okay, I’m not going to go all Bible-quotin’ on you here, but it’s like the pastor told us last weekend when we went in to talk about the wedding. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. It doesn’t not put on a show… Something like that.”

“Okay?”

“The thing is, the pastor said we can look at that passage and turn it three ways. We can put the other person’s name there to see if this is really love they are giving and we’re getting. So, Jaycee is patient. Jaycee is kind. Jaycee is not jealous. Then we can put ourselves there. That one’s harder. Derek is patient.” He lifted his hand and wobbled it. “We’re working on that one. Derek is kind.” He shrugged. “Hopefully but probably working on that one too. Derek is not jealous. And so on. Last we can put the name God in there. God is patient. Believe me, He’s proven that one with me. God is kind. Yes. Yes, He is. God is not jealous, He does not put on a big show.”

It was like lights were being turned on in Caleb’s head.

“But what I’m seeing is that Jaycee and Derek on our own can’t get there. Neither of us is perfectly patient, perfectly loving, perfectly anything. The only one who can be those things consistently is God. So if we don’t have God in the middle of it, we can’t hope to be and give that kind of love.” Derek let out a long breath. “Now if you’d have asked me this six months ago? I’d have run out that door over there and never looked back, but now, I’ll tell you what I found when I found God, or more to the point when He found me. There’s nothing else like it in the whole world, and I may have walked in here on my own power, but I’m walking out on His.”

“Hey,” Caleb said when he showed up at her door at nearly six.

Rachel sighed. “Hey.”

He glanced in. “You about ready?” With only that glance, he knew things were once again coming unraveled.

“Uh. Yeah. I need to put these dishes in the dishwasher right quick though, and I’ve got the laundry. It’s almost done drying.” Practically leaving him at the front door, she headed back inside. “These toys are going to be the death of me yet.”

She was right. They were everywhere. “I keep thinking I should keep them picked up, but about the time I put them in the box, out they come again.” Picking things up as she went, she dumped an armload of toys in the little box. It was a box. Cardboard from some shipment of pie crusts apparently. “I’m sorry I’m not ready.”

In the kitchen she started rinsing the dishes and putting them into the washer at warp speed. “I meant to go by and get some more boxes from the grocery store, but Natalie pitched a hissy fit and I don’t really have much room in my car anyway.”

“I could go get them,” he said, desperately wanting to do something in the face of all she had to do.

“I hate to ask…”

“You didn’t ask.”

Caleb got every box they had, stacked them into his pickup and headed back to her house. He was beginning to feel what the preacher had talked about—about being no match for this undertaking. It was strange. Always before he had thought if that was the case, he had to get bigger, do more, muscle through whatever it was. To even think there was another option was making his head ask questions he had never so much as considered.

When he got back to her house, she was a little more ready, and it only took another ten minutes for them to have the kids in the car and strapped in.

“So I’ll meet you out there?” he asked as they stood by the driver’s side door, and when she sighed, he saw how dangerously close to the edge she really was. “Or I could drive you if you want me to.”

She laughed. “Both vehicles?” Then she shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you out there.”

Helplessly he watched as she got in and started the car before putting on her seat belt. He didn’t want to take his own vehicle, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

The kitchen proved to be a labyrinth of ancient and semi-ancient objects that looked vaguely like something from a torture chamber.

“What is this?” Caleb asked, coming out of the bottom cabinet with something made of iron that looked like brass knuckles with a horrifying pickax at the end.

“Yi!” Rachel jumped back from where she sat boxing stuff on the floor. “What is that?”

“I asked you first.” He tried it one way and then the other on his hand; however it was clear the thing, whatever it was, was designed for a much smaller hand. “A flour smasher?” He tipped it one way and then the other.

“I think you throw it at guests you don’t want.”

Backing up he looked at her with fear. “Remind me not to eat at your house again.”

She laughed. “It’s only for guests you don’t want.”

“Oh, that’s comforting.” He set it aside and dove back under the cabinets. “We’re going to have to clean all this before you can sell it.” Coming back out, he had an ancient flour sifter and a waffle iron that could well be 75 years old or better. He lifted them for her inspection.

“I can’t believe she kept this stuff all this time.” She reached over and took the incredibly heavy iron. “Who would even use this thing?” She opened it to find little crusted over black flecks. “It’s disgusting.”

Caleb picked up his hands. “I’m here to pack things up not to judge.”

With a soft laugh, she hefted it off to the side. “I would’ve never gotten this done by myself.”

“Hey, we’re not done yet.” He inhaled deeply. “Wish me luck.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Don’t get eaten down there.”

“At one time I would have thought that was a joke. Here I go.”

Watching him, Rachel couldn’t stop the love from flowing into her heart. He was crazy and tender and wonderful. And in four days, she would miss him forever.

“You don’t have to come back up town,” Rachel said when they had the kids in the car. “I can get it.”

“Eh.” He ran his hands down her arms and pulled her into a quick hug. “You’re going to have to come up with a better excuse than that to get rid of me.” He reached down and opened the door for her. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

“K.”

As Rachel started the car and watched his shadow run through the deepening night, she knew she should have fought harder. He didn’t need to come with them just to turn around and come back out here. She swallowed at the thought of asking him to stay as his approaching departure date crept ever closer with each second that ticked off that clock.

After midnight already. Where did the time go?

Tired to the bone, she backed out and headed for her house.

Caleb had a growing list of questions for the pastor. Tonight he had seen the bad things the missed sleep and stress were doing to her. He had seen it, but he was sure not many others even noticed it. She was far too strong for her own good, and when he had said that, she only said she had no other choice.

He pulled out behind her and followed to the first turn, the highway. It was only four miles back to town. They would be home in no time, and he would carry Rhett in, and she would carry Natalie in. He would tell her she looked tired, she would tell him she was fine, and he would feel his heart wondering what else he could do for her. Four days, and…

His gaze jerked up as the angle of the taillights shifted. There was no turn there. Where was she going? “Rachel!”

In one snap Rachel was awake, the dream that had overtaken her dropped harshly back into reality. Darkness. The road. The road! She jerked the wheel to the right as her heart went into her throat. The scream seemed to come from someone else as the car slid to the shoulder. “Oh,…”

Pressing on the brakes, she fought the careening of the car until after another heart-stopping second, the wicked ride settled, and she knew they were okay. However, her heart was now slamming in her chest, and her leg started shaking so badly, she could hardly get it to push the accelerator down. She glanced in her rearview mirror and knew those headlights instantly. Had he seen? Was he watching? Did he know?

Sleep was nowhere to be found anywhere inside the panic as she made the last turn to her house, drove up the already-asleep street of houses and right to hers. When the car was stopped, she sat, gripping the wheel with shaking hands, saying thanks and slowly analyzing her world to make sure it was, in fact, still intact.

“Rach?” he asked, ripping her door open. “Rachel, are you okay?”

The panic quaked through her when she looked up at him, and then he was there, right there, unclicking her seatbelt, gazing at her wild-eyed. “What happened?”

“I just… I don’t know. I think…” Her breathing increased as the memory collided with what if. She looked up at him as he collected her into his arms and held her there.

“You scared me to death. What happened?”

“I don’t… I must’ve dozed off or something.”

Backing up, he calmed his breath as he looked right at her. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, once slowly and then a few more times quickly. “I must be more tired than I thought.”

Anger bit into him. She shouldn’t have been driving like this. What was he thinking? “Okay, come on. Let’s get you guys inside.” He stepped back and let her go in front of him. He wished he could tell her he would get the kids, but he knew arguing would only slow them down.

So he got Rhett and she got Natalie.

As they headed up the sidewalk, he put his hand out. “You got the keys?”

“Uh, yeah.” She dug them out of her pocket and handed them over without question. That only made his heart hurt worse. She never gave up control without a fight.

Up onto the porch and into the darkened house they went. He had thought this house would fix everything for her, and had he left like he had in the past, he would have been congratulating himself on a job well done. As it was, it felt like it was coming apart right in front of him.

Without discussing it, he followed her up the stairs, his heart yanking into his throat every time his mind remembered the sight of those taillights angling off the road. How close had she come to it going completely out of her control? Would it have flipped if it had gone off? How close had he come to being in some field with flashing lights and three lives… He sniffed hard and ran his nose over his sleeve. “Thank You, God,” he breathed as he took Rhett’s shoes off and got him into the little pajamas and then into the rumpled bed. It hadn’t even been made since the night before. “God, please, please, help me to help them. Please.”

The whispered prayer evaporated into the night when he heard her at the door.

“He asleep?” she asked, and he heard the shakiness in her voice.

“Uh, yeah. He’s out.” Carefully Caleb pulled the covers up and over the tiny little body and stood. He was so small, so fragile, so precious.

Coming over, she bent and kissed the little head before standing. She was only inches from Caleb, and suddenly he couldn’t take the distance one more second. A step, a movement, and she was in his arms. He smelled her tears. Whether she was crying them or not, he did not know. “Come on,” he whispered, and she nodded.

He did not let go of her as they crossed out of the room and closed the door. In his mind the plan had been to go downstairs, but she didn’t make it that far.

“Oh, my… Caleb… I almost…”

And just like that, she was in his arms. Her terror bled into him, soaking his shirt, dragging his heart right out of his chest and stomping on it.

“You’re okay,” he whispered, thanking God that was the truth as he rubbed his hand up and down her back, soothing her. “You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re safe.”

“It was… I didn’t…”

“Shhhh.” He held her as the emotions rocked through her. He understood as the emotions in his own body clawed to get out, but he would help her first. Later, when he went home, he would deal with himself. “Shhh.”

“All I saw was the ditch,” she whispered. “What if there had been another car? What if…?”

“There wasn’t,” he said, his mind filling in the details of what if there had been without his permission or desire to see such a thing. “You got it back.”

“I almost didn’t.”

“I know.”

The hardest thing Caleb ever did was leave her there, in that house, to deal with life. How was he ever going to get himself to leave on Sunday? It was going to kill him.

All the way out to the farmhouse, he played and replayed those horrible few seconds. He knew it. He had known it when they left. She was tired. She didn’t need to be driving. And yet, the logistics had convinced him there was no other way.

As he entered the house, still unlocked from their departure, his mind spun through all that could have happened to them on that little country road in the darkness. How many times had she driven that road at night alone with those kids? Did anyone ever bother to find out if she had made it? What if some night she didn’t? What if…?

His mind could hardly sort through one horrible scenario before the next one hit it.

“Caleb?”

He knew the voice, but there was a hint of panic that hadn’t been there before. Trekking through the darkened house, he went to the living room where the little lamp was on. She was in the chair with the book open on her lap. “I’m back.”

“Is Rachel all right?”

Something in her voice made him wonder what she knew and how she knew it. “Uh, yeah. They’re home safe and sound.” He didn’t like the lie, but all that he’d said was true.

“Oh, good.” She let out a hard breath. “I just had this terrible feeling earlier. But…” Lifting the book, she shrugged. “’Bout the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes.”

Intrigued more than he realized, Caleb came over and sat on the ottoman. He lifted his chin at the book. “So what’s with the book?”

A short small laugh, and her gaze fell to it. “The Bible. When I was younger, I never really had time for God. Now, I don’t have that excuse.” When her eyes came up to his, he saw the age, the worry, the grief. “I can’t do much for them anymore, for Rachel and the kids. I can’t even watch them properly for her. About all I can do is sit here and pray for her and for them.”

“So that’s what you’re doing then? Praying for them?”

She smiled at him so softly it seemed to come from heaven itself. “I pray for all of you.”

That slammed into him. “All of…?”

“All of you,” she repeated. “You, the crews, the people in town, the preacher, his family. All of you.”

“You…” He could hardly formulate the question because it swelled so big in his heart. “You’ve been praying for me?”

Her smile increased almost to a grin. “Oh, yes, you most of all. Well, second most of all, but a close second.”

“I don’t…” His gaze slipped to his hands. “I don’t understand.”

“Caleb, you are a good man.”

His gaze jerked up to hers, but her smile never left.

“You have some things to work out in your head and in your heart. Just like most of us do. But you are a very good young man.” She closed the book but didn’t put it on the end table. “From the first time I saw you with Rachel, I knew there was something more than just fixing up her house. So God and I started talking… a lot. The truth is, I’m not much longer for this old world.”

Caleb straightened to protest, but her smile only got softer.

“Rachel is going to need someone, someone to help her with those kids, someone so she’s not so alone. But it can’t be just any someone.” Her gaze fell to her lap and clung there. Another moment and she lifted it to his. “Do you mind if I tell you a little secret?”

“Uh, no.”

She nodded three times. “I’ve been praying for you for a very long time. Even before all of the Nathan drama. I had hoped he was the answer to my prayers, but he turned out to be more of a nightmare.” Her gaze dropped once again. “This is not to put any pressure on you because you have your own life to live and your own choices to make, but I hope that one of your options is being here for them. They need you in ways you can’t even imagine.”

Slowly Caleb rubbed his hands together. “I’m not going to lie. If I was here, if being here was permanent…” He shook his head. “But I just don’t know how it could ever work between the two of us. I’ve got work. She’s got the kids.” He hated this part. “And you.”

At that she lifted the book once more. “That’s why I’m praying. That God will make a way where there seems to be no way.”

“Mommy, don’t go. I’m scared,” Rhett said in the darkness as Rachel was halfway up, dragging herself from his bed. It had to be three in the morning or better. Her neck hurt, and she was so tired, she wanted to cry. But pushing all of that down, she sank back onto the twin bed in utter exhaustion.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

“Okay,” Caleb said before the pastor had even gotten the food onto the table the next afternoon. Derek and Jaycee had flown out that morning to Atlanta. Apparently that’s where life was taking them all next, and since this was technically Caleb’s vacation week, it would be his crew in Atlanta Monday morning. “I’m in.”

“In?” The pastor turned with the plates of food in hand.

“I’m in. In. In. I need to be here for them, I don’t know how to do that, but I can’t take much more of this. So I’m in. What next?”

With two small thunks, the pastor set the plates down and went to retrieve silverware. “I see.”

However, Caleb’s mind had been going a thousand miles an hour ever since he’d gone to bed the night before. “No. No. I don’t think you do.”

“Let’s say grace.”

Caleb swallowed every word he was about to say and bowed his head.

“Heavenly Father, we both know how important this meal could be. You are the guider and protector of all that is in You. We give You this time. Help us to make the choices that will bring glory and honor to You, Lord, and let us always know that it was You Who brought us to this moment. Bless this food, nourish it to our bodies. We ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.”

“Amen,” Caleb whispered already feeling calmer.

“Okay, now tell me about this decision of yours.”

A breath and Caleb found the words. “They need me, Pastor. They do. I can’t explain that. I can’t tell you how I know it, but they do. Last night…” The scene jumped into his mind, and his breath jerked. “She’s so tired, and I don’t blame her. There’s just so much to do, and Rhett’s not sleeping, and I don’t know how much longer she can keep this up. I need to be there for them. I want to be there for them. But I don’t know what that even means. I’m supposed to be in Atlanta on Monday, and then it will be Kalamazoo or the ends of the earth after that. How can I be there for them if I’m not here?”

“You know, Caleb, God can make a way where there is no way.”

The salad went down the wrong pipe, and Caleb nearly choked. He grabbed for his water and downed half the glass. Wiping his mouth as his eyes watered, he looked at the pastor. “What did you say?”

Concern etched on the pastor’s face. “God absolutely can, Caleb. He split the Red Sea, he opened the gates of the hell and death, and He can do this too. He can make things work that seem like they never could. He can make a way where there is no way. It’s called miracles, and yes, they still happen.”

Funny, he hadn’t realized how tired he was until he set that glass down. “You know, you said the other day how you know God is in this because He keeps pointing the same direction?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, He’s doing it again. Big time. In fact, I think He’s been pointing for a while now. I was just too stupid to notice.”

“Eh, don’t beat yourself up too much. None of us really get it right the first time. The point is not that you’re perfect, only that you’re learning.”

“Well, I am that.” He forked through the lasagna. “So, if I’m ready to go all-in, then what? Is there some kind of special ceremony or something?”

“There could be. Have you been baptized?”

“Yes. When I was young, and then I did the prayer thing at the church camp.”

“So you’re on the field now, in the kingdom. I think the next thing is telling God from your heart where you are with Him.”

Caleb searched for the words, not knowing he was supposed to come up with a speech. “I don’t really know. I just know that I need Him. I need His help with this, with being who they need me to be, and with figuring all of this out. I know I can’t do it on my own, and I need Him to… show me, to help me.”

The pastor’s grin could have been no bigger as a glint of a light burst into his eyes. “Well, that was a mighty fine way to say it right there.” He took a breath and a drink. “So, now that you’re all in, it’s time to learn to play some offense.”

Surprise jumped into Caleb’s eyes. “That’s it? That’s all I had to say?”

“This isn’t a magical incantation, Caleb. That was a good start. Living it takes being there, where you are right now, humble and surrendered every day. It’s all the time. When things are great and when they stink. It’s going to God and asking Him for His Wisdom and Strength in situations rather than trying to do life on your own.

“Now listen to me. Before we go one step further, you have to know that there is a team on the field that wants you out of this game, and they play for keeps.”

Caleb swallowed. “Satan.”

“Yes. And he wants you out of the game and Rachel out of the game and Rhett…”

Taillights in the night swerved through him, and panic seized his heart. “Pastor, I’m not good at this stuff like you. I know Satan’s there, but…”

“That’s why you can’t face him on your own, Caleb. He is Goliath. He is the Egyptian army. He is death. And he will take you out if you let him.”

“But how do I do that? I’m just me.”

“No. Not anymore. You are no longer just you. God is in you, Caleb. He is working in your life, and He will if you let Him. Now listen to me very closely because this is life-and-death important.” A moment and he stood from the table and walked out.

Caleb sat back. “Wait. What? You say that and then you just leave?”

In a heartbeat the pastor was back, and he too had a book. The parallels were becoming freakier than Caleb could think through.

“Now, look, I don’t want to freak you out,” the pastor said as he paged through the book quickly, and Caleb nearly said too late for that, “but I think you need to hear this.” Two more pages and he stopped. “Here it is. This is from Acts Chapter 19. ‘Some Jews who went around driving out evil spirits tried to invoke the name of the Lord Jesus over those who were demon-possessed. They would say, ‘In the name of the Jesus whom Paul preaches, I command you to come out.’ Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. One day the evil spirit answered them, ‘Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?’ Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and overpowered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding.’”

Sheepishly as if he was sorry he had read it, the pastor closed the book on his hand.

“Well, that’s comforting,” Caleb said.

“It means that if you try to do this on your own power, the demons don’t recognize your power, and you’ll be at their mercy.”

“Evil spirits?” He gulped. Whatever he had expected, this was not it.

“There’s more going on here than you can see with your natural eyes, Caleb.”

“Yeah. Okay. I get that.” At least he was trying to.

“I don’t normally throw people in this deep when they first come, but I’m afraid you’re already in deeper than you know. I can’t in good conscience send you out there with no understanding of what you might be facing.”

Caleb nodded, intensely in need of what the pastor was saying. “Okay. I’m listening.”

The pastor took a breath. “Now I told you that we’re in a battle. A battle of good and evil. A battle of life and death.”

That still freaked him out completely, but he was going to see this through.

“What you have to know is that you are not helpless in this battle. You are not. Never, ever think you are. In fact, the victory has already been won. It came on a Jewish hillside 2,000 years ago when Jesus broke the chains of sin and death. When He died and rose, He conquered death, the grave and hell. What we have to do now is claim that victory. But if we don’t know how, if we don’t know we have that power, we will never use it much less use it effectively.”

“How do I use it? Those guys, the ones in that book, it sounded like they got their butts handed to them.”

“Right because they were using the words like an incantation. That’s why it’s so important to go all-in first. That can’t be an after-thought, or the demons will hand you your butt and worse. Now, the next thing you need to know is the demons and even Satan himself have no power that we don’t willingly hand over. Oh, they can mess with us, tempt us, make us a little crazy, but they cannot make us do anything that we do not chose to do.”

Caleb nodded, taking it all in.

“The next thing you have to know is that they have absolutely no power when it comes to the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ. They must do what you say when you command them by the Blood of Jesus and also the Name of Jesus. When you do that, you are no longer representing only Caleb James. You aren’t standing there as Caleb James. You have chosen to put Jesus in front of you, to let Him fight the battle, and believe me, the demons hate that. They will flee. They have no choice.”

Before Caleb could ask the first question, the pastor sat up.

“Wait. Here’s another one. This one is from 2 Chronicles. ‘He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s…’ and then it continues a verse down, ‘You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’

“Okay, there’s a whole lot of Bible history there that’s interesting but really unnecessary right now. But did you hear that? ‘Stand firm and watch what God does on your behalf. Don’t be discouraged or afraid. This battle is not yours, but God’s.’ He’s fighting this battle, Caleb. As sure as I’m sitting here, He’s in this thing for Rachel and those kids. You just have to agree and cooperate with Him in the battle.”

“How do I do that? I’m just a guy. I don’t know all of this Bible stuff.”

“No, this morning, you were just a guy. You are no longer just a guy. You are now a child of the King, and with that come certain privileges and also some responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is to take up the Word.” The pastor slammed the book closed and held it up, making Caleb jump. “This is your weapon. You learn this, and you will see ever more deeply that God has a Plan, and His plan works.”

Slowly, a centimeter at a time, the pastor lowered the book until Caleb realized he was handing it to him. Taking it, Caleb was surprised at how heavy it was. He held it, unsure what to do next, unsure just what the pastor meant by it.

The pastor nodded down to it. “That’s yours now. Welcome to the team.”

Caleb knew exactly what Derek had meant about leaving as one person and coming back another. It was crazy, he thought as he stowed the Bible in his pickup on the way to the church, he’d have never seen this coming in a million years. His mother would be thrilled. His father, he was less certain how he would feel. However, Caleb knew he was now choosing his own path in this life, not the one of his parents and not the one he had ever thought he would choose.

“Oh, good, Caleb,” Cliff said, striding up. “We’ve got these standups to do on the ramp bridge, and we really need to get some of the doorway going in too. It’s here, right?”

“It got here this morning.”

“Good. The plaster guys are being real… well, let’s just say they aren’t cooperating very well with the filming. Can you talk to them? Derek said you could handle it.”

Wow. Welcome back to work.

By the time the pastor stopped by to check on things at nearly five, Caleb was ready to lay down and quit. The door had two glass panes broken out of it, which they uncovered when they went to install the thing. He’d called the company, and they said it was fine when it left, so he needed to take it up with the transit guys who were currently making tracks back to Raleigh. The plasterers had left even though there was still a gaping hole in the ceiling. The standups were taking so much time he wasn’t getting anything done on the ramp. At this rate he would be here until midnight doing the actual work.

“Well, looks like we’re making progress,” Pastor Steve said, clearly trying to be positive though Caleb was finding it hard to think he was doing anything more than lying.

“I wish I had your faith,” Caleb said as he nailed the last of the main ramp together. Tomorrow they would have to get the bridge done, and that was not looking promising simply because he’d drawn it up and it was going to be much heavier than he had anticipated due to the span it had to cross.

“Uh, oh. This sounds serious.” Coming over, the pastor inspected the work. “Problems?”

“That’s one way to put it.” Caleb shot two more nails in and called it good. Tomorrow they would have to stain it, seal it, sand it, and finish it. That would take someone all day. Presumably while he was either working on the bridge, fighting with the door company, the transit company or the plasterers. Already he was not looking forward to tomorrow.

“I take it things are not going well.”

“Well, let’s see. The ramp’s not finished. The door’s missing two panes of glass. There’s a six-foot hole in the ceiling of the church. I’m not even sure I can get the bridge to work. Derek already left, so I can’t ask for his help on any of this. We’ve only got tomorrow to finish all of it. I’m supposed to pick Rachel up in 30 minutes…”

That the pastor was just standing there nodding sent Caleb’s nerves off the charts.

He stopped the list and leveled his gaze at the pastor. “You’re not freaking out. Why are you not freaking out? What am I missing?”

“Oh, I’m freaking out all right, but I also see what’s going on.”

“What? That I’m in over my head and someone should have known that a week ago?”

“No. That the second you decided to go on offense, the defense drilled you into the ground.”

Confusion took a swing at him. “The Satan stuff? But this is work. This isn’t about that.”

“It isn’t?”

“No. This is… work.”

The pastor nodded. “Let me tell you something. Where God is concerned, everything is about ‘that stuff.’ All of it. And the more you decide to take the battle to Satan, the more he will come after you. Work, family, home life—wherever he can get a foothold to knock you off your game, he will. He wants at all costs to convince you that you can’t do this, that it’s pointless to try, that you might as well give up. He knows if he can plant those seeds of doubt in your mind and division in your heart, his plan is all but done.”

“Yeah, but… This is not about God.”

“You’re kidding, right? Caleb, look around you. Whose house do you think this is?”

He hadn’t thought about it like that. Swallowing, he shrugged.

“God is more interested in this project than you are, than I am even. This is His house. This is where His children come together to worship and fellowship together. Now, if you think God wants this to come together for the good of his people, who might be interested in it failing?”

It seemed so simple. Why did it feel so profound? “Satan.”

“That’s right. Why do you think God sent me over here just now? You think that was random?”

“I…”

“He sent me because you needed me, and you needed me because there is one thing we did not talk about before. Casting Satan out and away.”

It was crazy how deep they went every time he talked with the pastor.

“I’m going to give you a little card that I carry with me.” Digging it out, the pastor handed it to Caleb. “That’s a prayer to cast Satan out and away, from a situation, from a person, from whatever or wherever you suspect he’s causing trouble.”

“Satan and all your minions,” Caleb read, “you are hereby cast out and away from this place by the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ and you are sent to the throne of the Most High God to be dealt with there as He sees fit.”

“Now turn it over.”

“Dear Jesus, be with us in this situation. Guide us with Your Wisdom. Help us with Your Strength. Give us Your peace and Your love, Your mercy and Your Grace. We ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.”

Slowly Caleb turned the card back over, intrigued but needing to know the parameters of this lesson. “And you have to say this out loud?”

“Nope. God hears your spirit’s whisper, and so does Satan. When things come against you, when you sense Satan laying traps and throwing up obstacles,” the pastor nodded to the card, “there you go.”

“Do you have to be right there, in the room, with the person?”

“God is there even if you’re not.”

“And you can use this…?”

“Any time you need.”

Caleb turned the card over in his fingers. “Thanks, Pastor.”

When Caleb left work at six, he pulled the little card back out of his wallet. Prayer had never been a big thing in his life. In fact, it was only recently that he had begun to even consider it. However, he knew what he was facing was bigger than him, so quietly, he said the words once again, “Satan and all your minions, you are hereby cast out and away from…” He paused, took a breath, and made a modification. “Rachel and the kids by the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ and you are sent to the throne of the Most High God to be dealt with there as He sees fit.”

Turning the card over, he took another breath. “Dear Jesus…”

It was only supposed to be five minutes, but the second Rachel laid down on the couch, her will for this to be “just a short nap” evaporated. She was out.

Pulling up to her house, the prayer never really stopped. In just a couple days it would be the only way he had to help her just like her mom. For today though, he was here, and so today, he would do all he could. He reached up to ring the doorbell, but something stopped him. Instead, thinking one of the kids might be napping, he knocked instead.

He could hear the sounds on the other side, and he swung his gaze back out to the curb. She was here. He reached up and knocked again.

The pleasantness of the colors wafted in front of her, making the dream seem both very real and not. She wasn’t seeing them so much as enjoying them, the happy sounds blending with the colors floating over and through her spirit.

Caleb pursed his lips, wondering what he should do. There were too many sounds for someone to be sleeping, so finally he reached up and rang the doorbell.

Bells tinkled through the creams and blues, setting peace-filled joy drifting through her.

Unable to take the question of why she wasn’t coming to the door, Caleb laid his hand on the knob, praying he was doing the right thing. “God, I need to know this is right.” When his hand turned the knob, the door gave, and he looked up at it in surprise. It was open, and now it was opening in his hand. He pushed it once more and peeked inside. “Hello? Rachel?”

Light and hope met somewhere in the midst of the colors and sounds, and Rachel let them take her ever deeper into the dream, holding her and filling her with their whispers of peace.

“Caleb!” Rhett said from the floor, jumping up and running over to him.

“Hey, buddy,” Caleb whispered as his gaze swept over the craziness of the living area. Toys were everywhere. Their things from the day lay in a path from the door to the kitchen, and in the midst of it all, she lay on the couch. Sleeping Beauty personified. He smiled even as he hugged Rhett again and reached back to close the door. “Did you have a good day?”

“I played in the sandbox.”

Caleb laughed. She was going to go poor keeping the kid in useable socks. “Mommy’s sleeping?”

Rhett’s eyes got really big and he smooshed his lips together. “Shhh.”

With another laugh, Caleb had to admire the child’s ability to not realize he would have woken her up if she was going to wake up. He hugged the little boy again and thought through everything. They didn’t have to leave right away, and maybe if she was sleeping, she wouldn’t mind him helping out. At least he hoped she wouldn’t. “Are you hungry?”

Rhett nodded seriously.

“Okay, then let’s find something to eat.”

The colors and sounds had faded into a deep, enduring nothingness, and she slept then without concern that she shouldn’t be.

After starting dinner, Caleb went back to the mudroom where the dryer had just beeped. Reaching inside, he pulled out a handful of very small clothing, considered his options and pulled the rest out, stacking it on the little shoe bench. To be effective, it would have been nice to have a small table or surface there, he realized. Stacking clean clothes on a bench meant for putting shoes on didn’t seem all that practical.

Pushing that away, he swept up the laundry and took it into the dining room. That was the first clean surface he found. He dumped them there and set to work sorting and folding. When dinner was ready, he would have to wake her. He didn’t want to, but there weren’t many other options.

As he folded, he thought about the preacher and Derek and even Mrs. Murphy. None really knew about the others, so how was it they were always saying the same things? He thought about the verses the preacher had mentioned, and he remembered the Bible now camping out in his truck’s passenger seat. He hadn’t had time to so much as open the thing, and in all honesty, it intimidated him. He didn’t know how to read the Bible.

With each child’s clothes in neat stacks, he grabbed them up and crossed through the gate at the stairs. He wondered only then if there were clothes in the washer he should have transferred, and he added that to the list to check when he got back down. Into Natalie’s room he went and over to the small dresser. It was big enough for now, but there would come a time when the child would surely grow out of it.

In next to no time he was in Rhett’s room, and without so much as thinking about it, he noticed the rumpled bed. He didn’t have to ask what it meant. Why wasn’t Rhett sleeping? He wondered the question even as he resorted and put the clothes away. One night. Two. But he should be used to this space by now.

Satan.

The word slammed into him so forcefully, Caleb shook himself to reset reality. Then even as he stood in that room, he knew. He glanced around, wondering where that voice had come from, wondering who was watching. But no one was anywhere. His gaze slid over to the bed, and onto those rumpled covers. Could it be? Could Satan be the cause of the little boy’s unrest?

It was strange how strange he suddenly felt as his head said, “Let it go, Caleb. It’s all just some mumbo-jumbo of the preacher.”

But that mumbo-jumbo was starting to make a lot of sense. He dragged in a breath, trying to decide where the boundaries of their lives crossed. Was this even his place?

Just let it go. She will think you have lost your mind.

Closing his eyes as if to make himself not see what he was doing, he reached for his wallet.

Are you crazy? This isn’t going to help anything. You could not have bought into all of this. What’re you going to do, an exorcism? Ha. That’s rich. You the kid who never missed a party in high school, the guy who thought nothing of taking a girl home from the bar? You’re going to what…? Cast out a demon?

His head was nearly screaming at him about the absurdity of it all as he drew the card out and opened his eyes, determined now to use the one weapon he had. “Satan,” he said out loud though not loudly, “you and all your minions are hereby cast out and away from this room…”

The inside of him shook like a leaf in a hurricane. “…from this bed, from this house,” he continued, plowing through the words heedless of their absurdity. “You are cast out and away from here by the Holy Blood of Jesus Christ, and you are sent to the throne of the Most High God to be dealt with there as He sees fit.”

It was very much like being in a fight when suddenly the other party lets go and runs away. He felt like he’d been pummeled and then left there to lick his wounds. Turning the card over, he took a breath. “Dear Jesus, please come into this space, into this room. Guide them with Your Wisdom. Help them with Your Strength. Give them Your peace and Your love, Your mercy and Your Grace. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.”

He stood then, very still for a long moment. Then he put the card back into his wallet and stepped over to make the little bed.

“Rachel? Rach?”

His voice was somewhere far away from her, far outside of where she was. Her first thought was it was in her dreams. With the very next thought she was awake, and she sat up so fast, she almost hit him in the head.

“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” Caleb’s hands shot out to arrest her movement as her body careened forward. “Whoa. Slow down there. It’s okay.”

Pushing back at the sleep, she squinted, fighting to get her bearings. What time was it? Where was she? And why was he here? “Caleb?”

“Yeah.” He laughed softly. “It’s okay. You’re fine.”

“What… what time is it?” Then, suddenly she knew. She’d fallen asleep on the couch. She was supposed to get supper ready and the kids ready before he got there. They were going to her mom’s. He would be here any time. “Oh, my gosh.”

“Whoa. Slow up there. It’s okay. It’s only a little after seven.”

Panic struck her like a runaway freight train. “Seven? Oh, man. I haven’t even started supper yet.”

“It’s okay,” he said, standing at the same time she did. “It’s already ready. You don’t have to…”

“Ready? But how? I didn’t even start it yet.”

He shrugged as he stood there looking at her. “You were asleep, so I started dinner and did a little laundry.”

Her eyes bugged out. “Laundry? You did laundry? Are you serious?”

Crossing his arms, he laughed. “I’m a bachelor. I know how to do a load of laundry.”

“Oh, man, Caleb. I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do that. I didn’t mean to sleep so long. I was just going to close my eyes for a few minutes.”

“Which you did.” Stepping over to her, he put his hands on her arms and leveled his gaze at her. “It’s fine, Rachel. Okay? You needed some sleep.”

Sleep? She needed sleep? She always needed sleep. Why should now be any different? She closed her eyes, vowing to do better. “I guess we’d better get the kids fed so we can get out to Mom’s.”

“Dinner’s ready.”

If he would just stop being so nice to her, stop doing things so she wouldn’t keep falling in love with him. As they ate and he helped Rhett get more mashed potatoes, she watched him. Why couldn’t he stay? Why couldn’t this be forever?

“How’s the church going?” she asked, taking a bite of her own potatoes and realizing they really were very good.

He let out a hard exhale. “Well, I thought we were doing good and then today…” Sitting back, he went back to his own meal.

“Then today?”

With a shake of his head, he forked into his hamburger patty. “Just a lot more to get done than I wanted there to be at this point.”

“So?” she asked, her heart hoping this meant a delay in his departure. “If it’s not done, you’ll have to stay?”

A soft smile and she knew.

“No. Derek and Jaycee are already in Atlanta lining out the next job. That one will be my crew’s so I’ll have to be out of here and on my way there no later than Sunday.”

Her gaze fell to her plate and stayed there. “Oh.” She sorted through everything she knew. “So you’ll be leaving on Sunday then?”

He nodded. “That’s the plan.”

She knew she was going to regret asking, but something in her wanted him to be here. “But Saturday?”

“I think the flight leaves at like four on Sunday, so I won’t be leaving until probably noon Sunday.”

It was killing her to think about him leaving, but she shoved that down. “I was thinking about having Nat’s one-year party this weekend. Nothing big. Just probably my mom and us. I thought about asking Sage and Luke and their kids, but I didn’t know if they would come.”

“On Saturday?” he asked, looking at her with sadness written in his eyes.

“If you’re still going to be here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

With the boxes now stacked in the bedroom closest to the back door, they were practically finished with the house but for the living room and her mother’s bedroom.

“When were you thinking about moving her?” Caleb asked, looking at the boxes and realizing they only had a good start on the project.

Rachel put one last box on top of the others and sighed. “Sometime next week. I figured I’ll rent a storage unit in town for some of this at least until we can get in the place and see how much room we’re actually going to have to work with.”

Worry cascaded over him. “So are you going to get help with this?”

“Not sure who I would even ask.”

“Luke?”

“He’s got work and Sage and the kids.”

“Yeah, but him and the boys could come and help you get it done.”

She nodded, really not wanting to do it all herself. “I’ll think about it.” Looking at her watch, she sighed again. “I’ve really got to get the kids home and to bed. This has been murder on our schedules.”

“K.” He clapped. “Then let’s do it.”

Rachel felt bad that he kept leaving his truck at her house, but the truth was, when he’d offered to drive, she was thankful. “Yeah, so you can get some sleep too. I bet you’re exhausted after all of this.”

“Eh. It takes more than a few boxes to do me in.”

She laughed as they headed to the door together, him shadowing her out and to the living room. “Okay, folks, it’s time to head home.” Going over, she scooped Natalie off the floor as her mother watched. Rachel knew what she was surmising. She also knew it was going to break her mother’s heart when he left. “Oh, by the way, Mom. I’m going to throw this one a little birthday party on Saturday. Probably about two. You’re welcome to come if you want.”

Her mother smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

“You still praying for God to make a way?” Caleb asked when he returned from getting them settled. As he had put Rhett to sleep, he prayed over the child, the room, the space, the house, casting away demons and praying like he’d never prayed before. It was strange but in the deepest recesses of his heart, he could almost sense the vile, evil little things go tumbling away as he said the words in his heart and mind.

At her door, he had breathed the prayer again even as they said goodnight. One more night. One more good-bye that he would never get to say again. He now numbered his life that way.

“I am,” her mother said with a smile.

“That’s good.” He nodded. “While you’re at it, can you ask Him to be with Rhett tonight so he can have peace and get a good night’s sleep?”

Concern wafted on her face, followed by deep trust. “I will do that.”

The next morning, Caleb was in the middle of structuring the bridge when his cell phone beeped. He pulled it out, intent on making a mental note to call whoever it was back, but with one glance at the read-out, his heart jumped. He swiped on the phone, stood, and walked away from the other two who were working on the contraption. “Hello. This is Caleb James?”

It came out a question because he’d never seen this particular name and this particular number on his cell phone before.

“Oh, good, Caleb,” Brent Socroft said as if they were old friends, and Caleb swallowed the panicked surprise. “I’m glad I caught you. Listen, I know Derek and Jayc are already lining out Atlanta, and I know that’s supposed to be your crew. But I spoke with Derek and cleared it with him to have you come out here for a couple of days instead of heading straight there.”

“Out…?” Caleb gulped again. “To… Hollywood, Sir?”

“Yes. I have some people who would like to meet you in person if that’s all right with you.”

All right with…? He had no idea what to say to that. “I… Uh… O…kay.”

“How is Monday for you? I can get Elle to change your flights if you need. There’s no need of you taking care of the details.”

More shock slammed into him. “Uh… yeah. Sure. That sounds fine, Sir.”

“Great. So, we’ll put you down for, let’s say two o’clock on Monday, just here at the studios. Do you need directions?”

“Uh, no. I think I can get there.”

“Great. Fabulous. We’re looking forward to it. I’ll see you then.”

When Caleb hung up the phone, he was pretty sure this couldn’t be real. Brent Socroft wanted to talk to him? A thought sliced through the panic, and he dialed the number. His hands were shaking as he put the phone back to his ear.

“Hey, Caleb,” Derek said, sounding far too solid for Caleb’s sanity. “Tell me you’re not going to need me down there.”

“Oh. Uh, no. I don’t need you.” He turned to survey the job now in full-on-progress. Could they even hope to have it finished by tonight? He didn’t remember any of it. “Not like that anyway.”

“Oh? What’s up?”

“Uh.” Caleb turned and put his hand on the back of his head. “Brent just called.”

The news traveled over the airwaves and hung there.

“You don’t know anything about that, do you?” Caleb asked. “He said he’d cleared it with you.”

“Yeah,” Derek said slowly. “We talked about it when we were out there on Monday.”

“You talked about… me?”

Derek laughed. “Come on, Caleb, we talked about this, about them considering moving you up.”

“Moving me…? Are you serious? That’s what this is about?”

“What else would it be about?”

Caleb had had so many questions he wanted to talk with the pastor about. Today would be their final lunch. The pastor had said Jane would be back this evening, and moreover, the projects in the church would surely be finished before the next lunchtime showed up. They’d better be anyway. He had a date with a birthday party at two.

“You’re awful quiet,” the pastor said, eyeing him as he sat down.

“Yeah,” Caleb breathed the word rather than saying it.

“Let’s say grace and we can talk.”

“Okay.”

“Well, look at you,” Elaine said as Rachel re-organized the little math center. Numbers in one bin, colors and blocks in the other bins. “You look almost human.”

“Gee, thanks,” Rachel said with a laugh.

“Looks like that old house is finally letting you have some peace.”

She couldn’t argue. Rhett having slept through the night didn’t hurt either. “Finally.”

“Okay, so what’s up? You look like someone just shot your best hunting dog,” the pastor said.

“That good, huh?”

“Can’t say I’m surprised. I figured today would be tough on you.”

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”

“Finishing up, heading into the weekend and whatever happens next.”

It was that last one that was giving Caleb fits. “I got a call earlier.”

“Oh?”

Caleb nodded slowly as he ate a bite. “Brent Socroft, the head of Home & Hearth.”

“Sounds important.”

“It is,” Caleb said, still trying to make sense of the call.

“Life changing important?” the pastor asked carefully.

“Could be.” On one side of him was the hope that it was, on the other side was the fear that it would be.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” the pastor said and surveyed him for a long moment. “So is this what you want?”

That sent Caleb’s spirit into a free-fall. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I mean, last year? Yeah. I was hoping, but now… What if this happens? What if I get my own show? My own show… I can’t even imagine that.” He dropped his fork and the chair caught him on the way back. Thinking through it all and again, he finally let out a long breath and picked his fork back up though he played with his food rather than eating it. “I don’t know what to do.” He lifted his gaze to the pastor’s with overwhelm gripping him in a clutch. “I thought I knew what I wanted, but now…”

“Have you considered praying about it?”

Caleb lifted his eyebrows. “Praying? About this?”

“It’s a big decision, a life-changing one. Don’t you think this rises to the level of something to pray about?”

He shifted and pulled himself forward. “Well, yeah, I guess so, but do you really think God cares one way or the other about it?”

“God wants what’s very best for you. Why would He not care about this?”

“I don’t know. It’s just, I’m one guy. What possible difference could this make to God or to anyone else?”

“Do you really believe that?”

Looking up, Caleb recalibrated the emotion. “Well, yeah. Kind of. I don’t know. I get the show. I don’t. I don’t see how that makes a difference to God.”

The pastor never removed his gaze. “Last week you decided to stay and work on the church.”

“Yeah?”

“Did that make a difference? Will it make a difference?”

Caleb thought that through. “Yeah? I guess.”

“When people can now come to church, when they are not prevented from being here, will that make a difference?”

He wanted to go where the pastor was going, but that terrified him because if something so small could make a difference, then bigger decisions could too. That felt like a lot of responsibility. “Yeah. Yes. It will make a difference. Of course it will.”

“What you do, what you decide to do will make a difference, one way or the other. In fact, it can’t not make a difference. If you choose X, you choose the consequences of X—good and bad. If you choose Y, you choose different consequences. In fact, even choosing nothing at all will make a difference in what ultimately happens. You choose, and you choose the consequences of that choice.”

“Wow. No pressure there.”

The pastor leaned forward. “It’s not about pressure. It’s about understanding that your choices matter. They will take you where you will ultimately end up. If you care about where that is, then you have to be making the decisions now that will lead you there.”

Caleb considered that even as he pushed the food around on his plate. “But I don’t even know what I would pray for if I prayed about it. Part of me wants it, part of me…”

Nodding, the pastor watched him. “I think a lot of times we think we have to know what’s best so we can pray for that. But honestly, you don’t have all the pieces of this. Only God does. He knows what is best, for you and for everyone else in the situation.”

“How nice for Him.”

“And for you.”

Frustrated confusion poured into Caleb’s soul. “How’s that good for me?”

“Because you have the option to pray for God’s will to be done in the situation. You don’t have to know what’s best or even what God wants. Just pray that whatever He wants to happen will, and then trust that whatever happens was His will for the situation.”

Sighing, Caleb thought that through, and truly had it just been his life that rode on this decision, it wouldn’t be freaking him out like this.

“Have you talked to Rachel about it?” the pastor finally asked.

This sigh actually hurt, and Caleb shook his head slowly. “I was hoping I could decide and then tell her.”

Watching him, the pastor nodded. “So are the two of you… together?”

How to even answer that question? “I don’t know. I went over last night, helped out at the house while she slept, and then we went out to her mom’s to box more stuff up. It’s like we’re together without being together. I mean, we’re in the same space, but we’re not… We haven’t…”

“You’re not a couple?”

Caleb shook his head in frustration. “Not the way I’ve ever been with anybody else.”

The pastor’s eyes were kind and soft. “Do you know why?”

Exasperation overtook him. “If I knew that, maybe this wouldn’t be so confusing.”

Instead of joining the frustration, the pastor’s eyes only softened further. “Do you want to know why?”

“Well, yeah. If I knew that, maybe it would make deciding what I should do easier.”

“Unfortunately, it won’t do that, but if you want to know, I will tell you.”

Deep down, Caleb already suspected he knew, but did he really want it said out loud, verified? “Okay. Why?”

Sliding his empty plate to the side, the pastor folded his hands on the table. “We’ve touched on this before, how the world’s version of love is based on conditional love—you do this for me, I do that for you. Where my love is based on the condition that you love me back the way I need or want you to. If you don’t do that, I’m justified in replacing you or at very least no longer being in love with you.

“Unconditional love, God’s love, is very different. It loves. Period. It wants what is best for the other person and you will be willing to sacrifice your happiness and your will for them. The problem here is, in the past you have been in conditional love, and I’m betting at the first sign of trouble, you didn’t stick around very long to try to right the ship.”

He couldn’t argue, so he didn’t.

“God is calling you to a higher love, and that’s why this is so difficult. If this was just about you, it would be easy.”

Caleb shook his head and laughed. “Sometimes I think you’re a mind-reader.”

“No. A heart reader maybe, but what I am mostly is someone who has given myself over to understanding people, why they do what they do, how they make decisions, how they change.”

“Change. There’s a good word. How does someone change? I mean, I think if I could know that Rachel could let go of some of this stuff and move on.”

“With you.”

He nodded, again seeing no reason to argue. “With me. Then… I don’t know. Then…”

“You would stay?”

“I would think about it.”

“You know,” the pastor said slowly as if measuring every word, “it’s very difficult especially for a woman to give her heart fully to someone who has one foot out the door.”

“But that’s just it. I went all-in. I asked her to dance. I went in search of her even after she was back in the rags, and what did it get me? More confused.”

“Caleb, falling in love is the easy part. The being in love and learning to work together part is what takes real commitment and work. I think, first of all, you are learning to give unconditional love, which is never easy, but you then have to take the next step and talk to her, not just about who she is, but about where she wants to go in life. What are her dreams? What does she want out of this?”

“But isn’t that… I don’t know, kind of, unromantic? Shouldn’t I just know?”

The pastor smiled. “What are you, a mind-reader?”

Finally the plaster guys got their acts together and finished the ceiling. Caleb had never been more grateful for anything. The way he figured it, he could work late on the bridge, tomorrow if he had to. He wasn’t leaving until Sunday anyway. They could film the final reveals tomorrow as well, but if the plaster guys had decided they couldn’t or wouldn’t finish until Monday, he would have been sunk.

The truth was, he’d gotten so concerned about it as he had laid in bed the night before unable to sleep, he had actually resorted to praying about it. Granted, he had prayed only that it get done, not that God’s will thing the pastor talked about, but supernatural help or not, they finally got the thing done.

“We just need you to sign off on it,” the crew leader said as his crew carried out the scaffolding pieces that had adorn the whole front of the church for nearly four whole days.

“I’d like to take a look at it first,” Caleb said with a deep understanding that he probably wouldn’t know what he was looking at anyway.

“Of course.”

Together, they went down front as Caleb prayed like he’d never prayed before. What if he didn’t catch something? What if he messed this up? He didn’t miss the camera crew following them either. No pressure there.

At the front, he stood, inspecting all he could see.

“I think the paint matched about as well as it could have,” the crew leader said. “You can’t even tell where the new stuff is.”

He was right. It looked perfect, not a crack, not a wobble.

Caleb dropped his gaze from the project onto the pews and carpet which had bits and pieces of the original plaster on them. “Are you planning to get the area clean once all the scaffolds come down?”

“We will.”

“The plastering was a little on the nerve-wracking side,” Caleb said later as he stood outside the church, talking to the camera. “There turned out to be a bigger area of concern than we had thought at first. And I’ve never really done that kind of thing, so watching whole chunks of the ceiling come down with no guarantee they could get it back up there kept me awake more than one night. But now that it’s done, and there are no more cracks in the sanctuary part, we’re ready to focus on the ramp and the bridge and get this project complete.”

“And… cut!” Cliff said. “Run it back.”

Caleb stepped off to the side and wound his arms over themselves. He was wasting precious time out here doing the stand-ups. Yes, he knew he had to get them done, but it sure would have been nice to know someone was inside making progress. He tipped his wrist. Already well after three. His spirit counted up the hours of finishing and what time he could be at her house. It was not looking good.

Not to even mention what he would say or how he would say it when he got there. Those were still anybody’s guess.

“That works,” Cliff finally said. “Let’s go get some footage of that ceiling.”

And with that, Caleb headed back inside.

He had been so sure the bridge would work as originally designed, but when it took two of them to lift the thing, Caleb knew this was not going to work. “Okay. Let it back down. Gently. Gently.”

When it was down, he stepped back and shook his head as the two other guys looked to him for what to do next.

“It’s just too heavy,” Caleb said, despairing even as his mind spun around the problem. “There’s no way they’re going to be able to get it up and down like they’ll need to.” He shook his head and looked at his watch. After four on Friday afternoon and now they were facing a complete redesign.

“Caleb,” Cliff said, “can we get this reaction on tape?”

Oh, yes, just what he wanted to do. He let out a breath. “Sure, I guess so.” Backing up to the ramp, he laid his hand on the railing.

“Three, two, one.” Cliff pointed at him.

“Our original design called for the bridge to fold over onto the ramp,” he said, “and although technically the design works, it’s too heavy to be practical. So, it’s back to the drawing board for this one.”

“And cut!”

Unfortunately, that was the easy part.

“Guys, let’s take ten,” that they didn’t have, Caleb added without voicing it. “I’m going to need to think about this a little more.”

The others nodded and headed outside. Going over, he sat down on the little receiving ledge by the new side door that hopefully would brace the bridge if they ever got it to work. He put his hands up on his head as he put it back. Now what?

Rachel drove out of the school parking lot. She had told Mrs. Carrasco she would be a little late since she needed groceries for the party; however, as she drove past the church, her gaze betrayed her and slipped over into the parking lot. Sure enough, there was the black pickup.

Why did her whole spirit pull her into the idea of stopping, just to run in and see the place, to see him? He would think she was desperate, and maybe he would be right. She had the feeling that it was the plethora of sleep she’d gotten the night before, but finally, she felt like living was actually an option.

Before she could talk the car out of it, she pulled in, noticing several people coming out. Maybe they were finished. That would be good. She could tell him she’d stopped by to get a sneak peek. However, he didn’t seem to be joining the others, and she wondered about that. Telling herself she would only stay a few minutes, she parked, got out, and headed to the big wooden door.

Funny, for the last three years at least, that door had represented condemnation and judgment. So why today did it feel so much like she was going to love and safety?

It was hopeless, Caleb decided as he sat there. Only he could have come up with such an elaborate plan that had no hope of working. He put his head back on the frame of the recently installed door behind him and ran his finger over the new pane of glass. They’d fixed the entry, but now they had no way to bridge the gap to get someone to it. “God, what’re we going to do with this?”

“Uh, is anybody here?” Her soft voice floated through his consciousness a full second before he realized it was actually her.

In one breath he stood and stepped around the corner just as she came the other direction. His spirit jumped back in surprise. “Rachel?” He looked around. “What’re you doing here?”

She smiled a sassy smile and shrugged. “Just checking up on things.” Stepping back from him, she crossed her arms. “How’s it going?” Her gaze went up and back to the door hovering above where they stood. “Wow. Nice. That looks great.”

“Yeah.” With one step, Caleb kicked the ramp. “Too bad it’s useless.”

Rachel tipped her head. “Useless? What does that mean?”

In defeat, he sat down on the edge of the ramp. “It means someone should have factored in little things like weight and heft before we got the project this far and realized that it’s not going to work.”

Coming over, she sat down next to him on the ramp. “What’s not going to work about it?”

Her gaze really was taking it all in. It looked so different and yet so professional. Of course that made sense. He was, after all, a professional, but she was surprised by it just the same.

“The stupid bridge is too heavy. Two of us can’t even lift it and get it to swing over right. How’s anybody else going to?”

Falling to him, her gaze slid down his profile, and she had the thought that defeat did not look good on him. His shoulders were slumped, his head down, and hurt went through her heart. “You sure it’s too heavy?”

“I’m not sure I could budge it by myself, and getting it to flop over…” He shook his head. “It’s going to be dangerous to even use.”

A moment and she pulled herself up off the ramp to go over and look at the bridge. The span was a little more than five feet since they had chosen to start the bridge before the wall ended. Stepping over to it, she ran her finger over it. “What if you used lighter materials?”

He stood slowly and ambled over to stand by her, arms crossed, a frown etched on his face and in his eyes. “It’s got to be sturdy enough to hold people. Aluminum would be light enough, but it wouldn’t be structurally sound.”

Nodding, she stepped closer to it, her mind calculating the options. “If you could split it in half, would that make a difference?”

“Some probably, but there’s no room on this other side for half of it.” He went over to the wall with the door and leaned there. “We can’t take any more room out here, or we’ll be blocking off the hallway.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What if you used like a drawer slide? I mean, it’s going to have to be sturdier than a drawer slide, but that same type of mechanism?”

Surprised interest went across his face. “Okay?”

“You’ll have to have something to support it in the midsection, but a couple of foldable braces could accomplish that.” Going over to the ramp, she put her hands up like a v. “You hinge it in the middle, put it on a super heavy-duty drawer slide. As it hinges out, you put the brace about here.” She went into the hallway to show him where it would be and then came over beside him to inspect the wall. “You’re going to need something to support it over here too. Unless you over build it with a lip on it…” When she glanced at him, her mind snapped to the understanding of how he was looking at her. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. No. Keep going.”

“Well, you don’t want it to be an abrupt drop off at the end, so if you over built the end of it just a little, you could then round the end off to…” She sensed him watching her again and looked at him. “What?”

His eyes widened. “Nothing. No. I’m listening.”

“It would have to be a little bit of an angle, think a quarter arch on the edge of it. If it hinged here, you could extend it to say a foot or so into the doorway. That way the doorway ledge would support the fold-out, and all you would need would be a center post to brace it in the middle.” It was crazy how vividly the design took shape in her head. “Here, do you have a pencil and some paper? I’ll show you what I mean.”

Without pause he gave her the pencil behind his ear and produced the back of a box from the floor tiles they had purchased for under the ramp.

“Okay.” Sketching it quickly, she laid out the angles that would be needed to accordion the bridge back and forth across the expanse.

Caleb watched her as intrigued with the design as with her. Where had this Rachel been hiding? He kept glancing at her, his heart filling to the brim with the combination of her beauty and brains. They were mesmerizing.

“The only problem I see is, I really think you’d be better off to back this ramp up a couple feet so when this folds, it would tuck back into this space and be free of the doorway.” Holding the pencil in one hand and the box in the other, she put out her hands to indicate the amount of area they would need for her idea. “I know. That’s probably a problem though, huh?”

“No,” he said, shrugging. “If it works, we could rework this part.”

Putting her head down as she handed him the pencil and box back, she grimaced a smile. “It was just an idea.”

“No. I think it’s great. The only problem is this is going to take me half of tonight to actually work out.”

Something he couldn’t quite read went through her eyes. “Well, would you like some help?”

Like he was going to turn that offer down. “Does Derek make terrible jokes?”

She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows in confusion.

“Yes,” Caleb said. “The answer is, yes he does.”

Chapter 24

Caleb let the crew go while Rachel called Mrs. Carrasco. He was still reeling from her insight and design. With the rest of life taken care of, they met by the ramp once again.

“Okay. So what’re we going to need to do this?” he asked, only then wondering if they could get what they needed in time.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and basically what you’re going to need is an extension slide like you’d put on a drawer. You know the kind that slide into themselves, so they start this big and end this big.” She stretched out her arms. “They’ve got little wheels in the mechanism of them.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. Where would we get something like that?”

Thinking it through, she tipped her head. “Johnson’s in Greely might have something that would work or know where we can get one.” A second and she pulled out her cell phone. “Hang on. I’ll call them. Mr. Johnson and my dad were friends. They’ll probably be more willing to help me than they would you.” She punched in the number even as she talked and then put the phone to her ear. When the person came on the other line, she stepped away from Caleb even as he watched her. Long legs at least in those slacks. Cute blouse that curved down and over her hips. Hair, shoulders. He shook his head, dropped his gaze, and then lifted it again.

Had she been in a different life position, Jaycee would have had a run for her money in the managing assistant position. Then he remembered something else. A little trophy for electrical science and the comment about her dad. Intrigue beset him, and he determined to learn all he could about this fascinating glimpse into her life that he had never so much as suspected.

“Okay,” she said, snapping off the phone and turning back, which yanked him up from his thoughts and staring at her. “He thinks they have something that could work, but they close at 6 so we’d better get going.”

Why did he suddenly feel like he was five steps behind and running to catch up? “Uh. Okay. Then let’s go.”

Rachel got in on the passenger side of his truck, marveling at how high up it seemed when she settled in. Quickly she put on the seatbelt as he got in the other side. He started the pickup and backed out as she wound her hair into a twist and put it on her back.

“We really need to get this thought-through so we can get everything we need,” she said, thinking through the details. “We don’t really have a margin of error to work with here. I’m thinking the slides of course, and heavy-duty hinges. I think we should hinge it from the bottom. That way when it lays out, the top of it is flat.”

It was then that she caught his glance over at her, and she stopped.

“Would you stop looking at me like that?”

His grin almost showed through the disbelief, and he shook his head. “It’s not me.”

“It is you.” She yanked her head back in frustration. “What? Just say it already.”

Turning on the main highway, he headed out to Greely. “I just… I’m wondering where this Rachel has been. And I’m not trying to be funny here either. It’s like you’re…” He stumbled for the right word.

She might as well tell him. Maybe he would be satisfied enough to stop with the covert questions. “Okay. For your information, I was an engineering major when I went to college.”

His glance over to her was so swift, he nearly ran the pickup off the road.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she said with a laugh. “What did you think I was, an airhead?”

“Well, no. But engineering? What happened to that?”

She shrugged. “It got hard. I got lazy. I quit the middle of my junior year.”

“Wait. Hold on. Hold up there. Let me get this straight. You went to three years of engineering school?”

“Yes. Though it didn’t do me much good. Why is that so hard to figure?”

What was the right answer to that? He didn’t know.

“I loved physics,” she continued before he could get the next question out. “Electrical was my first love, but I switched to mechanical because one of the professors said I’d have a better shot at a job that way.” She shrugged. “As it turns out, no degree, no job.” She put her head down. “It about killed my dad when I dropped out. He was so proud of me, and then I just royally let him down.” Picking her head up, she smiled ruefully. “Wish I had that decision back again.” Then her gaze fell to her lap. “Wish I had a lot of them back again.”

Caleb was having immense trouble following and driving because his attention was about 90% on her and 10% on the road. “So you were close to your dad?”

Her face softened as sadness came over her. “He was awesome, an awesome, awesome man. Never went to college, but he could build anything. We’d go out in the shop for hours, and he’d show me how to put things together. He had the patience of Job even when I messed something up.” She laughed. “Welding nearly did us both in.”

Surprise jumped to his face. “You welded?”

Rachel smashed her lips into displeasure. “I’m a girl. I’m not helpless. I loved to weld actually. All those sparks. All that power. It’s a rush.”

For as surprised as he was, he already figured he knew the answer to the next one. “So, why don’t you go back to school now? You could finish up?”

She laughed softly. “I’ve got two very important reasons. One’s name is Rhett and the other’s name is Natalie.” The sigh was soft. “Besides, it’d take time away from Mom not to mention work, and we’d probably have to move, and right now, that’s just not an option.” Letting her gaze go over to his, she smiled. “But I’d love to help you with this if you’ll let me.”

“Let you? Hey, I’m counting on you because all I was coming up with was a big heaping helping of that-is-never-going-to-work.”

At the lumber and hardware yard, Rachel laid out her vision for Mr. Johnson. He suggested large extension table slides instead, and he guided them around to what he thought might work. After an hour of hashing and rehashing the idea and what they would need to pull it off, they stepped up to the register to pay.

“You know, Rachel,” Mr. Johnson said as with one finger he typed the numbers into the computer keyboard that was covered in grime, “I’m sure glad to see you putting that head of yours to good use. Your dad always said you had more vision than anyone he’d ever worked with.”

“Oh, well…” she said but didn’t really finish the sentence.

“He loved you a lot,” Mr. Johnson said. “Talked about you all the time when he came in here.”

She wrapped her arms in front of herself to deflect the praise and the feelings. “Well, he taught me everything I know.”

When they were back in the truck with every material they might conceivably need and a few they probably wouldn’t, Caleb glanced at her and shook his head.

“I would ask, ‘What?’ but I’m afraid to hear the answer,” she said with an exhale.

“You’re something else. You know that?” He took a breath, seeing now that she wasn’t the wilting wallflower he had always thought she was. Reaching down he started the pickup and backed out. He had to tell her though it was going to kill him to do so. “I got a call the other day.”

“Oh, yeah? About what?”

Even though he knew he had to say it now that he’d started the conversation, he still questioned the wisdom of telling her. “Brent Socroft from Home & Hearth.” He glanced over at her, and he knew she knew what that meant.

“Oh, yeah? Good news?” she asked, but she never really looked up.

He still didn’t have a good answer for that. “It could be.”

She nodded and then looked over at him. “Jaycee said they’re thinking about giving you your own show.”

That tilted surprise all the way through him. “She told you that?”

Rachel shrugged one shoulder. “Kind of. I overheard her telling Sage.” She sat for a long moment before looking over at him. “You’ve got to take it, you know? You’ve got to try it.”

Looking over at her hurt. “You think?”

“Yeah. These kinds of things, they don’t come along every day.”

When they got back to the church, Rachel seemed not at all concerned that she was in heels and nice slacks. She grabbed up the hinges and three sets of slides as he went to the back of the truck to get the treads and metal.

“This could take all night,” he said as they headed back inside. “You know that, right?”

“Eh, what else do I have to do? Besides, it was my idea. I can’t leave it up to you to put together.” She grinned at him and quirked her eyebrow. “You might mess it up.”

“Hey, now. I’ll have you know, I’m very good at putting things together.”

“That may be, but some things you shouldn’t leave to chance.”

Caleb couldn’t deny the pull of this side of her on his soul. She was completely fascinating like this. She looked more alive than he had ever seen her.

“Now,” she said, laying the things on the drop clothes in the lobby. “I think we’re going to need to fix the length of the ramp first. She headed that direction but stopped midway across the lobby. Reaching down, she took off one heel and then the other. “Okay, these things have got to go.” She tossed them over by the window although they didn’t land anywhere close to each other. “Okay, where were we?”

By eight o’clock the ramp was reconfigured, and they were sitting on the tile floor piecing together a prototype of the design for the bridge that had been drawn and redrawn between the two of them.

“This is going to work,” she said, her legs crossed, her hands working the two boards in and out. “So this part slides here, and this will be stationary on the ramp.” As she worked it out, she watched it. “Wait a second. What if we…” And she leaned across him to grab another piece of wood.

“What if we… what?” he asked more amazed at her enthusiasm with each passing second.

“What if… instead of two planks for the bridge, we used say three and accordioned them out like this? Then they wouldn’t have to be so high or so heavy.”

“Will the railing work with that?”

“Ah, yeah, that’s true.” Laying them on her lap, she considered that. “No, probably not.”

Caleb pulled out his tape measure and slid it out. “But we only have to cover seven and a half, so three and three-quarter feet.” He held it up. “I think that would be doable and it wouldn’t be too bulky.”

She thought and then nodded. “Okay, then let’s try it and see what we’ve got.”

He made it to his feet first, and reaching down, he helped her up. In the next heartbeat she was only a breath away except without her shoes, she was much shorter than him. Caleb couldn’t help but notice the yank of his spirit toward hers, and he took a step backward lest it take him where he knew neither of them thought was wise.

“I’ll get the slides,” she said, turning for them, and he let out a long, slow, silent breath.

As attracted to her as he had been before, this was pure torture.

“Got ‘em. Let’s do this thing.”

“Can you get that…?” Caleb asked as he fought with the pieces of their project as it lay on the floor in a state of partial assembly.

“Screw gun?” she asked before he finished the sentence.

“Yep. Good guess.”

“Who’s guessing?” She reached for the second hinge and more screws from the little box.

“That would pretty much be me,” he said, working the two treads carefully because he only had half of a working hinge holding them together. Putting the screw to the tip of the gun, he ran one in, then a second, then a third, securing them to the tread. “I sure wish we could see this together and working before we go to this much work.”

“We’re on the right track. You’ve got to have a little faith.”

“Good to know.” He angled the gun and held the second hinge before running the three screws to one side and three to the other. “There we go.”

Rachel jumped to her feet to help him right the thing as he stood. “We’re going to have to be careful. We don’t want to mess up the tile.”

At that moment the door across the way came open, and Pastor Steve walked in with Jane in tow. “I thought that was your truck. Are you still working? Oh. Rachel. Hello.”

“Hi,” she said, ducking almost behind Caleb as if she had suddenly forgotten the project altogether. “I… I was just helping Caleb.”

“Helping Caleb?” Caleb asked. “More like Caleb was helping you.” He waved his hand across the project. “My original design was less-than-wonderful, so Rachel here stepped in and is giving me engineering pointers.”

“Engineering?” the pastor asked with some amount of surprise and admiration. Then a question went across his eyes. “Isn’t that what you went to school for?”

Caleb could feel her melting behind him.

“Uh, yeah, but…”

“The way I had it before, it was way too heavy,” Caleb said, jumping in the middle of the conversation, “but Rachel’s plan is going to work great.” Then he noticed the pastor’s wife. “Oh, and welcome back, Mrs. Mitchell. I hope we didn’t leave your kitchen in too big of a mess.”

She looked at her husband. “My kitchen? What did you do to my kitchen?”

“Don’t panic. Caleb’s been keeping me company over lunch,” Pastor Steve said, and Caleb felt Rachel’s concerned glance at him. He couldn’t explain, not here anyway. However, before he even got an excuse into his head, the pastor looked back at them. “So have you two had supper yet?”

“Oh,” Caleb glanced at his watch, surprised to find it was well after eight. “I hadn’t even thought about it.”

“Well, we’d love to have you. The boys are out of town playing soccer tonight,” the pastor said. “I put some chili in the CrockPot before I left to get Jane. We’d love for you to join us.”

“I… Uh…” Caleb had no idea what to say to that. He was hungry, and there really was no telling how long this would take. But he didn’t want to make Rachel uncomfortable, or more uncomfortable than she clearly already was. She had paled six shades whiter than her normal skin tone since the pastor’s arrival.

“We’d hate to put you out,” she finally squeaked out.

“Nonsense. We’ve got the food, and you all have to eat.”

“Oh,” she said as her hand brushed Caleb’s between them. “Uh, okay.”

Why she would do such a thing, Rachel had no idea. He was leaving. Leaving! He had said as much earlier, and yet when her courage failed, it was him she reached out to. And his hand was right there taking hers almost without question. When her hand was in his, her heart jolted with the familiarity and security she found there. His fingers were long and slim, warm and solid, just like they had been when he held her on her couch and danced with her in her living room. It was like she had them memorized or maybe they’d just made indelible imprints on her heart and spirit.

“We’d love to join you,” Caleb said with a glance down at her, and she could hardly read the words glinting in his eyes.

“Wonderful,” the pastor said.

With the four of them, the kitchen and table was hardly spacious, but Caleb couldn’t help but notice it was also quite cozy. He and Rachel sat on one side, the pastor and Jane on the other, a CrockPot of chili, bowls, and spoons between them.

“Shall we say grace?” the pastor asked.

Caleb didn’t even pause as he bowed his head, but he did feel Rachel’s instant panic as she glanced over at him. Strange how this wasn’t even strange to him anymore. It was like coming back home to safety, to peace. As the pastor prayed, Caleb slid his hand across the table in offering to her, and after only a moment’s hesitation, she laid her hand in his and bowed her head further.

A soft smile touched his heart. He still didn’t know what they were to each other exactly, but he liked that she trusted him.

“Amen,” the pastor said.

“Amen,” Caleb said with solidity underpinning the word. He squeezed her hand gently and then let go to help dish out the food. “So, Mrs. Mitchell, how was your conference?”

“Please, it’s Jane, and it was wonderful.” She accepted the bowl of chili from her husband and added cheese before settling in. “The keynote speaker was fabulous. I think I took a whole notebook of notes from that one talk alone.”

“Oh? What was the keynote about?” the pastor asked. “It’s been so long ago since I read over the brochure for that one.”

“It was on marriage,” his wife said. “It was called, ‘Why Two Halves Will Never Make a Whole, but Two Wholes Can Make One.’”

“Interesting title.”

“For a very interesting talk,” she said. “The whole thing was about how people say they want to get married to someone who completes them or makes them feel whole, how we as women get the idea before marriage that marriage will be what completes us, and how after marriage we realize if we were not whole before or even if we were broken before, marriage doesn’t fix that. It was funny how many times I wanted to stand up and say, ‘You’re so right! I’ve heard my own husband say that a million times.’ We have to be whole, a whole person with God holding us together from the inside out. Then, when we’re that and we find another person like that, the two of them become one but they don’t make each other whole, only God can do that.”

“God’s math,” the pastor said with a small laugh.

“Exactly. And then they talked about raising up our kids to be whole,” she continued. “I was thinking about Aidan and Crystel, how we’ve talked with him about becoming himself first rather than just getting lost in who they might be as a couple. I think it’s so easy for kids today to do that because they don’t date anymore. They go out once with someone, and suddenly they’re a couple. Then again, we’ve got plenty of parents doing the same thing, hooking up and trying to find their worth from another person rather than getting it from God and then sharing their wholeness with someone else.

“It’s just so interesting to me,” Jane continued as she ate slowly. “I can so see what they’re saying because until you’re whole, you can’t help build up another person. All you do is drain them dry trying to get them to fill you up. It’s exhausting trying to fill someone else up especially when you’re barely hanging on to your own energy the way it is.”

“Sounds like they pretty much captured our marriage back in the day,” the pastor said with a laugh. “I’m not sure which of us was more miserable.”

“I thought the same exact thing. That whole fear versus love thing,” she said. “We’ve talked about it so many times since then, I guess I kind of started thinking everyone knows it because it’s not so much up here for me anymore.” She pointed to her head. “It’s what I live and experience every day. So remembering other people don’t live there was really helpful to me, to remember that my witness is not so much my words but about being whole in God and sharing that with others.”

Caleb had seen no need to add to the conversation. Instead, he was much like a sponge, soaking it in.

“This chili is very good,” Jane said, suddenly going back to her food. “Did you really make this?”

“I’ve had some cooking practice this week.” The pastor grinned at Caleb. “We’ve had some interesting lunch discussions, huh, Caleb?” He took a drink. “So, how is that ramp coming anyway? I’m not going to say I’m doubting you, but I’m trying not to wonder if we’ll be stuck with a ramp to nowhere the rest of our lives.”

With a laugh, Caleb shook his head. “Well, the good news is you no longer have holes in the ceiling of the church, so we’re finally making some progress.”

“That’s a relief. I was wondering what we were going to do if you wouldn’t let us in come Sunday.”

“Why wouldn’t he let us in?” Jane asked.

Shaking his head, Caleb let the stress from the ceiling project finally unwind from around his chest. “That was a whole lot more than I bargained for. Even Derek was worried when he came on Thursday. I was really surprised after they knocked and cut all those holes how fast they were able to patch them and get them painted, but I’ll be honest, all those holes were making me very nervous. Sometimes I think I need to learn to have more faith.”

“That’s so funny. I’m learning in very concrete ways about the walk by faith, not by sight verse through all of this,” the pastor said. “This whole process has been one ‘now faith’ moment after another. Yes, you had enough faith for yesterday, Pastor, but what about today when they tear your office apart and take your ceiling and walls down and stack all your books down in your bedroom. Oh, and now that it’s coming together, ‘We don’t want to worry you, but half the ceiling in the church is going to have to come down too.’ I’m telling you there were times my faith felt a whole lot more like doubt in this process.”

Caleb glanced over at Rachel and smiled. “I know somebody who knows exactly how that feels.”

Throughout the meal, Rachel had cowered over her bowl, taking very small bites, thinking if she just didn’t make any quick movements, they might forget she was even there. However, when his soft, deep gaze caught and held on her, she knew her cloak of invisibility had finally failed.

“The house really is beautiful,” Jane said with gentle kindness.

“It wasn’t me,” Rachel said, her gaze down. “That was all Caleb and the crew. They did an amazing job.” She glanced at him and knew with one snap that was a bad idea. Her heart lodged into her throat and refused to move.

“You know, Rachel,” the pastor said after a moment, and she yanked her gaze from Caleb’s and put it across the table. “I think I owe you an apology.”

“An apology? Oh, no… I don’t think…”

“No. No. Hear me out. When I spoke about your house in my sermon the other week, I didn’t even think about how that might affect you.”

“No. That was fine. Really. I understand. It’s pretty much all anyone’s been able to talk about for a while now.”

“That may be true, but sometimes things are best left out of sermons.”

She smiled slightly, touched that he would even bother. “It really is okay.” A glance at Caleb, and her heart great in gratefulness to him. “I’m not surprised everyone is fascinated. They do amazing work.”

By the time they made it back to the church, Caleb too was beginning to doubt their ability to get this project completed. It wasn’t that it was impossible, it was that time was not on their side and closing in on them quickly.

“So, what’s next?” he asked as she once again tossed her shoes over by the windows.

“Well, first I need to check on the kids.” She took out her cell phone. “And then I think we’ve got to figure out that sliding mechanism. If we can get that to work right…” However, her attention snapped over to the phone, and she stepped away from him to the darkened windows.

As he watched her, Caleb couldn’t help but think how grateful he would be for their time together. She had taught him so much, about women, about love, about life. “Dear Jesus,” he whispered, “please be with her and the kids. Send them someone…”

“Okay. Kids are already asleep,” she said, “so we’re good to go there.” She slipped the phone into her pocket and put her hands on her hips. A second and she ran her fingers into and through her hair to pull it back as she folded to kneeling on the tile. “Okay. We know the hinges work. Why don’t you bring those slides? We can put it together here and then figure out the braces.”

Life hadn’t been this much fun in a long, long time. Each piece that worked was a triumph, each that didn’t was simply a new challenge. It was after midnight before they got the slides to work correctly on the floor.

“Man.” She sat back from the project to take a breather and regroup before taking a quick look at her watch. “It’s a good thing I got some sleep last night.”

From across the floor where he was corralling runaway screws, Caleb stopped and looked over at her. “Rhett slept through the night?”

Rachel sat all the way back, angled on her hands that were behind her on the floor as she leaned her head all the way back to get the kinks out. “Finally. I was beginning to think I should just move my bed in there.” Shaking her head, she came forward. “That kid, about the time you think you’ve got him figured out, he throws a new curveball at you. Sometimes I can’t keep up.”

He picked up the last screw, came back over, dumped them into the box and sat down next to her before dusting off his hands. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a bang up job with them. They’re both such great kids.”

Her smile drifted and settled into the softest places of her heart as her gaze drifted over to him and settled. “I’m trying.”

Chapter 25

Together they showed up on Mrs. Carassco’s porch just before two in the morning. They basically had the thing together, but he would need guy help to get it put into place and finish it. That would be a project for tomorrow. Tonight it was time to get everyone home and tucked into their own beds.

“Oh, good,” Mrs. Carassco said, pushing the door open. “I thought you might have forgotten them.”

“Not possible.” Rachel stepped into the small but tidy sitting room, and Caleb followed, knowing it would be his job to carry Rhett. “How were they?”

“Angels as usual. Rhett went right to sleep. One story and he was out for the count. Natalie took her bottle, and it took her a little bit, but she finally settled down.”

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” Rachel whispered, wrapping her arms in front of her. “We were working on the ramp at the church.”

“I heard about that. Your mother said she might be able to go to services again.”

Rachel smiled. “We’re hoping.”

Through the darkness and the chill of the night, Caleb carried Rhett whose little feet dangled from the movement. He put the child into the car seat and strapped him in as Rachel did the same with Natalie on the other side.

“K,” he said, heading to his truck. “I’ll see you at the house.”

She let out a breath to protest.

However, he pointed at her even as he went to his own door. “No arguing. I’ll see you at your house.”

With a sigh of surrender, she nodded and opened her door. “I’ll see you there.”

As he got into his vehicle, Caleb shook his head. This would all be so easy if things were different. Why did it feel so very right even though the timing of it couldn’t have been more wrong? He followed them off into the night, thinking he should just tell Brent and Derek both that he was done with Home & Hearth. He could swing a hammer anywhere, why did he have to do it on TV? However, the second he thought that, his spirit jangled so hard, his breath snagged on it. It was like life was pulling him in two opposite directions, and he might snap on the torque of it.

In no time they pulled up at her house, and he parked and headed to Rhett’s side without so much as a hesitation.

“I guess the party’s still on for tomorrow?” he asked, hauling the still-sleeping child up and into his arms.

“Yeah.” She shut the other door and came around. “Are you going to be able to swing two o’clock? I was thinking, maybe we should push it back to seven.”

“I hate to say it, but that might be better. There’s no telling how long that thing might take us tomorrow. I mean, I like to think it’s basically together.” Going up the porch, he held out his hand for the key and unlocked the door for her to enter. “But I’ve been thinking that for like six hours now, and…”

Into the darkened house she went, and three steps in, she clicked on the lamp. “I know. I so thought at eight we’d have it done by midnight.”

Through the gate and up the stairs they both went, him just three steps back from her. “But then again, I think it’s basically done now. It’s just a matter of getting it into place and working out the bracing thing in the middle.”

At Natalie’s door, Rachel laughed. “Maybe we should make it for midnight tomorrow night then at the rate our luck is running.”

He joined in the laugh. “Oh, man, don’t even say that.”

Still laughing softly, she went into her daughter’s room, and he ducked into Rhett’s. As he went about changing the child out of his play clothes and into the little pajamas that were there from the morning before, he set about praying, casting Satan and the demons away, stationing Jesus and the angels in that house, around that bed, at every door and in every hallway, at every window, putting up spiritual hedge protection and asking for peace. For Rhett. For Natalie. And most of all for Rachel. She was more amazing than he had ever before realized.

“What am I going to do on Monday?” she asked, coming in as Caleb finished the task, tucked the child in, and backed up from the bed.

She came forward, kissed the little forehead and shut out the light before turning. “He’s sure going to miss you. You know that, right?”

The stab to Caleb’s heart ran him through even as she put her hand on his chest and dragged it there in her movement toward the door. He put his hands on his beltline and looked up to heaven. He needed help with this one, guidance, wisdom, something.

“You coming?” she asked from the door, and knowing no other option, he heaved a breath and followed her.

“Yeah.”

As she went downstairs, the one thought going through Rachel’s mind and heart was that she so didn’t want him to leave. So instead of going to the door as she usually did, she turned instead for the kitchen. “You want something to drink? Water or something?”

“Uh, sure,” he said, and she heard his uncertainty.

She should let him go home. She knew it and yet she simply couldn’t get herself to do it. Into the kitchen she went, flipping on the light because the dim lamplight was making her mind go places it really shouldn’t. Going to the cabinet, she pulled out two glasses and filled them with ice and water before bringing them both to the island where he stood, watching her.

With a timid smile she handed him one and took a drink of her own. As the day’s trials slipped from her, she began to consider the gamut of issues facing her tomorrow. “I guess I need to call Sage in the morning and make sure they can come at seven.” She took a drink. “I’m sure it won’t matter much to Mom, but I’ll let her know too.”

He took a drink, never removing his gaze from her.

Sighing, she reached up and scratched the back of her head. “And I’m going to have to get the cake made. I’m sure hoping that double oven is as good as it was advertised.” She took another drink. “And I’m going to have to clean. Again. It’s crazy how fast this place gets to be a mess. I mean, we’re not even here most of the time. How does that even happen?” Slowly she tipped her head one direction and then the other to get the knots out of her neck. “It’s like there’s always so much to do, and I run and I run, and at the end of the day it feels like all I’ve done is added to the list.”

His attention never wavered from her though he said nothing, and after a moment, she took another drink.

“You know, I’ve always thought, ‘I’ll be happy when…’ I’ll be happy when we’re out of school. I’ll be happy when we’re back in school. I’ll be happy when Rhett can crawl. I’ll be happy when Rhett can walk. I’ll be happy when the remodel is over. I’ll be happy when…” Ducking, she shook her head and then lifted her gaze to his. “I don’t know. Am I ever going to be happy?”

Without letting his gaze so much as fall, he set his glass on the island and stepped over to her. When he pulled her into his embrace, Rachel didn’t fight it. She knew this moment was precious because in no time, she would be here by herself, and he would be gone. Instead, she wrapped her arm around his waist feeling how solid he was against her and soaking that strength into her shaky spirit.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said softly.

In confusion and concern, Caleb backed up three inches and looked down at her. “For what?”

Her heart said what her mind had been repeating since they had eaten with the pastor and Jane, but being that honest with him was like jumping off the sheer side of a cliff. “For not being whole.” She felt the breath he let stream from him and then just like that, they were moving. He simply turned with her under his arm and guided her into the living room, shutting off the light in the kitchen as he went past it.

She wanted to ask where they were going and why, but the questions worried her more than the movement. When he got to the couch, he sat and pulled her down with him, she going perfectly under his arm like she was made to be nowhere else.

Heart and soul she wanted to protest, to tell him they needed to be getting to bed, it would be a long day tomorrow, and if they started talking now, who knew when they would finish? And yet, she couldn’t deny how much she’d wanted to be with him like this again. All those nights when he left at her door with just a quick kiss and a good-bye, she’d wanted him to come in, to stay, like this. Now that he wasn’t leaving, she wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“I think we need to talk,” he said with a hard breath, and although it scared her to death, she nodded. “Look, Rach, I know this thing, with us has been kind of up and down, and I know a lot of that is my fault. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, but I didn’t know how to not let it happen either.”

Her heart turned over that he would be the one apologizing. “No, Caleb, please, don’t blame yourself, that wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“No. Not all of it.” He shifted so she had her head on the hard muscle of his chest, which wasn’t exactly helping her thoughts stay on track. “Look,” he said, his voice steady, “you say you’re not whole, but the truth is, I’m not either, and some of this start and stop thing is me not knowing how to be this to you and with you.”

“This?”

“This. Us. I always thought I knew what love was about, you know? You went out to the bar, found a cute girl, chatted her up, and it worked for as long as it worked. It was a game or a distraction from real life, but that was about it. I didn’t think in terms of forever or even next week. It was always about right now and how much I could get before it got serious and it was time to cut bait and run. That sounds terrible, but it’s how I was… until I came here and met you.”

His fingers brushed across her hair and his lips alighted onto her head. The feelings that stirred up drilled into her, and she fought not to let it get in too deep though it already had. “From that first day arguing about what to put on the floors, I knew you were different, and at first I tried to talk myself out of it because of the whole client, homeowner thing. Then I tried to go for it, like I was used to with everyone else, but that didn’t work either.”

She scrunched her nose. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“I’m not. I’m really not. I’m glad because had it gone that way, I would have thought this was no different than all of those. But it is different. I can’t explain that, but I feel it, you know? I feel it when we’re together, no matter what we’re doing. I want to… I want to do this right with you. Even though most of the time I don’t really even know what that is. But you have to know, for me, this is not about tonight or while I’m here. It’s about wanting what is really best for you and those kids. Today. Tomorrow. And forever. Period. With me in the picture or not. The problem is I don’t always know what that is, what that looks like. I mean, you’re here, and this is where you need to be, and the truth is, I’m going to be who knows where by Monday.”

She closed her eyes willing him not to break it off like this and yet preparing for him to do just that. She knew better than he did that he could walk out that door and be gone forever.

“Tonight, working with you at the church,” he continued, stopping then to take a breath. “It’s like… I mean, it wasn’t even hard. It wasn’t playing games or putting on a show to impress anyone. You were just… you. And I could be me, but also not me.”

Confusion traced through her.

“I’m like you, Rach,” he finally said. “I’m not whole. I’m not. This week, I’m seeing that. I started working on it with the pastor some. We talked a lot about God and about what my relationship is there, and I’ve got to tell you, I’ve never so much as considered that to be an issue before. But now I see it. I do. I see the kind of man you deserve to have, the kind I want to be, but I’m not there yet. I want to be, but I’m not.”

Her gaze spun and reached up for his as terror webbed through her. “Does that mean we’re breaking up?” And as crazy as it was because they weren’t even together, she knew a yes would bust her into a million pieces.

“No,” he said softly, looking right at her. “But… I guess I’m asking for some time.”

She nodded slowly, hoping that didn’t mean what she thought it might.

“But not time away, not breaking up time, not space.” Shaking his head, he put it back and ran his hand over his head. “Man, I am so bad at this. I don’t even know how to explain it, what I’m asking for. This is all so new to me, even talking like this with you. I see it and yet when I try to put it into words, I just… they don’t come out the way I want them to.” He let out a hard breath. “I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t want this to be the end, tonight, tomorrow, Sunday. I need to know when I walk out that door that you aren’t going to just write me off as some nice thing that happened once.”

Somehow, she hadn’t expected the vulnerability in that statement. “I wouldn’t do that.”

His eyes pleaded with her to understand what he wasn’t saying. “I’ve gotten so many things wrong,” he said softly. “So many things. Before you, with you…”

At that, she sat up, spun and came around to lay her hand on his chest and her chin on her hand as she looked at him point blank. “Okay, now, just hang on right there. I’ve been with a lot of guys over the years, and not one of them has ever treated me with as much respect and kindness as you have. I know I wasn’t easy, I pushed you away and made even staying around a living nightmare, but you did stay. So don’t beat yourself up like that. You’re not perfect, but I’m not asking you to be. I’m really not.”

There really was no clear thought to the decision as she leaned toward him and took his lips with hers. She wanted him to know as deeply as she did that she, too, wanted this to be a beginning, not an end. His breathing jerked and dragged through him as one kiss became another and then another.

Maybe it was the late hour or that she had held herself back from him for so long. Whatever it was, heart and soul she pressed into him, wanting only to get closer still. Then, in a flash of clarity, she pulled back and gazed down into his eyes. “Okay, maybe you’re not there yet. I’m not either, but I’m also not ready to give up on this. On you. On us.”

He reached up and ran his hand over her hair just before his eyes drilled right into her. “On yourself?”

Rachel hadn’t thought of it that way, and the question knocked her backward. “I don’t know. You think there’s anything worth saving?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Angling toward her, he caught her lips once again, and she knew his love really wasn’t about tonight. It was about forever. The only question now was how to get to forever without busting each other into a bazillion pieces.

Going on only four hours of sleep, Caleb was up and eating a fast breakfast as the first rays of the sun peeked over the horizon. He was so intent on lining out the project at the church, he was surprised to look up and find Mrs. Murphy standing there smiling at him.

“You’re up awful early,” she said.

“Lots to do. We’ve only got today to get that ramp finished.” He fingered his longish hair away from his face.

She went over to the cabinets and found one of the few bowls they hadn’t boxed. “I didn’t hear you come in. Were you working so late?”

Funny, he’d never quite pictured having to explain to a woman’s mother just why he hadn’t come home before four in the morning. “Uh, kind of. Rachel and I were at the church until nearly two.”

“Rachel?” Her mother stopped, turned, and surveyed him. “She was with you at the church?”

“Saving my butt if you want to know the real truth. I thought I had it all worked out, and then the bridge didn’t work like I’d thought it would. Let me tell you, your daughter missed her calling. She is amazing with figuring things out like that.”

Her mother’s gaze fell as she nodded. “She always had a gift for that stuff. Charlie used to say she was a prodigy. ‘Bout killed him when she dropped out of school.”

Caleb wanted to ask, but he wasn’t sure he should. “Why did she drop out? I mean, that had to be before the whole Nathan thing.”

“It was. To be honest, I think some of it was that she got steered in directions that weren’t right for her, and then, when she realized she couldn’t live up to what everyone thought she should, she gave up on herself.”

“And she came home?”

A moment and the old woman shook her head. “She thought we were disappointed in her, that she’d let us down. Plus, she said we’d done enough and it was time for her to figure out how to do life on her own. But when that dream died, I think a part of her died too.”

He pushed back from the table and squinted through the insights of the night before. “I’m not sure it died.”

“How do you mean?”

Winding his arms, he thought through it. “Last night, she was amazing, putting things together, figuring them out. That part of her is still there. She just doesn’t trust it anymore. She doesn’t value it anymore.” He thought then about her question about if she was worth saving. It angered him now in a way it hadn’t the night before. “Somewhere along the way, she lost confidence in herself, in her ability to handle things. She still can and she does. She just doesn’t see that she does.”

Her mother nodded. “But you see it?”

“Yes. I do.”

Saturday morning woke with a vengeance. One second Rachel was sleeping, the next she was panicking. People were coming today. People. Were. Coming. To. Her. House. Today!

She was having a party. A party she had decided to throw. Just like that, she was out of the bed and grabbing for her clothes. She had to shower and get the cake made, get the kids up and give them baths. She needed to call Sage and her mother…

And then somewhere in the midst of the list of to-do’s she thought about Caleb and life suddenly looked better than it ever had.

“You did all of this without us?” Cliff asked when the camera crew got there at 8:30.

“Yeah, last night. Why is that a problem?”

“And you didn’t think we’d want to get any of this on film?”

“Uh.” He reached up and scratched the back of his head. “I was more worried about getting it done before the sun came up if you want to know the real truth. Besides, it’s not like it’s up and in place. We’ve still got a ton of work to do to get it done.”

Cliff shook his head. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now. We will need some stand-ups about what you did and how.” He surveyed the contraption as Caleb’s mind asked how he was going to do that without mentioning her. “Is this thing going to work?”

“Here’s hoping.”

Rachel didn’t bother getting into anything fancy. Cleaning and baking were first on the list anyway. Going downstairs, her hand brushed the wall where he had stood the night before, kissing her before he left. She still wasn’t sure how this would ever work, but she was now willing to let his belief that it could take over her heart.

Going into the kitchen, she picked up his glass and hers and held them, remembering the feel of his arms around her and the whisper of his breath and how his heartbeat sounded next to her ear. With the close of her eyes, she let herself get lost there. “God,” she whispered, “I need him. Please show us how to make this work.”

“Okay. Over. Over. Almost. Good. Now hold it there.” Caleb took a step back, making sure to avoid the cords and cameras. It all looked about like he had thought it would except for the connection point. He realized only then that there wasn’t one, nor were there braces. In frustration, he shook his head. “Okay, let’s put it down here. Gently. Gently.” And then it was down, and he was panicking. This had all looked so easy when they had left. Set it up. Run a few screws. Finish it out.

He looked at the thing now lying there on the floor useless. A mass of connections and braces. His gaze went to the windows beyond. The sun was up for real now. The morning had begun. He wondered if she was awake and then thought he had to be insane to even think about calling her. However, honestly he didn’t have much choice. This was her design, and he wasn’t quite seeing it the way she did.

Pulling out his cell phone, he swiped it on and took it off to the side, fully aware they were filming everything.

Her cell phone beeped on the end table as Rachel supervised breakfast and cleaned the kitchen like a woman gone mad. Going over, her heart jumped at the name and number on it. “Hello?”

“Oh, Rach. Good. I’m glad you’re there. Listen, I’m really sorry about this, and I know you’ve got the party and everything, but we ran into a design issue with this bridge down here.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, we got it up, and it works like you wanted it to, but it’s not connected to the ramp, and I’m not seeing how these braces are supposed to go on it either. I’m really, really sorry. I promise it won’t take but like ten minutes if you could come and just show me.”

She looked at her eating children and flew through her options. “Can you give us ten minutes?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Rachel pulled into the parking lot between the church and the pastor’s house trying very, very hard not to freak out. First, there was the fact he had called her. Second, was the fact that the camera vans and crew trucks were scattered everywhere. Third, was that she had her children. There was no good option of what to do with them, so here they all were, the motley lot of them.

She hadn’t even bothered to change. Not that that would make any difference. It wasn’t like she was going to be on camera. Still, one look around trumpeted the fact that the situation was seriously skirting the outer limits of her comfort zone.

However, when she walked in, Mars would have been closer than her comfort zone as she found not just Caleb but the pastor there as well. Her heart skipped two beats as her spirit yanked backward to run. Steeling herself from doing that, she tamped both down all the while knowing this was not going to be fun. She picked her head up and charged forward as if her nerves weren’t skittering through her like panicked bunnies. “Sorry. We were in the middle of cereal and Pop Tarts. What’s up?”

In tandem, the two men turned, and she wasn’t wholly sure which one looked more surprised to see all of them.

“So what’s the problem?” she asked, settling Natalie on her hip and holding onto Rhett’s hand. With this many tools and people, she didn’t want him to get away from her.

“Hey, Rhett,” Caleb said as a huge smile framed by the whiskers now darkening his handsome face slid over him. Holding out his hands, he sat on his heels, gathered her son in, and stood. With the child in his arms, he stepped over to the thing that lay on the ground five feet from where it had lain the night before. “Well, we were going to set it up, but I wasn’t sure how you were thinking about connecting it, or if you were. But if you’re not, there’s got to be something to stabilize it or it’s never going to stay in the right position.”

Rachel shifted Natalie to the other hip and surveyed the project. “No. It’s going to have to be connected, or you’re right, it will get destabilized.”

“And then we got thrown off by how you were thinking about the braces for the middle. I mean, this edge goes up here, and the brace should be about here to support the load in the center, but it can’t be here underneath because the fold gets that into a bind.”

“Yeah. No,” she said. “You’re going to have to attach the braces on the outside and swing them down when you need them, kind of like the legs of a folding table almost, except not underneath it but to the side. But they will have to lock. Did you set it up yet?”

“Well, we tried, but there were so many…”

“Um, excuse me,” the pastor suddenly said, and in surprise, the two of them looked back to find not just him but Jane as well. “Would you mind if we take the kids over to the house? The boys are there. They can help us watch them for a little while if you like.”

Panic scorched through Rachel as she looked over at Caleb. They were going to take her children? However, Caleb didn’t look nearly as panicked as she felt.

A second and he looked down at Rhett. “What do you say, big guy? Can you go with Nat and make sure she’s a good girl for Pastor Steve?”

Rhett’s eyes widened in fear.

“I was making some chocolate chip cookies for everyone, and I really need some help,” Jane said, enticing the child. “You can help me if you want. Do you want to help?”

Eyes still wide, Rhett finally nodded slowly, and her smile lit her face.

“Great.”

“When it folds out,” Caleb said as the two of them stood over the thing, the rest of the camera and construction crews milling around waiting for instructions, “this track is going to show. I thought about encasing it, but that’s going to be tough since it’s got to fold down over it.”

Rachel stood, surveying all of it even as he talked. “If we extended this edge out and down, it would cover the track when it’s down. Is it a big deal to see it when it’s folded up?”

Standing with his hands at his belt, Caleb considered that. “No. Probably not. I just don’t want anyone to catch their fingers in it when it comes down.”

“True. Is it stable enough to go slowly as it comes down?”

“That’s the other problem. It comes down, but until it get some support in the middle, it just kind of falls.”

For a second she thought about it, and then she stepped over to the finished ramp. “Okay, here’s what I’m thinking.”

He wrapped his arms at his chest as he followed her two steps. “I’m listening.”

A step at a time, she laid out her slightly revised design which now included a way to attach the bridge to the ramp and featured a rolling support brace both in the center and on the opposite end. “That way, you can control both the slide and the torque as it comes down.”

Nodding, he thought through it and then looked at her. “I know you’re super busy today, but do you think you could hang around for just a little bit while we build the prototype and get it up?”

Yes, she was busy, but he needed her and that was more important. “You mind if I make a few phone calls to reschedule the party to tonight? I haven’t gotten that done yet.”

His smile went into his eyes. “Go for it.”

“And down,” Caleb said, sliding the bridge with one of his crew. When it was in perfect place, he let out a sigh of great relief. The only problem was it was already almost noon. “It works.” He looked up and shook his head. “Thank You, Jesus!”

Stepping over, he put his arms around her and hugged her in celebration. With a half-step back, he grinned down at her. “And thank you, Rachel.”

She laughed. “Only took eight-and-a-half hours.”

Laughing with her, he hugged her once more and then let her go. With another sigh, he turned to the crew. “Okay, let’s get it sanded and finished, and we’re done.”

It was a very good thing the party hadn’t started at two, Rachel thought as she hurried across the parking lot leaving them to finish lacquering the wood on the bridge which really would look quite nice once it was finished. She wished she could stay to see it, but she would see it tomorrow morning when she took her mom to church.

Strange how she was suddenly kind of excited about that. There was honestly no accounting for it as she had spent most of the last eight years doing everything she could think of to avoid the place.

At the pastor’s door, she rang the doorbell and waited until Jane came to it. Softness for this kind woman brushed Rachel’s heart.

“Oh, please tell me this means you got it to work,” Jane said in a rush of words that sounded very near panic.

Rachel laughed and held out both hands. “It works.”

“Oh, praise Jesus!” Jane said and then called back into the house. “Steve, they got it to work!”

Hardly making it into the hallway, Rachel met up with the pastor coming out of the side door.

“Please tell me you are not pulling an old pastor’s leg,” he said, half-begging, half-serious. “Is it really going to work?”

She laughed again at their theatrics. “Yes, it is really going to work. They are finishing out the wood parts now. But it’s in place, and it works like a charm.”

The pastor looked at his wife with wide eyes, and she laughed at him. “Go.”

That was all he needed to be past them and out of the house. Rachel had to shake her head at just how frazzled he seemed. “Was he really that worried about it?”

“Ugh. We all were. We’ve been praying like crazy for y’all all morning.”

Rachel wasn’t at all sure what to say about that as it softly touched a spot deep in her and made it twang. It was out-of-tune and badly in need of dusting, but she heard an echo of the melody that heartstring had once played, and she wondered if it could be taught to play it again.

“We’ve had such a wonderful time with the kids,” Jane said, rushing along on the enthusiasm for an answered prayer as she turned back for the house and Rachel followed. “Rhett and the boys have been playing catch out in the yard, and of course, Natalie is a dream baby. We just got the cookies finished, so we’ll have to wrap them up for you to take with you.”

“Mommy!” Rhett exclaimed, jumping up from the floor and racing to get her hand. “Eh-pwanes! Eh-pwanes!”

And just like that, she was being dragged from their living room to the back bedrooms. “Rhett! I don’t think…”

“It’s okay, Miss Taylor,” one of the boys said as he followed them. “I was showing him our planes.”

Into one of the back bedrooms they went where an entire fleet of miniature aircraft lined the shelves on the walls. “Oh, my! These are amazing. Did you do them all?”

The younger of the brothers dropped his gaze to the floor. “Aiden and me, and Dad too.”

“They are beautiful. It’s like they’re tiny works of art.”

At her knee, Rhett was jumping up and down for her to pick him up, so she did. Yes, they should have been going, but her mind was no longer latched onto real life. Somehow, in the midst of this family, she had slipped into a dimension of gentleness and love. She looked over at the boy. “You’ve done a lot of work on these.”

Then her gaze snagged on movement at the door, she realized the older brother had joined them as well. She should have been intimidated. Instead, she was only fascinated.

Righting Rhett on her hip, she retrained her attention to the planes. “Which one was your first one?”

Slowly the older brother came in, went over, and pointed at one of them. “We did this one pretty soon after we came here. Dad wanted something we could work on as a family.” He smiled. “But mostly it was us with Mom going, ‘You boys are making a mess.’”

Rachel smiled and looked at Rhett. “Sounds like someone else I know.” Her gaze snagged and held on the mesmerized look in her son’s eyes as he looked at the collection. She thought about the two boys who had come from very different beginnings into a loving family who had to learn to work together, and her eyes filled with tears. Maybe they weren’t all so different after all. “You are very lucky,” she said softly. “I know your parents love you a lot.”

The two boys nodded. “We are very blessed,” the oldest said.

“Hallelujah,” the pastor said as Caleb showed him the now-working bridge. “I am never going to doubt God again.”

Caleb laughed. “Yeah. You and me both.”

“You have two great sons,” Rachel said when she came back from the short tour in the depths of the small house.

“They have their moments,” Jane said as she held Natalie who was snuggled into the hollow of her arms.

“Well, thank you for watching the kids, but we’ve really got to be going.” Rachel slid Rhett down to her side and retrieved Natalie from Jane. Then a thought struck her, and although there would have been a time it would have made no sense at all, she knew now it was right. “You know, we’re having a little birthday party for Nat this evening around seven. Would you all like to come?”

A bright spark lit Jane’s eyes followed by a dash of sadness. “Has it been a year already?” She ran her hand down the little back and smiled. “That’s hard to believe.”

“A year ago, Tuesday,” Rachel said with a nod, her heart opening at the gentleness of the woman before her. How could she ever have thought her cold and judgmental?

Jane’s eyes connected with hers and held. “We would be absolutely honored to come.”

“And that’s a wrap!” Cliff called for the last time on the North Carolina soil. “Great job, everyone. We need to get everything packed up and ready to move. Next stop, Atlanta.”

There were no cheers. Instead everyone simply turned and got to work on the next phase of this never-ending project.

“Sorry we’re a little early,” Sage said when Rachel opened the door around 6:15. “The boys were just driving me nuts at home, and these two couldn’t wait to see Nat.”

Rachel laughed, and part of her was surprised at how often she had been doing that these days. “No apologies. We’re glad you could come.”

“The boys brought their baseball gloves,” Sage continued as the five of them trooped inside.

“We brought one for Rhett too,” Andrew said. “It’s Jeremiah’s old one.”

Rhett joined the festivities with a bounce and an excited yelp. His eyes widened even further when Jeremiah bent to put the glove on him.

“Fits.”

“Can we go outside and play?” Andrew asked. “We’ll be careful. We promise.”

Instead of answering, Sage looked to Rachel and smiled with a half-grimace.

“Oh, absolutely,” Rachel said. “The backyard is all yours.”

When the boys were gone, Sage looked again at Rachel. “So how are you holding up?”

“Well, I’ve got the pizza ordered. It should be here just after seven. I’ve been working on the cake.” Rachel went from the door back into the kitchen as Sage dropped off the girls in the living room and followed.

The cake on the island was purple and pink, swirls, hearts, ribbons, and bows.

“Oh, wow!” Sage stopped dead in her tracks the second she saw it even as Rachel grabbed up the pastry bag with the purple icing. “Did you…?” But she didn’t get the whole question out. “You… did this?”

With a soft laugh, Rachel went back to work. “Yeah. Don’t be too impressed. I completely decimated this butterfly back here.”

Sage’s eyebrows went up another three notches. “Jaycee said about the double oven and everything, but I didn’t know you could do… this.”

Rachel shrugged even as she continued to work on the lower tier of the cake. “My grandma used to make cakes for people in the neighborhood. I helped her even when all I could really do was lick the beaters after she was done. Then when I got into Home Ec, I figured out I really liked to bake and I was pretty good at it.”

“Pretty good? This is pretty good?”

“I’m not out to win any contests. I just think it’s fun.”

“Well, I’m putting you in my Rolodex for the next time one of the kids has a birthday. The last cake I made was in a rectangle pan with used candles in the middle and store-bought icing.”

This laugh was softer. “I have one of those in the oven. I figured Nat could have fun destroying that one, and we could have fun looking at this one.”

The doorbell rang again and before Rachel could move, Sage turned and headed for it. “I’ll get it.”

“Thanks.” Two more ribbons and the cake would be as done as it was going to get. It really was pretty. They should take a picture of it before it was destroyed later.

“Hey!” Sage’s happy voice trailed from the living room. “We didn’t think you guys were going to make it.”

“Took two planes and two hours in the car listening to him snore,” Jaycee said, “but we’re here.”

Rachel had to tamp down the emotions rising in her. They were a mix of excitement and anxiety so entangled that she couldn’t tell one from the other.

“I was not snoring,” Derek said.

“Yes, you were.” Jaycee’s soft laugh was laced with her love for him. “It’s a good thing I love you enough to overlook a few flaws here and there.”

“Oh, here and there, huh?” There was no need to see the cuddles and affection, Rachel could hear them just fine from the kitchen.

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,” Sage said. “All lovely and wonderful, but little eyes in the room.”

They both laughed at her.

“Did we miss it?” Jaycee asked. “I figured everyone would still be here.”

“Oh. No,” Sage said. “It hasn’t even started yet. They had some glitch at the church. Caleb couldn’t make it at two, so….”

The doorbell rang again, and Rachel had to collect her nerves which scattered, nearly taking out the final bow. Stepping back, she heaved a breath. Ready or not here we go.

Caleb had had every intention of being early to help her, but it didn’t work out that way. By the time the crew got wrapped up from the church, it was well after six-thirty, and he couldn’t justify showing up in his work clothes. So he made the trip out to her mother’s, his heart ticking off the dwindling times he would take this road. He thought backward through their time together, and forward into an unknown he couldn’t clearly see.

All of his options on the Rachel front seemed not-quite-right, and he couldn’t really understand why that was. They were both adults. It wasn’t like they were 17, and yet… He thought back to having told her he needed some time, but he wondered now if he needed time or if that was just an excuse. Was he trying to outrun his feelings, or was he trying to get enough distance that saying good-bye to her wouldn’t kill him?

He could hardly catch a solid thought before it was replaced with its polar opposite. Maybe he was just exhausted. It wasn’t like that wasn’t a possibility. Then, his mind leaped forward to the coming day and his departure. He would have to be on the road as soon as services were over. That meant he needed to be mostly packed tonight. He gulped at that thought as his heart slid into his shoes painfully. Leaving.

It had never seemed so impossible before. He pulled into the driveway, half-glad to see her mother’s car still sitting there. Checking the clock, he realized it wouldn’t be for long. It was quarter-‘til already. Time was definitely not on his side.

“Wow! This cake is amazing!” Jaycee said as she, Derek, Sage, Luke, and the Mitchells came from the living room into the kitchen.

“Rachel made it herself,” Sage said as if she was the proud mother.

“Rachel?” Jane asked. “This is… why, it’s incredible.”

“We’ll be in the backyard,” Aiden said as the adults stopped and the boys kept going.

“Behave yourselves,” Pastor Steve called.

“We will,” they both said as they went through and out the back door.

“I can’t believe you made this,” Jane said, still mesmerized.

Rachel shrugged. “I’m a little out of practice. The old oven reeked of rotten fish. They weren’t even using the thing when we bought the house. They had all of their old plastic containers in it.” She made a horrible face, remembering the smell with no problem. “And don’t tell the county, but we had a burnin’ bonfire with those things in the backyard one night. They were awful.” Shaking her head, she turned and got the dishrag to perfect the island just as the oven timer went off for her soon-to-be-eaten second cake. “I never did get that oven workable again.”

“Yeah, but this,” Jaycee said, “this is a work of art. I would love to learn how to do this.”

“You know, I bet you’re not the only one,” Jane said. “I know I would love to learn it.”

“Oh, so would I,” Sage said, putting her hand up as Rachel brought the second cake, this one chocolate, over to the island.

She went back to the oven to get the even smaller, one-year-old cake as well. This one would be for Nat. She had always envisioned doing that with her kids, letting them dig into their own little cake. It hadn’t worked out with Rhett, but this time would be different.

“Three?” Derek asked as she set the last one on the island and went back to turn off the oven and close it. “You made three cakes? How many people did you invite?”

“She probably knew you were coming,” Sage shot at him just as the doorbell rang again. “That’s either the pizza or more guests. I’ll get it.”

“If it’s the pizza, I need to pay them,” Rachel called, suddenly spinning on trying to do everything at once. Money. Where had she put her wallet?

“It’s pizza!” Sage called from the door.

“Great. What did I do with my…?”

Rachel was so intent on the search, she completely missed the silent conversation between the Mitchells.

“Rachel,” Pastor Steve said as he pulled his wallet out, “we’d love to take care of this for you.”

That slammed her to a full-and-complete stop and she turned from the cabinet wide-eyed. “Oh, no. Pastor. I… I… You don’t have to.”

“I know, but we want to. You came and helped with the church.”

“And,” Jane said, “we didn’t really have time to get little Natalie a proper gift. Please, let us at least help with the meal.”

She didn’t want to, but she didn’t really see much of a choice. Her gaze slipped around to all those standing there. Not a single one looked judgmental or condescending. The smile brought up a heart filled with grateful tears. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Mrs. Murphy said. “I have been trying to figure out how to get this out to the car for an hour now.” She glanced down at the rather large, pink-wrapped box with the massive bow that sat on the floor of the living room. “Genevieve got it wrapped for me earlier, but we didn’t think about how I was going to get it there.” She laughed. “Old woman problems, right?”

He laughed with her. “Eh, it gives the rest of us a chance to earn our keep.” With no problem, he hoisted the box into his hands and shook it carefully. “Doesn’t sound breakable.”

“Now that she’s got a floor to ride it on, I thought she would enjoy a toy walk-n-ride. She can ride it for now, and when she gets going, she can walk behind it.”

Caleb smiled, knowingly. “She’s going to love it.”

“What did you do with that husband of yours?” Jaycee asked her sister as they got out the paper goods with Rachel directing the effort.

She was busy digging out the vegetables and fruit from the refrigerator. It was a good thing she had gotten extra. It looked like an army around her island at the moment.

“It’s fire day,” Sage said. “They have to inspect all the trucks, take everything out and run it around. He should be here pretty soon.”

Jaycee’s gaze slipped over to Rachel. “I’m surprised Caleb’s not here yet.”

“Oh,” Rachel said, hoping she sounded vague and unconcerned as she arranged the carrots, “he’s coming.”

“He had to finish up filming at the church,” the pastor said. “It was quite the photo finish. You would have thought after my office and the church ceiling I would have been completely bald, but oh, no, he found a way to worry the rest of the hair right off my head.”

Looking out past them through the window, Rachel caught sight of her mother’s car as it parked out front. Quickly she wiped her hands on the dishcloth leaving her work where it lay. “I’ll be back.” With only that, she left them all there, having a party without her.

It was the fastest shower Caleb had ever taken in his life. In fact, half-dressed he wondered if he’d even rinsed out the shampoo. Too late, and not enough time to worry about it.

As he whipsawed around the bedroom, taking things out of the closet and off the floor and throwing them into the suitcase, he pushed back at the emotions leaving this place brought up. It had all gone so fast. If he had known it would go this fast, he might have slowed down a little, savored a bit more, enjoyed it rather than trying to get to this moment without regard for what it would do to him.

Trying not to think about all of it, he took the now-full suitcase and plopped it on the floor before tossing in his work boots and clothes from earlier. California. He would have to be sure to get a room with a washer because he had nearly nothing clean to wear. It was a struggle to make himself think through the coming hours. 48 hours that would change everything. With that thought, and honestly knowing his chances of having a washer and dryer in California were less than 50-50, he pulled out a few things and headed for the washer.

Like lightning he added the clothes and the detergent before looking at his watch. He hadn’t wanted to be this late. It would be 7:30 at the earliest by the time he got there. He should call, let her know. Dumping everything in and starting the thing, he headed back for his room to get his boots. The thought of the party stabbed into him. How was he going to get through this without it killing him? Then, the even worse thought of the coming day, services, and then…

He ca-thunked his foot on the floor and stood, determined not to think another thought until he was on that plane, headed into his new life. At the mirror, he raked his fingers through his still damp hair twice and shook his head. He was as good as he was going to get.

“Here, let me help you there,” Derek said, coming to retrieve the present from Rachel who was trying to carry it and help her mother at the same time.

“Thanks.” She relinquished the box and guided her mother the last five feet of the ramp Caleb had built off to the edge of the steps for just this purpose. The mere thought of him jabbed his absence into her heart. Surely he was coming. He’d said he would.

“Thank you, darling,” her mother said when they got into the door. “Whew. I will certainly be glad when I don’t have to make that trek anymore.” She reached up and touched her white hair. “That dirt road was not made for old cars or older ladies.”

“Hm,” Sage said in that way she had of softly joining a conversation as if others didn’t want her in it. “Mom said you are moving uptown soon, Mrs. Murphy.”

Rachel’s mom smiled. “That I am. That I am. Actually, we’ve gotten most of the things boxed up and ready to go. I’m down to the everyday things I need to survive at the old house.”

“Oh? When are you thinking about moving?” Jaycee asked, looking up to Derek and then over to Rachel as if trying to formulate a plan for it.

“Well, just any time now. The place is ready for me. It’s a matter of the moving part I’m a little nervous about. I’ve been at that house almost 50 years. It’ll be strange to call somewhere else home even if I know it’s for the best.”

At that moment the doorbell rang, and Rachel jumped a foot having not realized someone else had arrived. She gathered her nerves, praying and telling herself not to react if it was Caleb.

However, instead Luke stepped in. “Sorry I’m late. We had to run get a part from Greely for the engine.”

Sage stepped over to him, tip-toed and kissed him before burying herself under his arm. “That’s okay. We’re waiting for Caleb anyway.”

“Oh. Uh.” Rachel jumped. “We don’t have to wait. There’s no telling…”

“He should be here any minute,” her mother said. “He was jumping through the shower when I left.”

“Yeah, well…” Clapping her hands to keep her heart in her chest, Rachel shook her head. “We really should just eat. The pizza’s getting cold.”

The idea of not thinking had sounded so good, but by the time Caleb turned off the dirt and headed for town, he had a headache from all the things he wasn’t supposed to think about. Her. Her mother. Moving. The car. The kids. What tomorrow would bring. What Monday would bring. This was torture. Slow, sure torture.

But adamant to not worry her over his imminent breakdown, he turned into town and went straight to her house. The fact that there was a party was evident with one glance. Cars lined both sides of the street. Several he recognized, a couple he didn’t. Sliding out with no pause to the motion, he hurried up the sidewalk. How many times had he done this? To think this was the last time…

The pastor had just finished the prayer with everyone circling the island when the front door opened. Rachel dragged in the air that stuck in her lungs. It could only be one person. Determined not to make a scene, she turned for the cabinet to get out the forks. “Who wants forks? I forgot to get the plastic kind…”

“Caleb!” Derek said from across the room, and when she turned back, the forks in her hand very nearly scattered at her feet.

The sea of others between her and him greeted him with smiles and warm hugs and handshakes, which he returned. Her head swum with the scene. Him in her kitchen. Him being welcomed by the others in her house, talking to them, laughing with them. That face. That smile. Something about the church ceiling, and something else about her mother and the bridge. And then, like nothing else existed in the world, his gaze came over and latched onto hers. The smile started at his lips and ended in a sparkle of fireworks in his eyes.

Her breath snagged and danced in her lungs as she returned the smile and then dropped her gaze because looking at him short-circuited normal body and brain functioning. “Here are the forks.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Caleb said when he’d traversed the kitchen around the feeding mass of humanity. He knew the others were watching, but honestly, he didn’t care. He was not going to waste even one more second of his time with her.

Pulling her close, he inhaled all the smells of being home. She didn’t protest, instead coming into his embrace and folding it into her own.

“Hmmm,” she sighed softly as she snuggled closer. “You smell good.”

He smiled at the compliment. “Must be that soap your mom gave me.”

Her grin matched his as she angled her gaze up to him. “Must be.”

His heart asked the question, but his body was already moving before it got an answer, and just like that, he was kissing her right there in front of God and everybody.

To say the kiss surprised her would have been an understatement, but Rachel’s heart had overtaken her head the second he’d come into the room.

“Hey, you two. I thought we were eating,” Derek said, loud enough for Vermont to hear him.

Jaycee jabbed at him with her fork. “Mind your own business for once.”

He shrugged. “I just thought someone should tell them there’s not going to be any left if they don’t get over here.”

Caleb laughed as he ended the kiss, but he didn’t let her go. “Yeah? Thanks for the warning. Maybe you just shouldn’t eat so much.”

“Hey. I only got four pieces,” Derek shot back.

“He’s got a point,” Jaycee said at Derek’s side, and the others laughed.

For Rachel, it was a truly amazing feeling—to be a part of something like they were. Whole. Happy. Laughing. Joking. But also baseline concerned for each other and willing to go to the wall to help.

As the evening passed, Caleb stayed close to her or she to him, she couldn’t really tell. When Natalie opened her few presents, they laughed together and hugged. When she pushed her feet on the ride-and-walk, Rachel sat on the floor on one side and Caleb on the other as the child moved between them.

“I think she likes it,” Jaycee said.

Rachel laughed with a shake of her head. “I may never get her off of it.” A few more minutes and Rachel knew it was time for cake. “Okay. Cake time, little one.” She picked her baby, who was not such a baby anymore, up off the toy, and the child protested rather loudly.

The others all laughed as they stood to head to the kitchen.

“Mom, you’re ruining all the fun!” Derek said as he wrapped his arm around Jaycee.

“That’s what mothers are for,” Sage said. “Don’t you know anything?”

But her arms were around her children as they stood at the island for cake time.

“Get her high chair,” Rachel said to Caleb.

“I’m on it.” He retrieved the thing and brought it into the kitchen. “How are you planning to do this?”

“Miss Natalie,” Rachel said, putting her daughter into the chair and securing it, “will get her own little cake. The rest of us get the other two.”

“Lucky girl,” Derek said.

“Maybe we should give Derek the chocolate one, and we’ll eat the two tiered one,” Sage said.

“Hey now,” Derek replied. “Why do I get the little one?”

The laughter rolled through the room.

“Oh, hang on,” Rachel said, bringing a single candle and the lighter over. She got her camera off the cabinet. “Sage, can you…?”

“Sure.”

“Come here, you,” Caleb said, sweeping Rhett from the floor and going over by the high chair just as Rachel got there with the candle.

“Oh! Wait!” Sage suddenly called over the din. “Just like that. The four of you. Look here.”

Cake in hand, Rachel turned and barely got a smile on her face as the camera flashed. Well, she wasn’t expecting that, but okay… She bent down and put the cake on the tray and the candle on the cake as the flashes continued, now not from one camera but from multiple phones as well. Her daughter’s eyes went wide at the commotion and the cake. Quickly Rachel lit the candle, making sure Natalie wouldn’t reach for it. “Okay, baby girl. Time to blow it out.”

However, the child never moved, only sat mesmerized by the glowing flame.

“Blow it out,” others said, but the little girl just stared at it.

Finally, Caleb bent down with Rhett still in his arms. “Blow it.” Gently he blew at the candle not so much as making the flame flicker.

Natalie looked at him in wide-eyed fear.

“B’ow it,” Rhett said, and his attempt to show her how caused much more motion to the flame. “B’ow, Natawe. B’ow it.”

Tears welled up in the backs of Rachel’s eyes as she watched them, the three of them. They were meant to be like that, together.

“Pffff.” Natalie tried but the air went only down.

“Yeah,” Caleb said with an encouraging nod. “Blow.” He demonstrated again, and now practically everyone in the room was cheering her on.

“Blow.”

“Blow it.”

“You can do it, Natalie.”

“Here,” Caleb finally said, “we’ll help.” He looked down at Rhett. “Ready? One. Two. Three.”

Who blew the candle out—Caleb or Rhett—Rachel would never know, but the crowd watching cheered just the same.

“And now for the fun part.” Rachel took the candle out, spun the little plate, and swiped off the little top her daughter was wearing. “Okay, Sunshine, there you go. Happy birthday, baby doll. Dig in.”

Natalie looked even more worried than before.

“Dig in,” everyone chimed. “Eat it.”

Carefully, Caleb reached over and took one of Natalie’s hands and put it right at the top of the cake, letting go just before she touched it on her own. A look of surprise, then fear, then surprise again flowed across the little face. Then, as if she thought someone might stop her if she didn’t go for it, she dug her fingers into the soft chocolate and put it to her mouth.

Laughter rolled and mixed with the flashes. A second and no one had to do any encouraging to get her to eat more. Watching her daughter, surrounded by people who truly loved her, Rachel’s eyes again swelled with tears. She shook her head and smiled. Maybe life wasn’t doomed to be lived alone and hurting. Maybe God had had something better in mind for them all along.

Chapter 26

Not even her center masterpiece cake had survived the hungry guests, and in no time, they were all cleaning the kitchen.

“So how’d you guys get sprung from Atlanta anyway?” Caleb asked Jaycee and Derek as he folded up the pizza boxes and put them in the trash.

“Good negotiating skills,” Derek said with a wink at Jaycee.

She shook her head and smiled at him before sliding her arms around his waist and settling there. “We’ve decided with the wedding coming up, it would be best to spread things out a little bit more than we have been, take weekends off, and make some time for living.” On tip-toe, she offered him her lips, and he gladly accepted the offer.

“Wow.” Caleb came back in. “What a concept. And the studio’s okay with that?”

Derek shrugged and hugged his fiancée closer. “It’s amazing what relying on God and actually asking can do.”

In no time they were seated around the living room, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and the company of friends. The pastor and his family had left sometime before, so that left only the three couples as the kids were happily watching a movie together upstairs.

“You know, Rach,” Luke said, his arm around Sage as they sat by the fire, “the boys and I would be happy to help when your mom moves. I’m sure we could waggle some help from Aidan and Peter too. I would ask Pastor Steve, but you know how he is with manual labor.”

Derek laughed. “Maybe he could drive the truck. Surely that would be safe.”

Luke tipped his head. “Maybe.”

They all laughed.

“Well, you can’t be good at everything,” Caleb said beside Rachel on the couch. When she looked back at him, his heart skittered. “He’s pretty good at putting people together, or at least showing them how God can.” Leaning over, he kissed her softly, and when he sat back, the love in him was so strong, it locked the connection between them in place.

“So,” Derek said slowly from his spot overlooking the room in the side chair that Jaycee sat on the floor in front of.

Somehow Caleb sensed the danger of his boss’s next question.

Derek paused, formulating the query carefully. “You’re going to Hollywood on Monday?”

Caleb swallowed once and nodded. “Yeah. The meeting’s at three. I didn’t want to push it since I’m not leaving here until after services tomorrow.”

Next to him Rachel stiffened slightly as her head fell, and he rubbed his hand down her over shoulder knowing how hard it was to hear that. A moment and she pulled her head back up, shook her hair back, and trained her gaze on the two by the chair.

“This could be really big for you, you know,” Jaycee said, her voice gentle. “Brent was really impressed with the footage they got from here, and I think the church stuff should just about seal the deal.” Her gaze went not just to him but to both of them. “So is this something you want?”

He glanced down at Rachel, not for her opinion or even protecting her, just because he did.

She looked up at him, nodded and smiled, but before he could answer, she did for him. “We all know he’s really good at what he does. I think he’s got to see where that takes him.” Her gaze slipped over his once more, and while there was trepidation, it was covered well with courage. “God’s got a plan. We’ll just have to see where that takes us.”

However, as much as Rachel wanted to believe that, and she really was trying, every second that slid from the present into the past threatened to dissolve her determination not to let him know this was killing her. They said goodnight to the others as the clock wound down to eleven-thirty, and then together, they put the kids to bed—Rhett with him, Natalie with her.

Taking one more moment with her sleeping daughter, Rachel steeled herself for the coming moments. Would he stay? Would they talk? What would she say? What if she said what her heart was screaming? She closed her eyes, willing her selfish side to stand down. Somehow she had to let him go although it felt like her heart itself was leaving.

Quietly she left the room and padded down to Rhett’s. Pushing the door with no noise, she peered inside as Caleb spent his final moments over the sleeping child. How she would miss this scene even though it would be forever imprinted on her heart.

With a long, slow breath Caleb straightened and backed up, turning to find her there watching him. His sad, soft smile wafted through his eyes as he held his hand out to her.

Rachel left the doorway and went the three steps over to him where he wrapped her next to his side. She put her hand on his chest and breathed in his sadness.

“Man, I’m going to miss this,” he whispered tightening his grip on her, and she heard the soft sniff.

She wished she could think of something to say, something encouraging about how he was destined for better things, but her heart wouldn’t let her say the words. Instead, she tightened her grip around his waist even as he further tightened his hold on her, and she stood there, wishing God would be kind enough to never push them into whatever came next.

When they left the room hand-in-hand, Caleb carefully turned off the little lamp and followed her down. He remembered seeing the place the first time, how his eye had trained on everything that needed fixed, mended, replaced or repaired—and that was basically everything. However, he realized now that the most important things in this house had never been the things at all. It was instead this little family, clinging to a raft of wreckage that seemed destined to sink at any time. He admired their courage now more than ever, and he thanked God for the decisions that had led the company to choose this house, this family, to help.

“I think everyone had a good time,” she said, her voice fading into the dim light as they got down to the living room.

“I know I did.” Gently, he spun her, catching her back into him as he pushed into a slow sway.

Caught there in the fullness of the love between them, Caleb inhaled and closed his eyes. He would miss this most of all. Simply holding her, being with her. She melted into the space of his arms and laid her head on the hollow of his embrace.

“Are you going to bring Mom in the morning?” she asked, pulling back.

Funny, her mother wasn’t what he was thinking about at the moment. Gazing down into her eyes, he willed himself not to get lost in them. “I can.”

She nodded. “I can take her back afterward.” The pause was brief but noticeable. Her gaze fell to the nonexistent space between them, and she let out a long, slow breath. “I guess you’re leaving right afterward?”

Hating it because he knew what this was doing to her, he nodded slowly. “My plane leaves Norfolk at three. I’m barely going to make it the way it is.”

This nod was slower, almost empty. A moment, and swinging her head and hair back, she smiled up at him. “And then Hollywood and the great beyond.”

Caleb knew they needed to deal with this. Without so much as a breath of a glance away, he burrowed into her eyes and right down into her spirit. “Are you sure you’re okay with all of this? Because I could call and tell them no right now. I can swing a hammer anywhere.”

However, the nodding stopped, replaced with a slow shake of her head. Her eyes never wavered as she looked at him. “No, Caleb. You deserve this chance to chase your dreams. I would never want to be the reason you gave up on them.”

Deep and deeper his love for her drove into the center of him, and he pulled her closer to him once more, squeezing his eyes to memorize everything that moment held. “I’ll call every single night and twice on the weekends. I’ll make such a nuisance of myself you’ll tell me I need to get a life.”

Her soft laugh against his chest was one breath long. “I’ll try not to complain too much.”

Long after Caleb was back at the farm, he lay in the darkness, looking at the ceiling. “God, if this isn’t right, please, please close this door. I’ll be okay with that. Really. I will.”

Rachel awoke the next morning with a heartache that threatened to undermine her determination to put her best face on all of it. But she couldn’t, and she wouldn’t give in to that. No. They would arrive at the church, on time, spit-shined and polished. She would be there as her mother used that ramp for the first time. She would stand with him in the church for the last time. After he was gone, then she would fall apart, but not until then. Absolutely not until then.

Every second, every breath was pushed on by a hard breath as Caleb got up, got ready, finished packing, and went out to the kitchen to eat. He tried not to think about each tick of the clock, what it meant, what it brought him closer to, but he wasn’t terribly successful at it. Thoughts swirled, twining with feelings—the last time he’d get a bowl out of this cabinet, the last time he’d see the sun coming up from that window, the last time… the last time… the last time…

By the time he sat down at the little table, he wasn’t even hungry, but he knew better than to not eat. Most likely his next full sit-down meal would be had in some nondescript hotel room in California. Wow, did that seem like a whole other lifetime away. He closed his eyes to push that thought from his head even as he shook it. Somehow he had to keep going, keep moving. If he stopped long enough to think about it, he was doomed.

“Oh, good,” her mother said, coming in pushing the walker as she always did. “I was hoping you were up.”

He laughed a laugh that nearly cracked his heart in half. “I’m up.”

She went over and got herself some breakfast as well. “Must’ve been late when you got in last night.”

There was no reason to deny it. “I stayed to help Rachel clean up.”

Mrs. Murphy nodded and grinned. “Oh? Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

Despite the melancholy, his mouth dropped open and his eyes widened at the audacity of the old woman. Had she really just said that?

When she turned, she grinned even more. “Close your mouth. I’m just kidding.”

It wasn’t easy, and he did so only watching her in concern with what she might say next.

Coming over, she sat down with her meager two pieces of bread and butter. Caleb could think of nothing to say both from the surprise and from the anvil crushing his heart, so he said nothing.

“So, today’s the day, huh?” she asked, stating the obvious for them both.

He nodded. “It is.”

She followed the nod. “And you’re really going to leave. You’re really going to do this.”

The breath he let out came in a whoosh. “I told her I would stay if she wanted me to.”

A small bite, and the old woman chewed slowly. “And what did she say to that?”

“That she didn’t want to be the reason I gave up on my dream.”

Mrs. Murphy nodded thoughtfully in the shimmering morning light. “And what do you think?”

This breath actually hurt. “I don’t know. Part of me thinks I’d be crazy to pass this up, part of me thinks I’m crazy to leave. Honestly, sometimes I think I should just chuck it all and ask her to marry me. Then, I remember who I am and my track record in the commitment department, and I think…”

“Think?” she asked after his words trailed into nothingness for too long.

Glancing up, he sighed. “I’ve been talking with the pastor a lot, and I guess I just realize that I never thought of myself as the permanent kind of guy, you know? I never even considered marriage until I met Rachel, and I really don’t know that I could make it work. What if I stayed and we got married and then six months or a year down the line, she’s right? What if I do resent her for keeping me here? What then?” He raised his eyebrows. “Then again, what if I leave and…”

“And?”

He closed his eyes. “I just wish I knew what the future holds. I wish I could see down there so I know I’m making the right decision here.”

Mrs. Murphy nodded. “You know, I was a lot like you when I was younger. A lot. I thought everything out, planned everything down to the millimeter. I guess as you get older, you begin to realize that life isn’t about control. It’s about being in the moment as much as possible, taking this step with as much faith as you can, and then rejiggering if you need to as you go. It’s like that Bible verse about God putting the lamp at your feet. It’s not on your forehead so you can see way ahead of you. There comes a time when you’ve got to take the leap of faith God is asking you to take right now.”

“You know, please don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes it all just sounds like words. Like, stop telling me about life and tell me what to do.” He put out his hands and shook them hard. “What am I supposed to do here? Now?”

“Well, stop clenching your fists for one,” she said so patiently it stopped his physical outburst.

“My hands?”

Putting her head down for a second, she gathered her thoughts. “Sometimes I think that’s one of the messages of the cross. Jesus’ hands were nailed open. He couldn’t grasp. He couldn’t hold on to anything in the world. He couldn’t even defend Himself. He was simply open to whatever came in and to whatever went out. We grasp and hold and defend, but very rarely are we just open. Very rarely do we bless the things in our life that come in, enjoy them for the time they are present, and bless them when they leave. Instead we hold on and we grasp, trying to make life be one way or the other. Be open, Caleb. Listen to your heart. It’s not just words. Take it from an old woman who’s seen a lot of things in her life. If you are truly open to this moment, it can teach you and lead you in ways no plans and agendas ever can.”

For a second he just stared into his soggy cereal. Then he glanced up. “Mind if I ask you something?”

She laughed softly. “Shoot.”

He thought through the question again and once more. “If I was to ask Rachel to marry me, would we have your blessing?”

The smile lit her face, eyes, and lips. “Absolutely.”

True to her vow to herself, Rachel made it with the kids to the church ten minutes early. Her hair was up in a partial braid that had taken her shaking fingers far too long to accomplish. She hoped he would notice, that he would remember. She’d worn a dress too. It was an older one, one she’d had to dig out of the closet. Maybe it wasn’t too outdated. Then again, when she got out of the car and went to get the kids, she realized the skirt was a bit shorter than she’d realized, and the blouse had a bad habit of gapping when she bent down.

If she was who she had been a few years before, she probably would’ve tried to use those to her benefit. But she wasn’t that girl anymore, so now they just made her uncomfortable. Halfway across the parking lot, she saw his pickup roll in, and nerves attacked from one side with tears coming the other way. How was she ever going to do this?

Bracing herself, she picked up her chin and walked resolutely across the lot to where they had parked just down from her car. In second Caleb slid out, and in that dark jacket, sky blue shirt, and jeans, he truly looked the part of the up-and-coming Hollywood star. More tears threatened as he smiled at her.

“Morning,” he said brightly.

“M… morning,” she squeezed out.

However, he never so much as stopped as he went around and hefted the walker from the back before helping his passenger out. Her mother. Rachel knew she should move, so why wasn’t her heart letting her?

Natalie squealed and turned into Rachel’s shoulder, knocking her off-balance on the heels just enough to send the diaper bag sliding down her shoulder. It jerked at the bottom of her arm painfully. “Ugh.”

She fought with the emotions, the pain, the fear, the sadness. Willing them to stay down, to stay in her eyes and in her heart. She was not going to cry. She would get through this.

“Oh, good morning, darling,” her mother said, coming around the truck. “May I say, you are a vision this morning. Isn’t she a vision, Caleb?”

His soft smile at her made her knees wobble in a way that had nothing to do with the shoes. “She always is.” When he got to her, he kissed the side of her check before angling his gaze down to her sidekick. “Come here, you.” With that, he lifted Rhett and took her hand.

As the ache drove through her heart, her mind told her she should not let him do this, that it was going to cause the tongues to wag like they never had before. But she honestly didn’t have the strength or willpower left to care what anyone else thought. They were just going to have to deal with it.

Turning, they walked a few steps toward the heavy wooden door, and Caleb gave in to the desire to take a glance at how beautiful she was this morning. “I like that dress.”

Her smile slid through the blush on her cheeks. “I don’t wear them much.”

“That’s too bad.”

With that, he let go of her hand and opened the door for all of them. There was no doubt about it, she had worn that to make sure leaving really did kill him.

“There they are,” Pastor Steve said from amongst the gathered crowd, and before Rachel could prepare herself, she was surrounded by applause.

Her eyes went wide as she realized Caleb was behind rather than in front of her. This wasn’t her applause it was his. Slipping herself sideways, she angled her gaze back at him, and it wasn’t hard at all to be proud of all the work he had done. He came in between her and her mother, ducked, shook his head, and grinned.

“You’re very kind,” he said softly. “Really, but…”

“No now, no being overly modest,” Pastor Steve said as he came over to them and brought them farther into the crowd. “We are all so grateful for all the time and work and effort you put into our church. Aren’t we?”

Another round of applause sounded in the room.

“And Mrs. Murphy,” he said, guiding them deeper and deeper into the crowd so that Rachel began to feel the weight of everyone’s attention on her lungs. “We would like for you to take the inaugural walk up the ramp, if you would be so kind.”

“Well, I’d be honored.”

Then, holding Natalie as she stood by Caleb who held Rhett, Rachel watched her mother go to the end of the ramp and start up it. Her breath caught as her mind raced through everything that could go wrong. Had the braces been secured? Would it hold? What if it didn’t? By the time her mother made it to the bridge, Rachel was hardly even breathing, and it seemed the whole room was caught up in the anticipation.

At the new doors, the pastor appeared on the other side, and for a second, Rachel wondered how he had gotten there, and then, in the next second he flung them open and welcomed her mother into the church with an offer of his arm. Tears stung in Rachel’s eyes as gratefulness touched her heart. She sniffed hard, not having realized how emotional this moment would be to witness.

With the softest of smiles and a few tears of his own, Caleb reached over and wrapped Rachel to him as her mother disappeared into the church. A second and the pastor appeared on the ramp again.

“Come on, everybody, we’ve got some praisin’ and worshippin’ to do!”

Someone whooped and everyone laughed. And then, with no more prompting the whole crowd seemed to move as one to the doors. A few of the older people made use of the new ramp, and Rachel couldn’t help but think how blessed they all were for his presence in their lives. How blessed she was for his presence also threatened to break through her conscience, but she held it back, knowing if she so much as let herself have the thought, she might end up in a puddle on the floor.

His gaze slipped over to her as his hand took hers. It was so warm, so solid, so steady. “You ready?” he asked, and she could see in his eyes the understanding of how quickly this would all end.

For his sake alone, she got herself together. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Chapter 27

Nobody upon nobody could withstand this much pressure and not crack. Rachel realized that when she was seated between them. Only her children kept her from breaking down completely. Natalie sat on Rachel’s lap, sipping on the little cup as Rhett snuggled in on the other side of Caleb who completely unwisely chose to put his arm over the bench behind her as the sermon started.

Closing her eyes because she could do nothing about it, she knew without so much as wondering that they all saw. The Bakers. Jaycee and Derek. The entire town. They all saw, and they all surmised what it meant. Her heart fell into swirling chaotic panic.

How was she going to explain this when he disappeared back into real life and left her here to try to forget? She of all people knew forgetting would be impossible. She would never forget him or this. They wouldn’t let her. No. They would not. From this moment forward, they would have something new to whisper about and gossip about behind their hands as they looked askance at her, quickly turning away if she ever dared to look at them. Some of them would even ask her about him, remind her over and over again that he had been here and now he was gone—no matter where she went or what she did. They would never let her forget.

Worse, this would, in the end, be one more notch to add to her reputation as the town tramp. One more reason they would have to smile knowingly at her as she walked down the aisle of the grocery store or sat in this pew by herself the next week. Yes. She knew them well. They would remember this forever.

Funny, how the first time being in love had felt so very different. Then she didn’t know or care about what the future held. Now it was all she could think about.

“Grace,” the pastor said from the front pulpit, and her heart fell further into her struggling spirit.

Although others sang about it being amazing, Rachel knew that once you were really lost, being found was a pipe dream at best. Oh, it looked good for whole minutes at a time, but then life and reality showed up to laugh in your face at how naïve you had been to ever believe, to ever hope. Without wanting to, she began to brace for what she knew was coming.

The pressure of Caleb’s hand on her shoulder dragged hard, grating air into her lungs that stuck and clung there. Tears whispered into her eyes and would not leave. God, please help me. Please. I don’t want to push him away now. I don’t. He needs me to be strong, to be okay for him. But I don’t know if I can do that, God. I don’t know if I can go through this again…

Caleb wished Pastor Steve would slow down, push pause, or even rewind. This was all happening too fast. He willed his mind to concentrate on the sermon, to hear it because there was no guarantee he would ever hear another one.

“Sin in the world and in our lives sets up an epic battle,” the pastor said. “It’s a battle many of us know by heart. On one side is guilt, our guilt, for the things we have done and the things we’ve neglected to do. On the other side stands grace, ready to forgive, to extend mercy and love. Grace, ready to move us out of conviction into a new and better way of life. This battle is fought in our hearts and spirits every day as guilt tries to condemn us, to make us believe that God could never love us after what we have done.”

Shifting a quarter of an inch, Caleb forced himself to let out the breath very slowly. Sometimes the pastor had a way of hitting a little too close to home.

“But here’s a secret you need to know.” Pastor Steve held up the Bible. “I’ve read the end of the book, I know how the battle ends, and the secret to faith is this: Grace wins. Not a few little skirmishes here or there, not a small battle or two. In the end, grace wins. And grace wins every time it’s tried. Every time you reach for grace rather than the sword of guilt—for yourself and for others, grace wins. Every time in faith you choose to believe that God’s grace is greater than your sin, grace wins. You see, too often we believe that love is stopped by sin, but the truth is, through the power of God’s amazing grace, sin is stopped by love every single time.

“See, guilt tries to convince us that failure is a person, but failure is only an event never a person. Failure is coming up on a wall in a maze and realizing, that is not the way. Where guilt sees failure, grace sees the hope of another chance. A chance to learn the lesson and get it right the next time. Grace will lead you through the maze of life, it will show you the right turns at the right times. Grace truly is amazing. It can take a sinner and turn them into a saint. It can take someone who is truly blind and give them true sight and insight and the renewed vision of hope.

“Grace is not just a word. It is a force. It is powerful. You tap into grace, and your life will never be the same. You put grace to work in your life, you let grace start to work in your life, and your life will become amazing. Doors, the right doors, will open. Paths you never knew existed will open up. You will be able to step out in confidence that your sin is literally gone, the chains that held you down are broken, you really have been set free of your past, and now… Now… a new life of grace can truly begin.”

A new life of grace. Somehow those words set Caleb’s heart into a space of peace he had never known existed. Could God’s grace really do that? Could it set him free from the condemnation of how wrong he had gotten it in the past? Could it lead him with confidence into an uncertain future?

The sermon ended, and standing with the others, he felt Rhett stand at his knee. When he looked down, Caleb took a long, knowing breath, nodded, and closed his eyes. It wasn’t a lightning strike, but he knew he was beginning to believe the pastor’s words. He was beginning to experience them. He shook his head and smiled a half-smile. God, You and I both know I’ve gotten a lot of things really wrong, but if Pastor Steve is right, if Grace really will set me free of my past and help guide me in the future, then that’s what I want. I want grace.

Opening his eyes, his gaze trailed down to the other side of him to her. Rachel. The love of his life. He knew that now in ways he hadn’t let himself believe were real. Okay, God, I’m ready. Show me how to do this right with Rachel. Show me. Open the right doors for us. Close the right doors. Show me what You want, and keep her in Your love no matter what.

After the service, Rachel made her way out of the bench on wobbly legs, dragging her quaking spirit with her. At the end of the bench, she turned to make sure her mother made it as well. It was slow going, but she was here, and that was something. A step, maybe in the right direction.

“Well, that was just lovely,” her mother said to Jane who had come over to greet them. “I had forgotten how peaceful this place is.”

“We are so honored you could join us this morning.”

Then as if someone had opened some floodgate somewhere, they were surrounded. Derek was pleased with all of it, especially how the church looked brand new. Jaycee gushed at how awesome the bridge was. Luke and Sage were equally magnanimous with their praise and excitement over all of it. And in the center of it all, Rachel smiled and forced herself to keep breathing. Her heart ached with every moment that was gathered up and dissolved into the waiting sands of time.

“Really,” Caleb said to Derek and Jaycee, “a lot of it was Rach. She figured out the sliding mechanism. If it wasn’t for her…”

Hot tears threatened to gush in over her, but she blinked them back, forcing her whole being to slow down so as not to be overwhelmed by them. Only the fake smile kept them from falling.

“Brent will be thrilled,” Jaycee said. “He was saying how great the two of you were on camera.”

Caleb looked over at her with a soft smile, reached down and laced his fingers through hers, and let his gaze hold to her face. “Yeah, well, I think we’re pretty good in real life too.”

Then, before she could stop him, he leaned in and kissed her softly. When he pulled back and went back to the conversation, she ducked behind him because she couldn’t keep the jab of the ache from her face. She let out three soft breaths, fighting to keep it all inside of herself. Somehow she wanted to go and not to go at the same time. The dichotomy of desires was tearing her apart.

“Yeah,” Caleb said. “Three o’clock. Actually, I’m going to have to get a move on to make it on time.”

And just like that, they were all moving up the center aisle to the back. Rachel knew she should monitor her mother, but suddenly life started swirling around her in ways she couldn’t quite catch up to. Her kids. The others. The conversation. Her mother. His hand in hers. Out the door. Down the steps.

If she had landed in a puddle at the bottom, she wouldn’t have been at all surprised.

“Well, Rachel,” Sage said in that sweet voice of hers, “you and your mom and kids could come out to the house. Jaycee and Derek are going to come out to eat before they leave.”

“Oh.” Her head was swimming something fierce, and her heart was about to drown in the unshed tears. “Uh. No. Thank you. I know Mom’s going to be exhausted after all of this, and the kids… with the party and all...” She saw then how he was looking at her, and she couldn’t look back at him. One glance would kill her outright. “But I do appreciate the offer. Really. Maybe some other time.”

There wouldn’t be another time, but that was beside the point. Right now all she wanted to do was extract herself, go home, and cry her eyes out.

“Besides,” she continued because she hated the pity in their eyes now that they were all looking at her, “we have a huge week ahead of us with Mom moving and everything. We’ve still got packing to do and getting everything ready.”

“So when were you thinking about moving her?” Luke asked from the other side of her, and Rachel nearly swung right off the ride she was clinging to when she turned.

“Mov… Oh. Uh. Like Tuesday or Wednesday probably. I’m going to have to get her all packed up first.”

Now Caleb was doing it too, looking at her with pity. She hated that.

She shrugged. “Not that there’s much left to pack. Pretty much her room and the living room. That’s about it.”

“Wow,” her mother said, sliding up into the conversation from her trek down the ramp. “When you said a ramp, you meant a ramp.”

Caleb glanced over at Rachel. “We don’t do anything halfway.”

“Apparently. My, that’s like a red carpet.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

She looked right at him and then smiled at Rachel. “I most certainly do.”

Caleb knew what Mrs. Murphy meant, and the possibility that she might say more jumpstarted his change-the-subject alert system. He pulled up all the fake happiness he could muster. “Well, all, as much as I’d love to stick around, I’m afraid…”

Pastor Steve picked that moment to press his presence into the little knot of people. “Caleb, I wanted to tell you thanks once more.”

Letting go of Rachel, Caleb turned to shake the pastor’s hand. “You’re very welcome.”

“The whole thing is phenomenal, top to bottom.” His gaze went around the circle. “All of you. Really. Just phenomenal work. And if you ever need anything, anything at all, you just let me know. I will certainly be praying for all of you, and you can bet I’ll be watching to keep up with all the wonderful work you’re doing when you leave.” He seemed to think through and stumble upon one more thing. “And I’ll be looking forward to seeing you all in December for the big wedding. Be sure to stop by and say hi when you get into town.”

Caleb smiled, grateful for this man who had taught him so much. “Pastor.” He held out both hands, and the pastor mirrored him so the hug was solid and genuine. “Thanks for everything.”

“Remember now, I’m just a phone call away.”

Caleb nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

Somehow Rachel had not realized a heart could be shredded more than once in a lifetime. She had thought it had been wounded so many times, it simply could not hurt anymore. She was wrong. So, so wrong.

As they went from the lobby out into the cold November sunshine, she gathered and regathered the ripping pieces of her heart as they slipped from her grasp. She just had to make it through the next five minutes, and then the next five hours with her mother. Since even thinking about the later would render her immobile, she chose to focus on the former. Not that it was any better, it was just more imminent.

“Let us know how it goes,” Derek said, with one more shake of Caleb’s hand.

“Who knows I might be in Atlanta by Tuesday,” Caleb said with a laugh, and Rachel laughed too. But every time she got herself to normal, it nearly took her right out of fake into more real than she could afford to be.

“Take care of yourself, Rach,” Jaycee said, giving her a hug which wasn’t helping anything at all.

“I will. You too.” Rachel smiled and forced it to stay on her face.

“Make sure to get Luke to help you with that move, okay?” Derek said, side-hugging her, which was kind of surreal, but it happened so fast and was over even faster so that she had no time to question it.

“I will.”

“Well,” Derek said when he was standing with his arm back around Jaycee, “safe travels, and we’ll see you down the road.”

“You too,” Caleb said as he shook his boss’s hand once more.

As they turned to leave, Rachel realized she had no prayer of holding it together if she let herself have even a moment to think. So, instantly she leaped into action, going over to help her mother into her car, and then buckling the kids in as well. Her hands were shaking now, so badly she almost couldn’t get the latch fastened, and the tears were overtaking her with frightening speed. Air was coming in gasps, and each breath she took held more torture than the last. When everything was done, she raked in one final breath to solidify her wobbly willpower and stood from the car. She shut the door, feeling him standing right there behind her. God, please help me get through this…

Before she turned, she put a smile on her face, knowing if she fell apart now, he might not leave. “Well,” she said, mashing the smile onto her lips as she turned and looked at him, “I guess this is it.”

“Yeah,” he said softly, his eyes filled with sadness. “I guess so.”

Her gaze fell between them, and she nodded, willing herself to find the words and get them out. “Take care of yourself. Okay?” When she picked her gaze up to his, her determination shook dangerously. If he didn’t get in that pickup and drive away soon, this little act was going to be unmasked for the fraud it was. She lifted her head and her shoulders, willing sanity to stay in control. “Let me know when you get there, okay?”

A single nod, and then somehow she was in his arms, and she gasped at the rush of fear twined with love twined with helplessness that clutched her. Another breath and she knew, she would have to be strong for both of them because he was losing it. She rubbed her hand up and down his back as he clung to her. “It’s going to be all right,” she whispered. “It will be. I promise.”

He nodded into her shoulder, and she felt his desperate attempt to pull himself back together.

“You’ll see,” she said as sanity lost its grip and she slipped into fantasy. “Everything’s going to work out.”

Caleb nodded again, hearing her words and wanting to believe them. He pulled back from her, took one look into the strength in her eyes and needing that strength in himself, he took her face in his hands and kissed her like he’d never kissed anyone before. If he could have drowned in that kiss, he would have, and he very nearly did.

But then he felt her drawing backward, and he let her go enough to put his arms around the whole of her once again as he brought her back into himself.

Her hand rubbing on his back chipped away at his resolve so much so that he was really considering just forgetting everything else and staying right there.

“You need to get going,” she finally said as he held her there.

He knew that. It was how to do it that was the problem. “I’ll call you tonight.”

She laughed into his shirt. “You’d better.”

And then somehow, he got his arms to loosen their hold and let her go. And somehow, he backed away from her. His gaze stayed locked on hers though as he went around the pickup. “I love you,” he said just before he opened the door.

Her nod was soft, and then her gaze fell for a second. When it came back up, all he saw was quiet strength. “I love you too.”

Rachel stood there, rooted to the spot, watching as he got in, backed out, waved one more time, and then drove out of the parking lot. When he turned left onto the street and disappeared into the neighborhood, she allowed herself a full ten seconds to feel the deep hole his leaving would mean in her life. She would never forget him, but she would never regret.

Then with a long, slow breath, she shook her head twice and went back to reality.

The farther Caleb drove, the harder it was to keep going. He put his elbow on the door frame, propped his hand on his cheek and rubbed over the smooth carpeting of whiskers. He needed to shave before the meeting tomorrow. That thought dragged his eyelids down as the rushing forward of time plowed over him.

What if he was wrong? What if leaving was the wrong thing to do? What if he was making the biggest mistake of his life? What if she forgot him, went on with life, found someone else? Someone else who would be there in that house with her, not a phone call away? What then?

It was a fight to keep breathing. “God, I don’t know what I’m doing here. What if this is a mistake? Please help me. Please.”

“He left?” her mother asked when Rachel got in the car and started it.

Oh, what she would give to have been there with just her kids. They wouldn’t understand. Her mother did.

“Yeah.” She wanted to say more. Of course. Sure. Duh. But one syllable was all her tenuous hold on the tears would allow. She reached down, started the car, and backed out. Knowing her best defense was a good offense, she dove into the details of her new reality. “Uh, do you have something for lunch, or should we stop and pick something up?”

Her mother’s pitying gaze helped nothing. “We probably need to get something.”

“Okay.”

Going through the motions. That’s what they called it. Caleb had done the flight thing a million times, so he hardly had to even think about it. Shoes off. Shoes on. Find the gate. Wait. Board the plane. Make small talk with the stewardess. Watch the world spin by beneath you.

Only to get to another airport that looked very much like all the rest of them. Lather, rinse and repeat.

In no time he would be in Hollywood. Another step closer to the dream he hadn’t even let himself believe could ever happen. So why did he only want to turn around and go back to a little nowhere town in North Carolina? If he could have been honest with himself, he knew exactly why. So he tried not to be that honest.

“I think when we go back into town, we can take some of the boxes,” Rachel said as she knelt on her mother’s living room floor carefully wrapping and boxing the memorabilia and knickknacks. “We might as well get started tonight. It’s going to take most of the week.”

“Aren’t you going to get the others to help?” her mother asked from her chair. “They said they would.”

Slowly Rachel wrapped an angel and put it in the box. “I’m sure they have better things to do. I can really get most of it. We’ll probably have to get them over here to move the furniture, but…”

“Rachel, honey, you know you don’t have to do all of this yourself. Let them help.”

However, the trouble that invited crawled up her throat and ached there. “I’ll see.”

It was nearly nine hours later when Caleb finally pulled up to the 2-star hotel and shut off the rental. He twisted his head one way and then the other before staring up at the two-level faceless, soulless prison rising above him. Closing his eyes, he said another prayer. They were all that were keeping him moving. And with that, he popped the door open and stepped out into life as it now would be lived.

At nearly eight with boxes stacked everywhere, Rachel finally called it quits. She needed to get the kids home—supper, baths, bed, and her body and spirit were giving out under the strain of the day. “I guess I’ll take these out. If you can get me the key for the apartment…”

Her mother nodded. She had grown ever quieter as the day progressed, and Rachel couldn’t blame her. This was hell. Determination and a dead-lifeless understanding that this had to be done were all that were keeping her moving.

Trying not to think about it, she lifted two boxes and headed for the back door. At her car, she had just popped the trunk when the cell phone in her pocket beeped. Stowing the boxes into the recesses of the trunk, she grabbed for the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey.” One syllable, and she heard his depression.

Strong. She had to be strong, for him. “Hey.” Turning, she leaned on the open trunk. “You make it in?”

“I’m here.”

Rachel nodded, not really feeling up to being his rock at the moment but knowing she had to be just the same. “That’s good. How was the flight?”

“Long.”

Her gaze slipped to the ground at her feet as she wound her arm across herself. “So what time is the thing tomorrow?”

“Three.”

“K.” She couldn’t go on, but she didn’t want to let go either.

“So what’re you up to?”

Glancing up and back at the old house with the soft yellow light shining from the window, she sighed and regathered her heart. “Just boxing some more stuff up.”

“Oh.” He sounded surprised by that. “Are Luke and the boys there?”

He would be upset with her. That much she knew. But she wouldn’t lie even if it would be easier. “Uh, no. Not today. I figured I’d get them to help with the big stuff.”

“Rach…”

“I know. I know. I just…”

He let out a long sigh. “They want to help. Let them help.”

She licked her lips, hating this conversation. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

This sigh was shorter. “Are you going to start moving her tomorrow night?”

Without her permission, she glanced back into the dark trunk. “Yeah. I need to get this done. We’ve got most of her living stuff boxed. She can’t live out of boxes out here for very long.”

“Okay. But don’t try to do all of this by yourself.”

She nodded four times but nothing came out. “I’ll be praying for you tomorrow.”

Caleb heard and completely understood the change of subject. She was good at that. “Well, I appreciate it.” He was going to say how nervous he was, how unsure that this was even the right move, but she didn’t give him the chance.

“Listen, Caleb, I really have to go. The kids are getting tired…”

He nodded to himself, realizing he shouldn’t burden her with his indecision and fear. “K. You take care of yourself.”

“I will. You too.”

“And Rachel?”

“Yeah?”

“I still love you.”

The pause nearly ripped his heart out.

“I love you too.”

When they hung up, he sat there on the brown-and-orange coverlet-covered bed. She was not going to ask for help. That much was obvious. Luke would help if he knew, but how could he help if she didn’t even ask? Caleb realized it would be up to him to ask. Without another thought, he dialed the number. Even from across the country, he wasn’t going to just abandon her.

“I hate for you to have to be moving these at night,” her mother said as Rachel came back after hauling more boxes and the kids out. “Why don’t you at least wait until morning? It’s dark and cold out there. You don’t want those babies just sitting in the car.”

Rachel nodded. “I probably will. It’s getting pretty late.” She smiled softly. “Well, we’d better go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She leaned in and kissed her mother quickly. There were people to be grateful for. This woman was one of them. “Good night, Mom.”

“Night, honey. Drive carefully. Call me when you get home!”

Waving as she went down the steps back to the car waiting with kids and boxes, she kept her feet moving. It was still as it had always been her best defense.

Luke would go and help her tomorrow evening. So at least that much was handled. Sitting on the bed, Caleb looked up at the ceiling and then closed his eyes. How was he supposed to do this? It didn’t feel like it used to. His gaze fell to the little phone. The pastor had said he was only a phone call away. A second and another, and Caleb grabbed up the phone.

He wasn’t even sure what he would say until the phone clicked on.

“Caleb?” the pastor asked with concern. “Is everything okay?”

“You know, I think that really depends on your definition of okay.”

“What’s going on?”

And then, Caleb told him and they talked. There were things about God and things about him, things about Rachel and love and life. By the time they hung up, Caleb’s spirit felt just slightly less jangly. Still, he thought, he would not be at all upset if God slammed this door in his face tomorrow.

The weather turned much colder overnight so by morning Rachel really wished she had just put the boxes in the apartment the night before. She dropped the kids off early at Mrs. Carrasco’s and then trekked across town to start the move.

Boxes, coat, gloves. It was not the best way to do this.

She managed to unlock the apartment door and push into the cold, white space. The tannish carpet did nothing to warm anything. Flipping the light on, she went over into the space as the understanding of the monumental task she had just undertaken slithered over her. There wasn’t a hint of life anywhere, just empty, cold space. Going over to the wall, she put the boxes down and went to get more. Probably she should have at least looked at the place, gone through it, something but that invited feelings she just didn’t have the head space or the heart space to deal with right now.

In and out of the biting wind she went until the one little corner was stacked with the few boxes she had brought over. It had felt like so many the night before. Now, it looked so inconsequential. She let out a sigh, shook her head to keep the tears at bay, and headed out. Time to start a new day.

Dressed and as ready as he was going to get, including a tie that was going to strangle him before the day was out, Caleb headed out to the studios well before he had to. His plan was to eat somewhere close so he didn’t get late. Although that plan sounded smart, what it ultimately meant was him sitting in a little café as random people lived life around him.

The sandwich tasted like cardboard, and if he took one more drink of the tea, he was seriously going to be sick. So when the waitress came to ask if everything was okay, and he assured her it was although they both knew it wasn’t, he realized this was going to be more than his jittering nerves could take. Fighting to breathe, he pulled out his cell phone. Rachel was at work, and so presumably was everybody else. But there was one person who might be able to talk him down off this ledge. “Hey,” he said when the pastor said ‘hello.’ “Sorry. I know we just talked last night, but I really need some words of wisdom here.”

“Are you there? At the meeting?”

He looked around and wished he was anywhere other than where he was. “No. Not yet.”

“But you’re going?”

“Yeah. Pretty soon.” Caleb shook his head. “I don’t know, Pastor. I’m just… I don’t know what’s right here. Am I doing the right thing?”

A small pause, and the pastor’s voice fell into calm. “Would you like to pray about it?”

As crazy as that would have sounded at one time in his life, the thought gave Caleb the first real breath he’d taken since he’d woken up. “Do you mind?”

Rachel checked her cell phone at lunch and again when the kids went down for their nap. Nothing. She had thought he would call, text, something. But still nothing. “God,” she whispered in the confines of the little closet, “please be with him today. Help him get this. I know it’s his dream…”

“You know,” the pastor said when the prayer was over and Caleb felt like his feet had at least found the planet again, “you think it might be a good idea to ask for prayer from the others?”

“Others?” Caleb asked in concern.

“Yeah. Derek, Jaycee, Rachel…”

Caleb gulped that thought down. “You think they would?”

“Well, I think they already are, but asking for a few more wouldn’t hurt.”

“Dear Lord,” she prayed like she never had before, “we both know how talented he is. Caleb deserves this. Please open the way for him.”

Going in shortly, Caleb typed into his phone as he sat in the Home & Hearth waiting area, please pray. He tagged them all and hit send before putting his head back and trying to find the air. God, please, show me what’s right here…

“Mr. James?” the secretary asked, and he sat forward and straightened his jacket as he stood. “Mr. Socroft will see you now.”

When she checked her phone just before the end of naptime, Rachel’s heart jolted, and her prayers for him went into hyper-drive. “Oh, dear Lord, please…”

“I can’t tell you how impressed we all were with your work in North Carolina,” Mr. Socroft said, sitting at the head of a large boardroom table that shone with the polish on it. The reflection from the sunshine outside the floor-to-ceiling windows lit it with natural light such that Caleb had never before seen.

“Thank you, all.” He nodded to the people arrayed there. “Really. It was an amazing opportunity.”

“Yes, well…” Mr. Socroft, a fit man of about fifty, looked to the others. “I’m sure you heard that Scott McCray has now accepted a position over at GNH.”

Caleb nodded. “I heard that.”

“What that means for H&H is that we’re looking to fill some time slots with something new, and when we looked around at our roster for promising ideas, your name kept coming up.”

This nod was harder. This was really happening. “I’m honored, Sir.”

“The issue as I see it right now is if you can run a job without Derek as the lead, if you can make a show work on your own. Do you think that’s something you’d be interested in testing out?”

Although freak-out should have happened, a deep calm settled over Caleb. “I’ll be honest with you. This is a very big step for me. I’m not saying no by any stretch, but can I have a little time to think it over?”

Mr. Socroft looked at the others. “Would a decision by Friday be too much to ask?”

Caleb took one breath. “I think Friday would be fine.”

The second he left the office after the myriad of handshakes, Caleb strode out, rode the elevator down to the ground floor, and immediately dug out his phone. He had a million calls to make.

“Oh, Rachel,” Mrs. Carrasco said when she managed to drag herself to the babysitter’s to get the kids after school, “I have been praying so hard all day. Have you heard from Mr. Caleb? Did he get the job?”

She should have known something like this wouldn’t be kept a secret. Worse, she wasn’t sure what she should say and what she shouldn’t. “I think from what he texted, it’s pretty much up to him now.”

Mrs. Carrasco nodded although her face became very serious. “Then I will pray hard that he makes the right decision.”

Chapter 28

When Rachel got home with kids and the groceries, it took six trips to get it all into the house. Her determination was flagging about the time her cell phone went off, and she grabbed it up, thinking it might be him.

Luke Baker stared back at her from the read-out, and she almost didn’t answer it. Then, she decided that was silly, and she had seen how worried they all got when Sage went AWOL, so she hit the talk button. “Hello?”

“Oh, Rachel, good. I’m glad I caught you. Listen. I just picked the boys up, and we’ve got some time tonight to come out and help you with the move. What time do you want us there?”

Her gaze flipped up to the ceiling as her heart jerked her one way and then the other. “Oh, Luke, you don’t have to…”

“And risk Caleb coming down here and stringing us all up? I don’t think so,” he said with a laugh. “Will seven at your mom’s be okay?”

What could she say? “Uh, yeah. Sure. I guess so.”

Back at the hotel, Caleb thought through his options. Three days of just thinking was going to kill him. Besides, this hotel was two small steps up from an actual hellhole. No. He needed to get away, to go somewhere and get his head on straight. North Carolina whispered, but Texas called to him loud and clear. If this deal went through, there was no telling when he’d get there again, and surely seeing November was only a week away, Thanksgiving would be out for visiting.

Still, he felt bad about North Carolina, so just after six his time, he made the first of several real phone calls.

“Hello?” she said, and his heart smiled.

“Hey, there.”

“Hey,” she said, and he heard the voices in the background. “Yeah,” she said, “those are kitchen. Let the pastor take them.” Then she came back. “Sorry.”

He knew, and he felt guilty. “Y’all moving?”

“Ugh, trying to.” She left for a moment again. “Yeah, this one too.” And with that, she was back. “Sorry. Luke, Pastor Steve and all the boys came to help. I can hardly… Yeah. Yes. That one, and those.”

Caleb hated doing this to her now, but he didn’t want to keep his plans from her either. He didn’t sigh, but he wanted to. “Do you need me to come?”

“Come?” she asked as if that was the worst idea ever. “From California? No. Don’t do that. We’re getting it. No, Luke. Not that… Yeah, if you’ll get…”

“Are the kids there?”

“No.” She sighed. “They’re with Sage and the girls.”

“You want us to load your car too?” Luke asked in the background.

“Probably. You can put the stuff from the bedroom and her clothes in mine, and then we can all go together.”

“Got it. We’ve got a little more room in mine. What else needs to go now?”

“Uh, probably bathroom stuff.”

“K. I’m on it.”

She ducked back to the conversation with Caleb. “I’m really sorry. Uh, how did things go? You said they’re thinking about it?”

“Kind of a mutual thinking about it,” he said softly.

“That box, Andrew,” she said. “Yeah. Your dad’s putting them in my car. K.”

Caleb exhaled. “I should call you later.”

“What? No!” she said more loudly than she had probably intended. “I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. You need to get that done. I’ll call you later.”

She sighed. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He managed a laugh. “Tell Luke not to drop anything.”

“I’ll be sure to.”

And before they could even hang up, she was directing once again. When Caleb hit the off button, he sat for a long moment just thinking, and then he hit the on button and found the next name on his list.

Rachel felt bad about not being available for about two seconds. Not because she didn’t, but because she was the one in charge of making sure her mother’s things made it to Ridgemount in one piece. Clicking off the phone, she gathered up two small boxes of kitchen things and headed out. By the time she got to her car, Luke had it stacked full with boxes and clothes.

“That Caleb?” he asked, slamming her trunk.

“Yeah.”

“How’s he?” And it was weird how Luke actually sounded concerned.

Shaking her head, Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I thought he was going to be bouncing off the walls excited, but… I don’t know.”

“He’s not excited?”

“He didn’t sound like it.” She put the boxes in the front and shut the door. “I don’t know. Maybe the jetlag is catching up with him.”

Luke nodded as more concern traced down his face.

“Well, we’d better get this up there,” she said barely taking a breath. “If we could get one more load tonight, I think I could probably get the rest tomorrow.”

“You know you don’t have to,” he said as the concern deepened closer to anger.

“Look.” She exhaled hard. “I appreciate the help. I really do.” Glancing at his pickup that already had the boys in the front, she shook her head. “But I know you all have things to do.”

“Yeah, and helping friends is one of those things.”

That yanked her head down, and she put a hard smile onto her face. “Let’s just get this up there, and we’ll see.”

“Call Seth Jackson,” Derek said when Caleb filled him in on where things stood with the studio. “He just took over for Ty, and he’s amazing, got me and Jayc a great deal this go-round.”

“An agent? Oh, man, I don’t know if I’m ready for all of this. What if I can’t do it, Derek? What if I’m not ready? What if they send me out, and the first house explodes or something.”

Derek laughed softly. “Just check the walls for live electricity, and you’ll be fine.”

Caleb grew silent because his head and heart were in such a jumbled up mess.

“You know, for someone who just got offered the opportunity of a lifetime, you sure don’t sound very enthused.”

His breath twined with all the thoughts, and he shook his head without saying a word.

“Is this about Rachel?” Derek finally asked.

Still, Caleb couldn’t make the connection to get his thoughts into words. How could he explain this?

“Okay,” Derek said very slowly. “You’re going to have to give me something here. I ain’t like the pastor. I can’t read minds.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Caleb put his head back on the wall over the two-foot headboard and closed his eyes. “I called her before I called you. They’re moving her mom tonight. I just feel like I should be there, not out here.”

“So you’re thinking about turning them down?” Somehow Derek managed to not sound like that was a thoroughly bad idea.

“No.” Caleb stopped. “Yes. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

“Is this fear or something else?”

Caleb swallowed. “All of the above? I’m not sure I can do it, so then I think the easy thing would be to tell them no, chuck it all and move to North Carolina. But is that really what I’m supposed to do, or is that just an excuse because I’m such a wimp?”

“First of all, you’re not a wimp. This is a big decision. Second of all, I think you were on the right track earlier with that text.”

“Text?”

“Asking for prayer.” Derek’s voice slid into calm. “I can’t explain how it works, but I’ve learned it does. The more I trust God to show me, the more He does.”

“But I don’t know how to do that. How do I even start trusting Him? How do I ask for something if I don’t even know to ask for?”

“I’m learning sometimes it’s not about knowing, it’s about listening. Look, couple weeks ago when Jayc and I were first here in Atlanta, we went to a service. Don’t ask me what church it was, ‘cause I don’t even remember, but the preacher was talking about the word desire. There’s some verse in the Bible about the desires of your heart, something like that, and he said that desire is like de, meaning ‘of’ and sire means ‘father.’ So the ‘desire of your heart’ isn’t what you want, it’s what God wants for you.”

“Okay? And that helps me… how?”

“Well, what does your heart say?”

“Ugh. I told you. I don’t even know anymore. I’m just so confused.”

“Well, if you did know, what would you say?”

“Honestly? Right now, I’d just like to go back to Texas and forget about all of this craziness for a little while.” Then he stopped himself. “But, I know, I’m not 15 anymore either. I can’t just run away…”

“I don’t know,” Derek said slowly. “Maybe taking a day or two to get in touch with what you really want wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.”

“But what about Rachel? Shouldn’t I be there helping her with the move and everything?”

“Listen, one thing I’m learning is you can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t have calm and peace, you can’t give them to someone else. If you’re tapped out, and at this point, I certainly don’t blame you for being tapped to the max, maybe you need a little time and space to take a breath and regroup.” Derek sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know the right answer, but if your gut is telling you it’s Texas, then whether that makes sense or not, the answer’s Texas.”

“Thanks so much for keeping them,” Rachel said to Sage as she stood in their kitchen long after she should have been home.

“I didn’t mind at all. Besides, you’ve got your hands full with this move and everything,” Sage said, putting her hand on Natalie’s back.

Rachel sighed. “Yeah, well, we got most of the little stuff tonight, finally. That would have taken me a month. I’m thinking I’m going to take tomorrow night off. It’s Nat’s birthday, and I really don’t want to be here, there and everywhere.”

“So what do you have left?”

“Mostly just the big stuff, but some of the problem is the new place isn’t even set up yet. I mean, it’s all there in boxes everywhere, but it’s not like she can move in. I don’t want to move the bed and furniture until I get some of the boxes taken care of.” Rachel sighed back the overwhelm overtaking her and leaned on the counter by the sink. “I just keep thinking somewhere here there’s got to be a light at the end of this tunnel, but so far…”

Sage nodded very slowly. “You know, what would you say to having a little help setting things up?”

Instantly Rachel lurched forward. “Oh, no. I already told Luke he’d done enough.”

Softly Sage smiled. “I’m not talking about Luke.”

“Not…?”

A bit at a time, Sage’s eyes came up to meet Rachel’s, and she dipped her head and brushed the hair out of her eyes. “I can’t move stuff, but setting things up, I’d love to help with that.”

There was something about the way she said it, something so disarming and vulnerable. A second and Rachel knew her answer could be nothing else. “I’d love some help.”

Caleb had called the airlines and his parents, in that order. His parents would be there. They were always there. Everything was a go for the short visit to Texas, a place he hadn’t seen in nearly a year since the 48-hours he spent there over Christmas the year before. He always meant to take the trip home. The time just never seemed to materialize.

The only problem now was how to explain this little excursion to Rachel. He still hated the thought of going to Texas rather than going to help her. Guilt said Texas could wait, but his spirit said, “Please, we need this.” However, he had no idea how to put that into words that didn’t sound like he was abandoning her. Still, he needed to tell her, so he dialed the number, hoping she would still be awake.

When her cell phone beeped on her nightstand just after eleven, Rachel reached for it, thinking her mother might be trying to get in touch with her. Who else…? She lifted the bright light and squinted into its brilliance. Caleb.

Instantly she was awake, and she sat up on the jolt. “Caleb?” she said by way of greeting.

“Hey,” he said so softly that she knew something was wrong.

“What…? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just… Did I wake you?”

She flopped back onto the pillows, pulling the blankets up with her. “Kinda.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” she said, glad to hear his voice once more. “So how’s California?”

There was a long pause on the other end, and worry stuck a fist in her stomach. “Caleb? What’s wrong?”

“I’m… Uh… I just wanted… to tell you that…”

The snaking worry felt like an anaconda around her chest. “Wanted to tell me what?” He was going to break up with her, tell her he was staying in California, end it all right here and now. “Caleb?”

“I just wanted to tell you I’m going to Texas for a couple of days.”

“Texas?” she asked, the relief pouring through her voice. “You’re going to Texas?”

“Yeah. I already talked to Mom and Dad about it, but if you need me to come and help you move your mom’s stuff…”

“I already said we’ve got it…”

“I know, but I hate the thought of abandoning you just when you need me.”

She laughed softly. “Hey, if you have to be right here every time I need help, you’re never going to go anywhere.” Her heart flipped with the words she knew she had to say. “Go to Texas, Caleb. If that’s what you need to do, then do it.”

And so the next day Caleb found himself driving out of Houston in the clear light of a gorgeous fall day in Texas. He took the Beaumont exit and headed north, skirting the Louisiana line. It was amazing how his heart remembered every curve of the roads he had traveled so many times growing up. Football games, stock shows, LDE contests. He laughed softly. Leadership Development.

Even back then, he hadn’t considered himself a leader, but with a school as small as Jasper, if you were breathing and had a pulse, they put you in some sort of leadership position eventually. And now he could be leading…

Scraggly rows of trees off the road looked so much like home and yet so different than the places he’d been since he’d left. Even the pine trees of the Piney Woods were pitiful in comparison to some of the forests of California and the Ozarks he had seen. How far he had come. He wondered if this place even remembered him, would even know him anymore. He wondered if he even knew himself.

The thoughts of what to do about the show wafted over his tired spirit, and he pushed them back, determined not to deal with that until he had to. In no time at all, he rolled into Jasper and everything past became present once again. It was amazing how little had changed, not just since his last time here, but since he’d left when he was only 19.

Every sight was shrouded in memories, every memory shrouded in emotion. He drove through the quiet streets. Tuesday afternoon. Everyone was either in school or working, going about their business as they had in this town since its 1836 founding. Oh, he knew the history of the place as well as anyone who had ever lived there. You couldn’t live in this town and not know all about the Texas Fathers—Sam Houston, James Bonham, and of course, Jim Bowie. Bowie Street. He wondered as he traveled down it if every small town in Texas had a Bowie Street. If they didn’t, they should.

Past the Methodist Church, past the houses dotting the roadway each tucked back in the trees he went, thinking how much older those houses looked now. He thought about what a remodeling business here would be like, and how all the small towns seemed so similar. Older homes, older businesses. He wouldn’t tear them down and start over, he would go in and fix them up, restore them to their former usefulness. And by the looks of things, there would be no shortage to choose from.

His spirit jumped at the thought even as the Texas heart in him surged forward. There was just something about being a Texan that was ingrained in how he thought about life, about what was possible, about what determination and a lot of hard work could accomplish. Yes, life had taken him out of Texas, but it hadn’t taken the Texan out of him.

Just before the end of naptime, Rachel replied to his last text about leaving California. She hadn’t traveled much, save for her little jaunt to Virginia, and so she didn’t know what flight schedules and layovers would do to where he was. So she sent a little note: Thinking about you and praying for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Turning into this parents’ driveway, Caleb shook his head just as the text on his phone beeped in. He parked, pulled it out, and took a breath before texting back. Thanks. Just made it.

It wasn’t much, not even as much as he wanted to say, but he couldn’t get all of that into words, so he didn’t even try. Moreover, before he even got those few words sent, he heard the screen door open, and his heart filled with one word. Home.

“Have you heard from Caleb?” Sage asked as the two of them worked unboxing things after school.

Rachel’s kids were still with Mrs. Carrasco, Sage’s with their father. “Just a couple texts today. He made it to Texas.” She pulled out a pile of dishes and put them in the cabinet, trying still to forget that last word.

“Whoa. Wait. Did I miss something? I thought he was in California.”

Of course, she would now have to explain the unexplainable. Why was that always the case? “Yeah, well, I think he wanted to go see his parents, get their input into things.”

With one eye on her friend, Sage set glasses in the cabinet above the dishware. “On?”

Shrugging, Rachel flipped that box out of the way and grabbed for the little one with the silverware. “The studio made him an offer, his own show.”

That dropped Sage’s spirit farther. “So that’s really going to happen then?”

Another shrug and Rachel plinked the silverware into the holder in the drawer. “Sounds like if he wants it, it’s his.”

Slowly Sage stopped the transfer of the cups and stared at her. “What about what you want?”

Was there even a reason to shrug this time? If there was, Rachel dismissed it. “When has that ever mattered to anyone?”

“Your dad will be home around six,” Caleb’s mother said as she sat at the table feasting her eyes on her son. “He’s helping Chet out at the school.”

“The school?”

“They’re helping the kids build some corrals for their animals, practice rings or something like that. You know your dad, put animals, kids, and building something in the same sentence, and he’ll be there ‘til the cows come home.” She laughed and then shook her head as she stared at her son. “So, what’s going on with you? I have to admit, I was a little worried when I got that call.”

“Worried?” Caleb asked, trying to be innocent but rubbing his hands just the same. “Why would you be worried?”

“Because you always seem to call when something big has happened or is happening, so I’m thinking if you came all the way across the country in the middle of the week to see us, this must be a doozy.”

He wanted to protest. Instead he half-laughed, half-sighed. “Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”

“The good news is…?”

Leaning back, he watched his fingers on the table for a second. “Well, I kind of met someone.”

Her eyebrows went up in an arch. “Oh, really?” She waited a moment before frowning. “And the bad news?”

Pulling forward, he shook his head. “The studio picked now to offer me my own show.”

“Rachel,” Sage said, dropping her shoulders in disappointment, “Caleb’s not like that.”

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing, Rachel just smiled softly. “I’m not that naïve, Sage. I know the score. He’s got the offer of a lifetime on the table. Why would he pass that up?”

“Because he loves you?” However, it came out as a question rather than a statement.

Rachel shook her head sadly. “I could never ask him to give that up, not in a million years, not for us, not like this.”

“Why not? You love him, he loves you.”

“But love…? I mean, it’s a nice concept, really, don’t get me wrong, and for people like you and Luke who are so similar and want similar things in life, it can work and be great. But I’m not like you and Luke. I never have been. Caleb is smart enough to know that.” She put in the last two spoons and closed the drawer.

“So that’s just it then? You’re just going to let him go riding off into the sunset.”

With half-of-a-laugh, Rachel set that box aside and grabbed up the box of cooking utensils before putting them in the small drawer by the stove. “He already has, and really, I’m okay with it, you know? He deserves the chance to make his dreams come true.”

“What if his dreams are to be with you?”

But Rachel shook her head. “I could never live with myself if I thought he gave up the chance of a lifetime to come back here because of me.” She swallowed the ache down and let herself have one breath. “He’s meant for much bigger things than this.”

“So you’re not in love with him then?”

That stopped her hands, and she beat back the tears. “If I’ve learned anything, it’s that sometimes love means doing what’s right for the other person even if it’s going to kill you.”

Sage didn’t look at all happy about that, but she said nothing.

Finally finished in the kitchen, Rachel picked up the boxes and pushed them together. “You know, I really appreciate the help, but I think I’m going to call it a night. It’s Nat’s birthday, and I kind of wanted to spend some time with her.”

Without dropping her gaze, Sage stepped over and put her arms around Rachel. “Okay, but don’t forget I’m here.” She stepped back and swiped at her eyes. “And I’m going to start praying right now that you’re wrong about this.” Sliding her hands down Rachel’s arms, she stared at her from point blank range. “Because I think you deserve the chance to have your dreams come true too.”

The tears sprang into Rachel’s eyes as her friend hugged her once more. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Quickly Sage rubbed her back before they parted. “So, tomorrow night, same time, same place?”

Rachel nodded. “Thank you.”

Sage smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Tell me about her,” his mother said, choosing to explore the good news rather than the bad. “She must be something pretty special to have caught your eye and held it like this.”

He couldn’t stop the grin when he thought about her. “She is that.” Pulling forward to put his elbows on the table, Caleb fought through everything to figure out where to start. “Her name is Rachel. She’s got two little kids, Rhett and Natalie. Beautiful, beautiful kids. She was one of the homeowners we worked with in North Carolina.”

His mother was listening, but worry now etched her face.

“She’s a widow,” he said, his voice softening as her pain once again touched his heart. “Her husband died in the military last year sometime.”

“Oh.” Compassion replaced the worry. “And she has two little ones?”

“Rhett’s three and Nat’s one now.”

“That has to be really difficult.”

He nodded. “I think she’s pretty much gone through hell to be honest. I got to know her mom some too, and I think losing her husband is about the tip of the tragedies she’s been through.” And then he started at the beginning with her parents and losing her grandmother, being adopted, and although he glossed over a lot of it, he managed to paint her marriage as not the happiest one ever. “Her dad died in the car accident that injured her mom, and then Nathan died just a few months later in combat.”

“Whew,” his mother said, lifting her eyebrows. “What a mess.”

“But somehow, when you’re with her, you get that she’s struggling, but she has this spirit that’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard to put it into words. She’s so strong but in a quiet, determined way.”

“Well, she’d have to be to survive that and still be standing.”

Again he nodded, thinking through all of it.

“So how does she fit in with this job?” his mother asked, the concern returning. “With two little ones, she can’t be just picking up and traveling all the time.”

“That’s just it,” he said, pulling forward again. “I can’t ask her to pull up stakes and follow me on the craziness this is going to be, but I can’t imagine just going on without her either.”

“And the job?” she asked.

Caleb shook his head and sighed. “Part of me thinks I should just tell them I’m not interested and be done with it.” He thought through that. There were moments it sounded perfectly logical. “But is that really the smart thing to do? I mean, yes, I can build and remodel anywhere, and it doesn’t have to be on TV. I get that, but every time I think about turning them down, I just… I don’t know. It’s like this big neck-snapping jerk in my spirit. Truth is, I want to do both, but I know I can’t.” He closed his eyes as his head shook on the weight of the decision. “I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do. I mean I’ve prayed about it, and…”

That jolted his mother like a rifle shot. “Whoa. What was that? You’ve… prayed?”

He laughed at the playfully shocked look on his mother’s face. “Oh, yeah. Did I mention I kind of found God in North Carolina too?”

With wide-eyes, she joined his laughter. “Wow. North Carolina was certainly good to you.”

Caleb couldn’t disagree. “It definitely was that.”

Determined to make this night special even though neither child would actually remember it, Rachel made their favorite spaghetti, complete with garlic toast and even a salad for herself. She tried to sound chipper and happy as she talked to them at the dinner table, but that empty seat on the other side kept grabbing her spirit and dragging it down. God, please, be with him, no matter what.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” his father said when Caleb stood to greet him at just after six. The handshake became a solid hug, and pride shone in his father’s eyes. “I’m hearing some mighty good things about you these days. Mighty good.”

Caleb stepped back and ducked his head.

“So tell me about this TV thing. They’re really wanting you for your own show?”

He bounced his eyebrows. “Well, they offered it to me.”

His father shook his head as a huge grin spread onto his face. “I can’t believe it. My son. Building stuff on TV. Just doesn’t even seem possible.”

Funny, Caleb couldn’t have agreed more.

When life settled down after their first family supper, Caleb begged off and went to his room to unpack. However, unpacking was pretty much pointless. Besides, he had other things that were more important. So he sat on his old bed and dialed the number as he looked around the room. Trophies, ribbons, his FFA jacket. Reminders of a time that was no more.

“Hello?” she asked, and he could tell she wasn’t sleeping.

“Hey.”

He heard her sigh.

“Hey,” she said softly.

It was strange how all it took was her tone to make his heart jump to attention. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s good. How’s Texas?”

With a soft laugh, he looked around the room once more. “Good.”

“How’s your family?”

“Good.”

The pause between them stretched, and Caleb heard her sadness.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked. “You want to talk about it?”

This sigh was audible. “It was Nat’s birthday today.”

“Oh, Rach.” He sat forward. “I forgot about that.”

“It’s… it’s fine. It’s not like you can drop everything and be here all the time. Besides, you were here for the party. That was more important anyway.”

Suddenly he felt like a complete heel. “Did y’all do something… for it… tonight?”

“We had spaghetti, and I made a little box cake. Nothing big.” She sniffed softly. “It was good I guess. It’s just… Sometimes… I just wish…”

“You wish what?”

“Have you ever had something that you know is wrong about life, and you’re trying to change it, but it seems impossible?”

“Like?”

“Like this whole family thing and what it means to be in one.” She sighed slowly. “I… I know I never told you this, but the Murphys aren’t my real parents. I was adopted when I was eight.”

Caleb didn’t know what to say to that, and when he didn’t say anything she just kept going.

“I know, right? Bombshell info. It’s kind of like the whole Nathan thing. I never know when to tell someone about him and what happened and stuff because, you know, people don’t want to hear about all the rotten parts of your life. They just want to hear how you’re okay, and things are okay, and you’re good. They don’t want to hear about the parts that aren’t so good, and they sure don’t want to hear about the downright awful stuff. So I don’t tell most people that, even though I guess it’s not really that big of a deal. Adopted isn’t a horrible thing. Besides, it happened a long time ago, and everyone’s pretty much forgotten it and moved on by now…”

“Have you forgotten it?” he asked, his voice fighting the tone of worry in favor of compassion.

Her pause told him the answer.

“No,” she finally said. “Truth is, I think about it all the time, especially times like now.”

“Why especially now?”

“Because… it’s nights like tonight I get to thinking, like what if I, you know, what if something happened to me, who would take the kids, what would happen to them? They’re growing up so fast but they’re still so little.”

A knife plunged right into his heart and stopped his breathing. He wanted to argue, but she wasn’t being morbid. She was simply being practical. She had seen death from about every side possible. Why wouldn’t she think of her own?

“I know people with families,” she said, “and they get on each other’s nerves and stuff, and sometimes things go really south. But there are times that I’d give just about anything to be a part of a real family with brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins.”

“What about…”

“My mom?”

“Yeah. She’s family.”

“I know,” Rachel said as if dismissing that thought, “but I don’t mean like her. I mean like Sage and Jaycee, and Luke and his sisters. A family where there’s parents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Who do my kids have? Me. My mom. And that’s pretty much it. I mean, sometimes I just so see that it’s me standing between them and…”

“So your folks—the Murphys?” he asked, cutting her off. “They don’t have brothers and sisters, cousins, family?”

“Dad’s family was from Nebraska. I only met them like once at some family thing. Mom only had one older sister, but she died when she was pretty young. So, nope. No family to speak of. It’s just me and mom and now my kids. And it’s weird because that used to be okay. I mean, growing up, I didn’t have to go to family things like everyone else did, and I was cool with that. I had Mom and Dad, and that was great. But now…” A second and she sighed. “I’m sorry.” She laughed softly. “I guess I’m just kind of a mess tonight.”

“No. It’s okay.”

She cleared her throat, and he knew well enough that if he let her, she was about to change the subject.

“What about your first family—your grandma?” he asked.

That stopped her cold, and she said nothing for a long, long moment.

“How… how do you know about that?”

Caleb could feel her retreat, and his heart begged him to find a way to stop her. “Your mom. We talked a couple of times when I was out there. She told me. Some of it anyway.”

Her side stayed silent, and he prayed like he never had before that God would not let her hide this deepest of secrets from him.

“Rach?”

Tears stung in her eyes and clung there, never quite falling but never really leaving either. Why was he doing this to her now? Why when his life was about to go spinning in a completely different direction from hers? She couldn’t explain it any more than she could answer it.

“Look, I know this has to be hard,” he said, tip-toeing across each word like it might break. “I know you never really talked much about it with your mom and dad, but I just… I want to know.”

“Why?” The word clawed its way out of her, scraping and scratching every soft spot it found.

“Because it’s important to you, because I think to really love someone you need to know more about them than what they drive and if they like bacon or not.”

For some reason that threw her, and she laughed. “Bacon?”

“Hey, cut me some slack here. I’m not an expert at this stuff, but I do want to try to learn. I know that probably sounds overdramatic, but I really want to be someone you don’t hold back from even the stuff you don’t want anyone else to know about.”

Slowly she shook her head and closed her eyes. Why when he was leaving was he asking her to give him her heart? Why now? Exhaustion slammed into her, and she tipped her head onto the pillow.

“If you’re not ready to tell me,” he said and then paused a full second, “I’ll understand, but honestly, Rach, I really do want to know. I want to know who you are, where you’ve been…”

When the words started, they felt like someone outside of her was saying them, and she kept her eyes closed because it was easier to convince herself this was all just a dream that way. “I never knew my mom, or my dad, but mostly my mom. She was in prison for drugs and other stuff my grandma wouldn’t really tell me about, but I know it was bad because I heard Grandma on the phone with her once. After that, Grandma never really talked about her, and I didn’t ask.”

“Why not?”

“Because I knew it would hurt her, and I knew she was already dealing with enough. She worked two jobs and barely kept a roof over our heads the way it was. I remember one time when I was about six, we lived in her car for a couple of weeks because rent got too expensive for her to make, and we got thrown out of our apartment. After that, we lived for a little while in this guy’s garage thing out back of his house. I think Grandma must’ve known him, and I think he knew we were there, but it was always this thing about being quiet and not disturbing anything. I got pretty good at it actually, coming in the back gate, making no noise, sneaking into the shed without anybody seeing me. We ate okay there though, and when it rained, at least the place was dry.”

Caleb was fighting to fathom what she was telling him. She talked about it like it was perfectly natural although every scene she painted yanked his spirit to its knees and held it there.

“Then when I was about eight, we’d moved into this apartment thingy. It was tiny. If it was nice, it would’ve been called a studio, but it wasn’t nice. It was awful if you want to know the real truth. And then Grandma got really sick. I mean really sick. She couldn’t go to work much anymore, and I stayed home from school a lot of days just to take care of her. But nothing I did made her get any better. Then one day she told me I had to go and tell the landlord that she needed help. Grandma never asked for help. Never. So I knew something was bad, bad wrong. I ran to the office and told his wife, at least I guess she was his wife. She was the person in the office where Grandma always paid the rent.

“Anyway, she completely freaked out when she saw Grandma, and they loaded both of us up and took us to the hospital. They dropped us off at the Emergency Room, and I never saw her again.”

“They just left you there?”

“Yeah. What were they going to do with me? We were just the renters. We didn’t matter to them.”

He knew about the nurse who would step in next, and Caleb thanked God she had been on duty that night. He couldn’t imagine the scared, scarred little girl, with the tossed-about life, the turmoil and fear she must’ve gone through. Above all else, he wanted to go back to that time and protect her like no one else seemed to be able to. “And you were only eight?”

“I’d just turned eight. Second grade. Though I’d never seen much of the school that year.” She let out a long breath. “I never really knew until a long time later what had happened to Grandma. They wouldn’t let me stay in the room after we were there for a while. I knew it was bad though. Mrs. Murphy said she went to Heaven, but at the time, I didn’t even know what that was. She told me it was a nice place that people go when they aren’t here anymore. For a long time, I wondered if that’s where my mom was too, and who knows? By now, maybe she is.”

It was clear she was getting tired now, and although Caleb really wanted to hear more, he knew she had work the next day.

“You know, I never told anybody about living in the car… or the shed,” she said softly, “not even Mom.”

“Thanks,” he said, matching her tone because his heart was in his throat.

“For what?”

“For telling me.”

When Rachel hung up, she was still pretty sure it was all a dream. She had never told anyone all of that, and Caleb James was the last person she wanted to know about it. Without more than another thought, she fell asleep, still holding the phone and thinking how nice it would be if someone knew and loved her anyway.

Long, long into the night, Caleb lay awake in the darkness thinking through the multi-facets of the woman he had come to know as Rachel Taylor. The story earlier had done nothing to lower his appraisal of her. If anything, it had elevated it.

He thought again about her talking about family, how important it was to her to provide her kids with one, and how relentlessly impossible life had made it for her to do so. Then his thoughts stumbled onto Nathan and the story of his death, and ached sliced through Caleb once again. Nathan’s mother and presumably his family as well had treated her abominably though he could hardly think she could have done anything at all to deserve their judgment or condemnation. He understood now that putting others first was simply a way of expressing how little she thought she deserved.

Worse, he sensed her belief that all the bad that had befallen her life had been her own fault. It wasn’t. At all. But he could see it now, in bright vivid colors as he had never before. She blamed herself—for her mom, her grandmother, the accident, Nathan, and more than likely even Rhett and Natalie. And now having delivered them into a life of turmoil and uncertainty, she was desperately trying to shore up life for them, trying to protect them from the next storm she must be sure was about to break over them at any moment. How could she not be bracing for it? She had experienced nothing more than storm after horrific storm almost since her birth.

Then his thoughts drifted to just how lonely she must have been all those nights as she lay in bed after Nathan’s death, how hopelessly caught in a cycle of despair and despondency she must have been. And yet, somehow, if you looked at her on a normal day, you would never have guessed any of it. However, the bulwark that she was frantically trying to keep reinforced around herself and the kids was easy to see in the context of the past, and even plainer in the glaring unknowns of the future. No wonder she worried about their safety and well-being if something were to happen to her, a thought which honestly took the heart right out of his chest. But he saw now how natural it would be to think about it when death and grief were as inherent to life as moving and breathing as they were for her.

Yes, she needed someone. Someone to be with her, someone who would not abandon her. The only question was, could he give up everything else to be that for her?

Chapter 29

“You’re up early,” his father said, coming in the next morning to find Caleb ensconced over a bowl of sugar-coated-corn-flake-something-or-others that he’d found in the pantry.

It really didn’t matter that the cereal was completely stale. He couldn’t taste anything anyway. “Hazard of the job,” he replied, tapping the spoon in the midst of the yellowish flakes rather than really eating any of them.

His father retrieved a hardboiled egg and a couple of pieces of ham they’d had the night before from the refrigerator before coming to sit at the table. “Eh, you take after me like that. Now your mama, she’d sleep ‘til noon if you’d let her, but me, I want to be up with the sun. Too much to do as it is to be burning daylight.”

As his father tore into his ham, Caleb did something he couldn’t remember ever doing before. He took a real, long look at the man. There had been a time when they had butted heads something fierce—usually about Caleb wanting to do something stupid and his dad trying like mad to knock some sense into him. Strange how only now Caleb was thankful for those lessons, for having someone there who cared enough to try to make sure he turned out okay. He owed this man a lot—more even than he’d ever bothered to realize.

Maybe in all the time he’d spent resenting the lessons, he should have thought to be a little bit more grateful. Sure, his father had his rough edges and a sharp, blunt tongue, but he’d always been there for them. Through every storm life had sent their way, not once had Caleb seen his father falter or flinch. Back then he didn’t appreciate that. Now he wished he’d been blessed with a bit more of whatever that was.

After another moment, Caleb sat back and surveyed his father. “Mind if I ask you something?”

His father’s gaze came over to him. “What’s that?”

“What made you decide to ask Mama to marry you?”

Surprise lit his father’s face. “This about that gal your mom was talking about last night?”

Caleb half-shrugged. “Maybe. I’m just wondering how you knew. How you knew you were ready. How you knew the two of you could make it.”

The laugh was more like a snort. “You want guarantees, you’d better start talking about something other than life.”

“Yeah, but…” Caleb sat forward. “There must be something, some moment, some thought, some something that says, ‘This is what I want no matter if it even makes sense or not and to heck with everything else.’”

His father banged the little egg on the table, sending tiny pieces of it in all directions. “Well, sometimes you’ve just got to make the decision, or the decisions are going to make you. I ain’t sayin’ that’s easy ‘cause it’s not, but life is just going to keep comin’ at you, and the more you dither around about what to do or which thing to choose, the more you’re going to end up with the scraps that are left at the bottom of the barrel.”

Peeling the egg, his father leaned forward and eyed him. “Is this about the job or the girl?”

The back of the chair was the only thing that caught him. “Both.”

Slowly his father let out a breath and nodded. “Caleb, son, ultimately, every real man has to decide what his life is going to look like. He don’t let life decide it for him.” A moment and a knowing thoughtfulness came into his eyes. “Being a man ain’t easy. It’s five parts hard work and ten parts doing what you don’t really want to do anyway. It’s putting your life aside for the people you love just because you love them. It ain’t easy, but I’ve found when all is said and done it’s worth it. ‘Cause the last thing I want when people are standin’ around my grave is for them to say, ‘Well, we ain’t sorry he’s gone.’

“But only you get to decide how you’ll be remembered. Only you get to decide what your life is going to look like. And you decide that by deciding what is most important to you and doing what it takes every day to make the most important thing the most important thing. You can’t wait ‘til the end and wish you had. It don’t work like that. You’ve got to decide where you’re going and go that way every day otherwise you’re going to end up somewhere else that you probably don’t want to be.”

Nodding slowly, Caleb came up on the topic he’d most wanted to ask about since his discussions with the pastor. “Can I ask you what you think about God? I mean, I know when we were growing up, you didn’t go to church with us much even when we were little.”

His father didn’t answer right away, and his gaze stayed on his food.

“I’m sorry if that’s…”

But he didn’t let Caleb get the whole apology out before his gaze came up and stopped the words in the air between them.

“Remember what I said about them decisions—how they’ll make you if you don’t make them?”

Caleb nodded.

“Well, that’s one of the ones I wish I had back. Since you and Sara moved on and got your own lives, I’ve kinda started thinking about life and what it is. One of the things I’ve really taken a good, long look at is God. Now, I’m still no Bible-thumper, but I do believe there’s a God, and Him and I, well, we’ve had some mighty long talks about things. Can’t say I understand it all, but we’ve come to an understanding so at least we’re not on two sides of the fence no more.”

“So, do you… go to church?”

“Sometimes. Probably not as much as I should or even as much as your Mama would like, but I don’t not go anymore. Guess you could say I’m working on it.”

Well, that much Caleb understood perfectly.

“Well, look at the time,” his father said. “I’d better be gettin’ up there. Chet and them boys is going to think I forgot about ‘em.”

The best thing Rachel could say the next morning was she sincerely hoped the night before hadn’t gone the way her mind kept trying to tell her it had. Surely she hadn’t told him all of that horrible stuff. Surely not…

“Did Dad already leave?” his mother asked when she found Caleb still at the table an hour later.

He hadn’t moved, mostly because he only had enough brainpower to think and not enough to think and move at the same time. “Uh, yeah. They’re working at the school again.”

She peered into the mush in his bowl. “Oh, don’t tell me you got that out of the pantry. I think the expiration date on that stuff was like six months after you graduated.”

“That recent, huh?” he asked, trying to make light of it; however, his long exhale gave the despondency he was swimming in away like blaring it over a loud speaker.

“Still having trouble, huh?” she asked, coming over with her coffee.

“I talked to her last night.”

“Rachel?”

He nodded. “There’s so much I don’t know about her, you know? So much I keep learning. I just keep thinking that’s the end, that’s as deep as it goes, and then…”

Softly his mother smiled. “Hurt is one of those things that can be real deceiving because people put on masks so no one realizes what’s really going on. I think that right there’s a big cause of divorce. People put on the mask and refuse to show the other person what’s real. Then they get married and real takes on a whole new meaning.”

Caleb couldn’t imagine what more there could be.

“Oh, before I forget,” his mother said, “we’re supposed to go to Sara’s tonight.”

“Her and Zane still head-over-heels?” he asked with a laugh.

“As much as you can be with three kids, a mortgage, and ten years behind you.”

“Ten years?” he asked. “Wow. Has it been that long?”

“Well, you were 20 when they got married, so... What, do they have different math out in California?”

“No,” he said, but he couldn’t shake what his father had said about decisions and how life makes them for you if you don’t make them for yourself. He was 30 years old, and what did he have to show for it? Yes. He had a job. Then it dawned on him that right now half-a-country away, someone else was doing that job. Life had gone on without him, and did anyone really care or notice?

He thought about Rachel and her worries about the kids if something happened to her. They would notice if she was gone. Thoughts streamed over thoughts, many too jumbled to even decipher. But one trumped all the others. He wanted his life to mean something to people who would actually miss him if he was gone.

“Have you heard from Caleb?” Sage asked as they worked on the bedroom boxes the next evening. There wasn’t much closet space, so they had resorted to folding and stacking the clothes in preparation for the arrival of the dresser on Saturday.

“We talked some last night.”

“He still in Texas?”

It hurt, but Rachel couldn’t lie. “Yeah. I think he’s enjoying his vacation.”

“Must be nice,” Sage said, folding a shirt and laying it on the stack.

“Tell me about it.” Rachel shook her head. “Sometimes I’d be thrilled to take a five-minute shower without worrying that I’m taking too long.”

“I hear you there. Luke’s great, but even he doesn’t get what it’s like to be kid-centric all the time. Take them in, pick them up, feed them, drive them here, there, and yonder.”

“Ugh. I’m not looking forward to that.”

“I’m not either and I’m there already,” Sage laughed. “Sometimes I look around and I ask myself how I even got here. Who is this person with a husband and four kids because the last thing I remember I was sixteen and the biggest decision I had to make was which party to go to.”

Then she grew quiet. “Then, you know, I remember some of the not-so-great stuff about back then, and I’m kinda glad I’m here now.”

Rachel half-smiled. “I hear you there.”

“Well, look who it is!” Sara, his older sister by three years, greeted Caleb as he came in with their parents. She came over, hugged him, and then held him out from her at arm’s length. “Wow! It’s amazing.”

“What’s that?” he asked in concern.

“You look just like that guy on the TV the kids are always saying looks so much like the uncle they never see anymore.”

He grinned. “Oh, yeah? Which one is that?”

“Eh, if I told you, you might get a bigger head than you’ve already got.” She took a swipe at his head as they both laughed.

“Wouldn’t want that,” he said as the sparkle his sister always put in his life returned. Unconditional love. That’s what he thought about when it came to his sister. She had been looking out for him for 30 years, smoothing the way and being his biggest cheerleader. Once again, he felt a gratefulness he’d neglected for far too long.

“Caleb,” Zane said from behind him, and when he turned, he was met with a handshake and a hug. “Nice to see you can still find your way back home, bud.”

“Well, it’s nice to have a home to find my way back to. Thanks for having us.”

“Wouldn’t have passed up that chance. Come on. The burgers are on the grill.”

By the time Sage left, Rachel was exhausted. Late nights, early mornings, worries and work. She pushed all those thoughts and the dreadful weight on her spirit away. If she let them take hold, she might never be able to convince herself to keep going.

The evening was thoroughly enjoyable. His aunt and uncle from Newton came, and two cousins and their kids rounded out the impromptu family reunion. Everyone was so excited about the prospect of the new show. They were so happy for him, so proud. It was the talk of the whole evening.

Caleb was glad his mother had kept the topic of Rachel from the general conversation or he was sure they would’ve had him married before he left. As they drove back to Jasper, Caleb looked out at the darkened world beyond the backseat window. His spirit felt like he was physically dragging it. Somehow he sensed that wasn’t how it should feel. Somehow he had thought being at the top of the world would be much different.

His thoughts bounced around from Texas to California and all the way to North Carolina and back again. Tomorrow he would leave, and he wasn’t one step closer to a solid answer about any of it. When they got home, his dad went on to bed, leaving Caleb and his mom in the little kitchen. Trying not to think of everything else, Caleb let his gaze go around it. It screamed out-of-date and yet it still wrapped around him like a warm blanket on a cold night.

“You want some tea?” his mom asked, and he shrugged.

“Sounds good.”

She nodded and set about making some on the decades-old stove. “You’ve been awful quiet tonight since we left. Anything you want to talk about?”

He collapsed into the chair at the table and exhaled. “I just wish I knew what to do.”

“About?”

“Life.” He shook his head slowly. “Ever since I started with Derek, part of me wanted to be the one running the show. Don’t get me wrong. Derek is great to work for, and if that’s all it ever turned out to be, I would have been cool with that. But there was a part, one part, the part that didn’t believe it was completely impossible, that always thought how I’d do it if I was the one running it.” The sigh raked across his over-tired spirit. “And now that it’s here, I can’t even believe I’m thinking what I’m thinking, that maybe that’s not what I want at all. Maybe I just want to go to North Carolina and remodel things there. But if I do that, will I regret it in a year or ten?

“Then again, if I take the job and give up on Rachel, will I regret that? I don’t know. It’s like whichever way I go, I’m going to lose.”

With a nod, his mother set the tea before him and sat down. “So what does Rachel think about all of this?”

That dragged his spirit even lower. “She wants me to take the job.”

His mother’s eyebrows went up. “Oh, really?”

“You seem surprised by that,” he half-asked.

She nodded. “Some, I guess.” Putting her cup down, she sat back. “I probably don’t know enough about Rachel to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Women, especially moms, often overspend themselves for the sake of others. They give, give, give, give until there’s nothing left to give even if they wanted to.”

Slowly Caleb nodded. He was pretty sure his mother was right about that one.

“They don’t put themselves on the list of what’s important, and everyone else’s needs and wants get prioritized above their own. My guess is with a military husband, she got put in that role pretty much from the start, and with the accident and having to take care of her mom, she’s so used to doing it, she does it without even realizing it.” Thinking for a moment, she sat forward. “Let me ask you this, does Rachel want you to take this job?”

Confusion rent his countenance. “She said she does.”

“I’m not talking about what she says. Does she want you to take this job?”

When he really paused and took a good look at the question, he knew the answer. “No. Not really.”

“So why is she telling you to take it then?”

And then he saw both why and the core of his jumbled feelings about the whole thing. “Because she wants what will make me happy."

“Regardless of…?”

“What I could be for her.”

“She’s stepping out of the way for your dream…”

The exhale brought a myriad of understanding tumbling into him. He could see it then, what she was willing to sacrifice for his sake—her own happiness, her own stability, the possibility of being assured that she wasn’t alone against the world. His spirit filled with hurt for her as he realized she was willing to face the storms on her own rather than asking for him to stay if it meant keeping him from going after his own dreams. She was giving up everything she needed for what he wanted.

“You okay?” his mom asked.

And after a long moment Caleb nodded. “I think I am.”

All that night, Caleb thought about what his mom had said. Of course he had seen Rachel’s dogged determination on behalf of others. So how had he so brazenly missed what she was willing to do for him? And then as he thought about it, he knew she had done the same thing for Nathan all those years ago. She had stepped back, taken on the mantel of the family so he could go face the world. Caleb wondered then if Nathan had ever known the sacrifice she had made. Probably not, but then again, Caleb couldn’t fault him for that. Maybe for other things, but not for that.

He thought back to the conversation with his father about decisions and then farther back to the story of the Prince in Cinderella. He wished as he lay in the dark that he could call the pastor and get the end of the story, but then, as he thought about it, it began to tell itself. The Prince even having seen Cinderella in the ashes and rags did not run back to his castle, he did not think her beneath him nor was he disgusted with her status. No. The Prince put the slipper on her foot, believing her to be not the woman in rags now before him but the princess he knew she really was.

And then, he asked for her hand in marriage. Caleb laughed softly at that and then sighed. He was sure the world would have called the Prince a fool, questioned his judgment in affording the ragged girl a place of honor in his kingdom, but like his mother had said people put on masks so you don’t always see who they really are. But just like the Prince, Caleb did know who she was, and if ever there was someone you wanted to walk with you through life, loyal, faithful, kind, generous, loving and true, it was Rachel Taylor.

Decide what’s most important to you and do whatever it takes every day to make the most important thing the most important thing.

Funny, as darkness began to cede the world to the light, Caleb finally knew how to do just that.

When the sun broke over the North Carolina shore on Thursday, Rachel was already headed to school with her kids in the back. He hadn’t called. Not that she had expected him to, except for the small shred of hope that he would. No. Caleb James was becoming a nice memory, and if it wasn’t for all the tears, she would have been grateful for that. God, please keep him safe no matter where life takes him from here.

“I hope you don’t mind, I threw the corn flake things out,” Caleb said when his mother emerged still in her robe though it was after nine the next morning. “Dad left early.” He was working on cleaning the cabinets, which he had realized were some type of polished Formica. Had they been in any other house, he would have gladly torn them out and never thought twice about it, but here, they held memories he had long forgotten.

There was the yellow stain where his mother had set the pan of burned rice. He still remembered the awful smell. Then there was the slice taken out of it where he used to cut apples after school when he was ten before his mother had explained rather loudly how he was ruining the countertop. Strange how he had never really appreciated the moments that had been lived in kitchens just like this one all across the country.

“What time’s your flight?” she asked, sounding a mix of sad and tired.

“One. I’ll probably be going here pretty soon. That Houston traffic is something else.”

Watching him, she tipped her head. “I guess Thanksgiving is too much to ask for. It’s only three weeks away now.”

A second and he finished the countertop and flipped the rag into the sink. Then he turned, crossed his arms and ankles leaning there next to her. “So what’s it like?” he asked as his gaze slipped over to her.

“What’s that?”

“Letting the ones you love go and chase their dreams?”

When she looked at him, there were tears in her eyes. “It’s the part of love no one tells you about.”

Swinging around to her, he pulled her into his arms and held her there. “Thank you.”

She nodded into his chest as her hand rested on her back. “You’re welcome.”

When Rachel checked her phone before lunch, she was surprised to see a missed call from Jane Mitchell. Wondering, she hit the call button and ducked deeper into the closet.

“Hello?” the voice came on, and Rachel had to drag up her courage.

“Uh, hi. Jane? This is Rachel Taylor. I saw you’d called?”

“Oh, Rachel. Yes. Thanks so much for calling me back.”

“Did you need something?”

“Well, it’s kind of something I’ve been thinking about. Aiden’s 18th birthday is next Saturday, and well, I couldn’t help but remember that cake you made for Natalie’s. I was just wondering if you might have time to do one for us. I’d pay you, of course.”

“Oh. Uh. No. You wouldn’t have to do that.”

“No. Now, listen, I insist. I was wondering if we could get together and put our heads together for the design sometime.”

“Uh. Yeah. Um, I’m going to be over at Mom’s new place after school, getting it ready for the move on Saturday if that would work for you?”

“Sounds great. I’ll be there.”

Packing really wasn’t much of an issue, and Caleb was finished well before his scheduled departure at one, so when his mother came in and offered him lunch before he left, he gladly accepted.

“So,” she said as they sat over the little meal, “have you come to any decisions?”

“A few,” he said without hinting at what they might be.

Slowly she nodded, sat for a moment, and then backed up and reached into her pocket. “I’ve been saving this for the right time, and I think this might be it. If it’s not, don’t think I’m trying to rush you into anything or push you into a decision because I want it. I’m not. I just… Well, I want you to have this for when the time is right for you.”

Carefully, she put her hand across the table and waited for him to accept the gift. He did so questioningly, and she spun her hand and put it on his. When the transfer was made, he looked down to find a perfect heart diamond in a vintage bronze wedding set lying there. In confusion, his gaze came up to hers.

“It was your grandmother’s wedding ring,” she said softly and there were tears in her eyes as her gaze met his. “If Rachel is the one, please tell her your mom says, ‘Welcome to our family.’”

As Caleb drove out of Jasper, he couldn’t believe he was actually going to do what his mind and heart told him he had decided. He knew it was right, but it spun his head just the same. It was a two-hour drive with the first hour pretty much nothing but him and the open road. Thinking would do him in. He needed something. With a breath, he took out his cell phone and dialed the number. Besides, it might not hurt to have some spiritual back-up on this one.

“Hi,” Rachel said when she opened the door to Jane who stood on the front porch of the small house. “Come on in.”

“Oh, this is just lovely. I hadn’t gotten to see one of these units from the inside yet,” Jane enthused. “This is perfect. Not too big but big enough to not be cramped. Oh, and you already have some of the decorations up.”

“We’re moving the furniture and Mom on Saturday. She wanted to be in before the first. Looks like we’ll make that with two days to spare.”

Jane smiled at her. “Your mom is so lucky to have you.”

Rachel barely got her own smile to her lips. “I think I’m the lucky one. Come on. Let’s talk about that cake.”

“Well, I’ve been wondering about you,” Pastor Steve said. “How is California?”

Caleb exhaled. “Good I guess, but I’m in Texas.”

“Texas? Okay. What’d I miss?”

In two miles Caleb had him filled in on both the detour his life had taken and the fact that he was coming up on the biggest decision of his life. “So, I was hoping you had something for me, some words of wisdom or something like that.”

“Well, I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything.” The pastor stopped for a moment. “Now this might be way off-base, but what I’m hearing God say is the word ‘dominion.’”

That threw a puzzle into Caleb. “Dominion?”

“Stay with me for a second because I’m trying to work out exactly what He’s trying to tell me.” The pastor paused for another moment. “Okay, it’s like Adam in the Garden. In the Garden, God gave Adam dominion over God’s creation. That doesn’t mean he was to dominate it, more that he was to be the steward of it, to be responsible for it. Yeah, like that. So the dominion God gave Adam was the responsibility to take care of His creation.”

“Okay?”

“That’s what God gives us as well. The responsibility to steward our lives and our world, to shape and mold them into what ultimately becomes a manifestation of our reality.”

“A man…?”

“To put it simply, we get to decide what our world looks like. Our decisions shape our world and our lives. So if you graduate and go to college, that’s one decision that shapes how your world will look going forward. If you don’t, that shapes it as well.”

Why did this sound so much like his father’s lecture only with different words?

“So what you decide will shape the way your world looks a year from now, five years from now, 80 years from now. That means it is critical to decide what is really your heart’s desire, and not just let that happen randomly.”

Oh, there were those times when all of God’s signs started pointing in the same direction, and those times made the hairs on the back of Caleb’s neck stand on end. “Okay, so watch my decisions. Got it. What else are you hearing?”

“Just that the decisions you make ultimately arise out of who you really are. So at the core of you, who are you? What is most important to you? Not to the world. Not to me or to Derek or even to Rachel. To you, Caleb, what is the most important? That decision comes from who you are inside, in your heart and your spirit, from what you value. So I think it’s important to ask yourself, ‘in my heart of hearts, what do I want my life to be? What do I want it to look like? What do I want to be? Who do I want to be?’

“Remember, who you project to the world cannot be different from your core for very long. You can’t be one person and manifest someone else. It won’t work. It’s like there are two ladders—the private-you ladder and the public-you ladder. If the private-you ladder is doing drugs and sleeping around, the public-you ladder will not be able to keep that a secret very long. Eventually, who you really are will become public. So the secret is to nurture the private you so much that if your deepest ‘secret you’ became public, no one would be shocked because it would be just like they always believed you were in the first place.”

The traffic was getting a bit heavier, and Caleb knew they didn’t have much more time. “Be who you want to be in public. Got it. What else?”

“Is there anyone you look up to? Anyone you truly admire?”

That was a trick question, but Caleb wasn’t going to tell the pastor that because the pastor himself was on that short list. “A few yes.”

“Good. Ask yourself, what do you admire about that person?”

There was a pause that continued longer than the pastor normally stayed quiet.

“So?” the pastor asked. “What do you admire about that person?”

“Well, there are a couple people really.”

“Okay, what do you admire about them?”

“Well, they work really hard, and they care a lot about what they’re doing. They don’t just throw things together.”

“Why do they care?”

“Why? Uh. Because it’s important to them that things are done right.”

“Why?” the pastor asked again.

“Why?” Caleb was beginning to twist in that question. “Because… they want… I don’t know. Because they don’t want to let other people down by giving them a junk job.”

“So what you’re saying is they value their work because they know what it can mean for the people who live there.”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“How do they treat their employees?”

Caleb thought through that, and he began to see what he never had before. “They work with the employees. It’s a team effort.”

“Even though the lead is ultimately responsible?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re saying they’re a good steward of the work place?”

How the pastor did that so effortlessly, Caleb would never know. “They help others,” he said slowly, softer. “They make others important.”

“How?”

“By thinking about them and listening to them and pouring their life into making their world better.”

“You see, all those things you admire in others are things that you value. Live those values, Caleb. Look to them for an example, and then follow that example. When you do that, the big stuff will follow. Nurture your garden. Tend it, water it, and weed it if necessary. Become the steward God meant for you to be of the garden where He planted you.”

“Thanks, Pastor.”

“Anytime, Caleb.”

The cake was chosen. It wouldn’t be overly difficult—a baseball and bat with his high school number written in the middle to be delivered the following Saturday. As Rachel folded the drawing, a thought traced through her head. She almost beat it back down into its box in the dungeon and got the lock put on, but at the last possible second, it leaped from her heart before she could snatch it back. “Hm. This is so not on the topic of cakes, but I’ve been kind of wondering…”

Jane’s gaze was steady and compassionate. “About?”

Her courage fled, but she grabbed it back at the last second. “You remember the other day when you were talking about how the two halves can’t make a whole in a relationship?”

“Yes?”

Rachel put her gaze on the countertop. “Well, I’ve just been wondering if it’s possible for someone who’s never felt very whole to figure out how to get there.” It was stupid to even ask. It wasn’t like he was coming back, and if he was gone, what difference did it make anyway? “Can someone who is really broken ever be whole again?”

“Yes, it’s very possible, and I speak from experience.” Jane’s smile was transfixing. “When Steve and I got together, I was plenty broken. I came from a home that was so dysfunctional, we couldn’t have hit functional with a dead-on sniper shot. My dad drank… a lot. Mom worked all the time. My two little brothers were in and out of trouble. Mostly in if you want to know the real truth. I felt about as worthless as a dirty, old shoe, and I looked about as good as one too. Steve was the preacher’s son, and to say I didn’t feel worthy of dating him much less of him liking me, well…”

“But those things weren’t your fault.”

“No, but I almost let them become my excuse,” Jane said.

“I don’t understand.”

There was a long breath as Jane lined up the words in her eyes and her mind. “It’s been my experience that Satan tries to talk each of us out of using the gifts God gave us. He puts up ‘reasons’ that we can’t actually do what God has put on our hearts to do. For some of us, he uses things like you’re too tall or too short, too old, too young, or too inexperienced. Or maybe it’s that we don’t have enough education or the right credentials. Like me. For a long time, I wouldn’t talk to people like this because I didn’t have a degree on the wall. I hid my gift for connecting with people because I was convinced I wasn’t good enough to do it.

“But there are lots and lots of excuses people use if you ever bother to look. For some people it’s their skin color or their background. For some it’s their weight or their family history. For some it’s a fear of failure or a fear of what others will think. Whatever it is, we use it as a reason to not jump, to not take the chance and go for the desires God has put on our hearts, to stay locked inside a hard, safe little shell of fear and hopelessness.”

“I don’t know,” Rachel said softly. “I think maybe you can get too broken to put back together.”

“Then you’re vastly underestimating God.” Completely beyond comprehension, Jane smiled. “Do you know what He sees when He looks at you?”

Lands, Rachel was pretty sure she didn’t want to hear this. “A complete and utter mess?”

“A beautiful soul who has been beaten, bruised and battered by Satan and his minions.”

That surprised her, and she looked up.

“You have a soft heart,” Jane said. “The arrows hurt. I know. I’ve seen them. But the hurt hasn’t made you bitter. It’s made you more determined than ever to be there for those you love.”

“Huh. Fat lotta good that’s done me.”

However, Jane shook her head. “I see you. I’ve watched you with the little ones and with your mom and even before all that, when you were younger. You never needed the spotlight to be in there helping out because that’s just who you are. I know, you think you’re living a very small life, that what you’re doing can’t possibly make a difference in this world, but let me tell you, in God’s eyes, there are no small parts—only people that misjudge the importance of roles. Take your kids for example. You’re raising them, and although you probably don’t see it right now, you are training them to be good people in the world that’s coming. As a mom, it’s easy to feel that what we do doesn’t really matter, but what if… what if we are raising the child who will cure cancer or who will stop a war or turn someone to God and save their soul for eternity? We don’t know that, do we? We don’t know now what they will be in the future. But God does.”

Rachel shook her head very slowly, having never thought of her role as a mom this way.

“Society looks down on us and tells us that raising kids is somehow beneath our dignity as human beings. But what bigger, more important thing could there be than to train up the next generation? That’s a legacy no one else can make for us. That’s something that will make a difference not just now, but years and years into the future. Don’t let Satan trick you into believing that’s a small thing because it’s one of the biggest, most important jobs out there.”

“But,” Rachel said softly because she really didn’t want to admit to this, “I can see that if they were born, you know, into a stable family, but I’m barely scraping by, and the way I had them isn’t something I’m very proud of.”

With a half-smile, Jane shook her head. “Believe me, I’m the last person who’s going to try to account for how and why God chooses to give children to who He does the way He does. Steve and I tried, literally for years, to have a child. A child, just one. And I wanted a big family. Seven, eight kids. Trust me, there are a lot of things about God—what He does, how He works, what He allows, and what He doesn’t that make no sense at all to me here. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I think it’s like if you have a needlepoint tapestry, and all you see is the back of it. It makes no sense like that. When things start making no sense to me, and that happens a lot, I have to stop and remember that God sees the front side of the tapestry where it all makes sense. And I think there is going to come a day when He’s going to show us the front side, and we’re going to go, ‘Ohhh! I get it now!’” She laughed. “Maybe that’s just me wanting to understand or something, but it’s something I’ve thought of a lot over the years.

“Honestly, I don’t know why things happen the way they do,” she continued. “I don’t know why people die and others are spared. I don’t know why tragedy after tragedy hits one person and another seems to skate through life. On this side of the tapestry, it makes no sense to me. But my faith says on God’s side, it will make sense.”

“You know,” Rachel said, letting her guard down more than a smidge, “I don’t think Caleb is coming back. I really don’t. I think he’s going to stay in California, and I’m really trying to be okay with that, but…”

Jane nodded. “I wish I could tell you that he’ll come back. I know what it’s like to let go of a dream you want so badly.” This smile was softer, wistful almost. “I had to do that with having kids. Every time I thought I was pregnant, it was like this unbelievable hope, and then…” She closed her eyes as ache traced over them. A breath and she opened them again. “What you have to know is that sometimes God’s dreams for you are different than you imagined they would be. We think our life needs to look like this or that, but God knows what we really need and how our lives will best benefit both His Kingdom and other people’s lives. So, like the boys. If I had had seven children already, we probably never would have even looked into adopting. This is what God had in mind all along, but I had to let go of the way I saw my life going to let His way in.”

“But…”

“It’s not easy,” Jane continued over Rachel’s protest. “It’s not. I’ll be the first one to tell you it’s not. It took a lot of heart work for me to finally turn my life totally over to God and let Him decide how it was going to go. And there was nothing easy about that. But once I did it, once I gave it all to Him, I found His way, though often a lot different than I had in mind, turned out to be exactly where I was supposed to be.”

“Can I tell you something?” Rachel asked so softly even she wasn’t sure she had said it out loud.

“Absolutely.”

She weighed saying it three more seconds because admitting it hurt. “Sometimes… I get really mad at God… for how things have gone.” She sniffed hard and swiped at her nose. “And then I think why am I getting mad at Him? It’s not His fault. I’m the one who made all those stupid decisions. I was the one who dropped out of college because it was more fun to party. I was the one who hooked up with Nathan without any thought as to what might come next. It’s weird, you know, because to be honest, I don’t think we were ever even really in love with each other. We met, we hooked up, but we didn’t even really know each other. We tried to be in love, but…”

“Love isn’t about being physical with each other. The world says it is. They say that’s 100 percent of what makes a relationship. But in my experience, that’s about five percent. Ninety-five percent is learning to work together as a team toward a life that works for both of you. It’s about being friends and loving each other through the tough places of life. It’s getting into the other one’s boat and refusing to leave no matter what. It’s being there for them and letting them be there for you.”

Rachel sighed as her heart turned over at the thought of him, thousands of miles away and drifting farther and farther with each breath. “I don’t know how you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Let someone be there for you,” she said simply. Closing her eyes, she beat the emotion back. “I mean, I get being there for them, but…” She let out a long, slow breath to keep the tears at bay. It didn’t help much, but she was trying just the same. “I don’t have a real great track record with the people I love staying around.” The sniff was short and humiliating. “Some of them die, and some of them just leave. It’s hard to keep loving when you know you’re going to get smashed in the end.”

When she sniffed this time, Rachel’s spirit collapsed into itself, falling into a black hole of what’s the point? However, just as grief overwhelmed her, she felt the hands and then the arms come around her, and she buried her sorrow into them, weeping from the depths of her being.

“I know,” Jane whispered into her hair as she held Rachel. “I know. Let it out.”

At the second airport of the afternoon, Caleb went through it on autopilot. His mind was elsewhere. He wanted to call her, to tell her, but she was busy. He was sure of that. As he waited in line to board the next plane, he looked out at the cold sunshine beyond the Denver windows and sent up yet another prayer for her. If the pastor was right and he usually was, Caleb knew this new life would require more of him than he had ever imagined life could ask.

Reaching in his pocket, he fingered the little box his mother had dug up to put the ring in. God, please keep her safe for me.

Finally, Rachel sniffed and pulled back, pushing the bush of hair from her face though her gaze stayed on the floor between them.

“You okay?” Jane asked, angling her gaze down.

Almost imperceptibly Rachel nodded. “It’s weird. I always thought love was supposed to be easy.”

That brought a wisp of a laugh out of Jane as she sat down. “No. Real love is the hardest thing you will ever do.”

“Yeah.” Rachel tipped her eyebrows. “I think I’m learning that the hard way.”

Jane nodded and then grew thoughtful. “You know what you said before about not being proud of how your kids came to be?”

That stung but Rachel couldn’t argue. “Yeah?”

“Well, I think sometimes when we’ve made decisions we’re not proud of, it kind of starts this vicious cycle.” Jane put her hands together, meshing the fingers. “We do something off-the-straight-and-narrow, and then we feel the guilt, so we hide in shame. We put a mask on and refuse to let others see what we perceive as the real us. When they try to love us, we push it away thinking we don’t deserve it, and so we never feel love or forgiveness—from them or from God. It’s like we become our own judge and jury. We’re so convinced and convicted of our own sinfulness, Satan doesn’t even have to try to keep us down, we keep ourselves in chains of shame and self-loathing.”

A moment and she unlatched her fingers. “But Jesus came to free us of all of that. He said He came so that we might have life more abundantly. Now what He didn’t say is that abundant life was only for those who deserved it. In fact, the Bible says we’ve all sinned and fallen short of the Kingdom. That means there isn’t a perfect person among us. We all need Jesus. But it’s important to know that Jesus has already forgiven you. He died on a cross 2,000 years ago so He could go into hell and break the cell doors open and unlock the chains around you. He already did that.”

Rachel shook her head vehemently. “Then why don’t I feel forgiven?”

“Because although Jesus already forgave you, you haven’t accepted what He already did.”

She took that arrow right through the heart almost physically going backward with the force of it. “Because I don’t deserve His forgiveness,” she whispered. “What I did…”

But Jane laughed again. “Oh, honey, I love you. What you’re not getting is that none of us deserve God’s forgiveness—not a single one, but in His mercy and love, God chose to forgive us anyway. He chose to set us free and give us new life in Him even though, you’re right, not a one of us deserved it.”

Chaos reigned in Rachel’s mind and heart as she tried to sort through it all. “I don’t know how you do that, how you accept that forgiveness. The truth is, I don’t even want to forgive myself.”

Gently, Jane reached over and put her hand on Rachel’s. “You start by letting yourself accept what God wants to give you, and then you learn to give yourself some grace and stop punishing yourself for the mistakes and sins of the past. Grace is learning to walk in the understanding that I’m not perfect, but I choose to believe more in God’s love for me than in sin’s right to keep me down. It says, ‘You know what? I choose to walk in the victory of Jesus Christ rather than in my own defeat.’ It’s believing in His righteousness rather than trying to gain our own. He already did it, Rachel. He already set you free. Why in the world are you still in a jail cell that has already been open? His mercy and His grace opened that door. All you have to do is step out into the victory He already won for you.”

A moment and Rachel could feel the chains cracking from around her heart and her spirit. She let out a breath and mashed back the tears of disbelieving joy. How long had she felt those chains? How long had she believed in them and let herself be held down by them? Another moment and pure joy jumped to the surface as tears sprang up and began dripping down her cheeks. She sniffed and wiped them away, realizing these were no longer tears of pain but tears of freedom. Looking up, she couldn’t keep them from flowing even as she smiled. “Okay. Just so you know, you don’t need that degree on the wall.”

Jane’s tears flowed with hers as the two women sat together basking in the victory God had gained to set them free.

Chapter 30

“Hey,” Caleb said that night as he sat in the nondescript hotel room, wishing he was anywhere else.

“Hey,” Rachel replied, sounding a bit surprised but happy to hear his voice. “How’s Texas?”

“Okay, I guess.” The familiar touch of homesickness that always accompanied leaving home brushed his heart. “But I’m back in California now.”

“Oh.” Her confusion and fear whispered through the syllable.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to give them an answer tomorrow.” He picked at the loose fibers on the comforter and brushed them from his fingertips without really seeing them.

Her sigh was so soft, he almost didn’t hear it. “Well, good luck,” she finally said with no strings attached to the words. “I know this is going to be great for you.”

He heard it then, what he surmised had been there all along. She was letting him go so he could chase his dream. She didn’t want to, but she was, for his sake. Caleb thought through the question that had been on loop in his heart, wondering if he should actually ask it. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more pain, but he needed to know just the same. “You know, I’ve been wondering about something, and if it’s none of my business, just tell me okay?”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Vulnerable and tender, her voice sounded like she knew this question would break her in two, and yet she would let him ask it anyway.

Caleb thought back through it all and came to the one moment he’d been spinning around for two days. “I’ve just been wondering about Nathan.”

The sharp intake of air told him asking might not be such a good idea. “Nathan? What about him?”

“Well, you said you never told him about Natalie. But what about Rhett, was he there for you then?”

Somehow in all of her thoughts about this conversation, Rachel had never so much as considered him asking such a question. What did it matter now? That was water under a fallen bridge. Still, she couldn’t help but remember how alone she had felt during that time, how scared, how overwhelmed. But what could she do? Call home and tell her parents who were already disappointed in her after she’d dropped out of school that she was pregnant with a child, and that she hardly even knew the father even though she was practically living with him? How could she tell them he had no intentions of marrying her? And worse, that the child was the product of a string of nights of trying to make him stay because she couldn’t stand the thought of being alone?

Love. Strange how she had thought it was love at the time but in hindsight it looked nothing like it at all.

“Rach?” Caleb asked softly, coaxing out the answer she hadn’t given.

Sniffing she shook her head. “Well, he wasn’t thrilled, let’s just put it that way.”

“Was he there when Rhett was born?”

Her sarcastic laugh serrated across her heart. “Uh, well, I think ‘there’ would be generous.”

It wasn’t that Caleb was surprised, more that he was angry he turned out to be right. He let out a breath so he didn’t say all the fury surging in him. “Explain that.”

Her voice got very far away then, and he wished they could do this in person. However, he knew it was important for him to hear this.

“Nathan was on-duty a lot at the time, and even when he wasn’t, I didn’t see him much. I tried to tell myself it was part of his job and who was I to complain? I mean, that’s a military thing, right? It’s part of the package—them being gone all the time.” She sounded so logical and strong, it broke his heart. “The last thing I wanted to do was make things any harder on him. He had enough stress, and I wasn’t helping anything. So I did all the appointments by myself and tried to keep things as nice as I could for him at home when he showed up.”

Caleb wanted to tell her she really should have told the boy to man-up. Man-up. Be a man. And that didn’t just mean doing macho things like climbing walls and firing a rifle. Mostly it meant taking care of those you’re responsible for taking care of, like your pregnant girlfriend and your unborn child.

“Did you ever tell him?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “Did you tell him how much you needed him?”

Her soft laugh ripped his heart out. “No. Nathan didn’t need me to need him. He needed me to be strong so he could…”

“Chase his own dreams?”

She sighed softly. “Yeah.”

Caleb thought about her answer long into the night. He was angry with Nathan, but he was as angry with himself as anything. How many women had he used and simply discarded along the way? How many times had he thought only of himself—what he wanted, what he needed and never once so much as thought about them? Too many, he decided.

He still wasn’t sure he could do it, but the pastor had reminded him time and again he couldn’t without relying on God. Although he had never so much as considered putting God in the center of a relationship and would have cringed at the thought before, Caleb was only now beginning to see that a relationship built on anything else was doomed. His own strength, generosity, love? Yeah, those were great ideas in theory but nearly impossible to live out in real life. He was too selfish, blind, and stubborn to consistently put someone else first. It was only when he stopped looking at himself to fulfill them and started leaning on God to do so that he actually felt like they might be possible. “Okay, God,” he said, rolling over at half-past three, “I’m ready to do this Your way. Show me how.”

By Friday morning Rachel felt like she’d been through an emotional wood chipper. As she went about the motions of her day, her gut ticked off the minutes to one o’clock California time even as she prayed for him. Yes, today he would step into his dream, into the life he was always meant to live, and she would have to find a way to go on without him. She thought about their conversation the night before, about Nathan and all those days that seemed so long in the past. Nobody had to tell her how hard the next part would be. She had lived it once. The only question now was, could she survive it yet again?

“Welcome, welcome, Caleb,” Mr. Socroft said, shaking Caleb’s hand. “We’re so glad you could make it.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“Please.” Mr. Socroft waved at the chair across the boardroom table as Caleb finished up with the greetings. “Have a seat.”

Caleb obliged, sitting down and pulling his jacket to right around him.

“So, Caleb,” Mr. Socroft said without trying to hide the excitement. “I trust you’ve considered our offer?”

Slowly Caleb nodded. “I have, and let me say I truly, truly appreciate this opportunity. Home & Hearth has been very good to me over the past several years, and I want you to know it’s been an honor to work with this company.”

“Good. Good. We’re glad to hear it,” Mr. Socroft said. “So, on the new show. When do you think you’d like to start production? We have been reworking the schedule to accommodate…”

“Wh… Uh…” Dragging in a breath, Caleb told his heart to settle down even as he moved to stop life from bulldozing over him. “No, Mr. Socroft, I think you may have misunderstood.”

“Misunder…” Mr. Socroft stopped with a hard thwack, paused and then tilted his head. “I don’t understand.”

This breath was shorter and much calmer as carefully, Caleb laid his folded hands on the table. “While I truly do appreciate the offer, I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”

Mr. Socroft looked like he’d been shot. “Decline?” Stunned, he looked around at the others who looked at him wide-eyed. Slowly his eyes narrowed as his gaze came back over to Caleb. “I’m sorry. Are you… turning this down?”

A second and Caleb laughed softly before nodding. “I am.”

“I see,” Mr. Socroft said once again looking around at the others. He turned his gaze back to Caleb, and it was hard now, the excitement gone. “Would you mind elaborating on your decision, Mr. James? Was our offer not good enough for you?”

The farther he went the easier it got. “Oh, no, the offer was quite generous, and believe me, I know anybody would have to be crazy to pass it up.”

Confusion rained down Mr. Socroft’s face. “Okay? Then, I… have to say, I don’t quite understand why you would choose to decline.”

Suddenly life became very bright for Caleb. He hadn’t expected that. He had expected panic and darkness. So his own smile surprised him. “I love building things, and I have loved being on TV building things. But right now, my heart is telling me I don’t need to be in California and Missouri and Tampa building other people’s dreams. What I really need to be doing is working on my own dreams… in North Carolina.”

Understanding seemed to dawn on all the table’s occupants at the same time. Their glances at one another held not anger but acceptance.

“See, I can swing a hammer anywhere,” Caleb continued, “but North Carolina needs me, and to be honest with you, I need it.”

Rather than anger after a long moment, Mr. Socroft smiled before glancing at his colleagues. “Well, I can’t say I’m not disappointed,” he said, looking at the others, “but I also can’t say any of us are really surprised.”

They might not have been but the comment knocked Caleb backward. “You’re not?”

His former boss’s smile became a laugh. “No. After watching the footage, I think we all knew something rather special was happening out there, and it didn’t much have to do with fixing up a house.”

That stunned Caleb to the core, and his gaze fell to his hands. “Oh. I…”

A second and Mr. Socroft stood, came around the table and offered him a hand as Caleb stumbled to his feet to accept it. “Let me be the first to say, ‘Congratulations.’ Although I hate the fact that you’re leaving us, I know after seeing the two of you together, you are making the right decision, and I wish you both every happiness.”

“Th-thanks.”

Be with him as he takes this step, Rachel prayed, her heart overflowing with how much she was going to miss him. Please, God, be with him.

When Caleb walked out of the confines of the Home & Hearth Channel building, he felt like he’d just been dropped into a fun house with no time to get his bearings. He was free. Free to do… what? He had no idea.

Heart and soul he had been so focused on what happened in that boardroom, he hadn’t really considered what came after that. Putting his hand in his pocket, he clutched the little box even as he hailed a cab. Okay, God. I hope You know what You’re doing here.

It was over by now, and her watching the clock, thinking he would call or text or something wasn’t doing her heart any good. One-by-one, Rachel picked up the little chairs and put them up on the tables as Elaine went through the end-of-the-week routine with the children. The end of the week. Already. How had it come so fast?

Tonight she and Sage would get the rest of the place ready for the furniture tomorrow. Luke had assured her that with the boys’ help, they could have it all moved by noon. Her spirit said she hoped so because her determination to get through this was about to give out on her.

Putting the last chair up, she folded her arms and listened for a moment to the happy, little voices bouncing off the walls of the school. With so much excitement and happiness permeating the space, she wondered why all she wanted to do was cry.

The first plane ride happened so fast, Caleb hardly had a chance to take a breath. However, the layover to get to the second one was threatening to take his knees out from under him. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of thousands of people on their way to somewhere else, he pulled out the cell phone and hit the first button. He needed to this now before it trickled down through the grapevine.

“Hello. This is Derek. Talk to me.”

Caleb smiled at his friend’s familiar greeting. “Hey, there. You got a minute?”

“For you, absolutely.” Then Derek gave a few instructions before coming back on. “What’s up? You and Seth make the deal of a lifetime?”

Seth. Caleb hadn’t even thought of the agent in days. “Uh. No. Not exactly.”

A few more instructions, and Derek came back on, sounding far more concerned than before. “No? What happened? I thought it was pretty much a done-deal.”

It didn’t take long to explain, but even as Caleb did, his friend’s silence whispered he might not have made the right decision.

“Wow,” Derek said when the story finished. “So, what then? You quit completely?”

Strange how Caleb hadn’t really thought about that. “Well, I turned the new show down, yeah.”

Silence flowed across the line.

“So is that it then? You’re not coming back? Even to here?”

Somehow Caleb hadn’t realized this would be a resignation call. He swallowed hard, sensing he should have thought this through a little better. “I… I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it, but… yeah?”

More silence followed, punctuated only by indiscriminate background building noise.

“Man, I gotta tell you, I really hate to hear that,” Derek finally said.

“Yeah,” Caleb said, deflating as he realized he’d just closed a chapter he hadn’t even known was ending.

Another second and Derek seemed to recover a bit. “So, what, then? Are you headed to North Carolina?”

Caleb glanced up at the screen filled with flights and times. “My flight leaves in two hours. I was hoping to get out there and surprise her tonight.”

“And she doesn’t know you’re coming?”

“No. I wanted to do this in person.”

“Well, good luck with that.”

“Thanks.”

As much as Rachel had told herself she had to stay in one piece, doing so was proving harder than she had ever imagined. Every movement felt destined to break her in half. Every moment was one more step into an oblivion she wanted nothing to do with.

“Here?” Sage asked, positioning the little family picture on the wall.

Without even really looking, Rachel nodded and sighed. “Yeah, that looks good.”

The knock on the door startled them both, and Rachel went over to answer it with a tug on her shirt tail as Sage hammered in the little nail. When Rachel opened the door, surprise lit her spirit. “Jane?” She pushed the screen door open. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know. But Steve said he drove by and saw the two cars. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, uh. No. I don’t mind. Come on in. The more the merrier.”

Fighting not to lose his mind, Caleb called first his parents and then Pastor Steve. He wanted to call her, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to say what he would have to say if he did.

“Yeah,” he said when he had relayed the story of declining the offer for the third time. It was strange how only now it was sinking in what he had really done in California. “I already talked to Derek, and it looks like I’m pretty much an unemployed carpenter at this point. Tell me again how this was a smart idea.”

“You know,” Pastor Steve said. “I think sometimes there’s a lag time between doing what God is asking of us and seeing what He had in mind all along. It’s like Good Friday. If we had been there, it would have looked like the most disastrous thing to ever happen. It wasn’t until they got to Easter Sunday and the resurrection that the point of Good Friday started to make any sense.”

“But what if this was a mistake? What if I get there, and I was reading this all wrong?”

“What if you don’t?”

“This is nice,” Sage said when they had finished every detail they could think of. “I don’t get much girl-time unless it’s with Livvie and Mace.”

“Grown-up girl bonding time,” Jane said. “I haven’t had this in ages.”

The three of them sat on the floor with a cheese pizza in the middle, munching and taking a break from life.

“We should do this more often,” Sage said, leaning back.

Jane grabbed another piece. “Girls’ night out. It’s good for the soul.”

A second and Sage looked over at Rachel who had tried to stay with the conversation but was now failing miserably. “So, Rach?”

She looked up, and Sage smiled softly, worry in her beautiful eyes.

“I know,” Rachel said, heading whatever the question was off at the pass, “I’m sorry I’m not very good company tonight.”

However, instead of condemnation, there was only compassion in the eyes of both women.

“He hasn’t called?” Jane asked gently, and Rachel shook her head.

“I really thought he would, you know?” Rachel let herself release the breath before she shook her head again almost without moving it. “I get it, you know… him moving on and everything. It’s just that letting go never gets any easier.” Her gaze dropped to the carpet and she hunched there with her elbows on her knees, fighting the tears. “I keep telling myself that it’s okay he doesn’t call, that I’m okay with him calling only when he can…”

“But…” Sage asked.

Rachel glanced over at her friend. “I don’t know, am I being selfish? I don’t want to get all schizo on him. I don’t want…”

“… to need him?” Sage asked.

She didn’t want to nod so she didn’t.

A second and Jane let out a breath. “It can be so hard being in a relationship because sometimes we need to feel like we can ask, and yet we feel like that’s being selfish, so we get stuck in this spiral of not asking and then we lose no matter what. We feel guilty if we ask, if we speak up and say something, and unloved if we don’t. It’s such a trap.”

“I just don’t know how to be his friend,” Rachel said. “If I could just figure out how to be there for him without letting myself think he’ll be there for me. There are times I think I can, and then, it’s like I’m drowning in trying.”

“Even with Luke sometimes,” Sage said. “I know he’s trying and he’s working to provide for us, but sometimes…” She stopped and shook her head.

“Sometimes?” Jane asked.

A breath and Sage’s eyes came up and they shone with the unshed tears. “Sometimes I wish he’d see I don’t just need the money he can make. That I need him too. I need him to be there for me, with me. Sometimes I just want to stop everything and spend some time together.” She splayed her hand out. “Eating pizza on the floor and just talking.”

Jane laughed. “Steve spends so much time helping everybody else, sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even know I’m there.” Her laugh fell as her face crumpled. “It’s like I feel guilty to even ask for some of his time.”

“The crazy thing is, they aren’t bad guys,” Sage said. “They really aren’t. They help so many people, and they do such good work in the world…”

Silence descended on them.

“So it’s not just me then?” Rachel finally asked.

And wearily they both looked at her. After a moment they took a breath.

“No,” Sage finally said.

Jane shook her head. “It’s not just you.”

The questioning if this was the right decision lasted all the way until Caleb’s feet touched the ground in Virginia. Yes, this had been one of the hardest decisions of his life, but finally he knew he was going toward something that was whole and good and right. The problem was it was now almost eleven o’clock. The extended layover, the flight times, the time zones had all conspired to get him here much later than he had originally planned. Thus, he found himself starting the three-hour drive in the dark with no real destination.

He thought through his options. He couldn’t call Rachel. He couldn’t just show up either. Although her mother might be up, calling her didn’t feel quite right. Finally, running out of good options, he pulled out the cell phone and dialed the number.

One ring. Two. They were probably asleep too. He should just…

“Hello?” the sweet voice asked with a clarion call of concern underlying it.

“Oh. Hey, Sage. Uh, this is Caleb.”

The concern whipsawed into something about halfway between panic and anger. “Caleb? Is everything okay? What’s going on? We’ve been wondering where you are.”

That was odd. Why would Sage Baker even care?

“Oh. Uh. Well,” he said and then looked around and wondered how he was going to explain this one, “truth is, I just got off a plane in Norfolk, and I’m heading your direction.”

“Norfolk?” Her voice shimmied up three octaves. “What are you doing there? I thought you were in California.”

“I was.” Tired hit him at the thought of replaying the day again. “Listen, I’m coming back into town tonight, and I really don’t want to disturb Rachel or her mom. I just need a place to crash for a few hours, shower, shave, that kind of thing.”

When she said nothing, he began to sense this wasn’t a good idea.

“I know this is short notice, and really, if I had to, I could go on and stay in Greely…”

“What?” she asked, seeming to snap back to life. “No. No, of course not. Of course you’re welcome here any time.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. Thanks. Listen, just leave the back door unlocked. I can let myself in when I get there. No need to wait up or anything.”

At two in the morning when Caleb pulled in to the Bakers’ driveway half dead from the strain of the day and the thoughts of what tomorrow would bring. He parked, shut off the pickup and dragged himself and his stuff out. There was a small light glowing from the living room window, but he figured they were just being nice leaving a light on for him.

Up the walk and into the house he went, making sure to be very quiet and to lock the door behind him. Step-by-silent-step he went through the kitchen, and he was all the way into the living room when he realized his hostess was sitting there waiting for him. He pulled up short as she looked up from the book she was reading in the chair. “Oh. Hey,” he said, surprise and awkwardness clinging to the words.

Her smile held whole handfuls of distrust. “Hey.”

“Uh?” His gaze went around the small room and to the side door. “I thought you would be in bed already.”

“Yeah.” Her eyes went harder, and never taking them off of him, she stood, putting the book down on the chair without so much as a backward glance at it.

Why did he suddenly feel like he was on trial? His brain flashed him back to her kitchen when he had shown up sans Rachel to get the food. Sage Baker was as sweet as honey, but he had the feeling tonight she wasn’t in a honey-kind-of mood.

“You know, not that it’s any of my business or anything,” she said, her eyes narrowing as she folded her arms, “but this whole bait and switch thing you’ve got going on is really starting to grate on my last nerve.”

The shot hit him square and sent him reeling. “Bait and switch? Wh…?”

Disgust marred her sweet face. “Oh. Don’t play dumb with me. I grew up in Hollywood. I know all about that game.”

Caleb couldn’t figure out where this was coming from or where it was going. “What game? I’m not…”

“Don’t. Okay?” Her words were sharp, slicing right through his protest. “I’m not stupid. I know you’ve hung Rachel out to dry for the last week. I know you’ve called when it was convenient for you and left her high-and-dry when you didn’t feel like making the effort.”

The venom in her words slammed into him, causing first anger, then defensiveness, and finally complete confusion. “I…”

“Well, let me tell you something. That girl does not need you showing up to get your kicks with her for a few days and then riding out of here again to go bask in the spotlight somewhere.”

Indignant, he stared at her. “Look, I’m not…”

“No,” Sage said harshly. “You look. I get it. Okay? You’re a big-time star now, and you can’t be bothered with how torn up she is over this, but I will not let you come in here and rip her into shreds anymore. Do you hear me? She is never going to tell you what you leaving does to her, and maybe it’s not my place to say it, but I’m going to say it anyway. The last thing she needs is to try to pick up the pieces every time you leave.”

Rather than argue and knowing his heart on the subject, Caleb decided to shut his mouth and listen for a change. Anything that had Sage this fired up at two in the morning, angry enough to take him out if he so much as flinched must be really, really important. So instead of protesting, he nodded for her to continue.

“We don’t say it,” she said, the anger turning to hurt. “We try to be brave and act like it doesn’t take a piece of us away when everything else is more important and we get whatever’s left of you at the end of the day, but every time you do that, we get the message that we’re not as important to you as whatever else it is that you have going on. I saw Rachel tonight. Okay? I sat with her this week, and I watched her cry because she was trying to step back so you could have the big time life you’ve always wanted. I watched her, fighting to go on like this wasn’t killing her. She’s strong, Caleb. You of all people know that. But she is not this strong. She’s not. She can’t take you showing up for a day or two here or there and then taking off like you don’t even care what she goes through when you leave.”

The diatribe stopped, and Sage shook her head, tears of vehemence shimmering on her lashes. “She loves you, Caleb, more than you’ll ever know and probably more than is even good for her. She loves you so much she’s willing to go through hell herself so you can be happy.” Sage shook her head. “Look, I know, I have no right to ask this, but she’s my friend, and I love her so much. So, please, if she’s just a stop-over on your way to somewhere else, don’t do that to her. Okay? Just don’t…”

Although earlier he would have fought to the death to defend himself, Caleb now understood her deep passion was born of a desperate need to protect her friend. A second and he let gratefulness for Sage’s place in Rachel’s life touch his heart. Here, standing before him was someone as committed to the woman he loved as any family member ever could be.

Letting his duffle bag slide off his shoulder and hit the ground, he nodded, keeping his head down even as he stepped over to her. Surprise lit her face as he put one arm around her and reached into his other pocket.

“Caleb, what…?” she began, twisting to get free of him even as he snapped the little box open and held it out for her to see inside.

One look at it stopped her cold. Stunned into shocked silence, she looked from the ring up to him, and he down grinned at her.

Wide-eyed she gasped as she looked back down at the ring. “Are you serious?”

His grin turned into a laugh. “I think we’re in agreement.”

“Oh!” Turning all the way to him, she put her arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“No,” he said softly as he wrapped his arm around her waist. “I’m glad you did. I needed to hear that.”

When the hug broke, Sage never lost the wide eyes. “But I don’t…? How…? You’re…? What about…?”

His grin dropped into soft seriousness. “I didn’t take it. I turned them down.”

Again her eyes went wide in utter disbelief. “You didn’t?”

He laughed. “I did.”

And now she was hugging him again and hopping up and down. Ten seconds and she broke free, still bouncing. “So, what then? You’re going to ask her? When? How? Oh, man, is she going to be blown away. She is going to completely freak out!”

Her excitement was contagious, and Caleb felt himself being drawn in.

“Okay,” he said, taking her arms, “but listen, you can’t let her know. You can’t tell anyone.”

The excitement fell into exasperation. “Anyone?”

Tipping his head, he burrowed his gaze into hers. “Anyone.”

When the sun blinked over the horizon the next morning, Rachel was already out of bed, dressed, and making breakfast. Jane would be at her door any minute to watch the kids. Pastor Steve and the boys wouldn’t be far behind, headed out to the farm. As she waited for the waffles, Rachel ticked down all the things they needed to get done today. The beds would have to come down and the couch and of course the recliner.

The table was probably too big for the tiny space. They would need to measure that. About the time she had completely panicked about maneuvering the furniture and where they were going to put everything, the knock sounded on her door. Jane.

Rachel wiped her hands and shook her head. “Let the fun begin.”

The late night and jet lag conspired to kill Caleb’s plan to get up early. In fact, it wasn’t until Luke tapped him on the shoulder that he remembered he was supposed to wake up at all.

“Hey, Superman,” Luke said. “You comin’ to help, or are you planning on sleeping in all day?”

Haze and sleep clung to him body and soul as he fought to find awake. “Ugh.” Squeezing his eyes closed, he put his arm up over them. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven. We’re supposed to meet out at Mrs. Murphy’s in thirty minutes. I assumed you would want to come with us.”

The breath hurt his lungs. “Good assumption. Give me a few. I’ll be ready.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t worry about a thing,” Jane said as Rachel raced around her kitchen, pointing things out and trying to remember every instruction she had ever given anyone when it came to the care of her children. “I have all your cell numbers. I have 911 on speed dial. I have the direct line to the hospital. I’ve got the fire department number and Luke’s.”

Rachel stopped then, realizing what an idiot she must seem like. “I’m sorry. I know you can handle this. It’s just…”

“Oh, darlin’. You don’t have to explain anything to me. Trust me, those precious babies of yours are in good hands.”

“Thank you,” Rachel said, and for that one second, she actually stopped to remember to be grateful.

“You’re welcome.” Jane hugged her and then gently pushed her away. “Now go on. We’re fine here.”

Moving clothes were no different than work clothes, so why did Caleb think every shirt he put on was wrong? Of course, his shaking hands said he knew very well why, but he kept telling himself that was ridiculous. It was just Rachel. She hadn’t changed since he left, but he had, and he knew it.

Moreover, after Sage’s dressing-down the night before, he knew well enough how his inability to explain his own life process had taken her bravery and thrashed it. He also knew he needed to say he was sorry. And somehow he had to explain to her why he would quit a job and move all the way across the country to be with someone he wasn’t even attached to. Yeah, this was going to be fun.

“We’re going to have to be really careful with this headboard,” Rachel said as she helped the pastor and his sons dismantle the bed her parents had slept in her whole life. “Dad made it when they were first married.”

“It’s going to be a bear to get out of here,” the pastor said, taking a good, hard look at the solid chunk of carved wood. “I bet it weighs 400 pounds or better.”

“Yeah.” Rachel put her hand up on the high ponytail at the back of her head as the other pieces came away from the structure of the bed. “I think we should probably wait until Luke gets here.”

“Probably?”

“Hey. Hey,” Luke said, walking in. “I heard my name.”

“Well, it’s about time you make it,” Pastor Steve said. “You said seven-thirty. What’s the hold up?”

“Just waiting for my right hand man,” Luke said, turning, and when Rachel glanced up, her world literally stopped cold.

It was like stumbling forward when someone stops the merry-go-round under you. Her eyes went wide, and her heart jammed into her throat as body and soul she pitched forward at the sight. Caleb.

“Well, look who it is!” Pastor Steve sounded like he was about to break into the Hallelujah chorus. He gave Caleb a big, bear hug and slapped him on the back. “Am I glad to see you. You are just in time.” Stepping back, he put his hands on his beltline and looked at the in-progress project. “Rachel and I were just saying we’re going to need more than just us to get this thing out of here.”

Between them, the pastor and Luke checked over the headboard as Rachel’s being fused to Caleb who looked over at her and smiled. Tears blinked into her eyes, blinding her so she couldn’t read that smile or the words in his eyes. What was he doing? How was he here? Had he come all the way back to North Carolina just to help with the move? Surely not, but then again, he was here. What other explanation could there be?

“I think we’re going to have to muscle it out of here,” Luke was saying as he inspected the headboard top to bottom and back up again, “and I’m afraid it’s going to take every one of us to do it too. Don’t you think, Caleb?” Luke stopped and looked over when he realized his friend wasn’t so much as listening. “Caleb?”

“What?” Caleb tried to break the connection, but it wasn’t working too well. He reached up and scratched his ear. “Oh, uh. Yeah. How heavy is it?”

Then, completely out of the realm of possibility and fair, he came across the room and stopped not three feet from her to check out the headboard himself. Lifting it six inches, he nodded. “Yeah. We can do it.”

And Rachel knew she was in major trouble. How was she supposed to stay in one piece with him here, looking like that, helping her when she didn’t even ask him to? She closed her eyes as her heart did a swan-dive for her shoes. Oh, Lord, please help me.

It would have been helpful if she wasn’t right there. A different room. Mars maybe. As it was, Caleb was having a fit of a time keeping his mind on moving the monstrous headboard and not letting it stray to her as she watched them. They ended up having to go through the living room rather than down the opposite hallway. That path led them right past Mrs. Murphy who had been keeping herself in the living room and out of the way.

“Oh, Caleb,” she said, both surprised and delighted. “Rachel didn’t mention you would be here.”

He lifted with Aidan again as Luke and his boys got the other side. Luke was right, it took all of them including the pastor holding the door for them. “I just got in last night.” He grunted with the strain of the thing.

“Well, we’re so glad you came,” she said. Then she looked over at her daughter. “Rachel, did you see? Caleb came to help.”

“Yes, Mom. Of course I saw him. I’m not blind.” How could she be 32 and be humiliated over a guy by her mother? It was only going to get worse if she stayed, so she decided not to. “I think I’ll just go back and get the bedding boxed up.” Just like that, she turned and hustled back to her mother’s bedroom. Oh, what she would give to have a way out of this. But there was no way out. He was here, and whether her heart was strong enough to withstand it or not, she was going to have to find a way to deal with it.

She was fighting to fold up the fitted sheet when they came back in, and with one glance at them, she knew she was going to lose this battle royally. He just wasn’t fair to a girl’s heart—especially a girl who was trying like crazy to make time run backward and forget she had ever fallen madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with him.

Although Caleb had thought it would be difficult to try to explain his presence, he found he didn’t even have to, mostly because she kept finding ways to remove hers. When they gathered up the remaining pieces of the bedframe, he glanced her way only to find her engrossed in folding the bedding. His heart wanted to ask, to say something to her, but he didn’t know what that would be, so he said nothing.

It took more than an hour to load everything into the three pickups, and by the time they were ready to move, he had to admit the inevitable—it had taken her only one week to effectively crawl back into her protective shell. He sighed as he watched her without being obvious about it. Sage was right. He had hurt her far more than even he had known was possible. She was polite when their paths crossed, but there was no enthusiasm for his presence or even much of a recognition of it. Had he been old Caleb, he would have questioned his sanity in leaving California for this. But he wasn’t old Caleb anymore, and strangely, he was proud of that.

He understood now that her distance was about her trying not to get hurt more than she already was, and yes, it would take some time to win back her trust in him. However, that he would find a way to do it was now non-negotiable.

Rachel quickly learned the best way to avoid a heart attack was to be anywhere he wasn’t. So when they got to town, her in her car and he in the rented pickup, she made sure to do just that. She carried things in, directed things in the house, talked with the others, and generally acted like she wasn’t falling apart inside. But it couldn’t last.

Eventually, everything would be in place, and she would have no busyness to stack between them. She knew that, but for now, her heart simply wanted to push the inevitable as far away as possible and lie to herself that it would stay there.

A couple of times Luke had looked at Caleb strangely when Rachel walked by without really even acknowledging either of them, but for the most part, he was the only one who noticed her distance. It wasn’t until all of the furniture was in the new place, including the headboard which he would be regretting to no end tomorrow, that Caleb started to wonder what he should do if she continued to ignore him. He hated that, and honestly, he didn’t even know what to do with it.

In desperation, he waited for her to be in the back bedroom putting on the bedding with Luke before he cornered the pastor. He needed advice something awful.

“Gotta be honest,” the pastor said when Caleb asked him for help hooking up the washer and dryer, “plumbing’s not really my forte.”

Caleb laughed, which was a nice change. “Yeah, well, that’s okay. You can come keep me company.”

“Now that I can do.” The pastor grinned and followed him into the small laundry area.

Where to start and how? The plumbing was easy. It was life that was giving Caleb fits.

“So,” the pastor said before Caleb got the words lined up in his head, “looks like the reunion didn’t go as planned.”

“It never does.” Reaching behind the washer, Caleb grabbed for the hose.

“Yeah, I’ve kind of noticed.”

“That obvious?” The hose took more effort than he had anticipated, and it took winding himself down, around and between the two appliances to get ahold of it.

“If you know what to look for, yeah, it’s pretty obvious,” the pastor said. “Did she know you were coming?”

Caleb hated the truth, so he worked the hoses onto the knobs in the wall for several seconds before admitting it. “No. I didn’t call her.”

The pastor absorbed that and then furrowed his eyebrows. “Why not?”

“Because I didn’t want her to tell me it was a horrible idea.” He attached the second hose and twisted it on.

“So she doesn’t know?” Pastor Steve recalibrated his voice down several notches. “You haven’t told her you quit?”

“Not yet.”

The pastor grew very quiet and thoughtful.

Finally Caleb sighed. “She probably thinks I’m back for the weekend, and I’m going to leave on Monday or tomorrow.”

Slowly the pastor nodded. “So she’s in self-protection mode.”

“Again,” Caleb said.

“Again,” the pastor agreed. “You do know this isn’t going to be easy, right?”

“I think I’m getting that. It’s so weird because I really thought we’d just pick up where we left off, like it would be like I’d never been gone. Now I think we’re right back to square one.”

“Ah. No.” The pastor shook his head. “One of you is definitely not.”

“Oh, yeah? Which one?”

“I think you know.” Looking at him, the pastor leaned on the wall. “You know, one of the last things we talked about when you called was you thinking your decision to decline their offer and come back here might be a mistake. Heart of hearts, right now, was it a mistake? You came back, she didn’t fall into your arms and declare her undying love for you like you hoped she would. Was this a mistake?”

Crazy how the pastor could diagnose heart issues with pinpoint accuracy. “No. It wasn’t. Did it happen like I wanted it to? No. First, Sage nearly ripped my head off last night, and now, Rachel will hardly even look at me. But even with all of that, my gut still says it wasn’t a mistake. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

“Good. Good. Then you’re finally listening and not just reacting. That’s a real start.”

“Well, that’s good to know because I thought I was tanking the whole thing.”

“No. You’re definitely going in the right direction.”

The washer and dryer were both hooked up, but Caleb leaned on the washer rather than test it out. “Great. So what’s the next? Because I’m pretty much lost right now.”

“You need to talk to her.”

Caleb dragged in a long slow breath. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Let me amend that statement by one word: you need to talk with her. The next step is to start building this thing together. Just like you cannot build a house if everyone isn’t working together, you can’t build a relationship if you’re not working on it as a team. Look for the opportunity to talk with her about what happened and about what happens now, and when it shows up, have the courage to take it. It’s like we talked about the dominion thing. You have to set your reality with her up. You get to decide how this will look, how it will be. Is this going to be a relationship where you’re constantly on eggshells with her, afraid to upset her by saying something, or do you trust who she is enough to reach out and start building together?”

A second and Caleb laughed as he scratched the back of his head. “I’m telling you, Pastor, you never go for the easy questions.”

“Not when it’s this important.”

“Okay.” Caleb nodded, thought and nodded again. “Okay.”

She did not make it easy to find the right opportunity as before he had the chance to talk with her, she had left to get her mother. Yes, there were things, important things to do, but Caleb had the distinct impression she was using them to avoid him at all costs.

All he could do was work to get the place ready as his spirit went around and around the pastor’s words and Sage’s words and Derek’s words and his own questions. So many pieces of the puzzle he could hardly collect them all, much less get them put together.

“Sage sent some things over for lunch,” Luke said, coming into the kitchen and going to the refrigerator to pull out the fixings for sandwiches.

Why did that not surprise Caleb at all? Maybe he replied, maybe he didn’t, but Luke went to work on them just the same.

“So Sage was saying this morning you’re here to stay,” Luke said, his gaze never coming off the mayonnaise and bread.

“Uh, yeah.” Caleb checked the pantry to make sure Mrs. Murphy would have something for supper. Everything seemed to be perfectly in place and ready. Still, he wasn’t going to leave anything to chance.

“You’re not going back on the road with Derek and Jaycee?”

“Uh, no.”

“What’s the plan then? You going to get a job in Greely? Work around here?”

So many questions he had no answer for. “Not sure yet. I’m kind of hoping Somebody bigger than me knows what comes next.”

Luke nodded. “Well, there’s plenty of work around here with Gabriel and everything. I know I’m getting calls all the time, leaky roofs, shingles off, broken windows. None of it’s very big, but there’s more than I can do in my spare time.”

It was then that Caleb began to catch on to what his friend was hinting at. “You looking to hire someone?”

That brought out a laugh. “No, but…” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind shuttling some of the calls your way if you’re interested.” And then he glanced over at Caleb. “You interested?”

“If you’re serious, I’m there.”

“Cool.”

“Got everything?” Rachel asked as her mother shuffled her way to the door.

The older woman laughed. “I think I’ve been picked clean. Don’t know what else there would be to take.”

With a nod, Rachel followed her out and shut off the light, leaving the monumental task of cleaning and getting the place ready to sell for another day. Out to the car they went and it was only when her mother was seated in the car that she looked back at the house for a very long moment. Saying good-bye. Rachel breathed it in even as she watched. “You ready?”

A moment and her mother smiled and nodded.

They had driven all the way out to the highway when her mother’s gaze came over to her.

“I was certainly surprised to see Caleb here today.”

Rachel’s heart absurdly jumped at the name.

“Did you know he was coming?”

It was difficult not to grip the steering wheel harder. “No. I didn’t.”

“How long is he staying?”

Reaching down she flipped on the air though the temperature outside hardly warranted it. “I’m sure he’ll be leaving by Monday if not tomorrow. With the show and everything…”

Her mother nodded slowly, thoughtfully, and then retrained her gaze to the outside. “Too bad he can’t stay.”

But even as she drove, honestly, Rachel knew it was better this way. If he stayed, she wouldn’t be able to keep from talking herself into taking a chance with him. This way, she had a reason to keep him at arm’s length, and eventually, he would give up the charade and go on to his real life. She was sure of it if she could just withstand him leaving a few more times.

“Oh, my!”

Luke and Caleb had left their lunch where it lay on the back counter when they heard the door. Mrs. Murphy came in, pushing the walker, followed by her daughter.

“It’s… It’s amazing. Look at the painting, and these pictures. My couch and recliner look like they were meant for being here.”

Following, watching, Rachel shadowed her mother. “We tried to get as many things ready as we could think of.”

“Oh, and down the hallway too? My goodness. I can move right on in.”

Putting her hands in the back pockets of her jeans and her gaze on the carpet, Rachel left it there for a second before glancing over at the two men. “That was the idea.”

Luke left soon after Mrs. Murphy arrived, and Genevieve came to get the 411 on the place right after that. Caleb simply watched and waited. He had no place to go, no pressing matters to deal with. This was his dominion now, his little place in the world to take care of, and he took that responsibility very seriously.

“Sage sent over sandwich stuff for lunch,” he said when he came back in from testing out the washer and dryer to find Mrs. Murphy sitting in her recliner. “Would you like me to fix one for you?”

She looked at him with soft, questioning eyes. “Maybe in a bit. Can you do me a favor and put my leg up?”

The request touched his heart and he realized the great gift she had afforded him so many nights before when he did not recognize it as any more than a request. “Absolutely.” Coming over, he gently took her foot and angled it up onto the footstool before standing back. “Is that better?”

“Much. Thank you.” A moment and she glanced over to the little bag Rachel had set by the front door upon their entry. “Would you do me one other favor?”

“Name it.”

“Would you hand me that?” She pointed at the bag, and without question, he brought it to her. “Thank you.” Digging in it, she pulled out the final piece of her move. She held it up for him to see and tipped her head with a slight smile. “Don’t want to get very far away from this.”

As he looked at her, Caleb felt a grin spread on his face. He came over and sat down on the edge of the couch. “I think mine got lost in the shuffle somewhere.” Putting out his hand, he said, “Do you mind?”

A second and she handed him the book.

It was heavier than he had realized it would be, the pages yellowed and worn. Not a one was torn, but many had underlines and writing on the sides. Opening to one page that had a bookmark, he settled the book and read aloud, “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

Moisture slid into his eyes as he laughed softly. His gaze came up to hers and held. “I see you’ve been praying for me.”

She smiled and nodded. “Every day.”

Genevieve decided to make the two of them lunch, and with nothing more that she could do, Rachel reluctantly realized it was time to go.

“No. No,” her mother said from her chair. “You go on. We’re perfectly fine.”

“Okay.” Clutching her purse strap, Rachel took a sidelong glance at Caleb who had stood from the couch. “Uh.” Then remembering herself, she stepped over to her mother and bent to give her a quick kiss. “You let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, baby doll. I will.”

She glanced his direction again, wishing he wasn’t right there listening. “I’ll be here to get you in the morning for church.”

Her mother nodded. “I’ll be ready.”

With that, Rachel straightened, adjusted her purse once more and looked around, trying to remember if there was even the tiniest of things left undone. She could think of nothing.

“Go on, darlin’,” her mother finally said. “I’ll be fine.”

One more nod and one more quick kiss, and Rachel headed for the door. Her breathing hitched when she felt him move as well.

“Let us know if you need anything,” he said to her mother.

“I will, and thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

Not wanting to, Rachel rolled her eyes dismissively and stalked outside into the cold, bright day. How could the sun be shining like that and it still be so chilly? She didn’t know, but she wrapped her coat around herself closer, hurrying to her car. But she didn’t hurry fast enough, and he caught her halfway down the walk.

His hands were in his coat pockets as he mirrored her step-for-step. “So are you going home?”

The fact that she did not want any part of this conversation was clearly lost on him. “I was thinking about running back out to Mom’s… to the old house. I want to make sure everything’s locked up.”

“I could take you?”

Why was she such a sucker for that vulnerable tone in his voice?

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

However, at her car door, he reached out and put his hand on hers just as it got to the handle. His solid, undeniable presence stopped her breath. “I want to, Rachel. Please.”

Rachel closed her eyes, knowing she would say yes and hating herself for it. This road led nowhere that she wanted to go. Regardless, she heaved a sigh and nodded. “Okay.”

Caleb was thanking God for small favors as he angled their trajectory toward his rented pickup. He was going to have to buy something, he realized as they neared it. Driving a rental when you were staying in one place more than a couple weeks was crazy.

His plan had been to open the door and help her in, but that worked about as well as the rest of his plans as she shifted gears and in what appeared one motion went down the length of the truck, opened the door, hopped in, and slammed the door. With a sigh to regather his patience he went around and got in only to find her already buckled. Breathing the frustration down, it was surprising how his body had learned how to do that almost without him willing it to.

In seconds they were on the road, and he reached down and adjusted the air. “You cold?”

“I’m fine.”

He nodded and adjusted it anyway. Another block and without looking at her, he took a solid leap into talking with her as the pastor put it. “I think that went pretty well. Your mom seems happy with it.”

“Yeah.” Her gaze trailed out the far window, and Caleb took the opportunity to glance over at her.

This was not what he had in mind at all. Turning onto the road that would take him out of town, he let his brain say every unhelpful thing it wanted to—how he had left California and the dream job of a lifetime for this, and now she wanted nothing to do with him, and how could he have been so stupid? Then, in the midst of the diatribe, he suddenly caught hold of something and gripped it for dear life. Satan, he said only in his heart, wobbly but determined, you and all your minions… Every word threatened to rip the air from his lungs. You are hereby cast out and away from this place by… The air became heavy and very hard to breathe, and he knew with crystal clear clarity exactly what was happening. By the Holy Blood of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Power began to course through him as he straightened in the seat, the air now flowing through him again. And you are sent to the throne of the Most High God to be dealt with there as He sees fit. Caleb closed his eyes for a half-second, feeling the spiritual transition of the words. Dear Jesus, please, please give me the right words here. I don’t know what to say or how to say it, but I know You do. Please help me. He glanced over at her, still looking out the side window. “Thank goodness for Luke and the boys and Pastor and his boys. I don’t know how we would ever have moved that headboard without them.”

In her seat, Rachel let out a soft sigh of resignation.

“That thing is one solid piece of workmanship,” he continued.

“Yeah, well, Dad never did anything halfway.”

His gaze swung back to her in surprise. “Your Dad made that.”

She nodded with a half-laugh. “Mr. Murphy? Yeah.” One shoulder went up, and her face softened almost to the point of tears. “He made lots of cool stuff. He was always building or working on something, and whatever it was, was never just thrown together either. He only made the best.”

Caleb’s glance nearly let his thoughts out, but he yanked them back. “I wish I could have known him.”

“You would’ve like him.” Her gaze fell to her hands. “Everybody did.”

He sensed her sadness. “It must be hard, today, moving her, seeing the house empty out. I can’t imagine seeing my parents’ house empty.”

A second and she mashed her lips together and shrugged. “Eventually you realized it’s just life. Nothing ever stays the same.” Her eyebrows bounced up. “You learn, don’t get too attached because it won’t be here long.”

Her words knifed through him, and in them he heard echoes of Sage’s words from the night before. He made the turn from the highway to the dirt road.

“So are you going to try to sell the place now or what?” he asked, trying desperately not to look at her. He didn’t want her to feel cornered, but the effort was giving him a headache.

“Yeah, I’m sure. That’s what makes the most sense. It’s too far out here for us. Plus the dirt road. I could never make that work. So yeah. Probably so.” Her sigh was hard, almost harsh, a cutting away of everything else. “Yeah. We’ll probably put it up for sale, soon as I can get it into shape.” She shook her head. “The carpet’s just awful. I bet it’s been there 30 years or better, and you saw the cabinets. They need a good cleaning at the very least.”

It was then that Caleb really saw how one massive project for her only dovetailed into the next. He turned into the driveway, and although the house was quaint and charming, he now saw how poorly it would show. He wondered about the housing market in the area, how much they could get for it, how much they needed to get for it. As he was thinking all those things through, he parked and she got out before he so much as got the thing shut off.

Deciding to let that issue lie where it was, he hurried up the walk and managed to open the door for her. Yes, it was still unlocked. Good thing she had thought to check.

As she went in, he put his hand out very nearly touching her back. It wasn’t a move, just what his body did before his brain thought he shouldn’t. Berating himself because he knew she would come unglued if she thought he was making a move on her here, he ducked and followed her in. However, the second he made it into the first room, his eyes began to see the place in a whole different light.

Cracked linoleum flooring met them in the mud room along with cabinets still protruding with stuff. Into the kitchen they went, and it wasn’t any better. With no table to absorb the view of the floor or the wall, he now saw the stains on the wall where the chairs had been, and the floor under the table was a completely different color than the rest of it. Through that room and into the living room they went, and by the time they got into that room, he was ready to give up.

The carpet was indeed stained, and 30 years would have been generous on its age. The paint was far older than that. He remembered then the wallpaper in the bathroom and the state of the bathroom itself, not to even mention the paneling in the bedroom he had inhabited. It wasn’t dirty so much as just horribly outdated.

Rachel went to the front door, checked and locked it as Caleb continued to catalog everything that buyers would see when they came in. When Rachel disappeared into the room down the hallway, he peeked at one of the windows behind the threadbare curtains and sighed. Those windows were older than the paint. At this rate, she might have to pay someone to take it off her hands.

“I’m going to have to call the Greely Consignment Shop on Monday,” Rachel said, coming back in as she methodically checked every light switch. “I don’t even know what to do with the rest of this stuff. It’s crazy. I thought we got most of it, but it just goes on and on and on and on and on.”

With a nod, Caleb followed her back into the kitchen. “When are you planning to put it on the market?”

“I was hoping soon as possible, but I’m thinking that might be January the way this place looks.” Going over to the sink, she got a glass from the cabinet and got a drink. Leaning there, she tipped her head one way and then the other. Then she closed her eyes for a long minute as Caleb came over to lean next to her by the sink. Without warning her glance came over, touched his and fell. “The truth is, we’ll be lucky if it’s not trashed before we get it sold.”

Worry trounced over him. “Trashed?”

She shrugged. “Abandoned old houses, out in the country. Things happen if they sit too long.” Letting that sink in, she took another drink. “But I don’t know how in the world I’m going to have enough time to do much of anything out here.” As if her annoyance spun her around, she twirled and pitched the remaining water into the sink. She looked out the window and let the breath speak for her.

He heard it then, the fight to be all right, the struggle to keep it together, every moment memorized and now being slowly relegated to the past. Watching her, he knew, and gently he straightened and reached over to her. Honestly he didn’t know if it was because she was overwhelmed or simply exhausted from the emotions of the day. Whatever it was, she let him pull her to him and weakly she clung there.

When she finally backed up, Caleb’s gaze went with her and stuck. He wanted to do something for her, but what that was kept slipping from his grasp. If only he could…

Then, suddenly, an idea latched onto his spirit, and he looked around the kitchen to see where it had come from. A second and his gaze fell back to her, and he knew. But how to ask her the question?

“You know, this is going to sound completely crazy,” he said slowly, “but what if you got someone to move out here, to move in, just temporarily, and they could fix up the place for rent?”

Disgust rained onto her face. “Yeah, where am I going to find someone who knows how to fix up a place and who would be willing to move all the way out here? Trust me, Ridgemount doesn’t work that way.”

But he knew now this was the answer God had in mind. All he had to do was convince her of that. “Well, what if he’s standing right here?”

Utter confusion gave way to a flash of anger. “Yeah. There’s a good idea.” She shook her head as more anger cut rivets across her face. “That’s going to be quite a commute from here to Hollywood every morning.” Her gaze pitched to the floor as if it jumped off a cliff. “Or wherever it is you’re going next.”

Once again, Caleb heard the echoes of Sage’s words. What had she said about Rachel never saying anything about how much she was hurting? She was saying it. Just not in the same words.

He let out a slow breath and asked again for the right words even as he continued to watch her. “What if I’m not going back to Hollywood, or anywhere else for that matter?”

Anger and disgust marred her eyes as they came up to his, burrowing into him like daggers. “Seriously, Caleb, that’s not even funny.”

But he held her gaze steady. “I’m not laughing.”

A second, two and she licked the top of her lip as her eyes gathered in more confusion and now concern. “What do you mean you’re not going back? You have to.”

Although the original decision had felt like the world, this moment felt even heavier. Reaching between them, he took both of her hands in his as panic and confusion slipped into her eyes.

After a moment, he took a breath and let his spirit fall into the truth. “Rachel, you have to know these last few weeks, being with you...” He shook his head. “When I told you I’m in love with you, I meant it. That’s why…” Courage would have been nice. As it was, all he had was determination to make her understand his heart. “The truth is, I told them no. I’m not going to back to California. I’m staying here.”

“What?” Her eyes went wide as they searched his, presumably to see if he was lying. “Caleb, really, that’s not funny.”

Serenity cascaded through him. “It’s not a joke.”

Shock reverberated through her being, jangling all the tender, bruised spots. “Wait. You… You’re… not…?” This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was. Or maybe this was a dream and she was going to wake up from it. Blinking, she tried to get herself to wake up because when she did, she was going to be really mad this wasn’t real.

She shook her head slowly and then harder.

“What?” he asked, pleading for her to snap out of it. “Say something, Rach.”

Looking at him again, she clawed through the words in his eyes. “What do you want me to say? You gave up your… You told them no? Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you.”

“No! Caleb. No.” Heat poured from the words. “You don’t understand. Love… it’s not like that. It’s not forever. It can be gone just like that. You can’t give up your dreams for…”

Smacks of anger seeped into him. “What if this is my dream?”

“This?” She laughed as she looked around. “Are you kidding me? Look around you, Caleb. Really. Seriously. Look. This isn’t a fairy tale. This is real life. Dreams like that, they don’t come around every day. You can’t pass that up for this.”

One second and he stepped closer to her and took her hand. “I didn’t pass it up for this. I passed it up for you, to have the chance to be with you. Don’t you get it, Rachel? I love you.”

“No.” Backing up, she pulled her hand from his and put it on her head. This couldn’t be happening. He didn’t really make such a rash decision over the illusion of love. “Caleb.” She slammed her eyes closed. “Caleb, this is crazy. You… can’t… No. You have to go back. You have to go back and tell them. Tell them you made a mistake. Tell them you take it back.”

She was running now. He could see it as clearly as he ever had. However, instead of getting angry, he took a deep breath and let love have its say instead.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” he said softly. “And I’m not going back.” Once again he stepped up to her and took her hand. “This is what I want. You and me, and Rhett and Nat. Together.”

“But that show? That was your dream.”

He shook his head. “‘Was.’ It was my dream, but dreams change, Rachel, and so do people. When I came here, when I met you, I changed, and when I changed, my dreams changed too.”

“What am I supposed to say to that? Huh? What am I supposed to do?”

His smile was gentle. “Well, for now, how about you say yes I can rent the place, and then we’ll figure out the rest of it together?”

How she ever got her head to nod, Rachel would never know, but the second she did, he wrapped her in his arms and held her there as the present began to overtake the past.

Chapter 31

Caleb was more than glad to have a place to sleep. He spent the trip out into the county contemplating all of the ways his life had changed, and a lot of it was head-snapping. By Monday morning, he would need to hit the ground running with whatever work Luke had managed to scrape together for him. He had savings, but it wouldn’t last.

They had agreed he would meet them at church, but his plan was to swing by her mom’s and help with that transition. Transition. So many things felt so in transition now. It was like his very life was shifting beneath his feet.

At the house he did the minimum and was in bed in no time. Strangely, the emptiness of the place brushed his spirit, and as he lay on his back, his thoughts turned to God and then to her. Stand, something whispered in the depths of his being. Be who you are and where you are. Let her come to you.

He could think of no better plan, so he nodded. “Okay.”

Knowing she needed to get over to get her mother, Rachel was up before the sun, through the shower and getting the kids up. “Morning, sleepy boy. How about waffles?”

She shouldn’t have been surprised, and really she wasn’t when she pulled up to her mother’s only to find his truck already sitting there. However, he wasn’t in it, so she puzzled for a moment about if she should get the kids out to go in or leave them while she went in. Before she got the logistics of the task figured out, the two of them appeared, coming around the corner.

Why the sight touched her so very deeply, she couldn’t quite tell. Caleb was somehow in front, beside, and behind her mother all at the same time. Rachel smiled first, then ducked as the tears pressed in on her heart. Mashing them back, she got out. “Morning.”

“Oh. Good morning, darlin’,” her mother said.

“Morning,” Caleb said only halfway addressing her as they approached the edge of the curb. “Take it easy here. Take your time.”

Watching them, Rachel couldn’t help but notice as the burden she’d been carrying lightened on her shoulders.

“Here, let me get that,” he said, going around to open the car door. “I’ll get the walker. You worry about getting in the car.”

The longer she watched, the more Rachel’s heart was grateful. Yes, he’d always been kind to her. But that was presumably to gain something. With her mother, there was nothing to gain, only the gratitude of an old woman and the profound gratefulness of her daughter.

When the transfer was made, Rachel watched him close the trunk and come around to her side of the car. A foot from her, he stopped and grinned.

“I’ll see you there,” he said, and he put his hand over her hair on her neck, pulling her forward to kiss the top of her head. In the next second he was beyond her. “Don’t get lost.”

Oh, yes. That should be real easy with her emotions zip-zigging through her in no discernable pattern. One breath and she got herself moving enough to climb into the car. Only one second and her mother looked over at her. Rachel was sure her cheeks were flaming.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Rachel said as she reached down and started the car.

“Well, it’s about time.”

They made it to the services with ten minutes to spare, got her mother up the ramp and into the church, and found their seats, three pews from the front on the left. Strange how this could become their seats. Jane came over and said hello, and it wasn’t even awkward. Rachel was glad for her friendship with the pastor’s wife. In fact, she was simply grateful for the pastor’s wife. She was an amazing woman, and Rachel was blessed to have that recognition.

The pastor entered, and the service began. They stood with the others and sang, albeit slightly off-key. His deep bass next to her surprised her as much for the sound as for the words. He’d never sung before, never even tried. Halfway through the first song, her heart caught something akin to joy and nearly burst out into laughter. She managed to keep that inside—barely. He didn’t seem to notice, more joined in the way a normal person would. Once she snuck a glance up at him to make sure he was really there. Thankfully he didn’t catch the look, or she would have been busted. But her heart couldn’t get past the fact that he was here, standing next to her, not because he had to but simply because he wanted to.

When they sat down for the sermon, his hand that wasn’t holding Rhett on his lap slipped over and drifted across hers until the two of them were together. She was pretty sure that would be the last she heard of the service.

“So many people come in,” the pastor said as Caleb settled into the seat really liking how it felt to hold her hand and sense that she wasn’t pulling away, “and we talk about where they are with life. Often they are stuck. The ruts have overtaken their lives, and they don’t know how to get out, how to change. The first thing we talk about is this: If you are in a place you don’t want to be, you don’t have to stay there.

“Maybe that sounds simplistic, but it’s true. The life you’re living is a physical manifestation of what you really and truly believe—about the world, about others, about God, about yourself. If you believe life is tough, then life will be tough. If you believe life is a struggle, then life will be a struggle. In every garden, there are flowers and there are weeds. The question in this life is what do you do with the weeds? Do you go to the weeds and focus on them? Do you tell everybody about the weeds in your garden, how bad they are, how many there are? Have you ever considered the possibility that if you pulled the weeds out, you could then enjoy the flowers? Do you miss the flowers for the weeds?

“Let me say it again, the life you are living is a physical manifestation of what you really believe. Weeds in the physical realm are problems that began with the wrong kind of seed in the spiritual realm. But rather than trying to take care of the spiritual issues, the roots, that are causing the problem, too many of us focus on the physical. If we need to lose weight, we focus on our diet and exercise—not the stress eating we’re doing at 3 in the morning because we don’t want to admit what the real problem is.

“Until we can be honest about the spiritual, root issues that are causing the physical problems, we will never, ever fix the physical problems. We can’t because they will just keep coming back.

“Now I don’t want you to get stuck. It’s okay to be where you are, but the point is to move. Look at the physical, what is, what you are getting or doing, and then ask yourself what is the spiritual root of this? Then the question becomes, how do you change things in the spiritual world? And the best answer I’ve ever found is keep going to God and asking Him to show you, show you the next step. Ask Him to bring the right people into your life to help you with the root problems. Talk them out. Bring them into the light. Stop hiding in sin and guilt and shame like Adam and Eve did.

“You see, love is not stopped by sin. I’ve read the end of the Book.” The pastor held up the Bible. “Love wins. Sin is stopped by love, it is dissolved by love. The love we give to each other, and especially the love God gives to each one of us. His love stops the cycle of guilt and pain, distress and drama… if we let it. If we accept it by surrendering our attempts at changing the physical to His work changing the spiritual.

“So, today, I want to challenge you to surrender your root spiritual problems to God’s grace and love and healing, forgiveness and hope. You might be amazed at the transformation of both your spiritual garden and your physical one as well.” He paused a moment. “Let us stand.”

As Caleb stood, a million thoughts streamed through his head, some had to do with the woman standing next to him, some had to do with his own heart and his own walk with God. Oh, he could see the weeds quite well—the starts and stops with her, the job, the house, the future, and on and on. He had thought those things were up to him to fix, to repair, to handle. But if what the good pastor was saying was true, maybe just maybe he had gotten that wrong too.

“God,” he whispered under his breath so silently the words never found the air as he closed his eyes and sank into the prayer. “I need help with all these weeds. There are so many of them, so many I don’t know what to do with. Please help me to get the roots pulled up so our gardens are what You designed them to be.”

Eyes still closed, a vision of the most incredible garden he had ever seen suddenly stretched out before him, and he was jolted by the sight. However, as he allowed himself to remain in it and see it, he felt his entire being sink deeper and deeper still into that world. Flowers and plants, unimaginable colors and even smells. It was like Heaven, or maybe it was Heaven. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care.

Then as he surrendered his hold on reality, he was taken, swept up, carried by some unseen force, propelled as if on wings to the outer reaches of the garden. It was only there that he realized the boundaries were not fixed but rather fluid, meshing and melding though he could tell they were boundaries to other gardens. I don’t understand, God, his spirit whispered. I don’t understand what I’m seeing. Show me. Please.

And then, from the other side of the boundary, he caught sight of the figure, and he knew it was her. The boundary of her garden was not fixed, it met and wove together with his. Two gardens and yet not two at all…

“Amen,” the congregation around him said, and Caleb was snapped back to reality with a jolt.

He looked around, wholly surprised to still be standing in this realm and not at all forgetting what it was like to be in the other. Taking hold of his jacket, he sat and straightened himself and it before his gaze slipped over to Rhett. Tears of joy and love clouded his vision even as they cleared it. This child. His mother. His sister. They were showing him how to love, how to practice the art of it, how to become it, how to be it.

Reaching over, he snagged the child and pulled him up onto his lap. There, he hugged the tiny body to him before looking over at his mother and sister. Nothing could stop Caleb’s need to touch her, to twine his life with hers. Gently, being careful not to scare her because the feelings in him were so raw and overwhelming, he slipped his hand across to hers so his was atop hers on her lap. One touch sent the flowers in his vision dancing, and his breath hitched and pitched him around with the sensation. Nothing. Nothing he had ever felt would ever match what that moment was.

And then, something did.

For in the very next moment, her hand latched around his fingers wrapped over and around them and tightened. Looking only forward, she put her eyes up as tears glinted in them, and then she closed them, beating the tears back. He knew then the courage it took for her not just to accept the love he was holding out to her but to return it as well.

The pastor said something, and together they stood, but now Caleb was not willing to let her go. So when they were up, Rhett balanced in his one arm, he put the other one all the way around to her other waist and pulled her and Natalie into his embrace as well. A second and Rachel relaxed into the space, and Caleb knew without a doubt God truly was making a miracle happen right there.

“Do you all have plans this afternoon?” Sage asked the two of them as they stood in the lobby after the service was over.

Rachel looked up at him and he down at her. A breath of a conversation passed between them before her gaze slipped over to her mother who was coming up to join them. “We were going to take Mom home.”

“Oh, Mrs. Murphy,” Sage said, putting her hand out to the older woman. “I was just asking Rachel and Caleb if they’d like to come over to our house for brunch. Would you like to join us?”

The older woman smiled a tired smile. “Oh, thank you, dear, but this old body isn’t used to so much activity I’m afraid.” Then her gaze came over and rested on them. “I believe I’m going to go home, put my feet up and rest, but you all should go. You have to eat after all.”

It was impossible not to smile as Rachel caught the twinkle in her mom’s eye. Her gaze twisted back up to his, caught and held. “She has a point. We do have to eat.”

His smile danced from his lips to his eyes and back again. “That we do.”

Somehow it never really occurred to Rachel that she never gave Sage an answer, nor even so much as remembered the question. It probably had something to do with Caleb’s hand now wrapped at her waist or the way he smelled or the way he was looking at her. Whatever it was, she settled there, forgetting everything else until Luke came bounding down the stairs.

“All done.”

“Okay. Great,” Sage said. “I just need to talk to Jane right quick.”

And just like that, Sunday brunch at Sage and Luke’s was the go-to destination.

At her mom’s they dropped off both her mother and his pickup, which wasn’t accommodating of the car seat situation. As Caleb helped her mom in and got her settled, his mind noted the fact that when he got whatever he was going to drive next, it needed to have room for car seats. Crazy because he’d never so much as considered such a thing before.

“That it?” he asked when he had put Mrs. Murphy’s foot on the little footstool.

“Yes. Thank you, darlin’.”

“You’re welcome.” Strange, when he backed up, he could have sworn she was talking about more than helping her in. “You let me know anytime you need help.”

“I will do that.” She nodded. “Oh.”

He jerked into action. “Did you need something else?”

“No. I was just going to tell you, Rachel and I talked about the farm situation, and I wanted to say I’m glad you’re staying out there… for now.” She nodded again only this time there was more in her eyes than her words. “Come over next week sometime and we can discuss the money situation for the renovations.”

Caleb wanted to protest, but he realized then that money really would be an issue. With the show it never was, but as Rachel had said, this was real life. “Okay. I’ll do that.”

As Caleb drove her car out to Sage’s, Rachel had the sensation that her heart might actually burst right out of her body. She knew she shouldn’t keep looking at him, but she couldn’t help it. Caleb James was in her car, looking so right there it couldn’t be denied. And he had come back because he wanted to be with her. Every time she thought about it, that part nearly sent her into hysterics such that someone would brand her insane if they could hear her thoughts or see her feelings.

When they turned onto the dirt road, he glanced over at her and caught her looking. His smile and a question skipped across his face. “What?”

She breathed in what it was like to let herself be happy to be here with him. “You?” The grin spread through her so quickly, she couldn’t pull it back.

Even as he looked back out to the road, he grinned as he raised his eyebrows. “That good or bad?”

Never would she have been so bold before, but she just couldn’t go another second without touching him. Reaching over she put her hand on his thigh. “I’m thinking good, but it could go either way.”

Who needed Sunday brunch?

Caleb could hardly think about food or being hungry or anything else in the whole world with her sitting there, looking like that, looking at him like that. He laughed self-consciously, willing his hands to cooperate and turn the car into the driveway.

All he could think was it was a good thing for the kids in the back, or he might not have had the tenacity to not turn the thing around and go right back to her place.

Her hand hadn’t moved from his thigh, and it felt like fire melting through him and right into his soul. At the apex of the driveway, he put the car in park, shut it off, and with a single gulp to keep himself somewhere in the realm of in control he looked over at her.

“You know, you keep that up, and they’re going to wonder where we got off to,” he said, fighting for each breath as he put his arm over the seat and around her.

She never let go of his eyes. “Would that be a good thing or a bad thing?”

His breath ground down through three more gears. “From where I’m sitting, a very, very good thing.”

Still surprised by the whipsaw of her reactions to him, he held her eyes as he leaned in toward her. As the last of the gap closed so did his eyes. When her lips touched his, the garden flowers burst into a chorus of joy such that he had never before experienced. He wanted to laugh, to explode with happiness even as the kiss deepened between them. And then he was falling into a whole new realm, deeper and deeper still as one understanding drilled into him.

She wasn’t running. No, she wanted this as much as he did. He felt her submit to him, yield control, surrender… And then he was backing up because one more second would push him to the point of no return and beyond. He backed up, gasping and shaking, but she never so much as broke the connection with her eyes. Her grin now was teasing and seductive. “Good thing we have to go eat now.”

With one laugh, she reached back and opened her door before exiting out with a sashay he knew she did on purpose. Then, before he could move, she ducked back down and the view was like a lightning strike to his soul. “You coming or what?”

Suddenly, he had the distinct impression he had seriously underestimated her. “Uh, yeah. I think so.”

Whatever this was, Rachel was pretty sure she’d never felt it before. It was somewhere in the vicinity of flying and completely free. When they walked into Sage’s kitchen to find her and Jane cooking, for the first time ever, there wasn’t even a hint of hanging back or wishing to be anywhere else.

“Well, look who it is,” Jane said, and she came over to give them all hugs. Tipping her head she smiled at Caleb. “The guys are outside. I think the boys are on the go-carts.”

“Go-cars!” Rhett jumped up and down, and Caleb laughed as he swung the child up.

His eyes went wide with pretend excitement. “Let’s go ride some go-cars!”

Putting both hands in the air, Rhett bounced up and down. “Yay!”

“Yay,” Rachel laughed as she looked up at the two of them.

“We’ll be outside.” Then without warning, Caleb leaned down and brushed her lips with his.

Shock jabbed into her, but she recovered quickly. “I’ll be here.”

Striding out into the sunshine, Caleb found Luke at the grill and the boys out in the field with the go-carts.

“Hey! Hey!” Luke said. “You made it.”

“We did.” Caleb pointed out beyond. “I’m just going to… and I’ll be back.”

“Tell my boys to let him ride.”

At that moment the pastor stood from the other side. “I’ll go with you to make sure everyone behaves.”

As they walked out, Caleb held out his hand. “Good to see you.”

A shake of his hand was accompanied by a slap on the back. “Not half as good as it is to see you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Caleb swung his surprised gaze down on the pastor. “Why’s that?”

“Well, the obvious reason, of course, but I got half a dozen inquiries about you this morning when word got out that you’re here for good.” He looked up questioningly. “You are here for good, right?”

That one was easy to answer. “Definitely.”

“Great ‘cause I’ve got a list of people who want to talk to you.”

When Jane went out to check on how long the meat would be, Sage took the opportunity to angle herself over to Rachel.

“So?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.

“So.” Rachel continued to transfer the fresh vegetables to the tray. However, she couldn’t keep the smile down.

“You two are looking pretty chummy today?” There was more to that question, but she didn’t say it.

“Are we?”

Sage let out a hard, annoyed breath. “Are you seriously not going to tell me anything? Come on. I’m dying over here.”

Rachel laughed at the theatrics. “Okay. Okay. If you must know…” She ducked to make sure no one had come in. “He’s back.” Her eyes danced as she looked at her friend. “And he’s staying.”

The half-nod fell into questioning. “And that’s all?”

“Of course that’s all, what else would there be?” She shrugged. “He helped move Mom, and he’s going to stay out at the farm now so he can fix the place up so we can sell it.” Then, finally she sighed as gratefulness again found its way to her heart. “He’s so good with her, you know? And the house. I’d never be able to get it ready.” Other emotions started taking over. “I just… It’s more than…”

Sage came over and put her hand on her friend’s back. “Maybe it’s that thing about letting others love you Jane was talking about the other day.”

Swiping at the tears with her wrist, Rachel nodded. “I just keep telling myself though, you know, what if it doesn’t last? I mean, I want it to last, but…”

With one motion, Sage stopped Rachel’s hands. “Listen to me, don’t miss what’s good by waiting for something bad to happen.”

Rachel nodded, surprised her friend had diagnosed her concerns so easily.

“I used to do that,” Sage said. “I still do sometimes, but look around you, Rach. All we have is right now, and if you waste it, you’re never going to get it back. Love him now as much as you can, and let him love you. Trust me, God can worry about what comes next.”

A second and Rachel nodded again before turning to her friend. “Thank you.”

“Aw.” Sage put her arms around her and tightened them.

Why that hug felt like it went all the way into her, Rachel would never be able to say, but this, finally, was a friend. A real friend. That she could be honest with. That she didn’t have to tip-toe around and watch what she said and how she said it. A friend who truly had her best interests at heart.

“You know,” Sage said when she had gone back to putting the potato salad in the bowl, “it’s like Pastor Steve said this morning in the sermon.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Sage laughed. “Well, far be it for me to try to match the pastor, but it was something about seeing what’s happening in your real life and figuring out what the root of that is, the spiritual root not just the here-and-now root. Like where does that come from, that you think bad is always lurking right around the corner?”

The air turned stale as Rachel dragged it in. “I don’t know because it always has been?”

Her friend’s nod was slow. “Man, I need to get better at this.” She shook her head and laughed softly. “But I think it has something to do with what Jane was talking about the other day, the legacy you want to leave. I’ve been thinking about that a lot although I’m not really sure what to do with it exactly. But I so see that the future can be changed by what I do today. I mean, look at my family. We were a mess, and honestly, we still have our moments, but we changed, you know? God changed us, from the inside out. Are we perfect? No. Do we still struggle? Yes. But we’re way better than we were.

“And I’m really starting to make the effort and watch what I’m giving my kids. I don’t want them to grow up in the muck I did. I want them to be secure in God and in us as a family. I can’t tell you I’m doing it all right, but I so see that as the goal now. Raising them so that my legacy is I might have come from yuck, but God and me changed that for them.” She stirred the potato salad for a moment before she shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not even saying that right.”

“No,” Rachel said softly. “I think it’s perfect.”

The whole day had been amazing. Relaxing. Rachel couldn’t remember a time she had ever been able to just relax. Laughter felt like real laughter, not manufactured or forced. She didn’t have to worry about her kids because everyone else was worried enough for her. Jane with Natalie and the four boys with Rhett.

Rachel had to smile when they got out the toy light sabers and made sure to include her son. Yes, she was beginning to see that somehow God was changing not just their present but their future as well. It was like watching one of the sci-fi movies where the world morphed before your very eyes. Maybe Sage was right. Maybe she had come from yuck, but God had something different in mind.

After lunch, the men brought the dishes back into the kitchen but left them for the women as they went in to watch the game. Rachel was busy helping with a tired Natalie propped on her hip when Caleb came in from checking on Rhett and the boys.

“They’re playing baseball,” he said, coming over and putting his hand on her waist. “You should see Rhett with that helmet. The thing is like 50 sizes too big.”

“Is he okay?” she asked with concern just as Natalie whimpered on her shoulder.

“He’s fine.” A second and Caleb tipped his head to look at Natalie. “But this one looks like she’s done for.”

“I know.” Rachel bounced her twice as she transferred the leftovers to the little bags with her other hand. “I’m going to go put her down when I’m done here.”

Another second and without warning, he reached to take the child “Here.”

It was pure reflexive embarrassment at the thought he might think her incapable of handling her own daughter that spun them from his grasp. “No. It’s okay. I’m almost finished.”

His head tipped down another notch, and he leaned closer even as a sliver of his gaze slipped over to the two women on the other side of the kitchen. “It’s okay, Rach. Really.”

When she looked up at him, there was no condemnation in his eyes only a soft request that she trust him enough to let him help. It took a breath for her to acquiesce. “Okay. Here.” She transferred Natalie to his care and headed for the diaper bag. “Let me get her sippy cup.”

It was a dead-sure bet that Sage had seen all of it, so when the kitchen was almost finished, Rachel headed outside. Yes, she needed to check on Rhett, but she also suspected the women wouldn’t find her out there.

The cool day made her wish she had worn something other than the dress, but it wasn’t going to chase her back inside. She went out to the railing of the deck and leaned there, taking in the small amount of warmth the sun afforded as she watched the boys playing beyond. It touched her heart how all the older boys both included Rhett and helped him. Three of them were out in what would have to pass as the field as Jeremiah knelt with Rhett, holding the bat that looked like it was a million times too big for him.

“Get this one,” Aidan said from his position on the mound that really wasn’t. He tossed the ball in to home plate and somehow Jeremiah managed to tap one piece of it with the bat.

“Run!” the older boys shouted. Instead, Rhett turned and made sure Jeremiah had the bat.

Rachel laughed as tears sprang into her eyes.

“Run, Rhett! Run!” the others all yelled.

Her son, tiny though he was, turned then and headed in exactly the wrong direction. Peter caught him and spun him around, pointing the other way as Aidan ran to fetch the ball.

“Come here! Come here!” Andrew yelled, presumably from first base, and Rhett headed that direction.

The helmet on his head was bobbling all over the place, but he made it to first base as Aidan threw the ball, missing Andrew completely mostly because Andrew was coaching Rhett rather than even trying for the ball.

“Run!” they all yelled as Aidan took off, chasing the ball out into the weeds, and after a moment’s pause, Rhett went in the direction of Peter who was now on second. The little hands reached up and tried to right the helmet as he ran for second.

Only then did Rachel really understand what the boys were doing, and tears slipped out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

At second, Peter missed Aidan’s throw and sent Rhett to third where Jeremiah stood waving his arms like a crazy person. “Come on! Come on! Run, Rhett! Run!”

How the little legs carried him so far, she would never know, but as she watched, her son rounded third and headed home where both Andrew and Pete were now jumping up and down waiting for him. The laugh of joy and gratefulness escaped from her heart as she watched him head to home plate to a hero’s welcome by the others.

Aidan even got to make a play out of it and “missed” as Rhett ran around him and jumped onto home plate. The joy at the homerun could never be outdone by any other that had ever been made. The boys picked him up, yelling and cheering like they had lost their minds.

“Hey,” Sage said, suddenly at Rachel’s elbow, and Rachel quickly wiped away the tears. “I was wondering where you got off to.”

“Just checking on Rhett.” Rachel looked out to the field where the celebration continued.

“He’s precious. The boys were so excited he was coming.”

A nod and gratefulness touched her heart again. “He loves them.”

“And they love him.”

“It’s so weird,” Rachel said, her gaze going down to her hands.

“What’s that?” Sage asked, and then her gaze slipped over to Jane who had come out to join them on the other side of Rachel.

She shouldn’t say it. Not here with Jane. Closing her eyes, she prayed that Sage would let the subject drop.

“Mind if I join you?” Jane asked, clearly concerned that her presence might not be welcome.

“Uh, no, we don’t mind,” Sage said, her voice wavering one smidge. “We were just talking about love and stuff.”

“Ahh. Yes, I’ve noticed things are a little… different today.”

Rachel couldn’t help the smile or the folding of her shoulders over herself. “Kind of.”

“Good different, right?” Jane asked, unsure of the pallor hanging over the conversation.

“Yeah. Mostly.” She should have left it at yeah.

“Explain ‘mostly.’”

Looking out at the boys again, Rachel sniffed back the tears. She had never, ever been this honest with anyone. It felt like walking on a thread that would snap at any moment. “It’s great,” she said, sniffing again. “He’s great. It’s great. I just…” Finally she shrugged. “I just know what other people are saying about him, being with me, you know? I mean, I know what people say, what they think. I’ve heard them.”

She felt the look Jane gave Sage and the one Sage returned.

“We like to think of the church as perfect,” Jane finally said. “Perfect people. Perfect lives. Perfect choices and decisions. But the reality is, we’re all a mess. All of us. It’s not just you. Believe me. I have felt judged and condemned more times than I want to count by other people in this town.”

Sage half-laughed. “Hey, now. I thought I had the corner on that market.” She leaned down on her elbows again next to Rachel. “Judged and condemned. Yep. That pretty much sums up how I’ve felt since I got here.”

That surprised Rachel. “But you’re Sage Baker. You’re royalty.”

“Ha. There’s a funny one.”

“I’m with Sage,” Jane said. “Judged and condemned should’ve been stamped on my forehead. I wasn’t classy enough. I didn’t dress well enough. I dressed too nice. I didn’t do enough in the community. I was too quiet. I was too loud. Oh, believe me, I’ve heard it all.”

Rachel’s gaze swung over to her. “But you’re awesome.”

“Am I?” Jane drilled into Rachel’s gaze. “Am I really? Or was I someone who you felt judged by too?”

Wow. That cut right into her, slicing her very soul, and she put her head down though the truth was long since out.

“That’s what I thought,” Jane said. “I know, you haven’t been comfortable with Steve and me for a long time now. And I also know why.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel said, shaking her head.

“No. I don’t think it is. See, what people say about you, when they judge and condemn you, that says far more about them and where their hearts are than it ever says about you. People that do that to you, knocking you down and kicking you when you’re really hurting really don’t know how hurtful they’re being. They don’t know what they are doing. We should be here for each other, yes, in the good times, but especially in the tough times. Unfortunately too often, the second someone messes up and really needs a team around them, the team members either turn on them or take off and leave. I see that now. I see how often I’ve done that, and I can blame it on the fact that I’m a little shy and not overly confident, but it really doesn’t matter why I do it. It’s the fact that I do that’s the problem.”

“I think it’s like Pastor Steve said this morning,” Sage said, “you have to look at what’s not working for you and figure out why in the spirit realm you do that and then ask God how to change it.”

“For me,” Jane said, “I think I’m supposed to be perfect and always know what to say and how to say it to people. If I don’t, I tend to avoid saying anything. I don’t go up and offer a hug or support because it might not be comfortable, and I might not know how to handle what comes next. So I don’t do anything.”

“It’s that grace thing,” Sage said. “Hiding comes natural, but it’s grace that calls you out of hiding and helps you believe you can move past whatever it is.”

“I know for me,” Jane said, “I’m really trying to do one of the things they talked about at the conference I went to and love as if you were whole, as if I was whole. That’s a whole lot harder than it sounds, let me tell you. I have to keep remembering love changes things and to let love be my go-to thing instead of Plan B or D or Z.” She glanced back. “Even today, just a bit ago, I didn’t want to come out here. I figured the two of you were talking, I should go find something else to do.”

Both of them looked at her in surprise, and when she looked back, there were tears in her eyes and the sad smile on her face of a person who maybe has been too forthright.

“What?” she asked. “We’re being honest here, right?”

Courage released the lock on Rachel’s spirit, and she exhaled hard. “The truth is, I’m exhausted from trying to be strong all the time.” Her gaze went out to the children playing beyond. “Caleb keeps telling me I need to let other people help, but I just couldn’t. It scared me to death to even think about doing that. If I let someone help, that meant they would know I couldn’t do it, and I couldn’t let them think that.”

“So you shrink,” Sage said, “and you hide out, knowing you’re drowning but not daring to let anyone know.” She tipped her head and raised her hand. “I’m right there with you.”

Surprise pounced on Rachel. “Seriously? But you’ve got Luke.”

Sage leaned over and bumped her shoulder. “And you’ve got Caleb.”

In that split second Rachel saw it. She heaved a breath and shook her head. “I’ve made life hell for him, and all he wanted to do was love me.”

“There’s always another road,” Jane said. “And you can always make a new decision.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been like this for a really long time,” Rachel said. “Do you really think I can change?”

“What was it Pastor Steve said, that thing about recognizing the root problem and asking God to help you do something about it?”

Teasingly, Rachel looked at her. “What’d you do, memorize his sermon?”

“Hey,” Sage said. “Trust me, I need all the help I can get.”

They stayed outside for a little while longer, talking about life and God and how they fit into the whole thing. However, the cool breeze floating in from the Atlantic made Rachel shiver as the sun began its descent. “Hmm. You know, I’d love to continue this, but I’m going to be an icicle pretty soon.”

“Wouldn’t want that,” Jane said with a laugh and a half-hug. “Let’s go inside and make sure the guys haven’t burned the place down.”

“Or shaken it to death,” Sage said, joining the laughter. “I’m surprised we can’t hear them shouting at the television from out here.”

The three of them went inside where it was definitely warmer.

“Would you like some tea?” Sage asked, leading them into the kitchen.

“Sure,” Jane replied. “I’d love some.”

“Me too.” Rachel headed for the living room. “I think I’d better check on Nat.”

“She’s probably playing with my two.” Sage took down the teapot and started the water as Rachel went through the doorway.

On the other side, however, Rachel’s heart jerked her to a full stop. There in the recliner laid all the way back was Caleb. On top of him, snoozing in the late day sunlight lay Natalie, thumb in her mouth, eyes closed in perfect peace. Caleb’s hand rested on the top of her as he dozed as well.

“Well, it’s about time you ladies come back in,” the pastor said. “We thought you all had taken off for Alaska.”

Rachel laughed and rubbed her arm. “It’s starting to feel like Alaska out there.” She looked back to the two in the recliner. “They been sleeping long?”

“Since halftime,” Luke said from the other recliner.

“Who’s winning?” she asked, lifting her chin to the television.

He shook his head. “Not us.”

They left before supper, mostly because neither wanted to burden Sage with making another meal. On the way back to her house, Rachel snuck a glance over at him and shook her head. Somehow life had never seemed so possible. However, the future, a different one than she had ever envisioned was fast approaching, and she knew they needed to iron some things out.

“So,” she said, “you’re not going to wherever Derek and Jaycee are?”

A second and he glanced over at her. “No.”

Rachel nodded. “So besides fixing Mom’s, what’re you going to do?”

“Well.” The syllable went on longer than it warranted. “Luke’s got some odd jobs he’s having trouble getting to, and Pastor Steve said people were talking to him about me staying today, like maybe he has some leads too. So I guess I start there and see where it leads me.”

Rachel nodded, taking that in. Then she looked over at him. “So you really are staying then?”

The vulnerability of his grin cradled her heart. “Looks like it.”

Chapter 32

Three days later as their new routine of life was settling around them, Caleb sat at Rachel’s table after work. He’d already finished three small jobs and had started work that morning on the Bradley’s down the street.

“You want crackers with that?” Rachel called from the kitchen where she was gathering the last things for the meal.

“Sure.” Caleb got the kids in place just as she came in, casually gorgeous in her sweats and sweater. With the meal between them, they joined hands with the kids and said a quick grace. Funny, how much better he was getting at doing that. It no longer felt awkward at all.

Finished with grace, Rachel pushed the hair that had escaped her ponytail back as she scooped out carrots and potatoes for Natalie and cut them up. Caleb went to work on Rhett’s meal.

“You know, Thanksgiving’s coming up,” he said, wishing he knew what her answer would be. “What’re you thinking?”

“Oh. Uh. Don’t know. Hadn’t really thought about it. We used to go out to Mom’s, and I’d cook. But that’s out this year unless you can get that kitchen back in working order in two weeks.”

He laughed. “It will be back in working order, but probably not in two weeks.” The truth was, they had decided to start over with the cabinets and counters as well as the floor. So later when he got home, he’d spend an hour or so removing more of them as he had every night so far. “Luke said he’d help this weekend with the boys, so that should get most of the demo done at least on the kitchen.”

She sighed. “I would’ve never gotten that done.”

With a grin, he leaned over to her and kissed her quickly. “That’s why you’ve got me.”

Although she ducked her head, she couldn’t stop the grin. “Smart me.”

Going back to his own meal, his mind went back again to Thanksgiving and his mother’s request. “I talked to Mom last night, my mom.”

“Oh, yeah?” Rachel took a bite of her stew. “How are they?”

“Good. Good.” He nodded as he crushed crackers over his. “She was wondering what I’m doing for Thanksgiving.”

One second and Rachel’s spoon slowed. “Oh?” She nodded slowly. “What are you doing?”

‘What are you doing’ – he heard her word choice, and he knew what it meant. “Well, actually, I told Mom I needed to talk with you about what we’re doing.”

Rachel’s gaze jerked up and snagged on his as her eyes asked the question. “We?” she squeaked out, and then it was like she had to absorb the word.

Knowing he couldn’t wimp out now, Caleb looked right at her and held her gaze. “Mom suggested we could come there for Thanksgiving or before or after if that works better. She also said we could bring your mom, but I didn’t know how well that would work.”

Surprise jumped all over Rachel’s gaze. “To Texas?”

He laughed. “It’s Texas, not the moon.” Going back to his stew, he gave voice to the options that had been running around his head most of the day. “We could fly out on Monday and be back here by Thursday or Friday. Or we could go on Wednesday, but flying that day is just beyond impossible. With the kids and everything...”

“Fly?” Rachel’s eyebrows reached for the ceiling. “I don’t know… the three of us.” She stopped and cleared her throat. “The four of us, or five if Mom goes? I don’t think I can swing that with the house and everything.”

“My treat.” He tipped his head and shrugged. “Early Christmas presents. Besides, my folks are dying to meet you all. Mom never even bothers to ask about me anymore. All she wants to hear about is you and the kids.” Taking a bite, he chewed, letting her think about it. “Can we at least look into it, see what we can make work?”

It took a very long, slow breath before Rachel finally nodded. “I guess.”

As it turned out, her mother decided the trip would just be too much for her to manage. So the Monday before Thanksgiving, they stowed the luggage in the back of Caleb’s new-to-him pickup and headed to Norfolk. He’d gotten a good deal on the pickup from Mr. Bradley, a sixty-year-old with a good financial head on his shoulders and a jolly laugh.

“Luke called this morning,” Caleb said as they headed out.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, Mrs. P called him this weekend. Something about a house her granddaughter is looking at buying around here.”

Caleb was always keenly aware of Rachel’s interest in his jobs. In fact, twice now she had bailed him out when he needed a better opinion than he seemed to have. This working and designing on his own was harder than it looked.

“She’s buying something around here?” Rachel asked. “What’s even for sale?”

“The Attabury place out on Mill Road?” It would be nice when he got more familiar with everything.

Like someone had pushed her backward, she lifted her chin and her eyebrows. “The Attabury place?”

Her reaction worried him. “Yeah, that’s what he said. Why?”

It was as if she was trying to figure out how not to say what she was thinking. “That place was creepy fifteen years ago. I can’t imagine time has done it any favors.”

“Creepy?” He glanced at her. “Define creepy?”

She shivered. “Well, they used to say it was haunted, some Civil War thing or something. But it’s a two-story that’s back in the trees from the road far enough you can’t really see it very good. I didn’t even know it had running water. There used to be an old outhouse out there.”

Caleb glanced at her in more concern. “An outhouse? Seriously.”

“I’m not lying. They used to say Mrs. Attabury would carry a gun out there with her in case she ran into a skunk or a teenager on the way out to use it.” She shook her head slowly. “I think you’d better go check that one out before you say yes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Although the flights to Texas via a connection in Dallas, which Rachel questioned since that meant they had to go back east again to get to Houston, were relatively uneventful, the kids were understandably exhausted by the time they landed.

“Yeah,” Caleb said as he held Rhett’s hand and bobbled the two bags and one suitcase he had. “They say when you die in Texas, you have to go through Dallas before you can go on to Heaven or to Hell.” He half-laughed as they headed through the throng to the rental counter. “You get used to it eventually.”

However, Rachel wasn’t at all sure she would ever get used to this. She had always heard Texas was big, but this out-did big by a country mile.

“Here, why don’t you watch these?” Caleb said, suddenly stopping and setting the bags on the suitcase. “I’ll get us transportation.”

Rachel nodded, trying very hard not to let the busyness of the place freak her out. “Okay.”

“Me go!” Rhett said when Caleb let go of his hand. He lifted his little arms up to his guardian angel.

“It’s okay, Rhett,” Rachel started, but she didn’t even get that out before Caleb swung the child up to his hip.

“You got it, bud. Come on.”

As she watched them go, Natalie propped on her own hip, Rachel smiled and shook her head. How had she ever been so blessed?

The traffic was far worse than she ever imagined it could be, and several times Rachel had to close her eyes, breathe, and trust because the cars were everywhere, weaving in and out of lanes with little warning for anyone. “This is how you grew up?”

He glanced at her and laughed. “Not here. Wait ‘til we get out of town. It gets better.”

“I hope so. This is nuts.”

However, Caleb was right. The traffic thinned the farther out they went until eventually, it was just them and a four-lane road which eventually turned to just two lanes. It went through trees and past farmland—so very different than the craziness of Houston. As she thought about it, a soft understanding brushed her heart, and she looked over at him and then glanced into the back at the two sleeping children. She took in a breath and let the soft smile waft through her. “This is more like it.”

He grinned at her. “You not a big city girl?”

She arched her eyebrows, put her head back on the headrest and shook it. “Not on your life.” The breath felt good. “I remember when I went to college. It all seemed so fast and exciting at first, and then after a while, it just felt rushed and unsettled. This is much better though there was a time I would have called this boring.” Her soft grin danced over her heart. “It’s funny, you know?”

“What’s that?”

“How you think you know what you want in life, and then life has a way of filtering things out that really aren’t the best for you. I mean, there are things, if I could, I would go back and try to hang on to—like college. But there are a lot of things I thought I wanted back then, I thought I was supposed to want that now…” She shook her head. “Those things just aren’t that important anymore.”

His glance said more than he did for a moment. Not pushing, she waited to see if he would share that with her. A second more and he shifted in the seat slightly. “My dad says, you have to learn to make the most important thing the most important thing.”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, like that. It just takes a while, I think, to figure out what the most important things are in life. When you’re young, you think it’s things like cars and being popular and stuff. When you get a little older, it becomes about making money and providing a life for yourself. Then,” She took a breath and glanced again in the back. “I think about the time you have kids, you realize how little all of that stuff even matters. Then you just want them to be safe and whole and happy and loved.” Shaking her head because that probably made no sense to him, she shrugged. “Or maybe that’s just me.”

“I don’t think so.” He glanced at her and then back to the road. “It’s weird because before I went to North Carolina and Ridgemount, I didn’t think about things like next year and eternity. I was too busy trying to get through today. Now…” His glance touched her again, and he reached across the seat to take her hand. “Let’s just say what’s important has shifted a lot in my life.”

Her fingers played with and over his really liking how they felt together. “Is that why you came back? Why you turned them down?”

A second and he nodded slowly. “I finally had to really decide what was the most important thing to me, and I guess I realized that the most important ‘thing’ wasn’t a thing at all. It was you and the kids. I think Derek thought I’d lost my mind, but the truth is, this I’m at peace with this. The other, I would always have wondered.”

“And you don’t think you’ll wonder about the other?”

“Oh, I’m sure I will, but this feels right. This feels real, like it’s something to build a life on, like when I get to the end, there will be people who will miss me when I’m gone.”

Rachel snagged on that. “Well, let’s not find that out for a long, long time.”

“Deal.”

His parents’ house was hardly something to brag about. Not that Rachel cared one way or the other, but it spoke of humble beginnings—not Hollywood glitz and glamour like she had imagined. In fact, the entire town had a down-to-earth feel she could get quite used to if need be.

“This is it,” Caleb said, turning into the driveway that led up to a closed white garage door. A second and he killed the engine.

Her gaze slipped up the house’s exterior. It needed a good coat of paint and landscaping. Though to be fair, it was November, so the grass and trees were all mostly gray and yellow. “Nice.” She popped her door open and slid out. “So did you live here long?”

“My whole life. Well, except for the first six months, but I don’t remember much of that.” He went to the back to retrieve the luggage while she went to unharness the children who were once again awake.

“Oh!” The front screen door came open and out stepped a small woman with silver-gray hair and a flannel print shirt that was neither new nor fashionable. “You’re here!”

“We made it,” Caleb said, and Rachel thought she should tell him he really could make a couple of trips. He looked like an overburdened camel.

“Well, come on. Come on in.” The smile the woman gave Rachel held only the smallest amount of appraisal in it. Mostly, it was imbued with genuine excitement and love. “Oh, look at you two. Aren’t you adorable? Come on, let’s get you inside. No use standing out here all day.”

They went inside, which proved interesting as the contrast of the bright daylight plunging into dimness took some getting used to. Much like the outside, the inside of the house was hardly modern or even very updated. In fact, it looked a lot like her own mother’s house though it lacked the dirt road-farm feel.

“Oh, my, my. Aren’t you just precious?” the woman gushed, looking only though it was clear with the slightest bit of permission, she would have her hands all over the kids.

“Mom,” Caleb said, slinging and sliding the suitcases all over the stairwell. Once unburdened, he came back over, put his hand on Rachel’s back and his gaze on her. “This is Rachel Taylor.”

“Rachel,” his mother said, her eyes shining. “It’s so wonderful to meet you.”

“And this is Natalie.” He tipped his head to the child sitting in her mother’s arms, wary but not fearful. “And this…” With that, he reached down and swung Rhett up into his own arms. “Is my buddy, Rhett.”

When she looked at his mother, Rachel had the distinct impression the woman was about to cry. “Oh, my… My. My.” She put her hands on her heart, just gazing at them. “Ohhh.”

Caleb laughed and went over to her to hug her. “It’s okay, Mom. I didn’t know you’d go all weepy on us.”

“I’m sorry.” She wiped her eyes and laughed. “Oh. You are just…” With a sniff, she shook her head. “I’m just so happy you came to spend the holiday with us.” Turning, she addressed Rachel. “Thank you so much for coming.”

Rachel would never have thought to say anything else. “Thank you for having us.”

By the time she’d been in the house 30 minutes, Rachel was pretty sure she’d fallen into an alternate dimension. In fact, she needed to ask Caleb how much he had even told his mother about her past because judging by the overwhelming kindness of the woman, it clearly wasn’t much.

“Sara called just before you got here,” his mother, Dee, which she had learned was short for DeeAnn, said as she dished out what appeared to be a four-course meal for them over the humble kitchen table. There was no dining room in the house, and the kitchen was hardly showroom material. “We’re going over there for Thanksgiving this year. She’s got her in-laws coming too, and you know your sister, she’s about to make herself sick getting ready for it.”

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Caleb mumbled.

“I told her I’d make the turkey, but she wouldn’t hear of it. They’re going to smoke one and fry one and bake one. Just in case she keeps saying. I’m telling you, we’re going to have enough to feed the Army and the Marine Corps.”

Caleb’s gaze snuck up and caught Rachel who lifted her eyebrows at him as his mother went back to the stove. Rachel barely caught the smile from turning into a laugh.

“I ’nt more,” Rhett said, his little hands covered in ooie-gooey mac and cheese.

“Oh, buddy, you’re going to turn into mac and cheese if you eat any more,” Rachel said, grabbing a napkin and trying to clean him up.

“I have plenty.” Dee came over to scoop more onto Rhett’s plate before Rachel could protest. “Tell that Mama of yours that you’re a growing boy, and you need all the mac and cheese you can get.”

Rachel didn’t even bother to protest as Rhett dug into the fresh mound of creamy goodness. Who was she to argue?

Caleb knew that look, and he had to eat his own laugh to keep it from finding the air. Finally, someone who was going to help her out no matter how much Rachel wanted to protest. He ducked and kept his gaze on his own plate. “This is wonderful, Mom.”

“Yes, it is,” Rachel said, breathing down the protests in her eyes. “I know why Rhett is such a fan. This squash is amazing.”

“Garden grown. Canned at harvest.” His mother went back to the stove. “Don’t tell Rhett there, but he’s eaten about half of my garden with that mac and cheese.”

Surprise jumped to Rachel’s face. “What? How?”

A cagey grin was on his mother’s face when she half-turned to them. “Caleb was the pickiest eater on the planet when he was little. If it had a whiff of green anywhere on it, he wouldn’t so much as touch it.” She shrugged as she put a pan in the sink with a clank. “Rather than fight him all the time, I figured out ways to sneak vegetables in without him knowing it.”

“Wow. Smart,” Rachel said.

“Wait. You what?” Caleb asked, dropping his fork with a clatter. “You never told me that.”

His mother shook her head. “Of course I didn’t. I wasn’t going to tell you all of my secrets.”

Caleb’s mouth dropped open, and Rachel playfully reached over and tapped his chin closed.

“Careful, you’ll catch flies like that.” And she ducked and snickered at his indignation.

“I don’t believe this,” he said, looking from Rachel to his mother. “What else don’t I know?”

“Lots of stuff,” his mother laughed as she did the dishes. “Lots and lots and lots of stuff.”

“Your mom’s fun,” Rachel said later when the meal was finished and they had gone upstairs. Her things and the kids’ things were in the guest bedroom, complete with a pallet for Rhett and a playpen-baby bed for Natalie.

“Don’t encourage her.” Caleb shook his head as he held Natalie while Rachel unpacked everything. He picked Natalie up and shook his head at her again. “Isn’t that right, Nat? Don’t encourage that Mimi. No way. Don’t do it. Don’t do it.”

“So, not that I want her to know or anything, but what did you tell her about us?” Rachel slid a stack of Rhett’s shirts into the dresser drawer.

“Us?” Caleb put Natalie back on his lap. “Like you and me us?”

“No. Well, yeah. That too. But I meant us, us. Like me and the kids.”

“Uh?” he asked clearly not understanding. “Your name is Rachel. You’re from North Carolina…”

“No, not that stuff. I mean about us, about our past, and why we’re here and everything?”

A second and he tipped his head as if catching her meaning. “About why you have two kids and no husband?”

Rachel nodded, never taking her gaze off of her task. “Does she know?”

His gaze went soft. “Most of it. We talked about it when I came from California. Why? Is that a problem?”

The shake of her head barely made it that far. “It’s just that most people have their minds made up about me if they know the whole story, and I’d really hate to disappoint her.”

With a breath, Caleb stood and came over to her. “Come here.” And not brooking a protest, he put his arm around her and drew her into his embrace. She meshed there as the pain from being judged her whole life washed over her. “You don’t have to worry about Mom. She’s not going to throw you out for not being perfect. Trust me, if she did, I’d have been tossed out on my ear a long time ago. I think you’re safe. Besides, she loves you already.”

Rachel sniffed. “You think?”

“Oh, yeah. You’ll know Mom loves you by two things—how much she talks and how much she feeds you. Rhett alone’s gonna gain ten pounds on this trip.”

Sniffing once more, Rachel backed up and wiped her eyes. “I hope she doesn’t like me too much. Jaycee’s wedding’s coming up, and I don’t want to look like a whale.”

He grinned. “I think you’re safe. Just watch out for the mashed potatoes and gravy. One bite and you won’t be able to quit.”

As she took in a breath, she rubbed her hand up and down his back. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Caleb wasn’t kidding about the food. How Dee could possibly have cooked a whole other meal by the time her husband made it home, Rachel had no accounting for.

“Hey, stranger,” Caleb’s dad said, giving him a handshake, a hug and a slap on the back. These were the huggingest people Rachel had ever been around.

“Dad,” Caleb said as he turned to Rachel who had to swallow to keep herself from running when the big man put his eyes on her, “this is Rachel Taylor.”

The large man who looked very much like an older version of Caleb bowed slightly. “Ms. Taylor.” He took her hand, never dropping her gaze.

“Mr. James.”

With a sparkle in his eye, the man laughed. “No need to be so formal. The name’s Thomas, but folks around here just call me Tom.”

She smiled as his kind eyes took her in. “Tom.”

“That’s better. And who do we have here?” he asked, lowering his gaze at the children.

“This is Natalie,” Rachel said. “And this is Rhett.”

“Well, now.” Tom went all the way down to sitting on his heels as he sized Rhett up and down. “Looks like this little fella will make a mighty fine hand one of these days.”

Caleb followed his father down and reached for Rhett who went to him and cowered there. Standing over them, Rachel felt like a giant.

“Rhett’s already a big helper,” Caleb said. “Aren’t you, big guy?”

Slowly with trepidation, Rhett nodded.

“Well, now that’s good to hear because I’m needing some help on those corrals up at school tomorrow. You don’t think the two of you would consider helping out a little now, would you?”

“Oh, now, Tom,” Dee said as she came in from the kitchen, “the kids came for a vacation. Caleb doesn’t need to be off helping you build things.”

“Eh.” Caleb stood and swung Rhett up into his arms, and his dad stood as well. “We don’t mind. We like building stuff, don’t we?”

Wide-eyed, Rhett nodded again, and they all laughed as Caleb hugged the child to him.

“So, how long are you kids staying?” his dad asked as they made their way into the more formal sitting room off to the left.

“We’ll be heading back on Friday,” Caleb said. “We’d like to spend Saturday and Sunday with Rachel’s mom.”

“Oh, how is she doing?” Dee asked. “I know the trip would have been difficult for her, but I so wish she could have been able to come.”

“She’s good,” Rachel said, and like a small trail of ants they went into the kitchen. None in a hurry, and all pleasantly happy to be together.

The rest of the evening passed quickly as they ate and talked and got to know one another. Caleb’s dad was building corrals for the local school. His mom kept busy with bringing meals to the elderly twice a week and keeping Sara’s children when she was needed. As they sat around the table talking, Rachel couldn’t help but think this was how a family should be. Yes, they probably had their share of issues, but it was easy to see that they were a unit, not fractured pieces trying to make a whole.

And remarkably, they didn’t so much as question her place in any of it. In fact, by the end of the meal when she stood to help with dishes, she wouldn’t so much as let Dee protest. They were a part of the family now, and family helped each other out.

Laughing and telling stories, Dee and Tom regaled them with tales from Texas. From the surprise snake that had turned up in their garage in the spring to the church water line that broke and flooded the basement. None of the stories were newspaper-worthy, though the snake one had them nearly in the floor laughing at Dee’s antics, but they told of life as they lived it. Simple. Yet somehow profoundly real.

When the dishes were finished and they went into the living room, Tom sat in the threadbare brown recliner and Dee in her own old green one.

“You know, Caleb,” Tom said, “I haven’t gotten that hammock taken down out of the backyard yet.”

“Oh, yeah?” Caleb asked. “I would’ve thought you would’ve taken that thing down months ago.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been meaning to. Just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

Caleb nodded. “You want me to go take it down for you?”

On the ottoman, his mother was busy showing the kids how to play with the giant locking blocks she kept for Sara’s kids. “You kids go on. We’ll be fine.”

Kids? Suddenly Rachel realized what she was saying.

“But be sure to take a jacket. The stars will be out, and that means it’s liable to get awfully chilly if you stay out there too long.”

“Good to know.” Caleb took Rachel’s hand in his, and she caught the reflection of the sparkle of his parents’ eyes when he looked at her. “Come on. I might need some help.”

“Oh.” The gentleness of his smile swept her heart away from her. “Okay.”

The hammock, it turned out, was a weave of scratchy, thick twine. It was strung up between two trees that towered over the yard.

“Hang on,” Caleb said, leaving her there as he went across the yard into a little shed and came back carrying something. At the hammock he unfurled the thing which turned out to be a patchwork blanket made of old blue jeans.

Rachel puzzled over it as he spread the blanket into the hammock. She tipped her head in confusion. “I thought we were taking that thing down.”

“We will.” However, he climbed into it and patted the blanket next to him. “Come on. It’s the last swing of the season. You can’t miss that.”

She curled her lips into a half-frown, knowing she’d been set up. “Oh, yeah? Who says?”

“Everybody knows that. It’s common knowledge.” He held his hand out to her. “Come on. It promise it’s safe. This hammock has been here since I was Rhett’s age.”

With a breath she stepped closer to the thing. “If I fall…”

“I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

Getting in proved much more ungraceful than she had anticipated. “Ack!” she said more than once as the thing tipped and swung under them precariously.

“Here,” he said, putting his arm around her as she tried both to move and not to move. “Just relax. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

And then, as if they had done it a million times, Rachel finally let herself relax into him lying there underneath her. A second and he reached around her and flipped the blanket up and over them.

“There we go. Ah, see,” he said. “Much better.”

Though she wouldn’t have thought so even moments before, Rachel had to agree now. As the hammock slowed to a gentle sway, she dragged in a long, slow breath and let out all of the stresses of the day. It was amazing how her tired body went slack so easily held in the solid strength of his. “Hmm. This is nice.”

“Best place in a country mile my dad used to say.”

“I think I agree with him.” For a long while, Rachel just lay there, letting the gentle breeze rock them in its arms. Then, as her body slowed, her thoughts came to the surface. “Your mom and dad are really nice.”

“They have their moments.”

“Rhett loves them. We may never get him to go home.”

Caleb shifted but only a tiny bit. “Yep, Mom has that effect on kids. Always has. She could keep a roomful of kindergarteners mesmerized for hours. They begged her not to retire, but she wanted to be home to help Sara out.”

“And Sara?”

“She does real estate, showing houses, that kind of stuff. Mostly she works from home, but with three kids, a house, a husband, and a business, you do the math.”

“There’s never enough of you to go around.”

“Exactly.”

They grew quiet for a few more minutes.

“It’s weird,” Rachel said.

“What’s that?”

“How people act like marriage is just going to solve everything.” She shook her head. “I used to think that, and then I got married. But my marriage wasn’t the fairy tale everyone said it was going to be, you know? So, then I thought maybe it was just because of how it happened, how it wasn’t right the way they say it’s supposed to be. But now I talk to Sage and Jane, and they talk about how hard it is to even see each other. How they feel like they get whatever’s left at the end of the day.” Trying to look into what they had said, she puzzled over it. “And I can’t help but wonder if that’s just how marriage is, or if that’s how people let it get, or what…”

“Well, I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the subject, but I think I’m learning what doesn’t work.”

“What’s that?”

“The way I used to do it—going out, hooking up. I thought this kind of thing was old-fashioned, that getting to know each other like this was somehow unreasonable to even think about doing. That that was for old people or only for ‘back then.’ But now…”

“Now?” she asked softly.

“Now, I can’t imagine it any other way. I mean, we’re together, yeah, and someday I hope we’ll be together-together. But now I see the real value in this because we’re not based on a night we happened to get drunk together. This is real. This is… It feels like forever.”

A night we happened to get drunk together. Rachel knew all too well how those turned out. She had lived that kind of relationship up-close-and-personal, and it wasn’t pretty. “I’m really liking how forever feels.”

His grip on her tightened as she arched her face up to his. His gaze came down, met and held hers. “Me too.” And his kiss was sweet and warm and perfect.

“Wha’s this?” Rhett asked the next morning as he picked up his fork even as he munched on his pancakes.

Rachel looked at him in concerned confusion just as Dee looked across the table over her reading glasses.

“That’s a fork,” she said, annunciating the word fork.

“Fork.” Rhett nodded in satisfaction as he put it down. He tipped his head and picked up a piece of the pancake. “Wha’s this?”

More confusion rained through Rachel.

“Pan. Cake,” Dee said almost without bothering to look.

Rhett nodded and stuff the bite in his mouth. “Pancake.” Reaching over he picked up the salt shaker, and Rachel dove for it in fear of what he would do with it. “Wha’s this?”

Dee looked up that time but didn’t answer. “What is that?”

A second then two and Rhett nodded. “Salt.”

“Good boy. That’s salt.” She joined him in nodding even as she went back to her own meal. “Very good.”

After breakfast, Caleb kissed Rachel who was cleaning up the dishes, gathered Rhett up, and headed out to find his father who’d been gone nearly two hours already. The school wasn’t at all hard to locate—he’d made that drive thousands of times in high school, and driving around the back, he found his father at the corrals. It was a wonder they were even still standing as they had been in bad need of repair since he’d been in high school. However, it was easy to see the vast improvements that had been made to them.

Crawling out of the pickup, he retrieved Rhett and they walked over to survey the project. “Looks like you’re making headway.”

His father stood from his stooped over position he was in, setting a post in cement. “Well, the cavalry has finally arrived.”

Caleb laughed. “Had to wait until Rhett ate all of the pancakes.”

“Pancakes!” Rhett said, and Caleb laughed before looking back out over the project.

“The old corrals are starting to look brand new again.”

“Yep. Amazing what a little elbow grease can do.” His father now simply held the post as the boys went to work around him tying it to make it stable. “We’re going to do another one around that way. Old Man Eberhart deeded this 40 to the school last year. With all the stock they’re showing these days, the school board decided to take advantage of it.”

“Fantastic.”

Just then a man about Caleb’s age came walking up. “How’s it going out here, Mr. James? The boys being any help?”

“They always are. We raise only the finest in Jasper. Always have.”

Then the man looked over at Caleb with a puzzled face.

“Mr. Martin, this here’s my son Caleb James.” Pride shone on his father’s face as Caleb shook the ag teacher’s hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Martin.”

“You… too.” Understanding suddenly dawned on the man. “Wait. Caleb… James?” He looked from father to son. “Are you… You’re not…? The kids have talked about you being on the television and all. Home & Hearth, right?”

Caleb laughed and ducked. “Until the end of last month. Yep, that was me.”

“Oh?” Concern swept across Mr. Martin’s face. “What happened?”

Looking down at Rhett, Caleb bounced him once. “I guess you could say other things became more important.”

“Wow. I’ve never met a real-life celebrity before.” The man slid into thoughtfulness. “You don’t think you might be interested in coming to talk to our kids tomorrow, would you? I mean, it would just being during the shop classes, but we would love to have you for some questions and answers. If you wouldn’t mind that is.”

Caleb glanced at his dad. “No. I wouldn’t mind. Sounds like fun.”

“Great. Great.” Mr. Martin pumped Caleb’s hand and then his attention went the other way. “I’d better get on back over there. Welding and kids—not a good combination.” He turned and strode away.

The kids around them were finished as well, and his father let go of the post. In seconds they were left alone.

“So, you really did turn them down then?” his father asked.

Ever since the decision, Caleb had wondered what his father’s opinion of it would be. “Yeah. I really did. I’m picking up jobs here and there now out in North Carolina. Might even do a whole-house remodel if the deal doesn’t fall through.”

His father put his foot on one of the corral pipes and his arms up on the top one as he looked out, watching the anthill of motion in front of them. Caleb wished he could read the old man’s mind, and he was a half-second from asking when his father laughed softly.

“Always knew you were fearless.”

That sent concerned confusion flooding through Caleb. “How’s that?”

With a glance at him, his father smiled. “I swear I thought we’d never get you through school in one piece. Many, many nights you had your mama on her knees begging God not to let you do something really stupid.”

The arrow hit his heart true. “So you think this was stupid?”

Surprise lit into the old man’s eyes. “Hardly. I didn’t say this one was stupid, just a lot of the other ones you made along the way were.”

Caleb really couldn’t argue with that, so he didn’t.

“No. I think this one took real guts.”

“Guts? Really? I thought everyone was going to think I’d chickened out.”

For a long moment his father said nothing, just stared out at the kids working. “Lots of people chase after money and fame, and lots of people end up miserable and alone.” When his gaze came over, it landed on Rhett.

“But I thought you were excited I was going to get it.”

His father’s smile was knowing and wise. “Can’t blame me for that. What father wouldn’t want his boy fixin’ up the world for everyone to see?” He tipped his head down. “But I also know money and fame aren’t worth losing yourself and what’s important to you over. It wasn’t the easy choice, and to tell you the honest truth, I’m not sure I’d have had the guts to make the call you did, but it looks to me like your fearlessness finally paid off in a big, big way.” A second and his father tipped his head. “Come on. Let’s go see some sheep.”

“Are the guys not back yet?” Dee asked, hustling in with two armloads of groceries.

Rachel looked up from the table where she was aimlessly looking through the sales circular for the upcoming craziness of Black Friday. She never had gotten into the frenzy the way most people did, but with Natalie napping, there wasn’t much else to do that didn’t feel like invading their space. “Oh, goodness!” She jumped up. “Here, let me help you with that.”

Dee swung the bags up to the counter with a thud, and Rachel’s eyebrows reached for the ceiling.

“What is all of this?” Rachel asked in panic.

“Making my famous enchiladas tonight.” With quick hands, Dee started unloading the bags. “Caleb’s favorite.”

“Oh?” Interested, Rachel leaned on the counter, feeling rather useless but intrigued nonetheless.

“As Mexican as it sounds, it’s a Texas thing. I know he doesn’t get much real Tex-Mex on the road like he has been.” Busily unloading and putting things away, Dee continued to prattle on. “If you want, I can show you. That way at least he could have them in North Carolina once in a while.”

Without trying, Rachel bumped up against one of the issues she had wondered about with Caleb’s mom. She put her focus on the bottom of her shirt and picked at the tiny, invisible tufts there.

“It’s funny,” his mother continued. “I never realized how nice it would be for him to settle down somewhere.” She laughed. “The last six years, I couldn’t even keep up with that child. He was in Buffalo and then Arizona, Idaho and Tallahassee. I used to joke I needed to wire him with one of those GPS-thingys so I could keep up with him.” She laughed again. “Not that that’s any surprise. That kid nearly gave me a heart attack more than once when he was little. He could get away faster than any child on the planet.

“I really don’t think he meant to make me crazy, but when he’s right there and you turn around and he’s gone…” Shaking her head and putting her hand to her chest, she rolled her eyes. “It’s a wonder my heart is still beating.”

Rachel smiled at the picture Dee was painting. “He sure doesn’t let the grass grow under his feet.”

“I’m just glad he finally found building things and working. All that energy, he could have gotten himself into some real trouble if he wasn’t careful and lucky.”

Softness for him wafted through Rachel. “He does amazing work.” She wasn’t sure how much Dee knew of them, but this was a piece she didn’t mind sharing. “He did my house, you know, in North Carolina.”

Dee just nodded.

A second and a smile came to Rachel’s heart. “Poor guy. I’m not sure he was used to homeowners who didn’t just fawn all over his designs.” She laughed softly. “Not that they weren’t great, but…” She shook her head. “I’m not really a Carrara marble kind of girl.”

With interest, Dee’s gaze came over to her and held.

“I just think people waste a lot of money on things that aren’t really important. Like hand-scraped Italian hardwoods. Who needs that? And with two kids?” She shook her head as a grin danced on her face. “They’d be scratched up before the crew even left.”

“Practical,” Dee said almost to herself. “I like that.” She grew thoughtful. “I don’t think Caleb’s had a lot of practical over the last few years. It’s nice to see someone finally reminded him not everything has to be granite and chintz. There for a while every time he’d come home, he’d be talking about how he would redo my house. I told him he wasn’t touching my stuff.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have much of a choice.” Rachel wound her arms and crossed her ankles just before realizing Dee was going into sandwich making mode. “Oh. Here. Let me help.”

Dee didn’t put up a protest and in seconds they had a little assembly line going.

“At first I thought, ‘Great,’” Rachel continued. “But that first day, I thought we were going to kill each other. That man is headstrong if nothing else.”

“All the good ones are. He’s just like his daddy that way. And it’s not always a bad thing either. Sometimes it’s just nice to let them plow through life and you just follow.”

A smidge of regret for how difficult she’d been touched her heart. “I’m not really very good at that—following. Not anymore anyway. I used to be, and then, well, things didn’t always turn out so good when I did that.”

“Yep. It’s important to follow the right people. The wrong ones will get you in a whole heap of trouble. The right ones can smooth things out so you don’t have to waste so much effort doing everything.” Going over to the refrigerator, Dee brought tea to the table. “I know, for me, Tom did the heavy-lifting with the finances.”

“I thought Caleb said you taught school.”

“Oh, I did. Lot of years, but that didn’t really start until Caleb got into school. It was important to Tom that I be home with the kids early on, and I’ve never regretted that decision.”

“It would be nice to be home.”

“I’m sure it’s got to be hard, what with your mom and the kids. I know Caleb’s been really worried about you.” The second it was out of her mouth, Dee looked over. “Not that I was supposed to say that or anything.”

Rachel smiled, having felt his concern for a while. “I guess I don’t do the damsel in distress thing very well. I figure I got myself into this mess, I should get myself out of it.” She focused only on the ham and turkey so she wouldn’t hear what she was admitting. “I really hate feeling like a burden on everyone all the time. I’d much rather be able to do it on my own, and when I can’t…” She shrugged and licked off her finger. “I guess I hate for other people to see I’m weak.”

Coming over, Dee stood there as if inspecting the sandwiches. “Strong and weak can be easily mistaken.”

With a glance at her, Rachel puzzled over that. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Well, sometimes the strongest people are those who are willing to admit they can’t do everything. That’s really not weak. It’s real. I know for me, for the first year of Sara’s life, I tried to do it all. I was working and trying to keep the house immaculate. I volunteered for everything at church, and very nearly ran myself into the ground.” She paused as her voice fell into pensiveness. “I ended up in the hospital. Double pneumonia. That’s when Tom told me I didn’t have to be Superwoman for him to love me, that it was okay if I cut back on trying to be everything to everybody.” Softly she laughed. “Crazy thing was, I’m not sure until that moment I’d realized how tired I really was. I ended up quitting the teaching thing, and I didn’t go back until Caleb was in second grade.

“But even then, Tom and I got someone to come in once a week to help with the housework, and I started saying no to a lot of things I’d have felt guilty saying no to before. Strange thing is, right around that time the pastor spoke about the commandment about keeping holy the Lord’s day. Up until then, I’d always felt like the commandments were one more burden to carry. But you know, I’ve never forgotten what he said. That God put that commandment in there for us, so we remember that we’re human and we need rest, and it’s okay to rest. In fact, it’s so okay that God commanded us to rest at least one day a week.

“Let me tell you, that was a new concept for me. It took me a while to learn that I wasn’t invincible, that I really did need rest, and that the world would go on without me pushing it.” Dee laughed. “I’m not sure if that’s a woman thing or what, but it’s what I see Sara doing now. I’ve talked with her about it, but until you hit that wall of I-can’t-do-this-anymore, I’m not sure you can really see what living like that does to you.”

Rachel could feel her heart opening to this woman, not being pried but opening from the inside out. She was a safe space, much like her son. “My mom was like that. Well, Mrs. Murphy.”

Dee nodded. “Caleb told me you were adopted.”

Part of that raked worry across her, but she let that go. “She worked at the hospital, and I know she did amazing work. She cared so much, and I was always in awe of all she did. To tell you the truth, I always felt like I was letting her down, letting them down by not being better. I was never great in school, barely got B’s and a few A’s. I wasn’t on the basketball team or the track team. I just kind of floated through school.”

“But Caleb told me about the engineering thing.”

Rachel laughed softly. “That was my dad, Mr. Murphy.” She put her head down and shook it. “I loved working with him, being out in that shop, putting things together. It made me feel… not completely worthless. So when I graduated, I decided to go into engineering. But let me tell you, putting stuff together and making it work is a far cry from engineering. I liked math, but that stuff was… It was so far beyond what I was ready to do…” Her spiritual gaze looked into the past, feeling what it was like to sit in the advisor’s chair as he told her she should find something else to pursue. “I wanted them to be proud of me. I really did, but no matter how hard I tried, where I needed to be was just way up here. So eventually, I gave up and quit.”

“Okay, see, right there is something.”

“What do you mean?”

“You say you quit, but quitting doesn’t always mean bad things.”

“I don’t understand.”

“See,” Dee said as she went over to the table and sat down. Rachel followed her, now willing to go anywhere this wise woman went. “I thought quitting was the end of the world, too. I thought quitting was like death. No. I thought quitting was death. So I wouldn’t quit anything. But quitting something that’s not right for you isn’t death. In fact, it can be the beginning of life if you let it be.”

Rachel was trying, but she wasn’t quite getting to where Dee was. “Explain that.”

“Well, people say, ‘Quit is a four letter word,’ but what they don’t realize is so is ‘dead.’” She smiled at her own joke. “God didn’t make us to be machines that just go and go and go. Sometimes quitting something is smarter than working yourself into the ground over doing something that isn’t working. If it’s not working, there’s no shame in quitting. In fact, it’s the smart person who quits something that isn’t working. Choosing for yourself what is working and what isn’t is what God meant for us to do when He gave us free will. In fact, He said, ‘I put life and death before you, you choose.’ For a good long bit of my life until I was flat on my back with pneumonia, I let life choose for me. If someone asked me to do something for them, I’d do it. I thought that’s what God wanted from me, to be a servant to everyone else, to help everyone, to be there for everyone. But let me tell you, that wall really hurts when you slam into it, and I slammed into it pretty hard.”

“But we’re supposed to do things for other people. Isn’t it selfish not to?”

“You aren’t going to be any help to anybody if you’re six-feet under. Running yourself into the ground isn’t helping anybody. I know. I tried it. But just like everything else, you get to choose for yourself. You get to decide. Just know that when you look and see something that’s out of kilter, it really is okay to change it.”

The back door banged closed, and both women sat up.

“Well, it’s about time,” Dee said, standing when Tom came in followed by Caleb and Rhett. “Where have you all been?”

Caleb’s grin melted right through the softest places in Rachel’s heart. “I think we may have a veterinarian on our hands.” He looked down at Rhett and bounced him once. “Huh, buddy.”

Rhett’s eyes were like saucers. “Sheep!”

They all laughed.

“I didn’t think we’d get him away from those sheep,” Tom said, coming over to the table. “Looks mighty good. I’m starving.”

Instead of going to the food, Caleb came over to give Rhett to his mother for a hug. However, Caleb’s hand stayed on her back, and after oohing and cooing over Rhett, Rachel picked her gaze up to Caleb’s. What had his mother said about a good man? She knew, then, as she looked at him, this man was a very, very good one. Heedless of the couple across the kitchen, he bent and kissed her.

Life and death. You choose. One more look at him, and her choice was made. She chose life.

Chapter 33

That evening after the best enchiladas Rachel had ever tasted, she decided after a full day with the sheep, Rhett needed a bath. Kneeling at the tub where Natalie splashed and Rhett motored the little plastic boat around and around the tub, she let her heart think about what it was she really wanted. It wasn’t hard to see how fast life was going with these two. In a blink Rhett would be in school, and in three Natalie would join him.

She wished then that she could have the option of staying home with them, and she was surprised by how strong the feeling was when she let it come up. Mrs. Carrasco was great, but when this time was gone with them, Rachel would never get it back. The realization and ache ripped tears to the surface. “God,” she whispered, “I want to be the best Mom I can be. I want them to know they can always count on me. But right now, there’s just so much to do. I don’t know how I’d ever…”

“Hey,” Caleb said, coming in the door and standing there, looking down at them, his hand still on the door, “who decided to throw a party and not invite me?”

Rhett picked up the blue, gold and white toy in his hand. “Boat!”

“Yes, sir.” Leaving the door, Caleb came in and sat down next to Rachel on the floor. “That is a mighty fine boat. Let me see. I think…” He took the boat from Rhett, spun the back knob twice and set it back in the water. Instantly the little wind-up motor went to work and the boat moved on its own.

Wide-eyed, Rhett squealed. When the thing quit, he picked it up and handed it to Caleb. “Again.”

“Uh-oh.” Caleb laughed even as he wound the boat.

Rachel grinned and shook her head. “You started it.”

He put the boat in the water and came back to put his hand on the floor behind her, effortlessly sheltering her body. “That I did.”

When the kids came out of the bath, Caleb wrapped Rhett up in the towel and grabbed the night clothes Rachel had laid out on the small vanity. “Come on, dude. Let’s get you ready for bed.” And with that, they left.

As she took a long breath, Rachel could hardly fathom how much love her heart held—for all of them. Yes, Caleb was good-looking, but he was so, so much more than that. The talk with his mother earlier had done wonders for clearing her eyesight in the matter, and now, all she could see was how wonderful he was, how kind and generous. She could hear the two of them down the hall, laughing and happy. “Thank You, God,” she whispered. “Thank You for Caleb.”

And then her gaze fell to her beautiful little daughter, so full of life and giggles as she played and splashed in the water. Love so strong it hurt drove into her soul sweeping her breath away with it. She reached up and swiped at the tears it left. A moment and she breathed down the words she couldn’t even say. God had indeed been very, very good to her.

It was the strangest feeling, but everything in Caleb wanted to share his former life with Rhett. The livestock. The corrals. The toy boat. Somehow, it was like holding a mirror up to all of the best parts of his own growing up. So once Rhett was dressed in the pajamas, Caleb knew no trip to his room would be complete for a little boy without at least looking at the collection of mega blocks.

Reaching deep under the bed, he finally came up with the prize. “Ah, here we go.” He was glad his mom had forgotten about it, or she would surely have used it for Sara’s kids. “This.” He put his hand on the box. “Is the best toy ever made.”

Opening the wooden box he still remembered making with his dad, he took out the solid blocks of wood in a myriad of colors. It wasn’t hard to tell his favorite pieces, nor was it difficult to see which ones had been purchased and which ones his father had handcrafted over the years. “Come on, let’s see what we can build.”

After getting Natalie ready for bed, Rachel stepped out of their room. She had expected the guys to come join them, so the fact that they hadn’t left her wondering. Hearing voices down the hall, she tip-toed that direction, figuring she could always skedaddle the other way if it wasn’t them.

At the other end of the hall, near the door that was open at the end, she came to a door to the side that was only opened part way. She could tell it was them though she wasn’t sure she should disturb them, so very carefully, she pushed the door open.

The two of them sat on the floor, a structure going up between them.

“How about this one?” Caleb asked, holding a block up, and Rhett nodded. “What color is this?”

“Purple!”

“Purple. Very good. It’s purple. Should we put it here or over here?”

“Wite here!”

“Good choice.”

How many times could her heart fill to overflowing, Rachel was beginning to wonder. “Hey, you two.” She pushed the door on open and stepped inside. “Got room for a couple more?”

Caleb looked up and grinned at her. “Always.”

“Bue!” Rhett said, holding a blue block up for her to see.

Carefully, Rachel lowered herself and Natalie to the floor. “Wow. That’s right.” She picked up another block. “What color is this?”

“Yewow.”

“Yellow. Very good.” Her gaze traced over to Caleb who had repositioned himself into a one-elbow-on-the-floor pose. The happiness of his smile was the drop that sent the love in her heart overflowing. Without really thinking about it, she leaned down and caught his lips when he arched them up for hers. Gently she reached over and ran her hand over his shoulder as Rhett and Natalie played together with the blocks.

For a second Caleb’s gaze questioned hers, and her smile responded. His gaze held hers as he arched once more for another kiss, and she complied. Never before had the choice been so easy.

“So,” Rachel said later as she and Caleb sat out on the steps of the front porch, the world and the stars arrayed in front of them.

He looked over at her, knowing something had changed. “So?”

She glanced at him and then put her head down. “I know this thing with us isn’t official or anything yet, but…”

Tipping his head, he tried to surmise where this was going. “But?”

A second and she exhaled. “Well, you love the kids, right?”

Caleb had thought that was a given, and he puzzled at the fact that she could sound so unsure. “Is something wrong? Did I do something?”

Instantly she shook her head. “No. It’s not that. It’s just…” Another second and she exhaled. “Okay. I’m just going to come right out and say it. When we… if we… get married… eventually, do you think? I mean, I know already they love you like their own dad. More than their own dad. And as they grow up, they’re going to think of you that way…”

One more moment and he understood. “Are you asking if I’d want to make that a legal thing?”

“After we’re married,” she said as if that somehow made a difference to his heart. “I mean, if…”

The smile brushed his heart as he reached for her and folded her into his arms. She huddled there, next to him, breathing, and he knew the courage and trust it had taken her to even bring the subject up. “When,” he said slowly, emphasizing the word, “the time is right, and you’re ready, you just say the word, and we’ll make it happen.” He tightened his grip on her as she sniffed.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” she asked.

“Blessed,” Caleb said, having never, ever felt that word so deeply, “I think it’s called blessed.”

“What’s it like to be on TV?” one of the younger boys asked the next morning with stars in his eyes.

“Well, there are parts of it that are cool, but mostly it’s work just like if the cameras aren’t on,” Caleb said from his perch leaning on Mr. Martin’s dust-covered desk. The teacher clearly did more work outside and in the shop than at that desk. “I didn’t get into this business to be on TV. I got into it because I learned to love it right here in this building.”

He looked up, and the memories came back to him. “First thing I built here was a bookcase when I was a freshman in high school. It’s still in my room at home. There wasn’t anything really fancy about it, but it was sturdy, and I was proud of it. When I was a junior, they had a house down the street—the old Hanson house, and somebody thought it would make us a good way to learn to fix things up. So we did. We learned to rewire and replumb. We pretty much ripped that place down to the studs and put it back up again.

“That summer I got a job with a local guy fixing houses up, and when I graduated, he put me in touch with his cousin in Atlanta doing the same thing. I went to school at night and got my Associates, worked during the day. A couple years later, my boss got a call about this outfit needing some extra hands on a project, so he sent me. That’s when I hooked up with Derek’s crew, and things pretty much took off.”

“Derek West,” Mr. Martin said, filling in that blank. “He’s the lead contractor on the Home & Hearth show, right?”

Caleb nodded. “He is. Derek’s also become a really good friend of mine. I knew right away that he was someone who did things right. He didn’t cut corners or just make it look good for the camera. He wanted it done right, and I guess because I did too, it worked. We’ve done houses from California to Maine and pretty much everywhere in between together, and every one has been top notch.”

“What’s been your favorite project?” one of the other boys asked, and Caleb couldn’t stop the smile.

“Well, the last one we did in North Carolina was really special. We got to help out a young mother who had lost her husband when he was deployed overseas.” Strange how that was where it had all started, but it didn’t even scratch the surface now. “We went to North Carolina because of the hurricane, and Derek took on several jobs there. Because he was so busy, he let me do that one almost on my own, so it’s pretty special.”

“Your dad said you’re going to have your own show,” another boy said.

Caleb smiled and ducked. “Well, I was, but working on that house made me realize that there are more important things in life than being on TV.” He let out a breath. “So now I’m going back to my roots, fixing up houses off-camera.”

“You don’t want to be on television?” The question came from another boy. They sure didn’t go for the easy ones, but Caleb couldn’t blame them. There was a time he would have thought someone crazy to pass up fame and fortune, and suddenly he had the impression that his celebrity wasn’t why he was there at all.

“In life you’re going to be faced with a lot of decisions—where to go to school, what to do with your life, where to be in this world, how to be in this world. And the world out there is going to have a lot of advice for you about how to do that. They’re going to tell you that some things are more impressive than others—like being on television or working in an office rather than with your hands. Now there’s nothing wrong with being on television if that’s what you’re called to do, and a lot of good and great people work in offices. The thing I’ve learned is to be where God is calling you to be. Don’t be somewhere or someone you’re not because the world says you’re supposed to. Be who you are and what you are, and be that to the best of your ability. When you do that, the right opportunities will happen, and you’ll know it when they show up because you won’t be listening to the world anymore. You’ll be listening to your heart and letting it tell you what’s right for you.”

“Is that what you do?”

“It’s what I’m learning to do.”

“Tell me,” Rachel said that night as the two of them sat in the living room long after everyone else had gone to bed, “what’s it like to do what you love?”

Puzzled, Caleb looked down at her there in his arms. However, she didn’t look at him, just slid her fingers over and over his as if memorizing his hands. “You don’t?”

She paused, considering. “I took the job at school because I had to do something. We needed the money, and it was the only thing open.”

Sensing more, he nodded. “I think a lot of people do that.”

“You didn’t.”

“Well, no, but that was more by luck than by design. I loved building things—cabinets, houses. I loved working with my hands, and I was horrible at paperwork and stuff like that.”

Slowly she nodded. “I loved building things too. That’s why they said I should do the engineering thing.”

It wasn’t a rush of understanding more, a glimpse and a glimmer of one he couldn’t quite catch. “You’re great with building things, seeing them.”

“Didn’t help me in college.”

“Maybe you listened to what the world said you should do rather than doing what you really wanted to do.”

“You sound like Pastor Steve.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked, unsure of what her answer would be.

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s just weird how growing up, I thought the God stuff was about church and what He’d do to you if you messed up. But I’m starting to think it’s about more than that. Your mom says we get to make a choice, but I don’t really remember making a choice although I guess I did. They said I should be an engineer, so I figured they knew more about it than I did.”

“What did you want to do?”

“Build stuff.”

“Like?”

She shrugged. “Antennas and circuits and robots.”

“Robots?”

Softness drifted over her. “Loved robots. But when I got to school, they said mechanical was more practical, so I went that route. I hated it.”

“So why didn’t you go back to what you loved?”

Rachel shook her head. “It was too late. I was flunking everything, hated school, wanted out. I finally gave up and quit.” She rubbed her face on his sleeve as if soaking in that he wasn’t leaving. “The truth is, I kind of gave up on me. I thought if I couldn’t be that, then there was really no point in dreaming about it. That’s about when life went off the rails. I started partying a lot. That was about the only way I didn’t feel just disgusted with myself. And then Nathan, and then Rhett… yada, yada, yada, and here I am 32 and only now thinking maybe if someone had told me what your mom did today about how quitting what you hate not being a bad thing, I don’t know… maybe…”

For a long moment Caleb didn’t say anything, and then he angled his gaze down to her. “Maybe what?”

Her fingers slid backward and forward over his. “Do you think it’s too late to choose something else? To choose something new?”

“Like?”

She laughed. “I don’t even know. I mean, part of me thinks maybe I should go back to school. Part of me thinks I wish I could stay home with the kids. Part of me says all of that is just crazy and I need to stay where I am because this is all there is.”

“What does your heart say?”

With that but no more warning, she sat up and her eyes were as alive as he’d ever seen them. “Okay, you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

He leveled his gaze at her. “Try me.”

For a second she looked like she was about to do the unthinkable. “I want to help you.”

The words went into him, registered, and then reverberated. “Help me?”

“Yeah,” she said, excitement giving the words buoyancy. “Like with the Attabury house. I mean I know what I said about it being old and scary and stuff, but what if we could make it beautiful again? What if together we could make it show piece like my house?”

Knowing he probably shouldn’t but not being able to help himself, Caleb lifted his eyebrows in trepidation. “Like your house?”

“There are so many houses and buildings around Ridgemount and Greely. Yeah, they’re rundown, but that doesn’t mean they have to be. We could, I don’t know, buy them, fix them up, sell them.”

His eyebrows reached farther for the ceiling.

“They do that kind of stuff, right?” she asked. “Like what do they call it, flipping houses?”

“Well, flipping is…”

“Not that we have to do that exactly, but people remodel all the time. I remember going with my dad to the flea market in Raleigh and we’d walk around and talk about how we’d redo this table or that dresser. We did a few too before I went off to college.” She stopped, her eyes still alive with the possibilities. “I don’t know exactly what I’m even thinking, but I know when I think about it, I just feel… happy and excited. When I think about going to school with the pre-Kers, I just want to crawl in a hole and go to sleep.”

Caleb couldn’t stop the laugh. “You’re serious.”

Her eyes begged him not to snuff out the dream. “What do you think?”

A breath and he pulled her to him. “I think God is very, very smart.”

The next morning it was all-hands-on-deck for services down the street. Even Caleb’s dad was spit-shined and ready to accompany his family—a sight that brought absolute amazement to Caleb. God really could do miracles. Together, the six of them went to church, and inside, they followed his parents to seats about halfway down.

Sitting there with Rhett tucked in next to him and Rachel’s hand in his, Caleb couldn’t help but think of all the winding roads that had somehow led him here. It had taken over 30 years to go half-a-mile, but somehow he had the feeling it had all been worth it. Before the service started, he closed his eyes and told God how grateful he was and how excited he was about whatever came next. He thanked God for his family, for his friends, and for all the hours God hadn’t given up on him. He would never be able to be grateful enough for that.

When the service started, Caleb stood and sang with the rest of the congregation. It wasn’t the same one, but in reality, there was little difference to the feel of the place. Peace. He really liked that sensation. It was something he could get used to. They said a few prayers, then someone read a reading. Then the pastor who looked about half as old as Pastor Steve got up and read one more.

It only lasted a few minutes, and then everyone settled in for the sermon. Caleb had a hard time keeping his gaze from flitting over the space and categorizing all the ways the two differed. This one was older, more traditional. He wondered if he had ever bothered to really look at it before now.

“Happy Thanksgiving to everyone,” the pastor said, and the congregation murmured the greeting back to him. “On this day we gather here before joining our friends and families around our tables to give thanks to God. So often when we talk about gratefulness and being grateful, our focus is on the externals of life—the turkey, the house, the life we live. But today, for one moment, I’d like to challenge you to look at gratefulness from a different angle—let’s call it the inside-out angle.

“I want you to stop and think for a moment what this past year has wrought in your life—in your spirit if you will. Think of the challenges you have weathered, the lives you have touched and those that have touched yours. Think of the blessings that have come and how God Himself has manifested His Presence in your life.”

That was easy, and Caleb cuddled Rhett closer and squeezed Rachel’s hand.

“The gifts God give us come in small packages as well as large ones. Sometimes in our plans, but often through no real thought of our own. It is our job to recognize the blessings and to train ourselves to be grateful for those blessings while they are happening. Because none of us know what tomorrow will bring.”

The understanding hit Caleb like a punch, and his gaze slipped down past Rachel to his parents. Yes, they were here now, but he knew plenty of people that had lost their own parents. And who even knew what the next year or so would bring.

“God,” he whispered in his heart, “thank You…” there were more words, but they got drowned out in the overflowing gratitude gushing from him. He sniffed, shook and ducked his head. He’d never been good at emotion, and now it threatened to overwhelm him.

He felt her gaze slide up to him, and although he had thought he could make the connection without tripping the wire in him, he found it impossible when he looked down at her. Worry and wonder met in her face and carefully, she slid closer to him so that he had to put his arm around her before she stopped. That did nothing to help tamp down the emotion.

“Our God is a generous God. Our God is a faithful God. He wants nothing more than to pour Himself and His blessings into your life. All you have to do is open your hands and your heart to accept what He has planned for you.”

Caleb almost laughed out loud. If God had any more wondrous things planned, he was pretty sure his heart wouldn’t be able to hold it all.

“Now, the key is to take the blessings God has given you and use them to bless the world. In God, there is more than enough. Ephesians says it so eloquently that God is able to do ‘exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.’ The power, His power at work in us. Understand the blessings you and I have are a direct expression of the amount of God’s power we are letting work in our lives. This isn’t about some cosmic vending machine where we put in so many good works and so many good things come to us. It is a synergy that happens when you get in line with what God had in mind for you to be, where He meant for you to be, how He meant for you to be. When you do that, His power starts flowing through your life, and the natural result is abundant blessings no matter where you look.

“So today, as we give thanks, may we each take a moment to recognize not just the blessings but the flow of God in our lives and through our lives into the lives of others. This is not haphazard. It is God’s desire to work in our world through us, showing the world what happens when a life is aligned with His Truth and His Love and His Peace and His Grace. I wish you all a very Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving.”

Rachel wished she could ask because by the time they stood, Caleb’s face had taken on a glow she could neither explain nor ignore. “God,” she breathed as she felt her spirit meld and mesh with his, “we both know how amazing Caleb is. I ask You, Lord, to be with him, to put him where he can do the most good, to shower him with blessings.”

As the prayer came to the surface, she found it difficult to breathe down how overwhelming it was. “Please be with him, God. Thank You. Thank You so much for Caleb. Thank You….”

After the services, they trailed out of the bench and found multiple people who wanted to say hello. Some Caleb knew. Many he didn’t. But they obviously felt like they knew him. To one and all, they were gracious, and graced in return. They were all fascinated with the children and very kind to Rachel. By the time they headed to Sara’s he was pretty sure his mother and father heard the wedding bells as loudly as he was starting to. Not that he was thinking any differently. Like he had told her, it was no longer a matter of “if.” Now it was only a matter of when.

“Rachel,” Caleb’s sister said, and with no more warning than that, she was engulfed in a hug like she’d never experienced. “It’s so wonderful to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

When Sara backed up, she was swiping at the tears. “Sorry.” She waved her hands in front of her face before looking at the children.

“This is Natalie,” Dee said, holding Nat as she had every available second for two days.

“Oh, you are just darling.”

“And I’m Rhett,” the child said, sticking out his hand.

Sara bent and shook his hand. “Well, hello there, Rhett. It’s nice to meet you.”

Everyone laughed as the introductions when around. Rachel would never remember all the names though she managed to catch the niece and two nephews’ names. Paige, Ky, and Zander. And just like that, her children meshed with theirs and were whisked off to parts unknown to play. Not brave enough to go off on her own just yet, she followed Caleb into the living room where a football game was playing on the not-quite-big screen. Just like Tom and Dee’s, this house was nice but not show-stopper by any measure.

Caleb sat down on the couch, and she joined him, huddling under his arm for protection from the scary unknowns around her.

“Can I get you something, Rachel?” the guy she was pretty sure was Sara’s husband Zane asked. “Eggnog? Coke? Water? Tea?”

“No. I’m fine. Thanks though.”

Leaning closer to her, Caleb laughed. “Good call on the eggnog. It’s Grandma’s secret recipe, light on the egg, heavy on the nog.”

Lifting her eyebrows, she tipped her head at him. “I should be afraid, huh?”

His smile lit everything about him. “Very. Very afraid.”

She put her hand on his thigh and ran it the length of it. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

And just like that, right there on his sister’s couch, he kissed her. When he pulled back, she laid her head on his shoulder and exhaled. There were no words for how safe and loved she he made her feel. It was like being wrapped in a cocoon of peace.

“Dinner’s ready!” Sara called from the direction of the kitchen.

“Let the weight gain begin,” Caleb said with a shake of his head. He helped Rachel up from the couch, catching her hand in his easily. “You haven’t lived until you see what the James family calls a meal.”

He wasn’t kidding either. Together they got the children situated and started eating at the kids’ table, and then they joined the others at the long dining table. It was lit with glowing candles and held a feast. Caleb led her around to the other side of the table and pulled her chair out for her. When she was seated, Rachel had to breathe down the panic. This was far, far nicer than she was accustomed to, and not at all what she was expecting. Worse, it wasn’t just Dee, Tom, Sara, and Zane. There were Sara’s in-laws and in-law siblings as well.

“Welcome to our crazy family,” Caleb said to only her, and she hoped her eyes didn’t give away her panic. However, he smiled. “Don’t worry. They’ve all had their rabies shots. I’m almost sure of it.”

That cracked through her panic, and she laughed. “Good to know.”

At the head of the table Zane tapped his glass with his fork. “If I could have everyone’s attention for Grace.”

“Hm.” Caleb righted his jacket around him, bent his head, and reached for Rachel’s hand under the table.

There was something so comforting about that hand, what it said to her, what it said about his feelings toward her. Rachel shook those thoughts away and tried to concentrate on Zane’s prayer. It didn’t work very well, and she found herself saying Amen to words she had hardly even heard.

“Hm. Before we dig in,” Sara said, standing by her husband, “I just want to say a special thanks to God for bringing us all here together today. I’m especially grateful that my little brother could join us and bring our very special new friends, Rhett and Natalie, and especially you, Rachel.” Sara’s eyes went misty, and her voice caught. “I always knew there was someone extra-special out there for my little brother. The rest of the family knows pretty well that the two of us were like peanut butter and jelly growing up—always together and better that way.

“I know he hasn’t made it official yet, but I can also see by how he looks at you, that it’s only a matter of time. So, I just want to say welcome to our house, and welcome to the family.”

Rachel nodded her own tears down, not being able to get even a word out.

“Fantastic,” Zane said after a moment’s pause, “and now let’s eat before it gets cold.”

As everyone else went into dig-in mode, Caleb tipped his head closer to her. “I think Sara approves.”

Rachel dipped her head closer to him. “I think I quit breathing there for a minute.”

With a laugh, he passed her a bowl heaped with sweet potatoes. “It’s okay. My heart was beating fast enough for both of us. You’ve got to watch Sara. She’ll sneak up on you with things like that. I think they call it sentimental although I always called it mushy.”

“She’s sweet. They all are.” She passed the plate of turkey on. “I can see where you get it.”

“Get what?”

Her gaze went over to him and held. “Being wonderful.”

“Wow.” Stopping, he looked at her, the bowl of corn poised in his hand. “Just like that right here at the dinner table with my family close enough to hear you? I thought that was our little secret.”

“Yeah, well,” she said, bumping his shoulder with hers, “I think the secret’s out.”

And then he looked at her with that vulnerable little boy face she had so grown to love. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Her heart tipped over and spilled love everywhere inside of her. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

The good-byes the next morning were laced with hugs, tears, and promises to return as soon as possible. As they drove away from his boyhood home, Caleb reached across the seat and took her hand in his. “So,” he said, wondering how well she had survived her close-encounter with his family.

Rachel turned her head to him and let her gaze stay there. “So,” she said back but said no more. A long breath and pensiveness overtook her features.

Glancing at her, Caleb knew there were thoughts, and he wondered if now she would feel safe enough to share them. “Is that what you had in mind?”

“They’re great. That’s what family should be.”

“They’re a little unpredictable, and a little loud.”

“And they love you so, so much.”

“I think they love you too.”

More thoughts drifted over her face. “My whole life I’ve wanted that, you know? To be in one, big happy family.”

“Yours wasn’t happy?”

“I don’t know. Dad worked a lot. Mom did too. Not that they weren’t there. They were. It’s just… it was never like that—everyone around the table, talking about old times and laughing about stuff that happened when you were five. I think that’s why it was so hard after the accident. We never really talked. Oh, we talked around stuff. How Mom was doing. When she would get out. How we were going to manage to keep her at home. But it was easier just not to put some things into words, like how sorry I was about everything and about why they were even coming in the first place when it happened.”

Caleb’s breath hitched. They’d never really talked about the accident. “Why were they coming?”

Rachel’s side of the conversation went silent as her gaze fell.

“It’s all right, you know,” he finally said. “Whatever it is.”

She nodded as if trying to get the words to come out. “Rhett was really little not quite even a year, I think. I’d been up every night with him for like a week. He had this cough we just could not get rid of, and he would cough and cough and then he’d cry. Nathan was home at the time, working on the base.” The words trailed off, and she took a breath. “He was drinking, not that that was unusual or anything, but that’s what I blamed it on.”

With one glance in the back, she recalibrated her volume down three notches. “I was trying to get Rhett to stop crying and calm down one night, and the phone rang. Nathan said something I never really heard and then hung up. I asked him who it was, and he told me it was my mom. Okay, he didn’t use that nice of words, but that was the gist of it. Then he said if I didn’t get that kid to stop coughing and crying, he would.

“I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t really even know what was wrong with him, but there was enough of me that knew what Nathan meant. So I did the only thing I could think of, I packed a bag and when Nathan went to sleep, I took Rhett and left. We went to a little, old hotel thing. It was the cheapest thing I could find, and when we got there, I called home. I’m sure I sounded like a wreck. I was a wreck.

“They were furious about the whole thing. I think Dad thought once we were married, Nathan would grow up, but that never happened. They told me they were coming to get me, and I told them they didn’t have to, that I got myself into this mess, I should get myself out of it. But they wouldn’t hear it. They told me they’d be there that night.”

Caleb waited, knowing pieces of what came next but not the whole story. “Where were you when you found out?”

“I only had the money for one night, and I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. So when they didn’t come and didn’t come, I finally gave up and went back home.”

If he could have morphed through time to protect her from the oncoming tsunami of pain that would hit her, he would have. As it was, all he could do was hold her hand now and pray that would be enough.

“The next couple of weeks are kind of a blur now. I remember Nathan looking at me like he’d seen a ghost when I walked in. I expected him to yell, but he just stood there, looking at me, not even really saying anything. And I remember making the phone call with the number the hospital had left, and after that… We drove down to Chesapeake to the hospital. I don’t think we even said a single word to each other the whole trip. When we got there, Mom had already been in surgery once. Dad was gone.” She squinted into the memories. “I remember sitting there in the hospital waiting area, holding Rhett, knowing if I just wouldn’t have called them, if I just would’ve been the daughter they wanted me to be, none of it would have happened.”

“Surely you know that’s not true. You know they were just trying to do what was best for you.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I knew or didn’t know. I was so numb from everything, the missed sleep, the crying baby, Nathan and wondering what was going to come next with him. Decisions? I mean, I guess I made them. I remember one of the nurses talking with me about Rhett and what to do with him, but really the decisions kind of made themselves. Nathan went back to the base…”

“He left you there?”

“He had to. He had work.”

“When we figured out we’d have to take Mom home, he decided we should buy the house so I could at least be in Ridgemount. I always wondered if it was so I wouldn’t be right there for him to have to deal with, but I did it because he said it made sense, so I let it make sense. And then, before I knew it, we were back in Ridgemount, burying Dad, buying a house, bringing Mom back home. Everything about that time is just so fuzzy, like there’s this fog covering all of it so I can’t really see it. But one thing I do remember is standing there in the middle of the living room of that house and him holding me and telling me how it was all going to be all right. I remember him telling me how we were going to fix the place up when he got out of the service, how he would come home, and we would redo the whole thing. I wanted to believe him so bad, I think I convinced myself he was telling the truth. And then he left.

“I did what I could to help Mom out. We’d go to Raleigh for her therapy. Those drives were so long. Rhett would scream the whole way, and Mom would just sit there and never say a word. I blamed it on the pain meds, but the truth is, I knew what I had taken from her, what I had cost her.”

“She doesn’t blame you…”

“I don’t know why she wouldn’t. It was my fault.”

The traffic was beginning to get thicker, and Caleb wished they could pull off the road somewhere to have this conversation. However, their flight plans made that idea impossible.

“We did eight months of therapy three times a week, and then they said there really wasn’t much more they could do for her. So we went home to a normal that felt odd and really surreal. Dad wasn’t there. I had a house I didn’t even want and a child I hadn’t planned to have. I had a husband who was doing his best to avoid me, and I guess somewhere in the middle of it all I decided I’d better figure out a way to do this on my own. So I got the job at school the next August.”

“And Nathan came home at Christmas.”

Rachel sighed and nodded. “Yeah.” She thought for a moment and then narrowed her eyes. “Sometimes it doesn’t even seem real, you know, like it was all a dream and I’m going to wake up and be sixteen and dreaming about what college will be like.” Tired wafted over her features. “And then I realize, nope. This really is where I am.”

He half-grinned at her. “Yeah, in a pickup with me driving across Texas.”

Probably she didn’t plan on it, but she smiled anyway. “Well, now that’s something I wouldn’t change.” She heaved a sigh. “I just… I need to figure out a way to make sure life doesn’t do that to them, that somehow they learn to make better decisions or whatever it is I didn’t do.” Her gaze came over to his, and there was pleading in it. “Can you help me do that?”

Traffic or no traffic, Caleb’s gaze went to her and held. “Tell me how, and I’m there.”

“That’s just it,” she said. “I don’t know how. If I did, I wouldn’t be so worried all the time. I know how I messed up. I want to do it different, better, for them, but I feel like I run and I run and I run, and nothing ever gets any better.”

Caleb nodded, feeling the words long before he said them. Then, carefully he looked over at her. “Maybe it’s time to stop running.”

Maybe it’s time to stop running. His words stuck in her head and her heart the rest of the trip home. She knew he was right. She had been running, from her lousy decisions, from her failed marriage, from her past and all it seemed to whisper about her in the deepest, darkest corners of her heart. The only question she kept coming up against was how to do that.

As always when they got to her house, he helped her with the kids, the laundry, the cooking. He washed the dishes while she called her mom, and he called his while she bathed the kids. Together, they put them to bed—he reading to Rhett, she rocking Natalie. He even built a fire to ward off the late November chill.

A little after ten when everything settled down, they met back in the living room and curled up together on the couch to enjoy the fire. When she closed her eyes, Rachel remembered the stars of Texas, and it was easy to see them when she thought about him. “Mom said Sunday works for her. She said she knows we’re probably tired.” Putting a stamp on the statement, Rachel yawned and let herself be held there in the solidity of his arms.

“Mom was wondering what we’re doing for Christmas,” he said, kissing her head, and Rachel laughed.

“Did you tell her we have to recover from Thanksgiving first?”

“I think she’s having Rhett withdrawals.”

Loving how it felt, Rachel ran her fingers down and over his arms. “She is so good with him, with both of them really. She’s amazing.” Arching backward, she lifted her lips to his. “Kind of like her son.”

He grinned and complied with the unspoken request. One kiss and then they settled back into resting together. “It’s funny. I don’t think I’ve ever really appreciated what they gave me growing up.”

“You were very lucky.”

“I was very blessed.” For a moment he said no more. “And about what you asked earlier, I think you’re already doing that—changing things for them. I know it hasn’t been easy, but look around you.”

“That was you.”

He let out a breath. “No. That was us.”

Rachel closed her eyes as a whisper of hope drifted through her. “Then I never want it to be just me again.”

When she awoke on Saturday morning, Rachel lay in the bed staring up at the ceiling. “God, show me how to do this right with the kids, with Caleb, with my mom.” On the nightstand, her cell phone rang and she reached for it. “Hello?”

“Hey, there,” he said.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Well, I got up this morning and realized I still don’t have a kitchen.”

Rachel smiled at that. “And what are we going to do about that?”

“We. I like that word. I already called Luke, and he’s got the lowers done, but I have to get this subfloor finished first…”

Her heart drifted over her brash idea on his parents’ couch. “So you need some help then.”

“I do.” He sounded incredibly surprised and pleased. “Now you don’t know anyone who might be interested in doing some manual labor to help me out, do you?”

“Maybe.” It was crazy how light he could make her feel. “Tell you what, I’ll get the kids up and feed them, and we’ll come over. Save some work for us.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.”

In no time she was helping him drag the heavy plywood around the kitchen so they could cover the places that had rotted out. Those spots now sported brand new joists. “Have you seen the cabinets yet?” she asked as she helped him lower another sheet down, and he nailed it in place.

“Luke said we can come get them when we’re done here.”

“How generous of him.”

“Hey, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Caleb said, the placing, hammering and nailing continuing unabated. “If I’d have had to do them, we’d be three more weeks behind.”

“Good point.” She looked at their progress. “So you have the flooring for this already?”

“Yep. I got it on sale the other day when I was in Greely. You know, I was thinking, what do you think if we laid it diagonal? I think it would make the room look bigger.”

“Don’t know. I’d have to see it first.” Carefully and glad for the gloves he had generously provided, she helped him lay another piece down for him to nail in. “So floors, cabinets, what else?”

“Countertops. Doors. Shelves. Hardware. Paint. Lighting. Backsplash…”

“Wow.”

Somehow the process always seemed to grow rather than shrink at this point.

“And we really need to see about getting some fixtures too. I got that farmer’s sink on sale last week, so we’ll need something to go with that.” The nail gun sounded, reverberating across the room. “Of course we’ll have to get the uppers in too, but Luke’s not finished with those yet.”

“Then we start on the bathroom?”

He heaved a sigh. “That’s the plan. The good news is, I’ll have a place to live for a while. The bad news is, this might be the job that never ends.”

“Hello!” someone called, coming in the back door, and Luke rounded the corner. “Did someone here order some cabinets?”

Caleb straightened next to Rachel before putting out his hand. “Hey. I thought I was supposed to come get them.”

“Eh. The boys and I needed something to do.” Luke folded his arms over his chest. “It’s starting to look like a room again.”

“About time,” Caleb said.

Luke’s boys came in, and Rachel pointed to the living room. “The kids are in there.” That was all it took for them to disappear.

“You need help with this?” Luke asked.

“Well, I ain’t gonna say no to that.”

And with that, the three of them went to work. Rachel pitched in where she could though her strength was no match for theirs. In no time they had the new subfloor down, and Luke called for the boys to come help with the cabinets. It was truly fascinating to watch the room come together like this. She wondered what kind of backsplash Caleb had picked out. The truth was, she’d been so busy, she hadn’t helped much with the details. However, now that he had agreed to let her help him, every part of her wanted to be twined in every decision that was made.

“Right here,” Caleb said as he and Luke set the cabinet next to the wall where the sink would be. It was amazing how much different it made the room look.

“What do you think?” Luke asked, stepping back.

“I love it,” Rachel said. “It’s awesome.”

“Great. Let’s get the rest.”

With the base cabinets set, Caleb had decided to get the flooring down as well or at least get started on it. However, as much as Rachel was loving helping, she also knew her kids would be getting hungry and tired soon. It occurred to her that Luke’s boys would probably be ready to go home as well, so when he came in carrying a large box of flooring, she dug into the details of life.

“So are you headed home soon then?” she asked, watching him stack that box with the others.

“I don’t know. I hate to leave you guys with all of this.” Luke took off his gloves and swiped through his hair. Though the temperature outside was quite cool, the work was making everyone sweat.

“What’s Sage up to today?” Rachel asked, suddenly realizing what Luke’s presence here meant for her friend.

“Probably working on flowers for the wedding. My house looks like the florist threw up in it.”

Then Rachel began to see the situation with new eyes. Luke was off helping out. That meant Sage was left at home alone once again. “You know, this is probably none of my business, but when was the last time the two of you went out?”

“Out?” Luke’s eyebrows reached for the ceiling just as Caleb came in with the last box.

One part of her said she should stop. The rest of her wouldn’t let that happen. “Yeah. You’ve done so much helping us. With all the time you put in on Ms. P’s and Sage helping with the open house at my place. I just thought it might be nice for us to do something to repay you.”

“Oh. You don’t have to do that,” Luke said, backing up like he was about to get bit by a viper. “We’re cool.”

However, even as Caleb’s gaze came over and held on her, Rachel refused to let it go. “Tell you what. Why don’t you call her and tell her you’re taking her out?”

“Now?” he asked, sounding panicked.

She nodded. “Tonight. Tell her you’re taking her out tonight. We can watch the kids for you.”

“We can?” Caleb asked, and when she lowered her gaze at him, he did an about face. “Oh, right. We can. Of course we can. We’d love to… watch the kids.”

“But… We haven’t been out in forever. I don’t even know where we’d go.”

“All the more reason to go,” Rachel said, loving this plan. “Call her.”

“It’s not even anything special,” Luke protested.

With a shake of his head, Caleb stepped over and clapped Luke on the back. “Then make it special.”

“This is nice,” Caleb said later as they turned down the dirt road for Luke and Sage’s place. “What you’re doing for them.”

“What we’re doing for them.”

“Hey, I’m just along for the ride. This was your idea.”

Rachel sighed. “I just know how hard Sage works, how much she gives without most people ever taking the time to even say, ‘Thanks.’ I know how much she loves Luke, how much him taking the time to just be with her would mean to her.”

Caleb’s grin brought out her self-consciousness. “You’re something else, you know that?”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?’

His grin only increased. “It’s a very, very good thing.”

Luke wasn’t kidding, the fold-out table in the living room was covered in navy bows and picked over flowers, not to mention the boutonnieres and bouquets, corsages and centerpieces on every other available surface.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Sage said, hustling out from her bedroom, looking like a million bucks but not looking overly calm about it. “I don’t know what he was thinking.” She picked up three toys and pitched them into the little box by the door. “Macy is teething again, so if she gets fussy, there’s liquid baby aspirin in the left cabinet in the kitchen. Livvie ate already, but the boys and Macy need something. I put some hamburger out in the sink. It’s up to you. Burgers or mix something up. Whatever works.”

Caught in the whirlwind, Rachel and Caleb followed her into the kitchen, and Rachel could tell by the hand he put on his hip as he watched their friend, Caleb was getting a sense of the importance of this night.

“I’m sure we can handle it,” he said, his voice going soft with the concern.

“I know. I just… I hate getting you guys all the way out here. The weather’s getting so cold, and your kids don’t need to be out.”

“Nat and Rhett love your kids,” Rachel said. “This is a treat for them.”

“The reservation’s at 7:30,” Luke said, coming in the other way, looking about as frazzled as his wife did. “We’re going to have to get going, or we’re going to miss it.”

Glancing at Rachel, Caleb straightened and wrapped his arms in front of him. He paused a single moment and then looked over at Sage. “That dress is something else, Sage. You look really nice tonight.”

Instead of absorbing the compliment, Sage half-turned from the cabinet and pulled at the fabric of the form-fitting black lace dress. “I haven’t worn it in years. Can’t even believe it even still fits.”

“Well, it fits all right,” Caleb said, glancing over at Luke. “You are one lucky guy. You know that, Luke?”

Rachel’s gaze went to the guys, and she ducked her head, knowing what Caleb was doing. Rather than being offended or hurt, she was grateful to him for the effort.

Luke shifted the collar of his suit jacket up and readjusted his shirt sleeves before letting himself go still as he looked across the kitchen at his wife. He let out a single exhale as his movement stopped. His smile didn’t come instantly, but when it did, it held a soft vulnerability that tugged at Rachel’s heart. Slowly Luke nodded as his gaze stayed only on Sage. “You know what? You’re right.”

A step at a time, he went over to her as she huddled at the cabinet, head down. Just before he got to her, he stopped his advance and all other movement as well. He let out a long, slow breath before reaching out and touching her back. When she looked up at him, tears and love shown in her eyes.

“Are you ready?” he asked, the words barely loud enough to be heard.

Still looking up at him, she smiled softly and nodded. And then with no more instruction or panic, they left.

Rachel never moved as Caleb turned to the window and watched the car start and drive out. Then she looked at him and he at her. “They needed that.”

He nodded slowly as his gaze stopped and rested softly on her. A step and he was right in front of her as she leaned there on the cabinet. Gently he took her arms in his hands and pulled her in to him. “They’re lucky to have you.”

She smiled and sniffed as her hand traced over the muscle of his chest. “We’re all very blessed.”

Chapter 34

The next morning as Caleb reset the polished navy of his jacket over the white shirt, he looked in the mirror at himself and couldn’t stop the grin. That his heart could feel like this—like it could lift him right off the floor—still surprised him. With no effort at all, he remembered his friends coming in later than they had planned but looking so in love it took his breath away.

Sage had been beautiful before, but nothing came close to how she looked tucked under Luke’s protective arm. That was how it was meant to be, Caleb thought. It was so obvious, and yet, if Rachel hadn’t had the heart to remind them, they might well have forgotten. She drifted through his thoughts, brushing his heart as gently as her hand had brushed his chest the night before.

His thoughts shifted into understanding, and then, even as he stood there, he knew. Reaching down, he slid the little drawer open and took out the tiny box. One small part of him asked if he was really ready to take this step, and the rest of him answered with an unequivocal yes. Never would he have thought this day would come, but it was right. She was right, for him and with him. They were right together. And today, he would begin to make that fact a reality.

“I hope it’s all right,” her mother said when they were headed to church in Rachel’s car with Caleb following in his pickup. “I know you’ve been so busy with the house and everything, I ordered lunch for today.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Rachel said instantly feeling bad that she hadn’t put something together for the occasion.

“I know, and I had really hoped you hadn’t already decided on something else. I just wanted today to be nice for everyone. No running around preparing meals and washing dishes.”

The soft pleading tone in her mother’s voice broke through all of the condemnation. She heard what maybe she never had, her mother trying to lift the burden in the only way she could. With a long sigh, Rachel put down the defensiveness and self-recriminations she had been carrying for so long. “Thank you, Mom.” Rachel glanced over and was surprised at how much older her mother looked. “Thanks for everything, really. In case…” She shook her head at her own willful stubbornness and then reached over and put her hand on her mother’s. “In case I haven’t said that in a while.”

“Oh.” Surprise lit across her mother’s face, and a smile jumped to her thinning lips. The pause lasted only a heartbeat, and then she patted Rachel’s hand. “Well. You’re quite welcome.”

They pulled into the church parking lot, and Rachel noticed the garland now strung up high on the overhangs of the entrance. She sighed. “Christmas already. Don’t know how that comes around so fast.”

“Faster and faster every year,” her mother said. “Faster and faster.”

Rachel parked and didn’t even make it out before Caleb was there to help.

“Pop the trunk. I’ll get the walker,” he said, going right back to it, and she complied.

Crazy to think how vehemently she had fought him helping. What was she thinking all those days? “Thank You, God, for giving him the stubbornness not to give up on me.”

Between the two of them, they got the little brood into the church where Christmas trees had been added. There were no lights on them yet, only the trees, but they gave silent witness that something wonderful was coming.

“Morning,” Pastor Steve said to them as they made their way through the little lobby.

“Morning.” Caleb offered his hand, which the pastor shook.

Jane joined them, giving hugs to each.

“The trees are so pretty,” Rachel said. “When will you be decorating them?”

“Well,” Jane said, “we’ll definitely want them decorated for Jaycee and Derek. I was kind of thinking next Saturday.”

“The shower’s on Sunday, but I bet I could swing by and help for a while if you need me to.”

“That would be wonderful. It’s such a big job, and most years I end up doing it by myself.”

The thought jabbed Rachel’s heart. “Well, we’re just going to fix that right up. You tell me what time to be here, and we’ll get it done.”

Behind them, the door opened, and Luke, Sage and their kids walked in. With one look, Rachel knew things had markedly changed for her friend. For one thing, although each of them carried a child, there was very little space left between them. For another, the look on Sage’s face when she glanced up at Luke had love written all over it.

“Well, look who it is,” Caleb said and stuck out his hand to his friend. “Mighty good to see the Bakers this morning.”

“Mighty good to be here,” Luke said with a grin. He stepped back and put his hand on the small of Sage’s back. “Oh, I was going to tell you. I talked to Derek over Thanksgiving, and we’re figuring Saturday night would be good for the bachelor party. He’s saying nothing big—just poker and the guys if that works for you.”

“Works great for me,” Caleb said. “How about you, Pastor?”

A sheepish look crossed the pastor’s face.

“Aw, come on,” Caleb said. “I promise I won’t let them take all of your money.”

Pastor Steve looked at him. “You sure?”

“Absolutely,” Luke said.

“Okay, then. Saturday it is.”

When they got into the bench, Rachel sidled even closer to Caleb until it was pointless for him not to put his arm around her. She so liked that arm and being so close to him, tucked in right next to his heart. Closing her eyes, she drank him in with her senses, thanking God once again for keeping him here.

The service started. They stood, sang, and sat again. One reading, two, and then Pastor Steve closed the Bible and pulled out his notes. Rachel remembered Sage from the week before, how she could quote Pastor Steve chapter and verse. Somehow Rachel had never listened quite that way before, like what he said could make a real difference in how she lived when she walked out the doors. Today, however, life felt fresh and new, filled with possibilities and promises. So once they were settled with Caleb’s arm in place around her, she took a breath and opened her heart to whatever God had to say to her through the good pastor.

“What if today is not the end but the beginning of something new, something glorious in your life?” Pastor Steve asked, and Rachel’s heart jumped. Had he read her thoughts? Had he known what she was thinking? She glanced around, but no one else seemed to even realize her surprise. “What if today you decided to let go of the past and reach for what you’ve always hoped for but never quite believed could be? What if today is the beginning of what God always had in mind for your life—a life of hope, of joy, of peace, of love, of grace?”

Tears sprang into her eyes, and she could hardly contain them.

“I believe it can be that and so much more. Today, we begin our preparation for Christmas. The trees begin to go up. The mangers come out. The lights get strung and hung. All around us as the world itself goes dark, stark, and cold, we begin our preparations to celebrate the Light of the World that will never, ever be extinguished. Even when the darkness tries to overtake it, to put it out—in the world, in our lives, we adamantly and boldly proclaim to the world, ‘Our Light, the Light of Jesus Christ, shining in us will never go out!’

“And what an amazing, amazing way to live.” The pastor smiled at them all before glancing at his notes.

“To see just how amazing it is, we only have to go back to God in the Garden in Genesis when He says to Adam, who is hiding in shame after the fall, ‘Where are you?’

“‘Where are you?’ Listen to that. Hear it. This was not God asking about Adam’s proximity or his location. It is God asking Adam about his heart. ‘Where are you? Where are you?’ It’s what God is asking each of us today, ‘Where are you?’ Not ‘Where have you been? What have you done? How could you do this?’ But rather ‘Where are you?’ Where are you right now, in this moment? Because wherever that is, that is where we will start.

“You see, God never stands in a position of fear, fixed in an unmovable suffering. God always and forever stands in a position of grace. And from a position of grace, He is calling us out of our sin and our shame back into His infinite grace and glory. He is calling us out of our bushes, back into life, back into standing with Him a position of grace.

“And from a position of grace, our lives change in ways we never could have imagined they could when we were hiding in the bushes of self-doubt and pain.”

It was all hitting so close to home that Rachel had to hang on. Her hand came up and clutched onto Caleb’s, and his smile down at her jumpstarted her heart.

“But make no mistake, stepping out is hard. Oh, is it hard! It is one of the hardest things we will ever, ever do. To trust on a deep and fundamental level that grace really is God’s fundamental position takes a level of faith that’s almost unimaginable. But it’s interesting. You know, in the story of the Prodigal Son, Jesus says, ‘The father saw his son coming from a long way off, and he ran to meet him.’ God is that Father, and all He’s looking for is to see you coming, and He won’t just meet you halfway. No, He will run to you from a long way off. His joy at your single mustard seed of faith in Him will cause Him to drop everything and come running to meet you rather than you having to make the whole trek yourself.

“God, our God, is a God of miracles. His whole being is about creating miracles. But He will never ever do for us or in us what we are too proud or fearful to let Him do. We have to get out of the way. We have to surrender, we have to come out, we have to turn back. We have to give Him our lunch, our boat, our lives. When we do that, grace… His abundant grace begins to overflow in our lives, and things change. Fundamentally, things change.

“In fact, God’s grace is less about finding an answer to our problems and more about undoing what has caused the problems in the first place. In that way, the grace of God is very much like a river. A river’s whole nature and being and purpose is to flow and to nourish what it touches with life-giving, life-sustaining water. But things happen in our lives. Boulders of fear and hate and worry get dropped into our river, and they impede or even stop the grace and love of God from flowing in our lives.

“We get boulders from our sins, from the sins of others, from the sins of the world, and we internalize those sins. We begin to believe in them more than we believe in God’s grace flowing through us, and those boulders of false beliefs block the river of grace. They literally stop it from flowing in our lives.

“Parents do this with their children when have-tos and shoulds and shouldn’ts get in the way of ‘I love yous’ and ‘God loves you.’ We get told by others that we can’t, that we’re not good enough, that our dreams are not worth us having them, and those stones, those boulders go into our river, and the natural flow of God’s grace gets blocked. I know. I’ve seen it. I’ve done it.

“But from a position of grace, God can help us remove those boulders so that He can flow in our lives once again. A position of grace is not frantic nor fearful. It stands, knowing the battle is already won and all that need be is for us to claim the victory by letting Him remove what is blocking His power in our lives. All we have to do to begin is to believe in the Light—God’s Light in our lives. Light that expels all darkness, Light that shines in the Garden just waiting for us to step out in faith, Light that holds out hope even when we have been conned into believing that all hope has been lost.

“Christmas says, ‘No. Hope is not lost. Hope is real, and it’s here. It’s here for you, and it’s here in you.’ God is calling to us, asking where we are so that we might be able to start again, to come out, to be loved, to be healed, to become whole once again, to be reborn in the Light of Christ Himself.

“See, darkness is who we are taught that we are, but Love is who God created and called us to be. Let God take those boulders out of your river so that you might stand boldly and free, soaked in the rushing abundant, life-giving waters of grace. When you do that, when you can take up a position of grace with those boulders removed, you can love those around you the way they need to be loved. You can give this love freely just as God gives it to you. You can give to them what God has given you—forgiveness, hope, joy, and peace.

“For the ultimate miracle of grace is this: that when you accept what God is giving you, you can then give what you have never gotten in the natural world. From a position of grace, standing in the waters, immersed in what God has done for you, you can give Him—His Light, His Joy, His Peace, His Forgiveness, His Grace—to a world that thinks the darkness is winning. Our message today, is this: hold onto the Hope of God’s Grace in your life. Stand in a position of grace, let the waters of His grace overflow in your life, and then stand back and watch miracles happen.”

As Caleb stood next to Rachel, his gaze went around the church. He never would have thought it or planned it this way, but he knew it was right. Breathing down the understanding, he began to consider just how he was going to accomplish this. He wanted it to be special, that was a given, and he didn’t want to put undue pressure on her. It would be better if there wasn’t a congregation there to witness it.

Pastor Steve went on with the service as if not realizing he was standing where Caleb’s life would change within the hour. Then he saw the tree, standing there, off to the side, undecorated but beautiful just the same. His gaze went up to the ceiling, and he smiled. How far God had brought him. Okay, so he had the spot picked out, and the words were starting to form in his head. Now if he could just make it happen… Closing his eyes, he put the next hour in God’s hands. “Show me how to do this.”

“Well, the two of you look happy,” Rachel said to Sage as she came out of the bench when the service was over.

“Thanks to you.” Sage hugged and then started walking with her friend. “Luke told me what you did.”

Rachel loved the lilt in her friend’s voice. “Maybe we’ll have to do it again sometime.”

Sage grinned. “Maybe I’ll let you.” Out the door and down the stairs they went being gathered up into the chattering crowd. “So what are you guys doing this afternoon?”

“Oh, we’re going over to Mom’s. We missed Thanksgiving there, so we’re going to have a little celebration with her.”

“I meant to ask, how was Texas?”

Rachel couldn’t stop the smile. “It was wonderful. His family is really great.”

“So are you going back for Christmas?”

“His mom wants us to, but we’ll have to see. I hate leaving Mom again.”

At that moment Sage jumped, her gaze going up to the door beyond. “Oh. Hang on.”

Rachel looked up and caught sight of Luke, beckoning to his wife. She smiled and ducked, loving how cute they looked together again. “Should we get the fire extinguisher?”

In shocked disbelief, Sage turned around and her eyes went wide. “That is not funny.”

But Rachel thought it was. She put her hand to her mouth to stop the giggles as Jane came up from the other side.

“What’s so funny?” Jane asked in concern.

“Nothing, just giving Sage a hard time.”

“They certainly look happy today.”

“Yes, they do.” When Rachel turned to Jane, a new plan started to form in her mind. It wouldn’t be that hard to finagle needing the pastor’s boys to come help them with the kitchen, and it wouldn’t even be a lie, they did need the help. All she really needed to do was talk to the pastor and arrange it so that he took advantage of the situation.

“Rachel,” Sage called from the steps, and Rachel looked up wholly liking the plan and wondering when they could put it into action.

“Yeah?”

“Could you come here for a minute? We’re needing a little help here deciding on where to put some of the decorations for the wedding. Do you mind?”

Rachel looked at Jane in apology.

“Go on,” Jane said, putting a hand on Rachel’s arm. “I’m sure Sage needs all the help she can get at this point.”

Remembering the table from the night before, Rachel couldn’t argue. “Come on, baby doll. Let’s go see what we can do.”

“She’s coming!” Sage stage-whispered into the entire church as she came flying back in from the lobby.

Up front, Caleb let the breath slide from him slowly as he looked over at Luke sitting with Rachel’s mom and Rhett two rows back. His head said to stay calm. His heart, however, wasn’t getting the memo.

Rachel came in and headed right for Sage who had stopped in the middle of the main aisle. “What did you…?” However, in mid-step she stopped as her gaze slammed into his. Puzzled, she looked from him to Sage. “What’s… going on?”

Realizing someone would have to get her to where he was, Caleb left his spot by the tree and headed down the aisle toward her. Only utter confusion stared back at him.

“Sage?” Rachel asked, never taking her gaze from his. “What’s going on?”

“Here,” Sage said, sidling up to her, not really answering but instead taking Natalie from Rachel’s grasp. “Why don’t I just take her for a minute?”

He was there then. Right in front of her, and happiness and hope threatened to overwhelm his senses. Gently he bridged the gap between them and took her hand.

“What…?” she asked again as she looked at him with concerned eyes.

However, Caleb just smiled at her and not letting her go, he turned back for the front.

Stunned so badly that words failed her completely, Rachel followed him, only now noticing the others off to the side. Tears shone in her mother’s eyes, and she looked happier than she had in forever. Luke was sitting there holding Rhett and his two girls, grinning from ear-to-ear.

When they got to the front, Caleb banked just right and stopped under the undecorated Christmas tree at the cusp of the sanctuary. He turned to her, and his hope-filled, vunerable smile danced across her heart.

She asked the question again with her eyes only, and then smoothly he swept his jacket to the side and with her hand still in his, he knelt at her feet. His gaze came up to hers, rock solid and filled with love. The air escaped right out of her as she looked down at him, sure this couldn’t really be happening.

“Rachel.” He stopped, smiled, and sniffed before exhaling. “I don’t know what I expected when I first met you, but I guarantee I never expected to feel like this. You are the strongest, kindest person I have ever met, and I really, honestly can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t know what life holds in store for either of us, but whatever it is, I want us to face it together.”

Tears slid down her cheeks, dripping onto their hands latched together. She sniffed them back, but it was useless. They overflowed from her heart and right off her lashes.

“Rachel Taylor, will you do me the incredible honor of sharing my life with me?” His gaze still locked with hers, Caleb held out a ring so that it rested in his other hand atop theirs.

Everything other than him slipped from the grasp of her consciousness, and no words could even get past the grip of her heart. He didn’t push, didn’t so much as move as he simply knelt there and waited for her answer.

With a smile that finally broke through the tears, Rachel managed to nod. “Yes,” she whispered, the word a mere breath. “Yes. A million times yes.”

In the next heartbeat, she was wrapped in his arms, clinging to him and praying he would never let her go.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He lifted her from the ground, mashing her to him in an embrace so tight it took her breath away. A second and then two and he lowered her back to the ground as his gaze slipped down onto hers and held there. “I love you.”

She nodded, completely overwhelmed. “I love you too.”

Softly his lips took hers, sealing what they both knew to be true. She was so overcome by it all, she didn’t even hear her family coming until they were encircled by them. When Caleb backed up from the kiss, he folded her in next to him and held her there with one arm. “Here you go.”

He held up the ring before slipping it onto her finger, and Rachel’s heart tripped over it.

“It’s so beautiful.”

“It was my grandmother’s,” he said, his eyes clearly gauging her reaction when she looked up at him in surprise. “My mom wanted you to have it.”

Emotion swept over emotion as her arms pulled him back to her lips, and she kissed him breathless. She had never in her life felt a love like this, a love so filled with hope and joy and gentleness and peace.

When this kiss broke, she found herself being hugged and hugged again by everyone in the room. She swiped the tears from her eyes, but it did no good whatsoever as more tears simply took their place.

“Oh, darling,” her mother said, leaving her walker so she could embrace Rachel. “I’m so happy for you.” She hugged her daughter who soaked in the love of a mother who had never given up, even through the absolute worst. When the hug broke, she pulled the ring out to show them.

“It’s his grandmother’s,” Rachel said as those words and their import sunk deeper and deeper into her soul.

“It’s perfect,” her mother said. “I’m so happy for you both.”

“I love you, Mom.” Rachel opened her arms and wrapped her mother into them, more thankful than she had ever realized she was for the woman. “I’m so glad you were here to see this.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it, darlin’.”

As the group walked out later, Caleb managed to snag Sage and duck closer to her. “Thanks for that.”

“You know you almost gave me a heart attack in there.” She accepted his side hug and then stepped away and smacked his chest. “This has been the hardest month of my life. You know that, right?”

He grinned at her. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I just wanted it to be right.”

“Well, you’re forgiven.” However, instead of joy, her face fell into seriousness. “But just so you know, if you ever do anything to hurt that girl, you’ll be answering to me. You got that?”

Somehow, Caleb wouldn’t have had it any other way. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The rest of the day passed in a haze of happiness. More than once Rachel held out her hand to verify he had actually asked, and she had actually accepted—in the church no less! How much more in front of God and everybody could a proposal get?

As she sat on her mother’s couch after lunch, holding Natalie as she went down for her afternoon nap, Caleb came in from having cleaned up the kitchen. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her. Without hesitation, Rachel snuggled in next to him.

“So, Caleb,” her mother said, “what’re you working on these days besides my place?”

“Well, I’ve got a couple of roof things to fix in town, and Marcus O’Neal had a picket fence that didn’t fare so well during Gabriel. And Luke told me Ms. P’s granddaughter was thinking about buying the Attabury place.”

“The Attabury place? What would she want with that old thing? They should have torn it down years ago.”

Caleb’s gaze slipped to Rachel’s, and a silent conversation passed between them. “Well, we’ll have to see. With old houses, sometimes that’s really the better option. But they haven’t even really called me on it, so I don’t know, maybe it won’t even happen.”

“So how’s my old place going?”

He exhaled. “Slow. When I was working on the show with Derek, we could do a place like that in six or seven weeks, tops. But trying to do it on my own at nights and on weekends. I’m afraid, it’s not going very fast.”

“Well, as long as you’re making progress, I think that’s the most important thing.”

“We got the kitchen lower cabinets in, and some of the floor down, but with work starting again tomorrow, it’ll probably be next weekend before I get back to it.”

“The kitchen really looks nice though,” Rachel said as she picked Natalie up and rested her on her shoulder. “I was thinking we should get the pastor’s boys out there to help some time. Maybe that would speed things up.”

“I’ll have to talk to him about it. We’re going to have to do something. I don’t want to have to be living out there forever. That’s for sure.” His eyes twinkled as he looked at her.

“Oh?” she asked, being coy and playful. “I didn’t know you were moving. Where were you planning to live?”

He grinned at her and pulled her lips to his in a quick kiss. “I have some ideas.”

“That’s frightening.”

His laugh jumped from him in a happy dance. “Maybe to you, but I can’t wait to carry you over that threshold.”

Having not seen the image coming, Rachel blushed and ducked into his shoulder. “Caleb!”

“What? A guy can dream, can’t he?”

Her gaze tripped over to her mother who was smiling at them with no hesitation. “You two should be on a cake somewhere. You’re just too cute together. I love it.” Her smile dimmed only slightly. “I just wish Charlie was here to see it. He would have been overjoyed.”

Caleb folded Rachel closer and held her and the sleeping Natalie. “I wish I could have met him. He sounds like a remarkable guy.”

“He was that. Yes. Yes, he was.”

“So,” Caleb said later as they met in the living room to wind down the evening together, “I was wondering what you’re doing after school tomorrow.”

“I don’t know. Laying plywood, setting cabinets, painting? Something fun like that I imagine.”

“What would you say to driving out to the Attabury house with me, just so I can see it.”

“I don’t think we can get in. That thing’s been boarded up for a while now.”

“I’m not sure I have to really get in. It’s more a matter of seeing it in case they do call.”

“Would you really take on that big of a project with no help? I mean that place is like falling down.”

Caleb exhaled. “Well, to be honest I’ve been thinking maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to hire a couple of guys. Now that it looks like I’ll be staying and all.”

Rachel angled her gaze up to his in challenge. “Oh, you’re staying all right. Don’t you even think about going anywhere.”

He grinned down at her and kissed her soundly before lowering her back to her normal position propped up next to him. “That’s what I mean. I don’t think it’s going to work with just me doing odd jobs. I think I’m going to have to get something going, do the paperwork, start me up a business, hire some guys. That kind of thing.”

“Isn’t it crazy?’ she asked after a moment’s thought.

“What’s that?”

“This whole thing. I mean six months ago we didn’t even know each other, and now, we’re engaged, and you’re starting a business. When did that happen anyway?”

His laugh was more a breath. “I’m not sure, but I’m really glad it did.”

“So,” she said, sliding her finger up and down his wrist, “what are you thinking for the wedding? Spring? Summer?”

That jolted him for a second, and Rachel looked up at him in concern.

“What?”

“Nothing. I mean, that’s great if you want to wait that long.”

“That long? Why? What were you thinking?”

A sly smile came to his lips. “I don’t know, the sooner the better if it’s up to me.” He lowered his lips to hers gently, and she couldn’t have agreed more.

“It’s up here,” she said, pointing the next afternoon. “Right through these trees.”

Caleb slowed the pickup and peered off the two lane, down the dirt road where she was pointing. “Do I turn?”

“Yeah. This is Mill Road. Years ago there used to be a mill down this way, but it hasn’t run in years.”

He turned and drove slowly over the ruts and bumps, noticing the fencing that lined the road. “Do they have cattle out here?”

“I think so in the winter or maybe the spring.” She held on as he parked at the road’s edge. There would be no getting any closer by vehicle.

He peered through the crush of trees before reaching for the door handle. “This should be interesting.”

Rachel followed him out, and he thought about telling her she should have worn more sensible shoes. But when she put her hand in his to keep from falling, his heart did a little rumba, and he decided to keep the criticisms to himself.

They went to the barbed fence, which he pushed down for her to climb over, and he had to smile at her tenacity. Next time they needed to plan this a little better. Over the hoof printed clods they went all the way to the second fence which kept the cattle at bay from the property.

“This is like breaking into Fort Knox,” he said, once again pushing the fence down for her to go over.

After scaling the second fence, he realized how much closer they were to the house, and one part of him was glad they were doing this in the daylight. The house’s creep factor might have been too much after dark.

Around the house was a gapped, short picket fence that was at one time white, but now was broken and peeled. Several of the pickets that only stood about knee-height were broken out completely, but even the ones that were there looked sadly in need of repair if not outright removal.

“Careful,” he said, holding her hand and thinking he should never have asked her to come out on this mission. “This sidewalk is a mess.”

Mess would have been a serious upgrade. It was broken in multiple places with the pieces of it tipped and angled so that not a stretch of it was even together anymore. Worse, fallen tree branches covered the walk and the entire yard.

He got the strange feeling that the impediments to get to the house were its way of protecting itself from intruders. He remembered her story about Mrs. Attabury and the gun, and his alert system went on wondering if she was still here. “Uh, when did Mrs. Attabury die anyway?”

“About 15 or 20 years ago, I think,” Rachel said as they finally picked their way to the front of the house.

From right in front of it, the Attabury house was a foreboding structure. Two stories with a dormer at the top that seemed to look down on all around it like a watchful, paranoid eye. Most of the windows were boarded up, and the front porch planks were rotted in several places.

“Maybe this is close enough,” Caleb said, standing as he looked up at the place with his hands on his beltline.

She laughed softly. “What’re you scared?”

“That it might fall down on top of us? Yeah. A little bit.”

“Come on. Maybe there’s a window we can get in somewhere around the back.” Rachel headed that way, flipped her hair out of her face and pulled it backward as she stepped over the branches.

Caleb looked after her. He should have known she wouldn’t give up this easily. Following and pushing the hovering branches away from their advance, his gaze took in the peeled paint and scratched up walls. As they cleared the back wall, he could see several other smaller structures beyond that were also within the perimeter of the cattle fencing. He wondered if one might be the infamous outhouse, but he didn’t ask.

“Looks like we’re in luck,” she said as she went to the door and before he could ask why, she opened the door and stepped over the threshold.

“Be careful, Rach.” His gaze went up to the weathered, exposed boards that formed the porch above him.

“I’m being careful.” She laughed back at him. “I brought you, didn’t I?”

Somehow that didn’t give him any more ease as he watched her disappear into the dimness beyond. He had to breathe down his rising panic.

“Isn’t this trespassing?” he asked, going only to the door. “What if some old farmer shoots us?”

“That’s why you brought me.” She was standing in the middle of the large-for-the-period kitchen. “Wow. Look at these cabinets. They have to be like a hundred years old.” Reaching up, she took hold of a door and it squeaked when she wrenched it open. With a shake of her head, she dusted her hands off. “Definitely redo the kitchen though this hearth area is really cool.”

How she could find this so fascinating, Caleb had no idea. There wasn’t a surface anywhere—walls, doors, floor, ceiling that he wouldn’t have to redo if he took on the project. It might, in fact, be better to knock the thing down and start over.

“Wonder what’s in here.” And she went through the opening on the opposite side of the room. “Oh. Wow.”

“What?” He couldn’t hold himself back from following her, and when he got into what at one point had been a dining area, his own spirit dipped. Graffiti dripped down the walls. The reds mixing with the blacks, greens, and blues.

“That’s what I mean,” she said still going forward, undaunted by the sight. “If you leave a house empty sitting out here too long…” Crossing into the next room, she let out a sad sigh. “Yeah. We’ll have to replace all of this, and the floors too, I’m sure. It’s too bad too. I’m sure they were beautiful at one point.”

He followed her and found her there with her hand on the banister, the second floor looming up the stairs. His glance up those stairs did nothing to make him think going up was a good idea. “I think we’ve seen enough.”

Party debris littered the floors and the odor from the dust and mildew was sickeningly thick.

Rachel glanced up the stairs with a sad smile. “Can you imagine how beautiful this place was at one time?”

That definitely took imagination.

“What would it take to fix it up?’ she asked as though that miracle were within their grasp.

Caleb put his hands on his beltline and let his gaze go all over the room. “I don’t know if it’s even worth it. I mean, new floors, sheetrock. I’m sure insulation.” Then his gaze went up to the ceiling. “I’m not even sure there’s proper electrical or plumbing. And really, Luke just mentioned it. She’ll probably never even call.”

The sun outside the tattered curtained window had turned a golden-white as it fell toward the horizon.

“I think it’s time to go.”

Rachel allowed him to take her hand and lead her from the property, but her gaze kept dancing around it, imagining. It was hard not to. Attabury had clearly been quite a house at one time. Once they got back into the pickup, she tried again. “Did you see that window at the front? That would be so amazing with the sunlight streaming in. Perfect view of a sunset.”

“You’d have to clear half-a-hundred trees to even be able to see out of it.”

However, possible had already begun to take control of her heart. Yes, it looked beyond help, but she knew better than anyone that his unwavering love could do absolute miracles. Scooting from her side to the center, she clicked the center seatbelt on as his gaze turned to her in surprise. Taken by the hopeful images dancing in her spirit, she put her head on his shoulder and her hand on his thigh. “I hope she calls.”

His gaze slipped down to her, and he shook his head. “You’re something else.”

“Yes, but you love me.”

Caleb smiled and picked his arm up for her to come under. He leaned down and kissed her head. “That I do.” He nodded. “That I definitely do.”

Chapter 35

Two nights later as the two of them worked putting in the diamond brown-beige-and-cream tile backsplash over the new countertops at her mother’s, Rachel’s cell phone across the room in her purse rang.

“Ugh,” she said, glad it had picked when she wasn’t holding the tiles up to do that. “I sure hope that isn’t Sage. What do we have another 30 minutes or so?”

“At least,” Caleb said, smoothing out the grout on the part that was now on the wall.

It figured, just when they were making actual progress, she would have to leave. Without really looking at the readout, she swiped up the phone before it could go to voicemail. “Hello?”

“Well, hello there,” the woman’s voice said. “Is this Rachel?”

Worry pounced on her, and she half-turned, trying to make out that voice. “It is.”

“Oh, good, child. I really hope you don’t mind, but I just called Miss Sage, and she said you wouldn’t mind if I called you.”

“Uh, no. I don’t mind.” Part of her wanted to ask who this was, but part of her sensed the person had no idea she didn’t know. “Is there something I could help you with?” When Rachel glanced at Caleb, he had stopped work on the grout and was now looking at her with concern.

“Well, child, what I’m really looking for is how to get ahold of the young man, you know the one who does all the work on the houses.” It was then that Rachel realized who it was, and her heart jumped. Mrs. P.

“Caleb?” A smile slipped up to Rachel’s face as she looked over at him, her eyes sparkling with the growing excitement.

“Yes. Yes. Caleb. You’ll have to forgive me. My memory is not what it used to be.” Mrs. P barely took a breath. “You don’t know how I could get in touch with him, do you? I need to get his number for my granddaughter.”

Joy sprang into Rachel’s heart and soul as she grinned at him. “Well, actually, he’s standing right here if you’d like to talk to him.”

“Oh, child, that would be wonderful.”

“Okay. Hang on. Here he is.” Putting her hand over the mouthpiece, Rachel clamped her excitement down though that was a real challenge. “It’s Mrs. P. She wants to talk to you about her granddaughter.”

In the white T-shirt and work jeans, Caleb took the phone from her with wide, concerned eyes. “Hello?”

Rachel couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he spoke with Mrs. P.

“Yes,” he said as his gaze went to Rachel’s. “Of course. No, old houses don’t scare me.” He raised his eyebrows at Rachel, and she fought not to laugh. “Well, we can certainly take a look at it and see what we can do.” The sigh he let out was only loud enough for Rachel to hear. “Friday? I think I can make that work. Okay. Here let me give you my phone number, you can pass it on to her.”

In seconds the number was transferred, and he was signing off.

“Yes. Okay. Yes. Thanks. Thank you. Have a good evening. Good-bye.” With that, he clicked the phone off and held it out between them although he said nothing.

“Well?” Rachel finally asked, taking her phone back.

“Well, it sounds like she’s serious about it. They already have an offer in for the house and some of the land. They’re supposed to find out for sure on Friday.”

Rachel nodded. “You’re gonna do it, right?”

However, he let out a long, hard sigh. “I don’t know, Rach. That place, it’s crazy to even think how much work it would take. And how long. What if they want to move soon? I mean, on that dirt road. What if we get weather and I can’t even get out to it? And the trees and all the overgrowth. I’m not even sure the structure is stable, and we didn’t even make it up to the second floor.”

Looking at him only, Rachel listened, hoping he wouldn’t talk himself out of it.

“And I’ve got this place too, and Derek and Jaycee’s wedding next week, not to mention ours.”

With that, Rachel stepped over to him and put her arms around him, laying her head on his chest. In confused concern, he looked down at her.

“What’s this for?” he asked as his arms came down around her.

“Because I know you don’t give up on the impossible even when it would be easier to.” Rachel picked her head up and angled it so he caught her meaning, and after only a second, he lowered his lips to hers.

He backed up then and caught her in his gaze. “Are you always going to talk me into the impossible?”

“Only when I know you can do it.” Her soft smile bid him to come back to her, and he complied.

When the kiss broke, she laid her head on his chest, loving how solid he felt as she simply let herself breathe.

“I must be completely crazy,” he said with the softest of laughs. “You know that, right?”

She nodded, her cheek rubbing across the soft cotton. “I know.”

On Friday, Caleb was headed to Sage and Luke’s ready for an evening with friends as Jaycee and Derek were coming into town for their getting married parties when his cell phone rang. Thinking it might be Rachel and he would have to turn back to go help her, he clicked it on. “This is Caleb.”

“Mr. James?” the young woman’s voice asked.

“This is Caleb James.”

“Oh, good. I’m so sorry to contact you so late on a Friday evening. My grandmother gave me your name and number. I hope you don’t mind.”

Caleb took a breath, knowing then who it was. “Of course, I don’t mind. What can I do for you?”

“Well, my name is Danisha Richardson, and I’m interested in speaking to you about restoring a house I just bought in Ridgemount.”

So it was now purchased. He really hoped they hadn’t done so on the strength of his quasi-commitment to refinish it. “Your grandmother said you were considering reworking something.”

“Yes, Sir, I certainly am. Would you be interested in meeting me there tomorrow to go over everything and give me an estimate?”

An estimate? He almost laughed. “Well, I can certainly come take a look at it.”

Rachel was already at Sage’s when Caleb pulled in. In fact, it looked like half the town was there. When he got out, he pulled his coat closer. December had definitely arrived. Going to their back door, he didn’t bother to knock. Instead, he went right on in and found the entire kitchen awash in people he know consider near-family.

“Well, it’s a miracle,” Derek said, catching sight of him. He looked at his watch. “What’s the deal? I thought they said it would be midnight before you showed up.” Stepping over to Caleb, Derek shook his hand and slapped him on the back. “Got off work early, I see?”

Caleb laughed as his gaze slid around the kitchen and landed on Rachel who was busy chopping and rinsing vegetables by the sink. “It’s a miracle. The boss let me off early.”

“Well, we’ve sure missed you in Atlanta.” And with that, Derek launched into a blow-by-blow of everything that had gone wrong on the current job. “I don’t know how Jaycee has even put up with me.”

“It’s been rough,” Jaycee said, putting her hand on his chest as he grinned down at her and then kissed her. When the kiss broke, she looked at Caleb. “But seriously, if you ever want to come back, we wouldn’t tell you no.”

“Nah,” Caleb said, angling his gaze over to where Rachel glanced his direction. “I’ve got plenty of work lined up here to keep my more than busy.”

“What do you say tomorrow we go out and look over the stuff you’ve done?” Derek said. “I’d love to see what an actual finished project looks like. It’s been so long since I’ve seen one.”

Caleb laughed as Rachel came over to him, and he put his arm around her. She wrapped her hand up and onto his.

“Oh, yeah!” Jaycee said, seeing the ring. “I hear congratulations are in order for the two of you, too.”

Happiness danced on Rachel’s face as her gaze never left his.

“Well,” Caleb said, “we couldn’t let you two have all the fun, now could we?”

With a grin and a shake of her head, Rachel kissed him, and he loved the new spirit that shown forth from her eyes.

“So when’s the big day?” Jaycee asked.

“That’s a good question,” Caleb said. “We’ve been so busy, we haven’t really had a chance to come up for air.”

“Busy what?” Derek asked, and Jaycee punched him in the ribs. “What?” he asked, doubling over. “They could’ve been hanging wallpaper for all I know.”

Jaycee shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Seriously. Don’t mind him. I really need to get a shorter leash.”

He looked down at her and grinned. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” And before she had the chance to protest, he kissed her soundly.

After that, they simply melted into the camaraderie. It wasn’t hard. In fact, it was easier than Caleb could ever believe life could be. This was his place in life, and he was so thankful that God had nailed his feet to the floor long enough for him to have the good sense to see it.

“You know,” Caleb said when the two of them were on her couch later, “we really are going to have to get serious about this wedding thing because I’ve got to be honest, the last thing I want to do tonight is leave and drive back.”

Her frame shadowed his as the fire danced in the fireplace, and she nodded. “I haven’t even started looking into dresses yet. I don’t know if I should go with some pastel-something-or-other or tempt all the wagging tongues with white.”

Pulling her to him, he kissed her head. “Well, do whatever you want to do. I’m not worried about everybody else. Besides, we don’t have to invite anyone who would say something.”

She hugged him tighter. “Then this is going to be a very small wedding.”

“Hey. If it’s you, me, the pastor, and God, I’m good with it.”

With a shake of her head, she laughed. “Well, I can think of one or two others that would probably be safe to invite.”

“Great. Then we won’t have to spend very much on punch.” He kissed her head again. “That’s good by me. Leaves more for the honeymoon anyway.” When her gaze bounced up to his, he lifted his eyebrows. “Sounds like a win-win to me.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yes, I am. About you.” And he made sure she knew just how much with the kiss.

Saturday morning dawned cool and crisp, and Caleb set out early from the house, his schedule getting fuller by the second. He had to meet with Danisha and later Derek to see the houses. He was supposed to pick up a few groceries, too, although thankfully, the party was to just be the five of them—Derek, Luke, the pastor, Jaycee’s dad and himself. So hopefully, they wouldn’t need too much food.

When he pulled off the highway onto Mill Road, he had to breathe down the panic. True, he’d done many overwhelming projects, but never one like this by himself. He almost wished Rachel could have come with him, but with the girls’ party at her house that evening, she was stuck getting ready for it. She’d said to do what he thought, to pray about it, and do it only if he wanted to. But he knew where her heart was on the project.

“Good morning, Mr. James,” a young woman with dark skin set off by a yellow top and dark blue business suit said as she put out her hand when he made it from the road through the ditch and all the way to the first fence. He took one look at her attire and had to fight the thought that women chose the strangest outfits to go traipsing around in old-run-down houses. This one looked more like she was on the way to court to bury some poor defendant than the owner of this run-down property.

However, Caleb shoved all that down and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Richardson.”

“You as well.” Then, as she looked at him, she seemed to search for where to start. “Well, Mr. James, my grandmother speaks very highly of you and your work.” She glanced back at the house, her arms now folded. “I’m sure you’re wondering at my reasoning for buying this particular house.”

Caleb saw no reason to lie as he crossed his arms and tipped his head. “The question had crossed my mind. I mean, you have to know this will be a huge project… if it can even be done.” He needed her to know he wasn’t yet sold on being able to do it.

Although she nodded, she lifted her chin and her already dark eyes went even darker. “The truth is, Mr. James, this house has been in my family for generations.”

Puzzlement crashed over him as his mind replayed Rachel’s stories of old Mrs. Attabury and the gun. “Oh? I wasn’t aware. I was told this was the old Attabury place.”

Danisha nodded again. “Yes. That it was.” She glanced back at the house, and her look went even darker still when it came back to him. “You see, Mr. James, my family were servants to the Attaburys. My great-grandmother worked here until the day she died. I grew up hearing the stories of the generations of my ancestors that passed their lives in this house.”

A small piece of the puzzle began to form into something comprehensible.

“Although I know it can never make up for what they went through,” Ms. Richardson said. “I refuse to let the legacy of this house stand for a status quo that keeps my family in the servants’ role. I want my little girl to grow up knowing that she can be anything she wants to be including the owner of this house.”

“So you aren’t interested in being told it should be razed so we can start over?”

Ms. Richardson grew thoughtful. “Honestly, that was the original idea. I was going to buy the place and knock it down. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to think that it might, in fact, be better to restore it instead.”

“If it can be,” he said.

Her eyes tossed out the challenge. “That’s why I knew I had to have the best for this project.”

Caleb considered her words and nodded. “Then we’ll see what we can do.”

“I kid you not,” Caleb said later as he and Derek toured the other jobs he’d finished. “There’s a tub in some metal encased-something-or-other upstairs. I’m telling you, that thing is so old, they were using needle-nosed pliers to turn the water on and off. It doesn’t even have knobs, and the pipes are all on the outsides of the wall, and everything is rusted. Not just the pipes. Everything.”

“Sounds like quite a project.”

“Oh, that’s not the half of it. The electrical, such that it was at one time, is all shot. I touched one wire, and it just crumbled. The stairs are shot too. And there is a hearth in the kitchen! An actual, wide open they-definitely-don’t-make-‘em-like-that-anymore hearth, like this huge fireplace thing where you can just picture the servants trying to boil water and bake bread in it before there was even a stove in there. Gives a whole new meaning to Home & Hearth, I’ll tell you that for sure.”

“So, are you going to do it?” Derek asked, eyeing him with concern. “You don’t even have a crew.”

Caleb sighed. “Well, Rachel and I have been talking, and she wants to help.”

“Rachel?” Derek’s eyebrows shot for the top of the pickup. “With construction?”

“Hey, she’s helped me on a couple of these now, and she’s really pretty good at it. She’s got an eye for stuff. Plus, she went to school for engineering, so she can put things together like nobody’s business.”

Derek grew even more serious. “Is she going to quit at the school then?”

Pulling up to Mr. Bradley’s, Caleb put the pickup in park. “That’s the big question. I mean, there’s no question I can make enough doing this to support me, but an actual business and a family? That’s a pretty big leap to make all at once.”

They slid out the sides of the pickup and went up the walk to the front door. Mrs. Bradley met them and pleasantries were exchanged before the two of them were let into the bathroom Caleb had worked on for them.

“Nice tile work on the floor,” Derek said, inspecting it, and Caleb thought how much he had missed having this last eye on the project.

“We decided to go with the mosaic in the shower with this smaller pattern here.” He indicated the strip of smaller tiles offset top and bottom by the bigger ones.

“Nice. Very nice.” Derek turned. “And this vanity?”

“That was one of Rachel’s pieces. It was an old dresser the pastor had in his back closet.”

“You restored it?” Derek asked, examining it.

Caleb folded his arms. “She did most of it. The very bottom drawer actually pulls out for storage.”

“Awesome. I have to say, I’m really impressed.”

“Yeah, well, so far, other than her mom’s and this Attabury thing, all of the jobs have been pretty small. A bathroom here, a window repair there, fixing cabinets and doors, putting on a few shingles.” Shaking his head, Caleb thought through his emerging business plan. “There hasn’t been a new house built in this town in I bet 20 years, so I just know there are lots of things that could be remodeled and fixed up.” He scratched the side of his neck. “There’s just a fine line somewhere there of how much I can take on and do by myself.”

Derek nodded as he leaned on the wall next to the shower. “I guess this means you really are here for good then. No chance of you coming back?”

With a sigh, Caleb knew his place was here as much as he did not want to let his friend down. “Nope. Not anymore. This is home now.”

“Derek said your mom’s kitchen is amazing,” Jaycee said as the women sat in Rachel’s living room later. The older children were upstairs, immersed in a movie while the little girls played on the floor at their feet with squeals of delight.

“I think we’re down to painting it and the fixtures. Oh, and lighting. I always forget that.” Rachel sat back with her cup of honey, clove and lemon tea, loving the intimacy of having her own little place to confab with her friends. “Then it’s on to the bathroom, and let me tell you, I am not looking forward to dealing with all that wallpaper.”

“I feel so bad,” Jane said. “Here you are with all these things to do, and I have you up at the church hanging lights and decorating trees.”

“Oh, don’t feel too bad. I had fun doing that,” Rachel said, “but you know, if you want to repay me, I’ve got a whole bunch of white wallpaper with tiny pink bows you can come scrape off.”

“Hey, I said I felt bad about it. I said nothing about wanting to repay you.”

They all laughed.

“Well, I’ll tell you what,” Jaycee said, “everybody with us sure is missing Caleb. I don’t think Derek ever realized just how much he was relying on him. We’re trying to find somebody else, but Caleb’s a hard man to replace.”

Rachel grinned. “I have to agree.” She held up her hand and wiggled her fingers so that they all oohed and aahed. “Oh, and by the way, Sage, Caleb told me you knew. I’m still in shock you kept it a secret that long.”

A slow, sly smile spread onto Sage’s face. “Hey, now, I can keep my mouth shut when I have to. Besides, I wouldn’t have spoiled that surprise for all the miles in the ocean. He was so sweet.” She fanned her face to stop the tears. “It still gives me goosebumps.”

“And I hear somebody else has been awful sweet these days,” Jaycee said, grinning at her sister. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t those fresh roses on the table when I got up this morning?”

“Ahh,” they all said as Sage blushed.

“I think this whole wedding thing must have everyone in the romantic kind of mood,” Jane said with a strange look. “Steve told me today he got tickets for us for The Nutcracker in Raleigh in two weeks. What’s that about? Steve hates the ballet.”

“Well, would one of you please give Gregory the memo?” Sage and Jaycee’s mom said. “For my birthday, he gave me a prepaid card to Nolan’s so I could get a vacuum cleaner!”

“He didn’t!” Sage and Jaycee said in horror.

“Oh, yes. Yes, he did. And he was proud of himself too.”

They all groaned as the sisters looked at each other.

“That’s as bad as the disposal Luke gave me for our anniversary that year,” Sage said. “I wanted to chop him up in that thing.”

“Oh, please don’t say that,” Jaycee moaned. “If Luke gave you a disposal, there’s no telling what Derek will think is a good idea in a couple of years.”

The laughter continued as they each recounted ultra-practical and definitely unromantic gifts they had received over the years. The more she listened, the more Rachel began to realize that the guys probably were not trying to give bad gifts, somehow, they really believed they were good gifts even though they were quite awful.

Moreover, the more she listened, the more she relaxed into the understanding that the misunderstandings she and Caleb had encountered were not signals of certain doom, only the normal signposts that relationships went through.

“You know,” Jane said, “maybe it takes a few really bad gifts to appreciate it when they really get it right.”

Sage sat back in her chair. “Well, I’d take going out and sitting under the stars like we used to over some big expensive gift any day. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. Just being together and talking again is great.”

“That was one of the first things I noticed about the two of you,” her mother said. “How you could just spend hours and hours together not really doing anything. Just being together. I remember those days with Gregory.” She grew quiet and sipped her tea. “It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about that.”

“It’s amazing to me,” Jaycee said as she looked around at the group.

“What’s that?” Jane asked.

She grew very serious as if trying to see all the way through what she was thinking. “They make romance out to be this magical, wonderful thing, and it is.” Sitting up as if to stop them from protesting, she smiled. “It totally is. Don’t get me wrong. But I guess I’m seeing that underneath that or along with it, there has to be something… else. Something… I don’t know… something deeper or something.”

Sage nodded. “Romance is the spark to get the kindling going, but you only get a real fire if there’s the right wood underneath. That’s what keeps the fire going for a long time. If you don’t have that…”

Jaycee gazed at her sister. “I think Derek and I have that. I don’t know, maybe we’ve learned it or discovered it? At first, I thought there was something wrong with us because we didn’t fall in love like you’re supposed to.”

“I don’t think there’s a right way,” Jane said. “I think we each get to write our own love story, and the way it happens for us is the way our story was meant to be written.”

The way our story was meant to be written. As Rachel listened to the conversation continue, she thought about those words. Her story with Caleb had certainly taken some major twists and turns, but it was their story. Their story and no one else’s. Something about that understanding warmed her heart like no fire on a cold December night ever could.

She gazed around at the women in her living room, and she was glad for their stories as well, glad they had intertwined with hers, glad for their generosity in sharing them with her. Yes, life had tried its best to teach her hate, despair, bitterness, jealousy and mistrust. Yet somehow, instead, she had learned hope and faith and joy and love. Though there was no real accounting for how that had happened, she was eternally grateful for it nonetheless.

“Okay, enough of the mushy stuff,” Jaycee suddenly said, popping up. “That chocolate cake is callin’ my name!”

“I’ll call,” Caleb said after peeking again at the two cards he had on the table. A pair of queens. Not bad but it could be beaten depending on how the cards fell.

The pastor to his left shook his head. “Too much for me. I’m out.” He flipped his two cards to the table and stood. “Anybody need a refill?”

Alternately the others indicated no, and the pastor headed off to Luke’s kitchen with his own glass in hand.

“Hey. Bring some more popcorn if you don’t mind,” Derek said, looking at his own two cards.

“You know, you’ve got to play ‘em the same day you get ‘em,” Caleb said to his friend teasingly.

“I’m getting’ there.” Derek considered and pursued his lips. “Man, patience was never your strong suit.”

Another second and Luke yawned and stretched. “You don’t hurry up, Santa’s gonna come down that chimney over there.”

“Fine,” Derek said, pushing some of his money into the middle. “I’m in. Call.”

With a nod, Luke flipped a couple of his own dollars in. “To you,” he said to Sage’s father who looked about as confident in his hand as Derek had.

He considered and sighed long and hard. “Might as well see the flop. Not that it’ll do me much good.”

When everyone was set, Derek picked up the deck, pulled the top three off and put them in the middle. Jack. Seven. Ten.

“Seriously? Where’d we get this dealer?” Luke asked in disappointment. “Who invited him anyway?”

“We had to invite him,” Caleb said. “It’s the rules. Besides, I tried to get out of it, but you know how he is.”

“Yeah, well, you should’ve tried harder.” Luke shook his head and tossed his cards in. “No way that was going to work.” He put his arms to the elbows on the table, crossing them and leaning there before looking at his father-in-law. “Your luck any better than mine?”

“Well, it would be hard for it to be any worse,” Mr. Lawrence said.

Luke nodded. “Truer words have never been spoken.”

“So when’s Ryder coming in?” the pastor asked, coming back to the table with his glass and popcorn in hand.

“Next Thursday,” Derek said clearly not wanting to rib his future-father-in-law. “He’s got that research thing going, and he can’t get away before then.”

“What’s he studying again?” Pastor Steve asked, tossing a few kernels into his mouth.

“Biochemical engineering something-or-other,” Derek said with a shake of his head. “Jaycee talked to him the other night, and he’s trying to figure out what internship to take when he finishes his Masters next fall.”

“Masters?” Pastor Steve asked, impressed. “Wouldn’t that be time to get a job rather than just an internship?”

“He wants the doctorate,” Mr. Lawrence said still studying his cards, “wants to work at Johns Hopkins eventually.”

“Whoa. No small chunk of change there,” the pastor said. “No wonder you don’t know what to do with those cards.”

“Eh. He’s on a full scholarship this year, and pretty soon, if he keeps this up, he’ll be able to write his own ticket.” Finally Mr. Lawrence shook his head and pushed his cards in. “Believe me, we had some very important financial discussions long about his third year of college when he finally decided to go this route. I love him and support him, but I am not made of money.”

Caleb considered his options, took a breath and decided to keep playing. “Call.”

“Call, huh?” Derek asked, checking his cards again obviously having hoped Caleb would fold like all the others.

“Yeah,” Luke said with a sigh. “I’m already thinking about how we’re going to put the twins through school. Jeremiah says he wants to do robotics or something like that. Andrew just wants to play basketball somewhere.”

“Could be good.” Mr. Lawrence who was now not worried about his own hand leaned back in his chair. “Jayc would have done all right with the scholarship if she hadn’t had the accident.”

Surprise split through Caleb who looked over in question. “Accident?”

“Yeah.” Mr. Lawrence reached for his tea. “First year, pretty much right out of the gate, she came down on her leg wrong and messed up her knee.” He tipped his head. “Sure changed a lot of things for all of us.” Looking at his drink, he quirked a smile. “Though I can’t say it was all bad. Huh, Derek?”

A small smile played underneath the scruff of Derek’s face. “Nope. Not all bad.” He sat up. “Okay. I’ll play with you.” He pushed money in before dealing the next card. A queen.

Fighting not to let the hope of the card show on his face Caleb scrunched his as if in pain. “Somebody really should teach this guy to deal.”

“Hey, this was your idea,” Luke said, watching them.

“You could’ve locked him in the back bedroom,” Caleb retorted.

“He’s right here and can hear everything you’re both saying,” Derek said, holding out the deck in his hands. Coming forward, he set the deck down and looked at his cards.

Mr. Lawrence checked his watch. “You think the women have called it a night yet?”

“Considering I’ve got services in the morning, I’m going to have to be doing that pretty soon myself,” the pastor said.

“You know, I remember when this was about the time I went out to start partying,” Mr. Lawrence said.

“Now you sound like Aidan,” the pastor said. “That boy is going to be the death of me yet.”

“Yeah, well, just be thankful you don’t have a daughter,” Mr. Lawrence said, and then he grinned. “Let’s just say shotguns aren’t just for hunting.”

“Hey,” Luke said as Derek continued to ponder. “You never told me you had a shotgun.”

Mr. Lawrence tipped his head at his son-in-law. “You never asked.”

“I’m all in,” Derek said with a hard breath.

“All…” they all gasped at once. “What?”

Both the pastor and Mr. Lawrence leaned forward to see what cards were on the table.

“Well,” the pastor said with wide, shocked eyes, “I never did wonder about your nerve. That’s for sure.”

Across the table, Caleb narrowed his gaze at the pile of money next to the cards in the center. He glanced at his cards once again. Still pocket queens with one on the table. There weren’t many hands that could beat it with those cards showing. He thought through all the possibilities, looked at his friend long and hard, and nodded. “All in, huh? Must be quite a hand you’ve got there.”

“Must be,” Derek said in reply without a hint more of emotion.

Considering, Caleb thought through the hand. Neither of them had pushed it the entire game, slow played it if anything. “Okay,” he finally said. “Let’s do this thing. I’m all in.” The second he said it, he saw the panic go through Derek’s eyes, and he knew he had him. Quickly he pushed his money to the center and lifted his chin. “Let’s see the river.”

With a nod and only that, Derek leaned forward holding the deck. “You got it.” He flipped the last card onto the table and almost in the next breath started laughing in disbelief. On the table now lay a nine. Putting the deck down next to him, he bobbed his head. “K. Whatcha got?”

“Three queens.” Caleb tossed his two out to join the other on the table. “You know, I feel really, really bad about taking all your money right before the wedding. Jaycee won’t be happy about this.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, don’t be so sure about that.” Derek turned first one and then the other card over. “Straight.”

“A what? Ugh!” The chair back caught Caleb as he dropped into it hard. “You’ve got to be kidding me. That was the best hand I had all night.”

“Scariest one I’ve had,” Derek said as he began to rake all the money in the middle to his side.

“Wait. Hold on a second,” Caleb said, coming forward. “You went all in on a pair of eights?”

The question hung over the table for a millisecond even as Derek continued to pull the money to his side.

“No. I went all in hoping you were going to fold.” Derek shrugged. “Who goes all in on a pair of eights?”

The others laughed.

“Wow. Remind me not to get into a game with serious money with these two,” the pastor said. “Jane might never let me in the house again.”

“Well, we could camp out together,” Mr. Lawrence said, “because I wouldn’t even try to go home if I lost much more than I did tonight.”

“Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be a friendly game,” Luke said already starting to put the room back in order. “Who knew we were playing cut-throat rules?”

Caleb laughed as he helped with the bowls. He glanced at Derek. “Good thing they never played with us with the crew.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Derek said. “Remember that night with that Gus guy in Phoenix?”

“Remember it? I’m the only reason you’re still here to tell about it,” Caleb said. “Let me just say, you have definitely mellowed in your old age.”

“Wasn’t old age that did him in,” Luke said, coming back and slapping Derek on the back. “It was the woman.” He shook his head. “They’ll eventually tame even the best of us.”

“Well, I for one am glad the pastor here finally taught me how to play Hold ‘Em,” Derek said as he put the deck of cards into its case. He grinned at the pastor. “Best lesson I ever got.”

Mr. Lawrence frowned. “The pastor?” He looked over to Pastor Steve. “You taught him to play Hold ‘Em?”

A second and the pastor caught Derek’s meaning, and he smiled. “Best impromptu sermon I ever gave.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s the best,” Caleb said, “but definitely one of the more memorable ones.”

Luke and Mr. Lawrence looked at each other in confusion.

“You been moonlighting on those sermons there, Pastor?” Luke asked.

“Only when the Boss says it’s important,” the pastor said, pointing upward.

Strange how at that moment Caleb’s thoughts went not to the money he had just lost to his friend, nor even on the pleasant evening they had all shared. No. Instead, it went to all the lessons he had gleaned from this man and these men.

“You know, we’re going to have to do this more often,” Caleb said. “Now that I’m here to stay.”

“What about me?” Derek asked.

Caleb grinned. “I’ll talk with Jaycee and we’ll fly you in. After all, you’re Home & Hearth’s anchor star now, right?”

With a shake of his head, Derek let out a breath. “I was kind of going to wait on this, but why not?” He looked around at the group, who looked at him. “Jayc and I have talked with Brent Socroft, and come next year, I’m going to become a producer for the H&H.”

“A producer?” “Wow.” “That’s great.” They all said as one.

“So, what does that mean exactly?” Mr. Lawrence asked. “You won’t be doing your own show?”

“Oh, no. I will.” Derek nodded. “I’ll just be helping bring new shows online. We’re just in the very early stages of it though, so…”

Caleb’s heart knew then how blessed he had been for his life to be touched by this man’s, his mentor and friend. “Well,” Caleb said, putting out his hand, “Brent clearly knows a good man when he sees one.”

Derek accepted the handshake.

“Congratulations, my friend.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Derek said. “Thanks.”

After the two parties had broken up and even though they both knew they had services to get to the next morning, Caleb and Rachel sat on her couch, relishing their last few moments before he had to go back to the farmhouse.

“I love being with them,” Rachel said softly tracing up and down his hand that was around her. “I feel like anything and everything is possible when I’m around them. They all just love with such open hearts. I don’t know that I’ve ever really had that before.”

“I know what you mean.” Caleb ran his hand down her arm as if memorizing the feel of her. “You know, Derek told us tonight he’s going to be producing a show for the network next spring…”

“Really?” Rachel fought not to react to that news. “So are you regretting your decision?”

“That’s just it.” Caleb let out a breath. “There was a time it would have been such a big deal, such a big change, and it is, for Derek. He is so good at what he does, and I see now how lucky I was to have gotten to work with him. But I realized tonight, he didn’t just teach me about work. He taught me about life. In fact, Derek’s a big part of why we’re even together.”

“Derek?” Rachel twisted in surprise to look at him.

But Caleb just nodded. “And the pastor and Luke.” He sighed. “I wanted so much for this to work, but I so didn’t even know how to do that. They taught me. It wasn’t easy, but they showed me how, and they kept showing me how every time I made a mess of things.”

Sheepishness drained through her. “I think I kind of helped in that department.”

Caleb gazed at her for a long moment. “When I first met you, I didn’t even know a love like this was possible. Now I can’t imagine how I ever thought the other way was even love.”

Slowly, Rachel twisted further so she was practically facing him as her chin rested on her wrists on his chest. “When you say, ‘A love like this,’ what does that mean exactly?”

His gaze softened as he took in her beauty. Gently he reached over and swiped a stray strand of hair from her face before tucking it behind her ear. “A love that’s strong, that’s based on really knowing you and loving you for who you are, not some image of who I think I want you to be. A love that makes me want to be the best me I can be. A love that builds us both up and is a safe place for us to fall.”

A tear slipped from her eye and down her cheek, and his face fell in concern.

“Ah, come on, babe, that wasn’t supposed to make you cry,” he said with worry.

She sniffed and smiled at him. “They’re good tears though. Believe me. They’re very, very good tears.”

And with that, she pulled forward and arched her lips up to his. If theirs was a love like this, then it was the kind she had been searching for her whole life. Meshing the feel of his lips onto her soul, Rachel found herself finally content to live just this moment—not struggling to get to the next, not wishing for what never was. Only living. Here. In the present. In this space of love and hope.

It was the only place she ever wanted to be. It was home.

Epilogue

“The boutonnieres,” Sage said as she frantically worked buttoning the back of Jaycee’s dress. “The guys need them before they start taking pictures.”

“Don’t panic.” Rachel sifted her hands down to try to calm her agitated friend. “I can get them. Where are they?”

“Uh… For the… How many buttons can there possibly be on this thing?” Sage angled her gaze to the side, gently pulling out the tiny hoops for the pearl-like buttons. “They’re in the van. Back of the van. They’re in a box. The corsages are there too.”

“Okay. Keys?”

“Purse.” Tipping her head over to the little landing across the room, Sage worked a tiny button into a tiny hole. They started at the neckline of the sheered-out back with the flower appliques and trailed all the way down past the waist of what was otherwise a simple gown. “We really should have done this before I got my nails done.”

“I never even thought about it,” Jaycee said over her shoulder. “When I tried it on, I never thought about actually buttoning them all.”

“Ugh.” With a frustrated groan, Sage shook her head. “What we brave for beauty.”

“Found ‘em.” Rachel stood and headed out. “Boutonnieres and corsages. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” Sage said with a loopy smile. “How about some Valium?”

Rachel laughed. “’Fraid you’re on your own for that one.”

“Some friend you are!”

“I’ll get the flowers.”

“Thanks,” Jaycee called never moving from her spot.

In all his days, Caleb had never had cause to wear such an elaborate get up. Who used fake buttons on top of real ones anyway? What was the point of that? They would all be covered by the tie anyway. His fingers felt all kinds of clumsy as he worked the tiny things over the buttons, and by the third one, he was already done with this.

“You about ready?” Derek asked, coming in from the opposite door. “Luke said the photographer will be here in like five. He called them, and they’re running a little late.”

“Thank goodness for small favors.” Caleb exhaled and shook his head. “What is up with all of this? Cufflinks and these crazy things? Whose bright idea was this?”

Derek laughed. “Blame Jayc. She has this thing about morning tuxes. I tried to tell her we weren’t doing this thing in the morning, but… what Jaycee wants…”

“Derek will do,” Caleb finished.

“You got it.”

Finally with the last button in place, Caleb went to work on the cufflinks. “You do know you’re going to regret putting me through all of this, right?”

“Oh, yeah? How’s that?”

“Well, when you stand up for me, I’m going to do some serious paybacks.” Only then did Caleb really think how that came out. He’d been thinking about it a lot, but he hadn’t even really consulted Rachel about it, thinking they should get through one wedding before planning the next one.

“Oh? And when’s that going to be anyway?” Derek asked without really turning around. “Just so I can put it on my calendar.”

Cufflinks finally on, Caleb grabbed the tie and slid it around his neck. At least he could tie a tie. “Don’t have an actual date yet, but when we have one, you’ll be the first to know.”

Turning to his friend, Derek stood there, perfected in all his finery, and Caleb had to think it didn’t matter at all what he looked like because between the bride and groom, no one else would even get a glance. “Well, if you’re asking, I’d be honored.”

“Good.” Caleb grinned at his friend as he slipped on first the silver vest and then the deep black jacket. He ratcheted his shoulders twice. “Wow. Who would’ve thought we’d clean up so good, huh?”

“Certainly not me.”

Quickly, Caleb sat down on the little bench to get his shoes on. How could there be so many pieces to wear?

“Knock. Knock,” the soft voice said at the door, and he looked up just as the last shoe was in place. She never so much as jiggled the doorknob as she stood on the other side of the solid wood. “It’s Rachel. I have the boutonnieres.”

Without hesitation, Derek went to the door and opened it as Caleb stood, expecting Rachel but not being at all prepared for the woman who stepped into that room.

“Oh, wow,” she said, her gaze only on Derek. “Jaycee is going to die when she sees you.”

Derek’s eyebrows shot up in concern. “I hope not. I’m not ready for the death do us part thing yet.”

Her laugh was like tiny, happy bells. “I’ll be sure to convey the message.” As if it was trying not to, her gaze slipped over to Caleb and held there as she blinked. A second and she tipped her head. “Wow. You look great, Caleb.”

He nodded, pretty sure he was supposed to say you do too, but the words were jamming in his heart and lungs making speaking them nearly impossible to say. “You… look… Wow.”

Rachel grinned. “Thanks.” And for the next moment nothing else in the world existed other than the slow tinting of her cheeks from porcelain to pink. “Oh! Boutonnieres.” Her hands flew into action with the little box she carried as she brought it in and set it on the bench beside him. “Let’s see. Sage has all of these marked.”

He couldn’t tear his gaze from her as bending there, she went through the little flowers. “Mr. Lawrence. Luke. The boys. Oh. Here’s yours, Derek.” Coming up with it, she spun to him, and Caleb had to say neither side of that dress was doing his heart any good. Stunned by her beauty, he could only fidget with his own clothes, praying he didn’t look hopelessly awful and awkward in the monkey suit.

“How’s Jaycee?” Derek asked as Rachel stood four inches from him, pinning the flower onto his lapel.

Her gaze came up to his, and softness danced there. “Beautiful.” Then she laughed again. “But of course that’s a given.” One pin slid in, and she started with the second. “Don’t worry. I think you’ll know which one she is. Just look for the gorgeous one in white.”

Derek laughed with a slight nervousness clinging to it as Rachel finally got the flower secured in place.

“There.” She stepped back, put her hands on his arms and looked right at him. “You better treat her right. You hear me?”

His smile held only joy and peace. “I will.”

“Good.” Patting his arms, she nodded. “Now you’d better get out there. The photographer was setting up when I came in.”

“Good to know. I’ll be out here,” he said to Caleb. “You behave yourself.”

However, with Rachel looking like that, Caleb wasn’t making any promises.

“Okay. One down.” Figuring her best bet was to keep her shaking hands busy, Rachel went back to the box. Unfortunately, it was so close to Caleb, her senses picked up not just how good he looked, which was floor-droppingly amazing but also how he smelled, which was not helping her quaking resolve to stay on-task at all. “Ah. Here it is.”

However, when she came up, it was not his suit nor the way he was wearing it that she saw, it was him. Only him. Standing there, gazing down at her. Solid. Safe. And so utterly gorgeous she couldn’t think straight. The dark of the tux brought out the deep chocolate of his eyes, and her heart slammed to a stop when she was snatched by it. She swallowed to get her heart going again, but that along with everything else had completely forgotten how to work right. She tried to smile, to get herself together enough to remember why she was here and what she was supposed to be doing, but those thoughts kept getting lost in his eyes and his presence.

A single step and he was right in front of her though his gaze never so much as faltered from hers. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” he asked, sincerity knitting the words together. His hands came up then, brushing down her arms as she fell into the love from his soul streaming over her. Washed in that river, she never wanted to be dry again.

Slowly his eyes drifted closed as he bridged the dwindling space between them, and then she was in his arms, his lips on hers, their spirits meshing into one. Life floated away from her, leaving only love in its wake.

Had the whole world stopped right there, Rachel would never have even noticed. All that was or ever would be became new in that moment, and even as his lips left hers and his embrace came tighter around her, she knew things had changed between them.

“You know, I’m half-tempted to tell Pastor Steve he’s gotta do a two-for-one,” Caleb said, never releasing her or even moving.

Understanding the sentiment perfectly, Rachel rubbed her hand up and down his back. “This is their day. We’ll have ours.”

When he pulled back, there was a hint of concern lurking in his eyes. “You promise?”

Her heart smiled for her as she lifted her lips to his. “Promise.”

As Rachel watched from the second bench back, the guys came in with the pastor up front just before those in attendance stood for Jaycee’s big entrance. Her heart still hadn’t recovered from her brush with his amazingness earlier, and seeing Caleb again like this wasn’t helping matters. He could make a girl blush just by standing there, and when he smiled and winked at her, well, it was all she could do not to go floating right out of the bench.

The organist began to play, and Rachel turned to the back as Sage stepped in the back doors resplendent in her floor length navy gown with the shoulder-less fitted bodice and simple side-gathered skirt. Her white, silver, and navy bouquet was a perfect complement to the silver crystal of the simple headband she wore.

Although she was supposed to be looking forward, Rachel caught the chance glance Sage took at Luke who stood on the other side of the aisle. Her soft smile spoke of her gentle, abiding love for him, and Rachel thought again how in love they looked.

When Sage was in place at the front, the organist switched songs, and all eyes returned to the back doors. With Jane’s help first carrying and then fanning out the small train of the dress, Jaycee took her father’s arm. She glanced at her mother on the other side who smiled at her and nodded. And then, Jaycee’s gaze swept forward the length of the center aisle and latched onto Derek’s as he stood waiting for her. Rachel’s heart lurched and jerked as she watched Derek start to smile and then blink back tears. He smiled at his soon-to-be wife, and she smiled back. The moment was lost between them as Jaycee narrowed the gap further with each step.

Everyone took a collective breath when Jaycee reached the front and Pastor Steve asked who gave this woman’s hand in marriage. In seconds, Jaycee hugged both of her parents and then stepped forward to accept Derek’s arm. Although their gazes met for only a few seconds, love and hope danced between them as together, they stepped forward into their future.

The pastor spoke a few words and then invited Luke forward to do a reading. It was one Rachel had heard before, the one about love being patient and kind. Her gaze went to Caleb’s back as he sat in front of her, and she couldn’t help but think that whoever wrote those words must have met her fiancé at some point in the past. She looked down at her ring to make sure it was still there, and she smiled knowing it would always be.

In no time the pastor read from one of the gospels, and then taking out his notes, he smiled at the happy couple now seated in the middle of the center aisle. “Well, you made it,” he said with a warm smile. “As I thought about what I would talk about today, the word grace kept coming back to me. But I kept asking myself, grace as the basis for a marriage? Is that really logical? Let me tell you what God’s been telling me about that.

“The word grace is made of five letters, and I believe if you take each of those letters, you can get a really clear picture of God’s plan for marriage. ‘G.’ G stands for gentleness, goodness, and generosity. Now I think the two of you have these qualities in spades. Goodness and gentleness go hand-in-hand. They, like generosity, seek to put others first. You actively think about other people, what they need, what’s best for them, and you use your own life to work toward that. You are generous not just with your money but also with your time and talents. You allow God to use your life in betterment of the world around you and for the betterment of each other.

“‘R.’ The ‘r’ stands for Respect. Marriages that do not have respect in their foundations do not survive. Respect means valuing the other person and yourself, not bullying them or kowtowing to them, but genuinely working to create a win-win for each other. I believe respect is another way to say ‘one flesh’ or ‘the two shall become one.’ You’re not working from a base of self anymore. You are now working from a base of ‘us.’ Respect helps you do just that.

“The ‘A’ stands for acceptance. While you respect each other, you also realize that neither of you is perfect. There will be times when issues come up, and you will have to accept that while you are one flesh, you are not the same person. Acceptance allows you to let the other person be themselves rather than trying to make them a copy of yourself or fit into some pre-conceived notion of how and who you think they should be.

“That brings us to ‘C.’ The ‘c’ in grace stands for courage. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. Marriage will require more of you than you can even realize right now, and believe me, it takes courage to rise to this challenge. You will need courage to step up and become the person marriage will ask you to be. You will need courage to forge through the trials life throws your direction. You will need courage to face the unknowns and the difficulties of life. Because now you won’t only be facing only your own difficulties, now you will be facing each other’s difficulties as well. And when children come, you will need large vats of courage to stand together to face all the world tries to throw at them.

“Finally, I want you to realize that this foundation of grace must be built with the understanding that this marriage is not only about the here-and-now. It is not about just this life. Ultimately, it is about eternity. ‘E’ stands for eternity. Don’t make the mistake of thinking only in terms of this life. The two of you are today making an eternal commitment to one another. What you do, what you stand for in this marriage does have eternal implications.

“If this commitment is truly a Grace Covenant between the two of you and God as it is designed to be, then the world will take notice. What they see in you will resonate in their hearts and into eternity. If they look at you and see division and strife, they will get the message that unions based in God’s grace are something to be avoided and to fear. But if, as I sincerely hope, they see two people who are actively living from Goodness, Respect, Acceptance, and Courage with an eye ever on the Eternal implications of their union, then that union is bound to change the world for the better. I challenge you both today, that in this marriage, you will make a commitment to choose the eternal over the earthly. By doing that, you will truly be basing this marriage on the principles of grace which is a solid foundation on which to build a life together. So, Derek and Jaycee, if you are ready to enter into such a commitment, would you please come forward with your witnesses, and declare your intentions as such?”

Leaving the pulpit, the pastor went down front as Jaycee and Derek stood. Caleb and Sage took away the chairs, and then Sage retrieved Jaycee’s bouquet. When they finally faced each other, both looked completely at peace.

“Derek?” the pastor asked in invitation.

Derek nodded only once as his gaze held onto Jaycee’s gently. “I, Derek, take you, Jaycee to be my lawfully wedded wife. I give you my life, my heart, and my commitment to be there for you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, all the days of my life.”

Jaycee’s soft smile was laced with love as she nodded in acceptance and then to get her voice going. “I, Jaycee…” However, the tears overtook the words for a second, and she had to duck and let out a breath to get them going again. With a soft shake of her head, she pulled her gaze back up to his. “I, Jaycee, take you, Derek to be my lawfully wedded husband.” Her smile turned amazed and ironic. “Today I pledge my life and my commitment to you to be there for you and with you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse all the days of my life.”

The pastor nodded. “Can I have the rings please?”

Caleb and Sage produced the rings and held them out as the pastor blessed them. Taking the ring from Caleb, Derek placed it on Jaycee’s finger, and Rachel’s heart soared for them. Yes, it was a big step, but she could feel something real happening between them. It was as if they were being forged together, stronger as one than they had ever been as two.

Derek’s gaze once again snagged Jaycee’s, and there was only sincerity. “Jaycee, take and wear my ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” Slipping the ring on, Derek grinned his happiness at her.

With a nod, Jaycee retrieved the other ring from Sage. When she turned to Derek, her own smile brought out an actual laugh. She shook it back, but the smile never left. “Derek, take and wear my ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

It was clear they might not be able to wait for the pastor to declare them husband and wife. They each breathed the excitement down as hands clenched, they dove into each other’s eyes.

“It is my honor and my privilege,” the pastor said, and there was a definite catch in his voice, “to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined let no man put asunder. Derek, you may now kiss your bride.”

Derek needed no more permission than that. Taking Jaycee in his arms, he tipped her slightly and sealed his vows with a kiss that should have made the bells ring. Behind him, Caleb clapped and laughed, and Rachel had to duck even as she joined in the clapping. Soon enough it would be her in a kiss just like that. Her heart couldn’t wait.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Mr. and Mrs. Derek West.”

And with that, the organ started up once again. Arm-in-arm, Derek and Jaycee headed down the aisle, followed by Caleb and Sage. Strange how every time Rachel saw him, he got more heart-stopping than the time before. Now with all the formalities behind them, his smile held no nervousness or worry at all. He was amazing.

Later, with the cake cut and the soft music playing, Caleb picked up his arm from the back of Rachel’s chair. “So, you up for a little practice before they decide to call it a night?” He put his hand out to his fiancée whose eyes lit up.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Rachel stood and smoothed down her dress which had given his heart fits the whole night. It shouldn’t be legal to look that good.

On the dance floor, he took her into his arms and breathed in the soft, inviting presence that was Rachel Taylor. She laid her hand in his and drew him to her with her hand on his shoulder which then trailed down his back. Leading her was simple, and in no time, Caleb felt like surely they had been doing this their whole lives.

“Hey, you two,” Derek said, coming abreast of them with Jaycee nestled into him as well. “When are we going to get to do this again?”

“Hello,” Caleb said. “Don’t you have a honeymoon to attend to?”

“Well, yeah, but we’ll be coming back, you know. It’s not like we’ll be gone forever.” He spun Jaycee. “Just wondering when I need to ask the boss for time off.”

“I thought you were the boss,” Caleb retorted.

“Operative word there… ‘were.’” Derek laughed. “I’m not asking for a date, just wanting a range. Are we talking summer? Spring? Fall?”

Caleb’s gaze went from his friend down to her, and Rachel wondered as her gaze got lost in his what the question even was. “I don’t know. How are you with winter?”

“A year?” Derek asked in horror. “You’re going to make us wait a whole year?”

However, Caleb was already asking the question without voicing it. A second and she smiled and nodded.

Drawing her close again, Caleb looked over at his friends. “What’re you guys doing for New Years?”

True astonishment flashed over both faces.

“New Years? This New Years?” Derek asked as if he hadn’t heard the words correctly. “Like in a couple weeks? Are you crazy?”

“Yeah,” Caleb said, and he planted a kiss on her forehead. “Crazy.” Never releasing her, he lifted his chin at his friend. “Why? Can you think of a better time to start a whole new life?”

When Rachel looked up at him, she couldn’t agree more. The love coursing through her was so strong, it ached.

“Okay, I’ll admit I’m not an expert, but don’t you have to do like invitations and stuff?” Derek asked.

With a grin and tucking her under his arm, Caleb turned to those in attendance. “Hey, everybody, who’s up for a New Year’s wedding?”

Surprise and happiness bounced to them from every available corner.

“What do you say, Pastor Steve?” Caleb asked. “You available for New Year’s?”

The pastor grinned. “Absolutely. I’d be honored.”

“See,” Caleb said, turning to Derek. “Pastor. Check. Invitations. Check. Best man. Check. Throw in a cake and some iPod music and we’re good to go.”

“And you’re okay with this?” Derek asked Rachel skeptically.

Her gaze slipped up to Caleb’s, and all she could think was who cared about the details? Marriage wasn’t about the wedding anyway. They both knew it was far, far more than that. “Oh, I’m definitely okay with it,” she said, gazing at her soon-to-be husband whose smile flowed with peace into and through his eyes.

Lifting her lips to his, Rachel closed her eyes and breathed in what it would be like to be his wife, her life melded with his into eternity. Yes, with a love like this, hope itself felt possible in ways it never had before. His warm, soft lips brushed hers, and the knowing in her went deeper still. God was joining them, one to the other in ways she had never known possible. She knew it as surely as she knew the rhythm of her own heartbeat. This wasn’t just a physical thing. No, it was grounded deeply in something much, much more profound.

When the kiss ended, Rachel snuggled closer into his embrace, closed her eyes, and let his love renew her. Never would she have believed this, never would she have had the courage to ask for it, but God had seen fit to give it to her anyway. It was grace if ever she had experienced it.

“Well, then,” Derek said, “I guess we know what we’re doing for New Year’s!”

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The saga continues as Caleb & Rachel prepare to walk down the aisle!

A Moment Like This

Coming December 2016!

Here’s a sneak peek…

Chapter 1

Caleb & Rachel

“Yeah, right there. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Don’t move.” Caleb James carefully angled his side of the oven over so he could get the thing hooked up as Luke Baker and his two sons held it suspended on the dolly next to the cut-out hole in the cabinet. “K. Got it. Let’s push it back to the wall.” He took hold of his edge and guided them all forward until the stove slipped into the space. “Careful. Careful. Down.” It slowly slid right into the spot. “And done. That’s it. Yep. Good job, guys.”

“Ugh.” Luke took a step back before giving the finished product a good, long, hard look. He tested the countertop and nodded. “It’s about time. Done is about the best word I’ve heard all day.”

“You and me both.” Caleb pulled the dolly back across the canvas they had laid out so as not to scratch the hardwoods in the kitchen. He’d been hard at work remodeling Mrs. Murphy, his fiancée’s mother’s house since the beginning of December, which was a good two weeks in the rearview mirror now, and there wasn’t one single thing that had been easy about any of it. “You know a smart man would have warned me what I was getting myself into doing this.”

“A smart man would have given himself more than three weeks to get it done,” Luke said, teasing his friend. “Not that I didn’t think you were crazy before, but trying to get this in for your folks before New Year’s? I think I should have put in for hazard pay.”

“Tell you what, I’ll pay you double of whatever I was paying you before.” Caleb took a sip of his water as Luke did the same with his.

“So double of nothing?” Luke asked with a knowing grin.

Caleb shrugged. “Hey. Sounds good to me.”

“Wonder how the girls are doing.” Luke turned past the opening and disappeared down the hallway as Caleb thanked the two boys for their help. It really was a question what they would’ve done without the Baker family.

“Looking good,” he heard Luke say in the bathroom.

Following his friend down the hallway, Caleb heard them all talking as the light poured from the bathroom from the opening. At the door he put his hands up on the frame and surveyed the work in progress. “So it does actually come down then?”

“Yeah,” Rachel Taylor, his fiancée, said, wiping her forehead with the wrist holding the spray bottle, “with a whole lot of convincing.”

“A whole lot,” Sage Baker said as she stood from the far wall, ripping wallpaper up with her as she straightened. However, about a quarter of the way up, the paper angled off and left a large sharp tip still on the wall. “Ugh. Okay. I am about done with this stuff. Good grief. This is impossible.”

“I thought you said this was supposed to help.” Rachel held up the spray bottle to Caleb.

“I said I hoped it would help,” Caleb corrected her. “Always depends what they put it up with.”

“Well, whatever it was, this stuff is not helping.”

“Well, while y’all were in here acting like you’re working,” Luke said from where he was leaning on the sink, “we actually finished our project.”

Rachel stopped and looked not at Luke but at Caleb. His heart flipped over at the hope sparkling in her eyes. “Really? They’re in? For real?”

Caleb tipped his head and wiped it on his own forearm. “They are.”

It took only that for her to put down the wallpaper removal tools and slip past him. Caleb followed her, and Luke and Sage followed him.

When they walked into the near-finished kitchen, even Caleb had to admit the transformation was remarkable. The cabinets, the backsplash, the hardwoods, and the new appliances. It was hard to believe it was even the same space.

“Oh, wow!” Rachel went over and ran her hands over it all. “Oh! I can’t believe it. It turned out so good.” When her gaze came over to his, Caleb saw the tears as she put her hands up to her nose. “I love it.”

With a soft smile, he stepped over to her and wrapped her in his arms.

“It’s beautiful,” she said as she melted into the hug, and he could hear the tears.

“I’m glad you like it.” He loved the feel of her in his arms. It made sense in a way nothing else ever had.

“I think you’ve outdone yourself with this one.” Sage came over to admire the work. “This really is amazing.” She turned to her husband. “I want one.”

Luke laughed. “Of course you do.”

“Well, the cabinets were all Luke,” Caleb said even as he continued to hold Rachel and rub her back and arm. “It was really a team effort, I’ll tell you that for sure.”

A sniff and Rachel came up. “So what do we lack in here? Not much anymore.”

“The light fixture, which I can put up now, and a table.” Taking a half-step away from her, he put his hands on his beltline and looked around. “And then it’s on to either the living room or the bedrooms.”

“The boys and I can start pulling up that carpet in the bedrooms,” Luke said, standing with his hand on one of the upper cabinets. “We could get that out tonight, and then what would we lack in those? Getting the flooring down, painting, some lights that we could even do after if we had to.”

Rachel exhaled. “I hate that you guys are having to help so much.”

“Eh.” Sage waved her off. “Gets me out of the house for a change. Gives me something to do. I’m just glad Jane could watch the kids for a while.”

“I don’t know. That wallpaper might take more than a while.” One more exhale and Rachel put her head back as she lifted her hand. “Onward and upward!”

“So how are the wedding plans coming?” Sage asked Rachel when they were back to spraying and pulling down wallpaper.

“Not much time for any of that.” Rachel scoured into the paper and sprayed it. “Caleb’s parents are supposed to be coming in on the 28th. His mom said she got her dress today, so I guess that’s good.”

“Have you gotten yours yet?”

“Ha.” Peeling carefully Rachel took down a long strip. “Shopping? Who has time for that? I don’t know. I think I might just wear my flowery one and be done with it.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t do that.”

Rachel shrugged. “It’s not like it’s a big thing. I’ll probably just make the cake. Caleb can wear a suit. It’s not like we’re trying to impress anybody.”

That looked like Sage hated the way it tasted. “Still it should be special. You deserve special.”

“Just get me through the ‘I dos.’ That’s all the special I need.”

A Moment Like This

~ Prequel to the Series Finale ‘Raising Attabury’~

Coming December 2016!

Also Available from Staci Stallings

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The Courage Series

To Protect & Serve {Kindle} {Audiobook}  She’s a control freak. He’s a firefighter with a death wish. Watch the sparks fly when these two get together.

White Knight  {Kindle} {Audiobook} The one he couldn’t save was the love of her life. How can he ever make that terrible failure right again?

For Real {Kindle} {Audiobook} She’s got issues. He’s got secrets. Can they ever learn to be “for real”?

The Friendship Series

Eternity Aaron never noticed Harmony until now. Now, it might be too late.

The Easy Way Out Drew thought he knew what love was, maybe he was wrong.

The Harmony Series

Cowboy One night Ashton Raines walked away from everything.

Lucky One man. One woman. One night that changes everything.

The Faith Series

A Work In Progress Rebecca hated “the beautiful people” until she fell for one. Now what?

A Little Piece of Heaven Emily loves God. Jeremy doesn’t believe in Him. How will this ever work?

A Light in the Darkness One night, he becomes her angel in the darkness.

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Dreams by Starlight Sometimes where you are is not where you are meant to be.

Reunion 10 years later. Everything has changed. Or has it?

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Deep in the Heart {Kindle} {Audiobook} He’s worth billions. She’s penniless. What do they have in common? Everything.
More Than This He was only looking for a cup of coffee and a quiet place to write. She helped him find himself.

Coming Undone {Kindle} {Audiobook} Ben was footloose and fancy-free until he got the call that changed his everything.

The Long Way Home Jaxton is about to learn what is really important in life, and it’s not what he thought.

If You Believed in Love He’s given up on love, but love won’t give up on him.

The Price of Silence Who can you trust when the unseen eyes are watching your every move?

Princess She hated basketball—and him. Could Heather have been wrong about everything?

Whisper If You Have To She’s got secrets. So does he.  Can they learn to be honest together?

Living in the Light Bible Studies

Theirs is the Kingdom Who is your Source? Why does it matter? Meditations on the first Beatitude.

The Two Trees In the Garden of Eden there were two trees, and those trees still present a choice for us today.

The Gifts of the Holy Spirit Seven gifts that can change your life.

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Something’s Not Right One family’s journey through dyslexia.

Reflections on Life 52 real life stories about struggles and victories in this life.

Reflections on Life II 83 new real life stories that challenge us all to reach for the life God truly wants for us.

Reflections on Life III Trials and pain… through it all God is there. Real life stories from the “territory.”

True Power & Real Peace How do you find True Power & Real Peace?

In Print

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Eternity

Cowboy

Lucky

Deep in the Heart

Dreams by Starlight

Reunion

Reflections On Life I

Reflections On Life II

Coming Undone

To Protect & Serve

White Knight

For Real

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A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe with her various Internet and writing endeavors.

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Free first chapters, excerpts, etc.

http://ebookromancestories.com

Come on over for a visit…

You’ll feel better for the experience!