Word of Honor, Book 2
Author: Tiana Laveen
Date: 2015-08-08T04:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Fiction
Description: Word of Honor: A Novel
Rights: Copyright © 2015 All Rights Reserved

WORD OF HONOR

Written by Tiana Laveen

Edited by Natalie G. Owens

Book Cover: Travis Pennington

Copyright © 2015 by Tiana Laveen

Kindle Edition

All rights reserved.

The Literary Lion’s Den, LLC

Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 (five) years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.

Names, characters and incidents depicted in this book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or the publisher.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

IN OTHER WORDS: If you steal this author’s work and illegally share it, you are no better than a thief that breaks into someone’s house while you think they are away. You are a criminal. You don’t work for free, so why should writers? IF YOU STEAL, ILLEGALLY SHARE, UPLOAD OR PIRATE OUR LITERARY WORK, YOU SUCK. PERIOD. POINT BLANK. Thank you and goodnight.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

PLEASE NOTE: This book is the SECOND BOOK of a two-part series. (There are two books in this series.)

1. The ‘N’ Word

2. Word of Honor

The book had to be divided due to a high page count. However, the SECOND BOOK, ‘Word of Honor’, is being simultaneously released with ‘The ‘N’ Word’. Therefore, there is no wait time for the reader and no lingering cliffhanger. Thank you.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Demita Usher.

One of her favorite quotes was, “Do Not Go Where The Path May Lead. Go Instead Where There Is No Path And Leave A Trail…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

…And this is exactly how she lived her life. Demita, AKA ‘Brown Betty’, spoke her mind. She was talented, opinionated, humorous, and had the inner strength to push herself forward, even during times of adversity. She was a talented author, and an avid reader of mine, but she passed away suddenly, leaving many of us reeling and saddened. I dedicate this book to Demita because she supported my writing, encouraged me with funny ‘writer-isms’, and let the world know that she loved my stories. I will miss you so much.

I know you are still writing lovely stories and making clothes for your fellow angels…

Until we meet again, sister.

Love always,

Tiana

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Important Information for the Reader

Synopsis

Warning

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Music Directory

Book Club Questions

A ‘Thank You’ to the Readers

Author Biography

Important Information for the Reader

A short version (a novella) of this story was written and published in the Cross Climax series, written by Tiana Laveen in 2009 and published in 2010. That story appeared in, ‘Cross Climax II’, entitled, ‘The ‘N’ Word’. If you purchased that book and read that particular story, please note that though the premise is the same, this full-length novel tackles the subject in a much more in depth manner and there are MANY changes that essentially make this far more than a revamp of the original story. This book is significantly longer due to there being extensive character development, changes in many of the original details, background information, flushed out scenes, many added scenes, etc. Therefore, it will be a different experience from beginning to end.

Synopsis

They say there are two sides to a story. And two sides to every man… Aaron Pike is one of those men. Aaron is a white nationalist, a Commander in the organization and Nazi who grew up in Frisco City and Gordon, Alabama. He considers himself an activist and purist for the white race in America and offers no pretenses or excuses for his controversial views, affiliations, machinations, and sometimes violent behavior. Despite the common theory or belief that the majority of white supremacists are void of any aptitude and acumen, Aaron is not only intelligent, but also sometimes charming, witty, and funny. He has the power to disturb and fluster with merely a look. Much to no one’s surprise, including his own, he ends up in the prison system, serving a stint for beating a man nearly to death in what is perceived as a racially driven assault.

While serving his term, the recidivist Aaron believes as he’s always done that he will serve his time and be right back out on the front lines of the movement. However, fate ushers him down a different path altogether…

A new prison psychiatrist is assigned to Holman Correctional Facility, and Mr. Pike is forced to delve deep and discuss in detail situations regarding not only his tumultuous past, but his not so clear future. …And the future holds a strong desire to meet a woman he is not only compatible with but one he is determined to make his wife…

Mia Armstrong is an elementary schoolteacher from a conservative, Christian background. She also volunteers at the prison, and is asked to help spread the word about a prison pen pal program. In that process, she runs into Aaron, and before long, the two hit it off. Only there is one problem… Mia Armstrong is African American. The two forge an alliance and that friendship flourishes into pure, unadulterated love.

How will Aaron deal with the truth of his feelings? Can he force himself to hate a woman he adores and loves based on her race alone? Will Mia be able to stay by his side after discovering the darker edge of the man she’s fallen helplessly in love with? Will she be able to offer forgiveness and redemption or will she turn her back on a lost soul who is used to not giving love, or receiving it? Step inside of this explosive novel, ‘The ‘N’ Word’, to find out how this story of unlikely love unfolds.

Warning

Please be advised that this novel delves into topics of an adult nature.

Though this is a love story in every sense of the word, this book covers a gamut of topics that some readers may find objectionable.

These include but are not limited to:

1.   Race, racism, hate groups/supremacy beliefs

2.   Abuse – emotional and mental. Neglect. Domestic physical violence.

3.   Addiction – Gambling addiction, excessive drinking and drug usage

4.   Realistic language, which means there are gratuitous profanity in dialogue, bigoted mantras, xenophobia, and racial slurs.

5.   Graphic /sensual lovemaking scenes

6.   Explicit violence

7.   Descriptions of states of economic deprivation

8.   Mental illness and personality disorders

If ANY of these topics are one(s) that you wish to avoid at this current time, please be advised. Thank you.

Chapter One

THE SKY WAS deep russet orange, the kind Indian summer knitted into a dress and worn for one day to her celestial and split-second seasonal ball. Dark, smoky silhouettes of lazily waving trees almost gave the open field filled with wild, long swards a tropical feel, as if a shred of Paradise that began as a seed had burst from the zoysiagrass.

Marcus slowly slid back inside his white Cadillac as he waited for Go-Go to finish taking a piss by the skinny, winding creek filled with cracked sticks, stones, and shiny black frogs that hopped and croaked about. Go-Go was ruining the day with his lightweight bladder due to drinking since three that afternoon, and dusk had just arrived to the preemptive shindig.

“Gaaaaaaad daaaaaaamn!” Go-Go laughed in the distance, apparently entertained by his bodily functions. Marcus’ long time friend wasn’t no big time boozer, but for whatever reason, he chose that day to test his inebriation endurance, to see how far he could push it, go the drunken distance. He wasn’t the only one…

Earlier in the day, Marcus pushed the envelope too as he filled out countless online applications, made several phone calls that ended up nowhere, and emailed a copy of his resume to over twenty companies during the week in hopes of a prayer being answered, perhaps two. He’d look down at his cell phone every now and again, waiting for a call back regarding an offer for an interview, but that never materialized. He was disappointed he hadn’t even gotten a nibble.

Already, as days had turned into weeks, he’d set his goals lower, much lower. He didn’t care if the job offer was for something down and dirty, completely hands on, workin’ in the heat until his entire body was covered in heat rashes. He wanted just a chance; almost anything would do as long as it was legit and gave a consistent paycheck, a bit of something to help out, make some ends meet.

If overtime was offered, that would be a welcome perk. Money was gettin’ slim to none like the shit was on a fad diet, though friends and family were helping when and where they could. His wife was working double shifts at the hospital as a nurse’s aide and she’d drag herself back in the house at two in the morning, barely able to stand on her own two feet. He didn’t like seeing her down and out like that; that was not what he aimed for.

The woman was young, but silver strands had begun to take over her curly twists like straggly weeds in a forest full of life. He’d assured himself he was the cause of her garden turning gray. Before he’d gone to prison, she was sassy and fierce, and they’d worked as a team to maintain their household and live decently. After he returned home, he’d see darkened bags under her once vibrant eyes. Someone had turned off the light in those beautiful brown pools…and that someone he knew all too well.

As the weeks passed, she’d started to disrespect him with harsh tones and cutting words. She’d left bruises and open wounds with her cutting blasphemies, the kind women hurl at their men when their heart is all twisted and tangled up, damn near broken.

He’d made a mistake… How long would he have to pay?

He soon realized she’d never cheated on him, either. It was pure paranoia on his part, birthed by guilt. Regardless, his wife had changed. Gina had never spoke that way to him before… She’d hardened, changed; she’d turned her back on him though she wouldn’t admit it… and yet, another part of him was certain it was all in his damn head once again. Perhaps he was being temperamental and crazy? Maybe he was just feeling a little apprehensive—wounded pride and all?

Who knew what was true anymore, for the chapters of his life blended into one big hunk of madness glued together and bound with the tape of misfortune. He couldn’t decipher where one life sentence started and another ended. Some of the sections were filled with crushed dreams created from a foolish mistake and others with tall tales or outright lies he told himself just so he could go to sleep at night. One thing he was certain of, though, was that he had to get some cash flowing in his damn household and he had to do it A.S.A.P. He gripped the spongy steering wheel wrapped in burgundy faux leather as his worries caused him mental harm and emotional strain.

“Come on, man!” Marcus screamed out the window. “Go-Go, shit! We been waitin’ forever, been here all damn day it seems. How long it take to take a piss?!”

“Maaaan, I got stage fright for a second… hold on. Was a snake out here, man… She was lookin’ at my shit like she wanted to fuck it, like it was a kindred spirit!” The man cackled. “She was tryna hook up on snakesbook.com. Like Facebook, only fuh serpents! Wanted some of dis big, black python I’m slangin’!”

“You ain’t funny, man. You could’ve gone fishin’, fried it up, and shitted it out by now!” He looked over his shoulder and took notice of their other friend, Corey, slumped down low in the back seat with a joint dangling between his fingers and the whites of his eyes practically the color of fresh bing cherries.

He high as hell…

“I’m hurryin’, shit!” Go-Go uttered in obvious annoyance at being disturbed. “You act like you got some place to go… Where you gotta go, huh? Nowhere, that’s where. We all goin’ to the same place anyway. Relax.”

“It doesn’t matter, you know I don’t like bein’ out here. I ain’t want to go to this party in the first damn place. You talked me into this shit.” He strained a bit in his seat, wanted the man to hear him as he screamed out the open window.

“Like you got somethin’ better to do!” Corey chimed in, too, as if his opinion was asked for, cared about, or warranted.

“This private property… Somebody might come out here shootin’ ’nd shit. Y’all don’t think shit through, always just doin’ stuff and not thinking about what could happen.”

“Marcus, if everyone was like you, we’d never get anything done and be sittin’ around shakin’ in our boots all the damn time,” Corey mocked.

He chose to ignore the man, stick to the true topic at hand.

“Come on, time is tickin’,” Marcus stated around a stifled breath.

“My dick is private property and you ain’t gotta job, you ain’t got shit… Broke ass nigga!” Go-Go joked.

Corey burst out laughing as the fucker shook his penis, stuffed it unceremoniously inside his pants, and made his way back over to the car.

“Shut up, Corey,” he shot the bastard in the back a death glare, sick of his sideway comments as he funked his car up with all that weed smoke. “Yeah, you think that’s funny, Go-Go?” The guy slid on the passenger’s seat with a sly grin on his face and tugged on the seatbelt, getting the slack just right. “You think I like havin’ this situation?” Marcus asked angrily.

“You ain’t got to struggle, man.” The seatbelt clicked.

…Safety first.

“Get on my payroll, man. I already told you what’s up.” The guy winked as if he was the walking embodiment of the golden keys of success… a sure mothafuckin’ bet, a wonderful opportunity slipping away within a blink of a glassy, reddened eye.

Yeah, and end up with another stint in the pen like yo’ ass… Go-Go’s rap sheet longer than an NBA basketball court…

“I ain’t gone hustle out here like you, Go-Go.” He held his head up higher. “That’s not what I’m about… sellin’ drugs ’nd shit…killin’ our people.”

“Here come our very own Muslim, Marcus Shabazz, Malcolm X, Rainbow Coalition, Jehovah’s Witness wannabe ghetto professor on that bullshit!” Corey cackled from the backseat. “We got Farrakhan Ali Jackson Abdul Martin Luther King Sharpton tha mothafuckin’ third up in dis bitch!”

“Corey, shut the fuck up a minute and listen. You might learn somethin’!” He turned faster than that pea soup spitting chick from the Exorcist and glared at the instigating bastard. “I’m gettin’ my shit the honest way…a pay check. Hell, I’mma go back to school, too. I got plans, lots of plans, just got to get a little money first is all to help with the pinch.”

He turned the car on and made his way down the pebbly path, growing impatient and debating on turning that car around and taking his ass back home.

“The honest way?” Go-Go veered back as if he were sitting next to a damn beach-ball-sized tarantula with spit made of hot acid dripping from its uneven, jagged fangs. “Mothafucka, you can kill all dat shit.” He rolled his dark, slanted eyes and got positioned just so in the car once again. “The world ain’t honest. The world crooked as Corey’s front tooth.”

“Yo man, fuck you!” Corey called out sleepily. Go-Go kept on, ignoring the background singer’s protests to his insults.

“You was on the straight and narrow since the day you were born and yo’ ass still ended up in prison! You tried to do a bit mo’e for your family, and ended up gettin’ a sentence. The world ain’t fair, Marcus, ’specially for us! It ain’t never been fair and ain’t never gon’ be fair. This world ain’t fixed up for a black man to make it, Marcus. You livin’ in la-la land. You sittin’ here actin’ better than everybody else, and they put yo’ black, non-offendin’ ass in a jumpsuit behind bars on your first damn offense. If a white boy hadduh done that shit, he would’ve got community service at the most. Ain’t no love for you out here! You better get in where you fuckin’ fit in!”

“This ain’t no black and white issue, Go-Go! This is about doin’ what’s right, and bein’ an example for my daughter… a good example. I done already messed up, I gotta show ’er that we can fall down but get back up again.”

“I got kids too, you know that! Three of ’em.” He placed up three fingers in the air. “They don’t eat from good intentions and best wishes and all that other fairytale, livin’ on a prayer type shit. If I waited on the white man to give me a job, I’d be in a casket or a skeleton sittin’ at his table wit’ my hand out. My kids can’t wait for that shit. I ain’t tap dancin’ for no damn body. I ain’t nobody’s coon! My kids see that in me, and I feed ’em! They only eat from this!” He pulled out a thick wad of cash from his pocket and flashed it around before re-depositing it on his hip. “If I’mma go out, may as well be with my pockets padded, man. Ain’t that right, Corey?”

“Yup, that’s right!” Corey cackled from the back like some deranged hyena, tossing aside the insult laid at his feet just seconds previously.

“Neither one of you is thinking about your future,” Marcus snapped, annoyed about the whole damn conversation. “What you gonna do when you thirty-five man, or forty … fifty?” He tossed a glance in Go-Go’s direction then faced the road once more. “You can’t be still slangin’. Show me one fifty year old black drug dealer out here that’s doin’ alright, all in one piece.”

“Who gives a shit? I gotta take care of today! Tomorrow sho’ ain’t promised. Tomorrow is like a damn Leprechaun. Some say they exist, but most of us ain’t never seen one and if we did, we’d rob ’im for his gold. And if you ain’t noticed, Marcus, aint no retirement account, financial program or fund out here, no 401-K plan, choir boy!” Go-Go teased as he kicked a bit of dried mud off his shoe onto the floor, then smeared his heel around in an attempt to knock off the rest with a nasty scowl on his face, as if he were smelling shit.

“Stop stompin’ that crap all over my damn car, man!” Marcus protested as they made their way out onto the main drag. Both of his friends burst out laughing again, as if each and everything he stated was call for them to roll around inside of a barrel of chuckles at his expense. Like he was a living joke… amusing, silly… a source of constant entertainment.

“Oh, wait, man… pull up in here,” Corey asked as he waved his joint around in the air and pointed to the corner store up ahead. “Let me get some Don Julio.”

Marcus pulled into the potholed and unpaved parking lot, pocked with time. The little store was bright and appeared full of activity and life. An open door was propped open with a cinder block and an Asian man worked the register while a line of black folk held onto slick bottles of liquor, bags of salty snacks, and what appeared to be lottery cards primed and ready to be scratched.

“You got some Don Julio money, man? I told you before that I ain’t buyin’ shit for you that they keep behind the damn counter! You niggas kill me, man! You be havin’ Don Julio taste but be on that discount box wine budget.”

“…It’s actually not. It’s on the side of the register, man.” Corey corrected with a sly smirk on his face, suddenly sounding sophisticated and in-the-know.

“I don’t give uh shit if it’s up yo’ goddamn stankin’ ass!”

“Awwww, maaaaan!”

“Awww man, nothin’! You treat me like a mothafuckin’ sponsor. I ain’t ya goddamn benefactor; get into it, pimpin’! This ain’t no AA meetin’ and you ain’t the neediest kid of all, you stupid ass mothafucka!” Go-Go snapped, figuring he’d be used as a damn teller machine once again by his ingrate of a childhood friend, no doubt.

“Nah, come on man, spot me a few… I’m tryna get some cut up.” Corey winced, as if suddenly in pain and in need of medication. His obvious desperation was setting in from his apparent lack of a reaction to the way Go-Go had cut him down like piles of coke with baking soda before a sale. “I can’t go in there empty handed, all them hoes expect a little hand out. You know bitches aint loyal, don’t wanna fuck fuh free and besides,” he grinned widely, “I got you, man!” Corey tossed his bud out the window and shoved his hand forward, causing his long, thin dreads to sway forward.

“You ain’t got shit!” Go-Go blurted as he slid his hand in his pocket, and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill.

“It cost fifty-three dollars, man… you a little short.” Corey grimaced as he examined the money sitting in Go-Go’s palm, scrutinizing it in an annoyed sort of fashion as if Ulysses S. Grant was doing him wrong. Marcus burst out laughing and dropped his head back against the split red leather of the seat as he fell apart against it, unable to contain himself. Go-Go looked at their moocher of a friend with a heated death glare that wedded a slice of a tilted smile. Would they consummate the marriage?

“Man, you betta get tha fuck outta my face! The only thing that’s gonna be short is your damn lifespan if you keep askin’ me for shit all goddamn day, you slow Ninja Turtle lookin’ dumb ass ungrateful piece of shit!”

Apparently not. Cancel the invitations…

Corey hissed, snatched the money out the man’s hand as if he were doing him some sort of favor by taking the ends, then slammed the car door behind him and stormed away. Then, he paused, and made his way back over to the car and leaned through the window.

“A Go-Go, I almost forgot, man! Guess who called me askin’ about you?” Corey asked after nosily clearing his throat, which sounded clogged by years of built up phlegm.

“Who?” Go-Go’s brow shot up in obvious curiosity.

“Deeeeeze nuts!” Corey cackled then quickly high-tailed it, his baggy dark blue jeans barely hanging on to his rail thin frame as he disappeared from view.

“Ol’ childish, playin’ in a sandbox and swingin’ on the monkey bars, mothafucka! Grown man talkin’ bout ‘deeze nuts’… silly ass! He gotta lotta jokes for someone that’s hooked on broke!” Go-Go yelled behind a smile.

“Indeed!” Marcus rolled into another laugh-induced outburst.

“Hooked on Phonics, too… Every book he got in his crib got sketches, pictures ’nd shit. Yo man, turn on some music.” Go-Go snapped his fingers impatiently as if Marcus were some music maestro stalling an important show. “It’s dead in here; need something to get me hype before the party.” He leaned back in the seat and ran his index finger under his wide nostrils as if sniffing a freshly rolled blunt.

Marcus leaned forward and turned on the radio. The sound of Fetty Wap, ‘Trap Queen’ came blaring through the scratchy car speakers, one of them damn near blown from years of the volume being up way too high with no woofers to protect the sensitive sound.

“That’s more like it. A classic!” The man moved his around to the beat while adjusting his passenger’s seat further back and leaned into the headrest as if trying to touch the backseat. He stretched out his legs then positioned his arm behind his head and yawned loud and obnoxiously, all the while tossing an indolent glance out of his window.

“Man, I ain’t been out here in uh minute. I wonder if Dasia still stay out this way, man?” He cracked a sly grin. “’Member Dasia? She could suck the red off uh brick. Ran dat train! Choooo choooo!” He burst out laughing.

“Yeah, I remember Dasia,” Marcus nodded. He wasn’t proud of the memory, but it happened in front of plenty of witnesses, and he’d had his fun.

I was a different person back then. I think I’m a different person than I was even five or six months ago. None of this even feels right… Who’s party we goin’ to? I wish I would have stayed home…

“I don’t know what happened to her; that was a long time ago, waaaay before Gina and I met and got married. I haven’t seen that girl in a while.” He yawned then glanced toward his rear view mirror, suddenly feeling a bit antsy. Anxiety settled rather uncomfortably, making itself at home in the pit of his gut in as he kept on looking in the mirror.

What was taking Corey so long?

“You know what?” Go-Go sat up a bit as if a novel idea suddenly struck him. “Ain’t this where Clarence got fucked up by that Nazi?” He paused and looked behind him towards the store as if expecting someone they knew to be approaching. At that declaration, a strange heat filled Marcus’ chest cavity, the kind that felt heavy with embers freshly lit for roasting the shit out of a well-intended day…

“Yeah… I believe so…”

Shit, it is. No wonder I was feelin’ uncomfortable, didn’t even want to pull in here. Come on, Corey, damn!

He swallowed and gripped the steering wheel as time tick-tocked away. Here the bastard was again, telling him to come over, even from behind bars… Aaron now haunted him once again. This time, he’d ended up at the scene of the crime thanks to Corey, the tribe idiot. He sighed, closed his eyes and leaned further back in his seat, resolving himself to the fact that he may as well settle down, pretend it was over even though it was far from it. Wasn’t no use in getting upset, regardless of how too close to comfort everything was.

“Maaan!” Go-Go began with a smirk smeared across his face. “You shoulda seen the video of Clarence gettin’ got, Marcus! That big ass white boy tore that mothafucka up, ya heard! He must’ve had a back-up body ’cause I don’t know how he even still alive.”

“Yeah, God works in mysterious ways, I suppose,” Marcus offered while running his hand along his chin in a nervous fashion. He envisioned the victim’s blood all over the damn place; the power washing that had to be done on account of Aaron allowing his true, corrupt nature to be unleashed.

“Shhhhiiiid! This ain’t got nothin’ to do with the man upstairs. They was plottin’ on that mothafucka. I know you never really knew Clarence, but I did… That mothafucka crazy, man. He pulled uh gun out on Mr. Crackajack John Deere and jabbed it in his damn chest. The shit ain’t fire and that big muscle bound mothafucka grabbed that gun like that shit wuddn’t nothin’, put Clarence’s gun in his damn pocket and dragged his mangy ass ’round this place like he was drawing pictures in the goddamn dirt! Kicked and choked the shit outta that mothafucka, too! I ain’t nevah seen nuttin’ like it. He did it all while havin’ a smile on his face, too… ol’ sadistic, sick mothafucka! Clarence had that shit commin’, man, but the video was funny as hell though!”

Marcus shot him a glance, “How could somethin’ like that be funny, Go-Go? Two guys tried to kill each other; ain’t nothin’ funny about that, man.”

“Like hell it wasn’t! You should’ve seen it; we all saw it!”

“I ain’t seen it yet… Who recorded it?”

“It was on Terrance’s phone. He taped the whole damn thing. Clarence kept fallin’ out unconscious towards the end, then that big A.J. Styles lookin’ mothafucka would slap him awake and start up again. It happened so fast but seemed to last forever! That mayonnaise man wasn’t havin’ it. He was givin’ it though!”

“Damn…”

“I know you saw that guy in the news. Clarence must’ve been high or stupid. You’d need uh gang of mothafuckas to take this big, bleached out Billy Bob out! His cheap ass gun jammed and it was a wrap. The white Mothafucka had on a business suit and later in the news, they said he had on a bulletproof vest under that thang, too, that he own some security and bodyguard company… Ain’t that shit ironic? He was waitin’ at the mothafuckin’ do’e!” Go-Go cackled. “I bet Clarence regretted that shit! Dumbest damn thing he eva did…”

“I’m sure he did after the fact…” Marcus sighed and slowly closed his eyes, wishing he could simply disappear.

I can’t believe this… This wasn’t no mutual combat. Aaron told the truth; he’d been attacked and ain’t nobody vouch for his story… They all said he’d started the shit! Aaron was protecting himself… Jesus Christ… He’s in prison for some shit he didn’t even really do. No man should be in prison for this, even if they are Aaron Pike. This wasn’t attempted murder; this was self-defense!

“Clarence always tryna roll up on somebody,” Go-Go started up again. “Welp, that white boy rolled his ass up like a retired magic carpet and flew his ass right into intensive care! Dis yo’ last ride, mothafucka, gurney style!” Go-Go fell out laughing in his seat as if such details truly tickled his funny bone.

“Are… are you serious?” Marcus winced as he stared at the man. Didn’t Go-Go see the injustice here? Didn’t he recognize what had gone wrong?!

“Yeah, I am serious man!” Go-Go said behind eyes full of mirth-filled tears. “Clarence always tryna stick somebody up, rob a mothafucka… He fucked wit’ the wrong one this time but maybe God did have somethin’ to do with it because that honkey, bacon-bit, Aryan-nation mothafucka in the pen now and if Clarence die, he’ll be in there for a long ass time!”

“But… you just said he was defendin’ himself, that Clarence tried to stick ’im up. How is that okay, man?”

“So what?!” Go-Go grimaced. “What goes around comes around, Marcus! This ain’t no Justin Bieber teen heartthrob mothafucka… This man be havin’ Klan rallies, burnin’ crosses ’nd shit.”

“He’s a Nazi… Nazis don’t do that, that’s the Klu Klux Klan and they are not always in agreement or workin’ together. You have to read up on these people, study it. You’d be surprised what you’d find out.” Marcus sighed.

“Only thing I’m tryna study is some money and some pussy. Fuck him, man! That black education and power to the people professor shit you pullin’ right now don’t change shit. He got what he deserved.”

Just then, Corey burst into the car rattling a large brown paper bag. He opened the thing, a big smile spread wide across his face as if he possessed all the joy in the world, one that could be harnessed and placed inside a glass bottle.

“I got some chips ’nd shit, too.”

“I thought you ain’t have no money, man?” Go-Go inquired as he cocked his head to the side, squinted one eye, and lit a cigarette.

“I ain’t have much,” Corey said without making eye contact, though his right eye twitched as the lie flew out of his mouth like a humming bird.

“Lyin’ mothafucka… Start tha car, man.” Go-Go blew out copious swirls of smoke then flicked the ashes out the rolled down window. Marcus stared at his best friend long and hard. He no longer knew the bastard, or maybe he did, but since his mind had changed a dozen times during his incarceration and subsequent release, he couldn’t understand what he was seeing, hearing, and feeling.

Here I am, with a new start, and still hangin’ out with the same motherfuckas that will cause my ass to be RIGHT BACK in there! Why am I even here?! Fuck this shit. He needs to know what’s up.

“Hold up, man.” Marcus sat back in his seat and rested his palms on his jeans. “I was in the pen wit’ that man, Go-Go.”

“Who? The bleach boy?” He cackled. “And?”

“What you mean, and? That ain’t right, man… If he ain’t do what they said he did, that’s just not how shit should go down.”

“What tha fuck you talkin’ about, Marcus Poindexter?”

“Don’t call me that, Go-Go. I’m bein’ for real, here.”

“Don’t call you that, huh?” He rolled his eyes. “You was self-righteous before you went to prison, and you still self-righteous. When you gone come down from yo’ high horse and take off those rose colored glasses, man?! These white mothafuckas out here only see us as one thing, and one thing only—a buncha niggas! Corey, you need to hear this shit, too!” Go-Go sat a bit straighter in his seat, as if class was in session. “Yo’ little simple, Sambo sell-out, Uncle Ruckus ass sittin’ here defendin’ a man that uses black backs for target practice! Ain’t that some shit? Fuck dat nigga, man! Let’s roll out.” He angrily flicked more ashes out the side of the window.

“Who y’all talkin’ about?” Corey asked before busting open a bag of barbecue potato chips and dipping his hand into the thing.

Marcus sucked his teeth and started the car. Pulling away from the place, he bit his tongue, marking his unspoken words. Go-Go and he went way back, but he knew getting on Go-Go’s bad side wasn’t a very good idea. Go-Go was solid gold crazy, and there were consequences, serious consequences, to getting him all worked up and bothered.

Marcus merged with traffic, falling into a waking nightmare as he pictured Aaron behind those bars, knowing damn well Clarence’s chances of surviving were slim to none. The bastard was dying according to lyrics on the lane, and Aaron’s ass would surely be up shit’s creek should that bottom-feeder expire.

But, he had a family to support and protect, and though he was grateful for the strings Aaron had pulled, what was a man to do? He couldn’t snitch; he’d be marked for life. That was simply the code of the streets…

Chapter Two

“AARON, WHAT ARE you doing here?” Dr. Owens had barely gotten his key inside the door.

Aaron jerked away from the guard, feeling light headed and brewing with anger.

“I need to talk to you.” He tossed a glance over his shoulder, a warning… one he meant to go through with if the guard didn’t stop breathing down his damn back. The two men locked eyes, the guard finally getting the hint and leaving a bit of elbowroom.

“Come on in.” Dr. Owens sighed. “Wait out here, please,” he told the guard, who appeared miffed by the announcement.

“He’s been standing out here for a few minutes,” the guard informed. “He’s in big trouble. Tore his cell up… acted crazy. We gave him a drug test; he’s clean. He demanded to see you. Huckleberry let him but after that, he’s goin’ into solitary.”

“That’s fine,” Dr. Owens stated calmly as his office door swung open, revealing a bookshelf full of thickly bound volumes and a window with the blinds half way up, exposing rays of yellow sunlight filtering floating particles of dust. “We had some missed appointments due to my vacation…looks like Aaron needed them,” he mumbled as he placed his briefcase down on a nearby chaise and moved aside to allow room for him to enter.

Aaron paused, looked the guard in the eye, and dared himself to not kick the door closed in his face. After he’d been dragged out of his cell by three men, accused of foaming at the mouth and all sorts of nonsensical allegations from the hyped up ginger who’d appointed himself as ringleader, he was poked and prodded and subsequently placed in isolation. He kept screaming for Dr. Owens…and now he’d finally get to have his say.

“Well, don’t just stand there.” Dr. Owens slowly closed his office door with a click. He did it right in the guard’s face without a simple ‘goodbye’, giving Aaron complete satisfaction—though he wished it had been the ginger, instead. “Have a seat and tell me what’s going on.”

The doctor issued a long drawn out breath, one built on the back of obvious exhaustion. Aaron looked at the chair, then glanced at the painting of the boy in the woods. On a swallow, he made his way over and took a seat. He looked about his office as if he’d forgotten something, then dug into his desk drawer and retrieved a pencil and light blue pad of paper.

“I know what you did to me.”

“What are you talking about? Did what to you?” the man inquired as he looked Aaron in the eye.

“That pen pal thing… you taught me a lesson, right? Pretty fuckin’ funny, huh? You fucked up… That was the wrong thing to do. I don’t trust you anymore, and therapy is over.”

“Aaron, what in the hell are you talking about?” Dr. Owens shouted.

He’d never heard the therapist raise his voice more than an octave or two. This was highly unusual, made him pause… He studied the man intensely, and though his emotions were still a wreck, he could see the forest for the trees.

“You’re tellin’ the truth, ain’t you? You really don’t know.” Aaron cracked a nervous grin, a sense of relief washing over him but with it also came a wave of confusion.

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Aaron, I’ve only got a few minutes but can talk more in depth with you later so whatever is going on, just tell me and we can address it more perhaps tomorrow.” The guy tossed his pencil down, clearly annoyed.

“That pen pal, the girl I liked, the girl I’ve been talkin’ to…”

“The one you’ve been having phone sex with?”

“You said you weren’t listening?!”

“Well Aaron, I couldn’t very well allow you to—”

“Never mind all that!” He waved his hand frantically in the air. “The point is, she’s not who she says she is.”

“What do you mean? You think she’s a man?” His brow rose.

“No, not sayin’ that. I think she’s black and you might even know who she is… a teacher here… Her name is Mia.”

He didn’t miss the way the doctor swallowed and the color drained from his face.

“Aaron, that’s a pretty serious accusation and it would take some time to discuss it, so how about this…?” The man rose suddenly and swiftly from his seat, looked at the clock on his wall, then back down at him. “I will call you in to reconvene this conversation, but right now, I have some meetings and—”

“Fine.” Aaron abruptly got up from his seat. “That’s fine, Dr. Owens… We ain’t got to talk to about it anymore, actually. I just wanted you to be aware of what went down, then. I know it; now you know it, too.”

“You don’t know any of this for a fact though, correct?”

“Nah.” Aaron smirked and shook his head. “I don’t know any of this for a fact, but I know I’ve been lied to and played with… that much I do know. You ain’t a part of this, so…” He shrugged. “I’m back at the drawing board. Call that son of a bitch to come get me, please.”

“Aaron, we will discuss this later. Abe!” he hollered out loud for the guard. The next few moments, he was led back to his cell and ordered to finish cleaning it up. He did so, loading the garbage bags up with tattered and scented pieces of paper. He filled them with her memory; he filled them with his lust, but he couldn’t rid his spot of her scent…

That sweet, feminine smell…

And it took all of him to try and force himself to hate it, but, he simply could not because, as he learned who he was—gave himself form and new definition—that distinctive part of her had become a part of him, too. And now, they could never part…

IN MY ENTIRE career as a clinical psychiatrist and psychiatric professor, I’ve never encountered a situation such as this in my life…

I’ve used a pen pal system for a multitude of therapies: The sick and shut in, incarcerated males and female populations, children suffering illnesses and in need of a friend, and all sorts of people that benefited from such correspondence. The pen pal treatments have been a success over all, as many have remained friends long after the disease or incarceration was over. In case they didn’t, the separation could bring about some of the worst psychological results I’ve ever witnessed!

Dr. Owens sat there looking at Ms. Mia Armstrong in complete and utter disbelief. He was surprised that he was, in fact, surprised. He surely should not have been, for his initial assessment of her appeared to be far truer than the mind could even fathom. The woman wore lamb’s clothing but was a sly wolf—with good intent of course but intentions meant nothing when one was out on a ‘bad boy’ hunt…

Though he tried to cloak his growing concern by wearing a placid expression and a tilted smile of comfort for her heavy confessions, his heart beat a mile a minute after she finished relaying the details of the dire situation. Several tissues later, the woman regained her composure, and one of the more frightening moments she was completely unaware of: She’d just missed his patient, Mr. Pike, by a mere few minutes.

Aaron had exited like a damn hurricane and before the dust even cleared, she’d tapped on his door. What horrific showdown would have transpired if they’d run into each other? He may have exploded, went completely berserk. Or, he may have stood there with a smile on his face, behaved as if he were not moved in the least. Aaron’s struggle for identity left this sort of thing up in the air. He was far from predictable when it pertained to affairs of the heart. Regardless, the truth was clear…

Mia had done the unthinkable, and she continued her charade until… well, until it was no longer a charade at all.

As he looked at the lovely woman, sitting there in a pair of smoky gray yoga pants, white and gold Reebok shoes, and a V-neck gray and white striped shirt, it was clear that no matter what she wore, make-up or not, she was still unbelievably stunning. Her dark hair was pulled back in a slack ponytail, and her eyes were the color of pink flamingos, watery with grief.

“Mia, it is more than apparent that you feel remorse for being untruthful with Aaron. That’s important because if you did not have much cause for concern, you wouldn’t even be here and I’d have an even worse situation on my hands. We can’t negate the facts, however. You essentially were a catfish. Are you familiar with the term?”

She nodded in understanding as she placed a balled up tissue under her nose once more and took a delicate sniff.

He crossed his legs and clasped his hands together, running through a gamut of ideas on how to address the matter not only with her, but in its entirety.

“Mia, as I do with all of my clients and patients, I offer veracity. I am telling you the following information strictly off the books, because you will need it in order for us to proceed. What I am about to do is unethical, I will be the first to admit this; but, sometimes, when it comes to cases like this, people like me have to take a chance. At this point, it could be a matter of life or death.”

The woman cocked her head and gave him a curious look.

“It is unethical because I am about to divulge some private details to you about Aaron but, as stated, you must know these things going forward, so that we can resolve this issue.”

“Yes, I understand, Dr. Owens, and you have my word I won’t repeat any of it.”

“Good. Only honesty can be used when dealing with people that are suffering from delusions of any sort and many times, my patients in fact do live in an unrealistic world that they’ve created, with impractical expectations. This is more times than not done to protect them from harm. Aaron is one of the few patients I have that truly sees things as they are more times than not. Unfortunately, his realistic nature is a double-edged sword. He tends to cling to negative facts and reality, and dismiss the positive. This is in part due to his high intelligence. Men and women who are extremely clever and bright, such as Mr. Pike, are typically very sensitive to their environments. Whatever is going on when they are children is what will oftentimes become a preoccupation in adulthood.”

“Yes, I understand that. I work with children, as you know, Dr. Owens. The children who have parents that read to them and help with their homework tend to do better in my class. The children that are ignored or yelled at don’t do as well, but the ones that aren’t doing well sometimes are not less intelligent.” She balled her tissue a bit tighter in her palm. “Sometimes they are actually more intelligent; it’s just that no one is helping them, no one is encouraging them.”

“Precisely. Aaron’s environment was not set up to foster creativity and celebration of his more than apparent intelligence and, dare I say, resourcefulness. It was ignored and at times made fun of, actually. Thus, Aaron cannot afford the luxury of living in a land of pretend since individuals like him deal with facts and records to figure out things in a timely fashion and strategize. Now, the issue with Aaron is that occasionally, for whatever reason, and it still remains a mystery as to the true motivation, he simply chooses to operate differently, regardless of facts at certain times. He makes a concerted effort to not follow his own script for specific situations.

“This doesn’t match his profile, and it is intriguing to say the least. I have my theories, but they are not important at present. Now, I do not have enough time to psychoanalyze you, Ms. Armstrong, nor did you ask for such a service, but I will tell you this… you’ve possibly done great harm to Mr. Pike in ways that you are completely unable to understand.”

“No, I’m sure that—”

He put his hand up and shook his head.

“No, Ms. Armstrong, with all due respect, you have no idea. You do have a genuine desire to help others, to teach, but you are the one in need of teaching right now.”

She swallowed and looked away.

“Ms. Armstrong, Aaron is—”

“Please call me Mia…”

“Okay, Mia. Aaron is a person who came to me in a very damaged state. I’ve made so much progress with him that I was astounded, quite frankly. I cannot give myself all the credit, however, for he did most of the work; but, the fact of the matter is, he needed direction and for additional doors to be opened. By you suggesting for instance that he speak to a black inmate was also a sense of therapy for him and luckily, the results were not catastrophic, yet, they could have been. You put him in a dangerous situation by doing that.”

“How so?”

“For starters, if he had approached an inmate that had something to prove, he may have engaged in a physical fight with Aaron for doing such a thing—and Aaron knew this. He took the risk anyway. Aaron being spotted speaking to a black person, unless it is a guard, therapist, or other personnel here at the prison, could have him tagged as a traitor and cause him to become not only injured, but killed. He had to be very careful about who he selected and when and where he did it. Aaron is considered a leader in his gang. I call it gang because that’s what it is to me,” he said, pointing to himself. “It is a gang with a cult like mentality and conduct and he helps promote it.

“The problem is that Aaron, in these last few months, has been trying to dissect this conduct and mentality and how he fits into it, if at all. This leaves him vulnerable at the hands of others. He is questioning who he is and why he is doing what he is doing, when previously, he had all of the answers and it was clear to him how he should handle himself and what he should believe. Structure makes Aaron feel safe, Ms. Armstrong. He had none growing up, and he needs and craves it. It was also part of the reason he was attracted to the Socialist Movement.

“There is a clear structure there, away from chaos. When it did become tumultuous, he was put in power to correct it, to make things right again. That is why he was so effective and, in part, respected. As stated, Aaron works with facts and figures and he needs answers. He is solution driven. I purposefully created doubt in his mind by slowly but surely chiseling away at the infrastructure he had built around himself. This was very difficult because he does not allow anyone close enough to do such… but he finally did with me and one other person… you…”

The two glared at one another for a moment or two.

“The problem, Mia, is that when you do not do things in increments with Aaron, and allow him to choose how and when he does things, you run the risk of alienation and reversion. This is why I never forced him to do any exact assignments. Aaron is proactive and will do all of that himself IF and only IF he has the education and curiosity to do such. It was my job to make him curious about it and put the seeds of the desire inside of him. I could not force him, for if you force him, he will simply either resist, or perform and will not have taken the lesson from it. He knows exactly what to do and say to get out of almost any situation as it pertains to things of this nature. If he is not in charge of how and when things occur, he could misunderstand the results and benefits of the experience if something backfires as well. So as you see, he is very complicated, though he appears linear. How anyone deals with him has to be clear and simple, but when dealing with him, the facts of the matter are always more complicated. Additionally, he is secretly attracted to the opposite of what he presents.”

“I… I don’t quite understand the last thing you just said.”

“Mia, Aaron is structure and logic, but he is attracted to art and chaos. He simply doesn’t know it. This ties back into his need to dominate. In other words, he has to feel in control. If he is doing something to make someone else happy, it has to be because he wants to make them happy and it was his idea, at least with respect to how the situation is played out and resolved. Aaron has issues with control. It is a struggle for him because it defines part of who he is. Classification and identification are essential to him yet another part of him loves to write from the heart, which is art. Art is not controllable, Ms. Armstrong. It has been an internal source of conflict for him so he found a way to use it, at least temporarily, to his benefit. He hates that he has this problem, I must add.” He paused and regarded her with a narrowed gaze.

“It is of no surprise to me that he would be attracted to a woman such as yourself, who teaches and writes poetry. You have the same duality that he does; only you embrace yours.”

He didn’t miss the smile on the woman’s face as she nodded in complete understanding.

“Control rules him, but sometimes, he doesn’t want it. Sometimes, he just wants to relax, be calm and live without rules and parameters. But then, if he does, his sense of safety is removed. For him, it’s like jumping off a cliff with no parachute. He will not relinquish one without a replacement ready, willing and able. What you’ve done is made him feel an obligation because he realized he was in love with you. Though he stated to you the experience was positive, now that he suspects the person he has been corresponding with lied about her identification, name, ethnicity and appearance, everything you did and said will be examined and given a negative connotation. The reason for this is because Aaron does not have what we call the racial maturity to be better able to handle this. He suffers from acute xenophobia.”

“Oh my God… I see what you are saying now, Dr. Owens.”

She fidgeted in her seat, undoubtedly realizing she could have undone literally months of hardcore therapy. The anger within him soared at the notion, the damn possibility of all of his effort down the drain…

“At this point, there is no way to put the horse back inside of the barn. He pretty much knows it is you, so unfortunately, I will have to back him into a corner—which could also backfire, but I have no other choice.” He sighed as a migraine overcame him.

“Back him into a corner? This is all my fault!” The woman slammed her fist on the desk as angry tears budded in her eyes. “Dr. Owens, I am so sorry about this! I didn’t… I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I am truly not trying to sit here and pretend to be innocent. I know what I did was wrong; I just had no idea I’d actually have feelings for the man… I promise you that!”

“…I know that you believe what you’re telling me. Ms. Armstrong, motives change over time, even from day to day. We don’t have time to get into all of that; I have to focus on talking to you about Aaron so we can address this, together, as a team.”

She nodded in understanding.

“Now look, Aaron is in flight mode. He is still emotionally attached to you, though. He is able to get himself detached from people by a series of antisocial processes he goes through in order to protect his core. I believe he is able to do this quite quickly, and in this situation, he will get it done as swiftly as possible because of the emotional aspect, which makes him highly uncomfortable. This has just happened, so we have to strike while the iron is hot.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Mia… let me ask you something.”

“Of course.” She leaned slightly forward.

“You said it several times, but I need to be completely certain for my own peace of mind. Do you really love Aaron to the point that you wish to be with him?”

“Yes. Yes I do, Dr. Owens!”

“So, if he were released from prison right this moment, and wanted to be with you, would you do so?”

“Yes, I most certainly would. I know this man, Dr. Owens! Nothing you’ve shared with me just now comes as a surprise. I knew almost all of this; I just could not articulate it the way you have, in a psychological way, I suppose, but I know he is hurt and damaged, I know it… But, he is still very capable of giving and receiving love.”

…You are hurt and damaged too, Mia… Your need to try to alter the ‘bad child’ and ‘bad boy’s’ reality could send you to an early grave, but you desire it nevertheless. You were probably raised in a very religious home, smiled to their faces but behaved sneakily behind closed doors. The true you is a self-appointed savior, but you are attracted to what is dark, perceived as damaged, evil and unlovable… and we both know it…

“Yes, he is quite capable of giving and receiving love and I do not have any reservations about Aaron being in a healthy, monogamous relationship. I think he is the type of person that actually needs one, would benefit from it. He needs to be able to give, as well as an outlet where he doesn’t feel as if he must perform and be judged. Okay.” He sighed and pushed his laptop back a couple of inches. “Very well. Mia, I need to arrange for you and Aaron to spend some time together. I need you to clear your schedule this upcoming weekend to help address this.”

“Yes, of course. Consider it done.” She squeezed the tissue in her grip.

“If I can get Aaron to agree to it, we can try to turn this situation around. I have a rather unorthodox proposal.” He paused, studied her a moment or two, and clasped his hands together. “It will require me to pull in a couple of favors but sometimes extreme circumstances require extreme measures.”

“Where are you going with this, Dr. Owens? I think I know, but…” She swallowed. “Okay…maybe I’m jumping to conclusions. What do you suggest?”

“A conjugal visit…”

“A conjugal visit?” The woman’s brow rose as her jaw dropped open. “I thought you’d arrange for us to meet in your office next week, something like that! He’s never going to do that and besides, we’re not married and Holman doesn’t even allow that. Matter of fact, there is only one prison in the entire state of Alabama that makes provisions but it would never—”

“Let me handle the details, please.” He raised his hand. “There are a lot of things that go on in the prison system that the public is not aware of, or is privy to, including yourself. I am, however. Now, let me make this clear.” He pointed at her. “I am not arranging it so that you and Aaron engage in sexual activity. Under the circumstances, we both know that is highly unlikely, but I do need for you two to be in the same area for an extended period of time, uninterrupted and left with nothing but conversation. Again, Aaron needs to feel safe. That is what drives him as it pertains to things such as this. And, he can only feel safe with you, if he is able to look you in the eye and spend, not just an hour or two with you, but two to three days to help with forgiveness and healing. There are too many layers, and that takes time.”

She dabbed at the corner of her eyes and held up a finger as if requesting him to hold that thought. Mia proceeded to pull out a ribbon wrapped wad of papers. Gently untying the shiny, royal blue string, she let the series of neatly tri-folded sheets spill onto her lap.

“What are those?”

“They are most of the poems I’d handwritten to him, returned to me. I wrapped them up in a blue ribbon in hopes of giving them back to him some day.” She plucked another folded piece of paper from her purse, this one white, and reached across the desk to hand it to him.

He looked at her for a moment or two, then unfolded it, and read the simple words…

I don’t know what to call you anymore, so I won’t write a name at all.

I loved you more than any other woman in my lifetime… I planned to give you everything you could have wanted and needed. I don’t know what’s true and what’s a lie, but now none of that even matters. How could you do this to me? What type of person does this to someone they say they love? I know who you are and what you are. You made a fool of me! Stop sending me letters and gifts.

Don’t ever contact me again.

-Aaron

“Mia, when did you receive this?”

“Not long ago at all. I got it a bit later though because it arrived at my P.O. Box. It was the only address he had for me. I understand that you’d been sending the bulk of his correspondences previously, up until that point.”

Dr. Owens bowed his head in agreement.

“I had kept trying to send him letters to explain, to ask to talk on the phone at least, but the letters kept coming back and then he sent this one.”

…He was having a nervous breakdown and even in the midst of it, he was reaching out to her. A part of him wanted her to make this right, though he knew that was theoretically impossible.

He nodded in understanding from her response and sighed, yet, kept the revelation to himself.

“Well, we have a lot of work ahead of us, and I’m going to need you to do your part…”

“I’m going to do whatever you say, Dr. Owens. I got myself into this, and now, I just want to get him out of it…”

Chapter Three

“YOU MUST BE out of your goddamn mind!” Aaron screamed.

He looked at the man, certain the nerdy motherfucker would sprout two more damn heads. Dr. Owens was quickly becoming an ugly alien, public enemy number two, in his mind. Not only had the man called him back into his office in the wee hours of the morning when he’d finally fallen asleep after yet another emotionally draining day, but he’d confirmed his greatest fears…

Mia was Melissa.

To make matters worse, hints of her perfume lingered in the man’s office, floating about like tiny, invisible ghosts there to haunt him. Ghosts that gave dirty proof she’d been sitting there not too long ago, infecting the air with her lying stench. There was no room or opportunity for talking himself out of the actuality of the situation. It had happened. The good doctor had done some investigative work and admitted to the entire conversation with the woman. He didn’t give many details; matter of fact, Aaron’s questions often went unanswered by a bland response such as, “That’s not important…”

He was tired of people telling him what was and what was not important!

Regardless, Dr. Owens had personally not done anything wrong, but now it was as if the two were working as a unit, buddy-buddy, in love with the notion of forcing him clear over the edge.

“I’m not your walking experiment, do you understand me?!” He pointed in the guy’s direction.

“Aaron, listen. You will need—”

“I DON’T NEED ANYBODY AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T NEED NOTHIN’ YOU OR SHE GOT!” He got to his feet, the chains around his ankles and wrists rattling noisily. Due to him now being coined, ‘high risk’, once again, the four-piece suit had made a comeback. Clattering and clanking, he moved about, unable to go away, but not quite wishing to stay. He stood there as a fraction of a fact, a whisper of his former self, whoever that may have been.

“Try to calm down, Aaron,” the doctor said dryly.

“Calm down or what? Are you scared?” He beamed. “You made sure I stayed shackled this time, didn’t want to chance me goin’ off on the deep end and losin’ it. I know you heard I had a fit, a meltdown. Maybe I’m done… finished, right? I know what the hell is going on here but now you have the audacity to sit there and tell me that, as part of my treatment, I have to stay with this woman overnight. A whole goddamn weekend! Wear a wedding band and pretend I’m married to ’er! No damn way! No fuckin’ way!”

“Aaron, I could make it mandatory for your treatment, but that’s not how I operate and you know this. I would much prefer you do what is necessary on your own.”

“Are you threatening me?” His gaze lowered on the tiny insect with thick, darkly rimmed glasses that surely weighed more than he did.

Yet, Dr. Owens didn’t flinch. He didn’t blink. He simply stared up at him impassively, unable to be read, understood, or dissected.

“I hate you, too…” Aaron took a step back from him, seething with rage. He felt like he had after he’d first met the guy—filled with perplexity and hostility.

“Why do you say you hate me, Aaron? I’m only trying to help you.”

“No, you’re turnin’ this into some circus. I came to you for help, and instead of helping me, you wanna lock me up with this person I met through your pen pal program that blew the hell up in my face. Instead of bein’ sorry about this, you keep pushin’ it! I’d rather be in the hole! Put me in isolation; I don’t care. I’m not doin’ it.”

“Aaron, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

“I’m not afraid!”

“You are afraid, Aaron. It’s okay to be scared sometimes. You are fearful because you still care about her, even after knowing who and what she is.” Dr. Owens leaned back in his seat, real concern on his face. “I know a part of you would like to discuss these matters with her as well. Due to that, I’ve arranged to have you sent to Limestone for the weekend under the guise of a weekend training program. According to my records for Holman, you can—”

“This is bullshit!”

“What’s bullshit Aaron is the fact that I care enough about you and what has happened—the right, the wrong and the good of it all—enough to jeopardize my job!” The man’s voice boomed throughout the small room. “I could lose my license over this! Not over the mistake, but the solution! Yes, you are a walking experiment, but you are the best kind!” He rose to his feet and they hooked gazes, their mutual anger marrying right then and there. “I’m not supposed to be doing this, but it is the only way I can think of to help you! This ties into so much. Do you want to keep on down this path or deal with it?! You don’t run, you ride the storm, choose your poison, and claim your position!” The man’s voice vibrated as the emotions burst through him…

Aaron sighed, crossed his arms, and remained quiet. Dr. Owens was more than his therapist; he was a friend, and they both knew it… So it was time to treat him as such… reluctantly or not.

“Okay, so here is what I’d like to do.” Dr. Owens retook his seat after the calm settled over them. “Limestone Correctional Facility has conjugal visit facilities that most people are unaware of, for a myriad reasons. Most inmates are not allowed to use them, but in some cases, they are in fact permissible. I will ensure that you receive an OK. I would be immediately taken in to fill out some paperwork and then you would be allowed to enter when the prison population is not out in the yard. You’d have complete privacy and anonymity, not including the guard that is designated to stay right outside the door.”

Another surge of anger swelled within Aaron. His eyes undoubtedly darkened as he looked at the man who sat across from him. He tried to stay positive, to dwell within the light, but… the darkness, the blackness… the stark pitch inside of him won…

“You can’t trust me to not to do something to ’er…” He smirked, placing one hand over the other on his lap.

“You won’t.” Clearing his throat, the doctor casually turned to his computer and began to type as if nothing of importance had been stated.

I just made a damn threat and he ignores me… fucking arrogant son of a bitch.

“You don’t know that…” Aaron leaned over the man’s desk, waiting for him to jump out of his skin.

You’re afraid of me. I love it, feed me… feed me your fear!

“I’m 99.99% sure of it, Aaron. You’re a threat to many but to Mia?” He kept his eyes fixed on the computer and typed away. “Nah, I don’t believe that for one second.”

“How can you be so sure, huh?” Aaron slicked the tip of his tongue over his upper teeth, hungry for a confrontation. He’d fast become a drink called ‘Sludge’; he’d never go down easy. “You said I’m sociopathic, cold hearted, violent, and xenophobic, with childhood traumas that have left me fucked up to the point that I ooze with emotional and mental dysfunction. How could you trust a fella like me to be nice to anyone, hmmm?”

“You are predisposed to violence when you feel threatened; you were an extreme racist that is a work in progress. However, you understand the pieces that created that situation in your life and you do have childhood traumas that have left deep-rooted psychological and emotional scars. Yet, I do not believe you are particularly cold hearted and you being a sociopath is still on the table, but mostly off… I’m leaning more towards narcissistic tendencies, but only a bit more time will tell.”

“And yet you’d put me in the ring wit’ ’er anyway. You want me to hurt her, don’t you? You want me to end up in prison for the rest of my days, regardless of my upcoming appeal and all the other bullshit I’m dealin’ with.”

Testing, testing, testing… 1,2,3

“No, that’s not my mission, Aaron, and you know it.” The doctor slowly removed his glasses and set them beside a black, shiny mug. The ceramic mug was plain and so glossy, Aaron could see his reflection clearly in the thing. He looked at himself, his white image against the blackness, the darkness, the blank canvas of night. He stared at it for a long while until he was interrupted.

“My mission, Aaron, is to help you, not harm you. Not everyone is out to get you. Your trust has been violated repeatedly as of late, and now you are leery of anyone and everyone who crosses your path.”

“That’s right, as I should be. So tell me why you think I’d be able to control myself with her, after everything she’s done to me?”

“Because you love her, Aaron…”

Taken aback, Aaron wanted to shield himself from the man’s eyesight so he averted his gaze. A surge of compunction encompassed him, and he couldn’t wish the shit away.

“You still love her, and it upsets you that you do. That despite knowing she is African American, deep down inside you don’t care and… you still desire her. You are upset with yourself that this is in fact truth, and that is what you work with—truth. It’s your compass.”

Aaron turned slowly back in the man’s direction, trying to keep himself together, from spilling his insides right then and there. He was torn up inside, just like her letters that he’d ripped to shreds. He’d ripped apart all but one…

Regardless, everything the guy said was accurate, dead on the money. Dr. Owens knew him so well, it scared him at times… and this was truly one of those times.

“I can’t be in love with no ni….” He paused, slammed his fist into his own gut. He witnessed the doctor’s eyes widen from witnessing his self-abuse, yet he felt no pain from his self-administered mighty blow. He wasn’t even sure what had caused him to attack himself like that—maybe to dim and distract the agony that mingled inside of his tattered heart. “I can’t be in love with no black woman, Dr. Owens,” he stated woefully. “I can’t be in love with her; I just can’t, and that’s all there is to it.”

“But you are, and that’s what you need to focus on.”

They were quiet for a moment.

Aaron looked towards the doctor’s window. It appeared as if it was going to rain. Maybe a storm outside could disguise the typhoon within him. Before him, the doctor sat, waiting. A soft, blue layer of grief poured over him, one he’d never felt before. It seemed as though someone had died… perhaps it was him?

“You know, I ain’t been able to call out ’er name?” The blues in his heart played music at his eulogy. “I ain’t been able to get her out my mind.” Aaron looked down at his lap then back at his therapist, stuttering a bit over his awful confession. “I reckon it’s the Southern gentleman in me.” He smiled sadly. “My daughter’s mother, well, I get real angry behind her back, behind closed doors, but when she and I are face to face and my daughter’s standing there, I don’t disrespect ’er. I don’t say nothin’ bad to her.

“Not ’cause she a woman, not ’cause she’s worth respectin’, but ’cause she’s the mother of my child and I can’t go around doin’ that, letting my kid see me behavin’ that way, you know? My daughter is watchin’ me, listening. Kids don’t care what we say to ’em, you know, as far as what to do and not do, unless it matches up. Laura is watchin’ what I do. I want her to be proud of me, know she can depend on me. She can’t trust me if I talk bad about ’er mother. That’s her mother, you know?”

Dr. Owens smiled and nodded in understanding.

“I can’t hate people that have done things for me, given me stuff I needed. I tried to hate Laura’s mama, but couldn’t, even after all the mess she took me through. I sure as hell don’t like her, but she gave me my child, so,” he said with a shrug, “in some ways, it was worth it. Now this here, this Melissa, Mia…whatever.” He turned away and shook his head. “She gave me somethin’, too.” He nervously scratched the side of his head. “She made me think about things differently. That was a pretty big deal ’cause nobody could, ’cept you and her. I consider myself a logical, rational thinker, you know?”

“Yes, I know.”

“I gotta have stuff make sense. Emotions don’t make any sense, so I don’t too much care for them…but they came and got me anyway.” He laughed mirthlessly as he looked down into his lap. “Yup, yes sir. They came and got me anyway. I done fucked around and fell in love, Dr. Owens…” A tear streamed down his cheek and his fake smile grew larger as more and more waves of shame enveloped him. “I done fucked around ’nd fell in love with a black woman!” Another tear fell, blurring his vision. “That’s the joke of the year; hell, the damn century, ain’t it?” He laughed a bit louder; this one came from his gut. “That’s why I didn’t want to see ’er, be alone with her, Doc. You were right… you’ve been right ’bout 95% of the time.”

The man in front of him smiled sympathetically but let him keep on talking.

“I gotta address this… yeah.” He’d come to a decision, pushed his concerns aside. “That’s a good idea.” He exhaled deeply.

“Address it? So, are you agreeing to meet her?”

Warm waves of saliva accumulated inside his mouth as his misshapen, raw nerves became practically shot to hell.

“The way I see it, whether you said so or not, Dr. Owens, I don’t have a choice. I’m making myself do this,” he pointed to his chest. “I don’t want to, but it seems almost necessary. It’s my choice, so I’m choosing to take care of this, once and for all.”

“You need closure. You need answers,” Dr. Owens said in a kind, level tone.

“I don’t know exactly what I need, to be quite honest with you. I just know what I don’t want… and I don’t want to hurt like this anymore—to feel this pain—so I need to look her in the eye and tell her how I feel. Guess I was wrong. I do know what I need after all…”

MADISON COUNTY HELD the largest prison in the entire state of Alabama. Limestone Correctional Facility had 2086 beds and had had its share of controversy over the years. Mia had been to the place twice previously. Once, to visit a relative who’d gotten in over his head, and another to assist in a teaching program, by invitation only. The place was much colder than Holman, and it wasn’t due to the air conditioning being set too high. No, it had a barren, sterile feel to it, a non-welcoming air about it. Some of the reasons were more than obvious. The staff was stretched to the limit and the sense of unity was non-existent.

Regardless, she wasn’t there to make friends, but to look a man in his fiery orange eyes and get down to the nitty-gritty. She was there to unburden her heart, to tell him the truth. Dr. Owens had given her precise instructions that he’d reiterated must be followed to the letter.

She prided herself on memorization, but she had a sneaking suspicion emotions may get in the way. Regardless, she’d do her best; she owed everyone, including herself, at least that much. When the night fell at 8:00 P.M. that Friday evening, she was to enter the facility with a special badge and be escorted to an area only for married couples. The attached building reminded her of a small apartment complex. From the outside view, all of the many windows had eggshell colored blinds and paper white curtains drawn together, closing off the inside from the rest of the world.

She journeyed up a flight of metal stairs, her mauve and gray paisley bag in tow. With each step she took, her heels clicked against the steel steps, creating a loud clanking noise that got her nervous heart to racing. She didn’t dare look right or left, only straight ahead. She could feel the uneasy glare of several armed guards watching her every move as she continued on her way until she saw the unit in question: C7-D.

Removing the key provided by the front desk staff from her pocket, she slid the thing inside but not before glancing down at her wedding band. Yes, it too was provided by Dr. Owens. The man had been quite meticulous about the most mundane details of the matter, but had not disclosed what he’d done and said to get things the way they currently were. It troubled her when she obtained news that Aaron had agreed to meet her, and at the same time, it filled her spirit with immense joy, too.

The lock clicked, disengaged, and she slowly swung the door open. Taking a few steps inside, she closed and bolted the thing behind her. The place smelled of cleaning solutions, reminiscent of Windex and lemon dusting spray all rolled into one. She looked around the modestly decorated place.

The walls were stark white and one large window stood to her right. A beige couch that was definitely from the 1980s sat there, sad and sunken, an old coffee table with peeling faux wood in front of it. On top sat an artificial plant arrangement, the green leaves glossy from a recent wipe down. A television rested on an entertainment dresser and alongside it, a small silver CD player with three musical selections beside it.

She let her duffle bag slide onto the couch and clutched her arms, feeling a slight breeze. Perhaps it was all in her mind. But, she confirmed the source a few seconds later when she directed her attention towards the ceiling and took note of the open vents that allowed the cool, blustery air conditioning to enter the place and freeze it almost solid.

I’ll have to find the thermostat and turn that down.

As she made her way around the couch, she soon stepped into the small dining room to find a small round table with a bowl of fruit atop of it. Much to her surprise, the assorted crimson apples, oranges, and ripe bananas were real. She smiled at the display, taking it all in, then leisurely turned and entered the kitchenette area.

The room was spic and span. Decorated in various shades of green, it was unusually small, making it almost impossible for the white refrigerator to be opened to its fullest extent. Once she managed, she took note of the case of generic brand water inside, a loaf of white bread, a small, unopened jar of peach preserves, and four small cartons of vanilla yogurt. On the shelf sat a stick of butter, a dozen eggs, and a small carton of 2% milk. She closed the refrigerator and plucked open one of the cabinets, taking a peek inside. A box of Honeynut Cheerios sat there alongside a salt and pepper shaker. On a shelf just below it stood a jar of peanut butter and two tins of sardines in mustard and hot sauce. A clear container there contained straws and napkins, and in the adjoining cabinet she found four plastic bowls. In a drawer right below it were the utensils—some plastic, some metal—all clean and ready for use.

On a sigh, she made her way out of there, through the dining room, and stood before what she presumed was the bedroom. Briefly closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and circled the doorknob with a slightly shaky palm, revealing the area.

Much to her surprise, it was absolutely gorgeous. To the left, up against the wall she took note of a Queen sized bed with stark white sheets, pillows, and a fluffy, thick comforter to match. White throw pillows with fringe were tossed in between the oversized shams. The room smelled like fresh linens and, to add to the beauty, a small vase of fresh daises had been placed on a small desk in the corner. The room also had a small television, an older model, the kind she grew up viewing in her parents’ home. Beside it was a DVD player and two movies, one of which she could clearly see was titled, ‘Men in Black 3.’ The remotes to the items sat on a nightstand beside the bed, next to a white, elegant wicker basket filled with assorted condoms—all brands, styles, and sizes.

She drew closer to the bin and took a peek inside, tipping it a bit towards her. Her face cracked with a tilted smile.

“Is everything to your liking?”

“Ahhh!” She jumped in the air, practically losing her footing and inhaling sharply. Bracing herself, eyes closed, she rested her hand along her chest.

“My apologies, Mia. The door was open and I told you I’d be over before he came. He’s downstairs, actually.”

“Yes, you did tell me that, Dr. Owens. You just…” She slowly opened her eyes and swallowed. “Never mind, yes, everything is fine, just fine. I haven’t seen the bathroom, but I’m sure it’s fine, too.”

“I believe it’s right over here.” He stepped back, allowing her room to maneuver around him. He then walked ahead and opened a nearby door down the short hall. “Yes, here it is.”

She made her way past the man and looked inside. Rather tiny, it was nevertheless clean. An unopened, Irish Spring bar of soap sat on the sink and the other on the bathtub, along with three rolls of toilet paper placed on a short, metal pole, awaiting use. More products included a Suave Refreshing Waterfall Mist shampoo bottle and matching conditioner, along with four white folded towels, washcloths, and two hand towels. She opened the toilet and took note of the shimmery, deep blue water…

The housekeeping definitely wasn’t lacking…

How odd that the place was so clean, yet could still make one feel so dirty… This was an area used to see a loved one that was missed, a place to reconnect and be one with them after months, perhaps years of absence. Yet, in this case, it was about to be used as a meeting room for one of the most uncomfortable conversations she was certain to have—a place to unleash their secrets, to possibly fall apart. She was there to speak with a lover she’d never seen, touched, felt…

But no, that was actually completely untrue.

She’d seen Aaron… She’d seen all of him, and loved him anyhow.

She’d touched Aaron… and he touched her back…

She’d felt that touch via his letters and his smooth, silky words through the phone… he’d already made love to her, and she’d already made love to him. They were connected in a way most could never understand. Articulating it was damn near impossible but one word did come to mind, time and again, and that word was…

REAL.

Their love was real, authentic, un-beautiful, yet perfect.

And now, she was a real sitting duck…

He’d become a stranger, a man who wanted nothing to do with her and had warned her more than once to keep away. Yet, she simply could not. She turned towards Dr. Owens, who stood out in the hallway, the distinguished fellow with the glasses and serious expression, and said what was on her mind.

“Dr. Owens, I don’t expect Aaron to suddenly want me, to be alright with all of this. He isn’t interested in black women, I know that. Even if he resolved himself to no longer being racist, and I trust he was almost there, him having an attraction towards a woman like me is near impossible considering everything. I’m not here for that; I’m being realistic.”

Dr. Owens gave a nod of understanding.

“I’m here to ask him for forgiveness for lying to him, for not being upfront. I know I may not get that; matter of fact, I’m sure I won’t but hopefully, in time, it will help him along his way. With any luck, this experience will open his eyes… I just pray I haven’t messed everything up, that it’s not too late.” She hung her head, hating how everything had ended and came to be.

“Aaron can’t suddenly want you, Mia.”

“I know that.” She slowly lifted her head, a bit miffed that he’d once again stated the obvious truth, echoing her words.

Didn’t it hurt enough when I said it?

“No, you don’t understand me.” The man offered a gentle smile as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “You can’t suddenly want something that we’ve already established is desired.”

She simply looked into the doctor’s eyes and then, her face broke out into a smile.

“Mia, he fell in love with the person that you are, not what you look like. Don’t you see? I have no idea what will happen between the two of you. What I do know is that he is quite angry but equally perplexed. He wants answers. At this juncture, this is a private moment and a private matter. I just want you to be honest with one another; that’s crucial. No more secrets. There is no need for a performance, either. I simply told you some things you needed to know about him from a mental standpoint, so that you can watch those triggers, to not set him off. When he first walks through this door,” he said, pointing behind him, “you need to listen and not do a lot of talking. That was my advice. After a while, when it feels right, then, begin to engage him more. Aaron is struggling with this. This is life altering for him.

“Just watch out for certain cues. If you sense him getting angry, back off. He will self correct. If you sense him wanting information or answers, oblige him. If he wants space, give it to him; do not push him. If he wants to leave, we will have to respect that as well. Other than that, just be yourself… because that’s who he fell in love with, Mia. No hardcore rehearsing or briefing needed…He fell in love with the real you… so, that’s who he needs to see tonight…”

AARON STOOD OUTSIDE the door with a gigantic bullfrog caught in his damn throat. He hadn’t been out of the watchful eye of the prison system in what felt like an eternity, but here he stood, outside the door of the place with his small luggage bag in tow, and a shiny, thick wedding band on his left ring finger. A guard stood behind him and one above him on a different floor—two black men with hard, serious expressions on their faces. He was certain they’d push a bullet in his ass faster than he could turn in a circle and say, ‘Boo!’

He exhaled, closed his eyes for a second or two, then rapped on the door. Just as he had been told ahead of time, Dr. Owens opened it.

“Come on inside, Aaron,” he said solemnly as he turned his back and walked towards a couch that sloped in the middle. He immediately paused, his eyes growing large as he sought her, searched for her… She wasn’t in sight, but her scent mingled with the natural odors of the place…

She was close, so close! His damn body craved her, mixing in with his angst and hatred for her all at once. He was sickened by the experience; his head throbbed with complete confusion and his skin jumped from his worked up nerves. He paused and inhaled the air so hard, he nearly passed out. On a swallow, he began to back away, as if ready to flee. But then, he closed and locked the door behind him, losing his sense of time and place. Slowly but surely, he looked around the apartment, checking out his unfamiliar yet tranquil surroundings, then walked near Dr. Owens, his bag in tow.

“Go ahead and place your stuff wherever you wish for now.”

Aaron looked about, deciding the floor was just as good as any other place. He reluctantly released the handle of his sports bag, and it made a small thud as it hit the floor. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he rocked back on the soles of his dark brown loafers…

Fucking loafers on his size twelve feet… they were what Dr. Owens provided, and told him to replace his combat boots with. He wasn’t certain why; this was no damn date…

“You look much different in civilian clothing,” Dr. Owens chuckled as he took a seat. “You look really good, Aaron, especially for a man that supposedly wasn’t trying.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t miss the man’s sarcasm.

“Nice haircut… I see you left a bit of a shadow on your face. Why is that?”

Aaron looked away.

“It’s okay; you don’t have to answer. Anyway, Mia is here. I asked that she give you and me a moment alone before she comes out.”

Aaron nodded in understanding, though he couldn’t help but wonder where she was hiding out at… and then he noticed a shadow by a backroom door…

A dark shadow against the light, yet inviting, so inviting…

She moved about, her ear no doubt up to the door. For a split second he felt sorry for her, but he got over that fairly quickly as his thoughts morphed into incensed bursts.

“Here is the deal, Aaron. You’ve agreed to this, so I need you to understand that this is about you and her talking and discussing whatever it is that each of you need and want to say. It’s an open forum. With that being said, however, if you feel overwhelmed, I need you to do what I asked you to do, okay?”

“I won’t feel overwhelmed.”

“Aaron.” The doctor grimaced and crossed his arms. “There is no time for that right now. Drop the act. You have to be open.”

Aaron ignored the man and looked towards the window. The white, partially sheer curtains blew back and forth from air that was pulsing through the place.

“What did I ask you to do Aaron if you feel out of control or upset to the point that you are unable to pull yourself together?”

“…to call you.”

“Right, to call me. My cell phone will be on 24-7 this weekend. I will stop whatever it is I am doing to answer it. I am here to walk you through this process, and help you get through it. There are no expectations, do you understand me?”

Aaron showed his agreement with a gaze, then shot a glance back towards the bedroom door to catch the fidgety shadow moving about, blocking part of the threshold.

“Okay, good.” Dr. Owens slowly got to his feet and made his way towards the front door. He opened it, and as he proceeded to close it behind him, he looked over his shoulder and whispered, “Sometimes the answers to our problems truly are black and white…”

Chapter Four

HER FOREHEAD RESTED against the bedroom door as she heard the front door close and lock. She barely understood what Dr. Owens had said; everything seemed jumbled and mumbled but when the voices stopped, she knew the tide had come in, the seasons had changed, and they were alone… all alone.

She’d assumed she’d be filled with excitement, chomping at the bit for the wonderful opportunity to perhaps make things right. Rather, trepidation crept within her like tiny fingers from some ghostly intruder. On the other side of that door existed a broken up world that she didn’t know. There stood an inmate… an inmate she’d look in the eye, one she’d tell herself she could go on with or without. A man stood out there, dripping in distorted philosophies that disgusted her to the point that she didn’t walk away; no, she made it her mission to try and reform and mold him, help him give birth to a new way of thought.

Lies.

You wanted that man…

And then you fell in love with that man!

When are you going to stop lying to yourself and tell the truth? As soon as you saw what he wrote in those letters, the way you pulled each other in, you were hooked! You seduced one another! You don’t have the guts to open this door. You know what lies ahead for you…

On an abysmal breath, she prepared to enter the realm of the unknown. But, before she could make her grand entrance, a deep, husky yet terse voice broke the stifled silence like a bomb exploding in a world previously only filled with cottony clouds wrapped around quiet thoughts.

“Damn it, get out here!” his voice roared, seemingly shaking the walls. “We’re both here. I know you’re there; let’s get this shit over with!”

AARON WAS SICK and tired of his mind and heart arguing about who would win the war. He stared at that bedroom door as the damn thing cracked open just a sliver or two. Slowly but surely, a figure slid out until she was fully revealed. She cupped her hands, one over the other, raised her chin high, then looked him dead in the eye.

“Mia…” His lips moved when he told those bastards to stay put. At the sight of the beauty, his heart burst with surprising elation.

She’s so fucking beautiful!

Then, truth came and tore him away from the moment. Antagonism soared in his tightening veins just as quickly as the blood flowing through them and the shit began to clot at the sight of her. The woman stood there, poised, firm—yet a touch of fear dwelled in her syrupy eyes. He scanned her, falling into repugnant lust as he took notice of the perfect curves framing her body—small waist and long legs that went on for prison days… and that was a long damn time. Her shiny, full lips called to his dick in a sexy whisper.

“Aaron…”

She stood there in a long red sundress… antagonizing him, teasing him, torturing him. A vent above her head caused the skirt to lightly billow around her, along with strands of her long, dark, wavy hair. Her light caramel skin had a healthy glow… skin he was supposed to hate, but instead, craved to caress, touch, kiss, and mark as his own.

He tried to hate her, everything about her, but he failed before she’d even been in his presence for thirty seconds.

His breathing accelerated as they took careful steps towards one another, drawn to each other, moving bit by bit. His feet kept going, when he told his body to be still!

Stop it!

He chastised himself as another rapid tumble and roll of anger moved inside him. He felt damn near schizophrenic. The fight within him was becoming too much.

“Why?!” he yelled at her, feeling pressure in his skull as his voice wrapped around the question and cracked like glass. He’d told himself what the hell he was going to do and say to the woman, but nothing was going as planned… so from now on, this shit was coming straight from the hip. “Why, Mia?! Why did you play these games with me!”

“Because I—”

“And it better be the truth!” He jammed his finger accusingly in her direction, keeping his distance now as he feared his anger would escalate.

“Because I genuinely liked you, Aaron, and didn’t know what else to do!”

He looked away from her, turned his back, needing a break from looking into her damn eyes. But, she just kept on talking.

“Initially, when I first wrote to you, I didn’t tell you my real name or any of that because… because I figured we’d talk on and off for the year you were scheduled to be incarcerated and that would be the end of it, you know?” He looked back in her direction. “I didn’t know…” She paused, her voice choked up as she covered her mouth with trembling hands and her eyes watered. “I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you, but I did!”

He turned back around, away from the sight of her. How could he bear to hear her words? No, that didn’t make sense… how could it? How could she truly love him? Knowing who he was and what he was capable of?

“Aaron, please!”

Her footsteps echoed behind her as she raced towards him, closing off their gap, locking him in, and then… her felt her small, warm hand touch his shoulder. He shook her off like a damn tree branch that had grazed his body, then stepped away. A sense of violation encompassed him.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me.” His hand shook as he pointed in her direction.

“How can I not? Never mind that… Aaron, everything but my name and physical description, as far as my race, were true. Everything! How I felt… No, how I feel for you is real!”

“No, it’s not. It couldn’t be. You’re a liar, remember?! I can’t believe a word that comes out of your damn mouth!”

“It is true, damn it!”

“What? True that you’re in love with me or true that you’re a liar?” he taunted.

“Both!”

For a split second, he almost burst out laughing… but he reeled it in.

“You can’t tell me how I feel!” she screamed. “You have no right to tell me how I feel, Aaron!”

“I have every right to do and say whatever I want to you!” He stormed up to her, got in her face. The woman’s chin tilted a bit higher as she put on a brave face, but her body quaked ever so slightly. This time, he didn’t enjoy the taste of fear…

Yet, she didn’t blink, but stood firm, unwavering.

“And that’s too bad, now isn’t it?” he sneered. “I don’t trust you, don’t want you, don’t need you.” He stormed away and slumped down onto the couch to stare at a blank television. Her reflection was cast upon it as she simply stood there, glaring at the back of his head. Several moments later, she joined him, sat on the other end of the thing.

“Aaron, you can be mad at me for not telling you my name and all of that, but I’ll be damned if I will apologize to you for being black.”

“I never asked you to.” He refused to look into those eyes of hers as he steepled his fingers under his chin.

I might need to call Dr. Owens. I’m trying not to, but I think it’s time for me to go. I felt such rage for her just now… but I also felt… Never mind any of that… I just need to get the fuck out of here…

“I won’t apologize for trying to help you, for sharing my life with you, for lovin’ you, all the parts of you. I didn’t love the ugliness inside of you, but that ugliness was because you were hurting. I understood you, even when others told me I shouldn’t. I believed that you loved me… I believed that you were sincere.”

There’s the phone right there on that mantel. I could just stand up and make the call…

“I knew despite what you’d been doing, there was hope for you. I saw it in your letters… I saw the real you in your letters and they screamed at me; they spelled it out!” She lunged for him, grabbed his wrist. He looked down at her hand, the light brown flesh gripping his fair skin. “They told me that you didn’t hate me because I was black! You hated me because people that looked like me had caused you pain, and you came from a world that told you it was me against you… but it isn’t! It’s just you and me, Aaron. I wanted us to be a team, to work together!”

“That’s the thing.” He slowly lifted his gaze and dared himself to look at her once more.

How could God make somethin’ so damn beautiful and the Devil make me hate his creation? She’s a damn field of wild flowers…look at all that freedom and love and light in her eyes… they look like dollops of honey… She’s a walkin’ symphony, and I wanna hear her solo…Stay on track, Aaron…stay on track.

“Trust is a big thing with me, Mia. Once trust is violated, I can’t… I can’t go back.”

Why am I not calling Dr. Owens?! Why am I explaining myself to her?

“Aaron… Listen to me, please.” The muted tone of desperation limped across each syllable that spilled from open, slightly moist lips. He could see she was trying her damndest to make this right, to make it better…

…Yes, make it better, Mia…

But he wasn’t sure that she could. Not now, not ever.

“What I did was wrong. There is no other way to cut, dice, and slice that reality and turn it into something else, something good. I won’t pretend otherwise. But you have to understand that initially I knew I wasn’t supposed to participate in the pen pal program, but hardly anyone was signing up. I wanted to help, so I did it, and I figured there would be no harm in using a fake name and identity. I’d just be your friend, someone to talk to, and then it would be over.”

“But what about when you realized I was serious and wanted more than a pen pal, Mia? Why didn’t you stop and tell me the truth?”

She rubbed her hands together and averted her gaze as if she, too, couldn’t bear to face him a moment longer.

“You had plenty of opportunity. We’ve been correspondin’ for about six months. In that timeframe, I wrote forty-eight letters to you, Mia! Forty fucking eight! You wrote me forty-two, not including all the ones I sent back to you recently. You had almost fifty chances to tell me the truth and now you want another? Well, fuck that shit!”

And then, he withdrew from her, delved within himself as if an internal stop sign had been thrust into his face. Her face tensed, relaxed a little… and then some more. Like a spider finishing the last of its web in preparation for the perfect prey, the black widow admired her work…

Fuck.

I’ve busted myself. She knows now; she knows just how much I adored her. Well, of course she does, but that’s not the problem here. The issue is that I still remember everything and I can’t seem to let it go!

“I don’t want a 50th chance. I just want this time with you, to talk to you, to make you understand. I just want your forgiveness, Aaron. It could make all the difference.”

“How so? So you can have a clear conscience? Do you know that some guys would have killed you over something like this? I’m serious, Mia!”

You know I’d never hurt a hair on your fuckin’ head… You’ve weakened me, woman…

“I know that now. I wasn’t thinking this through and I will keep saying that to you until it finally sinks in, Aaron. I need this; we need this so that you can look me in the eye and talk to me, just like we’re doing. I don’t expect us to get married and run off into the sunset. It’s obvious that you can’t see past many things concerning me. My race is forcing you to no longer even see me as a whole, flesh and blood woman, and then you have the nerve to act as if I should have been totally happy with telling you the truth after I realized I had feelings for you! Why? So you could reject me and call me a damn nigger?!”

“That’s a goddamn lie!” Something within him snapped and called it quits. His brain throbbed in his damn head as he looked about, frenzy in his limbs, needing something to grab a hold of and destroy. He reached for one of the little plaid pillows on the worn couch and tossed it furiously across the room, knocking over a damn lamp. The thing wobbled back and forth on its axis then hit the ground in a crash, the bulb shattering and spraying shards of white glass here and there. It wasn’t the only thing wrecked, crushed, and falling apart…

“I saw you, Mia. No, I didn’t see you in person—at least I thought I hadn’t, had no picture—but I saw you in a whole different way. I wanted you, would have done any fucking thing for you and that’s where the problem lies. I wouldn’t have cared if you were heavier than you said you were, or had blond or red hair versus black… To me, those are little white lies…”

What a strange choice of words…

“But you lied to me about something you knew was a damn deal breaker. I was honest with you from the beginning, Mia. I told you what the hell I looked like, what I wanted, and how I wanted it served.”

“…And I cooked it for you just as you ordered and gave you seconds and thirds, goddamn it.” Her voice was steely cool, London gray and full of fog, and the natural glimmer, the dark twilight that swam in her eyes, was slowly dissipating right before him.

She’s something else, isn’t she? Fiery, conflicted… She’s got a mean streak… Stands up for herself when she’s had enough. I don’t like it… yes I do… She’s falling apart, too. A bit peculiar, sly, strong… playing a sweet role. Or maybe both sides are her and it isn’t a role at all? She doesn’t have to be all or nothing now, does she? Maybe, just maybe, she is like me, and that’s what I loved about her all along…

“I gave you a warning, Mia.” He moved away from his deliberations and jumped back into the exchange, promising himself he’d not derail the conversation again with silly thoughts and sideline analysis. “I told you to not play games with me. Soon after we connected we were telling each other all sorts of things, personal stuff—I let you know that. I knew I was falling for you, so I kept giving you chance after chance to leave me alone before we got in too deep.”

We got in so deep, I drowned, and I can swim very well but it was no use… Goddamn you… You’re so fuckin’ sexy…

His eyes languidly scanned her form…

… Call Dr. Owens, Aaron. Call him before it’s too late.

“I told you everything about me for God’s sakes! I had Dr. Owens mailing the letters for me ’cause I could trust him to not read them. Security in the mailroom would’ve seen what I was sayin’ to you if I had continued to send them that route. They could have used it against me in some way, so I was vigilant… but I wanted you to know me, Mia, really know me. I thought you wanted to know me, too, and then we talked… and I dreamed about you… I dreamed so much about you Mia.” He narrowed his gaze on her, caught in her cleavage, and wouldn’t let go. “And I let you know what was happening with me every step of the way and you still fucked me over.”

He leaned in close to her, so close, the woman trembled as her back pressed against the couch.

“I didn’t fuck you over, baby… I didn’t!” Her voice finally rang free after allowing him to rant and rave for the past couple of minutes. But then she cut the rope and let the words escape. “I fell in love with you and didn’t want to hurt you.” A slow tear cascaded down her cheek. “I was jammed up, stuck. My lie caused trouble, but my truth was gonna set you free! So I tried!” Another tear and then another… “I saw you were all messed up inside, Aaron! You were tormented and picking yourself apart. I teach! It’s what I do!”

“You sure as hell taught me a lesson, now didn’t you?!”

“I wanted to turn my back on you when you told me what you were doin’, who you were affiliated with. Your ideas literally sickened me!”

“Then why didn’t you leave me the fuck alone, huh?” He caught a whiff of mint on her breath… For whatever reason, the more she spoke, the more he gravitated towards her, loving her sweet, sultry feminine voice, loving the things she said… the expressive yet coherent words that came out of her mouth.

“Why didn’t I leave you alone? Because everybody needs love and another chance and besides, I’d already seen your heart. Who would I be to think I’m better than you after that? I knew you had an opportunity to turn this around, and something inside of you wanted it. Aaron, I’d seen the potential in you, and you proved me right.”

“You don’t know any of this…none of it at all. It could have been wishful thinkin’ on your part.”

“No, it wasn’t, Aaron. Day in and day out, I study children and their potential. I can look at a child after spendin’ a bit of time with them and I know almost instinctively what gifts they possess. I like to bring that out of them, encourage it.”

“I ain’t a child…”

“This is funny, because I had the same conversation with a few people that mean a whole lot to me. I’ll tell you, like I told them. In some ways you aren’t, in some ways you are, ’cause you gotta take baby steps to completely turn your life around, Aaron…baby steps.”

He looked at the woman, and his heart plummeted in his chest at her revelation.

“You aren’t like everybody else and neither am I. I got past you being a Nazi.” She reached for him once again, and this time, he didn’t push her away as her fingers caressed the side of his neck, touching…kneading and rubbing the skin covered in a swastika. “And instead, I saw ‘Nice’… I got past you being Aryan, and I saw ‘Aaron’… I got past you being a Socialist, and I saw ‘the Sun’!” The woman’s face was wet with tears—so many tears—and his damn soul swelled with renewed life and faith.

Those tears are for me. They aren’t for her. They are her hopes and dreams for me!

“I’m black, you’re white, and to that, Aaron, I say so what?” She shrugged. “God made us like this and I’ll be damned if I’m going to question it. I love my skin, my frizzy hair, and my curves. I love my heritage. I’m a black woman with a dash of Creole from my mama’s people who came from Louisiana. We got a little French in us, but baby, we’re black and proud.” A sad smile creased her face. “When it’s time to go home, Heaven and Hell won’t be segregated, Aaron. I hate to break it to ya, but it will be divided totally differently and God ain’t gonna treat us like laundry. He gonna divide us by how we done ourselves and done others!” She swiped a tear from her eye.

“When I look at you, I don’t see your race, Aaron, I see your heart, you know that? When I go to sleep at night, I see a rainbow inside of you, but it doesn’t look like a normal rainbow, baby.”

What’s it look like, baby? But he kept his mouth closed…

“This rainbow shines and glimmers from your electricity, your gorgeous mind. Those fiery eyes that prove you got the Devil’s spit and Archangels glow inside of you all at the same damn time. This rainbow has colors ain’t nobody ever seen before but they’re yours, and I’m yours too, baby, and those colors flyin’ inside of you are mine too, you hear me?! ’Cause you’re mine, Aaron!!!”

She pointed directly in his face as her voice rose to a hauntingly loud level, one that he couldn’t believe could come from such a beautiful and delicate looking lady.

“And I don’t care what the hell you say! YOU’RE MINE TOO, ALL MINE!”

That’s it! Enough!

Snatching the woman into his arms, gripping her hard and unsteady, he crushed his lips to hers. They tumbled down into the sinking gut of the broken spring couch. He closed a hand over the back of her head, feeling the texture of her tresses against his fingers, the strange… oddly beautiful curls. He’d never touched a black woman’s head before, a sacred part of the human body, yet here he was… crowning her in his own special way.

“Shit!” he screamed out between hard, rough kisses until he’d slicked his tongue within the confines of her warm mouth, tasting that spearmint he’d just smelled. He wiggled in and out of her mouth, administering more and more urgent affections that he couldn’t reign in. She ran her hands roughly over his short, cropped hair and neck as her tears continued to pour and pour, moistening his face, cleaning his dirty soul. He delicately swiped some away with the side of his thumb, but he was distracted by how fucking good she smelled, the softness of her mouth against his own, and the strange yet alluring coarseness of her hair as part of his face pressed into the tress-filled bounty.

I can’t get enough of her!

He tugged at his pants and readjusted his cock as it poked out to tent his slacks. The woman reached between their grinding bodies and pulled up her damn sundress, exposing a pair of silky, vermillion panties.

Red… my favorite color…

“I hate you for making me love you! I love you for making me love you!” he yelled as he lavished her face with more kisses, trailing down until he’d reached her perfumed collarbones. The sound of fabric ripping echoed throughout the room as he tore at her, ravishing her like some gift he’d waited years for… And perhaps he had. “I can’t stop! I can’t stop lovin’ you, Mia!”

“I need you, Aaron!” She clawed at him in return, leaving a burning sensation along his skin from the tips of her long, light pink colored fingernails until his shirt was finally completely ripped away…and then, she paused. And… he paused, too…

As if a funeral were suddenly in session…

Burning cross ashes to burning cross dirty ashes… Nazi flared dust to Nazi flared dust…

She took a shaky finger and traced a deep, dark, pitch black Nazi symbol over his right pectoral muscle… and she did the same to many, many more ink symbols. He kept himself up on the palms of his hands, watching her tears continue to fall. There were no angry outbursts; he simply allowed her to see him, explore him, all of him…

“You still love me now, huh?” he asked harshly between clenched teeth. “Am I everything you ever wanted?” He seethed, flooding with more anger, this time at himself.

Through her eyes, he witnessed the sorrow, the pain, the disgust that his flesh was causing her. She kept on touching him, as if that would make it all go away. Swallowing his pride and their pain, he lifted her off the couch and carted her towards the bedroom. She wrapped her body against his, so tight… so close… so warm. As she buried her head into the crevice of his neck and locked her ankles around his lower back, he wasn’t sure where she began and he ended.

He practically broke the door off the damn hinges, made it swing open so hard that it bounced against the wall in a loud, echoing crash, and causing white flakes of plaster to splinter and fall like snow against the low, tan carpet. His frenzied emotions pushed him on, propelled him forward to toss her down on the bed so hard that she bounced a time or two.

He stepped back from the woman only to see her roll over to the side of the bed, her clothing half off her damn body, exposing an ass cheek he wanted to grip, hold, and claim as his own. She’d apparently set up an mp3 player prior to his arrival. Maybe it calmed her nerves, soothed her. When she turned it on, Otis McDonald’s ‘Fingers’ began to play. He’d heard some of the black inmates playing it out in the yard…and he liked it.

“Hey, can you turn that up some? The guards are gonna try to overhear us… I heard about them. They do dirty shit like that.”

She nodded and raised the volume.

“Music soothes the savage beast.” She winked at him as she offered a sexy smile.

Yes, but aren’t you one, too? You mind fucked me, and I allowed it… and I liked it…

“You think I’m a savage beast?” He reached for his belt, slipped it quickly from the loops, and tossed it onto the ground. His slacks and underwear soon followed. Mia immediately dropped her gaze to his dick.

“Doesn’t matter if you are or not, as long as you’re not one with me…” She slid the rest of her dress off; the thing barely hung on to her flesh.

He took steps towards Mia until he was sitting beside her. He looked her in her eyes, the ones now devoid of tears, only full of hope. Unable to wait a moment longer to unwrap the salty, sweet caramel candy before him, he slid his fingers under the crimson, lacey bra straps and lowered them further and further down her arms until the whole experience had melted her with his mere touch here and a soft trace there. Neither one of them broke their locked gaze… neither turned away for a long, long while. His chest heaved as choppy breaths escaped his slightly parted lips. In a way, it felt so surreal, so strange to be next to the woman in such a way but in another, it felt completely natural.

He looked down at her exposed breasts, at the deep caramel, large, soft mounds they were…

…She was honest about that…

With a gentle slide of his thumb, he flicked her erect nipple. A soft murmur escaped her lips; she closed her eyes and her breaths quickened. He circled the fleshy nub, over and over, counterclockwise, and then reversed until he fell prey to his natural instincts, no longer able to control himself. Gripping her around her waist, he pressed her down flat onto the bed, knocked her legs apart, and engulfed her nipple into his mouth, drawing on the soft tissue. She moaned and hissed beneath him as his hand roved over the other. Slowly, slowly, slowly… His eyes closed, he experienced her to the fullest.

He bore down onto her sweetness, relishing the moment as the suppleness of her breast practically stole his breath away. He’d arrived. Though the ride had been bumpy, unpredictable, and the journey destined to not happen at all, something else was at work. Perhaps fate? Here he was, next to the woman he’d loved before he’d even felt her lips against his own. Her raspy moans sent him over the edge, made his head throb with anticipation.

Lifting himself up, he looked up at her face, locked gazes again, as he flicked the tip of his tongue over her nipple, again and again until her eyes fluttered and rolled. The nub grew impossibly harder as he damn near swallowed it. He cupped her other tit with both hands, keeping the lovely thing steady as he had his way with her. Lazily moving across her form, he delivered the same treatment to her other breast. Her stomach pressed against his as it caved and released in quick spasms.

He paused for a moment and cast his gaze towards the small bedroom window. The curtains were drawn, but he knew if he opened them, a guard would be standing close by on the iron stairs in the back of the place. He could almost pretend that they were unrestricted, that they were a couple, free to come and go as they pleased… He looked back down at the woman and traced her shoulder with his fingertips, then moved his way down to hook his fingers around the lacey, red fabric of her panties. Tugging around her hips, he inched them down, then… he ceased for a spell, sat back on his knees, and brought them to his face.

He inhaled the scent, eyes closed, clutching the flimsy material in the palm of his hand…

Pussy…

Oh how he missed the smell…

His lips curled in a devilish grin as he cast them aside, having a thirst now for the real thing. She twitched beneath him as he pulled her thighs further apart and sucked his lower lip at the sight of her shaved love with a thin trace of a landing strip. Slick with anticipatory wetness, his dick thickened, ready for battle. He licked his lips and reached for her slick, pink clit. He rubbed it gently, feeling the wetness of the tender thing against his skin. It was swollen and covered in her natural honey, and he wanted more of her, so much more.

Getting comfortable between her legs, he wrapped his hands around her soft, rounded ass and brought her closer until her plush, tawny pussy lips bumped into his mouth. Extending his tongue, he licked upward, then down, then in tight, slow circles. She squirmed in his grip, bunching the white sheets as he took her in, tasted that fucking pussy, and loved every drop she delivered to his waiting, hungry mouth.

He licked all over her drenched gate, his mouth covered in her gratitude. Pinning her to the bed, he thrust his tongue inside of her.

“Ahhhh!” she cried out.

Her hands gripped the sheets as he plunged even deeper. He retreated briefly then placed his mouth over her pussy to gently pull at her fattened lips. Releasing once more, he lavished and sucked her clit, creating a vacuum like sensation, determined to make her cum. His fingertips sank deep into her skin as he pushed her harder into his face, barely able to breathe… but did he need to? He could simply die this way; it would be a beautiful ending, indeed…

“Aaron… Aaron!” She arched beneath him like a tumultuous wave.

She’s almost there…

Shoving his index finger inside her love, he pushed it in and out, rotating it, moving it within her with the sole mission to make her explode. It didn’t take long however for his dick to grow jealous of his mouth and digit that got to enjoy her tight, warm, wet confines. Her moans grew so loud, she brought on within him a series of slight pelvic spasms, as their excitement blended and became one.

“Aaron!”

And when she screamed his name, that was it… Her warm, delicious nectar poured into his mouth and he drank her medicine, the taste causing a near overdose of the euphoric kind. “Oh…God…” She slowed into a jerky crawl, her lower stomach compressed then jetting out with each choppy sigh.

“Are you on anything?” he muttered as he laid a tender kiss against her lower left jaw and ran his hands through her now wild, untamed hair.

“No. No I’m not.” She paused and caught her breath.

“I don’t have anything; just like I told you in my letters, and you can call Dr. Owens if you want to verify it…he’s got my medical records.”

She nodded in agreement and pulled the sheets up her body, covering herself as if she’d caught a chill.

“You want me to use something though, right? We probably should…just to be safe.”

“Yes, we should.” She agreed.

“Alright, let me go look around in here and see if they have any rubbers anywhere in here. If not, we’ll come up with a plan B.” He pointed towards the bedroom door, prepared to walk out and do a bit of exploring in his time of need.

“Wait. I already saw some in here.”

His brow rose and a slight grin creased his face.

“Oh really? Where?”

“There are some condoms in that basket right there on the nightstand. I accidentally covered it with my purse, sorry.” She pointed to their left and his eyes immediately seized the partially obstructed carrier. He reached over, brought the thing onto the bed, and rummaged through the collection until he found what he needed.

Here they are, XL Trojan Magnums. Good, they have more than just one or two in here…

Placing the gold wrapper between his clenched teeth, he ripped one open and slid the lubricated, rubbery disc out. He placed the basket back down onto the nightstand and, positioning himself just right above her, he rolled the condom down his engorged length. Her eyes went right to his exposed cock, not the least bit ashamed of how she stared at it as he slid the thing on.

I’m proud of my shit. Keep staring all you want.

“You… are…uh…rather big.” She smiled ever so slightly and rose on her elbows, do doubt ensuring she got an even clearer view.

“Mmmm hmmm…” was all he offered as he cradled her head in his arm and pushed her back down onto the bed with his body, kneeing her supple, soft thighs apart. “Damn…” he uttered throatily as he inhaled her perfume once more. Tender, sweet pecks… She smiled up at him, and he down at her, until their kisses grew stronger and more urgent…

He reached between their slow, grinding bodies, gripped the head of his cock and pushed it past her pussy lips, prying them apart to introduce himself to her sugary cell—but not just yet.

Stroking up and down, slowly but surely, something inside of him killed the leisurely sway of his hips. The gentle way in which he handled her no longer appealed to him… No, his body and mind had come to a new conclusion, and in that secret meeting, secret discussions took place that required immediate action. Something within him turned deep and angry… resentful, but wanting. The desire haunted him, grew teeth, and demanded a rich flavor to savor…and Mia was the main course.

“Ahhh!” she screamed out as he snatched her off the bed, dragging one of the white sheets along with her, partially wrapped around her body until it fell to the floor. “What are you doing? What are you doing?!” she demanded.

Ignoring her urgent wails, he slid her high against the wall like a damn painting, while inside he seethed with pain and love. He angrily kicked her thighs apart with a hard sway of his knee and grabbed her by the fucking throat to keep her in place, like a picture… The damn Mia Lisa… Mona Lisa had nothing on her…

They looked into each other’s eyes, both their breaths deep and erratic. He could see she knew what was going to happen; he’d given her a warning without one word uttered.

Once I do this, that’s it… no going back. God help me!

“Uhhh!” He surged within her, heated up inside and out with intense passion and indignation.

“Oh… shit! Shit! I can feel you so deep inside of me! You’re fucking me so hard! Oh God!” Her nails sank deep into the back of his neck as he grabbed her legs, forced both of them to the far right side and pinned her in place while he pounded upward within her, over and over, fast and hard as steel. Impetuous grunts escaped his lips, harsh sounds that surprised him with the irrepressible passion they reflected. It was her; Mia brought this out of him. This ravenous, animalistic urge…

“Fuck!” he roared.

…Another damn set-up… The woman had apprehended his mind and seized his heart, and now she’d taken his body, too. Being inside of her was like being captured and then set free, only he thrust back within her as fast as he could, for he never wanted to be out of her world and body, ever again.

The. Pussy.

Was.

Too.

Fucking.

GOOD.

… And he knew, after that first thrust, he was done for…

Chapter Five

HE’S ANGRY … BUT I know why. Let it out, Aaron, let it out. I’ve been waiting for this for so long…

So long…

“Aaaahhh!”

Mia suddenly came to a crossroads when she caught an eerie yet seductive intensity dancing in Aaron’s eyes. He shoved his massive dick in and out of her, never ceasing or appearing to slow or become tired. She wanted to say something, ask him what the deal was, but it felt soooo good. Shit, it felt great and his lovemaking style was, oddly enough, both unpredictable and expected.

She’d never been taken in such a passionate yet brutal way… so harshly, yet with tender love. His eyes would glow one moment, as if small candles were lit within the irises, and then the next, they’d turn to the darkest smolder, as if the light could be extinguished just as quickly, gulped by a shadow of the night. She could feel him deep inside of her in more ways than one; he was taking her apart, digging in deep. Every inch of his manhood pushed, pulled, and prodded, sure to leave a mark or two in the morning.

He was not gentle with her—no, not at all—but she could not say his lovemaking was based on exacting revenge, either. Even in his intensity, he showed glimmers of care, caution to not go too far. But… he definitely wanted her to feel it, to know he was there, to remember his name and make their sexual frustrations burst free and the love making they both sought a reality. He had a big dick, a big ego, and a big love for her. Period. Despite all that she knew about him, Aaron remained on some level a lovely enigma…

Forcing her up the wall, he cradled her crown, protecting her head from the harsh pounding he administered. The man had her pinned, protected, and predominated, ensuring she didn’t fall from grace, from him, or from herself. Pausing, he drew slowly back, then thrust again inside of her, causing her to gasp and hustle to get a grip of her very essence. Her body trembled as a flood of orgasms built within her as he stared into her soul. The mad wave came tumbling forth from her temple, overwhelming her senses.

It was time to be honest once more: Aaron scared the living hell out of her at that moment. The danger in him was so thick and foreboding, it ran clear fingers along his horrific tattoos, kissed them with seals of approval, then moved around their borrowed bedroom like a thick vapor from some ship in the night, never lifting and allowing her to see the light of day.

I’m in love with a maniac…but I can’t let go and I don’t want to let go!

Still, she knew she’d been right all along. He was very much in love with her, too; so much so, he both hated and loved himself for it. He didn’t have to say it; as with their secret letters back and forth to one another, it was written all over his face. He knew her name… and still loved her. He knew her race, and still loved her…

And she was no longer the ‘N’ word in his fiery eyes…

“Uhhhhh.” She lost her grip as he hastened his pace, delivering cavernous plunges that took her breath away. He pushed her back into position, then laid a gentle, most delicate kiss against her cheek as he caressed her chin with his index finger and thumb. Wrapping her legs around his back, she locked her ankles in place, and then… nearly passed out…

“Ahhhh, ahhh!”

“You like that, baby?!”

“Yes!”

She’d been wrong.

He had not been giving her maximum impact—no, he’d moved her legs in a way that had stopped him from thrusting as deeply as he could, until now…

“Ahhh, Oh God… Aaron…” She wasn’t sure how much she could take as he rocked hard within her, teeth gritted, pushing his entire cock in and out of her harder and faster at each pass. The slight discomfort and immense pleasure merged together, crafting an extraordinary concoction as he stroked her good and hard.

The.

Man.

Could.

Fuck!

He was a force to be reckoned with. Expertly, he moved his hips, pushed in and out, around and around, keeping a steady rhythm that left her more than gratified. He nestled his prickly chin in the crevice of her neck then began sucking her flesh, slow and hard.

“Mmmmm…”

She ran her fingers over his scalp as he devoured her neck like a vampire in search of her very life force. He poured everything in her; she could feel it from the way he moved, from the monstrous, ferocious noises he made and the intermittent light sighs when it seemed to all become too much. Every now and again he’d slow down, look her in her eyes, and let his gaze talk. Those eyes said everything that he could not.

She moved and grinded her hips to his movements, joining him fully in the experience—not wishing for him to feel or believe that he was alone in this sensual voyage. The sweet ache between her legs dulled as her pussy relaxed, became more accustomed to his size and delivery. Her pussy throbbed and held him in, held him close, and it cursed the notion that the loving he showered her with would eventually have to end.

“This isn’t a mistake; we’re not a mistake,” she whispered in his ear as he found a good tempo and kept at it. No, this man needed a reminder, just in case his brain started to wander and play tricks on him.

He slowed then stopped, his gaze piercing and somber. He gripped her jaw like a child refusing to pay attention. “I know that.”

Their lips almost touched as he spoke those three words. She took a good look at his face up close and personal; he was perfect in his own way. Hard, beautiful jawbones, dark brows, cropped hair, ears that showed signs of being previously pierced and a layer of thin sweat that covered his brow and gathered in his cupid’s bow.

“You ain’t no mistake, Mia. I’ve known that some time after the truth came out, before I even agreed to come over here. That’s been part of my problem with wrapping my head around this thing. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s gotta make sense, because it’s right, and it’s happening.”

“Not everything or everyone can be defined, Aaron.” She leaned forward to kiss the tip of his nose, forcing a slight smile to crack his previously stern expression.

“I’m where I’m supposed to be, doin’ what I’m supposed to be doin’, and gettin’ what I’m supposed to be gettin’. You’re a lesson learned and a gift earned, Mia.”

“So are you, baby. So are you.” She shivered as her orgasm unleashed.

“I’m declaring you as mine now!”

He thrust again without warning, taking her off guard.

“Ahhh!” Her back hit the wall repeatedly as every perfectly molded muscle in his incredible physique appeared to tighten and stiffen against her. He cried out, as if he were falling apart within her. Wrapping a heavy hand around a fistful of her hair, Aaron yanked on her tresses a time or two as he came so hard and rough, their bodies banged against one another. Despite having on the condom, she could feel the warmth within her as he shot inside of the thing.

His hips compressed in rapid fire as the last of him released until he was completely spent, with no more to give. After a few seconds’ rest, he mustered the strength to pick her up in his strong arms, laid her delicately onto the bed, and slid beside her. Aaron pressed his lips against her forehead as he cloaked their naked bodies with the comforter and wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her near…

An hour later, she awoke, not realizing she’d even fallen asleep. When she came to, he was looking down at her, smoking a cigarette and wearing a crooked smile. Ringlets of smoke rollicked about his form, producing a surreal image, as if he had been on fire and was just freshly extinguished. How odd; how strange the way the room appeared to make way for him, carve him out a special space and frame his limbs with linear smolder…

“Do you know you look like a damn angel when you sleep?” He blew out a cloud of smoke, lazily turned onto his side and tapped a few ashes inside of a pewter ashtray before facing her once again.

“No, I didn’t know that. No one has ever told me that before.” She smiled up at him as she rubbed her eye with the back of her hand and sat up straighter to better take in the view.

“I’ve never seen somebody look so peaceful when they’re sleepin’, like you didn’t have a care in the world. But,” he cocked his head to the side and expelled a loud sigh. “We both know you got a lot of cares, a lot of concerns, so that ain’t true… you just look okay despite it all.” He pulled her close, so close, and wrapped his muscular leg, covered in dark hair, around hers, possessively pinning her into place.

Don’t ever let me go…

“I only made one mistake when it came to you.” He looked towards the window, hidden by heavy curtains, which afforded them the privacy they so needed. He then slowly set his gaze back upon her as he ran his fingertips up and down the curve of her hip.

“And what was that?”

“If I had known what was waitin’ for me, how wrong I was about so many things, I would have gotten myself together a hell of a lot quicker, got to the bottom of my own shit. If I’d done that then I could have been open to finding you sooner in my life instead of wastin’ all this goddamn time. ’Cause I been waitin’ a long while for someone like you, baby… a real long while.”

Framing the sides of his face in between her palms, she made him stare her in the eyes.

“I’ve been waiting for you too, Aaron. I just didn’t know it until I fell in love with you. I would’ve liked meeting you sooner but everything happens for a reason, when the timing is right. I tend to think things happen the way they’re supposed to, you know?”

“I’m not so sure about that, baby. I think sometimes we get in our own way, screw everything up. We make our own realities and live by our own rules, even though most think that shit just happens to us out of the damn blue. Ain’t no such thing as random. Most of us just don’t figure the shit out until it’s too late. I don’t buy any of that shit. Yeah.” He blew out more rings of smoke—perfect ovals, thick and airy, that made her fall into a quick daydream and drift into another layer of comfort.

I wonder what secrets of his they are carrying away?

“Nobody is promised tomorrow, honey… nobody.” He said the shit grimly, but how could she argue about such a thing?

“That’s true.”

“So, that’s why I say I made that one mistake. I shoulda met you sooner, Mia, so I coulda loved on you longer.”

He offered a deep, husky laugh, paired with a drop of melancholy, the kind that made her pussy pulsate and dance to the rhythm of his words. His sexiness was mixed with something that simultaneously tickled her anxiety, got her fur up like a cat afraid to round the dark corner. Even his damn laugh could make one afraid. There was something unnerving about him, the way he hid his true self from the world, blended in when desired and morphed into whatever he needed, whenever he desired. He had an uncanny way of controlling his urges… but now, he was exposed, willingly showing her his sparkling wares. You could look at the man and never know for sure what he was thinking; but he’d let her in and she could see both the beauty and the horror within him that she knew were for her eyes only…

“Why are you lookin’ at me like that, beautiful?” He smiled down at her and caressed her shoulder, drumming his fingertips against her skin to the beat of the music.

“You scare me a little, Aaron, but I know you’d never hurt me. That sounds strange, doesn’t it?”

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and his lips twisted in a partial smile. “A little bit, but I suppose I can understand it.” He tapped his cigarette in the ashtray once more. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of though, sweetie. I don’t hurt the people I love. I’m loyal to them, take care of ’em, and I don’t love that many people Mia so…” He shrugged. “That makes it much easier for me to manage.”

She nodded in understanding.

“I don’t like that though.”

“You don’t like what?” She sat up a bit higher in the bed and fluffed her pillow before settling back again.

“I don’t like you tellin’ me you’re afraid of me. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. All of my adult life people have been afraid of me and I liked it, I fed off it. I still like it; I don’t think that’ll be changin’ anytime soon and I’m fine with that, but I don’t want the woman I love to feel that way… that ain’t right. That ain’t right at all. You supposed to feel real comfortable ’round me. I need you to help me work on this, help me change it so you feel okay.”

“I don’t believe it’s your fault, Aaron… it’s just something I’m picking up on. It could all be in my head, but…” and then she drew quiet as she stared at his cluster of intricately designed tattoos. “I still know deep down it’s not directed towards me, but whatever it is inside of you that I think I see, that I think I feel, seems real.”

“What do you think you feel?” He placed the cigarette to his lips once more, causing the embers to burn as bright as the fire in his eyes.

“Coldness… aloofness, like you could turn on a dime and not care at all.”

“Hmmm.” He smirked. “You might be right, but I can’t have you feelin’ this way, Mia.” He kissed the side of her neck as he tugged at her body and a slight growl, dipped in what sounded like definite lust, escaped from his lips.

“It’s just that we’re so connected is all. We know each other, but there is still so much more to learn.”

“We’ll get there… we’ll get there, baby.” He leaned over her and pressed his lips against hers, allowing the yearning to finally have its way. He slipped away from her for a brief spell to extinguish his cigarette, then, without a second’s notice, lay on top of her and wiggled slow and easy between her legs. The head of his cock bumped lightly against her zone as he increased his pace.

“Mmmm,” they jointly sighed. He teased and teased her, forcing his throbbing groin into her own, but never pushing further, delving inside, entering her.

“I love how you feel inside of me… I never felt that way before, not with anyone else.” She gripped him by the shoulders to press him down onto her, uncaring that his heaviness perhaps would consume her. Resisting her pull, he offered himself the right hand of freedom until he had her damn legs wrapped around his neck, and then let her arrest him once more, in the most intimate of ways.

“Ahhhh… baby!” she cooed.

He gripped her right leg by the calf, kissed up and down her ankle and massaged her lower stomach with his other hand until his fingers had wandered to her pubic bone and floated against her pussy lips. He was quiet for so long, so very long, and then, he smiled and laughed lightly as he continued to stroke her…

“You’ve got a beautiful body, you know that? God knew what he was doin’ when he made you. Whew.” He whistled as if doing a catcall.

“Thank you.” She winked up at him. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Yeah, I like it, but it ain’t the first time I took a look at it… I saw you at the basketball court, Mia.”

She swallowed when a feeling of shame washed over her for the umpteenth time. The inner dispenser of mad self-judgment reared its ugly head and reminded her once again of the abysmal, unethical crime she’d committed.

“You did?” she managed to choke out.

“Yeah, that’s part of how I’d put two and two together, actually. You see, I asked one of the guy’s there who you were when I saw you lookin’ at me, starin’… and he told me your name.”

She nodded in understanding.

“I’m ’bout to tell you somethin’ … somethin’ I thought I’d be taking to my grave.”

“What?” Her brow rose with the utmost curiosity.

On a deep breath, he traced her right collarbone, and glared at it long and hard, too. “I was attracted to you right then and there… I knew it the instant I saw you.”

She tried to hide her smile, but it proved damn near impossible.

“I hated it, you know?” He gazed at her. “It wasn’t the first time somethin’ like that had happened though. I’d seen other black women from time to time that I thought were attractive. It didn’t happen a lot, but it did every once in a while. Yet with you… with you, the feeling was the strongest. I couldn’t stop lookin’ at you. I kept telling myself to turn away, to act like I didn’t notice, but I couldn’t seem to get it together.” He paused for a moment. “Nevertheless, I felt you should know… I was sweet on you before I even knew who you were.”

She laughed lightly, certain she was blushing by the warmth that heated her cheeks. “When I first saw you on that basketball court, Aaron, all I could think was, ‘Damn, he is fine!’”

They both burst out laughing, then drew quiet for a few minutes.

“Mia…”

“Yeah?” She wrapped her arm around his waist and looked into his eyes.

“I got another confession…”

“Yeah?”

“I would jerk off to how I pictured you in my mind, but you surpassed all of that… Sometimes, I’d lie in my bed in that cell, Mia, strokin’ my dick faster and faster as you took over my brain with your words, your perfume… Daydreamin’ about you, fantasizing about all the ways I’d make love to you when I finally got the chance.” His voice lowered, the nasty utterances getting ready to spill out. The man turned into an animal right before her eyes, down to his most basic; she could see it all over him and her pussy called to him, wishing and wanting for him to take her there.

“Tell me more…”

“I would think about the things I’d do to you, like bendin’ you over and eatin’ your juicy peach until you were shakin’ and drippin’ all over the place.”

Her throat constricted as she processed the mental images of returning the favor to his impeccable, gorgeous cock…

“And then I’d imagine you suckin’ my dick good ’nd hard, lovin’ it as I pushed it in and out of your mouth.” He paused and kissed her hard and fast, driving her crazy. “And me holdin’ the back of your damn head as you did it… that long, black hair of yours… messy and flowing so fuckin’ pretty… like black angel wings, you know?” He bent lower and kissed her navel. “I’d envision you riding me, too. Bouncin’ up and down on me so hard and fast, the damn bed would be squeakin’ real loud and your big tits would be moving around, smackin’ together as you rode me.”

“Mmmmm!” She slipped her finger into her mouth and sucked it hard and slow… He watched; oh yes, he watched.

“Your ass smackin’ into my legs as I’d push up inside of you. You’d cum hard… real hard baby, leavin’ my dick all wet and sticky, just how I like it! Uhhh, baby!”

He slipped her baby toe inside his mouth then popped it back out and stared down at her with the darkness and light of the world in his eyes.

“Then I’d put you in one of my favorite positions… turnin’ you on your damn stomach, baby, shove a pillow under you, forcin’ your butt up into the air. Then gettin’ behind that big, pretty ass of yours, like I’m a wild dog ready to fuck. I’d grip your hips real hard, keep them steady so you couldn’t even move…”

“Then what, baby? Tell me!”

“I’d shove my big, hard dick in your sopping wet pussy and just… fuck the livin’ shit outta you until I came over and over inside of you!”

“Is that what you want, baby? You want to bend me on all fours and take it from behind?” She could hardly get the words out as her pussy wept right there on the bed. She bit down on her lower lip, craving…

“Yeah, that’s what I fuckin’ want, all of that…and more, much more.” His eyes seemed to turn black as he rose from the bed, ready to do some shit that would certainly turn her out.

“Well then, why are you still talking to me, huh? Why don’t you just come on over here ’nd take it?”

His eyes narrowed on her. Gripping her by her tiny waist, he tossed her on her damn stomach then reached forward so fast his arm was a blur as he forced a pillow under her gut…

Cocked, locked and ready…

“Fuuuuuck!”

“I WISH I could shake this bad feeling.”

Dr. Owens gripped his short glass of brandy and sloshed the rich, dark liquor about. He indolently gazed at the large ivory and ebony clock in his den, then back at the fire leaping in the grate before him. The flames crackled and snapped, a tiny orange and golden Hell giving off a comforting heat. He looked at his drink as he turned the tumbler slowly about in his hand, making liquid circles and sinking in the shallow depth yet mounting thoughts. He’d taken a few measly sips, but they did little to calm his shaken and rattled nerves. It was nearly three in the morning, and his phone hadn’t rung. Aaron had not made a call to him, nor sent a text from the loaner cell phone he’d provided. He should have been happy about such a thing, but then his imagination began to run wilder than a pack of wolves out on the hunt for a galloping deer.

Paranoia must be contagious, for I’ve caught Aaron’s illness…

He placed his drink upon a wooden coaster and tried to simmer down, find something more useful to mull over and conceptually dissect, but it was no use. Soon, he was on his feet, his cell phone in hand.

Damn it!

Earlier, he’d tried to call the apartment, but there was no answer and when he’d called Limestone, they’d stated that the couple appeared to have had a disagreement earlier in the evening based on the raised voices coming from the place; however, that only lasted a short while. No one heard anything except the music that had been playing for hours. They guards eagerly offered to enter the dwelling, but he insisted that they keep their posts and not go inside just as he had instructed before his departure. No personnel was permitted to go inside unless there was clear evidence of a physical struggle, for disruption could unsettle any progress made.

Things were stuck in the unknown, and unknown was the wrong place to be when it came to a certain Mr. Aaron Joshua Pike.

Aaron’s previous words began to haunt him… to dare him not to consider dire possibilities at such a pivotal time.

‘How do you know I won’t hurt her?’

The words rang out in his head, on repeat, filling him with trepidation. Coming to a decision, he set the glass down, slid on his flimsy beige raincoat and raced out of there, locking his front door. He ran to his car, his keys jangling in his trembling hand. A sprinkling of rain had begun, perfuming the air with something sweet under the dark sky. As he journeyed down the street, he couldn’t stop swallowing his own breath. It was unlike him to be edgy about therapies he’d administered, but Aaron was a special case and perhaps he’d taken the man’s emotional state in far too lax a manner.

He’s got a lot to lose…

His power, his position means everything to him.

He is quite upset with Mia; that has not changed despite his love for her, and this sort of deception to him is a big deal.

He may have felt a bit forced into this after all… or perhaps, he simply went along with it so that he could get his hands on her!

“Damn it! What have I done?!” He smacked his steering wheel with force as he continued to drive ahead. Forty-two minutes and almost one speeding ticket later, he arrived at Limestone. The place was outfitted with the tightest of security, and so the checks and balances began. He rolled his window down, the rain now pouring much harder than before as two guards stood before him holding up black umbrellas that shielded their heads but not their scowls as the rain played a mean percussion upon the place.

“Yes!” He called out over the noise as he put his car in park, held his driver’s license in one hand and his prison personnel identification in the other. “I need to get over to building PW!”

“Conjugal?” the guard screamed out over the sound of his engine and what had become a torrential downpour as he waited for the gate to lift.

“Yes!”

“Alright, drive down here and—”

“No, you don’t understand. I don’t need to tour the area. I have an inmate patient there that I wish to check on… no need for anyone else to meet me at the door or to assist. I have the extra key.”

The guard nodded in understanding and motioned for the gate to be raised.

He drove through, daring himself to not speed along the slippery road covered in gunk and swollen dirt that had graduated to gloppy mud. In the distance stood the apartment buildings, a couple of the windows aglow with light. He spotted the one Mia and Aaron shared, and all but one window appeared pitch black. He quickly parked, grabbed his umbrella from his glove compartment and exited the car. As he walked up, his shoes sank into the muddy ground and dirty rain splatter smacked against his ankles, making a mess of things. He soon spotted one guard right outside of the door, standing under an awning that shielded him from the bulk of the weather. He flashed his I.D.; the guard snatched it from his grip, handed it back, then stepped out of the way.

“Everything all right?” the man asked with devilish grin on his face as he slid the cell phone he’d been toying with back into his pocket.

“Yes.” Dr. Owens threw him a disapproving look, unable to hide his true feelings as he slid his key into the lock and turned it. The guard attempted to peek in as soon as he pushed the door open, but he managed to swiftly close and lock it in the man’s face, refusing to allow him to view a potential crime scene until he had the information he needed.

Boy, it’s dark in here…

Opening the flashlight app on his cell phone, he took a look around the place. Nothing appeared off kilter as of yet. He continued his perusing, standing there, putting his senses to work while trying to be as quiet and careful as possible.

Perhaps they’ve fallen asleep? Yes, that is a possibility. Aaron or Mia would be asleep on the couch I presume, but, I see neither one of them there…

He debated calling out their names, but decided against it. Nor did he dare turn on the living room lamp; it would have made the place far too bright.

Lamp? Where is it?

And then he saw it…

Making his way over, his shoe stepped on something hard and made a crunching sound over bits of something sharp, broken to pieces…

Shit! Why is this lamp turned over?! What has Aaron done?!

His greatest fears were materializing as he raced towards the bedroom, then paused, coming to an abrupt halt… Music was playing, but not just any music…

It was a love song—“Smother” by a band called ‘Daughter’. He recognized that sound.

His face froze, then slowly split in a slight grin as he took careful…gentle… quiet…

Steps towards the bedroom door…

He placed his hands on the doorknob; he almost could feel the pulse of the place, alive and reaching out, spindly electricity, glowing bright and new, born free… Life lay on the other side—throbbing, pulsating life. A soft, pink glow emitted from the gap beneath the door and he smelled the distinct odors of recently burned cigarettes, sweet perfume, freshly fallen rain and… love…

He heard a slight feminine sigh… followed by a low, throaty moan and… his eye welled a bit. A groan, a bit of laughter and a muffled voice—the tone deep and urgent—carried through, uttering words he couldn’t quite make out. A short and simple utterance…

Oh my God, they’re making love…

He quickly wiped his moist eye as he took watchful steps in reverse, trying to erase his presence in the place…

This is… incredible!

The music played on as he kept going until he was safely back outside, the door locked and his eyes upon the guard.

“Everything all right in there?” the man asked as he looked up at him from his phone, then stared back down at it.

“Yes. Everything is wonderful… just…wonderful…”

Chapter Six

“I DON’T LIKE scrambled eggs,” he mumbled as he held the warm mug of coffee she’d handed him a few moments prior. With a white towel wrapped around his waist, Aaron sat at the small dining room table, a silly smirk on his face. Mia looked up at him, grinned, and shook her head.

“Who doesn’t like scrambled eggs?” She laughed and moved the spatula around in the pan.

“Me, that’s who.”

“I think you just like bein’ difficult.” She popped a piece of bread in the toaster then glanced towards the living room window panes covered in raindrops. It was such a gloomy day, yet beautiful and perfect, all at once.

“Nah, I don’t want to be difficult, baby. I’m just particular is all. Choosy.”

“How do you want your eggs cooked then? I’ll eat these myself I suppose.” She kept stirring, then paused, needing to cease her movements as a dull ache between her thighs reminded her that she’d been made love to for hours on end. The man was simply tireless.

“Don’t worry about it baby, I’m not hungry. This coffee is enough.”

“I think it’s going to rain all day. Can’t you just smell it?” She grabbed the stick of butter out of the refrigerator, placed it on the counter, then wrapped her robe a bit tighter around her body.

“Yeah, it does smell like a rain all day type of day. You know what my mama used to tell me about rain?”

“What?” She cracked a grin, and another egg in the pan, too.

“That hard rain, after a hard time, meant an important change was gonna come, that you’d been reborn.”

“Wow, I like that!”

I’m surprised someone like her could ever be so positive, after how she almost ruined her son with all of her evil!

“I ain’t talkin’ about my real mama,” he announced, as if able to read her mind. “I’m talkin’ about Patti. My mama didn’t have prudence like that, encouraging words, care and concern.” She could hear the disgust in his tone as he described the woman, no doubt feeling something she could never fully imagine. “Patti did though,” and just like that, he sounded more upbeat as he brought up the woman he truly adored.

“She’d tell me all sorts of things like that, and though sometimes I thought she was bein’ silly or superstitious, I think she may have been on to somethin’. Using the weather makes sense, giving us signs through nature about how we should be livin’. She stopped takin’ drugs, stopped livin’ crazy, but still died from a heart attack. Makes you wonder, makes you think.”

“It does… I’m glad she was a good influence on you for the short time you had with her. Was she religious?”

“Not particularly. I ain’t much into the Bible myself, though I’ve read it a time or two. I understand it; I just don’t believe all of it is all. The things going on in front of you—you can count on that. Like earthquakes, floods, shit like that. Man can’t tamper with that, use it to control people and hurt folks and start wars they can’t fuckin’ finish. I say, don’t start none, won’t be none. Yeah, it all makes sense.”

She shot him another glance and observed him lighting a cigarette as he leaned leisurely back in his chair, blew smoke out the corner of his mouth then winked at her.

“God talks to us in mysterious ways. I believe that first hand, Aaron.”

“I think so, too. We just miss it sometimes. Besides, how else is God gonna talk to us, you know? He ain’t gonna call us on the phone I don’t think. We answer, ‘Who is this?’ He says, ‘God.’” He chuckled. “He ain’t gonna call and give us the play by play, make us do right, say, ‘Aaron, ya been fuckin’ up, boy! Get it together!’”

Mia burst out laughing.

“You are so silly! What’s gotten into you? What am I talkin’ about? I bet you’re like this more times than not. You just look serious, but I bet you are a bit of a clown, too.”

“Only ’round you, sweetness.” He smacked his lips at her, causing her to turn up several degrees and her heart to flutter.

“You made me laugh so much in your letters sometimes. I don’t know how you come up with this stuff!” She kept on chortling, reminiscing about some of the stories he’d shared with her via his pen and paper.

“You made me feel comfortable… It was nice to talk to someone, be able to open up like that.”

She paused, noting the man staring down into his coffee as if it were some magical wishing well. He slowly raised his head and looked at her.

“With you, I was allowed to be… human. I was allowed to be wrong. I could be right, but when it was all said and done and signed off on, my signature on the bottom,” he said, moving his hand as if he were writing upon an invisible wall, “I was signing it as the real me…”

“Aaron, I’m so sorry about what I did.” There it was again, the hideous guilt pulling her asunder. “You could be the real you, I just—”

“Don’t apologize to me anymore.” He held his hand up, a stern expression on his face. “It’s over and done with. We’ve had our fight, we hashed it out… It happened so now just forget it.”

“But I—”

“Stop it. I’m serious.” He pointed in her direction. “We both know why you did it. Didn’t make it right, but I understand it now. It ain’t like it would’ve been an easy thing to do, to come clean about something like that considering the circumstances. Look, I need to talk to you and don’t want to holler across the way.” He tapped debris into the ashtray that sat by his coffee. “Can you turn that stove off and come over here a minute, baby?” He took another toke of his cigarette as his brows bunched, an irritated expression on his face.

“Yeah…” She quickly turned the eye off and moved the eggs from the heat. Wiping her hands across a hand towel, she made her way into the dining room and sat across from him. “What’s wrong?” She crossed her arms over her breasts.

“Nothing’s wrong, just need your ear for a minute… take care of some business. Look.” he cleared his throat and leaned in a bit closer. “This has happened, and we’re together now.”

“Yes…”

“And that means some things will have to change and there’s some shit you need to know. My main concern is keepin’ you safe, outta any shit, any trouble.”

“Aaron, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“Naw, you not fine, Mia. You think you fine, but you aren’t. When you mess with a man like me, even if you were white with blond hair and blue eyes, someone will still try you… You know why? ’Cause you’re with me… belong to me. People out here in this world ain’t worth a piece of dog shit!” He slammed his fist onto the table. “They’ll just as soon light you up like a goddamn firecracker to shake five fuckin’ cents outta you! I didn’t tell you this in the letters, but I’m tellin’ you now: I got more trouble than this damn court case. I got a motherfucker after me, a guy I trusted. Now, this shit between you and me would make his damn day, but I’m prepared for him finding out about this. Something might happen to me, Mia… something real bad.”

“Aaron, don’t talk like that! Please! We’ll talk to the warden, Dr. Owens, and call the police and then—”

“No—nobody can know about this but me and you. The police is filled to the goddamn brim with socialists and KKK members, Mia! This is what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t really understand what’s goin’ on out here. We are in every organization, every college, every profession, every warehouse, restaurants and shopping centers, every hospital… we’re in everything!”

She took a deep breath, and all she could do was shake her damn head. “That’s…awful. It’s heartbreaking; it angers me…”

“And it should. This is why I was able to get away with so much before, because the people that were supposed to be servin’ justice were just as fucked up in the head as me. Racism is something that’s inside your brain, Mia.” He pointed to his temple. “You were disgusted by me, felt sorry for me, but by the time you’d found out what I’d done and believed, you’d already cared about me so you were invested, so to speak. I’m still fucked up.” His eyes narrowed on her. “And don’t you forget it. I didn’t get this way overnight, so it’s gonna take a minute for me to get all this shit out of my system, but the first step is to admit it, which I’ve done. The second step is to try and re-train my brain, which I’m doin’ right now.” He shrugged.

“I ain’t got no choice! I like you a hell of a lot. I’m in love with you; you’re a black woman! Ain’t no denyin’ it! I look at you and see nothin’ white, you can’t pass that test—and you shouldn’t want to and you don’t need to try. When I first walked in here, a part of me wanted you tell me you were somethin’ else, but I knew better. I thought that would ease my mind, since blacks and Jews are what I hated the most. You told me straight up that though you got a bit of race mixin’ in your background, you’re still black, African American, whatever you want to call it, despite your lighter complexion.

“I knew who and what you were; I just wanted to play games with myself, and that’s just childish on my part. I had to get over this and accept what the fuck is going on here, and facts are facts… You’ve got African ancestry, you’re black. It wasn’t just your great grandmother, it’s just about everyone in your bloodline. It is what it is, and I don’t love you any less ’cause of it…just like you don’t love me any less ’cause I’m white. I can’t imagine my life without you now that I got you, so,” he said with a shrug, “I had to build a bridge and get the fuck over it!” He threw up his hands.

She laughed lightly, though still unnerved by his earlier declarations.

“When I was lookin’ at you sleep, I was thinking about all sorts of things… all sorts of stuff, baby. Your hair has this consistency I ain’t never felt before. You got big lips, and I don’t mean that as an insult… they’re beautiful. You got high cheekbones; your skin is so damn soft and smooth, like a baby’s. Your eyes are amber… mysterious, sexy. You got curves in all the right places and I like every goddamn thing I see in front of me.” He took a sip of his coffee before going on.

“You ain’t less than because you’re black. I’ve been a goddamn fool! Like you said a while back, ain’t no segregated waitin’ room in Heaven. I used to laugh when people would say shit like that. I’d think all sorts of stuff, things that don’t need to be repeated right now, not ever quite honestly. But what you said, I believe. I look at you, and know God made you!” His voice trembled. “He made you for me… and he made me for you… you’re my Eve, and I can’t run from that; don’t want to, either. You my everything, and I’m your man, and a man protects his goddamn woman, Mia. You were able to see past what most wouldn’t have… that makes you incredible.”

She offered a sullen smile then looked away, trying to sort her thoughts as he spoke the heavy words.

“The fact that you had faith in someone like me, that you were prayin’ for me every night, being eaten up because you lied to me but wanted to help me, made me stop and think. Ain’t nobody that think the opposite as me, or should I say as I used to think, ’specially a black person, gonna look at me like this,” he said, pointing to his tattoos as his eyes glossed over, “and be able to look past that and want to comfort me!

“They gonna look at me and see decades… shit, centuries of oppression, hostility, arrogance, pride, zealousness, evil, and hatred…and they’d be right, because that’s what I was! I’m still conservative in my thoughts—that ain’t gonna change as far as how I feel this country should be run—but I will not be consumed in hatred for a race and put myself above everybody else, just because I really feel lower than shit!”

The man’s lower lip trembled and moisture kept gathering in his eyes. She reached for him but he scooted back, avoiding her caress as he ventured deep inside of himself to confess, come clean.

“I felt I was born into a landfill, Mia, from a mama and a daddy that only cared about their goddamn selves. I thought I wasn’t ever gonna be shit in this lifetime, no matter how afraid of me people are…born shit, and would die bein’ shit! I figured since that’s how it was going to go, I might as well make my presence known, give somebody somethin’ to talk about, something to remember! I ain’t give nothin’ before, left no legacy except a fucked up life of harm done to me, and harm I’ve done to others as retribution. THAT’S MY GODDAMN LEGACY, wrapped around some bullshit called racism—and now… now I’ve made love to a woman, a black woman that I love the hell out of, so what’s my goddamn legacy now, huh?! I AIN’T GOT NONE! I’m startin’ from ground zero!”

She tried to remain quiet, to keep a straight face and stay strong, but a tear got away and ran down her face.

“Baby, Mia, listen to me, sweetheart.” He placed his cigarette down and caught her hands in his as Mogwai’s ‘Take Me Somewhere Nice’ played softly in the background. “You gonna catch hell fuh not only bein’ with a white man, marrying me and havin’ my babies, because that’s exactly what we’re goin’ to do…” He cracked a smile, and she laughed, filled in her spirit by his words. “You gonna catch it because of my affiliations. Almost everybody knows who I am; my reputation precedes me. I gotta keep you safe from all of that, especially since my main concern is just trying to start a new life with you. So, we need to have a serious talk, and I need honest answers.”

“Of course.”

“I have too much going on here. My business, mainly… That makes things messy. My daughter is here, too, and that’s the only thing that would keep me but I got to keep sortin’ through that, too. Anyway, you have a teacher’s license and a degree, should the need arise, and I’m tellin’ you now it probably will. Are you willing to relocate? To leave Alabama and move away with me, sweetness?”

“To be with you? Aaron, yes. My family is here in Alabama, and I’m close to them but sometimes we have to do what is best for us, and being with you, well, that’s what’s best for me. Plus, like you said, I can teach practically anywhere. I’ve already thought about these things—worse case scenarios if you will.”

“Good, ’cause I got some property in West Virginia. It’s a real nice, comfortable house that I bought some years ago, had built from the ground up as a place to get away to, go fishin’ and huntin’, just to clear my mind. Nobody knows it’s mine, that I go up there, ’cept you. I kept it that way ’cause when I go there, it means I don’t want nobody botherin’ me. Anyway, I got some money stashed away, too. My company does pretty good, and in the more trying times even, I’d stash cash away. If anything happens to me, I need you to get your hands on that money and get the hell out of Alabama, or wherever we are, start fresh someplace else. I have an account for my daughter for when she turns eighteen; it’s all hers, Mia, every dime of it. She don’t know about it, her mama don’t, either… but now, you do.

“It’s enough to last her a good, long while if she’s conservative with it. The rest, what’s in the bank and hidden away, I want you to have it. After you and I get married, all of that will be yours but I’ll be tellin’ my lawyer as soon as I get back to Holman that I need to speak to one of his estate lawyer buddies, get this in writing. Only you and Laura mean anything to me at this point, my woman and my little girl, so … the two houses, my motorcycle, my boat, guns, business, cars, everything…it’s yours.”

“Aaron, stop it!” She beat the damn table with her fist. “You’ll be okay; we will work through this together. You don’t have to do everything alone!”

“Mia, not everyone in the world is good! And you know what? Deep down you know it! Something terrible could happen and you need to be ready for it. We reap what we sow…” His eyes grew dark. “I’m a Nazi, Mia. I wipe my hands of those beliefs, but to many, once a Nazi, always a Nazi… I’m gettin’ ready to go back to a prison cell, back to Holman where all my so called brethren are, the ones that showed me how quick they can turn on me! I’m going back in there, in that place of bullshit after spendin’ this unbelievable weekend in bed with you! Laughing’, cryin’, making love, falling apart and fallin’ together. We been datin’, fallin’ in love for months, and ain’t no way I’m gonna be able to hide what has happened since I’m not givin’ you up. Instead, we did just the goddamn opposite. I’m in some serious shit now! I don’t want to be a part of this mess anymore. I’ll have to say somethin’, because that’s what a real man does and I got honor!” He pounded his chest. “Can’t nobody tell me otherwise. If a motherfucker is gonna kill me, he’ll have to do it by lookin’ me in my face and knowin’ for a fact I ain’t scared to die for what I believe in!”

“Aaron, you don’t have anything prove to anybody. You just told me that with me, you could be yourself, be human. I am so tired of you thinking you have to be someone you’re not! That’s partially why you’re in this mess in the first place. It’s going to ruin the both of us before we’ve even had a chance to get off the ground.”

“This IS a part of me, Mia!” He pointed to himself. “I told Dr. Owens and now I’m tellin’ you: I ain’t no punk, and I ain’t scared of a goddamn thing that comes my way but I tell you one thing, I ain’t runnin’ away with my tail ’tween my legs. I know what’s comin’ and only a fool doesn’t prepare himself for many different outcomes.”

She hung her head and shook it in exasperation. Aaron wouldn’t budge. She could see in his eyes he had things in his mind worked out just so. He knew the way in which he wanted to work it all out, the way he wanted it all to go, and anything she said wouldn’t steer him in another direction.

“I gotta be a man and admit it, you hear? I can’t hide this change in my beliefs, my perceptions; that would make it worse, Mia.” He spoke a bit softer now. “I can’t afford for someone to find out about us. I gotta own it and be the first to make a move. Now, I have ideas on how I’ll do it. I’m certain you know that I do. I didn’t just wake up and get a wild hair up my ass. I’ve been thinking this through for a while but however I do it, there will be serious consequences either way you slice it… and they are goin’ to try to make me pay, baby. These fuckers only take travelers’ checks to the grave, and they want ’em dipped in blood.”

She trembled, falling apart in her damn seat. That was it! How was it even worth it? How was the love of her life being murdered due to their forbidden love a fair exchange?!

“NOOOO! This is all wrong! I won’t have it!”

He jumped up, pulled her in his arms in a skintight embrace, and kissed the top of her head. His body felt so hard against her soft one. They were opposites … drawn together in love.

“Stop all this cryin’, you hear me?” he said tenderly as he cocked her chin up to make her face him. “You stop all of that, ’cause you’re acting like my memorial service is goin’ on right this minute, like I’m already in the ground and growing cold. I need you to have some faith in me again, alright?”

She nodded, though the tears kept streaming.

“Alright, now.” He retook his seat and she took hers. “We’ve got all day today to spend together, and half of tomorrow. I go back to Holman Sunday at five.”

She nodded, crossed her legs, and rubbed a slight crick in her neck.

“I want to make the best of this time, enjoy each other, and that’s what I plan to do. Are you with me on that?”

“Yes.” She smiled and wiped the tears off. “That’s what I want to do, too.”

“Alright, so we’ll hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Right now, this is some of the best.” He stood and dropped his towel to the floor. Her smile widened. “Now come on.” He took her hand and helped her from her seat. “Join me in the shower. I’m plannin’ to get clean and I’m plannin’ to get dirty…”

“I DON’T AGREE with this,” Dr. Owens stated sternly. “It goes against better judgment. I’d prefer you allow me to contact the authorities.”

Aaron rolled his eyes dramatically as he sat in the man’s office, his leg kicked out far in front of him, a grimace on his face and his arms crossed.

“You sound like Mia now… y’all really are in cahoots!” He huffed. “Look, you need to stay in your lane,” he said. “Dr. Owens, with all due respect, you don’t know the world I come from. You’ve read about it, met some of us, watched a few movies, but you know little about the real world of a Nazi, a National Socialist, any of that. I wasn’t raised with it, but I was raised around it. There were two confederate flags in my house and they weren’t wavin’ around for Southern pride, okay? The words nigger, spic, and kike were thrown around like a damn softball, you understand?

“This was a way of life for us! My uncle, the one that tried to adopt me, was in the KKK. I was born and bred for this shit. Patti’s boyfriend, as you know, was involved in the Socialist movement and she never told me it was wrong, though to this day I ain’t convinced she necessarily agreed with it. She just didn’t do anything to correct it. Nevertheless, I was never told anything was wrong with any of it, and in fact, it was encouraged. So don’t sit there and try to give me some advice on how to conduct my goddamn business! I know what the fuck I’m doin’! I got this!”

“Aaron, you are—”

“No! Now look, I appreciate you for helpin’ to bring Mia into my life. Without you, none of that would have happened. I love her and she loves me, so I gotta do what I gotta do. I also appreciate you for helping me see that I was wrong about almost everything I believed. It’s been a big ass blow to me, but it needed to happen. Nobody else was able to cause me even a tiny shred of doubt in my beliefs, except you. Because you opened that door in my mind, made me question things in a new way, I could understand what she was tryna tell me in her letters when this first started. If it hadn’t been for you, Dr. Owens, as soon as she started that shit up about we’re all God’s children and all of that, I would’ve ceased communications with her, ruled her out as wife material for me; but because you’d already primed me, basically cracked me open, I was finally ready for her… and that’s just the God’s honest truth.”

The man nodded in understanding but his facial expression still showed deep concern and worry.

“You don’t know the men I’m dealin’ with. You don’t know our laws, how things work, and what we expect from one another. I’m poisoned, my mind is diseased… ’cause racism is a disease. I get that now. I don’t want to spread this to my child. I’ve already started by encouraging her to stay away from people that ain’t like her, and she’s seen my tattoos and has a general idea of what I think. That wasn’t right, and I can only hope I can reverse this. Her mother is an Aryan national socialist, her father and stepfather the same; she almost didn’t have a damn chance. She is still young though, still impressionable. I don’t know, but the change starts with me.”

“Aaron, I respect that, I do. However, you can make a difference without resorting to violence. You still behave as if you are in a war! You’re not!” He clapped his hands together. “You behave now as if you have PTSD, and in some ways, you do. You said it yourself, you’re diseased, but the war is over, and you still think you’re on the battle field.”

Aaron grinned, looked at the painting of the little boy hunting, then back at the doctor. “I will always be at war, Dr. Owens.”

The man’s brows bunched in apparent confusion.

“You think I’m difficult? Hard to read and break through to?” His brow rose as he smirked and pointed to himself. “I can be reasoned with, Dr. Owens. I can understand things if I’m in the mood to listen. My brethren are just as cold and heartless as myself, nine times out of ten. We wake up, not giving a fuck about anyone but the white race, and even some of our own we’ll throw under the damn bus if need be. We plot, scheme, takeover, and torture to ensure that we stay on top. Nothing is more of a threat to us than being told our numbers are falling… that worldwide, those of European ancestry are disappearing due to race mixing and abortion of white babies. We know that the family is the root to growth.

“Having control over the womb, the sperm, the education, and the money makes you the most powerful, the biggest, baddest motherfucker out here. Why do you think slavery worked so well, Dr. Owens, hmmm? Once a man controls your ability to reproduce and dilutes your bloodline with his own DNA, he has gotten a hold of not only you, but your entire goddamn nation… Additionally, you have to educate the youth, make them see your way of life, and you have to control the flow of money, who gets paid what, if ever, and when. Slavery was an economic system more than a racial system.”

“I completely agree with you there.”

“Racism was a byproduct of the structure and anyone who thinks otherwise has been tricked and fallen prey to emotionalism. The main concern was the color green, not the color black. Our dislike for Jews stemmed from jealousy, I know that now. They control the money and the media. That’s power. Do you understand me, Dr. Owens?” The man smiled and nodded.

“…Of course I do.”

“Good, because nobody educates me unless I want the lesson. Nobody tells me to do anything unless I want to be told. Nobody tricks me unless I’m open to being tricked…”

He looked at the doctor sternly, wanted the man to completely get and understand where the hell he was coming from.

“Hmmm, I see…” The good doctor crossed his legs and leaned back in his seat.

“I’m not really sure that you do, Dr. Owens, but after I walk outta here, and you have a moment or two, it’ll sink in.”

“No, Aaron, I believe I get where you’re coming from.”

“No you don’t.”

“Well then, instead of leaving me in a state of ignorance, as you apparently believe me to be, please enlighten me.”

“Fine. It wasn’t her first time messin’ up, it was her second… I’d already seen her. Her perfume wafted over to me ’cause it was windy that day. I knew that goddamn perfume… it was in her damn letters. She wore a deep red shade of lipstick that day when I saw her by the basketball court, lips full and glossy… I saw them and memorized them in my mind. Those same lips kissed my letters each and every time. One tiny piece of her fucking hair was in one of the care packages she sent me… lying there below the cookies and above the packs of gum. It was thick, black, long and had a slight kink to it, a bit wiry… like a black person’s… I already wanted her by that point, Dr. Owens. It was too…fucking… late. I could have backed away then, stopped talking to her, but I purposefully went into denial. Deep down, I knew the truth. I always know the truth. I just have a nasty habit of trying to wish that shit away. I was in love with a black woman, and realized that before this shit hit the goddamn fan. Nobody fuckin’ tricks me—nobody.”

“Aaron,” the man said, swallowing. “This is a rather interesting turn of events.”

“No it’s not really, Dr. Owens. It’s in my blood to be this way, just like I’ve been tellin’ you. It was my forefathers’ job to be one step ahead of their own selves for the sake of self-preservation and ten steps ahead of everyone else. Once you have that sort of control, that sort of power, you never want to lose it and you won’t give it up without a fight. I sleep with one eye open. I have to, because of my affiliations and the shit I say and do on a daily basis. I can feel the wind change, and smell gun smoke in the air long after it’s cleared. I can hear a shoe crunching on broken light bulb fragments and the soft steps of a man of about your weight and stature as he leans in close to a door and listens to me fuck the hell out of my future wife…” Aaron got to his black, combat-boot-covered feet.

“I know you were there at the apartment because you were concerned, but don’t ever believe that I don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on around me!” He pointed in the man’s face. “It’s my job, as I said, like that of my forefathers, right or wrong, to continue to be one step ahead of my own damn self, and ten steps ahead of you and everybody else. At the end of the day, Dr. Owens, you saw me as a racist hick in need of prayer and strong intervention, and I’m okay with that, ’cause it’s true. But here is what you need to understand. I didn’t know who the hell I was the first time I stepped into your office, but as I walk out this time, I know exactly who the fuck I am, what I need to do, and how I need to do it.”

“I know that you do.” The man smirked as he slowly twirled back and forth in his chair. “And I’m proud of you, Aaron, regardless of my disagreement with the manner in which you address these sorts of situations.”

“Nobody can define me but me, and since I’m callin’ the shots, trust and believe I ain’t lost in these damn woods any more like I was in that painting! I might still be a little boy in some ways, my development arrested due to a life I didn’t choose, but I can ain’t scared, and I ain’t lost no more, Dr. Owens… I’m prepped and primed to confront my enemy. My biggest rival was Aaron Pike and ain’t nobody badder than ME! So if I can beat myself,” he said, pointing at his chest. “I have a chance to beat any damn body! My guns are loaded, and I know exactly where to shoot. You better duck, Dr. Owens… would hate for you to get hit in the crossfire…”

Chapter Seven

Clyde,

It has come to my attention that you feel you’d be better suited for my position with the Aryan National Socialist Movement of the Alabama chapter than I am. I’m not going to beat around the mulberry bush with you or pretend for a second longer that I don’t know what’s going on or what you’ve been up to. You’ve never had faith in my leadership abilities, despite the fact that I am result driven and my track record speaks for itself. Regardless of that, you were so blinded with jealousy that you have attempted to turn others against me and destroy my legacy. Trying to prove anything to you with the utilization of logic at this juncture would be a moot point. Please let me know if you need a dictionary for any of the words used in this correspondence, better yet, I will attach my pocket one along with the letter, should you run into any hiccups in comprehension.

Due to the fact that I’m incarcerated and you are not, that puts me at a bit of a disadvantage but regardless, I am still able to conduct my business as I’m sure you’ve noticed, and it has caused you irritation.

Clyde, let me explain something to you. You can never be me, even on my worst day. You aren’t even in the building, let alone on my level. I’ve had to play ignorant for a lot of things over the years for the greater good of the organization. For instance, I was told that you weren’t about shit years ago, as if that was news to me, and recently once again. However, in order to keep peace and not feed gossip, which in turn feeds dissention, I pretended that I was fine with you, cared for you, and had your best interest at heart. It was all bullshit. I’ve been onto since day one. I let things happen naturally in order to see who would cower down and follow you, and who would be led by me…

It was difficult, for I had to lie to my best friend in order to keep things afloat. If he’d known how I really felt about you, you would have been removed… and by removed I mean forever, in all areas of life. That same good friend of mine, who you’ve also ostracized and alienated through lies and rumors let me know some things while he is unjustly incarcerated, but all he did was verify what I already knew was true. You have at least one other person working with you. I have my suspicions on who that is, but they are small potatoes and I do not care to waste my energy on them right this second. Trust me though, they will be handled as well. I’ve also heard through the grapevine that you think I’m angry, falling apart, weakening under the pressure. There is absolutely no proof of this. The one incident that got back to you was when I’d tossed some things around in my cell. I assure you, that had nothing to do with you in the least. If it did, I’d own it. You can’t piss me off, Clyde.

I haven’t given you the power to piss me off. I don’t even see you in my vision, peripheral or otherwise. In the meantime, please know this: You don’t deserve my acknowledgement so this is a rare opportunity for you to gain my attention. I haven’t given you consent to make a mark, dent, or smear in my world. You’re dismissed, fuckboy. I am telling you, as a man, that you should consider yourself finished. The masks are off; I can see my opponent and now he is forewarned.

Now that you know that I know, you do realize what this means, correct? I’m sure you do but just in case, I’m willing to explain it to you. By the time you read this, my orders will already have been followed and you better hope and pray, as you have been, that I never get out of this prison to finish the job. Because if I do, me throwin’ a damn mattress around will be the least of your concerns…

The most fucked up of regards,

Aaron J. Pike – HMFIC (head motherfucker in charge)

THE CHOW LINE grew longer in the sickeningly green cafeteria. Someone had painted the damn thing in the last twenty-four hours, an invisible crew of government-mandated improvements carried out while the inmates slept in their steel cages. The strong fumes made his damn throat itch. The baby shit shade of paint made him nauseous upon sight. Nevertheless, things had been good. It had been a seamless morning and afternoon, the type laid out by the gods and goddesses of gifted perfection.

His oatmeal wasn’t as clumpy, and surprisingly, he discovered more than two raisins in it this time—real raisins, not the notorious boiled roaches that had gotten too close to the simmering pot jogging back horrible childhood memories. Mia had sent another care package he’d received that afternoon, this one chock full of tender, pepper flavored beef jerky, milk chocolates, her homemade apricot preserves, a tin of sardines, and a ream of crackers per his request. Also included were a fresh deck of cards he could use to play solitaire and a sensual letter that gave him a carnal kiss from afar. The words he read resulted in a restless nap as he reminisced about their weekend. Yes, it had only been a few days since he’d lain in the lap of paradise and tasted her sugary nectar, but it felt like so long ago… The craving within him was constant, and drove him to damn near exhaustion and distraction.

Now he understood that silly saying…

Once you go black, you don’t go back.

He presumed he’d just been lucky, fortunate, blessed…

He’d had a taste, and now his mouth watered in anticipation as he craved that woman, jealous of his own memories of the time spent with her.

That Sunday morning before he’d left, they’d played strip poker. He made damn sure he won. Before he left her there, he made love to her one last time, slow and deep as they stared into each other’s eyes… He loved how her silky smooth skin rubbed against his own; the contrast in feel and appearance did something to him…

At various times, he grew fascinated with watching his thick, long, white cock disappear inside of her, then come back out. How absolutely surreal that was, a moment he’d never get over or soon forget. It didn’t feel obscene, disgusting or sinister. She didn’t look wicked as he did that to her; she looked simply in love. Their souls merged once and for all, and he felt compelled to promise her things, all sorts of things, and she promised him things, too…

In those thirty-six hours, they experienced a fair share of laughing to the point of tears as they swapped more stories with one another. He hadn’t laughed that hard in years. He was locked up but felt free as a damn bird with that woman.

In one of the memories he revisited time and again, she lay in his arms on the living room floor, his back against the leg of the couch, holding her close. The glow of the television cascaded across her face as old Barney Miller re-runs played on the screen. As her head rested against his chest, rising up and down with each breath he took, he stared down at her, then nestled his chin in the softness of her hair. He couldn’t believe how damn beautiful she was, what a good person she was, how caring, intelligent and loveable she was… and she was all his…

They shared things during their stay with one another—private moments, passionate moments, more and more secrets. And then, of course, more sex, plentiful lovemaking. He’d made love to Mia so much and so long, their limbs, down to the damn bones, felt sore and bruised. But he simply couldn’t get enough of her. He’d ravished her, showed her what she should expect when she became his wife… to be cherished, loved, and cared for like she had never been in her life. He played those moments over and over in his mind, determined to be free… determined to get out of that prison and be with her, to make a life with the woman he loved so completely.

Now here he stood, preparing for dinner in the chow hall, but the vibe had been all wrong. Even though the morning began beautifully, even offered a picturesque cloudless baby blue sky and bright, vibrant sun, something in the air wasn’t right. The Devil had whispered in a lunatic’s ear…

…Later that evening, dinnertime

LIKE A HUNTER in the dark, dank wilderness, senses were heightened, giving way to pure, instinctual survival skills. If one got quiet and still for just a second or two, they could hear, see, and feel things long before the prey made an appearance… and then, they’d be ready. He raised his invisible bow and arrow and continued down the way, his ochre colored tray in hand as he looked to his right, then to his left, checking the coast. He collected a ration of beef stew, a plastic cup of water, a roll, and an egg sandwich, then went to sit on the bleacher type seat.

“Damn it stinks in here,” he mumbled as he grabbed his spoon and scanned the space again.

A new scent had emerged, one that was certain to aid in a headache of epic proportions. The place smelled of sautéed onions and peppers, mingling in with the odors of the paint that created an even more grotesque mêlée of a fragrance that accosted his nasal passage.

I wish my nose wasn’t so goddamn sensitive…damn! Been this way since I was a kid…

Jamming his knuckle against the side of his left nostril, he gave it a hearty scratch, curing an itch. Then, he shoved himself back into the present, keeping his eyes and ears open as inmates moved about getting their dinner as well.

Clyde… you motherfucker, you…

He’d set the bait for Clyde, instigated and incited the man. It was certainly an easy task; the guy had been itching for a fight but had never had the guts when they stood face to face. Aaron also knew he had another golden egg in his basket: Clyde was a goddamn pussy. Being the emotional mess that he was, no doubt things would fall into place and sure enough, they were…

Aaron turned slowly to his left and spotted the army coming in…

A crowd of men approached from the distance, one by one, their shoulders straight and heads high. Like a perfectly formed lynch mob, they had their gaze fixed on him and… he simply stared back. Some noise behind him had him make a sharp turn. He rose to his feet, his fist balled and ready to go. Instead, he found Daryl, sweat-faced and gripping a cup. The man snatched his arm.

“Aaron, they’re comin’ for you! I tried to warn ya earlier today at breakfast, but I couldn’t get to you. Now look, I talked to some of ’em and it ain’t what you think! They are just playin’ along. Jason and even Jacob hate Clyde; they know about this and talked to the guys… We’re gonna jump ’em, Aaron! It’s on!”

Aaron nodded. “Listen, it looks like I have about sixty seconds to tell you this, so listen up, don’t interrupt me.”

Darryl indicated his understanding with a curt nod.

“You all do what you want, but I want out.”

Darryl looked at him in confusion.

“Clyde sent these boys, you already know that, but what you don’t know is that I set him up. These were my orders; he is just too stupid to know it. I’m tryna say goodbye, Darryl, and this is the most honorable way to go. No runnin’, connin’, or pussy footin’ around.”

“Aaron, what the fuck are you talkin’ about, man?! They will kill you!” Spit sprayed out of the man’s mouth, a few speckles landing in his bushy black beard.

“That’s the chance I have to take ’cause either way, I can’t run from it. They will come ’nd get me so I can do this now or later, and I’d prefer now, where it’s on neutral ground. I have to go, Darryl. I can’t do it anymore.” He raised his hands in surrender.

“Have you gone crazy? Why?”

Darryl looked as if he might be on the verge of a breakdown. Aaron felt mighty sorry about that, but he had to do what he had to do.

He looked back at the gathering crowd. The men had slowed, eyeing him, sizing him up. One of them winked, corroborating the news Darryl had shared. Some of the others simply glared. There was only one way out of that damn chow hall, and it was right past the janitorial corner… and he knew what was waiting for him when the time came. In a different day and time, he’d rumble, fight and pull out one of his crudely constructed shanks but this time… No. That simply wouldn’t do.

“I’ll tell you why. I love somebody, okay? I’m talkin’ I’d tear up this fuckin’ world, turn it inside out for her, Darryl. And she don’t take too kindly to this sort of thing we’re involved with… She don’t like it one bit.”

“Then she ain’t the woman for you.” Darryl’s eyes narrowed upon him as he crossed his thick, big arms over his barreled chest.

“Oh, she’s the woman for me, alright.” Aaron smirked. “She can’t get down with this. She has no choice. She has no alterative but to hate it, Daryl, because she’s black.”

His best friend’s eyes grew twice their damn size, and then he burst out laughing.

“I’m serious… I’m not jokin’ around, man. This is real.”

The man’s smile gradually faded away, and a look of sadness replaced it.

“You’re the only person I’ve told, okay? I don’t give uh shit about your judgments, about any bullshit you may have to say. Just know that I love ya. I always will…you’re my brother. You’ve had my back since day one, that’s why you’re standin’ here right now. You’re loyal and I will always look out for you too, but… I had to fix me, man! I chose love over hate.”

Darryl’s face must’ve turned five shades of red as Aaron glared at him. It reminded him of the red of angry seas and bloody skies; the shade of hostility and blood pouring from a slowly beating heart…

He stood there as if he’d been stabbed and left to die. Oddly enough, he presumed Darryl may have felt that his words had in fact done just that.

“Aaron, look.” The man’s brows bunched. “They’re gonna drag your ass over to the janitorial area if you don’t walk over there your damn self and we all know there is only one fuckin’ way out of here. They’re going to put you in the closet and about three of ’em, the most that will fit, will beat the livin’ shit out of you, Aaron! They’re not goin’ for blood; they’re goin’ for tombstone!” The man’s voice trembled.

“Just promise you’ll visit my grave…”

“I’m tryin’ to save your life, you fucker! Aaron, we go back too fuckin’ far for me to just leave you like this but I tell you one thing,” he said, a stern look on his face. “I’m in here, in this fucked up place, ’cause of a goddamn woman! I’m in here because I’m a man, and I’m supposed to be protectin’ ’er, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing about what I’ve done! I don’t understand what the fuck has happened to you, can’t wrap my brain around it, but I still love you and your secret is safe… but you know… you know that I, uh…”

“Darryl.” Aaron put his hand on his shoulder and offered a sad smile. “You ain’t got to say another word, brother. I know and understand you. Now, let’s go.”

Aaron quickly grabbed his tray and navigated through the chairs and table as Darryl stayed a step ahead of him. He tossed his untouched dinner into the trash, and made his way around the bend. After dinner, they had twenty minutes of recreation. On the way to recreation was the janitorial closet… This time, Aaron would not be playing a quick game of ball or helping to clean up slop by grabbing the bucket filled with stinking, mildewed sponges. The place was also sublet to fuck, but he wasn’t about that life, either. No, someone had plans to mop the floor with him, and they wanted that shit spic and span…

He and Darryl’s steps grew quicker and harder until they were shoulder to shoulder. He didn’t slow his gait, blink, or bat an amber eye as they approached the small storeroom. When they got there, Darryl grabbed his shoulder and screamed out, “BE STRONG, MOTHERFUCKER!” as the door swung open and revealed three bastards who took hold of him like a trio of reapers out to collect their due.

Loud screaming, stomping, curses, and clapping ensued while Aaron was dragged into the depths of the dark, pitch black place…

Lost in the woods… the hunter was being hunted…

He lay there in that surreal place as they rained brutal blows to his ribs, hands, and face with fists and blunt weapons. They got him all along his body as he tried in vain to cover and protect his head.

“He’s still movin’! Watch out!”

Wetness began to trickle down his lips and out of one ear as boots and swift kicks turned him into a human game of kick the can. He could hear Darryl’s muffled screams out front as the violence escalated. He was undoubtedly being restrained during the mayhem.

“Fuck ’im up!” someone else shouted as an alarm started to ring. Guards would surely be on their way to break up the internal riot.

“Open that fuckin’ door!” someone else screamed as the brethren he’d known for so long got to fighting—some in his honor and others hoping for his demise. The mob of men had divided in a prison civil war—North and South—and they were fighting amongst themselves, ripping each other apart like the animals they were. Regardless, that door stayed locked and the banging grew so loud, his ears rang, including the bleeding one. But, he sat there, resisting the urge to fight back, to get into it, snap necks and crack heads.

I need to just stay here. I gotta get to her and my daughter… I gotta get out to them…

So, he fought his natural urges, sealed his fate, and took his lumps…

He got away from himself, flew away from his own body, thinking about good things, happy things, as he rocked back and forth, knowing for certain at least one of his ribs was broken.

I remember fishin’ as a little boy with Herschel. He taught me how to put the worm on the hook… I remember chasing Amy with that jar of worms later in the afternoon when I’d gone back home…

Good recollections… heartwarming remembrances… wonderful memories…

The sun and sky had been all too beautiful… They always are the day before it rains…

Blood dripped from deep rips in his flesh and he succumbed to moments of unconsciousness. Soon, the sharp blows from something that felt like the stick of a mop or broom hit him hard and heavy against every inch of his body. The pain sent his brain in a damn tizzy as it finally broke into pieces from the brutal impact. But…

He refused to scream.

He refused to cry out.

He refused to plead.

He refused to bribe.

He refused to hate.

He consented to love.

That’s all he had.

That’s all that mattered in the entire, big, wide, world.

He could almost feel his eyes swelling shut, and the darkness did devour the lost little boy in the woods…

He’d been swallowed by something bigger and badder than him but then, a new version of himself was released…

Something in the thick of the forest called him by name.

‘Aaron…’

It sounded like a melody—the delightful, orgasmic sighs of a woman enjoying the way he moved inside of her…

It smelled like sweet pea perfume with a touch of sage and rose…

It felt like full, thick lips pressing into his own…

It tasted like peach preserves prepared and served in a mason jar with a red and white checkerboard ribbon perfectly wrapped around the middle…

…And it looked like Mia…

She wasn’t there, but in her own way, she was… she most certainly was.

And in her own way, she held him close to her soft, caramel breasts. Her long, wavy black hair brushed against his bruises and pain, collected the blood and soaked it up, taking it all away. She wrapped him in a blanket of love, forgave his sins, loved him in spite of himself. At that moment, she truly did call his name, and his name was SOMEBODY…

’Cause he WAS somebody!

He was Aaron J. Pike.

The spawn of a son a bitch and womb donor…

The father of a flower who deserved the world on a silver platter…

Owner of a business set up to protect the country, one person, a household, or industry, wherever and whenever the need arose…

Lover and soon-to-be husband of a woman who knew him and loved him before he knew and loved himself…

…And he was another thing, too…

The wrong fucker to try and define, put in a box, and turn your back on. You could take the racism out of the man, but not the man out of racism. No, that scourge couldn’t live on its own.

Racism needed skin, plasma, and bones to thrive, and she’d get her pound of flesh, day in and day out. Someone was always there to supply it; someone in desperation, someone in need. The Devil made deals every damn day, and racism was a blood-written contract that proved hard to break.

But if a person ever got the opportunity to escape from the clutches of a life lived in reverse and burn the deed in a jumping flame of fire, he’d get to see the smoke rise and cleanse the earth from the hate. And in that smoke would be a new heart, a fresh face, an innovative way of life. In that smoke would also be the burnt remains of illogical aversion, creating an original spirit in time…

THE HOLLOWS OF his jaws sported bruises the color of blueberries that had rotted from the inside out. Dr. Owens stood there, his lips pursed as he ran a slightly shaky head over his head.

Aaron had been unconscious for over ten hours, and when he’d come to for a brief spell, he had no sense of time and space, and it sent his heart racing. Aaron could not tell anyone the year, his mother’s maiden name, or the state in which he resided. However, after a few minutes, his memory reignited, and he no longer grew fussy over not knowing how many fingers the doctors held up. He was able to recite the alphabet, frontwards and backwards, and describe in detail a bowl of oatmeal he’d had the prior morning that had plentiful, sweet raisins and wasn’t lumpy…

He listened as the man described a little girl outside a church when he was being driven to prison in such detail, it was almost as if he were reciting word for word from a memorized poem. The doctor leaned in close to Aaron and asked him, “Do you know who Mia is?”

Aaron’s eyes narrowed, even the one that was bright red from a busted blood vessel, and his battered, puffy face cracked into a smile.

“Yeah… that’s my…my baby. My girlfriend…love her… love her so much…”

The man had to have been in excruciating pain, but like many men with Aaron’s strange mental checks and balances, he didn’t say anything or complain. The nurse had come in and pumped pain medication in him every few hours. That would have helped.

There the man was in the hospital, barely healed, and a date and time had already been assigned to him for his return back to Holman. It was a miracle that he’d lived in the first place. He’d suffered a serious concussion, two broken ribs, and a fractured kneecap. Also, splinters of yellow-painted wood had been deeply imbedded into his lower leg and the right side of his neck. An infection had set in, and he was quickly given another round of powerful antibiotics. All the while there was no certainty whether he’d be quite the same. But Aaron was a fighter, and it was obvious that, for him, this was not the end—it was the beginning.

He pulled up a chair beside the man and handed him a white Styrofoam cup half filled with water. Aaron winced as he eased a bit forward from his pillow, but quickly threw up his hand when he tried to help him.

Once again, he wants no help…

He buried a budding smirk, nodded in understanding, then took his seat. Aaron grasped the cup with both hands. His eyelids lowered as he took a deep swallow of the water, cringed once more, and took another gulp. Opening his eyes, he gingerly placed the container down on the tray before him before pointing to his throat.

“Feels like it’s crushed… but I know it’s not. The water burns going down.” He sighed with obvious exhaustion as his head hit the pillow once more. “I look like shit, don’t I?” He smirked.

“Indeed you do.” He grinned, causing Aaron to grin back at him. The man ran his hand over his hospital robe, smoothing out a slight crease in the blue and white textile pattern.

“I asked that Mia not be called. I left you a letter in your office the morning before this happened to please not call her unless I died. I could feel something was going to happen, I just knew it.” He slowly met Dr. Owens’ gaze. “You didn’t tell her… did you?”

“No, Aaron, I didn’t tell her,” he stated quietly.

“Good, that’s real good…” His voice trailed away as he looked back down at his gown and smoothed it out a bit more, though the previous hand ironing had been more than sufficient.

“You would get an opportunity to see her if you called her to let her know you were here. You’d have a chance to reconnect before you go back to Holman in a few days. You’ll be in protective custody by the way.”

Aaron arched an eyebrow. “Nah, can’t let her see me like this. Mia is delicate. She’s not weak; don’t get me wrong… she’s just… I just uh…” He shook his head. “I just don’t want ’er to see me like this is all. It wouldn’t do either of us any good.”

They were quiet for a few moments, minus the musical notes of the hydraulic machines and beeping computers.

“So uh, you said I’d be in protective custody?”

“Yes.”

“Why’s that? Guys like me get into fights all the time. This is nothing new.”

“Well.” He smoothed his hand over his pants, doing a bit of ironing himself now. “It appears, Aaron, that your assault was merely the beginning of more things to come.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your brethren, as you call them, got the upper hand against the three inmates that had attacked you in the custodial supply closet. Once the three came out, and your body was laid out like some sacrificial lamb on the ground for everyone to see, that sent some of your friends into a bit of an uproar.”

“Shit,” was all Aaron could say.

He lowered his head, his expression showing he seemed to already know the rest of the damn story. But, he finished it for him anyway.

“Your friend, Darryl I believe his name is?”

“Yes…”

“Well, after he saw you lying there, he became quite upset and grabbed one of the men that had jumped you and literally threw him several feet in the air. That man hit a wall. His neck broke, and he won’t ever walk again.”

“Shit! Shit! Shit!”

Aaron pounded his upper thigh with his fist, his emotional torment clearly sending him somewhere dark and undesirable. But, it was no use. Things had happened… and he believed Aaron needed to know the details.

“Dr. Owens, I didn’t want him to do it! I swear! He knew what was going to happen to me. How could he have been surprised?”

“He thought you were dead, Aaron. You weren’t moving, so it seemed you weren’t breathing. When I looked at the footage, he kept screaming, ‘You killed him, you killed my best friend!’ He just…” With a grimace, he slouched a bit in his seat. “He just… lost it, I believe.”

Aaron picked up his cup of water once more and took a small sip.

“He figured he didn’t have shit to lose,” Aaron said woefully. “Daryl wasn’t ever getting out this time; he’s on death row. He is appealing it, trying to get it turned over to life, but… he’s not too optimistic about that. Not to mention, he was havin’ a bit trouble with the NSM.”

He did recall the particulars of Darryl’s case, so he nodded.

“He was being pushed out, right along with me, alienated…seen as a risk. That was his life. He probably felt like if I wasn’t going to be runnin’ anything anymore, and he was gettin’ shit on, what did he have to lose? Nah.” Aaron shook his head. “He had already made up his mind about what he was goin’ to do. He’d already decided.”

“Aaron, how did he know that you were basically resigning? You actually told him?”

Aaron smiled sadly at him then turned away, stared at a wall with his name written on a dry eraser board. Beneath that was written the last time he’d been administered medication.

“Yeah… I told ’im Dr. Owens. I felt so free after I did it too, you know?” He looked back in his direction. “It felt so good to get that off my chest. He didn’t believe me, thought I was pullin’ his leg. But… he soon realized this wasn’t a joke… No, it’s not funny at all.” Aaron folded his hands over his lap.

Like an old, crotchety man sitting in a rocking chair on a dry-rotted porch, he drew quiet, reflective, and still. It was remarkable to watch. A veil of peace spread over his black and blue face. Aaron had probably never felt so soporific in all of his life, despite the beating his body and, to some extent, his mind had taken.

“You know, Doc, I had a dream the other night, and it got me to thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“About how, you know, even though I only have a few more months left of my sentence, I might have to stay here longer.”

“Why would that happen? Clarence Gable hasn’t succumbed to his injuries and even though your attorney didn’t manage to shorten your sentence, you still should be released on time.”

“Well, you see, there is a prison code about men like me, Dr. Owens. It is mostly like, ‘Live By the Sword, Die by the Sword.’ I can make all the plans I want, but it don’t mean any of it will come true. This is the first time I’m scared that something might go wrong. I don’t have my backup anymore. There are people who want me to never see the light of day, to never walk out of here. I got even more now, ’cause word spreads fast.”

“I don’t quite follow you, Aaron. You said Darryl is your best friend, so why would he tell anyone about you and Mia?”

“He wouldn’t… Dr. Owens, the three guys in the closet with me—I didn’t see their faces, didn’t know their names. But…. they knew I wasn’t fighting back.”

“Okay, but isn’t that what they’d want?”

“Not really. It depends on the motivation I suppose. You see, me cowering down, covering my face, and just sittin’ there was a sign of submission. At first I was flailin’, defending myself as a natural instinct, and then, I told myself to stop. It’s like a wolf pack. If one approaches the alpha wolf for a fight, that means they want to take over the pack. But sometimes, in rare occasions, they just want to feel protected and safe, so they start a fight to make the alpha wolf prove that he still got it, and he ain’t goin’ nowhere. Some of us, Dr. Owens, need proof that we won’t be abandoned or forgotten about. We fear being shipped off to land in a foster care of sorts. So, the only language we speak is dysfunction and the only thing we understand is violence.”

He nodded in understanding.

“People like me are wired differently from people like you. We show we care with pain; we show we love with something even more intense. They wanted to know if I’d fight for them. Dr. Owens, Clyde cast just enough doubt on me that panic set in. He’d been workin’ on this not for months, but probably a couple of years. Nobody wanted him, but he had the most experience. It’s like tenure. He hated that, even behind bars, I pulled more weight than him. He got them to do what he wanted ’cause I was in Holman, and he was out there and I couldn’t stop his lies, the rumors, all the trumped up shit. When a leader goes to prison, the flock gets scared, especially the young guys because they were used to seeing me practically every day. And then, as things broke apart, they began to turn on each other and the division amongst the family started to grow. In these situations, people start to take sides, and the three guys in the closet had taken mine.”

“I find that hard to believe considering you were barely breathing!” What in the hell was Aaron thinking? Was the concussion even more severe than they’d initially thought? Was he slipping back into his old training and thought processes – that of believing pain would somehow grant him future pleasure?

“No, you don’t understand… Listen to me.” He sat up a bit straighter. “They felt betrayed by me once they saw I wasn’t fighting back, so, their blows became more and more brutal, to try and make me do it, make me come back into the fold and lead, motivate, and save them from themselves… but I…” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “I just couldn’t.”

Smiling, he realized just what Aaron meant then. Yes, it was true. The world Aaron came from was so much different than his own, and though he found the details intriguing, the cult mentality of such a unit unnerved him. How many more victims would this organization swallow and destroy?

“I was telling them I wanted out. They knew this; I heard them screaming for me to ‘Fight back!’ before I blacked out. They really didn’t want me to leave, didn’t want me to die at first. It was all for show… They’re scared of the new leadership, have the same fears I had once I realized someone was muddying the waters with a bunch of bullshit. When you don’t fight back in a situation like that, Dr. Owens, you are telling your brethren, ‘I quit.’ Simple as that. At that point, they knew I left of my own free will. And no one wants to be deserted, Dr. Owens… ’cause one of the worst feelings in the world is to not know where you’re goin’, and to be left by yourself, wandering about in the woods all by your lonesome…”

Chapter Eight

SIX WEEKS WAS far too long, yet, courage was something mustered up at times of great fear. How could one really know they were capable until their back was up against a wall? Marcus sat at his desk in the customer service center, his chest growing tighter and tighter with anxiety. His peregrinations through choppy thoughts were accompanied by the music of shuffling his paperwork as he danced around daydreams.

Those daydreams though were turning into living, guilt-ridden nightmares. It had been a fairly normal day until someone called on the telephone and jogged his tattered memory. Like a flashback tapping on a cold shoulder, the customer announced himself.

“My name is Aaron Cameroon and I need some help with my order…”

Yes, his name was Aaron… but it wasn’t Mr. Pike. It was an elderly fellow, an old man who wanted to find out about the delay in his shipment for his soft cushion foot insoles with built in odor-eater technology. Marcus checked the status and credited the man the shipping charges, along with a well-scripted, robotic apology.

Damn it, UPS lost the package.

Or perhaps some driver was enjoying the chocolate brown, size 9, triple wide Eskimo slippers for his damn self; who truly knew? But one thing was certain: he could barely get through each week without brainstorming on what the hell he was going to do…

That evening at the party many weeks ago, Terence, the self-appointed videographer of a rather unfortunate episode, was drinking heavily, right along with most everyone else in the club for the birthday party bash. The bastard had slipped into the men’s bathroom, laid his damn phone on the sink counter and closed his eyes, barely keeping himself afloat. Like the tiny devil that pirouettes on one’s shoulder, Marcus had followed him inside, riding his instincts, but also watching his back. Terrence sluggishly rocked back on his heels and took a long, sloppy piss. It went every damn where, soon forming a small puddle by the drunk’s feet. Marcus thought hard for a moment, trying desperately to talk himself out of the shit he was cooking up, but before he could change his mind, he snatched the phone off the damn counter and headed out the restroom door, certain he wasn’t even noticed.

After walking several feet away, he disabled the phone tracking app and allowed the boisterous crowd to swallow him up as he turned the damn thing off with a slide of his thumb. He couldn’t have the man figure out someone swiped his shit and decide to have a friend call his number to trigger a custom ring-tone. Should such a situation arise, he could take the chance on no one hearing it over all of the laughing, yelling and music, but why expose himself to such a risk?

He slipped the shit in his pocket and, with a forced smile, he danced a bit, playing the role, and chatted it up with Go-Go and several others, acting as calm and ‘normal’ as he possibly could. A shower of relief rained down on him when Corey made to leave out the party with a young woman shaped like an hourglass, waving and slapping hands to alert everyone around him that he had pending pussy plans. The man’s face creased with a devilish grin, as if he were going off to the Navy, and this was his last hurrah. Not long after, Go-Go followed suit, letting him know he’d get back home on his own. In one hand he held a blunt and in the other arm, a curvy, tatted up woman who looked like a darker version of Blac Chyna. It was as if the stars had aligned and pardoned him from the pain, gave him a moment to make things right.

He disappeared into the night, Terence’s phone tucked away in his pocket and a heavy weight on his shoulders at the realization of possible consequences from his actions. The worry reeled through him like an old tape with no end, but he put that shit on mute from time to time.

Nevertheless, he pushed forward. He drove a couple miles away, pulled over to the side of the road, and decided to handle his business right then and there. When he turned the phone on, the screen saver popped up—a cartoon drawing of a naked, busty, blue alien woman smoking a hookah broke the darkness in his quiet vehicle. The sounds of “Hood Go Crazy” by Tech N9ne played in the background as he scanned the thing, getting his bearings. He touched the photos icon, only to be prompted for a damn passcode.

Shit!

He didn’t have time for such a thing, but then a thought hit him, and he smiled. It had been a while, but he prided himself on the notion that he could recall how to get past the password screen on an Android, set up a new one, and go on with his life. He looked down at the phone, logged into Google, and put other pertinent information in the search field. Once he got to the ADM interface, he selected the type of phone he’d snatched, put in a temporary passcode for it, and waited with baited breath…

“Alright now!” He beamed when it worked like a snake charm. “I better not get too excited. He may have already deleted that shit.”

There appeared to be a million pictures and videos on the phone, many of which depicted green, spinning marijuana illustrations and jokes, intricate tattoo artwork, liquor and money stacks, and of course, a barrage of naked women from online social sites. After a few minutes of wading through the sophomoric mayhem, he selected a video thumbnail that seemed to show the store he’d been at earlier in the day with Go-Go and Corey. On a sigh, he pushed ‘play’…

Several minutes later, he was sick to his damn stomach… Was it the liquor? Nah, he’d only drank two beers…

He drove home, feeling mixed up and torn in half. The devil on his shoulder chuckled and screamed warnings at the same time while the angel urged him to do the right thing.

Yeah, Go-Go had been right about what had transpired; only, it proved far worse to actually view it in person. Aaron stood there with a hot coffee in one hand and a box of Krispy Kreme donuts and a few other odds and ends in the other. Soon, everything end up splattered all over the goddamn ground…

The confrontation was rapid fire, brutal and ugly… Clearly, Aaron was not only mad at the man who’d tried to take him down; he was mad at the entire damn world as he swung back and kicked, punched and grabbed the mass of bloodied flesh beneath him.

A few parked cars appeared in the shot, with people inside of them, but no one got out to assist. No one came to Clarence’s aid; they just kept on screaming, laughing and filming. Perhaps society wasn’t so cruel? Maybe there was a logical explanation for the lack of assistance. For instance, he’d noticed something rather alarming about Aaron, and perhaps the crowd soon noticed it too after the mayhem began. Aaron’s dark suit jacket swung open revealing a 45 jammed in a holster on the side of his hip… but… he didn’t use it. Didn’t that count for anything? Most of the guys in the hood wouldn’t have even fought Clarence. One to the head… dead and dead…

After that hour in his car, the images he saw continued to haunt him for days, weeks, and more.

And now here he was at work, one and a half months later, still sitting on the evidence like a reluctant chicken on a cracked egg, knowing damn well what happened to snitches. So much was on the line; he could open his mouth and end up having his head opened up with a bullet, too…

…But, it wasn’t right. The news story specifically said the store cameras weren’t working that day, Aaron’s side of the story was nonexistent and though many saw what transpired, they didn’t dare step forward and if approached by law enforcement, they lied. On a different note, what he was doing here at work also required him to do the right thing. The old man that called about his missing house shoes was in need. They may have just been some cheap ass, poorly constructed slippers to the average man, but to that elderly gentleman on a fixed income, they meant so much more. The shoes were for his comfort—a chance to relax in his old age, to walk around in peace, feel softness and a sense of delight.

Yet, Aaron too couldn’t walk around; he could only go wherever someone told his ass to go. He couldn’t ever get comfortable in Holman, for getting too comfortable would cost you your life.

Life, how brutal it can be.

It was so cruel that Aaron’s ass was now in deep trouble. It wasn’t just the old man’s call that sent him into an emotional tailspin, the news that morning gave an update on the story. Clarence had died just a few short hours earlier. This meant one thing and one thing only: Aaron may become a permanent prisoner. Didn’t his daughter deserve better, even if he did not? Aaron had been a son of a bitch to so many people, yet, the one time he didn’t commit a crime as described, he received a sentence that treated him as if he had. What type of quality of life could he possibly have in Holman? Not much of one at all…

Marcus excused himself from his desk, requesting to take one of his five-minute breaks. With his cell phone in hand, and Terence’s phone in his pocket, he made his way outside. Taking a deep breath, he nervously dialed a number.

“Yeah, I got some information ’bout a case. I’d like to talk to a police officer at the Brewton county police station, please…”

HIS NAILS HAD grown way too long. One was jagged and now slicing into his scalp as he used the thing to cure an itch. The soreness of his limbs was slowly dissipating, but still remained. Every time he looked in the mirror, his fucking stomach dropped in witnessing a reminder of the betrayal, of a life left behind. To make matters worse, he’d broken down and told Mia what had transpired. Though he couldn’t see her and demanded she not come to the prison, her response via letter made everything clear—she’d hit the damn roof then broke through that son of a bitch, angry he hadn’t shared a word until it was all said and done. It took six pages later and a phone call from Dr. Owens’ office to calm the lady, to let her know everything was alright.

But that was a lie. Though he hated every damn moment of it, if he ever wanted to see the light of day again he had to keep his nose clean and there was no possible way he could in general population. So here he was… back where he’d started. Segregation. To add to the bullshit, solidify the horror, Clarence’s death in ICU had him dubbed as hit man number one, even by fuckers who hated the bastard. Clarence had few friends, but when it came to Aaron’s ass killing a black man, it no longer mattered. Funny what hype could do…

Racism was a drug and he was tired of getting high off the shit. Since he stopped using, he could see things so much clearer, even through burst-blood-vessel eyes. He sat there waiting for his lawyer, who’d said he needed to see him right away. He wouldn’t disclose what for, but with the way things were going, he was certain it would be some more shit he didn’t want to hear.

A few minutes later, the redhead guard that didn’t take any shit came and retrieved him.

“Come on, Mister Pike. Your lawyer wants to see you.”

Aaron nodded and rose from his seat. The man gripped his arm harshly, twisting it, as if he’d called him a son of a bitch. Sneering but maintaining a calm tone, he told the man he was being a bit rough, only to be ignored. He paused, causing the guard to look at him with confusion.

“Look, you must be new here. Since the first time you saw me, you’ve been overly aggressive. What’s wrong with you? You got beef with me?” Aaron’s brows dipped. The guy smirked, his pale, porcelain skin almost glowing under the muted light.

“I can’t stand you, that’s why. You are scum…the kind I wish I could make disappear.” The guard gave him a creepy smile, the type that delivered the message that, if he had him alone, some shit would go down—some real nasty, horrendous shit.

“How can you not stand me when you don’t even know me?”

“Why not? What?” The man shrugged his shoulders and smiled sarcastically. “You do that shit all the time to other people… judge ’em when you don’t even know ’em.” The guard jerked him forward, forcing him up the hall.

“What are you talking about?” Aaron’s body grew a bit warmer as he looked around the place. It was only he and the guard, and should the man decide to try and beat him to a pulp or accuse him of doing some crap he hadn’t, things could get real ugly.

“You judge people ’cause you don’t like ’em, ’cause they’re black or whatever. You’re gettin’ what you deserve. I hope you never get out of here. You deserve a life sentence, goddamn loser.”

“And why do you take my time in here personally? What the hell does it have to do with you?”

“Because my wife is black and my kids are biracial, Mr. Pike. So, yeah, I take motherfuckers like you personally! Shut the fuck up, don’t try anything and keep walkin’…” He elbowed him in the center of his back, sending a dull pain up and down his spine.

Aaron did as he asked, but not without a smirk on his face. Strange how things worked and how life went… The ginger didn’t know his new life, how he’d changed his mind, but none of that even really mattered anymore, now did it? Aaron understood that the previous damage he’d done was non-erasable. At this point it would be kind of like apologizing for splitting an atom. What is done is done…

Besides, wasn’t no need to spill his guts to the man, to ask for forgiveness as if the ginger was his personal Lord and Savior… or tell his life story. No, he just kept on walking, kept on smiling. Their heavy footsteps moved in unison, causing thundering echoes in the desolate, dark gray hallways. Dismal…

Life was funny, or at least, sometimes one had to find the humor and irony in a fucked up situation. In that way, he completely agreed with the man.

Life. Irony. Karma was his best friend’s name, and she was a contractor for God and the Devil. The three sat at a table and mapped out plans, signed documents, and hammered out agreements.

What goes around comes around, or so they say. But one thing Aaron was sure of: the Devil always came to get his pay, and there was no way out of the debt unless you had a damn good attorney.

He felt blessed that he did… Mia called him Jesus…

IN THE COURTHOUSE while receiving his sentence so long ago, Aaron recalled standing there and ranting and raving, splitting the air with a shrill voice of vengeance and waving his damn fists around. As he looked back on that time, it seemed almost like he was having an out of body experience. And this was no different.

“So.” His lawyer noisily worked the gum around in his mouth, making the chewed up mass do saliva covered laps. “With this new evidence, you have a retrial. Your original sentence was almost fully served but with the new charges after Clarence’s death, you were of course looking at a lot longer. You got an angel lookin’ after you, Aaron.”

Speechless and taken aback, he rubbed his chin, contemplating the information. He felt a sense of deep gratitude, but now he had more questions, and the frustration of the real possibility of never getting the answers tore him up inside.

“So, you don’t know who submitted the tape, right?”

“No.” The lawyer shook his head. “He was anonymous. Since the store’s cameras weren’t working and it was everyone’s word against your own, we didn’t have much. The only thing helping you was that Clarence has committed similar crimes, but due to your background, it was a hard fight, nevertheless.”

Aaron nodded in understanding as he ran his hands roughly one over the other.

“Aaron, you look tired…” the man said solemnly.

“I am tired.”

“Well, you’ll be gettin’ some decent rest soon because I got your court date moved to next week after this evidence was presented. I tried to get you out of here tomorrow, on bail, but my hope is that you will be immediately released after your re-trial. It won’t be long and drawn out, either. This is specifically based on the new evidence.”

“What judge has the case?” He crossed his arms, waiting for something to fuck up his budding good mood.

“Judge Tabernacle.” His lawyer chuckled. “You got Judge Harris.”

“Shit.” Aaron shook his head and rocked in his seat. Judge Harris was an older black man, one of the few black judges in Alabama’s state court jurisdiction. The man stood 6’5, had a face like a walrus, was an ordained minister and had been active in civil rights. Aaron wasn’t even thought about when the man was trouncing around with Martin Luther King Jr., and here he would be, an ex-Nazi and National Socialist, standing in this man’s court after killing a black man…

Once a silver lining gleamed, and now it was tarnished, just that fast… faster than judgment passed…

“Well.” Aaron sighed as he leaned back in his seat, forcing the front legs off the floor. “Here is how the cards have been dealt. I’m screwed.”

“Well.” His lawyer put up his hand. “Let’s just see. That video is pretty damn condemning and convincing. It shows outright that you were attacked and how at first you tried to continue on to your car but Clarence pushed the issue. That’s what we’re going to ride on. You got his gun away from him and you didn’t pull your gun out; you just fought him. He died from those injuries, but you own a security bodyguard business.” The man shrugged. “You know how to fight and defend yourself. You taught others how to.”

Aaron nodded in agreement.

“…And I trained security dogs and bodyguards for large events like concerts, things like that.” He paused, sucked in a frustrated breath. “I tried not to think about my company too much while I was in here. My business partner has been taking care of things on the business end, but that was my vision, you know? I worry about it… though he’s sent letters with updates, called me, and I checked up on it… Everything seems to be runnin’ okay. Everything seems fine… but well, never mind that.’” He smiled sadly. “I’ve had so much other shit going on in here I couldn’t really concentrate on all of that. I knew he was capable, that he could hold it down for me.”

The guy nodded and smiled at him—the kind of smile one gives when they’re proud of someone, giving them a pat on the back from afar.

“Alright, Aaron.” The man gathered his belongings under one arm, stood from his seat, then outstretched his hand for a handshake. “I will be in contact with you in the next few days and see you in court.”

Aaron grabbed the man’s hand and gave it a firm shake. The ginger immediately swung the door open and stood there looking stiff, all bitten up inside like a tree riddled by termites. The guard smacked the handcuffs on his wrists and began the aggressive pushing and prodding of his already bruised flesh as he escorted him down the way.

This time, he didn’t say anything. This time, he just let it happen. He knew the ginger knew what he was capable of; perhaps he was trying to trigger an altercation that would derail his release plans… or perhaps he’d known the nature of the meeting even before he had. Regardless, the guard thought he knew him, too—had him pegged.

Those who didn’t wish to be judged would judge others for judging them! It was a circular situation, the cause for alarm and the effect of the results, one and the same. When he was placed back into his cell, he listened to the heavy, pounding steps of the guard as he walked away. Loneliness crept in. Though Aaron was pleased to have the tight handcuffs and shackles off, the guard breathed life in a horrid land of solitude. Even his heavy, suffocating negativity proved better than no attention at all. The sound of the dripping faucet and the stingy stream of daylight from a window the width of a finger were his only companions.

Being ignored, shunned, like this was not his strong suit. He couldn’t belong here…

He lowered his head onto his knees, gave himself a squeeze at the realization that he may soon be embraced by sunlight without barbed wire… enjoy a meal without a timer… walk through a hallway without wails and moans of misery from cracked and broken spirits.

And best of all, the love of a beautiful and good woman, without the lack knowledge of oneself…

…One month later

AS A CHILD, some places appeared larger than life. The movie theater, the skating rink, and the local outlet mall, for example. This was no different. Perhaps it was due to the skewed vantage point of a child: a little person being so low to the ground and everything worthy of attention being so high up, almost unobtainable. But in this case, there was more to the story… it was also what particular places signified. Aaron’s back bowed like a branch under extreme weight as he moved about the brightly colored dollhouse.

It wasn’t an actual dollhouse, but the place reminded him of the small schoolyards in which only four classrooms existed, reeking of fragranced baby wet wipes, lemon-scented hand sanitizer, and the lingering spoor of cheese pizza from the lunchroom cafeteria.

They need better security in here…

How could he not think about that? It was his job to be paranoid; the thin robe of freedom hadn’t excused such a thing. Freedom was not a knight’s thickly clad metal armor; it was in fact just the opposite. Due to this exposure to the unknown, he was more on alert than ever. He had a mission, a checklist to go through, and he would take care of his duties in the manner he saw fit.

He didn’t go to his house once he was released, nor to his office. No, his first line of business involved a little blond haired girl with a smile brighter than the universe. He called Laura the day prior and told her he’d stop her house after she got out of school. When he did, her mother waited with her arms tightly crossed over her heavily tattooed bosom and a tight scowl on her face. No welcome back, no ‘How are you doing’, just an ugly expression and hatred that could be smelled from miles away. He ignored the woman, enjoyed the time with his daughter and made plans to see her again the following day.

After that, he rushed to Mia’s place of employment, his heart racing while he observed men and women, and children too, coming and going, mostly leaving for the day. The bell had already rung and parents were now arriving, pulling up in their cars as the last of the buses went on their way. Perhaps that’s why he blended in. There was so much activity and ruckus, though he saw several hallway cameras here and there mounted up high. He tipped his black Harley Davidson baseball cap a bit lower then made his way to her room, figuring out that finding the classroom number would be little effort. A directory was readily available at the entrance. As he trekked towards her, his paranoia grew teeth once again at the idea of her accessibility…

If I can get to her, anyone can…

He quickly shoved the unpleasantness out of his mind and saved the issue for later.

Ahhh, there it is…

The door was slightly ajar, cracked just enough for him to see a miraculous sight. Stepping a bit closer, he eyed the scene, taking it all in before looking over his shoulder a time or two. He saw the typical classroom displays—a board depicting the four seasons; a shapes chart with circle, square, triangle; the universal planets; and a vibrant alphabet written in cursive above green and black dusty chalkboards…

Chalk…

Aaron briefly swam in a peaceful pond of childhood memories as he stared at the rectangular erasers. He used to love drawing with chalk. He’d hold the thick, white, dusty instrument between his small fingers and write the answers on the board. At that moment, he could almost smell his old classroom, hear the worn, familiar sounds of yesteryear. He’d stand there at that board and put on a performance, trying so hard to prove that he was worthy. Usually his answers were correct, and he took much pride in that.

At one point in time, he believed it would render him new, much sought after friends amidst internal upheaval, but it had done just the opposite. So, he dumbed himself down, just as Dr. Owens had accused, but it didn’t matter. The chalk was still white, and so was his skin… and no one cared about what he’d written on the matte, black chalkboard. His truthful words and correct answers didn’t bring anything to life’s lies. Perfection? Was it really the unobtainable race as he carefully crafted numerals written with a slight, italic slant and stood under the faded American flag that the class said the Pledge of Allegiance to? They’d memorized the words, placed their hands over their hearts, but what did it truly mean?

These tiny memories ruled him, caused his stomach to knot up and coil like a shuddering cobra. It was odd what moved a man, and mountains, too… For these incidents grew like tangled poison ivy, little chopped up incidents smaller than granules of salt that added into bigger ones creating lopsided piles. These had him puffed up with anxiety, soulless from excessive bloat, insufferable and indignant with no holy water to rinse the muck away. That was when he first realized that if he couldn’t be loved, then he’d settle for being hated and feared … made no damn difference to him.

My name is Aaron Pike, and these motherfuckers are going to remember me…

And now here he was, a grown man, huddled close to a marginally open wooden door that smelled of freshly applied lemon Pledge and a hallway filled with paper plate artwork and flamboyant finger-paint murals created from the smallest of hands. He focused back on the here and now… Four students stood huddled around Mia in the slightly darkened classroom. The blinds were pulled, blocking the sun, but one ceiling light illuminated them all with a warm, fuzzy glow.

One little boy with poker straight, uneven blond hair hugged Mia around her calves as he buried the side of his reddened face into her knee. His tiny body wrapped around hers and he held on for dear life, as if he were afraid of his very own shadow. She smiled down at him and ran an easy hand over his hair, ruffling it a bit before it slowly would fall back down into place. A little black girl with dark, unusually slanted eyes, a curly afro, and a bright pink romper stood right before her, her hands sticky with what appeared to be pieces of caramel popped corn as she jumped about, a big smile on her face and a high-pitched giggle escaping her lips. Mia spoke to her softly, causing the girl to laugh even louder.

On the other side of her were two more children, standing protectively beside her. One little boy, who looked Asian, held onto a small toy school bus and the last child was another white boy, this one with almost pitch black hair… the kind of hair that glistened and looked slick even when it was bone dry. The kid had an air about him. He stood the farthest away, but gave off the most heat, had the biggest, baddest aura of them all. Like a lion’s paw, his energy reached out and pounded the atmosphere, despite him not moving a muscle and not saying one, solitary word. His light amber eyes flickered like candles in a jack-o-lantern and they held a delicate sadness, though he smiled nevertheless…

He looks like me as a little boy…

Mia spoke to the children in a nurturing sort of way, even while reprimanding the slanted-eyed black girl for speaking out earlier during class and causing a bit of a ruckus. It was clear as a freshly cleaned crystal vase: her students adored her. But who wouldn’t?

From the naked eye, none of them looked impaired, as if they had special needs, or had strange outbursts, comprehension issues, or anything of the like but Aaron knew first hand that looks could be deceiving. Nothing was at it seemed anymore. A window was no longer simply a window – it was a way out. A painting was no longer simply a painting – it told a story and changed so many who witnessed its beauty. Shaken out of his daydreams, he heard her ask them to get their book bags out of their timber cubbies, then explained she’d walk them to the office and wait with them for their parents to arrive.

According to her words shared, their parents had called in to say they’d be late. Traffic was a bit backed up on I-65; he could personally attest to that. She approached like the Pied Piper with the small ones following close behind her. He stood back from the door, hearing his own breathing as his heart begun to race in anticipation.

A few moments later, she swung the door open with the children right on her heels, almost colliding into her due to her stopping suddenly.

Their gazes met, and in that moment, they sank inside of one another. Their DNA seemed to leave their respective bodies and merge, wrap around, and melt together.

She’s so beautiful!

He wanted to reach out and touch her, grab her, but he fought the need and simply kept his eye on her, never wishing to forget this moment in time.

Her slightly trembling hands immediately went up to her lips, covering the damn things, blocking one of many physical attributes he loved about the woman. Mia stifled a moan in the palms of her hands. Her beautiful brown eyes glossed over and turned up at the ends, almost closing as if she were about to pass out. She then suddenly snatched her fingers away from her face, let out a scream and raced towards him, the tears pouring like rain down a roof as she leapt into his arms. He grabbed her back, hugged her tight and hard, bunching the green chiffon type fabric of her blouse. And then, he spun her and around…

Their spirits danced and their bodies simply followed the beautiful beat, riding shotgun to a spiritual connection that could not be stopped or altered. Neither said anything for several seconds, until he recalled the children were there, in need of care. Reluctantly, he released her and she pulled a balled up tissue from her black pants pocket. She dabbed at her eyes and took the little black girl’s hand as they made their way up the hall.

Aaron lingered behind, giving space, room, and talking himself down from an emotional cliff. He held back, stayed several feet away and then, simply paused. The woman he loved held the little black girl’s hand in hers, and in her other hand was the little white boy’s, the one with the darkness and the light vying to have their way within him. They were mere children… trusting, and loving as a source of comfort, the woman who stood between them. They had no hatred, only love. They had not been tainted by the nasty world as of yet. They were pure and clean, untarnished.

Who soils the children? Spreads their emotional and psychological diseases to the youth? Perhaps the Devil? Maybe that’s too easy, an excuse of sorts.

…Or possibly it’s the Devil in the details…

The mental treaties we sign and declare to be a solid, hardcore belief, based on things we’d seen, felt, and knew as a child – those are real. A child’s vision is clear, but skewed at the same time. Everything looks larger than life at that age, so how can it be truly trusted?

He stared at Mia, getting smaller and smaller as she continued to go up the hall. Grasping the material of his collar and bringing it to his nose, he sniffed it.

“Mmmm…smells soooo good…”

He moaned as he relished her scent.

Slowly closing his eyes, he inhaled again and again. Yes, she smelled like childhood optimism and liberation. Mia reminded him of springtime and growth, renewal and home-brewed peach tea.

Mia smelled like hope. Mia was faith in the unseen, love in the midst of putrid hatred. Mia, was everything, for Mia was his personal angel, delivering the most important gift of all…

Redemption…

Chapter Nine

THE ROOM SMELLED like that damn prison soap…

She’d never smell it on him again after today.

She watched him pluck construction project paperwork from the desk, assigning himself as her personal housekeeper. Smiling inside and out, she placed her pencils neatly back inside her desk drawer and went about her chores. Every now and again, the man would pause, pick something off the ground and toss it away, take a look at her, then continue on. She’d cleared off her desk, then made her way to the bins, sorting the folders of each student and placing them back in alphabetical order.

“I don’t understand why you insisted on helping me clean up my classroom.”

“This school is all year round, right?” He kept going, busying himself.

“Yes, we have a two week summer vacation and then the children return…don’t want them out of school too long.”

He nodded in understanding, then pulled out a small mp3 player with an attached speaker, and turned it on as he continued to work. Suddenly she was hearing Daughter’s ‘Medicine.’

“We can get ready to leave now,” she stated as she removed her purse from the coat hook. “The janitor will finish the rest, honey.” She grabbed her keys and began to walk towards the door of her room only to find the man cut her off at the pass. He made his way to the doorknob, turned it until it clicked shut. Locked. Facing her, he stood there for a moment or two, then tugged at his pants.

“Aaron… what are you doing?” Her low heels clicked against the floor, echoing as she moved in reverse, backing away, stumbling about.

He said nothing.

A ray of sunlight caught the silver of his heavy belt buckle as he slicked the thing out of his jeans and cast it onto the floor with a mighty crash. As if his words had been stolen, he simply communicated with his body until he was flush against her, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her close. He forced her back into the desk.

“Sit down.”

She quickly tossed a glance over her shoulder, then back at him. The man’s lips lifted in a devilish smirk. Sitting on the desk surface as he’d instructed, she undid the top button of her pants, and pulled down the zipper. Her pants hit the floor, her sheer baby blue panties now in full view. Reaching out, she ran her hands up and down his hard chest, bunching the black fabric of his T-shirt. For a split second, the man seemed to lose composure at her touch.

He gripped the back of her shirt in his powerful fist, pulled her roughly to him and wedged himself between her legs. With his pants puddled around his ankles, he nestled his lips in the crook of her neck and delivered fast, frantic kisses up and down her jawbone and shoulder blade.

“Mmmmm!” They both moaned as she caressed his scalp. In a fit of lust, she caught his face and cradled it between her palms. Gaze locked on his, she pressed her lips to his, over and over again. Meanwhile, he squeezed her breasts hard through her bra, then released them as he bumped his pelvis into her zone. Unable to take a second more of that teasing, she reached behind herself and undid the clasp of her light blue bra, letting it fall off her shoulders. He slowed, looked down at her mounds and back into her eyes before initiating a slow, sensual kiss…

“Ahhh…” she breathed out as he laid her down on the desk and pushed his dark boxers down his legs, exposing a gorgeous cock to fill her need. Sliding her tongue slowly across her upper lip, she waited in sweet anticipation. She scooted back and pulled him close, feeling his taut flesh against hers. After yanking her panties down, he leaned forward, covering her with his inked flesh. Those symbols were not the same now – a reminder of the old Aaron that was no more. They didn’t bother her, except that they served as a reminder of all the pain he had to go through as a boy growing up in a deep vat of hate. Whatever story those ink designs told though, they pertained to his past. Today—right now—he was simply, solely, her man. Her one true mate who’d been reborn in love, just for her.

Suddenly, he paused. “I bought some condoms, hold on…”

“Aaron…”

“Yeah, baby?” He slowed down, all ears.

“I started taking birth control. I didn’t know when you were coming home, but I wanted to be ready…”

Grinning wide, he lowered himself back on top of her, knocking her legs further apart as he sluggishly ran his fingers through her hair.

“I love you so much, Mia.”

The simple, earnest words heated her body impossibly further, filled her heart with a flood of penetrating, passionate emotions.

“I love you too, Aaron… so glad you’re home…ahh…” Riding a ghost of a whimper, her eyes widened then closed in ecstasy as he entered her. He thrust deep and slow, held her close, nurtured her with his perfectly timed, beautiful movements. They simply stared at one another, smiling, speaking with silent words. Gradually, he sped up, making her coo and wrap her legs tightly around his waist.

…Don’t go…stay right here inside of me…

“Deeper…” Pulling him down by the neck, she touched her lips to his.

He did as she ordered and she came undone as his groans resonated within her body.

“Faster…faster!” She wiggled her pelvis and pushed it firmly against his own, grinding harder and harder.

“Uhhh!” He crashed into her, gritting his teeth, and he rocked her hard against the shaking desk.

“Mmmm, yes!” Her eyes flew wide open, her back arched. She felt dizzy, lightheaded and calm all at once.

I’m flying…

The room spun in slow motion as the white ceiling, pocked with tiny holes, reminded her suddenly of some reverse universe…

“Let me take your mind somewhere else… your body, it’s my blessing! I wanna make you feel so damn good, honey…so damn good!” He kissed all over her face, ravishing her. Her hair sprawled across the desk in all different directions. She whimpered and bit into her lower lip as her orgasm crept from her core, grabbed her fleshy, swollen zone, and her pelvis went into a series of uncontrollable spasms. And, too, she lost her breath. The slight hum from a box fan seemed to become louder as her ears picked up the tiniest of things – like his labored breathing, the way he swallowed as he observed her… hovered above her like some eagle watching over its baby.

“This is your world, Mia… I just live in it.” He placed a soft kiss against the tip of her nose and gracefully caressed her cheek.

“You’re the ambassador to my palace, and my palace is my heart…”

She reached up and pulled him close once again… and then, he shook, he gasped; his eyes filled with pools of lustrous release… Her core was flooded with a rush of warmth.

There he goes…

He shuddered within her again and again… his essence pouring out, filling her up. His nails dug harshly into her hips, dragging roughly across her skin as he lay down on her breasts, gasped for air, then disappeared against her heart. He settled after a while, throbbing within her, but clung to her so tightly, it was as if his very life depended on it. Inside, she exploded with pain and release! She was a healer, and she’d taken his pain away, treating it as her own.

It hurt! Such sadness, such despair…

She looked lazily over at a window, the blinds half pulled down, blocking their view and hiding them from the world. Still, a crack of light allowed them to see the bright blue, cloudless sky and the tips of the flourishing, lush, green trees…

Trees.

Growth from roots up to the heavens…

One day, Aaron, I’ll tell you about that tree in my grandmother’s yard…yeah, the one I was afraid of. The one with twisted, dry, knotted bark, gnarled limbs and grooves that made it appear alive, yet dead at the same time. I didn’t tell you the other half of that story, Aaron, and now is not the time. But I will… I will tell you how my grandmother refused to cut down that tree, because her great grandfather was hung from that tree…

… but the rope broke, and his life was spared in that instant. They’d tried several more times, the white men in their anger, waving their fists, shouting and carrying on, but each and every time, the rope broke, no matter who tied it, Aaron… so they took him out to the river and drowned him. The river took him away, but that tree refused. So you see, Aaron… she couldn’t cut that tree down, not for me, not for nobody, because it understood my ancestors, and it refused to let their blood be shed upon its branches. It refused to take life, only give it…

So that’s why the flowers, still, to this day, bloom at its base…and that’s why birds rest on its broken and cracked boughs…and that’s why, Aaron, I can forgive you…

’Cause you were afraid of me… you saw life in me, but constant fear is just another form of death. You ain’t know no better; it was my duty to teach you… and now you know better…

She ran her hand over his beautiful face.

‘Yeah, now you do…’

…The next day

THE LOUD SUCTION sound of the fizzy cola flowing through the white straw continued. Mia was certain it sufficed to cause him to want to bust a gut at her antics. She’d tried to cool her nerves with the beverage, calm her excitement down, but it only ended in her chewing the tip of the straw so badly, it barely allowed her to partake in the final sips of melted ice. She was making a fool of herself, but she simply couldn’t help it. Happy times such as this gave her the exultant jitters. She became clumsy, uncouth, and a bit off key. He, on the other hand, looked quite comfortable, dressed in a light blue button down shirt, a nice pair of black slacks, and an easy smile as they sat in the crowded Chick-fil-A. She plucked a warm fry from her plate and swirled it around in a dollop of ketchup before popping it inside of her mouth.

“So, Joe-Joe said he was becoming a rapper,” Aaron continued to explain his latest conversation with his brother. “That guy is crazy.” He chuckled. “I suppose we all are.” He shrugged as he looked lazily out the window then back at her through slightly narrowed eyes.

“What’s his rapper name?” she asked, taking another hard draw on the straw, trying to force the miniscule amount of liquid to enter her mouth with deep pressure.

Aaron’s eyes grew a bit wider as he clicked his thick, long tongue inside his inner jaw. A smattering of a smile materialized on his face, one filled with something nasty, lewd, and right up her alley.

Damn. Memories.

His dark brows bunched ever so slightly while he tapped the back of his bench seat, leaned his head against the window, and slumped in the corner of the booth.

“Sir Foreskin, shit, hell if I know…” He shrugged, stifling a smirk.

Mia burst out laughing then cupped her hand over her mouth to keep the last bits of watered down soda she’d managed to extract from spewing out. Aaron offered her a cocky, off kilter grin. The man wasn’t sexy, sexy was him…

“You have such beautiful laugh. Funny, I almost forgot how it sounded.” He cocked his head to the side. “Isn’t that strange? The things we love most, sometimes we forget? Maybe I tried to forget it, afraid I might not get to hear it again.”

“Why would you think that?” She looked at him and the invisible wedge between their bodies, the one made of broken bricks of regret. No, this time he could not escape behind a cell door or slam the receiver of a phone down… or ignore long winded, emotional letters covered in tear stains. She leaned across the table and took his hand. She shook it a bit, showing the man strength, control, and love.

“Because things happen, Mia. Things we don’t want to happen, but they do.” His lips twisted up tight, as if he were preventing himself from saying anything further.

“I am looking forward to meeting Laura. You talked about her so much yesterday, I could almost picture everything you said.”

He broke out in a wide smile. “Yeah, that’s my world right there… I want her to meet you, too; I’ll get that arranged, just like I said. With our situation, I gotta be careful is all. I saw her yesterday and talked to her on the phone this mornin’. I’m going to spend some time with her later on today.”

“Good! I hear that new park they opened is real nice. She might like that.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. She can go on some rides with me… scream her head off.” They both laughed for a spell, their voices waning at just the same time. “Look, Mia. I’m sorry about takin’ off so abruptly last night. It wasn’t anything you did; I just had some time sensitive stuff I needed to take care of. I appreciate you cookin’ me dinner and all. It was delicious by the way. Wish I had some more right now.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I just uh…” He looked down at his hands. “Well, I had things to do. You looked disappointed, but trust me, I was more so.”

“Yes, but I understood. I mean, you’d just gotten home after a year.” She nodded, then switched gears. “You didn’t seem in the mood to talk about much after you came to the school yesterday, Aaron. I wanted to discuss things with you, but instead decided to give you some space for a minute or two, let you get your bearings. But, this can’t wait any longer.”

He met eyes with her and ran his index finger over his lower lip as if in deep concentration.

“Well, what’s troublin’ you?” He reached for her hand, held it tight.

“Why didn’t you tell me that your court case date had changed? Aaron… you’ve been keeping secrets.” She shook her head as a tiny bit of anger planted itself inside of her, threatening to grow out of control and ruin their reunion. She tried to hide her resentment, but she simply could not, so she slowly slid her hand away from his and leaned back in her seat, arms crossed and hands tucked at her sides. “What other things have you been keeping from me? We made a pact. We had an agreement. First, you almost died due to being jumped on at Holman and now this.”

Her chest seized up as thoughts of him struggling to breathe in the hospital, barely clinging to life, consumed her, while all that time, she was none the wiser, living in some residual fairytale.

“Mia, I didn’t tell you about me gettin’ into trouble at Holman because I didn’t want you to worry. How would that have helped either one of us? There was nothin’ you could have done. Not only that, you have children to teach and help care for. You didn’t need any of my shit!”

“That’s for me to decide!” She pointed at the man, then at herself, driving her finger hard against her chest and causing a bit of self-inflicted pain. Yet, it paled in comparison to the emotions surrounding the tense circumstances. Stubbornness etched itself over his face, as if he didn’t intend to hear another word out of her mouth.

“You don’t make the choices insofar as what I need to know!” She rose in her seat, and her voice escalated, too. “The man I love was almost on his damn deathbed, and you kept it to yourself but then you turn around and have good news, and I don’t get that either! Aaron, you ain’t gone do me like this, ya hear? We’ve got to lay out some rules right now because this is some bullshit!”

There. She’d said it. She was fed up and she’d be damned if she didn’t address what was on her mind. Her sweetness was sometimes mistaken for weakness, but just because her tea was like liquid candy didn’t mean she wouldn’t bite back! She had lemon in her veins, and it packed a punch. “Now tell me why you did it!”

“’Cause it wasn’t good news as a promise; it was good news as a possibility… There’s a big difference,” he stated in exasperation. “How is gettin’ you all worked up and happy for me to come home to you a good thing if it all goes wrong, and then you have to be told, ‘Oh, sorry, they changed their mind!’” He huffed and shook his head in dismay. “Shit like that happens all the time, Mia. I wasn’t no choirboy; things definitely could have ended much differently.”

The noises of an ice machine interrupted the flow of the conversation. Loud, clanking sounds against a cup echoed throughout while customer voices increased in volume all around them. The two paused and looked tensely at one another, until finally, they released their grip around each other’s hearts so that they could simply catch their own breath.

“Sometimes… sometimes it’s too much, Mia…just, too much. I didn’t want to let you down again.” His voice turned froggy and deeper as he looked down at his lap, disappearing within himself right before her eyes. She hated how she burned for him, felt his remorse. It made her struggle with her anger towards the man. She wanted to keep a hold on it, make him do right, explain himself… but his explanation was different than she’d expected. How could she argue with the truth of his concerns?

“I hate the look of disappointment in your eyes. I’ve seen it! I hate that I’ve caused you pain. Before I even knew you, I hurt others through my affiliations and beliefs. Do you understand what I have to live with, Mia? Have you thought about this from my point of view? You couldn’t possibly!” He vehemently shook his head and his eyes glossed over before he blinked the emotions away. “You will never understand this, because you’re not me. It can’t be reversed… I’ve done what I’ve done! You’re good…always been good and… I’m…I’m not.”

“You are good, Aaron!”

“I’m not!” He yelled so loud, people turned in his direction.

She stood her ground though, kept her eye on the man. His lids slowly shut and he ran his hand over his face – a face he perhaps no longer recognized.

“I have to learn to be good, Mia… I’m trying. You make me want to try harder until I get it right.”

They sat quietly for a moment or two as her appetite soon ceased to exist.

“What is being good, Aaron? Huh? Tell me! Is it being what society says we should be? I’ll do you one better.” She leaned in closer, her breasts pressed into the table as she stared at the man. “Being good, Aaron, is when you know better and do better! Give yourself some credit here. Why would I share my life with someone I feel is inherently evil, a leper of morality? A sick person who sees no light and chooses to turn a blind eye in a world of confusion and animosity? What do you take me for?! I was kind to you because that is how you combat hatred and ugliness, Aaron! Your heart was hideous, but you really didn’t want it to be. I knew that from what you shared with me, the things you said… the private, intimate times we’ve shared before we even met. I knew how to deal with you because you taught me how to change you in your own little way.”

“I taught you?” he said in almost a whisper.

“Yes. By your admissions and sharing of private details your life, things you had not discussed with others, you showed me what to do to help you get out of your own way. So, after I learned what you were doing, the ugly thoughts you had… the details… I got over the shock and devised a plan – a plan built in forgiveness and education. You fight hate with love, Aaron! Not more hate, damn it!”

His eyes watered at her declarations, and once again, he blinked those emotions away, yet his slightly trembling hands told the truth…

“You don’t.” He shook his head, clasped his hands, and looked at his nails. “You don’t understand because you can’t.”

He doesn’t think he deserves me. He doesn’t think he deserves to be loved. Everything is hitting him all at once. That’s why he left last night. He couldn’t stand to keep sitting there with me. He… he hates himself. He is filled with so much guilt! Aaron, damn it, don’t do this!

“I’ve stolen so much from you, robbed you…and you don’t even know the shit is gone.” He laughed mirthlessly, and the sorrow in his tone took her down.

“What are you talking about?”

He slowly met her gaze.

“Mia,” he said with a swallow. “I can’t tell you every little thing. It’ll get you in trouble. I’m not what I should be, but like I told you, I’m tryin’. It’s because of you… I’d sit back in my jail cell sometimes just feelin’ sick to my stomach… I think about some of the stuff I wrote in my letters to you, some of the… some of the ugly things I said, thought, and believed. And how you just sat there, readin’ that shit… havin’ to see it! A man that told you he loved you… yet, he hated you, too! And you didn’t say one thing. Not one. You just kept on writing to me… but when I looked back at your letters after I wrote those things, I could see you tryin’ a new approach. I couldn’t at the time, but I saw it later. You were my teacher, trying to show me that I was emotionally disabled! I was your student, in need of help! I thought I was sooo smart… so great!” A slow tear dropped from his eye. “I’d clean my damn boots and shine ’em up every morning, Mia. I’d scrub down my floor, ask for the old lemon peel scraps from the cafeteria to clean my dirty ass sink and that stinkin’ toilet but no matter how much I cleaned my body, my clothes and where I laid my head, on the inside… on the inside, Mia, I was still a goddamn mess.”

Oh my goodness…that’s why some of his letters smelled like lemon zest…

“Everything I knew was wrong, Mia! Everything! And now I have to admit that to myself each and every day and begin again. And you just… you just took it!” He shoved his half eaten sandwich away in a clear fit of self-disgust. “The shit I was dishin’ out. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, Mia… alone, going over it in my mind. My racism, my superiority complex – I believed everything I wrote in those letters – good, bad, and in between. It is still inside of me – the warped concepts, the contempt and hostility. It’s embedded deep within me, in my cells…like a disease. That’s why I’m not good, Mia. I don’t want it, but like the ink over all of my body, it won’t wash off! Do you know how much I hate myself for that?!”

She looked down at the table, and simply shook her head. What could she say? Aaron had to go through this process. The realization of his actions had brought him here; he’d hit rock bottom and, rather than turn that anger on the world, he beat himself against it until he ended up a bloody mess. He didn’t want her bandages, her pain medication, or her comforting words. She knew that now, understood it. No, Aaron lived for the hurt. He wanted to sustain the injuries… to hemorrhage… He wanted a part of him to simply die.

“That was abuse, Mia! I think you’re so used to tryin’ to fix people who are messed up, fucked up, tore up, that you forget – not everyone is fixable.”

“Everyone is forgivable…”

“But everyone ain’t loveable! You felt that I was, so, from a distance you still managed to massage my heart. So when I tell you that you were robbed, it means you really were.”

Yeah, you stole my heart, Aaron… but that’s okay…

“I took a little of the hope you had for the world,” he said, pointing to himself. “I needed…to stop…stealin’ from you, Mia. I’d drained you dry.” He shook his head as if in disgust. “That’s why I didn’t tell you I’d gotten hurt. That’s why I didn’t tell you about the court case. I never count my chickens before they’re hatched. I learned that lesson the hard way. I made you feed my ego, make me feel important, and you did. You managed to make my days go from terrible to great, even behind bars. Do you know how happy I’d get when they’d come and give me your letters and care packages?” His eyes twinkled, this time with a bit of joy.

She smiled weakly.

“You don’t know; how could you know? But those letters, even the ones where I could see you were gettin’ fed up with my ways, did something to me. They rehabilitated me, Mia. It took patience and a strong person to be able to do what you did.” He swiped at his eye, refusing to break down. “You were so nice to me… smart… sweet. I thought you’d make me a good wife. I found out you were more than I ever realized, the type of woman men like me dream about but don’t believe really exist. You were not only what I wanted but what I needed and it didn’t take long for me to figure it out. It got to the point, Mia… that… I didn’t care what race you were.”

Her eyes widened as cool curiosity blew through her.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this…” He swallowed, looked towards an older couple sitting close by, then continued. “But you seem pretty upset with me when I don’t tell you everything. And, I’m still not going to tell you everything, but I’ll get better and better about opening up to you, ’cause you deserve that. It’s only right.”

“Aaron, you’re jumping all over the place and not making sense. Don’t try to protect my feelings. Tell me what’s on your mind; let’s get all of this out in the open.”

He nodded in agreement.

“When I confronted you, I had already seen signs prior that made me believe you weren’t who you said you were.”

The coolness inside of her dropped a few degrees, grabbed onto her bones, and threatened to give her teeth-chattering chills. When the man had looked at her while he’d played basketball in the prison yard so long ago, it had felt as if he was looking through her… like he’d already known her from another day, another year, another lifetime. And now, she realized, that uncomfortable dis-ease may have been in fact true…

“Yeah, you still had the same personality, the same spirit and sense of humor, but I pretty much knew you weren’t white, Mia.” He coughed into his balled up fist and cut their mutual glances short.

“What?” she gasped as her head began to throb and she fell into a deep well filled with perplexity.

“I tried to convince myself otherwise. I made excuses and there’s no point in you knowing how I knew; all of that is just bullshit, not really important, but just know that I did. The only reason why I’m telling you now is because I think you need to understand that I hated myself for several weeks for still bein’ in love with you after I couldn’t shake my suspicions. It got to a boiling point when you’d written your actual name, ’cause you left me no choice but to confront you at that time… I hated that you made me say somethin’, but I knew, Mia.” his voice trailed as he rubbed hands nervously against one another. “Yeah… I knew…”

“Oh my God.” She fell harshly against the back of the bench seat, closed her eyes, and shook her head. “You know I have questions, Aaron.” Then, opening her eyes, the tears she could no longer hold back started to fall. “But, maybe you’re right. Maybe none of that matters now.”

“I had to do it just like I did, Mia, because … after I realized what you’d done… how you hid the truth from me about who you really were, I hated not only you, but myself, too.”

“Why?”

“Because I still loved you anyway and I didn’t want no excuse to stop!” His eyes glossed over. An employee moved about the area, picking up empty trays and discarding plastic utensils from the tables. An occasional burst of laughter came from a table chock full of teenagers, their lives in full bloom, protected by the unknown.

“You haven’t stolen from me, Aaron. I need to make that clear. I gave you my all. And nothing was given to you that I didn’t want you to have.” Steel, ice, and a few razor blades danced in her tone, though she didn’t mean it that way. She softened the edge of her delivery at the end, though she meant the words just the same. “It was a mutual exchange. Some were beautiful gifts we gave to one another, some were painful lessons we each had to learn, but we’ve both given to one another. This wasn’t one sided. I’m kind, yes, but not a fool.”

The man nodded and smiled at her, then reached out to hold her hand in his. Starting a slow caress along her knuckles, he warmed them with the simple touch. They simply stared at one another, forging a commitment, making oaths, vows, and unspoken declarations.

“I need to get ready to go to spend this evening with my daughter. I promised her I’d be back later on, like I told you.” Mia nodded in understanding. “Tomorrow, I want to take you out on a date, okay? A real date.”

She nodded and smiled as her cheeks heated with sentiment and love for the man sitting across from her.

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“I’m going to pick you up ’round six. I’ll ring the bell, like a gentleman. Then, I’m goin’ to take you out and we’ll do the things we’ve been daydreamin’ about – some elaborate, some just every day, simple things.”

“Simple things are many times the best things…”

“I want to court you, honey. Treat you like a real lady; treat you how you deserve to be treated. No, I take that back.” He shook his head as if he’d spoken out of place. “You deserve way more than I can give, but I’ll try to come as close as possible. When I want something, I never give up, and I want you more than anything in this whole world.”

She smirked at the man as he laughed lightly.

“Aaron, in time, you will see that I was right about you.”

“Really? That I’m this great, fantastic man, right?” He chortled. “I am fantastic.” He caused both of them to burst out laughing louder. “No, really I am, but I’m fucked up, too. It’s fine.” He shrugged. “Don’t they say knowing is half the battle?”

“Yes, but it’s not just that. We’re all messed up, Aaron. No one is perfect, especially in this crazy world. Dysfunction is reality.”

“Yeah, I’d have to agree with that, Mia. We’re all fucked up, huh?” He smirked.

“Yes, and we can both be fucked up together,” she said. He smiled real wide at her then, causing her to return the gesture in kind. “There are just different levels of the fucktivity, and we want the playing field to be a bit more even.”

At this, he burst out laughing so hard, the thick vein in his neck protruded.

“I’ve never heard you use that word before!”

“What?” She grinned sheepishly, knowing damn well she dropped F bombs at least a few times a month. He’d find out soon enough.

“Oh don’t give me that ‘what?’ shit.” He imitated her, batting his thick eyelashes in a girly fashion. “And then the way you just used it…fucktivity…man.” He leaned back in his seat and sighed as if finally at peace. Sweet relief. “That was funny… damn funny.” She smiled at the man, so happy she was the cause of him relaxing a little, taking it easy.

“You deserved the forgiveness you received.” She winked at him. “You know yourself better now. You’ve turned a new leaf so to speak, but now, I need you to see yourself as worthy of having all the good luck and love that has come your way. There are a lot of ugly words in this world, but the F word, in this case, stands for forgiveness, and that word sure ain’t a bad one. You didn’t steal anything from me, Aaron. You did give me something though. Now, it’s time to give yourself something, too.”

“What?”

“Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. It’s long overdue…”

Chapter Ten

SOMETIMES YOU SEE a mirage and then realize it ain’t no mirage after all. Instead, it’s just a warped, smudged mirror, and in that mirror is your sad little reflection lookin’ back at you…

Marcus leaned against the wall of the building, nursing a crooked cigarette that would have to last him ten more minutes. The damn thing was so tiny and used up, he wasn’t sure it would make it, but his budget told him he better make that shit ride on out until the last drop of ash fell off. He took another toke, feeling a bit uneasy as he stared up at the deep, mauve sky, where the clouds gather together like handfuls of cotton while threatening to do something ugly, downright heinous.

Life had been just as foul and unkind. So much so, he questioned at times whether he was in his right mind. He’d made an anonymous call some time ago and once he did, everything, within reason and out of scope, had changed. The police demanded he come in, explain himself… and that’s when shit got real.

Being dubbed a damn snitch was not a good look. He could no longer move about in his own skin, but that skin never fit him well anyway. No tailor could fix it, and a seamstress would surely just be wasting her precious time. Conceivably it wasn’t that at all; maybe he had it all wrong? Perhaps he fit in his skin just fine, but others around him—the clouds so to speak—thought he looked a bit out of place, needed him to find a costume of sorts to hide his true self.

Yet, after many failed attempts at conformity, he’d thrown in the towel. He never did quite fit in for he was too large for the place people attempted to shove him inside. It became painful trying to squeeze his over-sized essence into a two-dimensional hole chock full of nothingness. And besides, nothingness was boring, stale, and dismal. He always dreamed big, wanted more. The stifling feeling was an affliction, and he was cursed.

Regardless, he refused to let any motherfucka chase him out of Alabama. Surely, he could find his niche. There was still time. Besides, leaving wasn’t an option. His wife’s family was there, his daughter’s roots; it was home, albeit now a sour home – and home was where the bullets lived. He’d been threatened, attempts made to get him to confess, but he refused. Rather, he opted to lie with a straight face. As he was considered to be on the up and up and a square allowed the inquisitions to die down for the time being. He was lucky he’d been asked at all…

The code of the street was to shoot a fucker dead and ask questions later. Corpses don’t talk, but no one cared. Life was as important to many of his peers as a falling leaf from a tree. Trees stood tall during storms, and he followed suit. Besides, there was no concrete proof that he’d stolen Terence’s phone at that party and when the accusation made its blood sniffing round for the one hundredth time he denied the shit once again, but many doubted him all the same. Ironically, Go-Go wasn’t one of them – he’d vouched for his innocence, but that did little good. You didn’t need proof in the hood; only an inkling and a shard of a suspicion was as solid as word being bond.

He had a mark on his back now, the kind that didn’t scrub off with prison soap or disappear with wishful thinking. This went much further than an anonymous call to the police precinct regarding footage to prove Aaron was provoked and defending his own life. Due to his untimely actions, Aaron’s case rang the alarm, and before anyone could blink an eye, the man was out on the street again after the previously hidden video went viral.

Worse yet, since Clarence passed away, there was a civil court case from the family of Mr. Clarence Gable that had been filed, a wrongful death that was sure to get them a large sum of money. Aaron had some shit. Everyone knew it, and most wanted a piece of the pie. He owned a profitable business that specialized in private armed services for quite a few local companies, people needing an extra bit of protection for an event and wealthy clients who required 24-7 observation and care. He was living that ‘white man on cloud 9 racist dream’. Yet, now, that civil case was as good as the Titanic – sunk, minus the band still playing until the last drop of ocean had taken them down whole.

He peered at his watch, ticked off that his lunch break had almost come to a finish. Tapping the final ashes of his sad little cigarette butt into the receptacle, he worked out in his mind that he had to memorize the new order numbers for the catalog. There was an umbrella series that was all the rage. The cheap, plastic things came in various colors of the rainbow. He hated rainbows…

Just then, a tall man shrouded in his own shadow slammed the door of a shiny, jet black Chevrolet Silverado pick-up truck. The enormous vehicle picked up his reflection as he stormed towards him like a lightning bolt. His big, long arms swung back and forth, fist balled tight as if he were coming in the place to go postal. The man’s face was partially hidden under a Montgomery Biscuits baseball cap that covered his eyes and only allowed a glimpse of his shaded face.

“Who the fuck is this comin’ up here like the huntin’ knife he ordered from us was made of rubber? Another unsatisfied customer…”

He took another puff of his cigarette before the thing tapped out. With a grimace, he crossed his ankles and tried to stay calm. This was his quiet spot, his little oasis and reprieve. It didn’t matter that he was standing close to the front door; everybody used the back door for the majority of tasks. No one came out there unless it was quittin’ time, and that was just how he liked it.

“Marcus,” the man said gruffly as he slowed and came to an abrupt stop before tipping the brim of his hat back.

“Ohhhh shit!” He chuckled, falling into a barrage of gut busting laughter. The two slapped hands, and then, he caught himself, drew serious. “Damn man, you really shouldn’t be here. What you come around here for?”

Marcus let annoyance seep in his tone. The consequences of this could be heavier than Aunt May’s cornbread, but still, he couldn’t help but smile. There was something rather refreshing about seeing Aaron, regardless of the hot water he was in due to the affiliation.

“To see you, actually.” The guy put his hands on his waist and offered a tilted smile, as if they went way back, were the best of friends, and had happened upon one another by mere chance. “I found out where you worked. Don’t worry.” He put his hand up. “I didn’t ask around. I found out on my own and I wasn’t going to make a scene or draw attention. I know you bein’ seen with me probably ain’t the best idea.”

“Really? You and a team of top-notch scientists came up with that all on your own, didn’t you?! Maaan, you tryna get me killed! How tha hell you gone come up to my job, Aaron?!” He hated himself for turning coat so quickly, but the realization of the matter grew limbs and raced up and down his body, leaving him frightened to the core.

“I tried calling you but didn’t want to leave a voice mail, you know, just in case someone else was able to listen to them. You never picked up!”

“Rule number one: I don’t answer numbers I don’t recognize.”

Aaron rolled his orange-fire eyes and continued with his spiel.

“So can you get in my truck and give me like five minutes of your time?” The bastard sounded like a vacuum cleaner salesman.

Marcus looked down at his watch, feeling almost as if a damn grenade had been thrown at his feet. Aaron was no fool; the fucker knew the kind of trouble he could get into being seen with him. After all, the ‘Uncle Ruckus’ title he’d been given was beginning to stick, and being a black man proven to have aided a white supremacist in the Deep South in getting out of prison was not exactly a goal one wished to reach.

“Yeah, I guess I can… gotta make it quick. My break is almost over.” Aaron nodded in understanding, then cast his cigarette in the can and marched over with him. When Marcus opened the truck door, the new car scent accosted him and coated him in a thick layer of jealousy. “Man, look at this shit!” He slid into the passenger seat, taking note of the tan leather, a slight sheen on it as if it had been oiled.

“You like it?” Aaron asked slyly and leaned back in his seat.

“Hell yeah, I like it.” Marcus grinned a bit wider as he kept looking around the thing.

“Yeah, well, I just got it… a little gift to myself. Look, you don’t have to admit anything, but I know it was you that released that tape. I’ve been hearing the rumors, and it keeps coming back to you.” He pointed at him. “That’s why I know us bein’ seen together isn’t too great for a number of reasons, but I had to tell you in person: Thank you… thank you so much, Marcus.”

He looked at him, not sure he should even admit the shit or not. He hadn’t confessed to anyone, not even his wife, fearful she could somehow get wound up in the shit. The less anyone knew, the better.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I didn’t release no tape, man.”

Aaron turned away, a slight smirk on his face as the sun acted like a gangbuster and unexpectedly burst through the dismal sky, chasing the darkness and clouds away.

“Okay, Marcus… well, thank you nevertheless.” He slid a business card out of his pocket and handed it to him. “Call me if you need something.”

Marcus looked at the black, matte card with the business name, Brother’s Keeper Security written on it in bright red font.

“Mmm hmmm,” he took the card, looked both ways to see if all was still clear, and tucked it away in his pocket. “How you been?” he mumbled.

“Good, very good.”

“You and your girlfriend fine? I know that uh, well.” He nervously scratched his forehead as he peered down at the floor mat. “I remember you said she was the reason you talked to me in the first place.” He slowly glanced back at the man.

“Yeah. She’s good, she’s real good. Look, Marcus.” He tapped the steering wheel and looked straight ahead, his brows drawn and his expression concerned like he’d gotten lost, taken a wrong turn. “I need to know why you did what you did, alright?”

Marcus looked down at his watch and swallowed the accumulating spit in his mouth as his nerves worked themselves up to the next level.

I can sit here and keep lyin’… but who would he tell? He is the one that benefited from this so that would make no sense…

“’Cause there’s right and there’s wrong and when you know the difference, your actions are supposed to show it.”

Aaron cracked a grin. “My girlfriend just said something similar to me.”

“Well, she’s right and besides, I’m a man not a boy…can’t let repercussions stop me from doin’ what I know in my heart to be the answer. Sometimes doin’ the right thing can cost you your life, but if we don’t live for the truth, then what’s the use of breathin’?”

Aaron sat quiet for a moment or two, as if stewing in his own thoughts, marinating on the information. “You’re something else, you know that?” He chuckled.

“Yeah,” Marcus looked down at his lap and picked at a barely visible lint ball that clung to the dark blue denim along his knee. “And you are, too, but it still didn’t stop me from callin’ the police.”

They looked at each other for a twinkling of time and both erupted in stilted chuckles. Soon after, silence reigned, a stretch of quiet filled with the words neither of them wished to utter.

“You’re a hell of a man, Marcus Cunningham. I appreciate what you did. It took guts. I sure as hell didn’t deserve it. Ain’t no arguin’ that fact. Promise me something.”

“What else could you possibly want? I think the request line for you in regards to me has been disconnected.”

They both burst out laughing again until Aaron drew serious once more.

“No, seriously… I need you to do this.”

“What?”

“You’ll call the number on that card… let me know how you’re doin’, if you need some help, alright?”

“I could use another pack of cigarettes.” Marcus grinned. Aaron immediately reached past him, opened his glove compartment, and handed him an unopened box of Winston Superslims Blue.

“I ain’t never tried these befo’e.” He gave the pack the once over. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it.” Aaron leaned forward and turned the key in the ignition. The engine grunted then settled down, turning butter smooth and easy.

Marcus wrapped his fingers around the gleaming handle where he caught his as well as Aaron’s reflection and pushed the door forward to exit. But, before he could get out and wave goodbye, Aaron tugged at his shirtsleeve and had him turn to face him.

“Marcus, you turnin’ in that video… I… I just can’t thank you enough. It was a real godsend ’cause… well, things would’ve ended up not in my favor had that not happened. But I want you to know something else before you go.”

“What?”

“The best gift you ever gave me was when you talked to me in the yard.” Aaron’s eyes were filled with emotions Marcus would never truly understand. “You helped change my life; you were a catalyst for something bigger than you could ever fathom and you will never know how much I appreciate you for not only taking a chance on me, allowing me a moment of your time, but for helping me, twice.” With a shaky hand, he then slid out a white envelope from his back pocket and waved it frantically in his direction.

“Here, take it.”

The thing appeared padded, as if something thick and bulky were wadded up inside. Marcus stood there and simply looked at it. He got ready to refuse it, fix his mouth to say the words, but Aaron shook his head, stopping him in his tracks with not so much as a word.

Marcus reached out and took it from the man’s grasp. Aaron sported a faint scowl and perspiration beaded around his hairline. He brushed it away, but didn’t blink as they continued their stare contest. Marcus knew better than to hand that thing back from the way the man glared at him, and he knew without looking inside what it was; and he also knew that Aaron, in some way, understood how much he needed what he offered more than ever. He slid the unopened box of cigarettes into one pocket, and the envelope in the other.

“Alright. Well, I’m glad you considered what I was sayin’ to you,” he choked out. “With so much hate in the world, ain’t no use in makin’ any more. We got an overabundance of the shit, a surplus, but have a big deficit of love in the world. It’s time we start sayin’ ‘enough is enough.’ To start makin’ something out of nothing and doin’ right by one another.”

“I like how you talk. I don’t know what I did to suddenly deserve all of this, but I’m thankful for it. I been living in the dark, Marcus, seeing things only in black and white.”

“Ain’t no black ’nd white, man. It’s just humanity…and humanity is all we got.” He swiftly closed the door and walked away without looking back. He heard the truck drive off. As he reached the front door of his job, he caught his reflection in the glass entrance. He paused, looked himself in the eye…

It wasn’t no mirage after all. His reflection was just right. His skin was something special; matter of fact it looked good on him. For once, it felt virtuous to be in the skin he was in. No shame, no remorse, no hiding his true self behind glass walls just to please others…. no, none of that. He was just wearing the garb of the man he was trying to be. He’d become an adult and so far, that skin God gave him was just what the doctor ordered. A custom, perfect, fit…

“SO YOU JUST gone hog all the Kool-Aid?” Trudy questioned as she shoved her hip into Mia’s. While they lounged on the porch, the notes of Shura’s ‘Touch’ drifted in the wind. Mia gave her the side eye as she leisurely poured another glass of the bright pink concoction over perfectly cubed ice. A colorful white and green striped straw danced amongst floating lemon and lime wedges.

Mia set the pitcher back down on the porch. “It’s not Kool-Aid. It’s my cherry-lime surprise,” she corrected.

Trudy rolled her eyes, reached around her, and snatched the thing up to drink directly from it.

“Oh my God! How you gonna just drink straight from the pitcher?!”

“Ahhhh! Refreshing!” She giggled as she placed it back down and wiped her lips with a slow slide of the back of her hand. “Serves you right for not answerin’ my calls and not giving me a glass. This ain’t the way you supposed to treat company.”

“You lucky I didn’t call the police and have you escorted off my property. You ain’t company and you sure didn’t act like family!” Mia sighed, settled back down, and crossed her ankles as she wiggled her toes in the delightful breeze.

“Well you look mighty fancy. Where you goin’?” Trudy questioned.

“Out.”

“Hmmm, you got a date, huh?” Her brow rose. “It’s wit’ that convict, ain’t it? I saw the news… that boy on the loose.”

“Look now, don’t come ’round here startin’ no shit. You’ve done enough. And he ain’t on the loose. He was cleared of the charges. I’m sure your nosy behind saw the tape, too.” Mia took another sip from her glass, trying to not curse the damn woman out.

“I came over here to talk you about that.”

“Save your breath. I don’t have anything to say to you, Trudy. I thought we were better than that and the way you did me at my parents’ home was all kinds of wrong, and you know it!”

“Look, Mia, you can be mad at me if you want to.” She stared her in the face. “But I love you, and I was lookin’ out for you. You know damn well that if the shoe was on the other foot, you would have been concerned about me, too!”

“Concerned? Yes! Call a family emergency and treat it like a damn drug intervention, no!”

“Look now, ya hard headed! You always been,” Trudy complained. “I didn’t know what else to do!”

“You coulda just spoke to me, or been quiet. That’s what would have truly been refreshing for a change.”

Trudy huffed and turned back around, looking rejected and defeated. Mia tried to feel something for her, besides animosity, but as of yet, it just wasn’t working.

“Mama and Daddy spoke to Aaron on the phone,” she offered.

Trudy threw her a brief glance. “Did they? When? How’d that go?”

“…This mornin’.” She took another sip from her glass. “I’m gonna take him to church soon so they can meet him. Let me tell you, he talked to my father for over an hour, just the two of ’em. Daddy started out mad as hell but Aaron got a way with words… It blew my mind. I wish I had recorded that shit.”

Trudy looked at up at her, her face split in a smile. “You can’t just leave me like that. You got to tell me what he said.”

Mia took a slow sip of her drink, and continued. “He said, ‘Mista Armstrong, I know you’ve already heard of me but I’m still going to offer you a formal introduction. My plan was to come and see you, but I understand that I will be meeting you soon anyway. I didn’t want to have to wait a week to talk to you though. So, if you’ll oblige me, I’d like to just tell you a bit about myself.’”

“What did Uncle Lance say?” Trudy asked, clearly already engrossed.

“Daddy said, ‘Mr. Pike, my children and I are close. Nobody below or above can tear us apart. I’m not afraid of you, and you can go ahead and tell me about yourself before we meet at church but I’m not really about a bunch of talk. I’m about action. Seein’ is believing. I believe everyone is worthy of God’s forgiveness, but that sure don’t mean that you are going to waltz into my family without showing us that you have changed. Your background is disturbing, but none of us are without sin. Mia believes this is all about her choice and what she thinks, and it’s her life to do with as she pleases. But if my baby’s heart gets broken, Mr. Pike, on account of your foolishness and sick ways, it then becomes about me and her mama, and her brothers and sisters, too. Now go on ahead with what you have to say.’”

“That sounds like an Uncle Lance response!” Trudy cackled.

“Yes, my father is consistent, that is for sure. So Aaron started up. He said, ‘Okay Mr. Armstrong. I understand and agree with you. You don’t have an argument from me. So, I’ll go on ahead and tell you a bit about myself. My name is Aaron Joshua Pike. I was born in Frisco City. First, let me tell you the things you ain’t going to like, sir. I am the eldest of three children from parents that were not the best at raising children. I’ll just leave it at that and fast forward to more contemporary news, but feel free to ask me more about it later if you want. Anyway, I’ve served time. I’m a former white nationalist, a racist. I’m a man who thought I had the entire world figured out when really; I didn’t know anything at all. I have a daughter out of wedlock and a baby’s mother who is not always agreeable. I’ll be the first to admit that don’t sound like good dating material. But I am who I am, and now onto the things you actually might like… I went to school.

‘I graduated with honors. I’m smart and resourceful. I own my own security company, I have land, and I’m responsible with my money. I want to get to know you and your wife, ’cause you created the best thing on God’s green earth, and that’s your daughter, Mia. I have the utmost respect for you. I’m in love with your daughter, Mr. Armstrong. She’s beautiful, she’s good hearted, and they just don’t make them like her anymore. She helped turn my life around. I want to marry your daughter, too. I know you’d rather she be with someone else. I have a daughter, too, just as I stated. My daughter is my world; I’d do anything for her. If I were in your shoes, I’d feel the same concerns if, years down the line, my Laura came home talking about she was seein’ a former member of The United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors. But I can assure you I will spend my entire life, if I need to, proving to you that I’m not what I used to be. Mr. Armstrong, I’m definitely not what I used to be. I ain’t quite where I need to be, either, but every day, I get one step closer and I thank your daughter for her love and understandin’, and hope that you can do the same…”

“GIRRRRRL!” Trudy slapped her leg and burst out laughing. Mia’s mouth morphed into a toothy grin.

“I know… Aaron was talkin’ so slick it’s like his tongue was greased!”

“What did Uncle Lance say?”

“He had a whoooole bunch of questions, naturally.” Mia shrugged. “So did Mama, but Daddy monopolized the conversation. He wasn’t rude to Aaron or anything, but he was hitting him where it counted. I don’t think Daddy is necessarily sold, but he definitely feels better about the situation. He told Aaron that God is a forgiving God, but he’d still have his eye on him. He also threatened to sic the dog on him if he didn’t straighten up and fly right in the future. And he meant it.”

“Oh my goodness…mmmm.” Trudy kept laughing and shook her head. “So, do I get to meet him, too?”

Mia stared out at the field of grass she called her front yard, but said nothing.

“I hurt you, Mia… I know I did. I just…was worried about you. I should have handled it differently. I panicked and… I’m sorry.” Trudy reached out and gripped her wrist. Mia slowly looked down, taking note of the lavender coffin-shaped nails. When she looked in Trudy’s eyes, she hoped she was witnessing true sincerity. She imagined she was.

“I accept your apology, Trudy. I trusted you out of everyone in this world, so it hurt me triple bad.”

“Mia, I know. The kids miss you…and your cookin’, too.”

Mia offered a light smile and looked back out into the field. “Anyway, it’s done now,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s just move on…” She took another sip of her drink then leaned back on her elbows.

“Yeah, you sittin’ here all dolled up for him… lookin’ so pretty.”

“Thank you.”

“So, he’s your date tonight, right?”

“Yes…”

“Can I sit here and wait for him to show up?”

“Nope.”

Trudy burst out laughing. “What if I just pretend to leave, wait out there somewhere?” She waved her arm towards the trees in the near distance. “Some spot where you can’t see me?”

Mia smirked at her meddlesome cousin and shook her head, curtailing a laugh that danced along the sides of her lips and begged for release.

“Tonight is not the night, Trudy. You’ll meet him soon though. Anyway, you better get going. He’ll be here any minute.”

Trudy reluctantly got to her feet and dusted her salmon colored shirt and sage green capri pants off.

“Mia, if he makes you happy, and he’s a good man, then that’s all I care about. You love him; there’s no doubt about that.”

“We love each other very much.”

“Good, I’m happy for you. If Uncle Lance can suspend his disbelief and give him a try, I can, too.”

“Well, honestly, Trudy, neither Aaron nor I are waitin’ around for peoples’ endorsement. If we were, we would’ve pulled the plug on this a long time ago.”

Trudy nodded in understanding as she took the first step, and then the next, to get off the porch.

“All we care about is growing what we got, cultivating the seeds. The people around us that we love and care about are either going to be the sun and rain, or a shovel tryna displace and ruin us. Our roots run deep though, so it won’t be any use trying to destroy what was determined, planned, and fought for with or without a seal of approval. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She gave a lazy wave and blew the woman a kiss.

“You promise?” Trudy paused and looked over her shoulder.

“Cross my heart and hope to bake apple pie…”

Chapter Eleven

MIA STOOD ON the slumped front porch looking at the well-dressed man who stood like a stone soldier before her. Aaron wore a pair of black Aviator sunglasses atop of his dark, buzzed hair and had already gotten a bit of a tan, which gave his skin a healthy, russet hue. Dressed in a button down khaki colored shirt and dark brown slacks, he fit the bill for a man quite well put together, stirring her lust all the more. She caught a whiff of his scent as a faint breeze kissed him from ear to ear and flirted dangerously close to her sense of smell…

Mmmmm…he smells good enough to eat.

He wore Dolce & Gabbana’s ‘The One.’ The first two white and cream tortoise shell buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing the very tip of a tattoo as well as a hint of dark chest hair. His amber eyes glowed bright as he took her arm and spun her around real slow, like an old-fashioned waltz was about to commence.

“Don’t you look like a perfect angel?” he proclaimed in his deep, husky voice as she completed her pivot and stood before him, front and center, taking a proud bow.

“Thank you.”

She’d chosen a short red sundress with a daisy flower design that cinched around the waist, and had placed a crocheted rubicund rose hairpin in her loose curls.

“So where are we off to?” she asked as he wove his fingers between her own and walked her down her steps before opening his truck door and helping her inside.

“Somewhere special,” was all he offered before closing the door and making his way into the driver’s seat. With the flick of his hand, he turned on some music: Amos Lee’s ‘Violin.’ “You like that?” he asked as he kicked the truck in reverse, hooked his hand around her’s, and gave a gentle squeeze.

“Aaron, I love this song.”

“I do too, one of my favorites. I used to listen to it when I’d read your letter sometimes.”

She swallowed deeply, her complexion undoubtedly reddening. He still gave her butterflies…

…In her gut…her pussy… and in her mind…

The truck moved up and down like a slow roller coaster along the gravelly road until they’d entered an area almost an hour later that she’d never seen before. They’d remained fairly quiet along the ride, simply enjoying each other in a peaceful silence.

“Here we go, baby.” He released his grip around her fingers, opened his door, then moved about in the back of his truck. She sat there, looking through his rear view mirror and trying to figure out just what the man was up to. She took note of the field full of wild flowers and the sweet scent of the day growing stronger all around her as she placed her arm lazily out the open window. And then… she smiled.

He approached her door, holding something in his hand. He opened it, hitched his hand under her elbow and helped her down off the steep step.

“Uh,” she grunted as she jumped to her feet.

Closing the door behind her, he walked several feet away from his vehicle while she stood there and observed him open a large, light beige wicker basket and place a big red and white checkered blanket on the ground. “A picnic?” She smiled over the words, growing more and more excited.

“Yeah, a little something. I figured we could do this, and maybe then go see that movie you were talkin’ about the other day,” he stated nonchalantly as he painstakingly spread the thing out. Once he finished making it just how he wished, he dug back into the basket and retrieved a bottle of dark wine, two sparkling glasses, white plates, and a big Tupperware dish full of sliced fruit. “You hungry, sweetheart?” he asked, his back towards her as he dove into the basket once again and brought out what appeared to be fried chicken and baked fish, green beans, and other delicious foods.

“Yes.”

“Well, come on over here by me then. Stop standin’ way over there like you never seen me before.” He shot her a look over his shoulder and paired it with a big, toothy grin as he waved her over.

She immediately went to him, falling to her knees as if they were about to pray together. Her upper thigh grazed the side of his leg as he paused, looked down at her, and wrapped his arm tightly around her waist. He tilted her chin upward then placed a gentle, yet firm kiss against her lips, causing her insides to toss and turn like a washing machine on the fritz. Grabbing for the man, she pushed her fingers through his hair, drawing him impossibly closer. Their noses bumped against one another. He slicked his tongue inside of her mouth, probing in and out as his hands grew firmer and harder against her frame. After a short while, they broke free from one another, then fell into fits of laughter…

“I love the hell outta you, lady,” he said around a smile, then got to laying out the food once again, finishing his display. “Life is so funny.” He popped the cork out of the wine. The pretty, purple wine flowed into the flute and he handed it to her, then poured his own.

“It is funny. Sometimes we have one plan, but God has another.”

Aaron nodded in agreement, then raised his glass up to make a toast. She followed suit. “I’d like to make one, too,” she announced.

His brow lifted as he waited for her to speak.

“To a bright future, full of surprises, growing together, honesty and love.”

“To forgiveness… to hope… to being the student and the teacher, to being lost”—His eyes hooded—“all alone in the woods… but now found.”

Their glasses clinked together and then they simultaneously took sips of their beverage. It tickled as it cascaded down her throat, the full-bodied flavor awakening her taste buds. He leaned forward and gifted the tip of her nose with a soft kiss. Mia closed her eyes, her breath hitching as her heart began to race. A gentle current caught the hem of her dress and moved the thin material around as the sounds of perched birds upon high branches sang their songs and water rippled a pretty tune in the near distance. The world grew a shawl of soft nostalgia right before her eyes, ushering her into a real life fantasy, giving her an additional sense of peace.

“You know we’re gettin’ married, right? I meant what I said in those letters and to your father.” The popping sound of a plastic lid, the gush of escaping air followed by the stomach-enticing scent of something sinfully deep-fried coated the air.

Mia’s brow arched as she leaned back onto her hand and leisurely crossed her ankles, then flexed her toes in her favorite canvas wedge sandals. “Is that a proposal, Mr. Pike?”

“Nope.” He smirked as he scooped bean salad onto two plates. “A proposal is an idea. This ain’t an idea. This is a definite.”

At this, she lightly chuckled and looked up at the sky. Yeah, she was feeling it.

“So, when should I meet you at the church?” she teased, causing him to offer a fractured grin.

“Just letting you know my intentions, a reminder is all. Nothing has changed. That first letter I sent you is still valid.” He grabbed a small stack of neatly folded napkins. “You’re going to be Mrs. Pike soon.”

She sank into her lower lip as she attempted to halfheartedly squelch a smile, tuck away the corner of the dream. Of course she knew the man’s intentions; he’d been upfront since day one. That trait was one of the things she adored about him.

“I figure you’ll want to get married in a big, lavish wedding… have all of your family and friends there. You can have that…whatever you want, Mia.” He looked her square in the face. The sun fell on the short strands of his hair, highlighting them. Those same rays turned his intense eyes electric…

“Maybe I just want somethin’ small and quiet.”

“Then that’s yours, too. Like I said.” He leaned slightly forward and played with the cuff of his pants, straightening it just so. “It’s whatever you want.”

“So you are actually giving up control.” She tapped a finger against her chin as she delved deep into the notion, teasing him, mocking his ways. Aaron not behind the wheel? Madness!

“That’s women’s territory. I wouldn’t go there unless invited. Anything you want is fine by me. Give me a place and a date and time, and I’m there. Just don’t keep me waitin’.”

“What if I want you to participate?” It was getting good to her now, messing with him like this. The entertainment factor began to soar as he looked at her with a bit of irritation, then cracked a grin like a child she’d just let in on a little secret.

“Then I’ll do that, too. Don’t know much about invitation designs and cakes ’nd shit like that though… so don’t expect much. Here, be quiet for a minute and eat somethin’.” She playfully smacked his shoulder as she accepted the plate loaded with food.

“Wow, this looks good! Who made it?” The corner of her mouth kinked as she picked up her fork and prodded a cherry tomato.

“How do you know I didn’t?!” His face scrunched up as if he’d been deeply insulted while he wrapped his lips around a leg of chicken and took a hearty bite.

“Aaron, a fool is born every day but I ain’t one of ’em. Now who made it?” Her lips kinked in an anticipatory smirk. She took a taste of the salad. “It’s good!” she blurted with her mouth full.

“The wife of an employee of mine. She does catering.” He sucked his teeth, then began to stab his plate again with a bit more force. “He used to do my accounting, then I hired him to work for me, and only me.”

You’ve been possessive for a long while, huh, Aaron?

“William ran my company while I was incarcerated.”

“You trust him… That’s good.”

“Not completely.” He shot her a look then quickly turned away. “I don’t trust too many people anymore, Mia. I barely did beforehand, but,” he said with a shrug, “he’s not turned on me yet. We have a respect for one another and I know he knows what he’s doin’ on the business end. I only trust two people in this world…and one of ’em is sittin’ right here beside me in a pretty little dress that keeps movin’ around in the breeze givin’ me sneak peeks of her thigh…”

She smiled and lowered her head.

“Anyway, I told William I wanted some food for a special lady, and asked if Veronica could help.” He looked down into his plate, sorting through pieces of chopped up, vibrantly colored fruit. “He called her right then and there and she agreed to it. She is a really good cook… She did me the favor at the last minute, too.”

“Well, they sound like nice people, Aaron, and this is delicious. Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

Aaron nodded and continued to devour his food as if he’d never eaten a day in his life. Mia burst out laughing, unable to contain herself a moment longer at the sight of the man wolfing down the bounty, leaving barely a crumb on his plate.

“What’s so funny?” he asked around a mouthful of sliced strawberries.

“I just like seeing you enjoy your food. It’s funny.”

“Yeah. I’m eating too fast, huh?” He licked his fingers and went for a buttery biscuit that sat inside a small, dark wicker basket with a white towel over it. “Sorry I’m not all classy and refined like you.” He rolled his eyes and grinned.

She put her plate down and leaned in close until their noses almost touched. Plucking a piece of fruit from her plate, she placed a slice of strawberry between her lips. “Take it gently from my mouth… and chew slowly,” she whispered.

He let his gaze rove leisurely from her chin to her eyes, and then again.

“You tryna tutor me or somethin’, Ms. teacher? Make it a lesson?” He placed his plate down, but kept his eye upon her as lust took over his expression.

“Mmmm hmmmm.”

Bringing his lips to hers, he blindsided her with sensual force. Instead of a delicate kiss that summed up her mood, Aaron ambushed her as he worked his teeth around the succulent, sweet fruit then snatched it into his mouth like some starving beast. Eyes locked, she waited until he swallowed the fruit. Soon, they were both laughing with abandon, looking up at God’s sky and loving the moment…

She quieted when the sound of his voice trailed to nothing. He cocked his head slightly to the side like a damn canine curious about the world before him, then ran his fingers down the side of her face… up and down… up and down… gently, so gently. He touched her like clouds dipping low to feel humans, like cotton balls against sensitive fingertips, and light feathers against the nape of one’s perfumed neck. Such a sweet gesture, short and endearing, and she wished for it to keep going, much like the day was long, but not nearly long enough…

He seemed settled, became one with her calm… Yet, his amped up aggression simmered right before the surface when he administered the smoothest of kisses…

A simple, perfect peck…

And then another…

He claimed her lips again, filling her with renewed warmth and erupting desire as he drew her inside his own soul, leaving her with nothing but a memory of the sybaritic moments just past. With a firm hand, he laid her down on the blanket. She sighed when he lay on top of her, the hardness of his body turning her on and his bulk blocking the approaching sunset. The irises of his eyes danced with heat and a warm smile creased his face.

Aaron slid his muscular arm frantically between their bodies, his fingers nimble and his pelvic movements urgent. The sounds of a belt snapping and sliding from a loop and the metal teeth of a zipper snatched down soon followed while the onlooking birds persistently sang and declared the hedonistic yet picturesque scene a sight to behold.

Her hands around his neck, she dug her fingernails into his flesh as she lost control. Perhaps the heat had gone to her head, but she truly doubted it. She craved him as much, if not more, than he did.

His eyes hot and intense, locked on hers, he pulled her dress up around her hips.

“Ahhh…” she moaned when he roughly took hold of her panties and shoved them down to her ankles. He snatched the damn things off and tossed them to the side before knocking her legs farther apart. A second in time seemed entirely too long for she was taken off guard.

“Ohhhh!” He pushed inside of her without preliminaries, entering her like a comet soaring through the galaxy. Kissing her hard, he matched her passion for passion. The emotions of restraint and desire showed on his face as his thrusts increased in speed and intensity. They reached out to each other, hungry, growing closer. But, closer was simply not close enough…

“Uhhhh!” He grunted as he drove into her, their bodies melding into one another. The blanket beneath them ruffled around their wiggling frames. “Wanted to touch you!” he blurted. “Waited so long to be with you, baby! Dreamed about you every damn day and night!”

She stared up at the sky and observed large black birds flying high above them now. They refused to remain perched, singing their songs. No… it was time to dance. The sun began to slowly set, leaving a hazy, lavender sky in its wake.

“I love you, I love you, I love you so much, Aaron!”

“You better! I’d die for you! I’d kill a million motherfuckers for you! Uhhh!”

He pushed harder and harder inside of her, as if trying to touch the farthest reaches of her nature. His expansive girth pushed her wide open, his impact paramount. Soon, she teetered on the edge of an orgasm, overdosed on his masculine, heavenly scent, and held back emotions so huge, they made the deepest valleys appear shallow…

“You’re a beautiful man…” she cooed, her face covered in sweat and love.

“You made me… turned me into a changed man. That makes you my God.” He gripped her head with both hands, but never broke the pace. Trickles of sweat cascaded down his face like water from a stream and the thin, gold chain around his neck dipped against her collarbones, providing a slightly cool sensation at each impact.

“Mmmm, I’m….Ahhhh!” Her body finally gave way. The orgasm snatched her out of the land of serenity and placed her in a world of nothing but nerve endings on sheer overdrive. She couldn’t stop as her feet tingled and the spasms continued… Slowing down, she felt him watching the show, relishing her climax, but only for a moment before resuming his pace. Finally, he lovingly brushed her hair away from her face, landed the perfect kiss against her lips, and then soon joined her.

“Uhhhhh!” A sweet warmth filled her as she observed the sun finally completely disappear through pleasantly tired eyes. “Uhhhh….” His moans slowed while the rounded muscles in his body tightened, and twitched. He wrapped his hands tighter around her waist, still softly pumping his pelvis, forcing his cock in and out of her well after he’d arrived.

“I don’t want to waste one drop…” he said, sounding drained. He winked at her as he continued to make love to her… slow and steady, slick and wet…

“Mmmmm.” She burrowed her chin into the crevice of his neck as another, softer orgasm washed over her, the contractions light and beautiful. Like a gentle draft, he traced her shoulder as she came undone, then finally settled beneath him. “Oh boy…”

She smiled and shook her head, unable to control just how many teeth she had on display. After a few moments, he got to his feet, took her by the hand and helped her do the same. She stood by while he tucked his gorgeous dick back inside his pants and redressed.

“You just gonna keep lookin’ at me or do you want to put your panties back on? If you wanna go commando, that’s okay with me too, but the wind is kickin’ up…” he teased, causing her to blush as she looked around for her underwear. “Here it is.” He grabbed her from behind, snuck his hand around her waist, and fell to his knees. “Just stand right there.”

She placed her hand on his shoulder to maintain her balance as he took one leg, slid the panties up, and then followed suit with the second until he’d reached her upper thighs. Mia took over then, finishing the task as he stood back up.

“It sure is a pretty evening.”

He nodded in agreement as he took her hand.

“Still enough light out to see. Feels good out here. Smells nice, too.”

“Yeah, it does. It’s the irises…” He pointed to what seemed like an oasis of deep orange and yellow flowers.” Hand in hand, they ventured over to them. Once again, like a prince in a story from long, long ago, he bent down to pluck a bright orange iris from the group. “Mia, I love you.”

Her heart fluttered as she distinctly heard the delicate quake in his voice. He handed her the flower, then clasped his hands together, his expression somber.

“I’m not going to be somethin’ I’m not. I understand who I am now, and I ain’t ashamed; I won’t make any excuses. I’m embarrassed about my past, but I ain’t the least bit embarrassed about my future with you. Some people are goin’ to say some things, and I’m going to handle it the way I see fit, always with your best interest, safety, and my love for you in mind. What I got with you, I won’t let anyone steal from me. They’ll have to kill me to cause me to give you up.”

She clutched the flower tighter in her hand, mirroring his stance, posture, and serious expression.

“As long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here. I pride myself in bein’ strong, self sufficient, and living by rules, but I had to learn the hard way that there ain’t no rules when it comes to fallin’ in love and finding your soulmate. God picked you out for me when I was out there,” he said, pointing in the distance, at nothing in particular, “spewing my hate and believin’ every single word. He knew what He had in store for me, but I never saw it comin’. Some would say it would serve me right, but I think it feels good to be served. You’re breakfast in bed. You’re my sunshine when things look bleak. I’m glad you’re a teacher, ’cause I’m in need of teachin’ and patience, and more lessons. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to teach you, too. ’Cause we can learn a lot from one another; we already have.”

She nodded in agreement around a sniff, and dabbed at her now moist eyes.

“Anything you need, I got it.” He drew closer to her, wrapped his arm around her, and brushed her lips with his. She felt as if she were melting against his damn form, disappearing right then and there. “You think I’ve done you wrong, said something crazy, call me on it. I ain’t gonna ever be politically correct, baby, but I will always be mindful of how I speak to you. I’m a work in progress. Don’t be too hard on me. I didn’t get this way overnight; gonna need more than a week or two to undo my screwed up thinkin’. I’m gonna mess up sometimes. And I’m gonna be quick to clean it up and correct it, too. Be my teacher… love me through my problems. I promise I’ll be worth the aggravation. Your hard work, love, and forgiveness paid off. I will be everything you need in a husband, and hopefully more.”

She squeezed him so tight then, she feared she may break his bones as she grew concerned about her own strength. He chuckled at her gesture as he kissed the side her of her face and caressed her hair.

“Let’s go back to your house and start talking about this weddin’ we gotta plan.” He kissed her on the forehead and spun her around so they could make their way back to the picnic they’d abandoned. The breeze picked up, getting a bit stronger, and blowing the scent of his cologne once again in her direction. He now smelled a bit different as the mixture of her perfume and scent had mixed with his during their lovemaking.

Aaron smelled new…

He smelled like a lesson…

He smelled like he’d been prayed for, adored, and forgiven.

And what a beautiful aroma it truly was…

Chapter Twelve

“BECAUSE I FUCKIN’ said so!” Aaron slammed the refrigerator door, causing a magnetic chip clip to fall to the ground. He gripped his cell phone a bit tighter, growing angrier by the minute. Galimatias’ ‘Ocean Floor Kisses’ played softly in the background. Mia had gotten him hip to it, widened his horizons. He found he loved a lot of the music she did, and it suited him fine.

“Who do you think you’re talkin’ to, Mr. Big Shot? You think ’cause you beat your case you have the whole world in your hands, don’t you? You’ve always had a God complex. Why am I not surprised?” She laughed into the phone.

“It’s not a God complex, Sarah. It’s knowin’ what the hell I’m doin’ and what I need to do. You’ve always lacked direction. I tell you ‘No’, and you throw a temper tantrum, act out like a goddamn child.”

“You’re a traitor and a goddamn sellout! You left the brotherhood.”

“People change and grow. You’ve proven that doesn’t apply to everyone…” He snatched his beer off the counter and gave it a few desperate chugs as her nerve got the better of him. Sarah had a special way of getting under his skin and festering there. He likened the itch to a condition of flesh-eating bacteria.

“I thought you were somethin’ big, somebody special, you know that? Everyone did. Hell, even after what you’ve done, you still have some people thinkin’ you’ll come back. You’re hopeless. I still loved you for the longest… I had respect for you, too, but I should have known you were too weak to go the distance.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He took another swig from the bottle.

“You’ve got nigger friends I hear now. What do you all do? Sit around eatin’ chicken and dancin’ to rap music with your pants hangin’ half down your asses?”

“I want you to stop using that language around our child.”

“She isn’t here right now and even if she were, so what?! That’s what they are! Nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger!”

“Stop it. I’m serious, goddamn it! Even when I was still involved, I was careful about what I said around her, didn’t want her goin’ to school repeating everything. You’re so damn impulsive and reckless! When are you going to grow up?”

“When are you goin’ to stop goin’ in and out of prison, jailbird?”

“I’m done with that, and stay on topic. Don’t teach her that shit anymore. No more crap about Nazis, the movement, none of it. Let her make up her own mind, Sarah. Give her a chance! You should know better.”

“I should know better?” She laughed harshly. “I’m not your child, Aaron. Watch who you try to chastise. You used to be a bad ass. People listened to you and did what you asked.”

“…And they still do.”

“Not because they want to! Only because they know you’re crazy. You’re just fuckin’ pathetic and you don’t take care of your daughter.”

“You’re so full of shit! I would have her way more than you did over the years, and I was payin’ you money! I told you to keep the legal system out of our business, that I’d take care of it, and I did. But no, you got greedy and put child support on me. They had me payin’ less than I was giving you.” He cracked up. “Served your ass right, but what did I do? I turned around and doubled what they said, and now here you are again with your damn hand out.”

“You should be payin’ your child support!”

“I do! I’ve never missed a month. Not one!” He held up his finger, wishing he could wring her damn neck. He hated how worked up the woman got him, made him feel that hatred, that shit he’d grown addicted to and had used for rocket fuel in his not so distant past. “You even got money while I was in prison. I made sure of it. I want you to tell me what other men do you know that can keep their business going while being incarcerated, be in deep shit for a so-called hate crime, and still take care of their kid? You are so goddamn ungrateful. That money is for Laura, not for you to spend up on bullshit and booze and that piece of shit husband of yours. Get off your ass and get a job! You’re never home anyhow!”

“That piece of shit as you call him is taking care of your daughter, you deadbeat! Show some respect you fuckin’ lunatic.”

“Look, I don’t have time for this. Just tell Laura to call me when she gets in.”

“You need to do right by your daughter. I know you’ve got more money, Aaron.” Her voice grew icy as layers of greed infected her to new heights right before his eyes. “Everyone knows it,” she continued. “You’re rich and only givin’ me a little bit. I had your daughter, for God’s sake! She’s your only child. You’ve left me no choice. I’m takin’ you to court.”

“Takin’ me to court? On the grounds of what? I give you cash and checks for Laura’s care on top of the damn child support and not only that, I pay for her tuition and all kinds of other stuff she needs, too. I even pay your damn mortgage every month. You’re unbelievable. Yeah, Sarah, take me to court. So damn greedy! Let’s see what happens this time around!”

“Who has the criminal record? Not me. So I suggest you increase the child support by thirty-five percent like I asked or I will see you in front of the magistrate.”

“You really are a piece of work, you know that? Never mind about that. Look, there is something serious I need to discuss with you.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, grappling with his temper, talking himself out of exploding on the woman. “Laura tells me you’re out partying all the time, still, Sarah. She said you’re never home. I got that news directly from her. I have no idea why since you don’t have a job. What are you doing with your time?”

“None of your goddamn business! There you go trying to control me again.”

“Control you? I have the right to know where the hell you are when my daughter is involved! Not to mention you leave her with just anybody. Don’t you ever leave my child with a bitch you just met again, do you hear me?! I heard all about it. That woman was a damn heroin addict! You are unfit, and don’t even care.”

“Unfit? Isn’t this somethin’ coming from a jerk that just got out of federal prison! Go protect some actress or porn star by jumpin’ in front of a bullet or something.”

“Who else would buy all that bullshit Boone’s farm liquor you keep stashed in the fridge and I know about you getting drunk all the time, too. I have people that watch you…”

“Keep your employees and spies away from my damn house! I am going to report you for harassment, Aaron. I promise you that!”

“Report me, Sarah. I don’t care. Take me to court, whatever. All of these threats… You’ve been gettin’ toasted, comin’ home drunk. I don’t want that around my daughter. I told you to cut that shit out, and I mean it.”

“Let me explain something to you, Aaron. You aren’t running anything. If you keep on with this, I will make sure your visitation is cut off, completely. It wouldn’t take much, not with your affiliations and all.”

“Past affiliations, Sarah, and don’t forget, you are still involved with them. I can bring that up in court, too. You’re not the only one who can sling mud around.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right… slinging mud, shit brown… like the colored, nappy headed baboon bitch you’ve taken up with. I keep forgetting my first love and the father of my child is a nigger lover now.”

Aaron felt a chill go down his spine…

“Oh yeah.” He could sense her twisted smile bending and shaping, growing in some obscene way over the phone. “A few of us know about it. Your new girlfriend is a fucking NIIIIIGGGGGER!”

“Shut up.”

“Make me, you nigger fucker! How absolutely disgusting! The only reason why I haven’t told anyone about this shit is because I don’t want you gettin’ killed. Our daughter loves you too much. She’d go apeshit.” She burst out laughing. “That’s funny how I mentioned apeshit right then, but yeah, if something happened to you, she’d be really upset.”

“That’s not why.” He chuckled. “It’s because you need the gravy train to keep on chuggin’ and you know if I’m dead you don’t get shit. I’ve got my affairs set up that if something happens to me, Laura is one of the beneficiaries. If something happens to her, you still get nothing and you hate it. You’re such a materialistic, small-minded idiot, you know that? I can’t believe you called me with this bullshit.”

“You’ve always been arrogant, thought you were better than everyone else. I see nothing has changed.” She sighed lazily as if bored. “I’m done with you, you hear me? You will never get me in bed again.”

“Get you in bed? Are you serious?” He burst out laughing. “You’re a damn riot. I don’t want your drunken, whorish ass, Sarah. You ain’t got shit to worry about, I would never ask you for anything, especially not that!”

“You’ve repeatedly tried to paint me to be a bad mom and now you’ve gone and stuck your cock in that black animal. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?”

“Mmmm, what are you cookin’? Smells like jealousy.” He cackled.

“Arrogant piece of shit,” she mumbled. “What a waste of a good fuck and big dick.”

“And you’re just a waste of air. If you put this much energy into raising our daughter, it would be amazing.”

“You wanted some 1950s wife! You gotta lotta nerve treatin’ me like some second class citizen and acting like I’m a bad parent.”

“You are…”

“You could have provided a good life for us with everything that you had, but instead you wanted to try and treat me like a child and be a dictator.”

“That’s all you cared about. What you could get out of me, my reputation, my power, how I fucked you, and the money I could make. I started my company with not one lick of help from you, but you had the nerve to try and get half and we weren’t even married! I would ask you simple stuff, to help make a couple of calls for me, make a sandwich, clean up a bit. I told you I’d take care of you, but all you wanted to do was party. None of that shit even matters anymore though. Why are we even talkin’ about this? The only thing we need to be discussing is Laura.”

“You know what? I’ve known for the longest that you were pissed when I moved on.”

“Pissed when you moved on?” This bitch is serious! “I was glad you were someone else’s’ problem now. I never called and asked you to reconcile, not once! Let me make this clear to you, Sarah. I wouldn’t fuck you again if your pussy became the only entrance to heaven and a promise to eternal life.”

“Fuck you, Aaron! More money, or go to court.”

“If you go down this path, Sarah, you will be sorry. I don’t want to be wrapped up in the court system again for any reason, and you know this. I’ve been warning you for years to stop fucking with me but you keep pushin’ the limit.”

“Pushing the limit? You’re a psychopath, you know that?”

“Do you even actually know what a psychopath is? Less than 1% of the population is comprised of actual psychopaths, Sarah. About 25% of them are in prison and I can guarantee you, not for civil rights issues or self-defense. If I were truly a psychopath, you and I wouldn’t be on the phone right now. You’d be unable to communicate, let alone call and harass me.”

“You sick fuck. Are you threatening me?” she spat out, as if her teeth were clenched like a rabid dog’s.

“I don’t know, am I?” he sneered, wanting a piece of her. He thanked his lucky stars they weren’t face to face during this unexpected showdown. He feared he may have snapped.

“A fuckin’ nutjob just like I said! Oh my God, you’re a crazy motherfucker.”

“You knew that when you met me. You liked it. Now that things have changed, and not in your favor, your tune has a new beat. I didn’t marry you like you wanted. I saw you for what you were before it was too late. Regardless, thank you for Laura. I love my daughter and wouldn’t change her existence for the world.”

“When we met you told me you were about family, about building a life together. You were supposed to marry me. I told you I was pregnant and you went back on your word! We were supposed to be together!”

After all these years, the truth had finally come out… He lowered his head and shook it, feeling sorry for the woman. Mansionair’s ‘Hold Me Down’ began to play on his stereo.

“I took care of my responsibilities, Sarah. As angry as you’ve made me over the years, including right now, I’d never harm you. I could not bring myself to hurt the vessel that gave my offspring life and you’ve used that against me. But here’s the thing, Sarah. You know some of the things I went through as a youngster. You don’t know all of it, but you know enough to understand that I abhor even the thought of abuse when it comes to children. Laura loves us both. She is very attached to you, so, it’s left me at a disadvantage in some regard. But, if you hurt my child through neglect, or verbal or emotional abuse… of course physical, too…well, then all bets are off. You have one last chance to get your shit together, and I mean that.” His voice lowered.

“You think I’m soft because I’m not with the Socialist Movement anymore? Believe that stupid shit if you want to. Just this morning I saw one of the brethren. He knows I’m out, and he still bowed down to me…”

Her breathing grew louder over the phone.

“I’m the same damn Aaron you met, dated, moved in with, fucked and fucked over, minus the childish racist bullshit…same man.” He took a leisurely sip of his beer. “You know some of the shit I’ve done… the blood soaked clothes at two in the morning.” His teeth pierced his lower lip as a budding smirk formed. “The tattoos that have charted my progress up the food chain, so to speak. Swords to the gut…” He heard her swallow, a gulp of nervous spit undoubtedly lodged in her throat…and he liked it… “I’ll do it again if you push me, honey. Don’t fuck with our child, Sarah. Don’t do it. No more chances. Try to take me to court… get my name back on a goddamn docket and I’ll fuck your entire world up. You’ve been warned for the final time and if I were you, I’d heed it…”

A steely silence weaved its way between the two of them.

Without a warning, she slammed the phone down in his ear, causing his drum to ring. He stood there inside his kitchen, one hand and his forehead against the wall as an internal glow grew and burned him from the inside out.

I want my daughter away from there, from that household, that craziness, that dysfunction. But Laura loves her mother so much… She tells me that all the time. If I try to take her, she’d be heartbroken.

Laura, Daddy is in a hard spot right now, baby girl… Fuck!

He pounded the wall.

Sarah and I made something so beautiful out of something so ugly. I can’t wake her up, make her do the right thing. I’ve tried. I have to come up with something else. She sees our daughter as a damn meal ticket. My daughter’s well being is at stake. I have to do what I have to do. I’m convinced whatever the solution is, it won’t be pretty…

Three days later…

MIA PEERED DOWN at her hand, admiring the classic cut rock that Aaron had left wrapped within a piece of his business letterhead stationery, folded in a rather special yet familiar way. She had to laugh at the man. He’d rung her bell like a child playing ‘doorbell ditching’, and when she opened the door to see who her unexpected visitor was, all she saw was his shiny black truck kicking up pebbles and dust along the road as he disappeared into an abyss of nothingness, the sounds of ‘Hold Back the River’ by James Bay flowing out the man’s open window.

She’d called after him several times, certain he must have thought she wasn’t home but then, something close to her feet caught her eye. Perched on that rickety, slanted porch was an origami swan. Once she bent low and opened the thing up, she took note of a gray velvet bag with a satin satchel. She pulled at the ends and revealed a thing of true, majestic beauty.

A large, oval diamond ring caught the light so perfectly, a rainbow reflected from the surface onto a window, glimmering in unbelievable contrast. The way he’d done it surprised the hell out of her, and she knew that was exactly what he wanted! How else was a man supposed to surprise his soon-to-be bride after already declaring her his? The gesture and the ring within itself nearly knocked her off her damn feet.

“Oh my Lord!”

It blew her damn breath away; so much so, she stumbled back, almost falling into her screen door, tearing it the rest of the way down from its skimpy, lackluster frame. Tears of mirth and joy intermingled and streamed down her cheeks. It was just like him to run from a possible emotionally charged scene. He didn’t want to see her crying, happy or not, and perhaps he wished to avoid his own meltdown as well. He’d sidestepped the entire set up by simply doing what was necessary, in a gentlemanly approach, and went on about his way.

So now, all was quiet. She adjusted the thing on her finger and looked back at the road. The dust had settled, but somehow, his essence still hung in the air. As she turned to enter her home and call that sneaky son of a bitch to thank him and make him come over for dinner, she caught the scent of something so sweet and mild…

There, on the windowsill, sat a large bouquet of orange irises, wrapped with an elegant black and white satin bow. She backed up and picked it up, giving it a hearty sniff.

“Mmmm… smells so good.” Then she noticed a little scroll of paper rolled tightly inside the ribbon. She gave it a few gentle tugs, freeing it from its confines, and read the simple words:

I don’t know much about plants, but I know about irises. They used to grow in my mother’s (Pam) garden. They came in all colors of the rainbow; one of the few flowers, according to her, that come in just about any color you could imagine. Irises are all beautiful, not one of them is inferior or superior to another. Their aroma is strong and sweet, and they have a unique look about them. We are all different, and that makes each one of us special, much like the distinctive hues of these flowers. The iris represents heroism, hope, and acumen. I think that is befitting for us. I think that sums us up just fine. I love you. You are my iris in a garden that I took for granted. There’s a big world out there, and I almost overlooked one of the most beautiful blooms of all.

Love,

Aaron

WITH HER AMBER eyes, so much like his, framed by dark blond hair and a set of unkempt eyebrows, Amy looked a tad bit disturbed despite her pristine trappings inside of Mountain View Hospital in Gadsden, Alabama. She’d been in the mental institution for bipolar and addiction issues for four years, off and on, give or take. Aaron sat before her, forcing a smile as his little sister smiled right back at him with mischief in her eyes.

“You’re even bigger than when I last saw you… muscles ’nd shit…big motherfucker…” She chuckled as her eyes hooded. “What chew been liftin’ in prison, boy? The whole fuckin’ block?”

He burst out laughing as she dug under her armpit with no damn care as to who saw, curing an apparent itch. Her hospital gown bunched from her movements, causing him to stifle a smirk.

“Amy, what are you doing dressed like that, huh?” He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, judgment all over his tone. “It’s two in the afternoon.”

She shrugged and looked about the place, her thin frame barely holding onto the fabric. “It’s more comfortable.”

He nodded in understanding.

“I haven’t seen you in two years. It was long overdue. I missed you.”

“Missed you, too.” She sniffed, her nose pink and puffy, her eyes watery and glossed over with permanent sadness.

She looks just like Mama…

“I heard your company still doin’ good… that’s good.” She grinned at him, exposing a couple of teeth in need of removal.

“It is. I was lucky I suppose. Everything could have gone to hell.”

“You talk to Joe-Joe? He said he was comin’ next week.”

“Yeah, I talked to that idiot.” Aaron smiled a bit wider as he ran his fingers along the side of his neck. “He is trying to be a music producer and rapper and some other shit.”

“He got a good ear though, Aaron! Don’t knock it. You call it jungle bunny music,” she taunted. “I like some of it though.”

He leaned further in his seat and crossed his arms. An orderly walked past with a cart loaded with small white cups. He watched as the man went on down the hall, leaving them alone in the vast visitor room.

“So,” she sighed. “How is your campaign to take over the world or whatever the hell you are doing? I might be crazy but I told you that that was too much for me.” She cackled.

“Funny, yeah? I suppose it is… No, it’s not funny, not funny at all…” He held tight to his smirk, possessive of the protection it provided, but a pang of hurt smacked him across his damn heart at her joking about his former world. “I’m not a part of that anymore, Amy. I resigned.”

She looked at him long and hard, as if filled with true disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“You’ve been… you’ve been that way for almost as long as I can remember. What happened?”

He sighed and looked leisurely about the place as if the answer lay somewhere there. After a go at cracking his knuckles, he setting his hands upon the table. “It’s a very long story … but, sometimes people wake up, you know? I was wrong. I realized this over the past year and needed to make the choice to leave all that behind.”

She cocked her head to the side, and her dry lips slowly opened until she was laughing so hard, it fucking echoed. Her eyes grew tiny and glistened with something provoking and rascally.

“What?” He grinned. “What’s so funny?”

“I know my brother…”

“You know your brother?”

“Yeah… it’s a woman. A woman must not have liked your ways!” She burst out laughing again and this time, he could not help but follow suit.

“Well, yeah.” He reluctantly nodded in agreement. “That was part of it.”

“I knew it! Who is she? Who you done laid claim to? I hated Sarah with a goddamn passion! Glad that bitch is gone… now who is her replacement? Anyone has to be better than that fuckin’ cunt!”

“Amy Lynn Pike! Watch your language!” a nurse called out from a distance. His sister rolled her eyes and stared back at him.

“Well?”

“Yeah, you and Sarah used to argue like two feral cats jammed up in a trashcan. Anyway, her name is Mia Armstrong.”

“Hmmm, where she from?” She leaned in close, waiting for the rest of the goods.

“She’s originally from Auburn. She lives near Atmore, now.”

“You said her name was Mia?” Her lower lip twisted to the side, she sank her uneven teeth into the pale flesh.

“Yeah…”

“Ma-ma-Mia!” Amy drummed the table like a show was about to start as she turned his love life into a senseless spectacle. “Tell me about her, goddamn it.”

Aaron sighed and shook his head at the woman as Smith serenaded ‘The Weight’ from Easy Rider.

“You are awfully interested in this. You’ve never asked about any other women I was seein’.”

“I’m bored as fuck, man! This is the most action I’ve gotten in years! I gotta live vicariously through you.”

“No, you don’t. You’ll be getting out of here any day now.” He looked around the place, hoping and praying his words were true. Such dismal, depressing surroundings…

“No, I won’t; I’m a risk. I don’t take my medicine when I’m out,” she said, counting off her fingers. “I get drunk, get into bar fights. I don’t check in with my probation officer on a regular basis and I buck authority.”

She said the shit so matter-of-factly but, unfortunately, she was right. Amy was his little sister, no larger than a mustard seed, but she caused fear in many due to her violent outbursts and unruly ways.

“Not any time soon anyway. I’m safer in here. The world is safer with me in here.” She chuckled. “But enough of that, tell me about Mia. Oh!” She snapped her fingers. “Let me do like you and Joe-Joe used to do, you fuckin’ perverts! Is she brunette, blonde, or redhead?” She giggled like some maniac and hugged herself tight.

A tickle crept up his throat, reminding him of the senseless questions he’d asked Mia so long ago… She’d passed his test with a bit of trickery. Would he administer the same?

“Brunette.” He couldn’t help but smirk.

“Really?” Her brow rose in suspicion. “I’ve only seen you with blondes! Well, well, well… you’ve changed your M.O.,” she stated as if she were some detective.

“I’ve dated some dark-haired women before.”

“Yeah? I guess you have… You and Joe-Joe go through women faster than you change underwear! Damn womanizers, just like Dad!” she spat, her brows furrowed just so.

“What?! I never ran through a bunch of women. Amy, you’re crazy!”

“Yeah, and what’s your point?”

They both burst out laughing.

“So anyway, yeah, she’s nice… real nice. I love her. We’re gettin’ married actually.”

Just then, he watched her smile slowly fade. “You found her…” she said in almost a whisper.

“I don’t…understand.”

Amy must be having one of her moments…

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

“When we were little, one time you played dolls with me out in the front yard, remember?”

Aaron scratched his head, trying to dig up those recollections, but nothing came to him; nothing registered. He simply shook his head, sorry he could not pull from his memory bank.

“One day, Mama and Arnold were at it again. I was upset so you did what you never did, and offered to play with me, to get me out of there. No tellin’ where Travis was.”

“It sounds so strange when you call Joe-Joe Travis; I sometimes forget that’s his real name.” They both laughed.

“Yeah, anyway, we got outside, playing, and Mama’s voice was carryin’. We could hear crashing, like plates bustin’ up and them cussin’ each other out. Arnold was drunk, and probably so was Mama, too. I was shakin’; my nerves were bad. Ain’t that a shame how a seven-year-old could have bad nerves?”

Aaron slowly nodded as a rush of warm rage overcame him. Yes, the memory was materializing, front and center, becoming real once more.

“So, we were playin’ and I had the Barbie and the Ken doll and you said, ‘That’s me.’ You were talking about the Ken doll. You then pointed to the Barbie that I had inside the dollhouse holding a little rolled up piece of tissue paper that I pretended was her baby. And you said, ‘I’m gonna have a nice family, Amy. I’m gonna have a wife, and babies. I won’t throw stuff at my wife. I won’t spend up all our rent money. My wife will be happy. I’ll make her happy and she won’t treat our kids bad. She’ll love them because she’ll be a good mother and I’ll be a good husband and father. She’ll show it and never treat ’em bad.’ I never forgot that, Aaron. I think, inside, you was always a hopeless romantic. You’d write stuff down and tuck it away. I’d find the papers and read them… real pretty words, Aaron. You was a real good writer.”

He swallowed.

I thought I had that stuff hidden pretty good in my room!

“I think it was the only time I really saw you show any emotion, knew how you felt about Mama and Arnold. It was through your poems that never rhymed; I’m not sure what they were.” She smiled sadly. “And from us playin’ dolls that day. I knew, right then and there, that you were just as afraid, hurt and upset as I was…but you was too busy tellin’ me to stop crying all the time and running away to Patti’s house, that I never got to really see you like that. And then, there was something else.”

“What?”

“Later that night, Patti came by. She brought some food over. The house was a fuckin’ mess. She looked around at us and everything and she asked Mama how it was goin’. Mama didn’t pay her much mind but asked her for a cigarette and some money. You then stood up and asked Patti if she’d adopt you and me and Travis. Mama came over and smacked the old ass white dog shit outta you…”

Aaron bit his damn tongue as the memory flooded him, made him rear up inside! He tasted blood.

He’d stuffed so much shit down, pushed so many things away, he’d forgotten it all! Amy had a steel trap mind. Her memory remained intact like the love of God for sinners so there was no questioning her accounts – even the ones about his womanizing, which had occurred over the course of a few years before he’d met the mother of his child. He just didn’t wish to discuss it with her, so he lied and said it never happened, but that was the truth.

“But wishes come true sometimes, huh?” Amy’s eyes glossed over as she flopped back into her seat with a sullen smile. “She did finally adopt you, and I saw a change in you. You went from keepin’ to yourself to bein’ outspoken. A real leader! I couldn’t get behind what you were sayin’ though. I didn’t hate nobody. Now yeah, I think a lot of the blacks want somethin’ for nothin’, use their race as an excuse as to why shit doesn’t get done, but there’s good black people too, Aaron. I know you don’t wanna hear this, but I had black friends ’nd shit and it got to the point that I couldn’t bring ’em around, Aaron, because you were there!”

He could hear the woman’s resentment in her tone as she relived the moments… moments when she realized her big brother, the one who used to protect her, was breaking her damn heart. He lowered his head in shame and fought back the rush of pain.

“I was afraid you was gonna hurt ’em, maybe even kill ’em ’cause I know what you done!” she hollered. Her voice cracked at the end and she pointed a shaky finger in his direction.

“Yeah… I know you do, Amy,” he stated calmly. “I’m sorry for any pain I caused you with my beliefs.” He could immediately see the damn shock on her face. Her expression cracked like an egg, exposing a runny yolk chock full of confusion. On a long exhale, he continued. “I don’t think like that anymore, Amy. I was wrong. I uh…” He swallowed harshly as he looked her in the eye. “I’ve had a lot of time to think and…this time in prison changed me.”

“…But you were acquitted.”

“Amy, the charges were dropped after the new evidence came out, but I was in there a year. Now, a year ain’t that long to many people, when you think of prison time, but for me it felt like an eternity. A lot happened to me in there, Amy… a lot.”

“Like what? You get hurt?”

“Not in the way you think but one thing that happened was that I was forced to go to counseling. After a while, it wasn’t forced anymore. I wanted to go, wanted to see him. I’m pretty messed up, Amy.” He smiled sadly. “We all were. We can say our parents did this to us; it sure as hell didn’t help. As a reaction, I had chosen something that made me feel better about myself but was harmful to others, even people I cared about. I’m sorry for beatin’ up your boyfriend that day… that Mexican boy.”

She hung her head and began to twitch in her seat. “His name was Lucas…”

“Yeah, Lucas.”

“He couldn’t see for days… had to get stitches in his head.”

“That was… a terrible thing for me to do…me and my friends. I was angry you were seein’ him, and I did the wrong thing. I judged him based on his ethnicity instead of how he treated you. I was wrong, dead wrong.” He sucked his teeth as more and more memories of abuses came to light; things he did on practically a daily basis in the pages of yesteryear, things he hadn’t thought twice about doing. He’d beaten, stabbed, and threatened. He’d done unthinkable things, animalistic things, terrible, harsh and damn near demonic things… and, he slept just fine at night afterward… until Dr. Owen got a hold of him…

“I’m glad to hear you’ve changed, Aaron. I can see it in you. I believe you.” She reached across the table and took his hand. “You’re my brother, and I love you.”

“I love you too, Amy. I love you a whole lot.”

“You were the strong one. You’d protect me and Joe-Joe, stand up for us. Most times it ended up causin’ you to get your ass beat. Mama was so mean to you, Aaron… so mean.”

He lowered his gaze, for he needed a minute.

“Arnold was always afraid you’d off him in his sleep. You’d threatened to.”

“Yeah, I did threaten to. And I meant it.”

They looked at each other a while longer, a love and reconnection forming, stronger than ever before.

“He was hurtin’ us… hurtin’ my little sister and brother, too. I was the oldest. I was in charge. I protect the people I love, Amy. We all a bit crazy, but we love one another.” He quickly dabbed at his right eye, refusing to let that son of a bitch leak and expose him for what he was—a man with feelings.

“I got somethin’ to tell you, Amy.”

“Yeah? You sound serious.”

“I am serious. You know Mia, my fiancée?”

“The brunette?” she teased.

“Yeah… She’s black…” They said it at the same time…

His brow cocked up as he stared at her curiously. Was Amy’s crazy ass a damn oracle?

“How’d you know?”

Amy slowly rose to her feet and looked down at him. Her slight form cast a shadow. “’Cause when I asked you to tell me about her, you hesitated and ran your left hand over your right hand three times. It’s a little nervous tick thing you’ve done since we was kids. That’s why Mama would tell you to sit down and put your hands on the table before she’d ask you something…”

I never knew that’s why she’d ask me that…

“She’d beat you no matter what your answer was… Anyway, you’d do it when you wasn’t sure if you was gonna lie or not… but you always hated lyin’; it made you feel guilty, so you’d do that right before you told the truth. You changed ’cause of a woman… so,” she said, shrugging, “I put two and two together. You sittin’ here talking about how wrong you were, how you don’t do those things anymore… You found ’er, I see, you found your Barbie and that’s all that matters.”

She said those words real easy like – like sweet, honey lemonade rollin’ over freshly frozen ice. Aaron slowly rose to his feet, now looking down at the tiny woman who had more heart than three lions. He leaned over, grabbed the back of her head and kissed the top, slow and gentle.

Once he released her, she looked up into his eyes and touched his jaw with slightly trembling fingers.

“You was too smart to be filled with so much hate. I always hoped you’d stop what you were doin’. Now, I got my wish.”

“You want to know what happened? How I met her?” he offered.

“I did, when you first sat down, but now,” she said, her shoulders slumped, “I don’t too much care. All I know is my brother is happy, his heart is open, and he can live again. Mama and Arnold fucked us up, royally. You might not blame ’em, but I sure as hell do. That’s why I could forgive you time and time again for all the things you’d done. I knew you didn’t understand what you were doin’. I prayed that God would teach you a lesson, turn the tables on you. He ain’t never answered not one of my prayers,” she said with spite. “But He answered that one. My Nazi brother fell in love wit’ a black girl, and they gettin’ married… sounds about right to me. Send me an invitation. Can’t say they’ll let me attend, but send it any ol’ way. I need to meet this Limited Edition Barbie… ’cause anyone who can love the hate right off a Nazi Socialist Party Leader has earned every ounce of my goddamn respect!”

She smirked, then turned and walked away…

Chapter Thirteen

AARON SAT ON the edge of Mia’s bed. Her room was like some candle and oasis retreat with splashes of lime green and soft indigo, and plush white pillows one could mistake for fluffed clouds that had descended from the vast blue. None of that mattered, for his mood had drastically changed in the past few seconds… The ceiling fan hummed a rhythmic song as his heart beat out of his damn chest and, for a moment or two, he tried to calm down, make sense of it. In one hand, he gripped a bottle of water; in the other, a crumpled letter.

“Wake up, Mia!” he demanded, his back still towards her. She moved about sluggishly under the sheets, barely rousing from a long slumber. “Baby, I need you to wake up. This is important!” He turned towards her and shook her knee vigorously, making her come alive.

“What? What?!” She sat up and rubbed her eyes, clearly disoriented. She looked around, her dark strands going in every direction.

“When did you receive this?” His jaws tightened as if he were some shark with a mouthful of freshly shredded fish guts.

She looked at him quizzically.

“I… don’t know what that is.” He flashed the envelope towards her, and her face relaxed as realization set in.

“Oh, that. Today… I got it today, Aaron,” she stated around a yawn. She stretched her arms high, trying to break free from the confines of her sleepy state.

“Do you know what it means?”

“It’s a letter to you. I opened it not realizing it was for you beforehand. Your name wasn’t on the front but once I saw it on the inside, I set it aside. I hadn’t read it fully; it said you needed to fill out some paperwork.”

“Mia, it’s a threat!” He jumped up from the bed and waved the damn thing frantically at her, unable to control himself any longer. “I walked into your kitchen to get something to drink, looked down and saw it.”

“All it said was that you needed to fill out some paperwork.” Wrinkles formed between her brows. “We’ve registered for wedding gifts, so I just figured our names are linked that way. It seemed fairly cut and dry.”

“Nothing is cut and dry about this! I have told no one your name with the exception of Dr. Owens obviously and my sister, and I know her ass isn’t talkin’. My friend Darryl doesn’t even know your name. I knew they were comin’ for me. I fuckin’ knew it!” He tossed the damn thing angrily on the ground and stomped towards the bedroom door.

“Aaron! Wait!” The woman’s footsteps trailed behind him. She stood there in her fucking birthday suit, her body his goddamn altar. He wanted to bow and pray, but there was no time. “Now look,” she stated calmly as she ran one hand coolly through her hair. “If it is what you think it is, then I need you to calm down and tell me what’s going on, and then… we can figure something out.”

“There’s nothing to figure out, Mia. We have to move, end of story.” He tossed up his hands. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, anyway… wanting to start over, start fresh. I can move my business anywhere and you can teach wherever you wish, too. We need to move to my house up in West Virginia that I told you about, get the hell out of here.”

He looked around her home, feeling sad and sorry and hurt and fucking enraged all at once. Much to his surprise, she simply stood there, listening…

In actuality, she was hard to read at that moment. He knew she’d worked hard for that house, had touched so many children… and here he was, disrupting her life once again, making things hard and horrible for her.

“I told you I’d leave; we already discussed this. My word to you is my bond. I’d move, follow you, and I know you’d do the same for me. Now calm the hell down,” she said sternly, crossing her arms over her breasts. “I don’t want you to feel chased away though, Aaron… I’m not afraid.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m not afraid because I’ve got faith, and I’ve got you.” She held her head high as she approached him to place a gentle hand on his bare shoulder.

“I know that, and I need it, God knows I do, but I refuse to have you looking over your shoulder every damn minute, Mia. We’re gettin’ married. We’re going to start a family! I have to try and stay in one piece for my daughter, too. I’m not running away; I’m running to something! To protect the ones I love. If it were just me, I’d stand my ground, but I got other people involved in this… and they are not the type of people you want to hope and wish to take a chance with.” He took a step back and shook his head. “They tried to blackmail me, Mia. Since I’ve been out, they’ve attempted to extort money – payment to leave me alone and to not blow my damn brains out. If I thought that would stop ’em, I would have done it, but with guys like this, any show of weakness and you’re dead!

He ground his teeth together until a dull ache formed in his mouth. “I knew it was only a matter of time before they found out about you, and now that they know, this is my final warning from them to either pay up or perish. They sent it to your house on purpose, knowing I would recognize this, because I drafted it! We give it to new recruits… And my new recruit is you, so I will protect you at all costs.”

He raced back into the bedroom and began to dress.

“I need you to call a reputable movin’ company. Tell them money is no problem. They need to get their asses over here in the next 24 hours and have your house packed up, and then do mine. I need to take care of some things with my affairs.” He paused to look at the woman standing there by the door, her eyes full of concern that she wouldn’t dare utter. He marched towards her, his belt buckle jingling, and gathered her in his arms.

“I’m going to fix this, alright?” He kissed her lips. “West Virginia is beautiful, Mia. We’ll be back down and visit when things cool down a bit, okay? It’s not goodbye; it’s just until next time. And goddamn it, I’m sorry about this!” His voice shaking, he squeezed her with all his might. Once again, he needed her forgiveness…

“My past actions are like a damn snowball,” he said gently into her ear, his eyes closed. “Just when we think the storm is over, another flake falls, and then another until there is a full advisory.”

“We are in this together, Aaron… I’m right here by your side.” She gripped his jaw and brought their lips together. He wished they had time to make love one more time, but every second counted.

“And that’s where I need you. My mistakes just keep rollin’ and rollin’, gettin’ bigger and bigger. I apologize for the pain I’ve caused you.”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing to me.”

“I do, and I will, Mia. I’m taking you away from everything… your family, the children you’ve worked with and made their lives better. I’m selfish, but I need you with me. Nobody is taking you from me… nobody!” He gripped a fistful of her hair in his palm, held her to him possessively as his heart beat erratically, thumping in his chest, creating a dull pain.

He meant what he’d said. He’d never let her go, and if need be, he’d die to keep her safe from harm…

9.5 ACRES OF lush jade and emerald flat top evenly cut grass lay before her like some ‘Welcome Home’ gift from Mother Nature. Not certain where to set her sights on next, she fumbled about, full of questions. But, the stunning view had her tongue-tied.

Notwithstanding, Mia was running on unfiltered, fast flowing adrenaline as she took a much-needed pause to eavesdrop on the various sounds that flittered all around her. This time the trickling water acoustics arrived from the whistling Pagan River, which framed the majority of the secluded estate. During their conjugal visit, Aaron stated he had some property – a nice little house away from the city. That had been the first lie he’d ever told her…

A nice little house my ass…

Mia looked about the place, her bones exhausted, her eyes crossed from forcing herself to work through the night, then catch a turbulent red-eye plane ride. Her brain practically misfired after three days of grueling tasks, last minute good-byes, packing, storage companies, moving, and trying to explain to her loved ones that she had not completely lost her mind.

Aaron had met Mama and Daddy. He’d kissed Mama’s hand and shook Daddy’s hand. She knew they didn’t understand, how could they? But, she’d promised to return as soon as possible. Her notice into Principle Bullock’s office caused an emotional tailspin of a scene she wouldn’t soon forget. This announcement didn’t go unchallenged, for as she tossed her things haphazardly into two oversized cardboard boxes she’d stolen from the cafeteria, parents approached her with tears in their eyes, begging for a reason, and pleading with her to stay.

Never mind the sobbing students who clung to her as if their lives depended upon her mere presence, and this was the final straw. She broke down like that straw that had fallen across a desert camel’s back, emotionally collapsed into the arms of tiny children that she saw as her very own. They all huddled around her and declared their love, and she did the same, now a blubbering mess. Even the ones who could not speak or use sign language said so much with their intense expressions, and it was all to her poignant detriment. And then, there was Zion…

He was due to graduate in a few weeks, and would be gone from her care anyhow, but this didn’t make things much easier. This wasn’t the goodbye she wanted, but she pulled him aside, tried to explain the situation. Much to her surprise, he simply smiled and gave her a big, warm hug… It was as if he knew exactly what she needed.

Her fellow teachers, their coffee mugs in hand, had surrounded her like a pack of wolves in need of a good and tasty meal. She was ganged up on, a beloved woman feeling the power of her presence and seeing without a shadow of a doubt that she’d be sorely missed.

She bowed her head, searching for the words, then simply explained that she had a family emergency, and that she must leave immediately. The answer wasn’t good enough for them, her boss, the children, or herself, but it served to dodge additional inquiries, promising to follow up once she’d gotten to her destination and settled in. She wasn’t the only one putting out fires, though. Aaron spent hours on the phone making tedious, time consuming, yet crucial arrangements and reconciling dire business obligations. He kept the business operations open in Alabama, not wishing to inconvenience his employees simply because his life had become rather complicated… No, wait. It wasn’t complicated. By all intents and purposes, it was a fucking disaster and no one other than the parties involved should suffer the brunt of it all – so he mapped out his new plans.

He decided he’d open another facility right there in Smithfield, West Virginia, too. Besides, he explained he’d been knocking around the idea of expansion, and this way, he could attract more clients in the Midwest and portions of the East Coast as well.

Despite his forced jovial mood, she knew Aaron was fronting and frothing out the mouth. She’d heard him pacing in the wee hours of the morning, the floors creaking under his demanding gait. Whispers on the phone… the tone rather threatening. The cracking of his large knuckles had become habitual. She’d look at his hands closely, one of which was adorned by a large sterling silver skull ring. There were also his impromptu perpetual workouts; in this case, consisting of tossing items no longer wanted into a tin garbage bin so hard, she was certain he’d cause the thing to ricochet right on down the road, never to be seen again.

This happened all in private, for he was hell bent on putting on an act, hiding his anxiety from her prying eyes. But, she saw it nevertheless, and a part of her knew he was allowing her to view him, although, for the time being, from afar. She’d caught him twice staring down at his daughter’s photo on his phone while the movers navigated all around him as if he were some statue that simply needed to be ignored. He paid them no attention, but seemed to be in a grim, mournful world of his own. A world he didn’t construct, but he sure as hell inhabited.

That poor little girl…

Now her father was over nine hundred miles away fighting a bloody war built upon veiled threats, and others, not so shielded nor secret. His paranoia had grown stronger with each minute. Aaron had promised Laura that once he got things secured, he’d send for her. He wanted his daughter for the summers, every other major holiday, spring break, and any weekends on which he could fly her up. Mia couldn’t wait to meet the bright and beautiful little child.

She’d heard so much about her, seen so many pictures and watched as the proud father he was displayed her report cards and artwork that he’d collected over the years. And because of that love for her, he was careful, oh so careful. He’d made it abundantly clear that she and Laura were his treasures, and should anyone compromise their wellbeing, he would not take the matter lightly.

Aaron being a professional in the vocation of security did not seem to sway or concern his adversaries, and though she found this rather alarming, she accepted that there were simply things about Aaron’s former life that she may never fully understand.

He bided his time regarding these matters, kept it bottled deep within the alcoves of his mysterious soul, but he’d given her the key; her internal promise was to not abuse her stay. But, the journey to redemption was taxing. Too much had happened too soon, and her brain and body fought one another, while her heart threatened to give out and give up if a promise of resolution wasn’t granted. What the hell did she expect? A fairytale. No… She’d fallen in love with a mad man who’d turned spiritually jovial and renewed… But the world doesn’t care about what we are doing right now; it prefers to focus on what we did, and rub our noses in it until we die from choking off our own mistakes, vomit on the bygones and sinfully suffocate.

What a cruel, harsh, ugly world. It gives little, but takes so much…

Mia pulled herself away from the concerns that threatened to give her nightmares, and focused once again on the fact that she was standing smack dab in the middle of countryside heaven. Everything around her was simply so damn beautiful and once she stepped inside of the property, she was rendered speechless at the unbelievable sights before her, temporarily forgetting all of her troubles and worries.

The house boasted 8,500 square feet of wall-to-wall cedar magnificence. Thirty feet high panoramic windows were featured in the living loft area, showcasing a breathtaking view of the surrounding land. Aaron’s house was fit for a spa retreat, a blank canvas that surrounded the senses and threatened to take one under. Though she loved her old abode and would surely miss it—after all, it had been her first big purchase and her baby—this right here made her salivate with the notion of untapped possibilities. One home was old, broken in, and lived in to the fullest. This one was stylish and magnificent, yet a little sterile, cold, and impersonal. She could put her mark on it, give the place a pulse. That thought got her juices flowing.

Aaron walked her inside then encouraged her to take a tour and venture about as she may. He appeared to be wrestling with more internal turmoil, the kind that only got heavier with time. He undoubtedly needed a moment to collect his thoughts, and his subsequent actions proved just that after he pointed to some main areas of the home for her review, then disappeared into the gourmet kitchen. She watched the man move about, his shirt sticking to his back from perspiration. He ripped the thing off and tossed it onto the floor, revealing a muscular, slightly tanned back, heavily tattooed with the heinous illustrations she’d learned to gloss over, move past, force to disappear – at least inside of her mind.

Regardless, somehow, his flesh that told tales didn’t compromise the place’s splendor. Matter of fact, Aaron blended in with his home in a seamless manner, as if they’d been made for one another. The black, granite countertops, two large double ovens, maple cabinetry, and a walk in pantry large enough to be a small bedroom within itself occupied the massive space.

“I had the refrigerator stocked before you arrived,” he mumbled as he shot her a glance from over his broad shoulder. “I’ve got those sparklin’ waters you like, some salad dressing, soups, you name it.” He opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle opener.

“Thank you, baby.” She took careful steps toward him.

“The pantry has a few boxes of cereal and tea and coffee, too. You can have whatever you want. What’s mine is yours. I’m gonna take a shower. Hopefully, the other movin’ truck will be here soon.” And then he disappeared down the wide, expansive hallway with a cold beer in his hand, forcing her to stop in her tracks.

…So much for a hug…

She turned and took a long, solo expedition of the place, going from room to room. He’d explained on their way up that the house was built for a family, the one he intended to have that had eluded him for so long. He had it constructed for such a purpose, and that’s what he intended for it. The dwelling had an expansive, formal dining area with double chandeliers that cast rainbows against the glass, just like her engagement ring. There was glossy hardwood flooring throughout, five bedrooms, two of which featured their own fireplaces, and four full baths along with a half bath on all three floors. She made her way into the lower level and discovered a foosball table, two leather couches, and an area rug with Aryan symbols all over it. She treaded upon it, pushing the dirty soles of her sneakers deep within the fibers.

Upon opening a smaller room off to the far right, she discovered Aaron’s arsenal of weaponry. Two axes hung on the wall as if he were some medieval Viking. Also included was a rather extensive display of various guns, all locked away behind a glass enclosure with some sort of digital alarm system.

Aaron… why would you need all of this?! I understand your company, but this is overkill! Well, yes, literally!

She swiftly made her way out of there and ventured into the heated four car garage, which boasted two huge Harley Davidson motorcycles that appeared to be in impeccable condition. An old, white ’69 Mustang was partially shrouded in a black car cover and an expansive area covered in tools lay only a few feet ahead. Mia made her way back upstairs and paused as she once again took in the view. Right by the creek was his old, aluminum fishing boat, seemingly waiting for them under the kiss of the rising moon. Smiling, she made her way into the kitchen, plucked her suitcase filled with clothing and a few toiletries from the table, and made way to what she presumed was the master suite. She pushed open a set of tall white double doors…

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

There in the center of the room sat an oversized bed covered in blood red sheets with four ribbed black pillars framing it. The walls were rounded, in the shape of an oval, giving the room an unexpected futuristic look that took her aback…

I’m surprised by this. It doesn’t match the woodsy feel of the home, and it doesn’t seem that it would be his taste…

It was nothing like the more traditional décor that greeted her on the first two floors. Rather, this room had touches of art deco, an explosion of passion and life. One wall featured a large artistic painting of a map of the United States. She looked at it a bit more keenly, soon realizing it was a Civil War era image. More Civil War memorabilia filled the space – a statue of a soldier here, a framed sketch of an 1800s American flag over there…

A large, pivoting television that doubled as a fireplace spun slowly around like a globe while the Black Crowes’ song ‘She Talks to Angels’ piped throughout the entire house, playing softly in the background. Mia had no idea how long it had been on; she’d been caught up in her daydreams once again. Perhaps he just switched the stereo on. The acoustics in the place were incredible.

Exhausted, she set her bag down, then removed her grimy, mud-stained sneakers, freeing her feet and leaving only her socks. Taking a deep breath, she looked over at a set of dark dressers that appeared to have a slightly Asian design.

Then, a shadow loomed close to her…

“Ahhh!” She jumped, pressed her eyes shut, and gripped the thin fabric of her white, over-sized T-shirt in a tight fist. “Aaron, damn it! You scared me!” He stood behind her, dripping wet as if he’d gotten caught in a horrible and sudden downpour. Her eyes drifted a bit lower…

He smirked in his customary way while tugging at a sage towel loosely wrapped around his well-defined waist. She glossed over his tattoos once again, but this time, for some reason, they refused to be silenced or ignored. Maybe it was due to the sheen of his skin under the lights, calling attention to every single muscle in the man’s frame. Or maybe it was because a confederate flag the size of Texas hung right above his head, from the ceiling, glaring down at her like some red, white, and blue fourteen-star spangled monster…

Chapter Fourteen

“I DIDN’T MEAN to scare you, precious…” He smiled down at her as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close before landing a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Everything alright?”

“Yes,” she nodded, trying hard to calm her beating heart. She itched in her own skin, feeling strangely out of place. The room was a tomb, a place where the old Aaron kicked up his feet and took pleasure in all the pain that surrounded him while he slumbered. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Yeah… minus this room, right?” He kept his eye on her, not letting her slip away from the moment.

“I hate it.” She looked from side to side, then back into his eyes.

“Yeah.” Releasing her, he made his way towards the bed and slumped against it. “I’d imagine you do. Due to the timing, Mia, I didn’t have time to do any spring-cleanin’ before you arrived. I only had time for Marshall, the groundskeeper, to do a bit of shopping so you’d have somethin’ to eat but had I been thinking straight, I woulda told him to get the paintings, rugs, and the—”

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t live in the land of make believe, Aaron. I needed to see it. We will take it all down, together. I don’t want you trying to hide me from who you were. I knew full well, and I get it. Anyway.” She sighed and hugged herself, feeling a sudden chill. “The room itself is beautiful. It’s quite lovely, actually.”

“It ain’t exactly my taste. I did it on account of thinkin’ a woman might like it. Flowers ’nd pretty shit is in here. There’s even a built in lady vanity with those dumb rounded bulbs that look like tits in the master bathroom. It’s yours now… but I prefer your breasts much better.”

They both chuckled at that.

“Anyway, this place is why I came up here at least once a month. It’s peaceful. Just about perfect, really,” he explained as he ran his hand over his shoulder, massaging a muscle. “This is Braxton County. It’s slow here, quiet, nice ’nd clean. You can hear yourself think! We’re 840 miles away from home, give or take a mile or two.” He shrugged. “This is your house now too, Mia. You can do whatever you want. If you’d like to tear these walls apart, do it. I wanted you to walk around, get a feel for it. This is your domain. I’ll take you into town tomorrow and we can look at some things, get this bedroom squared away so you don’t have to spend more than one night ’round this shit. Matter of fact,” he tapped his chin as he looked about the place, “I can take this all down right now.”

“No, I meant what I said. Leave it alone, Aaron. We’re both tired. We can address it soon, but tonight is not the night.” She smiled sadly as she walked towards him and sat beside him, then took his hand in her own.

“I thought that uh, maybe, but only if you’re interested of course, you could use one of the offices in here. There’s a uh…” He paused to rub his forehead as if a headache was budding, trying to enter his cranium and wreck shop.

“Are you okay?”

He hesitated, studied her, then turned away. “Feelin’ kinda strange, I guess. It’s all catching up now that we’ve had time to stop movin’ and settle down.”

She nodded in agreement.

“I ain’t been here since a month before I went to prison. That was a bit over a year ago…” He looked about the place as if seeing it for the first time, too. In some ways, maybe he was.

“Anyway, as I was saying about the office, it’s a room with nothin’ in it, and you could have it. You could use it to write,” he said with a shrug. “Or maybe to do private tutoring or whatever you want. I know a lot of the schools ’round here will be happy to have you teach, too.”

“I hope to find work soon. It’s my element, you know?”

“Oh you will, I know you will. You’ll get a job just like that.” He snapped his fingers. “You don’t have to work, Mia, but I know you want to, that it’s important to you. I know teaching is your passion, your element like you said. You’re great at it. If you could teach someone like me, then you must be the best in the world.”

They shared a soft chuckle.

“It’s rewarding in so many ways. I honestly believe I was born to do this.”

“Mia, I know it ain’t about the money, not that it pays a whole hell of a lot, but it’s about what you do, the service.”

“Yes, it is.” She leaned in a bit closer. “And being with you is a passion of mine, too…” She slowly stood and stared down at him as she gripped her black jeggings and dragged them down her legs. A brush of cool air immediately kissed her thighs at the sudden exposure. Laying down onto the pillow, he slid his arm behind his head, gripped his towel, and unwrapped it with a swift movement, exposing his semi-erect nature. He watched her through narrowed, lust-filled eyes.

“I’m glad we’re on the same fuckin’ page…” he slurred.

She tossed her bra and panties off to the side as if they’d insulted her intelligence, and released her hair from her ponytail, allowing her curly tresses to fall loosely along her shoulders. The man licked his lips in anticipatory appreciation, making her want him all the more. She joined him on the bed, settling on her knees between his legs. She reached for his thick, long dick with both hands. It was so heavy and warm in her grasp. She studied it for a second or two – the way the thick veins ran the generous length and disappeared into a dense yet neatly trimmed thatch of dark brown, slightly wavy pubic hair.

“Mmmmm!” he moaned. Reaching forward, he grabbed her roughly by the back of her neck and slid it inside of her mouth, pumping in short, fast, forceful jabs. “Shit! Yes!”

The thick, massive head became slick with her repeated licks as she overdosed on his flavor, the scent of his freshly cleaned skin, and how simply gorgeous he was from the top of his damn head down to his toes. The tattoos on his taut stomach danced and rolled about as his muscle movements forced the dirty art in her face. She smirked at the notion now, realizing she had the upper hand…

As she sucked him off under that damn confederate flag, coveted a man wearing Nazi symbols and insignia, she had the last mouthful of laughs…

What was designed and decorated, illustrated to hurt and destroy, was now being mocked by their love affair.

That confederate flag, stretched wide above their naked, contrasting bodies, needed to bear witness that the selfishness it was created upon, the sheer arrogance and ungodliness, was a mere illusion. The only real thing in the whole world was love. Hatred was a repository reaction, an unauthentic emotion, a byproduct created by void and based on fear. Hatred needed a host to feast upon, whereas adoration could stand alone. Yes, only love would be the last man standing…and his erect cock in her mouth saluted her skills just fine…

Filled with unquenchable desire for her husband-to-be, she took more of him into her mouth, the rigid muscle plunging in and out from between her lips, faster and faster. Her long, unruly hair blinded her sight, hiding her delicious efforts, so she gave it a quick toss over her shoulder and kept right on, not missing a beat.

She craved Aaron’s cock in the worst way. Her pussy throbbed in expectancy of him pushing inside of her. Her body screamed for him as she needed so desperately to be close to the man – intimate… made to feel safe!

She would never in a million years express to him how afraid she’d been when he revealed the true nature of the mail that had arrived at her address, how the stranger who’d driven up her pebbled driveway the previous week stating he was lost on the road may not have been lost at all. Little things had happened, yet all seemed innocent at the time. Now, she was becoming like her soulmate – paranoid, but rightly so.

No matter what, she refused to buck and fall the hell apart! She rebuffed the impulse to go running to the man, moaning and complaining and chasing him around with her delirium. He needed her, and she’d known once she’d fallen in love with the man what may lie in store for them, and little of it was predictable. Their love was an uphill battle, deeply unconventional and built on the shiny things of life that lie right beneath sharp-sided enigmas. Their love was unpretentious, and created from the beautiful, jaded jewels that exoneration dreams were made of.

“Mmmmm! Mia! Shit, baby!!! My precious angel! Fuck!” His back arched off the bed as he fucked her mouth a bit harder, his face intense, strained with pleasure and imminent release. “Ouuuuu, baby, suck that dick! You knew just what I needed! Uhhh!”

She looked at him keenly, certain her eyes were gleaming as she wrapped her lips tighter around his rod, hand around the base, and set a wilder pace sucking up and down the shaft. Her honey pot fattened and dripped down her inner thighs, needing him so badly.

“Ohhh…” he moaned breathlessly as he slowed to a crawl and slid his cock carefully out of her mouth.

Startled, she screamed to the rafters when the man suddenly grabbed her around the upper thighs and slammed her down onto the middle of the bed. Pushing her legs wide open, he dove headfirst into her drenched zone.

“Ahhhh… Ahhhh…” Her fingers pressed into his scalp as his long tongue licked up and down her pussy in hard and heavy wet strokes. She could hear his labored breathing as he forced his face into her love, sucking, licking, and swallowing everything in sight.

“I love your fuckin’ pussy! Taste soooo good! You’re so wet! Is all of this for me, precious? Mmmmm!”

“Yes… it’s all for you, baby!”

Wrapping his lips delicately around her clit, he drew it inside his mouth, suckling it, causing her to completely lose her mind.

“Ahhhh, shit shit SHIT!” Her body stiffened as the first wave of orgasm arrived, and then yet another and another. “Ahhhh… Oh God! Oh…God!” She shook violently, but he never let up; he kept right on. She managed to gather the strength to look at the man – a small, fleeting glance. His eyes met hers, his gaze intense, as he swallowed her essence, lapped her juices, sucked her sensitive nub, his arms wrapped so tightly around her thighs.

“Ahhh…” And yet another tremor wracked her body.

“I love you so much, baby!” He quickly landed a chain of hasty brushes of his lower lip on her languid body as he climbed higher and higher, savoring her curves. Their eyes summoned each other’s souls. His forehead creased with concentration, he let his arm drop between them to guide himself inside of her.

“Ahhhhhh!”

“Uhhhhhh….goddamn it, pussy so good!” His thrusts began innocent enough… long, deep and slow, but within mere moments morphed into hard, deep, and fast relentless lunges. “You ain’t goin’ no damn where!” His eyes grew darker. “Everything I got is yours. Always.”

“I don’t care about your money, Aaron.” She draped her arms around his shoulders.

“I ain’t talkin’ about just my possessions, damn it. That don’t mean jack shit. You got my heart and my goddamn soul! Uhhh!” He landed a thrust that stole her damn breath…then paused when his dick reached deep inside of her as if to ask, ‘How does it feel?’

“Shiiiiit….” She strained through clenched teeth as her sugar walls wrapped tight around the massive width, still not quite used to him.

“You made a goddamn fool of me, and now I’m a fool in love.”

“Love you so much, baby!”

“Best lesson I ever had! Uhhh!” Several more unyielding pumps made her shudder. Her back arched, coming off the bed as he took her closer to another climax. Her limbs, bones, and blood melted into the essence of a rainbow… colorful, bursting with renewed light and beauty, while the heels of her feet scrambled about as he worked her over like an assignment.

So deep inside me…

“You drove me crazy, made me lose my mind, Mia. I thought about you all the time… wanted to find you, look at you… feel you… Uhhh!”

“Oh God!” She gritted her teeth as the man scooped his hands around her ass, bringing her body impossibly closer to his own, forcing her to feel every damn thing he delivered with maximum impact. “You feel so good in my pussy!”

The right side of his mouth teetered in a mischievous grin…

“Keep talkin’ like that… you’ll end up strapped to this bed all night! Uhhh… Feel good in your pussy, huh?” The bed springs sighed as he made love to her with all his might.

“Yes!”

“You have no idea how bad I wanted to break out of that goddamn prison, go grab you and fuck the shit outta you!”

“Ahhhh!” She held on to him, hands around his neck and thighs wrapped around his waist.

“Wanted to get against your skin!” he whispered in her ear, his warm breath slightly tickling her with each syllable uttered. “Wanted to put my hands in your hair, feel it! Feel the frizzy, soft curls against my fingertips… Wanted to know if you smelled as good as your letters…wanted to taste your pussy, suck your cookies and give it to you nice ’nd hard!”

“Ahhhh… Aaron, I’m gonna… Ahhh!”

Another firm thrust, and another… Back to back to back…

“I wanted what you had, Mia. All that love, that kindness… that damn purity and goodness! The cunningness, the lessons your heart taught mine.”

“And I’m your student, too.” she cooed before posting a delicate kiss on the side of his face.

“You were created for me…”

She fell deeper into his words, for they made love to her just as wonderfully as the man’s body.

“You were born to be my rib and my teacher. What type of good woman could love me? I mean, really love me, Mia?” He paused, his face etched with insurmountable pain.

“Me! I love you, always will!”

“Yes, ’cause you are a damn angel!” Tears streamed down his face, alarming her as his gruff voice echoed in the room. He began again then, his plunges within her becoming hopelessly more demanding as the bed whined and sighed from his maximum thrusts. She wasn’t sure it would be able to stand up to her lover’s maneuvers. The sheets slid half way to the ground, threatening to fall off completely.

“Aaron, I love you so much, baby. You’re a gift to me, too.”

“I wanted what God gave you but left me out of. I wanted you to give it to me!” And then, he paused, his entire demeanor changed as if she were the sole person in the world…and he wanted a piece of her.

“…Finish it. Tell me, Aaron!” Her nails dug deep into his upper back as she pulled him closer.

“I wanted you to give me what you got! But you wouldn’t… so I took it! Uhhh!” He grabbed a fistful of hair and gently yanked, forcing her head back and her eyes to gleam up towards the ceiling. “Through you, I found me… and I found unbreakable, unmistakable forgiveness!”

“Ahhhh!” She sobbed as they came together, their bodies gliding and sliding down one another’s. He burst free within her; his liquid warmth filled her to the brim. Her climax made her burst with uncharted emotion she’d never treaded upon in her entire existence. “Ahhhh, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron!!!” Gleeful tears streamed down the sides of her face, pooling in her ears and onto the pillow while she looked up at that ceiling, that overwhelming, humungous confederate flag in full view…

She’d seen that flag her entire life; it never struck her as racist until she grew older. She’d see it on the back and front of vehicles with drivers screaming, ‘Nigger!’ out the window in her direction. She’d see it on websites built upon racist ideologies. She’d see it on books about the ‘Good ol’ South’ when blacks knew their place.

And now, here it was again…

The big cobalt X covered in thirteen bright white stars were surrounded by a sea of rubicund pain. The redness screamed out in the thing, wails of her West African ancestors, painful protests of her loved ones in the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s and 2015’s, ‘Black Lives Matter’. To Mia, the blue represented the water the ships carried her forefathers and foremothers through. The white was the flesh of the oppressors – their arrogance represented in the stars. The ‘X’ was a vow to deny her ancestors freedom and yet once again, she’d arrived at the bloodshed.

Red…

Blood. Blood is life…

Life is passion…

Passion is love…

She wrapped Aaron up in the love of her entire being, cocooned him close as the man balled a tight handful of sheet in his damn fist. His body vibrated against hers and silent, pain-filled tears fell from his closed eyes. His flesh stiffened, then relaxed over and over as he bucked a time or two, then rested inside of her… his nature pulsating within her constricting walls. She gently stroked the back of his head, damp with sweat, all the while keeping her eye upon that damn flag.

He’d fallen apart silently, right then and there. She could barely hear a whisper or gasp escape his mouth; he offered no words, no explanations, yet his body… the blood that pulsed within his veins—his red… his life… his passion… his love for her—told on him.

Pushing on his shoulder ever so gently, she forced him to move his face from the cradle of her neck. Wetness covered her skin from his silent tears, but she no longer wanted him to hide. So she pushed a bit harder, and a bit harder yet. He struggled against her, nestled back in the crevice close to her earlobe, refusing to let her discover more evidence of his current state of imperfection and shortcomings.

Muffled cries warmed the pillow, and broke her heart.

“It’s okay, baby.” She stroked his hair slow and gentle. “You don’t have to say it to me. I know what’s happening.” She kissed the top of his head and continued to stroke him. “I know what’s going on, honey. You alright… we alright… it’s okay.”

Yes, she knew why he shed those tears. He was her soulmate. There was no need for him to articulate it; she’d already heard his story through his letters, their phone calls, the way he looked at her as she peered at him through the cage he’d been enclosed in during a prison basketball game…

Aaron cried because when he looked around that sanctuary, and at his own body, and then at her, he saw himself, once and for all, for who he truly was…

A tormented man, who’d spent the majority of his waking hours wishing that others, unlike him, could draw their last breath so that he may feel a bit more secure about his placement in the world. The nasty, festering, contagious disease had been completely exposed for the puss-filled, disgusting open wound that it was… sitting there ugly, heinous, and shrouding its yellow, cowardly eyes from the light of the new day. The disease was racism, and the racism no longer had a heart to be a house for him, let alone a house to call home. The plague had lost its host; through his tears, he helped it pack its things and made room for a brighter, better day. Aaron meant what he said, and said what he meant. His new truth was his bond, and his word, he would honor…

Chapter Fifteen

…Three weeks later

AARON SET ANOTHER empty box down upon his desk in his home. In the distance, he could hear Mia on her phone, probably speaking to her cousin, Trudy. She’d stated earlier that she needed to give her a call, a check in of sorts, and to catch up. Every now and again he’d hear her burst out laughing, and that sound warmed his soul and heart. The music she played came out smooth and mellow throughout the house speakers. He was getting accustomed to her eclectic tastes, and since he’d heard the song now a time or two before, he recognized it as one of her favorites – Musiq’s ‘Just Friends’.

He stood from his seat and peeked up the hall into the open area. There she was, a tiny swaying angel in the kitchen, her cell phone in one hand and a spatula in the other. The house smelled like warm cinnamon and soft, buttery bread. He crossed his ankles and arms and leaned his head upon the door, unable to break his smile or his gaze from her – from the way the woman moved, made him feel. Everywhere she went, she brought sunshine. His life had been so dark, he had no idea how bright the light of a new day really was until the first time her lips had touched his…

And then, as if some invisible entity came and tapped her damn shoulder, she paused and caught his eye. It seemed like they were a football field away from each other but they were close, so close, and no distance would keep them away from one another. He waved at her and she returned the gesture in kind before he made his way back inside of his office, closing the door.

Sitting down in the rich burgundy chair, he grabbed his phone and dialed. Clearing his throat, he waited as the damn thing rang a few times.

“Hello?”

“Hey… Marcus? Um, this is…”

“I know who it is.” The man’s voice cut through and sliced him off at the knee. “Hold on a sec. There are people around me.”

Aaron waited. A few moments later, Marcus returned, appearing to be in quieter surroundings.

“Marcus, I—”

“Aaron, why did you do what you did?”

“Do what?”

“I knew you had given me some money, okay? I figured it would be enough to take care of a few bills so I wasn’t goin’ to worry too much about it, regardless of me bein’ tired of handouts. But my job don’t pay a whole lot so I didn’t keep pushin’ the issue with you. But then, I get home and find out it ain’t three or four hundred dolluhs, it’s thousands!”

“Why is that a problem?”

“’Cause my wife wanted to know where I got the shit! I deposited that money in my bank account and I ain’t know she got some app or some shit on her phone where she can see the bank account balance. I taught her too many of my tech savvy secrets. Now she think I’m dealin’ drugs!”

Aaron burst out laughing.

“This shit ain’t funny, man.”

“Look.” He sighed as he leisurely rested in his chair. “Why don’t you just tell her the truth?”

“What? Man, I aint no drug dealer but yo ass must be smokin’ crack. Like I could say, ‘Oh baby, by the way, you know them fools ’round here that said I took Terrence’s phone and helped that white trash Nazi man get outta prison after he beat up Clarence and then he died? Well, guess what? It’s true! I been sellin’ out, baby, I’m a proud ass Uncle Tom, shuckin’ and jivin’ and that nice Aryan man been helpin’ me, gave me all this here money.’ Yeah! That’ll go over well, Aaron!”

Aaron burst out laughing once again. “I know it sounds bad, but I honestly think you should tell her. Besides, if you take me up on my offer, you’ll have to.”

“Offer? What offer?”

“I moved. I live in West Virginia now. It wasn’t safe for me there anymore, and based on what I heard and what you are confirming, it ain’t safe for you there, either.”

Marcus drew quieter.

“I know you may not want to leave Alabama, Marcus. I know you’ve got roots there, a wife and a daughter, but you said you were struggling and that your job didn’t pay much, but you can’t find anything else. You have a degree and can’t even use it. I don’t think you should have to look over your shoulder anymore.”

“What? You need a butler?” Marcus joked, though Aaron could hear a tinge of hostility in his tone still. He understood it, nevertheless.

“No, Marcus, I don’t need a motherfuckin’ butler. I need a friend. I need someone I can trust. I’ve moved my company here in West Virginia but still allow the employees I already have to stay where they are. Here is the thing: I need to hire some new people now though. I’m not rich, but I’m doing pretty damn well. I need an I.T. guy, someone to take care of my website, the computers, protect it from hacking, keep the accounts payables and receivables together via good, updated software…things like that.”

“There are plenty of I.T. specialists and computer techs in West Virginia, Aaron.”

“I don’t want plenty of I.T. techs, Marcus. I want you.”

The man drew quiet once again on the phone; this time, his heavy, slow breathing was audible.

“Aaron, I ain’t no charity case, okay? I think you tryna feel better for all the fucked up shit you’ve done. Go on somewhere else with that mess.”

“Oh, really? That’s what you think?”

“Yeah! That’s what I think. I’m a man, I can take care of my own damn family! I got a right mind to send you this money you gave me back, too. I already spent a bit of it, but I can pay you back over time.”

“I don’t want the money back.”

“I didn’t ask you… I’m tellin’ you. My life is all fucked ’cause of you. But I don’t blame you; it ain’t your fault. I’m just sayin’.”

“I know… I know…”

“And it’s fucked up ’cause of me, too. I got a criminal record now, tryna get something for nothin’ and tryna be accepted. I’m tired of doin’ what other people expect me to do all the time!”

“THEN STOP DOIN’ IT!”

“Then QUIT askin’ me, you rotten mothafucka!”

“I didn’t ask you for me, because I think I need to do good by you so I can get into Heaven, Marcus! You got this all wrong. I did it because I really do need an I.T. expert and I need someone I can trust and not only that – whether you like it or not, you’re my friend!”

“I ain’t your friend, man…” he said in almost a whisper.

“Yes you are, and you like me, and you hate that you do. You wanted to hate me, but you found out we had a lot in common. We both have a strong work ethic, we both made bad decisions that landed us in trouble, we both have daughters, and we both want to run our own shit and be in control of our lives.”

A brief silence ensued.

“What you doin’ in West Virginia of all places, man?” Marcus asked, his voice drawling.

“…Away from it all, starting over. I’m here with my woman. I want a chapter one… beginning all over again. I wanted… I wanted to extend the opportunity to you, too, to start fresh.”

Seconds passed, though it felt like an eternity as silence stirred between the two.

“So… uh, what’s West Virginia like, man?”

“Well.” He crossed his ankles and looked straight ahead at the closed door while Musiq continued to serenade him. “It depends on where you’re at, just like a lot of places, but it’s quiet here, peaceful. Lot’s of fishin’.” He turned his attention towards his window. “You’re only like four to five hours away from New York if you wanted to drive over for a weekend trip. We got nice stores and good schools, too… I like it. I’ve had a place here for years; just decided ’cause of all that’s happened, it was time to call it home.”

“Fishin’, huh? Like what do you catch over there?”

“I got two boats, man.” Aaron grinned into the phone.

“Two?!”

“Yeah, a 25 ft. pilot sports one named Delta and my little, beat up one that does the job, too. I catch walleye, carp, muskellunge, bluegill, and channel catfish, too.”

“What type of bait you use, man?”

Aaron began to feel like he was in the midst of some silly inquisition, but it suited him just fine for this was one of his most favorite topics.

“Simple night crawlers… nothin’ fancy. You fish too I take it?”

“Yeah…”

“So, maybe we can fish together one morning….”

“I.T. job, huh?”

“Yeah. You could do what you love. I’ll let you have the weekends off ’cept for emergencies. Like I said, I’m no billionaire, but I do well for myself. I have a need, you have a need…it’s simple.”

“To tell you the truth, Aaron, I’ve been wanting to move for years.” He sighed heavily, as if getting the confession off his back helped him unload crippling weight. “It’s my wife. She don’t want to, and…I…”

“I understand, Marcus. I know what it’s like to love someone and they want you to do or not do somethin’, but it’s a struggle for you.”

Marcus laughed lightly. “Yeah, I remember that… I suppose you do. How is she by the way? You two still together?”

“Yes, gettin’ hitched soon.”

“Ohhhh man, that’s what up! Congratulations, Aaron.”

“Thank you.” He smiled into the phone. “Besides my daughter, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’d love for you and your family to be able to attend the wedding.”

“Well, maybe we will.”

“I think my fiancée needs some friends. Maybe they could become friends; she doesn’t know anyone up here.”

“You know what? Not tryna be funny but I don’t think my wife has any white women as friends, Aaron. If by chance a snowball in Hell didn’t melt and she agreed to let me check out this opportunity, as you call it, your wife would be her first!” He chuckled.

“No, she wouldn’t…”

“Huh? Yeah she would.”

“Marcus, Mia, my fiancée, isn’t white…”

A long, cold silence swarmed in the conversation and apparently rendered Marcus’ tongue frozen solid…unable to move or utter a word.

“Mexican?”

“Nada.”

“Chinese?”

“Wu.”

“Wu? Is that ‘No’ in Chinese?!”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah she’s Chinese or yeah that’s what it is?”

“Yeah, that’s what it is.”

“Is she Japanese?”

“No, she’s not Asian at all, Marcus.”

“Laotian?”

“No, and that’s still Asian…”

“Taiwanese? Wait, more importantly how the hell do you know these other languages?! Ain’t you supposed to only care about English and Pig Latin?” he joked.

“No, that would have been foolhardy. I would not call myself fluent in anything but English, but I know just enough.”

“What? You’re confusing me.”

“Look, it’s like this. I know many basic words of many languages. I know key phrases, greetings, things like that. I felt it was important for me to know what my enemies are saying, because I believed a race war was approaching. Your opponent needs to be able to be understood.”

“You crazy as fuck, man! Is she Vietnamese? No wait, that’s still Asian…”

“Yes, Vietnam is in southeast Asia.”

“Oh, I know! She’s Dominican or Cuban, ain’t she? You got hold to some Latin fire!”

“Ninguno de los.”

“Ninguno de los?! That means no some kinda way, but I just don’t want to believe this! I just can’t! Man, you been…you been dippin’ yo’ swastika in some brown suga and perpetratin’ the fraud?!”

At this, Aaron burst out laughing once again.

“…She can’t be, man,” Marcus stated, in apparent complete shock. “She can’t be black!” He cracked up laughing so hard, the sound echoed through the phone. “You mean to tell me while yo’ white power ass was up at Holman stompin’ around wit’ combat boots calling people nigger ’nd shit, and all that time yo’ old lady was black?! You got me fucked up, man!”

“It’s a long story, Marcus, it’s complicated, but yes, that’s what I mean to tell you!”

At this, they both laughed so hard he was not sure he’d recover. His stomach cramped as he overdosed on Marcus’ amusement. The man began to cough, as if his lungs were giving out on him.

“I need some water!” the man screamed between harsh coughing spells. “Oh my God! Ain’t that some shit! Man, if this wasn’t so fuckin’ funny I’d be pissed as hell! Okay, I need the back story, man. I need you to explain how the hell something like this happened.”

“Are you going to ask your wife if you can take a job in West Virginia?”

“I might.”

“Might ain’t good enough. Just promise you’ll ask.”

“…Alright. I promise. I’ll at least ask.”

“Okay, here is what happened. One day I was called into Dr. Owens’ office…”

AARON STEPPED CAREFULLY over the stacked, rough pieces of timber that lay haphazardly in the middle of the new doorway frame. It was lunchtime, and the crew of construction workers sat several feet away clutching bags of fast food and laughing amongst themselves under the dull afternoon sun. He adjusted his hard hat as he looked out towards the open area, surrounded by the open scaffold of the office extension of the new structure.

The new crew he’d hired for the West Virginia location were hard at work. He’d gotten a great deal on the small building but he desired to have a larger area as his personal office, so he hired a local architect and the wheels were soon set in motion. He stood there, daydreaming about nothing in particular. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. He snatched the thing out of his pocket, looked at the caller I.D., and burst out laughing.

“What’s going on, man? You got time for your big brother now, huh?” He chuckled.

“Always time for you, man! Sorry, just been busy… Amy told me you stopped by and gave her a holler. She really liked seein’ you. It’s good you two been talking on the phone a lot, too.”

“Yeah.” He looked lazily up at the sky then back at the workers as he leaned against the doorframe, careful not to jam his shoulder into a bed of half drilled nails. “It was good seein’ her, too…” His voice trailed. He didn’t want to bring down the budding good mood while speaking to Joe-Joe, but the visit with Amy had left him a bit torn up inside.

“It got you kinda down, didn’t it? Seein’ her like that?”

Aaron stood straight once more, cleared his throat, and made haste to avoid the question.

“So what you been up to? Ain’t heard from you in a few weeks.”

“I’m thinkin’ about doin’ some party promotions, man! They get paid real good.”

“Party promotions?! Like handing out flyers and shit? Joe-Joe, come on!”

“Come on, what?”

“You and Amy are goin’ to be thirty soon. You are jumpin’ from job to job actin’ like you got all the time in the world to get your shit together and Amy won’t even take her goddamn medicine so she can get the fuck outta that horrible place!”

“Look, I don’t call you to hear any shit, Aaron! You’re not exactly someone that can be sittin’ around lecturin’ me, anyway. You haven’t exactly been a shining example, a pillar of society! Give me a damn break! What? You think ’cause you own your own company you better than me? You ain’t!”

Aaron slowly lowered his head and rubbed his forehead in frustration. He closed his eyes, trying to calm the beating of his heart.

“…I ain’t never thought I was better than you, Joe-Joe. I’ve never said that to you. I’m just concerned, is all. I just… I just want better for you, for Amy, for all of us.”

“Well, sometimes we just gotta deal with the hand we were dealt, okay? You was real smart in school but pissed it away, so save your lectures. You had the brains, I had the charisma; let me do my thing.”

“We deserved better, man.” He looked back out at the construction workers, one of whom who was now tinkering with a paint splattered radio. “We… just deserved better is all.”

Silence stretched between them – long and uncomfortable.

“Anyway, Amy said you aren’t with the National Socialists anymore? Is that true? Like, you’re really done with that? Shit… I guess you are if your girlfriend is really who Amy said it was…”

“Yeah.” Aaron sighed. “It’s true.”

“I can’t even imagine you not a part of that… seems strange. You seem different though, too. When we talked last, I could tell you’d changed… but I guess I just didn’t really believe it. I needed more convincing. I’m glad though, Aaron… I’m real glad about that.”

“Every day has its challenges, but I’m a work in progress, you know? So, did you get the wedding invitation?”

“Yeah, I’ll see if I can make it.”

“You’ll see if you can make it? You don’t have a job! You don’t have any obligations. You better get your ass up here.” Aaron chuckled. “It ain’t an option.”

“Let me ask you something, Aaron.”

“Yeah?”

“This is somethin’ that’s always bothered me, and I never got up the nerve to ask. But since you’re way up there in West Virginia now, and I’m down here in Alabama, ain’t shit you can do to me if I say what I want.”

Aaron smirked and shook his head. “What is it?”

“Why is it that you let Mama treat you like that, huh? I’d leave the house when she’d get to goin’, startin’ up. But you’d stay in there and take it, knowing nine times out of ten she was going to beat tha shit outta you for whatever reason she saw fit.”

“’Cause of Amy, Joe-Joe. Somebody had to stay back and protect Amy… Mama needed someone to lay into, and if I ran off, she might have turned Amy into her whoopin’ post instead. I couldn’t let that happen. Yeah, I knew what was going to happen, but better me than her.”

“But she all fucked up anyway… didn’t even matter.” His brother let out an exasperated breath. “I’m the only normal one.” He laughed, drawing some mirth from Aaron, too. “Wish that was true… but it ain’t. I been runnin’ my whole life, Aaron…’fraid to keep still. If you keep still, the memories come back and get you, eat you alive. I can’t for the life of me figure out how we still standin’.”

“As my sweetheart would say, ‘By the grace of God…’” Aaron took a glance at the time on his phone. “You know, just ’cause I moved don’t mean you allowed to ignore me, not be around. Ain’t sayin’ you got to move here, but I need you in my life, Joe-Joe – you and Amy, too. Actually…hold tight. I’mma give her a call. We can talk on three-way.”

“She ain’t going to pick up, Aaron. She never answers her damn phone.”

“She’ll pick up for me. I’m her favorite brother,” Aaron teased causing Joe-Joe to snicker. The phone began to ring, and ring, and ring…

“See, told you,” Joe-Joe stated smugly.

“Hello? Aaron!”

“Awwww, man! Amy you made me lose a damn bet!” Joe-Joe blurted, sounding sore and angry as if money were riding on it.

“What? You complainin’ to Aaron about me not answering the phone in my room? I don’t take your calls; you waste my goddamn time. Now, Aaron, on the other hand, is entertainin’!” She cackled.

“Whatever…” Joe-Joe mumbled.

“Is this a family reunion?!” she joked. “I’m on three-way, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a family reunion!” Aaron grinned. “Look, Amy, I was talking to Joe-Joe and—”

“Oh, Aaron, I got the weddin’ invitation. It’s so pretty! I doubt they’ll let me come, but I’m going to save this, put it up somewhere special.”

He pushed aside his disappointment, knowing she more than likely was right. It was out of state after all, and they were funny about things like that…

“Amy, Aaron and I were just talkin’ about Mama and Arnold.”

“No, you were talkin’ about Mama and Arnold and I was just responding,” Aaron corrected. “That’s why I called Amy, actually. Amy and I talked about them when I visited her, and now here’s the topic again. I’m pretty fuckin’ sick of everything revolving around Mama and Arnold.”

“I got the right to bring their asses up! Arnold slapped me so goddamn hard one time, he dislodged one of my fuckin’ teeth, Aaron! I was only eight fuckin’ years old and he hit me like that!” The rage in his brother’s tone filled the airwaves with something that only the heavens above could sooth. Aaron was all too familiar with it… for it mirrored his own.

“I didn’t say you didn’t have the right to bring them up, Joe-Joe. What I’m sayin’ is that all three of us have allowed how they treated us to mess us up. It gets to the point where we have to start takin’ responsibility for ourselves, Joe-Joe!”

“What the hell are you talking about? I do!”

“No you don’t. You’re just out here, not doin’ anything! That shit can fly when you’re twelve, sixteen, eighteen, hell, maybe even early twenties, but then it gets to a point where you have to say, ‘Fuck them!’” Aaron’s body filled with a surge of heat as he screamed out the words, cursed the two people that had set out to destroy him. “We gotta have the last laugh! I’m so tired… so fucking tired of this shit, Joe-Joe! Amy, it ain’t just him. This is for you, too. You gotta get better, do you hear me!”

“Aaron, I—”

“No … no excuses! I know it ain’t your fault, it ain’t none of our faults, but… shit, I don’t know, I just understand now that them two bastards had three great kids and just ’cause they didn’t see us as important didn’t mean that we weren’t.”

“What you expect me to do, Aaron?” Amy asked, her voice real calm, quiet and low.

“What do I expect you to do? I expect you to start listenin’ to your doctors, toyin’ around with the medications to see what works for you and what doesn’t, make a game plan, Amy. One you can stick with, live by. You can’t stay in that goddamn hospital the rest of your life, the fuckin’ nut farm. You’re bipolar, okay, fine. They got shit for that… You can still have a good life if you take care of yourself. And you need to get help for your drinkin’… you drink too fuckin’ much, okay?”

“I know…”

He’d never yelled at his sister before, not since they were little kids. He’d always handled her carefully, like a tiny, fragile doll, but this couldn’t continue. He saw the potential in her, and he needed her to see it, too. None of this was pre-planned or expected. A chance call from his little brother had erupted his emotional floodgates, and everything came tumbling forward like a mighty torrent.

“Joe-Joe, I need you to help, Amy, okay? You and she are twins, but I always spent way more time wit’ her. You two have a special bond though, a special connection. You need each other.” His voice trembled. He tried to not fall apart, but it was becoming damn near impossible.

“I hear you, Aaron…”

“Stop runnin’; get yourself a trade. For years you talked about becoming an electrician, Joe-Joe. You never went to school for it, just let it sail on by. You gotta find something you’re passionate about, that you think you’d be good at, and do it… not because you think you could get rich doin’ it, but because you won’t give up until you succeed!”

“Well hell, Aaron, I’d still like to do that but—”

“But nothin’. I want you to find a school for it and enroll. I’ll pay the tuition but you better finish or I’ll beat your damn ass!”

Amy burst out laughing on the other end.

“He’ll do it, too, Joe-Joe!” She cracked up. “I remember you two gettin’ into it, rollin’ around and gettin’ grass all in your hair. Joe-Joe would be squealin’ and cryin’ and carryin’ on after you’d get him in a headlock!”

All three were laughing now.

“If you were lucky, Patti would see you and come break it up. And I’d just stand there with my dolly and cry.” She laughed much louder now…and though he could hear the joy in her voice, he could also hear the pain…

“You’ll pay for it?” Joe-Joe questioned, as if needing to confirm.

“Every damn cent. And if you finish and get that degree and a job, I’ll get you a new truck, too…and buy your tools.”

“Ha! You’re shittin’ me?”

“No I ain’t. I told you I don’t give handouts. That’s why when you’d call me asking for money all these years I’d say no. I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it. When you do the right thing, I’ll do the right thing. You’d have earned it; and as for you, Amy, once you get yourself together, we’ll have a similar talk.”

“I don’t even really know what I’d like to do, Aaron… My situation, I just don’t know.”

“Amy, one step at a time. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but I’ve got your back, okay? Me and Joe-Joe got your back and we aren’t going to let you sit on your ass anymore and not work for what you want… make excuses. You could be doing all sorts of things.”

“I know I could, but I’m not even sure where to focus on, at this point, Aaron.”

“You always liked taking care of animals; maybe you could do something like that? Like, look into being a veterinarian and if you think that’s too much, being a veterinary assistant or something like that would be just fine, too, Amy. You’ve always been good with animals… would sneak little birds and stuff in the house. It’s just something to think about is all… but this right here, what’s goin’ on, it can’t go on anymore. We gotta stop this cycle! I messed up, you hear me?!”

They drew so quiet, he’d hear a pin drop.

“I was supposed to be setting a good example, but I didn’t.”

“Aaron, that wasn’t your fault. How was you gonna be an example when we ain’t even have nothing good to model ourselves after?” Joe-Joe asked.

“I should’ve tried harder, Joe-Joe. I should have seen what was happening. All I know is that I need… I need my family.” Aaron swiped at his eye as they threatened to gloss over, turn him into a fool. “We were all we had for the longest… just us three! I was the oldest and the worst! If I can change and do better, I know you two can. I believe in you two, do you get that? I’mma do my part, do what I can to help you… ’cause we’re family. Distance won’t stop that; it’ll just make me more determined. I let you down… I let you both down, but that’s over with. I’m here for you now, you hear me? I promise!”

He distinctly heard Amy crying softly on the other end of the phone. He hadn’t heard his sister cry in years. She’d suppressed it with booze, weed, different personalities, and any distraction she could get her hands on. But now, she would have someone that believed in her: her big brother.

“Aaron, thanks…we hear you. Look, I’ll follow up with you after I look into it. I’ll check out the schools ’round here, see what I can find out.”

“Joe-Joe, I’m not kiddin’ around with you. Enough of this rappin’ and all this other bullshit!”

“Okay, shit! I said I’d do it!”

“Fine… and Amy, call me more, okay? You gotta call me, let me know how you’re doing.”

“I can do that… I want to meet your soon-to-be wife.” He could hear the smile in her voice as she slyly changed the subject.

“And I’d like you to meet ’er. Look.” He took notice of the workers getting back to their feet. “I have to go, but I’ll talk to you both in a couple of days.”

“Okay, tell Mia I said hello,” Amy said cheerfully, as if she knew the woman personally.

“I sure will.”

“If I come to the weddin’, Aaron, you payin’ for my airline ticket?” Joe-Joe asked sheepishly.

“Yes…Joe-Joe.” He grimaced and rolled his eyes. “I’ll pay for your plane ticket.”

“Alright, RSVP me then.”

“Un-fucking-believable.” Aaron bust out a laugh. “Cheap bastard. Alright you two, I’ll catch you later.”

“Okay, and Aaron?”

“Yeah, Amy?”

“I always knew you’d grow up and be somethin’ special. It feels real nice to have my brother, back… the real Aaron, not the one screamin’ all that hateful stuff… hurtin’ inside and lettin’ it all pour out. I like this one much better. The one that cares, that loves, that protects the people he gives a damn about… You’ve always taken care of us the best you could. My big brother is my hero, yesterday, today, and tomorrow…”

“BABY, IT’S FOUR in the morning. What are you doing?”

Mia stood behind him out in the cool air. The morning sky was still steeped in navy blue haze as he stood only a few feet away from the burning pile of wood on his land. The fire cracked and popped with a bit of this and a bit of that. He reached over his shoulder and took her hand. As he caressed her fingers, she nuzzled her chin into his shoulder and wrapped her other hand around his waist.

“I’m just doing a little spring cleaning is all…” The Confederate Flag was barely visible as sparks flew from the thick fabric. Alongside it sat framed photos of Hitler, Nazi memorabilia, and White Nationalist Movement T-shirts and music CDs. He’d gone through the entire house, scouring it for bits from his past life. The vast collection of things packed up by the movers at his old home in Alabama was far worse. A wave of shame flushed him down a proverbial toilet filled with the stinking waters of embarrassment as he contemplated what those men placing his items neatly in boxes were possibly thinking as they collected the hateful artifacts.

“Is that what I think it is?” She pointed towards the last remnants of the flag sticking up in the air before it, too, was engulfed in flames.

“Yes it is… It wasn’t enough in my mind for me to take it down. We did that right after we’d made love that first night; it was symbolic. I need to do this too, Mia. This is just as important.”

She squeezed him tighter. “It’s cathartic, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “I’ve been doing some other research, too.”

“Like what?”

“I need to get these tattoos taken care of, honey.”

They were silent for a few seconds.

“Tattoo removal can be painful, I’ve heard.”

“Ah, that don’t bother me none, baby. I have a high pain threshold and even if it is uncomfortable, something needs to be done about this. Actually,”—he looked down at her light brown fingers sprawled across his navel, then back into the fire—“I was thinking of having some cover-ups done. I like tattoos, always have, but these… they gotta go, Mia.”

She kissed the back of his neck, giving silent support. “That’s so funny you should mention this today.”

“Why’s that?”

“I caught up with an old friend of mine from college, Milan. She lives in Georgia. She just got married a couple of years ago, not long after her mother died. She has an adorable baby girl. Oh my God, Aaron, you should see her! Too cute. She emailed me some photos. Anyway, back to the reason I brought her up. Her husband owns a tattoo shop; he is nationally known, actually. I don’t know if he does cover-ups, but maybe I could ask.”

“Baby.” He chuckled. “I don’t need to go all the way to Georgia for tattoo work. I’ll find someone locally, but thanks for the offer.”

“You don’t understand.” She released him and stood in front of him, blocking part of the jumping flames. “Her husband has been on television, his shop featured on one of those reality tattoo shows. If anyone can turn your mess into a miracle, he can.”

He paused, checking out her face, finally catching her drift. “What’s his name?”

“Julian Savant.”

“Julian Savant? You’re kidding me?” He chuckled. “I saw that episode you are talking about. It was on ‘Inked.’ He’s in Athens, Georgia, right?”

“Yes, Athens. I have never met him but I’d like to, and like I said: I can visit my friend who I haven’t seen in five years and you can get a consultation with someone who knows what they’re doing.”

“Hmmmm, okay. Give her a call for me, okay? See if he does cover-up work and if he has an opening in his schedule any time soon. I’d be surprised if he did, but it’s worth a shot. I saw some of his work… he is incredible.”

“Okay, I will call her this afternoon and have her talk to him, explain the situation.” She moved away from the flames and wrapped her arm around his waist once again, reclaiming her original position. He caught her wrist in his hand, making sure she didn’t try to get away. He hadn’t told her, but every time he looked in the mirror after his showers… well, he couldn’t. He couldn’t stomach his own image with all the hateful graffiti that covered his anatomy.

This is the woman I’m going to marry. This is the woman I’m going to make some more babies with. We’re going to be a family. I can’t have this shit on me. What will my future children think? I’ve already messed up Laura, I’m certain… She got on the phone asking me if I was living with a nigger… and I could tell she had no clue that that was a horrible thing to say. I’ll have to attempt to undo that, to correct the mess I’ve made. She’ll be confused living with her mother who is still a part of the movement, though. How can you deprogram someone when they are still bein’ taught wrong? She won’t know who to believe. I have to walk the walk and talk the talk. Yeah, it’s time to make another move…

The flames continued to dance, crackle and pop as a slow, smoldering smoke rose from the blackened wood and debris. Nothing remained. The items were gone, perished in the fire, but their purpose, the memory and time in his presence could never be erased. He’d once cherished the relics and materials, showcased them as if they were prizes and one-of-a-kind awards. Now, they were up in smoke. And he hoped and prayed, the damage he’d done to so many would soon follow in their wake…

*A poem for my beautiful Mia*

Mia, tomorrow, we’re getting married. By the time you see this, you’ll be up and about, getting dressed and all pretty for our wedding. Let me just state something right at the bat. Because of you, I started writing again, and I haven’t stopped since. I wrote this poem the night that I met you, face to face. We’d just finished making love for the first time, and I felt emotions that I needed to express through pen and paper. You were asleep, and forgive me, but I dug in your purse and got out a pen and tore off a piece of paper from the notebook you had in there.

I didn’t want to wake or disturb you in any way. After I wrote it, I hid it like some dirty secret. I thought I’d never show you this poem, because I knew it revealed too much of me and I wasn’t sure if I was really ready for that. Dr. Owens let me know that my writing, even my speeches for the movement, had pieces of me in them. I think he’s right. This poem, however, has all of me in it… and after I wrote it, I tucked it away and kept it to myself. Tomorrow morning, you and I will go in different directions and get ready for our important day. In the afternoon, we will come together again; this time, as one under God. It will be the day that we promise to love each other in front of our families and friends. So, as one of my gifts to you, to my bride-to-be, my best half, Love of my life, I wanted to show you this, ’cause now, I’m ready, so here it goes…

WORD OF HONOR

I am lying here beside a naked angel…

Her body now smells like mine.

The scent of our lovemaking floats in the air

From our temples intertwined, now combined.

I’m lying here beside a naked angel…

And not only because she wears no clothes.

She exposed her heart to me, so that I could see,

That that’s the place true love grows.

I’ve fallen in love with an angel…

And her hair feels like stretched cotton.

She fell in love with a demon, a walking nightmare with nothing redeeming,

And has a soul that is rotten.

I’ve fallen in love with an angel…

It was love at first penmanship glance.

I’m a man that God almost gave up on.

So he sent her to me as my last chance.

I’ve given myself to an angel…

She owns me, and she doesn’t even know it.

She has the upper hand over this man,

But her modesty won’t dare let her show it.

I’ve given myself to an angel…

Because she gave herself to me.

As I look at her serene face, watching her sleep,

I know that this is for keeps.

I’m going to marry an angel…

Her copper skin glows like the words that she penned.

She’s worth more than gold, anything bought or sold,

She’s my beginning, middle, and end.

I’m going to marry an angel…

My secret cries she overheard.

And I’ve told her I love her, would do anything for her

And I’m a man of my honorable word.

I love you, Mia…

My beautiful angel…

You complete me.

Love,

Aaron

STANDING TUCKED AWAY in the enclosure, only the slight opening in the tent’s drapes gave her a bird’s eye view of all that was to come. White and black rose petals layered the cream aisle runner as the partially cloudy day grabbed a hold of the easterly winds and distributed a slight breeze.

Mia gripped her bouquet of grateful red bearded irises a bit tighter. They had little to no distinguishable scent; however, the aesthetic uniqueness and elegant layers drew her eye the moment she’d stood in the quaint flower shop, choosing the ones she desired for her special day. Her veil fell against her face, blowing about, as Trudy stood to her right, and her family members sat in the white, distressed beach chairs placed evenly on the freshly cut grass.

The Resort at Glades Springs in Daniels, West Virginia proved to be not only a beautiful backdrop for the elegant and low-key wedding Mia had in mind, but the staff had exceeded her expectations, handling many details she’d decided to take on as self-appointed wedding planner. The busy weeks provided much stress, yet, much to her surprise, Aaron had kept his promise; he did what was needed without a fight or argument. He told her to do what she wished, that he did not care about the wedding, only the marriage. However, when asked for his judgment regarding dinner options, color schemes for the reception, and favors, he’d simply taken a deep breath, stifled his protests and complied – providing his opinion. He’d then gone on to do whatever it was she’d stolen him away from, and it tickled her so.

And now, here she stood. The day had come.

Her father, the honorable Reverend Armstrong, looked at her proudly from across the way, as well as her mother as she peeked her head a bit out of the tent. She fought back tears as she spotted several faces from her job – numerous co-workers and her former supervisor to name a few. She and Trudy both had carried unhealed battle scars from the horrible disagreement they’d had over her relationship with Aaron. They’d rarely fought, and this proved to be the worst of the worst, but they’d made amends, and she was eternally grateful that Trudy was there by her side.

As she ventured down the various avenues of thought, her cousin reached for her hand and squeezed it. In unspoken agreement, they bowed their head and said a silent prayer, just as they used to do when they were children, hoping, praying and wishing for their wildest dreams to come true.

After a few stilted moments, they opened their eyes and looked at one another, then smiled wide, stifling bouts of nervous laughter.

“There he is!” Trudy whispered, pointing ahead.

Aaron stood straight as an arrow in a black tuxedo with a slender white tie and black and white spectator shoes. His dark buzzed hair paired beautifully with his sun-kissed skin and he appeared relaxed, almost slightly sedated. His limbs moved smooth and loose as he took long, confident strides down the runner until he’d reached the minister. Soon, several men of varying heights and builds joined him, all dressed in black and white tuxedos and black shoes. His brother, Joe-Joe, stood to his immediate left. All were white men, friends of Aaron’s that he had a level of trust with, including his brother who looked like a shorter, thinner version of himself. One of the men however did not match the others – a black man with long wavy hair pulled back in a ponytail.

Aaron had been spending quite a bit of time with the guy, said he was a friend of his, had met him in prison thanks to the ‘assignment’ she’d given him. Marcus had been one of the keys to him unlocking the mental prison he’d put himself in. She gave Marcus countless verbal and nonverbal gifts of gratitude, and was pleased to meet the man’s wife and daughter who had found a house to purchase and would be moving from their temporary rental home in a few short months. She’d had the pleasure to meet her new soon-to-be sister-in-law. Amy was a petite little thing with a mischievous, twitchy grin. She had a frankness and slick sense of humor Mia instantly enjoyed. Though troubled from Aaron’s accounts, Mia believed just like her sweetie, her heart was good and they were thrilled that was she was permitted to attend the wedding, even if she could only stay the weekend. The day however, was not exactly picture perfect…

Aaron, she was certain, despite the beautiful weather and his siblings arrival was still torn apart on his special day. Sarah had refused to allow Laura to attend the wedding. The fighting, arguing, and terse words between them had escalated to an all time high, ending with tears on both sides.

She pushed herself out of the horrid deliberations and turned her attention back to Trudy, who was now patting tears in her eyes with a tissue she’d wrapped tightly around her baby blue stiletto-shaped fingernail.

“Awww, girl! Don’t do me like this! You gonna make us both cry and then that’ll just be a mess!”

Trudy smiled and nodded, but the tears kept flooding. She looked amazing in her black and white diagonally striped dress. Mia stepped back to get a better look at her best friend, but that was short lived, for the woman took her into her arms and gave her a firm hug. Mia hugged her back, so thankful that her very best friend in the world was there to help her walk into this new chapter of her life.

Suddenly, the song she’d selected was cued: Kevin LeVar’s ‘A Heart That Forgives’. The tent she stood in was slowly opened by two ushers dressed in black pantsuits, and she was fully revealed. Everyone looked back in her and Trudy’s direction, then immediately got to their feet. She stepped out with Trudy and was immediately received by her father who took her arm into his. So gentle, Daddy held her close to him and kissed her cheek in the sweetest of ways.

“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered, suddenly feeling like a little girl, proud and happy.

“I love you too, Mia. So very much!” he whispered back.

They proceeded to walk down the aisle, hand in hand. Just about everyone she cared about and loved was there, yet, her eyes zoomed in on one man, and one man only. Their gaze wrapped around one another and his heated stare turned even hotter as he cocked his head to the side, then winked…

She lowered her head and felt her cheeks warm, framing a budding grin. When she looked back up to him she found he’d shifted his weight to his other foot, leaned back a bit and clasped his hands.

Aaron, you are a piece of work!

Her heart soared.

After a walk that seemed like an eternity, she finally arrived at his side. Her father was asked by the minister, “Who gives this woman away?”

“I do,” her father said in a warm, soothing voice. He bent low, kissed the top of her head, and headed to his seat.

She turned to Aaron and looked deeply into his eyes…drifting away from her own wedding, and falling into a place where they were alone and time stood still. Shaken out of the moment, the vows commenced after a short prayer. She heard the words, and responded accordingly. They went through their lines, just as rehearsed. She could see he’d meant what he said, despite the words being predetermined. But his body and his eyes, the way he looked at her, showed his true heart. The wedding was truly just for her; Aaron simply wanted the girl. The flowers, black and white décor, and all the rest weren’t even in third place…

A few minutes later he gently held her ring finger and slid a stunning diamond wedding band upon it, and she did the same for him; but then, she sensed a change in his demeanor. He cleared his throat, looked out into the crowd, then back at her. He took both her hands in his, and seriousness coated his expression.

“Mia, I love you so much. I’m not what I would consider an emotional person by nature. I know I have to talk to someone I can trust about things like this I suppose… I’m glad I have you in my life, because that person is you.” He paused briefly. “Everyone shows how they feel in different ways; you are learnin’ mine, and I’m learnin’ yours.”

She nodded in agreement.

“There are people that aren’t here because they couldn’t make it, but there are some people that aren’t here because they can’t appreciate who we’ve become. They want us to remain what we used to be, or at least to satisfy their perception of us. Like me…” He took a deep breath. “I’m a former white supremacist, leader in the National Socialist Movement and ex-con. I love big guns, big trucks, racin’ fast, and tinkering around with classic cars, too. I like to fight, refuse to get rid of my prized beer bottle cap collection, and I have on three occasions dragged you to motorcycle stunt shows that you weren’t too happy about attendin’.”

She smiled up at the man and gave his hands a gentle squeeze.

“For my job, I own a company that specializes in knockin’ the wind outta someone if they get too close to our protected target and I tend to catch gigantic, odd lookin’ fish in the river, bring ’em home and flop them in the sink for you to handle with no warning or explanation. With that sort of laundry list, it’s a wonder I found anyone that could deal with me at all. You sure know how to pick ’em.”

The crowd burst out laughing, and so did she. He squeezed her hands as his smile widened and his cheeks warmed with color.

How sweet… he’s blushing…

“I just thank God that He allowed you the wherewithal to see that there was more to me than met the eye. Most people wouldn’t have been able to look past my faults and find forgiveness and a future. You got to know me, fall in love with me, and somehow separate what I was doin’ from who I really was. Some have judged you for that, even accused you of bein’ crazy. Some have told you I was goin’ to break your heart into a million pieces… that I’d be your biggest mistake.

“Some have accused me of losing my mind, and to this day, some believe I will return to my old ways, pick up my mistakes, dust ’em off and carry the torch again.” He paused to catch his breath and shook his head. “I can’t ever do that again… don’t want to do it. That torch was too damn heavy. Carryin’ it wouldn’t make me strong; it would make me weak, break me down. Some weight we carry builds muscle and character. And some weight we carry just makes us tired, and we have nothing to show for it. It’s time I had somethin’ to show off, something to be proud of. I know who I am and what I want now. There’s not a question in my mind.”

“Amen.” He father spoke out and nodded in Aaron’s direction with approval.

“When I saw you lookin’ at me while I was playin’ basketball that day, I told you later how I felt about that, what I thought.”

She nodded at the recollection.

“I knew I was ripe for the undoing. You see, when somethin’ like that happens to someone like me, that means a change is gonna come. No one wanted to touch me with a ten-foot pole. So, who was going to get close enough to me to help me make that change?” He released her hands, shrugged, then reclaimed her back in his arms. “In order to change somebody, you gotta teach ’im. You gotta show them a better alternative to their way of life and thinkin’. You can’t take something away from someone and then not give them something else to replace it. It has to be a promise of some sort, or a gift, or proof that a better outcome can be had. That’s how energy works, you know? Once something exists, it will always want to exist. If you take it away, you’ll leave a void. No one wanted to help me fill that void; they just wanted to take my identity away from me. Some wanted to take it away out of jealousy, others out of necessity, and some, because I made them highly uncomfortable. But not you.” He shook his head.

“You wanted to take it away… ’cause… you loved me, and you knew…you knew I was better than that.” His voice cracked. “You saw the potential in me. You said I was a diamond in the rough, when everyone else only saw a dirty piece of coal. Nobody has ever treated me like you, Mia. You are incredibly kind, with the type of benevolence we don’t see too often in this modern day. I rarely had kindness extended to me, only respect due to fear or hatred. It was all I knew and after a while, it gets to feelin’ normal, how things should be. Your letters opened up something in me, though. You unlocked something in me that had been pushed away for so long. You didn’t want me for what you thought you could get. You weren’t afraid of me and you respected me not because I was a leader of a pack, but because you felt I deserved it.

“When you found out about my ideologies, hell,” he gritted his teeth, “they weren’t ideologies, that’s too fancy – they were messed up ideas and racist beliefs. That’s when 99% of people would have washed their hands of me, been done with it all. But, rather than doin’ that, you jumped in the slop with me…got down and dirty and decided to try and teach me how to wash my heart and soul clean!” A lone tear trekked down his face, and the emotions overwhelmed her to the point her eyes misted over, too. Her heart beat faster within her chest as the man poured himself out right before her. “You told me I could get clean, but you didn’t threaten to take my mud and murkiness away. You showed me I could have something better, and that ‘better’ was your love. So, I followed you. The leader became led, and he soon recognized who was really in charge… and it wasn’t him!”

“Aaron…” It was all she could say as her chin trembled and more and more tears fell. He paused to wipe them away with a slow swipe of his hand.

“I got this, okay?” he stated, his voice low. “Pretty little lady, you can trust what I say to you. I’m never goin’ back to that life. All these people are my witnesses.” He looked out into the crowd then back at her. “I could never want budget, low-grade hamburger again when you gave me filet mignon.”

A few chuckles lit up the airwaves.

“When it comes to me and how I’m goin’ to do you, treat you, don’t you lose one wink of sleep over it. I’m your man, your husband, and all those worries and accusations are unfounded and will never come to fruition. One thing I’ve always had as an adult is complete control over myself. This takes no effort, however, because of the gift you gave me, which was your heart. You filled a void, and it is too precious for me to ever jeopardize. And now, here we are. We made it. I told you that you could have the wedding you wanted, and I’d show up… just give me the date and time. It ain’t that I’m not happy with this.” He looked about the place, smiling and nodding at a few people before he turned his attention to her once more. “I am. It’s beautiful, the black and white… so symbolic. You did an excellent job and I looked forward to this, too. Hell, I like parties… There are like ten kegs waitin’ for us.”

Marcus and his brother burst out laughing.

“You’re the love of my life, Mia, my first true love and my last love, which is even more important, too. I love you. You taught me, you stepped up to the bat and became my instructor. That is what makes this all the more special. In other words, I get to be that guy that marries their sexy teacher – live out all my nasty fantasies! Got my dunce cap costume, ‘I’m a Bad Boy’ T-shirt and everything – can’t wait for detention!”

It seemed just about everyone was laughing now, really getting going.

“I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong. Probably coulda kept that little detail to myself. It won’t happen again,” Aaron spoke out, raising his hand in her parents’ direction as people continued to roar and carry on while he second-guessed his perverted confessions. Her father simply offered a soft smile and nodded. After the laughter died down a bit, he went on.

“But Mia, on a serious note, what I love about you more than anything is that you were my friend. Despite how it all started, I know you just wanted to help me out. We were pen pals, two people sharing our lives via the written word and occasional phone conversations. After a while though, things got… complicated. To these people here, you’re their daughter, their friend, their cousin, co-worker or sister. To me, you’re my everything…” He stepped a bit closer to her, pressed his body against hers. “And to make sure just how much you never doubt this, let me tell you something, make a promise to you. If you need help standin’, I will swoop down low like an eagle and carry you away in my arms. Wait, that didn’t sound right; eagles usually do that to prey they’re going to take somewhere and eat…you know what I mean.”

Everyone burst out laughing again, including Aaron who was blushing once again at his poor choice of words.

“If you need a helpin’ hand, I’ll become your assistant, your hired hand, your handyman and the foreman, too. If you can’t breathe, I’ll turn into the air; osmosis will commence.

“If you’re tired, I’ll lie down and let you turn me into a mattress for as long as you need. If you’re sad, I’ll be your personal jester until I get that beautiful smile outta you. If you’re hungry, I’ll catch a hundred fish, go huntin’ in the woods, pluck the freshest fruit from all the trees and bring them to you. If you’re scared, I’ll stand outside with outstretched arms and block the night and dare the boogey man to come mess with what’s me and mine. You will never want and need for nothin’! ’Cause what do I always tell you, baby?” He grabbed her by her waist, drawing a few ‘awwws’ and coos as he took command not only of her ears and eyes, but her body and soul, too.

“That you’ve got this…”

“You damn right!”

The crowd burst out in applause as he pressed his lips to hers, made her turn into putty in his embrace. After a few moments, he released her, and the minister pronounced them husband and wife. Trudy quickly grabbed the microphone and announced wedding reception details while the crowd began to murmur and get to their feet in order to extend their congratulations.

Mia suddenly paused, her brows furrowed as she ran her finger across her forehead.

“Did you feel that?”

“Feel what, baby?” Aaron asked, soon distracted by people coming up and shaking his hand, then doing the same to her.

“Rain… and there’s another one! It wasn’t supposed to rain until this evening.”

Sure enough another plop came and then another…

“Oh my God, we have to get out of here. My dress is going to be ruined!” Soon, light rain began to fall, and people hastened toward the nearby enclosure for the party, while others lingered to greet the newlyweds. Trudy once again grabbed the microphone and screamed into the thing, causing it to whistle and whine with static.

“Everyone, go on inside the hall, please! You can extend your congratulations to the new couple in there.” The rain came down harder and harder, causing pockets of laughter, muttered curses, and light screams as people raced inside, where music began to bellow and a lovely five tier black and white cake awaited them. Mia began to take flight, but someone caught her arm, causing her to boomerang and bounce right back.

“Where do you think you’re goin’?” Aaron pulled her close and they were soon drenched.

“Oh my God! Look at me?” she stated pitifully as she struggled in his grip, wishing to salvage the little bit of luck she had left.

“I am lookin’ at you… That’s why I still have you here.”

She looked around, realizing they were all alone. The rain was coming down so hard now, she was soaked to the bone, and as the drops collected across the man’s forehead and dripped off the tip of his nose, he tipped her chin upward. Then, he pressed his lips with a million years’ worth of passion on hers, moaned into her mouth and slowly, so slowly, as if they had all the time in the world, slipped his tongue inside of her mouth. He double fisted her ass, gave it a hard, possessive squeeze. After a short while, he released her.

In silence, he took her hand, intertwining their fingers, and they walked as husband and wife out of the raging storm, into the warmth and security of a promising new future that lay ahead…

THE EARLY EVENING breeze ushered in the scent of the nearby river. The odors of damp moss, algae, and Earth intertwined, creating the intoxicating concoction he’d learned to love. The body of water was bursting with life, and he found himself standing out there often, trying to clear his mind. Aaron glanced up at the stars, barely in their full, sparkling glory as the night had not reached its true pitch-black potential. He slid his phone out of his pocket, glanced over his shoulder at the back of his home, then, on a sigh, turned back to dial the number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, uh.” Aaron slid his hand into his jeans pocket and began to slowly pace back and forth, causing the grass under his construction boots to flatten with each step. “Dr. Owens?”

There was a brief pause, and then light laughter on the other end.

“Well, my, my, my. What did I do to deserve this? It must’ve been pretty bad, whatever it was,” the man teased. Aaron broke out in a grin as he continued to walk back and forth, occasionally looking at the water that rippled from the fragrant zephyr.

“I just wanted to say hello and to thank you. I never actually thanked you, you know, for everything you’d done for me.”

“Aaron, you are welcome,” Dr. Owens said after a small pause. “Speaking of which, I did receive the wedding invitation and I’m deeply sorry that I wasn’t able to attend. I hope you and Mia enjoy the gift I sent nevertheless.”

Aaron shrugged. “Yeah, the gift card was nice, thanks, but the paintin’, well, you really made my day with that. Thank you; that was real thoughtful of you. I know you loved it.”

“I did. It was one of my favorites, but you needed it far more than I…”

“I’m uh, a little uncomfortable.”

“I can tell.” Dr. Owens laughed lightly.

“I have problems with stuff like this sometimes… Hope I didn’t disturb you, take you away from anything.”

“I just got back home from the grocery store, actually. I am putting things away.”

“Well, before I let you get back to that, I also wanted to…apologize to you for the shitty things I said to you… like makin’ fun of you for bein’ gay. You were right, by the way. I don’t really care about who you’re sleepin’ with, or anyone else for that matter. That ain’t none of my business. I was just trying to hurt you because I didn’t like what you were doin’ to me.”

“I knew you were, Aaron,” he stated calmly. “Also, not that it matters in the grand scheme of things, but I am not a homosexual.”

Aaron stopped pacing at the declaration.

“Oh… well, I’m sorry for sayin’ it anyway. Didn’t matter if you were or weren’t. I said a lot of things to you that were uncalled for, and I’m sorry for all of ’em.”

“Thank you again, Aaron. I really appreciate you calling me and apologizing. I honestly do. The greatest thank you from you however is how you are living your life now. I cannot begin to express how proud I am of you and I wish you and Mia the best. I do hope that you stay in touch. Would it be okay if I emailed or called you from time to time? You know, just to see how you two are doing?”

“Oh, I’d love that, Dr. Owens.” Aaron’s lips curved in a big, satisfied grin. “Most definitely! You know, Mia talks about you all the time. I’m outside and she’s in the house or I’d put her on the phone right now, but…I think we’d both like to hear from you, and please come up and visit if you ever feel so inclined, too. You are our matchmaker after all, in your own sort of way.”

They both chuckled.

“I may just do that one day, Aaron. In the meantime, you take care of yourself and each other, okay?”

“I will. You kinda sounded like Jerry Springer when you said that.”

“What are you referencing?”

“He says, ‘Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other’ at the end of his trashy show all the time…like he’s full of untapped wisdom when he just let two half-witted cousins prance around his stage, fightin’ over another cousin they might be sleepin’ with! It’s a terrible show, Dr. Owens, but it entertained me when I was in the penitentiary.” Aaron tried to keep from laughing again, but it was no use. He was having a flashback of some of the antics he’d witnessed on television; sometimes, this had been a much needed distraction, despite the senselessness of the programming.

“Oh, I’m not familiar with his show.”

“I wouldn’t think you’d be… doesn’t seem your style. Never mind me. Just bein’ silly is all.”

“That’s fine. Sometimes laughter helps us survive another day… Aaron, before you go, one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Darryl went to the nurse a few weeks ago and asked to see me. He wanted to voluntarily begin therapy with me. I can’t tell you how he’s doing, but… he was motivated by you, and I’ll just leave it at that.”

Aaron’s chest seized up as his eyes glossed over. He dropped the phone from his ear and glanced back out at the river as his emotions ran amuck within him.

I’ll love you always, my brother! Always!

After taking a few deep breaths, he placed the phone back to his ear.

“Thank you for tellin’ me, Dr. Owens. That’s good to hear. I miss ’im so damn much. I was happy to find out though that his case is going up for appeal, and there’s a chance the sentence will be changed to life in prison.”

“Yes, and I hope he receives that opportunity. Well, please tell Mia hello for me. I really must go. Company will be here soon.” Aaron could hear what sounded like plastic bags rustling in the background. His forehead wrinkled in confusion, and then a devious smile creased his face.

“…A lady?”

Dr. Owens burst out laughing. “Yes, Mr. Pike…a lady.”

“That’s… that’s great. You go on and have a good time. I’ll talk to you soon. Enjoy your evenin’, Dr. Owens.”

“Likewise.” And then, Aaron disconnected the call.

He looked back out at the river, taking notice of a large dragonfly zooming in a constant corkscrew pattern close to a tall, thin tree that looked as if it were trying to dip one of its fractured branches into the stream and take a taste of the flowing water. The insect moved to the far left, then the far right, repeating the process over and over, as if he were lost, not certain if it was coming or going.

I used to feel like that, movin’ around and gettin’ nowhere at all. But I know a little about huntin’ and fishin’. Sometimes I used dragonflies as bait, and they’re interesting little creatures…real fascinatin’. The dragonflies know exactly where they are goin’ and what they’re doing. All that zigzaggin’ ain’t them being lost and confused; it’s them trying to find a mate, by seein’ how she moves to determine if she is their type or not.

Sometimes, it’s them tryin’ to see some prey from multiple vantage points, to plan their best course of action. Ain’t no shame in that, because they know their purpose and what they’re supposed to be doing, even if others that look at them don’t understand it at all. My old friends don’t understand me anymore. They see me as movin’ around like that – erratic, dazed and confused. But sometimes, you gotta zigzag to find where you fit in, to get to know yourself, to find the right lady for you and understand that when you thought you had the world all figured out, you didn’t know a damn thing at all…

Chapter Sixteen

…Two months later

FLATWOODS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL in Braxton County lacked the shades of the rainbow, the hues that Mia saw as the beauty of the world. It was startling when she walked into the place for an interview as a Special Education teacher, feeling as if she were the only drop of chocolate in the entire place.

Pushing her reservations aside, she concentrated on the goal at hand – to help children, no matter their skin tone and ethnic background. Children made her heart beat faster, her mouth smile a bit wider, and her days fill with insurmountable joy. So, she pushed her culture shock aside and made her way to the wonderfully tidy office that smelled of lemon and vanilla Febreeze. She was greeted with a warm welcome that reminded her of apple pie à la mode – warm, sweet, with a dollop of vanilla ice cream. Her thoughts often drifted to dessert as of late, and she’d been baking her behind off in her fabulous kitchen. Also, after several trips to the local Target store and two antique shops, she’d made Aaron’s house into their home.

“Mrs. Pike,” came a cheery masculine voice from a short distance away. Mia looked up to see a petite man dressed in a gray lightweight sweater and dark slacks waving her over. “Please come on inside.”

She stood from her seat, her portfolio in hand along with additional copies of her resume and references. Wearing a muted pale pink skirt with charcoal stripes, a dark gray shirt, and low pumps, she took a seat in front of a large oak desk with a still blank computer monitor sitting atop it. Mr. Huff smoothed the front of his sweater before taking his seat. They looked at one another for a brief moment, and then he clasped his hands together.

“Thank you for coming in today, Mrs. Pike.”

“Please call me Mia.”

“Of course, Mia. You’ve spoken to the assistant principal, Mrs. Charter, and taken a tour. I understand that your phone interview went exceptionally well.”

“Well, I felt that it did. I was happy to be called in for an interview.”

“Yes, we obtained your faxed over records from Bright Beginnings Academy and Compass School.” The man looked about his desk in a brief state of confusion, then grabbed several files, turning them over. His face relaxed and his smile soon returned as he looked down at several typewritten forms. “And let me tell you, everyone we spoke with had only glowing things to say about you. That brings me, actually, to a recent change of plans.”

Mia cocked her head slightly to the right in bewilderment.

“Mia, I’ve been the principal here for ten years. I am originally from Memphis, Tennessee, and that is where the majority of my wife’s and our extended family reside. My parents are up in age, and it is with sadness that I recently turned in my resignation.”

“Ohhh, I’m sorry to hear that. Your parents are unable to relocate here, I take it?”

“Well.” He winced. “They could, but I feel that taking them away from home would be more disruptive to their lives and current sense of well being than my family and I moving back to assist. I don’t plan to stay there forever, but who knows what the future holds?” He threw up his hands. “My assistant principal, who you’ve met, wishes to remain in her current position. We’ve interviewed several people, many of whom also had impressive backgrounds. What appealed to me is that you obviously have your Masters in Administration and Childhood Development. Your license is up to date, your professional and personal recommendations are out of this world and a…” He paused and picked a piece of paper out from the stack. Looking over his glasses, he began to read, “A Dr. Owens spoke extremely highly of you. I’ve never seen such a wonderfully written reference.”

Mia could no longer hide her grin.

“You volunteer for all sorts of programs and outreach activities. You taught adult inmates how to read and prepare for their G.E.D. at Holman Prison. According to your credentials, you are well versed in children that are on the autism spectrum, as well as sensory perception disorders. You have extensive experience in regard to children with other developmental delays as well. It appears that if a child is felt to be unable to learn, they are sent to you… and you work some sort of magic.”

Mia gave a light chuckle, but the man looked at her seriously, not breaking his somber tone.

“Mia, you are what people like me look for when things like what I am about to explain to you happen. Now, though you have no managerial experience, in your case, that doesn’t bother me. It is clear from how you’ve led a team of students and peers in prior years at BBA, and other schools you’ve assisted and substituted at, that you are capable.”

Oh my God… he is not going to do what I think he is going to do!

“Mia, I would like for you to interview with the Board of Directors for my position. I will be vouching for you. I love these students. I am going to miss them terribly. I did not take my decision to leave lightly. It is quite upsetting actually, but things happen, and we must adapt. We are not the biggest school, we may not be well known, but my staff is exceptional. We care about the parents, the entire faculty, and our philosophy is to treat each child as if they were a member of our own family. Before you even said anything, I looked at you, and found you exude a refined nature, but kindness, as well. Coincidentally, the three words used to describe you many times by your peers were: thoughtful, hard-working, and innovative. You’re a problem solver. If a child has a situation that others saw as hopeless, you would declare that not true and find a way inside of that little person’s world.

“I say all of this to say that the nature of this interview has changed. You were trying to obtain a teaching position here, but I want you to become the new principal. Is that something of interest to you?”

“Oh… oh my goodness.” She smiled and crossed her legs. “I’m sorry, this has just completely taken me by surprise. Um, yes, yes! I most definitely would.”

And then, like a sly thief of hope and dreams, the reality came crashing down. The devil in the details waved a burnt flag, sat down in the room, perched upon the corner of the desk and shook his ruddy head at her…

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk…

“Mr. Huff.” She raised a finger. “There is one thing I’d like to share with you before we proceed.”

“Of course.”

“Race is not of importance to me, and it obviously is not to you or you would not have even considered me for this position. It is more than apparent that I’m not white. I’m African American.”

“Right, yes.” She could see the perplexity in his expression, undoubtedly wondering where she was going with this.

“Well.” She swallowed hard. “You see, I just recently got married.”

“Congratulations!” His smile returned.

“Yes, and uh, my husband is a good man, a good person. He is quite successful in business, owns his own company and loves children. However, he, well, had a troubled past, Mr. Huff.”

The man’s face etched with sudden concern. Mia refused to have her life turned into some three-ring circus. It would be no issue for a digging sort of fellow to get a hold of her personal life and turn it into a drama-filled soap opera. No, she’d take control, take matters into her own hands, and mold the situation how she saw fit.

“I see…” He seemed to tense up in his seat. “What sort of trouble?”

“Well, he was involved in an organization that is known for racist propaganda and ideology. He is no longer that person, however, Mr. Huff. I assure you.”

“Sooo, he was like a black panther or something?” The man’s brows dipped low in obvious concern.

“No, he was a white socialist.”

Mr. Huff’s previous look of confusion had nothing on this…

Mia stifled a laugh, swallowing it behind a tight-lipped expression. It was rather perplexing how the topic had previously held vast amounts of anxiety for her, but now, when the words came tumbling out of her mouth, it almost provided comic relief. The man’s expression softened, and it was more than apparent that he, too, was amused, though he didn’t dare say it.

“I… I see. So, that is over and done with?”

“Yes. He has served time as well; he was an activist for the organization and that is where the majority of those charges transpired and originated from. His last stint in prison was due to an altercation, which he was later exonerated of. He was completely cleared due to it being self-defense. If you no longer want me for the position, I completely understand, Mr. Huff. I would hope, however, that I’d be judged on my abilities and character, versus my husband’s checkered past. He’s obviously gotten over the issue. Look who he married.”

At this, Mr. Huff laughed lightly.

“Wow… what a story. That’s really something. I have so many questions, but…” He shrugged. “They’d be completely inappropriate. How fascinating, quite honestly. That, to me, is more like a testimony, Mia. I’m glad you shared it with me. I believe in giving people second chances and it was honorable for you to share with me your personal situation. This way, in case it is brought up, I can respond appropriately.”

“Yes, and if you need any verification of this, I can provide it for you.”

“Okay, thank you for that invitation. Uh…” He chuckled as he nervously moved papers about on his desk. “I didn’t expect this sort of discussion, but in an odd sort of way, it may make you even more likable to some individuals.”

“Really?” She was certain she didn’t hide her surprise. “How so?”

“Well, initially one may be taken aback, but the fact that you could find it in your heart to look past such a thing with someone is proof that the human heart is larger than some may think. I don’t know much about the socialist movement or any of that.” He waved nonchalantly in her direction. “But I know enough to understand the gravity of the situation. Again, thank you for disclosing that. You legally didn’t have to but, as stated, you’ve helped prepare me for a possible situation should someone decide they want it addressed.”

She nodded in understanding.

“I’d still like to proceed.”

Mia sighed with relief.

“I want you to interview for this, and I want you to speak to everyone just as you’ve spoken to me. Candidly… I’ve only spent twenty minutes with you, and I already like you.” He smiled.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Huff. Before we proceed, I do have one question.”

“Of course.”

“Would there still be teaching opportunities if by some blessing I was in fact to become principal of F.E.S.? I would still like an opportunity to be in the classroom and lead from time to time.”

At this, Mr. Huff burst out laughing and shook his finger at her. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. This is what we need! Knowing you’d get a sizeable pay raise, be in an office and all that entails, and you still want to know if you can teach.” He shook his head. “Mia, if that is what you want, I am certain it can be arranged. Perhaps a few times a month you could lead a class, for instruction if nothing else.”

She nodded happily.

“Do you mind if I have some of the members of the Board of Education come in right now, or is this too soon? Do you need time to prepare or talk this over with your spouse?”

“Oh, they’re here? Right now?” She tossed a glance over her shoulder at the closed door.

“Yes, they are here in the building for an unrelated event, but I can call them.”

“No, I’m sure my husband would be okay with this, just… a little surprised!” She laughed nervously.

“The timing is perfect. I know you may feel on the spot, but I have a good feeling about you. I believe that my school will be in good hands…and that’s quite important to me.”

“Of course it is. Yes,” she said, waving her hand in his direction. “Please feel free to have them interview me.”

“Great.” Mr. Huff cheerfully grasped his desk phone from the receiver. “Grace, Mrs. Pike is in my office. We are about to conduct the principal interview versus what she was initially scheduled for… Yes, please update that. Can you please page Frank, Diane, and Kirk? I need them to come in my office and meet her, and ask any questions they may have… Yes, in the next few minutes, please. I appreciate it. Thanks, Grace.” He disconnected the call.

“Mia, they will be notified and will be here soon.”

“Okay. Thank you so much for this opportunity!” She pressed her hands flush together.

“You’re welcome. I think it is an honor for our school to have you in any capacity. So, let’s begin. Tell me three reasons why you believe you’d be a good fit as principal for Flatwoods Elementary School…”

One month later…

“YOU’VE TRACKED MUD all in the kitchen.” Mia pointed disapprovingly at the dark brown sludge that had dropped off his shoes. Aaron sighed and rolled his eyes before placing his fishing rod up against the foyer wall.

“Baby, I’ve had a really long day. Come on, don’t start naggin’. I’ll get it up later.” Out of the corner of his eye he could see the lady’s peepers turn into menacing slits as she made her way into the dining room.

“Aaron, I’m not your maid.”

“Damn, is it icy in here!” he hooted.

“Not funny, and don’t tell me about havin’ a long day. You’ve been out fishin’ with Marcus and Jasper all morning and the day before that, on the golf course, while I’ve been neck deep in paperwork!”

“Now don’t you go cryin’ foul, Mia. You wanted that position! You were so happy to become principal, and now all I hear is how stressed out and tired you are. Baby, look.” He raced over to her as she turned her back, undoubtedly ready to walk away and leave him in the dust. “I’m sorry about the mud, baby.” He pressed her to him and ran his hand up and down her shoulder. “I know you’ve been stressed out; we both have. I went fishin’. The golfing trip was for a new client, Mia. You know I hate golf but we’d just signed the new contract so it was a way to celebrate. It has been a bit of a nightmare getting my licenses here. Even though I was cleared for the murder charge, but I am still battling the courts regarding my carry permit. I have to have those licenses, honey.”

“I know, Aaron.” She sighed. “I’m just cranky and tired… but I really am tired of you leaving messes all over the place after your adventures with your friends.” She smirked.

“I didn’t know I still had stuff on my shoes when I did it, I’ll get it up. And I’m not taking you for granted.”

She smiled at him, caressed his chin.

“I know, it’s just been hard lately is all. Sorry for snapping at you about it. I could have said it nicer. It’s not like I’ve been telling you for weeks and you’ve ignored me.”

“Why don’t you go on and lie down and I’ll pick us up some early dinner. Don’t worry about cooking.”

She stood there for a moment, then conceded.

“That sounds like a plan.”

“Let me jump in the shower and change clothes real quick.” He followed her up the steps, occasionally looking down at his cell phone and scanning new work related emails he needed to reply to. As they reached the top, the woman walked through the double doors of the master suite and dove into the bed head first, as if it were an Olympic swimming pool. He stared at her for a moment or two, chuckling. Unable to resist the urge to play, he let himself fall on the sheets beside her, causing the bed to dip.

“I thought you were takin’ a shower…” she stated as she buried her face in the pillow and clutched it close.

“I am… but who’s to say I can’t mess with you a bit first?”

“I thought you said you were tired.” He could hear the smile in her words.

“Never too tired for that.” He gently took her wrist and pulled her arm away from her face. She pretended to struggle, fight him off.

“Stop!” She chuckled as the struggle ensued. “Let me go; you’re filthy!”

“I’m a dirty, dirty boy!” He cackled before jumping up from the bed and wiping his brow of sweat and grime with the side of his arm.

“Come on.” Darting the tip of his tongue to the side of his mouth, he looked her up and down in nasty ways. “Take a shower with me, then.”

“You won’t just take a shower with me.” She slowly rose and gave him the evil eye before turning around and moving about as if she were looking for something.

“You lost?” He kept his eye on her as he bent low and removed his socks and boots. He tugged at his shirt and mud splotched jeans, then tossed them haphazardly onto the floor.

“No, but you seem to be.” She snapped. “Go on, get!” She pointed towards the bathroom door. The woman tried to sound serious, as if she meant business. He wasn’t buying it. He simply glared at her as he stood still in his forest green boxer briefs.

“Let me wash your back,” he offered with a sly grin as he flung his underwear to the ground and slowly approached her.

“Have you seen my bag from the drugstore?”

“CVS?”

“Yeah.” She turned all around once again, then dropped to her knees and lifted the comforter.

“No, I haven’t, not recently. I saw it last night after you’d gotten back. Why? Was something important in there?”

“I had some sour cherries, the little red candies.”

Aaron shook his head and placed his hands on his hips.

“All of this is over some sour cherries? I’ll give ya a sweet treat alright!” As she bent over searching in her nightstand drawer, he bum rushed her, came up from behind and gripped her around the waist.

“Aaron!” She giggled as they once again got into some rough play. He knocked his pelvis into her ass, loving the softness of her body against him. Sliding one hand upward, he gripped her breasts into his palm.

“Ouuuu! That hurts!”

He quickly released her and spun her around to face him.

“Oh baby, I’m sorry,” he stated, feeling badly about it all. He hadn’t touched her any differently than usual; it was customary for him to play rough with her from to time, especially in the throes of passion, but this was light – a gentle grope.

“It’s okay.” She swallowed as she gingerly tested the sore tissue of her chest and slumped onto the bed. He sat down beside her and took her hand in his.

“I’ll leave you be… I don’t want to, but I can take a hint.”

She smiled back at him and patted his thigh, then seemed to disappear inside of herself. Looking down at their bedroom floor first, she then cast her sights to the large bay window with rich, auburn curtains and cream sashes.

“Aaron, I… I think I might be pregnant.” She turned slowly back in his direction, a look of extreme worry on her face.

His brain was forming thoughts, making sentences and declarations, but his tongue refused to budge; the damn thing wouldn’t move!

“Aaron?” She looked him up and down, seeing him squirm inside his skin.

“I uh, wow.” He slipped his hand away from hers, closed his eyes for a brief spell, and pinched the skin between his eyes. “I assumed you were still taking your pill.”

“I had been, but remember when I changed pills because the other one was making me break out and a little moody? My new doctor here prescribed me another one… I told you about it.”

“Yeah…yeah, I remember. So you think the transition caused this?” He nodded as the recollections came to the fore and took a dip his memory pool. “You just had your period, though.”

“I know. Hell, I don’t know anything right now, actually… I mean.” She shrugged. “Something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe that’s it.” She slicked her hand across her stomach, bunching the fabric of her thin lime green shirt. “I can see that you’re angry.” Her tone turned pointy and forked like a viper’s as it tasted the air and gauged the world around it…

“No…No!” He grabbed her hand and held it tight. “I’m just surprised, Mia. That’s all! I’m not angry in the least.” He shook his head emphatically as feelings of surprise, confusion and elation burst within him. They sat there for a second or two, mingling. “You need to take a pregnancy test, right? Make a doctor’s appointment?”

She looked down at her knees that were pressed together so tightly, it looked as if she were trying to make them form into one boney knob.

“Yeah.” She nodded, still focusing on her lower limbs.

It makes sense… sensitive breasts… she’s had a bad sweet tooth lately, baking up a storm… I just thought it was all for me.

He smiled to himself.

She’s been irritable, on edge. I assumed it was just stress from the move and the new job…

He knew all women were different but he recalled Laura’s mother having similar symptoms when she realized that she was carrying his child. His face split into a smile as he grabbed her close, made her lay her head against his bare chest.

“Let’s find out for certain. Let me take a shower, like I’d planned, and I will go over to the drugstore and pick you up one, okay? I’ll be fast, I promise.”

“No.” She shook her head and let her hand explore along his chest. “I already bought one. It was in that same CVS bag. I just didn’t want to take it.”

“Why not? You know that I want children; you said you did, too. Yeah, it is happening a little sooner than we imagined, but this isn’t bad. We’ll just have to prepare a bit sooner is all.”

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “If I am, I want this baby so badly, Aaron…you have no idea. It just threw me for a loop is all.” Finally, she smiled, too.

Gently, he moved out from beneath her and got to his feet.

“Come on, let’s look for that bag.” He sighed, a silly grin on his face. “We’ll treat it like a scavenger hunt.” He looked about the room, naked as the day he was born, and moved to and fro, lifting boxes and other items, taking a peek here and there. She soon joined him, following suit.

“Are you sure you brought it to our bedroom, Mia?”

“Yeah, oh wait! You’re right. I think I left it in the car.” She made a mad dash out of the place, leaving him standing there with a hard on he couldn’t seem to shake and the silliest of expressions on his face.

She’s pregnant. There’s no doubt in my mind now… so many signs that flew right over my head.

Soon, she returned with the bag, obvious relief written all over her face. She disappeared into the master suite bathroom, leaving him behind. After a few minutes, he slowly approached the door and gave it a soft knock.

“Everything alright in there, baby?”

“Yeah… I took it. Just gotta wait now. You’re supposed to take it with the first morning urine, but I can’t wait that long now that I’ve told you and the cat is out of the bag.”

He chuckled lightly.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d be angry. That’s just silly, honey. You know me better than that by now.”

“I didn’t think you’d be, but I misread your reaction is all. I’m just too sensitive right now, Aaron. If I’m not pregnant, then these mood swings and over-reacting are a true sign that I’m havin’ some serious problems. I need to make an appointment with Dr. Owens if this thing comes back negative.”

They both burst out laughing at that.

“I hate waiting like this! It’s taking forever.” He twisted the knob and let himself inside only to see Mia sitting on the toilet seat with her panties pooled around her ankles.

“Get out!” she screamed, turning crimson with embarrassment.

“Woman, please! You fart in your sleep sometimes. Get over yourself!”

He ducked when she tossed a hand towel in his direction. Leaning against the black and white marble double sink counter top, he crossed his arms and ankles, then took a glance at the pee stick sitting beside her foot. They both glanced at it around the same time, and though he couldn’t read it from his distance, her expression said it all. Mia’s face cracked in a grin, and then hearty laughter erupted from her core.

“I’m gonna be a mommy!!!”

“Yes!” He fist pumped the air, taken aback at how fast his excitement was growing.

My second child will be coming into the world soon… My second chance to do this right. This time, I won’t poison my seed’s mind with my own sickness. No, this time, I will nurture her or him, teach them the golden rule. This time, the child will be raised in pure love…

…Two months later

THE OLD SCARS in her flesh proved to have faded with time, but tiny bits of evidence remained. She’d been a cutter as a teenager, slicing into herself like freshly cooled pie, making the pain come to give her instantaneous relief. Placing the joint down into the ashtray, she looked dreamlessly around her living room. Her all-cried-out eyes stung with the dryness that only a mother who’d died time and again and lost her baby would understand.

She’d received a summons from the court. Aaron had done the unthinkable: he’d applied for custody of Laura. He’d called her in advance from some elaborate property that he’d kept under wraps, an estate that dreams were made of, far away in West Virginia. The fucking stingy, insane bastard had never even told her he had a house there, and part of the time they were together, the damn thing had been already in his name.

He’d confessed after relocating, letting her know that some things had popped off, but he wanted Laura to come at least one weekend once a month and for the entire summer… He’d send for her. She allowed Laura one trip up, after which, she refused, and the arguments ensued. She never believed in a million years he’d get the courts involved, he abhorred the notion, but he did, and he didn’t want a slice of the cake, he wanted the whole damn thing. But what about the money? And the house?

All of this news made her doubly curious. After a bit of an investigation, she realized that Aaron had extended his business and was making forty percent more income than he was with only the one location in Alabama. The fucker was making money hand over fist, and she needed some of that wealth… Taking care of a little girl was hard work, and besides, for all the pain he’d caused her, he owed her.

It seemed when Laura was a baby, he was only concerned about their daughter and rarely asked about her wellbeing. She’d given the man the best years of her life. She’d loved him, but because of his ways, she was never ‘perfect’ enough in his eyes.

Resentment reared its ugly head again. The least he could do was ensure she and Laura had a comfortable life. But now, everything was threatened. The black beast he’d moved into his home, then had the audacity to marry, would have the rights to everything.

Once she’d heard about the wedding, she’d fumed with fury. Why, the fucker had the gall to ask if Laura could be in it! HELL. NO. All of these torturous feelings she hid away, tucked out of sight… never wishing her current husband to see that she still cared for the son of a bitch, and secretly compared the two against one another.

Truth of the matter was, as horrible as Aaron was, she at times missed him. Aaron was funny, strong, sexy… He worked hard, was smart… powerful. He’d become her addiction and her turn-off, all at once. She tossed and turned so many nights, thinking of him in bed with the black bitch that now had his last name. A nigger, a goddamn porch monkey lived in that big, pretty house, with all that land and water, boats and fresh air. She’d heard all about it after Laura’s visit. Their daughter boasted of jumping frogs that croaked out songs in the evening, and how her bedroom looked like a damn dollhouse, pink canopy and miniature play kitchen and all. Sarah had simply had enough. If he had money to do all of that, surely he had capital he could spare.

As soon as she sent the papers for a child support increase after obtaining such information, he had her served with a request for full custodial guardianship. He stated that was the last damn straw, and proved once and for all that she didn’t care about their daughter one bit. It was all lies! She was taken aback, head over heels in hate. Surely it must’ve been some joke, but alas, it was not. Before she could blink an eye, she and Aaron were standing before a judge…

The old, withered white woman with a face the color of uncooked pig guts sat up there on her high horse, behind the big bench, condemning her for her excessive drinking and not spending enough time with her child. She had a beer every now and again – so what! Aaron had yanked the system on his side, kept them in his pocket, in his favor. Like a magic trick, he littered the place with receipts and cashed checks from the past eight years, including the ones sent by his accountant while he was in prison. He showed off fancy spreadsheets and neatly typed bank statements detailing all the money, minus the cash contributions, he’d given in care for his daughter. The sum totaled to over $62,000, on average, per year… Not including gifts and the mortgage payments he made on her behalf.

The judge declared that she should be ashamed of herself and though she stated Aaron was not exactly parent of the year either, she felt that he, of all people, was the better option. In an act of desperation to keep her daughter, she’d tossed anything she could at him, hoping it would stick. Due to her allegations, he was forced to take a drug test. The results came out squeaky clean. He’d kept on the straight and narrow ever since his release and he’d been acquitted.

What more could be said? She had nothing to accuse him of or hang her hat on. He looked like a damn martyr, and she was escorted out of the courtroom after she lunged at him, wishing nothing more than to gouge his amber eyes clean out of his skull. Everyone already knew the truth. Aaron only drank a few beers a week, or a glass of wine or two if he was feelin’ highfalutin.

He smoked cigarettes, but nothing illegal. He worked a great job; he was the owner and the boss for God’s sake, and allegedly had a wife now that was a pretty principal of a well-respected school for retard children… Never mind that the cunt was a damn monkey. No matter how many degrees she had, she still was a motherfucking baboon. She hadn’t seen her in person, but she did see a picture of her – searched it out online…

Leave it to Aaron that if he was going to get a primate for a bride, he’d get the best lookin’ one he could find.

Regardless, he looked like a gleaming star in the eyes of the court. Surely his criminal record should have sunk his ship. Instead, some pea-sized-headed fucker in a tweed suit sat his happy ass down and put the final nail in the coffin. It was a doctor from the prison. He’d come on Aaron’s behalf as a character witness… and boy did he witness alright. It was a regular ol’ church revival. Not only that, the snooty faggot presented written evidence that Aaron had gone through extensive deprogramming, and his progress—under a pseudo name—had been discussed in several college classrooms by future psychiatrists, as well as analyzed in special studies. The fucker was now in textbooks. Unbelievable. Aaron had in fact turned a new leaf.

Laura was due to arrive in his custody the following month. He’d conceded to allow her to finish a few more weeks at her current school on account of a special award she was due to receive for her grades, attendance, and being helper of the year. Her father was little to be celebrated, however.

The race traitor, 8-Miler, coon caper and chocolate dipper had broken her heart for the last goddamn time.

It wasn’t enough that you abandoned me… It wasn’t enough that you turned your back and I had to watch you date other women, flaunt them in my face after our break up! I had to deal with you calling to speak to your daughter, never askin’ about her damn mother! You told me you’d always love me… you lied! I accepted that we were over, moved on with my life, and then, you caused problems in my marriage by bad talking my man. At least he’s here! Now this… you take our daughter away from me?! Out of the only home she’s known her entire life? My only reason for living! Laura is my everything!

“I hate you, Aaron! You twisted fuck! Rot in Hell!” she screamed out at the top of her lungs.

She stretched lazily over her laminate end table, a high, pyramid-shaped pile of used Kleenex stained with dark blue mascara from her never ceasing tears. A couple of pieces fell to the floor as she gripped her white landline phone to make a much-needed call.

“Yeah.” She sniffed, trying to keep herself together and not fall apart once more though that feat proved damn near impossible. “It’s me, Sarah…. You asked me a while back if I knew where Aaron was stayin’. I told you I didn’t; well, that isn’t true. Grab a pencil or something, you’ll want to write this down…”

Chapter Seventeen

Two days later…

“AARON, IT’S GETTING late,” Mia hollered out through the open window.

The paint fumes had been going to Aaron’s head, making him woozy and high. What was life without a tree house? Surely Laura would want a tree house; what child of his wouldn’t?

He sighed as he looked at the time and plopped the wet paintbrush, dyed in crimson, back into the bright red canister.

“Alright, Boss Lady.” He looked across the backyard and smiled at her as she waved in his direction, closed the thing and disappeared. The curtain swayed back and forth for a small period of time, then ceased to move altogether. He missed her already. Butterflies danced in his stomach as he anticipated Laura’s arrival. He’d let her get her bearings for the first few days, and then, she’d start classes at her new school. Much to his surprise, his daughter was not as upset about her leaving her mother as he’d thought she’d be. That belief had worried him so much and caused him to drag out the inevitable.

He’d spoken to her after court, and though she struggled to understand the adult nature of the situation, she seemed genuinely excited to spend time with him, as if it were a new adventure. Aaron, however, wasn’t expecting a utopia. Laura would have some growing pains for things in West Virginia were so different. Unlike her mother, he was more of a disciplinarian, but he prided himself on also having compassion. All Sarah did was ignore and yell at her, depending on her mood and the offense. Aaron still couldn’t wrap his brain around what had possibly gone wrong along the way…

Sarah had started off as a good mother, and then, as times passed, she seemed to withdraw into some hard, deep shell that no one could crack. She became angrier, more destructive. He should have seen the writing on the wall; she’d simply given up on life. Harboring hatred had a funny way of doing that. It would eat the host from the inside out. Sarah’s guts, heart, and soul were all torn apart and chewed out. She had unresolved issues stemming from childhood abuse as well, and now, they were making a comeback. There was nothing left of the woman he once knew but a piece of a spirit with no direction, dimension, or desire to be a better version of herself. She reviled tenderness, and worshipped abhorrence. It was comfortable; it was all she’d known. These similar philosophies had, in fact, brought them together; but whatever was created from angst and hostility was not bonded for life – it was bonded for death… and the death of a relationship built on such notions was a sure-fire thing.

“I guess I can leave this outside. I’ll put some tarp on it,” he mumbled as he searched around the base of the large red maple tree.

He reached over and grabbed his toolbox to put his items neatly inside as the dusk reached across the land and colored the sky in soft, billowy hues of purple. Suddenly, his ear caught the sound of what seemed to be a humming bird. He paused, his lips kinked in a smile…and then the smile faded.

Hummingbirds aren’t out right now…

Cautiously, he placed a screwdriver in the bin, clutched the toolbox, and got to his feet, his steps careful and steady as he made haste… but not too fast. A cluster of trees stood a mere fifty feet away, and in that distance, shadows and light interrupted one another, shaky and uneven.

Being an avid hunter, he knew the movements of a deer, wood rats, flying squirrels, and coyotes. His heart beat a bit faster as his brain computed ways to handle a multitude of scenarios, but he paced himself, counted his steps, and made mental inventory. He burst through the doors of the house, relieved he’d made it inside. Whipping out his cell phone, he made his way down into the basement.

“Why are you calling me from your cell phone, silly? I just heard you come inside the house. I’m in the bedroom waiting for you. Bring me up a sandwich, too. You make the best grilled cheeses,” she teased.

“Where did you see me come in at?” He kept moving… maintained his pace.

“You’re in the kitchen being greedy, of course.”

“Mia,” he stated calmly. “I need you to lock the bedroom door, both locks, and put the wedge stick in front of it, too. Then I need you to lock yourself inside our closet but before you go there, set the silent alarm, but on the timer, just like I showed you a long time ago. Put it for twenty-one minutes. If I do it from my phone, it will beep.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I want no noises, no alerts.” He waved his hand frantically around as he moved here and there. “After you go into the closet, I need you to silence your phone and not make one sound. Do NOT, under any circumstances, Mia, call the police right now. If you do not hear from me in twenty minutes or less, then call them but don’t leave that closet until I tell you to. It doubles as a shelter, so you should be fine. Start counting the minutes right now.”

“What in the world?! Aaron what’s going on? You—”

“Now!”

He disconnected the call and burst into the room where he kept his treasure trove of artillery. Fast like lightning, he picked up his 7mm Remington Magnum. He loaded the damn thing, placed it to the side by his leg, then peered to his right. More shadows appeared around the perimeter of the house…

She’ll be safe in the bedroom. It’s the safest room in the house…

He sent her a text message.

Aaron: Baby, stay put.

Mia: I’m scared.

Aaron: Don’t be. What do I always tell you?

Mia: You got this…

Aaron: That’s right. Sit tight.

He turned the volume of his phone off, slipped it inside his pocket, then grabbed two fully loaded Nighthawk 1911 pistols and slid them into double holsters along his waist. As if beating on a drum, he hit a panel, causing the entire house to grow dark. As he expected, the roaches and rats reacted to the sudden change of scenery. Footsteps grew quicker, more frantic as they pounded above his head. He hated how his adrenaline rushed and fed his need to make something bleed…

Turning on a dime, he moved about the place, knowing his surroundings almost better than he knew every curve of Mia’s naked body. Sliding up the wall with guns loaded and ready to wreck shop, he made his way back up the steps, his own breathing too loud for his liking. He paused, closed his eyes, and exhaled.

Muffled voices could be heard from where he surmised was his living room. Suddenly, the basement doorknob turned. Like a damn jackrabbit, he hopped away from the door, hiding in the darkness of the cove below the stairway. He peered through the obscurity, barely able to see his own hand in front of his face until the light from someone’s cell phone shined the way.

At least two are in the house…

He kept his tallies straight as sweat poured down his face.

The stranger’s heavy gait made the wood he treaded upon creak and moan as he descended down the steps… closer…closer…

BAM!

“Ahhhhhhh!” The big fucker fell forward, tumbling the rest of the way down the stairs. Aaron jumped out from his position, blasted the body twice in the gut, and one more time in the leg before making a mad dash back to the first floor. Items were falling, cracking, and breaking all around. Confusion reigned when light met its enemy, and the darkness grew teeth…

…Boy lost in the woods.

Not today, motherfucker…

BAM! BAM! BAM! His gunfire lit up the obscurity like a neon sign ushering in travelling perverts to a titty bar. The odor of the gun smoke seduced him and the sighs of hurt bodies, heavy groans born from the pits of pain, made him feel ten feet tall.

“He’s got another gun!” someone yelled out as he heard the clicking of a weapon that he did not possess. He dropped to the ground and rolled over to the front door.

BAM!

“Fuck!” The sting of the bullet lightly grazed his shoulder. Pushing through the slight burning sensation, he swung the damn door open, causing it to bounce. The glass threatened to crack from the impact on the wall. A running shadow disappeared into the thicket of trees. Hot on the coward’s heels, he raised his gun in the air and shot at the sky.

“It’s huntin’ season, fucker!” he screamed out, his anger coming to a boil.

He gained on the man, just as he knew he would. Craziness made him stronger, faster, better… and that’s just how he liked it. Taking the butt of his gun, he knocked the man down to the ground. Soon, he was staring at his prey…

“Well, well, well… The Devil saved the best for last.” Aaron chuckled as he placed the barrel of the rifle right between the bastard’s eyes. “Welcome to my humble abode, Clyde… So nice to see you again.”

BURIED BETWEEN TWO garbage bags filled with clothing she was donating to a local charity, Mia kept counting… and breathing… and counting some more. The sounds of gunfire continued to ring out, and deep muffled voices she’d never heard before spoke of things she couldn’t decipher. Fear had seized her, and her greatest worries were materializing right then and there.

I don’t even know if he’s still alive!

She looked down at her phone. It had only been six minutes, but felt like it had been five hours.

I should call the police! But he said not to… But what if he is lying somewhere dying? Aaron, hurry up, please!

She leaned further back into the closet and ran her hands nervously over her shaking knees, attempting to calm herself to no avail.

Our baby…

She glanced back down at her phone, plucked it quickly from the ground and dialed…

9….

1….

And then, she stopped. She tossed the phone back on the ground before her, rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes – tried to imagine the best possible outcome in a cloud of madness.

BOOM!

“Oh my God! Someone’s in the bedroom!”

AARON SNEERED, FILLED with amped enthusiasm as he snatched the gun out of Clyde’s hand.

“You ain’t good for shit, you know that? You’re a born and bred bitch. I take that back. That’s an insult to bitches all over the goddamn world.”

“Don’t shoot, Aaron! This wasn’t even my idea!” The maggot flapped his hand in front of his face, as if his palm could stop a bullet or offer any protection.

“You lyin’, slimy son of a bitch! All of this shit was your idea.” He made a wide, all-encompassing gesture with his arm.

“Who told you where I was at, huh? Let me guess… It was someone who just recently lost a court case. Yeah, that sounds about right. Let me tell you somethin’, Clyde. I was expectin’ you. You used to always tell me how paranoid I was, but not one thing that I dreamed up did not materialize. And now here you are, in the stinkin’ flesh. You’re trespassing… on my land, with guns drawn. Now Clyde, we go way back, don’t we, boy? You know how this works. I’m gonna have to send you back to your maker.”

“Aaron, come on!” the man pleaded as he waved shaky hands in his direction. “We’re friends! We were just gonna scare you a little! Nobody was gonna get hurt!”

“Just scare me a little, huh?” He kept the gun steady on the man with one hand as he cracked a smile. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a cigarette and slid it between his hips, cocked to the side. “Nobody comes all this way just to play chicken. You’ve been tryin’ to snuff me out for a while now. You set me up.”

“What? What are you talkin’ about?” The man huffed, his eyes growing glossy with fear as he lay like a snake in the trimmed green grass.

“You tried to get me killed at that convenience store… You see, I obtained a copy of the incident and had lots of time to look over it since I’ve been living here in peace and quiet. I saw some video footage of the mornin’ Clarence approached me for a shake down. How interesting that Jacob was there, too… Now, most people don’t know who that fucker is, but I know his car, and part of it was in the damn video frame. What the hell would Jacob be doin’ clear across town?”

He watched the color drain from the man’s face.

“You hired Clarence to kill me. It was perfect, wasn’t it? Finally! A plan you could be proud of. You went and found you a goddamn loser, a flunky who was known to be reckless as hell, to take me out. You’d use my death as a catalyst to start a race riot down there in Alabama… the death of a socialist leader by a black thug, right? It would be all over the damn news! Then, that didn’t work, so what did you do? You banked on me getting fucked up and fucked over in Holman. You told lies, spread rumors, and divided the brethren. They turned on each other, and on me, too. Anyone that rallied in my favor was alienated, beaten or relieved of their duties.

“Things weren’t moving fast enough for your liking, so you kept a lot of shit goin’ in there and blamed it on me. You devised a brand new plan since Clarence ended up on the hurtin’ end of the stick. You hoped Clarence would die so my charges would change from assault to murder. You did all of this from afar; now that, I’ll give you credit for. That was ingenious, Clyde. Problem was, you didn’t bank on me still havin’ so many supporters, even after all the lies you told on me. I still get fan e-mails, you stinkin’ son of a bitch! You underestimated the prison code of conduct, and that has led to your downfall.

“Thanks to some of those inmates you thought would turn on me, they ended up stayin’ in my corner, just pretending to be down with you so they could get the money and run! Don’t nobody wanna play with you, fuck boy! ’Cept for stupid ass Winston and he ’bout as brave as a goddamn half dead jellyfish… Now here you are, in the goddamn lion’s den…I ain’t Cecil, and you ain’t no dumb-witted dentist out on an African safari.”

“Aaron, don’t!”

“You in my neck of the woods… This time, the animal known as Pike wins.” He clicked the gun. “Recite a prayer; it will be the last thing you ever say. Hopefully, my father-in-law will put in a good word for you, ’cause you gonna need a man of God, Jesus, and his disciples, his mama the virgin Mary and the three wise men to get you outta this shit right here!”

“Aaron! Please!” the man blubbered as tears streamed down his face.

“Our Father, who art in heaven… Say it, goddamn it!” Aaron screamed out, his eyes watering with insurmountable anger.

“…Our… our father, who… art in…heaven.” Clyde winced, and kept crying like a baby.

“Hallowed Be Thy name…”

“Hallowed… Aaron, God! Hallowed Be Thy name!”

“Now skip to the part where it says we forgive our trespassers.” He smirked. “It’s good you got God’s love, Clyde… ’cause I don’t forgive my trespasser, no sir! Forgiveness is set aside for people that are remorseful and really do see the error of their ways. Hell.” He chuckled. “I ain’t Mamma Mia. I’m not givin’ you nothing!”

“Aaron, PLEASE man! Come on! I’m beggin’ you!”

“I hope you enjoyed your brief stay in Flatwood, West Virginia. You have reached your final motherfuckin’ destination…”

BAM!

“AHHHHHH!” MIA SCREAMED out when someone rattled and knocked against the closet door, screaming obscenities.

She listened intensely as a fight ensued, and she heard people grunting and bodies bumping about.

“Shit!” someone screamed out, and then, a gun went off.

“Oh my God!” She clasped her hands over her mouth. “Aaron!”

She looked down at her watch. It had been nineteen minutes. She picked up the phone, but before she could dial, she heard him say, “I was almost late. Sorry, honey,” he said calmly. “Keep that door closed and locked…need a couple more minutes. Daddy’s got to take the trash out… I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Two more gunshots rang out and then, complete silence. Slowly, she rose to her feet and tiptoed to the closet door. Resting both hands against it, she waited for her man to return, to get her, to make all of this madness make sense.

Of one thing, she was certain. She’d survived some sort of war, and her lover, her husband, and the father of her unborn child made sure he was the last one standing, just as he’d promised…

THE MOON WAS creamy white, bright as a fractured comet and swollen as if it had swallowed a million stars. Aaron stood there looking at the fresh piles of dirt – four, to be exact. He jammed his heavy shovel into the freshly turned over soil and leaned on it as he unhurriedly crossed his ankles. The odor of thick, sluggish earthworms crawling about from the recent rain flooded his nostrils. Foghat’s ‘Slow Ride’ played on his tiny, static battery operated radio that he’d placed down beside him in the desolate area. He leisurely took a puff of his cigarette, tapped his dusty combat boot covered foot to the beat then flicked the cigarette a few feet away, its glowing orange light still burning, gasping for its last smoky breath as it landed on moist soil and extinguished itself.

He gathered his weathered, stained thoughts as if they were pieces to a puzzle and came to a decision. His tongue slid across his teeth, real slow. On an exhale, his reached for his phone and dialed the number. The thing rang and rang, until finally, a sleepy voice answered.

“Hi Sarah!” he said merrily, feeling much obliged as he placed his hand upon his hip and gazed up at the universe. “I bet you’re shocked as shit to hear from me, aren’t you, baby?!”

“…What are you… what are you talkin’ about? Do you know what time it is?”

“Yes, I know what time it is… time to take out the trash. All of ’em are dead, okay?” He smiled into the phone as a wave of peace coated him nice and thick like a blanket. “Clyde, Winston, Jacob and some big fucker I don’t even know.”

There was a brief silence, and then a full force eruption like thunder beating against a tin roof.

“What have you done?!” she screamed out, her voice shrill. He heard something topple over and break, as if she’d knocked a lamp upon the ground and shattered into a million pieces.

I’ve broken lamps, too…

“What have I done? I’ll tell you what I’ve done, sweetheart. Oh, wait a minute; ‘Night Moves’ by Bob Seger is playin’!” He paused and began snapping his finger, the tune sending him down memory lane. “My sweet Patti used to play this all the time! Anytime I took care of business, that’s what I’ve done, too,” he said matter-of-factly as he continued to bob his head and dance about. “You knew you were sendin’ these guppies into the shark tank, didn’t you, darling? But you were so hell-bent on revenge, bein’ silly and butthurt that you didn’t think this through.”

“Aaron, tell me what you’ve done!”

“Oh, I didn’t do shit. You did this… all of this. You gave that man my address, he brought some friends, so now, their blood is on your hands.”

“I did not give anyone your address!” Her voice trembled.

“Why, sure you did! You were always such a liar. That’s another thing I hated about you. See, I’m an asshole and I own up to that. I’m wild, uncontrollable, enjoy physical confrontations, and maybe you were right, I am a psychopath. I’m insane; that much is true, honey. My wife thinks I’m a good guy. I’m tryin’ but people like you make it so goddamn hard!”

He burst out laughing as he cocked his head back and spit a loogie on one of the bodies loosely wrapped up in thin linens, now stained in blood.

“I’ll do just about anything to make her happy, so I’ll keep tryin’… but all efforts will have to stop at least for tonight. Now look, back on topic. No one is goin’ to ever find them. I’m puttin’ ’em in a special place and sooner rather than later, they’ll be wild boar food. I gotta dig these ditches though; wouldn’t want for a fisherman to see these bastards just lyin’ about out here. This way, the boars will get a whiff, come runnin’, and I get left the hell alone. I’ll come back soon after and cart away the bones. Now, you of all people should know I’m a pro at this.” He cackled.

“Oh my God, you’re crazy! You’re fuckin’ crazy! I’m calling the police.”

“And tell ’em what, Sarah?” He plucked his shovel from the saturated ground as a light drizzle began and started to dig, dig, and dig once again while he cradled the phone in the crook of his neck. “That a money hungry, bitter, unemployed drunk who just lost custody of her daughter due to neglect gave confidential information to my enemies and their frontrunner came onto my land without permission, armed and dangerous, and then disappeared into thin air? No bodies, no evidence, no witnesses. Your word is as good as a water balloon shootin’ out of a canyon. Now, you got what you wanted, okay? Don’t be angry because the outcome didn’t suit you.” He paused, placed the shovel back down, and took a deep breath. “You failed.”

“I’m calling—”

“Who? are you goin’ to call now, darlin’? Ghostbusters?” He laughed a mirthless laugh. “They can come get these spirits of these bastards… But yeah, you could send more brothers, and then they’ll be dead, too. You fucked with a king-sized motherfucker and lost. Accept it! If you call the police, you’ll just make a bunch of trouble for yourself. Now, I suggest you let this whole little thing go, so that no one else gets hurt. Our daughter will be living here soon, and in your own fucked up way, I know you think you love her. So, I recommend you let her live in peace…with stability for a change.”

“You just shot and killed your brothers and you want to talk to me about stability?!”

“No, YOU just shot and killed your brothers. They came to a party they weren’t invited to, so I sent them on their way with parting gifts. Now, just in case you get some liquid courage, even after all that has happened, let me explain to you just how motivated I am. You know that I love my kid; you always accused me of loving Laura, but never really loving you. Well, I got another one comin’…”

He could hear the woman’s breathing accelerate.

“Things have gotten even more serious. The game changer is that she’s carryin’ my son now and you know firsthand how protective I am over my children, Sarah. I’m a damn good father, and you know it. I’m not fuckin’ around with you, you hear me?! You better know and understand that shit! I taught you good, but you learned that the hard way.”

“She’s…”

“Yeah, she’s pregnant, Sarah. She’s goin’ to have my baby. That baby is innocent and didn’t deserve to be dragged in your shit. You sent men shootin’ around my goddamn house while my ol’ lady is in there pregnant! Bullets were flyin’ too close for comfort around my unborn child! You can hate me, you can hate her, but that baby didn’t deserve this!”

The Grateful Dead hummed ‘Touch of Grey’ as emotions roiled inside him.

“What you’d think was goin’ on over here, huh? That we just slept next to each other, on our backs, stiff as boards, and holdin’ hands? No ma’am! I make love to that woman every chance I get… and you know I make sure I get a lot of chances…I’m certain you remember how I was…” He plunged his fist into the air as if fucking for dear life, getting a kick out of it all.

Though he couldn’t see her, he was certain that revelation of a woman bearing his child made Sarah even angrier than the dead men, their bloodied and bruised bodies still warm in the near distance.

“You tried to take her away from me, ruin everything… You sent guys here to kill us all because I got Laura and your money train is over. Our Laura is goin’ to have a little brother soon so you better be on your best fuckin’ behavior from this day forward because if you pull anything like this again,” he said, pointing at nothing in particular, “or even if I hear a rumor of you kickin’ up dust, some things are goin’ to happen, Sarah… some real fucked up, ugly, evil things. And yeah, I’m threatenin’ you, bitch.”

At that, he disconnected the call and slid the phone back in his pocket. On a sigh, he picked up his shovel again and continued to dig to the tune of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Free Bird’. A nice breeze blew to help cool him down a bit. He smiled as the music played.

Hey Mama… Patti, I miss ’nd love you! This was your song, wasn’t it?! You’d play this day ’nd night! You were a rock ’n roll DJ. Helped me appreciate the classics.

He tossed more dirt to the side as the fresh scent of death perfumed the stagnant, muggy air around him. As he peered around, he could almost hear the hogs on their way for their breakfast…

The Appalachian Mountains were particularly beautiful at sunrise; he’d be home just in time to see it.

You always told me that a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and I’m doin’ it. Some would say I’m evil, the Devil himself. I’ve been called better, I’ve been called worse, but I know you’d say I’m just perfect the way I am. Thank you for teaching me how to go from being a boy to being a man. Thank you for being my true mother. Motherhood is a beautiful thing. Isn’t it, Mama? Somethin’ to be cherished and protected… Yeah, I’m your son, and I know I’ve made you proud…

THE MAN KNELT low, dipped his thick fingers in the fragrant, bubbly water, then looked up at her, sporting the most peaceful, serene smile that one could imagine. Aaron ran a slow hand over his thighs, wiping away the moisture from his palm over his jeans.

“The water is perfect.” He then rose to his feet, took her hand, and helped her in the garden bathtub. “Watch your step, baby…”

He placed one hand at the base of her abdomen and the other at her lower back as she gripped the edges of the tub and lowered down into the warm liquid.

Alina Baraz & Galimatias’ ‘Can I’ played softly, adding to the ambiance of pink candles that flickered about the bathroom. The water sloshed back and forth as Mia got comfortable, still trying to calm her rattled nerves from the recent violent events. She’d seen nothing, but she’d heard it all…

For half the morning, she was placed in isolation. She’d been carried like a precious jewel down into their basement while her husband cleaned, ran the vacuum, bleached, painted, and moved about in a frenzy from the sound of things above her head. He’d initially removed her from the bedroom closet, blindfolded her, carried in his arms down to the cellar, removed the scarf, then handed her a cup of tea and a television remote. Soon, the house smelled of assorted cleaning agents, and she soon discovered the dining room rug had been removed and replaced with something elegant and lush. Every hour he’d go down to check on her, bring her food, and reassure her that everything would be okay. He was so calm, so fine with it all, and in that, she did find a sense of peace. She’d entered into another world, one where men behaved as beasts, but Aaron stood by his word. He finally brought her back upstairs and told her he wanted to give her a little unwind. So, he ran a bath and poured her a glass of non-alcoholic wine…

As she sat in the tub, she stared into his eyes, feeling a sense of urgency. She grabbed his arm.

“Aaron…what…did you do?”

“Baby,” he said seriously, “when the Devil comes knockin’ to reclaim a lost soul, he doesn’t come to go back home empty-handed. I had to take care of business.” He leisurely handed her a loofah.

“Those men were National Socialists, weren’t they?” She ran a slightly shaky hand up her arm and observed the white suds sluggishly flowing down her flesh.

“Yes.” He gingerly reached behind her, pulled her hair up and tied it in a ponytail. “They were on our private property. I had the right to shoot them. And before you ask – no, the police would have been the last resort. I can’t have the police involved in this, baby. Look at my record.

“There are people that want me in prison for the rest of my natural born life. This would ensure it! No one is goin’ to take my word for it, I have a history.” He crossed his arms and leaned over the side of the tub, staring into her eyes. “And I need my daughter, Mia, and she needs me, too. Laura can’t live with her mother; nothing and nobody is gonna mess up me gettin’ custody of my child and this situation would have fucked everything up if the law got wind of it. My number one priority is protecting you, my daughter, and my unborn child. I told you I got this. My word is bond, and my bond is my word of honor…”

Chapter Eighteen

…Two weeks later

THE ‘SOUL INSCRIPTIONS’ business hours sign rocked back and forth as the door slowly closed behind him. Aaron pressed a palm to his nostrils, blocking for a second the overly sweet scent of patchouli and jasmine incense. Van Halen’s ‘Jamie’s Crying’ played on, making him feel as if he were in the back of Patti’s truck, jammed between a few cartons of cigarettes she was illegally selling out of her home and a bunch of stolen jugs of whiskey she planned to sell to the local bars.

Aaron tossed his black leather jacket over his shoulder and ran his hand over his freshly buzzed head. He didn’t miss the stares as he slowly stomped through, his thick chain rattling on his jeans’ back pockets. He’d worn a white tank top, slightly torn jeans, and his damn pride. His tattoos all up and down his arms were showcased. What point was there in trying to hide them now?

He hoped he and those images would soon be parting ways. He smirked as people moved about, some like they were going to piss themselves. Suddenly a tall, thin man with a large, black, sloppy bun atop his head and a pencil shoved through it like some bone approached him and extended his hand. They shook hands, and then the man brought him close and gave him a fast hug, shocking the hell out of him.

“What’s up, man. I take it you’re Aaron?” he joked, knowing full well who he was.

Aaron smiled as he looked around the place and then back at him. “Yeah…I’m Aaron Pike.”

“Come on back to my private room, okay? You’re attracting some attention you don’t need.” Julian Savant winked and grabbed a large black and amethyst velvet bag of what Aaron assumed were supplies.

Aaron trailed behind him. The man unlocked a door and led him inside, closing and locking the thing back behind them. “Have a seat.”

Van Halen kept crooning…

Aaron sat down upon a black leather stool and rubbed the clamminess on his palms off on his jeans. He took a look at the artwork, expansive mirrors, and a few bottles of what looked like herbs of some sort.

He’s a fuckin’ hippie; a talented hippie, but a crunchy granola eater all the same…

He chuckled to himself.

“So, I spoke to Milan. She and Mia are out shopping still. That means we’ll never see them again.” Julian burst out laughing and shook his head. “She was so happy to see your wife again as I’m sure you saw. It’s been a long time. They’re good friends. I’ve heard about Mia every day since the moment they got back in touch.”

Aaron nodded and leaned back a bit, itching for a cigarette – but he heeded the, ‘No Smoking’ sign on the door.

“You alright, man?” Julian asked, his pierced brow raised as he moved about the room, preparing his works along the tray like some skilled surgeon. Fleetwood Mac now blasted ‘The Chain’ in his ears.

“Yeah… just eager to do something about this shit, man.” He sighed. “A little distracted I guess. I’m grateful to be here, glad that you decided to at least take a look.”

“Of course, man. I live for things like this. I cleared the entire weekend for you… knew you had quite a few that needed to be addressed.”

“Thanks. I’m not sure if anything can be done at all, actually.”

Julian nodded. “Well, let’s see. I’ve only seen a handful of tattoos that I could do absolutely nothing with, in regards to a cover up. Take your shirt off. Anything on your legs?” He turned away, gathering more materials.

“Yeah, my right calf, the side of my foot. My neck…” He pointed to the swastikas by his damn jugular. “They’re the ones I worry about most.”

“What’s that zipper tattoo on you mean to you? What does it represent?” Julian asked as he ran water in a small pitcher.

“It means I’m a creation of Frankenstein, an abomination. Not human, piecemealed together, pretending to have a conscience. It means that I don’t feel anything… ’cause I don’t. And when you look inside me, unzip me, you never know what you’re going to find…”

They looked at one another for a spell before Julian turned away once again.

“I want to keep that one; it reminds me of where I came from. I never want to forget.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. It looks good actually, and the spiritual implications of that are wise. Whoever made that did a respectable job.”

Aaron nodded in agreement.

“Alright, you already sent me photos of your body art, and I’ve got some ideas based on our conversations on the phone.” He walked up to him and looked him over, placing a latex-gloved hand against his skin, examining each and every piece of work on his body. “Damn.” Julian grimaced as he got up close and personal, his dark brows bunched. “Some of these are layered over and over… like the artist was doing touch ups every damn few months. This is crazy. Look, the ink is so damn dark that I’m goin’ to have to get pretty creative… I can’t just blend and shade some of these out; I’ll have to use the lines as part of the pivotal parts of the design. No problem, though. I’ll figure it out. Now.” He stood back erect and looked down at him. “When we spoke on the phone, you said that you’re into your heritage, which I understand to be English, right?”

“Yeah, I traced my family tree some years ago. My biological mother and father are both descendants of the Kingdom of Essex.”

“I see you know your history… makes sense considering your background.”

“Yes, I had a DNA test done, too. There’s a little Welsh in my bloodline, obviously from the U.K., too, and a touch of Russian, but it’s mostly English.”

“Okay, got it. I know your interests also revolve around your beautiful wife and your daughter.” Aaron nodded in agreement. “You love your job…run your own business, like me.” He grinned.

“Yup. I take a lot of pride in my family and my work.”

“I’m sure you do. And you’ve got a baby on the way… Congrats, man.” They slapped hands, real easy like.

“Thank you. I’m looking forward to him being born.” He couldn’t hide his smile. Every time he thought about his son growing inside of Mia, he couldn’t contain his exuberance.

“Okay.” Julian stated on a heavy sigh. “You have several swastikas, the huge Nazi war eagle, the SS bolts, Hitler’s portrait, the SS death head, the sun cross, the iron cross, and the Valknot which will be the most difficult to cover due to all of the red around it and intricate details.”

“How’d you know what they all are, I mean the exact name? You don’t seem to be the type that would know this sort of a thing?” Aaron smirked as he stood and slid his pants down so the man could see his legs, too.

“Man, I live in Georgia!” They both burst out laughing. “No, seriously, I’ve seen some here and there. I study and read a lot, too, Aaron. Learning is a hobby of mine.”

We’ve got something in common…

“Knowing about things is important, even about dogmata we may not agree with.”

“I totally agree with you there. I’m the exact same way.”

“You by far have the most professional ones I’ve ever seen though.” The man cocked his head to the side and nodded, as if mulling over his statement. “I can tell that someone took pleasure in their work when they did them for you. All of your tattoos are well drawn, and for the most part, accurate in dimension and detail. I’m used to seeing the racially motivated prison tattoos…or the ones that keep tally of the, well, let’s call them the dearly departed… like those swords on your abdomen…”

Aaron slowly looked down at the nine small swords…

…Add five more…

“I take it you want those covered up as well?” Julian asked as he tore a couple of paper towels off a larger roll, appearing not at all uneasy with what was transpiring.

“Yeah…”

They both paused to study each another.

“Look, I’m not going to ask you the details, try to get you to incriminate yourself. We both know what they are,” Julian said. “I accept that you’ve made amends for the situation, I don’t know your complete story but unfortunately, with extremists such as yourself, this is common. Very few things surprise me anymore, Aaron. We all have our prices to pay…”

Aaron traced the blades of the swords…

“Hold up.” Julian briefly closed his eyes and waved his arm around like some referee. “In some strange way, you kinda still want them, don’t you?” Julian sat down in a seat and rolled over to him. Leaning forward, he rested his hands under his chin, similarly to the way Dr. Owens would.

Aaron just kept on staring back at him, then cracked his knuckles and turned away.

“It’s okay, man. What we talk about stays right between these four walls.” A few moments of silence passed.

“Yeah, I kind of still want them.”

Julian slowly nodded. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Can we have a discussion? I’m talking real talk. Man to man.”

“Maybe. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, you already know my background. I explained it to you over the phone. I’ve been doin’ what I do for a long ass time, Aaron. I meet all sorts of people. I can read people. Not read minds or anything like that, but I’m in tune with human pain…and you, my friend, are a pain junkie.”

“What do you mean by pain junkie?”

“You enjoy violence of an extreme nature. Death to you is like life for others. You find peace in it, passion. Your wires are crossed. That makes you dangerous because you’re also intelligent.”

Aaron huffed and turned away. “You must be Dr. Owens’ son…”

“Who?”

“Never mind. Continue. This is kind of interesting, actually.”

“You strike me as someone with a military background. Is that true?”

“No, though I had considered it when I was younger.”

“You’ve been told that before though, haven’t you? Several times, perhaps more.”

“Yes.”

“You have a disturbing quiet about you, even when you’re roaring inside. I can tell that you are precise, accurate, and controlled. Once you figure out how you’re going to handle something, you follow it to the letter. You’re a plotter, a schemer and manipulator. You have an assassin’s mind. You will stop at nothing to get what you want.”

Aaron clicked his tongue against his tooth as he smirked and enjoyed the man’s profiling that brought all his darkness to the fore.

“Don’t they call that a type A personality?” He grinned, knowing full well what Julian was getting at.

“No, Aaron. This goes way beyond that.” The man’s brows rutted as if he’d suddenly realized he sat in the presence of a demon. “You scare people, not just because of the way you look, but because of the energy you put out. It’s precise, yet scattered. It’s functional, yet useless. You are a contradiction, which draws people to you, as well as terrifies and repulses them. And that’s just how you like it…”

“If that is in fact who I am, then why would you agree to do this for me, huh?” He grimaced and threw up his hands. “Money is obviously not the incentive. You’ve got a waiting list that goes out over a year. You’ve been featured in countless magazines now; you don’t need someone like me.”

“Because my energy is attracted to yours right now, so that means I’m supposed to be here, and so are you.” He bumped his fingertips together. “We are to learn something from one another. It is no coincidence that Mia and Milan know one another and that led us to meet. It is no coincidence that one of the most dangerous minds in this country is sitting in my parlor.”

“Dangerous mind?” Aaron chuckled. “You give me far too much credit, man.”

“No, I don’t give you enough. You know that you’re powerful, but you don’t think about it anymore – it’s just second nature. You have a disconnect between your conscious and your spirit.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you are able to turn off empathy, Aaron. That would make the tattoo of the zipper on your shoulder real. That’s why I’m glad that you’re keeping it… it will always be a part of you. It should remind you to be more humane, more loving. But here is the funny thing about a zipper – it can go up, lock off the rest of the world, or it can come down, and let love and light in. It’s never permanent…”

“Well, mine’s stuck.”

Julian burst out laughing. “A born and bred slayer with a sense of humor… gotta love it.” He shook his head. “Hey, when is your birthday?”

Aaron cocked his head to the side, puzzled by the question, but answered it nevertheless. “May 21st.”

“Oh…my…word. Shit!” Julian cracked up and slapped his knee as if he’d been told something truly outstanding. “No wonder. You’re a Gemini on a Taurus cusp.”

“I don’t pay attention to shit like that. What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you are the zodiac communicator. When war is about to strike, you either calm the masses or drive them into a frenzy. No one can beat you at this; you were born into it. You are the king of this sort of thing. You lead with words and then orchestrate your will in a deceptively beautiful way. Some philosophies call it the ‘Dictator Mind.’ You control others by making them believe they are in their own jurisdiction, when it in fact it would be you pulling the strings the entire time. You’re a puppeteer, and your tongue, your slick vernacular, are the strings you use to pull your marionettes in the direction you want them to go. People like you typically are created due to trauma in their youth.”

“Interesting…you sure Mia hasn’t been tellin’ your wife my business?” Aaron smirked.

“Positive! I promise you that I am just standing here, picking these things up on my own.”

Aaron cleared his throat and sat a bit straighter. “So, tell me more about the astrology aspect.”

“You are the only cusp that, through verbal word, or rather, song, speech, or poetry, can influence great masses with little to no effort. It is your second nature, so if something, say, terrible happened to you as a kid, you will use this in the same way to cope. Once you realize it works, you will remember it, perfect it, and continue using your powers of persuasion. Does any of this make sense to you or do you think I’m grasping at straws?”

“Julian, I have no reason to really think you’re blowin’ smoke up my ass. I said kind of as a joke earlier that I don’t pay attention to this sort of thing, when in fact, I just don’t know enough about it to say either way.”

Julian nodded in understanding. “Fair enough. Thank you for your honesty.”

“Of course. What I can say is that while I was involved with the Socialist Movement, yes, it was my job to discuss crucial matters with large audiences and enforce our will in as quiet a way as possible. What you’re describing is what was happening. I also learned during my time in prison, while seeing a psychiatrist, that this was a gift of mine. I’d agree that I’ve always had it. I hid the fact that I used to like to write things, stories, ideas, and thoughts out on paper. I didn’t want to be made fun of, so I kept it to myself.”

Julian crossed his arms but said nothing.

“What you are saying makes sense and is detailed enough for me to believe that it wasn’t just a lucky guess. I’ll have to check into this astrology shit you like.”

Julian grinned at him—a type of smile like Mia’s, warm and inviting. Oh Wonder’s ‘Body Gold’ snuck its sly musical notes through the speakers just then…

“Now, let’s talk about these tattoos from a psychological standpoint. These artistic displays are important to you, even right now at this moment. So even though you want them covered up, to be gone, this is still sort of like a funeral, a memorial if you will. They were a part of you.”

“Hmmm.” Aaron slowly nodded. “That makes sense. I didn’t think of it that way. What else do you think of me, Julian? The narcissist in me gets off on it.”

Julian turned away and reached into a basket. When he turned back around, he was lighting a stick of incense.

Oh, I can’t smoke in here but you can light THAT shit?

“You want me to keep doin’ tricks, pulling facts about you out of some hat?” he teased.

“Yeah, because I’m severely self-absorbed and I enjoy it when people talk about me.” He shrugged. “Whether it’s good or bad doesn’t make me any difference. I own it…”

Silence stretched for a bit between them.

“Aaron, you are one of the oddest, yet most captivating men I’ve ever met, and since I’m the weirdest motherfucker in the state of Georgia, that worries me.” They both burst out laughing once again.

“Okay, here’s another one,” he obliged. “You’re also a born playboy.”

“Okay.” Aaron shook his head and put his hand up. “Now I’m not going to try and pretend that I haven’t screwed my fair share. Yeah, I got around but that’s not my nature. I’m not a playboy, Julian. It happened because I couldn’t find anyone that suited me, not because I actually enjoyed bein’ that way.”

“No, wait. Hear me out. What I’m sayin’ is that women are attracted to you, very fascinated by you because you represent what is forbidden, wrong, sinful. Like I said, you were born like this; you didn’t have to work at it, so it breathes authenticity. It kind of reminds me of the story of Adam and Eve. Adam was loving but Eve got curious and met someone…the snake. The snake represents the bad boy, the serpent. That’s a phallic symbol, too, and an apple represents life and female fertility… But anyway, the serpent seduced her, so she, in turn, seduced Adam, tried to turn him into the serpent, only in human form. She wanted him to be that bad boy, so what did she do?” He shrugged. “She did what many women who don’t have a bad boy as a boyfriend or husband, but secretly crave one, do – they cheat on the good boy, or they try to change him into it.”

“I’ve never heard of that biblical story described that way before. Hmmm, interesting.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s how I see it. Seduction is an art and an addiction. Once you get a taste, it’s craved. You are naturally seductive to the opposite sex, Aaron. How in the hell do you think a woman like Mia, of all people, would even give you a chance based on your checkered past and background? It’s the magnetism, the charm, and your natural skill at the art of seduction. Now please don’t take this the wrong way. I’ve not met your wife yet, but I bet she is a good girl attracted to bad boys. She’s struggled with it because she struggles with traditional values versus what she really wants, and they don’t always match up. But it is what it is.”

Aaron lowered his head and ran his fingers across his chin, then burst out into fits of mirth. Julian joined in.

“Yeah, I’m right. No worries; my wife has a touch of that, too.” He grinned. “As soon as you walked in here, everyone looked at you. You command attention based on what I’ve been tellin’ you.”

“I know what you’re talking about,” Aaron said. “You have it, too, just differently.”

“Yes, yes, I do, but mine is a different brand, an acquired taste. Yours is more universal. Also, you have some mama issues. That attracts even more women because they want to nurture you, make it better.”

“You some hippie psychic?”

They both burst out laughing again.

“I’m eating up all your time with all of this… but this really interests me, the stuff you’re saying.”

“It should, because you are still trying to get to know yourself. Your life is completely different than what it was just a few years ago, man. That’s big. That’s why you’re here, in my parlor, doing this. You fell in love, and everything changed.”

Aaron rolled the information around in his mind, bouncing it like a ball. “Sometimes I still wake up surprised that this all happened – you know, my wife.” He shook his head. “I would have never believed it. Julian, I was so indoctrinated and deep in my beliefs, I look back and wonder how in the world I ever got out of all of that. It took experiences that happened at the perfect time, man.” He gestured as he spoke, illustrating his point. “Back to back! It was like I was being chipped away, hammered on, worn down.”

“Your soul was begging for freedom, man. But this, you know, what happened to you doesn’t surprise me and I’ll tell you why. You like diversity, so, this whole white supremacy thing you were going through would have ended sooner or later, because you can’t marry anything that is not aligned with your true nature.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You’re naturally attracted to your polar opposite, Aaron.” The man took his seat once again. “Like nobility is attracted to corruption, black to white, and so on and so forth. A Gemini Taurus cusp is notorious for this. Speaking of notorious, did you know that the rapper, Notorious B.I.G., shares your birthday?”

“No, because I don’t know who that is.” Aaron shook his head.

Julian nodded in understanding. “Look.” He clasped his hands together as if he were about to pray. “When you get time, listen to some of his music. Listen to the lyrics. The man predicted his own death, Aaron, and in some ways, you’ve done the same – witnessed the death of your old self. You are rarely broadsided; you knew these things were coming down the pike, pardon the pun. You just didn’t know how to stop it, or even if you wanted it stopped.”

“Damn, you’re good!” Aaron said, truly amazed. “I could talk to you for hours, man.”

“The feeling is mutual, and hopefully tonight we can all go out to eat and share some stories, get to know one another better.”

“So tell me more about this rapper.”

“He said things in a way that most rappers during his time were not. He has an album that went certified diamond, which is a big damn deal! He could move people. He was physically large, deemed unattractive, but had women all over him. It was because of his energy, his aura. You’ve got that same power, only more so, because you would be considered attractive due to your build, your facial structure, and height.”

“Don’t tell me some shit like that while my pants are down,” Aaron teased. “Sittin’ here in my boxers and you’re tellin’ me I’m attractive. I’m not really tryin’ to hear that.”

Julian cackled loudly.

“See? That’s what I’m talkin’ about… charming, funny, an air about you. You can turn on charm like a light switch, and you’re emotionally damaged, which unfortunately draws female attention even more so because women are natural fixers, just like I had stated. They want to heal the world.”

“…Not all women.”

Julian indicated his agreement, giving respect. He knew what Aaron was referring to; there was no need to say it.

“You’re right, excuse me. I’ll rephrase. Most women are natural fixers. Some women are attracted to bad men – thugs, if you will. It’s not because they necessarily want to get hurt, but because they want to heal that man. Women are fed spiritually by healing others and there is a sense of protection that goes along with that.

“The one healed is supposed to be in debt to the healer, giving her a promise of devotion, adoration, and love. Tough men are seen as more shielding, which sweetens the pot. You represented the best of both worlds. You could be articulate and kind when necessary, and mean and dirty in the next second, too. Keep in mind.” Julian raised his finger. “You are a Gemini, so there are always two sides to you. You don’t show both parts of you to the public. Only people you trust completely are allowed to witness this duality, because it is the key to who you are and what you are capable of, as well as it showcases your strengths and vulnerabilities.

“You are the quintessential example of light versus dark living within one person. We usually attract our likeness or something opposite to us, all of us do. You, on the other hand, attract both.”

This is what Patti meant by old souls. She used to tell me I was one all the time.

Aaron was feeling things he’d never experienced in his entire life. Julian was a person he’d never believed existed, kind of like Mia. The odd man had insight and an easygoing way about him, but he could sense they were kindred souls. Julian had a temper, could get angry and strike out. He was also protective over those he loved. He knew his own kind…

It wasn’t that what he was witnessing was an act; it was simply Julian’s duality, just as he, too, possessed the same. Julian was an artist, one of the most gifted ones in the entire country, possibly the world. He could render the type of precision and genius via ink that other tattoo artists could only dream of. He was a free spirit.

“I can learn a lot from you,” Aaron blurted out.

Julian paused and looked at him. “I know. And I can learn from you, too. I already am. I told you we met for a reason: to learn lessons.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I’ve always wanted a family, man. A real family. I never had that growing up.”

“You crave stability in your relationships. You’re attracted to your opposite, Aaron, because you were unstable, and you recognized this, so the opposite of you would help you get even, to finally find balance. I bet you’ve always been this way; you just may have been lying to yourself.”

“So, uh, have you always been attracted to black women?” Aaron asked as he watched the man stand up and lay a towel over the bench table.

“Yes. I’m attracted to all races of women, period. I never had a preference in that regard. It was more of a body type for me versus a race, complexion, anything like that.”

“Oh, I see.” He crossed his arms. “Damn, this was a really good discussion.”

“It was. Let’s go ahead and get started though. We can take up the rest of this discussion later.”

“What do you have for me?”

“Well, I did some mock-up drawings last night and now that I’ve seen you in person, I think they are do-able with a little tweaking.” Julian released a drawer and retrieved a pad of paper. He opened it up, then handed it to Aaron.

“Here’s what I think we can do…”

“Ho-ly SHIT!”

“You like them?” The man’s face split in a grin.

“Man!” Aaron stood to his feet and grabbed the bastard to give him a big hug. “You are about to make me…man! You got all of this from our phone calls, and the consultation?! That’s incredible.”

Julian laughed lightly and pointed to the table.

“Go on and lie down. Let’s start with your back since it has the biggest tattoo and will take the longest. All of this work will take about three to four days… You game?” Julian sat down as Aaron reclined on the padded table and focused on a mirror that lay straight ahead.

“I have to do it. I want to do it…get rid of everything but the zipper.”

“Do you mind if I touch the zipper up a bit?” Julian asked as he poured rubbing alcohol into a shallow dish.

“Nope, not at all.”

“Alright, do you want an aspirin or anything before we get started?”

“No. I want it to hurt. I want to feel everything. That’s what lets me know I’m alive. As you said, I’m a pain addict. I need this. Make me bleed… I’m just now starting to allow myself to feel again… I want to keep on feeling, letting my wife in so I can be a good husband to her and an even better father to my children. I need it, man, a reminder that I’m human… That it’s okay to care, to want more, and to love…

Chapter Nineteen

MARCUS PUSHED HIS little girl on her bike. The thing swayed roughly from left to right, then went straight.

“You got it, April!” He jumped up and high-fived the air as he watched his angel make her way down the sidewalk all by herself on her brand new pink and white bicycle. She’d been so afraid before, but today was her day. He glanced back at his new house, where, through the window, he could see his woman sitting on the couch with the remote in her hand and a glass of water in the other. His heart swelled with pride at the sight. Finally… she can rest, have days off…

The move had proved to be the best thing for them. Gina remained resistant until he came clean and told her the whole, sordid truth. After he’d confessed, she needed no further convincing. She got a new nursing job, and it paid double what she made back home, working less hours. April was going to a better school, and he was using his degree – even decided to take up classes in management so that one day, he could own his own computer repair company.

He looked up at the sky, blinking one eye at the blinding sun. It was cold, but he felt warm within, for the brightest star in the sky still shined down on him. He missed home—he wasn’t going to lie—but he was cool with this, too. Matter of fact, he was better than cool with it. His small world ceased to exist as it had previously. The world kept spinning, but everything remained the same, though in some odd way, life became renewed.

He’d gotten word that Go-Go had gotten shot and died on the damn spot. Someone robbed him and sprayed his chest with bullets. Marcus shed a few tears in honor of the Go-Go he remembered from his teenage years—the guy with brains and heart. But then, just like so many caught up in the glitter and illusions of the street life, he was sucked up and away, and the old him lived no more. No one knew who did it, or they just weren’t saying a damn thing as they spent up the man’s blood money. Terence was in jail for a D.U.I. and Corey was still, well, Corey…

Just then, April barreled towards him.

“Daaaadddddy!” Her dark pigtails flopped about.

“Slow down!” He moved out of the way just in time and fell onto his ass as he did. The little girl kept on going down the sidewalk, laughing her head off.

She.was.free.

Gina, his queen, the ruler of his heart, had been emancipated…

And now, that meant he was, too…

THE BEDROOM PROVED strangely colder than usual. The late autumn had definitely bitten West Virginia and left the apple trees in a nearby orchard frost bitten. Matter of fact, autumn had been forsaken as well. The fall had been pushed aside, cut short. French kissed by Old Man Winter, who’d brought forth his icy affections, arriving at the party entirely too soon. Back home was still warm, or at least the Alabama forecast showed as much.

They’d just arrived back from their five-day trip. No, not to Alabama, but to heal in a different sort of way. She missed Georgia already. It was so nice to see Milan, hold her little girl, and meet her husband, Julian.

Much to her surprise, Julian and Aaron really hit it off; so much so, the two promised to keep in contact. Julian was a laid back fellow, easy going, good looking, and a great listener and conversationalist. It was at times hilarious to see the two talking about the oddest of things, from the legalization of marijuana to the reign of Hitler. She and Aaron were experiencing new things together as a couple, growing into their own. Along with that came a new promising chapter, a fresh page to turn. Tomorrow, Laura would be arriving at their home and it would now be her home, too.

Mia’s excitement burst through the roof, and she couldn’t wait to sit the little girl down and talk to her – get to know her on a deeper, more intimate level. She’d spoken briefly to the young girl on the phone and had enjoyed their first visit, albeit brief. She had the voice of an angel and was so articulate and polite. Aaron had warned her in advance that he and Sarah had taught her things that would take some undoing. Aaron had been working on her, loving on her from afar and speaking to her daily.

It was a miracle that she was as well adjusted as she was, not poisoned with hatred and malice. How could she escape such damage? Perhaps she hadn’t, but in time, Mia hoped to be a healing aid to the seen and unseen that may dwell within the child. In Mia’s eyes, the girl was not her husband’s daughter; she was their daughter, and that was how she planned to treat her.

“What’s taking so long, honey?” She ran her hands up and down her arms as she sat inside their boudoir on the edge of the neatly made bed. Their unpacked luggage rested against a wall, and they had only been home an hour or two. She’d begged and begged, but he’d made her wait. Now, it was the time of reckoning.

“I’ll be out in a second,” Aaron called out from the bathroom. The sound of rushing water from the sink faucet soon followed.

A thick, fluffy white robe covered her body, and she could now barely get it around her protruding waist. How quickly she was showing! She’d figured her pregnancy wouldn’t be that noticeable until she’d hit the seven month mark. At least, that was what her mother suspected, but she hadn’t followed in her mother’s maternal footsteps. No, her stomach told on her, outstretched and wide, as her baby made himself nice and comfy within her.

She smiled when she felt him kick at that moment and observed her stomach wave, move and stretch as he danced about. Then, he simmered down at the touch of her hand smoothing over her taut flesh. “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake aired on the satellite radio station. Mia crossed her legs and bobbed her head to the music.

She’d begun to get into Aaron’s music stash, enjoying his hard rock, alterative music and love of 80’s and 90’s rock bands. She too shared her music, and couldn’t hold her mirth when he’d asked her out of the blue if she had any Biggie Smalls songs.

Just then, the bathroom door swung open. Aaron placed one bare foot in front of the other until he was standing before her. She looked him up and down, eager to see what lay under his dark red robe. His expression was grave, as if an announcement of great magnitude was to be reported at any moment. Reaching for his belt, he slowly untied it and let his housecoat fall softly to the ground, around his feet.

“Oh my God! No way! No way!” She gasped and placed her hands over her gaping mouth.

He’d spent the past twenty minutes carefully removing bandages and oiling his new body art, behind closed doors. And now, he presented it to her, unveiled a new man with different skin and renewed pride. He did a spin for her, his arms extended so that she could take it all in. Instead of horrid, dark Nazi images embedded in his flesh, he was a thing of majestic beauty from the top of his buzzed head to his toes. The Nazi eagle so prominently positioned upon his body was no longer carrying the swastika, gripping it tight in possessive, clenched claws. No. In its place stood a yin and yang symbol and the regal bird flew across a sky with its head held high. The iron cross was now the American flag, tied to the streamer of England, waving in the wind. He turned around, giving her another 360, this one much slower.

The black and red Valknut had become three soaring, resplendent trees surrounded by rippling water and a blazing sun. It looked so real, like a photograph… almost as if you could walk right through it. The number 14 was changed into her name, A beautiful ‘M’ was perfectly drawn in italics font, the 1 turned into an ‘I’, and the 4 turned into an ‘A’. By its side were drawn bright red irises and underneath that, the words,

My Idol Always

The various lightning bolts that dotted his body were completely covered with the sprawling artwork of other designs, beautiful images that made her heart beat like a drum. But there was one more left, one that made her eyes flood with unstoppable tears…

The sinister portrait of Hitler alongside a cracked skull that once graphitized his form, framed in miscellaneous white supremacy paraphernalia, had been coated with rich, new ink and reddened, swollen skin that would soon heal. Right there in the face of hatred, a new image appeared – there, in the darkness, stood a little boy in old-fashioned knickers and a hunting cap. Choppy dark hair sprouted from beneath the flaps and troubled light eyes the color of a freshly lit fire took over his sullen face. Over one shoulder, he was holding a rifle. He looked so lost, lonely, and worried.

His emotions were real, palpable. But on one side of him stood a female angel, an older woman with dark hair and blunt bangs. A twist of humor was woven into the image; the angel wore a Lynyrd Skynrd T-shirt, framed by her expansive wings. On the other side of the boy stood a silhouette of a woman that looked much like herself, holding a little blond haired girl’s hand while, in her other, she cradled a tiny baby. Underneath were these words written by the immortal Mahatma Gandhi…

“Where there is love there is life.”

“Aaron!” She leapt from the bed into his arms and pressed her lips firmly into his cheek. “They are perfect… just perfect. Oh my goodness… Julian is amazing.” She slowly pulled back, but left her arms loosely draped around his neck.

“He did a really good job. I’m real happy with it… real happy with it.” His lips lifted in a smile. He slipped away from her, walking backwards until he’d reached an old record player he kept in the corner of the room. Picking up an LP, he slid it from the sleeve and placed it on the record player. “Big Love” by Fleetwood Mac began to play. He turned back in her direction and pointed lazily to a chair across the way.

“Sit down.” She looked over her shoulder, then back at him. Sauntering over to the chair, she sat down on it. He stood there for a moment or two, snapped the elastic band of his underwear against his hip, then snatched the damn things off. He dropped to his knees, crawling on all fours like some hungry animal, causing her to laugh as he licked his lips…but then, he drew serious.

Her pulse accelerated as he neared, closer…closer…closer… Aaron reached her and kneeled as if she were an altar and it was time to pray. He looked into her eyes as he opened her garment, exposing her. Gripping her knees with both hands, he rubbed his face roughly up and down and across her closed thighs.

“Ahhh…” She sighed as he pushed her legs open and looked down between her legs, his chest rising and falling so fast, his expression angry, tense and hungry… And then, like a spinning top, he turned around, his back to her, lifted her legs off the chair, and jammed his tongue deep within her.

“Ahhhh! Oh shit!”

He darted in and out of her, orally fucking her with all of his might.

“Uhhhhhhh….” he moaned. His fingers dug hard into her skin as he held her in place.

Her ass rocked back and forth on the chair until she’d dripped all over the thing, her honey causing a big, nasty, deliciously erotic mess. He released one of her legs, then grabbed his thick, long cock and began to masturbate himself, heightening her excitement to levels unknown. His hand flew faster and faster up and down the shaft, the head of his cock a blur as his mouth moved harder and faster over her pussy. Without warning then, he ceased his movements, snatched her up from the chair, turned it around, and bent her over the thing, her breasts pushing into the back of it. He knocked her thighs apart.

“Mmmmmm! Aaron!”

Without a moment to lose, he plunged inside of her and pulled her hair with one hand, while gripping the front of her neck with the other. He pumped hard and deep inside of her with even, perfect strokes, making her insides shudder.

“You okay, Mia?” he asked breathlessly. “I’m not hurtin’ you, am I? Don’t want to hurt the baby…”

“No, sweetie. It’s good…feels fine.”

He increased his strokes, his chest pressing into her back as he leaned forward. He buried his face into her curls.

“I own your pussy, baby. I own your entire body. It belongs to me.” He whispered in the softest voice he probably could manage.

“Yes, you do, baby! Ahhhh!”

He administered flawless dick caresses until she trickled all over his cock, tightening over and over on his rod as her orgasm released and made her go blind with elation.

“You like how I take you whenever I want you… fuck you all over this house?!”

“Yes!”

“Mmmm! You’re my good girl, baby… Yes you are, but when I fuck you, you become so goddamn bad!”

“Yes I do, baby!”

“You like me to fuck you hard, rough and deep! Make you feel that shit!”

“It’s true!”

“You love this bad boy, dick! Uhhh!”

“Shiiit!”

“I love making love to you, baby! Can’t get enough! Uhhh!”

Suddenly she felt his hands around her breasts and he quickened the pace. Her eyes widened and she gasped as her pussy went into a frenzy of spasms. She reached behind her, latching onto his hips, palming his upper thighs, pushing him even deeper inside her.

“Uhhhhhhhh!” And then, he shot within her, his hip muscles contracting and compressing in rapid speed. Her body jarred and bounced about as he continued to thrust hard and with lightning speed, milking his dick inside of her. “Shit…” he breathed loudly, then slid from her body.

Locked in position, still coming down from her high, she heard a sound as if he’d hit the floor. Peering over her shoulder, she cracked a grin. Aaron was slumped on the floor wearing the biggest smile she’d ever seen on the man. And then, he burst out laughing as he reached upward and caressed her ankle. He winked at her.

“How many men can say that they are married to, living with, and get to sleep with their hero?”

She smiled down at the man as she tucked her leg under her behind and rested her arms on the back of the chair.

“Not many… not many at all. Yeah, you’re my Mia. Love from my life was once Missing In Action, but now, you are just like my new tattoo says: ‘my idol always’…”

Chapter Twenty

…Three months later

“AHHH!” THE PRESSURE and pain merged, stirring in her womb, creating a melee of agony that she’d never encountered in her entire life and wasn’t sure she’d survive. Mia reached for the hospital bed rail to grasp it tight. The coldness from the metal hit her nerve endings and streams of hot sweat and lukewarm, salty tears raced down her face. “Ahhhh!” She huffed, but nothing was helping. “Lamaze ain’t shit! Make it stop!”

“Mia!” Aaron called out as he turned her towards him, tried to make her focus on his eyes with the touch of a gentle hand along her chin. “You’re doin’ real good, baby; he’s almost out.” Her abdomen burned, and she now regretted forgoing the epidural, being a brave heart. Aaron Jr. was bursting into the world in a way she’d never forget. The infant was making an appearance a week early, impatient and demanding like his father, and giving her the kind of contractions earlier that morning that shook her out of a fairly sound sleep. Since then, they had not ceased, only increased in frequency and intensity.

“Ahhhh! I’m pushing!”

“Wait!” the doctor screamed out.

“No! I gotta push! I gotta push!” She released the rail and grabbed Aaron’s arm, no longer caring if she ripped the damn thing off him. After all, this was all his fault!

“Ahhhh!”

Her husband didn’t seem to mind her twisting his limb almost into a knot, and his eyes rested now on the mirror that showcased her progress as the baby’s head came in full view. “Uhhhh!” she grunted, her body feeling another burst of pressure.

“Mia, honey, he’s half out now!” Aaron exclaimed with exhilaration, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “I see him. I see our baby!”

“Mia, you’re doing great,” one of the many nurses in the room assured.

“Now go ahead and give us another good push,” the doctor requested. Without a second to lose, she did as ordered. Another wave of pain encompassed her, this one unbelievably worse than the previous.

“AHHHHHHH!” And then… the pressure was suddenly gone. The room grew quiet for a moment or two, a state soon shattered by the abrupt shrillness of a newborn baby’s cries.

“Oh my God…” she blubbered, her body shaking as she fell to pieces from the melodic sound. “My baby…he’s here!”

Aaron moved away from her side and quickly rounded the hospital bed, standing right beside the sitting doctor and towering over everyone, like a giant amongst elves. Like the bully that he was, he demanded entry, pushing himself to the forefront.

“Let me cut the cord… I want to hold my son. Come on, hurry up.” He stared down between her legs, undoubtedly focused on his newborn son as his lower lip slightly quivered with emotion. He waved his hand impatiently towards the doctor, nonverbally asking for the stainless steel surgical scissors. “Don’t just sit there… come on. I don’t have all day.” This caused a room full of chuckles.

“Mr. Pike, I’m moving as fast as I can. I was examining your wife, making sure she and the baby are okay. We need to stitch her up.” He handed Aaron the scissors, annoyance all over his face, but her husband didn’t notice or seem to care. “Okay…right there…” the doctor instructed. Aaron did as told, his eyes glossy with unspent tears.

“I, uh, got a little ahead of myself. Let Mia see him first.”

“Oh… how kind of you,” one of the nurses joked, causing everyone to laugh, including Aaron.

“I’m sorry, everybody… just a little excited.” He blushed as the nurse picked up the baby and began to clean his eyes.

“First child?” another nurse asked Aaron while she helped the doctor prepare for stitching.

“No. I have a beautiful eight-year old daughter. Her birthday just passed not that long ago, actually. But this is my first child with my wife, and my first son, too.”

She smiled and nodded, then handed Mia her baby. She tenderly cradled the sweetheart, drawing him close, taking him in.

“Ohhhh, Aaron,” she cooed, her eyes filling with joyous tears.

“He looks like both of you.” The nurse smiled as Aaron drew close and hovered above Mia. “Some say all newborns look alike, but no, you can see distinct features.”

Mia heard her husband’s nervous swallow as he looped his arm over the metal rail of the bed, his long, thick fingers dangling close to the side of her face.

“He does…” he responded. “He’s got Mia’s eyes and ears. He has my nose and lips… and a cowlick, just like I had as a little boy… And look, Mia, he’s got my chin, too.” He pointed to the slight dimple in the boy’s chin, just like his own.

Mia swiped a tear away as she stared at the perfect blessing. He had a head full of jet-black hair, and looked so serene, so peaceful. He was puffy and pale, with a slightly rosy hue. Finally, she reluctantly handed him to the nurse, who soon whisked him away to clean him down, causing another roll of cries from the poor infant.

“I’m so proud of you. You did good.” He pointed across the room, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Look what we made.” Aaron watched the nurse tending to their son as he leaned over the hospital bed, then turned back towards her.

“I know… I love him so much already!” She wiped a tear of joy from the corner of her eye with her knuckle.

“He’s…he’s…” His voice trembling, he reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “He’s perfect, baby! Just perfect!”

“Perfect and huge!” the nurse yelled out as she continued to tend to him. “He weighs 9.18 lbs. and is 21.6 inches long! My goodness. You’ve got you a future wrestler here!” The room erupted in laughter.

“How are you doin’, baby?” he asked her, stepping away from his euphoria for a second or two.

“I’m…in a little pain.” She winced as she readjusted herself. “But, I’ll be okay.”

“You need anything? Some water, Advil or something?” he whispered before placing a delicate kiss on her forehead and stroked her hair.

“I’m okay for right now.”

“Alright, let me know if that changes.”

She nodded and smiled at him.

The doctor worked diligently, sewing her up until he finally looked up at her and said, “All done. These sutures will dissolve, come out on their own, but in a couple of weeks, I want you to come back in so we can take a look at you.”

Mia shook her head in agreement. The hospital room was abuzz with movement, laughter, and discussions. In the blurs of colors and excitement, she caught tiny glimpses of her baby boy.

…They’re doing his footprints…

Aaron slicked his phone out of his pocket and began to type. “I’m sending text messages to all of our family and friends to let them know he’s here. My email has been blowin’ up with questions about your progress since I’d posted that we were on our way to the hospital. I already called your folks to tell them what was going on. They’ll be flyin’ up tonight. Trudy is comin’ with ’em.”

Mia smiled and nodded in appreciation.

“My sisters and one of my brothers said they’d be coming, too. I’m sure my parents have called them by now.” She peered through the crowd of people once again and cracked a huge grin when she caught the nurse floating towards her, their son wrapped in a blue and white striped swaddling blanket. She reached for the baby, but then Aaron jumped in front of her and took the child from the nurse’s hands, turning his back on the world, as if he believed he were suddenly invisible.

“Mr. Pike!” she angrily chastised. Mia burst out laughing so hard, tears rolled down her cheeks from the humor of it all.

“It’s okay, Janet. My husband has been looking forward to this moment for so long. I already got to hold him; I suppose I can spare another minute or two.”

Aaron faced her now. He held his son in the football cradle position and bounced him lightly as he smiled down at the blessing, his cheeks tight from grinning so hard.

“Oh my God, I just can’t believe it. Look at this little guy!” he cooed “Hiiii, Aaron,” he ran the side of his thumb against the delicate cheek of the bundle of joy. “I’m your daddy…yeah… Happy birthday, son.” He gently kissed the boy’s tiny, tulip shaped lips.

That was one of the most precious things she’d ever witnessed. Reluctantly, Aaron passed the baby back to her and pulled his phone out his pocket once again.

“Hi Marie, it’s Aaron. Thanks for keeping Laura for us. We didn’t know how long Mia’s labor would be obviously, and I didn’t want her to miss school.” He glanced at the clock in the room. “She should be out of school in about half an hour. Can you bring her by the hospital? Okay, thanks a lot. … Oh, did she?” Aaron flashed a wide grin. “Hey Mia,” he said. “Marie said Laura said she wanted to meet her baby brother as soon as he is born and not a second later. She said it was really important, so she could teach him how to color and his A,B,Cs and addition because it is really important that we start early so he can meet all of his milestones! Where did she hear this mess?!”

Mia burst out laughing as he went on with his conversation. The room appeared to grow soft around the edges, disappear and fade. It felt like, for a moment or two, it was just her and Aaron Jr., cocooned from the rest of the world. With a slow and easy hand, she brushed his hair away from his face and filled up with another wave of gratitude as their eyes met. The little baby looked at her with wonder, as if trying to find all the answers to the world, right then and there…

And she’d teach him. She’d teach him all that she could and give him abundant love. Their son was a blessing, a salvation, a testament of beating the odds. He was proof of their love for one another – proof that love and forgiveness could not only conquer all, but were the key to a beautiful life…

AARON PAUSED FROM his texting and calls, and looked over his shoulder at his wife. He could see she was lost in her own world, falling in love. For a split second, he felt a pang of jealousy. Not because she loved someone else other than him, but because he wished to know what it felt like to have a mother feel that way about her child. He could see it in her eyes; she was gone, smitten, head over heels. He knew his seed was in good hands, and his soul cried with joy that his dream had finally come true.

He had a family.

This boy would not be like him; he’d make sure of that. The Devil was inside of him, roaming around, angry that he’d escaped. Lucifer wanted to try and find a way to take another piece of his soul and drag it down to Hell. He no longer harbored hatred for other people based on their skin color. He could say that with confidence, and mean it. People were people. Simple as that. He at times couldn’t even believe that he’d been so warped, so profoundly lost. For his son and daughter, he’d keep fighting that internal demon, the one that left him as a carcass and treated him like some zombie to take care of his dirty work. No, he had bigger dreams, better plans, and there was simply no room or time for such notions.

Aaron Jr. looked at Mia as if she were the epitome of all that was right in the world, and he couldn’t agree more. The tiny baby could not have any idea that his existence was an unbelievable miracle. Not simply because he was a baby that had been conceived and born without a hitch, but because his parents were designed by a society that intended for them to never meet, let alone fall in love.

Aaron had been a tormented man, pretending he didn’t care about all that he had lost and suffered. He once thrived on the pain of others, loving the infliction and breaking down a spirit until nothing was left but a whisper of dust. He’d been addicted to hardship, agony, and bereavement – any form of pain would do. Now, he was drawn to healing, sensuality, and love, and he was selective about the quality of such. He ran his hand over his shoulder, where the zipper tattoo was neatly covered with a crisp, white shirt.

Yes, the zipper tattoo stayed, just as he’d intended. He was not a Frankenstein monster; he was a man, and he’d fallen in love. Someone had seen beyond his creature-like exterior and reached within, pulled the zipper down and exposed a shielded heart, covered in shame and heartbreak. Mia knew she’d married a fiend, but she loved him all the same, and that was all he needed in the entire world…

From her, he needed to be taught.

From her, he needed to be loved.

From her, he needed forgiveness.

And he received all of that and more. There was no more hatred, just a state of bliss. He was finally at peace. The ‘N’ word was no longer in his vocabulary, nor was the word, Nazi. In their stead, he coveted another ‘N’ word, kept it close to his heart…

Nirvana,

Exactly what he felt when he looked at his beautiful wife, the descendant of African slaves, tribal kings and queens, and his son, a perfect blend of their humanity, frailty, and strength.

Chapter Twenty-One

HE’D GOTTEN DOWN to one pack a day – a much-needed improvement, and Laura’s constant badgering about his smoking had caused him unbelievable stress. Business was so good that he had to hire more guys. He now had a couple more ex-cops under his belt, and they proved to be a perfect addition. His days were so busy, he ran on only a few hours of sleep most nights.

Aaron took another toke of his cigarette, swallowed harshly, and looked down at the tombstone. His boot sank a little in the soft earth as a weathered leaf, worn and torn from a life cut too short, circled at the base of the grave. Bending low, he placed the white roses down, covering part of his father’s date of birth. He looked to the left, taking note of his mother’s grave; she, too, had a dozen white flowers, wrapped in a red satin sash. He flicked the ashes in the wind, peered up at the sun, then back down at the tombs. His mother had been dead for quite a few years. He’d heard about it, but had not previously cared enough to visit.

…Until he’d spoken to Julian. The strange man convinced him to make peace with them, to say goodbye. Initially, he’d balked at the notion, but then he remembered other sage advice he’d received from the most unlikely of sources. His way of dealing with his parents’ memory wasn’t exactly working, so, he took the words of wisdom, and put them into action. He looked back towards the graves, this time focusing on his father’s.

He’ll never know his grandchildren…

Aaron’s third and fourth child had come into the world two months prior. He and Mia now had three sons; their house was full and truly a home. Laura was growing so fast – eleven going on thirty. She was tall, adorable, sassy, and intelligent as ever, and had a wicked sense of humor. He fell on his knees thanking God when he realized she wasn’t damaged forever, that the racism he and her mother had infected her with was washed away within a rather short time period.

Regardless of his protests, she wanted nothing to do with her birth mother after a couple of years of living with him. Being as headstrong as she was, she begged her father to petition the court to cancel her mother’s visitation rights. Sarah seemed to stay drunk more times than not, and due to this, as well as her being on a continued downward spiral, Laura’s wish was granted.

Laura didn’t seem fazed either way – devoid of concern or reaction, though Aaron knew she was simply stifling it, not giving it any due attention. Instead, she’d clung to Mia from the day she arrived after he’d won custody, desperate for a strong mother figure, filled with delight to finally have one, regardless of the fact that Mia had not given birth to her. It didn’t seem to matter, for the two were inseparable, peas in a pod.

But, the facts of the matter still disturbed him. He hated that history had repeated itself; now, his child was experiencing a similar despair to the one he’d felt growing up. Notwithstanding, they were a close-knit family, working together as a whole, and he was determined to keep that situation intact.

Aaron Jr. was changing every day. The boy was smart as a whip, and had a smile that could make the sun covetous of the way he beamed on a daily basis. He was an excellent big brother to his fraternal twin brothers, Cayden and Chandler, bringing bottles to Mia without being asked, a change of diapers, and religiously kissing them goodnight.

His and Mia’s schedules were hectic, but they still made time for one another and their marriage was stronger than ever. He was more in love with her than the second before the last and at times, he had to pause, take a deep breath… because it frightened him. He’d never felt so strongly about someone before, and that meant she had control…

He had to relinquish his jurisdiction over the matter – for love was not governable. It could not be bossed around or told what to do, and made to bend to his whims. It simply had to be allowed to exist, and run its course. Yeah, that’s how love worked.

And, he realized at that moment as the sun burst through the slender branches of the trees in the graveyard, and he stood before his parents’ hidden remains – at one point in his life, he’d loved both of them tremendously. When he stopped loving them, he’d become a person he no longer recognized and that was when revulsion for all things decent moved into his heart. He’d needed a placeholder, something to help him survive, get through the days, weeks, months, and years. But, abhorrence was a beastly thing to hold onto. It had a way of contaminating and perverting the host, and eating them from the inside out, leaving a gaping hole.

“You know.” He took another puff his cigarette and peered back up at the sun. He narrowed his eyes to slits to protect them from its blinding light, then turned away, his vision temporarily impaired from the glare. “I don’t have any bad feelings for y’all anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath. “It just ain’t worth it. You’re gone, and I’m here. That has to stand for somethin’. I have no idea if either of you loved me or not. You didn’t love yourselves; that much is certain. Mama, Arnold.” He took another draw of his roll-up and looked off in the distance at the miles of lush, green grass, dotted with headstones. “Something went wrong with me. I don’t know if it first started while I was a fetus, growin’ inside you, Mama, or if it happened later, but somethin’ wasn’t right.

“I’ve never really had a conscience, an internal meter that told me right from wrong or how to treat people. I had to learn to have a conscience; it had to be taught to me by Patti for it didn’t come naturally. I needed help, but I didn’t get it until it was almost too late. I’ve changed, but some things just can’t be obliterated. I’m goin’ to my grave with secrets. I’m goin’ to my grave with blood on my hands.” He glanced down at his palms. “I’m gonna go to my grave just like you’re in yours, knowin’ I’ve done wrong many times in my life. But… to this day, if I feel like someone is tryna threaten my happiness, mess up the good thing I got goin’, my crazy shows up.” He laughed lightly. “I ain’t never had nothin’ like this before… bein’ in love with a woman…a beautiful, black, fascinating woman…a damn good woman at that. That woman bore my children, and she gave birth to my daughter’s peace of mind.

“I have a beautiful home, a thriving business where I call the shots, and real friends now, too. We go to church on Sundays, have dinner together, and play video and card games on family night. I ain’t never had this type of normalcy before, and you two know it. So, when a motherfucker steps to me, I still have that same quicksilver reaction. I want to make ’im go away… make sure he don’t come back.” He took another slow draw of his cigarette. “I like doing it. I like to make my enemies suffer…and that, parents of mine, is what makes me a Frankenstein monster…

“Some have called me a sociopath. Some have called me narcissist or psychotic. I’ve called myself those things a time or two, too. A few have even said I am demonic, evil through and through. I ain’t much into titles, puttin’ people in little boxes and stickin’ a tag on them, but I’m somethin’… that is for sure.” He wrapped his lips around his cigarette and exhaled loops of smoke. “I’m somethin’ alright…and I know what I am now. I understand myself, and I don’t feel I owe anyone an explanation. I’ve accepted myself, and I know how to handle me, now; it’s all under control. You see, you two never really knew me. Family is the most important thing to me, and since I didn’t have a family, just a couple of adults that made it their job to kill my and my siblings’ wellbeing, I made sure to get me a genuine dynasty, make my own.

“I needed to meet the right woman for me in order to accomplish this. She had to be able to show me something I didn’t already know, and she had to somehow make me want to stay in the light, understand my dark side but not embrace it. I’m not lost anymore, Dad.” He shook his head. “You left me in the woods, but I found my way out…

“Regardless of me wishin’ you both would rot in Hell for eternity, I want to thank you for givin’ me life. I celebrate my world, filled with things I’d never seen as a little boy – like laughter from a newborn baby, joy, happiness, things like that. I thank God my kids ain’t like me, too. Yeah, they all have some of my physical features, but they ain’t like their old man, hurtin’ and makin’ an example out of everyone that gets in my way. They got goodness in them, they’re pure, but I’m polluted. I’m broken, but they’re in perfect working condition, and all I care about is helpin’ to keep them that way, their future, and keepin’ my woman happy… ’cause her happiness makes me happy, too.” He tossed his cigarette down and stomped it like a roach, extinguishing the flame.

“You both thought I was troubled, a hell raiser in desperate need of correction. You tried to break me, tried to exterminate my disposition, and you almost got your wish…but then, someone found me in the Lost and Found bin. She found me, dusted me off, and made me into something respectable, helped me reach my full potential. Through the course of some events, some of them forced upon me, others voluntary… I changed, Mama.” He fixed her headstone with a hard glare. “I put down my torch, and I told my master I didn’t want to do his bidding no more. I wanted a bride, and if I wanted to invite the love of my life into my heart, I had to let go of hate. I wasn’t allowed to have both. So.” He shrugged. “I gave it up, and all sorts of doors opened for me. I’m no longer afraid to be human.

“That means sometimes I’ll be right, and sometimes I’ll be wrong, and I’m okay with that. I had to get rid of my bad feelings towards you two, as well. No one can choose their parents; it just happens. But, enough is enough. I’ve held onto this resentment long enough. You created nightmares for me. But, you aren’t allowed in my dreams; they’re too good for the likes of you.”

“My ol’ lady is a saint. When she looks at me, you can see the love in her eyes. Everything that came before her in my life was nothing but death. I’m alive now. Her love? That’s what I live for. Y’all rest in peace, you hear? I’m not coming back here. This is the first and last time.” He slicked his hands in his pockets. “I needed to pay my respects and say goodbye.”

He threw up two fingers, forming the peace sign, and slowly walked away until he reached his rental car parked at the end of a steep hill. Soon, he’d be boarding an airplane to fly back to West Virginia and rejoin his family.

He stood in front of the vehicle, then swiped at his forehead with the back of his hand. The sun was getting more intense as each moment passed. Alabama promised to deliver a fire and brimstone sort of summer, and the Farmer’s Almanac co-signed the notion.

He removed his jacket and took off his shirt, then slid inside the vehicle and started the engine. He turned on the radio and nodded his head to the sounds of Deep Purple’s ‘Smoke on the Water.’ As he made his way out of the graveyard, he paused, taking notice of a cluster of blood red irises right at the exit. He smiled and acknowledged them as if they were old friends, then continued on his way out, exiting the white wrought iron gates of Peebles Cemetery.

He was beyond ready to feel his wife’s arms wrapped around his body and receive the delectable kisses from his children upon his face. Yes, life was good. It had not handled him gently, but he had not done the same to it, either. He’d released the past, let go of the ugly things that held him back, and embraced the new world he was offered, filled with bright colors, the adoration of the finest woman he’d ever known, and the sweet surrender of tolerance…

Irises are blood red…

Confederate flags have backgrounds of blue…

Prison bars confine minds…

I’m Aaron Pike.

Now tell me,

Who… are YOU?

THE END

Music Directory

Music is an important part of my storytelling style. I use it to help set a mood, and provide more insight into the characters. If you feel so inclined, I encourage you to go back and re-read some of the scenes, this time, accompanied by the musical choices mentioned. I hope that you find the scene even more enriching after doing such. If you play a song you like, please support the artist(s) by purchasing a legal copy of their album and/or song in question. Thank you and enjoy.

Songs mentioned in this double book series: (Please note they may not be in the exact order as mentioned in the text, but they do follow a general chronological time frame.)

1.   Georgia Satellite – ‘Keep Your Hands to Yourself’

2.   Vivaldi – ‘Four Seasons’ (Spring)

3.   Ohio Players – ‘Fire’

4.   The Brothers Johnson – I’ll Be Good To You

5.   A Taste of Honey – ‘Boogie Oogie Oogie’

6.   Al Stewart – ‘Year of the Cat’

7.   Gin Blossoms – ‘Jealousy’

8.   Alice in Chains – ‘Rooster’

9.   Diana Ross – ‘Missing You’

10.  Little Einstein’s theme song

11.  Crowded House – ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’

12.  The Kooks – ‘Bad Habits’

13.  Isley Brothers – ‘Always Come Back’

14.  Fetty Wop – ‘Trap Queen’

15.  Otis McDonald – ‘Fingers’

16.  Daughter – ‘Smother’

17.  Mogwai – ‘Take Me Somewhere Nice’

18.  Tech N9ne – ‘Hood Go Crazy’

19.  Daughter – ‘Medicine’

20.  Shura – ‘Touch’

21.  Amos Lee – ‘Violin’

22.  Mansionair– ‘Hold Me Down’

23.  James Bay – Hold Back The River

24.  Smith – ‘The Weight’ (soundtrack from Easy Rider)

25.  Van Morrison – ‘Moon Dance’

26.  Black Crowes – ‘She Talks to Angels’

27.  Kevin LeVar – ‘A Heart That Forgives’

28.  Foghart – ‘Slow Ride’

29.  Deep Purple – ‘Smoke on the Water’

30.  Bob Seger – ‘Night Moves’

31.  Grateful Dead hummed – ‘Touch of Grey’

32.  Lynyrd Skynyrd – ‘Free Bird’

33.  Van Halen – ‘Jamie’s Crying’

34.  Fleetwood Mac – ‘The Chain’

35.  Oh Wonder – ‘Bold Gold’ – Louis The Child Remix

36.  Whitesnake – ‘Here I Go Again’

37.  Alina Baraz & Galimatias – ‘Can I’

Book Club Questions

1.   Aaron Pike grew up in an environment that was a fertile breeding ground for dysfunction. What do you believe hurt him the most in regard to his relationship with his mother and father?

2.   Aaron prides himself on having control and keeping his cool. However, there were a few times in this double novel series where the reader was allowed to see how he struggled with this every now and then. What do you believe control symbolized for Aaron?

3.   Mia grew up in a big, loving family but she did encounter issues with her father in regard to her own spiritual beliefs versus his own. In what ways do you think Mia rebelled that may not have been mentioned in a straightforward manner in the book?

4.   Mia is very close to her cousin, Trudy. In what ways do you believe this relationship helped her and possibly impaired her?

5.   This book deals with very heavy topics, namely racism. Do you believe that men and women with Aaron’s original beliefs are a majority in the United States or do you believe this ‘extreme’ racism that he practiced is a rarity?

6.   It is typical for Tiana Laveen to use ample symbolism in her books. In the following examples from this novel, describe what you believe may have been ‘double/triple’ meanings in this two-book series:

Trees

Eagles

Irises

Dark and light

Paper/Origami

7.   What do you think of Mia’s choice to keep her racial identity from Aaron once she realized that he was an Aryan National Socialist?

8.   It is said that ‘good girls’ love ‘bad boys’. In this book, that would be true. However, there were elements of Mia that showed that she, in fact, had a rather devious mind. What are some of these examples?

9.   Why do you believe Aaron was able to change after being so enmeshed and indoctrinated in a life of power, extreme racial creed, and arrogance?

10.  What was it about Marcus’ character that allowed Aaron to feel safe when discussing matters with him, and vice versa?

11.  Do you believe racists are born or made?

12.  Aaron has behavioral issues, amongst others. He was able to disconnect and not have much regard or apathy towards individuals that he perceived as a threat. This is something he still struggled with even towards the end of the book. Do you believe that this sort of behavior can be changed?

13.  What are some things you liked about Aaron and Mia together as a couple?

14.  Julian Savant first appeared in his own book from the Scandalous Heroes box set (no longer available for purchase.) He now features in a book called, ‘Tattooed Moon’ (available at all online retailers.) In his typical way, Julian not only gives body modification; he is spiritual, insightful, and more than likely empathic. This unlikely pairing (Aaron and Julian) end up meeting in this book and becoming friends. How do you think this helped Aaron along his journey?

15.  What was your favorite scene in the book?

A ‘Thank You’ to the Readers

Hello everyone! I want to thank each and every one of you for purchasing this book series and reading it. I greatly appreciate it and I do not take any of you for granted. I also appreciate the kind and considerate emails that I receive, as well as social network connections. I’ve been writing since I was a little girl, and it has been a living dream to be able to share my thoughts with the world.

Thank you for giving me that opportunity.

Tiana Laveen

If you wish to purchase Tiana Laveen books, you can find them at all major online retailers.

The books are available in ePub and mobi formats for all ereading devices. They are also available in paperback format.

PLEASE NOTE: The first portion of this series, entitled “The ‘N’ Word”, is available RIGHT NOW for purchase in both digital and paperback formats. It is strongly advised for that novel to be read first.

Author Biography

Tiana Laveen was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. She moved away and now lives inside her mind, but her heart is occupied with her husband, two children, and twisted imagination. She enjoys a fulfilling and enriching life that includes writing books, public speaking, drawing, painting, listening to music, cooking, and spending time with loved ones.

Tiana Laveen is a uniquely creative and innovative author whose romance fiction is geared towards those who not only want to temporarily escape from the daily routines of life, but also became pleasantly caught up in the twisted, well-developed journeys of her unique characters. Tiana creates a painting with words as she guides her reader into the lives of each and every main character. Her dedication to detail and staying true to her characters is evident in each novel that she writes.

Her works include “Cross Climax I,” “Cross Climax II,” “The Slave Master’s Son,” “The Naughty Sins of a Saint,” “I Want Candy,” “When Saint Goes Marching In,” “Swirled Satin Sheets I,” “In My Sister’s Shadow,” “Swirled Satin Sheets II,” “Saved and SAINTified,” “Addicted In Cold Blood,” “Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved,” “Saint’s Sacrament – Sins of the Father,” “The Tale of the Blood Diamond,” “The Unearthing of Blackstone,” “Saint and Sinners – The King Angel Child of New York,” “Smoke and Mirrors,” “The Fight Within,” “In the Nick of Time,” “The ‘N’ Word” and “Word of Honor.”

If you wish to communicate with Tiana Laveen, please contact her at:

www.facebook.com/tianalaveen
www.tianalaveen.com

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Table of Contents

Important Information for the Reader

Synopsis

Warning

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Music Directory

Book Club Questions

A ‘Thank You’ to the Readers

Author Biography