Author: Roberts, Jaimie
Date: 2016-06-21

SCARS

Copyright © 2016 Jaimie Roberts

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any other information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of fiction, all names, characters, places, and events are the products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Notes & Acknowledgements

Coming Soon... Tethered

Coming Soon... Siren

Other Books by Jaimie Roberts

Author Bio

No amount of physical or emotional scars left behind could ever actually reveal true heartache. The evil from which they were formed cuts so deeply into your bones that it seeps into your bloodstream and pumps through your veins until it’s ringing in your ears. The scars never truly show themselves… Never reveal the brunt of their true force. While they are a symbol of survival, they are also reminders of things we would much rather forget—of pain that cannot be shed.

I have become an orphan … left to pick up the pieces of a broken heart which can never be fixed. I am incurably and irreparably hopeless.

Time stood still the day my family was ripped away from me. I lost myself—my very identity. I was chosen to live. I was chosen to carry with me the burden of being the one who survived. I was left with the question which haunts me endlessly:

Why me?

Why me?

Why me?

And now, I lie in a small room. Four walls are what welcome me day after day. No sharp objects, no ropes… Not a thing I could use if I wanted to end it all. He took me. That’s why I’m here. He will never let me decide my own fate. He will never let me choose my own destiny.

He will never let me go.

It was he who chose me. It was he who had been stalking me for the last nine months. And it was he who pulled me from the car on that fateful day—two, maybe three weeks ago. He won’t leave me in peace… He will never leave me in peace.

He is forever waiting in the wings, watching me. I am his, he tells me. As long as I have breath in my lungs, I will always be his. He rules my head, my body, and my heart. But the most frightening thought of all is that … pretty soon … he will rule my soul as well.

With that last thought, I clutch the duvet to my chest.

I would have expected to be alone with my family gone, but he’s certainly made sure that my situation could have been worse.

Far worse.

I get fed three times a day, provided with refreshments on a regular basis, and a little later, I get treated to hearing his voice over a speaker in the corner of my room. He talks to me. He wants me to tell him about my life, my fears, my longings, and my dreams.

He has not once entered my room, but now, I long for it. I long for the contact so much that my insides burn. I am relieved to hear his voice, but now his voice alone is not enough.

I want more.

I need to see him. Need to be with him… I need to touch him. I crave the contact. To feel skin on skin.

He has started to invade my dreams so much that I cry out during the night. He knows they’re about him; he tells me so. I talk in my sleep, apparently, and he likes that. He also tells me that he likes the sound of my voice. For some reason, that makes me smile. I have no idea why.

He abducted me and is holding me prisoner against my will. I didn’t ask for this. He forced me. So, why do I long for him the way that I do? Why do I seek out his company? It wouldn’t make any sense to a normal person… I guess that means I’m not normal.

Despite it all, I still feel that frisson of excitement every time I hear his voice. I still smile the minute I hear the thumping of the speaker. And my heart still beats a million miles an hour every time I hear the sound of his velvety voice.

Six days ago, I began asking him to come visit me, and I’ve repeated my request every day thereafter. All I hear from him is the same response: “It isn’t time yet.”

“Why isn’t it time yet?” I would ask.

“For now, I can’t say. I just need you to trust me… To realize that this is for your own good.”

His response both frustrates and angers me. It’s been that way for days, but today things suddenly changed. I have become desperate for his contact, so I altered my request.

“I want you to come to my room… I need you to come to my room… I’m desperate for you to touch me… To hold me like you did that night in the little house… Please make it happen, J. Please?” All has been silent from that moment on. I have been sitting here, feeling my heart beating erratically for the last hour—ever since I pleaded with him.

My heart aches.

My body quivers.

My mind races.

My pulse speeds up more when I hear a noise coming from my door. Maybe he is just coming to feed me, but I know from the patterns to which I’ve grown accustomed that it’s too early for that. He has taken my watch from me, so I have no concept of actual time, but I have gotten used to relying upon my internal clock. And my clock is telling me that it is too early to be fed, so what could it be?

I gasp when I hear the tapping. That sound—the sound of footsteps—taunts me.

I clutch the sheets even more tightly to me once I realize the noise is getting louder. There is nothing I can do but sit and wait to see what will happen next.

Silence falls, and I watch the door like a hawk. I stare at the handle, which, for now, remains still. I swear that it, too, is taunting me. I swear it knows of my trepidation and is deliberately staying still just to tease me.

I hold my breath—biding my time—as I sit here, rigidly clutching the bedclothes. It feels like hours, but it’s only been mere seconds since the total silence began.

And then, it’s happening. I gasp again, clutching the sheets more tightly still as the handle on the door moves down, and the door pushes forward. For a fraction of a second, nothing happens. Total silence fills the room again as the creaking door comes to a stop. My heart starts hammering in my chest, and my body trembles as anxiety ripples through my insides and prickles my skin.

Nothing is there apart from the door—which is now ajar—and the slight shadow of his body as the light shines on the bedroom wall.

I remain seated, waiting in earnest to see what will happen next. Involuntarily, a sharp intake of breath floods my lungs and pains my chest when I see the shadow of one foot moving forward … then two. My eyes widen as I tighten my grip with both hands this time. My breath escapes in little wisps as the shadow increases its density. I gasp as I see a foot … followed by a hand.

And then…

He emerges.

Three months earlier.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016 – Diary Entry

I was followed again today. I never see his face, but I know he’s there. Call it a sixth sense of some kind, but I know he’s watching me. It first began when I returned home from school one day and noticed a lily waiting for me on my doorstep. That was my first clue that someone was watching me. There was also the subtle hint that he knew my name. After all, why else would he give lilies to someone named “Lily” every day?

My second clue is that he’s careful never to do anything when my parents are around. Normally, they’re both still at work when I come home from school. He seems to know their patterns, my patterns … everything.

That’s what led me here originally. When I found the sixteenth lily a little after two weeks, I started researching stalkers. If this guy turned out to be dangerous, then I needed to be prepared. One site suggested that I keep a diary of all the incidents that take place, so I’ll have evidence if I need it to show to the police.

Why haven’t I gone to the police yet?

I don’t know. I haven’t told my parents or my older sister either. I’m so close to my sister, so this is a little unprecedented for me. I know it’s stupid to keep him a secret. At first, I thought it was someone at school playing a silly game. But then, after a few days, I realized something was off, and I started getting that feeling that I was being watched. I hoped he was just a secret admirer, but it’s been six months since the lilies started to appear, and yet my “admirer” still hasn’t come forward. That’s a long time to wait for a person who has a secret crush on someone… Unless he’s painfully shy of course. That could be it, I suppose…

In any case, I think it’s important to mention:

If you’re reading this—then, most likely—something has happened to me.

“What are you doing?” The sound of my sister’s voice makes me jump. “Sorry,” she utters with a smile. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She frowns again at the open diary on my bed. I shut it abruptly and turn to speak with Elle.

“You’re back early.”

“Don’t change the subject, Lily. What are you doing?”

I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to look imperturbable. “Everyone keeps telling me they have a diary… You know, so they can look back when they’re older and reminisce about fond memories from their time in school? I just thought it would be a good idea to start one myself. Besides,” I replied with a telling smirk, “you had one when you were my age. Do you still have it?” She doesn’t know this yet, but I secretly opened her diary once. She had been dating her boyfriend, Art, for a while and decided she wanted to move to third base. I never got to find out if she did for sure, but she dated him for at least another six months, so I kind of figure they must have at some point.

I watch as Elle quickly grabs a band from her bag and ties her hair before she sits down at my computer desk. She looks tired, but then she has been working hard this week on her exams. She is studying for a degree in architecture, and I know how many hours she has spent awake, drawing late into the night. Sometimes, I see her light on when I get up to grab a glass of water at ridiculous o’clock in the morning. She says she loves the idea of designing something new and seeing it come to fruition. Last year, we went to Barcelona to see all the famous buildings. Elle was in her element when she saw the Casa Batlló and the Torre Agbar.

“I still have it, but haven’t written anything in a while; these exams are killing me.” She let out a frustrated sigh before running her hands over her face.

“Do you want me to get something for you? A drink? Something to eat, perhaps?” Elle is obviously suffering, so if there is anything I can do to alleviate her discomfort, then I’m all for it.

She sighs a little, but shakes her head. “No, that’s okay. Thanks, though, little sis.” Elle gets up and grabs her bag before squeezing my shoulder. “I think I may take a nap for thirty minutes.”

I watch as she lazily strolls toward my door. “Okay. I’ll see you for dinner then.”

“See you then,” she shouts as she waves her hand behind her head.

All is silent once I hear her door click shut. Sometimes, this house is just too silent. I look around at my room. I first take in the soothing lilac hue which accents my bedroom walls. I then glance at two of my photographs—one of my parents and one of my sister and me—which are perched on my dresser. Then, I come to the old posters of Mark Wahlberg from his “Marky Mark” days. I’m almost eighteen, so I figure it’s time to take them down. The only problem is that every time I look up at his cocky grin, dark, spiky hair, and broad, muscular chest, I just don’t have the heart to remove them.

With a sigh, I stand up to place my diary back in the drawer by my computer desk when something outside catches my eye. I pause to look out the window where I swear I can see a figure standing by one of my neighbor’s trees. It’s hard to see, so I squint, trying to make out who it could be, but the branches are hastily swinging back and forth in the breeze. It’s spring here, so everything is flourishing, further obscuring my view.

A movement makes me gasp. Placing a hand over my heart, I run around my bed and scoot down by the window. My heart accelerates as—little by little—I inch up to peek outside my window. I’m almost there when my phone abruptly plays “Talk Dirty to Me” by Jason Derulo.

I jump and scream out, but I manage to cover my mouth to stop the ear-piercing yelp which almost escapes as well. My sister is just down the hall, and she’s probably asleep by now.

I run to the phone quickly and see that it’s my best friend, Christine. With a deep breath, I answer. “Christine,” I sigh as I turn to look out the window once more. Strangely enough, the mysterious figure is gone.

Am I just going crazy?

“Have you been running?”

I pull my curtain aside and take another good look. All I can see is one of my neighbor’s cats, Tabitha, chasing another neighbor’s dog down the road. Ritchie, the dog’s owner, is now chasing both the dog and the cat. I start chuckling at the hilarity of it.

“Are you still there? Lily!”

“Yes, I’m here. Sorry. I was just about to jump in the shower when you called. My sister’s sleeping, and I didn’t want to disturb her.”

“I’m sorry I called now in that case.”

I smile. “You didn’t know.” I put the curtain back into place, calm my erratic heartbeat, and sit down on my bed. “Anyway, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to ask you about tonight. What time should I pick you up for the party?”

I roll my eyes. I have never been a big fan of partying, but Christine loves it. We are unalike in so many ways, but yet we seem to jell together nevertheless. We met over a year ago when she moved from Arkansas to Utah. She said her father had been offered an Accounting job here in Logan that he couldn’t possibly turn down. That was what caused her to suddenly turn up at my school. Christine is a bright blonde girl with amazing green eyes and a contagious smile. She’s the kind of girl destined to belong in the popular crowd. That’s why I was so surprised when—on her very first day—she just walked up to me and introduced herself. We’ve been friends ever since. She is, however, still the party-animal who loves making out with boys and getting drunk. I’m more of the reserved type who likes to stay home and read romance novels. Despite the fact that I have never had a real relationship before, I can’t help but nurture the hopeless romantic in me who still wants to be swept off her feet.

“Do I even have a say in whether or not I want to go?”

I hear her sigh. “Come on, virginal. It’ll be fun. I have it on high authority that Max will be there. You know how much of a crush he has on you. Why don’t you let your hair down a little and give in to him for a change?”

I scoot up on my bed, grabbing my cushion. Ever since I was little, I have played with the edges of them with my fingers; that always helps me relax.

“I don’t see why I should. I’m not into him in the way he wants me to be. Sure, he’s good looking, but I don’t find him attractive in that way. We have always gotten along well just as friends, and I don’t want to spoil that.”

“Okay, but at least try to make an effort tonight? You’re my best friend, and I need you with me.”

“What—as your wingwoman?” I joke.

I hear her chuckle. “It’s not just that, and you know it.”

I smile, recounting the time we were at a party three months back. Jerry, the quarterback for our school’s football team was there, and Christine was seriously crushing on him. The boys were playing a drinking game, so I decided to help Christine out by challenging Jerry that he couldn’t drink a pint of beer as quickly as Christine could. I placed a ten dollar bill on the table, and with an amused smirk, Jerry accepted the challenge. Suffice it to say, Christine and Jerry got on like a house on fire that night, and I left that party ten dollars richer than when I’d gone in.

“So, will eight work?”

“Sure, but I will have to be back by midnight as usual.”

“Can’t your parents give you a little leeway on the weekends?”

I sigh, standing up and peeking out of my window again. The shadow is still gone, and it looks as though the cat-chasing-the-dog crisis is over. Everything is quiet.

“Don’t you know my secret identity yet? I was sure you would have figured it out by now.” I place the curtain back and start pacing the floor with a smile.

“Don’t give me that Cinderella crap. You’re abnormal. My parents let me stay out till one on the weekends. I would throw a hissy fit if I was told I had to be home by midnight!”

I shrug my shoulders as I stare longingly at Marky Mark.

Yeah, I can’t take him down. It would be almost blasphemous if I did!

“You know me. I don’t mind. Besides, I think once I’m eighteen and going to college, things will be different.”

I hear her excited intake of breath. “Oh, I can’t wait for that. Your eighteenth is gonna fucking rock!”

I laugh. “Calm down, Christine. I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.”

“You have to have a party.”

“My parents won’t allow that here.”

“Well, we will have to have it somewhere else then. I’m sure Jerry or even Max wouldn’t mind letting you celebrate at one of their houses.”

I shake my head at her playful banter. She’s only itching for me to get with Max now because she’s crushing on his best friend, Tyler. He’s the new “flavor of the month.” The trouble with Christine is that she goes through as many boys as I go through candy bars.

“It’s still another six weeks away yet, so there’s still plenty of time,” I say, trying—but failing miserably—to get her off the topic of my birthday.

“But six weeks will go by so soon! It’s almost April. Your birthday is May sixth. That doesn’t leave a lot of time to plan.”

Eager to get on with the conversation, I say, “Well, I’m sure we can come up with something soon. Let’s just concentrate on tonight first.”

I hear her intake of breath again. “Yeah, so … about Max …”

“Will you shut up about Max?!” I shout, hearing her laughter on the other end of the line.

“Okay, but, just so you know, I’ll be making a move on Tyler tonight.”

I shake my head with a smile. “Well, I kind of thought that was compulsory this evening.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Nothing!” I quip. “What are you wearing?”

“I recently bought a light green nylon dress. I think I might wear that tonight. What about you?”

I walk over to my closet and check out my wardrobe, which consists of an abundance of jeans and very little else. “Probably just a pair of jeans and a top.”

“Ugh,” she utters in distaste. “I’m going to start calling you ‘Lily Jeans’ from now on.”

“I thought my name was ‘virginal?’” She knows I’m still a virgin—hence the nice little nickname.

“That name won’t stick with you forever. You’re almost eighteen.”

I love Christine, but she’s unbelievable at times. “It’s not a written rule that people must lose their virginity the moment they turn eighteen.”

“I know, but you can’t stay a virgin forever. You’re growing up. Your boobs have grown at least one cup size alone this semester, and the boys have certainly noticed. Haven’t you seen the way they drool after you in the cafeteria?”

I groan. “Christine, those boys drool when the lunch lady brings out the lettuce.”

“All boys do think the same.”

“You should write that one in your yearbook.”

“I can hear your mock tone, but you know I’m right.”

As I walk back to the window, I start laughing. “You know I love you,” I say.

“Whatever,” she grunts. “I’ll see you at eight.”

She abruptly hangs up, so I toss the phone on my bed before heading for the shower.

I take my time because I assume Elle is still sleeping, and my parents are still not due back for another hour or so. Once I’m done, I walk back into my bedroom to get dressed. I stare inside the closet, wondering if I should just wear what I had on earlier. I know I’m being lazy, but I have no need or desire to dress in something that leaves little to the imagination. I like my jeans; they’re comfortable, and I happen to think I look pretty good in them.

I sigh, taking out a white cotton sweater. I then push the hangers aside, trying to find something to complete my ensemble. I notice my Levi’s and pull them out. As I do, I find a red pleated skirt which my mom bought for me at the end of last summer. I’ve never even worn it.

Maybe this is something I could wear tonight.

My head nods in agreement, so I leave that to one side, placing a white lace top next to it.

Boy, am I being adventurous tonight!

As I sit myself down to dry my hair, my thoughts turn to the latest lily, which I found outside my door today. I don’t know why I keep them, but I do. Today’s lily is a rosy pink. Yesterday, it was red. It makes me wonder what shade Monday’s will be. Does he choose the color based on whatever appeals to him in that moment or does he have a more specific purpose in mind? I smile, picking up the flower and inspecting it. It’s in full bloom with white surrounding its edges. I press it to my nose and inhale its peppery scent. As I pull it away, I scold myself for being so careless.

This flower could have some kind of toxin in it!

I laugh out loud at the thought. If he had wanted me dead, I believe I would have died by now.

Getting up, I pick up my latest book, Pride and Prejudice, and place the flower inside. I take the other one out and throw it in the trash. I take one last peek out my window—because I can’t help myself—and once I’m satisfied he isn’t there, I walk down the stairs to our living room. I don’t know why, but the hairs on my arms start to stand on end. As if feeling this isn’t enough, a slight breeze from nowhere flitters across one shoulder, making me shudder. I gasp, looking around, but I can’t see anyone or even any thing that could make a breeze. The windows and doors are all shut.

So where on earth did that come from?

“Hello?” I call out, feeling like an idiot. I move across the expanse of our large, cream-colored leather sofa and squint my eyes in an effort to see through the French doors, which lead into our kitchen. There’s nobody there, but I am still certain that I’m not alone. “Hello?” I shout again, a little more loudly this time.

“Can you hear me?” a voice sings from the hallway. As I jump, Elle appears, belting out the lyrics of Adele’s “Hello.”

I shake my head. “Not funny.”

She laughs, but soon stops. At least now, she doesn’t look so tired. The nap must have done her some good. “What’s up? Why are you shouting, ‘Hello?’ in our own house?”

I try to shake off this feeling. I know nobody else is here, but it still feels a little off to me. “It’s nothing. I thought I heard a sound coming from our kitchen. That’s all,” I lie.

I see a V form in my sister’s forehead. She marches over and places a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look pale.” She squints a little more. “No one’s bothering you, are they? Is Max behaving himself?”

I start laughing to try and ease the tension a little. My sister knows something’s up, but I’m not willing to go into detail with her… Well, not yet anyway. “I’m fine. It’s fine… Honestly. Max has nothing to do with me getting scared by something that turned out to be nothing.”

“Hmm,” she muses, still staring at me. “You would tell me if there was something up, wouldn’t you?”

I inhale sharply, trying to encourage the lie to leave my lips. I smile brightly and blurt out that she’s my sister and, of course, I always tell her everything. This is normally true, but for some reason, I can’t seem to tell her what has been happening with me lately.

Just as Elle is about to speak again, a horn sounds from outside. We both frown at each other, but rush toward the window to take a look. A pale blue Porsche Cayenne is slowly pulling into our driveway. We don’t own a Cayenne, so this makes my hackles rise a little.

Who is it?

As I think this, both the driver’s and passenger’s side doors open at the same time. My mother and father step out with bright smiles on their faces.

What’s going on?

“Oh, my God! They bought a new car!” Elle screeches. “Look, it’s even Dad’s favorite color.”

We both run outside to find my mother laughing at something my dad had said. It seems strange to see them both home together like this. My dad is a stock broker, and my mom is a plastic surgeon, so they’re normally tied up for hours with their respective jobs.

“Wow! When did this happen?” Elle asks with an edge of excitement in her voice.

“Today,” my father announces. “We ordered it a while ago, and it came in yesterday. Your mother and I thought it would be nice if we took some time off today to go get it. We picked it up at two, but we’ve been driving around ever since.” He turns to look at the car once more and smiles. “What do you think?”

We both stare, but soon, my legs start to move toward the car. I peek inside and see the beautifully appointed cream leather interior. It’s obvious that my dad has had all of the bells and whistles installed as well.

“It has GPS, SiriusXM Satellite Radio—everything! There’s also plenty of room in the back. Do you want to sit inside?” My dad opens the door without waiting for me to answer. I slide in, taking in that new car smell. I’ve always loved that smell. If I could bottle that smell, I would have it in my car all the time. I feel the soft, yet durable texture of the leather as I run my hand over its surface. “So, what do you think?”

I turn to my dad and see his eager, smiling face. “I think it’s beautiful.”

My dad looks proudly at it before turning his attention back to me. “It’ll be great for our journey to Montana this summer.” He walks over to Elle, who is cooing from the back seat, and I can’t help but stare and savor this happy moment. My parents seem animated, and for some reason, it makes them look ten years younger. They’re both still very attractive, but their jobs make them look their respective ages. My mom has beautiful chestnut hair and light brown eyes, and both are just like mine. Elle is the same, but her hair color is lighter than ours. My dad, however, has jet black hair and light green eyes. His hair started to turn gray a couple of years ago, but he’s been working to rectify that ever since. My mom keeps telling him to let the gray grow naturally. “Look how gorgeous George Clooney is,” she says, trying to encourage him. It never works, though.

“How was school today?” As my mom brushes my hair away from my face, she stares at me with a smile. Her eyes sparkle today like diamonds have bloomed around her irises. I guess having time off with your husband and buying a brand new car could do that for a person.

“It was fine, thanks. Christine is bugging me about tonight, though.”

My mom smiles. “Ah, the party girl wants to corrupt my daughter yet again.” She laughs, letting me know she’s joking. My mom knows what I’m like, and she trusts me. I have never given her cause not to.

“She just doesn’t understand that I’d much rather curl up in bed with a good book.”

My mom continues to fuss, placing a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re so young, Lily. Curling up in front of a good book can happen anytime in your life. Partying, however, is something you usually do while you’re still young and carefree.”

I frown. “You’re still young enough to party, Mom.”

She chuckles. “I know, but we adults are more civilized. We have dinner parties, drink wine, and go to bed at a reasonable hour.” She then looks away for a second in thought. “Which reminds me… What time are you coming home tonight?”

Oops. That’s something I conveniently forget to tell Christine. My parents don’t make the twelve o’clock curfew rule—I do.

“Um, I think about the same time as always.”

“Lily, Christine is here!” my mom shouts from downstairs.

Shit! She’s ten minutes early. “Okay, I’m coming down. Just a sec!” I shout back.

I finish straightening the last two strands of hair before rushing to grab my bag and my phone. Only, my phone isn’t there.

Strange. I could have sworn I left it on the bed earlier.

I pat around and under my pillows and duvet, but I still can’t find it.

“Lily!” Christine shouts before I hear giggling.

I roll my eyes. “I’m coming!”

Jeez, she’s so impatient.

I don’t like leaving the house without a phone, but I guess I’ll find it once I get back. It’s always handy to have just in case I need to split early. Max knows I always leave before twelve, and he’s always willing to drive me home. If he wasn’t there, I don’t know what I would do.

Trying to put aside my annoyance regarding the lost phone, I venture down the stairs to find Christine in a short denim skirt and white chiffon blouse. “What happened to the dress?”

She waves her hand dismissively as she scrutinizes my attire. “Ah, decided it was too formal. You, on the other hand, look awesome. I didn’t realize you had legs.”

I roll my eyes. “Haha, very funny. You were the one who told me to make an effort, remember? This is me making an effort.”

She looks down at my red pleated skirt. “I love this,” she remarks, picking the edge up with her fingers. She traces the line on it, noting the pleats. I have to admit, my mom had picked out a really nice skirt. “Where did you get it?”

“Mom bought it for me last summer.”

“It looks beautiful on you … just like I knew it would.” The sound of my mom’s voice makes us jump.

“Thanks, Mom.” We smile at each other.

“Are you ready? Tyler won’t wait forever, you know.”

“Who’s Tyler?” Mom asks.

Christine bites her lip, trying to suppress her devious smile. “Ah, just some boy I like.”

My mother frowns. “What happened to Jerry?”

I snort a little louder than intended. “Don’t ask,” I say, walking towards the door.

She starts laughing as Christine nudges me. “Okay, kids. Have fun!”

As usual, once we’re there, we find that the party is already filled with the stench of stale beer and pheromones. It’s like walking into a sweatbox filled with crazed male animals and equally crazed females in heat. Seriously, the dancing going on in the living room is at least PG-13.

I notice one couple in particular. They’re supposed to be dancing, but somehow, they’ve ended up by the wall with her leg wrapped around his waist, while he gyrates his crotch against her.

Scrap that! Definitely R. I don’t know why I let Christine talk me into this time after time.

Christine hands me a beer, which I leisurely sip on. I’m not much of a drinker, but I’m not a complete forty-year-old—as Christine calls me sometimes. I do like the taste of beer, but I have never gotten drunk. I drink two glasses maximum when I come out to party.

“Tyler’s not here yet,” Christine pouts.

“He’ll be here soon. Once Max arrives, so does Tyler.”

Christine scans the room a little, and her eyes land on Francis, a senior and a complete douchebag. “He gets hotter every time I look at him.”

I shake my head and wave my hand in front of her eyes. “Don’t go there, Christine. He’s a complete douche.”

Christine shrugs her shoulders. “As long as he makes me come, I don’t care.”

I am about to argue, but decide to shut up. Why should I care? It’s not like she’s going to fall in love with the guy. In fact, I have never known Christine to show any sort of affection towards boys at all. I would even go so far as to say that she treats them like objects.

“Ooh, look who’s coming through the door.” I look to where Christine is pointing and see Max and Tyler heading up the stairs towards the front doors. “God, he looks hot. Mind you, so does Francis. My, my, I do have a tough call tonight.”

I smile, rolling my eyes as Christine heads towards Max for a quick kiss before pouring her attention on Tyler. Max spots me right away, and I notice his quick perusal of my attire. Once he sees the skirt, his pale blue eyes widen a little in surprise. For some reason, I find that strangely alluring. He saunters slowly towards me. His luscious locks of light brown hair are over to one side, and his smile is a little crooked as he stares at me. He’s wearing loose-fitting jeans tonight with a tight white t-shirt. For the first time in a long time, I notice that he’s been working out.

Why have I never noticed that before?

I shake my head, thinking it must have something to do with the fact that he wears long-sleeved sweaters a lot. Tonight, however, he’s showing it all off.

“Wow! Lily, you look stunning.” Max immediately comes in for a hug, and I notice he’s wearing aftershave. That’s something else I don’t normally smell on him. It’s nice, though. Like a blend of sandalwood with a hint of citrus.

“Thanks,” I answer, kissing his freshly shaven cheek. He must have shaved just before he came out. I make a note to look over at him once more after he pulls away. “You look good too.” I notice his smile right away. It’s almost as if he has received the best news ever.

“I think the party started long before we got here.” He motions to all the ready-made drunk teenagers lapping each other up like hungry beasts. One guy even has his tongue out as he licks this girl’s neck over and over again.

“Eww,” I say in disgust, and I’m glad to see that Max notices it too. His face looks just as revolted as mine. “Yeah, and I really don’t want to see what it will look like in an hour.” I shudder and Max notices.

“Do you want to come outside and sit with me on the swings? It looks as though Christine is a little tied up.” He motions with his finger to the hallway where Christine has Tyler up against the wall as she kisses him. “Fuck me, she’s like a vulture.”

I snort without meaning to and try to cover my embarrassment. Max just smirks at me. “I think sitting on the swings would be good.”

Max nods his head, takes my hand, and leads us past the two lovebirds in action. Christine doesn’t even notice that we’re leaving them.

Once we are outside and sitting, Max fetches a blanket from a basket by the swing set and places it over my legs. “Thank you,” I say as I smile up at him. He’s being a gentleman, and it’s nice.

“You’re welcome.” He sits down beside me and wearily places an arm around my shoulder. “It’s getting warmer during the day, but the nights are still cold.”

I look at his t-shirt. “I think you need this more than I do. At least I have long sleeves.” I make a move to place it around him, but he jerks back.

“No, it’s all for you. I was working out before I got here and haven’t cooled down since.”

I glance at the muscles on his arms. “Yeah, I noticed you were looking a bit … bulkier than normal.” I smirk, but notice Max is staring at my lips.

Oh boy!

I quickly clear my throat. “So … um … got any plans this summer?” I take a sip of my beer, hoping that I can dissuade him from thinking of kissing me—if he even wants to kiss me that is.

Max reluctantly takes his eyes from my lips and glances up at me. “My dad was talking about going to Paris this summer.”

My eyes widen. “Wow! Really?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I’m not really into that artsy stuff, but my mom loves it, so …” I nod my head, knowing exactly where he’s coming from. “What about you? Oh … don’t tell me … Montana.”

I gasp. “How did you know?” I laugh, making Max laugh along with me.

“Oh, I don’t know. Call it a hunch.”

We soon stop laughing and instead start swinging. It’s a clear night tonight, so the stars are out in abundance. I can clearly see them dancing across the Utah mountains in the distance. How peaceful it is out here compared to the ruckus I can hear inside. As I think this, I close my eyes for a fraction of a second and drown out the noise. I inhale deeply and the spring night air hits my nostrils, making me smile. I love the smell of spring. It’s my favorite time of year.

“So, got any plans for your eighteenth? It’s coming up soon, right?”

What is it with everyone and my birthday lately?

“I haven’t got any plans yet. Christine wants to throw a party.”

Max laughs. “Well, that’s not a surprise. But you’re not so keen?” I shake my head in admission. “Well, you know my brother owns a boat?” I had heard about that. He bought it last year when he made his first million in the stock market … with the help of my dad. I nod my head. “Well, he did mention that I could use it—as long as I’m careful of course. I think if he knows it’s for your eighteenth birthday, he won’t mind. He knows you, trusts you, and considering it was your dad who helped him out, he can hardly say no. It’ll be fun. What do you say? It will mean catching a flight out to California. My brother has it docked over in Newport Beach.”

It all sounds wonderful. Much better than these out-of-control parties Christine drags me to. I’m sure Christine wouldn’t say no to the idea either. “He would really do that for me?” Max nods his head with an eager smile. “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Really?” He actually looks surprised that I would say yes.

“Yes. It would mean fewer people.” I smirk back at him. He knows the drill.

As I say this, Max absentmindedly picks a lock of my hair up and starts playing with it between his fingers. He looks like he’s deep in thought. “What if,” he began, “we make a weekend of it? That way, we can invite just a handful of your favorite people.” He chuckles a little, setting me off. “If your parents would be okay with it, that is.”

I’m not sure if Max just wants me to himself and is therefore playing on the fact that I don’t want a big, lavish party or if he is genuinely trying to ease my suffering. I prefer the latter of course. I’ve already told Max that I just want to be friends with him. He has been fine with me ever since and hasn’t pushed the topic.

In the end, I nod my head. “I think that would be lovely. Thank you.” I lean over and kiss his cheek—careful not to linger too long. Max blushes a little, making my own cheeks heat up.

Okay, this is getting a little weird.

Max lingers at my lips again, and for a moment, I think he’s going to kiss me, but then he surprises me by saying, “I’m going to go grab a beer. Do you want another one?”

I look down at my nearly-empty cup and nod. “Yeah, that would be good. Thanks.”

Max takes my cup from me and smiles. “Okay. Be right back.”

He marches off, leaving me to enjoy the view a little longer. It’s so peaceful here. I could sit like this all night and not move until Cinderella has to leave.

“Lily!”

All chances of peace and quiet are gone when I see Christine practically sprinting towards me. “What are you doing out here?” She doesn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, she pulls my arm up and starts tugging. “Come. You have to get inside. We’ll be playing Seven Minutes in Heaven in a moment.”

I stop her from tugging. “Oh, no… I’m not playing that.”

She shakes her golden locks at me and pulls an unamused look. “You have to. You knew Jerry would get back at you for the ten dollars you won from him. He’s been trying to find a way ever since. This is his way. He’s bet ten dollars that you won’t do it. Don’t disappoint me.”

Oh shit. She had to pull that on me. Christine knows I don’t ever forfeit dares or bets. It makes me wonder if she contrived this whole thing to begin with. “You didn’t tell him, did you?”

Christine turns her head towards me as she carries on tugging my arm. “Tell him what?” she frowns.

“About me never being able to forfeit a dare?” I give her a reproachful glare, but she looks somewhat offended that I would ask.

“Of course not. What do you take me for?” With that last word, she pulls me into the house and marches me up the stairs. People are watching, waiting, and smiling as we approach the top. Jerry is by a door and has this shit-eating grin on his face.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Ten Dollars.”

I shake my head with a snort. “You’re just a sore loser, Jerry.”

He folds his arms and leans against the doorframe. “You can call this a dare, but I’m willing to bet ten dollars that you won’t go in there.”

I look at the door briefly and then back at him. “And if I refuse?”

Jerry smirks and reaches his hand out to his friend, Tom. Tom then places a tin of lamb-chunk dog food in Jerry’s hand. “You have to eat five spoonfuls of this.” He holds it up for the world to see, and everyone either says yuck, eww, or sniggers.

I’m not in a laughing mood, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Jerry see me suffer. “It’s my least favorite as well.” I hear people laugh behind me, but Jerry looks full of himself.

“Are you saying you won’t do it?”

I motion to the door with my head. “Who’s in there anyway?”

Jerry, shaking his head, walks over to me and places an arm around my shoulder. “You know the rules, Lily.”

I look around, and I can’t see Max anywhere. Maybe it’s him. If I had to choose, then it would have to be Max. Despite the fact that I only want to be friends, Max would be the best choice out of everyone here. At least I could trust him not to do anything stupid.

With my mind made up, I inhale sharply. “Fine,” I say through gritted teeth. “This is so juvenile.” I look over my shoulder one last time and see Christine winking at me.

What is she up to?

“Okay, then. You have seven minutes.” Jerry holds up his phone and hovers his finger over the screen. “Starting … now!” Everyone cheers, and Jerry opens the door and pushes me through. Just for the fraction of a second when the light shines through, I can see that I’m in a bathroom, but I cannot see with whom.

The door quickly shuts behind me, and all is dark. My heart starts to accelerate as I wait for someone to emerge. “If someone’s hiding in here, it’s not funny.” As I say this, a figure appears from behind the shower curtain. I can’t see much of him, but I can tell he’s big. At first, I think it’s Max because whoever this is works out; I can see the outline of his broad chest and muscular arms. This guy, however, has at least another four inches in height on Max. It also looks like he may have patterns on his arms. As he gets closer, I notice his hair is kind of long. I can’t make out his face, but what I have observed so far seems to have made my belly suddenly dance.

Who is this guy?

“Lily,” he whispers softly, grabbing the back of my neck. He leans in closer and the smell of him invades my senses. He’s like a mixture of pepper and mint. Just like the lily flowers.

It can’t be…

“Who are you?” I ask, swallowing hard. I should be scared, but instead, my senses are going into overdrive. His touch, his smell, and his sheer presence are all making my knees weak.

“Shh,” he utters, as he traces a line along my bottom lip with his thumb.

My God, that feels good. How does he do that?

I’m rigid, wondering how on earth I haven’t run yet. My feet can’t seem to move. It’s like they don’t want to move.

“Relax,” he whispers again, caressing my cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Oh my God—that voice. It’s deep and assertive … husky even. It makes me shudder.

As if on command, my posture slackens, and he takes that as his cue to wrap one arm around my waist. I feel literally swept off my feet. Sure, I’ve had guys put their arms around me before, but not one of them made me feel this burning heat, permeating my entire body. Not one of them made me feel like there were fireworks going off in my head.

He tilts his head down toward my ear, and my body trembles as he guides my head forward. “I want to taste you, Lily.”

I gasp, unable to form words.

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I move? Why can’t I demand to know who this guy is?

All I can think about right now is how much I want to taste him too, and this really isn’t like me.

He pulls his head back, leaving the lingering smell of spice to invade my nostrils. It makes them flare violently, trying to take in as much of him as possible. Once he does pull back, he lingers for a moment, and my heart beats rapidly against my chest. Can he feel it? Can he hear the “boom, boom, boom” sound thumping against my ribcage? It’s almost deafening to me.

“Trust me,” he says, leaning in to touch my lips with his. At first, he moves in slowly, coaxing my mouth open a little. I suck in his breath, taking in every morsel of his minty fragrance. I’m not sure why my body is reacting to his every move, but it’s almost as if it’s seeking something, and this something is this mysterious, patterned stranger standing in front of me, coaxing my mouth open to meet his.

As I think this, my hand instinctively lifts up to feel the contours of his head. I grab a few strands of his hair and marvel at how soft to the touch they are. As his lips tentatively touch mine, sparks fly. The room seems to crackle around us. I’m on fire from just this tiny connection to his mouth. As our lips mesh together, a sound escapes me. It rumbles through my chest, vibrating through my mouth into his. His lips feel warm, wet, and inviting… So inviting that my tongue feels left out. I gently push mine into his mouth, and he accepts me with enthusiasm, moaning and squeezing my waist.

My God, who is this man?

I say man, because that’s the only way to describe him. He’s all man … and then some.

What am I doing? This is not me! I’m sensible Lily. I don’t go to parties and get locked up with strangers who I let kiss me like I’ve never been kissed before!

I have kissed boys. I tried it once when I was fifteen with my next door neighbor, Daniel. He was good, but nothing compares to whoever has me spellbound right now.

I should be pushing him away. I should be fighting him off and running a mile to get away, but my body has other ideas. Instead, I tug at his head, fighting to get nearer to that delectable mouth of his. There is no possible way I could get any closer, but I’m desperately seeking more.

As he pushes me up against the bathroom wall, I feel his hardness digging into my stomach. Again, I should run. The sensible Lily would… But, again, I want more of him—much more. I grab at his back, noticing how strong and big his muscles are. It’s like coaxing my hands around steel. I run my fingernails down the length of his back and am gratified by the sounds he makes through his chest. I affect him, and that, in turn, is affecting me…

Big time.

As we carry on kissing, our hands explore everywhere—aside from all the places we shouldn’t. This thought scares me. I shouldn’t be like this. His hands are in my hair, grabbing my waist, and stroking my back, but I desperately want more. I need him to touch me.

As his hand dives under the hem my skirt and travels upward, I feel his fingers glide against my stomach when they reach their destination. At that last thought, he pulls away. Breathing heavily against my mouth, this mysterious stranger leans his forehead against mine. “I have to stop,” he admits. “Or else, I’ll want more.”

In a moment of weakness, I stutter, “pl–pl–please,” shocking myself.

This isn’t me speaking. Surely not?

With his breath blowing against my hair, the stranger cups my face in his hands. “I’m not taking advantage of you. Not like that. Not here and not today.”

“When?” I ask—again surprising myself.

“You want more?” I can hear the incredulity in his voice.

“Yes,” I admit.

“One day, then… One day soon.” He traces that same finger along my bottom lip. I shudder at his touch.

Who is this man?

“Who are you?” I finally manage to ask.

“I am a man who seeks to right the wrongs.”

I frown. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He leans in and kisses my lips tenderly before breaking away from me completely. “Time’s up, Beautiful.”

A bang at the door makes me jump. I cover my ever-beating heart and stare at the door. “Come on out, lovebirds. Your time is up.”

I take in a deep breath and walk towards the door. I will see whoever this guy is for myself soon enough. The door opens before I get to it, and I have to squint to see through the light. Jerry is standing outside, smirking along with Christine and a couple of others.

“Have fun with Max?” Jerry asks, raising an eyebrow.

What the fuck?

I try my hardest to hide my shock.

Maybe it was Max after all. He has longish hair, so it’s possible. It might be that he seemed taller because he was standing so close to me. But, how? How could he have felt so good, so right, so desirable, and so … proficient? That wasn’t the Max that I knew. He didn’t even sound like Max.

I hear laughter around me, but I can’t speak. My eyes wander to a figure which appears at the bottom of the stairs. It’s Max. He’s holding two plastic containers of beer, looking just as perplexed as I’m feeling.

When Jerry looks to where my eyes have wandered, he frowns. “What the fuck?” he says, looking down at Max. “How the fuck did you get down there so quickly?”

Max frowns. “What the hell are you talking about?

Jerry quickly brushes past me and opens the bathroom door with a bang. He flips the switch, but there’s no one there. The window, however, is open.

In a rush, Jerry bolts outside again. “How did you manage to get out the window, climb down the house, get into the kitchen, and grab two beers so quickly?”

The confusion on Max’s face is mirrored by the expression on my own. “Dude, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I went into the kitchen to grab two beers, but this girl started asking me questions. What’s going on?” He looks from Jerry to me, but I have no answers.

Jerry turns to face me. “Who was in there with you?” He points with a snarl. “Hold on a minute. You were stuck in there on your own, weren’t you?”

I look to Christine, not knowing what to say. She can see the panic in my face, and I know she wants to help, but doesn’t know how. I need to say something, though.

As my heart calms, so does my head. If I start denying that I was on my own, then it will only make the situation worse. I take a deep breath and crack a big smile. “You got me!” I shout, making almost everyone laugh. Christine, however, is not laughing.

Jerry points his oversized finger at me. “You owe me for this.”

I push his finger away. “I don’t owe you shit. You told me to go in the bathroom for seven minutes, and that’s exactly what I did. Deal is done. Bet lost.” I put my hand out. “Hand over the money.”

Jerry makes a stand at first, folding his arms. “This is seriously fucked up. I thought Max was in there.” He turns his head to Christine. “Did you have something to do with this?”

Her eyes widen. “Don’t accuse me. I went in search of Lily, remember?”

“I don’t care. I’m not paying.” He shakes his head from side to side.

I sigh. “I did as you requested, now hand over the money. We have witnesses to the fact.”

Jerry looks around like he’s seeking backup. Nobody offers to help him. He sighs out loud, digs into his pocket, and pulls out a ten dollar bill. He slams it into my hand. “Here’s your fucking ten dollars.”

I smirk. “You can call me ‘Twenty Dollars’ now.”

Jerry comes in close—pointing his finger at me—and says, “You haven’t heard the last of this,” before he storms off.

I breathe out, still in shock after what’s happened. People soon dissipate, but Christine quickly scurries toward me. “What really happened in there?” she whispers. She knows something happened. She can see it in my eyes.

“Someone was in there, but I don’t know who.”

Her eyes widen. “Shit! Did you make out?”

I bite my lip, wondering if I should tell her. “We kissed, yes.” Christine squeals, jumping up and down. “Shh. People will notice.”

“Sorry,” she whispers. “What was our mystery man like? Was he hot?” I nod, my cheeks flushing. Christine grabs my arm. “We must find him. What could you tell about him?” she asks, scanning the hallway down below.

“Well, he was tall—”

“How tall?” she interrupts.

“About this high.” I raise my hand about nine inches above me.

“Shit, that’s about six-foot-four. Okay, that eliminates a few. What else?”

I briefly think back to his longish hair and muscles. “His hair is about this long.” I place my hand flat against my cheek. “Maybe shorter. He’s really ripped too. I mean, really ripped. He must work out.” I frown. “I might be wrong, but it looked like he had tattoos.”

“Tattoos?” she asks. I nod. “On his arms?” I nod again. “Like, here on his arms?” She points to her lower arm.

“Yes. I thought I saw darkened patterns on his arms, but it was way too dark to make out what they were.”

Christine shakes her head in wonder. “I can’t think who that could be.” She pauses for a moment, thinking, but then she grabs my arm. “Come, we have to go look for him.”

As she says this, Max arrives at the top of the stairs. “Jerry just told me what happened. He’s super pissed off.” He hands over my beer. “Your beer.”

“Thanks,” I reply with a smile.

“So, were you really in there by yourself?”

I look at Christine for a moment with a smile. “Yeah. He thought you were in there with me, though.”

Max smirks. “I’m sorry I missed that.”

I smile back, but the last thing on my mind is Max’s amorous intentions. Christine—ever the lifesaver—tugs on my arm. “I need to steal Lily for a couple of minutes. I’ll bring her right back to you afterwards.” She smiles flirtatiously at Max.

“Go right ahead,” he replies, smiling at the both of us.

We run down the stairs with Christine feeling more excited about finding this delectable, mysterious stranger than I am. I kind of have this feeling we won’t find him, so it seems pointless. I go along with it nevertheless.

We search through the hoards of bodies in the living room, but no one fits the bill. We then search the kitchen. Again, no one even remotely resembles the “bathroom guy.”

Once we’ve been at it for ten minutes without success, we both have to admit defeat. “This is unbelievable! I wonder if it’s Jerry playing a trick on you.”

My eyes widen at the thought. “You think he would?”

She sighs. “It’s just the kind of shit that he would pull, but I doubt it. There’s no way Jerry could pull that performance off. He seemed really upset.”

I nod in agreement. “You’re right. I don’t think he was behind it.”

“So,” she smiles, “it can only mean one thing.”

I frown. “What?”

She picks up a lock of my hair. “You, my dear Lily, have a secret admirer.”

My eyes widen as I think back to the peppery, minty smell. My mind wanders further to the lilies which I receive every afternoon.

Could it have been him? It’s possible. In fact, it’s the only lead I have.

Does that thought scare me? It should, but for some reason, all I can think about are his words when I asked him when I would see him again.

“One day, then… One day soon.”

My God, that man’s voice does things to my body—things that should frighten me. I should want to run, but instead, all I can think is:

How soon will “soon” be?

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t see how that can be.”

“Someone went to the trouble of getting into that bathroom—knowing that you were going to be there.”

I tense my hands, unable to comprehend how no one could have known. “How did he manage to get in there without you or Jerry knowing?”

Christine bites her lip, a small V in the crook of her forehead. “I have no idea. This girl said that Max was waiting inside, and Jerry told me to go get you. She had dark hair and some silly t-shirt that said something about wanting food.”

“What girl?”

Christine looks around the room. “I can’t see her now. I don’t know who she is, but she seemed to know you and Max, so I went with it.”

I immediately got suspicious. “I think we need to talk to Max.”

“Why?”

“Do you remember that he said some girl was asking him questions? What if it’s the same girl who told you Max was in the bathroom?”

Her eyes widen at the thought. “Good point. Let’s go find Max.”

We dart from the living room and into the kitchen where we find Max talking with Tyler. Christine’s eyes immediately light up once she sees him. Once they spot us, they both smile and pull away from their conversation.

“Max, who was the girl talking to you while everyone was upstairs?”

Straight in for the kill, Christine.

Max frowns until it dawns on him. “Oh, the girl who was asking me questions in here?” She nods. “I’ve never met her before. She said her name was Stephanie and that she was new around here. She wanted to know all about school and the area etc. I didn’t want to be rude, so I answered her questions.” He frowns. “Why are you asking?”

“Did she have brown, almost black hair?”

He nods. “Yeah, she had some t-shirt on that had ‘WTF, where’s the food?’ on it. I thought it was kind of funny.”

I look to Christine, and she raises an eyebrow at me. It must have been the same girl. “Have you seen her since?” I ask.

Max instinctively looks up, but shakes his head. “No, only in the kitchen. She kept looking at her watch, but every time I wanted to get going, she would stop me and ask me something else.” He frowns and says, “Why are you asking me about her anyway?”

I shrug. “Just curious.” He was about to say something else, but I cut in. “So, Max, what about that boat?”

Max smiles, and Christine pipes in. “What boat?”

“I was telling Lily that a few of us can go on my brother’s boat for the weekend of her eighteenth.”

“What?!” Christine squeals. “A boat? Seriously?”

Max laughs. “Yeah, but only a few can stay. It’s a four birth, so a maximum of seven people. I say seven because the master has a double bed, and I think the birthday girl should have that.”

“Lucky bitch!” Christine shouts, elbowing me with a cheeky grin.

“The good news is that your birthday starts on Friday. If anyone who wants to go can get their parents to agree, then we’ll make a weekend of it and come back on Sunday.”

Christine squeals again. “Yes! I’m on it. Count me in.”

“Who else would you like to invite, Lily?”

I smile. “Well, apart from Christine, you, of course.” I look to Tyler. “And you as well, Tyler.”

He places his hand over his heart. “I’m honored.”

“That makes four, so who else?” Max asks.

We all look around. “How about Jerry?” Christine laughs as we look around and find Jerry bouncing a football on his head.

I scrunch up my face. “Hardly mature enough to be on a boat. He’ll probably crash it.” I snigger as Max’s eyes grow wide.

“He’d at least be entertaining.”

Tyler snaps his head to Christine in disbelief. “And we’re not?”

She sighs. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant to say that he’s funny in a goofy sort of way, so he would definitely add to the party’s festive ambience.”

Just as she says this, Jerry comes over and places his arm over Christine’s shoulder—much to Tyler’s annoyance. “What are you shitbags talking about?”

I roll my eyes. “Real smooth, douchebag.”

He waggles his eyebrows at me. “I can be smoother … if you’ll let me.”

Christine elbows him, and I laugh as I watch him hunch over. “Thanks for that,” I tell her.

“No problem.”

“And here I was thinking I was your favorite,” Jerry says as he gets back up.

Tyler scowls again, and Christine notices. “We were talking about Lily’s eighteenth.” I throw daggers at her, but she shrugs and looks in Tyler’s direction.

“What about it? Are you having a party? If you are, I’m so going there to get my twenty dollars back.”

I laugh. “You’re never going to let this go, are you?”

He shakes his head. “No fucking way. I don’t lose. I never have, and I have no intention of changing that now.”

“But you have lost … twice,” I point out, grinning at him.

“Only because of a technicality. Besides, the first one doesn’t count because it was Christine who you used to bet against me.”

“Yeah, but you still lost to a girl,” I say wagging my finger at him.

Everyone laughs, but Jerry still looks pissed. “One day,” he says. Once everyone calms, Jerry pipes, “So, about this birthday …”

As usual, I leave around ten-to-twelve with Max leading the way to drive me home. By the end of the party, it seemed we had our seven people. Jerry, unfortunately, was one of them, and so was his friend, Pete, along with his girlfriend, Amy. I like Amy, though, so I was pleased with the results in the end. That’s of course assuming all of our parents agree to this weekend away. I don’t think I will have an issue with mine, but you never know.

My reverie is broken when Max asks, “You really spent all that time in the bathroom alone?”

My heart starts beating erratically when my mind immediately thinks back to “bathroom guy.” I can still feel him on my skin. Goose bumps trail up my arms when my mind wanders to the feel of his fingers in the hem of my skirt, the grip of his hand in my hair, and the smell of spices invading my senses. I can still smell him—even taste him.

“Yes, I was really alone. I think Jerry really messed up this time.”

Max laughs as he pulls up to the sidewalk next to my house. “He will never forget this. You do know that, right?”

I smile. “Yes, but I’m prepared for him. I don’t care what he throws at me.”

Max chuckles. “Famous last words.” He then looks at my house. “Walk you to your door?”

I’m not anxious at all really, but I nod as I know that’s what Max wants to do. As I get out of the car, Max rushes over to keep the door open for me. He’s being even more of a gentleman, and I don’t know whether that unnerves me or not.

Once at the door, I turn to Max with a smile. He looks apprehensive. His eyes are darting everywhere, and he’s placing his hand behind his neck—a sure sign of nervousness.

“Well, I had a nice time,” I say in order to break the awkwardness.

Max smiles, but he still looks worried and unsure of something. “Me too,” he finally says, shifting from one foot to the other. It makes me nervous, so I motion toward the door.

“Well, I better go in.” Max nods, but his head is slightly down as he massages the back of his neck.

What’s gotten into him?

I soon find out when I turn towards my door. Max grabs my arm. “Hold on a minute,” he says, spinning me around and pulling me towards him. With only a moment’s notice he has his lips on mine, trying to force my mouth open.

A muffled scream emanates from me as I push at his chest. Max is strong, but he gets the message. We part—our breathing harsh—and I glare at him. “What were you doing?” I ask as quietly as possible, trying not to disturb my parents. The last thing I want is to have them rushing out to find us arguing. They’ll think it’s a lover’s spat, which it most definitely is not.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. He looks sorry, but I’m way too mad at him.

I grit my teeth. “I’ll see you Monday.” I turn to open the door, but Max is still apologizing and begging me to speak with him. I’m too mad to see him right now. I’m angry, and I know that in the heat of the moment, I may end up saying something I’ll regret later.

I close the door on him, shutting him off completely and lean my head back against the door. I take a deep breath before opening my eyes. When I do, I’m surprised to find my dad staring right at me. “Rough night?”

I smile. “You could say that.”

My dad leans against the hallway wall, scrutinizing me. “Want to talk about it?”

I shake my head. “No. I guess I’m just tired. I know I’m not even eighteen yet, but I’m really not cut out for this partying thing.”

My dad laughs. “As your mother says, you only live once. Take opportunities as they come because they may be your last.”

My eyes widen. “Wow, Dad… Talk about piling on the heavy stuff!”

He chuckles again. “Well, it’s true. I was once your age, and believe me, seventeen and eighteen don’t last forever. Once you hit twenty-one, you’ll be thirty before you know it.”

I shake my head. “Jeez, you’re depressing me.” My dad laughs with a shrug of his shoulders. Talking about my young years makes me remember something. “I have to ask you something, Dad.”

My dad nods his head. “Go ahead.”

Just as he says this, my mother appears and runs her hand over my dad’s shoulder. She’s looking at me expectantly too.

“The guys were talking about my eighteenth birthday.”

My dad cocks his eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Max’s brother has a boat and has told Max—within reason—that he can use it. He knows I’m not a big party girl, so he has suggested that we spend the weekend of my birthday on his brother’s boat. Only a handful of us can go… Well, seven to be exact—”

“The whole weekend?” my mother asks, interrupting me.

I swallow, nervously thinking I may be asking too much. “Yes, but it will just be me, Christine, Max, Jerry, Tyler, Amy, and Pete. We would have to get a plane to California, though. That’s where the boat is docked.”

“The plane ticket’s no issue. That’s a lot of boys, though,” My dad mutters.

“I know, but we’re all friends. We’ve been friends for so long now. I don’t think of them as anything else, so …”

My dad smiles, putting his hand up. “Don’t fret, Lily. I’m not worried about you. I know I can trust you. The boys, however, are a different thing.”

My eyes drop down to the floor in disappointment. It’s a no. “Oh.”

“But, I do know Max’s parents and Tyler’s parents, so I can trust them to make sure their sons behave. Besides, Max has been a good friend to you.”

I snap my head up, face beaming. “Is that a yes?”

“It’s a yes.” I run into their arms and give them a big hug. “You’re only eighteen once,” my dad whispers in my ear.

“Again with the depressing sentiment.”

“It’s true.”

I pull away, beaming, but inside I can’t help but wonder if this plan for my birthday will go ahead after all. I’m not sure how Max and I will be after our little confrontation outside. “Thanks, Dad,” I say, and I look to my mother, “Mom.”

“That’s okay,” my mom replies. “How did tonight go?”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, the usual. Too much loud music and dancing. It’s made me tired, so I think I’ll head to bed.”

My mother grabs my arm. “Sure thing. Elle is in bed, so try and be a little extra quiet while you’re getting ready. She’s dog tired.”

I bite my lip, feeling badly for Elle. She’s been working so hard lately. “She puts too much pressure on herself.”

My mother nods her head. “I know, but she lives off of it. Your sister isn’t the type to sit still for long. You watch: She’ll be up early tomorrow morning and out before the rest of us. Even on a Saturday, she just can’t sit still.”

I chuckle, knowing precisely what she means. Rarely have I ever seen Elle in on a Saturday morning. She spends her mornings either going to the library as soon as it opens or meeting friends for coffee. “Okay, I’m off. Goodnight, Mom, Dad.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” they both say in unison.

I rush upstairs, careful to be as quiet as possible, and start to get ready for bed. I take off all my clothes and replace them with my pale blue, fleece pajamas. Not exactly sexy, but they’re comfortable and keep me warm. Besides, I have no one to be sexy for.

My mind immediately wanders to my Seven-Minutes-in-Heaven stranger, and as soon as it wanders, my breathing starts to accelerate at the thought. His hands were magical, touching me in ways that made my whole body practically go up in flames. No one has ever had that affect on me. I don’t have a clue about who he is, but I want to find out. I shouldn’t want to, but I do. It’s almost like this stranger has brought out the inner darkness of Lily Campbell. I shake my head, still unable to comprehend how on earth I let a complete stranger touch me in the way that he did, kiss me in the way that he did and—the most frightening thing of all—make me want more in the way that I do. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted him to keep going. I wasn’t sure at the time what I wanted from him, but my body seemed to know. My body still seems to know. It’s humming now at the thought of his fingers brushing against my skin. I shudder at the thought and chastise myself at the same time.

Who is he? Why was he there? And above all else, does he have a connection to my mysterious Lily Stalker? If it is the same man, then what does he want with me? But the most pertinent question is: Why am I not scared?

I sigh aloud, dropping onto my bed with an undignified thud. As I do, something captures my eye. I look across my bed and see my phone—just as plain as day—sitting on top of my covers. “What the …” I utter, remembering to try and keep quiet for Elle’s sake. I pick it up like it’s an alien object. It’s my phone all right, but how did it end up here? I hunted for it everywhere earlier, but to no avail. I had practically pulled my sheets apart searching for it, and yet I find it perched perfectly in the middle of my bed as if it had never been moved.

I get up, opening my door to find my parents walking quietly to their bedroom. “Mom, did you go into my room at any point tonight?”

My mother frowns. “No, dear. Why? Is something wrong?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s nothing. I just couldn’t find my phone earlier, but yet it’s sitting on my bed.”

She shakes her head. “As far as I know, no one has been anywhere near your room. Maybe it was there all along right in front of you, but you simply didn’t see it. Your father has that affliction.”

“Hey,” he scolds, grabbing her by the waist.

“Only kidding, darling,” she says, turning to me. “No, I’m not kidding,” she mouths, winking at me.

I smile. “Maybe I’m just going crazy then. Goodnight … again.”

“Goodnight, darling. Sweet dreams.”

I shut the door, frowning at my phone. I walk towards my bed, climb in, and as soon as I do, my phone lights up with a text message. It’s from Max.

Max: I’m really sorry about tonight. I hope you can forgive me?

I sigh, wondering whether I should text him back. I’m still a little sore about what happened tonight, so I’m unsure. Maybe I should leave it until tomorrow.

I scoot further down into my bed and check my other notifications. I can already see there are a few photographs of the party uploaded on Facebook. I bite my lip, wondering if I will be able to find the mysterious stranger in any of them. I scroll through about twenty of the photos and find a couple of Christine and me—deep in conversation. That must have been when we were trying to find the Seven Minutes in Heaven guy. I scrutinize every photo, zooming in on whatever may look interesting, but I can’t find anything. It’s almost as if he appeared out of nowhere and then disappeared into thin air.

As I continue looking through them, a message appears on my phone. The number isn’t familiar to me at all. It doesn’t even have the same area code as the numbers in my area.

Unknown Number: You know… You really should put a lock on your phone. If it gets into the wrong hands, there’s no telling what someone could do.

I jump, gasping as I throw the phone towards the end of my bed. I don’t know why I did that because the phone is still there—and so is the message. As I pick it back up with shaky hands, I start to rationalize things. Maybe it’s Christine or even Jerry. He did promise he would get back at me for tonight. Maybe this is his way of doing it.

Me: Jerry, this is not funny.

Unknown Number: I’m insulted that you think I’m that chump.

Me: Then, who are you?

Unknown Number: You’re an intelligent girl. You work it out.

As I stare at the message with wide eyes, my heart starts beating a million miles an hour. With a shaky hand, I compose another message.

Me: Thank you for the lilies every day. Although I’m not sure why lilies? I’m more of a sunflower girl myself.

Unknown Number: Well done, Beautiful. I think you know why I choose the lily. It’s a beautiful flower.

“Times up, Beautiful.” I shiver, remembering that voice in the bathroom. This has to be the same guy.

Me: Those flowers are chosen for funerals. To me, they mean death.

Unknown Number: But they also symbolize devotion. Are you a devoted person, Lily?

Me: Yes. Aren’t you?

Unknown Number: This isn’t about me.

Me: Why not?

Unknown Number: Because it’s about you.

Me: Why me?

Unknown Number: Why not you?

Me: We’re going around in circles here.

Unknown Number: Did you enjoy the party tonight?

My heart starts to speed up again as I vividly remember my time with the stranger in the bathroom. It has to be him. I wonder what I could ask him that could confirm it one way or another.

Me: What do you think?

Unknown Number: Again, very clever. But again, this isn’t about me.

Me: I believe you know how the party went for me.

Unknown Number: Are you always this inquisitive?

I laugh, and I don’t know why. I shouldn’t even be entertaining this guy, but for some reason, I just can’t help myself. He’s like a beacon calling out to me.

Me: It’s not wrong of me to want to know who is delivering lilies to me every day and cornering me in bathrooms.

There. I said it! I’ve put it out there now, so I’m hoping he’ll bite.

Unknown Number: Who said anything about cornering anyone in bathrooms?

Me: I think you know… And I want to know what you meant.

I hear nothing for a couple of minutes. I sit there and stare at the phone nonstop the whole time with my leg twitching in anticipation. When I hear nothing, I decide to look up the number to see if I can figure out who this could be. I try a few sites from Google, but nothing shows up. This number isn’t publicly registered, so I think maybe it’s a burner phone and my stalker is upping his game. I wait a little longer for a reply before I put the phone down on my nightstand. Then, I see it suddenly light up again.

Unknown Number: Get some sleep, Lily. You look tired.

I gasp, looking around my room. Of course, no one is here, but it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I get up and check the window outside, but all is quiet. It’s actually too quiet. Just looking out at nothing is unnerving.

I pull the curtain into place again and rush back to my bed. I’m too wired to sleep, but I’m also tired after the day’s events. I sit, wondering whether I should text back or not, but in the end, I realize he won’t reply anyway. He obviously didn’t like my line of questioning, since he cut me off so sharply.

I stare at the phone for a while before putting it back onto my nightstand. Instead, I pick up Pride and Prejudice and start reading. I need to get lost in another world for a few minutes. I need something to calm my erratic heartbeat. A dose of Darcy should do it.

Sigh.

I’m in a tunnel. It’s pitch-black and cold. I start shivering. As I look into the distance, I see a dark figure. It’s beckoning me over. I stare, wondering if I should trust this figure. Do I go, or do I turn and run away? The biggest part of me is screaming at me to turn, to move … to get the hell out of here, but my feet do not want to comply. My body jolts, like it’s just shifted gears, and suddenly—almost against my will—my body is moving. I start to advance towards this figure. It’s big in size, and my mind starts to wonder if it’s a monster out to eat me. Why am I not running away?

As I near the figure, the fear creeps up and lodges in my throat. I feel like I can’t breathe. I need to move. I need to get out.

But just as the panic starts, the figure offers me a hand. “Trust me, Lily,” he says, in his velvety voice. As I take his hand, all my fears and anxieties melt away. I feel safe, secure, and soothed by his touch. He pulls me to him, letting me savor that peppery smell. I breathe in the strong scent of mint as he leans in close to my lips. I hold perfectly still, wondering if—and hoping that—he will kiss me. I want him to. My body yearns for his taste. The warmth of him is surrounding me. I am no longer cold. Instead, my whole body is in flames as I seek out more of him.

He lingers at my lips, and I feel his warm breath on my face. I close my eyes, letting all of him fill my senses. I’m waiting for that first touch of his lips on mine… To feel the warmth and sweet moisture against my mouth.

As I feel him getting closer, I hold my breath, waiting for that inevitable kiss—the kiss which will transcend all kisses. I know it’s going to be amazing; I can feel the electricity in the air around us.

Then, suddenly—out of nowhere—he grips my arms and pulls me to him. His lips press against my ear. “Time’s up, Beautiful.”

I wake with a start, clutching my bed sheets. I’m sweating.

When was the last time I perspired like this? I can’t remember.

I look around my room. Everything is normal. The sunlight is shining through the edges of the curtain and falling onto my Marky Mark poster. His face is illuminated by its rays, making him look even more handsome than he already is.

I exhale, falling back on my bed, wondering what that dream could mean. I could analyze it for ages, but it could just simply be in reference to what he said to me last night in the bathroom. I did play that around in my head before I eventually fell asleep. Maybe it was just my subconscious trying to replay it all in a dream.

I grab my phone. First, I check for any further messages and then I see what time it is. As I light it up, nothing pops out at me. There are a few more photos of the party and one message from Christine asking me about my birthday. Such an impatient little thing she is. I check the time she sent it. Wow, it’s almost ten! I see that she sent it nine minutes ago, so I hit reply and start typing.

Me: 18th is a go. I repeat: It’s a go.

I can just see Christine shaking her head right now. It’s not long before I get a text back.

Christine: You’re so fucking weird at times, but YAY on the being able to go part. We need to start planning pronto. Not to mention the dance is coming up in a couple of months!

I groan. I was kind of hoping we wouldn’t have to start talking about that for a while yet. What’s even worse is that it’s a masquerade ball. Whoever thought of it needs to be shot. I have nothing to wear, and I know Christine is going to be dragging me with her to shop for dresses soon. As I think this, my phone lights up.

Christine: Hey… Feel like going dress shopping today?

I smile. I could set my watch by her.

Me: Okay, but I need to stop for coffee first. Meet at Bernardo’s at 11?

I get up and head for the shower because I know Christine will jump at the chance. She knows me well; I always have to have my coffee every morning.

Once I’m set, I see my phone flashing away. I pick it up, knowing it must be Christine. She has sent a text, but what really draws me to the phone is the unknown number.

Unknown Number: Sweet dreams?

I bite my lip, wondering whether or not to answer. I decide to ignore him. For some reason, my body shivers at the mere thought of him. It’s illogical and completely unlike me.

I need to put some distance between us, and hopefully, he will get the message and go away.

That is what my head is thinking anyway…

With my mind made up, I check the message from Christine. She’s good to meet me at eleven—just like I thought she would be.

I dress quickly in a pair of skinny jeans and my Utah Utes hoodie before grabbing my bag and heading downstairs.

“Morning, pumpkin,” my dad chimes, putting his paper down as I appear on the last step. “Going for coffee?” He smiles as if to say: “I can set my watch by you.” I’m obviously that predictable.

“I’m meeting Christine at Bernardo’s. We’re going to grab a cup of coffee before going shopping for the masquerade ball.” I roll my eyes. He knows the drill.

“Do you want me to give you a ride? I’m heading that way to pick up your mother from her yoga class.”

“That would be good, Dad. Thanks.”

He folds his newspaper up, collects his coffee mug, puts it in the sink, and turns to me. “Right. Are you ready?”

I grab my coat and my bag and nod my head. “Yep. Ready.”

Outside, the air is a little crisp compared to yesterday. I can still smell spring in the air, however, which lifts my hopes up greatly. I’m fed up with the cold now. Spring and summer can’t come quickly enough.

“Looking forward to Montana this year?”

My gaze from the mountainous sights ahead is interrupted by my dad’s question. “I always enjoy time by the lake.”

My dad smiles. “Do I sense a but in there somewhere?”

I shake my head and laugh. “No, Dad. Everything’s cool.”

He takes his eyes off the road for a moment to look at me. “Am I right in saying that you dream of Italy?”

I smile. “I would really love to go to Tuscany. It looks magical there. Full of sunflowers.”

Dad laughs. “You certainly love your sunflowers.” I nod and he looks out onto the road as he pulls into the parking lot by Bernardo’s. “I tell you what,” he says, parking the car, “we’ll do Montana this year, but next year, I promise I’ll take you to Tuscany. How does that sound?”

I squeal with delight. “Really? You would really do that for me?”

Dad chuckles. “Of course. You’re my daughter after all. Anything for you, pumpkin.”

I throw my arms around him. “Thanks, Dad! You’re the best.”

He kisses my head before I pull away. “I do try. Having said that, I know I don’t always get it right, sometimes, though.”

I shake my head with a frown. “You’re the best dad anyone could ask for. Tuscany or no Tuscany. You put a roof over my head, feed me, clothe me, and best of all, you care for me. How could you not be doing it right?”

My dad grabs my hand and watches it intently with a frown. “You’re such a good daughter, Lily. I just want you to know that.”

I frown at him. “Is something wrong, Dad?”

He sucks in a deep breath and gives me a big smile. “Of course not. I just want you to know that you’re appreciated too. Just how you appreciate me.” He looks out of my window and waves at someone. “Now, go. Christine is waiting for you.”

I stare at him for a second, wondering if everything really is okay. His face, however, is giving nothing away. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime.”

I grab my bag and head out of the car and towards a smiling Christine. “You okay?” she asks.

We wave as my dad drives away. I look back at her, frowning. “I’m not sure. First, my dad tells me he’s going to take me to Tuscany next year, but then he starts saying how much he appreciates me as a daughter.”

Christine rears her head back as if in shock. “And that’s weird to you? Jeez, if my dad offered to take me to Tuscany and tell me I was appreciated as a daughter at the same time, I wouldn’t be questioning him. I would be eternally grateful.”

I’m shocked by her tone of voice. Christine rarely gets as uptight as this. “I know. I didn’t mean it to sound ungrateful—”

“But it does,” she interrupts. “Count yourself lucky, Lily.”

My eyes widen. “I do.”

Man, what has gotten into people this morning?

I would never feel ungrateful for anything I have. I already know how lucky I am without needing Christine to point it out. “Have I upset you?” I have to ask. She seems off this morning too.

Christine sighs and shakes her head. “Yes… Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. Are you ready for your coffee? You probably really need it now.” She chuckles, but I know whatever I’ve said has still hit a nerve somewhere. She just seems off somehow.

“Yeah. Coffee would be good.” I smile.

We walk in, and Bernardo is standing behind the counter today, smiling. He always has a smile for me, he says. He runs the establishment with his husband, Richard. They recently married after fifteen years together. I saw the photos, and they both looked stunning in a tux. “Lily Flower, how are you this morning? You’re a little later than normal. I have your coffee order paid for today.”

I frown, looking at Christine. She puts her hands up in the air. “Nothing to do with me.”

I close the distance between me and the counter, leaning over to speak quietly. “Who ordered it?”

Bernardo smiles cheekily. “I have no idea. When I opened up this morning, there was an envelope on the floor. It had a note inside with ten dollars. It asked me to pay for your coffee and to keep the change. Very generous of him. He must like you a lot.” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “So, spill. Who is he?”

“I have no idea.”

He claps his hands together, making me jump. “Ooh, a secret admirer. How traditional. You don’t hear much about those these days. I think it’s so romantic.”

I cock my eyebrow. So, Bernardo thinks my stalker is romantic? I wouldn’t really go that far, but I’m not about to correct him.

I feel Christine grab my shoulder, so I look towards her. “Do you think it’s the Seven Minutes in Heaven guy?”

Bernardo leans over the counter in excitement. “What Seven Minutes in Heaven guy?”

I shake my head. This is getting complicated, and I don’t want too many questions asked.

“Well,” Christine says, leaning back over with a cheeky grin. “We were at a party last night, and Lily made out with this guy in the bathroom, but we don’t know who he is. He just disappeared … like right into thin air.”

Bernardo reared back. “Noo?! Really? How exciting!”

I frown at them both. “More like weird, don’t you think?” I’m trying my level best to keep my sanity, but a part of me also thinks that “exciting” is definitely a word I could use to describe last night.

“You tell me,” Bernardo asks, pointing at me, “was he a good kisser?”

My body almost quivers at the thought of his breath on mine. The way he felt was magical. Like something I’ve never felt before. It was an alien feeling. A feeling I both welcomed and wanted to deny at the same time. “He was … good.”

Bernardo raises his eyebrow. “Good?”

I bite my lip, trying to suppress my smirk, but it isn’t happening. “Okay! He was the best kisser I have ever had. Now, are you satisfied?” Christine and Bernardo both laugh together and give each other a high five. “Is there any chance I can have my coffee now?”

Christine pouts. “Sourpuss.” Without wanting to, I smile. “That’s better.” She turns back to Bernardo. “Can I have a coffee, black, to go? And I think you already know what Lily wants.” She looks at me with a smirk. “Compliments of SMIHG.”

I frown. “SMIHG?”

She rolls her eyes. “Seven Minutes in Heaven Guy, silly.” My mouth forms a little O as we wait for our coffee. “So, do you have any clues yet about who it could be?” I shake my head. “I was thinking about it last night. It could still be Max, you know. He’s strong. He had time and plenty of energy to climb down from that window and into the kitchen before he emerged at the bottom of the stairs.”

I think about it, but something tells me that Max had nothing to do with what happened last night. “I don’t know. I suppose we will find out who it is soon enough. A man like that won’t stay hidden forever. Someday, I will know.” That thought makes me smile inside. He either has to leave me alone, or at some point, he will have to show himself.

Our coffees arrive, so we thank Bernardo before heading out the door. “What store do you want to head into first?”

I take a sip of my coffee and groan in pleasure. The first sip is always the best. “I don’t care. Let’s just play it by ear, shall we? I’m sure we’ll find something. If not, we’ll still have plenty of time.”

We head down the main strip, and the streets are buzzing with Saturday shoppers. It’s warming up too, which I’m glad about. The crisp morning air is dissipating, leaving a much more spring-like fragrance. The cappuccino is adding to the warmth and improving my mood too. I’m somehow feeling more human again.

We pass by a couple of shops, but none of them really catch our eye, so we decide to concentrate on something a bit more popular with a larger selection. “How about Macy’s?” Christine agrees, so we hail a cab and travel the short distance to the mall.

Once we arrive at the big store, Christine’s face lights up. By now, we’ve finished our coffees, and both of us are enjoying a slight high from our morning caffeine fix.

“Let’s take a peek,” she says.

I know Christine is incapable of “just taking a peek.” I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while today.

First, we have a look around the more casual aisle, but neither of us picks anything out. We then look at the cocktail and other dresses which would be suitable for a masquerade ball. I immediately pick out a champagne-colored, sequined, beaded ball gown with a straight neckline, capped sleeves, and pleated chiffon at the bottom. It’s beautiful. I also find a similar dress, except this one is silver with slightly longer sleeves. I take that along with a mermaid-type dress. I have a feeling it won’t suit me, but I will try on anything even if I don’t think it will look good on me because you just never know.

“Hey, Christine,” I call. She reluctantly raises her head up and away from a pale pink lace gown and looks at me. “I’m just going to try these on.”

She nods. “Okay. I don’t think I will take much longer to pick out a few either.”

I nod my head and walk towards the changing rooms. No one is here to check me in, which is weird. Maybe they’re short-handed or too busy today. I look around for someone, but no one comes out to ask me if I want to try any of these dresses on. So, I make my way in on my own.

I choose one of the biggest changing rooms and start to undress. I hear a sound outside, so I stop for a moment. “Christine, is that you?” I shout, but no one answers. It’s become quiet again. When a few seconds go by without a response, I shake my head and unhook the dress from its hanger. I just start to step into it when I feel this whoosh of air against my back. I let the dress fall as I go to turn, but a body presses against me, halting me in my tracks.

Immediately, I freeze, but then relax as the peppery smell permeates my senses. He presses himself against my back and wraps his arm around my mouth. “Shh,” he whispers. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

My breathing hitches as my body flames with that unknown desire from last night. I look down and see the outline of a tattoo on his arm. I try to make out what the pattern is, but he has me rigid against his chest.

“If I take my hand away, will you promise not to scream?” I nod my head and feel the release of his hand from my mouth. For some reason, it’s unwelcome. His hand was warm and soft against my lips. I try to turn, but he stops me. “Not so fast, Lily. You can’t see me.”

My heart starts beating rapidly against my chest. “Why not? I want to see you.” My breathing is ragged, and my mind is racing with the thought of him being here.

What does he want with me?

I hear his raspy chuckle against my hair, and it makes me shudder. With one hand, he trails a line with his fingers from my shoulder down to my lower arm. My breath hitches as the journey leads him to my wrist. He grabs it, holding me in place as a strangled gasp leaves my lips. “Now, where would the fun in that be?” His voice hums, and to me, it’s a wondrous melody. I close my eyes like I did in my dream and just take in all that he has to offer.

“I just want to know who you are. I think I have a right to after last night.”

He kisses my neck, making my lips part with a slight moan, and I know he must be smiling at my reaction. If only I could see him. As his other hand trails down my other arm, my body gives itself away with rising goose bumps. I close my eyes again—my body trembling and my heart thumping.

“You desperately want to see me, but I know from the way your body is trembling that you don’t need to. You only need to feel me, Lily. Just feel me,” he whispers against my neck.

I lean my head back slightly, exposing myself to him. I’m completely vulnerable as I completely surrender to him … to this man … to this stranger. It feels too good to be in his arms. He has me held tightly, but at the same time, I can move if I want to. It is one of the strangest sensations I have ever experienced.

Am I in danger?

I don’t think so, but my mind is telling me to scream. Telling me to strike back and face the man who has been stalking me. To finally see him and put a face to a name. I long to see what he looks like, but my body is obeying his command. I am just feeling. I am taking all he can give.

“What would you like me to do?” I close my eyes again, his raspy voice making me shudder. I want him to do all of the things I know I shouldn’t want him to. I want him to touch me in places I’ve never been touched. I feel safe with him, but I know I shouldn’t. I am completely at his mercy; he can do anything he wants. If he had a knife, he could stab me right now, and that would be the end of me. The fact that I feel this overwhelming sense of calm with him is inconceivable.

He grips my shoulders, massaging them gently, and I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips. I’m tingling from my head down to my toes. I just can’t seem to get enough. “What do you want me to do, Lily?” he asks more forcibly this time.

“I–I–” I stutter, unable to form words. I’m an intelligent girl, but it feels as though my brain has been taken out of my head and blended into a smoothie.

“I, what? What do you want?”

He carries on massaging my shoulders, gently applying pressure with his fingers as he goes. My God, he feels good. “I want you to kiss me,” I answer, breathlessly.

At last, I have found my voice!

“But if we kiss, you will see me.” He nibbles my earlobe before moving down to my neck, and the ache in the pit of my stomach intensifies. I need him to do something to ease it.

“I promise I won’t open my eyes.”

He pauses for a moment, and I wonder if he’ll leave. The thought is unsettling. “You’re asking me to put a lot of trust in you.”

My inner common sense prevails. “Aren’t you asking the same of me? Look at the position you have me in right now.”

I hear the rumble in his chest against my back. “Fair and valid point, but will you be able to resist the temptation?”

“Use something to cover my eyes then.”

I feel his nose slide up from my shoulder to the base of my neck.

Wow, what is he doing to me?

“Kinky, are we?”

“I wouldn’t know,” I blurt, without even thinking.

“How is that? Are you telling me you’re inexperienced?” My heart rate kicks up a notch, but for different reasons this time. I don’t even know him, but yet I’m giving away all of my intimate secrets … or lack thereof. “Lily,” he utters, in a chastising tone.

“Yes,” I answer, thinking it best to just get it out in the open.

“Are you a virgin?”

I close my eyes on a sigh. “Yes.”

Again, his movements cease.

Is he not happy about this? Is he regretting coming in here?

I am about to ask him what’s wrong when he speaks. “Can I ask you to trust me?”

A rational person would say no. “Yes.”

He pulls away, and the feeling is unwelcome, but pretty soon I see his hands appear and with it a black and white patterned bandana. I know what he’s up to, so I try to take in as much of him as I can before he robs me of my sight. His hands are big and strong—almost calloused looking. They look like hands that belong to someone who has experienced a lot in his time. I manage to catch a glimpse of a tattoo on his right hand. The word looks like it could be Latin and is written in black calligraphy.

It’s been a while since I learned Latin, so I’m a little rusty. I do know it’s not a good word, and it’s on the tip of my tongue what it could be.

I have no time to reflect on this, however, as the bandana is placed around my eyes. Everything is dark now, but I’m not afraid. As much as I should be, I’m not.

“Now, you can turn around.” He places his hands on my arms and guides me gently around to face him. Once he’s satisfied, I feel his hand caress my face. “You have no idea what this is doing to me. Seeing you like this …” My breath hitches. I’m not sure what he means, but by the sexual tone in his voice, I believe it means he is turned on by seeing me blindfolded.

He pulls my chin up and guides me forward. I hold my breath, waiting and yearning for that first touch of his beautiful lips. A flashback of the dream comes to me where—in that moment—I am freefalling. It’s almost as if I have been transferred into the darkest part of my subconscious, and that part of my brain is now celebrating.

His tongue slides out of his mouth and gently traces a line against my bottom lip and then moves to the top to repeat the process. I moan, seeking out more, needing more. I feel his ragged breath against my own, and the thought that this is affecting him as much as me makes my loins awaken like never before. He holds me in place by my shoulders and presses his lips against mine. The ache in my stomach intensifies so richly that it’s almost unbearable. I want him to touch me.

As he breaks away to kiss down my neck, I can’t take it anymore. “Touch me,” I request. “Please, touch me.”

He’s unmoving, but I hear his breathing. It’s harsh and unforgiving … just like mine. I feel his hand caress my cheek. “Here?” he asks, but I know he’s just playing with me.

“No.”

“Here?” he asks again, moving his hand down from my cheek to my neck. I shake my head. “Here?” He curves his hand down to my chest where he moves a finger between my breasts. My breath hitches. “Here?” I shake my head again, getting more and more flustered. I can feel the heat rising through my body and into my cheeks. I must look practically scarlet to him. “Or here?” He moves his finger over the curve of my breast, and the moan that escapes me tells him everything. “I want to feel your soft flesh against my hand, Lily. I want to hear your moans.”

“Please,” I beg. I don’t know why I want this, but I do.

“You look stunning in black lace.” And then, I feel it. His hand sweeps under my breasts without quite touching me. He’s teasing me, and it’s driving me crazy. I moan, throwing my head back. “So receptive,” he breathes against my lips. His thumb swipes over my ribs making me gasp. “More?” I nod my head, giving him permission. I want him to go further, but for some reason, he’s not playing ball.

I feel him stroke his fingers along my neckline, down to my shoulders. My breath hitches again, wondering what he’s going to do next. I hear him suck in a breath. “Beautiful,” he whispers, making me shudder, “where now, hmm?” he asks softly making my breathing heavier.

I reach out, and it is as if he knows I want his hand as he lets me take it. I guide him towards one breast, but he stops just before touching it. “You are quite the little vixen, aren’t you?”

“Why won’t you touch me?”

“I am touching you. It’s just not in the way you want me to.”

“Why?”

I feel him tugging on a strand of my hair. “Because, Lily,” he says quietly, “you’re only seventeen. I won’t touch you there… Not until your birthday at least.”

I don’t like that he won’t touch me, but at the same time, it makes me want him even more. He may be a stalker, but he’s apparently a gentleman stalker in some ways. “Can you at least kiss me again?”

I hear him take in a deep breath. “That, I can do.”

He doesn’t wait much longer. He catches my lips again, but this time it’s almost feral. He slips his tongue in, seeking out mine and we mesh together in perfect harmony. I pull him closer and almost combust once I hear his growl. I moan a little, and as I do, he thumps me up against the wall. I groan again, fisting his hair in my hands as I pull him closer. I feel his hardness digging into me as he practically dry humps me up against the wall.

Shit! What am I doing?

I don’t know, and I don’t seem to care. The combined feeling of having his body against mine, his lips against mine, and our beating hearts against each other is taking over. I just want to feel him—feel all of him.

Just as I’m thinking this, he suddenly pulls away. I am not ready to stop. I need more. I need him to give me more. My lips part in order to let my grievance be known when he suddenly pulls my bra strap up—the one I didn’t even realize had fallen—and touches my cheek with his finger. “Time’s up, Beautiful.”

I stand stock-still, unable to form any words.

Is he leaving me?

I start to ask, but then I hear the telltale sound of a door, and my heart beats even harder. After a couple of seconds spent waiting and hearing nothing, I decide to pull off the bandana. I squint at first as the bright light of the cubicle hits me, but as my sight comes back, all I’m met with is my reflection in the mirror. My hair is messy, and my lips are swollen from our kisses. I look down at the bandana and bring it up to my nose. It smells of him. I close my eyes and savor the fragrance as I try my hardest to wrap my head around what we just did … again.

When I open my eyes next, I look down to see a lily placed on top of my jeans. I smile, picking it up and smelling its peppery fragrance. It makes me wonder if this stranger surrounds himself in lilies.

A knock sounds at my door, making me jump. “Lily, are you in there?”

I place my hand on my chest, trying to calm my ever-beating heart. “Yes. Just a second. I want to show you something.” As quick as a flash, I pull the dress over me and try to zip it up as high as I can. I open the door and see Christine in the dress she was looking at earlier. It looks beautiful on her.

“Wow!” we both say in unison. We start laughing, and I notice Christine scrutinizing me. “What have you been up to in there? Not only were you in there for a long time, but you look all … I don’t know … flustered.”

My heart starts to pick up yet another notch because I know I look just how she’s describing me. “I’ve been trying on all these dresses, and I just got a little hot. Don’t you think it’s hot in here?”

Christine blows out some air. “I guess it is a little warm.” She eyes me up and down. “But, look at you. Stunning! Have you not seen yourself?”

As she mentions it, I realize that I haven’t yet. I notice a mirror behind Christine, so I go to inspect myself. I’m surprised by how good I actually do look. Christine stands next to me, and we admire each other. Christine has a stunning figure. Hers is more curvaceous, whereas mine is a little flat. I think that’s due to all of the running I do.

“You look beautiful, Christine.”

She stares at herself and sighs. “I know. It’s just a pity I can’t buy it.”

I frown. “Why not?”

She turns towards me and holds out the price tag. It’s just over three hundred dollars. “Ouch.”

She nods her head. “Yeah… Ouch. How much is yours?”

We pick up the label and it says reduced from just over four hundred dollars down to two hundred and fifty-eight dollars. It’s still very expensive, but due to my savings and my parents’ contribution, I can afford to buy it.

“Not as expensive as mine, but still expensive. You should get it.” She turns away and heads back to her cubicle. She’s putting on her brave face, but I know she secretly wants that dress.

I go back to my cubicle, not feeling as good as I did when I first went in. I get undressed, place the dress back on its hanger, and put my jeans and top back on. Once I’m done, I pick up the lily flower, place it in my bag, and open the door. Christine is waiting, and she’s holding all of her dresses. “I’m just going to go to the restroom. Be back in five.” She moves away, hanging all of her choices on the return rack, and a thought strikes me. As my legs jerk forward, I pick up the dress Christine was wearing and place the other two I brought with me on the rack next to the others. I walk out and quickly find a cashier who takes them from me right away. The total is over five hundred dollars and it hurts. I have around a thousand in savings, so I can more than afford to buy them both. It just took me a long time to get there, so saving it back up I know will take time.

I hide the little pang in my stomach when I realize what the look on Christine’s face will be when she realizes that the dress she wants—and now has—for the dance will completely outweigh everything else. I smile as the cashier places the two dresses in separate boxes. Christine’s going to love it.

Once the cashier hands me the bags, I thank her and make my way to the restroom to wait for Christine. When I get there, though, I’m shocked by what I see.

“You don’t fucking touch me! Do you hear me?!” Christine is screeching at the top of her lungs at this man with his hands in the air in surrender. He has a look of pure shock on his face.

“I swear I never touched you! It was a mistake.”

She motions forward, pointing her finger in his face. “You touched my back. I felt it. You’re a fucking pervert!”

I’m rooted to the spot in shock. Christine is really laying into him. Her face looks like a mixture of venom and fear. That’s what is shocking me the most. She looks scared to death.

“I didn’t touch you,” he utters again, looking just as scared as Christine. For some reason, I believe him. Christine looks completely out of it.

“Nobody fucking touches me without my permission,” she chokes, running off towards the exit.

Shit! What the fuck just happened?

At first, I don’t move, but when I realize how upset she looked, I go running after her. I find her outside the shop and go to place my hand on her shoulder. “Christine, what’s—”

“Don’t fucking touch me. I don’t want you near me. Go to fucking hell, Lily!” She storms off in a flood of tears, and I’m left completely flustered and bewildered by what has just taken place.

What the hell is wrong with people today?

It isn’t like Christine to go off like that. I have never seen her so full of hate and terror at the same time. I should be mad about the way she spoke to me, but a part of me rationalizes that it wasn’t her talking. It certainly wasn’t the Christine I am best friends with—that’s for sure. Something had to have happened to set her off, but I don’t know what. She said that man touched her, but in what way? I need to find out, but first of all, I need to get home and cool down a little. I will give Christine until tonight, and then I will contact her. Despite what she said, I need to make sure she’s okay. The look on her face worries me. In fact, it damn well scares me to death.

I sigh, looking out onto the streets to hail a cab. One comes a few seconds later, and it actually stops for me. I give him my home address and slouch down into the seat. In my mind, I replay everything that’s happened today. First my dad, then the stranger, and now Christine. It’s like I’ve suddenly entered The Twilight Zone.

The whole way home, my mind is reeling from everything. I glance at my watch and see that it’s only a little after one. My stomach growls in protest. I haven’t eaten yet, and I know that’s not a good thing. I will have to fix that as soon as I get home.

My phone pings just as the cab driver pulls up to my driveway. I hand him ten dollars and get out of the car. As I’m walking to my front door, I open the message.

Unknown Number: Make sure you answer your messages next time.

I frown at it.

Is he admonishing me? Was that the reason why he suddenly left after working me up so hard? He’s getting back at me for not responding to his message earlier?

I decide not to respond. Instead, I get my key out and let myself in. No one is here, but I didn’t expect anyone to be. Normally, at this time on a Saturday, my parents are out having lunch with each other or with some big-wigs.

I place the bags down, wondering when I will have the opportunity to give Christine her dress. I’m still worried about her, and I’m wondering how I can broach the topic.

I make myself a chicken sandwich on rye and pour myself some apple juice. As I sit at the dining room table, I wonder how to reply to my Seven Minutes in Heaven guy. A smile creeps up on my face as I change the unknown number to SMIHG. At least now, I’ll know who it is.

I type a response.

Me: Are you mad at me?

My phone immediately pings.

SMIHG: What makes you say that?

Me: The tone of your message.

SMIHG: How can you detect my tone in a message?

Me: You know what I mean. Was that the reason why you tried to seduce me in the changing room?

SMIHG: I did not “try to seduce you” as you put it. I was simply reminding you.

Me: Reminding me of what?

SMIHG: That I am here. I am always here, Lily. There’s no escaping me.

A slight shiver runs up my spine leaving goose bumps in its wake. I keep thinking I should be scared of this guy, but every time I think of him, my body reacts in a way that makes no sense to me. It wouldn’t make any sense to anybody.

I don’t respond. Instead, I go back to eating my sandwich. Despite my body’s reaction, my head is the one in control and being sensible this time. I should not—in any way—encourage this guy. I have already encouraged him enough.

Once I’ve finished eating, I wash the dishes and sit back down and stare at my phone. I should at least text Christine to make sure she’s okay. I do just that, and then I sit there, wondering how to respond to Max. I’m not as angry as I was last night, but he still shouldn’t have come onto me the way that he did.

I sigh. No matter what, we’re friends. We’ve been friends for eleven years now, and I don’t want that to change. I know I will forgive him anyway, so I may as well put him out of his misery now. I open up his message from last night and hit REPLY.

Me: All is forgiven. I’ll see you on Monday.

I hit SEND and sit back in my chair. I wait for another five to ten minutes to see if either Christine or Max will respond to my messages. Nothing comes. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

As I think about today’s events, my mind wanders back to the stranger in the changing room. I can still feel his soft, but firm hands on my skin. Heat rises up my neck and travels to my face as I recount the moment he stepped into my room and made me lose all of my senses again. I let him blindfold me for goodness sake!

It is then I remember the tattoo. I light up my phone and type “Vindicta” into Google. As I click on Wikipedia two results come up.

vindicta f ‎(genitive vindictae); first declension
ceremonial staff used in manumission
punishment, vengeance

I frown as I click on manumission. It tells me it is a release from slavery or other legally sanctioned servitude.

So, does it represent that or the vengeance part? What could it all mean?

The fact that he said he was here to right the wrongs makes me think that it’s the latter. Whatever it is makes me wonder even more about this mystery guy.

Who is he?

Why is he following me?

But the most pressing question I need the answer to above all else is:

What does he want?

Introducing Jarrod Walker

“Jarrod! Jarrod, help me. Help me, please. Please get them off me! Please don’t let them do this to me. Jarrod!”

The ear-piercing scream from my dream awakens me. I sit bolt upright, panting. I’m sweating. My heart is pumping a million miles an hour—so much so that it’s ringing in my ears. It’s all I can hear. It’s all I ever fucking hear.

That scream! I will never forget it. Most nights, I wake up from that same dream, and it’s the only sound I can hear. It’s like an echo on replay. It fucks with my head, and it makes my blood boil and my hands shake. That memory. It will haunt me for a lifetime to come. I cannot shake it. Not now. Not ever. I am a psychiatrist’s fucking dream come true when it comes to me and my demons—and I have lots of them.

I check the clock on the bedside table. It’s eight-thirty in the morning. I don’t normally sleep in so late, but that fucking girl kept me awake half the night. I can’t stop thinking about the way she trustingly leaned into me so perfectly. I have never felt that from a girl before. I have never felt the urge to ruin and protect someone all at the same fucked up time. I knew what I was getting myself into once I started this whole venture. I knew I would be playing with fire, so I have to be more careful. If she sees me, she might start asking questions. I need to keep my distance from this as much as possible until I can figure out what it is I need to do next. This was all for her. It is all for her. I will never forget what she went through and neither will she. I can’t lose focus. I can’t let her down. One day, we will get the final retribution we’ve been waiting for this whole time. Then, and only then, can we move on.

This is the reason why I accepted help from family and friends once I got out from behind bars a couple of years ago. I was lucky. I had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in the fridge to tide me over until justice was done. I even paid some random girl at the party twenty bucks to go and speak to Max for seven minutes. It makes me smile whenever I think back to that night.

As I remember this, I decide to send her a text message.

Me: Are you okay?

Charlotte: I’ve been better.

Me: Hang in there, sweetheart. You know I have your back.

Charlotte: I know. I just don’t know how long I can take this. I trust you, though. And I love you.

Me: I love you too.

I feel a little better after our messages, but it doesn’t stop the worry. It kills me that I left her like I did. It also kills me that I still have to keep away from her. She knows why and understands. It’s all part of our plan.

I sigh, heading to the bathroom for a quick shower. My left hand was a little sore yesterday, but it’s not throbbing as much now. I shake my head, thinking about what I had done. I’d acted on impulse and the desire to protect. I also acted on the twin desires to take action against those who push boundaries and to act on the memory that forever haunts me at the same time.

I lean my hand back against the shower tiles, dip my head, and let the water cascade down my back. Flashes of her enter my head, and no matter how hard I try to push the thoughts of her out, the images still come. Like a bullet, the memories of her shoot through me, penetrating my blackened heart. I don’t want to keep thinking of her soft, luscious hair, full, pouty lips, and the way her body trembles when I graze my hand against her soft, delicate skin. I don’t want to keep thinking about the way she seems to trust me implicitly or the way she lets me touch her where apparently no one has ever touched her before.

I punch the wall with the side of my fist and cry out as agony rips through it. “Son of a …” I clutch at it, cursing myself for forgetting, but a part of me welcomes the pain. I am used to pain. It’s all I’ve ever known.

This is why you’re doing it, you silly fuck!

I get out of the shower and dry myself off with a towel. Once I throw it in the laundry basket, I glance at myself in the mirror. So much ink is displayed on my skin now. I caught the tattoo bug a while back, and I haven’t stopped since. I got my first tattoo of Charlotte on my shoulder, and once I got that I couldn’t stop. For some reason, every time I get one it’s like therapy. I can’t seem to stop myself now that I’ve started.

I smile as I trace a line of my latest tattoo of a lily on my torso. Charlotte doesn’t know I’ve had that done yet. If she did, she would flip her fucking lid—something I don’t want to witness.

My phone pings, startling me for a moment. I walk towards it with an idea of who it might be. No doubt Lily is in school by now, so she will know what happened on Friday night. I smile when I read her message.

Lily: What did you do?

I hold the phone in my hands for a while, not knowing if I should respond right away. In the end—as usual—logical thought seems to escape me when it comes to her.

I hit REPLY.

It’s Monday morning, and I groan at the thought once my alarm goes off. No doubt everyone will be up, showered, and dressed already. I’m always the last one up.

I groan again, throw the covers off me, and head for the shower. I’m a little apprehensive today as neither Max nor Christine has gotten back to me after the messages I sent yesterday. That realization makes me shower and dress faster than normal so that I can get to school a little earlier than usual.

As I put my hair up in a bun, I grab my bag and head downstairs to find everyone eating breakfast. “Do you want some toast, honey?” my mom asks.

“Yes. Just one slice if you don’t mind.” My mom smiles and gets everything ready for me.

“Do you want to ride to school with your old man?”

I smile at Dad as he’s crunching on a bit of toast. “Yeah, that’ll be great.” Normally, Max or Christine would have given me a ride, but I doubt either will this morning. I honestly cannot wait until I get a car. I only recently passed my test, but my parents haven’t mentioned getting me a car just yet. I have a feeling my eighteenth will be the special day. At least then I won’t have to rely on other people for a ride to school.

Once in the car, my dad and I make small talk. He seems upbeat today like he has a spring in his step. “Thanks for the ride, Dad,” I say as I step out of the car.

“No problem, pumpkin. I’ll see you when I get home.”

I wave goodbye and watch briefly as he drives away. Once I turn, I look at the school entrance with a sigh. Lots of students are milling around—including the ever-annoying Jerry.

“Hey, shit-for-brains, how are you this morning?”

I roll my eyes at Jerry. He’s such a douche. “You may look like Stifler, but that doesn’t mean you are Stifler.”

Jerry shrugs with a smug smile on his face. “What? Everybody loves my pet names for them.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure people love being called fuck-face, shitbag, and ass-licker.”

Jerry starts laughing. “Ass-licker. I like that one. I’ll have to use it on Max.” He elbows me. “Speaking of Max, what did you do to him on Friday night?”

My guilt surfaces, making me go on the defensive. “What are you talking about?”

He sees the frown on my face and matches it. “You mean you don’t know?”

I sigh. “What’s going on, Jerry?”

He looks behind me and smiles warily. “Wow, someone really did beat your fucking ass.”

“Shut up, Jerry.”

I turn and find Max walking towards us. I gasp. “Oh my God! What happened to you?” I run towards him and grab his arm for comfort. His left eye is swollen. It looks purple and angry.

He looks sheepishly towards me. “When I got home from dropping you off after the party, someone jumped me. I didn’t get to see who it was because he was too quick. He grabbed me, spun me around, and all I could see was a fist flying towards me. By the time I got back up, the person was gone.”

“Shit, Max. Was he after money? Did he take anything?”

He frowns. “That’s the weirdest fucking part of it all. I had my Rolex on, my rings, and a hundred dollars in my wallet. None of it was taken.”

“Man, who have you pissed off?” Jerry grumbles. “You must have pissed someone off. Nobody just jumps someone like that without a reason—unless it was for jewelry or money. Obviously, none of that was his motive.” He frowns for a moment, deep in thought. “You don’t think it was that Larry kid from the drag race a couple of weeks back? He was pissed you beat his ass.”

Max shakes his head. “I can’t imagine it would be him. Besides, Larry doesn’t have tattoos.”

My head snaps to Max. “What did you say?”

“I didn’t get to see who hit me, but I did get to see some patterns on his hand and arm before his fist landed on my face.”

My heart rate kicks up a notch. “Did you get to see what any of them looked like?”

He shakes his head. “No. It all happened too fast. It may have even been my imagination, but I could swear he had tats.”

I stare into space at first, rooted to the spot.

It can’t be, can it? Why would he want to hurt Max?

I feel Max nudge me, and it makes me jump. “Hey, I’m okay. Apart from a headache and a bruised ego, I’m fine.”

I bite my lip. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

He looks up to Jerry and back at me. “Hey, can I speak with you a second?”

I nod. “Sure.”

Jerry looks at both of us. “I know when I’m not wanted. Catch you later, fuckers.”

Jerry walks off. I close my eyes and shake my head. “I don’t think he’ll ever grow up.”

Max laughs. “I’ve known that guy since I was five, and believe me: He acts the same now as he did back then.” We both chuckle, but then the atmosphere turns a little uncomfortable once the laughter stops. “I’m sorry about Friday night. I don’t know what came over me.”

I tug on my backpack for something to do. I hate awkward situations like these. “It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. You’re my friend, and I don’t want anything to change that.”

Max nods his head in resignation. “I understand. It won’t happen again. Scout’s honor. Besides,” he places his arm around me and ushers me towards school, “I think I got my comeuppance once I got home. Are you sure it wasn’t you?” He lifts my hand up. “Do you have tattoos?” he asks jokingly. I start laughing, but in no way do I think this is funny.

Could it really have been him?

“Yeah, as if I could give you a shiner like that. Isn’t it sore?”

He shrugs. “I’ll live. What class do you have first?”

I groan. “Calculus.”

Max kisses the top of my head. “I’ll see you in physics, okay?”

I nod my head and watch as he walks towards his class. As I’m walking to mine, I pull my phone out and start texting.

Me: What did you do?

I place my phone back inside my bag and enter my class. Jerry, as usual, is the center of attention as he stands on the desk in the middle of the classroom and starts gyrating his hips at all the girls. Everyone is encouraging his behavior by cheering—the girls even more so by giggling and watching his every move. I don’t know how he gets away with it.

“Lily vanilly, how about you come up here and join me?”

Everyone looks to me, and my cheeks flush instantly. He knows I don’t like attention. That’s why he’s doing it. “How about no?” I answer indignantly.

Everyone ooh’s and ahh’s, but Jerry carries on smiling. “She secretly loves me. That’s why she likes pushing me away in front of everyone; it’s a typical textbook crush.”

I roll my eyes, but he’s not done with me yet. He starts singing “Pictures of Lily” by The Who. I’m mortified. I rush to my seat and crouch down, trying to pretend he’s not there.

“Jerry Morgan, get off that table this instant. We’re not at the zoo, so stop behaving like a monkey.”

I smirk as I watch Jerry retreat from the table with a somber look on his face. What did he expect? Class is about to start in two minutes, so of course Miss Mullens would be here soon.

Miss Mullens scowls in Jerry’s direction one last time before addressing the class. “Last week, we studied circular motion …”

“I know a lot about that,” Jerry whispers, making the class snicker.

Miss Mullens turns to Jerry. “Mr. Morgan, are you going to continually disrupt my class this morning? Because if you are, I will save everyone the trouble now, and you can spend the next hour with Mr. Wright.”

Jerry vehemently shakes his head. He hates our head teacher, and Miss Mullens knows it. In fact, Mr. Wright doesn’t have many fans at this school at all really. “It’s okay. I’ll behave. Sorry, Miss Mullens.”

She curtly nods her head and turns her attention back to the book. “Now, everyone turn to page ninety-six for linear approximations.” Everyone groans slightly, but does as instructed. “First of all, who can tell me what they are?”

A couple of people raise their hands, but mine stay put. I know what they are, but I’m more interested in whether my stalker has answered me back yet or not. It’s important—one way or another—to find out if he is the one who did this to Max.

I grab my bag and delicately pull my phone out while Miss Mullens isn’t watching. Once in my hand, I carefully glide it underneath my desk and dip my head down to look. I have it on silent, but my phone is flashing, alerting me to a possible message. I light it up and see it’s from him. I don’t know why, but I smile just before my thumb hovers over the message.

“Lily, are you still with us?”

My head snaps up to Miss Mullens as my heart reaches my mouth. “Yes, sorry.”

She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Well, can you answer the question?”

My face flames with embarrassment. I hadn’t been listening. “Um… Would you please repeat the question?”

She sighs, and a couple of people giggle slightly. “The question I asked you to answer. The one on the board.” She points to the board, and sure enough, there’s Miss Mullens’ typically messy squiggle written in white chalk. I squint, trying to make it out. The teacher walks towards me and holds out her chalk. “Care to work this out in front of the class?”

My face flames again, but I slip the phone in my pocket, get up, and do as she requests. I walk up to the board and take a good look at the equation.

I think for a moment and start writing down the answer. Once done, I place the chalk down and turn to her with a smile. She looks shocked that I’ve managed to answer it correctly.

Satisfied that I’ve done enough to get out of this, I start walking back to my desk, but Miss Mullens stops me in my tracks and holds one of her hands out. “I believe you’ve forgotten something.” She raises her eyebrow at me in challenge.

I sigh, but dig my phone out and hand it to her. She smiles, walks back to her desk, places my phone in the middle, and turns to address the class. “Now that we have fewer distractions, we can get on with it. Unless anyone else wants their phones confiscated until the end of the day, I suggest you switch them off now.”

I groan at the knowledge that I won’t see my phone for a few hours, but the noise I make is drowned out by the scraping of chairs. I look around and everyone is getting their phones out and either switching them off or putting them on silent. This sucks. At least they have them to switch back on once class is finished.

I sink my head in my hands for a few seconds as I think about the fact that I won’t know his answer for a while.

This is going to be a very long day.

The day passes like it was on slow motion. I had no phone, and I hadn’t seen Christine all day. She either didn’t show up for the classes she was in with me, or she just didn’t show up. No one else had seen her, so I guessed it was the latter.

Once I get my phone back from a very stern-looking Miss Mullens, I race outside before anyone else can stop me and start walking to catch a bus. As I do, I put my phone back on and quickly pull up the message I have been dying to see all day.

SMIHG: He forced himself on you. What else did you expect me to do?

My eyes widen, but focus again when I see that he sent another text about an hour after his first.

SMIHG: Why aren’t you answering? Are you mad at me? Come on, Lily. You can’t expect me to not want to protect you from obviously unwanted advances.

My heart speeds up again with the knowledge that he had hurt Max. He didn’t need to punch his lights out like he did. I hit REPLY.

Me: I had my phone confiscated at school because YOU were distracting me. And by the way, FYI, I don’t need your “protection.” I told Max “no,” and he accepted it. There was no need to make his eye turn purple!

I angrily hit SEND and start walking again.

“Hey, wait up. Don’t you want me to give you a ride home?”

I turn to find Max running towards me. I smile when I see him, but at the same time, now I feel guilty too. It was my fault that he had this bruised eye. “Sorry, Max. I’m a little distracted today.”

He frowns at my expression. “So I see. What’s up?”

I could answer with the words “a lot” in response to his question, but I don’t. “Christine didn’t show up for school today. I’m worried about her. I haven’t heard from her in a couple of days.”

“Really? That’s not like her.”

I nod my head in agreement. Christine usually loves the attention. “I know,” I say just as my phone pings. I look down at it, hoping Christine has answered, but it’s not from Christine. It’s from him.

SMIHG: I like that I “distract” you. It makes me feel wanted. Oh, and FYI, tell Max that if he ever touches you again, he will be seeing just how hard I can punch with my other hand.

Me: I can’t believe you. Don’t you dare go near him again.

SMIHG: So him forcing himself on you was perfectly acceptable?

I sigh and a voice startles me. “Are you okay?”

I look up to Max and he’s squinting at me in the sun. As a result, he pulls his sunglasses out from his pocket and puts them on. “Yeah, sorry. It’s my mom asking me questions about dinner tonight.”

Max chuckles and places his arm around me. “Your mom’s quite the cook. I remember that time when I came by a few years ago and she cooked me chicken parmesan. Best goddamned food I’ve ever had.”

I look up at him with a cheeky smile. “Ohh… So, that’s why you came over. It wasn’t to see me. It was because of my mom’s cooking.”

Max pulls me closer until our lips are almost touching. “You caught me,” he says in a whisper.

My phone pings, making me jump. I glance down at it and see it’s from him again.

SMIHG: He’s getting too close again.

ME: Will you stop this?! Besides, how do you know what he’s doing?

I’m not sure what to make of this guy. We’re not even an item, and yet he’s behaving like an overprotective boyfriend.

“Are you ready to go?” I nod my head, but I’m distracted again when my phone alerts me to another message.

SMIHG: Because he’s standing right next to you.

I look up and the color drains from my face.

He’s watching me? Right here? Right now?

I hastily look around, but all I can see are the remaining kids from school either milling around or hitching a ride from their friends or family.

“Lily, what’s wrong? It’s like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

Max looks worried, and at first I don’t know how to answer. My heart seems to be stuck in my throat. “It’s nothing. I just thought I saw Christine. That’s all.”

“Is everything okay with you two?”

I sigh. “I don’t know. We had a little fight. Nothing major. I’m just concerned she hasn’t turned up at school because she’s trying to avoid me or something.”

Max tugs at me to start walking, so I do. “Come on, let’s get you home. I doubt you have anything to worry about as far as Christine is concerned. She wouldn’t stay away from school just because of a little argument with you. Just think of all the attention she’s missed today.”

I laugh, but say no more. As I settle into Max’s car, I can’t help but think something is wrong. Max is right, of course. Christine does love the attention she gets from everyone, but I can’t help but think her absence has something to do with what happened on Saturday.

Just as Max pulls away from the sidewalk, my phone pings again. “Wow, you’re a popular girl this afternoon.”

“I guess it has something to do with the fact that Miss Mullens took my phone from me this morning, and I didn’t get it back until about ten minutes ago.”

He looks at the phone again and then back up at me. “Is it from your mom still?” He turns to face the road, so I press the button on my phone to see who it is. I’m thinking it’s from him again, but almost gasp when I see it’s from Christine.

Christine: Hey. You want to meet up at Bernardo’s?

“It’s from Christine. She wants to see me.”

Max smiles. “See, she’s still talking to you.” I sigh with relief, but I’m still a little worried. “Where does she want to meet you?”

“Bernardo’s.”

“I’ll take you there now … if that’s what you want?”

I smile at him. “That would be great. Thanks.” I then look down at my phone and hit REPLY.

Me: On my way there now.

Christine: Ok. See you there in five. xx

The relief at seeing those two kisses at the end is immense. Maybe she isn’t angry with me anymore. I’m not sure why she would be, but she certainly seemed like she had a reason on Saturday.

Almost exactly five minutes later, we pull up to the coffeehouse. “Thanks for the ride. It’s appreciated … as always.”

Max smiles and takes my hand. “Anytime. Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

He picks up my hand and kisses it. “See you tomorrow, Lily.”

“See you tomorrow,” I say, freeing my hand from his grip and getting out of the car.

As I close the car door, Max speeds off, and I immediately spot Christine sitting in the corner. She’s holding up a cup of coffee to me with a smile. I smile back and walk in.

“Peace offering,” she utters delicately.

I sit myself down beside her and wave to Bernardo as I do. “Thanks.”

Christine looks coy, and she never normally looks that way. I have an uneasy feeling seeing her like this. “I feel I owe you an apology. It’s the least I can do after the way I spoke to you.” She takes a little sip of her coffee. She looks uncomfortable apologizing. Christine has never had to apologize for anything before.

“Is everything okay? I’ve been worried about you all weekend.”

“You have?”

I frown at her. “Don’t look so surprised. We are friends.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I just haven’t been feeling very well, and it got me worrying.”

“What are you worried about? That there might be something wrong?”

Christine bites her lip. “Well, sort of. I’ve been feeling sick, and Saturday morning I realized I was two days late.”

I sink back in my chair. “Shit.”

She nods her head. “Yeah, shit. I’m sorry. I should have told you. It was on my mind the whole time, and I still didn’t feel well yesterday. In the end, I got a pregnancy test and did it last night.”

I lean forward again, eager to hear the answer. “And?”

“It was negative.” She sighs as if in relief.

“Well, thank fuck for that!”

“My sentiments exactly.”

I watch as she shakes her head. “But you’re still unwell?”

“Oh, I’m a lot better now. My mom took me to the doctor, and they said that some virus was going around. He said that with plenty of rest and fluids, I should be okay to go back to school in a couple of days.”

“Shouldn’t you be in bed now? I don’t want you to get even sicker.”

She smiles. “I feel a lot better now. Besides, I wanted to come and see you to apologize for my behavior. It was wrong of me to snap at you like that.”

I grab her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. I understand why now. All I ask is that—next time—please talk to me first.”

She vehemently shakes her head. “I’m going to make sure there’s never a next time. I never want to worry that I’m pregnant again. Well, unless it’s because I want to be … when I’m much older, of course.”

I start laughing and pick up my coffee for a sip. “I understand that. What I really meant to say is that if you ever have something bothering you like that again, please come to me. I won’t judge, and I won’t tell anyone. You’re my friend, and I care about you.”

She sighs with tears in her eyes. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

With all forgotten, we go on to talk about other things, including the upcoming dance. It reminded me again of what happened on Saturday. “I have something for you, but it’s back at my house. Do you want me to bring it into school for you in a couple of days?”

Her eyes widen. “No. If it’s a surprise, I want to see it now. I’m impatient like that. Besides, you’re going to need a ride home, aren’t you?”

I shrug my shoulders. “It’s only a twenty-minute walk back.”

She nudges me. “Don’t be silly. I want to see what you got me anyway.”

I smirk. “You seriously can’t wait?”

She shakes her head. “Whenever have you known me to wait for anything?”

I laugh. “That’s true.” I tug at her arm and make a move to get up. “Come on then. No time like the present.” I’m suddenly excited about showing her. I know she’s going to love it once she sees it.

We both make a hasty retreat outside the coffeehouse—our coffees still with us. “So, how was school today?” Christine asks as she pulls away from the sidewalk.

I shake my head as I think about it. “Well, Max has a nice shiner on his right eye, I got my phone confiscated, and Jerry is still a douche… Oh, and Max apologized for Friday night.”

Christine stares out the window in confusion. “Hold up,” she says, putting her hand in the air. “You need to rewind here. What’s all this about Max?”

Oh, shit. I haven’t told Christine anything about what happened between Max and me after the party on Friday.

I take a deep breath. “Okay. Long story short, Max tried to kiss me Friday night, I turned him down, and once he got home, he was jumped by someone who punched him.”

She gasps. “Oh my God! Is he okay? What was stolen?”

I bite my lip, already knowing exactly who had done this. “That’s the weird thing about it. He didn’t steal anything.”

“That is a little weird. Didn’t he see who did it?”

I wince, knowing what’s coming next. She’s going to find out sooner or later once she gets back to school, and if I don’t tell her now, she’ll get suspicious. “All he said was that he thought it was a guy with tattoos.” Just as expected, she turns to me, but in doing so, she almost hits the car in front that’s stopped at a red light. She slams on the brakes, and the tires screech. “Shit, Christine!”

“Sorry,” she splutters. “He had tattoos? Just like SMIHG.”

I nod my head. “I know it sounds coincidental, but—”

“Coincidental?” she interrupts. “It has to be him, doesn’t it?” She shakes her head. “Wow, this guy has a serious crush on you. Max hits on you and then he gets punched. Come on, you’ve got to admit it sounds plausible.”

“I must admit, it did cross my mind.”

“If only we knew who he was. Have you heard from him since Friday?”

“No,” I lie.

Why am I lying to her? She’s already aware of him, so why am I still keeping it a secret?

“Hmm,” she ponders a moment, but then smiles. “Don’t you think it’s kind of sexy?”

I frown. “What?”

“I wish I had a man who fought for me in the way that this guy did. Was Max forceful with you?”

I look out the window for a moment, trying to figure out how to best answer her question. “I guess he was until I pushed him away. Once I did that, he retreated.”

“Sounds to me he got what he had coming.”

“Christine!” I shout, unable to fathom what she’s saying.

“What? Max was out of line. He needed someone to teach him a lesson.”

“I don’t think getting punched in the face was the lesson he needed. You haven’t seen him, Christine. It looks really sore.” I sigh, looking away again and back out the window.

“Okay. I’m sorry. Maybe it was harsh. I guess I’m just trying to say that it’s nice to know that someone is out there looking out for you.” I watch her expression change suddenly. It’s almost as if she’s trying to work something out. “Hold on… How did he know what Max did unless he was …” her words trail off as her eyes widen. “He must have followed you home.” I don’t say anything, so she turns to me. “Well, that has to be it, right? You have a tattooed stalker.” She starts chuckling.

“I don’t think this is very funny.”

She clears her throat. “Sorry. So, what are you going to do? Are you going to go to the police?”

“And say what? That I made out with some guy I’ve never met before, and he punched my friend later on for kissing me? ‘I’m sorry, Officer, but I don’t know what he looks like. All I know is that he has tattoos, and my friend Christine and I call him Seven Minutes in Heaven Guy.’ Can you imagine how that would look?”

She parks up by my house and turns to me with a smirk. “I think I get where you’re coming from. It does sound a little cray-cray.” She waves her fingers by the side of her head and goes cross-eyed to emphasize the craziness.

“Yeah, it does. This kind of shit doesn’t happen in the real world.”

Christine opens up her door and steps out, so I do the same. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. Lots of women get stalked.”

I shut my door, and we start walking up to my house. “Yes, but how many of those women have played Seven Minutes in Heaven with their stalkers?”

She points at me with a frown. “Fair point.” She turns her head back to the house and frowns again. “What’s that?”

I look to where’s she’s pointing and sure enough there’s a lily sitting by the door. This one is red today. I wonder if that’s to tell me how mad he is. I internally shake my head. This is ridiculous.

As get closer, I pick it up. “It’s a lily.”

Christine glowers at me like she believes I think she’s stupid. “Yes, I know what that is. But what is it doing by your door?”

I shrug, trying to feign ignorance. “I don’t know. I think it’s someone playing a prank on me. My name is Lily after all.” I hold the lily up in front of her. “This is a lily.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “There’s something you’re not telling me. This isn’t the first time you’ve found a lily at your door. You didn’t look surprised at all. Am I right?”

I sigh as I open the door. “Yes, you’re right. Someone has been placing a lily outside my door for the past six months.”

She gasps. “Six fucking months! Jeez, Lily. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I wait until she walks in before shutting the door behind us. She looks perplexed. “I don’t know. I guess I thought it was you, Max, or even Jerry who was doing it for a while. Then, when none of you owned up to it after a month or so, I thought it couldn’t have been. None of you three would be able to pull a prank like that for so long without fessing up to it at some point. After that, I just got used to the flowers coming. I didn’t tell you because so much time had passed. It was just easier not to in the end.”

I place my bag down and she watches, following me up the stairs. “You mean to tell me that every day someone has been leaving a lily outside your door for you?”

Once we get to my room, I open my door and we both sit down on my bed. I pick up my cushion and start playing at the edges with my fingers. “Not every day. Just during the week.”

She frowns. “Why just during the week?”

I shrug, but look away. “I guess because he knows that I’m the first one home during the week.”

I feel her scoot up closer to me on the bed. “Shit, Lily. Why didn’t you tell me this before? It’s him, isn’t it? It’s got to be. What else has he done?”

I close my eyes for a moment. I’ve come this far now. I guess I will have to tell her the rest. “He’s been texting me.”

Her eyes widen. “Can I see?”

For some reason, I really don’t want to show her. They’re private messages between him and me. It’s stupid really.

Why do I not want to show her? He’s a stalker and the more she knows about him, the better, right?

I sigh and find myself shaking my head. “I deleted them.”

She huffs, throwing her hands in the air. “Why would you do that? It’s evidence, Lily. Shit, you need to use your brains a bit more.”

“I know, I know. It’s just I was reading one the other day and my mom was getting too close. I pressed the wrong button and the conversation just disappeared.” I don’t normally lie. I hate liars. But I find them easily rolling off of my tongue when it comes to this guy. Is that a bad sign? For some unfathomable reason, I feel safe when I’m with him. The whole thing is just foolish on my part.

“You need to start keeping evidence.”

I see her stern face, so I nod my head in agreement. “Of course. That goes without saying.”

“And we need to find out what he’s up to. What he wants. If it’s to be your boyfriend, then all he has to do is ask you out on a date. What he’s doing isn’t normal.” I think about her statement and the realization hits me… I must not be normal myself. Not if I’m actively encouraging this guy. Not if I’m letting him touch me in places I’ve never let anyone touch me before. None of my actions make any sense. “I have a plan,” Christine says, interrupting my thoughts, “but I will hash the details out with you once I see my surprise.” She smiles and starts jumping up and down on the bed. “Come on, give it to me!”

Her eyes are like those of an excitable child. “Okay, okay. I’ll get it. You stay right there,” I say, pointing to the bed and getting up. “In fact, close your eyes.”

She groans and pouts her lips. “Do I have to?”

“Yes. Now, do it, or you’ll have to wait longer.”

She smirks at me. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

I wait until she closes her eyes before rushing to my closet to grab her dress. I pull the box out of the bag and walk back to Christine, who surprisingly still has her eyes shut. I place the box down on her knees and step back. “Now, open.”

She opens her eyes and stares down at the box. When she sees where it’s from, her eyes widen slightly in surprise. She looks up. “What have you done?”

“Open it and see.” I point to the box again, and her attention is drawn back to it. She very carefully pulls the sides up, places it down on the bed, and pushes the wrapping paper aside. Once she pulls it up, she looks at it in surprise before glancing up at me.

“Why did you—“

“You looked fantastic in it, Christine. The dress has your name written all over it. It looks like it was made for you. I just wanted you to have the dress that you practically own already. It wouldn’t have been right for you not to.”

I wait in silence as she stares at me and then the dress. Her eyes start pooling with tears, and I can’t tell whether she’s happy or if she’s angry with me. “I can’t accept this. It’s too much.”

I shake my head and sit down next to her. “Please. I really want you to have this. Besides, it’s your birthday soon. Consider it an early birthday present.”

She shakes her head. “But I saw how much it—”

I place my hand on her arm interrupting her. “I had some savings, and I wanted to get my best friend a present. I got it on discount for buying the two anyway.” I’m lying again, but I don’t want her to think that I paid the full price.

“You bought that one you were wearing?”

I nod my head. “Yes, and both were discounted. It just wasn’t showing on all of the dresses yet. She told me that they hadn’t put them on the tags yet.”

Without warning, she puts the box aside and grabs me for a big hug. “Oh my God, Lily. Thank you so much! How am I ever going to repay you?”

I swiftly stroke her back. “You already do with your friendship.”

She pulls away, looking guilty. “And a shitty friend I’ve been so far, huh? You bought me this dress and within minutes I was shouting at you.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, but you didn’t know.”

“I still shouldn’t have done it.”

I concentrate on her blonde locks for a moment, stroking them behind her back. “It’s water under the bridge now. Forget it. How about instead, you go into my bathroom and try your dress on. I’m dying to see you in it again.”

She bites her lip, squealing. “Okay, but only if you do the same with yours. You get dressed out here and let me know when you’re ready.”

I nod my head and Christine rushes off, carrying with her the dress and an air of pure animated enthusiasm. It makes me smile. I like seeing her happy.

With my silly grin, I grab my dress from its hanger and proceed to get dressed. Once I’m ready, I shout for Christine. “Two seconds and I’ll be out,” she shouts back. I hear the door click, and she emerges wearing the dress that does indeed look like it was created with her in mind. Seeing her in it again just cements the idea that buying it for her was the right move in the first place. She looks beautiful. “I feel like a princess,” she says, smiling.

“You look like one too. I told you it was made for you.”

She runs over to stand beside me, and we both admire our dresses in the mirror. Even though I’m not one for dressing up, I’m enjoying this moment with Christine. It makes me realize that this is what friendship is all about.

“We’re gonna rule the school,” she says, quoting Rizzo from Grease.

We both start laughing. “It’s going to be one hell of a ball.”

She turns to me, grabbing my arm. “Oh! We haven’t gotten our masks yet! Let me get one for you. It’s the least I can do.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be silly.”

She squeezes my arm. “Please.” She flutters her long eyelashes at me.

“Okay,” I say, laughing. “When shall we shop for them?”

“If not tomorrow, then definitely Wednesday.” She starts rubbing her tummy with a frown. “My stomach’s still a little off. I think I may need to use your bathroom. Be back in a bit.” She runs off, leaving me to get dressed back into my comfortable jeans and sweater. Once Christine emerges, she shuts the door behind her and starts waving her hand in the air and pulling a face like there’s a bad smell. “I wouldn’t go in there for a few minutes if I were you.”

I put my hand up. “No problems there then. Are you sure you’re okay?”

She nods her head. “Sure. The doctor says only another day or two. I will see how I feel about school in the morning. How are you getting to school, though?”

“I have Max taking me. He asked me earlier.”

“So, you and him are okay?”

I nod. “Yes, we’re good.”

She smiles. “Good.” She points to the bathroom with a frown. “Oh, by the way, I put your toilet paper roll on the right way.”

I stare at her in disbelief. “What?” I ask with a laugh.

“Your toilet paper wasn’t on correctly. It was under instead of over. I just thought I would let you know that I put it back on correctly.” I raise my eyebrow and say thanks like it was a question. “You’re welcome,” she chimes like it was nothing. I never realized Christine was OCD.

Once satisfied, she skips over to the bed and sits down next to me. She suddenly turns to me with a glint in her eye. “Now … about that plan.”

Thursday afternoon, I leave school with Christine, and we take the trip to Old Brody’s house. It’s called that because of some rumors that a guy named Brody slaughtered his entire family there before shooting himself. I tried searching for it on the internet, but never got any hits. The original story was probably just about a guy who left his wife, and it just progressively turned into him slaying his entire family. It was just your typical game of Telephone. Stories change a little—word by word—with each telling until they are completely different at the end than when they first began being shared.

As we make our way, Christine turns to me for a second. “Are you ready?”

I nod. “Yep. He said he would be there.”

She nods. “Good. Now, the plan is that I’ll hide in the bathroom upstairs and you can wait for him in the living room.”

“I think I can remember all that,” I smirk.

“Are you nervous?”

“About luring my stalker to an old, unused house where he could possibly kill me? Yes.”

She starts laughing, but pulls something out of her bag. “Don’t worry. I have this if you run into any problems. Remember, I have your back on this. I will be watching both you and him. I can’t wait to see what he looks like.”

I take the mace from her hand and stare at it. “Are you allowed to carry this stuff if you’re under eighteen?”

She shrugs. “I will never use it unless I have to. Our safety is what counts.”

I guess so. A part of me thinks we are crazy for doing this, but another part of me is excited about seeing him again. I have been sleeping with his bandana since Saturday, but unfortunately, it’s already losing his smell. I am kind of hoping to get that back today.

My, my, what is wrong with me?

I’m seriously deluded. This relationship—or whatever you call it—is anything but conventional. It’s nothing but wrong, and yet I can’t help feeling that it’s right. Everything about him sucks me in.

“We’re here!” she sings, making me jump. “Wow, you really are nervous.” She then spots the bandana and frowns. “What’s that?”

“It’s just to cover my eyes with.” I then roll them. “Am I seriously messed up in the head? Why are we doing this again?”

“We’re doing this so we can finally find out who this mystery man is.” She opens the door. “Come on, we have to get inside and start setting things up. He’s going to be here in under an hour, and he can’t see me. I’ll scare him off.”

I follow her to the steps of the old, creaky house. It looks like it was once a beautiful home, but with time and neglect, it’s lost the character it once had. The wood is untreated, and the flecks of what used to be a beautiful yellow color have turned into the dullest shade of dirty gold. The windows on the outside look almost black and the curtains from the inside look like they’re hanging loose. The first step creaks under our combined weight as we approach the door. Christine bends and starts digging through some soil in a plant pot by the door. It’s the only thing that looks new and fresh.

“Here,” she says, standing up and holding a key in front of us. “I bought the plant so I could hide the key inside.”

Christine told me about this place nearly three months ago. She found the key underneath the mat and decided to use it as her “make out pad” as she calls it. This, however, is the first time I have decided to come here myself. Christine’s “make out pad” is not somewhere I’ve had a burning desire to visit before now. Now, though, I’m using it for my own make-out session.

Do I want to make out with him?

I internally nod my head, yes. Yes, I do. I want to feel those soft, warm, wet lips of his on mine. I want to feel his strong hands caressing my bare skin. I want to inhale that minty pepper smell that I haven’t been able to shake since I first experienced it a week ago.

Christine puts the key in, but has to use a bit of brute force to push the door open. Once it gives way, she turns to me with a smile. “I guess it’s been a little while since I used this place.”

As we walk inside, we kick up a cloud of dust, which catches in my throat, causing me to nearly choke. When I’m able to speak again, I take in our surroundings and say, “Wow, this place really seems to be abandoned.” I take a look at what was once a truly grand staircase. I can tell it was just by looking at the once dark, but now faded mahogany wood which elegantly sweeps up to the first level. “Do you know who really used to live here? The true story is definitely not about a family which was slaughtered here. I looked it up.”

Christine scans her eyes over the place before looking at me. “I don’t know, but whoever they were had quite a bit of money. It’s almost as grand as your house.”

I smile curtly at Christine. She doesn’t come from money, and I know that hurts her. I purposefully redirect any conversation about wealth away from her because I don’t want to upset her. In my opinion, she is the kind of girl who should have been born into wealth rather than not. She is definitely high maintenance. No matter what, though, she is my friend, and we look out for each other. Just like she’s looking out for me now.

“Thanks for doing this for me.”

Christine looks over to me with a smile. “No problem! I’m actually looking forward to nailing this sucker. Can you imagine if he ends up being someone we know?”

I frown. “But how can that be? Who do we know who has tattoos?”

She gives me that “Are you stupid?” look again. “Anyone can wear fake tattoos, Lily. You’ve seen me wear them at times at parties and such.”

I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. It just seems like he’s going to a lot of trouble to remain anonymous if he is.”

She shrugs off my comment and moves toward the living room. “Now, you said you would meet him here, right?” I nod my head. “Okay. In the next few minutes, I’ll go upstairs and hide in the bathroom until he gets here. Once he texts you, let me know. I’ll wait a couple more minutes and then come down. Okay?” I nod again, my heart rate picking up even more.

What will happen once he gets here?

I have no clue. It both frightens and excites me at the same time. “I’ll make sure I turn my phone on silent just in case.” I blow out a steady breath. “Don’t be nervous. I got you.” Christine walks over and places her hand on my arm. “It’ll be okay.”

A few minutes later, Christine disappears, leaving me alone in the room. It’s just as dusty in here as it was in the hallway. There’s a sofa, but I don’t want to sit down on it. The only other piece of furniture is a table with a dusty white patterned cloth over it. It looks like other things were here, but have since been moved.

I take my phone out and text my secret admirer to let him know that I’m here and start to wander around the room. It’s vast, but lonely looking. I’ve never felt so sorry for a house until now. It looks as though it could be beautiful if given a little TLC. As I step towards the fireplace, I run my finger along the top and watch as the dust gathers along my finger. It’s only once I see the clean line that I notice the scribbles.

Time stands still

I notice there’s more, so I blow the dust until the rest of the sentence becomes clear.

On this day.

“Time stands still on this day.” What does that mean?

My phone bleeps, making me jump out of my skin. I chastise myself for getting so spooked and reach for my phone. My heart skips a beat when I see it’s from him.

SMIHG: I will be there in 5 minutes. Be ready for me. Don’t forget to be in the dark.

I know he means I need to blindfold myself. I can’t believe I’m contemplating doing this, never mind actually doing it.

I sigh. I’ve come this far. I reluctantly leave the childlike scribble and pull the bandana out of my pocket. I quickly text Christine that he’s coming in five minutes and then place the bandana over my eyes.

I must be crazy. Why did I agree to do this with Christine? Why did she even coerce me into doing this? It’s madness.

I wait in pure agony as impatience, fear, and excitement creep up my spine. I’m picking up on every little noise now … even the lightest of breezes coming from outside. My sense of hearing is heightened, and my pulse reacts to it exponentially. My face is flushed, and I can feel my legs trembling at the thought of seeing him again.

I laugh at the thought. Seeing him? I have yet to “see” him. Hopefully, today will be the day. I wait for only another minute or so, but it feels like hours. At first, all is silent, but then I hear the creaky sound of footsteps moving across the floor. On instinct, I raise my hand to take a look, but a hand on my wrist halts me. “Shh,” he whispers. “It’s me. It’s only me.”

I chuckle. “Only you. I don’t even know who you are.”

He tugs at my wrist, pulling me to him, and his aroma hits me right away. That scent! It does things to me that it shouldn’t. He’s like a drug, and I need more of him. More of his fragrance, his taste, his touch. My logic floated out the door when he came in and was replaced by this needy girl who aches for more than he should give.

“I will never hurt you. You should know that by now. I only seek to—”

“Right the wrongs?”

I hear his raspy chuckle, and goose bumps spread across my skin. “You remembered.”

“It’s hardly something I can forget.” My breathing is growing shallow the longer he hovers over my mouth. It’s intoxicating.

“You really are quite beautiful… Do you know that?” He pulls at my wrist, securing it behind my back. I’m suddenly glued to him, but I don’t care. I should be scared that he has me in a lock. I’m curving to him perfectly … and I’m finding that I don’t want him to let go.

“Wh–why are you changing the subject?” I stutter, unable to form words. I’m completely under his spell.

“Because when I’m around you, the only thing I can think about is your soft skin, your full, pouty lips, and the way your forehead makes the cutest V I have ever seen. I have no other answer, but this: You entrance me.”

I feel his warm breath against my lips, and it makes me tremble with need. How quickly I have succumbed to him. “Please let me see you.” I feel his nose brush up against my cheek as he squeezes me into him more. I can’t help the small gasp that leaves my lips.

“Why do you want to see me? Where would the fun be in that?” He kisses my chin, and like a silent command, I lean my head back so he has better access. He plants soft, warm kisses against my neck making a need like no other rise within me.

“I … I … I really want to see the person who’s been stalking me these past six months.” I’m pleased with myself. I bit the bullet and asked him outright.

He stills, and I wonder if he’s mad at me. At first, he doesn’t speak, but then he leans into my ear. “You might run.”

My breathing quickens, wondering what on earth he could mean. Does he think he’s hideous? Scary? All of the above? “Why would I want to run from you?”

He gently sweeps a lock of hair from my face, tantalizing me with his fingers as he goes. “Because girls like you don’t associate with guys like me. I’m sure mommy and daddy wouldn’t approve.”

“Well, I’m not like most girls, so—” He touches my face again, robbing me of speech.

“I know. Why do you think I chose you?”

“Ch–ch–chose me? You make it sound as though I was in a lineup, and you picked me out over the rest. What is it that you want?”

“Shh,” he whispers against my lips. “You really are the inquisitive one, aren’t you? I bet your mouth is glad once you fall asleep at night.”

I gasp, trying to pull away. “You cocky bastard. Let me—”

He pulls me to him, laughing, and the sound makes me stop in my tracks. “That was a joke. In fact, I feel quite the opposite about your mouth. I personally love the way it feels against mine.”

Whoa. I think I’ve stopped breathing.

“I just want to know who you are. Why are you doing this instead of just simply asking me out?”

His body trembles with laughter. “I am wrong for you on so many levels. You would never say yes to a guy like me. I’m the type of man parents warn their daughters about. Doing things this way …” he leans in closer, “my way … is the only chance I will have to spend time with you. The only chance I will ever have to taste you and not have you hold back. You give yourself completely to me. How could I possibly do it any other way?”

My breath catches in my mouth as he runs his tongue against my lips. “You make yourself sound like a beast.”

“I am a beast. But this is no fairytale, Lily. This—right here in front of you—is the real deal. I am a beast in size, a beast in looks, and a beast by nature. I am not a good man.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I am destructive. I follow that path and it follows me. My life has led me down that road for a very long time now. Being here with you is the only path I have chosen correctly. You see me like no one else does.”

Wow. He’s heavy, but I can’t help being drawn to him in ways that make my head spin. Being in his arms now, I feel safer than I ever have. It’s a strange feeling, considering I have no clue who he is. He seems strong and confident, and yet he has this vulnerable side that I can’t help but reach out to. He may say he’s a beast, but right now, in his arms, I never want to leave his lair.

“How do you know what I see in you? What makes you think you know me?”

“You’re your own person. You don’t seek to impress people. You let them take you as you are or not at all. You care for people, but you also don’t like to let anybody get too close … except for me of course. Why is it that a good girl like you allows a man like me to corrupt her?”

I swallow hard. “You think you’re corrupting me?” He presses his lips against mine so softly that I moan from the intensity of his warmth.

“You are here with me, agreeing to blind yourself so that I can see you … taste you … touch you. Would you consider that normal behavior on your part?”

I sarcastically chuckle at the thought. “I don’t think any part of what you and I do would be considered normal.” He kisses me again, making my knees tremble.

“And yet, here you are, letting me hold you. We’re alone in this house. I could do anything I wanted to you now, and no one would know. No one would hear us. Doesn’t that thought scare you?”

My heart beats frantically at his words, but that’s more from excitement than from fear. The fear is there, but my body is reacting to everything he says. It wants to obey him. “Should I be scared of you?”

“Yes, but not in the way you’re referring. I keep telling you I would never hurt you and I mean it, but you have no way of knowing that.”

“I think if you wanted to hurt me, you would have done it already. You’ve had many chances to in the past. I know you’ve been in my house, and I know you’ve gone through my things.” I don’t really know this, but I want him to think I do. I suspect I am right.

“Is it wrong to want to be close to you?”

My breathing becomes even shallower as he tugs me tightly to him. “No.”

“Is it wrong that I want to hold you like this?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Is it wrong that I want to kiss you right now?”

I shake my head a little. “No.”

I feel him leaning in close to my lips. We’re so close that our mouths are almost touching. He holds me there for the longest time, his hot breath mixing with my own. I feel like I’m about to burst.

“Can I kiss you?”

A tiny squeak leaves my lips as he grabs a fistful of my hair. “Yes,” I barely whisper before his mouth is on mine. He feels just as he did before in both the bathroom that first time and in the changing room the second. I am lost the moment his lips join with mine as they dance in the sweetest harmony. How does this man evoke so much emotion in me that I never knew was even possible? I forget who I am and the world around me whenever I am in his arms. It’s almost as if he holds some higher power which only someone like him can possess. His lips are like candy, and his tongue is like luscious, velvety chocolate. I am simply drunk on him.

For a few more seconds, we are locked like this. One hand is in my hair, while the other one releases my wrist only to grab my waist. Both of my hands are tangled in his hair as I tug him in closer—as if this close isn’t close enough. Our tongues mesh together, dancing together in a beautiful symphony of sensation, and I am lost…

Oh, I am so lost to this man. I am lost in him.

But just as I want to push him further, he breaks away from me, his ragged breath against my own. “I can’t lose it with you.”

I find myself smiling. “A beast would never say that.”

I feel him stroke the side of my hair. “Maybe you’re taming me.” I hear the smile in his voice, and it sets my own lips quirking again. “You have the most beautiful smile. You should do it more often.”

“Maybe right now I feel I have a reason to.”

“Oh, baby. You haven’t even experienced an ounce of the things I could do to make you smile.”

Could panties literally melt? I know I’ve heard of women’s panties melting because of a man, but I’d never thought it was actually possible. I guess, with him, anything is just that.

“Who are you?” I find myself asking again.

“I am what you need, what you crave, and what you desire. I can give you anything you want, but only if you’re willing. If you want me gone, I will go, and you will never have to see me again.”

That thought suddenly terrifies me.

How is that I’m more scared at the thought of losing him than I am of him?

“You would do that after six months of following me … being in my life?”

“If it’s what you want, then yes. I want you, but only if you want me too.”

“I want you, but this thing we have now… It can’t last the way that it is.”

“It lasts as long as you want it to. You call the shots here, Lily. Not me.”

I can hear and understand his words perfectly, but what I don’t understand is how he can say that I’m the one calling the shots. It is he who knows everything about me. He knows what I look like, where I live, how old I am, the friends I have, and the list just goes on. All I know about him is that he has the most intoxicating aroma, the strongest, most gentle hands, and the most incredibly kissable lips I have ever known… Not that I have known many. Oh, and he also has tattoos. Either permanent ones or fake as Christine suggested.

I wonder if she’s watching us now.

“So, if I told you to kiss me again?”

“Then, I would.”

“Kiss me.” He touches his lips against mine gently at first, but then our hunger sets in as we grab, pull, and twist at each other’s clothing. I want him with a passion, but I know he will never let it get that far.

As if on cue, he pulls away, trailing a line on my bottom lip with his thumb. “Do you know how much it turns me on to know your lips are swollen because of me? I could stare at these lips all day.” I moan against him, seeking him out, but he’s distancing himself from me. I feel the loss and try to get him back, but I’m losing him. “Time’s up, Beautiful,” he says before breaking away from me.

For a moment, I’m stunned. I can’t seem to move my feet.

Did he just leave me?

“Are you still here?” I ask, feeling pretty stupid when no one answers. “Shit!” He’s gone, and I wanted more time with him.

I take the bandana off and blink a few times to adjust to the light. No one is in the room with me. I run to the window and look outside, but I see nothing. “Dammit!”

If only I could have seen the back of him.

Then, I remember Christine.

Where is she?

I walk out of the living room towards the foyer, and I hear muffled banging.

How did I not hear her banging before now? I must have really been in a daze.

“Lily! Where are you? Let me out!” she screams from upstairs. I run up to the closed door and notice there is a key in the lock.

“It’s okay, Christine. I’m here. I’m going to let you out now.” I turn the key and see Christine standing there looking all flustered.

“Thank fuck!”

“What happened?”

I watch as she grips her fists together. “The fucker locked me in, that’s what happened. I didn’t even realize that he did it until five minutes after your text when I tried to come downstairs to spy on you.” She runs towards me, taking my hands. “Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

I shake my head. “No, he was a true gentleman as always.”

She smirks. “Why does it look like that pisses you off?” She gasps. “Do you want him to take your virginal flower?” She giggles at her own joke.

I smirk back, but nudge her. “No. I don’t even know who he is. I would never lose my virginity to someone who I can’t even see.”

Her eyes widen. “So, you still didn’t manage to get a peek?”

I shake my head. “No. He’s so damn quick and silent that by the time I took the bandana off, he was gone. I raced to the window, but saw nothing.” Just as I say this, my phone pings. I look down and see it’s from him.

SMIHG: One thing you need to know about me, Beautiful: You can’t outsmart me. ;)

I stare at the screen and shake my head. “What’s wrong?” Christine asks. I show her the message and she rolls her eyes. “We’ll get him one day.” My phone pings again.

SMIHG: I hope your friend isn’t too mad at me? P.S. I can still taste you.

My face flushes at his message. “Is it him again?” I nod. “What does he say?”

“That he hopes you’re not too mad at him.” I start chuckling and have no idea why.

Christine scowls at me. “This isn’t funny. I was locked in there for a good fifteen minutes. What were you doing all that time?” She sees my embarrassment and puts her hand up. “On second thought, don’t tell me. I imagine it involved a lot of kissing.”

I nod my head. “Yes, there was definitely a lot of that.”

“What else?”

I find myself in a difficult position because I don’t want to reveal our conversation to Christine. That was something shared between us, and it should remain with us alone. “Not much. He thinks I’m beautiful.” I smile, thinking that it’s okay to reveal at least that. Besides, I like that he calls me “Beautiful.”

“My God, you’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

I look at Christine like she’s crazy. “No. That’s just … just …”

“Crazy? You don’t even know what he looks like.”

“I know. It’s just when I’m with him—” I stop myself by biting my lip, but I know Christine won’t let me loose on that slip.

“What?” she asks, as if on cue. “When you’re with him, what?”

I look at Christine’s expectant eyes, but shy away when I know what I’m about to admit. “He makes me feel … I don’t know … alive? It’s hard to explain, but when he kisses me, it feels as though we’re meant to kiss. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t explain it any other way.”

For a moment, there’s silence, so I look at Christine to gauge her reaction. She says nothing at first, just stares, but then she grabs my arm. “Just be careful with him, okay?”

I nod my head and am immensely relieved that she’s not calling me insane. I know in my heart of hearts I am, but the pull I feel towards this guy is hard to resist. “I will. Don’t worry.”

She tugs my arm. “Come. Do you feel like getting some ice cream? I could really use some after being stuck in that bathroom for the last fifteen minutes.” She laughs, and I know that means she’s gotten over it already.

“Ice cream sounds good.”

We leave the house, and Christine places the key back in the soil where she picked it up. The sun is still out, and it’s getting a little warmer, which is nice. Yesterday was really cold, but today seems like a beautiful spring day. I breathe in its aroma and sigh with appreciation.

I wait until after Christine drops me off before texting my stalker back. I really didn’t want to be starting a conversation with him while Christine was with me. She can be too inquisitive at times.

Me: That wasn’t very nice of you.

I hit SEND and stare at the latest lily flower. Today, it is a beautiful shade of pale yellow. I smile as I place the flower against my nose and inhale. It smells of him, and I love it. As I grab a cup of juice and head for my room, I hear another ping from my phone.

SMIHG: It was a necessity. In fact, I have the right to be very angry with you for trying to thwart me. I think the act is punishable.

I gasp at his choice of words, but can’t help the excitement that creeps up my spine at the thought of him punishing me. But how?

Me: How would you punish me?

SMIHG: I don’t know. I’m sure I could think of something, though.

Very soon after another text appears.

SMIHG: Are you flirting with me?

With a big smile, I reply.

Me: I might be. What’s wrong with that? I let you kiss me, so why not flirt?

SMIHG: Why not indeed. But punishments (or anything else for that matter) shall be reserved for after you’ve turned eighteen. I’m not touching you until then.

I close my eyes, relishing the thought. What does he mean by “anything else for that matter”? That thought makes my skin heat and my belly dance. I’m actually finding myself looking forward to my eighteenth birthday for the very first time. Would I let him take my virginity? Of course I shouldn’t. That would be crazy. Just as he said he couldn’t lose it with me, I, in turn, can’t lose it with him.

Me: You said to me that you were a beast. A beast wouldn’t think like you.

SMIHG: I do have morals, Lily.

Me: A beast with morals? That’s rather comical.

SMIHG: Are you making fun of me?

Me: Perish the thought.

SMIHG: You really are getting smart with me. I wonder if your texting fingers are happy once you fall asleep at night.

Me: Here we go again with the jokes. I wonder if yours are as well.

SMIHG: I rarely sleep that much, so I suppose that’s a moot point. Besides, would you rather I had no morals and took you before you turned eighteen?

Take me? Does that mean what I think it means?

My face flushes bright red again, and the primal urge to type yes takes over. Through my logic, though, I know I’m being stupid.

What’s wrong with me?

As I look back at his message, I frown. He says he rarely sleeps. It makes me wonder why.

Me: Why do you rarely sleep?

SMIHG: Nice way of avoiding my question. Because I have nightmares, Lily.

So, he does have demons. Knowing this just makes me want to probe him with more questions.

Me: What about?

I bite my lip, waiting for an answer. I doubt he will answer with a full in-depth blow-by-blow, but it’s worth a try.

SMIHG: If you knew what was in my head, you would run miles to get away … and I wouldn’t blame you.

How does he have this uncanny knack for saying things that should scare me, but saying them in such a way that instead of scaring me, they make me want to beg for more? I find myself wanting to reach out to him, to touch him, to caress him, and … to care for him. I don’t have a clue who he is, but that doesn’t seem to matter. All that does matter is that he’s somehow—in a fucked up way—in my life.

Me: I won’t run. I promise.

SMIHG: Don’t ever make promises you can’t keep.

Me: I never intend to.

SMIHG: One day, Lily. One day.

Does that mean he will tell me all about his nightmares one day? I hope so.

SMIHG: Did you like today’s lily?

I smile like an idiot at his question.

Me: Yes, thank you. I like pale yellow. It reminds me of summer.

SMIHG: You like the summer? Is it your favorite season?

Me: Yes. What about you?

SMIHG: Winter because of the darker days and nights. The only thing I’ve ever known is darkness.

I frown at his text message as my heart aches for him. In the end, I decide to make a joke of it.

Me: You really are quite the pessimist.

SMIHG: Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to you.

My heart skips a beat at his confession.

He’s drawn to me? Could he really feel that same pull that I feel towards him?

Me: I’m the positive to your negative.

SMIHG: Exactly. Now, hurry downstairs and greet your parents.

Just as I read this, I hear the door downstairs open. It makes me jump with fright. I scramble up with my phone still in hand and strain to look out the window. No one is there.

SMIHG: You will never find me. No matter how much you look.

My God, this man is frustrating! I sigh aloud and my shoulders sink.

Is the mere fact that I can’t see him the main reason I’m so interested in this man? Does he realize that, and is that why he’s playing this game?

“Lily, are you home?” I hear my mom shout.

“Yeah, just doing my homework, mom!” I lie.

“We’ve got Chinese, so hurry.” My mom doesn’t need to tell me to hurry. I love Chinese food and she knows it.

I look at the phone one last time, wondering if I should reply. I decide not to in the end. If I can distance myself from him, then maybe I can think more clearly. I can’t help but think that he clouds my judgment somehow. I know this is all unbelievable behavior on my part, and that’s why I need to keep away for a while. Even so, I just can’t help but want him.

With my mind made up, I throw my phone onto my bed and head downstairs for some food. I’m suddenly starving after my activities this afternoon.

Saturday, April 30, 2016 – Diary Entry

We’re still texting each other. It’s strange because the only time I’m truly happy is when we converse, or better still, when he’s with me. A week after we met at the house, I asked to meet him there again. He agreed, but I never told Christine about it. If she’d known, then I have no doubt that she would have tried to sneak in on him again. It didn’t work the first time, so I doubted it would work the second.

The way it played out was much like the first three times, but in a sense it wasn’t. I find myself getting more and more frustrated every time I’m with him. He knows I feel this way (he somehow senses it), but he never lets it go beyond kissing. I realize he won’t, but I find myself pushing the boundaries more, and I think it’s frustrating him that I am.

Ugh, I’m deluded. As I write this down, I know just how crazy it sounds. If anyone were to read this, I wouldn’t blame them if they wanted to call “the men in white coats” to come take me away. I sometimes think back to what Christine told me after I freed her from the locked bathroom. She said I was falling for him, but I flippantly brushed her comment aside. I sit here now, wondering if there is an element of truth in what she said after all. That’s not possible, is it? It can’t be! I don’t know anything about him other than the way he feels. I also know he has demons that he doesn’t want to share with me. I wish he would. I’m dying to reach into that soul of his and see what I find. Would they frighten me like he said they would? I know I wouldn’t run, though. I’m in too deep now.

And this is the reason why I’ve agreed to see him again tonight.

I sigh as I read over what I’ve written. I do sound crazy. I’m writing this after getting ready to go see him. He texted me yesterday and asked me to meet him at the house tonight. He said that he wanted to see me … that he’d missed me. How could I say no to a request like that?

I startle as my phone pings, and I look down to see who it is. It’s him. My heart starts racing, thinking that he’s contacting me to cancel, but when I look, I’m pleasantly surprised.

SMIHG: Leave now, and I will make sure you’re safe.

With a smile, I find myself walking towards the window to take a peek. It’s already dark outside, so not much is happening. There are a couple of dog walkers, but that’s about it. If he’s out there watching me now, he’s keeping himself well hidden.

Me: Ok, leaving now.

I grab my coat and head for the stairs. My parents have gone to some charity function for our local church. They drag me and my sister there every Sunday, and every Sunday, my sister and I try to think of ways to get out of it. I know it’s considered sinful, but I’m a believer in basic morality. If you don’t break the law, and you are kind and considerate to people, then that’s the main thing, right?

“Going out tonight?”

I’m startled when my sister appears out of nowhere. “Yeah. I’m meeting Christine for a drink.”

She screws her face up as if she doesn’t believe me, and it makes my heart start racing. “It better not be an alcoholic drink,” she says, smiling.

I laugh nervously, thanking my lucky stars that she’s not suspicious. “Of course not.” I look to the door, wanting to leave.

“Is everything okay with you? You’ve been kind of distracted lately. It’s not a boy, is it?” She arches an eyebrow at me.

“No.” I chuckle, trying to calm myself. Why am I so nervous?

Maybe it’s because I’ve been lying to everyone lately!

“I guess I’m just nervous about my SAT’s next week.”

Her face softens in understanding. “I get where you’re coming from. You’ll be fine, though, Lily. You’re a bright girl. I know you’ll do really well.”

I smile. “Thanks.” I look over her shoulder and see that Desperate Housewives is on TV. “Not going out tonight?”

She shakes her head. “Not tonight. I’m catching up on some shows and hitting the sack early. I’m dog tired after last night. I had the headache from hell this morning.” We both laugh together.

“Well, you did drink too much rum.” I giggle as I recall her antics when she got in late last night. She woke everyone up—giggling and falling over. My mom took care of her, and Elle was extremely embarrassed about that this morning.

She moans. “Please don’t remind me.”

I point to the door. “Hey, I gotta run. Christine gets mad if I don’t turn up on time. I shouldn’t be too long, though.”

Elle puts her hands up. “That has nothing to do with me. You stay out as long as you want. I won’t tell mom and dad.” She winks at me and touches her nose. We both know that our parents will most likely be the last ones in tonight, so they wouldn’t notice. Not that I’m planning on staying out late. He only tends to be with me for around fifteen minutes before disappearing again.

I shrug it off. “Oh well. I’ll see you when I see you then.”

Elle rolls her eyes. “Yeah … probably when Mom’s shouting at us to get ready for church tomorrow.” She turns to walk back to the sofa. “Have a good night.”

I reach for the door and open it. “Thanks. You too.” I shut the door behind me and put my jacket on. It’s a little nippy tonight. As I start walking, I also start looking around to see if I can find him. As usual, he isn’t anywhere. My phone pings.

SMIHG: No matter how hard you look, you will never find me.

I gasp, looking all around me to see if I can see him. He’s right, though. He’s nowhere to be found. I start typing back.

Me: Are you some sort of magician? Do you just magically appear? Ooh, are you the invisible man?

SMIHG: Are you being smart with me again?

Me: Maybe.

SMIHG: What am I going to do with you?

Me: I’m sure you can think of something. ;)

I’m getting bolder with my playfulness lately. Ever since our third meeting, I’ve been trying to push his buttons. He never goes beyond harmless flirtation, though. I sigh. He’s not answering back, and I know why. He’s ending it before it can get out of hand.

How can this guy say he’s a beast in one breath and then be so gentlemanly in another?

I shiver at the thought that he is only being a gentleman because he knows I will run otherwise.

Could he be luring me in? If so, what’s his agenda? Is he doing this simply because—like he said—he likes me and thinks I won’t go out with him any other way? Or is it because he’s some crazed stalker who’s playing a shrewd game of cat and mouse, and once he has me where he wants me, he’ll pounce?

For the very first time since entering this relationship with him, I feel fear. Shit, now I’m mad. Just as I near the house, I falter, wondering if I should turn and run. My mind is willing, but my feet are unable to move. It’s as if they’re cemented to the ground.

“Don’t overthink it, Lily.”

I remain standing perfectly still, knowing that he’s right behind me. “I could easily turn around right now.”

I feel his hand on my shoulder. “I know, but I trust you to do the right thing.”

What is the right thing?

I keep thinking I know what I’m doing, but once he’s with me, all of my common sense just flies away. “What is the right thing?” I ask as my breathing becomes labored.

“Only you can answer that.” He takes his hand away from my shoulder and closes the distance between us. I close my eyes once I feel his hot breath against my ear. “Remember what I told you? How all this plays is totally up to you. You make the decisions, Lily.” He leans in even closer and my body hums. “So, what’s it going to be?”

I hold onto a moan that wants to escape. I somehow feel more alive again. I don’t know how he does it, but my whole body is on fire, and it wants more.

So, without another thought, my feet move towards the house. I don’t turn. I don’t run. I keep on walking. I know he’s following behind me, and I know he’s probably smiling because he has me yet again. For some unfathomable reason, though, I don’t care.

Once at the door, I bend down towards the flower pot and take the key out from the soil. I dust the soil off and place the key inside the lock. I walk through and hear the door click behind me. “Keep walking towards the basement door.” I know why he’s saying that. It’s his way of blinding me without having to use the bandana. At least we’ll both be blind together.

I do as I’m told and open the door to the basement. “Don’t look until I’ve shut the door.” I carefully make my way down the stairs and walk a few feet before stopping. I stand still with my back to him until I hear the door click. Nothing happens at first. I stay like that for what seems like ages. The only sound I can hear is my own labored breathing.

Just when I think I can’t take it any longer and am about to turn around, his hand is suddenly at my wrist, turning me towards him. His lips crash against mine, leaving me no time to prepare for him. I moan instantly, grabbing his hair and tugging him closer. I feel like an animal whenever he’s with me.

When he breaks away, he leaves a finger on my lip and his forehead pressed against mine. “Do you know how hard it is for me to stop? Oh, the things I could do to you.”

An involuntary shiver reverberates through me at his words. “What would you do to me?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes,” I whisper with a heavy breath. I sound wanton.

“On your eighteenth birthday, you’ll find out.”

My insides burn at the thought, but my lust-filled head finds its logic, and I remember that I will be on a boat that day. I decide not to divulge this piece of information to him. I need to have at least one thing that I feel belongs to me alone. He will find out one way or another that day. I smile at the thought … even though I actually do want to find out what it is he has to offer me.

“What’s your name?”

The finger that was once on my lip is now circling around my right cheek. “Ever the inquisitive one.”

“I feel—especially after what we’ve just done—that I have a right to know at least that. Even if it’s your initial or an alias. I can’t keep calling you ‘Him’ or ‘SMIHG’ all the time.”

“SMIHG?”

I smirk. “Seven Minutes in Heaven Guy.”

He chuckles slightly. “Okay, you win. Call me J.”

“J,” I repeat back to him. “I like J.” I smile again. “And J stands for …”

I hear his raspy laugh. “Lily, Lily, Lily, what am I going to do with you?”

“As I said before, I’m sure you can think of something.” I try to look around, but all that my eyes are greeted with is blackness.

“Did you miss me?” he asks, conveniently changing the subject.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, yes. I did miss you … J,” I respond, saying his name with a soft whisper.

“Are you teasing me?”

“Maybe just a little. It just seems natural whenever I’m around you.” My honesty with him apparently knows no bounds. I seem to just open up and say whatever comes to mind.

“Really?” he asks, planting a soft kiss against my lips. I nod, and I know he feels me do it. “I like knowing that you feel relaxed enough whenever you’re with me to let go.”

“How old are you?” I ask, deciding yet again to just let go and voice my question.

“Twenty.” I’m surprised he answered, so I laugh. “What’s so funny? Did you think I wouldn’t answer?”

“I thought you would skirt around the issue, yes.”

He winds his finger around a lock of my hair and tugs gently. “Well, it seems I am just full of surprises then.”

I huff. “You’re telling me.”

“Are you still happy with our arrangement?”

“For now,” I answer truthfully.

“For now,” he answers back, and I’m not sure if it’s a question, or a simple statement.

“Isn’t there anything you can tell me about yourself? Other than your initial and your age of course.”

“I’m fucked up. How about that?”

“In what way, though? What makes you think you’re fucked up?”

“I think we established that the third time we saw each other.” I laugh. “What are you laughing at?”

“You said the third time we saw each other. You’re seeing plenty of me, but yet I’m seeing none of you. Other than some of your tattoos anyway.”

I feel him tense against me, and I wonder if I’ve done the right thing by telling him I know. “What tattoos?”

I swallow hard, wondering if I should lie, but my curiosity gets the better of me. “Vindicta,” I whisper. He doesn’t say anything, so I carry on. “Has something bad happened to you?” The only thing I can hear is my ever-beating heart. It’s raging war against my chest right now.

“There are some things you’re better off not knowing.”

“Why?”

“Because when the heart dies, what else is left? One way or the other, it can’t change anything. It won’t change the fact that what’s done is done, and you can never repair a dead heart.”

I’m left speechless.

What on earth happened to him to make him so … so … broken?

I feel this intense need to reach out to him, so I do. With a shaky hand, I touch his face. “Can I?” I ask, seeking his permission. I want to feel him. I want to at least feel what he looks like.

I feel his breath hitch, but he doesn’t push me away. For a moment, I think he’s going to say no, so I’m surprised when I feel his head nod once. “Yes,” he whispers and then becomes deathly silent. My shaky hand starts to feel the rough edges of his skin. He hasn’t shaved today, so the bristles are quite coarse against my fingers.

“You’re shaking.”

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s no reason to apologize, but why are you frightened? Have I scared you?”

I smile. “No, of course not. I guess I’m just relieved that I finally get to have a sense of what you look like.”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Lily.”

“I know that. It’s just—”

“How do I make you feel when you’re with me?”

I have thought about this many times, and only one word ever comes to mind:

“Alive.”

“Well, isn’t that what counts?”

“Of course it does.” I try moving my hand away, but he grabs my wrist.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t want me to touch you.”

“I never said that. This is important to you, so do it. I don’t mind.” He lets go of my wrist, and I’m left paralyzed for a moment. I want to touch him, though. I’m desperate to. So, before he changes his mind, I lift my hand up to his forehead and feel the ridges of what could be a frown? My hands aren’t shaking anymore. Instead, I’m intrigued by my exploration. With slow precision, I move down to his eyebrows. They’re soft, but not too hairy. I feel around his eyes and I know they’re closed now. I can feel his hot, labored breath against my wrist, and I know, somehow, that this is turning him on. It’s turning me on too.

I lift my other hand up and feel around his other eye. Very slowly, I rub my thumbs against each one feeling how delicate and long his eyelashes are. Once I’m satisfied, I run my fingers down the length of his face and notice there’s an indent that runs from his left eye to his cheek. As my finger runs along it, he tenses and grabs my wrist again. “Sorry,” I offer again, sensing his pain.

Who did this to him?

With his breathing still labored, he slowly releases my wrist. “It’s okay. Carry on.”

I do as I’m told and bring both hands together to feel the bridge of his nose. It’s small, but not too small. In fact, it feels perfectly formed. As I gently graze my fingers against his soft cheeks, my breath catches at the thought of coming to my favorite part—his lips. I take position, running my thumbs across his top lip. My God, he has the most kissable top lip. It’s full and moist. His lips are the perfect heart-shape. Some women would kill to have lips like this.

I run my fingers across both his top and bottom lip, noting that his breathing is getting heavier … as is mine. I stop altogether, though, when he opens his mouth and pushes his head forward to take my finger into his mouth. I moan out loud as he swirls his tongue around my index finger. His mouth feels incredible… So incredible that my own mouth is feeling jealous that it’s not getting the same attention. Before long, though, he pulls my finger out, grabs it, and gently nibbles at the tip. I throw my head back and close my eyes on another moan.

How can this feel so erotic?

“Do you like that?” he asks, and I can tell there’s a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Oh God, yes.”

He laughs softly, but continues to tease my finger with his tongue. He then pushes my finger back into his mouth and grazes his teeth along the ridges as he pulls it back out. It’s the last straw for me.

“J,” I pant—unable to hold my desire in any longer.

“Yes?”

“Show me now. Not on my birthday. Please, show me now.” I’m begging him because it feels as though my whole body is blazing with an intensity I’ve never before experienced. It’s seeking out more of his touch, his smell, even his taste. It’s like my brain has turned into horny, mushy goo.

He grabs my wrist, pulling me into him. I instantly feel how hard he is, and it makes me want even more of him. I have never felt this turned on before. “So impatient.”

“I won’t tell anyone I swear. It will just be between you and me. No one else has to know.”

“What is it that you want me to do?”

“I don’t know. Something. I feel like I’m burning up here.” I hear him laugh. “This isn’t funny.”

“Oh, darling, believe me when I say that I don’t find it funny either. Do you know how desperate I am to get in-between those thighs of yours?”

“As I said, no one has to know.”

“I’ll know.” He cuts me off with those two little words. I feel angry, and I don’t know why. I can’t seem to get my head around these feelings. “You’re over-thinking again. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“If I’m being honest, I’m angry. I feel angry, and I know I have no right to feel this way. It’s juvenile and I hate immaturity.”

I feel his thumb rub against my own in a soothing gesture. “I’ve turned you on, and now that you know I’m not going to relieve you, it’s made you frustrated.”

“Yes.”

That’s basically it in a nutshell.

“It’s perfectly normal to feel this way.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s not because if it were the other way around …”

“I know what you mean. Step back. Take a deep breath.” He releases my hand, and I feel him move away. I’m instantly lost without him near me. I do as instructed, though, and take a deep breath. I start to calm and instantly feel stupid for letting my emotions get away with me. “Do you feel better now?”

“Yes.”

“Good. At least I know one thing that drives you crazy. That’s good for me to know.”

“What? That sucking my finger drives me crazy?”

He laughs softly. “Yes. I’ve obviously found one of your erogenous zones. That’s one to definitely take note of for later.”

I suddenly frown, thinking just how insane all of this is. “Am I crazy?”

“Crazy, how?”

“You follow me around. You send me text messages and leave lilies at my door. I don’t know what you look like, but yet here I am, meeting you in a darkened room and letting you suck my finger. Doesn’t that sound just a little cuckoo?”

He starts laughing. “You’ve made it sound that way.”

“I’ve just told it how it is.”

“You call the shots, remember? Do you want this to end?”

“No,” I answer honestly. I don’t want it to end. I love how he makes me feel when I’m with him.

I feel his hand against my cheek as he strokes it tenderly. I close my eyes, savoring the feel of him. “I’m never going to make you do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know,” I sigh, and somehow I do know. Call it intuition. Call it me being crazy again. I don’t know, but I can tell in my heart of hearts that what he says is the truth.

I feel him come closer to me, and I wait in agony—wondering what he’s going to do next. He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss. At last, my mouth is getting a taste of what my finger was getting earlier. He feels incredible. My lust rises again, and I know I will be left feeling frustrated, but I also can’t help myself. I’m like an addict.

But just as I’m getting into our kiss, he breaks away, swiping his finger over my lip. “Turn around,” he instructs, and I do as he asks. He pulls my hair away from my neck and starts kissing me. I push my head back against his shoulder and savor all of the warm, wet kisses he plants on my skin. My God, he smells incredible. I’m burning up again, wanting and needing more. Desperately needing more. As he moves his lips up toward my earlobe, he gently nibbles before pressing his hot mouth against my ear. I’m standing still—my heart beating erratically—as I wait for his next move.

“Time’s up, Beautiful,” he whispers into my ear.

I close my eyes, but I don’t make a move. I can hear him, though. A couple of the steps creak, giving him away before he opens the door and leaves me. At first, I can’t move. My feet remain fixed to the ground. I feel that anger bubbling up again. He keeps doing this to me, and I can’t help but hate him a little bit for it. I sigh, knowing that I’ll have to move soon. I can’t stay here for much longer. It’s scary enough as it is with the both of us here, let alone now that I’m completely on my own.

I turn, walking back towards and up the steps. Stepping through the door, I give my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light of the house, which is lit only by the street lights shining through the windows. Heading for the front door, I take the key from my pocket and leave the house the way I entered it, returning the key to the same place I’d retrieved it from earlier. I look around me, but the street is eerily quiet.

Has he just disappeared on me again?

As I think this, my phone pings.

SMIHG: Don’t worry. I’ll walk you home.

For some reason, this makes me smile. Walk me home? Man, this is fucked up. I shake my head, but turn to make my way home. It’s colder now that night has really fallen upon us. I almost feel as though I’m in one of those horror movies where a lone female is walking the dark, empty streets at night. The only thing missing is some mist for that extra effect.

I glance down at my watch and notice that it’s already way past ten. Have I really been gone over an hour? How does time seem to go by so quickly with him?

Around twenty minutes later, I’m back at my house. The lights are still on inside, so I know at least Elle is still in and up. As I put my key in the door, my phone pings again.

SMIHG: You look beautiful tonight. Sweet dreams, Lily. Dream of me.

My heart does a little dance. I shouldn’t dream of him, but I often do. One day, I will have to end this craziness, but for now, I’m enjoying the thrill and excitement it sparks within me. It was true what I said to him back at the house. I feel more alive when I’m with him. I feel safe, I feel wanted, and I feel like the most beautiful girl on earth. These emotions—although bizarre—always take precedence whenever I am with him.

Me: Goodnight, J. xx

SMIHG: Goodnight, Beautiful. Sweet dreams.

I smile again, unlock my door, and walk in. Elle is where I left her perched on the sofa, watching Desperate Housewives. She frowns when she looks up to me and checks her watch. “You weren’t lying when you said you’d be back early.”

I place my keys down and sit next to her. She’s eating popcorn, so I delve my hand in to grab a fistful. “It was only a quick drink.” I smile, placing a few pieces in my mouth. I look at the TV and see Eva Longoria shouting at her onscreen husband. “How’s it going?” I motion with my head towards the screen.

She shrugs. “I still have another season to get through, but I’m almost done with this.”

We sit together for a while in silence at first. I can’t help but want to ask her some questions. “Elle?”

She reluctantly takes her eyes off the screen. “Yes?”

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

She smiles. “Sure, go ahead.”

“When you were with Art, how did he make you feel?” Art was the boy I suspected she lost her virginity to. Like me, Elle is a very private person. This is the first time I have ever asked her about the two of them.

Elle looks at me with a frown. “That’s such a deep question. I suppose that, at the time, I felt I was in love.”

I shift a little to face her more. “In what way, though? Did he make your heart flutter whenever you saw him? Did he make you feel like you would burst when he kissed you?”

Elle immediately takes the remote and pauses the TV. “Lily, what’s brought this on?”

“I’m sorry to pry. I guess I’m just wondering… Well, I’m turning eighteen soon, and in a few months, I’ll be going to college. I’m just wondering if I will meet someone there, and if I do, I just wonder what it might feel like around him.”

Elle smirks at my question, and I wonder if she’s making fun of me. “I’m no expert at this. The only thing I can say is that I think you’ll know.”

I frown. “Know what?”

“Whether he is the one for you. If you really feel all the things you just said, then I think he would definitely be in the running at least.”

“Did you ever feel that way with Art? You don’t have to answer. I’m just curious.”

Elle looks away, deep in thought, for a moment. “He made me feel special. He pressed the right buttons whenever I was with him. As far as feeling like I would burst if he didn’t kiss me, then no. I think if I ever had felt that way, then I would still be with him.”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” I know their split seemed to be pain free, but it could be that Elle was just hiding her pain at the time.

“We just grew apart. He didn’t want to stay here for college and I did. If we were strong together, then we wouldn’t have let the distance come between us, but it did. I think it was the excuse we both used to get out. By the time we split, I was very fond of Art, but the spark we once had was lost. I suppose it just happens that way sometimes.”

I pick up a cushion and start playing with the edges. “And you have no regrets?”

She shakes her head and pops a piece of popcorn in her mouth. “No regrets. I’m happy where I am now. In fact,” she turns to me with a big smile on her face, “don’t tell mom and dad this, but I’ve been chosen by a headhunter based out of New York. They want me to start in June.”

I gasp. “You’re kidding me?” She starts laughing and shaking her head. “Oh, Elle, that’s awesome!” I grab her, pulling her in for a big hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” she muffles into my shoulder.

I pull away, though, frowning at her. “Why haven’t you told mom and dad yet?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I just thought I needed a few days to think about it. I’m going to give them an answer on Monday.”

“And do you know now what that answer will be?”

She nods her head with a smile. “I’m going to say yes.”

I squeal, hugging her again. “Does this mean you can’t come to Montana?”

She pulls away. “I’ll get to have a couple of weeks with you, and then I’ll come back to prepare for my trip. No matter what, I don’t want to break the family tradition. I will speak with Mom and Dad about it, though. I’m sure we can come to some agreement.”

“So, when are you telling them?”

“Tomorrow,” she rolls her eyes, “after church.”

I grab her hand, giving her a gentle squeeze. “They’re going to be so proud of you, Elle. You’ve worked so hard for this. No wonder they want you. How did they find out about you?”

She smiles. “My professor knows the CEO. He sent him some of my work, and he was so impressed that he wanted to set up a Skype interview. I couldn’t fly over and miss any of my exams, so that was the quickest and best way to meet face to face.”

“And without going, you’re really sure?”

She nods. “I did my research, and I’m kind of familiar with the area. My friend, Stacy, is living not too far away from there, and she’s offered to put me up. It’s a win-win situation.”

I nod with a smile. “It sounds as though it was meant to be.”

“It does, doesn’t it? It’s amazing how fate can lend a helping hand sometimes.”

I nod my head in agreement and look back at the screen. “Sorry I’ve kept you from Desperate Housewives.”

She shrugs. “No sweat. Besides, I like our little chats.”

I beam back at her. “I do too. I’m so glad we’ve always gotten along so well. For the most part, we have anyway.” I start laughing when I think back to the time when I was ten and Elle was fourteen. She thought I had taken her iPod even after I swore I’d never touched it. A huge fight ensued, and our mom had to calm us down. As it turned out, Elle had dropped it and kicked it underneath her bed without realizing. It was a hard apology for a brooding fourteen-year-old at the time, but she swallowed her pride and did it.

“We’ve had our ups and downs, but, you’re right, mostly we’ve gotten along. There’s never been any jealousy between us, and I think it’s great.”

I smile. “There’s never been ‘just cause’ for jealousy. I don’t like it myself.”

Elle smirks. “You just wait until you get a boyfriend. At some point, either side can’t help feeling jealous usually.”

My mind immediately thinks back to that night when Max tried to kiss me. It’s all water under the bridge now, but I can’t help but wonder if my stalker did it because—like he said—he was protecting me or if it was out of jealousy. Either way, he shouldn’t have done it. I told him as much afterwards, and again when I saw him last time.

“Did you ever feel it with Art?”

“Sometimes. He was quite popular at school. Other girls flirted, and I reacted to it several times. I couldn’t help myself at the time. Mind you, Art was just as bad. The number of fights we had over Paul!”

Paul is Elle’s lifelong best friend. They’re very much like Max and me, except that Paul has never tried to go beyond the friend barrier. I used to tease her a little when I was younger, but since being friends with Max, I understand how you can be friends with a guy without feelings getting in the way. I just hope that—one day—Max will finally accept that’s all we can ever be.

“Have you seen Paul lately?” She squirms a little uncomfortably. “Has something happened between the two of you?”

She bites her lip, and I can tell she’s wondering whether to tell me something or not. Obviously, her dire need to tell someone takes over. “Two days ago, we slept together.”

I gasp. “No way?!” She nods her head. “And you’re regretting that now?”

She thinks about my question for a moment. “In one sense, I do because we’ve been friends for so long. In another sense, I don’t because it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and I want more.”

“Have you told him how you feel?”

She shakes her head. “I’m afraid to. Ever since that night, he’s been texting me, but I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“But they are awkward due to the mere fact that you’re avoiding him.”

Elle sighs again. “I know. I guess I’m just frightened that I’ll end up saying something I’ll regret. It may ruin our friendship, and above all else, that’s the most important thing in my life.” She smiles. “We celebrated the New York thing. The celebration got a little out of hand. I guess I was just high off the buzz from getting offered my very first job. That’s my excuse, anyway.”

I nudge her. “You need to text him back… Put him out of his misery. He may feel like you’re rejecting him by not texting or calling back.”

She looks at me, biting her lip. “I know. I’ll text him now.” She pulls out her phone, so I make a move to get off the sofa.

“I’ll give you some privacy. I’m feeling tired anyway.”

She looks up from her phone at me. “Okay, sweet dreams.” I smile, thinking of my stalker, but turn to leave her to it. “Oh, Lily?” I spin around to see her smiling at me. “Thanks for our chat.”

I smile. “You’re welcome. I enjoyed it too. Goodnight, Elle.”

“Goodnight, Lily.”

I run up the stairs, clutching my phone in my hand. I’m dying to reply back to him all of a sudden. As I get undressed and slip into bed, I light up my screen and stare at his text messages. First off, I think I need to change the SMIHG to J. I do just that and start typing.

Me: Sweet dreams to you too.

My phone pings right away, alerting me to his response.

J: You took a while to respond.

Me: I was having a sisterly chat with Elle.

J: That’s nice. Family is important.

Me: I know. What about you? Do you have much family?

J: My family is dead.

I bite my lip frowning at his response. It saddens me that he seems all alone in the world. Just as I think this, my phone pings again.

J: Don’t feel pity for me.

Me: It’s not about feeling pity. It’s about wishing you had that family to be here and care for you.

J: I can take care of myself. Have for years. Goodnight, Lily.

My heart constricts at how abrupt his text message is. Have I upset him? I sit there and stare at the screen for some time, wondering whether or not to answer him back. In the end, I leave it, thinking if he is upset with me, then he needs time to cool off. Either way, I shouldn’t let it upset me in the way that it is. For some reason, though, I can’t help it.

Jarrod Walker

I’m such a fucking dick. I did it again! I swear my mouth—or in this case my fingers—reacted before my brain engaged. It’s like she brings out all of the best and worst parts of me, and I just can’t help myself.

I sit for a while, wondering if I should text back and apologize. If I don’t, I might lose her. I weigh up the options and text her, but I don’t hear back. It’s after midnight, so I figure she’s probably asleep.

As I throw the phone on my bed and get up to grab another beer for myself, the doorbell rings. I tense, wondering who the fuck it could be. Most people aren’t aware I’m here, and those who are aware know to stay away. Quick as a flash, I shut the fridge door and head for my nightstand to grab my 9mm. I walk slowly towards the door and look outside.

Shit! It’s Charlotte.

I place the gun in the back of my jeans and open up immediately. She looks sad and frustrated, but it doesn’t stop my mouth from running away with me.

“What the fuck are you doing here? You know not to come here.” I usher her in and look behind her to make sure no one followed her up the stairs to my apartment. “How did you get here anyway?” I ask, shutting the door behind me.

“I drove. Don’t worry; no one followed me.”

I suck in a deep breath as my anger rises further. “You shouldn’t be out this fucking late. You know how I feel about your safety.”

She raises her hand up. “It’s okay. I was in the car the whole time. I’m safe.” She places her hand on my mine. “I promise.” I see the vulnerability in her eyes, and my heart immediately melts.

“Come here,” I say, bringing her in for a hug. She smells just how I remember. “I missed you.”

I hear her breathe in my scent, and I know she feels more relaxed now that’s she’s in my arms. When she pulls away, she has tears in her eyes. “I missed you too. That’s why I’m here.”

Concern grips my insides. “Is something wrong? Has something happened to you? If anyone’s fucking dared to—”

She shakes her head, cutting me off, and wanders into my living room. “No, I just wanted to see you. I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“That’s because I’ve been busy.”

Her eyebrow rises. “With her?”

I sigh. “Yes … and no.”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Do we have to get into this now?”

Her face looks stern. “When?”

I sigh. “Tonight.”

She stares at me for a moment, and I can’t for the life of me imagine what the fuck she’s thinking. “Are you falling for her?”

“No,” I say, a little too quickly.

“Jarrod, for fuck’s sake! I thought you knew what you were doing?!”

I nod my head. “I do. Don’t question my methods, Charlotte. I know exactly what I’m doing. I have her right where I want her. She’s putty in my hands.” She looks at me again like she’s scrutinizing me. “Is this all you came here for? To rib me about seeing Lily? To accuse me of falling for her when all I’m doing is exactly what we discussed? You wanted me to get close to her. I’m about as close as I can get. I plan on getting even closer—if everyone would just leave me the fuck alone.” I sigh, feeling like shit. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Charlotte sits down on my black leather sofa and stares at my beer. “Can I get one of those?”

I shake my head. “You’re driving, so no.”

She throws her hands in the air. “You’re so fucking overprotective at times. One beer won’t do any harm.”

I try in vain to steady my breathing, but it’s no use. I’m riled up. “I almost lost you once. I refuse to take the chance of losing you for real. Do you hear me?” Tears immediately prick her eyes, making me feel like such a cunt.

“Don’t bring that up again.”

I close my eyes on a sigh.

How can I make everything okay for her?

If I could wipe that day away, I would, but I can’t. It forever haunts the both of us. That is one day we will never, ever, get back again.

I take a sip of my beer and sit down next to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Come here.” I motion for her to move into my arms, and she scoots up, accepting what little comfort I can offer.

“I love you,” she whispers on a little sob.

I kiss her head. “I love you too. Don’t ever fucking forget that. Everything I do now, I do for us. Do you understand that?” I feel her nod her head in my arms, and I can’t help the guilt that creeps up inside of me. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew what I had to do. I planned to lure Lily in and make her trust me. I fully intended to go through with the plan of tainting that innocent heart of hers. What I didn’t expect was to feel the way I did when I was with her. What I didn’t expect was to feel … what was the word Lily used? Alive? That’s right. She said she felt alive with me. I guess I’m getting a little glimpse into how that feels when I’m with her too. I do feel different, and I have been letting my emotions get the better of me. Now, with Charlotte in my arms, I can’t help but feel I’ve betrayed her.

I’m really the only person she has left.

As I contemplate this and more, I decide that I need to man up and make this work for Charlotte’s sake. I can’t lose focus just because some little girl bats her eyelashes at me.

I shake my head on a sigh. “Fucking pussy,” I whisper.

“What?” Charlotte asks, lifting her head to look at me.

I smile. “Nothing.” I kiss her head and nudge her. “Come on. It’s late. I’ll follow you home in the car.”

She lets out a frustrated sigh. “Jarrod, I can—”

I cut her off immediately. “I’m not letting you go home alone at night … even if it is in your car. Now, let’s get going. You need your rest.”

It’s late afternoon on Monday, and I’m just walking back from the library. I like walking as it gives my head a chance to process and clear. I was upset on Saturday night with J’s text message, but at least I woke up to an apology in the morning. I haven’t heard from him since, however. I feel a little apprehensive as to why.

Once I’m at my door, I see there is no lily waiting for me. I didn’t expect one because I knew I would get back after my parents did today. If he was still watching me, then he would know that too.

As I step through the door, I hear my parents having a heated discussion. When I hear my name mentioned, I stand dead still and listen.

“Jack, if we do this, it’s going to crush her. We both know she’s expecting a car for her birthday.” I frown, biting my lip. I wouldn’t have expected this sudden news to be as upsetting to me as it is.

“I know, honey. It’s not like I’m saying no. I’m just saying to wait until we get back from Montana. She’s doing okay without it now, and she won’t need it once she graduates… Not before she goes to college anyway. All I’m asking is to wait until a couple of weeks after we get back. I should know how much of a bonus I’m getting from work by that point, and then we can get her something more special. Do you see what I’m saying?”

I hear her sigh. “I know what you’re saying, but our daughter’s never been that type of girl.”

“I know. Why do you think I want to do it this way? I want it to be a nice surprise for her. Lily is expecting a secondhand car, but she deserves better. I’ve actually looked online already, and I know just the car to get for her. Here, let me show you.” I hear footsteps and wonder how long I should stand here before making my presence known. “What do you think? It’s won safety awards and everything. She will be perfectly safe in this. Another major plus is that it won’t need to have any work done on it for a while since it will be brand new. It also gets fifty mpg, so it’s very economical.”

I grit my teeth, wishing in one sense that I could see what car it is, but also in another wishing my dad wouldn’t go to all this trouble. I don’t want him spending money on me for my birthday if he doesn’t have it, but I also don’t want him spending his hard-earned cash on a brand new car for me once he does have it. It’s too much.

Without another thought, I shut the door loudly enough for my parents to hear. “Is anyone home?” I shout.

My mom quickly appears in the hallway—so quickly it makes me jump. “Sorry I startled you, darling. Is everything okay?” She looks guilty. I know why, but I’m not going to let her know I know what’s going on.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just doing a little reading at the library. I feel nice and relaxed now.” I smile brightly and make my way towards the stairs. As I do, I have a thought. “Oh, Mom,” I say, turning, “I was thinking about my birthday today, and I was wondering if it would be okay if I just got a Kindle?”

She frowns. “But I thought you loved reading paperback books?”

“I do. It’s just that Christine has one, and it stores thousands of books on there. I don’t want anything fancy. Just the standard one is more than enough for me.” I give her a smirk. “I just thought I would get into the twenty-first century a bit more. I hope you don’t mind?”

As I ask this, my dad appears with a bright smile on his face. “We don’t mind at all. Do we, Jack?”

Dad shakes his head. “Of course not. But what about a car?”

I see my mom stiffen in my dad’s arms, so I put them out of their misery right away. “There’s no hurry for that. When we get back from Montana, I can start a summer job. I’m sure I can save enough cash to buy myself something decent. I have some savings as it is. I think I need another thousand or so, and I should be set. You guys are doing enough by getting me through college. I don’t want you to spend too much money on me. A car on top would be way too much.”

My mom’s eyes glisten, and my dad smiles proudly at me. “We’re so lucky to have you, do you know that?” my dad asks.

I shrug my shoulders. “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage. I know you guys have money, but that doesn’t mean you should spend it all on me. It wouldn’t be fair.”

My mom walks over and grabs my arm. “You’re worth it all and more.”

I place my other hand on hers. “I know you feel that way, but I’m just happy that I have a family that loves me. You can’t buy that stuff.”

My mother sniffles and shakes her head. “No, you sure can’t.”

I point upstairs, so I can let them have some alone time now that I’ve let them off the hook a little. “I just need to get a quick shower before dinner. Do you need me for anything before I go?”

She shakes her head, so I make my way upstairs. Just as I’m about to close the door, I hear my father talking softly to my mother. “I promise I will fix this once we’re back from Montana. Okay?” I don’t hear anything else. I don’t want to. I’ve already snooped and invaded their privacy enough as it is.

As I shut the door, I’m about to head into the shower when my phone starts ringing. I run back and glance down at the screen. It’s Christine. I answer with a brief hi.

“I didn’t see much of you today.”

“Max gave me a ride to the library as usual.”

“Of course. I just wanted to talk to you about him.” By him, I know she’s referring to the man I now know as “J.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You’ve been really quiet about him lately. I was just wondering if you’ve heard from him at all. Is he still in contact?” I go silent for a moment, wondering how to answer. “Lily, your silence speaks volumes. When?” When I don’t answer right away, she sighs. “Do I have to come over there?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m going to be having dinner shortly anyway. I saw him on Saturday night.”

“Saturday night?!” she screeches. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I could have come with you.”

“I just wanted to be alone with him.”

“Shit, you really are falling for him, aren’t you?”

“I am not!” I realize through the sound of my voice just how much it sounds as though I’m protesting a bit too much.

“Lily …”

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“I’m just looking out for you. That’s all. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

I smile at her comment. “I know, and I appreciate it. It’s just that he hasn’t given me any reason to stay away from him. He keeps telling me that I’m safe with him … that he won’t harm me.”

I hear her snort. “That’s what all the psycho killers say.” I’m about to respond when she speaks again. “So, what did you talk about this time? Other than him telling you that you’re safe with him I mean.”

Again, I don’t want to talk about our time together. I just feel that it’s none of anyone’s business. “Not much,” I say, trying to brush her off.

“So, all you two do is make out?”

I smirk. “Kind of.”

“Have you gone past second base?”

I sigh. “We haven’t even been past first base yet.”

She gasps. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing!” I say defensively. “He’s just being a gentleman, that’s all. He knows how old I am and doesn’t want to push it.”

She starts laughing. “A would-be gentleman stalker. How charming.”

I smirk. “Shut up.”

She laughs some more. “Okay, okay. We’ll stop talking about him for now. Are you ready for your birthday party? It’s not too far away now. Only five days. Eeek!” she screeches. I have to pull the phone away from my ear to keep my eardrum from bursting.

“I am, but I’m a little pissed that Max won’t tell me what’s going on. He says he doesn’t want me to worry about anything.”

“Ah, he’s just spoiling you. He’s still smitten as a kitten,” she teases.

I smile. “Yes, but he knows I don’t feel the same way.”

“Hmm,” she ponders. “I bet if your mystery stalker turned up, you would give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“You and I both know that would be impossible considering where we’re going to be.”

“Yes, but he will know how old you are once you get back. I bet first base will be long gone after that.”

The thought sends shivers of excitement up my spine. I’ve been hoping for a little more than first base ever since he touched me in the bathroom that first night. It’s stupid, considering I’m still a virgin and have no clue as to who he is. Even so, I have never craved anyone as much as I do him.

Is it because of the mystery? Is it because all of my senses are heightened when I’m around him and robbed of my sight, thus having no clue as to what he looks like? Will I be put off once I do see him?

That last thought makes me feel shallow. Of course not. No matter what, it’s how he makes me feel inside that matters—not what he looks like. Maybe what I’m really worried about is that once I see him, all of that mystery surrounding him will be gone, and I don’t know what will take its place.

Will I lose the excitement I now feel? A big part of me doesn’t think so, but I have no clue as to how I’m supposed to feel. I’m barely eighteen. I haven’t even lived yet. I’m only just scratching the surface.

“Lily, are you there?”

I come back to the here and now with a thump. “Yes, sorry. I was just thinking about what you said.”

“About going past first base?”

I bite my lip. “Yep.”

“Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you let him?” she presses.

I think I know in my heart of hearts the answer to that question, but I don’t know if I want to divulge that to her. It’s too private. “I don’t know,” I hedge, and I know my voice makes me sound unsure.

“I knew it! You would. And as well you should, you little slut.”

I gasp. “Christine!”

She starts laughing. “I’m only teasing, babes. You do whatever you feel is right. Listen to your gut, but please, whatever you decide, be careful.”

I hear the concern in her voice, and it makes me smile. “I will. Promise.”

This is it! I’m finally eighteen!

I’ve just woken up on the boat, and I have no clue as to where we are.

As soon as we finished school, we all headed home to get ready. We then took off to the airport to catch our flight. Once on board Max’s brother’s extravagant boat, Max just set sail, and now we’re in the middle of nowhere. I kind of like that idea.

Home has been a little awkward lately. I’m not sure just how much my mom and dad are talking right now, and I feel guilty, thinking it’s because of me. They’re over the moon about Elle, though. We went out for dinner to celebrate on Tuesday night, and all went well. Elle brought Paul with her, and whatever problems they’d been having weren’t apparent that night. I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was doing better. I hope that means they have patched things up, but we haven’t been alone since, so I haven’t been able to ask her yet.

As I stretch my limbs, I yawn and immediately check my phone. I still haven’t heard from J, and it’s unnerving. Is he still mad at me? I shake my head at my insecurity.

Why should I care? He is the one stalking me!

I laugh at the thought. I shouldn’t want him to want me, but I do. If I’m being completely honest, I miss him. I just can’t understand how he could apologize and then disappear as if what was said or done didn’t actually happen.

I hear a big bang on my door. “Wake up, birthday girl! I have a surprise for you.”

I smile. It’s Christine. “Okay, come in.” She breezes in, carrying a tray full of goodies. My eyes widen as I check out the abundance of food. I see toast, croissants, butter, jams, coffee, and if all of that wasn’t enough—strawberries. “Wow, you’ve really gone all out!”

She smiles brightly. “Only the best for my best friend.” Tears prick my eyes and she notices. “Oh, don’t start with the crying shit. You’ll set me off, and I’ve only just put my makeup on.”

I smile through the tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I say, trying to get my vision back.

Christine sets the tray down and then reaches behind her back. When she pulls her hand back, she’s holding a wrapped gift in the shape of a rectangle. “Here. This is for you. Happy Birthday!” she chimes.

I scoot up a little more in the bed and reach out to grab the box. “Oh, Christine, you shouldn’t have. You’ve done more than enough as it is.”

She rolls her eyes. “Just open it already. I’ve been dying for you to see it ever since I bought it.”

I do as instructed, pulling at the paper and lifting the little lid off the box. As I pull the foam top away, I find a silver-and-diamond encrusted infinity necklace. I gasp, throwing my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, Christine! This is beautiful.”

She walks swiftly forward, excitement in her eyes. “Here, let me help you put it on.” I let her take the necklace and move my hair out of the way, so she can work with the clasp. “There,” she says, stepping away and inspecting it. “It looks beautiful on you.”

I throw the covers off and walk towards the mirror in my en suite bathroom. Max wasn’t kidding when he said he would go all out. The master bedroom, although small, looks monstrous compared to the other cabins. The bed seems to take up most of the room. Hanging over it are some cabinets which seem to be able to take a whole year’s worth of clothes. Whoever designed this place designed it with the purpose of using up what little space there is efficiently. The carpet is beige and plush. When I sink my toes in, it feels heavenly. I could definitely get used to this.

I study the necklace in the mirror. It hangs at just the right level on my chest. My hair is a total wreck after my fitful night’s sleep, and my eyes are all puffy from just waking up. I look like the crazy cat lady from the Simpsons. I turn away quickly and look at my best friend. “The necklace is beautiful, Christine. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Do you want some privacy?” she asks, pointing towards the door.

I shake my head. “No, sit with me for a moment, will you? I don’t want to eat breakfast alone. What are the others doing?” Just as I ask this, I hear a scream and Jerry’s voice hollering. I hear a splash followed by laughter. “Forget it,” I say, putting my hand up. “I think I can guess.”

It’s almost dark, and everyone is either drunk or well on their way to being so.

I had gotten up this morning and showered, dressed, and put some makeup on—only for Jerry to chase me around the boat, pick me up, and throw me into the sea for my “birthday dunk” as he called it. I was livid at first, but after some deep breaths, I came to realize just how stupid I was to think I could expect anything less from Jerry.

“So, what are you fuckers doing after graduation?”

I roll my eyes at Jerry. “Can you not go one day without calling someone a name?”

We’re all sitting around the table outside. The night is warm, giving us our first taste of the summer to come. I’m loving it. “In fact,” I say, pointing at him, “I bet you ten dollars you can’t go the rest of this trip without swearing or calling someone a name.”

Jerry sits up. “Oh, come on! That’s bullshit!”

I smirk. “I can see this will be a real challenge for you already.” Everyone starts laughing—except for Jerry. I always manage to piss him off somehow, and the thought makes me smile.

“You can’t seriously expect me not to fucking swear.” He looks quite vexed by the thought.

Max laughs. “Yeah. Asking Jerry not to swear is like asking an imbecile to be smart.” Everyone sniggers, but Jerry isn’t happy.

“Are you saying I’m a fucking imbecile?”

I get up, grab a beer, and hand it to Jerry. “Calm down. Jeez, you can be so hot-headed at times. Take the beer and be a good boy.”

Jerry huffs, but grabs the beer from me. “Ask me to do anything. Just don’t ask me not to swear.”

I stand, hovering over him. “You managed one sentence there without swearing.”

Jerry looks at my groin area and licks his lips. “Bet me to do something I’m good at. I’m sure you’ll want to pay me handsomely for it.” His eyes linger at my groin again, so I gently smack him on the head. “Ow! What was that for?” He grumbles, rubbing his head.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby. It wasn’t that hard. If you weren’t such a dirty bastard …”

“You haven’t seen dirty yet.” I raise my hand to smack him again, but he puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t want me to lick your muffin.”

“Oh my God!” I shout.

Jerry shakes with laughter. “I never get tired of teasing you. Your face goes so red.” He turns to Max. “You’d better watch out because if any planes see her, they’ll be heading straight for your brother’s boat.” He doubles over with laughter while I move in to slap him. Jerry curls up in a tight ball and covers his head with both hands.

“You’re such a little shit, Jerry.” After slapping him one last time, I walk back to my seat next to Christine and Max. “The bet still stands.”

His laughter stops, and he glances up to me with an indignant look. “Fine,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m sure I can go without swearing for tonight.”

I wave my finger back and forth. “Nah-ah. You have to not swear or call anyone names until both feet are off this boat and on dry land.”

Jerry purses his lips. “Fine,” he states getting up. “I’m going for one last dip before it gets too dark. Any of you fu… I mean, anyone want to come with?”

I shake my head, sip on my beer, and wink at him. He scowls in my direction, making me laugh. As he walks off with Tyler, Pete and Amy following suit, I turn to Max. “He’s not going to last five minutes, is he?”

“Not a chance,” he says, laughing. “Are you enjoying your birthday?”

I smile, thinking back on today. Everyone pitched in what they could, and I ended up with one hundred dollars to spend. The only other person to buy me a present was Max. He bought me an Amazon gift card, so I can buy all the books that I want. He knew that my parents were buying me a kindle. I was glad in the end that they didn’t decide on a car. I would have felt terribly guilty otherwise.

“You pulled out all the stops, Max, so thank you. It’s been the best birthday ever.”

“Good,” he says pulling me in for a hug and kissing the top of my head.

“I’m still full from all those burgers,” Christine pats her stomach and blows out some air. “But, man, they were good burgers.” She chuckles, setting me off.

I look at Max. “Yeah, you do make a mean burger.”

He raises his eyebrow. “Oh, I do now, do I? I’ll have to remember that for the next time I throw you a party.”

I sit up. “So, there will be a next time?”

He looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Just because we’re going off to college soon doesn’t mean that we’ll lose touch. I’ll still see you when I come home for the holidays and stuff.”

I smile, grabbing his hand. “Of course. Sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like we’re all parting ways.”

“It is kind of sad, though, isn’t it?” The sound of Christine’s soft voice grabs my attention. She looks pensive as she plays with the label on her beer bottle. “We’re all so used to seeing each other almost every day. You all have practically grown up with each other, and I feel as if I have too… And now, look at us.” She waves her hands towards Jerry, Tyler, Pete, and Amy. Both Max and I stare as we watch Jerry playfully splashing water at Tyler’s head. All of them are laughing, looking like they’re having a great time. “We won’t ever get to do this again on a whim. I bet all of us—at some point—won’t be able to make it to just any random party or event. We’re growing up and spreading our wings. We’ll have to face it one day soon. Things will never be as they are now ever again. Nothing lasts forever.”

I blink a couple of times, thinking about what Christine has just said. I stare out at the water and watch the three of them as they laugh and play. This is a moment to capture. “You’re right. Things will never be the same again.” For a moment, I pensively think of the future. We’ll all be going off to college, meeting new friends, and eventually finding jobs until we settle down somewhere. This memory we are making now will just be that—a memory. Something to look back on, but never to recapture.

“Fuck me, when did we get so depressing?” I look over at Max, who’s shaking his head. “It feels like a funeral here all of a sudden. Did someone die? ‘Cause, it fucking feels like it.”

I start laughing. “Sorry. I think what Christine is trying to say is that our lives now won’t be the same before long. Things will be very different in even five years from now.”

Max shrugs his shoulders. “I think you can say that about everything in life. Even when you’re older, there’s getting married and having kids for instance. It changes your life and your circumstances. It’s bound to.”

“Do you want kids when you’re older?” Christine looks in Max’s direction.

Max takes a gulp of his beer and thinks about it for a second. “I think if I met the right woman, then yes. I think we would all feel that way if we met someone we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with.” Just then, Amy squeals, making me jump. Pete is tickling her, and she’s screaming like crazy. “What about you?” Max asks Christine, bringing our attention back to the conversation.

She shakes her head. “I don’t want kids.”

I frown. This surprises me somewhat. I always thought that Christine wanted a family. Well, I suppose “assume” is a better word, but then you know what they say assuming does. “Are you adamant about that, or is this just how you feel now?”

Christine looks over to me and shrugs her shoulders. “I guess I just feel I don’t have a lot to offer kids. I’m too …” she cups her hands together in a circle, “insular.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think that about you at all. You’re kind and considerate. You’ve been my best friend now for the last year. I’ve never known you to be anything but the bright and bubbly Christine I have always known.”

Well, apart from the shopping incident a couple of weeks ago, but then she did apologize for that.

“I just don’t think I would be able to bring up kids.” She looks kind of sad, and she also looks like she wants to say more, but is holding her tongue.

“What about you?” Max asks, breaking my stare from Christine.

“To be honest, I haven’t thought about it much. I guess I’m the same as you, though. I want kids, but only once I find someone I want to have kids with. I think I just want to concentrate on living in the here and now.”

Christine raises her beer bottle. “I hear that shit.” Laughing, I lean forward and clink my bottle with hers. “Every precious moment counts.”

I nod my head to her with a smile. “That it does.” Just as I say this, Jerry comes bouncing over, interrupting our life-affirming conversation by shaking himself around us like a dog. “Jerry!” I protest, trying to protect my face from the wet droplets.

“Come and give me a hug, birthday girl.”

I squeal as he picks me up and wraps his big bear arms around me. “You are so dead meat, douche-nugget.”

He pulls away, raises an eyebrow and instantly I feel the cold. “Douche-nugget, huh?” He then leans forward. “Give me a kiss.” He puckers up—trying to get closer—but I push his face away. “You wound me.” He pulls away, grabbing a towel and starts drying his hair.

“I highly doubt that,” I say, smirking.

Man, I’m cold.

I start shivering.

“Here, let me get you a blanket. It’s starting to really get dark now.” Max gets up and reaches into a basket next to his seat. He pulls out a large, light brown fleece and wraps it around me. I instantly feel warm.

“Thanks,” I say, smiling.

“No sweat,” Max answers as he reluctantly pulls away. Christine notices of course and raises her eyebrow at me. I just shake my head at her with a smile.

“Your brother’s got a nice boat, man,” Pete says, looking around it with admiring eyes.

“Thanks. He hasn’t had it very long, so he would totally kill me if I didn’t bring it back in the same condition as it’s in now.” Max visibly shudders at the thought.

Jerry points at Pete. “You give him enough to drink, and he’ll puke everywhere. Remember Remy’s house six months ago? Fuck, Remy spent all day cleaning up your shit and didn’t talk to you for a whole month.” Everyone goes silent as I raise my eyebrow at Jerry with a smirk. He notices, of course. “What?” he asks, completely bewildered. I give him a moment before it finally dawns on him. His frown disappears and is replaced by an annoyed expression. “Fuck!” he shouts, downing a whole bottle of beer.

I get up, sauntering over to him with a smile. I place my hand in front of him. “I think you owe me another ten dollars.” I motion with my hand to pay up, and at first I think he’s going to have a hissy fit. I’m surprised when he suddenly smiles.

“I’ll make it twenty if you give me a lap dance.”

“Jerry!” Christine shouts, throwing a cushion at his head. It bounces off so perfectly that I can’t help the giggles that rise out of me.

“Okay, Okay,” he protests, moving towards his chair where he reaches for his wallet. Riffling through it, he gets out a ten dollar bill and slaps it in my hand. “I’m only doing this because it’s your birthday.”

“Of course. It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you keep losing to a girl now, would it?” I lean forward just enough to get close to his ear. “Thirty,” I say, almost singing the word. I pull my head back and wink at him.

Jerry just smiles. “I so fucking hate you right now.”

Christine gets up, and together, we both lick our fingers and touch our asses like we’re so hot we sizzle. I dip the ten dollars into my bra and casually walk back to my seat as everyone laughs. Everyone aside from Jerry, of course. He is—for a change—silently brooding in the corner now.

“I’ve really enjoyed tonight,” Amy announces while drying her hair off with a towel.

I smile. “Me too.”

She suddenly gets up, wrapping the towel around her. “I’m going to get another beer. Does anyone else want one?”

“Me!” we all shout in unison, making the laughter start again.

The rest of the night has passed in much the same fashion, and it’s extremely late now that everyone is leaving for bed. We’re all tired, but also extremely drunk-happy. I can honestly say this has been one of the best days I have ever had. The perfect icing on the proverbial cake would be to get kissed by my stranger. I smile as I trace my fingers along one of the cushions I took from the seats outside. It’s the only thing that usually helps me relax enough to sleep. Tonight, however, I’m already naturally tired. It must be all the sea air.

In the course of my musings, I think about the fact that I haven’t heard from J in a while. It irks me that I miss him as much as I do. As ever, I chastise myself for feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling. Nothing that has happened with him or between us during the past few months has been normal. The only time I even feel “normal” is when I’m with him. It all just feels … natural. I think—if I’m being honest with myself—knowing that is the most frightening thing of all.

I sigh as my eyes get heavier and heavier. The boat is gently rocking me to sleep. The only sound I hear is the water as it laps against the boat. I feel as if I’m being gently lifted like a baby being rocked. It’s soothing and leaves me feeling as relaxed as ever. It’s dark in here, but the moon is shining brightly this evening, giving me a faint outline of my surroundings.

I close my eyes again, but I open them once more as if I’m trying to fight the inevitable dream to come. In my dream, I am falling into the arms of the man who seems to have all of me. I can’t shake him. Even when I sleep, I can’t keep him from my subconscious. As if sensing my true desires, he grips me tightly in a warm embrace. Again, that feeling of complete tranquility, peace, and security surrounds me as I inhale the peppery-mint aroma that both sweetly stings and caresses my senses.

Can this be perfectly perfect? Is there such a thing?

I’m feeling it as he strokes my hair and skims those masterful hands across my cheek.

How can this feel so real? This dream I’m in must be one of the best I have ever had. I did say I wanted to be kissed by my stranger, and, like a wish granted, here he is in my fantasies, granting my last eighteenth birthday wish.

“Kiss me,” I ask, needing to feel those sweet, warm lips against mine. I have been dreaming of those lips since last Saturday.

My dream must be cooperating because I instantly feel his mouth against mine, warm, welcoming … addictive. “You’ve been gone,” I say, as he pulls away.

“I know, Beautiful, and I’m sorry.”

I smile because I know in this moment I have instantly forgiven him. He’s here with me now, and that’s all that matters. “It’s nice of you to visit my dream.” I hear his raspy chuckle, and it causes goose bumps to rise.

Strange thing to feel in a dream.

I feel him lean in closer to my mouth, and I am instantly ready for him. His hot, minty breath invades my own, giving me a warm glow. “Lily,” he whispers, “you’re not dreaming.”

My eyes flutter open, and I try to rise out of bed in a panic. I’m instantly restricted by a body and a hand over my mouth. “Shh,” he utters. “It’s just me. I’m not here to hurt you. I just wanted to see you on your birthday.” I look at his face. It’s still really dark in here, but now I feel like I’m seeing him for the very first time. I can finally make out the outline of his face. He has a strong jaw line and dark, hooded eyes. That’s all I can see. I instantly ache to touch his face.

How did he get here?

When he can see that I’m less panicked, he pulls his hand away. “How did you—”

“I have my ways.”

My head is confused. Did someone forget to bring the ladder up before we went to sleep? “How did you know?” I ask again, confused. I just can’t believe he’s here. “Am I still dreaming?”

“No,” he replies, touching my hand. Feeling it cements the fact that this is very real. Only in my waking life could I feel that spark we seem to have between us. “Can you feel it?” he asks, as if reading my mind.

“Yes,” I reply, breathlessly. “I’m scared.” I want to be truthful. I need him to know that no matter how strange our relationship is, I still feel the fear from my ever-growing feelings for him.

“I told you that I would never hurt—”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m scared of the way you make me feel. It’s stupid, I know, but I want to be honest with you. I like the way you make me feel, and it both frightens and bewilders me. I can’t seem to wrap my head around the insanity of all this. Why do I let you in?” I know he realizes I don’t mean in it in the physical sense. I have no say as far as that’s concerned, but I do let him have access to me in other ways that no one else has ever gotten close to.

Why? I just can’t understand it.

“Because you are where you belong. I know it, and you feel it in your heart. I am a part of you now.” His words penetrate me in ways I can’t even begin to fathom. I’m trying to fight this, but I can’t.

“Did you seriously get on a plane and come here … for me?”

“Yes.”

“Kiss me,” I request again. And he doesn’t hold back. He leans in, allowing me to hold onto his scent for a fraction of a second. I am consumed by a dire need to have his lips pressed against mine. The hunger surfaces in me like I’m a starving animal. I need to feel him. I’ve missed this so much.

Grabbing his head, I lurch out of bed, surprising him, and straddle his waist. He, in turn, grabs my hips, pulling me against his hardness. I moan at the feel of him encompassing my body. Fires burn and electric sparks alight. It’s almost as if I’ve been pulled into this strange, magical land where only I and this wizard of a boy exist. I feel the heat rising with every swirl of his tongue with mine and every light touch of his fingers on my skin. I’ll truly be on fire if he doesn’t do something soon, but as I think this, he pulls away.

“I have to stop,” he says, breathing heavily against my mouth.

“Why? I’m eighteen now.”

“Barely, Lily. You only turned eighteen today. I’m not going to push you into doing something just because you’re now of a legal age to do it. That’s not the way it should be.”

I sigh. “I thought you said I call all the shots.”

He looks up, sweeping my hair away from my face. “You do. You always do. But don’t ask me to be anything less than a gentleman with you. It’s not the way you should be treated. Your first time should be special. Not on your friend’s boat. Not like this.”

I can tell by the sound of his voice that there’s just no persuading him. Besides, he pulled the gentleman card on me. How can I possibly push this now? “Okay,” I say reluctantly. It amazes me just how much I’m trying to get us closer. I don’t even know who he is. All I know is how I feel when I’m with him.

Is that enough?

A finger trailing down my neck towards my breasts breaks my thoughts. My breath hitches as my heart skips a beat. My God, his touch is just so … so … magical. “It is your birthday, though, and I believe you deserve a little present from me—however small.”

My mouth goes dry. I try hard to swallow, but my bodily functions suddenly ceased to work the moment his finger touched my skin. “Yes?” I ask in a whisper. I need to know what it is he has planned.

“Do you trust me now not to hurt you?” His finger trails around my breasts. Oh so close, but not close enough. I want more.

“Yes,” I whisper again, needing him to do something fast.

“Yes, what?” he asks in a playful, but commanding tone. For some reason it hits straight between my legs.

“Yes, please.”

He leans forward, cupping my breast as he journeys towards me. A small squeal leaves my lips. “Good girl,” he whispers as he swipes his thumb over my nipple. And like the true magician that he is, my head falls back in complete surrender. I close my eyes, reveling in the feel of his hand on my breast. I have dreamed of this moment, but never had I imagined it would feel this good.

“Lie down.” His voice is so commanding that I naturally do as he asks. Once I’m in position, he carefully pulls the rest of the covers away from me. “Now, I want you to stay very still. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” I instantly reply.

“Good,” he huskily replies, as he starts to undo my pajama top. Heat resurfaces in my whole body making my heart drum faster than ever. I don’t know what he’s going to do to me, but whatever it is, I wish he would hurry up and do it. I feel like a dam about to burst.

As he reaches the last button, he pulls the right portion away and then the left. My top half is completely exposed to him now. “Lean forward.” I do as instructed and feel him tug at both sleeves, removing it in one swift, fluid motion. Once he tosses it aside, he kisses my shoulder before gently pushing me back on the bed. “Beautiful.” His voice is like an aphrodisiac. Just that alone has me begging for more.

Once he’s satisfied that I’m lying still again, he goes to work on my pants. He doesn’t have to ask me to push my ass up. I just do it instinctively. He glides me back down with ease, and I praise myself for having shaved my legs this morning.

It’s the little things that really matter.

“So soft,” he says, trailing his fingers down both my legs as he goes. I naturally wriggle beneath him. “Hold still.” His tone is commanding again, but instead of it annoying me, it’s turning me on even more. I instantly do as he asks, and I know that he’s secretly smiling at himself because I gave in to him so easily.

As he gets to my ankles, he rises off the bed and pulls my pants away completely. He stands at the foot of the bed just drinking me in. How he is, I have no idea. I can hardly see him, so I don’t know how he can he see me. It occurs to me that I am completely naked in front of him, yet he is completely dressed.

Once he moves forward, I gasp, knowing that whatever he was planning to do, he’s going to do it now. My skin heats, and my heart beats frantically against my chest. He parts my legs, and ever so slowly, he crawls in-between my thighs. I moan, grabbing the sheets. He hasn’t even touched me yet, but somehow, I feel him. He’s everywhere, invading all my senses and driving me wild.

I fist the sheets together in my hands. Anticipation of his next move is crawling up my spine. He bends down at my thighs and very slowly starts kissing his way up to my hip. I start wriggling, wanting to feel more of him. “Hold still,” he commands again, stopping his journey. I moan, but nod my head and try to keep as still as possible. Once he’s satisfied, he continues his journey up, over my hips towards my belly where he licks around my belly button. I moan again, grabbing a fistful of his hair. He stops immediately. “Be still, I said. Hands by your sides like they were before.”

My God, this is both frustrating and intense at the same time. I want to touch him, but I know he won’t do whatever he’s planning to unless I behave.

Shit, what’s wrong with me?

Without another thought, I place my hand back where it was, and immediately after, he starts kissing his way up to my breasts. He kisses my breasts, but is careful not to go near the one place I want him to. “Please,” I find myself suddenly begging.

“Please, what?” he asks, kissing around my breasts again. My nipples are rock hard, and it’s almost painful.

“Please kiss them.”

“What? These?” he asks, placing his tongue at the tip of my nipple.

Oh my God, I’m practically panting with need. “Yes, please. Right there.” He grants my wish, placing my nipple into his mouth. At first he swirls his tongue around it, but then he sucks it, making a sound escape me that I’ve never heard come from me before. “Oh God,” I cry, lifting my hips to seek him out.

He suddenly stops. “Lily, what did I say?”

“S–sorry,” I stutter, unable to form words properly. I’ve never felt this dire need to be touched before. It’s both frightening and exhilarating. I try to calm my breathing in an effort to keep still. My skin, however, feels like it’s burning up. I have this need to seek out the cold parts on my bed just so I can cool off. I don’t, though. The need to feel his lips on mine is winning out in my little head game.

With my chest violently rising and falling, and my body trembling, he goes back to work. But this time, he focuses on my other nipple. I moan out loud again, but this time I will myself not to move. “So beautiful,” he whispers against my nipple. He sucks it again, and again I can’t help the sound that escapes me. “You’re going to have to learn to be quieter than that if you don’t want to wake anybody up.” My body stills at his words. I have completely forgotten about where I am and about those who are only mere feet away from me in the surrounding rooms. “That’s better,” he whispers before diving his head down to my nipples again. For a few more moments, he licks and sucks on them, and it’s working me up into a frenzy. “I wonder how wet you’re going to be now.” He shuffles down a little more, and before I know it, he’s heading down towards my belly again before reaching the insides of my thighs. I tense, wondering what it is he’s going to do next. “I’m not going to hurt you, Lily. I promise.” At his words, I relax, and he rewards me with a soft kiss against my thighs. I want to wriggle. I want to get nearer to him somehow, but I refrain from doing so just in case he stops.

As I wonder what he will do next, his finger touches the entrance of my sex. I gasp at the alien feeling of a man’s hands somewhere that’s never been touched. “Fuck, Lily, you’re so wet. Do you know how tempting that is?” I hear a sucking sound, and I know from the shadow of him that he’s put his finger into his mouth. “You taste so good … so fucking good. I need more.” I expect him to touch me again with his finger, but instead I feel the swipe of his tongue at my entrance. I cry out. “Shh. People are going to hear you.”

I pant. “I’m sorry. I just can’t … I mean that just feels—”

“Shh. Stop talking. Just enjoy this. But don’t move and don’t make too much noise.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart, but it’s no use. I’m barely holding on to what little control I have left. All I want to do now is pounce on him.

Just as I think this, his tongue swipes at my entrance again. He freezes, waiting for me to make a noise, but I don’t. I’m determined to be as quiet as I possibly can.

“You have a beautiful pussy, Lily. It smells fucking incredible.”

Does he have to talk to me like that? As if his touch isn’t bad enough!

“Please,” I whimper again because it’s the only sound my brain will allow me to release right now.

He doesn’t hesitate. He’s back at my entrance again, but this time he licks up towards my clitoris. I moan, but this time it’s more of a tiny whimper. His tongue starts to lick around my clitoris with relish. It’s almost as if he knows my body already. I’ve never felt anything quite like this before. With his finger placed at my entrance, he carefully slides it inside and starts moving. I want to move my hips. In fact, I’m desperate to, but I don’t. I stay still because I want to feel everything he has to offer. I need it with a passion. As his tongue starts swirling around my clitoris again, my insides start to burn like nothing before. I moan out loud again, not caring that people are asleep right next door. What he’s doing just feels way too good to ignore.

As he ups the tempo, my whole body starts to tremble. I can feel something building—something magical and monumental. My cheeks flame, and my whole body tenses as a sensation like no other creeps up my spine. “Come for me, Lily,” he urges before going back to lick at my clitoris. As my body tenses, I grab the sheets and let the buildup come naturally. I’m going to come, and it’s going to feel like nothing I have ever imagined or felt before. I have experimented with myself, but this … this is nothing in comparison.

“J!” I cry as my body reacts to the precipice. My back arches, and with it, my orgasm crashes through me like a tidal wave. I’m riding so high, and yet the urge to cry also overtakes me.

What the fuck is that?

I’m feeling the relief of something that has built up so much that my body needs to react by releasing the floodgates. It’s the most surreal feeling ever.

As my body calms along with my breathing, he takes his time tenderly kissing around my thighs before climbing back up. “I have never heard perfection like that. Do you know how hard it is for me to restrain myself? I’m like a bee, and you’re the sweetest brand of honey.” He kisses my lips gently, and I can taste myself on him. It’s such a weird feeling.

“How do you manage it?” I am amazed I can still talk after that orgasm.

“What?”

“To say and do all the right things. It’s like you know me.”

“I do know you… And now, I know you very intimately. Do you know how long I have been dreaming of having a taste of you down here?” He places his hand against my mound, making me moan again. “Why, Lily, it would seem you are quite the insatiable one.”

I smile at his teasing words. “This is so fucked up.”

He feigns a gasp. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you cuss.”

“Well, I guess an orgasm will do that to you.”

“Hmm,” he says, leaning down towards my ear. “Then, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say once I bury my cock inside you.”

My insides burn. Could I be ready like this again so quickly? “I’m ready.” My voice is huskier than I want it to be. I guess he’s right. I am insatiable.

He places a finger at my lip and starts trailing it back and forth. “As much as I would love to find out just how ready you are, I will have to decline your offer. You’ve just come under my tongue, so you would probably be willing to turn cartwheels if I asked you to. I want you to be one hundred percent sure before we go any further.”

I giggle. “Cartwheels?”

“Yes, but don’t make fun of me.” Despite his admonishment, I can still sense the smile in his voice. “Besides,” he says, grabbing my hand. “I think you need to think very long and hard about this. Don’t make a snap decision.” He places my hand at his crotch, and I instantly feel his hardness. I gasp at how big he feels. “Do you still want me to fuck you?”

I’m all of a sudden in a state of flux. One half of me is burning to find out if I can take him, but the other half is scared shitless that he’ll break me in two. “Yes.” The word is out before my brain engages.

He starts to laugh softly. “Our time will come, but not here and not tonight.” He kisses my lips softly before pulling away. “You will be able to take me. As wet as you are now I’ll slide in perfectly. That’s how wet I’m going to make you once I take you. Do you understand, Lily?”

“Yes,” I whisper, still wanting him like that. I want to feel what’s it’s like to have him slide into me.

As I try to make out his face, he leans in and kisses me, but this time there’s more to the kiss. It’s almost possessive.

And I love it.

In an instant, I am caught up in his spell, wishing he would take me with him to that magical land he always seems to disappear to. I am completely lost in him again—forgetting who I am, where I am, and why this is so crazy that anyone would be lost for words. My parents would have an absolute fit if they knew what I was doing now.

His kiss deepens as he positions himself on top of me. I can feel his hardness digging into me again, but instead of it frightening me, it only makes me want more of him. His hand trails up my thigh and around my hips before cupping my breast. As he swipes his thumb over my nipple again, I moan, lifting my hips towards him. I hear his growl reverberate through me, making my own need for him climb. Does he feel it too? This dire need to have more? I so hope that he does.

As the kissing continues, I trail my hands from his shoulders down to his back. I can feel the contours of his body, and he feels incredible. He obviously works out because when he flexes, I can feel just how taught and strong his muscles are. Like the animal I feel I’ve become, I scratch down his back and feel him arch up, making his hips dig into me even more. I groan once I hear him moaning. He tastes incredible, smells incredible, and feels incredible.

But just as I think he’s going to go further, he pulls away, leaving us both panting and breathless. I hear him laugh and feel him shake his head as if in amused exasperation. “You’re too much. Do you know that?” I am about to ask him to show me just how much when he kisses my lips again, halting the very idea of the words that I was about to say from leaving my lips. He abruptly pulls away again, and I’m transfixed as he gently strokes my cheek with his warm fingers. “Time’s up, Beautiful,” he whispers before getting up from the bed.

I watch—my mouth agape—as he calmly strolls towards the door, opens it, and closes it behind himself. It happens so quickly that my brain doesn’t have enough time to process the fact that he is leaving me again. He didn’t even check to see if anyone was outside first.

I sit up, pulling the covers back over me and shake my head as I stare at the door. I don’t know why I’m suddenly staring at it. It’s not like it’s going to break out into a song and start dancing for me. He’s gone, and I know he’s not coming back. At least not on this boat and not for a while now.

As I slink back onto the bed, I think about today and everything that has happened. Just before I went to sleep, I wished that my stranger was here so that he could kiss me. It seems my wish was granted … in more ways than one. I smile, stretching my legs out. I have never felt so relaxed and calm in all my life.

Can life-affirming orgasms do that to a person?

I sigh, turning over and closing my eyes to sleep. I feel exhausted all of a sudden. I have no clue what time it is, but I’m guessing it’s early in the morning. At least it’s still dark outside.

As I fall into the abyss of sleep, one last thought pops up into my mind:

Even though it’s completely crazy to think this, I still want him to take my virginity. Should I let him even though I have no clue who he is or what he even looks like?

Again, I think about how he makes me feel when I’m with him and how he always tries to tell me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The only thing I know when I’m with him is just how alive and wonderful he makes me feel, so I guess there can only be one answer…

And I just can’t wait until that day arrives!

Jarrod Walker

I leave just like I always do—like a thief in the night. I am a thief, but I don’t steal objects. No, what I’m stealing is quite different. I am taking her. Just like we had planned, I am taking her inch by inch and surprisingly, she’s letting me.

I unhook the string attached to the rail and climb down to the awaiting boat. I take the ladder off as I get in and place the spare I “borrowed” into the inflated power boat, which I also “borrowed.” I push my “borrowed” boat away from theirs and row a short distance away, so I can power it up without causing too much noise. As I make my way back to shore, I think about all that has happened tonight. I can still taste her. She has the most elegant taste… She tastes like a fine wine and peaches rolled into one. I can’t describe it exactly. I’ve been around and had plenty of pussy, but hers is different. I don’t know if it’s the thrill of knowing I’m the only one who’s tasted it, or if it’s just because it’s her.

I shudder when I think of the latter. I’m not supposed to get close to her. She’s a means to an end and nothing more. I’m doing this for Charlotte. She is the one I care for. She is the one I love, and that is exactly how it should be. I can’t let whatever schoolboy fucking crush I’m developing for this girl get to me. If Charlotte knew, she would have my fucking balls. It would be like a kick to the gut for her if she knew that I actually liked Lily.

And I do like her. I have to admit that to myself at least. She smells incredible, tastes divine, and makes me feel something I never have. I spent time inside for crimes which I do not regret committing. They deserved it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It made me into the man I am today. I had to grow up fast, and boy did I learn. I became a fighter. I became so big and so strong that no fucker would dare to go near me. That wasn’t something I wanted to do; it was something I had to do.

“So, what are you in for?”

I look up at the snot-nosed kid who seems to be trying his luck with me. No fucking chance. I cut him off before he thinks he can have the upper hand. “None of your fucking business,” I growl, making sure I don’t break eye contact. That’s another thing I’ve learned in here: Never break eye contact with anyone; they’ll see it as a sign of weakness.

He puts his hand up in surrender. “Okay, okay. That’s cool. I just thought I’d make some small talk, considering I’m going to be here for a while.”

Fucking great. My new cellmate likes to talk. I have to cut that fucking shit out right now. “I don’t care for small talk, so try someone else. I’m not here to make friends.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Sure. Whatever. But when you get bored and need someone to talk to, don’t come crying to me.”

I snort. What the fuck is this kid on? I shake my head with a smirk and he sees it. He smirks back, but doesn’t say anything. He just disappears as he climbs onto the bed on top. I feel him squirm a little, but pretty soon, he settles down. I go back to staring at the bottom of my new cellmate’s bed. Sometimes, I stare so long and so hard that time goes by without a thought or care in the world. I can let myself go into a trance, and then everything around me disappears. Just for those few moments, I can be free. Free from this place, free from the fucking sick world out there, free from my vengeful thoughts. Most importantly, I can be free of that night which forever haunts me.

I look back to my memories with quiet displeasure. I never had a real hard time in there. At first, I admit I did. I was new, and had to find my way. Once I established myself as someone who didn’t take any shit, I was okay. I had to beat the top dog, Tony, and beat him I did. It took a lot of planning in my head to get it right. It also took a lot of time in the gym to get myself in shape. I had to be patient, but I had lots of patience. I wasn’t going anywhere for a full year after all, so why rush?

“Sorry, kid. You had to go inside for something. We all know you did it, but you’re lucky there was no evidence against you.”

Yeah, I did it all right, and I would do it again. I wouldn’t have cared if I had been inside for what I truly did. I am a murderer, but I don’t regret a single thing. They all deserved it. Every single sick, twisted, and evil fucking son of a bitch deserved everything he got. I would do it all again if I had to. It is the one and only thing in my life that I truly don’t regret.

I push on and can see the lights in the distance getting closer and closer. I smile as I make out the figure coming into view. He’s there waiting for me like I knew he would be.

“What took you so long?”

I smile. “She took a little time getting worked up. That’s all. I had to go gentle on her.”

Jace smirks, shaking his head. “Man, what the fuck are you doing to that girl? And why the fuck is she letting you?” He helps me pull the boat towards the dock, and I hand him the ladder before climbing up.

“What can I say? She can’t resist my charm.” We walk along the dock, and I find the boat I “borrowed” the ladder from. I place it back as if I’d never taken it and walk alongside Jace to the car.

“So, when are you going to hit it properly?”

“Hit it?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“It is what this,” he says waving his arms about, “is all about, isn’t it?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not something I can do with the snap of my fingers. I need time to ease her in.”

He studies me a moment. “You like her, don’t you?”

Fuck me, not him too! I get enough of this shit from Charlotte. “I’m just doing what I need to and nothing more.” I curse underneath my breath and yank the rental car door open a little more forcefully than is necessary. I don’t need people questioning my feelings or my methods.

As I slam the door behind me, Jace stares at me for a moment with a stupid smirk on his face. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’ve seen what she has to offer, and I would definitely hit that. Have you seen her tits? Fuck me, they’re phenomenal. And not to mention her as—”

“If you say one more word—I swear to God—I will gut you. Do you fucking hear me?”

He smirks again like he got what he was after and starts the car. “Yeah, I hear you.” He pulls a joint out from his pocket. “Wanna smoke?” I grab the joint, wind down my window, and hurl it out. “Hey, what the fuck was that for?”

“I’ve been planning this shit for far too long. I ain’t going inside again, Jace. That past is long behind me. I can’t be caught by the police smoking joints. It would be the least they’d need to put me back inside. Don’t bring that shit with you next time, you hear me?”

He raises one hand in surrender. “Okay, okay, I hear you. I don’t particularly want to go back inside either. I just thought you might want to relax a bit after, well, you know.” He smirks again. I can tell he’s getting a real kick out of what I’m doing.

“The only relaxing I need is a quick shower and then bed.” I can still smell her on me, and no matter how much I love that, I need to wash her off. It’s the feeling of knowing just how much I love it that’s getting to me. I need to concentrate, and I can’t if she’s constantly invading my life. I close my eyes, remembering how soft her skin felt under my touch, how fast the sounds she made went deep into my groin, how intense that feeling was, and how much I loved the taste of her. I could taste her all day.

“You do look tired, man. Any chance you may be pushing yourself too hard?”

I open my eyes and smile at him. “Are you worried about me? Did spending time in Juvie make you hard for some dick?” I tease him because I know it will work every time.

“Shut the fuck up!” he snaps. “The only dick I will ever have is my own buried inside plenty of pussy.”

“You’re fucking disgusting. Do you know that?”

Jace snorts. “Says Holier-Than-Thou Walker.”

I shake my head, but say no more. Instead, I look out the window and watch as a tiny glint of dusk comes upon us. It will be light soon, and I need to be back at the hotel before it gets too light. I’m desperate for that shower now that her smell is invading my senses. I don’t even dare to breathe in too deeply for fear that her smell will overcome me. I have to get back, so I can wash and sleep her off—get her out of my system. After all, she will be coming home tomorrow. I need a clear head to make sure she gets back safely…

I am—after all—a gentleman.

I woke up this morning wondering if the night before had all been a dream. The only evidence that he had been here was the wetness I still had between my thighs and my clothes scattered across the floor. I smiled when I recounted the memory of him touching me in places where I’d never been touched… Taking me to new levels of paradise I never knew existed. Yesterday was Day One of my womanhood. What was the saying? Put away childish things? That is me now. Last night, I was growing up and becoming a woman in my own right.

“I still say it looks like she’s been fucked last night. Look at her. Her cheeks are all flushed, and there’s that silly smile she’s got on her face. Max, did you have anything to do with that?” I jerk my head to Jerry in disgust. What a way to ruin my mood. I was quite happy sitting up on deck as we sailed home—the wind blowing in my hair and the sun high in the sky. It was another beautiful day. Well, until Jerry crashed my little appreciation party.

“Why don’t you just fuck off,” Max says angrily in Jerry’s direction.

Jerry puts his hands up. “No harm, no foul. I was just pointing out the fact she looks happy.” He smirks at me, so I scowl back.

“Well, she is happy because she had a perfectly wonderful birthday yesterday. Why can’t it just be that, huh?” I roll my eyes at Jerry, and in the corner of my eye, Christine scoots closer to me.

“You do look a little different this morning,” she observes.

“I guess it must be all this sea air. Maybe I was born for this.” I smile brightly, trying to lighten the mood a little. I know why I’m feeling particularly chipper this morning, but I’m certainly not going to divulge that information to anyone here.

“Graduation and the masquerade ball are next. I hope it’s better than Prom,” Amy pipes. Prom was last week, and apparently it was a flop because the original DJ didn’t turn up. The school had to improvise with what records they had in storage, which consisted only of fifties and sixties music. I managed to get out of that one by feigning an upset stomach, and now I’m so glad I did. This dance, however, I know I won’t be able to get out of because Christine won’t let me.

Just as I think this, Christine, as if on cue, gasps. “Oh, I can’t wait for that! I’ve been waiting years for this moment, and it’s almost finally here.”

“Who’s your date?” Amy asks in Christine’s direction.

Christine smiles in Tyler’s direction. He smiles back. Obviously, I missed something last night. “Tyler asked me yesterday, so I’m going with him.”

Amy turns to me. “What about you? Is Max taking you?” Of all the things to ask. She could have simply asked the first question without including Max. We hadn’t talked about the dance yet.

I look uncomfortably towards Max, and he looks just as uncomfortably back. Christine’s just typing something on her phone. She’s so engrossed that she doesn’t look up.

“Max and I haven’t discussed it.”

Amy’s cheeks flame red in embarrassment. “Oh, sorry.”

Yeah. You and me both.

Silence falls as everyone starts to feel uncomfortable. That is until Max asks Jerry to take over the steering before sitting next to me. “Are you okay?” I nod my head. “Listen, I know you don’t want to date me, but I think I am perfectly capable of taking you to the dance without it meaning anything but friendship. I consider you one of my best friends, so there’s no one else I would rather take.” At this moment, I really wish I could be attracted to Max. He is the ideal boy with ideal prospects, ideal looks, and an ideal personality. Why I don’t feel an attraction there is beyond me. It is also beyond me how this stranger, who I know nothing about, can have the total opposite effect on me from the one Max has. My skin heats, and my body hums whenever he is with me. It’s just something that’s beyond explanation.

I take his hand, and with a smile I say, “There’s no one else I would rather have take me.” He beams back at me, making me bite my lip. Max notices of course and momentarily looks down at my lips. After a couple of seconds, he shifts in his seat, lets my hand go, and he clears his throat.

“Well, that’s settled then. I’ll pick you up at eight.” He gets up, winks at me, and takes the reins of the boat again—much to Jerry’s annoyance. He was obviously enjoying those few moments at the wheel.

“I can see the shore!” Amy shouts, and suddenly, this pang of sadness flows over me. Once we get ashore, the magic of these last couple of days will just be a memory. At this moment, I am still living it. In a few minutes, though, it will just be something to look back on.

Jeez, Christine really did a number on me with her “things will never be the same again” philosophy. I’m only eighteen, and already I’m worrying about life passing me by. I start laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Christine asks, diverting her attention from her phone.

“I was just thinking about what you said last night about moments like this.”

“Oh, man. Don’t start that depressing crap again,” Max snaps.

I start laughing harder. “I’m not. I was just making an observation about it in my head, and I thought it was funny how I’ve only just turned eighteen and yet I’m already worrying about my future. It just made me laugh.”

Christine points her phone at me. “You know one thing that’s inevitable.” A couple of people shrug their shoulders, but no one says anything. “We’re all going to die. That’s one thing we can’t change.”

“Christine, for fuck’s sake!” Max grumbles.

Christine shrugs her shoulders and winks at me. “I’m just saying.” And I know she’s just trying to get a rise out of Max. She knows he gets agitated with regards to talk about our mortality, so she’s using it for all it’s worth.

I shake my head at her, but she just gives me that knowing smile. “I want to thank everyone for this weekend. It was awesome.”

Jerry bounces towards me, placing an arm around my shoulder. “Anything for you, fish face. I can always make it more memorable.” His eyebrows start going up and down, so I nudge him in the ribs. “Ow! What was that for?”

“You … being a prick.” Jerry starts laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “What’s so funny?”

“You saying the word ‘prick.’ It sounds funny coming out of that virtuous mouth of yours.”

I roll my eyes at him, but laugh inside at the knowledge that I’m not as innocent as everyone thinks I am. I think they would all have a fit if they knew I was letting a faceless man do all the things that I let him do. I think on that for a little while. How would I explain to someone that this stranger is the only person who sets my heart on fire? I do the things he asks because I want to. I want to more than anything else in the world. When I’m with him, nothing else seems to matter. Sure, I obviously do question myself at times, but how can I question something that makes me feel so special? That makes me feel alive? That alone sounds crazy, but it isn’t crazy at all to me. He lets me call the shots he says. He tells me that all I have to do is tell him to leave me and he will, and I truly believe he would leave if I asked. I just don’t want him to.

As we get back to shore, my mind is racing once again at the thought of him. Could he be watching me now that my feet have touched ground? Sometimes, I have the sense that he’s there. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s noticing the goose bumps rise on my arms or the need to keep turning my head towards something unknown that makes me believe it. I’m never scared, though. Like now, I feel at peace. I feel safe, and I have no reason why.

Jarrod Walker

I watch as they all climb off the boat, but my eyes are zoned in on one person and one person only. Today, she’s wearing denim shorts, flip-flops, and a red tank top, which goes wonderfully with that luminous chestnut hair of hers. I watch her as Max offers his hand, and she takes a step across the threshold. He pulls forcefully, and she flies into his arms laughing. She thinks it’s all a joke, but I know what Max is up to. He’s strategic in the way that he is around her. I watch him as much as I do her, and I know his tricks by now. It shouldn’t annoy me, but it does. For a while, I chastised myself for punching Max. Nothing about him wanting her should piss me off, but it does. It’s moments like this when I see the way he touches her and looks at her, and inside, I know I did the right thing by giving him that left hook. It will only be later, when I’m sitting at home thinking about Charlotte, that I’ll question my motives with her. I have a plan, and I also know when I will carry that plan out. It’s just a matter of striking at the right moment.

As I sit in the car, I notice the way she puts her hair behind her ears. It’s a shy gesture—one that looks uncomfortable. It makes me smile inside to know that a guy she has known for years makes her feel that way, but I’m the one who makes her feel alive.

At that last thought, my dick goes stiff. I can still smell her and taste her. Her innocence is delicate and sweet on my tongue. A part of me wants to devour it, but another part of me wants to savor it. No matter what, though, I have to go slow with her. I can’t let her feel that discomfort she obviously feels around Max. It would break our spell and ruin all these months of planning. As much as I would love to sink my cock into her, I have to remain calm and detached. I can’t let myself be influenced by the way she makes me feel when I caress her soft skin or the way her soft moans sound like the sweetest melody to my ears. She was meant for one purpose and one purpose only.

Revenge.

As I watch them pile into their cars, I start my own and click the button to call Jace. As usual, he answers after one ring. “Jace, I know what to do and when to do it. I’ll be there to speak with you in ten.”

“Whatever it is, man, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” I reply before hanging up.

Let the real games begin.

“Did you have a good time?” My head snaps to my mom and I smile. She looks radiant today.

“I did, thanks. Max’s brother has a pretty nice boat. Dad really must have helped him out. How was your weekend?”

She sits down at the breakfast island and watches me eating her special carrot soup. Everything she makes is special to me. “It was good. Your dad and I went to a charity auction on Saturday. Over a million dollars were raised for the children’s charity.”

“That’s great!” I smile. “That must have been really rewarding.” My mom and dad are always going to functions and helping to raise money for charities. They’re both very proactive like that.

“It always is, and when I see the use they have for the money, it makes my heart swell. I live for helping others. I know that sounds a little ironic considering my line of work.”

I frown. “In what way?”

“In the way that I help people look prettier and younger. My job is a little shallow and narcissistic.”

I pause with the spoon hovering at my mouth as I think how wrong she really is. “I wouldn’t say that. Yes, you do help people in that respect, but look at that case of William Pink. You were a part of reconstructing his face after that horrible house fire a couple of years back. He and his parents had nothing but praise for you after what you did. His parents even said that you helped take years off of therapy by helping them get their little boy back. That has to count for something.”

She smiles softly at me. “You’re right, of course. I just wonder sometimes if I’m in the right line of work.”

“Has someone questioned your path in life?”

She shakes her head. “No, but I wonder if people think I’m a hypocrite.”

I gasp. “No way. No one could ever call you that. You’re the kindest, most gentle person I know. Plus, you’re a great mom. I’m lucky to have you.”

She touches my arm. “It is I who am lucky to have you and Elle. I raised you both well. I’m so proud of you.” I see the hint of tears in her eyes, so I drop my spoon and get up to give her a hug.

“You and Dad never have to question your abilities as parents—or as anything else. I really mean that. Never doubt yourself.”

She pulls away and gives me a soft smile. “Thank you.” I nod my head and sit back down. My mother then clears her throat. “So, tell me all about your birthday.”

I tell her about everything apart from my nocturnal visitor obviously. I still question myself on some level as to whether or not that was a dream. I haven’t heard from him since, and in a way, I am disappointed. He gave me this spellbinding orgasm and then up and left without a word. Was that the end of it? I didn’t want it to be. I feel like we’ve only just begun.

“Have you done your speech yet?” Mom asks, placing plates in the dishwasher.

I groan. Graduation is in a couple of weeks, and I’ve somehow ended up being at the top of my class. As such, the responsibility for giving the commencement speech falls on me. I still can’t believe I’m the class valedictorian! I’ve been stressing over my SAT’s so much I didn’t realize just how well I was actually doing. I’ve always gotten good grades, but this was a real surprise. It’s definitely something I can put down on my résumé. “I haven’t even started it yet. I was going to get to it after lunch.” I have another spoonful of soup, and then I suddenly wonder about Dad. “When’s Dad coming back?”

“I don’t think it’s going to be until later tonight. He said something about a meeting at work and having to woo some new investors.” She turns around briefly and smiles at me, but I swear I can see a hint of sadness there. I briefly wonder what could be causing it, but quickly brush it off as paranoia.

“Okay,” I answer, finishing the last spoonful and getting up.

“Here,” Mom says, reaching her hand out for my bowl. “You go up and get that speech done. I’ll deal with this.”

“Thanks.” I turn on my heels and walk towards the stairs. I don’t know why, but I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. What it is I have no idea, but the more I try to push it away, the more it crawls up my spine and wedges itself deep inside of me. Maybe it’s just teenage hormones. I read somewhere that it can wreak havoc with moods for people my age. Maybe it’s normal to feel this way. Whatever it is, I continue to brush it aside and instead just get out my notepad and pencil. I lie on my front for a while with my legs in the air and the pencil resting between my lips as I think about what to say. My mind is blank.

Without a thought, I grab my phone and light up the screen. Again, I’m disappointed that he hasn’t texted me. A part of me wants to text him first, but another part of me feels like it looks a little too desperate. He is, after all, chasing after me. Maybe I should continue with that trend. I debate this for a while and decide in the end to place my phone down. I can’t concentrate on the speech if my mind is elsewhere.

But, as I place the phone down, it suddenly pings. With my heart racing, I get up from the bed and light up the screen again. His name flashes making me smile.

J: Are you thinking about me?

I bite my lip, trying to suppress the silly grin on my face. It’s no use, though. I’m just so damned happy he’s messaged me.

Me: Wouldn’t you like to know?

J: It is why I’m asking. Are you still wet?

An involuntary shudder reverberates throughout my entire body. Last night wasn’t just a dream. It was real … and I wanted so much more.

Me: Despite being at sea, I actually remained pretty dry.

J: That’s not what I mean and you know it. You really are being coy with me, young lady.

I chuckle at his choice of words, but can’t help the pull I feel for him. I text back.

Me: I want more.

I wrote and sent that text message without thinking. My fingers seemed to act on autopilot. Whether I will one day regret sending those words remains to be seen, but right now, I just want to live in the moment. I want every experience he has to offer.

J: Then I will give it.

Me: When?

J: So impatient, my Beautiful Lily. May 20th.

I stare blankly at the screen for a while. May 20th is our masquerade ball. He’s planning on giving me what I desire then? In one respect, I’m frightened, but in another, that date feels too far off. It’s less than two weeks away, but I still can’t help wanting it right now.

Me: Okay. I will be waiting.

J: Good. I will be the one wearing a mask.

I smile at that. Everyone will be wearing a mask that night.

Me: Everyone will have a mask on then. How will I know it’s you?

J: You will know.

Oh, I think I definitely will at that.

This is the day. I can’t believe it. I’m finally graduating and becoming a real adult. When I turned eighteen, I did feel like things were going by fast, but now that I’m here, gown on, accepting my diploma from Mrs. Wisener, I can’t help thinking that things are going by too quickly. I have been ready, waiting for years for this exact moment. Every teenager prepares for this day, and I’m no different. But, standing here now, I feel anything but prepared.

As I take the diploma from her with one hand and shake her hand with the other, I turn and smile to get my picture taken as I briefly look towards my parents and sister. They’re sitting next to each other holding hands, looking just like the proud family they should. I can’t help but feel how lucky I am in this moment. I’m scared shitless, but lucky.

“You will be sorely missed, Lily. We were honored to have you as a student. I wish you all the success in the world.”

I smile back at Mrs. Wisener. “Thank you. It’s definitely been an experience.” She nods her head with a smile, and I take that as my cue to move on. I diligently move away as everyone claps their hands and take my seat at the front of the aisle next to Christine. She’s practically squealing with excitement.

“Are you ready to do your speech?” I shake my head as my hands start to clam up. I don’t normally get stage fright, but for some reason, the importance of this day has me in knots. “You’ll be fine,” Christine says smoothly as she squeezes my hand.

“Thank you.” I squeeze her hand back and turn my attention to watching the rest of the students picking up their diplomas. One by one, they go up and shake Mrs. Wisener’s hand and have their picture taken, and with each one, my hands get more and more clammy. As the last student accepts her diploma, Mrs. Wisener walks towards the microphone and smiles.

“With every year that goes by, I always think it will get easier to say goodbye. It doesn’t, and this will be my twentieth graduation—” Everyone claps, interrupting her for a few seconds. She smiles. “Thank you.” She clears her throat. “With each passing year, it actually gets harder and harder. I have grown very fond of a great many students in this school, and it is hard to let them go.” She smiles and gives a little sigh. “But, life goes on. Students still come and go, and I take great pride and joy in watching them flourish in the big world outside. Some are lawyers and some are busy waitressing, but no matter what, each and every one of them leaves behind a legacy. I wish every one of you success in all of your endeavors. All I ask is that you don’t forget about me.” Everyone chuckles as she smiles. “I’m sure a lot of you can’t wait to get away and celebrate your graduation and newfound freedom to leave this school, so I won’t keep you any longer. As you know, it is both the privilege and duty of each class’s valedictorian to say a few words.” She looks towards me, and my heart starts pounding. “Lily Campbell, please make your way to the stage to present the Class of 2016’s commencement speech.”

Everyone claps and cheers, but all I can hear is my heart pounding. I rise up from my chair and Christine stops me. “Knock ‘em dead, Lily.” She winks at me, and I calm a little. Thank heavens for best friends!

“Thanks,” I say as I clutch my speech and walk up towards the microphone. I say my thanks to Mrs. Wisener and turn my attention toward the waiting crowd.

“When I was a little girl, I used to look out the window and stare at the mountain top. I remember thinking how big it was, and sometimes, even how frightening it looked. But, it was there, and it had been long before I ever arrived in this world… Long before any of us in this room.” I smile as I think about my childhood memories. “If I stared long enough, though, I would start to picture what it would be like to live on top of that mountain. I hoped that—one day—I would own a castle up there and be able to look down instead of up. That thought always made my fear of how big that mountain was fade away. I was enchanted by the idea of someday seeing how small everything below me was instead of only ever seeing the great, imposing rock that I saw before me as a child. It’s still there, by the way.” I smile again as chuckles are heard throughout the room.

“I used to tell my dad that I dreamed of one day living up there, so I could be big… I suppose little girls really do have active imaginations.” More laughter is heard, so I wait a little until everyone grows quiet. “My dad would always reply with the same thing. He would say, ‘Lily, a dream will always remain a dream unless you push it towards a reality.’” I look towards my dad, and he is smiling proudly at me. I smile back, but look away before my eyes start to water.

“All those years ago, I never put much thought into those words. I guess no little girl or boy would. It was only as I became older that I started to appreciate how much those words really meant. We all have dreams. We all have goals in life. It’s just up to us to realize those dreams and goals. My father was always pushing me and my sister to believe we could aim high. He would tell us: ‘If ever in life you want something done, there’s only one person who can do it for you.’ It was that philosophy which helped me to become the woman I am today. I still dream, and I still look out of that window and stare at the mountain top. Today, however, I don’t have the same thoughts I used to as a little girl. Now, when I look up at that mountain top, I don’t just hope or dream anymore. I believe that one day I can live up there and stare down instead of up. We can all ascend to the tops of each of our individual mountains and reach our goals. All it takes is hard work and the faith in ourselves that we can do it.” I look around at all the students in the room and smile.

“We all entered this school as children, holding books in our hands and dreams in our hearts. We are no longer children. Now, we are leaving behind those books which have helped us to be where we are today… Together, with our dreams, we can push towards any reality we wish. We will leave here today, and we will take with us memories that will last a lifetime and friends who we will always hold dear to our hearts… Thank you, Class of 2016. We did it!”

Hats go flying, and the crowd cheers as Mrs. Wisener pulls me in for a hug. She has tears in her eyes, so I know I’ve done a good job. “Beautiful. Simply beautiful, Lily.”

I beam back at her. “Thank you, Mrs. Wisener.” I know I was a little apprehensive, but all that has faded now, and I’m so proud I did this.

I rush off stage, and Christine, Max, and the others are waiting for me. “That was fucking awesome!” Christine shouts. “You killed it.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t too bad, toad-licker.”

I frown at Jerry. “You seriously couldn’t do any better than that?”

He shrugs. “It’s graduation. I’m going easy on you.”

“Um, thanks … I think.”

“I can’t believe the dance is tonight. Finally, it’s here!” Christine really is super excited about this. In fact, it’s rather infectious.

Butterflies start to mingle in my stomach, and I’m not sure if it’s that thought or the thought that my stalker will be coming. I haven’t seen him since my birthday, and I’ve missed him. We exchanged text messages here and there, but it wasn’t enough to quench my thirst. He knows I want more, so I think he’s deliberately staying away to prolong the agony. I have no doubt he likes to play games with my head, and he does it so perfectly well. It makes me wonder if he’s had some sort of training in fucking with people’s minds. Whatever he’s doing, it’s working, and I know that by the end of tonight, I will ask him to be my first. For some reason, he is the only one I trust to take it.

“Lily, my precious girl, come here.” My mom has her arms out for me. She’s crying. I hate seeing her cry—no matter the circumstances.

I go into her arms and feel another hand on my shoulder. I look up at Dad’s smiling face. “I never knew I had a daughter who could write speeches.”

My mom pulls away, playfully slapping him. “Oh, Jack, stop teasing. It was beautiful.”

My dad smiles at me. “It certainly was. I’m proud of you, pumpkin.” He pulls me into his arms, and I almost falter. I can feel the tears brimming. “I can’t believe you remembered that saying.”

I pull back and beam at him. “It kind of stuck with me, Dad.”

He gently tugs my shoulder. “So I see.”

“So, are we going to head for Guy’s? We have reservations for one, and it’s almost that now.”

I turn to my mother and nod my head. “Just let me say goodbye to my friends first.”

She pats my shoulder. “Of course.”

I say goodbye to everyone and tell them that I will meet them all later for the dance. Christine practically skips away with Max and the others. She acts like a little kid at times, but it always makes me smile.

We get to Guy’s just after one, but luckily they have held our table. It’s packed, and it’s partly because of graduation, but partly because this restaurant makes the best grilled steaks in the whole of the U.S. My mouth is practically watering by the time we sit down to order.

As we’re waiting for our steaks, my phone pings, and I scramble to get it out of my bag. It’s from J.

J: Congratulations, Lily. I’m looking forward to tonight.

I smile and almost put my phone away when sound alerts me to another message.

J: Great speech, by the way.

My heart speeds up, but I really shouldn’t be surprised where he is concerned anymore. He’s been watching me for months, so why not today as well? I just wish I knew where he is when he’s doing it.

“Who’s that from?” Elle asks, popping a piece of bread in her mouth.

I jump, without meaning to, and it earns me a raised eyebrow from Elle. “Oh, it’s just Christine bugging me about tonight.” I laugh nervously because I know I’m lying. I think Elle knows I am, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she just stares at me for a moment.

“Okay, whatever you say.” She turns her attention back to something Dad has said, and I wonder whether I should reply right away. If I do, it might earn me more questions which I’m not prepared to answer.

Reluctantly, I put my phone away and join in the conversation. No matter what, I will be seeing him tonight, so answering his text can wait for now.

The thought brings more butterflies to my stomach as I sip on my diet coke. A part of me is excited, but another part of me is nervous. I know what I want, and there’s no putting it off anymore. Still, it doesn’t stop the anxiety of not knowing what to expect to surface. Will it hurt? I’ve been told that it does the first time, but I know one day I will just have to grin and bear it. All girls have gone through the same experience, so why should I be any different? Sometimes, my nerves have led me to question whether I want this or not, but I know deep down that I do. For some reason, I’ve wanted it ever since the day he first touched me. The answer to that question will always remain the same for me.

I smile as I think about what tonight will bring. No matter what, I know I’m ready. Tonight is the night…

And I just can’t wait.

The butterflies are growing now. My dress is on, and I’m standing in front of the mirror admiring how elegant it is. I was glad I chose this dress when I did, and I’m even more so now. It makes me think back to the day I bought it. I remember it being a funny day because my dad was acting weird and then Christine even more so. She’s never mentioned that day since, so I never bring it up. If she wants to talk, she always knows where to find me.

As I stand here looking at myself, I begin to wonder what tonight will bring. In just a few days, I will be off to Montana, and I won’t see J for over a month. That thought causes me a pang which shouldn’t even be there. I shouldn’t want him the way that I do. I still have internal fights with myself questioning my sanity. It always boils down to one thing and one thing only. I want him no matter what.

“Wow, look at you. My little sister’s growing up.”

I turn and see Elle standing at the doorway with a big grin on her face. “I suppose I am.”

Opening the door further, Elle walks in and sits on my bed. “That was a kick-ass speech today. Well done.”

I feel my cheeks flame a little at the compliment. “Thanks. I was scared shitless going up there, but I’m glad I did it now.”

She studies me for a moment making me feel self-conscious. “You know, there’s something different about you. You look kind of … radiant.” She suddenly gasps and stands up. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Now it’s my turn to gasp. “No way. That’s not even possible—unless it was an immaculate conception.” I think back to J again and wonder if he has that much power. I really am going nuts.

She visibly sighs and sits back down again. “Thank God for that. You know I lost mine too young. I had barely turned eighteen. I’m not saying I regret it. I just wish I would have done things differently.”

Well, that answers my question about her ex. “How would you have done things differently?” I sit down beside her, hoping to get some wisdom for tonight.

Elle stares off into space for a moment before answering. “I guess I would have listened to the doubts in my head a little more. Art did put a little pressure on me, I must admit. I didn’t think about it much at the time because, well, I thought I was in love, and Art naturally just wanted us to move on to the next step. I’m not saying he was bad to want it from me. I just didn’t realize at the time that we would only last another six months or so before we broke up. I suppose it’s just one of those things, and I have to look back on it as a learning experience. I just can’t help but wonder what things would have been like if I had said no.”

I think about what she’s saying and the situation I’m now in with J.

Has he ever put pressure on me like Art did with Elle? No, he hasn’t. In fact, it always seems to be me putting the pressure on him. J always says I call the shots. I am the one who decides if he should stay or if he should go. He promised he would if I asked and that I would never have to see him again.

That last thought makes me shudder. It scares me that I’m scared he’ll leave me. I shouldn’t want something that’s quite frankly unrealistic. What we have will never last, so why I am pushing this? Why is it that I am the one who’s always asking things of him instead of the other way around?

I take her hand. “I think if you think too long and hard about something you did in the past, you’ll forget to live in the moment now.”

Her eyes widen. “Wow, you really are getting quite poetic in your old age.” We start laughing together.

“I guess I have my moments. I know you say you don’t regret your relationship with Art, but if you keep thinking about whether you were right or wrong to do this or that, then don’t you think that’s regretting in and of itself? You can’t undo your decision, so why dwell on it? The only thing you can do now is look towards the future. I hope it involves Paul, as I think you two look pretty cute together.” I think back on the last few weeks. Our parents only learned that they were together a couple of weeks ago. They are as happy with the match as much as everyone else is. I think my dad even said, “It’s about time,” when she told them. Elle said she was so nervous about revealing it to our parents, but I think they could see the match before either Elle or Paul could.

Elle chuckles. “Yeah. He even said he would follow me wherever I go. He’s looking into finding a job in Accounting in New York now.”

My eyes widen. “Really? Wow, that’s awesome, Elle!” I see her radiant smile, and in this moment, I know just how happy she is. It makes my heart swell for my big sister. I squeeze her hand. “I’m so happy for you.”

She looks into my eyes, and I can see the hint of tears forming. “Thanks. I want the same for you too, Lily. I’m sure one day you’ll get your dream job and dream guy.”

I smile, thinking about J again. He is never far from my thoughts. I know for sure that if Elle and my parents knew about this tattooed bad boy who has corrupted me—their sister and daughter respectively—in the most positively wicked ways, they wouldn’t have the same reaction as they did with Elle and Paul. I’m not sure if it’s just teenage rebellion or an unhealthy crush on my part, but I just can’t seem to help myself.

I decide quickly to change the subject to avoid her asking questions about my prospective love life. “So, are you still going to live with your friend once you get to New York?” She looks away, biting her lip, so I know there’s something she’s not telling me. I nudge her. “You’re hiding something from me. What is it?”

She looks back in my direction, and there’s guilt written all over her face. “Paul and I were discussing our move to New York. He asked me to let fate decide. If he can get a job offer within the next two weeks, then he wants us to move in together.”

“Really? Wow, Elle, this is huge!”

She nods in agreement. “I know.”

“He doesn’t have a lot of time.”

“I know, but he called me earlier to let me know he has an interview in three days. He’s going to fly out there tomorrow to get a feel for the place before his interview.”

I look away for a moment, processing everything. It all just seems to be happening so fast. A few weeks ago, my sister was delving into her studies—not thinking about boys or even the prospect of boys. Now, she’s going off to New York to pursue her career with what looks like a serious boyfriend in tow. “Don’t make me an auntie too soon, okay?” I smile at her jokingly and she nudges me.

“I know it seems fast, but I feel in my heart that it’s the right thing to do. Paul and I have known each other for years, so why not see how we do living together right off the bat? Dating each other and living in separate places only delays the inevitable. Besides, we’ll both have good jobs by then… If he gets this job that is. I’m with Paul on this. We’ll let fate decide.”

I nod my head. “Okay. As long as you’re happy with that, then I’m behind you one hundred and ten percent.” She smiles, and I know that she’s happy before she even replies.

“I am,” she says before completely turning her attention to me. “Enough about me. This is your night. You look stunning. When is Max coming to pick you up?”

I look down at my watch and see I only have twenty minutes left. “Shit, he’s going to be here soon. I better get myself ready.”

Elle quickly stands. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it… Unless, of course, you need me for anything?”

I shake my head. “No, but thanks. I just need a touch-up and I’m done.”

“Okay. I’ll see you downstairs in a few.” She shuts the door behind her, and I stand to inspect myself one more time. I decided to put on just a little light makeup today, since my face is going to be covered for most of the night. I’m not a big makeup person anyway. I just applied a dash of concealer, mascara, and a little blush to redden my cheeks, though J does this last one for me naturally. As I take in a deep breath to venture down the stairs, my phone pings. I rush over and light up my screen.

J: You look magnificent.

My head snaps up to my window. In a hurry, I look outside, and at first, there’s nothing. Then, in a flash, a figure appears from behind a tree. There he is, looking up at me with a silver venetian-style mask. He’s wearing a black suit to go with his equally black persona. He looks dark, sexy, and mysterious. It only makes me want to pull off his layers one by one until he’s bare before me. My God, he exceeds my expectations and then some. As I stare at him, he gives me a little wave, and my heart flutters with excitement. Suddenly, I know with certainty that I want him to be the one, and I want it to be tonight. There is no hesitation—no going back.

I watch as he types something on his phone, and I’m rooted to the spot, fascinated by his every move. I don’t have a clue what he actually looks like, but every bit of him screams, “Look at me! Embrace me! And, listen to me!” My phone pings, and he looks up expectantly. I’m reluctant to move my head away because I’m so transfixed by him. In the end, I can’t help but wonder what he has to say. I look down.

J: Save a dance for me, Beautiful.

I smile at his message and look up to see him. He’s gone. Just like that, he’s disappeared again. My heart already aches for him.

I don’t have much time to dwell on this as movement out of the corner of my eye alerts me to Max’s car coming down the street. I inhale a deep breath and gather my things. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I guess it’s because this feels like a date when it’s not. I just hope Max can stick to his word and behave himself.

Soon after, I hear the horn blowing, and I take that as my cue to get downstairs. My parents are gathered with Elle, and I have a flashback of when Elle had her prom. This is like a replica—only it’s me standing here, getting gawked at rather than Elle.

“Sweetheart, you look amazing,” my dad chimes as I walk down the stairs. My mom’s just staring with a look of adoration on her face.

The doorbell sounds, and my dad rushes to answer it. My mother also rushes away, but I don’t have time to follow where she’s gone as Max is standing in the doorway, staring at me with his mouth practically agape.

“Close your mouth, son, or you’ll catch a fly.”

“Dad,” I complain, rolling my eyes jokingly at Max. Max just smiles.

“You look beautiful, Lily. Simply stunning.” He hands me a single red rose.

“Thank you,” I say, taking it from his hand. I press it to my nose, sniffing it. I inhale its fresh smell. It’s so unlike the lily in many ways, but it’s equally beautiful. I place it in the vase on one of the center bookshelves and smile.

“Pictures, pictures,” my mother screams, running towards us.

Max and I stand together, and my mother goes crazy snapping one after the other. Once she’s finished, we all start getting in on the action. Pretty soon, I have my phone out and we’re taking selfies. I don’t mind all this because I know I will be looking back on this day and will want to see the pictures which captured all these moments. For a brief second, I think about what Christine said on the boat, but I decide not to dwell on that now as I know how much it pisses Max off. I can’t help but chuckle at the thought, though.

“We’d better get going,” Max finally says, breaking our snapshot moment.

I nod in agreement. “Okay. Let’s do this.” I smile at Max, and he, in turn, offers me his arm. Of course, he looks handsome tonight in his black suit. He doesn’t fill out the suit as well as J does, though.

As we’re walking outside to the car, my mother suddenly starts screaming behind us. “Hold on. Wait!” I spin around to see her holding my mask. “You can’t forget this.”

I take it from her and give her a big hug. “Where would I be without you? Thanks, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, honey,” she says, pulling away. She looks at Max. “You take good care of her tonight, Max. She’s precious to me.”

Max beams back. “Of course I will, Mrs. Campbell.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Grace?” She quickly turns to me. “You would think that after twelve years, he would have learned by now, wouldn’t you?” She squeezes my arm. “Have fun.” She practically skips away, allowing Max and I to get into the car. I watch my family as they watch me, and I can’t help but feel a little like I’m on display.

“I meant what I said about how beautiful you look.”

I turn to see Max smiling at me before he starts the car. “Thank you. You’re looking rather dapper yourself.” I chose “dapper” deliberately. If I say “handsome,” then he might think I’m becoming interested in him. It’s strange to have to watch my words around Max all of a sudden. It never used to be like this with him.

He starts the car, and we both give a brief wave as we head off towards the school. “What did your parents think about you coming with me to the dance?”

I study Max’s expression. It looks like he really wants me to answer. “I think they naturally assumed I would go with you anyway. We’ve known each other so long, and neither of us have actual partners to go with. It just seems like this is the way it should be.”

“You know I would want to take you whether I had a girlfriend or not, right?”

I frown a little. “I wouldn’t expect that of you. Besides, I think your girlfriend would have a right to be pissed off by that.”

He starts laughing. “We’re talking like I have one. Would you be then?”

“What?”

“Pissed off if your boyfriend took his lifelong friend to a dance instead of you?”

“When you put it like that, it does sound a little selfish, but I must admit that even if I said it was okay, I wouldn’t feel that it really was. I would resent wondering who would be taking me when it should have been him.”

Max nods his head, but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “What is it they say? Don’t put chicks before dicks—”

“I think these circumstances are a little bit different,” I interrupt. “I am a chick, so that saying is really irrelevant.”

“It’s the same concept, though. We are best friends, Lily. Shouldn’t we be putting each other first?”

I nod. “I know what you mean, but I would understand if either of us had a boyfriend or girlfriend that he or she would have the right to be pissed if we decided to go with each other instead. These sorts of events are more like dates, so it would be inappropriate to take your best friend over your girlfriend and the same would be true for me if I had a boyfriend.”

Max starts frowning. “So, you wouldn’t put me before a new boyfriend if you had one?”

I sigh, getting frustrated. We’re not even there, and already I can feel an argument starting. “That’s not what I’m saying. You’re putting words in my mouth. We don’t even have other partners to worry about, so why are we arguing?”

I see his shoulders tense as he squeezes the steering wheel. “We’re not arguing. I just wanted to know.”

After that we both fall silent, and I’m relieved. I want to go home already, and the night hasn’t even begun yet. I’m not sure what’s wrong with Max. When he picked me up, everything was fine, but now there’s an awkward atmosphere and I hate it.

Once we get to the parking lot, Max gets out without a word. I open my door and he rushes over. I thank him. At least he hasn’t lost his chivalry.

“Lily!”

I’d recognize that voice anywhere. I turn with a smile and see Christine walking towards me in her dress. She looks even more stunning in it now. “Wow, look at you!” She comes in for a hug, and I notice in the corner of my eye Max and Tyler fist bumping.

“We’re lucky to have such beautiful ladies on our arms this evening.” Tyler smiles, and Christine rolls her eyes at me.

She leans in to whisper. “He’s trying to get in my panties.”

I start giggling. “Is it working?”

“That, my friend, remains to be seen.”

“Are we ready to go in now?” I turn to Max and see his impatience. Maybe he wants to get in so he has an excuse to get away from me. I don’t mind so much if that’s the case. I feel the need to have some distance myself.

One by one, we all walk in and have our pictures taken. I try my best to smile, but a part of me resents Max for making this evening harder than necessary. “Do you want a drink?” he asks curtly.

“Yes, please.” I don’t really want a drink, but it’s an excuse to have some breathing space.

“What’s his problem?” Christine asks as we watch both Max and Tyler walk to the drinks table.

“We had a little falling out on the way here. Nothing major, but I’m a little pissed that Max always wants to put barriers up where they shouldn’t be. I really don’t know what’s gotten into him lately.” We both watch as Tyler says something to Max and they both laugh. At least he’s not taking our argument out on Tyler anyway.

“That boy’s been in love with you ever since you were small. You can hardly blame the poor guy. At the same time, though, I understand he needs to back off when it comes to thinking that anything other than friendship can happen between the two of you.”

I look at Christine in shock. “Are you telling me you’re finally accepting that now?” I smile at her and she nudges me.

“I see the way you are lately. You’re hung up on Mr. Mysterious. Speaking of which, have you heard from him lately?”

“We still send messages to each other. I believe I may see him tonight.”

She gasps. “When?”

I have no way of answering because Tyler snakes his arm around Christine’s shoulder and hands her a drink.

“We’ve enhanced these a bit.”

I take mine from Max and have a little sniff. “Shit, what’s in here—moonshine?”

Tyler starts laughing. “Just a little Russian vodka. I chose it because the teachers won’t be able to smell it on our breaths.” He pulls his pocket open slightly and reveals a bottle. “I have the other smelly stuff for later.” He winks, touching his nose. I just shake my head at him with an amused smirk.

I watch as Max takes a huge swig of his. He’s practically downed the whole thing already. “Steady, Max. What about your car?”

He wiggles his finger at me like a child. “Oh, don’t worry about that, dear Lily. I can get us a cab back. It’s our last school dance. I’ll never live another like it.”

“He’s right, you know,” Tyler shouts against the song “Stitches” by Shawn Mendes. “We will only ever live this once.”

“I’m just taking a page out of Christine’s book. We’re all going to die one day, right?” Max looks from Christine to me, raising one eyebrow. He looks annoyed, but is hiding it well enough for Tyler to be completely oblivious.

Just as a stare down between the two of us commences, “Stitches” ends and “How Deep is Your Love” by Calvin Harris and Disciples comes on. Christine tugs at my arm. “Come on, Lily. I love this song. Come dance with me.”

I turn my head to Christine and nod, thankful for the distraction. We leave Max and Tyler together with our drinks and go to the middle of the dance floor. Lots of people are already getting into the music, and the atmosphere is electric. After a few minutes of dancing with Christine, I am already relaxing a little and enjoying myself.

“I thought you needed rescuing,” Christine shouts suddenly.

I look over at Max, and he’s standing with Tyler with a scowl on his face. He drinks what looks to be my cup before wiping his mouth with his arm. “Yeah. Thanks for that. I really don’t know what’s eating him.”

“Well, I’m sure that whatever it is, he’ll reveal it soon enough. With the amount of alcohol he’s putting away, he’ll be spilling it all shortly.”

That thought scares me a little. I don’t want yet another fight tonight. I guess, however, if he really wants to tell me something, it’s better to have it out sooner rather than later.

“Ah, don’t worry about him. He’s just pissed because he’s not getting his own way. Enjoy the evening, Lily. Let your hair down.” I look across at Christine and smile. “See, that’s the friend I know and love.” She grabs my hands and forces me to start dancing again. I can’t help but be swept away by her enthusiasm. As “Lean on” by Major Lazer and DJ Snake comes on, the crowd goes wild and starts jumping up and down. All thoughts of Max and me are once again forgotten as I lose myself to the atmosphere and music. I don’t know how long we’re there for, but as one song after another plays, Christine and I dance the night away, I’m happy to be living these moments—in the moment… Always in the moment.

Before long, Jerry comes over, and I think he’s going to cause a scene, but I’m surprised when he instead starts dancing with us. He gyrates up against Christine, and she just laughs and follows his lead. After a few moments, he does the same with me. I let him lead me because right now, I don’t care. I’m enjoying myself, and I don’t want this feeling to end. Besides, it seems that Jerry is quite the dancer.

“It’s nice to see you let your hair down, sweet cheeks.”

I turn my head to see him smiling down at me. “I get sweet cheeks now, huh? I guess I should feel honored.”

He starts laughing. “How do you know which cheeks I’m talking about?”

I shake my head in amusement. “You really are something.”

He squeezes my hips, laughing. “Ah, I’m only joking. Tonight, I am the perfect gentleman. Besides, how can I be anything but when I’m blessed with two beautiful ladies to dance with?” I turn around, open-mouthed, to find him smiling at me. He simply picks my hand up, kisses it, and says, “Thank you for the dance, babes,” before walking off.

At first, I can’t move.

Did that really just happen?

“Did Jerry just kiss your hand and walk off?”

I turn around to see Christine looking just as shocked as I am. “I can’t believe he did that.”

“He likes you. He secretly likes all of us, but he has a hard time showing it. You should have seen the way he was with me when we had that thing a few months back. Completely different to how you see him in public. He was sweet … attentive even.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

She smiles, shaking her head. “He swore me to secrecy.” She touches her nose.

“I can’t believe it. Jerry Morgan actually being sweet. It just doesn’t seem right.”

“Makes him more attractive now, huh?”

I nod, thinking she’s right. “So, how come things never worked out between you two then? I just assumed it was because he was a dick.”

She starts laughing, flicking her golden locks away from her face. “Oh, he’s still a dick. I suppose it was just kind of hard dealing with his dual personality. In the end, I didn’t want our friendship to suffer.”

I nodded my head, understanding her logic. I have the same logic with Max, but unfortunately, he doesn’t see things the same way I do. It also seems he’s intent on ruining what we have built over all these years. I can’t help but feel resentful because of that. I feel like he’s taking my friend from me. I sigh. I can’t let what happened in the car affect our whole friendship. It would be stupid of me. In fact, I’m starting to feel like it’s a good idea to find him and iron out our differences.

I look around for him, but at first I can’t see where he went. “Who are you looking for?” Christine asks. She has a gleam in her eyes, so I think she’s talking about J. Oh shit, J might be here. The butterflies start again at the prospect.

“Max. I just want to have a chat with him about our argument.”

She rubs my shoulder and nods her head. She then looks behind me and scowls. “I think you’ll find him over there by the exit.” She points to the exit doors, and I turn to find him laughing and knocking back another drink. I close my eyes. Maybe talking with him isn’t a good idea if he’s drunk. I still need to see for myself, though.

With a deep breath, I march over to him.

Jarrod

I have been watching from the shadows all night, hiding in the corner of the room. Lily hasn’t noticed me, but I’m not here trying to get her to. Not yet anyway. I watched as she entered the room with that fucker, Max. They looked awkward together like something had happened between them, and it makes my blood boil. I shouldn’t feel anything towards her, but for some reason, anything she does or feels fascinates me. It makes me want more than I can give her. More than I can ever give her. When I first went into this, I knew a little about her personality, and I was more than willing to contaminate that pure heart of hers.

“Revenge” is the word which has motivated me for years. I went into this with the sole intention of seeking to right the wrongs of my past.

Of our shared past.

I followed this path with my eyes wide open. I had years of planning and preparation to make this go as smoothly as possible. In fact, it was the only thing keeping me going. Wheels were set in motion, and the people I loved were on my side. I just needed to put my plans into action. Everything was going my way, and everything was under control … until I met her.

Lily Campbell was supposed to be my puppet—plain and simple. I wanted to watch her dangle from my invisible strings. I wanted to taint that pure, pink heart of hers until it turned black. I wanted to ruin her because she was the one who got it all. It was her innocence that made this plan possible.

And boy was she innocent. Only happiness shone in her eyes, while only pain was reflected in mine. That’s why I needed her to suffer. By making her suffer, I will make him suffer. I can’t stand to sit there and watch their sick, happy, smiling faces every day. They are not worthy of that life… We are.

But, throughout my planning, I never in a million years thought she would affect me in the way that she has. One look, and I was transfixed by her long, luscious light brown hair, and her luminous, equally light brown eyes. Every part of her fascinated me. She was innocent, yes, but she also held an element of spunk in her that went straight to my fucking dick every time I saw her. I had to touch her. I had to taste her. I had to be her first—the one who would last her until the end of her days… A permanent memory etched into that beautiful skin of hers. She was etched in mine, so why couldn’t I return the favor?

That was what I thought. That was what I kept telling myself. I wanted to be like a thief in the night: I would go in, take what I wanted, and be gone. I was prepared to keep doing that until I saw her crack… Until I ruined that perfect little angel inside of her.

But then I touched her. I tasted her. And, I wanted more. So much more. As if she had been molded just for me, she curved into my body in perfect harmony. I was prepared to want her. I was prepared to feed off of my need to take her. But I was never prepared for it to run as deeply as it did. I was never prepared to want and need her with a flame which burned with such intensity that it scorched me from the inside out.

So, now I stand here in the shadows. It’s where I have always been. It’s where I belong. No one wants to know me, and no one ever should. I’m happy with it being this way. How can you crave something you’ve never had? I’m used to loneliness. I’m used to being the outcast. It’s all I’ve ever known, and that’s the way it will stay.

I have questioned myself lately as to whether or not I’m doing the right thing. Charlotte knows of my plans tonight and she’s behind me. Of course, I knew she would be. It’s what I have been leading up to for months. I can’t say that the blackest part of me isn’t looking forward to this for all the wrong reasons. What I don’t want to acknowledge is that the other part of me really wants this as much as she does—and for the same reasons. I shouldn’t want her, but I’m a selfish man. I have never allowed myself to have luxuries in life, but I want to allow myself to have her … just for tonight. That’s all I ask.

As I watch her dancing with her friend, I can’t help the small smile that creeps onto my face. She is—by far—the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. My eyes sweep from her delicate neckline down to her swaying hips. She doesn’t realize it, but there are other boys watching her. They want the same thing I do, but only I will get it tonight. I can’t help the possessive feeling I have. I want to take her in my arms and show all these horny fuckers that she’s mine and mine alone. I am the only one she allows to touch her, I am the only one she allows to kiss her, and I am the only one she’s allowing to rob her of her virtue.

My dick instantly hardens at the thought. It’s been a long time since I have sunk my cock into anyone, but Lily is by far the only one who has made me hunger for it in the way that I do now. My mind tells me it’s simply because of all the hard months of planning, but my body tells me otherwise. My body wants her—all of her.

When a person dancing steps in front of my peripheral vision, I have to step out of the shadows a little more to continue watching her. The annoyance of this bouncing, pimply-faced buffoon almost makes me deck him with one single punch. I know it would only take one, and he’d be out like a light, but that would simply draw attention.

Once I see her again, I relax. But then that other fucker Jerry comes over and starts dancing with her, and my instant reaction is to walk over there and stake my claim on her. He shouldn’t be touching what is mine.

I stand completely still for a good five minutes, clenching my fists as my blood boils. What the fuck is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I need to get a fucking grip, and fast. I close my eyes, steadying my breathing, and when I open them again, I am relieved to see Jerry kiss her hand and walk away. I can’t see her face, but I know that she’s shocked he did that. I didn’t just know Lily. I knew all of her friends too. I had to do my homework after all.

I watch as she converses with her friend, a look of shock and amusement on her face. But then she looks awkward again like something is bugging her. It’s only when her friend points to the exit that I see what’s brought on this sudden anxiety. Max is obviously drunk, and now Lily is storming off to talk to him. Not good. Not fucking good at all.

With my fists clenched and a growl about to erupt from my throat, I walk towards another exit and quickly make my way around to the other side. I know where they might be, and I need to make sure I stay completely out of sight. I need to watch her, though. She’s stupid to talk to him in his current condition, but that seems to be a flaw of Lily’s. She obviously doesn’t recognize danger when it stares her straight in the face—I should know.

I creep around to the side of the school and jog over to a nearby tree. I can see them. They’re already in a heated argument. I can’t hear much, but I do hear her telling him not to ruin what they have.

Another growl echoes in my chest as the thought that he doesn’t deserve anything from her grips my insides. I’m a fucking idiot to have these feelings, but these instincts rise up in me like the overprotective, domineering animal I know I am. If he touches her, I will kill him. I will wrap my hands around his scrawny fucking neck and take great pride in watching the life being drawn out of him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” her voice whispers next to me.

I turn and see Charlotte standing there, her fists clenched. She looks as angry as I feel. “If he touches her, I’m going to fucking kill him.”

She steps forward. “If you do it, you’ll ruin everything. Don’t bail on me now when we’re so close.”

I take in a deep breath and look over at them. They’re still arguing, and I know at some point, it will escalate. I look back at Charlotte. “If someone doesn’t do something, I will. I’m not going to just stand here and watch this. Thirty seconds, Charlotte, and I’m going over.”

Her eyes widen at my warning, and she quickly scurries off towards the school. I look back at Lily and her fucking so-called friend and watch as their argument continues. I don’t know why, but I’m counting down the seconds. Twenty-seven, twenty-six, twenty-five. He moves toward her and she flinches. Twenty-four, twenty-three, twenty-two. The argument continues. Twenty-one, twenty, nineteen, eighteen. My heart is pounding in my ears, and I know I will break soon. Seventeen, sixteen, fifteen, fourteen. I close my eyes to steady my breathing. Thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten…

I open them back up and see Max’s hands all over her. She screams at him to get off of her, but he’s not listening. No one is around, and I know I will have to help her. I can go in, give him a single punch, and disappear. No one will have to know that I did it. I can make sure she’s okay and disappear amongst the trees. It’s what I’m good at.

I step forward to make my way to her. “Fuck the zero.”

I’m starting to wonder whether pulling Max out of the school hall was a good idea. I figured if I got him alone and talked with him that things could be good with us again. Now, however, I am realizing the problem with Max being drunk is that a drunk Max isn’t a nice Max.

“I asked you to come out here, so we could have a talk—just the two of us.”

He starts laughing. “Just the two of us. There isn’t any ‘us,’ so what’s the point?”

I don’t want those words to hurt me, but they do. The way he’s talking about “us” is almost like we were once lovers and I have scorned him. “I don’t understand. What have I done wrong? I thought we were friends. Don’t ruin what we have!” I shout.

He shakes his head with a sarcastic grin. “Friends. Isn’t that such a peachy word? Don’t you just love me as a friend, Lily?”

“Right now, I’m wondering, but you’ve been drinking, so I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re making it hard, though, Max, and there’s no need for it. I’ve never offered you anything other than friendship, so I don’t know why you’re being so cruel.”

“Cruel?” He laughs out loud. “I’m being cruel?” He points to himself and comes closer. “I’m not the one who’s been cruel for all these years. You’re with me now. You flirt with me, you send me signals, and then you wonder why I get mad when you rebuff me for trying to act on those signals.”

I step back, shocked at his outburst. I try to think back to times when it could be perceived that I was flirting with him, but my mind goes blank. “I haven’t—”

“Yes, you have!” he shouts, stumbling a little as he moves forward.

“Please, stop it. You’re scaring me.”

He looks affronted. “Now, you’re scared of me? How can you be scared? We’ve been friends ever since we were little. Why would you have any reason to be scared?” He moves forward and reaches out to touch me, but I flinch away.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I was hoping we could talk about this like adults, but obviously there’s just no getting through to you right now. Maybe we should talk once you’re sober.”

“I’m not fucking drunk,” he snaps.

“Yes, you are. You’re stumbling, slurring some of your words, and you’re talking to me like I’m a piece of shit rather than your friend.” His face softens a little, and I wonder if I’ve managed to calm him.

“You know that’s not true. I’ve never treated you with anything other than respect.”

I shake my head. “But you’re not respecting me, and that’s my point. You’re not respecting my wishes. I can’t feel something that’s not there. Please don’t force that on me.”

“Is it someone else? Is someone else touching you when it should be me?”

I frown. “What are you talking about? You’re jealous because you think you have some sort of claim on me? That’s truly petty of you, Max.” I really don’t understand what is wrong with him.

Have I ever given him any inclination that I wanted to be more than just friends?

I honestly don’t remember ever doing so. Right now, however, I doubt myself—even though I know I shouldn’t.

“You come and visit me waving that pretty little ass of yours in front of me, and you wonder why I want to try something with you.” His demeanor has changed, and I don’t like it. He’s gone from mad to something beastly. He has this dark glint in his eyes as he stalks toward me. I was frightened of him when he was angry, but now I’m petrified.

“I’ve never asked anything of you before, Lily, but after all of these years, I think you owe me something. I have invested time and energy in you—trying to get you to like me—and all you do is push me away.” He stares down at my cleavage before meeting my eyes again. “You don’t even realize how beautiful you are, do you? You can’t even see it for yourself. Is it any wonder that you make me want you the way that I do?”

I feel the tears brimming in my eyes. I want him to stop. “Please don’t do this.”

“I want to be your first,” he sweeps his eyes up and down my body, “and last in everything.”

I blink and a single tear runs down my face. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t stop? Don’t go? Don’t what? Do you want me to touch you?”

I step away. “No, Max. Stop it. Stop it!” I shout. But he moves forward with lightning speed, grabbing me and pulling me to him. I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He’s obviously been drinking something other than vodka. The smell burns my nostrils, and I instinctively turn my head away. I feel sick. I feel his hard body pressed against mine, and it feels alien to me. I don’t want him anywhere near me. I want J. I would give anything to have J with me now.

As Max grabs my hips forcefully, he tries to move his head to mine. I can see and feel him forcing his way to my mouth. He wants to kiss me, but I know I will vomit if he gets that close. “Please don’t do this,” I plead.

He doesn’t listen. Instead, my words only seem to heighten his pleasure when I feel his hardness digging into me.

No! Please, God, no. Please don’t let him do this to us.

Memories of us as children run through my head. I remember playing tic-tac-toe and hopscotch out on the street when we were small. He was sweet with me back then. Here before me isn’t the Max I knew as a child. Here before me is a monster.

“Max, stop it. Why are you doing this?”

He starts kissing my neck. His breath is hot and heavy against my skin. “I want you, Lily. I’ve always wanted you.” His hands are rough. They’re pulling and squeezing. Nothing about this is tender. Nothing about this is how it should be.

“Max, what the fuck are you doing, man?”

I feel him being yanked off of me, and I look over to see Jerry and Tyler standing there. Jerry looks ready to fight, but I don’t think he would actually. It is only when he pulls his fist back that I realize fighting is exactly what he is planning to do. With one punch, Max falls to the floor. He grunts and wipes his nose. “What the fuck, dude?”

Jerry stalks toward him, but Tyler holds him back. “You ever fucking touch her again, I swear I’ll—”

“What’s going on?” A voice asks, interrupting his threat. We turn, and Christine is standing there, staring in disbelief.

“I came out and found him,” he points at Max “forcing himself on Lily. He was trying to kiss her and feel her up when it was obvious that she didn’t want it.”

“He’s drunk,” I say, timidly.

Jerry’s head snaps to me and he points. “Don’t you dare stick up for him!”

“I’m not!” I say, angrily.

“Okay, okay. Calm down, everyone.” Christine storms forward just as Max tries to stand. “I think he’d better go home.”

“Maybe I should take him,” Tyler offers.

Christine looks at Tyler. “Yes, I think that would be a good idea.

Tyler walks towards Max and helps him up. He stumbles again, and his eyes nearly roll around to the back of his head. “Fucking hell, man, you’re wasted.” Max just grumbles as Tyler starts walking. “I’ll get him back to his house and come back for you, okay?”

Christine nods her head. “Just get him out of here before Jerry loses his shit again.” He nods his head and I turn my attention to Jerry. He still looks mad. Once Max is out of sight, however, he stalks toward me.

“Are you okay?” he asks, placing his hands on my arms. I nod my head, but the tears suddenly come. “Aww, shit, Lily. Come here.” He wraps his arms around me, and I cry against his chest. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was just angry that he did that.”

I nodded against his chest. “It’s okay. I appreciate you defending me.”

He squeezes me tightly to him. “Anytime, babes. You know that.”

I pull away from him and frown. “You’re acting weird tonight. Do you know that?”

He laughs. “I better cut that fucking shit out right now.” We both start laughing. “Seriously, though. Are you okay?”

I nod, sniffle, and wipe my nose. “I think I will be. I’m just upset that Max could think so little of our friendship.”

“He’s an asshole,” Christine grumbles. We both turn to her. “He did this to you once already. Yeah, I can understand him making that mistake once and apologizing, but to do it again and more aggressively …” she shakes her head.

“He did this before?” Jerry asks.

I nod with a sigh. “Well, sort of. He tried kissing me, and I pushed him away. He apologized for it, and I accepted. I thought we had moved on, but tonight he was weird. Everything was fine until we got in the car and he started talking about how we would feel if we had other partners to take to the dance instead of each other. He just seemed a little off.”

I feel Jerry stroking one arm. “Well, he’s not here now. Why don’t you come inside and have a dance with me? That is, of course, if Christine doesn’t mind?” We both look at Christine and she looks affronted.

“Why would I mind?” She rolls her eyes, making me smile.

Jerry offers me his hand. “Come on then, fish-face. Let’s get them hips moving.” I start laughing, place my mask back on, and take his hand. I follow closely as we all head back into the ballroom. The space is crowded and seems to be full now, compared to how it was thirty minutes or so ago. The music is slower, so I guess that’s the reason. Christine waves at us and tells us she’s getting herself a drink. I turn my attention to Jerry just as “Jealous” by Tinie Tempah starts playing. He raises an eyebrow at me, and I laugh as he pulls me towards him.

“You really have surprised me tonight.” I start to relax as I let Jerry lead me.

“Really? How so?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’re normally joking around and stuff.”

He pulls back and smirks at me. “And stuff?”

I smile. “You know what I mean. You’re usually joking around, calling people names, and generally being the loud, obnoxious one.”

He throws his head back, laughing. “Loud and obnoxious? You’d call me that after I came to your rescue this evening? I’m crushed.”

I pull at him, making him laugh. “You know what I’m talking about. And speaking of which, my manners need a little kick in the ass. I haven’t even thanked you for what you did.”

“There’s no need to thank—”

“I want to nonetheless.”

Jerry smiles down at me. “Well then, you’re very welcome.”

We fall silent for a while and concentrate on the dance. It is only when I catch Jerry looking in Christine’s direction that I tug at him. “You should ask her to dance.”

Jerry shakes his head. “No, I can’t do that.”

I frown. “Why not? You asked me.”

Suddenly, his face is serious. “There’s a difference. Besides, she’s with Tyler, and he’ll be back soon.”

It’s only when I see his face and how deeply pensive he looks that it dawns on me. “You really like her, don’t you?”

His head snaps to mine. “Me? No. How can you say that?”

And with his reaction, I know I’m right. “Why don’t you talk to her? Tell her how you feel?”

He shakes his head, but I can tell he’s actually thinking about it. “I can’t. Things ended between us. Not badly. It’s just that everything was going so well, and it wasn’t until the moment I wanted to get serious that she pulled away. Since then, she’s been hell-bent on showing me just how little I mean to her by making out with other guys.” He frowns a little. “I was so convinced that she felt the same as I did. I guess I’m not that good at reading people.”

This news shocks me. Jerry has done a good job of keeping this to himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He frowns. “It’s not your fault. It’s just the way it is.” He looks over at Christine, who is sipping on her drink and talking to another guy. They look like they’re engaged in an intimate conversation.

Oh, Christine.

“Maybe it’s just that Christine doesn’t realize just what a great guy you are.”

He shakes his head. “I tried. I really did. I told her that I may be a joker, but my feelings for her were no joke. She immediately clammed up and wanted nothing to do with me.”

I couldn’t understand it. If I can see now just what a great guy Jerry could be for her, then why couldn’t she? I like Tyler, but I never thought they were a good match. She and Jerry, however, seem to fit.

“Look, I know she seems tough on the outside, but on the inside, she’s a really sweet, kind-hearted girl. Why don’t you ask her to dance? Only one dance out of friendship. You never know what tonight—or even tomorrow—may bring.”

He looks over to Christine and then back to me. Suddenly, his expression turns from unsure to pure determination. “Okay, I’ll ask. It doesn’t need to mean anything.”

I shake my head with a smile. “Of course it doesn’t.”

He glances back at me with a worried expression. “What about you?”

I squeeze his shoulder. “I’ll be fine. Honestly.” He nods his head, and I watch as he walks towards Christine. I smile as I see him approach her, and I am about to move away when I feel an arm wrap around my stomach. I know who it is without even hearing his voice.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to get you on your own like this?” he whispers in my ear just as “See You Again” by Wiz Khalifa starts playing.

“It’s almost like they knew you were coming,” I say, referring to the song the DJ has decided to play.

He spins me around, and I resist the urge to close my eyes when I take in his sweet, peppery scent. At first, I can’t look at him because I’m afraid of what I might see. “I always look forward to the times when I can see you again. In fact, I can’t quite keep away from you, Lily Campbell.”

Those words probably would have frightened me once. Not anymore, though. The knowledge that he can’t stay away from me makes me smile. It fills me with a sense of purpose—like right here is where I’m meant to be.

“Why are you smiling?” I will myself to look up to him, and when I do, I’m met with the most beautiful lips I have ever seen. I’ve kissed those lips what seems like a hundred times, but I know I will never tire of them. Right now, he’s covering his face, but at least he has given me those lips. At least I have that much.

“I always think what we have should scare me … should make me run away. But every time you’re with me, and every time you touch me, all those fears fade away.” I look up further to find his striking green eyes staring at me. Those eyes look like they hold a world of pain, a world of hope, and a world of promise all at once. They’re simply breathtaking.

“You should never be afraid of me. I tell you so often enough.” I watch, mesmerized, as his lips move. I almost forget how to talk.

“I know you do, but you should frighten me, J. You realize that, don’t you?”

He releases his hand from my hip and places his thumb against my lip. I close my eyes, unable to hide the wanton reaction within me. Once I open them, I shudder, and I watch as those lips curve up into the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on a man.

“It’s not about how you’re supposed to feel, it’s about how you do feel. I can tell how much I affect you when I touch you. I can feel the little quiver in your body when my hand touches your skin. I can taste the desire on your tongue. I can hear the violent thundering of your heart when I’m near you. You can’t tell me you should be feeling anything but what your body tells me you do when I’m with you. I will never do anything that you don’t want me to.”

I see the snarl on his lips, and immediately, I know. “You saw, didn’t you?”

I feel him tense against me, and I know the answer before he even replies. “Do you realize how hard it was for me to watch you suffer under his venom and not do anything about it? I was going to wait until you really needed me. I knew that if he touched you I wouldn’t care who saw me. I needed to protect what’s mine.”

Max said the word “mine” earlier, and from his lips, it seemed polluted and tarnished. When J says it, however, he says it with a protective tone that sets my heart fluttering. “But you held back.”

His grip tightens possessively, and I know it’s because he’s fighting the anger boiling inside of him. In a sense, I’m glad he didn’t get to Max. I know how much of a punch this man can pack, and despite Max being an asshole, I don’t want to see him getting beaten to death. “Only because when I was running toward you, Jerry turned up and did the job I should have done.”

“It sounds as though that thought annoys you.”

He stares down at my lips, and instinctually, I lick them. He notices, and I watch as his pupils dilate with desire. Suddenly, evidence of my own desire is present. I can feel the wetness in my panties. I want him. That still hasn’t changed.

“It doesn’t just annoy me, Lily. There are things you don’t know about me. The fact that you’re safe with me doesn’t mean that I am safe.”

I frown. “I don’t understand.”

“I am a bad man. If I were to be alone with that fucker, there would be nothing to stop me from wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezing until his eyes glazed over. I would do it and think nothing of it.”

“You won’t, though.” He goes to speak, but I stop him. “I know you could do what you say. I have no doubt in my mind about it, but you won’t because you respect my wishes too much. I wouldn’t hesitate to send you away—just like you said I could.”

I watch him grit his teeth in annoyance. “You can’t ask me to be any less of a man.”

It suddenly dawns on me. “You’re planning to go to him, aren’t you?”

“I won’t allow that behavior, Lily. He must pay for his actions.”

“What? By killing him?!”

“What’s to stop him from doing it again with another girl? What’s to stop him from going further next time? You have to see my logic.”

“I don’t see any logic in deeming yourself his judge, jury, and executioner.”

He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “It hasn’t stopped me before.”

“I swear that if you touch him, I will never want to see you again. Do you hear me?”

He looks angry. “Why are you defending him?”

That’s twice I’ve been asked that question tonight, and I’m starting to wonder that myself. “I’m not defending him. I just don’t want to see someone who was once my best friend dead. Hopefully, you can see the difference.”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, he pulls me closer, and a smile creeps up on his lips. “You drive a hard bargain, Beautiful.”

And just like that, my annoyance from the conversation is gone. “How is that you have this uncanny way of making my emotions fly all over the place?”

He smirks. “All over the place?”

I bite my lip and he watches me. “Yeah. All over the place. One minute, I’m angry. The next, I’m happy. With just a flip of the switch, you have me.”

“I have you?”

I stare into those intense green eyes and nod my head. “You know you do.”

“Scars” by James Bay is now playing, and the dancers are in full swing. They may as well not even be here, though, because all that matters right in this moment is the two of us and the fact I am right where I belong. As I let James Bay’s words surround me, I lift my hand up to touch his face. “What has caused your scars? What have you lived through, J?”

I watch as he closes his eyes, and I know there is pain there. I don’t want to know that, but I can see it, and I wish I could erase that pain. I wish I could capture this time I have with him too. Christine’s words ring true now more than ever. “Nothing lasts forever…” But I would like this moment to. I want to capture the way he closes his eyes as my fingers caress his scarred cheek underneath that mask. I can feel it on my fingertips as I slide them underneath the one thing which comes between me and his face. This mysterious face belongs to him … to the faceless man who haunts me. “Believe me when I tell you that you do not want to know.”

I want to push him, but I don’t. Instead, I drop my hand, but he grabs it before I can let it fall. I watch in surprise as he guides my hand to his chest. It is a strong, broad chest, but I know that’s not the reason for his actions. Through his shirt, I can feel the vibration of the music, but I can also feel the beating of his heart. It’s thumping so hard that I can almost hear it over the music. “Just know,” he says, pulling my gaze up to his eyes, “that you have this.”

I don’t know what to call what we have. Maybe it’s crazy. Maybe it’s weird. And maybe it would even be considered dangerous for some—but not for me. He was right when he said that I should just go with what I feel.

And right now, I know just what I want.

“Can we go?” I ask, desperately needing to be alone with him now.

He nods his head, pulling my hand away from his chest, but holding it tightly. “If you trust me, then I know where we can go. I promise to take you back home whenever you’re ready. All you have to do is say the word.”

I nod my head because I know that no matter what, I do trust that I am safe with him. For a moment, I wonder whether I should tell Christine I’m leaving first. I look around, but I can’t see her in this endless crowd. In the end, I follow J and text her as we’re leaving.

Me: I’ve left with him. I know you will worry, but please don’t. Trust me that I know what I’m doing.

I hit SEND and follow J out into the parking lot. I pull my mask off as we reach a Jeep and he opens the door. Once he has me inside, my phone pings.

Christine: You’d better text me once you’re at home. Otherwise, I won’t hesitate to call the cops.

My eyes widen at her text, but I really shouldn’t have expected anything less from her. She’s just being the best friend that she’s always been.

“Problem?” he asks, pointing to the phone.

I shake my head as he starts the car. “No, just a friend worrying about my well-being.”

“She needn’t be.”

I smile and nod my head. “I know.” As he pulls away, I wonder where we’re going. “Where are we headed?”

“Not far from here. It should only take five minutes.” He suddenly turns to me. “Are you having second thoughts?” I shake my head and stare at his lips as they smile back at me. “Don’t look at me like that when I’m driving.”

My eyes suddenly shoot back up to his eyes. “Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you.”

“But I do want you to kiss me.”

He smiles and turns his attention back to the road. “Oh, I will. I will kiss every inch of you once I get you alone.” He halts any further conversation by turning the radio on. He’s left me a pool of wanton mess by subjecting me to Justin Bieber. In an annoyed huff, he goes to switch it off again when the song stops and Ellie Goulding's “Army” starts playing instead.

“Not a fan of Justin, I take it?” He huffs his annoyance again, but doesn’t say anything. I smile as I sink my head back into the headrest and watch him. He seems even bigger than I remember. His shoulders are broad. He practically covers the whole seat with his torso. He’s still wearing his mask, though. He is still keeping his face hidden. It makes me wonder if the police would pull him over if they saw him wearing a mask like this. As we drive, I can’t see any police in sight. Not that I want to anyway. I want to keep this going just as much as he does.

We hit a set of red lights, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the road. I see him tightly gripping the steering wheel with his hands, and I can tell from this gesture that he’s trying to keep his emotions in check. Can he feel the air between us? I can. There is a heightened awareness that comes from being mere inches from each other. More than that, though, the sparks and electricity that I can feel running from him to me (and back again) are causing my head to do cartwheels, making me more than a little dizzy.

I look at his hands again. Those strong, able hands seem to hold magic within their fingers. I see the tattoos. There are more on his hands than I had originally thought. I can see the Vindicta one, but there is also some Chinese calligraphy and a number. I squint to see what the number is. It’s the number sixty-nine. I go to ask him what it means when he speaks.

“We’re not going to make it if you keep staring at me like that. I know what you’re feeling; I can feel it too. But I’m the one who has to drive.”

I smile and reluctantly pull my gaze away. “Sorry,” I say as I notice the light is now green. He pulls away.

“No you’re not.” I look back at him briefly and see a boyish smirk.

Immediately, something changes in my heart. I don’t know what to call it exactly, but I know that regardless of whatever demon possesses him or whatever pain he bears on his soul, right there—in the heart of that demon—is a spark of humanity. He is not the beast he says he is… Far from it. His heart is pure, and it saddens me that he thinks otherwise.

“We’re here,” he suddenly says, breaking the spell.

I look up to find we’re not on the road anymore. Instead, we’re surrounded by dense trees in the middle of nowhere, and a small house is up ahead. When did this happen?

“This looks like Norman Bates’ house.”

He smirks, turning off the ignition. “I can assure you I am no Norman Bates.”

I nod my head. “I know. It’s just that you’re not setting the scene very well. You’ve brought me to the middle of nowhere. You could have an axe hidden in that house for all I know.”

J opens his door and turns to me. “I suppose you will just have to wait and see. I will go in. It’s up to you to choose whether or not you want to follow. The keys are still in the ignition. You can drive away whenever you want. Just make sure that if you do come in to bring those keys with you. I don’t really want anyone stealing my car.”

With that, he gets out and leaves me sitting in darkness. I watch as he walks to the house and opens the door, and for a moment, I’m rooted to the spot. I can’t move. Again, every reasonable piece of logic is telling me to go, that this is nuts, and I would be crazy as hell to go into Norman Bates’ house, but I still can’t move. I know that I will go into that house despite what my logic is telling me.

“It’s not about how you’re supposed to feel, it’s about how you do feel.”

His words from earlier ring through my head, and just like that, I grab the keys from the ignition and head towards the house.

I walk into the small house, but I can’t see much. No lights are on, but I know that’s deliberate. “I’m in here,” his voice calls to me.

I look to where the voice is calling and take very slow steps around a little sofa and dining table. As I walk, I place his car keys in my purse and place it on top of the fireplace. If I need it, I know where it will be.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I wait for the fear to crawl up my skin, but all I’m met with is the sweet anticipation of what’s going to happen next. Like a beacon calling out to me, the hairs all over my body respond, knowing that he’s near. My body can sense it. I feel the tingles start as I edge closer to what looks like a bedroom. The door is partially closed, so I try to calm my pounding heart as I push it fully open. It creaks to a stop, and the first thing I see is moonlight shining in through the window and lighting up a huge bed. Standing beside that bed—in all his glory—I see him. The faceless man who is about to rob me of my virtue. And I’m about to give it to him … willingly.

“You’re still wearing your mask.”

“Do you want me to take it off?”

I shake my head. “No, you don’t have to.” I walk over to him slowly, and I notice the sharp intake of breath as I near him. Does he feel it too? Once I reach him, I raise my hand up and touch those lips I have been dreaming about kissing ever since I saw them tonight. “Kiss me,” I say, breathlessly. He can tell it’s not a request.

“Gladly,” he answers, pulling me closer to him.

I wait with baited breath as he pulls me closer to his lips. I want so desperately to close my eyes, but another part of me also wants to capture every moment with him. His breath invades my own, and suddenly, the spell is cast. Just like that, with one tiny breath, I am his.

“Time’s up, Beautiful,” he whispers.

A soft laugh escapes me. “You can’t be leaving me now.”

“There is no way I could if I tried. The time before us is up. From this time on is what really counts. I think your time was up the moment you met me, though, Lily Campbell. You will never get another me.”

I smile against his lips. We’re mere millimeters apart from kissing now. “There is no way I could if I tried,” I answer, mimicking his earlier words.

And then he does it. He takes that tiny movement forward and brushes his lips against mine. I moan against him, immediately going limp and submissive in his arms. This seems to heighten his excitement as he grabs the back of my head and grips my hair in his hands. His mouth forces its way into mine, and I am lost in him. I want him to devour me like I was his last supper. No matter how much he gives me, I just keep coming back for more.

As his lips leave my own, he quickly pays attention to my neck, trailing kisses all along my jaw line and down towards my shoulders. “So fucking intoxicating,” he growls against my skin. I feel his hot breath and shudder under his touch. “Do you know how much it turns me on to know how affected you are by me? Sweet Lily,” he breathes, kissing me tenderly on the cheek. “Sweet, precious Lily.” His lips touch my neck again, and my head goes back in surrender. With it, my eyes close, and I let myself be taken by the feel and smell of him. I moan as his kisses scorch my skin, sending shockwaves through me. I can feel myself burning up—a desire like no other is ready to burst at any moment.

“J,” I whisper, pulling at his shirt. I want it off. I want his skin on mine. In a frenzy, we start to undress each other. I can’t tell which of us is most eager to get the other undressed. It’s almost as if we have a competition going, wagering who can get the other undressed faster.

I manage to unbutton his shirt and pull it off his arms. I can’t see all of him, but what I can see is magnificent. I have never seen an outline of a chest as sculpted to perfection as his is. It makes me take stock for a moment as I trail my fingers over his soft skin. I feel no hair, but I can see the dark outlines of something else. He has tattoos everywhere. They don’t cover all of his skin, but a lot of it.

With an urge so great, I step forward and start kissing his chest before tiptoeing to get to his neck. I feel so tiny and vulnerable against his monstrous frame. For a fleeting moment, I think about the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk. J is that giant, and right now, I want him to gobble me up.

“Magic beans,” I whisper as the words leave my lips without my brain engaging.

“What?” he asks in an amused tone.

“Nothing. Just kiss me.” He does as asked, and it’s not long before we are bare against each other. The only thing blocking us now is my bra and panties and J’s boxer shorts.

“Are you still sure about this?”

I look up to his face, but I can’t see much now. The moonlight has shifted away from us, so I feel safe in what I do next. I raise my hand, and guide my fingers underneath his mask. I think he’s going to stop me, but he doesn’t. I pull it off his face, but I still can’t see him very well. What I do see takes my breath away, though. I trace the outline of his face with my fingers before pulling his hand up to my chest. I let him feel my heartbeat just as he let me feel his earlier. “Just as you said, my heart belongs to you. I’m ready.”

J grabs my wrist and picks me up. He carries me the very short distance to the bed before placing me down gently on the covers. The cold of the sheets hits me, making me shiver.

“Are you cold? Do you want me to wrap a blanket around you?”

I shake my head. “No. You’re all the heat I need.” I pull him towards me, seeking out his warmth. His body is like fire against my skin, and soon, all signs of cold are gone as another fire rages inside me. With every kiss and touch, my desire climbs.

“Sweet Lily,” he whispers, pulling my bra strap down and kissing my shoulder. As he tugs one side, my breast is exposed, causing him to bend down and place my hard nipple in his mouth.

I moan, bucking my hips up to meet his in an effort to get closer. “J,” I cry, running my fingers through his hair as he gently licks and bites on my nipple. Once he feels it’s had enough, he pulls my bra off completely and starts paying attention to the other nipple. “J, please.” I’m begging and I don’t care. I have been waiting for this for what seems like a lifetime.

“Don’t make me rush this. I can’t rush when it comes to you.” I hear the breathless desire in his voice and can understand in that instant what that means. For him, this is easy. For me, though, it’s my very first time, and he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I grip the sheets as he descends down to my belly, planting kisses as he goes. The begging word is on the tip of my tongue, but I hold steady. I know it will just drive him crazy otherwise. As he reaches my hips, he pulls my panties down, planting kisses as he goes. Every touch of his lips on my skin feels like a bunch of fireworks are going off. Once he rids me completely of my clothes, he hovers above me for a moment. It’s almost as if he’s drinking me in. As his head descends, he pries my legs apart further and inhales deeply. “Hmm, fucking sweet-scented Lily. I could taste you all day.” I moan at his words. Just those alone are an aphrodisiac. I want him inside me, but I also know that I’m apprehensive about what that will feel like. “I’m going to work you up, okay? I want to get you nice and wet.”

I say a strangled yes, but I already know just how wet I must be for him. I was ready from the moment his lips touched mine.

His tongue sweeps quickly and delicately between my thighs at the crevice of my pussy. I buck and cry out, unable to hide the rising feeling. Just that one little touch of his tongue, and I know I’m coming already. As he licks my clit, I try with all I have to hide the strangled cry that’s about to erupt from my mouth. I don’t want to come so soon. I want to be able to cherish the feeling of his warm tongue against me for as long as possible. He flicks his tongue once, twice, three times, and I know I can no longer hold it in. It’s coming, and it’s coming fast. “Oh, shit, J!” I scream, letting him know that it’s coming. I think he’s going to stop, but instead, he picks up his pace. With one more flick of his tongue, my back arches, and I grip the sheets, screaming his name as I fall apart around him. The room is dark, but somehow I see sparks of light over my head. “Fuck,” I whisper breathlessly without meaning to.

“Fuck, indeed, baby. Do you know how fucking beautiful you sound when you come? I want to last longer than you did, but I don’t think that’s going to happen with me.” He kisses the inside of my thigh and reaches over the bed to grab something. I hear a rip, and I know he’s putting a condom on.

My adrenaline kicks up a notch. I know he’s going to enter me soon, and I know it’s going to hurt like a bitch. I tense.

“Relax, Beautiful. I’m not going to hurt you.” With his words, my muscles release their tension, and he climbs on top of me. He leans in and kisses me hard, making my desire come quickly again. “Are you ready?” I nod my head. “Okay, I’m going to go as slow as you want me to, okay?” I nod my head again, and I feel him shift his weight on top of me. Once he’s comfortable, I feel the tip of his erection prodding at my entrance. I tense up again, but immediately relax because I know this is what I want.

He eases in slowly, and at first, it doesn’t hurt at all. In fact, it feels good. He eases in a little bit more, and I hear his breathing becoming labored. It makes my need for him stronger. “Keep going,” I say, breathlessly.

“Thank fuck, because it’s so hard to not move. You feel incredible.” With that final word, he inches in some more, and I start to feel the stinging. Shit, that burns. What I read is correct. It does fucking hurt.

“Are you okay?”

I try gathering myself enough to nod my head. My breaths are coming in thick and fast as I try to calm away the stinging. “Let me know when I can move.”

I feel badly for him. I can tell he’s desperate to move, but he doesn’t want to hurt me. “Please, keep going.”

He doesn’t hesitate. He moves slowly at first, easing me into the pain. It is still painful, but with each stroke it eases a little. After a few more movements, the pain turns into pleasure. I move my hands down to his hips, grabbing at them and pulling him in deeper. He growls, picking up the tempo a bit more. “Shit, Lily, you’re going to make me come quick.”

His words coupled with his movements send waves of pleasure running all the way through me. My adrenaline spikes, and with it another orgasm grips me tighter than the first one. “J!” I scream, as it keeps going and going. J just speeds up faster, grunting and moaning as he goes. With one roar, he goes completely still inside me and flops his body on top of me.

We lie like that for a while until our breathing calms, and I find myself in total bliss. I close my eyes and let my fingers dance up and down his back. I can feel ridges against my fingertips, and I know there are more scars there. I don’t ask him about them. I don’t want to ruin our moment. It was everything I thought it would be—and more.

“Just when I think it can’t get any better with you.” He pulls his head up and gently kisses the tip of my nose. I smile, but when he pulls out, I wince. “Sorry. Are you sore?”

“A little,” I admit.

“I’ll go to the bathroom and get you a cloth.” I watch as he disappears, and I soon hear the toilet flush and water running. In an instant he’s back and he crawls in between my legs. To my surprise he gently wipes me with a wonderfully warm cloth. It instantly soothes me.

“Thank you,” I say, feeling lightheaded.

“No sweat.” He gets up, taking the cloth with him, but within a minute, he’s back again and laying next to me on the bed. I wonder what will happen next. Does he expect me to want to go home now? He quickly answers my unspoken question by pulling me into his arms and stroking my hair. For ages, we lie in each other’s arms, and I feel my eyes growing heavy with sleep. It isn’t long before I succumb to the inevitable.

“Lily, wake up.” I hear his voice and wonder if I’m dreaming. If I am, then I don’t want to wake up. “Lily, it’s almost midnight. I have to take you home.”

My eyes flutter open, and for a moment, I wonder where I am, but then his sweet scent hits me, and I instantly relax. “Why did you wake me?” I grumble. I was having the most relaxing nap.

“It’s almost midnight. Isn’t that your curfew?”

I smile, knowing that he must think that because of all the times he’s followed me home. “No. It’s just a curfew I put on myself.”

“But what about your friend? Christine, is it? She will worry if you don’t text her.”

I pull my head up to meet his. “How do you… Never mind,” I say, getting up. I walk out of the room and reach into my bag. I pull out my cell and send her a text.

Me: Back home now safe and sound. xx

I hit SEND, and it doesn’t surprise me when the phone starts ringing. “Hello.”

“So, how did it go? I want to know all the details.”

I hear the excitement in her voice, so I know she’s been waiting for this practically all night. “It went really well, actually. He was a perfect gentleman … as always.”

“Well, come on then,” she asks impatiently. I know she thinks I’m at home, but it still would make me uncomfortable to answer all that she wants to know.

“I can’t tell you everything. Not now. I’m just about to head for bed.” I whisper as much as I can to emphasize that talking would wake people up. Besides, I don’t want to talk about it when I know J is in the room right next door.

I hear her sigh. “Okay, but tell me one thing. I take it I can’t use my nickname for you anymore?”

I smile knowing she’s referring to “virginal.”

“No,” I say, just to get her off the phone.

She squeals down my ear. “Holy shit, Lily! This is huge! What was it like?” She giggles again.

“Shh,” I say into the phone. I look over my shoulder, but J isn’t in sight.

“Why are you shushing me? Your parents won’t hear me.”

“I know. It just feels naughty, somehow,” I giggle. “I feel like a kid sneaking around.” And I do feel like a naughty kid. I keep looking around me, making sure J isn’t in sight.

“Did you enjoy yourself? That’s the main thing. Do you think you’ll see him again?”

“Yes, and I hope so.” And I really do hope so. Despite the fact I will never regret this night, it would still pain me if he were to just simply up and disappear on me. “Did everything go okay with you? Did Tyler come and get you?”

I hear her sigh. “No. He called me to say that Max was in bad shape and needed him. I told him that if he wanted to choose a would-be rapist over me then to go fuck himself.”

I wince at the would-be rapist part. “Oh,” I simply say.

“Yes, oh. The wanker.”

I start laughing at her British word. “Wanker?”

She starts giggling. “You know Joanie from school? She told me about her friend from London who calls every asshole a wanker. I liked the word, so I kept it.”

“Okay,” I say, chuckling, “so, how did you get home?”

“Jerry brought me home.”

I smile at that. I really like Jerry now that I know he’s not the complete douche I thought he was. “Oh yeah, and how did that go?”

“Why does it sound like you know something I don’t?”

I bite my lip. “I just really like him after what he did tonight, and it now surprises me that you weren’t with him instead of Tyler.”

She goes silent on me for a moment, and I wonder if I’ve pissed her off. “Well, we did fool around for a bit after some dancing.”

We start laughing together, and it’s then that I feel a set of arms snaking around me. He pulls me to him, and I instantly feel his erection. Despite still feeling a little sore, desire sparks up inside me. “Um, Christine, I gotta go.” I feel him kissing the side of my neck, so I’m desperate to hang up.

“Okay, we’ll talk laters, okay?”

“Okay,” I shout, hanging up.

I spin around and grab his head in my hands. I kiss him as hungrily as he kisses me. “So, you don’t have to go back right now?”

I shake my head. “No,” I answer breathlessly.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

“Yes.” With the answer he wants to hear, he picks me up and carries me back to the bed. We kiss for a while as he works me up into a frenzy. It’s not long before I come, and J puts another condom on. With it being my second time, it hurts a little at first, but soon, just like with the first time, he has a rhythm started, and I am coming again.

The first time was fantastic, but the second one seems magical. “You’ve ruined me,” he says, breathlessly against my lips. It’s not long after he’s come, so I gather that’s what has evoked these words.

“I think I can say the same of you.”

After cleaning up again, we lie for a little while holding each other. I don’t want this night to end, but I know it will. As if reading my thoughts, J sits up. “As much as I want to keep you here all night, I think I have to get you home. It’s nearly two.”

“Shit!” I say, jumping off the bed. “I didn’t realize it was that late.”

He laughs as he watches me dress. It’s a sexy laugh that makes me wonder why the hell I would want to leave him so soon, but I know my parents will worry if they wake up and find I’m not there yet.

As if sensing my trepidation, J is dressed and ready just as quickly as I am. He places the mask back on his face, and I shake my head with an amused smile. He still wants to hide himself despite what we’ve just done…

Twice.

“Are you ready to go?” I nod my head and grab my bag on the way out. I take the car keys from my bag and give them to him with a knowing smile. “You didn’t need these after all, huh? Maybe Mr. Bates isn’t so bad.”

I smile like an idiot because, quite frankly, I feel like I have the right to smile. Despite tonight starting badly, J has made sure it’s ending on the most perfect of notes.

As we drive back home, J takes my hand and puts the radio on. LeAnn Rimes’ “How Do I Live” plays softly as he drives. No one is on the roads. There is just the darkness of the trees and the outline of the mountain tops. I feel humbled as well as more relaxed than I have felt in a very long time.

As I feel his hands caress mine, I listen to the words of LeAnn Rimes, and I wonder how I would ever live without J now. He’s taken my life and catapulted it into the unknown stars in the sky. Who could ever top that?

“We’re here,” he says softly, breaking the sweet spell we were in.

I look over to my house, and thankfully, all is dark. I smile tenderly at J. “Thank you for tonight. I will never forget it.”

He grips my hand a little. “Are you saying goodbye?”

I smile, thinking how much I was hoping he didn’t want that. “No, on the contrary. Unless, of course you—”

“I don’t think that I could ever say goodbye to you… Not even if you said it to me.” He kisses my hand softly, and a contented sigh escapes my lips.

I have such a romantic stalker.

“I’m happy to hear that.” I look over to my house. “I better go.”

He drops my hand, letting me know I can leave. “Of course.” I pull the handle to go, but he calls my name. I turn around, and he beckons me towards him. Of course, I go to him and because of it, I’m rewarded with a soft kiss. “Time’s up, Beautiful.” I feel him smile against my lips, and it makes me smile in turn. I think I’m falling into dangerous territory with this guy.

“Goodnight, J.”

“Goodnight, Lily.”

I open the door fully, and this time, he lets me exit. I don’t ask him if he’ll call or text because a large part of me believes he will anyway.

He watches as I walk to my door, and he doesn’t drive away until I step fully inside and shut the door. Once I place my purse and keys down, I lean up against the door and sigh.

Then, the light switches on.

“Care to tell me who the hell that was who drove you home? It certainly wasn’t Max.”

I take a deep breath, thankful that it is Elle and not my parents. “Elle, you scared the shit out of me.”

She stalks towards me with attitude—a challenging look to pull off when she has Winnie the Pooh pj’s on. “Don’t try to change the subject. Spill. I saw you two kiss. Who is he?”

I gulp hard, wondering what I should tell her. “Max and I got into a fight, and this guy from school, J, brought me home.”

She gives me a worried frown. “You had a fight with Max. What about?”

I sigh. “He got drunk and pushed the fact that we’re just friends and he wants more a bit too far. He tried to kiss me, and Jerry pulled him off me.”

“That was Jerry in the car?”

I shake my head with a smile. “No. J is someone else that comforted me afterwards.”

My God, was he a great comfort!

She places her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through that with Max. What a douche.”

I nod my agreement. “Totally.”

She studies me a moment, and when I don’t say anything, she huffs. “So?” she asks indignantly.

I shrug my shoulders as if to say, “What?”

“This guy … J … Who is he? You’ve never mentioned him before.”

“There isn’t much to say. I only really talked with him tonight.”

She walks closer. “Yes, but you kissed him. I know you. You would never let just anyone kiss you. He must be worth something to have gotten that close to you. I always thought you and I were alike in a lot of ways. You put priorities into perspective. You’re safe.”

I sigh at that word. “Well, maybe I’m tired of being safe. Maybe I want to throw caution to the wind and live a little. I don’t know …”

“Ooh, teenage rebellion. I wondered when that was going to kick in.”

I shake my head. “It isn’t teenage rebellion. Can’t I just like a guy and kiss him when I want to?”

She puts her hands up. “Okay, okay, snappy. I guess you’re not going to give me much, so I won’t push it. It’s late, and you probably just want to go to bed. I was just about to open the fridge to get a bottle of water. Do you want one?”

I nod. “Yes, please. That would be great.” She quickly runs for the kitchen and grabs a couple of bottles. She hands one to me. “Thanks.”

“Well, despite everything that happened with Max, did you have a good time?”

I try my hardest not to smile when I think of J. “I did, thanks. It will definitely go down as one night I will never forget.”

“Lily, Christine’s here!” my mom shouts from downstairs.

I groan, looking at the time on my nightstand. It’s eleven in the morning. Shit, I must have been really tired to sleep in this long. J must have really worn me out. I smile at the thought, but another thought quickly rouses me. When I went to bed last night, I noticed I had a little blood on my panties, so I soaked them overnight in my sink.

“Shit!” I get up, running to my bathroom when the inevitable knock on the door sounds. “Just a minute.”

“Hurry up, Lily. We have to talk.”

Hmm, I don’t know if that sounds like a good talk or a bad talk. “Just a sec.” I pull the plug on the sink and watch as the water quickly disappears. I check my panties and see that the stain has come off. Phew. Rinsing them quickly, I squeeze any excess water off and place them in my laundry pile for later. Once I’m done, I walk back to my bedroom and open the door.

“What took you so long?” Christine, dressed to impress in her short pink sundress, storms past me without permission and sinks herself onto my bed.

“Of course you can come in, Christine. Make yourself at home.”

She sticks her phone in the air. “Why haven’t you mentioned it yet?”

I frown, but my heart starts beating fast. The fact that she’s holding up her phone can only mean one of a few things, and I don’t think I really want to know what any of them are. Despite my better judgment, I ask. “Mentioned what?”

“You mean you haven’t seen it yet?” she asks a little more excitedly.

“You’ve lost me.”

She suddenly squeals and starts jumping up and down on the bed. “Oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God,” she chants. “You have to watch this. It’s all over YouTube. Everyone at school is going crazy on Facebook about it.”

I rush to sit beside her. I don’t know if I should be worried or not, but the fact that Christine seems so happy about it makes me think that maybe I have nothing to do with it after all; it’s simply me being paranoid after what I did last night. Even still, my guard is up. “What’s this all about?”

She puts her phone up in the air, and in true Christine dramatic fashion, she announces, “This, you have got to see for yourself.”

I nod my head, and together we both turn our attention to the phone. She lights it up, and the video is already queued up, ready for PLAY to be pressed. A gasp leaves my lips when I see Max tied up to his bed, wearing a matching red bra and panties with suspenders. He also has on green eye shadow, bright red lipstick, and blush on his cheeks. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is seeing that his luscious brown hair—the hair he has always been so proud to show off—has been shaved right down the middle. All you can see is the hair he has left on each side of his head, topped off with a pink rose planted neatly in front of his right ear.

“Come on, maannnn. This isn’t funnnnyyyy,” he slurs, in the video. No one says anything; they just keep filming. Max, however, seems so drunk that he’s unaware of what’s happened to him. “Untie me right now, and take that mask off, Tylerrrrrr.” He then slumps his head forward, and the video ends abruptly.

“Shit!” I say, covering my mouth. I look one last time and see that it’s already been viewed over a thousand times. The heading reads, “Max Stamper, the Happy Camper.” I can’t help the giggle that erupts at the heading. “Oh, dear… I shouldn’t laugh.”

Christine turns to me. “You have every right to laugh. After what he did to you last night, he deserves all the ridicule he can get.”

“What does Tyler have to say about all this?”

She frowns. “Well, that’s the thing. Tyler denies ever being there. He said he stayed with him for a couple of hours and then left. Max doesn’t believe him of course. I mean, who else could it be?”

My eyes widen at the thought. Yes, who else could it be? There was only one person I could think of, and there would be only one way to find out. I wasn’t going to text him in front of Christine, though. That would have to wait until later.

“Max is going apeshit.” Christine brought me back to the here and now. “His parents found out. They were away and were supposed to come back on Monday, but they’ve decided to cut their little trip short after their son’s escapades.”

Oh shit, I hadn’t even thought about Mr. and Mrs. Stamper. I always got along with them, but that was only because I am the daughter of two prestigious parents. If it wasn’t for that, I highly doubt they would have ever entertained the idea of Max and I being friends. Dealing with pretentiousness is the one thing I have always hated about being in this kind of life. Max always rolled with it, but I didn’t. I just wanted to be me. Knowing that this has happened will send his parents into a tailspin. It makes me wonder what they’ll do to him. I know it will be something significant as they would never leave something like this alone. He’s put a bad name on the Stamper family now.

“What do you think they’ll do to him?”

Christine shakes her head. “I don’t know. He’s going to college in three months, so I suppose there’s not too much they can do. Anyway, why should you care?”

I shake my head. “I don’t. I’m just curious.”

She sighs like she’s annoyed with something. “You know, I always thought you and Max made a cute couple, but you never once—even though people pushed it—entertained the idea that you and him should be together. I admire you for it, but now I can understand why you said no. I didn’t realize he was that much of an asshole.”

I yawn and stretch my arms. “Well, he wasn’t always like that.”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “Looks like someone needed their sleep.”

Oh goodie, we’re changing the subject.

“I didn’t get to sleep till late, so …”

“Are you sore?”

I gasp. “Christine, what kind of question is that to ask?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “A simple one. Okay, how about a different question. Any regrets?”

I already knew I wouldn’t wake up with regrets this morning, so this question is a lot easier to answer. “No. No regrets at all. He was sweet, kind, and gentle. He made me feel …”

“You don’t have to tell me the gory details.”

That surprised me somewhat … not that I was heading there anyway. I thought Christine always lived for the juicy details. I frown. “I was just going to say that he made me feel special, that’s all. You know me, I don’t kiss and tell.”

She smiles. “Or in this case, fu—”

“Okay, okay, I get the drift.” She starts giggling, and it sets me off too. “So, how are you feeling today?”

She starts playing with the end of her dress, so I know something’s on her mind. “I’m good. Especially good after waking up to this baby.” She waves her phone in front of me and smiles somewhat falsely.

“Christine,” I begin, rubbing her shoulder, “what’s wrong?”

She suddenly stands and starts pacing. She puffs out some air, shaking her head. “I don’t know … ugh.” She doesn’t elaborate, and I don’t push it. She will tell me when she’s ready to. “Jerry asked me out for ice cream today.”

I stand. “Oh my God! How could he do such a thing?” I joke.

Christine shakes her head disapprovingly. “It’s not a joke, Lily.”

I instantly feel guilty. “I’m sorry. Go on.”

She sighs and sits back down again. “I just don’t know whether or not to go. I said yes because I was caught up in the moment. Now, though, I’m not so sure.”

“It’s only ice cream,” I reassure her.

Her hands fly through the air. “But it’s not really about the ice cream, is it? Well, first it will be, and then that will lead to more ice cream until suddenly it moves on to eating dinner before that ice cream… I think you see where I’m going with this.”

I’m thinking how strange her analogy is, but I’m following what she means. “You’re afraid of commitment. You think going for ice cream instantly means dinner dates, which will lead to going as a ‘plus one’ to parties, which will then, in turn, lead to waking up for breakfast with him every morning.”

She nods. “Exactly.”

I sit back down with her and take her hand. “I think you’re reading way too much into this. I don’t know why you feel so strongly about this, but I think the fact that you do is stopping you from living your life freely and without limits.”

“But I do live life that way.”

I nod. “Yes, you like to live in the moment. You like to party and have fun, but it really just stops there. I think you’re preventing yourself from finding someone who could potentially make you truly happy long-term.”

She looks at me for a moment. “And you think Jerry could do that?”

I start laughing because just a few weeks ago, that thought would have seemed preposterous. “I don’t think I’m saying that either. I must admit, until last night, I would have stuck a big, fat no to you and Jerry simply because he calls people ‘fuck face’ and ‘shit-for-brains.’” We both start laughing. “I think what I’m trying to say is that you’re stopping yourself from forming a true relationship. Do you see what I mean?”

She looks at me for a moment, pats my hand, and stands with her back to me. “Shrink Lily. I think the one I’ve been going to for years needs to be fired.”

I frown. “You go to therapy?”

She stands stock still like she’s just realized something. Her shoulders tense, then immediately relax. “It’s … it’s nothing really. I had an accident when I was younger, and my parents have been sending me to a shrink ever since. I used to have nightmares.” She turns around to find me frowning.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugs it off as if it’s nothing. “It was so long ago, and I’ve dealt with it. I just didn’t think it was something to bring up.”

I don’t think that is true, but I will take what she says at face value. She doesn’t have to tell me everything, but I would have liked to have known this part of her. It was something that happened and was a big part of her life. She is my friend, so I guess the selfish side of me is a little miffed that I didn’t know. I want to know more, but I get the vibe that asking questions about it is off limits. “So, Jerry …” I decide the best course of action is to change the subject. “You’re going to have ice cream with him still at least, aren’t you? If you can just get to thinking that ice cream doesn’t necessarily lead to dinner, then I think you’ll be okay.” She smiles at me, and I know she’s happy to talk about this instead.

“You’re right, of course. I think what you’re trying to say is to take baby steps… Go with the flow.”

I nod my head with a smile. “Exactly.”

She looks at her watch. “I suppose I’d better go. He said he was going to pick me up at twelve. I just wanted to know what your reaction was after that video.”

I sigh. “I can’t say I don’t think he deserved it. I just wouldn’t have chosen to do that to him myself.”

Although I have a strong inkling as to who would…

“That’s the trouble with you at times. You’re too kind. Max overstepped his bounds last night. In no way should you feel sorry for him.”

I shake my head. “I don’t feel badly for him, but a part of me does for the Max I thought I knew.”

Christine nods her head in understanding. “I should go.” She stands up, so I stand with her.

“Okay. Text me to let me know all about it.”

“I will.”

“When do you go away?” Christine and a lot of others from school are going on their summer vacations soon.

“We leave tomorrow, so ice cream can’t lead to dinner anyway.”

I stroke her shoulder. “No, but the option will still be there once you get back.”

She sighs and stares at me for a moment. “You know, you really are a good friend? I’m lucky to have you.”

I see a hint of sadness in her eyes, and it makes me wonder what’s going on. Christine isn’t usually like this. “I’m lucky to have you too.” I take her in for a hug, and she squeezes me fiercely. I’m not sure what it is, but something in that hug almost feels like it’s a “goodbye.” Stupid, I know, but I just seem to be getting all sorts of vibes from people lately. Maybe it’s just me, though.

She pulls away, smiling timidly as she places a strand of hair behind her ear. “Wish me luck,” she jokes, but again, I can’t see any enthusiasm there. Something just seems off.

“You don’t need it,” I joke back and pat her arm for support.

She walks to the door, opens it, and just as she’s gone through, she turns and says, “See you later, no-longer-virginal.” She winks before closing the door behind her.

Once silence fills the room again, I sit back on my bed for a moment and think about the last twenty-four hours. So much has happened it makes my head spin. I think about Max and the video, and this launches me into action. Jumping across my bed, I pick up my phone and notice there’s a text from J.

J: Morning, Beautiful. I hope you’re well-rested after last night. I can still smell you on me, and it’s intoxicating.

I smile at the message and start typing one of my own.

Me: I know what you did last night.

I get up, thinking I won’t hear back right away, but am surprised to hear my phone ping as I walk towards my bathroom.

J: Is this a game of “What Movies Have You Watched?” because I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen that one before. If we are playing that game, then let me try this title on for size: “Payback.”

I scrutinize the message for a little while, trying to think of how I should reply. He’s not denying it, but he’s not out and out admitting it either.

Me: I’m being serious, J. I saw the video.

J: I stuck to my end of the bargain. You asked me not to hurt him and I didn’t.

Me: But you have.

J: Not in the sense you meant and you know it. Don’t stick up for him, Lily. He deserved everything he got. Did you really expect me to just leave it alone?

I sigh, knowing he’s right, but I’m still pissed that he took matters into his own hands. When I don’t respond immediately, my phone pings again.

J: I look after what’s mine. If someone hurts you, they hurt me, and I will never stand up and simply take that punch, so again—as I said last night—don’t ask me to be any less of a man because asking that is asking me to lie down and take those punches… Asking that is asking me to not stand up for what is mine. Would you really ask that of me? Could you really respect a man who didn’t stand up for his woman?

I sigh, knowing he’s right, but I’m pissed that I’m admitting he’s right. No, I don’t like the fact that he took matters into his own hands last night, but at least he didn’t hurt him. He hurt Max’s pride more than anything else.

Me: No, I suppose not.

J: I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off by doing what I feel I had to, but I can’t for one second say that I’m sorry for doing it. In fact, it took every bit of willpower I had to not to cut his dick off and make him suck it like a lollipop.

A bubble of laughter spills out of my mouth without warning. I know he’s joking… Well, sort of, but he does seem to have a way with words at times.

J: I want you again.

I look down at the message and smile. He also changes moods as quickly as the tides.

Me: I feel the same way. Do you think I’ll see you before I go away?

I know I’m not supposed to come off as needy, but he started it with those, “I can smell you,” and “I want you,” messages.

J: I would love to say, “Yes,” but I have unavoidable plans coming up. I hate to say it, but I don’t think it will be until after Montana.

I don’t know why that stings as much as it does—more than it should. He’s never promised me anything. It’s just that after last night, I thought things would somehow change. All sorts of emotions could float around my head if I let them.

Is he blowing me off? Is this just a nice way of telling me it was nice knowing me for one night, and now he’s onto the next person he can stalk?

The mere fact I’m asking that second question tells me I’m still nuts. At least I still know that for sure.

J: Are you mad at me?

Me: Why would I be mad?

J: You didn’t answer right away.

Me: Just because I didn’t answer right away doesn’t mean I’m angry. I could have just been distracted for a moment.

J: I know that’s not true.

Me: How do you know?

J: Because you’re still sitting on your bed.

I drop the phone and stand up to look out of the window. I don’t know why I do it every time, since I know I won’t see him there.

How is he able to still drive me nuts with that?

My phone pings again, so I run to pick it up.

J: You look beautiful in your Hello Kitty pajamas. If it wasn’t for the fact I know your parents are home, I would take great pleasure in peeling them off of you using nothing but my teeth.

I swallow hard, feeling my heart beat intensely along with my desire for him. Not only do his moods change so dramatically, but he’s also able to change the moods of those around him just as quickly. I wish I knew how he did that.

Me: I’m sure you could find a way.

I bite my lip in anticipation of his answer. I’m already fired up, and I’m not even near him.

J: You’re quite the little vixen. As tempting as it sounds, I do not want to devour their daughter under the same roof as them. Where would the gentleman in me be then?

I smile at his answer simply because it’s respectful. You don’t get many men as young as he is respecting a girl’s parents like that. It makes me warm to him even more … if that’s even possible.

Me: I don’t think they would consider you a gentleman after what you did to me last night.

J: On the contrary. Their daughter wanted me. How could I possibly refuse her?

I start laughing at that. He’s playing with me, but I like it. I like playful J.

Me: And what if I was to say that their daughter wants you again? Right here, right now.

J: I would say that she is impatient and that patience also has its rewards. I want nothing more than to have you naked beneath me again, but right now, unfortunately, is not the time.

Me: But you want there to be another time?

I need to know this because, somehow, I feel like I am dangling on an invisible string.

J: Just because I can’t be with you right now doesn’t mean I don’t desperately want to be. Please don’t doubt my feelings for you, Lily. What we have is something special. At least I would like to think so.

Me: I do too.

J: Trust me when I say that I want this just as much as you do.

Well, how could I ever argue with that?

“Lily, are you ready yet? We have to get on the road if we’re to be there by nightfall.”

I roll my eyes slightly as I close my book and gather my backpack. Every summer, we spend our vacation in the same cabin in Montana, and every summer, we end up bickering amongst ourselves about what place we should visit each day and what we should have for dinner each night. That thought brings a smile to my face as I place my diary into my bag and head towards the stairs.

“I’m coming, Mom,” I shout, as I nearly trip over my own feet to race for the stairs.

“Careful now.” My mother raises her eyebrow at me in admonishment. “No accidents before we even set foot out the door, okay?” With a dazzling smile, my mom picks up a lock of my hair. She has always loved my “luscious” hair. “You get more beautiful every day.”

I blush under her praise. I have never taken compliments very well. “Mom,” I complain, but with a smile on my face.

“One day, you will meet a man, and if he is worthy of you, he will compliment you every day. You will have to get used to people noticing your beauty, Lily. And when people notice, they will naturally want to tell you.”

I blush thinking of my “stranger.” I still get goose bumps every time I think back to that amazing night after the masquerade dance. I often wondered if I would ever regret sleeping with him and making him my first, but that day has yet to arrive. For some reason, it feels just as right now as it did back then.

“Are you ready?” My dad asks impatiently.

I smile, grabbing my bag. “As I’ll ever be.”

After locking everything up tightly, my mom and I walk outside and head for the car. My dad has apparently staked his claim on the driver’s side, and my mom doesn’t seem to mind as she climbs in on the opposite side. I see Elle is sitting behind my mom, so I get in behind my dad and sit next to her. She smiles brightly at me. She looks radiant lately—like she’s truly happy. I can tell that, in her heart of hearts, she believes in her plans for the future and that she couldn’t be in a better place. Not only does she have her dream job which she’ll be starting in a couple of weeks, but she also has the dream boyfriend she thought she wasn’t ready for yet. I always knew that Elle put her career first before anything else, but I suppose now she feels she has everything she wants, so she has the freedom to indulge in the little pleasures life has to offer.

I smile at that last thought. I am “guilty” of the same thing. Since I met J, I have let him sweep me off my feet. I haven’t quite landed yet, and I’m wondering if I ever will.

Elle nudges me as Dad drives away from our house. “You look happy for someone who’s going to our cabin.”

“Hey,” our dad scowls, “there’s nothing wrong with the cabin, so don’t knock it.”

“Sorry, Dad.” She smirks at him and rolls her eyes at me.

“I saw that, young lady!”

Elle and I look at each other and laugh. She nudges me and leans forward. “Why are you looking so happy?” she whispers.

In an attempt to not look quite so guilty, I shrug my shoulders. “No particular reason. I’m just looking forward to some time off. Graduation is over, and the summer has truly begun. I’m just eager to get started.”

“Hmm,” she muses, and I know by the look on her face that she doesn’t quite believe me. Her expression changes a little. She’s obviously just thought of something. “Hey, when I’m settled in New York, you’re going to have to visit, okay?”

“Really?” I ask, smiling brightly. I’ve always wanted to visit the Big Apple.

She nods. “Yeah. It’ll be fun to have a little sister time in the big city. I’m sure we can think of lots of trouble we can get ourselves into.” She winks at me.

“Just because you’re whispering doesn’t mean I can’t hear everything you two are saying. As your father, I think staying out of trouble should definitely be a major part of your plans.”

“Yes, Dad,” we both say in unison. It’s just like old times. I suddenly feel like I’m five-years-old, getting scolded for saying something naughty.

We say no more for a while, and instead, Elle starts texting while I just stare out of the window at the passing houses. Pretty soon, all the houses are gone as we leave town and enter the woodlands ahead. As usual, it’s a beautiful sunny day without a cloud in the sky. The birds are flying from tree to tree, and the distant contrails are visible as I try and spot all the planes in the sky. The mountains are in the distance, making them look small, and it makes me wonder just how many people might be climbing them right now.

My dad suddenly speeds up as we leave town. The roads are quiet as usual as a lot of people have already left for their vacations. It’s strange to see my dad driving faster because he always wonders, “Why do people rush when all they’re going to do is get stuck in traffic?” I guess, seeing how clear the roads are now, I can understand why this time. I see the bridge we cross over that finally represents us leaving town. My dad definitely seems to be utilizing the gas pedal a little more than normal as I feel us continue to speed up, and at first, I think that it might just be me, but then my mom frowns at him. “Jack, slow down.”

I see him look at me through the rear-view mirror. He looks panicked, and that accelerates my own panic. “Dad, what’s going on?” Elle asks. Suddenly, her phone isn’t as interesting as it was before.

“I don’t know!” he says, in a panicked voice. “The brakes won’t work!”

Both Elle and I gasp as panic consumes all of us. I can now see that my dad is trying with all his might to put his foot on the brake pedal, but nothing is happening. In fact, we’re going even faster. We all scream when my dad skids to the left and then skids to the right. Everything happens so quickly. One minute, we are on the road, and the next we’re heading straight for the bridge. I scream, grabbing my seatbelt with one hand and Elle’s hand in the other. We turn our heads, staring at each other, as the same thought seems to pass through her and into me. Is this it? Is this how it all ends? Are we all going to die?

I don’t dare look forward because I don’t want to see the inevitable. Instead, I continue looking at my sister, praying and hoping we will all be okay. As the car crashes into the bridge, our ear-piercing screams are heard throughout the car. We’re suddenly suspended in air, and I feel the weightlessness of my body as the car flies into the sky. I see the tops of the trees, and for a moment, a stupid thought passes through me:

I have never been this close to the top of a tree before…

And then, it happens. The tops of the trees are disappearing as we are free-falling back down to earth, landing with a tremendous thud. We crash, trunk first, into deep water. I hear glass smash and water gushing. At first, I can’t move. The water floods over me like a tidal wave. I can’t see anything. I can’t move, and I find I cannot breathe. I’m panicking, but as the water calms, I open my eyes to find parts of the clear water marked with blood. So much blood. I feel trapped, but then I remember I have my seatbelt on. I can feel the weight of me being pulled to the left. We must be on our side.

Elle… Where’s Elle? Where’s my mother? I look to my right and see Elle. She’s not conscious, and there’s a big piece of glass stuck in her eye. I scream, hearing my muffled cries, and remember that I must get out of here so I can try to save them. I unbuckle my seatbelt and desperately try to unbuckle Elle’s. I can’t tell if she’s alive or dead, but from what I can see, it doesn’t look too good. My mother is unconscious too, and I can see blood flowing away from her. There’s so much blood. I try to look to see where my father is, but from this angle, I can’t see him. I yank at Elle’s seatbelt, and then I try to open my door. My lungs are quickly filling up with water. I have to get out. Maybe once I can get up with Elle, I can come back and quickly get my mother out too. As I scramble to open the door, I grab Elle, trying to haul her out with me, but something is trapping me. In the distance, I can hear muffled screaming, but I have no clue who’s screaming. All I know now is that I’m trapped. I can’t move, and my lungs are starting to scream for air. I reach out to Elle, knowing that this is it. This is the day I finally die. And as I touch her cheek, my last thought is of my stranger and how I will never know who he truly is.

Something grabs me, yanking at me, but my head hits the car door on the way up…

And my world turns black.

“This wasn’t what we planned for, Jarrod. What were you thinking?”

Who is that talking? Where am I? Am I dead? What’s going on?

“What was I supposed to do? Just leave her there to die?”

“No, of course not, but this complicates things now. This whole ballgame has changed. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not leaving her. She needs me now even more than I need her, but she’s not going to realize it at first. I need to get her to trust me.”

J? Is that really J’s voice? Who is he speaking with? It sounds like…

My world goes black again.

I don’t know how long it is that I’m out for, but when I come to, my head is pounding and my body aches. I feel like I’ve been beaten all over.

Have I been run over by a car? What’s happening? Where am I?

I try opening my eyes, but at first, they’re not cooperating. I try again, blinking, as the light of day shines throughout the room, illuminating the plain white walls.

Am I in a hospital? What’s going on?

I’m trying to remember. I know something bad happened, but at the moment, I can’t remember what. After I blink my eyes a few more times, I look around me to find that I’m lying in a big bed in a very plain room with only a white sheet covering me. I pull it away and find I have bandages wrapped around my left leg and bruises covering nearly the entire length of my body.

What happened to me?

I try to push myself up, but I feel pain in both my arms and my head. I moan a little, trying to compose myself. I need to see where I am.

I take a couple of deep breaths, and on my last exhale, my eyes land on a dresser near the door. On top is a little paper cup with a lily inside it. I start to panic. “Mom, Dad?” I shout, hoping someone will come to me.

I jump as the crackling sound of a speaker’s static reverberates around the room. “It’s okay, Lily. There’s no need to panic. You’re safe now.”

I start shaking my head.

What’s going on?

“I don’t understand. Where am I?”

“You don’t remember what happened?”

I’m confused. I recognize that voice from somewhere, but at the moment, I’m drawing a blank. I look to the lily again, and suddenly, I’m frozen. “J?” I ask, hoping it’s him.

“That’s right. Everything is okay. You’re safe now.”

I frown and start to get agitated. “You said that already. What am I doing here?” The pain in my head hits me, so I place my hand on my head. “Ouch,” I complain.

“Look to your left. There are some painkillers for you and some water. You should take them. You’ll feel better.”

I look to my left and find a paper cup of water and two white tablets sitting next to it. “How do I know they’re painkillers? They could be anything.”

“I told you I would never hurt you. I promised you that. I have been—and still am—taking care of you. If you want to continue being in pain, then that’s up to you, but the tablets are there solely to help you get better.”

I sigh, picking up the tablets. My head is hurting too much to argue. I take the pills and swallow them with a big gulp of water, but my throat protests. It’s like it’s on fire. Why does my throat hurt so much?

“You’ve been out for a couple of days. You’ll feel sore all over for a while. I’ve taken good care of you, though. I promise you’ll feel a lot better with a couple more days of rest. Do you need anything? Can I get you some food?”

I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts. They’re all over the place right now. At the moment, however, I have only one dire need. “I need a bathroom.” I scoot my legs over the bed in an attempt to get up.

“Okay, but be very careful. Your legs may feel a little wobbly when you stand. The bathroom is to your right.” I look behind me and see the door.

“Where am I?”

“Somewhere safe. That’s all you need to know for now.”

“What happened to me?”

“Go take care of things first, and then we’ll talk.”

I do as instructed, being careful as I raise myself up just in case I fall back down. I’m shaky, but I make it to my feet, and wobbling, I put one foot in front of the other. I ache, but the ache to relieve myself is greater. I make my way slowly towards the bathroom door. I open it, and I see that to the left is a shower, and off to the right, I find a sink with a toothbrush and toothpaste. Next to that is the toilet. I wobble towards it, do what I need to, flush, and stand to brush my teeth. There’s no mirror. Why is there no mirror? I don’t dwell on it much. Instead, I grab the toothbrush and start brushing my teeth. I instantly feel a lot better. If I could shower, then I’m sure I would feel even better, but I ache too much to continue standing. I find I already need to sit down.

I rinse my mouth and shakily make my way back to my bed. Once there, I breathe an instant sigh of relief. “Feel better?” he asks over the speaker. I look up and confirm that there is, indeed, a speaker in the corner of my room.

“Why are you speaking to me through that?” I point, but I can’t tell whether or not he can see me.

Are there cameras in here?

“It’s better if it stays this way.”

“Why?” I ask more forcefully. “Why do this? Why am I here?”

I hear him sigh over the speaker. He sounds upset about something. “You were in an accident, Lily. Don’t you remember? The car crash?”

I frown, trying to wrap my head around what happened. My head still hurts, but the pain is starting to ease already. I also feel tired. So, so tired. I grip my head in my hands. “I can’t—” and then, it hits me. “Elle? Oh my God, Elle! Where’s Elle?! Where are my mom and dad?!”

“I’m so sorry, Lily.”

I start sobbing as all of the memories flood back. We were in the car on the way to Montana. We crashed and toppled over the bridge. I clutch my chest as a wracking sob rips through me. Visions of Elle with the glass stuck in her eye follow unmercifully. “They’re dead? They’re all dead?” I ask.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again as I fall onto the bed and cry until my body aches. I cry until I can’t produce anymore tears. I cry until my body is exhausted.

“No,” I utter in a whimper. “No,” I say again as my body jerks from the pain. I can’t seem to focus. My mind is scrambled from the thoughts and memories flooding in all at once. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but right now, I don’t care. My entire family is gone. Only I am left.

Why me?

That is the last thought which runs through my head as I fall back into darkness.

I wake again, but this time, it’s dark. I have the faint glow of a lamp next to me and some more tablets and water. My throat aches again, and so does my head, but it’s not throbbing as much as it was earlier. I say earlier, because I have no concept of time. All I know is that I woke when it was light, and now it’s dark. He said I have been here for three days, so I’m assuming tomorrow is day four, but it would be nice to know for sure.

I look down at myself. I’m under the sheet again, but I’m wearing a new nightdress. Someone obviously keeps coming in to take care of me, but I don’t remember a thing. As I sit up, the smell of food hits me. “Eat,” the voice over the speaker says. “You won’t be able to get better unless you eat.”

As I sit myself up, I close my eyes and shake my head. “Why should I? I have nothing and nobody left.”

“Don’t say that. You have me, and I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

I wave my hands around the room. “How is this taking care of me? I’m trapped in this room. What am I doing here anyway?”

“I told you. I’m making sure you’re safe.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand. How does keeping me prisoner make me safe?”

“You won’t understand it now, but you will eventually. First things first—you need to get better.”

“Why can’t I see you?”

“I think it’s better that things stay this way.”

“Why? Why can’t you come to me? It never stopped you before.”

“I need you to trust me.”

I frown, confusion setting in. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

I can feel the frustration chafing at me. “Why are you doing this? How did I get here?”

“I pulled you from the car. I was a little too forceful because I was trying so desperately to get you out of the water before you drowned. I hit your head, so I’m sorry about that.”

I try to think back to the accident and remember being yanked up. “That was you?”

“Yes. I wasn’t going to just watch you die.”

“But you let my entire family die? How could you?”

“I know you’re angry, but all I can say for now is that I did what I could. If there was anything more I could have done, I would have done it. I promise you that.”

“My sister… I was pulling her. You could have gotten her out.”

“She couldn’t be saved. She had sustained a severe injury to her eye that penetrated the bone. She would have been dead on impact.”

I shake as I think back to that day. I saw the glass through her eye, but thought she could still be saved. “No! No, I don’t believe you. She was happy. She was going to start a new job. She had fallen in love. I can’t… I just can’t.”

“I know, Lily. I’m so sorry, but there was nothing you or I could have done.” I start sobbing again. My whole family is gone—wiped out within the blink of an eye.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me? Why me?” I wipe my tears away in defiance. I don’t want him to see my weakness. I don’t want him to see my suffering.

“Because you are who you are. It’s not your fault. It just is what it is.”

I shake my head in confusion. “What is that supposed to mean? You speak in riddles. Nothing but fucking riddles.”

“You sound angry.”

I grab my hair in my hands and grip it tightly.

What does he expect?

“Of course I’m fucking angry. My whole family has died and you’ve… You’ve taken me. I am a prisoner in this room. Where am I anyway?” I get up and march as gracefully as possible to the window. My body still aches, and my head still pounds, but I keep going. Once at the window, I part the curtain, and all I see in the darkness are trees. Nothing but trees. I try to open the lock, but it’s jammed.

“You’re not getting out, so you may as well stop trying.” My shoulders sag when I realize he’s right. It’s airtight. “Eat something. You must be hungry.” I turn, making my way over to the tray of food on the dresser. Beside it is the same lily that I saw earlier today. At least, I think it’s the same one. “I brought you pizza. I know you like pepperoni.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course he knows. He’s been stalking me for the last eight months. “What’s wrong?”

I don’t look up at first. Instead, I let a single tear drop down my face. I watch as it falls to the blue carpeted floor beneath me, turning the light blue a darker shade as it’s coated with my tear. “You know everything about me. I know nothing about you. I let you stalk me. I let you near me.” I finally look up. “I let you touch me.”

“That’s because you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“That it was meant to be. That I was meant to do all of those things. You need me, and I need to make sure that nothing hurts you.”

“You’re hurting me.”

“You may feel that way now, but you will find out soon enough that that’s not the case.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t tell you. Not now anyway. Soon, you will know, and soon, you will know why I had to keep you here and why I had to keep from telling you the truth.”

“The truth about what?”

“Your family.”

“My family? What are you talking about? My family is dead. Whatever you need to say, you can certainly say it now.”

He goes silent for a moment, and I wonder if he’s gone, but then I hear his breath over the speaker. “I’ve said too much. Eat, Lily. You look pale.” He clicks off, and I know that he’s gone. I sigh, looking at the pizza, and my stomach rumbles in protest. I don’t want to eat, but at the same time, I feel almost nauseated by the thought of not eating. It’s such a strange feeling to have.

I pick up the plate with the two slices and take it to my bed. I eat cautiously at first, but then the hunger sets in as I take my first two bites, and then I begin to eat with relish. I finish the two slices within seconds. I have never eaten so quickly before. My mother always told me never to eat my food too fast. “It will give you indigestion. Besides,” she would say, “you need to appreciate the food you’re eating. Place one forkful in your mouth and chew it slowly. Let your taste buds go to work, so you can savor each bite and cherish the moment before it slides down your throat and disappears.” My shoulders sag again, and before I realize it, I’m crying.

Mom, if only you were here right now. I would give anything to hear you tell me off for eating my food too quickly.

I push the plate aside and look at the water on top of the nightstand. I place it to my lips and notice it’s cooler than it should be. Maybe he put ice in it this time. I grab the tablets he left and place them in my mouth. Last time, they made me sleep. I want to sleep now, so I won’t have to think about all that I have lost. My head aches anyway. That’s the excuse I give myself.

I down the pills, curl up into a ball, and wait for the darkness to come. For some reason, I don’t have long to wait.

Jarrod Walker

“What are you doing here?” I watch as Charlotte brushes past me with a Burger King bag.

“I figured you’d be hungry. Despite the fact that I think you’re completely fucking bonkers, I still love you, and I still care about your well-being.” She stands on tiptoes, looking over my shoulder to glance at the TV monitor. “How is she?”

“She’s as expected. In pain physically, but healing. I will re-dress her leg soon—once I know she’s really in a deep sleep.” I sigh and sit down. “It’s the emotional pain that she won’t get over in a hurry.” I hear rustling, and then the smell of the burgers hits me. I have been so consumed by taking care of Lily that I haven’t been taking care of myself.

Charlotte sits next to me and hands me a burger. I take it and begin to eat. “Why don’t you just tell her? She’s going to find out eventually anyway.”

I shake my head. “I know what I’m doing.” At least, I think I do. “If I let her go now—in the state she’s in—she will be vulnerable. Besides, I need to build that trust up with her again.”

Charlotte’s eyes widen. “How? By keeping her locked up in a room by herself?”

“We were planning on doing that anyway.”

“Yes, but that was before we knew what was really going on. Now that we know, it changes things. She’s a victim in all of this just as much as we are.”

“Wow, you’ve certainly changed your tune.” I take a bite of my burger and watch her as she sighs.

“I know, I just … I don’t know what the fuck to think anymore. Before, I knew. Before, I was just consumed with hatred and vengeance. Now, all the lines are blurry. I just don’t know what to think anymore.”

I grab her hand. “The lines are not blurry. We can still get our revenge, but we will have to think about another plan.”

“But what about her?” she asks, pointing at Lily. I look and see she’s lying just as she was when she first fell asleep. All curled up into a tight ball. She looks so vulnerable now … so lost. The plan has changed. Now, I have to do everything in my power to keep her safe.

“She won’t believe me if I tell her now. She’s raw and hurting because she’s lost her family. I need to regain her trust. I need her to know that everything I do here, I’m doing for her.”

Charlotte shakes her head. “I still don’t understand how keeping her locked up without company does that. Why don’t you go to her?”

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Why? Won’t she hate you if you don’t?”

A part of the reason for not going to her is I know I will break. I can’t let her see my weakness for her. She may use it to her advantage. But the biggest reason why I won’t is because I’ve lived through what she’s going through. I was put in solitary confinement for beating Tony—the top dog—almost to death. I didn’t mean to go as far as I did, but my rage took over. He went to the hospital, survived, and didn’t want to press charges. I, in turn, was kept in solitary confinement for two weeks as punishment. I wasn’t supposed to be there that long, but they bent the rules, just like anyone in power does. While I was in there, I had a glimpse of what true loneliness felt like. After only six days, I craved contact with someone … anyone. I would have given anything to have someone there with me. All I had were four walls, a bed, and a toilet. I wasn’t allowed to wash, so after those two weeks, I stank like fuck. The only grace I had was that I was fed three times a day. Those times were the only chances I had to know what time of day it was. There were no windows for me to see the daylight or the moon high in the sky. I was completely on my own, completely lost, and completely driven insane by the loss of contact.

By the time they let me out, I was almost broken. When the guard finally opened the door and guided me toward the showers, I cried. I stood in the shower and let the water hide my tears. All it took was one gentle touch on my arm from a guard I had never even met before. I let the tears come, for I knew once I was out and dressed that I would have to keep up the fucking hard, stony-faced charade I had been putting on ever since I was put in that godforsaken place.

Only one person made me crack. I was still vulnerable, and the loneliness which had penetrated my bones seemed to be staying there. I was brought back to my cell where my cellmate was waiting. When he saw me, he smiled. I don’t know why he smiled because I had been treating him like shit. Once the door was closed, he stared at me and said, “Man, you look like shit.” I don’t know why, but I laughed. I found myself laughing, and at first, he didn’t know how to take it. I think he thought I was going to wail on him. I didn’t, though.

When the laughter eventually subsided, he offered me his hand for a shake. “I’m Jace. Nice to meet you.”

I stood there for a moment—just staring at his hand. All that time, I had been craving contact just like this, but it never came. Jace didn’t know it at the time, but he had caught me at just the right moment. I accepted his hand. “I’m Jarrod,” I said before taking a seat on my bed. “This doesn’t mean we’re fucking best friends now.” I had to keep some of my dignity.

He smiled, but raised his hands up in surrender. “I never said we would be. It would just be a shame to spend all this time locked up together without some sort of conversation. We have to pass the time somehow, right?” He grinned at me, and for some reason, I knew it was genuine. It was from that day on that I knew I liked that boy. I never in a million years thought that we would end up as the one thing I told him we weren’t. We left the detention center within a month of each other. We were equals, but Jace never really left. I was still top dog even when we were out. He kept that respect for me, and all that he asked of me in return was to be my friend … to help me out whenever the time came. In the end, I told him what I had done and what I was planning on doing next. He’s been standing by me ever since.

Coming back to the here and now, I shake my head. “She won’t hate me.”

Charlotte frowns. “How do you know for sure?”

I almost shiver when I think back to my time inside. “Believe me. I know.”

I wake again with a headache. I feel sick. With aching feet, I get up to run to the bathroom and throw up. Once I finish, I feel better, but now all I want is a shower. I look down at my leg, remembering my bandage. I have another fresh one on today. I can’t help but wonder how he does it. Is he that gentle that I simply do not wake when he changes the bandages? I stretch, moaning when my aching bones cry out in protest. I really do need that shower.

I get up, and with determination, I undress, put the water on, and wait until it warms up a little. It’s hot, and I’m sweating in here. The bedroom is nice and cool, but in here, it’s muggy—almost stifling.

Being ever so careful, I step in with one leg, while awkwardly keeping the bandaged one out. It’s the most uncomfortable shower I’ve ever taken in one sense, but in another, I’m so desperate to get clean that it’s also one of the most wonderful. I pick up the soap and awkwardly clean as much of me as possible. Once done, I switch off the water and step out. I close my eyes when I feel the coolness hit me. I almost want to stay like this for a while because it’s the most comfortable I’ve felt in a long time. However, I know I can’t stay here forever. I’m hungry now that my headache has subsided. As I dry myself off, I notice a t-shirt and a pair of shorts sitting on the chair.

When did they arrive?

I pick them up and look to see if they’ll fit. They’re my size. “Of course they are,” I say to thin air. I realize again just how alone I am. I’ve lost everyone dear to me. I sink to the floor and let the tears flow. I don’t know if he’s watching me, but I would hope he had the decency to let me have my privacy in here.

Once the tears stop, I get up off the floor and get dressed. I instantly feel a lot better—more human again. As I step out from the bathroom, the smell of bacon hits my nose, making my stomach growl.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks as I step towards a plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon.

“Much, thank you.”

“Were you sick?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need anything?”

I pick up the plate of food and the orange juice beside it. “A cup of coffee would be good.”

“Coming right up. Do you think you can eat?”

As I sit down, I sigh. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Well, then why won’t you let me go?”

“I can’t. Not now. You need to heal, and you need to have an open mind to the truth.”

“What truth?”

I hear him sigh. “We’ve gone over this before. I can’t tell you yet. You’re not ready for the truth. All I can say is that everything I do here now, I do for you. I know I’ve already said it, but it’s the truth. I am not the enemy, Lily. I never really was.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. All I know for now is that I’ve lost everything, and now he’s keeping me prisoner here. I thought I was messed up before, but now I know I truly am. How did I manage to let him in so easily? Not only did I let him touch me and taste me, but I even let him take my virginity. That is something I can never take back.

“What are you thinking?” he asks as I pick up my plastic fork and start eating.

What is it with the paper cups and plastic cutlery, anyway?

“Why don’t I get proper plates and forks?” I ask, holding up the one in my hand.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

I frown, asking what he means, but I don’t get anything back. For a moment, I wonder where he’s gone and if he’s left me. For some reason, that frightens me a hell of a lot more than him keeping me here does. “J?” I ask, feeling the panic rise.

It is then I hear something at the door. My heart creeps up into my mouth when the possibility of him coming into my room makes my head spin. For some unknown reason, I want him here. I need comfort from someone, and he’s the nearest person I can get to. I’m not going to let him know that, though.

As I stare at the door transfixed, a tiny door within the door opens at the bottom, and I see his tattooed hand as he places another paper cup inside. This one is steaming, though. “One coffee as ordered,” he states as he quickly shuts the little door. How come I never noticed that before?

I chew what I have in my mouth and make my way over to the coffee. My God, it smells good. I pick it up, placing it to my lips. Never in my life would I have believed that homemade coffee in a paper cup could taste this good.

“You like?” he asks, over the speaker.

“Oh, God yes!”

I hear him chuckle. “Go sit and eat. You must be hungry.”

For some reason, I do as instructed. I pick my fork up and savor the remaining food. Not only can he make a great cup of coffee, but he can also cook really well.

“I like seeing you eat.”

“So, you are watching me then?”

“Only to make sure you’re safe. Besides, I like watching you when you sleep. It calms me.”

I take stock of what he’s said. At first, no words form. I just can’t understand it. I can’t understand any of this. “I don’t understand anything that’s happening. Are you punishing me for letting you get close to me? I can assure you that I’ve never done anything like that in my life. You were my first … my only.” I sigh as a single tear drops down my face and onto my fresh t-shirt. I just don’t know what to think and feel anymore. I’ve lost the capacity to tell right from wrong.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not keeping you here as a punishment. You may not believe me now, but you will one day.” I hear him sigh. “And don’t think for one second that what happened between us meant nothing to me. It was a big deal for me too.”

“But how?” I ask, flinging my hands up in the air.

“At first, it was your feminine walk and the way you brushed your soft, chestnut hair away from your eyes. Then, it was the way you smelled when I was with you. I inhaled, and I was instantly lost in your aroma. I finally got to feel your soft skin and the way you surrendered so easily to my touch. You have no idea what that did to me, do you?” My breathing starts picking up when I go back to that first encounter in the bathroom a couple of months ago.

How different things were then. I hadn’t a care in the world. Now, look at me!

“Then, it was your taste.” His raspy voice brings me back to the scene on the boat. I will never forget that explosive night. “Your taste was exquisite. It left me wanting more than I should take.”

“But you did take.”

“Only because you asked me to. Only because I knew that was what you wanted. And I wanted it too. I wanted it more than you’ll ever know, and I’ve been wanting it again ever since. You truly are addictive.”

“Then, why can’t you come to me. Why can’t you face me?”

“Is that what you really want?”

“I need to see you. I need …” I sigh, not knowing what to say. I do need him. I need his smell, his comfort … his taste, but I will be damned before I’ll let him know this. He has enough power over me as it is.

“Maybe you need time to think about this.”

I instantly panic. “Don’t go. Please. I don’t want to be alone.” All I hear is silence for a moment, but then I hear a faint click.

“What is it you want?”

I sigh, stand up, and walk to the window. I peer out again, but again, all I see are trees.

Where the hell am I?

“If you won’t come to see me, then at least talk to me.”

“What is it you want to talk about?”

I turn and start pacing back and forth. I’m a little sore still, but I need some exercise. I don’t think I have ever been so still in my life. “I don’t know. Anything. Tell me where you grew up?”

“Arkansas. I lived in a little town called Van Buren. I moved from there about a year ago.”

I smile, thinking this is about the most information I have ever gotten from him. “Did you not like it there or something? Why did you move?”

“It held bad memories for me.” I could tell by the sound of his voice that there is immense pain held there somewhere. If only I knew what.

“Is that where you got your scar?”

“Yes,” he sighs.

“So, bad people did that to you. It wasn’t just an accident, then? Didn’t you have family to look after you? Where are your parents?”

“I think we have discussed all that we can today.”

“Wait! I didn’t mean—”

But, it’s already too late. He sounded pissed at me, and now he’s gone. I probed too much, and now I will be made to suffer because of it. If only he would tell me! If he’s frightened I would tell other people, then he has underestimated me. I would never betray a trust once it’s bestowed upon me.

I sigh as I take my plate and place it next to my brand new lily flower. Today, it is purple—much like the bruises on my arms and legs. I cringe as I think back to the accident. I can’t go there … not now. I will slip into a darkness that will drown me in its wake if I do. I need to be stronger at least until I know what the hell is going on here.

And then what?

That thought scares me more than anything.

What’s going to happen to me once I get out of here? I’m an orphan. I have no one to take care of me anymore.

I close my eyes when I consider the fact that I’m now considered an adult. I’m eighteen, so, legally, I don’t “need” to be looked after anymore.

What am I going to do? Where will I live? Will I be able to go back home and live in our house, or will it be put up for sale?

I sink on the bed as I contemplate this and many other things.

Do I really want to leave here? Maybe J is right. Maybe I am safer here. At least I can tell that he really is here to look after me. Why he is, I have no clue, but I still don’t feel any ill will from him.

It’s an idiotic thought, but it’s one that I can’t shake.

The hours pass, and the boredom really sets in. For the first three or four days, all I did was sleep, but now I’m finding that I’m wide awake. J brings food for my lunch and then again for dinner, but he doesn’t converse with me. I miss it. I miss him.

As the lights outside dim, the world outside lets me know that it’s night again. I crawl back into bed and take the tablets that were left from this morning. I pat myself on the back, knowing that I had been in a little discomfort all day, but had refrained from taking them. Now, though, all I want to do is sleep. My body aches, but my mind is too alert. I feel exhausted physically, but my brain just won’t shut off. Visions of my sister next to me in the car fill my head. I finally fall asleep, but it’s a fitful sleep. My mind is awash with water and blood—lots and lots of blood. I see the blood dissipate, and I squint, trying to get my eyes to focus. Soon, I see a figure get closer to me. It’s Elle. Her one good eye is focused on me, but the other still has the glass through it. I gasp, trying to get away, but something holds me in place. She gets nearer, and the closer she gets, the more my heart wants to rip in two. She grabs my arm, yanking me towards her.

“Why didn’t you save me?!”

I wake up screaming and flailing my arms around. At first, I don’t know where I am, and I panic that I’m still in the car and that Elle needs me.

“Lily, calm down. You’re okay. You’re safe. Please, Lily. I’m here.” I immediately calm when I hear his voice. As my erratic breathing subsides, I look around my room and can tell it’s already daylight again. The sun is shining through the window, making it feel as though this day brought not a care in the world. How well I knew that to be untrue.

“Do you need anything?” he asks in what seems like a panicked voice.

“Coffee would be good.”

“Okay,” he says, and I know he’s about to go.

“Please don’t leave me.” I grip the sheets tightly to my chest. I can feel the panic coming again.

“Okay, I won’t, but I can’t make you coffee if you want me to stay.”

I nod my head. “Just a couple more minutes. I just need to hear your voice.”

“You had a nightmare.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to share it with me?”

I moisten my lips. With all the heavy panting, I have made both my throat and my lips dry. “It was about the crash. My sister was there, but she wasn’t dead … not exactly anyway. She wanted to know why I didn’t save her.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, and I can tell by his tone of voice that he genuinely means it. “It’s perfectly normal to feel this way. You had an accident. Your sister didn’t survive, but you did. It’s normal for you to feel guilty about it on some level, but put it this way: If it were the other way around, how would you feel if Elle felt guilty that you had died and it was she who was left alive?”

I close my eyes, steadying my breathing further. “I would feel devastated. I would want her to live her life with no guilt about what happened hanging over her head.”

“Well, don’t you think she would want the same for you? You two were pretty close, right? Don’t you think she would only want the best for her little sister?”

I sigh as I let the guilt come. I can’t seem to help it. “I know what you’re trying to say, but she had her whole life ahead of her. She would have been starting her new job in just a few days. She had just found … just found love,” I hiccup. I wipe yet another tear from my face. I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of feeling nothing but pain.

“What makes you think that she was any more worthy of life than you are?”

“I don’t know!” I shout angrily. “I just feel like fucking shit whenever I think about what happened. I’m an orphan now. Don’t you realize that? My whole family is gone. My whole life is gone. Everything … gone.” I sigh on a choked sob. “What do I do now? How do I carry on? I don’t even know where to start.”

“Start by forgiving yourself.” I cry at his words. Endless tears stream down my face. I need comfort. I need his arms around me, but my stubbornness about asking him is stopping me. He didn’t come when I asked before, so why would he now anyway?

“Tell me about them?” he asks, surprising me.

My crying abruptly stops. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. I need to stop with the crying already anyway. “About my family?” I wipe away some more tears and wait for his answer.

“Yes. What were they like?”

I take in another deep breath not knowing where to start. “My mom was kind … gentle.” I smile when I picture her making pancakes on a Saturday morning. “My mom was a career-driven woman, but she still liked to keep that part of her separate once she came through that door every night. She liked being the kind of mom who made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before we went to school, baked cookies on a Sunday afternoon, and took us trick-or-treating when we were small.” My heart aches to have that back again. Now, it’s gone, and I will never get it back. “Elle was a different story. She was smart and definitely all career-orientated. She didn’t let her heart go that easily. She kept her cards close to her chest. I often wondered if I would ever see my sister get married. Now, I know that will never happen.” I start sniffling again as new tears surface.

“And what about your father?”

I wipe my nose with my hand, which I know is a disgusting habit, and it’s one I never grew out of—much to my mother’s chagrin. “He was like what any dad should be. He was kind, but disciplined. I often wondered why he let me get away with stuff, but then I realized it was because he knew he could trust me. That earned him respect from me. For that reason alone, I always made decisions that I knew he would agree with.”

“What? Like drinking beer at parties?”

I laugh. “Well, I know I bent the rules a little, but I never once got drunk. I have always liked to be in control of everything.” I chuckle again. “That’s kind of rich when you think about everything I let you do to me. I’m never in control when you’re near me.”

“I beg to differ.”

I practically roll my eyes at his statement. “You say that, but you’re the one who can see me. You’re the one who knows everything about me.”

“Yes, but didn’t I say that you were the one who made the decisions about us? You were the one in control with regards to whether we ended things or not.”

I look around the white walls of my room and wonder if he’s poking fun at me. “How can I end things now if you’re keeping me prisoner here?”

“Do you want to end it?” I close my eyes, wondering if I can. At the moment, he’s the only person I have. Out there, all I know is emptiness. I have nothing and no one waiting for me. Even my friends will all be away now. I can’t think of anyone who will be looking for me. Once they do realize we were a family of four, they will probably put two and two together and assume I was washed away downstream … never to be seen again. The thought gives me shivers. “What are you thinking?”

I open my eyes again and stare blankly at the walls. “I’m wondering… If I said yes, would you would let me go?”

He sighs. “Yes, and you would never have to see me again.”

That thought panics me more. I can’t understand the reasoning behind my thoughts. All I know is that now, he is in my life, and I would be lost without him. “I don’t want that.”

“Then you shall stay. I know I haven’t given you a reason to trust me yet, but I promise you that keeping you here is keeping you safe. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I frown. “You keep saying that, but you won’t explain what you’re talking about.”

“Believe me: If I could tell you now, I would. At the moment, you need to heal and get your strength back up. You’re going to need it once you know.” I hear his frustrated sigh before he talks again. “I need you to promise me something.”

I snort. “That’s rich coming from—”

“I’m being serious, Lily. There are things you don’t know. Things that would devastate you if you knew. I just want you to promise me that it won’t let you change who you are. I don’t want you to end up like me.”

I run my hands through my hair in frustration. I can’t understand what he’s talking about. “Every time you give me something, I get more and more frustrated. Why can’t you just tell me?”

“It’s complicated, and I don’t want you under any more stress than you are now. Besides, I don’t think you’re ready yet to learn the secrets that you’ve been kept in the dark about for so long.” He pauses a moment. “You have to promise me you won’t let the knowledge change you. I see the goodness in you, and I don’t want that to be tainted.” He sighs again like that last thought angers him.

“How can I know how I will react if you won’t let me in on these ‘secrets’ as you call them?”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I need you to trust me on this.”

I sigh. “You keep saying that.”

“I know, but I need you to realize that I’m not the enemy here.” I frown at his words. He keeps emphasizing that like it’s the most important thing in the world. I don’t understand how he can hold me prisoner and still ask me to trust him. Trust has to be earned, and he’s never given me any indication that I should take his word as gospel. I can only go by the last two months with him … and boy have they made my head spin.

“Okay, but I need you to do something for me in order for me to trust you.”

“What’s that?”

“Let me see you. And I don’t just mean your shadow in a darkened room. I want to see all of you.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to—that’s why. Isn’t that enough?”

“Yes, but it isn’t time yet.”

“When will it be time?”

“When you know it’s time, so will I. Until that time, you need to rest. I will get you that coffee now.”

I hear a click, and silence fills the room once more. It’s amazing how alive I can feel one minute and how lonely I can feel the next. He’s gone—for now—but I can’t help wondering when I will hear his voice again. It’s sick, I know, but he’s become my addiction. I would never have thought of myself as having an addictive personality. I have never—and will never—do drugs, and I don’t drink that much. My only vice is coffee … and, of course, him.

I close my eyes and lie back down on my bed. For a while, I just stare at the ceiling above. It has a crack there I never noticed before. How odd. I squint, trying to make out a shape from it. I have nothing better to do, so why not play this game? It curves around and then down. It almost looks like a question mark. I laugh at that. Yeah, at the moment, my life is one big, fat question mark.

Who is he?

Where does he come from?

Why did he stalk me?

Why does he never let me see him?

Why is he keeping me prisoner now?

I know he’s telling me it’s for my own good, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s actually for his own. It sounds selfish of him, but what I can’t understand is his kindness towards me. Every time I talk with him, it fucks with my head, but it also plays with my emotions. I miss him when he’s gone, and I find myself looking forward to the next time I hear the faint click through the speaker.

I hear a sound, which makes me quickly rise off my bed. The little door is opening, and I can already see the coffee passing through. I stare in wonder at his calloused hand. It is a strong-looking hand—a hand which holds great power. I roll my eyes when I think how very true that is right now.

His hand disappears and reappears quickly. This time, he puts down a plate of sandwiches. I frown. Kind of odd for breakfast. I rise up quickly because—first of all—I want to get a closer look at his hand. The word “Vindicta” is staring back at me. What was it that he went through to feel such anger?

Once he shuts the little door, I bend down to retrieve my coffee and sandwiches and walk towards the bed. As I sip my coffee, I pull up one of the pieces of bread and see what looks like peanut butter and jelly. Tears instantly prick my eyes. I know he’s just being kind, but all this sandwich is doing is reminding me of all that I have lost.

“Did I do something wrong?”

I shake my head as the tears fall. “No, but I don’t feel that I can-”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. Put it back down. I’ll make you something else. How about some scrambled eggs?”

I look down at the sandwiches. I don’t want them to go to waste. Another thing my mother always told me about food was never to waste any. “No, it’s okay. I’ll eat this. I was just a little shocked at first.” I start eating, and I’m surprised by how good it tastes. I know PB&J sandwiches are just that, but this one somehow tastes fresh, like it’s homemade. “Wow,” I say, taking another bite.

“You like?” I hear the smile in his voice.

“It’s wonderful.”

“You’re wonderful.”

I stop eating, and my heart starts beating fast. How does he manage to do that with just two little words? “Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely voice?” I hear his raspy laugh, and it sends shivers down my spine.

“It is you who has a lovely voice. Mine is hollow from years of living a blemished life.”

I frown. “Is that really how you see yourself? I don’t know what’s happened to you, but clearly you’re not in a good place mentally as a result. I know there are greater things out there for you. Can’t you imagine a better place where you can finally find peace and move on from all that has happened in the past?”

He doesn’t say anything at first. All I hear is just deathly silence. I wonder for a moment if he will disappear again, but then I hear him breathing. “It is too late for me, but it won’t be for you. That is why I need to make sure that—when you’re ready—you won’t ever lose yourself.”

“I can’t believe that you really feel that way. There is always a way. If you have people around you who love you, then you’re more than halfway there. You just need to believe in yourself.” I can’t quite comprehend what the hell I’m saying.

Here I am, locked up by my stalker after just losing my whole family, and yet I’m consoling him. Can this be anymore fucked up?

“I love your optimism. You make it all sound so easy.”

I sigh. “Relatively speaking, it is as easy as you make it. It can also be as hard as you make it. Don’t you think that how you choose to think and react to things in life has a lot to do with which path you’ll follow … which path will lead you? Put differently: By making yourself broken the way you are—by practically caging yourself—are you making yourself truly happy? Are you even giving yourself the chance to be happy and overcome your past?”

I hear him sigh, and again, for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. “I am a witness to a crime which no one should ever have to witness, let alone endure. If you’d seen what I have with my own eyes, you would know the answer to that question.”

This man is so closed off, but yet I hear the vulnerability there. I feel his pain, and in return, I believe that he feels mine.

Is that crazy?

I just don’t know what to think anymore. I look up to the new lily on the dresser and sigh. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Jarrod Walker

“Got you some noodles and some beer.”

I smile as I let Jace in. He, as ever, is a lifesaver. “Thanks, man.” I close the door behind us and follow Jace into the living room. “I really appreciate you letting me use this place.”

He opens up a bottle of beer and hands it to me. “That’s what friends are for, right?” he smiles at me, and I take the bottle from his hand. “How is she?”

“How you would expect anyone to be after losing everything she has? And the worst part about it is she doesn’t even know the half of it yet.”

I watch as he looks at the screen. Lily is all showered and dressed in a little blue dress today. I thought she would look good in it, but I never realized just how good. She’s walking around the room, but then suddenly twirls. I silently laugh as I watch her dance. I have never seen that before.

“You have it bad, don’t you?” I snap my head to Jace, not realizing that he has been watching me all this time.

“Fuck off,” I snap.

He turns his head back to the screen. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

I inwardly sigh. No, I’m not fucking sure, but my gut tells me this is the right thing to do. She still needs to heal and for what she’s about to face shortly, she will need all the strength she can get. “Do you remember that day I came out of solitary?”

Jace laughs. “Yeah. It was the first time you actually talked to me. I never even thought you had it in you to have a conversation.”

“Suck my dick.”

Jace laughs. “You’d like me to, wouldn’t you? I knew you secretly had a crush on me. In the end, you couldn’t resist my charms.” I punch him on the shoulder and he laughs. “Anyway, you were saying?”

“What I never told you about my time inside is that it broke me a little. You were the first person to actually speak to me after all that time alone.” I look at the screen, take a swift sip of my beer, and sit down. “That’s why I’m doing this.”

He looks at where I’m looking and frowns. I can tell why he’s frowning. She looks frail and vulnerable. Anyone with an ounce of a heart would want to reach out to her and hold her like I know she needs me to.

And fuck do I want to. Hell, I need to.

“You think it will work?”

Even though I have nothing to smile about, I do. “She’s been calling my name out in her sleep. Best fucking sound ever.”

He shakes his head. “Shit, you really are pussy-whipped.”

I take another sip of my beer, and I know I won’t regret the words that are about to come out of my mouth. “For her, I would be.”

For the first time ever, I see a little pity form in Jace’s eyes. “You know, once she finds out—”

“Yeah, I know. She will never forgive me. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m being selfish by keeping her here. I want to delay the inevitable. That’s why I can’t let her go.”

“The accident definitely changes things. If you had known beforehand—”

“I would have done things differently, yes. She doesn’t realize this, but she is in so much danger by still being alive. The fucking irony of the whole thing is she’ll feel safest back there where she’ll be in the most danger she’s ever been in. I’m not only keeping her here for me; I’m also keeping her from possibly getting killed.”

Jace frowns. “Surely, he won’t do it a second time? Causing the accident was bad enough. Attempting it again so soon after the first time would draw too much attention.”

My blood boils whenever I think about him. He is the reason why I’m doing this. My hand grips the beer bottle in anger. I would do anything to smash this bottle into that fucking smug face of his. “I don’t care. I still can’t trust that he won’t attempt do to something if he finds her still alive.”

“It is inevitable. You can’t keep her here forever.”

I close my eyes, dreading the day I will have to let her go. I know I only have a few days left with her—maybe a week at best. She’s already come so far physically. Her leg is virtually healed. She will have a scar there for the rest of her life, but it will fade with time. I sigh when I think how alike we both are now. We even have scars to match. And just like our scars, they can easily be cut back open and made to bleed out. We are never immune to that possibility. The only thing we can do now is keep them closed for as long as we possibly can. I meant what I said about her not losing the girl she is now. Once she learns the truth, though, I am not too sure she’ll have a choice in the matter. Just like the tides, we change. It just scares me to think of what this could change her into.

“I know I can’t keep her here forever. I’m only going to give it a few more days—a week tops. I just need to make sure she isn’t so vulnerable.” I slam the bottle down a little more forcefully than intended. “Fuck! When did this shit get so complicated? I could handle it when I just had me and Charlotte to think about… But, now, I have to think about her. Do you realize just how fucked up that sounds? I was supposed to use her as a pawn, and now the only thing I can do is protect her.”

I watch as Jace gets up and walks towards me. He lays a hand on my shoulder. “There’s only so much you can do, Jarrod. You can’t be there to protect everyone. It will drive you crazy. I understand that, for now, you need to be there for her, but one day, you will have to let her go.”

“Fuck, I don’t know how she’s going to take it.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “She will take it like the strong girl you know she is. It will break her, but she will mend. In time, she will get over everything that he’s done to her.”

I grit my teeth. “He needs to be eradicated. She’s not safe out there with him.”

Jace nods his head. “I know, but I assure you, brother, that when that time comes, I will watch the back of the one watching her. You and Lily won’t be alone in this. I promise you that.”

I give him a half smile. It took me a while to trust Jace, but with everything he’s done for me and Charlotte, how could I not trust him? I even think Charlotte has a crush on Jace—although she would never admit that to me. I would fucking crush his legs if she did. I think that’s why she’s wisely kept it quiet. “Thanks, Jace.”

He smirks, walks over to his chair, and sits down. “Don’t mention it.”

I don’t know how long I’ve been here now. I’m thinking this is either day eleven or twelve. I’m not too sure because I have no idea of just how many days I lost in the beginning.

J is still keeping his distance. I keep asking him to come and visit me every day. He keeps responding with the same answer. He’s seriously making my head spin. In this time, he has gotten to know me from the inside out. We talk every day—sometimes for long periods of time. I always look forward to those moments, and I also look forward to the times when I see his hand through the little door. Yesterday, I ran over and tried to grab it, but I wasn’t fast enough. It’s almost like I’ve made this into a little game of mine… “Let’s see who can catch J’s hand today!” Maybe today I will be able to make it. He’s due to feed me soon anyway.

Shit! I really am going crazy!

I have no idea how long he plans on keeping me here. He says it’s for my own safety, but I can’t imagine why I would be in danger.

Is someone really out to get me? If so, why?

At first, the details of the accident were a little fuzzy. The only thing I could remember was Elle’s face. That will haunt me for the rest of my days. As much as I don’t want to dwell on the details, though, I have to try something to figure out this craziness.

I think back to the car trip and how much I was looking forward to the summer break, but also how much I was going to miss my stalker. I shake my head at that one. I remember leaving town and my father looking panicked about something. It was then that it hit me. He’d said something about the brakes.

Were they tampered with? If so, by whom? This clue is the only one I have that can corroborate J’s story.

Now, I sit here, still confused as hell as to why anyone would want to harm our family. I just don’t get it at all. No one has ever threatened us. We’re just a normal family. We go to work and school respectively, abide by the law, and attend church every Sunday. At first, I wonder if this had something to do with J.

Would he seriously kill my whole family just so he could be with me?

I instantly discard that thought. I don’t even want to put it up there on a list of options. If there is any truth in the matter, at this point in time, I would rather bury my head in the sand because that alternative doesn’t even bear thinking about.

So, I sit patiently, waiting for him to talk to me over the speaker. It’s in those few minutes of talking during which I can forget everything I’ve been through … everything I’ve lost. The only things I have to look at are the trees from my window, the question mark crack on the ceiling, and the fresh lily on my dresser. I still wake up to a fresh one every day. Instead of it greeting me after school, it’s now greeting me as I wake and stretch my arms in the mornings.

A pang hits my stomach as I think on this. I miss him, and I don’t want to miss him. I don’t want to feel like he’s the only person in the world that matters now. But, every minute of every day that passes, a little more of me is lost to him. My body aches to be near him, aches to smell his peppery aroma, and aches to have him touch me. I remember how much the sparks fly when he does that. I’m growing closer to going nuclear with every passing day. At the moment, I’m getting enough coolant, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be enough shortly. With every time I hear his voice, it’s like the reactant I need to start the boiling process. I need him with such wild abandon that it makes my heart burst.

What is this? What could it be? Is it love?

If it is, then it’s the sickest form of love I’ve ever heard of. I don’t want to think of him with the affection and the desire that I do, but day after day, he’s breaking me down. Day after day, I am losing myself completely, unreservedly, and unalterably to him.

“You’re thinking again. I can tell.”

I smile once I hear his voice. It’s like a fresh breeze on a summer’s morning. It makes me feel like I’m dancing the dance to end all dances, and it’s the feeling of the first pluck of a guitar string from my favorite band. It’s a close my eyes, inhale sharply, and relish kind of moment.

“I’m actually thinking about you.”

“You are?” I know this makes him happy because I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Yes.”

“What is it that you’re thinking? All good things I hope?” I laugh softly when I hear him do the same. It’s like I’m tuned into that raspy voice of his.

“I was just thinking. Do you ever have moments where you feel as relaxed as you can be? So relaxed, in fact, that you close your eyes and sigh contentedly?”

“Yes.”

“You’re that sigh, J. That’s how you make me feel.”

“Does it make you happy to think that way?” I can hear the intrigue. That’s what’s so fascinating and mysterious about him. It’s almost as if he hangs on my every word.

“If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know. You beguile me in ways that don’t make any sense to me. On one hand, you frighten me more than anything or anyone I have ever experienced, but on the other, I can’t imagine a world without you in it.” I shake my head with the confusion. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because you’re keeping me here, and I’m slowly losing my mind. Do you think I’m losing my mind?”

“On the contrary. I think you’re very sane. You’ve been through so much, but despite it all, you’re healing really well. You’re making excellent progress.”

I snort. “Are you my doctor now?”

He laughs again. “I suppose that did sound a little clinical.”

“Can you tell me something about yourself?”

“What is it that you want to know?”

Everything.

“What was your childhood like growing up?”

He sighs. “I didn’t have a childhood. I lost my mother when I was very young, and I never knew my dad. I grew up in foster homes, but I spent some time away as well.”

I frown. “Away where?”

“Inside, Lily. I did time in Juvie. I spent my entire seventeenth year in there.” My heart starts beating rapidly.

I’m currently a prisoner, and the one holding me has been inside for what? Murder? Rape?

“I can see the panic in your eyes. It’s not what you think.”

“What is it then?”

“If someone you love was really hurt, you would do your best to get justice, wouldn’t you? You would want to see them hurt just like they hurt the one who’s dear to you, right?”

I nod my head. “Of course.”

“That’s the reason why I was inside.”

It starts to become a little clearer now. I instantly think about his tattoo. “You took revenge on the person who hurt the one you love.”

“Yes.”

“Do you still love this person?”

“With every fiber of my being. That will never change.”

I feel a stab of jealousy at his words. Is he talking about a woman? Someone he is in love with? “Is this person a girl?” I ask timidly.

“Yes, but it’s not what you think. It’s a different kind of love.” I feel immediate relief, but I’m itching to know more.

“Is she okay now?”

He goes silent for a moment. “No, and I don’t think she ever will be.”

“But this person who hurt her—”

“They will never be able to hurt her again.”

They?

The finality of his statement makes me think that he dealt with them permanently.

But surely, if he were a murderer, he would still be inside? You can’t murder someone and only spend the short time he must have in jail.

“I can tell you’re full of questions, but please don’t ask. It’s not something I want to revisit. You will know in time, but for now, I need to concentrate on getting you better.”

I look down at my leg at the scar that now runs up from my ankle to right below my knee. I don’t even remember it being cut, but I guess the adrenaline took over at the time. Maybe some of my own blood is what I saw floating in the water that day too.

I wince when I think about it. I don’t particularly want to go back to that day either, so in a sense, I can understand what J is feeling. “I feel a lot better now. I don’t ache as much, and my headaches have stopped.”

I hear him sigh. It’s a sad sigh. It makes me wonder what it is that he’s thinking. “I know,” he just says. I hear the click of the speaker, and my heart sinks. He’s cut me off.

I sink down onto the bed and my shoulders sag. The loneliness hits me pretty hard, but then it always does when I hear that click. It’s a sound that’s both my destruction and my salvation.

As I dwell on this and more, I hear a sound coming from the door. My posture immediately picks up. I hear a rustling sound and then the little door opens. I rush forward and see his hand placing the coffee and then the eggs and bacon. I have to act.

Rushing forward, I just about manage to grab his hand before he pulls it out. At first, I think he’s going to pull away, but I am surprised when he tenderly strokes the top of my hand and holds it. I close my eyes at his touch. It’s like coming home after a long stretch in Hell. I want more.

Tears prick my eyes. “Please,” I say—my voice full of longing. “Please let me see you. I need you. I need you to hold me.” He strokes my hand again. It’s almost as if he’s trying to tame a savage beast. I don’t care, though. This is the first bit of contact that I’ve had from him in what seems like weeks. I am a starved animal. Starved for affection, starved for attention, and starved for him.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, and it makes me wonder if he’s going to at all. But then I hear his voice, and it makes the goose bumps rise. “I want to… I really do. But, I don’t feel it’s time yet.”

I laugh sarcastically. “Time. That’s all I have here anyway. Time is the only thing you’re giving me. I’m stuck here because of you. What am I supposed to believe?”

“You believe what’s in your heart. What does your heart tell you?”

I get angry. “Don’t give me that psychological crap. I know what you’re doing. How you’re doing it, I have no idea, but you’re playing mind games with me.”

“I’m only doing all this—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I snap, interrupting him. “You’re doing this for my own good. Well, you know what? Fuck you.” I push his hand away, but I know the moment I do I will be lost again. I still desperately want him, but a part of me also wants to fight back.

“Lily, don’t be like this.”

I look down and see that the little door is open, but I can no longer see his hand. “I don’t know what you want from me, but I’m done with you. You said you would let me go once I’m better. I’m better now, and I want to leave. I don’t want to talk about anything else anymore.”

“Believe me when I say that if it were as simple as that, I would. If I told you what you need to know now, you wouldn’t believe me. You will know soon enough. You will see it with your own eyes. But, for now, I have to stick to my side of the bargain. And that’s to protect you. All I ever want to do is protect you.”

I stand, confused, and shake my head. “I can’t… Why are you messing with my head?”

“I’m not. You’re the one that’s making this more confusing than it needs to be.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking child. I hate you, J … or whatever the hell your name is. Why I ever let you near my body is beyond me. I must be crazy to have ever let you touch me. It will be my one and only regret.” I don’t mean it, but I can’t help the poison that spews out of my mouth. Honestly, I’m angry because I want that back again. I want him to be near me, to touch me, and to make love to me like he did that night in the quaint little house. I remember that night a few weeks back as if it were yesterday, but at the same time, I long to have it back like it happened years ago.

A sound alerts me to the fact that he’s closed the little hatch. For a moment, I stand there staring, but after a while, I realize that either one, he’s pissed at me, or two, he knows I’m pissed at him, so he’s letting me cool off. A big part of me hopes it’s the latter, but a larger part of me knows it’s not. He’s pissed at me because, in a moment of anger, I hit him where it would hurt the most. I don’t regret a single thing with him, but now he believes that I do. So, I sit on the bed and cry. I cry for the family I’ve lost, the life I will now have to endure, and the man I desperately yearn for, but can never have.

I’m more lost now than I ever was.

Jarrod Walker

“I think you’ve overstepped the mark, Jarrod. You were supposed to act obsessed by her not to actually become obsessed. Look at you. Look at what you’re doing to her. It’s sick, J … sick. She’s lost so much, and you keeping her here any longer than necessary is selfish—fucking selfish.”

I stand, fists clenched, and glare at Charlotte. She’s only telling me the truth, but I can’t help but feel angered by her cutting words. “You think I’m the one being selfish after everything I’ve done for you?” I see the hurt in her eyes, and my anger diminishes. “I thought you hated her anyway.” I say softly.

“That was before I knew everything that I know now. That was before I …” Tears spring her eyes as she sits down on the chair. “I didn’t realize she was the kind of person that she is. I guess I just assumed the worst.”

I huff and take a seat next to her. “You know what they say the word assume does, don’t you?” She nods and together we both say, “It makes an ass out of you and me.” We start laughing, and it immediately clears the bad air between us. Instead, Charlotte scoots over to me, and I, in turn, wrap a comforting arm around her. I start to stroke Charlotte’s hair as we both sit, watching Lily on the monitor. She’s sitting on the bed as usual, staring at something on the ceiling. She does that a lot. I noticed a few days ago, so I had to zoom in to see what it could be. It looks like there is a crack on the ceiling, so I guess she’s staring at that. I know she must be bored, but by now, she should be getting desperate.

“You should talk to her. She looks lonely.”

I sigh. “I know. She has to realize that everything I do now is for her own good. I still don’t think it’s safe to let her go. He’s out there. What if he tries to kill her again?”

Charlotte raises her head up to look at me. “I doubt he would after only attempting it two weeks ago. It would raise suspicion right away.”

“I know.” I sigh again in frustration. I just don’t want to lose her. Despite fighting my feelings for Lily, I can’t help but fall harder and harder every time I see her—every time I talk with her. “I just fear that in the heat of the moment, he might try to do something stupid.”

Charlotte moves away from me and looks into my eyes. “You can’t hide her here forever. I can tell you want to, Jarrod, but when does it go from protection to pure selfishness by keeping her here? That’s all I’m trying to say.”

I nod. “I know you are, and I know that you’re right. I just need her to trust me. I need her to be completely on my side before finding out the news that will fucking rock her world. This will break her, Charlotte, and that fucking kills me.”

Charlotte’s eyes widen a little, and then it seems something dawns on her. “You love her, don’t you?”

I close my eyes.

Love. What the fuck is that word, but only heartache and pain?

“Yes,” I admit. I didn’t realize it until Charlotte asked, but now that she has, it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Charlotte grabs my hand. “Then you have to let her go.”

Those words stab me in the chest with full force. I know I will have to, but I just wanted to hear her say the words. I need her to say them before she goes. But, no matter what, Charlotte is right. It’s selfish of me to keep Lily here. She’s well enough to go home now, but what I know she will find will kill her, and that’s the one thing I can’t fucking fix.

I squeeze Charlotte’s hand back. “Okay, I will let her go. I just need one more day. I’ll let her go tomorrow. Just give me this day.”

Charlotte nods and stands to grab her bag. “Okay, sure thing, big brother. I love you.”

I smile. “I love you too, sis.”

That day passes and then a new day dawns. All I do is sit and wait to hear his voice, but up till now, the voice hasn’t come. I’m becoming more and more desperate to figure out a way to get him to hold me. I keep telling him how much I need him, but he doesn’t listen. What more can I do to get him to visit me? To get him to hold me like I know he needs to? I’m lost without my family. It seems he is the only lifeline I have left. He may have kept me here against my will, but I can’t help but love him in the sickest form I have ever known. Every time I hear his voice, I fall deeper and deeper. My rational mind knows it’s not right, but my heart and body don’t seem to care. I’m pretty sure he owns my soul too. What’s one more part of me to add to the mix?

My breakfast arrives shortly after I shower and dress. I sometimes wonder why I dress every day when I know for sure that I’m not going anywhere. As I sit and eat, I stare at my lily for today, and see that it’s white. That color is a sign of purity, but I know that’s not what I am anymore. A few weeks ago I was, but not now. I keep wondering whether I will feel the regret wash over me, but it never comes.

As I eat my last bite, I place the contents by the door and sit back on my bed. I hear the click of the speaker and my heart races. “How are you feeling this morning?”

I nod my head. “Better, thanks. I slept well.”

“Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

I bite my lip wondering how to say this. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. I didn’t mean any of it. I was just so angry about this whole situation.”

“I know you were. I can’t say it didn’t hurt, but I knew you didn’t mean it.”

I grip the sheet next to me, my heart racing a million miles an hour.

“I need you to come to my room… I want you to come to my room. I’m desperate for you to touch me … to hold me like that night in the little house. Please make it happen, J. Please.”

I don’t want to cry, I’ve had enough of crying for everything I’ve lost, but I can’t help feeling this hopelessness inside of me. Is it he who’s reduced me to this? I sit here, begging him to come to me, and as crazy as it sounds, I would beg again if necessary.

How has it come to this?

All goes silent in my room, so I sit, heart beating erratically as I wonder what his next move will be.

I sigh, pondering this and more until a noise from the door alerts me to his presence. My posture picks up as I grip the sheets, desperate to hear another noise. I gasp when I hear the door unlocking and gasp again when it’s pushed forward. I hold my breath wondering what he’ll do next. I see one foot and I swallow hard as the saliva builds in my mouth. The nervous excitement is crawling all over my skin and making my insides churn. Time seems to stand still as I hold my breath. My lungs are crying out, but I can’t seem to make myself breathe.

He moves forward making me grip the sheets even harder. He’s coming into my room. Finally, he’s here!

And, as he emerges through the door, I take one look at him, and my eyes pool with tears.

“Why are you wearing that? I thought you were going to let me see you.” I stare at his mask. The same mask he wore when he took my virginity.

He walks over to me and sits next to me on the bed. “I think—honestly—I am a little afraid that you won’t want me after you’ve seen me.”

I search his eyes through the mask, but all I find is pain. My heart softens, and as I reach out to touch his lips, I watch as his eyes close in surrender. “You really think I am that type of person? Don’t you know how I feel about you by now? I love you, J. Do you really think I could just switch that off and turn you away just because of how you are afraid you look on the outside? I thought you knew me better than that.”

He grabs my hand and nods once. “I do know you feel that way, but it still scares me. I can never be the guy who gives you everything, and that is only what you deserve.”

I shake my head. “No, that’s not true. I know I’m only eighteen, and I’ve hardly lived my life, but I think I can still be a good judge of knowing when love has hit me hard. And you’ve hit me, J. You’ve all but knocked me out.”

He sighs, and I see the desperation in his eyes. “I can’t be what you want me to be. Once you know everything, I will lose you. But, you’re here now, and I wanted to at least give you the opportunity.”

“To what?” I ask, my heart beating rapidly.

“To pull my mask off. To finally see who I truly am. To see the monster who has selfishly taken from you. I think you deserve at least that.” I gulp when he takes my hand and gently guides it up towards his mask. “This is what you’ve always wanted. Now, here is your chance. I wanted you to be the one.”

He drops his hand, leaving mine hovering over his mask. My hand is shaking with anticipation of what I may find. Surely, this beautiful man in front of me can’t be anything but all that I need? I lick my lips, and for the first time, I notice my breathing is labored. Now that I’ve tuned into it, that sound is all I can hear. I freeze momentarily before my hand decides to take action. I see J tense, and I know it’s because I will be removing his mask any second now.

My fingers hook underneath the mask, and I wonder if I should go slow or rip it off like a band-aid. In the end, I do a mixture of both. Once finally off, I sit there and stare at his face. A single tear drops down because—right at this moment—he is afraid to look at me. How can he be afraid to look into my eyes? Is it because he thinks I will show him something other than love?

“J,” I whisper, bringing my hand up to his cheek and gently stroking his scar. The same scar I have traced the line of so many times. I can see why he’s afraid to show himself to me. He doesn’t just have that one scar, but there is a series of them marring that beautiful face of his. Despite this, all I can see is beauty. He is simply perfection.

“J,” I whisper again when he doesn’t look at me. This monster—my monster—is so afraid. He could crush me with a single blow, and yet he is afraid of me … afraid that I will reject him.

Who did this to him?

Another tear slides down my face as I stare at this defeated man. His eyes shine the darkest green, as if that’s where he has put himself. I know he’s in a dark place, but he needs to realize that I’m here. Through the scars, I can see the most strikingly handsome man I have ever met. His jaw is strong, and his nose sweeps down so perfectly towards his heart-shaped lips. The same lips I have kissed a thousand times … the same lips I want to kiss a thousand more.

“J, please look at me.” I pull at his face to make his eyes meet mine. “Please,” I beg again, and this time he does as he’s asked. I let out my breath and smile as I stroke his cheek. “How can such a big man be afraid of someone so little like me?”

“I told you,” he croaks. “You’re the one who holds all the power.” I smile and go to speak, but then he shocks me. “Why are you still here?”

I frown. “Why wouldn’t I be? Did you seriously think I would turn you away once I saw your face? I love you, and nothing about what you look like will change that. I fell in love with the man that’s in here.” I place my hand on his heart. “Everything else is just a bonus. You’re beautiful, J. How can you bring yourself down to anything less than that?”

He grabs my hand. “That’s just it. I’m not beautiful. I’ve told you that I’m a bad man, and—”

“I don’t believe you,” I say interrupting him. “I have spent enough time with you now to know that’s not true. You have kept your promise to me. You said that you would never hurt me. All that you have ever done is be kind to me and considerate of my feelings. All you’ve ever done is care.” He sighs, searching my eyes. I can tell he’s conflicted. He wants to tell me something, but he’s holding back. I know he is. I don’t know what it is, and maybe I don’t want to know. Right now, all I care about is that he’s here, and I can finally touch him again. I can finally get him to touch me. “Make love to me.”

His eyes snap to mine. I can tell that I’ve shocked him. “We can’t-”

“Please,” I implore, grabbing his hand and reaching it up towards my breast.

He stares at his hand on my breast for a while, and I wonder if he’s going to reject me. I hear his breathing growing labored, and then he squeezes ever so gently … so gently that I moan out loud. J moves forward, and I take that as my cue.

Grabbing his head, I pull him towards me and smash my lips against his. I feel savage as I pull and yank at his t-shirt. His arms are bulky and strong … just like I remembered.

“I shouldn’t do this to you, but I’m a selfish man. I can’t get enough of you.” I groan, sliding my tongue into his mouth and pulling at his t-shirt. We finally get it off his head before he frantically finds my mouth again. He unbuttons my shorts and starts working on getting my top off. “Hold on, Lily. We can’t do this.”

“Why?” I ask. How can he say this now? I’m practically panting for him.

“I don’t have any condoms.”

I close my eyes on a groan, but I don’t want this to end. I can’t let this end. “Please,” I beg again. “I need this. I need you.” I grab at his head again and yank him on top of me. He doesn’t try to get off. Instead, he positions himself between my legs. I can feel his desire through his jeans, and it makes my desire pool for him. I know I shouldn’t do this. It’s another reckless thing, but I know I won’t be able to stop myself. I’m way too far gone to ever stop.

“You are so beautiful, Lily… Simply breathtaking.”

I groan as I feel his hand ride all the way up my thigh to my hips before resting again on my breast. I’m on fire, needing so much to feel his length inside of me. In an effort to hurry, I start unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down as forcefully as I can. He helps me along, and pretty soon, his jeans and my shorts are discarded on the floor. We are naked—skin on skin—as he places himself snugly between my legs. I don’t know what to expect, but when I feel him sliding into me so smoothly, I moan out loud. It’s not painful this time. Instead, it feels incredible. “J!” I cry as he reaches the hilt.

“I can’t get enough of you, baby,” he says, thrusting his length inside of me over and over again. He’s not going slowly, and I don’t want him to. I can feel the desperation inside of him as much as he must feel mine. I grab his hips and marvel at the feel of him moving over and over again. His muscles clench as he thrusts deeper … harder … faster.

As he pushes in again, a strangled groan leaves his lips, making my orgasm rise thick and fast. I thought the first two times were magical, but this somehow feels even more incredible. I’m not sure if it’s the loss of contact for so long that’s done it, but at the moment I don’t care. I am riding on this wave with him, desperate to feel the release I know will come at any moment. “J!” I cry again, as he pounds faster. He’s close too—I can feel it—and this knowledge is what lets loose the endless tide that crashes against me. I scream out, scratching at his back, desperate to hold onto something because I can’t seem to get enough. The orgasm rages, ringing in my ears until my body shudders uncontrollably beneath him.

Finally, J cries out, and I feel his hot release inside of me. I should be scared. I know I should. But, right now, all I feel is happy. I wanted this connection from him, and I got it. Tomorrow, I will think about the consequences. For now, I just want to live in this moment. I start chuckling at the thought.

“Does our lovemaking amuse you?”

I laugh again. “Oh no, our lovemaking is something beyond laughter. It’s out of this world. I was just laughing at something my friend Christine said.”

He pulls his head back and smiles. It’s a boyish smile. I love it. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“She told me to live in the moment because tomorrow, it will become a distant memory. I was just thinking about this moment. I want to live it because I know that, by tomorrow, right here will be gone.”

“Your friend sounds very wise for such a young girl.”

I smile and wonder about her. No one who’s left behind will wonder where I am. They’re all off enjoying their summer vacations by now. “That she is. She’s a great girl, and I love her.” He tenses a little. “Are you okay?”

He nods. “Yes, I’m just worried about you …” he sighs. “Lily, we didn’t use protection.”

“I know, but can we worry about that tomorrow? I just want this here and now. I want to cherish this moment with you.”

He kisses my lips softly and strokes my hair. “Okay,” he says soothingly. “I can give you that.”

As he smiles down at me, I take in the full view of him. He has tattoos everywhere just as I had imagined. “Who’s this?” I ask, tracing the lines of a little girl’s face. She looks somehow familiar. J tenses, and I immediately know who it must be. “It’s the girl you were talking about—the one for whom you sought revenge.” He simply nods his head. “Oh, J, what story do you have that you can’t tell?”

He sighs. “As I have said, it’s not one which you would want to hear. Believe me.”

I can see the pain in his eyes, so I stop pushing. Instead, I start tracing the patterns across his chest until I notice something on his torso. “What’s that?”

He smirks, pushing himself up, so I can see. I gasp. “It’s a lily flower.” He smiles with a nod. “You got that for me?” Again, he nods. I stare into his eyes, and I see the mixture of desire, heat, pain, and love. “I love you, J,” I say on a sigh.

He bends down, kisses me, and shocks me with four little words that are the sweetest melody to my ears. “I love you, too.”

I wake up in the morning and stretch my arms. The moment I do, I feel the soreness between my legs and smile at the thought of the moments J and I shared last night. It was beyond magical. It was a night I will never forget. I know it’s madness to feel the way I do about him. He was the one stalking me for all those months. I guess I have become just as obsessed with him as he seemed to be with me. He said he couldn’t let me go—that he was a selfish man. I guess that, in turn, makes me a selfish woman. I have lost my entire family, and yet the thought of losing J terrifies me the most. I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way.

How could I fall in love with my stalker? The one who followed me and watched me everywhere I went? Granted, he is also the one who saved me from the wreckage, but he also has held me prisoner here … until I got better that is. None of any of this makes any sense, but I can’t help feeling the way I do. I am lost to him.

I have to admit that to myself no matter how crazy it sounds. In those brief moments between sleep and opening my eyes, I capture the moments in my head from yesterday. We made love three more times, and each time, it just got better and better. He held me like I would break if he let go. He was gentle, kind, sweet, and loving. Every part of him pulled me in, and I have no idea how. He is my spell that will never be broken—no matter how often he tells me he will break my heart.

For a moment, I keep my eyes closed because I know… I know he’s not here because I’m so in-tune with him. Once I open my eyes, I will find myself alone again, and that thought terrifies me. I want to hold onto the euphoria a little longer … to feel the moments we shared together within the last twenty-four hours. I know I have to open my eyes, but for a few seconds, I feel trapped in my own body. My mind is willing, but my eyes remain shut. I have become a coward … something I thought would never happen.

With that last thought, I open my eyes and find light filling my room. Something is off today, though… Something unusual. I look towards the source and find my door wide open. I can leave? I can finally be let out of this room? I pull the covers off me, and as I do, I hear a rustling sound on the bed. I turn and find a note on the pillow that J occupied last night. With anticipation coursing through my veins, I pick it up to read what it says.

My Beautiful Lily,

By the time you read this note, I will be gone, and you will be able to leave the one place that has kept you protected from the outside world. But, no matter how much I want to shield you from the pain, it is time I let you go. I can only do so much, and to keep you from knowing is only going to make things worse in the long run. I told you time and time again that I am a selfish man. Even so, I have only your best interests at heart. I am hoping once you find out that you will forgive me in time, but I know that will be a lot to ask of you.

Once you leave this place, you will find out things—things I wish you didn’t need to know. It is essential that you do find them out for your own safety. I can’t tell you what this is about because you wouldn’t believe me if I did. Unfortunately, however, you will need to find all this out for yourself. I went into this for different purposes than you imagine. Yes, you captured my heart, but there was a reason I watched you. I chose you before I had even met you. Why, you ask? Again, that is something you will find out soon enough, and when you do, you will hate me, Lily. You will despise the person I am. I told you I was a monster, and you didn’t believe me. Once you know the truth, my words will ring true in your mind.

So, to the most important things you need to know for now… The clothes you wore on the day of the accident are in the bathroom for you. Please put these on once you’re ready. There is a car outside of the house with the keys in the ignition. Drive this to regional hospital and make your way inside. You will need to be seen by them. Please just leave the car on N 600 E near the hospital. I will deal with it once you’re gone.

The police will interview you. I can’t tell you what to say. If you want to tell the truth then that’s your prerogative. It will only be what I deserve. However, if you want to lie, I am sure you will be able to think of a clever reason as to why you’ve been missing for over two weeks. They don’t realize it yet, but from what you told me about the accident, I highly suspect that the brakes were tampered with. They think it’s just an accident, but I implore you to tell them to look into this.

Once you have time, look up the name Keith Masters and then Jarrod Masters and Charlotte Masters. These names will tell you more.

Please be careful, and trust no one. I mean that. NO ONE. I never thought I would say this to anyone in my lifetime, but you can be sure of one thing. No matter how much you hate me, and no matter how much you will never trust me again, just know that my feelings throughout all this were real. I tried hard… Fuck, did I try hard to not fall in love with the girl with the chestnut brown hair, translucent brown eyes, and a name so sweet on the tongue that it made my insides burn. I thought I didn’t have a heart, but now I know why. You have it. You will always have it.

I love you, Lily. Be sure to know those are the truest words I could ever offer you.

Stay safe. I am watching.

Yours forever,

J.

I stare at the note and wipe the tears from my eyes. I know he’s left me, and a part of me thinks it may be for good. What could he have done to warrant me hating him so violently in the way that he thinks I will? I know he keeps saying it, but to imagine J being anything but the sweet, kind-hearted, and caring man who I have known stabs my heart so viciously that I can feel it ripping at my insides.

I get up, and with a thumping heart, I hastily take a shower. Once I’m dry, I stare at the clothes I wore on the day J took me. For a moment, I can’t dress because the clothes only remind me of everything I’ve lost. Why would he want me to wear those—of all clothes? I have no idea, but I know I can’t stay here all day.

With a deep sigh, I pick up the clothes and numbly get dressed. I don’t want to think about what the clothes represent. All I want is to act upon is this note that J has entrusted me with. He knows I can leave here now and go to the police, but he’s letting me go anyway. He’s very clever and very shrewd. It almost makes me think of him as a criminal mastermind.

As I think about this, my mind wanders back to his note. There are three names on there that mean nothing to me. I assume they will eventually, but for now, I’m drawing a blank. I must get going. The need to find out what the hell is going on drives me forward.

The moment I’m dressed, I hurry towards the door, but stop once I reach it. It is only then I realize that—for the first time in almost three weeks—I am leaving this room and will most probably never see it again. I have no idea where I even am. I could be in the middle of nowhere. I swallow nervously, but make the move to step over the threshold. When I do, I am greeted by a hallway and some stairs. I go down them and realize how familiar this place is. I close my eyes as my heart thumps more loudly than ever. This is the house he took me to when we first made love. I had been virtually home all this time, and I never even knew it.

As I walk through the hallway, I reach the bedroom where it all took place. How different it looks now in the light of day. It’s hot in here, but a cool breeze is caressing my skin as I stare at the yellow walls, queen sized bed, and white cotton sheets. A part of me wants to go into the room, but I know I have to go. Reluctantly, I turn and I make my way to the front door. Once there, I pause a moment and wonder how he watched me. A part of me needs to know where J had been all the times I spoke with him. I turn back and head towards another door. I open it up and greeting me is a surprisingly spacious living room with a big TV and two comfortable grey sofas on one side. The other side of the room has what I am looking for, though. Seated snugly in the corner of the room is a big desk with a black cushioned leather chair. Five monitors and a small speaker sit in the middle. All of them are off, but I feel the smallest temptation to turn them on, so I can see how much he saw of me when I was kept here for all this time. I don’t, though. Instead, I turn and head out the door. Once outside, the sun hits me with full force. It will be July soon, so the heat is starting to become unbearable, but I have no time to dwell on this. I place J’s note snugly in my pocket and head for the small Jeep parked outside. I turn the key and listen to the engine roar to life. I look towards the house one last time, wondering if this will be the last connection I will have with J. I don’t want to dwell on that idea too much as the thought pains me.

I place the gear in reverse and turn the car around, so it’s facing the rickety little road in front of me. Apart from trees, there is nothing around me that I can see, but I know there is a clearing up ahead which will lead me to a road. I start to drive and watch behind me as the dust kicks up, shadowing the little house which had been my home. In a sense, I will miss it, but I don’t know why. It was a period of time in my life that held boredom, loneliness, desperation, and fear. But, it also represented him … and that is the biggest part I can’t shake.

As I turn onto the main road, there is no one else here apart from me. I am unsure of where I am, but I have a rough idea. I turn left and head in the general direction I know will lead me somewhere familiar. I drive along this road for a good two miles before it starts to open up a little. I see the familiar mountains of Logan, and I feel a twinge of pain at the knowledge that nothing but emptiness and pain will greet me as I return to what is left of my life. As I head towards the hospital, I let the tears flow. I may be eighteen and able to look after myself, but I’m frightened to death by what will greet me once I get to the hospital. There will be endless questions, endless probing, and none of it will take away the fact that I have no one left. Will I be homeless? Will I be able to survive on my own? The thought petrifies me.

As I approach the intersection of N 600 E and Hospital Road, I pull up on the side of the road, put the car in Park, and take the keys out. I place them in the sun visor. I know that’s not the greatest of places to put them, but J did say he was watching me. I just have to trust that he is.

I wipe my tears away, and with a few sniffles, I take a few deep breaths and get out of the car. It’s blisteringly hot again, but the hospital isn’t that far. I put one foot in front of the other, noticing just how tired I am. It seems being kept inside for three weeks has made my fitness level drop to almost nothing. By the time I reach the hospital, I’m sweaty, practically staggering, and my eyes fill with tears again. I can see people watching me as I take one step after the other, reaching for the door. More people stare, and I start to feel as though I’m on display. What’s everyone’s problem?

I aimlessly float in and wonder what I’m supposed to do next. By now, people are whispering and pointing, including a couple of nurses. As I step towards one, she in turn hurries toward me. “Lily?” she asks, confusion and shock marring her face. “Lily Campbell?” My eyes widen at the knowledge that she knows my name, but I nod silently at her question. “Oh, my God! Betty, call ICU and let them know Lily Campbell has just arrived. I’ll get her into the ER now.” There is a flurry of activity as this Betty starts running around to the reception area and picks up the phone. The other nurse, who is now holding my arm, tugs at me. “Come on, sweetheart, we need to go check on you.”

I go with her, but I’m confused. “What’s going on?”

She keeps leading me towards some big double doors, but turns to me briefly. “Honey, you were in an accident. Do you not remember? You’ve been missing for almost three weeks.”

I knew all that, but how come everyone here seemed to know that too? I keep quiet as she leads me towards a big room filled with beds. There are several doctors and nurses running around, and the faint beeping of machines can be heard in the background. “Come and sit in here, and I’ll get a doctor to come check on you, okay?” The nurse leads me to a bed, and just before she closes the curtain, I see at least a dozen sets of eyes land on me. What is with everyone?

I sit there as confusion and panic rise within me.

Why did J send me here? Was it to make sure I was okay after the accident?

I know I’m fine. I can feel it. I’m tired, but I know that’s due to lack of exercise and the walk in the heat—not because there’s anything wrong with me. Is he that protective that he has to make sure I’m examined at the hospital just in case?

I don’t know how long I’m sitting there for, but the longer I do, the more I want to go. In fact, I am about to get off the bed when the nurse comes back with a young male doctor. He smiles brightly at me and instantly puts me at ease. “Hi, Lily. I’m Doctor Neil. I was told by Nurse Claire here that you wandered into the front entrance.” I nod. “Do you know what’s happened to you and where you’ve been?”

I swallow wondering how to answer him. J told me he wouldn’t blame me if I told the authorities about him taking me, but I love him too much to ever mention him. Even now, I want to protect him from harm. I know it makes no sense, but I feel just as fiercely protective of him as he does of me. In a sure sign of nervousness, I start to ring my hands together. My hair clings to my forehead, so I know I must look a mess. I don’t know how to answer, but then a thought occurs to me. I was hit on the head on the day of the accident. I could have been confused, wondering where I was. “I woke up by the side of the river, and I didn’t know who I was or what had happened to me.”

The doctor nodded his head with a smile. “I understand. Do you know what happened now? Who you are now?”

I nodded. “Yes. I have been trying to get home since yesterday. I guess I must have travelled a little far out.” I smile, but it’s a nervous smile. The doctor and the nurse just smile sympathetically.

“Claire, can you order a CT for me? We will also need a CBC and urinalysis.” She nods her head, disappearing, and the doctor moves forward with a small flashlight. He shines it in my eyes and checks my heart and lungs with a stethoscope. “Can I ask what you remember of the accident?”

“My dad was driving, and he couldn’t slow the car down. We went over the bridge, and somehow, I managed to escape what I expected to be my death. I must have drifted for some time, and then I woke up—not knowing who or where I was.”

He pulled the stethoscope out from his ears and looked at me. “That must have been very scary.” I nodded, and he leaned forward, pointing his finger up in front of me. “Can you follow my finger?” I did as instructed, and once he was satisfied, he started making some notes.

“Do you know what’s going to happen to me? Do I have a home to go back to?”

Doctor Neil stares up from his notes with a frown. “Of course you have a home. What makes you think you don’t? Everyone has been worrying about you. The police have been up and down that same river looking for you.” He winces slightly, and I can tell why.

They were looking for my body.

“I’m sorry this has happened to you,” he says, looking sheepish. “I’m also sorry for your loss.”

Tears prick my eyes again, so I lower my head in embarrassment. I don’t want this stranger to see me cry. “Your sister was so young.” I don’t look up. I just nod my head. I know how young she was. I know all that she’s left behind and how much she will miss now that she’s not here anymore. I think of Paul. He must be absolutely heartbroken.

The nurse comes back in with a syringe and a few vials. She smiles as she approaches me. “I will take this in a minute. You have someone who wants to see you first. He’s been absolutely beside himself.”

I frown. Who could possibly be here? Maybe it’s Max, but I doubted that after what he did. Besides, he was shipped away pretty quickly after that video leaked. “J?” I ask, without thinking.

The nurse frowns. “J? Who’s—”

“Lily?” I snap my head up when I hear that voice. I would know it anywhere. I stare up at him, and as I feel the unbidden tears rushing violently to the surface, I rush straight into his arms.

“Dad!” I scream as I hug him tightly. He looks tired and gaunt, and I know he hasn’t shaved in the last few days, but he’s here. My dad is here. I pull away, confusion running through my veins. “I thought you were …” I couldn’t say the word.

He shook his head. “They found me by the side of the river. I was out cold. Apart from a concussion, I had a few cuts and bruises. I was lucky. Your sister and mother weren’t.” I see the tears prick his eyes. “Elle, she …” a sob catches his throat, and I fight hard not to break down in front of him. I want to scream at the injustice of it all. How could life be so cruel?

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say, euphoria running through my veins.

He cups my face in his hands. “What happened to you? Where have you been? The police have been out looking everywhere for you.”

More hot tears trickle down my face. What can I say to him? “I woke up by the side of the river. I didn’t know who I was or where I was. I was confused, scared, lonely—you name it. I sought shelter in the woods for a few days until I came across a house. I stayed there and rummaged for food. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was afraid of what might be out there. It wasn’t until yesterday that I remembered who I was. I hitched a ride from Evanston.”

My father frowned and searched my eyes. “Evanston? That’s over a hundred miles away. Jesus, Lily.” He takes me in for another hug, and again, I let the tears fall. I have such a whirlwind of emotions swirling around that my head is spinning. I thought he was dead. All this time, I thought my dad was dead.

As my head clears a little, I begin to realize something. Did J know this? If he did, he kept it from me this whole time. He led me to believe that my whole family was dead. I hug my father tightly, and my hot tears turn to anger as I think about the lie that J told me. Why did he keep this from me?

“Sir, is it okay if we treat your daughter now?”

My father pulls away and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Sure. I’ll be just outside.” He reluctantly lets go of me, and I watch as he leaves me.

“I need to give you the once over, honey. You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Although, I must say that the nasty cut you have on your leg is healing well.” I pry my eyes away from the curtain and stare down at my cut. I chuckle inside. Yeah, that may be healing, but I doubt my scars on the inside will do as well. The nurse checks me over, and apart from some old bruises, I’m fine. She tells me she has booked me for a CT and is about to leave when I grab her arm.

“I need the morning after pill,” I whisper. I want to cry again, but I stop my tears. I’ve had enough of crying already.

She stares down at me, her widened eyes searching mine. “Why do you need that, hon?”

I close my eyes on a sigh. I could tell her everything now, but for some reason, that fierce loyalty to my captor wins out. Right now, I should hate him. I should spit fire at him. Still, I can’t find it in my heart to tell her the truth. “I needed a ride back. I had no money. I …” I close my eyes again and look away. I can’t believe I’m going to tell her this, but it’s the only explanation I can think of. “The only way I could get a ride back was if I …” I sigh, and I know she gets my meaning. She pats my hand.

“No need to explain. Although, whoever drove you home sounds like an asshole.” I nod my head in agreement. J is an asshole. How could he ever do this to me? “You will need to get tested … you know … for STD’s and such. I recommend you come back in twelve weeks for that. Shall I set you up with an appointment?” I nod my head, but I know in my heart of hearts that J is clean. I would never have let this happen if I thought otherwise. “I’ll go work on getting you that morning after pill now. You just sit tight.” She pats my hand again and walks away with my blood. All I’m left with now is a cup that I have to pee in.

The moment the nurse leaves, my father heads straight back in and sits opposite me. “You look tired.” I frown the moment I say it. “How did you get here so quickly anyway?”

He looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “I was here … up in the ICU.”

I shake my head. “ICU? I thought you weren’t hurt badly?”

“No, not me. I was fine. It’s your mother, Lily. Your mother is on the ventilator in the ICU.”

I didn’t think I could be shocked more than I already was. My mother is seriously injured, but she’s alive. I can’t believe she’s alive. The moment I heard the news, I went rushing with my father to go and see her. To hell with the tests. I knew I was fine. I just needed to make sure with my own eyes that my mother was okay.

“She has a punctured lung and had a ruptured spleen,” her nurse explains. “Unfortunately, it had to be removed. She also has bleeding in her brain and a fractured skull. If she survives, she will be on medication for the rest of her life. We’re keeping her monitored, but she’s still in a deep coma and needs a breathing aid to pump oxygen into her lungs.”

I look at my father as he stares towards my mother’s small frame. She almost looks so childlike that it scares me. “Speak to her. She might hear you.” I look towards the nurse who’s smiling at me. I take slow steps towards my mom, but I’m afraid I may break her just by breathing in her direction.

I sit beside her and listen to the beeping of the machine and the whoosh of the pump that’s helping to keep her alive. With a shaky hand, I reach out and touch hers. It’s a little cold to the touch, and that observation scares me even more. “Mom,” I say, but there’s no reaction. She’s been lying here like this the whole time, so I know I’m not going to suddenly snap her out of it. “I thought you were gone. I thought you were all gone.” I close my eyes on a sigh, and I will the tears away. I can feel the pain and the joy, but I also feel anger … anger towards the one person who I need answers from the most. He said in the letter that I was chosen before he had even met me, so what was I to him? Just a game?

“Please don’t leave me. I thought you were dead once. I don’t think I can go through that again.” I feel a hand on my shoulder, and it makes me jump slightly. I look up and find my dad smiling softly at me, and it hits me that I do have my family here. Elle is gone, but my mom and dad are still here. I’m not as alone as I thought I was.

I don’t know how long I sat there, holding my mother’s hand. At one point, I was taken away for the CT scan, but I was back by my mother’s side once it was done. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to the sound of whispering voices.

“Apart from the big scar on her leg and some cuts and bruises, she’s fine,” a nurse whispers.

“But how does that explain her not remembering anything?” my dad asks.

“The doctor said that it could have been a coping mechanism. She believed that you had all died and that was her way of shutting it all down.” I hear him sigh, and then shortly after, the nurse speaks to him again. “The police are here. They want to talk to her.”

“She’s sleeping!” I hear him snap.

My eyes open then. If they want to speak with me, then it’s best I get it over and done with now. I sit up, rub my eyes, and look at my mother briefly. She’s exactly how she was when I fell asleep.

I turn to look at my dad, and his eyes immediately land on mine. “How are you, pumpkin?”

I smile, thinking how much I had missed him calling me that. I thought I would never hear it again. “I’m fine, just tired all the time. Did the nurse say that the police were here?”

He wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Yes, but you’re tired. They can come back another time.”

“It’s okay. I can speak with them. I would rather get it over with.”

He studies me a moment before nodding his head. “I’ll let them know.” I watch as he walks out of the room, and nurse Claire steps towards me.

“I was wondering when I would get the opportunity to hand this to you.” She hands me a packet with one pill inside. She also hands me an appointment card for the STD clinic. “Take that when you’re ready. You may get a little sick on it, but it’s better than the alternative.” I smile and take the pill and the appointment card from her. I slip them into my pocket just in time as my dad appears with two men following behind him.

“Lily, the officers want to talk to you somewhere more private.” I nod my head, getting up and heading towards the door. Two men greet me right away. The first man is black with the softest smile I have ever seen. He’s tall and athletically built with the most unusual shade of green eyes. The other officer is white and clean shaven with blonde hair. He’s a little shorter than the first guy, and he doesn’t look as friendly.

Luckily for me, it is the first and friendlier man who chooses to address me. “Miss Campbell, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Detective Levy, and this is Detective Rawlings. We just need to ask you a few questions. It won’t take long.” He motions towards another door. “Shall we?” I nod my head and walk towards the door he’s pointing to. Another nurse opens it for me. I smile and thank her.

As I walk through, I notice this looks like a doctor’s office. It has a big desk and three chairs all conveniently waiting for us. “One of the doctors kindly let us use his office for a few minutes. Please, sit.” He motions to one of the chairs, and I sit down. Detective Rawlings sits beside me, which makes me feel self-conscious and more nervous than I already am. Detective Levy takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk.

“Now, is there any chance you can tell me from the beginning what happened? I don’t want to bring up bad memories, but I just need it for my report. It lets my boss know that I’m doing my job properly.” He smiles at me, and I instantly warm to him.

“It’s okay. I would rather do this now. I will have to at some point.”

He nods his head. “Good.” He takes his notepad out and poises his pen, ready for me to begin. Once he looks up at me, I take it as my cue to tell him everything. I tell him about us leaving and how happy we all were. I tell him about my dad looking more and more panicked about something. I tell him about the car going faster and faster until suddenly we were flying over the bridge and how I almost drowned. I told him the truth up until the part about J taking me.

“So, your dad kept putting his foot on the brakes, but nothing was happening?” I nod my head, and I notice the look he gives the other office after I confirm what I say. It is then I remember what J said.

“Have you looked into the possibility that the brakes were tampered with?”

Detective Levy frowns at me. “Do you think that’s a possibility? If so, you must have suspicions if you do.”

I start to panic and wonder how I can explain this. I have no way of truthfully explaining it other than by saying, “My stalker boyfriend who kidnapped me told me.” Obviously, I can’t say that. Oh, God, this is a mess!

“I … I don’t know.” It suddenly dawns on me. “My dad—he’s a stockbroker… Maybe he gave someone bad advice, and they have a grudge?”

He laughs a little. “That would have to be some grudge!”

Oh great. They probably think I’m a delusional teenager making up stories as she goes along.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to invent stories. I just think… Well, the car was virtually brand new. You can’t blame faulty brakes on a brand new car. Surely, something drastic must have happened?”

I look towards him, and I can see the thoughts rolling around in his head. Suddenly, I sense that he thinks I have a theory. He must have thought this himself, though, surely? Maybe I was just confirming his suspicions. “Hmm,” is all he says, scrutinizing me more. “I think we have all we need for now.”

I am surprised when he rises to his feet and holds out his hand. “It was nice meeting you, Lily. We will be in touch if we need to ask you any further questions.”

I shake his hand. “Of course. I appreciate you coming down here to visit me.”

“We’re just doing our jobs.”

I smile and nervously tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

He doesn’t think I had anything to do with this, does he? Shit, what if he does? I’ve been missing for the past three weeks, and there has been no sign of me. I could have been on the run.

I shake that thought out of my head. But why would I come back if I was guilty? I know I’m not guilty anyway, so I don’t know why I’m panicking.

“Are you okay?”

I look at Detective Levy and nod my head. “Yes, sorry. It’s just the accident and everything that’s happened since. I’m still trying to get my head wrapped around everything.”

He nods and walks towards the door. “Of course. I spoke with the nurse, and she said you must have been suffering some form of PTSD. You’ve been through a lot, Miss Campbell, and you’re only eighteen. It’ll take time to adjust.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for the loss of your sister. I hear you two were pretty close.”

Tears prick my eyes again as I nod my head. “Yeah, we were very close. I can’t believe she’s gone.” At the last word, a sob catches in my throat, and I have to try and breathe to avoid breaking down. I think Detective Levy knows this as he nods his head at me with a smile.

“We’ll be going then. Take care, Lily.”

I manage to muster up a small smile through my tears. “Thanks.”

Once they walk out, I breathe a sigh of relief that at least this part is over. I didn’t like going back to the day of the accident, but of course certain situations are going to occur which will involve bringing it all back up again. I just can’t seem to get the image of my sister out of my head. It is the one memory I wish I could forget.

“Are you okay, pumpkin?”

I snap my head up to the door to find my father anxiously looking at me. “I’m fine, Dad. Sorry. I just needed some breathing space. I don’t particularly want to bring up the bad memories of the accident.”

He walks in and shuts the door, placing a hand on my shoulder. “It’s understandable. I wish I could take it all away from you, but that’s the one thing as a father that I can’t do. It still sucks nonetheless.”

I look into his eyes and the tears start again. “Is Mom going to be okay?” I croak.

He pulls me in for a hug. “I don’t know, sweetheart. The doctors keep telling me to be patient and that time will tell. I’ve never been one for wishing away time, but I’m doing it now.” Dad breaks the hug and wipes my hair away from my face. “Let’s get you home. You must be so tired. We can both come back first thing in the morning, okay?” I nod my head, and we both say our goodbyes to the staff and to my mom. There’s been no change in her condition since she was brought into the hospital, so there’s not much more we can do.

“I don’t like leaving her,” I say on the car ride back.

Dad grabs my hand and gives it a little squeeze. “I couldn’t leave her for the first few days—it was too hard to come back to an empty house. In the end, I think the staff just got fed up with me. They kept telling me that they would be on the phone the minute there was any change, and I eventually took the hint. There’s nothing we can do, Lily, and that’s the most frustrating thing about all of this.”

My poor father. He had been enduring this for the last three weeks all along while I at least had J—despite the fact that he betrayed me. I still can’t understand why he kept me away from my family. I have my dad to keep me safe, so what he did was cruel. So very cruel. My mother is fighting for her life, and I should have been by her side. The more I think about it, the angrier I am with him, but for some insane reason, I’m still keeping him and what he did a secret.

I stare out of the window at the mountains again. It’s something I always do. Despite living here all my life, I still stare up to the tops—just like I said I did in that speech. Wow, what a world away I am from that now. That day seemed like one of the happiest days of my life. Now… Now, it seems like a distant memory. A memory I would love to get back. My sister was alive then, and my mother wasn’t lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. For some reason, my dad and I were the only ones left relatively unscathed. I guess it was their side which took the full brunt of the crash.

I briefly close my eyes, not wanting to think about the crash anymore. I’m in a car now, and I should be scared, but my dad seems to be driving at minus five miles-per-hour. “Is this a loaner?”

Dad nods his head. “Yes, until we can get a new car.”

I continue staring out the window. “What happened, Dad?”

“What do you mean?”

I look back at him. “What happened to the brakes? Just before the crash, you said they weren’t working.”

My dad looked dead ahead and didn’t speak at first. “I really don’t know, Lily. I wish I did. I keep going over and over it again in my mind, trying to figure out if there was something I could have done differently. I don’t like living with the fact I could have killed you all. Elle… Oh my God, Elle. She was just on her way to her new career.”

I see his tears, and I reach out to grab his arm. “It’s not your fault, Dad. Please don’t blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done. I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”

My dad smiles through his tears. “I’m sorry too. You want answers. So do I—just as much as you. I just can’t help feeling like I’m to blame for everything that’s happened.”

“Please don’t blame yourself. That’s the last thing I want, and I know it’s the last thing Mom or Elle would want either. Don’t you think Elle would be upset if she knew you were blaming yourself like this?”

Just as he pulls into our driveway, he switches off the ignition and turns to me. “You’re right, of course, but it’s something I have to live with, and I suppose I have to deal with it.”

I grab his hand. “I get that. Just know that I’m here if you need me.” I give his hand a little squeeze, and he squeezes back.

“I’m so lucky to have a daughter like you. I always knew you were special.” He releases my hand and motions towards the house. “Come. Let’s get some sleep, so we can be well-rested for your mother tomorrow.” I nod my head and follow him to the house. It looks uninviting now that I know Elle’s infectious smile won’t be greeting me once we enter.

“It feels weird being back here,” I admit as he puts the key in the door.

“I know the feeling. I felt the same way the first night I got back.” We both cross the threshold, and it feels unnaturally cold in the house. My once warm and inviting home now feels empty and almost creepy. “It will take some time, but you’ll get used to being home again after a while.” I look at my dad as he places the car keys on the hall table. “Can I get you something to eat?” I ask, trying not to think of home in a way that I don’t want to. I just want to get back to normal life … something that’s a bit difficult when you’re being told your life is in danger.

“No, it’s okay. I think I may just have a long soak and shave this beard I have growing. It’s been a few days. Will you be okay on your own for about an hour?” I don’t know if I will, but I nod my head anyway. “You make sure you eat something. You look like you’ve lost quite a bit of weight. But I guess living homeless for almost three weeks will do that to you.” I smile and nod my head again. He frowns for a moment. “Did you not see anyone all that time? Did no one help you?”

I shook my head. “No. As I say, I just wandered in the forest for a few days until I came across an empty house. I broke in and lived there for a while. I was scared because I didn’t know who I was or what had happened to me.”

My dad looks at me, and for a moment, I wonder if he’s trying to work out whether I’m telling the truth. Eventually, he sighs. “It must have been tough on you … not knowing what was going on. I’m sorry you had to live through that. At least you remembered, and now you’re home. Now, you’re safe.”

I think about the word “safe” and remember J telling me that I am anything but. Despite what he said, I am with my dad now. I smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

He smiles back before running up the stairs two steps at a time. He must really want that bath. For a few seconds, I don’t move, but I know I should eat like my dad said. I’ve hardly eaten anything all day because of all the revelations I’ve had to process all at once.

I walk into the kitchen and start making a sandwich. Despite my father saying he wasn’t hungry, I make him one too and stash it in the refrigerator for him to eat later. As I’m finishing up mine, I start to hear the water run. I grab my plate and head upstairs to my room. I’m desperate to get out of these clothes and have a shower, but first, I need to fire up my laptop. I put my plate down, press the button on my laptop and put my hand in my pocket. As I grab the contents, I notice the pill that the nurse gave me earlier. I really must get some water soon and take that. I place the pill and the appointment card inside my desk drawer for now and smooth out the letter that J wrote to me. I know the pill is important to take, but for now, I need answers more.

I wait in agony as the laptop starts up. I take a few bites of my sandwich, punch in my password, and wait again for the screen to load. As it’s loading, I read through J’s letter again. Somehow, it breaks my heart more now than it did the first time around. I don’t know whether that’s because I know now just how much he betrayed me. He said I was going to hate him, and I guess he’s right.

As Google loads, I type in the name “Keith Masters.” It throws up a load of names on Facebook at first, so I try and see if looking under news articles will work better. As I’m biting into my sandwich again, a local Arkansas article from fifteen years ago grabs my attention.

Local Woman Drowns

Wendy Masters’ body was recovered yesterday in what looked to be a tragic boating accident. Wendy, 26, was on a party cruise Saturday afternoon, celebrating her birthday when she suddenly went missing. “It was quite some time before we were alerted,” the captain of the party cruise, Alora, said. “A couple who were celebrating with Wendy said they were concerned when at the end of the party, she couldn’t be found. We all searched the boat, and when we couldn’t find her, we alerted the authorities that she was missing.”

The detective in charge confirmed the next day that a body had washed up on shore. It wasn’t until the very next day that it was confirmed that it belonged to that of Wendy Masters.

She leaves behind two children, Charlotte, aged four, and Jarrod, aged six. For now, they will be placed in foster care until such time that the father can be located.

I stare at the screen wondering what it all means. Could this Jarrod be my J? He said he was from Arkansas, so it would all make sense if this was about him. The ages match up, but what does this story have to do with me?

I type in Keith Masters again, but with Arkansas at the end to see what connection he has to this family. I see another small article from around twenty-one years ago about a Wendy Walker announcing her marriage to Keith Masters in the same local newspaper. “Childhood Sweethearts Wed,” reads the headline. There is a small picture of the couple, so I click on it to enlarge it a little. The young woman in the photo looks very pretty. She has curly blonde hair and a big, bright smile. I squint, trying to figure out where I recognize the young man’s face from. He is smiling, just like she is, but his smile is not as animated as hers. He has darker hair and green eyes. I know those eyes. I just know I do.

I stare a little more, trying to figure out where I recognize him from. After a few more seconds it hits me.

I can’t breathe. My lungs have just ceased to work. It can’t possibly be, can it? I shake my head not wanting to believe it. J said I wouldn’t believe him, and he’s right. I can’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it. But I can’t erase that picture staring back at me. I can’t ignore or deny the eyes that seem like they’re boring into mine.

Please no. Please, God, no.

Jarrod Walker

Three Years Ago

I hate our fucking foster parents. They do nothing but fucking argue. The bitch takes drugs and all the asshole does is get drunk and leer at my sister. I don’t want to be in this nightmare any more than my sister does. Charlotte’s scared, and I am around her every chance I get. I’m starting to get noticed at school by the girls because I’m becoming pretty buff. I’ve been working out, but it’s only because I need to protect my sister—not because I want to get noticed. I do though, and some of the girls are so fit. I can tell they want me to ask them out, but how can I accept when I have my sister to look after? If I leave her alone for even five minutes, there’s no telling what could happen.

So, every morning, I walk my sister to school, and every afternoon afterwards, we walk back together. I am there—always there—to make sure she’s okay. As a thank you, she feeds me whatever she can rustle up from the fridge. Normally, there’s hardly anything there, so I started working at the local bowling alley three days a week after school and on Saturday’s. Charlotte comes with me and sits while I work. I get her drinks and feed her lunch while she’s there waiting for me. Luckily for me, the manager doesn’t mind so much.

Tonight, however, is a different story. My boss wants me alone as there’s a private bachelor party, so Charlotte isn’t welcome. At first, I tell him no, but he offers to pay me double. When I tell Charlotte, she begs me to take it so that we can save to go away somewhere once I finish school. The desperation in her voice is why I eventually give in and said yes. “I will be okay, Jarrod. I’ll go to my friend Lisa’s house until you’re finished. I’ll be fine,” she says.

Finally, I was nearing the end of my shift and cleaning the last plates of food and shit from the party. I was anxious to get my money and go get Charlotte to walk her home. I don’t want to go back to that shithole any more than she does, but at least when she’s with me, she’s safe.

At last, my boss tells me I can go, and I waste no time gathering my things to leave. I check my watch and see that it’s after midnight. I’m hoping Lisa’s parents are okay with Charlotte being over there so late on a Friday night. I practically run to her house because, unfortunately, we don’t have a car. It takes me around twenty minutes to get there, and when I do, all I can see is a single light coming from one room. I knock on the door as quietly as I can so as not to disturb any of the surrounding neighbors. A couple of minutes later, a large man, who I assume is Lisa’s dad, answers the door with a beer in his hand. “Do you know what time it is?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I just came to pick my sister, Charlotte, up. If I can just get her, we’ll go. I finished work a little later than I’d hoped, and I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

He scratches his balding head. “She’s not here.”

My heart starts hammering. “What do you mean she’s not here?”

“She was here, but she left about an hour ago. It was getting late, so I sent her home.”

I growl in his direction. “You fucking asshole!” I shout, not caring that I am being impolite. “How could you have sent her home so late? She’s barely turned fifteen.” I rush off, and I can hear him shouting at me for being some ungrateful fuck, but I don’t care. The only thing I care about is getting home to my little sister and making sure she’s okay.

I run. I run until my lungs cry out with pain and the nausea comes. I want to be sick, but adrenaline is the only thing keeping me going. The house is almost three miles away, so every minute counts. Charlotte wouldn’t be sprinting home as fast I am, but if she left over an hour ago, she will definitely have been home for at least a half hour by the time I get to her, and that thought just makes me run even faster. In the end, as I turn the corner to our street, I note that it has taken me almost thirty minutes. I am exhausted and desperately need water, but my desperation to see my sister is far greater. As I rush through the door, I see that the lights are all on, but I can’t see or hear anything. I run up the stairs, calling my sister’s name, but no one is in sight—not even our bitch of a foster mother.

When I reach the top of the stairs, I hear a muffled scream followed by laughter coming from downstairs. I almost trip running down the stairs again. I head towards the basement door, and once I open it, I can smell the stench of marijuana and whisky. I can hear muffled crying, and my heart clenches when I realize it’s Charlotte. I rush down the stairs to try and save her from whatever is making her cry when I’m met by two men I have never seen before.

“Ah, if it isn’t the fucking cock-blocker,” my foster dad says. The two men in front of me laugh. They look as evil as that fucker I have to share a house with. “Let him in, guys. This will be even more fun than I’d imagined.”

They part to let me through, and when they do, what I’m met with horrifies me. Charlotte is tied to the pool table. Her arms are tied to one end, and her legs are tied to the other. Not only that, but she’s naked and has several small cigarette burn marks on her skin. “Jarrod, please help me,” my sister pleads.

I instantly run towards her. “You fucking bastard, let her go. What have you done to her?!” I scream. The two men who had let me pass suddenly hold me back by my arms.

“The boys and I were having a party when your sister decided to come home like the little present that she is. Doesn’t she look good enough to eat?”

I yank my arms, but they’re held firm. “You let her go, or I swear I will—”

“Will what? What is it that you can do to me, you little worm of a boy? You’re nothing but fucking scum. Your own father didn’t even fucking want you, and who can blame him? You’re of no use to me, so I may as well get some use out of your sister at least. We do provide a roof over your head after all.”

I can feel the desperation pouring out of my Charlotte. I need to get to her. I need to help her. “I have a job now. I can pay you anything you want. Just fucking let her go.”

He wags his finger in front of me in a mocking gesture. All I want to do is cut his fucking dick off. “No can do. You see, no amount of your fucking pitiful amount of money can make up for the months we’ve had to put up with you two. It’s time for payback.” He turns to the men. “Let’s have a little fun, shall we? Take his top off and tie him up. Every time he looks away whip him with your belt and mark that pretty fucking face of his.”

As the men start to rip my shirt off, Charlotte screams, “No!” and in a rush of adrenaline, I manage to break free and punch the guy to my right. The other guy swings me around and punches me back. I’m out cold.

I’m not sure how long it is that I’m out, but I wake to freezing cold water being poured over my head. I’m tied up with rope. Both hands are in front of me and fixed to a hook on the floor. I try pulling, but it’s tied much too tightly. I feel a whip on my back, and I scream out. Charlotte screams with me. “Please, Jarrod. Help me, please!”

“Aww. Aren’t they cute?” One of the other men forces my head up to meet my foster dad’s gaze. “For a moment, we thought you were going to miss the show. I’ve been working up quite the appetite for this one.” I watch in horror as he steps towards Charlotte. She starts screaming as he undoes his belt in front of her. All I can do is pull at my restraints with everything I have. I can’t let them do this to her. I can’t let them strip her innocence away like this.

“I’m going to fucking kill you all!” I scream. “Leave her alone!” They all laugh, and as one of them holds my sister down, my foster dad steps forward. I know when it happens as I hear the ear-piercing scream from my sister. It is so blood-curdling that I can’t help but look away. The moment I do, I’m whipped. I’m whipped over and over again until I’m forced to look at what that fucker is doing to my sister. Her screams are killing me. With each one, my heart dies a bit more. I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed that I can’t save the one and only person who means the world to me. She’s screaming at me to help her, save her, and get them off of her, but I’m useless.

I’m forced to watch as—one by one—they take turns with her. When I look away, they beat me, cut me, and do everything they can to make me watch the insufferable pain my sister is forced to endure. Nothing that they can do to me is worse than what I have to witness, though. Nothing.

Once they’ve finished, we are both left as we are, bruised, bleeding, and in pain. My sister’s screams have died down to quiet sobs. I don’t know where they all go to, and I don’t care. All I hope is that they never come back. I try to untie the ropes, but all they seem to do is get tighter.

I sit quietly and watch as the blood from my face slowly drips onto the carpet. I throw up for the third time, but try and calm my breathing for Charlotte’s sake. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I hear her strangled cry and I fall to the floor. I lie on my side and let the tears flow. For what seems like hours, we quietly sob… Both of us quietly numb ourselves to the pain of what has happened here tonight.

After a little while, I try again to untie myself, and although I’m in agony, I don’t care. I’m twisting my hands around so tightly to get this rope untied that it’s cutting into my wrists. I breathe through the pain and carry on. We can’t stay here much longer. I need to get my sister to the hospital. I need to get her help.

I don’t hear my sister anymore, so she’s either sleeping, passed out, or simply being quiet. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. “Charlotte?” I say, trying to get her to talk to me. “Charlotte?” Again, there’s no answer, and that makes me panic further. In a burst of adrenaline, I manage to loosen the knot, but then I hear something. It’s the sound of a door opening and then footsteps. I panic even more as I try to loosen the rope further. Charlotte still isn’t moving or making any noise. I’m frightened for her. I’m frightened because of what’s just happened, and I’m frightened of who might be coming down the stairs and why. As I pull my hand out from one of the knots, I almost scream out with the pain. I have to get out of these before he comes back again. I pull and I yank as hard as I can, and it’s only once my hands are free that I see who it is coming down the stairs.

I feel nauseous. I don’t want to believe his photo is staring back at me, but it is. How could he have not told me about this?

“I always hated that picture.” I jump, finding my dad standing in the doorway. I quickly try and hide the letter underneath my keyboard.

He takes a step in, closes the door behind him, and walks toward my bed. He shakes his head with a smile. “She was my first love. We met in high school and were the typical jock meets princess. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple.”

I swallow hard and stare at my dad. Fear starts to creep up my insides as I watch his face. He suddenly doesn’t look like the dad I know. “Does Mom know?”

He looks up at me. “That I was married before with kids?” I nod my head. “No, I couldn’t tell her that. I needed to start fresh with a new family. Wendy died long after we’d split up. She got pregnant on me twice, and both times, she tricked me into thinking she was on protection. As far as I was concerned, they weren’t mine.”

My heart constricts. “How can you say that about your own kids?”

“I told her I didn’t want to be a dad so young. She wouldn’t listen to me.”

I shake my head. “But that’s no reason to abandon your responsibilities.”

“They went into foster care, Lily. Those kids received much better care in the system than I ever could have provided them with at the time.”

“How can you know that for sure?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I read in the paper that they were taken into a good home. That was all I needed to know. Besides, by that time, I had already moved on and met your mother for the first time.”

I frown, trying to think of the dates. “How long ago was this?”

He smiles at me. “I know why you’re asking, and the answer is no. I’m not your biological father—nor was I Elle’s. Your mother was raising you both when I met her.”

I feel hot tears surface, but I don’t want to cry. “Why didn’t you or Mom tell us?”

“I think Elle suspected. She was old enough back then to remember me visiting all the time. After a while, though, she got used to me and started calling me ‘Daddy.’ I was ready to be a father by then. I loved and cared for you both like you were my own.”

My heart aches for the two who had lost everything. Life seems to be so unfair at times. How is it that they lost both their mother and father, while I already had a mother and then gained a father? The injustice of it all doesn’t make any sense. “Have you looked for them?” I had to ask. If he has truly loved Elle and me, then surely he must hold regrets regarding his biological children.

“No. There really was no need to open old wounds. If they were happy and so was I, then why change that?”

None of this makes any sense. Sitting before me isn’t the father I have always known and loved. He seems like a monster to me now. “How could you, Dad? How could you just flippantly discard them like that and say that it’s okay?” I see anger flash in his eyes, and it makes me recoil.

“I loved you, didn’t I? Can you say you never got the best from me? As far as you are concerned, I am you father, and I’ll always be your father.”

I wiped a tear away in frustration. “It’s not about me, though, is it? It’s about the two you left behind.”

He sighs, gets up, and starts pacing. “Will you stop bringing them up? Why can’t you just be happy that you had me? That you always had me? I knew you were special when I met you. It was you who brought me into the family. You were so small, so sweet, and so … innocent. Elle was a little more difficult, but you… You took my hand the first day I met you. You looked up to me with those baby brown eyes of yours and gave me the most beautiful, trusting smile. How could I not have fallen in love with you?”

I shook my head. “Please, stop. Why are you doing this?”

He spins around, throwing his hands up in the air. “Why are you thinking of them, huh? Why can’t you just concentrate on you? Me and you—that’s all there needs to be.”

What? Why is he saying this? Why didn’t he mention Mom or Elle?!

The fear of knowing what could be the truth burns my insides so badly that I want to be sick. I know I have to ask. “Did you ever love Mom?” He stands, staring at me for a moment before sighing and sitting down again. Sitting down is good. When he’s sitting, he’s not towering over me like a lion.

“I think I was in love with the idea of love. I could lie to you, Lily, but I think we’ve gone beyond that, don’t you?” He looks at me menacingly like I know something he knows. The fear creeps back up my spine again. Never have I ever been frightened in the presence of my father until now.

“What are you talking about?”

He sighs again. “I think you know.” I’m confused, so I shake my head. My father—or the man who I thought was my father—looks like he’s exasperated with me. “Where were you all this time? Who was keeping you?” My eyes go wide, and that is my first mistake. Of course, he notices. “Ah, so someone was keeping you. I thought so. And what lies did he tell you?”

I frown in confusion.

How does he know about J? What does he think he could have told me? What is he afraid I know?

“I don’t understand. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My father gets up, and in a fit of rage, grabs a picture frame of us all from Montana last year and throws it to the ground. My heart constricts. How can he be so callous?

“Stop fucking lying to me!” he shouts. I cower at the sheer evil pouring from his eyes. This isn’t my dad. He isn’t the one who brought me up and cared for me. Who is this evil monster standing in front of me?

“Tell me where you were.” When I don’t answer immediately, he stalks over to me and grabs my shoulders. “Tell me!” He grips hard, making me cry out.

“Dad, please, you’re hurting me.” I feel hot tears streaming down my face. For the first time in my whole life, I feel real fear, and it’s not because of a stranger. It’s not fear of my stalker. It’s fear of my own father—one of two people in the world meant to care for me, love me, and protect me from harm.

He stares into my eyes, and I see them turn from those evil, dark eyes back into their normal, soft glow that I know and love. “I’m sorry.” He releases his grip, but stays crouched in front of me. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.” My eyes widen in surprise when he lays his head on my knees and wraps his arms around my waist. I’m frozen. I don’t know what to do. Every fiber of my being wants to run and flee for my life, but I know I can’t go anywhere because I intuitively know he won’t let me. I battle in my mind about what I should say or do. He’s like a broken man in front of me—a dangerous man, but a broken one nevertheless.

I battle for a few more seconds, wondering what to do next. I need him to be calm, so I can try to get away somehow. I don’t know how he’s going to react to anything I say or do. This is beyond frightening. It’s terrifying!

My trembling hand hovers above his head. I sniffle, trying to stop my tears and slow my erratic heartbeat.

So, I give him the one thing I feel he is seeking, and I offer comfort. I place my trembling hand down on his head and stroke his hair. He squeezes me more tightly as if accepting my consolation. I feel nausea burning my throat as the confusion of all that is happening settles within me.

I don’t know how long we stay like that, but it seems like forever. Eventually, he pulls his head up and his teary eyes meet mine. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” I ask softly. I want to know, but I don’t want to piss him off either.

He searches my eyes for a moment and the softness that was once there is diminishing. “Where have you been, and why were you searching for me on the internet?”

I swallow hard. My throat is suddenly burning from fear. “I … I …”

He grips my hips and squeezes. “Tell me, Lily. You know things, and you’re not telling me.”

I grip the sides of my desk chair until my knuckles turn white, and my eyes blur from the constant tears. I have no other choice but to tell him now. If I try and wriggle out of this, he will know I am lying. I have no other explanation for what I was doing other than the truth.

As I struggle with what to say, I notice my dad looking past me and onto my desk. I turn my head to see what he’s looking at when I see J’s letter poking out from under the keyboard. My heart accelerates even more when I see him get up. “What’s this?” he asks, as he whips the letter from underneath it and starts reading. At first, I see shock register in his eyes, but then the anger comes again. My father seems to be able to switch emotions quicker than I can keep up. Finally, once he finishes, he looks at me. “So, the one who took you was my son. He’s certainly not the sort of man I would have chosen for my Lily.”

I stare up at him wide-eyed. “How can you say that?”

He shakes the letter in front of me. “I’m disappointed in you. I thought you were smarter than this. Your mother and I would never have allowed this relationship.”

“He said you would say that.”

He stares, eyes blazing. “So he has talked to you about me.”

I shake my head. “No. He never mentioned you at all, other than to say that you would disagree with our relationship.”

“Fucking right I would have!” he roars. He suddenly walks towards me and crouches down in front of me again. I recoil, thinking he’s going to hurt me.

“Stop pulling away from me.” I stiffen, not knowing what to do. I feel glued to this chair. I can’t seem to move, breathe … anything. “Tell me what else he told you. You were with him for almost three weeks. Tell me what he said and what he did to you. Did he touch you?”

My eyes widen. “It wasn’t like that. He… He was kind, gentle. He took care of me. He nursed the gash on my leg.” He looks down to my leg and picks it up with his hand. My breathing hitches as he traces a long line from the top to the bottom.

“What else happened while you were with him?” He places my leg down and looks up at me expectantly.

“Nothing,” I answer with a shaky voice. “We just talked a lot. I was healing from the accident, and he took care of me. As soon as I was well again, I left.”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re lying to me.”

I start shaking. “I’m not. I—”

“Stop fucking lying to me!” He bangs his hand on my desk, making me jump.

“Dad, you’re scaring me.” I grip the sides of my chair again as my breathing becomes even more erratic. I feel like I’m having a panic attack. Suddenly, all the air in the room feels like it’s been sucked out.

“I’m sorry.” He places his hands in front of me in a calming gesture. I’m anything but calm. “Do you love this boy?”

“Yes,” I answer without hesitation.

“Do you love me? Do you love your mother?”

I stare at him in disbelief. “Yes, of course. How can you ask me—”

“Then, you must choose. It’s either him or us.”

I’m rooted again in shock. I can’t understand why he’s doing this to me. How can someone who claims to love me make me choose between my parents and the man who has stolen my heart as much he says I’ve stolen his? I don’t want to answer his question, but I know I need to answer, and I need to give him the right answer.

“Lily, you have to choose him or your mother and me. You want your mother to be safe, don’t you?”

I snap my eyes to his. Why is he saying that? “Of course I do.”

“Then, it should be an easy choice. You either pick him, or you will never see me or your mother again. What will it be?”

“You and Mom. Of course, it’s you and Mom.”

He takes my hand, still crouching in front of me. “Good. That’s all I need to know.” He gets up, kisses the top of my head, and walks towards the door. “Get packed. We’re leaving.”

With shaky hands I get up, panicking. “Where? Where are we going? What about Mom?”

“We’re going to start fresh somewhere new. I have some money, and we can start over. We can be father and daughter again … just like it used to be.”

“What about Mom?” I croak.

He sighs. “Your mother is sick, Lily. The doctor told me that she will never wake up. She’s going to die eventually. I’ve just been prolonging the process a little longer than I should have. I guess without me there, they will eventually make the decision to let her go where she should be.” I cry out a sob and cover my mouth. He races over to me and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, pumpkin. I wasn’t going to tell you until we were settled, but you gave me no other choice. Why do you keep fighting me on this?” He tightens his arms around me, and the fear creeps up again. I want to push him away and get angry with him, but I don’t know how he will react.

“I’m sorry, Dad” I eventually say with bile in my throat. He is not my dad and never has been. “I’ll go with you. I promise. I just need to freshen up and grab my things.” I need time alone, so I can think of what to do next. I was never planning on going with him at all, but I needed him to believe that I would.

He loosens his grip and strokes my back. “That’s better.” He pulls away and wipes the tears from my face. “Don’t be long.” I nod my head and watch as my father walks out my door. He doesn’t close it, but the relief that he’s no longer here is evident when my exhale escapes me.

I frantically look around wondering what to do next. I know I can’t escape through the front door, but maybe I can climb out of my window. With my mind made up, I look under my bed and grab the jar that holds some cash. I will need to get to the hospital fast, and the only way to do that is to grab a cab. I unscrew the jar quickly, grab the contents and then rush to my door. I very slowly take a look out into the hallway. I don’t see my dad, so I run back, stopping momentarily when I see J’s letter discarded on the floor. I can’t leave that behind. No matter what he’s done, I can’t seem to let him go completely. I bend down, grab it, and place it neatly in my pocket. I rush to the window, open it up, and I am just about to climb through when I feel a grip on my arm.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Fear like never before grips my insides. My father knows I was trying to escape from him now. There’s no denying or lying my way out of it this time. “I’m scared,” I admit. “I’m just scared.”

He grips harder. “Of me? How can you be scared of your own father?”

I shake my head. “But you’re not my father. You never have been. A true father wouldn’t scare his daughter like this.”

He pulls me away from the window with force and then smacks me on the face with the back of his hand. The sting of it hits me with full force. With shock and betrayal coursing through me, I stand rooted to the spot, clutching my face, and I stare at the one man I always thought I could trust with all my heart.

“After everything I’ve done for you!” He waves his hands in front of me, and I step back, worrying that he will hit me again. “You’ve always been so compliant. Always been so good. Why do you have to get insubordinate on me now, huh? I turn my back for five minutes, and you let some tattooed, scarred boy corrupt you. This is the reason we have to go away.” He shakes his head. “I’m so fucking disappointed in you.”

I place my hands out in a placating gesture. “I’m sorry. I’ll be good and go with you. I promise.”

He suddenly scowls and comes towards me. In an instant, he has his hand around my neck as he thrusts me up against the wall. “I thought I could trust you. I thought you loved me. But I guess you’re just like the rest of them. You keep lying to me, Lily, and I hate liars.” He squeezes harder, and my eyes bulge as he chokes me. All I can see as he has his hand on my neck squeezing me are his soulless eyes.

How had I never seen this side of him before?

He was my dad. I trusted him unconditionally. Now, all I see before me is a monster … a monster who’s trying to kill me.

“Let her go!” a voice booms from behind us. My dad releases his grip on me and turns towards the source of the voice. I stand there, holding my neck and trying to get the air back into my lungs.

“It’s you again. Aren’t you quite the annoying fly?”

Once I have sufficient air back in my lungs, I stare up at the man I fell in love with. I have loved both men in here greatly, and both of them have betrayed me in ways I will never forget.

Father and son.

J’s eyes flash to mine. I can see the moment he knows just how devastated I am by his betrayal when he flinches at my glare. But, just like the clever switch that my father has, he quickly turns his stare towards my father, and I finally see the monster J really is.

“You touch her like that again, and I will fucking kill you.”

My father starts to laugh, and the noise makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Why are you here? Everything was going fine until you showed up that day.”

I frown wondering what he’s talking about until J speaks. “You already killed my mother. I wasn’t going to let you kill someone else’s family … someone I love.”

I gasp and both sets of eyes turn to me. I look at J, and I see the moment the pain courses through his eyes. I don’t want to believe him, but I know he’s telling the truth. Now, it all just makes chilling sense. I turn to my father. “You tried to kill us.” It isn’t a question.

My dad huffs. “You’re going to believe him? Look at him, Lily.” He points his finger towards J. “He’s not a man. He’s an abomination.”

I gasp again, shocked by his cruelty. “How can you say that about him? He’s your son. Your own flesh and blood.”

My dad shakes his head. “He is no son of mine.”

I look to J, but he is chillingly calm. I don’t see the pain in him like he must see in me. My heart is aching for him. How can his own father disown him like this?

I go to stand with him, but my father pushes me back against the wall. “Where do you think you’re going?” I stare at J with panic in my eyes, and it’s then that I see the pain on his face. My dad looks across at both of us and shakes his head. “You really do believe him over me, don’t you?” He starts laughing again.

“You tampered with the brakes somehow and forced yourself to be in that accident so that it looked authentic.”

“Shut up!” my dad’s voice booms.

“You tried to kill your family just like you killed my mother. You thought you got away with it, but there was one thing you didn’t plan on. Me.”

“Your mother was always pestering me for money. Money, money, fucking money. That’s all she cared about. She trapped me into a marriage that lasted five minutes. By that stage, I couldn’t stand the sight of her. When I left, she still wouldn’t fucking leave me alone. Always calling and hassling me for money for kids I never even wanted to have. I should have gotten rid of you two while I had the chance. Your mother was easy enough.”

J’s fists clench, and with a sudden roar, he comes stomping towards him. My dad, in turn, grabs me and places me in front of him. I feel the tip of something sharp placed against my neck. I know it’s a knife without looking down. I don’t want to look down. As I stare back at J, I see he has a gun pointed at my dad.

“You come near me, and I’ll fucking slit her throat. You got that?”

J reluctantly steps back. I can see the panic and despair in his eyes. He wants to get to me—I know he does. But I’m trapped by a man who was once everything to me.

“Okay, I’ll keep back. Just don’t hurt her.”

I feel him tug me closer to him. “I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted to keep her. That’s why I made sure she’d be on my side of the car! It all changed the moment I saw her reaction to losing her sister and her mom like that.”

What about my mom? How did she make it out alive if my dad was so bent on killing us all?

I close my eyes and choke on a sob, but I manage to voice my question. “H-How did M-Mom make it to the hospital?”

J and my father simply stare at each other for what seems like forever before J finally speaks. “Lily, I am so sorry I couldn’t save your sister. I hope you can believe that if nothing else. When I saw the crash, I dove in right away. I managed to free your mom from her seatbelt and went after you next, intending to bring you both up together. When I got to you, however, your father was trying to force you down. I hit him as hard as I could, and he released you. By that time, your mother had started to drift, so I was able to grab you both by an arm and rise to the surface. Charlotte called nine-one-one and watched until the ambulance came for her while I left with you. To be honest, I’d hoped my father had drowned, but he somehow made it to shore, which is where the paramedics found him when they came for your mother. Again, I wish I could have saved Elle, Lily. She was already gone. I’m so sorry that you have to hear any of this—much less live through it.”

“My son, the hero,” he retorts, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I don’t want to believe it to be true, but it is. Sudden realization dawns on me when I remember the accident. I heard shouting, and I felt like I was trapped under the water. It wasn’t something that was trapping me under.

It was someone.

“You tried to drown me. I was trying to get up but you held me under.” I already know the truth, but I want to hear him say it in his own words.

My so-called dad rubs his head against mine and then kisses my cheek. “It was tearing my heart to have to do it. I changed my mind over and over again as to whether I should keep you. I was going to let you live, but when I saw your reaction to your sister, I knew I would have lost you forever anyway. I knew you had seen what happened to Elle, and I knew it would break you.” He tugs me even more tightly to him. “Don’t you see? I was always trying to think of you, pumpkin. You were and always will be my pumpkin.”

I choke out another sob. I don’t want to hear anymore. He’s sick. My own father is twisted in ways I never thought possible. “You killed Elle. She had her whole life ahead of her, and you ripped it away without another thought. You raised her just like you raised me.” I feel the tip of the knife dig deeper, making me wince with pain. I can tell J is itching to strike, but he’s holding back out of fear that my dad will hurt me first.

“I already told you. Elle didn’t accept me like you did. Everything about you pulled me in. I was never going to leave you once I had you.”

I lick my lips and try to think of a way out of this. My father is unstable, and I don’t want to anger him any more than he already is. So, I close my eyes and swallow the bile that wants to rise with the lies I’m about to tell. “I understand now. You’re right, Dad. I should have trusted you more. You and I… We belong together. I was always meant to be your daughter.”

J stares at me in wonder, but I can’t falter. I need to make sure no one else dies. I can’t have any more people I love dying around me. My heart can’t take it.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

I grab his hand and pry it away from my throat. At first, he’s hesitant, but then he lets me pull it away from me. Once he complies, I turn to face him and lean up to kiss his cheek. I pull him in for a hug, and I feel when he tightly wraps his arms around me. “I love you, Dad.” I almost choke on the words. Those words meant something once. Now, they feel empty … void of any emotion.

“I love you too, pumpkin.” He pulls me away and stares at my watering eyes. “Now, tell him.”

I do as asked, turning towards the man I truly do love with all my heart. I have to say the words even though they’re lodged in my throat. J looks at me with a mixture of desperation, anger, and bewilderment. “We can no longer be together. I never loved you, and I never will. My dad is the one who has taken care of me, and that’s the way it will stay. You need to leave and never come back.” My dad has a hold of my arm, and I’m desperate for him to let go. I don’t know how long I can keep up this charade.

“How can you say—” He starts towards me.

“Don’t come near me! I don’t want you anywhere near me. My dad is where I truly belong. He only did all this because he loves me.” I swallow the lies, and I feel when it burns my throat.

“See? I knew she could never choose a piece of shit like you. You are so far beneath my daughter that you shouldn’t even bother looking up!”

I close my eyes, and fresh tears escape me. He’s speaking to his own son so harshly that it scalds me from the inside out. How can he be so cruel to him like this?

“You have to go,” I say, trying to compose myself when all I want to do is fall to my knees and beg him to forgive me.

I see the pain and torment in J’s eyes, and it takes everything I have not to go to him. It is in this moment of pain that my dad suddenly decides to let go of my arm. I’m not sure if it’s because he finally trusts me, or if it’s out of weakness, but it’s enough to have me running towards J. I begin to step forward, and then everything starts to happen in slow motion. I begin my steps toward him, and I see the moment J knows what’s happening as he aims higher towards my dad. I feel when something slices into my arm, but I don’t turn to see what it is. I just keep moving. J shouts, “Lily, duck!” and I immediately comply, throwing myself onto the floor. I hear one gunshot, then two … and then …

Silence.

I don’t dare to look. I am on the floor, face down, and I know that whatever has happened, nothing nice is going to greet me once I get back up. I am broken. Complete and utter devastation grips my insides. My own father…

I feel a hand on my back, and I flinch. “It’s okay, Lily. You’re safe. I got you.” Those words ring true just like they have time and time again. I pick myself up from the floor and stare into his trusting eyes. I briefly look towards my father and see the flow of blood stemming from his chest begin to slow until it stops altogether. He’s unmoving.

He’s dead.

I fall helplessly into J’s arms and cry. I cry until there are no more tears to shed. And all he does is hold me. He lets me shed those tears one last time. I am crying over the father I once had … not the lifeless one lying in front of me.

Once my tears are dry, J gently pulls me away, wipes away the last of my tears, and cups my face in his hands. He leans in and ever-so-gently kisses me on the lips. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

I close my eyes and nod my head. I don’t want to take any more pain, but I know I have to ask. I still have questions burning my lips. “Why did you do it?”

He sees the question in my eyes and pulls away on a sigh. “I knew our father left us, but I never for one moment thought he killed my mother until the accident. My sister and I were put in one foster home after another. I always kicked and screamed if they tried to pull us apart, so we ended up in some of the worst homes you can think of just so we could be together. The last one we were in together was the worst. I was seventeen, and Charlotte was barely fifteen. Our foster mom was a druggy, and our foster dad was a drunken pervert.” He snarls in disgust at mentioning him. “On our last night there …” He stops, inhales sharply, and closes his eyes.

I grabbed his hand. “You don’t have to—”

“I do. You need to know, so hopefully, you can understand.” I nod my head and wait for him to continue. “I always had Charlotte with me …”

“Charlotte’s your sister?”

He nods. “Yes. I knew that if I left her alone that he would …” He fists his free hand and breathes deeply again. “I was working in the local bowling alley, so I could help feed us. Normally, the manager would let her wait for me, but that night was the night a bachelor party was going on, and my boss was paying me double. I didn’t want to do it, but Charlotte insisted, telling me that we needed to save in order to one day run away. So, against my better judgment, I went. Charlotte told me that she would stay at a friend’s house and wait for me, but when I got there, her friend’s dad told me she had left an hour before. I ran for my life to get home, but when I got there, it was already too late. There were three of them, Lily. There was nothing I could do. They tied me up and made me watch until I was puking my guts out. All they did was laugh.”

I clutch at my chest. The pain of knowing he went through all this tears my heart in two. With a shaky hand I reach up to his scar. “Every time I looked away, they would whip my back or cut my face. He was jealous of how I looked. He was always mocking me, calling me pretty boy… shit like that. That’s why he wanted me scarred. What he didn’t realize is that these scars I have on my body are nothing compared to what’s in here.” He croaks out the last word, placing his hand on his chest as a single tear drops down his face. I wipe it away, and he captures my hand in his. “The drug bitch found us. I was just getting my hands untied when she walked in on us. She took one look at the mess and vomited. Afterwards, she just stood still watching me untie my sister. She had passed out by that stage, and I knew I had to get her to safety. I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around her, and with the strength I had left, I cornered my bitch of a foster mother. I knew she had her phone on her. She never went anywhere without it. Her drugs were her priority, so she always kept it close in case her dealer called. I placed my hand around her throat and pulled the phone out from her pocket to dial nine-one-one. She just stared wide-eyed as I dialed and told the police and ambulance to come to the house.”

I close my eyes, trying not to picture the horror that J had to witness. How can someone get over something like that? “What happened to you both?”

“After staying at the hospital for a while, we were placed in temporary care. The three scumbags went into hiding, but I kind of knew where they might be hiding. The asshole made the mistake of telling me that he missed his hometown of Alabama. He once belonged to a biker gang there and was always talking about them. I escaped and got a gun and a bus ticket to Alabama with the money I had saved, and I took a little trip down to the biker’s bar I thought he was hiding in. I didn’t go in there, of course. I stayed outside and watched it for hours. At first, I didn’t think he was there, but then one of the men from that night came outside for a smoke, groping a woman and laughing like nothing had ever fucking happened.” He took in a deep breath, shaking his head before continuing. “I waited for hours after he went back inside. I didn’t care how long it took. I knew I wasn’t going to leave until all three were dead. Finally, around four in the morning, most of them had gone, and just those three staggered out of the bar. They were alone, which was good for me. They walked over to some shacks on the other side of the road, and I waited until they were all inside before I struck. I wanted to take my time with them, but I knew being around their neighborhood was dangerous. I needed to get in, do the deed, and get out. I ran over to the door and pushed my way in, but when I saw what they had on the TV, I instantly halted. They had filmed the whole thing, Lily, and they were watching it again like it was a rerun of their favorite reality TV show!”

I grab his head and lightly kiss his forehead. I thought I was going through pain, but it’s nothing compared to his… Nothing can ever compare.

“In that moment of hesitation, I saw the anger in those fuckers’ eyes that I had dared to come into their domain. I had to react instantly. I shot each one until there were no bullets left, and even then, I kept shooting. I had to will my feet to move before someone found me and shot me dead too. So, I ran. I ran into the wilderness and kept on running. I buried the gun about a mile and a half away and caught the early morning bus home as if nothing had happened. They were found, and I was arrested as a suspect for their murders. After about a week, the gun was found, but it somehow disappeared afterwards. The detective in charge told me that they had to arrest me for something, so they invented a drug charge to put me away. The charge was possession of a Schedule V controlled substance, which is a Class A misdemeanor. The irony is that since I was a first-time offender, the courts normally wouldn’t have given me any time at all. Since I was literally getting away with murder, however, I agreed to sign a plea deal, sentencing me to 10 months. It was a great deal all considered, and it had me being released from the Juvenile Detention Center before turning eighteen. The detective knew I killed them. Hell, they all did. But, for some reason, they gave me leniency—and a lot of it.”

I stroke his face. “How could they not have after what you’d gone through? You didn’t murder those men; you were just protecting your sister and anyone else they might have wanted to harm next. You saved other girls just like your sister from meeting the same fate.”

He grabs my hand and holds it in his. “I never pretended to be anything that I’m not. I told you I had done things. I am a murderer. I may not have spent time in jail for it, but I am a murderer still, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.”

“What happened to your sister while you were in jail?” I have to know. I’m desperate to know that she is still okay despite everything that she’s been through.

“Our dear father had an uncle … an uncle who hated him. When he and his wife read about the news in the papers, they contacted the authorities and told them they were family. They didn’t know anything about where we were until it hit the news. They asked for full custody, and after the authorities found out they were definitely family, Charlotte was released into their care. They all moved out here, and Charlotte changed her name. I stayed in jail until I was released about two and a half years ago, and then I came out here as well.”

“Your sister is living in Logan?” I ask, surprised.

He closes his eyes as if in pain and nods. “Yes. She’s been here all this time, but not as Charlotte… You know her as Christine.”

I gasp, pulling away from him. “What?”

I can see the panic in his eyes, so he reaches for me. “No, J or Jarrod or whatever the hell your name is… I want answers. Did she befriend me on purpose?”

“Yes.”

I shake my head in shock, but then, this all makes sense too. Christine and I were always like chalk and cheese, but I thought it was what made us jell well together. All this time, though, she was just playing me for a fool. “Why?”

He took a deep breath. “Our last revenge was to hurt our dad in the worst way possible. He had moved on to a new family. He took you and Elle in like you girls were his own. We were both angry and felt betrayed. He was the reason why Charlotte went through that ordeal. If only he had looked after us, none of what happened would have ever taken place. We wanted to punish him, so Charlotte befriended you and she watched you and your family. It became quickly apparent that you were the apple of daddy’s eye.” He breathes in deeply through his nose, and I can tell he’s in pain. What he will say next will break us; I can just feel it.

“We both thought it was a good idea for me to follow you and start befriending you myself. I didn’t think you would go for the idea. I told Charlotte it was crazy, but she asked me to try. I could hardly say no to her after what she’d been through. Besides, I was angry at him… Honestly, I was angry with all of you for having the one thing Charlotte and I never had. You were just the spark that ignited that anger even further. My plan was simple. I was to get you to trust me and take your innocence away. After that, we were going to pay a visit to our doting daddy and tell him all about his not-so-innocent daughter.”

I wince when as says those words. I trusted him, and I let him in. All he wanted to do was take away my virtue … only to expose me later. I move away from him, but he grabs me—a panicked look in his eyes. “Please, Lily. You have to believe me when I say that once I met you… Once I saw what a beautiful person you really are, I couldn’t do it.”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “But you did, J. You got what you came for the moment you took me to your kidnap spot and robbed me of my virginity.”

“You don’t understand. I was trying to do right by my sister, but I had already fallen in love with you. I couldn’t do it for the reasons I originally intended, but the selfish man I am wanted to do it so that I could feel love. For the first time in my life, I wanted to feel loved by a good woman, and you gave that to me, Lily. You gave me that and more.”

I dip my head down toward my toes. I don’t want to look at him. I know that if I do I will cave. I want to believe what he says is true, but too many people who I thought loved me and who I truly loved have done nothing but betray me.

All I have left now is my mother.

So, without another word, I pull away from him and walk into my parent’s bedroom. J follows. I can feel him even now. As always, I am so closely in-tune with him. I turn around, motioning to the gun. “Give me the gun.” He continues to stare. “Give me the gun, J.” He doesn’t know why I’m asking, but he trusts me enough to hand it over. I take it from his hand and hold it in my own. Once secure, I pick up the phone and dial the number.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency.”

I stare into the love of my life’s eyes as I answer. I roll off my address and end by saying, “I just shot my father. Please hurry,” before putting the phone down. I then do something I never thought I would ever do. I pick the gun up and aim it at a confused looking J. “You need to leave. The police will be here soon.” He comes towards me, but I hold the gun steady. “Don’t come near me,” I say, gritting my teeth. I so desperately want his arms around me, but nothing can fix what he’s done to me. Nothing can take away the betrayal of knowing that all this time I was just a game to them. I had done nothing wrong but love people … and this is how I am treated in return.

No more.

So, I swallow the bile in my throat and utter the words I never thought I would ever have to utter to J. “You said all along that I called the shots. You said that if I asked you to go that you would, and I would never have to see you again …”

He steps towards me, pain in his eyes. “Lily, please …”

“Don’t!” I shout. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. You came to break my family apart and you did. Congratulations.” I wince at my own words. They are hurtful words—terrible, fucking unforgivably hurtful words, but I can’t help the venom that leaves my lips. I watch as I finally break him as well as myself. This should help me feel better after everything he’s done to me, but all I feel is numb. I’m tired of feeling. I’m tired of the constant pain in my chest.

With a shaky hand and fresh hot tears in my eyes, I stare at J with the gun pointed. “I want you to leave. I never want to see you again. Go now, and don’t come back. This is me asking, J. Please respect my wishes.” I feel the tears fall as I watch the man I love dip his head to the floor—defeated. I did this to him, but then he has done this to us.

I thought he may try to reason with me or try to fight me, but I’m not surprised when he simply turns away and walks out of the room without a backward glance.

Within seconds, I hear the sirens, so I quickly wipe the gun to try and hide J’s finger prints and then replace them with my own. Once that’s done, I run back into my bedroom, quickly pick up my dad’s hand, place it on the gun, and then discard the gun on the floor by my dad’s body before running down the stairs.

Just as the cars are pulling up outside and a cop is getting out of the car and walking to the house, I open the front door and step out before collapsing into his arms.

Two months later

Jarrod Walker

It’s been 8 weeks since I tore her heart in two. Eight long, arduous fucking weeks of torturous pain. I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew what I was doing. Now? Now I’m a pathetic nobody—a person given the chance to hold a precious beam of light after living in darkness for so many years. I had the chance to redeem myself, but I was so lost in “righting” the wrongs that I did everything but. I didn’t right any wrongs. I created new ones. I only wanted to make Charlotte happy again, so that she could shut that part of her life away, never to return to it again. But, in the end, I’ve deeply hurt the one person who could have been my salvation. I thought that once this was all over, I could move on and try to be happy for once, but that’s never going to happen now. I’ve ruined that chance. She was right when she said that I had succeeded. Her words cut more deeply than anything else I have ever had to endure, and the scars these wounds have left behind far surpass all the rest combined. I know I deserve it though. I deserve every last cut. No sense in denying that I was doing anything but trying to taint her. I knew my father thought she was special, but I didn’t realize that it ran as deeply as it did. He was obsessed with her … just as much as I am. My reasoning differs from his, but the fact still remains the same. No matter how much the thought disgusts me, I guess the apple never really does fall far from the tree.

I close my eyes, cursing myself for ever letting it get that far. At first, no one could console me—not even my sister. She tried, but I ended up pushing her away … just like I push everyone away. She didn’t give up on me, though. She’s a stubborn one, my sister. A fucking pain in the ass, too. I smile at the thought. She kept coming, and little by little, I let her back in. I don’t blame my sister for everything that’s happened, but I must admit a part of me did for a while.

I sit, staring at a photograph I took from my phone last week. A photo of Lily. She was coming out of her house at the time, looking tired and sad. I noticed that her hair didn’t look as vibrant as it used to. Her eyes were sullen and puffy, and her lips looked dry. It was still Lily in the photo, but not my Lily. Not the lively, happy, spirited girl I once knew and fell in love with. She looked broken, and it fucking tore me up inside that I had something to do with that.

I have kept my promise to this day, but I can’t help but follow her, watch her, and protect her like I used to. What Lily doesn’t know is that I had a camera hidden in one of the picture frames in her room. She’s not there anymore, and I know the reason why. I can’t blame her for not wanting to go into the room which holds the most unforgettable and painful memories. I wouldn’t go in there either.

In any case, I keep my distance, so she won’t know I’m there, but I still can’t help the pull I have to go to her and break my promise every single time I see her. I think—in a sense—that I must love to torture myself by watching her. She’s like the first bite of chocolate. You marvel at the taste, texture, and flavor, but you know once you swallow that delicate smoothness, you will be back for another bite. That’s how she makes me feel every time I see her. And what makes this whole thing worse is that I know she’s suffering. I know she’s finding it hard to get up day after day and plaster that beautiful fake smile on her face as she visits the hospital, goes to the library, and sits and drinks coffee in her favorite coffeehouse. Each time, I want to go to her, wrap her in my arms, and tell her that I am here still … that I will always be here, and I will always love and protect her. But she’s not mine to protect anymore, and by fuck, does that tear my heart in two.

“Why don’t you just visit her already? I can see she’s miserable without you.” I look towards Charlotte … my tough little cookie. Her beauty remains the same, but the fragility is evident now that she knows the full truth. It hit her hard, too. She didn’t want to love the rich little firecracker any more than I did. I guess we both failed that test.

“You’re avoiding it just as much as I am.”

“Only because she’s not going to college. You know she’s taken a year off to look after her mother? Her mother can’t be happy about that.”

“That’s no excuse, Charlotte. I am one thing, but you… I bet she will talk to you. You’re not the one who made her fall in love with you. You’re not the one—”

She stops me with her arm. “But I am the one. Don’t you get it? She told you she loved me, right? Don’t you think she would feel exactly the same way for me as she does for you?”

“So, that’s why you won’t see her?”

It was her turn to sigh. “I want to. I almost did—twice—two weeks ago and then again last week. I chicken out every time.”

I grit my teeth. “You need to do it, Charlotte. She needs someone. She doesn’t have anyone apart from her mother, and her mother is still in the hospital. She has to go back to that house … the same house that I killed her father—our father—in and deal with all that shit alone. I fucking hate knowing she has to go back there. I know she can’t stand it. I see her hesitate every time she puts that key in the door, and it tears me up inside to know she’s suffering, and there isn’t a goddamned thing I can do about it.”

“Okay,” Charlotte says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll do it. If it will make you happier, then I will bite the bullet and talk to her. I know it has to be done. I’ve just been avoiding it.” She closes her eyes. “I don’t want her to be angry with me. At one point, I thought I would feel happy seeing the hurt and betrayal in her eyes, but now I realize just how selfish I was.”

“Both of us were,” I say, interrupting anything else she might say.

She squeezes my arm. “Tomorrow morning, when she goes to Bernardo’s for coffee, I’ll pay her a visit. Maybe if she’s in a public place it might keep her from stabbing me.” She laughs, but I know she doesn’t find any of this funny.

I pat her hand. “You’ll be fine. I have every faith that you can say the right things to her. I know she won’t forget anything, but I hope in time that she will forgive.”

Charlotte nods her head, and I go back to brooding with my one beer. Jace is meeting me here in a few, and Charlotte apparently has a date with that chump, Jerry. I didn’t like him at first, but after what he did for Lily on the night of the dance, I had to hand it to him. I grumbled like a protective brother should, but in the end, I had to let her go. If she can find happiness with him, then who am I to stand in her way? Besides, I can’t exactly call myself “role model of the year” after the way I’ve treated Lily. She is and always will be the one that got away. Never in a million years could I have envisaged it would end up the way that it did. I was broken before, but now I’m completely fragmented. All that remains are the tiniest of pieces … so tiny that it would be impossible to put them back together again. When I went into this, I knew it would be hard. I knew that, at times, it would be rough, but it would have all been worth it to see Charlotte happy again. I was prepared for the hard work and effort it would take to achieve our goal.

I have scars that will forever be a reminder of my past… But I certainly wasn’t prepared for the scars which were about to form my future.

I get up as I do every morning and go through the endless ritual day by day. I don’t want to, but I have to. I haven’t slept in my room since the day my father died. Instead, I closed it off, and I haven’t even gone near it. I sleep in Elle’s bedroom now. It’s the only way I can stay sane, and it’s the only way I can still keep a part of my sister alive.

After the shooting happened, I told the police that I was looking into my father’s past when he caught me. A fight ensued, and I managed to grab the gun he had from him and shoot him. They could see there had been a fight. I had finger marks on my neck and an arm that needed fifteen stitches. They also—as I had hoped—found only our two sets of fingerprints on the gun. J’s had been wiped clean. It was self defense… That I know to be true, but I lied to the police to protect J. No matter how deeply his betrayal cut me, I could never tell on him. He had been in jail before. He was well-known to authorities. I wanted to keep him under the radar as much as possible.

My mom is still in the hospital, and the only light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel for me is that she finally woke up a few days ago. She knew nothing of what had happened. At first, I shielded her from the pain, but after a couple of days passed, I had to give in and tell her. She thought that the scar on my arm was from the accident. When she found out the real cause, she broke down. After many tears mourning Elle’s passing, we lay together for a couple of hours in silence. We needed to give each other that.

In my time away from the hospital, I have been trying to organize Elle’s funeral. The doctor said that my mother will need some physical therapy, so she will need to stay in for a few more weeks. She can, however, be released for the funeral in a week if all is going well. She will need to be in a wheelchair, but that’s okay. I think Mom and I just want to be able to say goodbye. It’s what Elle would have wanted.

Jerry has come by a few times, but none of the others have. I know he’s dating Christine—or Charlotte I guess I should say. He doesn’t talk about her, though, and I respect him for that. He also doesn’t call me names anymore, which I have to admit I kind of miss. He still badgers me about the thirty dollars I owe him. “One day,” he says… One day.

As always, before visiting the hospital, I walk to Bernardo’s and order my coffee. Everyone stares at me now, but I’ve learned to ignore them. I can tell they are whispering and pointing at me. “She’s the girl who lost her sister to her psycho dad,” I bet they’re saying. It sucks living in a town where everyone knows each other.

The police did check the brakes. They had no reason to until I mentioned it. A tiny pin prick was found in the brake line. Not enough for them to fail right away, but it was enough for them to gradually lose pressure. My dad had told them that an animal had jumped out in front of us—or some bullshit story like that. No wonder the officer was looking at me funny back then. Whatever he was thinking, he didn’t tell me, and he apologized for that. He said he started having suspicions, but never in a million years would he have thought that my own father would try to kill me so blatantly and so soon after attempting it the first time. He was waiting for proof before he could act. In any case, I can’t blame him. He was just doing his job. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

I stare out of the window and marvel at the day. It’s a beautiful autumn morning. Everyone is rushing to go to work and school. Me? I’m sitting here, drinking coffee because to do one of the other activities requires energy that I don’t have. I should have started college two weeks ago, but I just don’t have the heart to right now. I want to make sure my mother is better before I start studying again. I have opted to take a year off, but my mother wants me to start next month and catch up on my studies. I told her I would think about it. I can at least do that.

“Ready to start next week?” Bernardo asks, slipping a blueberry muffin onto my table. I told him last week that I would have to start looking for a job, and he offered me one on the spot. He said he needed someone anyway. I’m not sure that’s true, but I accepted the offer and said thank you.

“As I’ll ever be,” I answer with a smile.

He slips into the seat next to me to whisper. “Are you sure, honey? Because we can leave it a few more days.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I need to work. Besides, I think it will help me get my mind off things.” And the biggest thing my mind has been on is the motive for my dad’s murder. About six months before the accident, he took a huge life insurance policy out on my mother. He got one for himself too—so as not to look suspicious. I guess he wanted us all gone, so he didn’t have the responsibility of two daughters—one of whom needed to be put through college. I wondered for a while about that. When my dad said he didn’t want to buy me a car until after Montana, I of course, thought it was genuine. My father had planned all of what had happened down to the very last detail. He didn’t want to get me a car because, had his plan worked, I wouldn’t be here now to need one. I guess I would have been too much of an expense for him in the end if I had remained alive. It makes me wonder how much he truly debated “letting me live.”

However, the irony of the whole thing is that now my mother is due to inherit a rather large sum of money—large enough to allow her to not work for a long time at least. I’m glad of that as she will need time to fully recuperate.

Bernardo pats my hand. “You know I’m here if you need me. I see you every morning, sitting here on your own, and every morning, I battle with myself as to whether I should talk to you or leave you alone.”

I chuckle a little, but feel badly that I keep putting him in an awkward position. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess I just like to sit here and think. It’s all I ever do lately.”

He smiles softly at me. “I understand.” He gets up, squeezes my shoulder lightly and says, “I’ll leave you to think. I’m just over there if you ever need to chat, okay? I mean that.”

I nod with a smile. “Thanks, Bernardo. And thank you for the muffin.”

“Don’t mention it, kiddo.” He gives me another squeeze before walking back to the counter. I watch with a smile on my face, but when I turn back, my smile fades.

“Lily,” she says, softly. I can feel my eyes instantly sting, but I hold my tears back. I don’t want her here as she is a reminder of everything that’s fucked up… A reminder of our friendship, a reminder of her betrayal, and a reminder of him.

Once she sees my reaction, she walks swiftly towards me. “Please,” she pleads softly. “Hear me out. I only want to talk, and then, if you don’t want to see me again, then that’s fine, but please just let me talk.”

I close my eyes on a sigh. I don’t know whether I want this, but I suppose I have to have it out with her at some point. “Okay. Five minutes. I need to get to the hospital.”

She raises a half smile. “Okay, I’ll be brief. How is your mother anyway?”

I can tell she genuinely wants to know, and it hurts inside. My mother was once close to Christine as well. “She’s doing better. She woke up a few days ago, but she has a long stretch of therapy ahead of her. She’s a fighter, though, and she is eager to get home for my sake. I’m sure she’ll get better in no time.”

She nods her head, playing with her fingers. She’s nervous. “I’m sure she will. I always loved your mother—”

“Can you just say what you need to?” I cut her off because I don’t want to hear how much she loves my mother. She built our friendship on a lie. That is something I can never get over.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just… You have to know that my head at the time we became friends wasn’t totally screwed on straight. I have been living with demons for the last three years and although I’m trying to get better, it’s hard.”

Her words pain me. No matter how much I want to hate her for what she and her brother put me through, I can’t help that a big part of me still loves my best friend deeply. The part of me wishes I could take her pain away.

I don’t react, and she can tell I’m finding this difficult, so she just continues. “I just wanted to come here to let you know that this is all on me. I coerced Jarrod into this whole mess. If you want to blame someone, blame it all on me. I was the one that screwed everything up.”

“Please don’t bring him up,” I say, trying so hard not to cry. I hadn’t cried until that day at the hospital when I told my mom the news. I had been telling myself over and over again that I had had enough of the tears. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to see you and explain that although you may think us the worst scum of the universe right now, our feelings for you are genuine. I have to admit that I wanted to hate you. At first I did, but then I got to know the person you truly are. I had this image of a snotty, spoiled rich kid who got everything from Daddy—the daddy I was supposed to have. The daddy who was supposed to have been there for me, raised me, and protected me from the bad people.” I watch as she chokes on a small sob. It takes everything I have not to reach out to her. I am not a heartless person, but for some reason, I can’t move. I guess the hurt from what she did runs deeper than I thought. “You did everything you could to be the friend a friend is supposed to be. I tried to ignore that as I had been so consumed with revenge that I had tunnel vision. I was not a bad person, but I guess what happened to me has made me into one. I am trying to deal with that, and so is Jarrod. He only ever wanted to look after his sister. He still feels the guilt of that night. He doesn’t tell me, but I know. It’s written all over his face. I keep telling him that it was I who pushed him to work that night. It was I who decided to go home and wait for him when I should have gone to the bowling alley and waited for him there. He doesn’t listen, though. He’s a stubborn fool … just like I am.”

I clench my fist together—not in anger—but in frustration. I want to hate her as much as she hated me, but I can’t. My heart instead reaches out to her. How she has lived with the pain of being raped and having her brother watch the whole thing must be gut-wrenching. As I think this, I remember all those months ago when she screamed at that man in Macy’s. Back then, her behavior seemed over the top, but now it all makes sense.

“Anyway,” she sighs, bringing me back to the present. I don’t talk because I’m a coward. I know I am, but my mouth seems to be glued shut. Every part of me is stuck. “I just wanted to come here and tell you that although you don’t believe me, I do love you. I love you and so does my brother. I want you to only hate me because to hate me completely means you can love my brother again. He deserves to have love in his life. You’re the only pure thing that’s ever happened to him.” I want her to stop. I desperately want her to take those words she’s uttered out of my head. I don’t want to think about him. I’m tired of it.

“Well, that’s all I really wanted to say. I don’t expect you to be my friend anymore. I know I’ve gone too far, but I hope … in time … that you can forgive me for everything I did.” I try not to look at her as she pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and places it in front of me. “This is Jarrod’s number. I know you probably don’t have most of your numbers since your phone was lost in the crash. He has no idea I’m giving it to you, and he’ll be mad as hell at me if he finds out too. I know you told him that you never wanted to see him again, and he wants to respect that, but please… Please just think it through. He’s lost without you.” I clutch my cup as she gets up from her chair. “I’m lost without you.”

I close my eyes and hear as she leaves my table. All the while, my head is screaming at me to move. To do something. I can’t leave it like this. I have to move.

Go, for fuck’s sake! Get up!

I move, scraping the chair as I get up, snatch the piece of paper from the table, grab my bag, and run out of the coffeehouse. “Christine!” I shout, tearing after her small frame as she walks swiftly down the road. She turns and the pain at seeing her tear-stained face makes me almost fall to my knees. I don’t, though. Instead, I run to her, quickly taking her into my arms.

“I’m so sorry.” The words she utters are muffled as she buries her face in the crook of my neck. I can hear them, though. Loud and clear. “I’m so, so sorry,” she says again, choking on the words. “I wish I could take back everything I did to you. I wish I could make it all better.”

I start sobbing too. I can’t help it. I am trying hard not to cry all the time, but this situation warrants it. “I wish I could too.” And I did wish it. If there was a magic spell that I could use to erase all the bad stuff, then I would use it. At the end of the day, Christine is my friend, and she’s in pain. I have to offer her at least this.

So, for a few moments, we stay like this—clutched to each other for fear that the other will fall. We stay wrapped up in each other’s arms, and for those few precious seconds, we are just Lily and Christine again. Not Lily and Charlotte or Lily and the friend who betrayed her. Just two best friends mourning all of our losses and soothing each other’s pain…

I could at least give us that.

I sit in the hospital by my mother’s side and stare once again at the piece of paper that Christine gave me.

“What seems to be holding all of your attention this morning?” I look up to see my mother smiling. She still isn’t one hundred percent, but I can definitely see some color coming back into her cheeks this morning. This is good. Very good.

“It’s nothing …”

“Don’t give me that. Lily, please. If you need to talk, then talk. I promise I will listen without judgment. I can give you advice, but it’s up to you to take it. You’re an adult now, and I have to trust your instincts… Trust that you will do the right thing by yourself. No one else. You.”

I nod my head on an exhale. My mom knows just about everything there is to know, so why not this? “I met with Christine today.”

“Oh?” she simply asks.

“She wanted to apologize for everything.”

She looks away. I can see this is as difficult for her as much as it is for me. She doesn’t feel the same grudge as I do—or once did. She just sees the pain it brings me, and I know it upsets her as it is a reminder of everything that’s happened. My mom once loved Dad deeply. This must be hard on her too. “And how did that make you feel?”

I look down at the paper and stare at the numbers on the page. I’ve stared at them for so long that I already know them by heart. “Angry at first, but upset after she spoke with me. I wanted to hate her, but I can’t—”

“You haven’t got a single bone of hatred in your body, Lily. That’s what makes you so special. Anyone can see that. It’s just not in your nature. Please don’t feel badly about that fact. It’s what makes you who you are. Please don’t ever change.”

I smile sadly at my mom as she wraps her frail hand around mine. “I know. I’m not trying to fight this anymore. In my heart of hearts, I know I’ve already forgiven them.”

“So why the long face? You seem to be clutching onto that piece of paper so tightly that I’m afraid it’s going to mold into your hand.” I start chuckling, and it makes her smile. “That’s better. That’s the Lily I know and love.”

“It’s Jarrod’s number,” I say, getting right to the point. “Christine gave it to me. She asked that I pour all my hate onto her because she is the one who orchestrated it. He just fell in line out of loyalty to his sister.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“Sad,” I say honestly. “She’s been through so much and yet still she asks to sacrifice herself for her brother.”

My mom smiles. “Then, I guess being friends with you really did rub off on her.”

I smile back and then look down at the paper again. “I just don’t know what to do.” I know she knows I mean the number. I should throw it away, but I can’t. It’s like my crutch.

“Lily,” Mom says, gaining my attention. “I can’t tell you what to think and feel. Only you can decide that for yourself. How did you feel when you were with him? Be honest.”

I smile, capturing all the memories in my head. It doesn’t take much to remember the way it felt when his fingers brushed against my skin, the way his smell invaded my senses so deeply, and the way my heart and body ached when I wasn’t near him. Only one word always springs to mind when I think of him. “Alive, Mom. He made me feel alive.”

She squeezes my hand. “The only thing I can suggest then is to go back to that place—the one where you found forgiveness—and see if you can find a spot there for Jarrod. You found forgiveness in your heart of hearts. Look there for Jarrod. Once you’re there, you’ll know. All I want for you is to be happy, so whatever you decide, I’ll be behind you one hundred percent.”

I press a small kiss on the back of my mother’s hand. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, sweetheart.”

Before going home, I pick up a few things from the drug store, and all the way home, I curse myself. I’m a bright girl, but I guess not so bright when it comes to some things.

Once I’m in the confines of Elle’s bedroom, I place the stuff down on the bed and walk into my old room. The place has been cleaned since. New carpets were installed, so there is no evidence of my dad lying in a pool of blood on the floor anymore.

I shudder as I walk past and make my way to my computer desk. As I open the drawer, sure enough, it’s right there, staring back at me. I had forgotten all about it.

I take it out of the drawer, hastily retreating back out of my old room and shutting the door behind me. I walk back into Elle’s room, throw what I have in my hand into the bin, and sit down staring at the piece of paper again.

I must have changed my mind at least a dozen times since leaving the hospital. I have had many battles with both my head and my heart over what Jarrod did, but the truth always remains the same in my heart. Despite what he did, everything he said was true. The only thing he lied about was never hurting me. I believe he meant physically, but it still cuts to the bone when I think of it.

I sigh, staring down at the scars on my leg and now my arm. I trace a line from one end to the other on my arm, and all the while, Jarrod is never far from my mind. He and I are very much alike in a lot of ways now. We both have scars on the inside and out. We both were broken from tragedies and the losses that came with them.

I close my eyes, willing myself to act. I already knew the answer to the burning question. I just didn’t want the outcome of what I will learn today to either encourage or discourage me. I needed to do this based on right now and the way that I feel I can’t possibly be without him.

So, without a moment’s thought, I pick up the new phone I bought around a month ago and stare at the screen for a while. With slightly trembling hands, I punch in his number and hit SAVE. I can’t talk with him… That’s a little too much too soon, but I will text him at least. I can do that.

Me: I’ve tried to live without you, but you’ve made that impossible. I should hate you for that, but somehow I can’t find any hate … only love. I have forgiven you, but I can’t forget. In time, I will be able to live my life again, but I know now that I can’t do that without you. You did say I had all the control. Well, this is me asking you to come back to me. This is me asking you to make me feel alive again.

My thumb hovers over the SEND button. A part of me still rages that what he did is something I should never forgive. He hurt me so much that it tears me up from the inside out. But, in the end, I know my mother is right. I am not the type who hates people. I have never hated anyone in my life before. The closest contender is my so-called father, and even in that case, I can’t bring myself to totally hate the man. He was pathetic. How can I hate someone so pitiful?

I close my eyes one more time and inhale a deep breath. Once I open my eyes again, I bite the bullet and hit SEND. I watch as it loads up and a little message pops up to let me know that it’s gone.

I flop down on the bed in a huff. Sending a text message to your ex-stalker boyfriend is exhausting. I sit there for a while, staring at the ceiling and wondering when I will hear the faint ping of a return message. When I don’t hear anything for a while, I resign myself to the fact that maybe he’s just moved on. Maybe I am a reminder of everything that is just too painful. That’s what makes this situation so fucked up. Despite these reminders on both our sides, I can’t help the urge I have to be with him. It’s crazy, I know, but this is how I have felt ever since I met that lonesome stranger in a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. With a lot of effort, I sit up and stare at the contents of the drugstore bag. I know I have to do it, but I don’t think I can until I hear back from him.

Shaking my head, I get up, grab the bag, and stuff it in my dresser. I will deal with it later.

It’s been two days since I sent that text message. At first, I tried hard not to think about the fact that the one who betrayed me—the one who wounded me—is the one who is ignoring me. I don’t want to feel the hatred and the pain, but it is slowly bubbling.

Now, in the end, it has boiled down to one thing and one thing only. It’s just me and my mom now.

“I take it by that face of yours that you haven’t heard back from him.”

I flop my bag down with an undignified huff and sit down on the chair in front of her. I notice there’s oatmeal and toast on the table, and I know she’s not going to eat it. “No. I feel kind of stupid now.”

“Maybe he’s away or something. I’m sure there must be some explanation as to why he hasn’t replied.”

I shrug my shoulders, trying not to look as bothered as I am. Instead, I point to the food. “You’re not going to eat that?”

She looks over at her plate in disgust. She’s told me before that the oatmeal here tastes totally gross. “No, I think I would rather skip it, thanks.”

I smile, placing my hand in my bag and pulling out the contents. “It’s just as well I got you this, then.”

She almost squeals when she spots the Honey Maid graham crackers in my hand. I know she has a soft spot for them. “Oh my God,” she cries. “Have I told you that you are the best daughter?” I smile at her smile, but then she starts crying. I wonder why, but then it hits me.

“Oh, Mom, please don’t feel bad. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

She sniffles, nodding her head. “I know. It just feels wrong when my other daughter died only three months ago.”

I grab her hand. “I’m sure if Elle was here, she would be telling you to stop beating yourself up. It was only a figure of speech.”

She nods her head, wiping her nose with a tissue. “I’m so lucky to have had two fantastic daughters. I obviously did a good job in raising you both. I’m so proud of you. I hope you realize that.”

I wince, thinking about everything that I’ve done and wondering if my potentially catastrophic news will make her rethink the whole “proud of me” speech. “Can I ask you something?” I’m figuring changing the subject would be best. I had been wondering this for a few days, but was too scared to ask her. I need to know, though.

“Of course.”

“Who was our father?”

She’s halfway through wiping her nose when I ask. She freezes, looking over to the corner of the room before she meets my eyes. “His name was Thomas Daniels. He was a corporal in the marines. He died five months before you were born. Apparently, it was an IED. They were trying to get civilians out of danger when he stepped on one. There was nothing anybody could have done. I just wish you could have met him. Elle was only three at the time, and she didn’t remember her daddy that much because he was always away. She cried when I told her, but she quickly adjusted again. I guess she was used to his absence too much.”

I squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m just sorry I never told you. There just was no reason to make you think that Jack wasn’t your father all along. You girls seemed so happy, and I didn’t want to change that. It didn’t help the fact that Jack was totally against it. I suppose if it hadn’t been for him putting his foot down, you and Elle would have known about your real father a long time ago.” She shakes her head in dismay, and I can tell she’s disgusted by the thought.

“Please don’t blame yourself for this. There is only one person to blame. I could say that it’s a shame he’s not here to answer to everybody, but then that would make me a liar.”

She pats my hand. “What’s done is done.”

“Hey, how are my two favorite ladies?”

We turn toward the sound of the voice and spy Jerry standing in the doorway with a big bunch of flowers. He has been visiting often too, which I think is really sweet.

“Jerry, how nice of you to stop by.” Mom smiles, and we both watch as Jerry walks in and kisses her on the cheek. He comes over to me and does the same before placing the flowers down on the table next to her. “You’re such a sweet boy, bringing me flowers every day. There’s really no need to.”

I look sadly at an extra bunch sitting next to yesterday’s bunch of flowers from Jerry. My mom always has two sets every day. One is from Jerry, and one is from a mystery man. I don’t need to guess who.

“Ah, I like doing it, Mrs. Campbell.”

She gasps. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Grace?”

“Too many,” he replies jokingly before turning his attention to me. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m doing okay.” I know I say it unconvincingly because he frowns at me.

“I saw Christine last night.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask, trying not to sound too eager to know more.

“Yeah, she said that Jarrod had to go away for a couple of days. Something to do with his parole officer. He’s back today, though.”

I don’t want my heart to accelerate the way that it is, but it can’t help reacting to this news. Does this mean he will contact me? He’s had plenty of chances to over the last couple of days.

I look down at my hands and start fiddling with my fingers. “Oh, that’s nice.” I don’t say anything else and neither does Jerry. He came to say what he needed to, so there is no need for him to say any more.

“You’re not eating your oatmeal, Mrs. C. You know it’s good for you, right?” he asks, pointing to the bowl on the table.

Before she can respond, I suddenly have an idea. “My mom’s not hungry this morning. I gave her crackers before the nurse came with the food.” My mom frowns at me, but I just smile back at her before turning to look at Jerry. “I have a proposition for you.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

I smirk, pull out a ten dollar bill from my pocket, and place it on the table by the oatmeal. “I bet you ten bucks that you can’t eat the whole bowl of oatmeal in fifteen seconds.”

At first, he looks at me like I’m nuts. I give my mom a knowing smile and turn back to Jerry. “This has got to be the easiest ten bucks I’ll ever make,” he says, picking the bowl up.

“Hold up a sec… I’ve got to time you.” I get my phone out and find the timer. I hover my thumb over the start button. “Okay! One, two, three … go!”

He eats two spoonfuls in quick succession before it hits him. “Holy sh—” he stops himself when he remembers my mom is there. “It tastes like feet!” His face is contorted in disgust, and I can tell he’s trying hard not to gag. I look down at my phone.

“Ten seconds, Jerry.” I’m taunting him, and I know it, but this is the most fun I’ve had in ages.

He tries putting two more spoonfuls in, but gags. All this is doing is making me want to hurl. “Six seconds,” I remind him, but I know he’s not going to finish it. The stuff must be really bad. Doesn’t anyone tell the staff just how terrible it is?

He tries another spoonful, but by now, it’s practically spilling back out of his mouth it’s so vile. As it gets down to three seconds, Jerry knows he has to admit defeat. “Okay, okay, you win… Again!” he shouts. I start chuckling as Jerry wipes his mouth and places his hand in his pocket to get his money. “You know, I could say I’m really annoyed that you beat me, but this is the easiest ten bucks I’ve ever had to give away.”

I smirk. “Oh really? Why is that?”

He places the ten in my hand. “It’s worth it to hear you laugh again.”

Jerry leaves, and so do I about an hour later. For the last couple of weeks, I have been using the new car I managed to replace with the insurance money. It’s not a Porsche Cayenne this time, though. Instead, I decided on Range Rover Sport. My mother was happy with the choice. She never liked the Cayenne anyway.

As I park the car up on the driveway, I get up and walk towards my door. I have a handful of shopping bags, and I’m trying to fiddle with the keys to open the door. It’s not the most comfortable position to be in. I inevitably drop the keys and curse as I pick them back up again. As I do, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I’m getting the same feeling I always used to when I knew I was being watched. The feeling isn’t threatening … it never was. The feeling is always one of peace.

For a moment, I stand as still as a statue. I can’t move. I know I have to, but my feet are unwilling for now. I look around, knowing I’ll see nothing, but I can’t help looking anyway. Call it instinct. I shake off the feeling and move towards my front door. As I get up the first step, I notice a pale pink lily placed ever so neatly by my door.

My mouth goes dry, and my heart accelerates. I shouldn’t have ignored those feelings. I should have trusted them. He’s here. I know he’s here because I’m so closely tuned in to him—just like I always was.

As I drop the bags by my door, I pick up the fresh lily and place it against my nose. I inhale deeply, closing my eyes as I do. It smells of him … peppery … crisp … exquisite. I don’t know how long it is that I’m standing there, holding the flower to my nose, but I feel when he is near. The smell of the flower is long gone and replaced with it is the aroma of him. I take the flower from my nose and close my eyes again, inhaling deeply. I get a whiff of his peppery minty fragrance, but something else … it’s something indescribable, manly … maybe even powerful. I always thought he was a magician who knew how to cast spells, and I believe that now more than ever. He has me under the most glorious spell I have ever been in. He’s here. He answered my call, and now he’s here.

“You came back,” I say, almost a whisper. I feel it when his hands trail down my arms sending goose bumps in their wake. I shudder under his touch. How could I have ever thought I could live without this?

“I’m sorry it took so long. I had to—”

“I know,” I say, interrupting him. “You’re here now.”

He presses his lips to my temple, and I know I’ve come alive again. The tingles are permeating through my whole being, and it makes me scream for more. I feel like nothing and no one can harm me when I’m with him.

“Yes, I am, and I would like to stay a lot longer this time.”

I smile as I close my eyes and feel his arms wrap around me. “Oh, you would, would you?”

“Yes,” he answers. I can hear the smile in his voice. “I would like to say ‘forever,’ but I don’t know how you feel about that?”

“Hmm, I will have to think about it.” His arm wraps around my waist, and then I feel his body press against mine. I can’t help the moan that escapes me.

“I suppose I will just have to be a patient man. But it’s hard, Lily. So, so hard.” He presses another kiss, but this time against my neck. I can feel his desire pressing into me, and it sets my whole body on fire. Again, I am lost to him. Completely and utterly adrift in the world of J. I should have known I would never be able to stay away—no matter what he did. I can’t deny myself that right to have the one chance of happiness I have left. I know in my heart that there is no other man for me other than him, so why fight it? To deny myself would be to deny the pleasure, desire, and exhilaration he makes me feel when I am with him. For now, I will forget about everything—including the contents of the bag that’s been hiding in my dresser for the past couple of days. That is something I know I will need to a face at some point, but right here … right now … is all I want. I will deal with any possible consequences later.

As I put all thoughts of that aside, the biggest smile emerges on my face when he pulls me in close, kisses his way up from my neck to my ear, and whispers the words I never thought I could miss so much.

“Time’s up, Beautiful.”

Well, where do I begin? What started off as an intended dark story turned into something rather sweet in the end. I know that a stalker doesn’t sound sweet at all, but for me, Jarrod’s character just seemed to naturally progress from that starting pointed. He was a tortured hero, who was torn between his fierce loyalty to his sister (along with a healthy dose of guilt with regards to her) and his continually evolving, ever-growing feelings for Lily. For those who have read my books before, you will know I am quite drawn to the stalker theme. Dean was my first. He popped my writer’s “stalker cherry,” so to speak. While Deviant was somewhat dark, this turned into more of a romantic suspense piece. I lived and breathed this book as much as I did with Deviant. It was both an emotional pull, and a relief to finish Scars. Although this turned out differently than originally intended, I’m okay with that because Siren (coming next) will more than make up for that darkness. It will make up for it and then some…

So, now I move on to the very important task of thanking people. First off, I need to thank my family. It always goes without saying, but my husband and kids have a lot of patience with me—letting me write for hours without so much as a grunt from their wife or mother. Once I go into the land of fairytales, it’s hard to come back up to breathe. Anyway, I love them all to pieces.

Next is definitely my editor, Shannon Steed. As I have said before, I may write the stories, but she makes them look pretty. This particular one has been hard on her. Not only was it my longest manuscript yet, but it was also based in America with American characters. I must be mad considering I’m British, but Shannon rose to the challenge and did a brilliant job. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her. Not only is she great at what she does, but she’s also extremely patient, kind, and a fantastic person.

Next are my beta readers, Sally-ann Hall, Sophie Eloy, Claire Lamb, and Yahaira Cintron. Thank you so much for helping me out with the rough draft. I’m so grateful as it helped me heaps! You’re all lovely ladies! xx

I also need to thank Tee Cullen and Claudia Schoepper for proofreading the book. I think Scars is the most edited and proofread book going! Lol.

I want to thank Kellie Dennis from Book Cover By Design for designing the cover for Scars. I love it! As always, she does an awesome job. Also to Leigh Stone from Formatting by Leigh for making the inside of the book look pretty. Gel from Tempting Illustrations for designing some cracking teasers for Scars. You captured the moments perfectly, so thank you.

I also want to thank my stalkers from my street team, Jaimie’s Stalkers. I have a bunch of great people in there who support me every way they can. I love you all to bits! We’re all a little crazy, but where would the fun be if we weren’t?

I have a special thanks to Amanda Perrie, Cheyenne Davis, and Dawn Vickers for pimping my books, teasers, etc. on a regular basis. I appreciate all the time and effort you put into you doing everything that you do. You ladies rock!

I can’t go without mentioning my little #HashtagMinxes. You two ladies (you know who you are) make me crack up and blush at the same time. Blushing is quite rare for me considering the things I write in books, so well done, ladies. You naughty girls. ;)

I need to say another big thank you to Joanne Swinney and Isa Jones from JoandIsaLoveBooks for hosting the blog tour, review tour, release day blitz and thunderclap for Scars. You ladies go above and beyond to help authors. I really don’t know how you two do it! You’re always there whenever a helping hand is needed, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

And lastly, to all the readers of love and romance: Thank you for giving Scars a chance, and I hope you enjoyed it. I have many more to come (even on related to Scars), so keep a look out on Facebook, Amazon or Goodreads.

Love and peace to all,

Jaimie xx

Want to know Christine’s story?

TETHERED

Some people have jobs which bind them. Some people have families. The only thing that binds me is pain. Pain from memories I wish could be washed away with the tide. If only there was a genie who could grant me a single wish and erase one day of my life.

Just one day...

That’s all I ask.

I never had a choice. I was never asked—just taken. On that fateful night, I died. From then on, I have lived each day, looking into the eyes of the boy who witnessed the night my world collapsed. Like me, he had no choice. We lived through that night together, but we also died that night together. My brother was the only man in my life who I could let myself love. He was the only man who could give me the kind of love I was capable of receiving.

I was fractured—a broken woman with nothing but hate in her bones and a void in her heart. I wasn’t able to let a man love me. I wasn’t able to love a man the way he would expect to be and should be loved. I was just a shell, living day by day, seeing that only emptiness laid in my wake.

I felt useless.

I felt lifeless.

Until you.

SIREN BLURB

I’m not a good person. In fact, I’m a real bitch. If the opportunity arises, I will take your husband, give him the best sex he’s ever had, and laugh behind your back once I’m done with him. I do not put on airs and graces. I just take what I want whenever I want it.

I am the abused who has become the abuser. I live for power because all power had been stripped from me for years. Now that I have it back, I feed off of it like it’s my primary sustenance, and I don’t care who I hurt in the process.

Every woman hates me, but do you know what? I don’t give a shit.

You won’t like me. I’m not here to be liked. You want to know my story? I won’t stop you from observing. Just know that once I’m done with you, no shower—no matter how scalding—will ever get me out from under your skin.

Warning: If you’re looking for pink, fluffy clouds, rainbows, and HEA’s, then this book is not for you. These pages contain flashback scenes of child abuse in all forms (physical, sexual, and emotional) as well as BDSM and other taboo themes.

Love does not live in this book. Only dark, twisted, and sick obsessions thrive here.

You. Have. Been. Warned!

Prologue

I stand over my father’s grave, wiping the tears that threaten to fall onto the soil beneath my feet. I’m wearing a black dress, which is cut just above the knee, and on my feet is a pair of brand new, black and red Louboutin high heels. I scream class, but I am also the perfect image of a daughter in deep distress over her father’s untimely death.

And what an untimely death it was.

I clutch my chest, heaving sobs of grief as I bend down to lay new flowers at his grave. I have been coming here every single day, bringing new flowers to replace the old ones. I pick up yesterday’s flowers and toss them aside as I trace the line of my father’s name on his headstone.

Here lies Richard Valentine, loving father to two daughters. Born 26th January 1970, Died 15th July 2016.

That was three weeks ago. His body was found buried in Virginia Water in Surrey—only nineteen miles or so from where I live. He was buried deep, but a storm five days ago unearthed his decaying body. He had a stab wound in his back which had determined the cause of his death. It was murder, of course, and it is only now that the police are investigating.

At first, they thought he had run away—possibly met a girl, got swept off his feet, and was living by the beach, sipping cocktails with a buxom blonde. My sister kept on the case, though. She tried to tell them that it wasn’t like him to just disappear without at least keeping in touch. I vouched for her to the police, but I also reminded her of that time when he disappeared for a year without a trace and came back just as suddenly as he had left. I remembered the reason why, but I didn’t divulge it to my sister or to the police. That little secret was between daddy and me alone. The two police officers gave each other that look… The one that says, “Yeah, there’s no foul play here.” They just thought he had found the girl of his dreams and was busy playing doting boyfriend to his new plaything.

As I think on this, I stroke his grave tenderly and sweep away the leaves that have fallen from the nearby trees. I need to make sure that it is clean and tidy before kneeling down at his grave and throwing my arms over the gravestone. With my arms hiding from anyone who may be watching, I take a long deep breath. A smirk rises on my face, as I utter the words, “You always loved it when I threw my arms around you, didn’t you?” I sigh, scooting up to get closer to his headstone before spitting on his grave.

“I hope you’re enjoying your time in Hell, Daddy.”

Take a Breath, and Take it Deep – Both have been pulled from Amazon for rewriting and editing. Release dates for both to come.

Until I Met You – Released 1st June 2014

Her Guardians – Released 31st August 2014

DEVIANT – Released 31st October 2014

Her Guardians Lost – Released 19th December 2014

Redemption – Released 3rd April 2015

CHAINED – Released 17th July 2015

A Step Too Close – Released 17th September in 2015

Luca (You Will Be Mine) – Released 15th January 2016

Luca (Because You’re Mine) – Released 26th February 2016

Scars – Released 23rd June 2016

Siren – Expected publication date in August 2016

Tethered – Release date to come

Her Guardian Found – Release date to come

Jaimie Roberts was born in London, but moved to Gibraltar in 2001. She is married with two sons, and in her spare time, she writes.

In June 2013, Jaimie published her first book, Take a Breath, with the second released in November 2013. With the reviews, Jaimie took time out to read and learn how to become a better writer. She gets tremendous enjoyment out of writing, and even more so from the feedback she receives.

If you would like to send Jaimie a message, please do so by visiting her Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJaimieRoberts.