Moonshine Valentine: A Witches of Keyhole Lake Short 4.5 (Witches of Keyhole Lake Mysteries)
Author: Maher, Tegan
Date: 2018-04-16
Description: It’s Valentine’s Day, and Noelle has no idea what to get for Hunter. While she’s getting her hair cut and tossing around gift ideas, Coralee’s long-term boyfriend pops in and declares his undying love via a marriage proposal, breaking rule numero uno of their relationship clause. He’s only the first to fall, though. When the men of Keyhole Lake start acting like lovesick lunatics, Noelle and Rae have to put their heads together to figure out what happened before the whole town goes loopy in love, or someone ends up in jail.
Publisher: Magical Words Publishing

Table of Contents

© 2018 Tegan Maher

Author’s Note

Moonshine Valentine

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Note From Tegan

Connect with Me

Books by Tegan

© 2018 Tegan Maher

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form, by any means electronic or mechanical, including but not limited to photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system currently in use or yet to be devised.

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or institutions is entirely coincidental.

This ebook is licensed for your personal use and may not be re-sold or given away to others. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase a copy for that person. If you did not purchase this book, or it was not purchased for your use, then you have an unauthorized copy. Please go to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting my hard work and copyright.

Author’s Note

BEFORE YOU START READING a little clarification may be in order because I’ve gotten a few emails wondering about the linguistics and grammar.

First, thank you for giving me your time!

I use local dialect both in dialogue and in narrative. Noelle, Rae, Hunter, and crew are smart and/or educated, but still drop back to default dialect sometimes, as do most of us when we’re in casual situations.

Grammatical errors and use of slang are likely intentional (me and you vs. you and I, we was going vs. we were going etc.) You’ll even find some words that look flat-out made up, unless, of course, you’re from the South. ☺

That being said, typos are never intentional and if I’ve missed any, I apologize!

So please, I ask for a little latitude for the good folks of Keyhole Lake, especially Skeeter, Earl, and Bobbie Sue. I hope you enjoy the book—I’d love to hear what you think!

-Tegan

Moonshine Valentine

IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY, and Noelle has no idea what to get for Hunter. While she’s getting her hair cut and tossing around gift ideas, Coralee’s long-term boyfriend pops in and declares his undying love via a marriage proposal, breaking rule numero uno of their relationship clause.

He’s only the first to fall, though. When the men of Keyhole Lake start acting like lovesick lunatics, Noelle and Rae have to put their heads together to figure out what happened before the whole town goes loopy in love, or someone ends up in jail.

This story falls in between book 4, Murder and Mayhem, and Book 5, Murder and Marinade, in the Witches of Keyhole Lake Mystery Series.

Chapter One

“SO WHAT DID YOU GET Hunter for Valentine’s Day?” Coralee, my hairdresser and the owner of the local beauty parlor/gossip mill, asked as she tilted me back to put my head in the sink.

I’d been fretting about that very issue when I’d made the impromptu stop to get my hair cut. I’d managed to push it to the back of my mind, sort of, but her question brought the stress crashing back. I sighed. “Nothing yet. He already has everything that I would think to buy him. I’m horrible at coming up with good gifts.” Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays ... they gave me hives because I always ended up buying something lame at the last minute because I can’t ever think of anything cool.

True to form, it was Valentine’s Day, and though I’d been agonizing over what to get him for a month, I still didn’t have a clue. It was our first one together and I wanted it to be perfect. Not mushy though, because that just wasn’t us. Unfortunately, that ruled out the easy stuff like froo-froo cards and candy hearts and crap like that.

As Coralee’s fake acrylics massaged my scalp, the worry faded partly away again. It was impossible for me to stay stressed when she was doing that. Way too soon, she finished rinsing my hair and was putting a towel around my head. “Sugar, you better think of somethin’. Today’s the day.”

I huffed out a breath. “You don’t have to tell me. I was hoping inspiration would strike while you were washing my hair, but no such luck. What did you get Buddy?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “We don’t do much of that stuff anymore. Shoot, we been together fifteen years. We figure he’s caught me and I’ve caught him. Besides that, we keep the romance goin’ every day, if you know what I mean.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at me in the mirror. “Why, just last night, he took me up to truck pull over in Eagle Gap, then to the Golden Corral afterwards. Nothin’ says I love you like all-you-can-eat steak.”

“Fifteen years.” I shook my head. “What’s the trick to keeping it fresh?”

Belle, the previous owner and resident ghost, popped in before Coralee could answer. “The secret to keepin’ it fresh,” she said, “is to trade ’em in every ten years.”

Coralee scowled at her. “Just because you were married six times doesn’t mean the rest of us have an aversion to a lifetime commitment.” She nudged me on the shoulder. “Ain’t that right, Noelle?”

Before I could reply, Belle humphed. “Says the woman who’s been dating the same man for a decade and a half and still lives in her own house.” She made a show of looking at Coralee’s ring finger. “Either that thing’s bare, or he bought you the world’s tiniest diamond.”

Coralee furrowed her brow and swatted at her mentor, for all the good it did; her hand passed right through her. “You know good and well we decided right up front not to get hitched. He has his place, I have my place, and we both agree it works. ’Sides, most of the time we’re at one house or the other together anyway. Ain’t no need for the state to stick their nose in our bedroom.”

I’d heard that sentiment a hundred times, but it just didn’t feel right to me. “I don’t know.” I said, wrinkling my brow. “I kinda like the idea of settling down with one man, sharing a house and growing old with him. That includes sharing names and finances and, well, everything. Dating is so much work. Besides, it’s hard to find a good man; it’s not like they grow on trees around here.”

Coralee’s scissors were flying around my head, hopefully trimming my unruly red curls into something I wouldn’t need a whip and chair to tame. “Yeah? What happens when you just want some alone time?” She shuddered. “I can’t imagine living with somebody—even Buddy, bless his heart—full time. I’d be battin’ an eye and twitchin’ in less than a week, and he feels the same way.” She shook her head, and I was amazed as always that her huge 80s hairstyle didn’t so much as wobble. The power of Aqua Net. “No siree, Bob. Ain’t happenin’.”

We chatted on for a bit, mostly about possible ideas for Hunter’s gift. They’d throw out a suggestion and I’d discard it just as fast. Too mushy. Already has it. Hates it. Wouldn’t use it. Not original. Of course, I had no doubt I’d end up going with one of the suggestions that fell into the latter category in a last-ditch effort to at least get him something.

Coralee was scrunching my hair in her hands as she blow-dried it when the front door swung open, letting in a draft of chilly air. I blew the hair out of my face to see who it was. Buddy, the very man we’d just been talking about, came rushing through the door, stomping the snow off his beat-up work boots.

“Well hey, Buddy!” I said. “How you been doin’? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Yeah, hey Noelle,” he muttered, but his gaze was glued to Coralee. He rushed over and took the blow dryer from her hands and handed it to me along with his Earnhardt ball cap, then took both of her hands in his, kissed her on the cheek, and dropped to one knee. His eyes were all moony and he was looking at her like she was a brand-new pick-up truck, season Bulldog tickets, and a deluxe pizza from Duck’s—the best pizza place in town—all rolled into one.

Coralee looked just as confused as I felt and Belle hovered beside her, unwilling to miss a single second of whatever was happening.

“Coralee, we’ve been together fifteen years, four months, and sixteen days”—if it weren’t so weird that he knew that, I would have been impressed—“and this has been a long time comin’.” He cleared his throat and scooted a little closer to her. “Will you do me the honor of marryin’ me?”

I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head, then her face broke out in a grin and she started to laugh. “Lordy,” she said, waving a hand at him. “You almost had me there for a minute. I thought you were serious ...” her words trailed off when she realized he was still on one knee, and hadn’t so much as cracked a smile.

Her expression shifted back and forth between a few emotions, then settled on something between panic and horror. “Oh, no, no, no. For the love of god, Buddy, get up! Have you lost your everlovin’ mind?”

“No, Coralee! For the first time since I met you, I’m in my right mind. You’re beautiful and sexy and you make the best fried catfish I’ve ever tasted. And that little thing you do with your—”

Thank the stars, Coralee slapped her hand over his mouth before he could finish that sentence. There are just some things you don’t want to know about your friends. Or anybody.

“Anyways,” he continued, “I ain’t got no fancy ring, but I can get one. The important part is that you say yes!”

She kept staring at him and blinked a couple times as if the train wreck in front of her would fade away. When it didn’t, and he was still on one knee staring at her all calf-eyed, she swatted him on the shoulder and tried to haul all six feet, four inches of him to a standing position. He allowed her to, and she nudged him backward ’til he plopped down in her second barber’s chair.

I studied his enraptured expression and glazed eyes, then sucked in a breath when I realized what was going on: he’d been hit with a love spell.

Chapter Two

“CORALEE, YOU MAY WANNA close up shop for a bit. You’re gonna have to babysit him awhile.”

“What? Why? I can’t just close up shop. I’ve got a full book this afternoon!” She lowered her brows and glared at Buddy.

“Boy, you sure are purdy when you’re mad, Coralee. Your eyes are all glittery and your cheeks are rosy. You just go ahead and work, and I’ll sit here and drink in your beauty.”

Coralee’s drawn-on brows shot straight up into her hairline. “What the hell’s the matter with him, Noelle?” She waved a hand his direction. “He’s a drooling idiot.”

Sam turned to me. “Ain’t she just an angel when she’s fired up?”

“I’m not fired up, you nimrod. I’m startin’ to wonder if I need to take you to the ER.” She narrowed her eyes and looked at him closer. “Did you hit your head on something? Is that it?”

I took her by the arm and pulled her to the back. “Buddy, wait right here. We’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be countin’ the minutes,” he said dreamily.

I rolled my eyes. Good lord, this was gonna be a whopper to fix. As I pushed through the door to the storage room, Coralee in tow, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. Then another. And another. “Oh, good grief!” I snatched it out of my pocket and swiped the screen to see what the big emergency was. Oddly enough, they were all from Hunter. When I pulled up his messages, I groaned.

He’d made a picture message in little hearts for the letters and flowers for the background that read I ♡ U. That was actually kind of sweet. Annoying because his ringtone was the Doppler Effect with a motorcycle sound, but sweet.

I stuffed it back in my pocket and turned to Coralee. “Buddy’s been hit with some kind of love spell. Where’s he been?”

Whatever she’d been about to say died on her lips. “A love spell?”

“Yeah. Though I have no idea how.” Rumors had floated around town for decades about my family, but only a select few knew for sure we were witches. Coralee was one of them, which was a good thing for us all today because I could work with her rather than around her to fix her overly amorous beau, and do whatever was necessary to keep him occupied until we could figure out how to unflick his love switch.

I peeked out the door to make sure he hadn’t wandered off in search of that big fancy ring and was relieved to see him sitting there, though the longing look on his face as he tried to look past me for a glimpse of Coralee wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.

Coralee grabbed my arm. “What are we gonna do?” she hissed. “He ain’t gonna be like that forever is he? I mean ... we have an agreement!”

Shifting my weight, I tried to loosen her grip on my arms; those fake nails hurt. “You know as much as I do right now,” I said, rubbing away the half-moon imprints she’d left in my hide. “I was sitting here same as you when he came in that way. What was he supposed to do this morning?”

She shrugged. “No idea. I mean, I know he was goin’ out to Sam McCauley’s to work on that airboat they’ve been buildin’. Can’t imagine he coulda gotten into anything there.”

I sighed. “I was hoping you were going to say he was at least within sight of a woman who may have her sights set on him, but that would have been too easy, I reckon. The only way we’re gonna find out is to ask him. Let’s go. And we should probably get Raeann here, too. She’s the herbalist in the family and knows a whole lot more than I do about potions. Unless I miss my guess, that’s what we’re dealing with.”

She pushed back into the front of the store and Buddy grinned at her like a love-struck teenager while I sent Rae a 911 text. She was at her coffee shop, Brew4U, which was just down the street. I’d barely read her return text before she rushed through the front door, huffing a little. Neither one of us is fat, but that’s due to high-ish metabolisms rather than regular exercise.

“Where is he? I gotta see this!” She pushed past me and went straight to Buddy, sliding to a halt when she saw the burly equipment operator holding his heart and grinning like a dope.

“Oh lordy. He’s got it bad.” She puckered her lips and put her hand on her chin, her expression clinical. “He’s not sweating and his complexion’s good. No frothing at the mouth. He’s not been poisoned.”

“Course I ain’t been poisoned,” he said as if it we were being ridiculous. “What’s all the hullabaloo? I just came to beg the most wonderful girl on the planet to be my wife. It is Valentine’s Day, ya know.”

Coralee frowned, but concern was etched on her face now, too. “That’s real sweet, Buddy. Just let Raeann take a closer gander at ya. There’s a bug goin’ around.”

Rae stepped closer. “I just need to check a couple things, Buddy. That okay?”

He shrugged. “Sure, I reckon. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with me though.”

She put her head on his forehead and her thumb on his eyebrow, lifting his lid a little, then checked the bottom lid, too. “Eyes are dilated, but the tissue’s nice and pink. His skin’s a little warm.”

Buddy was starting to fidget. “What’s this all about? Is somebody gonna watch the shop so we can go pack and head to Vegas? I don’t wanna wait another minute.”

Coralee shifted her weight and made a point to look anywhere but at him.

“Buddy,” I asked, “where have you been today? What have you had to eat and drink?”

“Why?” he asked.

“Just humor me.”

“I had the lumberjack breakfast and coffee out at the diner, then grabbed a couple power drinks and headed out to Sam’s to help with the boat. On the way, I realized what I needed to do, and made my excuses to Sam. He didn’t seem too disappointed though; he was concentratin’ on Callie.”

“That’s it? Who did you talk to?” He had to have gotten into it somewhere, and I knew for a fact Ray and Jeanie, the owners of the Starlite diner, were working that morning. That meant nobody had touched that food besides people who were trustworthy beyond a shadow of a doubt.

He shook his head. “I talked to Ray for a spell, then the guys and I shot the breeze outside the diner, but that’s it. Oh, and Lorraine was working at the QuikStop where I bought the drinks.”

Lorraine, huh? She was single and about his age.

Before I could say anything else, my phone chimed with another incoming text from Hunter. I couldn’t think of anything else to say anyway, so I glanced at Raeann and pulled my phone from my pocket. He’d sent five of those little heart-eyed emojis, a middle-school-style poem and a message.

H: Roses are red, violets are blue, if love was a sickness, I’d have a fever for you. I stopped and picked you some flowers and am on my way. Can’t wait to see you.

Then, not ten seconds later, he blew my phone up with three more messages that combined to make a picture. This time, it was of a heart made, again, out of emojis. The heart itself was made of red hearts and the background was made of pink ones.

I rolled my eyes, then did a double-take. He never sent gooey tripe like that, and he wasn’t a wild-flower-picking kind of guy. I could count how many times he’d sent emojis on one hand and have fingers left. My palms started to sweat and my heartrate doubled. “Buddy, did you see Hunter this morning?”

“Yeah, at the diner. So what? Listen, is somebody gonna watch this place so me and Coralee can go get hitched or not?”

“No,” she snapped. “They’re not. Not today, not tomorrow, not when kingdom comes. Not ever. We ain’t getting hitched, so you may as well get that through your thick skull now.” She slammed her hands across her chest and scowled at him.

Rae’d noticed the note of near-panic in my voice when I’d asked about Hunter. “What’s up, Noe? Why did you want to know if he’d seen Hunter or not?”

I pinched my lips together and handed her my phone. She swiped it open, and when she saw the text, her shoulders slumped and she looked up at me.

“Yeah.” I said, resigned. “I don’t think Buddy’s the only one who’s been exposed. I think Hunter’s been bespelled, too.”

Chapter Three

“CORALEE, KEEP HIM HERE, or take him home, but don’t let him out of your sight, and for the love of god, don’t let him convince you to get married. It’d be a disaster when we get this mess turned back around,” Rae said as we headed for the door. “We need to wait for Hunter, then figure out what happened.”

Turns out, we didn’t have to wait long. We hadn’t even made it all the way back to Brew4U before Hunter pulled up alongside us. It only took a quick glance to recognize the same sappy, out-of-focus grin that Buddy’d been wearing when he came into the salon earlier and I cringed when he spoke.

“There’s my beautiful girl! Raeann, look how the sun glints off her hair!”

Rae glanced at me, half amused and half grossed out. “Uh, yeah. Why don’t you park and come into the shop?”

I craned my neck to keep an eye on him while he pulled to the back and winced when he hit a garbage can because he was looking back at me.

“I don’t think you have to worry about him going anywhere else,” Rae said, her tone wry. “I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be attached to your hip until we undo whatever’s going on.”

A car backfired from the street and scared the crap out of me, and I caught a glimpse of Keyhole Lake’s water tower when I whipped around. I squinted to get a closer look because there was something written on it in huge, glittering gold letters. Cody ♡ Shelby. I tugged on Rae’s arm and pointed.

“Oh crap,” she huffed. Shelby was my little sister, and Cody was her boyfriend—her boyfriend who was deathly scared of heights.

I pulled up Shelby’s number on my phone and while I waited for her to answer, Hunter grabbed me from behind and nipped me on the neck.

“Okay, there Romeo,” Rae said. “Down boy.”

Though we were affectionate, neither of us was big on PDA; we tended to keep it to hand-holding and the occasional peck. His open lovey-doveyness was disconcerting. Thankfully, we were the only ones in the shop.

Shelby picked up after several rings. “Hey. I just finished the stalls. What’s up?”

“Have you by chance taken a gander at the water tower?”

“Nooo,” she drawled. “Why?” The tower wasn’t visible from the farm, so I wasn’t surprised.

“You’ll be delighted to know that your name is there in shiny gold paint.”

“Wait, what?”

“Cody hearts Shelby is written in giant gold letters on the water tank.”

“Aww,” she said in typical teenage fashion. “That’s so sweet!”

“Yeah,” I said. “So sweet I’m getting a stomachache. Let me ask you this though—have you ever known Cody to be one for defacing public property, especially from a hundred fifty feet in the air?”

“Oh,” she said as it sank in. “Yeah, probably not. Definitely not.”

I gave her a rundown of what was going on. “Track him down and call me as soon as you do. We have to get this straightened out, and right now we have no idea how it even happened.”

We disconnected and I shrugged out of Hunter’s grasp again. The man was like an octopus.

“I just can’t seem to keep my hands off you today, sweetie pie. You’re irresistible.”

I smacked his hand and led him to a table. “Try. Trust me when I tell you that you’ll regret it later if you don’t.”

His face fell and I growled in frustration. “Ugh. That wasn’t a threat—you’ve gotten into a love potion somewhere along the line.”

Rae joined us, handing us each a cup of coffee. “Yeah, loverboy. Where all you been?”

He scowled at her. “Nowhere. I went to the diner for breakfast, then started to go to work, but just had to see you first.” He turned his expression to me, hurt. “Why would you think I’ve drank something, magical or otherwise, just because I’m a little affectionate?”

“Oh, c’mon, honey. It’s not like that. It’s just that I know you. You’re not exactly an emoji kinda guy. And you’re definitely not one to act like a hormonal sixteen-year-old in public.” I smiled to take the sting out of my words.

“Now that you mention it, I do feel strange. I can’t focus on anything but you.”

I arched a brow and turned up a corner of my mouth.

“You know what I mean. I always think about you, but I can usually multitask and control my impulses.”

That made me feel better—and hopeful that the potion was wearing off. Until he opened his mouth again.

“But you’re just so beautiful ...” His eyes had glazed over again.

“You didn’t really think it was going to be that easy, did you, Sugar?” Rae nudged me with her elbow. “This one’s a doozy. I checked my supplies. Nothing that you’d use in a love spell is missing, so it had to have come from somebody else.”

Cheri Lynn, a friend and recently deceased exotic dancer—stripper’s a rude description, even if it’s accurate—popped in beside me, and I sloshed my coffee. She usually gave a little advance notice by fading in rather than popping, but she was excited. “Is it true? Have the guys been dosed with a love potion?”

Cheri was a true southern belle, despite her former less-than-ladylike profession. She’d been dealt a raw hand in life but since her murder, she’d proven to be a loyal friend.

“So it seems,” Rae said.

Cheri was staring at Hunter’s goofy expression, amused. “Looks like he got a double dose. So who all got into it? Have you figured out who done it yet?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. So far, it’s Hunter, Buddy, and—we suspect— Cody.”

“Ah,” Cheri Lynn said. “Yeah, I seen the water tower but just figured he was making a grand gesture of his undyin’ love since it’s their first Valentine’s Day together and all.” She sighed and dropped her chin in her hand. “Young love.”

She’d recently met a fine gentleman when us girls had gone on a cruise after our greedy, no-good sheriff was murdered. The funny part of the story is that the sheriff had paid for it, post-mortem. It was probably the nicest thing Hank ever did for anybody, and if he hadn’t already been dead, just the thought of spreading joy—or spending money on other people—would have killed him. At any rate, Cheri Lynn was looking at life through some seriously rose-tinted glasses right then.

“Sorry to burst the little heart bubbles floating from your eyes, but the water tower thing was because he’s stoned on liquid love. My guess is he’s gonna be mortified when he’s put back to rights,” Rae said.

“Speaking of”—I stole a quick glance at Hunter to see if I needed to wipe drool off his chin—“don’t you just have something here you can use to fix him?” I wanted my motorcycle-riding, manly-man cop back. Frankly, I preferred him a bit less in touch with his feminine side.

She shook her head. “I can’t give him anything until I know what he took. We need to go to the diner.”

I turned to Hunter. “You didn’t go anywhere else, other than the diner and work?”

“I did stop by Sam McCauley’s, just to see the airboat everybody’s talkin’ about. But that was only for five minutes.”

Huh. So he and Buddy had both been to Sam’s too. It seemed a call to Callie McCauley was in order, though I wasn’t sure I had her number. I was pulling up my contacts when my phone rang and Shelby’s face popped up on my screen. She’d found Cody at the animal shelter/vet clinic he helped his uncle run, tying red bows around the necks of an entire litter of puppies. Apparently he was taking the “more is better” approach to Valentine’s Day gifting, between the water tower and the puppies.

I’d have been okay with one puppy, but Max, our donkey, had already threatened barnyard rebellion if we brought home another dog. Yes, he talks, but that’s another story. Matt, the guy who rented the apartment above our barn, had a big German Shepherd named Wiz. Even though he was friendly and mannerly, one dog was all Max was willing to tolerate.

“Did you find out where he’s been today? Who he’s talked to?” I asked her.

“Yeah. He met Hunter at the diner for breakfast, then apparently lost his mind, because Will said he never showed up to work.”

“He didn’t go to Sam McCauley’s?”

“Nope. Not that he mentioned.”

Well, it seemed like we had a starting point: the diner it was. I told Shelby to keep a track of him until we figured out what was going on. Apparently, the odds of him leaving her side were about the same as the odds of Hunter leaving mine, so at least we had that going for us. She must have held the phone away from her ear because her voice became muffled. “Get off me! Go sit down and watch TV ...  no, we are not watching Sleepless in Settle! What’s wrong with you? Put it on FX or something.”

Her voice became clear again. “Hurry up, Noe. He’s seriously freakin’ me out; I think I’m gonna take him to Bobbie Sue’s. At least a rack of ribs will keep his hands busy.”

I smiled, until I noticed Hunter had drawn a big heart on his napkin, with Hunter N Noe written inside. I rubbed my forehead; whoever was responsible for this was gonna have hell to pay when I caught up with them.

We stood to go, but Hunter continued to sit there, staring at me like the sun rose and set on my backside. I took his hand and tugged on him. “C’mon Cassanova, let’s go see about getting your stones back.”

Chapter Four

ON THE WAY TO THE STARLITE, I called the Clip N Curl to check on Buddy. Apparently he wasn’t any better because when she answered, Coralee sounded thoroughly perturbed. “For the love of god, Noelle, hurry up before I lose all respect for him. This ... blubbering fool ... is not the man who takes me to truck pulls and beats my pants off at pool every weekend. It’s like he doesn’t even have a man-gene anymore!”

I bit back a laugh, mostly because her sentiments echoed what I’d been thinking earlier. I looked over at Hunter and he was making the heart symbol with his hands and blowing me kisses from the passenger seat. “Trust me, Coralee. I feel ya. We’re doing everything we can to get to the bottom of this.”

“Well do it quick, please.”

She hung up and I did my best to ignore Hunter as we pulled into the gravel lot of the diner.

The place was empty when we pushed through the double doors into the warmth. The smells of coffee and bacon grease permeated the air, and my stomach rumbled as Becki, the owner’s teenaged daughter, greeted us.

“Hey, Ms. Noelle, Ms. Shelby, Sheriff. Y’all sit wherever you want. Coffee?”

As much as my stomach screamed yes to both the caffeine and a plate full of greasy deliciousness, there was no way I was eating or drinking anything from there until we figured out the love-potion business.

“Thanks, Becki, but we’re not here to eat. Can you tell your mom we need to talk to her for a minute?”

Her eyes shifted between the three of us and settled on Hunter. “Is he okay? He looks drunk.”

Subtlety was an art she hadn’t quite mastered yet.

I smiled. “He’s fine, sort of. That’s actually what we need to talk to your mom about ...”

I let my words trail, and looked pointedly toward the kitchen door.

“Oh. Of course.” She looked away from Hunter, who was rubbing one of my curls between his fingers and looking at me like a bloomin’ idiot, and her cheeks pinked. “I’ll go get her for you.”

It only took a few seconds for Jeanie, her mom, to shoulder through the batwings.

“Hey Noe, Rae.” She pushed her eyebrows together and studied Hunter. “Sheriff, you all right?”

“Huh?” he said, then realized what he was doing and dropped my hair. He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Well, sort of. The girls will explain.” He drifted back behind his loopy grin, and my love-struck lunatic was back.

“Okay,” Jeanie said, looking at him like he’d lost his mind, which, to be fair, he had. “What’s he talking about? And what’s wrong with him?”

Rae huffed out a breath, blowing her bangs off her forehead. “Apparently he managed to consume a love potion somewhere.”

Jeanie cocked an eyebrow. “Well, of course he did. That just explains everything. Silly me—I can’t believe I even had to ask.” She put her hands on her hips. “Seriously though. Is he drunk?”

I drew my brows down. “Of course he’s not drunk! You should know better than that. Buddy Hawkins and Cody are in the same shape. The only thing we can find in common so far is that they had breakfast here.”

“Surely you don’t think they got into it here! They came in and had coffee and breakfast! That’s it!”

“Calm down,” Rae said, holding her hands out. “We’re not saying you did anything to them. We’re just startin’ here because so far it’s the one place they had in common. Were they here at the same time? If so, did they talk to each other?”

That seemed to smooth Jeanie’s feathers a bit and she furrowed her brow, thinking. “Cody was in first. Said he had to go help Will with a calving. Hunter came in about twenty minutes later, then Buddy about five minutes after that. Hunter actually sat down with Cody, and Buddy was sittin’ across the aisle from them, so he probably talked to them, too.”

“Okay,” I said, elbowing Hunter out of my space for the hundredth time. “That’s a start.”

“Isn’t she just brilliant, Jeanie? Can you make her some heart-shaped pancakes from me?” He threw his arm back around me and squeezed me so hard I felt like one of those stress toys; I was sure my eyes were gonna pop out at any minute.

“Oh, lordy,” she said, shaking her head. “He has it bad. Lemme ask Becki if she noticed anything off. She was serving so she saw more than I did, I’m sure.”

Becki must have heard her name from the bar where she’d been rolling silverware because she scooted right over to us without being called.

“It’s like Mom said—Hunter sat with Cody, and Buddy sat at the half-booth across from them. They were all talking.” She crinkled her forehead. “Mr. And Mrs. Spangler were sitting in the booth behind Buddy.”

Hunter piped up. “Yeah, nice couple, but he talked about his new tractor so much nobody else could get a word in edgewise. I tried to tell them nice things about you, but he just wouldn’t stop.”

I jerked my gaze toward him. “Wait, you had the urge to talk about me by the time you were eating breakfast?”

He reached out to touch my face and I pushed his hand away. “Knock it off, sweetie. Seriously. Now, answer my question, please.”

“Hmm,” he said, stuffing his hand in his pocket. “I can’t imagine not wanting to talk about you, but now that you mention it, I was thinking more along the lines of what to do for Valentine’s Day and—can you believe it—all I was gonna do was take you to the movies to watch the new Marvel movie, then grab a pizza on the way to your place because the restaurants would all be packed.” He wrinkled his nose. “I can’t believe I was so unromantic.”

I heaved a sigh of relief. That was more along the lines of the normal Hunter—and definitely more up my alley than gooey, flowery text messages or standing in line for an hour waiting to eat an overpriced dinner that wouldn’t have been half as good as Duck’s pizza anyway. That was good info, though because now I knew he hadn’t gotten into it by then.

“What about Cody?” Rae asked. “What did he say he was going to do?”

Hunter scoffed. “He didn’t mention Valentine’s Day at all. Just said he was gonna help Will with a calving, then go hang out with Shelby and watch movies because it’s cold. He asked me to pick up a pizza for them when I got ours.”

Okay, so that was two out of three who hadn’t lost his mind to the lovebug before breakfast.

“And Buddy?” I asked.

“He wasn’t doing anything at all for Coralee!” He looked appalled at the idea. “Said they’d been together too long for such nonsense and he’d already taken her to the truck pull last night.”

So three normal guys came in. But did three normal guys leave?

I was about to ask Becki if she’d noticed anything unusual about them when she left, but Hunter’s phone rang. He answered, then frowned. “Yeah, she’s right here. Hang on.”

He handed to phone to me and I answered.

“Noelle? Oh thank god! This is Callie McCauley and there’s something bad wrong with Sam.” She lowered her voice. “Something of the ... witchy variety, if you know what I mean. Or at least I think so. I think maybe ... well, I think he’s possessed or somethin’!”

“Callie, I’m here with Rae, Hunter, and Jeanie from the diner. I’m putting you on speaker.”

She agreed, then went on to describe the same symptoms the other three had. “He went to breakfast, then when he got home, he was actin’ all weird and had a big, mixed-bag bouquet of lilies and carnations for me.”

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Jeanie said.

“Yeah, you’d think so,” Callie said, “’ceptin’ the card attached to the carnations said, [From all the guys at the station: you put up one hell of a fight. We’re going to miss you].”

I bit back a snort and Jeanie’s coffee came out her nose; they lived right up the road from the Keyhole Cemetery and the potion had apparently taken effect on his way home.

Or at least I sure hoped so.

Chapter Five

JEANIE SCRATCHED HER head. “That don’t make no sense if they got into somethin’ here. Sam took two breakfasts—one for him and one for Callie—to go. Only thing he got was the coffee, and it couldn’t have been that, seein’ as how the diner was full at that point and at least five or six other people got coffee, at least top-offs, from that pot. We’d have a whole batch of other folks declarin’ undying love in whatever way they’d see fit.”

Becki nodded. “That’s the truth.” Her eyes got wide. “Good grief. Old Ms. Simmons was here then. I filled her cup up right after I filled Sam’s.”

“Oh dear,” Jeanie said. “That coulda turned ugly, fast.”

They were looking at each other, wearing identical expressions of horror and humor mixed together.

“Why’s that?”

Belle chose that minute to pop in. “I’ll tell you why! Cuz the old bat’s a donut shy of a dozen. She was into that free-love-and-peace, hippy mumbo-jumbo. Spent most of the sixties topless following the Grateful Dead and hittin’ so much LSD her brain’s et clear up. You go givin’ her a love potion and you’re gonna be seein’ a whole lot more of her than you want, I guarantee. And lemme tell ya, as a well-endowed woman myself, some things just ain’t supposed to swing free in the wind, ’specially after a certain age.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I knew Ms. Simmons; she came into Brew a few times a week, and now I was never gonna be able to scrub that visual from my brain.

“Jeanie, you sure you didn’t change any ingredients in anything at all? Maybe you should get Ray out here, too.”

“I didn’t change nothin’. Got everything from the same people I buy from every week. Didn’t change no recipes or anything. If it ain’t broke, there’s no need to fix it.” She turned toward the back and bellowed, “Ray! Get out here!”

Almost immediately, Ray, a lumberjack of a man, pushed through the batwings wiping his hands on a towel. “Whatcha hollerin’ about out here? Oh, hey y’all! How goes it?”

“Hey Ray. Not too great,” I said. We gave him the general idea and he shook his head, looking at Hunter with sympathy. “Onlyest thing I can tell ya is they was all standing around the back of Hunter’s truck shootin’ the breeze after they finished eatin’.”

“All of them? Even Sam?” I asked.

He nodded once. “Yup. All of ’em. They was standin’ out there when Sam came out carryin’ his food. I know because I was takin’ the trash out.”

I turned to Hunter and narrowed my eyes. “Did you guys eat or drink anything while you were standin’ out there?”

He shrugged, but his expression became guarded. “Maybe. But nothin’ much.”

I ran my tongue over my teeth. “And what, may I ask, was it?”

“We might maybe have had a nip or two outta Mr. Spangler’s private stock while Mrs. Spangler was in the bathroom.”

I rolled my eyes. Private stock was a polite term for the turpentine the Spanglers made and called liquor. To be fair, it was pure—so pure it burned blue, Mr. Spangler prided himself on that. I’d warned Hunter when he first moved to town not to drink anything from a mason jar, but apparently my advice had gone in one ear and out the other.

“He had it left over from the holidays. Apple pie-flavored.” In his defense, the Spangler pie shine was hailed near and far as the most delicious—and dangerous—holiday home-brew in the state. But I’d had it plenty of times, and it hadn’t done anything weird to me, or to anybody else that I knew of.  At least not anything more weird than pure shine makes anybody do.

I sighed. “C’mon then. It looks like we need to talk to the Spanglers.”

Chapter Six

WE’D JUST BUCKLED UP when Hunter’s radio went off. “Sheriff, you got your ears on? This here’s Smitty. We got a problem.”

I snatched the radio off Hunter’s hip before he could answer. Lord only knows what’d come out of his mouth. “Smitty, it’s Noelle. Please tell me nobody’s nekkid.”

“What? No!” His embarrassment was obvious even over the scratchy waves of the walkie-talkie. Smitty was a home-grown boy, raised as a true backwoods gentlemen. Just the word nekkid used in mixed company was enough to turn his face scarlet.

“Okay, then. Hunter’s a bit under the weather”—understatement of the year—“so what can I do for you?”

Hunter scowled at me and snatched the radio from my hand. “Smitty, this is Hunter. I’m here. Just admiring how Noelle’s eyes are the color of Kentucky bluegrass. What’s up?” He really was looking into my eyes like they were deep pools he wanted to drown in. I squeezed them shut and turned away, fighting the urge to drown him for real.

Smitty’s voice squawked back through the box. “We just got a 911 call that was a little strange.”

“How strange?” I asked, worrying my lip.

“Donnie Stills and Cody are takin’ swings at each other over Ms. Shelby down at Bobbie Sue’s. Earl’s got Donnie locked down and Shelby and Bobbie Sue managed to talk Cody off the ledge, but it’s weird. Usually, a fight happens and it’s over, but Donnie’s mad as the dickens. Every time Earl sets him loose, he jumps back after Cody. What on earth is goin’ on?”

I snatched the mic from Hunter. “Smitty, you don’t happen to know whether or not Donnie’s been around the Spanglers today do you?” Shelby had dated Donnie briefly in her freshman year, back before she became a royal pain in the butt and developed a thing for bad boys. He was crushed when she broke up with him.

“I’m not for sure, but I know he helps with odd jobs out there a couple times a week. But how did you know that?”

I heaved a sigh. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll take care of it. Just ... if anything else weird happens, call me.”

I disconnected and turned to Belle. “Can you please go get Addy, then go help Shelby?” Addy was my living-impaired aunt, and she was good at putting a broom to a backside even if it was a proverbial one rather than a physical one. Trust me. Addy—or Belle either, for that matter—didn’t need a corporeal body to bend folks, especially kids, to their wills.

She nodded and popped out of view.

Ray and Jeanie had delivered food to the Spanglers’ a few times for reunions, so they gave me directions. Fortunately, they didn’t live far away, and we were rumbling up their dirt-road drive ten minutes later.

The sight that greeted us when we arrived was nothing short of bizarre. Keep in mind that the Spanglers are well into their seventies. Mrs. Spangler was standing behind a rocking chair on the porch holding an old straw broom like a baseball bat. Mr. Spangler was on the other side of the chair, facing her with his shirt off. The sun glinted off the gray hair on his shoulders and he was jumping around in such a way that I thought maybe he’d gotten into a fire-ant hill.

When I pushed my truck door open, Mr. Spangler’s off-key voice about ruptured my eardrums, and it took me a minute to recognize the mangled lyrics to J-Bieb’s Love Me that he was belting out at the top of his lungs. Apparently there were no ants in his pants, either; he was bustin’ some moves. Or a seam, one of the two.

Rae and I rushed to the porch. Poor Mrs. Spangler looked horrified, brandishing her straw-tipped Louisville Slugger.

“What’s going on here?” I shouted over the chorus. Mr. Spangler’s voice trailed off when he saw us.

Hunter clapped him on the shoulder. “Serenading. Man, I wish I’da thought of that.”

He cleared his voice and I glowered at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

With our arrival and the blessed silence that accompanied it, Mrs. Spangler lowered the broom and stepped from behind the rocker, keeping a wary eye on her husband. She glanced at me.

“You have any idea what’s wrong with him?” she snapped.

“Well,” I told her, “I was hoping you could shed some light on that. Seems we’re having a bit of a crisis. All the boys who got into your home brew this mornin’ at the diner while you were in the ladies’ room are acting like lovesick fools.”

She glanced nervously at Hunter, who was in uniform, and set the broom down. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I ain’t got nothin’ to do with no home brew. That stuff’s illegal.” Her prim tone and posture would have made a nun proud.

I scoffed. “Oh please! Everybody in the county knows you brew the best lightnin’ in Georgia. That’s not even up for debate. What I need to know is whether you did anything different to this batch? Your apple-pie batch.”

She looked confused for a few seconds, then a look of dawning crept across her face and she held up a finger. “Oh dear,” she said. “Wait here for just a minute.” She started off across the yard toward their truck, but turned back around and pointed at her husband. “And you put your clothes on! Ain’t gonna be none of that hanky-panky crap goin’ on now. Specially not after all that caterwaulin’. And you’re gonna catch your death in this weather.”

After stomping the rest of the way to the truck, muttering and shaking her head, she pushed the seat forward and pulled out a brown paper bag with a bottle in it. The bag was twisted around the neck, and when she pulled the bottle out, it was only more than half-empty.

She looked at Mr. Spangler, then at Hunter, who was staring at me like I was a filet and he hadn’t eaten in a week. Her wrinkles shifted from a scowl to a grin, and within seconds, she was laughing so hard she could barely draw breath. Holding onto the truck to keep from falling over, she tried to speak between hoots of laughter, but all she could manage was gasping incoherent phrases while waving her finger back and forth between the two men.

Chapter Seven

IT TOOK A FULL TWO minutes for her laughter to subside enough for her to speak. She wiped the tears from her eyes with her knuckles, then patted her husband on the cheek. “Arnie, sugar, I’d apologize, but it’s what you get for dippin’ into my hidden stash.”

She turned to me and Hunter. “I truly am sorry to you two, though.”

Rae, ever the mixologist, was about to burst with curiosity, to the point that she was getting irritated. “So what’d you do? What’d you put in it?”

Mrs. Spangler pinched her lips together and motioned us toward the house. “C’mon inside. It’s freezin’ out here.” When Rae started to protest, the older lady silenced her with a look, so we followed her to the house and through the screen door. Warmth and the smell of wood smoke and apple pie—whether from an actual pie, a batch of shine, or a candle was anyone’s guess—enveloped us as we crossed the threshold.

She motioned toward the dining room table, and as we sat down, she reached into the cupboard and pulled out a mason jar full of amber liquid. “A nip to chase away the cold?”

Rae shook her head and I held up my hand. “We’re good, I think. No offense, but ...” I motioned to the guys, who still looked a little goofy. I noticed Hunter was getting a bit of a green tinge, though, and figured if he barfed on the carpet, it was Karma.

Mrs. Spangler snorted. “They got into my special batch. This is just the plain stuff.”

“Still, we’ll pass,” Rae said. “Now what did you put in that special batch?”

The older woman’s blue eyes sparkled. “My granddaughter and her new husband have been having a little bit of a problem gettin’ on the same page, so to speak. She manages the Piggly Wiggly and he works as an accountant, and it’s tax season. They’re workin’ their fingers to the bone and ain’t hardly got the energy to cook, let alone do anythin’ romantic.”

She picked up the bottle she’d retrieved from the truck. “So I made ’em up a special batch for Valentine’s Day.” She looked at the guys, who seemed to be coming back around. They’d wandered over to load more wood into the wood burner.

Rae pulled the bottle from the bag and held it up to the light, then twisted the lid off and sniffed it, crinkling her brow in thought. “I can smell a hint of somethin’, ma’am, but the pie scent covers it up.”

“Hmph. Some witch you are.” She cackled when Rae and I exchanged a startled glance. “Course I know. I was good friends with your grand-mammy. I got a touch of the magic in me, too, though nothin’ that could hold a candle to you. Or so I thought.”

“Hey!” I said. “She’s dang good at what she does.”

“Oh, untwist your knickers, young lady. I ain’t insultin’ her. I been at this decades longer than she has. ’Sides, in case you didn’t notice, I didn’t exactly hit the nail on the head with this one.”

She turned back to Rae. “I used what my mammy called the trifecta of love. ’Ceptin’ she used the blend in a tea. In hindsight, I outta done it that way, too. Mandrake root, horny goat weed, and damiana. Oh, and I put just a wee pinch of magic mushrooms in it to give it that extra boost.” She smiled and held her thumb and forefinger a quarter-inch or so apart.

“How much of each, and in how much hooch?” Rae asked.

Mrs. Spangler rattled off the amounts and Rae did some mental math. In about five seconds, her eyes about popped out of her head. “Holy crap on a cracker!” She turned to me. “Count yourself lucky Hunter and Cody managed to keep their clothes on!”

The older lady blushed. “I reckon I didn’t take the interaction with alcohol into consideration enough.”

“You reckon?” Rae asked, brows raised.

“Don’t get sassy, with me, missy! This wouldn’t even be an issue if he’da kept his paws to himself.” She scowled at her husband, who was beginning to look sheepish. Hunter was looking better, too, and had lost the green tinge. “I thought I had it hid. I had it in the truck behind the seat in the bag to give to her when I go to the grocery store later.”

“I’m sorry, mother,” Mr. Spangler hung his head. “I just figured you had it in there for an extra gift or somethin’.”

“She picked up a rolled-up newspaper from the table and whacked him on the shoulder with it. “Easy to say sorry now, you old coot! You went and drugged half the town, includin’ the sheriff!” She punctuated the last three words with additional whacks. “At this rate, I ain’t never gonna have any great-grandbabies!”

While she was cleaning his clock with the classifieds, I turned to Rae Rae. “So do we need to come up with an antidote or will this wear off?” I motioned to Mr. Spangler and Hunter. “It looks like it’s wearing off.”

She waved a hand. “They’ll be fine. From the looks of the bottle, divided between six grown men, including Donny—”

Mr. Spangler interrupted her, cheeks pink. “Actually, they all only had a couple pulls each. The rest was all me.”

“Oh, well then,” Rae said, “It should be worn off by now then. With the amount of herbs combined with the way the alcohol is metabolized, they should be fine as soon the alcohol burns off. Call Shelby and Coralee. I’ll bet Cody, Buddy, and Sam are fine as frog’s hair by now, or gettin’ there.”

I nodded and reached for my phone, glaring at Hunter as I did. “Yeah, I’ll check on Shelby’s underage boyfriend and see if the booze wore off yet.”

He held up his hand defensively. “I didn’t even know he drank any. I went to the john and when I came out, they were passin’ the bottle around. I took a couple swigs just to be polite, then we shot the breeze for a few minutes and went our own ways.”

That earned Mr. Spangler another whack. “You gave my sauce to a kid? You ain’t got the sense God gave a”—two more whacks—“wooden goose!”

The older man scowled and snatched the paper from her. “Ouch, woman! Knock it off—the kid’s eighteen, same as Donnie.”

“Oh,” she said, plopping down next to him. “That’s a horse of a different color then. Kid’s old enough to die for his country, he’s old enough to have himself a snoot or two.”

Yeah, maybe that idea wouldn’t worry me quite so much if I didn’t have little old ladies spiking moonshine with love potions, but I suppose that was one of the saner incidents in our lives lately.

All things considered, it was just another day in Keyhole Lake.

< < < < > > > >

Note From Tegan

MOONSHINE VALENTINE is set inside my Witches of Keyhole Lake mystery series. If you’d like to read more, check out Sweet Murder, the first book in the series, or go to her author page. To receive notifications about new releases and other exciting news from me, sign up for my newsletter. I have a no-spam guarantee!

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Books by Tegan

Books in the Witches of Keyhole Lake Series

SWEET MURDER

Murder to the Max

Murder so Magical

Mayhem and Murder

Murder and Marinade

Hook, Line, and Murder (May 16, 2018)

Witches of Keyhole Lake Shorts

BUBBLE, BUBBLE, HERE Comes Trouble (Book 2.5)

Witching for a Miracle (Book 3.5)

Moonshine Valentine (Book 4.5)

Cori Sloan Witchy Werewolf Mysteries (Coming April, 2018)

HOWLING FOR REVENGE

Dead Man’s Hand

Enchanted Coast Magical Mysteries

THE DEADLY DAIQUIRI

About the Author

I was born and raised in the South and even hung my motorcycle helmet in Colorado for a few months. I've always had a touch of wanderlust and have never feared just packing up and going on new adventures, whether in real life or via the pages of a great book.

When I was a little girl, I didn't want to grow up to be a writer—I wanted to raise unicorns and be a superhero. When those gigs fell through, I chose the next best thing: creating my own magical lands filled with adventure, magic, humor, and romance.