Risking it All: An M/M, rockstar, second chance romance (Kingston Brothers Book 4)
Author: Lucero, Isabel
Date: 2020-09-24

Risking it All

Copyright © 2020 Isabel Lucero

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except where permitted by law. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication and use of these trademarks are not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. If you have obtained a copy of this book without purchasing it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please delete the file and purchase a copy legally. This novel is for your enjoyment only and may not be resold or given to other people.

Published and formatted by Isabel Lucero

Cover Design by Robin Harper at Wicked by Design

Edited by Kay Springsteen

Contents

1. Merrick

2. Merrick

3. Alejandro

4. Alejandro

5. Merrick

6. Merrick

7. Alejandro

8. Alejandro

9. Merrick

10. Merrick

11. Alejandro

12. Merrick

13. Alejandro

14. Alejandro

15. Merrick

16. Merrick

17. Alejandro

18. Merrick

19. Alejandro

20. Merrick

21. Alejandro

22. Merrick

23. Alejandro

24. Merrick

25. Alejandro

26. Merrick

27. Merrick

28. Alejandro

29. Merrick

30. Alejandro

31. Merrick

32. Alejandro

33. Merrick

34. Alejandro

35. Merrick

36. Alejandro

37. Merrick

38. Alejandro

39. Alejandro

40. Merrick

41. Merrick

42. Alejandro

43. Merrick

44. Alejandro

45. Alejandro

46. Merrick

47. Alejandro

48. Merrick

49. Alejandro

50. Merrick

51. Alejandro

52. Merrick

53. Alejandro

54. Merrick

Epilogue

Merrick’s Statement

Preview of On the Rocks

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Isabel Lucero

1

Merrick

10 Years Ago

“So, what’re we gonna do this summer?” Ali asks, taking a sip of beer.

“Shit, it’s not like we have many options. We can have bonfires out at the circle of trees. Go to the mall or the pool.” I take a drink out of my own beer bottle. “I’m fine just hanging out here. Me and the guys set up in the garage and just play music. Maybe we can find some events to play at.”

Ali nods and then puts the joint between his lips and inhales. He’s not real close with Jay, Carlos, or Sky, but they don’t hate each other either. Sometimes he hangs out in the garage when we play, but usually it’s just me and the guys, and occasionally some girls, depending on who’s dating who at the time.

“Your brother’s not home, is he?” he questions, passing me the joint.

“Nah. I think he’s at work.”

Me and Ali sit on the steps leading to my backyard, drinking the beer he swiped from his mom’s house and smoking the joint we got from Leo—the known pothead of our high school.

“You’re lucky you always have the house to yourself,” he says. “My mom’s always up my ass about something. I gotta clean, do homework, cut the grass, help my sister with something. It’s never ending.”

I finish the beer and open another one. “Yeah, but at least you have a mom.”

Ali cringes. “Sorry, bro. I forget. I’m grateful I have her, but. . .you know.”

“Don’t worry about it. I get it. Elijah makes me do shit around the house, too. It’s not like I don’t have a parent figure. He definitely acts like my dad, so it’s not like it’s easy around here.”

We’re silent for a minute, drinking and smoking, even though we both know we shouldn’t be doing either. We’re only sixteen, but it’s not like we’re the only people doing it. Our school is crawling with kids who are eager to do both. Some do it to fit in or be cool, but I started doing it in the hopes that it would keep certain thoughts at bay.

My parents died when I was eleven, leaving my oldest brother to care for me and my other two brothers. It’s hard thinking about them and knowing they’ll never be around again. Sometimes you need their advice and guidance, especially as you grow older.

I met Alejandro last year, and quickly started calling him Ali. He says he hates it, but I think he’s gotten used to it by now. He decided to get me back by calling me by my last name, but that doesn’t bother me.

Any time I’m not with the band, I’m with him. We became fast friends, and soon after, I started having these feelings. . .these urges.

Sometimes I want to kiss Ali. He makes me laugh constantly, and his smile makes me smile. My heart has threatened to burst out of my chest when I’ve been in his room and he started undressing. I’m not supposed to think about him like that, but I can’t help it. He’s the first person I’ve felt any sort of attraction to. At least like this.

Sure, I’ve seen guys on TV who I’ve thought were good-looking, but women are pretty, too. I just don’t feel anything when I look at them. I feel everything when I look at Ali.

Me and him can talk about anything. Well, almost. I haven’t told him about this. How can you tell your same-sex friend that you find him attractive? How can you admit to something that you don’t really want to acknowledge yourself?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m gay, and I don’t know how to deal with that. So I drink and I smoke and I try to pretend I’m into girls. That’s what most sixteen-year-olds do, right?

But there are moments, very brief moments, when I think Ali might like me too. Not just as friends, but as more. Maybe I’m seeing things that I want to see. Maybe he doesn’t glance at my lips when I talk. Perhaps that tiny little lip bite he did when I took off my shirt to jump in the pool was meant for someone else.

“What do you think about Mindy?” I ask, drinking more of the bitter tasting beer.

“What about her?” he asks, his voice dripping with disgust.

I laugh. “You don’t think she’s cute?”

“Fuck no!”

“Why not?” I ask, laughing harder. “She’s got dirty blond hair, pretty eyes, and a decent body.”

Ali scoffs. “So do you.”

I sober up, sitting straighter and wondering if I heard what I thought I heard. Did he compliment me? My body? “What?”

His eyes are wide when he looks at me, then he starts laughing. “I’m just saying. . .that doesn’t automatically mean someone’s attractive.”

It takes a minute before my heart rate slows down. “Oh. Well, she asked me out.”

“She asked you out?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? I am attractive.”

Ali rolls his eyes as he laughs. “Whatever, man. That girl asks out everybody. She’s just a slut.”

“Harsh.”

He shrugs, then takes a sip of his beer while I puff on the joint. “Why do you like her anyway?”

I blow out the smoke as I answer. “She likes me.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not a good reason.”

“Whatever, bro. Who do you like? I saw you with Stephanie the other day. What’s up with that?”

“Nothing is up. She’s just a friend.”

“Have you dated anybody lately? I can’t remember you ever having a girlfriend.”

Ali tenses up a bit. “Girls suck.”

“What are you? Eight?” I laugh.

“You haven’t dated anyone either.”

I think back as I finish the beer. “I went out with Jess.”

“Dude. I was there with you guys at the movies. That was not a date.”

“Okay, well, I made out with Rochelle.”

“Making out is not dating.”

“Why are you giving me shit?”

“You’re the one who brought it up.” He laughs and chokes at the same time, sputtering out smoke.

I finish another beer and he smokes the rest of the joint. We’re both feeling pretty good, laughing at stupid shit, and making plans for the summer.

“You’re right, girls do suck,” I say after a couple minutes of silence, leaning back against the railing.

He chuckles. “I know, but why do you say that now? I thought you were gonna go out with Mindy.”

I watch him until he finally looks up at me. Our eyes stay connected for several seconds, and I start having those feelings again. I want to lean over and plant my lips on his. I want to taste his tongue and run my hands under his shirt and feel his body. I want to tangle my fingers in his long, wavy brown hair.

“I don’t want to date Mindy.”

Stuck in this staring contest, the air around us becomes charged with electricity. His head tilts just slightly, like he’s asking me a question without words. I figure now’s a good time to try to drop hints. If it doesn’t go the way I hope, I can blame it on the alcohol and weed.

My eyes roam his handsome face. His skin is flawless and mocha tinted, and his eyes are like honey. I finally land on his lips. They look soft and plump, and they’re perfectly proportioned. His tongue swipes across the bottom one as I continue to stare.

“Merrick.”

The use of my first name feels different and instantly pulls me out of my daze. “Yeah?”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing. What do you mean?”

“You’re looking at me like. . .”

“Like what?” I ask, arching a brow.

Once again he glances at my lips, and there’s nothing about the way he’s looking at me that gives off a friend vibe. He’s looking at me like he wants me.

“Like. . .” he trails off again.

“Like you’re looking at me?”

We don’t say anything else. Instead, we slowly lean toward one another, each waiting for the other to pull away or ask what the hell is going on. Neither of us stops it.

My lips brush against his. We’re cautious, taking our time. One peck leads to two. And then I put my hand on the side of his face and keep him in place as I slip my tongue into his mouth.

He moans which gives me the confidence to keep going. Our kiss turns passionate, and both my hands cradle his face as he fists the sides of my shirt and yanks me into him.

After a good thirty seconds, I ease away just slightly, but my hands are still on his face and his hands are still on my body.

“Ali,” I whisper.

The back door swings open, and the creaking sound sends me and Ali flying apart.

“Merrick.” Elijah’s stern voice steals my attention.

My heart hammers in my chest. Did he see? He looks surprised. Angry. He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at me.

“Are you kidding me? You’re smoking weed? I could smell that shit as soon as I got out of the car.” He looks past me and Ali and finds the empty beer bottles. “And you’re drinking?” Elijah huffs, his jaw clenching. “Alejandro, I think you need to go home.”

Ali quickly stands up. “Sorry, Elijah.”

My brother doesn’t say anything, he just steps to the side and lets Ali walk through the house.

I wait for him to start yelling and listing my punishments, but he just stands there and watches me. His anger quickly settles into something else. Disappointment? Concern?

“Go to your room, Merrick,” he says with a sigh.

I stand up and slowly lift my head to meet his gaze. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I suddenly want to break down and cry and tell him everything. But I don’t. I just walk past him and go to my room.

2

Merrick

Present Day

It’s been almost five years since I transitioned from unknown to world renowned. Music has been a huge part of my life for so long.

I remember my parents listening to music, but I couldn’t tell you the names of the artists. I just know my mom liked having music on in the kitchen when she was cooking, and my dad played music both in the car and in his den. I was only eleven when they died, and I wish I remembered more of what they were into.

After their deaths, and as I grew into a teenager, I would lock myself in my room and blast a mix of heavy metal, punk rock, and alternative rock. I taught myself how to play guitar and started to create music.

Befriending Jay, Skyler, and Carlos in school was my saving grace. We were all musically inclined, and I started to focus my anger and pain into creating music with them. It started out as a hobby, something we could do after school and on the weekends.

When people started taking interest in us after we’d perform for talent shows, we started performing locally at any event that would take us. We quickly realized people loved us and wanted to hear our music. They’d ask when we would be performing again so they could show up. We knew we had the potential to be something, but we had no idea just how popular we’d eventually become.

My parents will never see me perform. They’ll never know I made it big and was able to see the world all before the age of thirty. Then again, if they hadn’t died, maybe I’d never have picked up a guitar to keep me from crying. Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time in the garage with my bandmates trying to make music, because I would have been with them instead.

It’s hard thinking about that. If my parents had lived, it’s possible I wouldn’t have the life I have now. But honestly, though I only have about six or seven years’ worth of memories with them, I’d choose them over this life in a heartbeat.

My brothers are amazing. They love and support me like crazy, but sometimes you want your mom and dad around for certain things.

While I wish they could see what I became, sometimes I wonder if it’s better that they can’t. Perhaps it’s best that they don’t know about things I’ve done or who I really am.

Would they be proud of my accomplishments? I have no doubt about it. But would they accept me if they knew I was gay? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I accept me. How can I when all I’ve done is lie to myself and the people closest to me?

My brothers don’t know. My bandmates don’t either. Only one person besides myself knows, and I’m pretty sure he hates me.

So, yes, I’m rich and famous. I have the life people dream about. But am I happy? Not really. Not completely.

This tour is coming to an end in a month. We’re finally going to be able to go home to our families or take a vacation to an island in the middle of nowhere. Sky’s doing the latter.

I’m going home. I’m gonna see my brothers, visit some old friends, and try to get the guy who knows my deepest and darkest secret to forgive me.

I’ve been in the tabloids and splashed across internet articles with a different woman in every city. Why? Because that’s what you want the world to see when you’re living a lie. You show everyone what you’re not.

I’m a liar, and I don’t know how I’ll begin to set things straight. No pun intended. I want to live life honestly. I want to be myself one hundred percent, because it’s extremely hard to be happy when you’re constantly putting on a front for people. But it’s become second nature to be what everyone expects me to be, that I’m not entirely sure who I am.

Going back home will be good for me. However, every time I think about coming clean to everyone, I think about how I risk jeopardizing not only my career, but the career of my bandmates if I come out.

“Hey, man. You ready to go on? We’re up in seven,” Sky tells me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

He grins, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he runs a hand through his dark hair. “I got four girls ready to meet us after the show. Dude, I’m telling you these girls are fucking hot! Their bodies.” His eyes bulge. “Even hotter than the girls in London. These Parisian girls are no joke.”

I force a smile. “Okay, cool. Let’s get the show started, so we can hurry and be done.”

He slaps my shoulder as I walk by, grinning from ear to ear. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. I’ll even let you pick first.”

Skyler’s insatiable. I may be photographed with women in every city, but he’s definitely banging one. . .or two in every city. Hell, maybe more. I don’t know. I just throw condoms at him and hope he’s using them.

I’m not saying I haven’t slept with any women. I’d be an even bigger liar if I said that, because I’ve done it. Lord knows I’ve tried to enjoy myself, too. I drink enough to loosen up and then I go for it.

Sometimes it’s just a blowjob. Sometimes it’s sex. There’s been a lot of making out and a lot of touching, but there’s never been passion. There’s never been lust.

Not since Ali.

Alejandro Barrera.

He was my friend in school, and my sexual awakening happened with him. We haven’t seen each other in years. He came to our performance in King’s Tavern—my brother, Royce’s bar, and then I was able to get him to visit me at my brother Elijah’s house when we had a going away party before the band departed to New York right before our first album came out.

Things were weird between us then, but I’d take weird over radio silence in a second. He’s been ignoring me for ages, and I need to find him and tell him how sorry I am. I just don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.

Would you forgive someone who lied to you and kept things from you? I sure as fuck wouldn’t, but I’m hoping Ali is a better person than I am.

3

Alejandro

Present Day

“Who ordered the Toucan Sam?” the waiter asks the table.

“I did,” Jordy says, raising his hand.

“What the hell is a Toucan Sam, anyway?” I ask, drinking my beer.

“It’s Gin, pineapple juice, simple syrup, and maybe something else. And Froot Loops, of course,” he answers, grabbing a loop and popping it into his mouth.

“Sounds gross.”

“Yeah, well, you’re gross.”

I roll my eyes. Jordy’s been one of my closest friends for the last few years. We met at the very first gay bar I ever went to. He came over to me and said, “First time?” I nodded and he grinned. “Knew it. You can always spot the newbies. You look both frightened and excited. Come with me.”

He introduced me to a couple of his friends, and we hit it off right away.

“Hey, turn that up,” Charlie tells the bartender.

I glance up at the TV screen hoisted up in the corner of the bar. They’re talking about The Unwanted, a band that was formed in my hometown of Gaspar. I try not to pay attention, but my ears perk up when I hear his name.

“Merrick Kingston along with Sky Montgomery of the rock band, The Unwanted, were photographed in Paris with a couple of women. . .each. Don’t worry, ladies, doesn’t look like these two are settling down any time soon. The band is on the last leg of their tour and will soon be heading home for a well-deserved vacation. The band comes from a small town in Ohio, but I don’t think small-town life is enough for these rock stars. You can. . .”

“All right, turn that off. It’s just stupid tabloid gossip.”

“What?” Charlie spins in my direction but points his finger at the TV. “Those are facts.”

“Nobody cares.”

“I think a lot of people care,” AJ says. “Especially the people of Gaspar. That’s not that far away from us. What is it? Like an hour?”

“Forty-five minutes,” I murmur.

“Oh yeah, you’re from there, right? Did you know any of them?” AJ questions.

“I wish I knew a couple of them,” Charlie says, taking a sip of his drink. “I would do very naughty things to those little rock gods.”

“None of them are really little,” Jordy adds.

“Even better.”

“If y’all are just gonna salivate over these guys, I’m gonna go hang out with my straight friends,” I say.

Jordy shoves me in the shoulder. “Oh please. You know we’re more fun.”

“Why do you hate the band so much?” Charlie asks.

“I don’t hate them.”

Which is pretty true. I don’t hate Carlos, Jay, or Sky. I know them, but was never really close with any of them. Merrick on the other hand. . .it’s a long story.

I wouldn’t say I hate him either, though. I’m just over him and his bullshit.

A tiny voice in the back of my head says, are you though?

“So, are you gonna head back home and hope to get a sighting?” Jordy’s eyes twinkle with excitement.

I shake my head but can’t help but smile at my friend. “I go visit my mom all the time. I doubt I’ll see any of them though.” Read: I hope I don’t see one specific person.

“I’ve been through that town, not a whole lot to it. I can see why you left,” AJ says.

“It’s not like I went far.”

“Yeah, but we have more city life here. Gay bars, for one. Places that stay open past ten, for two. And plenty more fish in the sea.”

He’s right about that. I left Gaspar because I had a job offering here in Chaparral, but having more nightlife was definitely a plus, and getting away from Gaspar was good for me. I needed to distance myself from everything that reminded me of Merrick Kingston. I thought it would work, but I’m not sure it did. He and his band got so big, there’s no escaping them. They’re on TV, the radio, billboards, magazine covers. Everything.

I haven’t told anybody about my experience with Merrick. At first, it was a secret we both kept. After our first kiss, we went a long while without bringing it up. Both of us were scared of what we’d acknowledged by kissing, and nothing happened between us for at least six months.

Between the ages of seventeen and eighteen were our best times. That’s when we had the same dreams. The same plans for the future. We were still scared to tell people, but we knew when we did, we’d do it together.

When Merrick turned eighteen and graduated high school, he started leaving Gaspar for months at a time with the guys in his band. They traveled to nearby cities and bordering states, playing any and everywhere they could. They had their own plans then.

I started college, and when Merrick would be back in town, we’d meet up. Things were already changing then, but we pretended our plans were still going to happen. He never brought up when he’d come out, so I didn’t either. What we had remained a secret.

By the time we were twenty, I was halfway through with college, and I had come out to my family and close friends. I found a boyfriend, too.

Merrick wasn’t happy about any of it.

4

Alejandro

6 Years Ago

My phone pings with an alert. When I look at the screen, my heart drops and I lose all the breath in my lungs.

Kingston: Hey, I’m home. Wanna meet up?

I don’t respond for almost two hours, because I know what he means by meeting up. Every time we get together after he’s been gone, we hook up. But I have a boyfriend now, and that means I have to tell him that I came out already.

My boyfriend, Shae, drops down on the couch next to me. “Why do you look so worried over here?” He kisses my cheek and squeezes my thigh.

I grin and put my pencil down on the table in front of me, then lean back into the couch and take his hand in mine.

“I’m fine. What do you have going on tonight?”

He huffs. “Study group. Hopefully I won’t be there all night. Why? What’s up with you?”

“I may go see an old friend. He just came back to town.”

Shae, with his buzzed blond hair and blue eyes is the epitome of a pretty boy. He’s got very little facial hair and baby soft skin. He’s so handsome. Beautiful, even. On top of his looks, he’s such a gentle soul. He loves everyone and everyone loves him back. He’s always jumping at volunteering opportunities. He’s the best. But he’s no Merrick Kingston.

“Well, all right. Text me when you’re back, okay?”

I nod and he gives me a kiss before leaving my apartment. We’ve only been together for a few months, but it’s been amazing.

I pick up my phone and text back.

Me: Meet me at Antoni’s? 15 minutes?

Kingston: Sure.

I’m there in ten, and I watch as he rounds the corner and crosses in front of the window. God, he’s grown. He looks taller and broader in the shoulders. I haven’t seen him in nearly eight months, and almost forgot how fucking sexy he is.

He pulls open the door, triggering the bell above to jingle, and walks straight to me with a tiny smirk playing on his lips. He always looks like he’s thinking about something lascivious. I stand up, unsure what to do. I want to hug and kiss him and tell him how much I’ve missed him. Not in just the least eight months, but these last few years. I wish we could go back to being seventeen again.

“Ali,” he says with a small chuckle, opening his arms to me.

I step to him, and we’re chest to chest with our arms wrapped around each other. “Hey,” I manage.

“God, you look good,” he whispers into my ear, sending goose bumps down my arms.

I clear my throat and step back. “Nice to see you again,” I say, sitting back down in my chair. No need to let anyone see I’ve already started getting hard.

“Dude, it’s been what? Four months? Five?” he asks.

“Eight.”

“Shit. Eight fucking months? Really?”

“Yep. How’ve you been? Busy, I guess.”

He grins and runs his hand through his hair, and I track every movement. The veins in his arms catch my attention, as does the twinkle in his eyes as he looks at me. “Yeah, man. Real busy. We’ve been doing shows all through PA and up to New York. Of course, we started here in Ohio. Jay’s dad has some connections, I guess, and he hooked us up with this guy who’s been our promoter.” He chuckles. “Shit, can you believe how that sounds? We have a promoter. Anyway, yeah, so he’s been calling all over the place and sending emails, setting up gigs. We’ve played state fairs, charity events, store openings, and even been in some bars and casinos. We got lucky and got squeezed into a music festival in Philly and New York. It’s been crazy.”

I can’t help but smile as I listen to him. He always lights up when he talks about his music. “That’s good, man. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah?” he asks sheepishly. He glances around the room and lowers his voice when he says, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

I fight off my grin. “Oh yeah? I haven’t heard from you in a long time.”

Merrick ducks his head, scratching at his jaw. “I know. I’m sorry. You just can’t imagine what it’s like out there. We’re on the move non-stop.”

“I get it.”

He looks around again. “I want to touch you. Why did you pick the most public place to meet?”

It takes me a few seconds before I can lift my head and look him in the eye. “We gotta talk, Kingston.”

He sits back, already looking heartbroken. “What is it?”

I exhale deeply. “I’m dating someone.”

“Oh.” He tries to hide the disappointment, but I see it. I’m watching him too closely to miss the hurt in his eyes. “Who is it?”

I chew on my bottom lip for a second, scared to tell him. “His name is Shae.”

Pure shock blankets his face. “I’m sorry, what? Who? It’s a him?”

I cross my arms over my chest and lean back in my chair. “Why is that a surprise, Kingston? Obviously, I’m into dudes.”

His eyes shift around the room again, nervous. “Uh, yeah, but. . .”

“I came out already. Anybody I care about knows the truth.”

“You came out?” He sounds like he’s in a daze.

“I did.”

“We had planned to do that together.”

“We planned a few things, Kingston. Shit changes. You’re never here.”

“Ali.” He whispers my name, falling back in his chair. The dejection in his eyes pierces my heart. “Nothing’s changed. I still want the same things we talked about.”

“Oh really? So you’re ready to quit playing music? You want to move away with me to New York? That was our plan, Kingston. We wanted to turn eighteen, tell our families we were gay and in love, then run off to New York and live happily ever after in a city that offers much more than this little town.” I shake my head. “Those are the dreams of children. I don’t expect that to happen.”

“Back then I didn’t think music was going to take off like it did. We could get a record deal, Ali. We’ve been sending off demos and selling our music at the shows we do. We could really make it.”

“And I mean it when I say I’m really proud of you. I am. I hope you do make it. But you and I both know that if that happens, there’s no room for me.”

“You could come with us,” he offers. “You know the guys. We can travel around together.”

“Do the guys know you’re gay?”

Once again, he’s quick to scan the surrounding area. “Can we go outside, please? Take a walk?”

I stand up and pay for my soda, then meet him outside. “I can tell by your skittish behavior that nobody knows you’re gay yet.”

“Of course nobody knows. We were going to do that together, remember?”

“Yeah, two years ago.”

“I’ve been busy!”

“I know, and that’s fine, but did you expect me to keep hiding who I am from everybody until you were ready? That’s not fair to me. And what am I supposed to tell the rest of the band? That I want to travel along just for the fun of it? We still wouldn’t be able to be together. Plus, I’m in college. I’m getting a degree. I have to worry about my future, too.”

We turn the corner, moving farther away from people traveling down Main Street. “I still want a future with you,” he says.

I sigh. “You’re not ready.”

He yanks me into an alleyway and pushes me against the concrete wall. His hips pin me in place and his hands go to my waist. “I know I want you. I know how I feel when I think about you. Why is that not enough?”

I force myself to keep my hands at my sides, even though I want them to explore his body. “I don’t want what we have to be a secret, and you’re not ready to be out yet.”

Merrick runs his thumb over my lips. “Then I’ll come out. I’ll tell my brothers and I’ll tell the band. Then we can be together.”

My chest heaves with deep breaths as I get lost in his eyes. “I have a boyfriend,” I say softly.

Merrick dips his head and lets his nose run down my cheek before he buries his face in my neck and inhales. “But I want you.”

“You want to fuck me,” I say, bringing my fingers to the belt loops of his jeans.

He groans and I feel his cock harden against mine. “That too.”

“Then let me know when you tell people. Don’t rush, and don’t do it for me, but let me know when it happens.”

He slowly pulls away from me. “You’re killing me, Ali. I’ve been dying to see you and you’re here telling me you have a boyfriend. A fucking boyfriend. God! I’ve only ever been with you.” He shakes his head slowly, his eyes full of sorrow. “You’re breaking my heart.”

My own heart shatters at his words, then he turns and walks away from me.

5

Merrick

Present Day

“I’ll tell you what,” Jay says, laying across the couch, his blond hair hanging over the arm. “I can’t wait until this tour is done. We’ve been on the road for almost a fucking year. I am exhausted. I think I’m gonna head to that island with Sky.”

“Fuck off. Get your own island,” Sky calls out from the bar in the suite of my hotel room. “It’s only gonna be me and like five or six chicks. Only one dick is allowed on my island.”

Jay rolls his eyes. “What’re you doing, Merrick? Goin’ home? Goin’ back to Paris to find those chicks you were caught with?”

I ignore the comment about the girls in Paris. No need to tell the band that when we got into the hotel, I got them a room for themselves and called it a night. “Yeah, I’m goin’ home. My brothers are already expecting me.”

“I thought about it, but my parents don’t even live there anymore, and I didn’t really stay in touch with people we went to school with. So.” He shrugs, then throws a baseball up and catches it.

“I’m probably going back for a few days,” Carlos says from the other couch. “That’s about all I can take when it comes to being around my family. I bought them a bigger house out in the country, new cars, and I throw some cash at them every once in a while. It’s still not enough.”

“I’ll be staying in a hotel,” I tell them. “I usually stay with Elijah, but I don’t want to intrude on newlywed time.”

“I can’t believe Elijah got married,” Sky says with a laugh. “Man, he hated when we’d practice in the garage. Always coming out and asking when we were gonna go home.”

“Yeah, he found the love of his life and didn’t hesitate to lock her down. But I’m happy for him. Royce is planning his wedding now, too. And Cill and Midge just got a house together, so I imagine wedding bells are in their future, too.”

“Damn, everyone’s getting old and settling down,” Jay says, still throwing his ball. “You next, Merrick?” he asks with a laugh, like he knows I’m far from settling down.

“He better not be,” Sky says. “I need my wingman.”

I shake my head and chuckle. “Come on, none of us are getting married anytime soon, right? We’ll have this little break, then be back at it.”

“I’m with Tish,” Jay adds. “We make it work.”

Sky scoffs. “Tish is nothing but a groupie, bro. She’s probably at some other band’s concert right now.”

“Fuck off,” Jay says. “She loves me.”

Sky gives me a look then takes a drink. “And Carlos over here is in love with his high school sweetheart.”

“Did you love her when you were screwing those chicks the other night?” Jay asks.

“Hey, she knows I have needs. She’s doing her, and I’m doing me. We’ll be together again.”

“Yeah, sounds like a good plan,” I deadpan. Sky almost spits out his drink when he laughs.

“Look, neither of us is stupid enough to think that we’ll be faithful to each other during this time. We’re in love, but we’re young, man. We don’t talk about the shit we’re doing, but we stay in touch. When we’re ready to settle down, and when we can buy a house together and figure out our lives, we’ll do it. Until then. . .” he shrugs, leaving the sentence hanging.

Sky tilts his head side to side. “I kinda get it.”

Carlos goes back to the PlayStation game he’s playing, but aims his next words at me. “And you? You’re cool being Sky’s wingman forever? You don’t have anyone back home? Or haven’t met anyone on the road?”

Sky comes over to me and wraps his arm around my neck, tugging me into his side. “Come on, man. Don’t put ideas in his head. Me and Merrick are like two peas in a pod. Like you said, we’re young. Why do we need to rush into settling down?”

“Now that I think about it, are we young?” Jay questions. “We’re between twenty-six and twenty-eight. Aren’t chicks ready to be having babies around thirty?”

“So, we’ll find younger women. I can be in my forties and find a twenty-five year old wife,” Sky says. “People in Hollywood do it all the time. It’s not even weird at this point.”

“True,” Jay agrees.

Carlos’ phone vibrates and he glances at the screen, then pauses his game and picks it up. “Oh shit. Y’all remember Lexie Iovanni?”

My body tenses up. She was best friends with Ali several years back, so when I think of her, I think of him. “Yeah, what’s up? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s getting married. My sister just texted me. I guess she’s gonna be a bridesmaid.”

“Who’s she marrying?” Sky asks.

“Leo Michaelson.”

“The pothead?” Me and Jay ask at the same time.

“Yeah, I guess he’s a lawyer now.”

“Wow, people do change after high school,” Jay says. “I used to buy weed from him all the time.”

“Me too,” I say, remembering all the nights me and Ali would meet up with Leo to score some pot, then sneak off and smoke it while Elijah was gone.

Carlos keeps reading his texts aloud. “I guess Alejandro is gonna be a groomsman.” He looks up at me. “Do you still talk to him? Y’all were close, right?”

“Uh, yeah. We were close. I haven’t talked to him in years, though.”

“I heard he’s gay now,” Jay says, effectively ripping the breath from my body.

“Well, he probably always was,” Carlos adds. “We just didn’t know.”

My eyes flick to each of the guys, waiting to see if they say something homophobic, internally pleading for them not to be assholes about this.

“Do you think he knew back then?” Jay questions.

“When did you know you were straight?” I ask, blurting the words. “It’s not like there’s a specific day when everyone decides who they’re gonna be attracted to. You are who you are.” I realize I sound defensive, so I take it down a notch. “I’m sure he knew, but it doesn’t mean he had to tell anyone.”

The room’s quiet for a few, and I wonder if I just gave myself away. Fuck.

“I know, man. I’m not trying to be mean about it. Y’all were close, though. He never told you?”

Sky saves me from answering by exhaling dramatically. “Why do we care? He’s gay, I’m not, you’re in love with a groupie, Carlos is cheating on his future wife, and Merrick. . .well, Merrick does whatever he wants.”

I try not to sit and think too much about Merrick does whatever he wants. It’s not the statement in itself, but the brief look he gives me when he said it. He can’t possibly know, though. So, I leave it alone and walk to the bar to get a drink while they start talking about something else.

I think back to the night when me and Ali finally decided to talk about that first kiss and what it meant.

6

Merrick

9 ½ Years Ago

I can’t stop pacing back and forth in front of the door, waiting for Ali to show up. We kissed nearly six months ago, and we’ve yet to talk about it. Not once. It’s driving me crazy.

For the first month after that amazing moment, I didn’t see Ali at all. He went home and his mom smelt the weed on him and grounded him for four long weeks. He was able to sneak a text to me to let me know what happened before his mom took his phone.

So the first month of summer was spent with the band, and surprisingly, Elijah didn’t punish me for the weed and alcohol. It wasn’t the first time he’d caught me, but I’d been grounded before. He also took my phone once, and worst of all, the ability to practice with the guys. I expected something like that to happen again, but he never brought it up.

He would tell me to go pick up the dog shit from the backyard, but that was just a normal chore, as well as laundry and general cleaning around the house.

When Ali was finally able to come hang out, we had already gone thirty long days without talking about the kiss, and it felt weird to bring it up after so much time had passed. I felt like we both decided to blame what happened on being drunk or high, and pretended it didn’t happen at all. Things went back to normal. Sort of.

He’s caught me staring at him, and I’ve caught him doing the same. We both try to quickly cover it up by looking away or acting like we were zoned out. So stupid.

We’ve been to the pool quite a bit, since that’s where a lot of our friends go on the really hot days. And seeing each other half naked and wet isn’t really helping with trying to keep things normal.

Ali’s always been athletic, so he’s got some muscle tone to his body. My eyes always seem to track the water droplets that cling to his tanned skin, and follow the rivulets of water that run from his chest to the waistband of his trunks. He’s caught me a few times.

But it’s not like I’m the only one. Sometimes he looks at me like I’m an ice cream and his sweet tooth has him ready to devour me. Ali wants to do just as much as I do, but we don’t know how to bring it up.

So after months of ignoring what we really want, an opportunity is given to us. I just turned seventeen, so I’ve convinced Elijah it’s okay to leave me at home when he goes out of town with his girlfriend. He doesn’t do it often, because he’s really committed to being here with me and making sure I’m okay. But him and Jenn have been fighting a lot, and I think he’s ready to give in and take an overnight trip with her.

He’s already called both Cillian and Royce and told them to drop in and check on me. Like I need two babysitters. I kept my eyerolls and smart remarks in check, because I didn’t want to do anything to have him change his mind.

Royce has already called and Cillian dropped by to bring me some food and hang out for a bit. Once he left, I knew I had the house to myself for the rest of the night, so I invited Ali over.

I sent him the text thirty minutes ago, and he only lives a block away, so I don’t know what’s taking him so long.

When the knock finally arrives, I snatch open the door, not thinking at all about playing it cool. Now he knows I was waiting nearby. Great.

“Sorry. My mom needed me to help re-organize the pantry.” He rolls his eyes as he steps in. “I swear she just comes up with the most random stuff for me to do when I ask her for something.”

I chuckle and close the door. “It’s fine.”

“So, Elijah’s gone, huh?” he questions, sticking his hands in his back pockets.

“Yep. He didn’t go far, but Jenn wanted a night alone. Pretty sure she hates me, but whatever.”

“No offense, but Jenn’s a bitch. I don’t know why Elijah puts up with her shit.”

I shrug and walk to the den. “Who knows? Want a drink? Elijah has all kinds of shit in here.”

“Sure. I got a joint from Leo, too.”

Neither of us acknowledge that it seems like we’re trying to recreate that night. Maybe having a little drink and a smoke will loosen us up enough to talk about it. Or do more.

“As long as we smoke that shit outside.”

“Yeah, of course. It’s fucking cold out there, though.”

Neither one of us knows anything about hard liquor, and I’m not even gonna pretend I can drink that shit straight like Elijah does. So I pour some vodka in a glass and top it off with orange juice.

“Screwdriver?” he asks with a chuckle.

“Dude. I don’t know.”

“I’m just fuckin’ with ya.”

After he takes his glass, I pour one for myself, then we go to the living room and put on the TV.

I sit on the couch and Ali takes the loveseat.

“Oh man, so when I went to Leo’s, guess who I saw there?”

“Who?”

“Lexie!” he exclaims, his eyes growing wide. “Before you texted me, I talked to her and asked if she wanted to go to Kyle’s party. She said she had family visiting for the Christmas holiday and needed to stay home.”

“Oop. Busted,” I say with a laugh.

“I can’t believe she’s hooking up with Leo. Leo!”

I shake my head with a smile on my face. “You like who you like. I never thought Miss Preppy Pants would go for a pothead like Leo, though.”

He laughs. “I guess you never know.”

“Nope.” I take a drink. “So, you got a crush on Lex, or what?” I ask, hoping my voice sounds playful and not jealous.

Ali whips his head in my direction. “What? No! I love Lexie, but we’re just friends.”

“You don’t want to go to Kyle’s party?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s really a party, but he invited me over and said a few people were gonna be there.”

“Oh. You didn’t have to change your plans.”

He gives me a look. “Like I can say no to you.”

My pulse speeds up as I continue to look at him. Color fills his cheeks before he turns away and gulps down half his drink.

“Um. You want more?” I ask.

He finishes what’s left in the glass. “No, it’s okay. I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay, I’m gonna go to my room and grab my lighter, then we can go out back and smoke.”

As Ali heads to the bathroom, I rush up the stairs and start looking for the lighter. I was sure I hid it in my sock drawer, but Elijah’s taken a couple of them, hoping that’ll keep me from smoking, so maybe he found my latest one.

I rifle through the rest of the drawers, but don’t find it.

“Fuckin’ Elijah.”

“What’s up?” Ali asks, appearing at my door.

“I think Elijah swiped my lighter. I can’t find it.”

Ali comes in and helps look through my drawers again. His arm rubs against mine, causing me to freeze momentarily before I continue to push my boxers around. I’m no longer worried about finding the lighter. My concentration is on the proximity of me and my best friend.

“Yeah, I think he got it, man,” Ali says.

I sigh, facing Ali and linking my fingers together on top of my head. “That sucks.”

Ali’s eyes move from my lips to my biceps. His mouth quirks up on one side. “We can drink some more.”

“Yeah,” I breathe, dropping my arms. “Or. . .” I leave the word hanging between us as I decide to throw caution to the wind. “We could talk about what happened between us.”

He sucks in a deep breath. “Oh.” After a few seconds, he says, “I mean, we were high, right?”

I take a step closer. “I’ve been high with a few people and never kissed them before.”

Ali swallows. “Yeah.”

“I don’t regret it.”

He shakes his head slightly. “Me either.”

I place my hand on his hip, pulling a gasp from his throat. “I wanna do it again.”

“Me too,” he whispers, licking his lips.

With my left hand already on his hip, I put my right hand on the side of his face, gently cradling his cheek as I tilt his head up and press my lips against his.

Just like before, his lips are soft and warm against mine. Ali opens his mouth and teasingly touches my lip with his tongue. I groan and grasp his face with both hands as I allow my tongue to explore his wet mouth.

He tastes like orange juice and vodka, and I’ve never loved the combination more.

“Fuck, Ali,” I whisper, only pulling away long enough to mutter those two small words.

He wraps his arms around me, leaving no space between us as he molds his body against mine.

The kiss lasts a long time, but when we finally separate, I only want to attach myself to him again.

Ali touches his bottom lip as he looks at me with a lustful gaze. “That was. . .” He exhales loudly. “Wow.”

I smirk. “Yeah.”

“So,” he pauses. “You like me?”

I throw my head back and laugh. “I’ve always liked you.”

“Yeah, but I mean you really like me.” He waggles his brows.

“And you like me.”

“I do.”

“I knew it.”

Ali laughs. “When did you realize?”

“That I liked you?”

He shakes his head. “That you were gay.”

“Probably around the time we became friends.”

A cocky grin stretches across his face. “Oh really?”

“Don’t let your head get too big,” I say, dropping to the bed and stretching out. “I had sort of figured I might be, but it was spending time with you that really made it clear. And you?”

“I was around twelve.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. I haven’t told anyone but you.”

“I won’t say anything.”

“I know.”

“So, we should probably keep this a secret, huh?”

Ali sits on the edge of my bed, his eyes roaming my body. “Yeah, probably. At least for a little while. I don’t know how to tell my family.”

“We can wait until we’re eighteen.”

“And moved out?”

I laugh. “Sure.”

“Okay. Deal.”

I sit up and throw him a coy grin. “Wanna kiss me?”

Ali smiles wide. “Definitely.”

7

Alejandro

Present Day

“The last day of the school year,” Coach Dolittle says, clapping me on the back as we walk to our cars. “What’re you gonna do? Vacation?”

“Not really,” I reply, pulling my keys out of my pocket. “I’ll probably spend a lot of time back home with my mom and sister. Liliana had a baby a few months ago, so I guess I should be a good uncle and get to know my niece.”

“Well, have fun with that. I’ll be going to Vegas next month. I’ll get you a souvenir. What do you want? Shot glass? Keychain?”

I laugh. “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“I’ll send you a postcard.”

“Whatever, man.”

Pete Dolittle chuckles. “See ya around.”

I shake my head and unlock my car. Tonight I’ll put a bag together and then head to Gaspar tomorrow. I haven’t seen my mom or sister in a month, and I only went back because my sister gave birth to my niece.

It’s only a coincidence that the school year ended at the same time The Unwanted’s overseas tour came to an end. I’m not going back to Gaspar because Merrick will be there. I’d rather not have another run-in with him, because it only ends in heartbreak.

I think back to when we were twenty, and I was dating Shae. Merrick had already pulled me into an alley and set my body on fire, but I was in a relationship and didn’t want to step back in the closet just to be with him.

It killed me when he told me I was breaking his heart because I was the only person he had ever been with. Merrick’s always been an important part of my life. I cared for him so much, and loved our times together. Nothing was ever enough back when we were teens. We could spend a week together, twenty-four-seven, and the minute I had to walk away, I missed him.

If Merrick needed me, I was there. If he invited me out, I dropped my plans and went with him. And he did the same for me. We were inseparable, and I loved him.

People always seem to downplay love and emotions when you’re young. Like it can’t possibly be real if you’re a teen, because teenagers aren’t supposed to know what real love feels like. But what I felt for Merrick wasn’t just puppy love. It wasn’t just lust, either. I know, without a doubt, that I loved him with all my heart. That’s why it hurt so much when he lied to me. Not just once either, but over and over.

As I’m driving home, my sister calls. I hit the answer button and her voice comes over the speakers in my car.

“Mami wants to know when you’re gonna be here.”

“Hello to you, too. Yeah, I’m fine. How are you?”

Liliana laughs. “I like to get straight to the point. Hi, big brother. How are you doing this wonderful, warm evening? Are you okay? Is life going well? I only want the best for you,” she croons.

“Ugh. I prefer straight to the point.”

“Exactly. So, shut up. When you coming home?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Mami! He said tomorrow!”

“Can you not yell directly into the phone?”

“Oh, sorry.”

“How’s my baby niece?”

“She’s kind of a diva. She cries when she doesn’t get what she wants. She also doesn’t really know what she wants. And she expects me to cater to her. Can you believe that?” she jokes.

I laugh. “Wow, sounds just like you.”

“Shut up,” she says with a laugh. “But kidding aside, she’s perfect and amazing and beautiful. Also, like me.”

“Anyway.”

“Hater. So, I hear Merrick’s in town. Have you talked to him?”

I didn’t tell my sister about me and Merrick either. Nobody knows, because he’s not out, and regardless of what he’s done to me in the past, it’s not for me to out him to anyone.

Her and my mom have asked what happened between us, so I’ve given a half-truth—we had a fight.

It’s not a lie, but there’s more to it than that. I just never led them to believe it was a big deal, so they always ask if I’ve heard from him or if we’ve made up yet. No is the answer to both. He stopped reaching out when I kept ignoring him.

“No, Lili, I haven’t. I told you we aren’t friends anymore.”

“I know, but it’s been a long time. It couldn’t have been that big of a fight, could it?”

“Coming from the grudge queen, that’s funny. You’re still mad at Sarah for wearing your shirt when you were twelve.”

“First of all, that bitch knew that was my favorite shirt, and she didn’t just wear it, Alejandro, she stole it, wore it, and ruined it. So, this is not the same.”

“She’s our cousin, Lili, you have to get over it.”

“Hey, I still talk to her, but I’ll never forget.”

My sister’s always had a flare for dramatics, but at least I got the subject changed.

“Well, I’m about to be home. I’ll call you tomorrow. You comin’ over to Mami’s when I get there or what? I need to hold my niece.”

“You can hold her, change her, feed her, and whatever else allows me to have a nap. So yeah, I’ll be there.”

I chuckle. “Okay. Love you. See you tomorrow.”

“Love you, too.”

When I pull up to my house, my phone dings with a text message.

Lili: Don’t think you got away with not answering my question. I’ll bug you about it manaña.

She has the nerve to end it with an angel emoji.

I wish I could tell her what happened, because maybe then she’d understand and not keep questioning me about it.

But telling her the truth would drudge up a lot of memories I’d rather stay buried.

8

Alejandro

6 Years Ago

Hours after our encounter in the alleyway, as I’m asleep in my bed, my phone goes off incessantly. Text message after text message keep popping up, lighting up my room and filling it with that annoying high-pitch bing-bong sound.

I snatch it off the nightstand and start looking through the messages. Clearly, Merrick’s been drinking, and now he’s drunk texting me.

Kingston: I’m sorry.

Kingston: I wanted together

Kingston: To do this together. Everything togerther

Kingston: You have a boyfriendd and I justw ant you

Kingston: I may be drunk buut I want to tel l you something.

Kingston: I’m gonna tell everyone. Right now. I’m about to telll them all the truth.

Kingston: Party at my brothers. Everyoness here so I mightas well.

“Oh God, oh God,” I murmur, yanking the covers off me and hurrying out of bed. I hit speaker and call his phone while I shove my legs through a pair of jeans. It goes to voicemail. I hit redial while I’m putting on a shirt. It goes to voicemail again.

“Fucking, Kingston.”

He shouldn’t do this now. Not when he’s drunk. I grab my car keys and hurry to Elijah’s house and hope I’m not too late.

When I pull up, there’s several people in the garage.

“Hey, Alejandro! You lookin’ for Merrick?” Sky asks.

My heart seizes up. I wonder if he already told them. “Yeah, where is he?”

“Went inside. He’s pretty wasted. Was saying all kinds of shit.”

Oh no. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Who knows, man. You can probably find him in his room.”

“All right. Cool. Thanks.”

Sky goes back to talking to the girl he had his arm around, and I find a few more people inside. One of them being Elijah.

“Hey, E. You seen Merrick lately?”

Elijah spins around. “Oh, hey. Yeah, I saw him a little bit ago. Maybe upstairs? I don’t know for sure, but if you find him, tell him he’s helping clean this mess tomorrow. I told him a few people, not twenty.”

“Okay. Will do.”

I jog up the stairs and head straight for his room. When I open the door, I expect to find him passed out on his bed. What I don’t expect is to walk in on him in bed with a girl.

Okay, he’s in bed, she’s getting out of it.

“Um, knock much?” she asks, pulling her shirt down over her breasts.

“Sorry. I was looking for. . .” I trail off and point to Merrick.

“Well, I was leaving anyway.”

After she’s gone, I try to get him to wake up, but he’s pretty out of it. He already has his shirt off, but his jeans and shoes are still on, so I remove them and get him under the covers.

I make the decision to stay in his room so I can talk to him when he wakes up. I push the chair he has in his room closer to the bed and prop my feet up on the end of the mattress and sleep the rest of the night uncomfortably.

“Ali. Ali.” A hand on my shoulder shakes me. “Ali, wake up.”

I move to straighten up, but the angle I was sleeping in has my neck and shoulders stiff. “Ow, shit.”

“What’re you doin’, man?”

I put my feet on the ground and tilt my head from side to side, feeling the ache in the back of my neck. “I came here because you sent me a hundred texts talking about how you were about to tell everyone everything.”

Merrick drops back to his bed, rubbing his head with his hand. “Oh shit.”

“Yeah, oh shit. I didn’t think you should do that drunk. Do you know if you said anything to anyone?”

“I don’t think so. God, I feel like shit.”

“Do you remember being with a girl last night? Because I walked in just as she was getting dressed and leaving.”

Merrick looks at me with confusion and concern etched on his face. “A girl? Naked in my bed?”

“Yep.”

“Fuck, I was really messed up. Pretty sure I didn’t fuck her, though.”

“Pretty sure?”

“Did you fuck your boyfriend last night?” he counters.

I roll my eyes. “Anyway, you had your pants and shoes on when I came in, so unless you fuck with everything but your shirt on, you probably didn’t. I don’t think you would’ve had it in you to do much anyway.”

He snorts, then angles his head up at me and grins. “I would’ve if you were here with me.”

“Sure.”

“I can guarantee my dick would get hard for you no matter how drunk I was.”

My cock twitches. Fucking Kingston.

“So, you still planning on telling everyone now that you’re sober?” I ask, getting off the subject of his dick.

With a sigh, he flops onto his back and rests his arm over his eyes. “Fuck, man. I don’t know.”

“Yeah, I figured that would be the case. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do something you’d regret when you were sober.”

I head for the door, but his voice stops me.

“Ali, wait.”

“What?”

“I want to tell them.”

“But you’re not ready. I get it.”

He sighs. “I still want you. I mean it. I want a future together.”

I laugh. “And be like Bert and Ernie? Living together and having people question what our relationship is?”

Merrick chuckles. “People have roommates.”

“We’d pretend to be roommates our whole lives? I’d never be allowed to kiss you or hold your hand in public?”

Merrick produces another sigh. “I can’t believe you have a boyfriend.”

It’s my turn to sigh now. “He’s a good guy.”

He scoffs. “I hate him.”

I laugh. “You don’t know him.”

“He has you. That’s enough for me to hate him.”

I blow out a breath. “I broke up with him last night.”

Merrick’s head snaps up. “What? Why?”

I sit on the edge of his bed. “Because he’s not you, and after we were together in the alley, all I wanted was to kiss you. You told me you were gonna tell people. You said you wanted me, and I hoped it was true.”

The bed shifts as he sits up, and I glance over my shoulder at him. “Wanna kiss me?”

I chuckle and reach for a pillow to throw at him. “You’re an asshole.”

Merrick catches the pillow and puts it aside. “Yeah, but an asshole you want to kiss.”

I arch a brow and we both start cracking up.

“I didn’t mean it like that, buuuuut. . .” He waggles his brows.

“You’re annoying.”

“I know.” He crawls across the bed and sits next to me, taking my hand in his. “I’m serious. I do want you. And I do want to kiss you. And I’m fucking thrilled that you broke up with your dumb boyfriend.”

I give him a sad grin. “But you’re not telling people.”

“Not right now, but I will. We’re back in town for a while, and we can go back to doing what we’ve always done.”

As much as I hate having to be secretive, if it means being with Merrick, I’m going to do it. He’s always had a hold on me. I don’t even realize in the moment that he said “We’re back in town for a while,” like they already knew they were going to leave again.

I agreed, hoping that soon would actually be soon, and that we’d be able to be a couple. I had no idea that he’d be leaving Gaspar within six months. But he knew. He just didn’t tell me.

9

Merrick

Present Day

“I can’t believe we haven’t seen you in a year!” Elijah says, pulling me in for a hug. “So much has been happening.”

After coming into town yesterday, I checked into my hotel, then crashed for about fifteen hours. When I woke up, I scarfed down enough food for two people, then took a shower and made my way to Elijah’s. So far, no sign of the paparazzi, but I have no doubt they’ll be here soon.

I take a seat in the center of the couch while he and Nova sit together on the loveseat.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just glad you got married right before I went overseas.”

“You know we wouldn’t have had the wedding without you,” Nova says with a smile.

I grin in return. I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know Nova, because my schedule’s been crazy for the past five years, but I’ve been back for holidays, their wedding, and a few other times. Never for more than a few days at a time, but I really like her, and I think she’s perfect for Elijah. I’ve never seen him so happy.

“I just can’t believe you two got married before either Royce or Cill.”

Elijah chuckles. “Well, I’m the oldest, I had to do it before I got any more gray hair.”

Nova playfully smacks him in the arm.

“So, how long can we expect you to be in town?”

I stretch my arms across the back of the couch and rest my right ankle over my left knee. “I’m not sure. I don’t have to be back in New York for a while. They’re finally giving us a break after this long ass tour, but I’m sure Evan, our manager, will be in touch within a month, asking if we’re writing music.”

“A month is still a lot longer than we’ve had you home for a while.”

“Yeah, but I’ll probably be able to stick around even longer. The guys may come back for a little while, so if we need to get together for writing sessions or anything, we can do that here. I shouldn’t have to leave for a while. They don’t expect another album until next year.”

“That’s good.” Elijah smiles. “Hopefully people don’t act fanatical around here.”

“Eh. Even if they do, I’m sure it’ll die down eventually. They’ll get used to me. I’m hoping the same happens with the paps when they finally arrive. They’ll realize I’m boring and go bother the other guys who are on islands with handfuls of women.”

They both laugh, thinking I’m joking. Then Elijah looks at me. “Oh, you’re serious? Who’s on an island?”

“Sky,” we say at the same time.

“Yeah, not sure why I asked. So, did you tell Royce and Cillian you were coming here?”

I shake my head. “Nah. I know Royce is at the bar considering it’s a Friday night. Cill’s probably at his tattoo shop. I figure I’ll just go out and see them in their natural habitat.”

“Is that such a good idea?” E asks, concern on his face. “You don’t have a bodyguard or anything?”

“Fuck no. I told Evan I was leaving security behind. It’s a small town. I don’t expect mobs of people to attack me.”

“Well, okay. Just be careful.”

I give him a wry smile. “Yes, Dad.”

“Funny. Come over earlier tomorrow. We can barbecue or something. Then, of course, our usual Sunday dinners.”

“Sounds good.” I push up from the couch and give them both a hug before I leave.

I drive to Main Street and find a parking spot in front of Flaky Vicki’s bakery. After putting some money in the parking meter, I start making my way down the block, towards Cill’s tattoo shop.

“Merrick? Is that you?” I hear a female voice ask.

Shit, that was fast.

I turn around and find Liliana coming out of the bakery with a bag in one hand and a to-go coffee cup in the other. My heart begins to race, wondering if she’s with her brother, and if he’s about to pop out of the store any second.

Seeing Lili propels me back to my teenage years when she used to burst into Ali’s room and bug us to play with her. She looks a lot like her brother, with those honey brown eyes and chestnut brown hair.

“Lili?”

Her eyes light up and she lets out a little squeal before rushing over to me. After a quick hug, she steps back and angles her head up to look me in the eye.

“Holy shit, you’ve grown.”

I chuckle. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

“I’m good, yeah.” She looks down at herself. “Don’t judge me right now, though. I’m a hot mess. I normally look better, but I didn’t think I’d run into a celebrity.” She glances around and lowers her voice. “I mean, a regular guy. I don’t want to blow your cover.”

I laugh again. “It’s fine, and you look great.”

“Pft. My hair is tied up into the messiest bun, this is the second day in a row I’ve worn these leggings, and I’m pretty sure my shirt has spit-up on it, but thanks for lying.”

“Spit-up?”

“Oh. I had a baby a month ago.”

“Wow, congratulations!”

“Thank you! It’s no being rich and famous, but I did push a human out of me, sooo. . .”

I bark out another laugh. “You win, for sure.”

“Well, I was just running out for a coffee, because. . .newborn, and some doughnuts, because I wanted them. My baby’s with my mom and Alejandro, so I guess I should get back.”

At the sound of his name, my body reacts. “Ali?”

She grins. “Yeah, he just got back in town, too. What a coincidence. Do you want to come over? You can meet the baby.”

“Oh, no, I shouldn’t. We haven’t really talked in a while, and things might be awkward.”

Her eyes study my face. “Yeah, he may have mentioned something about an argument. But you’re really gonna turn down seeing my baby?”

I shake my head. “Of course not. Maybe another time? I’ll be around for a while.”

“Cool. Give me your number and I’ll call you. Don’t worry, I won’t sell it to the tabloids or to a bunch of thirsty ass girls.”

I laugh, and she hands me her coffee cup while she digs her phone out of the waistband of her pants. “Okay, go.” I rattle off the number, and she saves it in her phone, then takes her cup back. “I’m so glad you’re back and that I got to see you. I don’t have a lot of childhood memories that don’t include you. You and Alejandro were attached at the hip for so long. I hope y’all can make up.”

My lips quirk up on one side. “I hope so, too. Take care.”

“You, too.”

After my run-in with Lili, I continue on toward Cill’s shop, but I can’t stop thinking about Ali, and how he’s at his mom’s house right now. The house I spent so much time in. I could just head over right now and see him, but I don’t think we should have our first conversation in front of his family. I may need to ask Lili for his number so we can set up a time and place to meet. If he even wants to do that.

The last time I saw Ali, he told me he was done with me. For good. But before then, back between the ages of seventeen and eighteen, he told me nothing would ever stop the way he felt about me. Ali admitted to me that I’d forever have a place in his heart.

I hope that was true. I hope that overrides the anger and frustration he had with me later. People say things they don’t mean when they’re mad, and that’s all I have to hold onto at this point. Hopefully he’s not done with me for good.

10

Merrick

9 Years Ago

“You’re so full of it,” Ali says, elbowing me while he laughs.

“No I’m not. I’m serious. I’m the best fucking basketball player on Earth.”

Ali tries to steal the ball from me, but I hold it up over my head. I have a few inches on him, but he comes chest to chest with me and tries to hit it out of my hands.

“You’re a cheater, that’s what you are.”

I look at his mouth as he’s pushed up against me. “Just admit I’m the best.”

His cheeks turn pink. “No.”

He jumps and attempts to steal the ball, but I spin around and bend at the waist, holding the ball in front of my stomach.

Ali pushes against me from behind, still trying to get the ball. To anyone watching, it just looks like we’re playing basketball, but I can feel his cock against my ass, and basketball is the furthest thing from my mind.

“Feels like I’m the best,” I tease.

Ali chuckles and gives up. “You distracted me.”

“How?”

“You had your ass all out, and you’re looking at my mouth like you want to stick something in it.”

I smirk. “Maybe I do.”

Ali’s screen door swings open with a loud creak, and Liliana comes bounding out, her long hair flying behind her.

“What’re y’all doing? I want to play.”

“We’re not playing anymore,” Ali says, picking up the ball.

“We can play another game,” I offer. Lili smiles up at me.

“Nah, let’s go to your house,” Ali says. “I’m gonna shower first. Meet you there?”

He walks backwards and gives me a wink.

I smile in return. “Okay.”

Lili crosses her arms. “He acts like I’m a baby. I’m fourteen. He’s only three years older than me.”

“Sorry, Lil. We’ll play a game next time, okay?”

“If you want to kidnap him and keep him at your place, feel free,” she says before storming back into the house.

I wish.

* * *

An hour later, I’m showered and dressed, and Ali’s hanging out with me in my room. Elijah’s out back cutting the grass, so we have some time to be alone.

“I think you had mentioned putting something in your mouth.”

Ali’s eyes twinkle as he spins around in my desk chair. He pushes away from the desk, the wheels sliding across the hardwood floor until he’s in front of me. “Did I?”

I run my hand through his hair. “That’s what I heard.”

Ali’s hands dip into the waistband of my shorts and he starts tugging them down. I purposely left off my underwear after my shower, knowing he was coming over and wanting less hassle.

My cock bobs in front of him once he pulls the elastic down to the middle of my thighs.

It’s been seven months since our second kiss. . .since the admission of being into each other. In the beginning, there was a lot of kissing and dry humping. Then we moved onto jacking each other off and blowjobs. As of three months ago, we had sex for the first time.

Ali’s hand wraps around the base of my cock and squeezes. His tongue dances around my crown before he sucks me into his mouth.

“Fuck,” I hiss, gripping his hair in my hand. “Your mouth, Ali. Your mouth can bring me to my knees.”

He pulls off. “You can be on your knees later. Let me taste you.”

Ali is the fucking best at blowjobs. Okay, he’s the only person who’s ever given me one, but I know he’s the best. He has to be. His mouth was made for my cock. He always knows just what to do. I felt like I fumbled around for a while in the beginning. I felt awkward and unsure, but Ali sucked my dick like he’d been doing it for years.

Sure enough, like usual, it doesn’t take more than ten minutes to get me off. And that’s with me really struggling to hold back. He finishes me off like a champ, leaving no mess behind.

“God, you’re good.”

He wipes his lips, grinning up at me. I grasp his chin with my forefinger and thumb.

“Wanna kiss me?” he asks.

I pull him up. “You’re fuckin’ right I do.”

We end up falling into my bed and I happily return the favor. When we’re fully dressed again, Ali lays on his side and pierces me with his eyes.

“I really like you.”

I chuckle. “I kinda thought so.”

He grins. “I mean. . . a lot. You’re. . .fuck. I don’t know. You’re so important to me.”

“You’re important to me, too.”

“I know we’re almost eighteen, and I get that that’s young, but I’ve known you for four years now, and we’ve been through a lot of shit together. I just want you to know you’ll always have a place in my heart. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you.”

I bring my hand up and graze his cheek with my knuckles. He’s so fucking beautiful. “I feel the same way.”

He smiles, gives me a kiss, then pulls away. “Okay, I guess I’ll stop being sappy now.”

“Never stop being sappy.”

11

Alejandro

Present Day

When I wake up, it’s because there’s a shrieking baby in my room.

“What the hell?” I say aloud, turning over and looking in the direction of the door.

“If I can’t get any sleep, you can’t either,” Lili says, rocking my niece in her arms. “Mami wants you up and in the kitchen.”

I groan. “I’m twenty-seven.”

“You’re staying in her house. You know the rules.”

“What’s wrong with Mari?”

“She’s hungry, I think. I’m about to go feed her.” Lili trots across the room and yanks open the curtains. “Get up, lazy ass.”

“I hate you,” I grumble as she leaves the room.

After I glance at the clock and realize it’s later than I thought, I hurry out of bed, grab some clothes, and head for the shower. I don’t typically sleep until ten o’clock. My mom always wanted us up by eight when we lived with her.

Lili lives two blocks away, so she’s with Mom a lot, and now with the baby, I’m sure they’re both happy to have each other nearby.

Mari’s dad turned out to be a piece of shit and left around the sixth month of Lili’s pregnancy. They had been together for two years, but he decided to take an out-of-state job and leave them both. Luckily, Lili’s been handling things pretty well, considering.

When I enter the kitchen, I notice my mom has pots and pans on every burner on the stove. She’s a short and stout woman, standing at only five foot four. I watch as she moves around the kitchen wearing a faded floral apron.

“Mami, why are you cooking so much so early?”

“Early? It’s almost noon.”

“It’s ten-thirty.”

She pierces me with her dark brown eyes. “The food will be ready by lunch, now come give me a kiss, then unload the dishwasher.”

I do as she says. “What’re you making? Smells good.”

“Pozole and sopapillas.” My eyes light up at sopapillas. “And I don’t want to see you reaching for them until you’ve eaten.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.”

She chuckles. “You’ll be fine.”

After I put the dishes away, Lili and a much quieter Mari join us in the kitchen.

“Mm. I can’t wait to eat,” Lili says, sniffing the air.

“Give the baby to Alejandro and come help me with some of these pots,” Mom says, gesturing to the stovetop.

Lili hands Mari to me and whispers, “I like how she says help me but it’s just gonna be me washing these pots.”

“What was that?” Mami asks.

“Nothing,” Lili adds quickly, giving her a smile.

“Mmhhmm.”

I take Mari to the living room and start humming to her as I study her adorable little face poking out of the pink blanket she’s wrapped up in.

A car pulls up outside the house, grabbing my attention. “Someone’s here.”

“Oh shit, he’s early,” Lili says. I hear the smack my mom delivers to her arm, followed quickly by Lili saying, “Ow!”

“Language.”

I chuckle and look back down at Mari. “Your mommy’s in trouble. What’s new, right?”

“Shut up,” Lili says, flying into the living room. “Can you change her?”

I glance back out the window and don’t see anybody exiting the black SUV. “New boyfriend?”

“Please.” She rolls her eyes. “Just go change her.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Ugh. Useless.”

“I can answer the door for your boyfriend. Just go.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, stupid.”

“Stop fighting in front of the baby,” Mami yells from the kitchen.

Me and Lili grin at each other, then someone knocks on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Lili says, darting to the door.

I cradle the baby in my arms, waiting to see this guy Lili invited over for lunch.

“Hey,” she greets with a huge smile. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Of course.”

Lili steps back and Merrick fucking Kingston steps in.

My gasp is audible, and his head snaps in my direction.

God, he’s gorgeous. How can someone continue to get more and more good-looking? Isn’t there a limit? Shouldn’t he stop growing more handsome, so he doesn’t put every other man to shame?

When I finally focus on his eyes, I can tell he’s just as surprised as I am. But that doesn’t make sense, because this is my house. Well, my mom’s house, but shouldn’t he have guessed I’d be here?

He looks back at Lili, who’s smiling like a crazy person. Ah, now I get it. This is all her doing.

Merrick’s eyes land back on me and his stupid perfect lips quirk up on the side, making him even more attractive. I’ve always loved his cocky grin.

I mean, I used to love it.

“Hey, Ali.”

12

Merrick

Present Day

Ali looks me up and down as discreetly as possible, but it puts a smirk on my face.

“Kingston,” he says by way of greeting. “Lili, can I talk to you for a second?”

Lili glances at me then back to her brother. “Um. No.”

“Lili,” he growls.

“Oh, come on, guys. You had a fight, but it’s been years. Let’s kiss and make up.”

I chance a look at Ali and lift a brow. He scowls at me in return. “You don’t know the details,” he says quietly.

“Then fill me in,” she replies, putting her hands on her hips.

“Maybe I should go.”

Lili turns to me. “No! Mami made all this food. She’ll kill me and you both.”

“Mami knew?” Ali asks, his eyes growing wide.

“Of course I knew,” Luisa says, coming straight for me. “Give me a hug. How are you?”

I wrap my arms around her, having to bend down a little. “I’m doing good. How’ve you been?”

She takes a step back, holding onto my hands and giving me a once over. “I’m just fine. Doesn’t look like you’ve missed many meals, but I’m gonna fatten you up, anyway.”

I laugh. “Okay, sounds good.”

“You have about thirty minutes before it’s done. Lili, get the baby and come with me. You boys can catch up.”

Ali sighs, handing the baby to Lili.

“Don’t worry. You can hold her later,” Lili says.

“Come on,” Ali says, his voice gruff. “We’ll go out back.”

I follow him outside, my eyes taking advantage of the view. Ali always had good muscle tone, but now he’s a lot bigger. He must spend a lot of time in the gym. His brown hair is cut a little shorter than I remember, but still long enough for me to tug on.

Why am I thinking like that? He clearly hates me.

Once we’re in the backyard, he sits down in one of the patio chairs, so I choose one across from him.

“I can’t believe Lili invited you,” he says, shaking his head.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to be here either. She told me you would be gone.”

“How did she even know how to get in touch with you? I don’t even have your number.”

“I ran into her last night. She wanted my number so we could plan to meet up. She wanted me to see the baby.”

He keeps shaking his head, but he never looks at me.

“Ali,” I say softly.

His eyes meet mine, and we stay connected for several seconds before I can find words. I want to say so much and have no idea where to start.

You look really good.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

I want another chance.

You’re so fucking beautiful.

I want you.

I’m an idiot.

Are you happy?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Do I still have a chance?

“I’ve missed you.”

He rolls his eyes and looks away. “Sure.”

I lean forward and rest my arms on the table between us. “Come on, man. You were my best friend. You were. . .everything to me. Of course I’ve missed you.”

“I’m surprised you could remember me with all the women you’ve been with over the years. Who were the last ones? The two in Paris? Oh wait, no. There was another one in Germany, right? Two weeks ago?”

I fall back in my chair and let my arms drop to the sides. “Don’t tell me you believe everything they say in the tabloids.”

“So, you’re telling me none of that’s true?” he asks, throwing me a side eye before looking back at the yard.

“Yeah, I’ve been out with women. Yes, I was seen with two chicks in Paris and one in Germany. But I didn’t sleep with them, Ali.”

He snorts, not believing me. “It’s not like it even matters.”

“I want you to believe me, so yes, it does it matter.”

“I’ve believed you before, and you’ve only let me down.”

I run my hand over my face and lean forward again. “Okay, yes. I’m a fucking asshole, okay? I know that. It lives with me every day. Have I slept with women? Yes, I have. I’ve done a lot of things I wish I didn’t, but you don’t understand what it’s like to be me. I’m having to lie to everybody on a day-to-day basis. I’ve been trying to lie to myself. I wondered if I could be with a woman, so I tried it. There’s women around all the time, and I wanted to get off without having to do it myself.

“It’s not easy finding a man to be with when your face is everywhere. How could I hookup with a guy and be sure he wouldn’t run and tell everybody that Merrick Kingston is gay? So, yes, I’ve fucked some women, and I hated myself the entire time I was doing it. I’ve gotten blowjobs and handjobs from them, too. But those women in Paris and the one in Germany? I was not with them. I haven’t slept with anyone in a long time.”

When Ali looks at me again, his eyes hold a sadness in them. Maybe pity. I hate that. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. That wasn’t the point of my rant. I just want him to try to understand. I want him to know I won’t lie to him anymore.

“Aren’t you tired?” he asks.

I don’t have to ask what he’s talking about. I know he’s asking if I’m tired of pretending. “You have no idea.”

His lips turn down in the corners. “You stopped calling me.”

“You stopped answering.”

“Well, I was mad at you.”

“Was?” I ask, a little hopeful.

Ali sighs and pins me with a look. “You didn’t tell me you were leaving town. You led me to believe we had a future together. You told me you loved me and you left two days later.”

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Ali.”

I go to reach for him, but the back door opens. “Lunch is ready.”

Ali quickly stands up and makes his way inside.

13

Alejandro

5 ½ Years Ago

“Come on, it’s my twenty-first birthday. I’m legal,” Merrick says with a pout.

“Oh, please. Like you haven’t been drinking since you were fifteen.”

“Yeah, but now it’s legal. We’re going to King’s Tavern. I want you there,” he says, grabbing my hand.

I grin. “You’re so needy.”

He chuckles and steps forward, pulling me into him. “Only for you.”

“I just hate that we’ll be drinking, and you know how I get when I’m drinking.”

Merrick bites his lip. “Mm. And I love it.”

“Yeah, but I won’t be able to do anything about it. I won’t be able to touch you or kiss you, or whisper all the filthy things I want to do to you.”

He drops his hands and cups my ass through my jeans. “Tell me now.”

I bite his bottom lip gently and then suck it into my mouth. “We don’t have time. Cillian will be here any minute.”

“But now I’m horny,” he whines.

“You’re always horny,” I say with a laugh, pulling away from him.

“Again, only for you.” He winks and my heart flutters.

“Of course, I’ll come,” I say, heading toward my bedroom. “Let me change.”

* * *

A week after Merrick’s twenty-first birthday, he starts acting strange. I catch him watching me with a forlorn look on his face. Every time I question him, he says it’s nothing, but I know him. I know it’s not nothing.

He keeps having to go somewhere with his bandmates, and he doesn’t really tell me what they’re doing. They had a few more shows, but they were never gone more than a couple days. It’s weird, but he hasn’t mentioned much about the future of the band. They’ve spent so much time touring, selling their music, giving demos to anyone who’ll take them, and even creating their own music videos to upload to YouTube. They’re doing everything people do when they’re seeking a record deal, but these past few months, Merrick hasn’t said much.

“Hey, Ali?”

I step out of my kitchen and see him sitting on the couch. He’s spent a lot of time at my apartment, because it’s the only place we can be together the way we want to be. I’ve loved every second of it, and many daydreams have consisted of me wondering how it would be if we actually lived together.

“What’s up?”

“Wanna go on a date?”

My eyebrows shoot up. “A date?”

He grins. “Well, nobody will really know it’s a date except us, but I wanna take you out.”

A smile stretches across my face. “Yeah, of course.”

* * *

We end up going to Lucio’s for dinner—a fairly fancy Italian restaurant. We splurge, getting way more food than we need, and Merrick insists on a bottle of wine, making it feel more date-like, even though we make sure we don’t touch like a couple would.

After dinner, we head to the movie theater on Main Street and choose an older movie rather than a new release. Once the movie starts rolling, it’s only us and a handful of other people, and because we’re seated in the back, we’re able to get a little handsy. Not in a gross way, but I can touch his thigh, and we can hold hands, and he even nuzzles my neck a few times. I’ve never been happier.

When the movie lets out, we end up back at my apartment, and before I can even fully shut the door behind us, Merrick is on me.

“Fuck, it’s hard to keep my hands off of you,” he growls, yanking my clothes off as we stumble toward my bedroom.

By the time we get to my bed, my shirt is off and my jeans are undone, so as I’m kicking my shoes off and removing my pants, Merrick strips out of his clothes like they’re on fire.

“Come here,” he commands, resting his hand on the back of my head and drawing me into him.

His mouth lands on mine before his tongue runs across my bottom lip. “I love your mouth, Ali,” he says, his voice thick with lust. “I could write songs about these lips,” he continues, kissing me softly.

I moan and melt into his arms as our kiss intensifies, then he pushes me back until I fall onto the mattress.

Merrick goes into my drawer and grabs the lube and a condom, before getting on his knees between my legs.

“I’m about to bury myself so deep inside you, but first, I want your cock in my mouth.”

He bends over me and skillfully wraps his pink lips around my cock, taking me slowly and deeply into his throat.

“Goddamn, Merrick,” I groan, my hand going to his head.

He moans around my cock, bobbing his head up and down, coating me with his saliva. When he pulls off, he strokes me and never takes his eyes off mine.

When he starts massaging my balls, I throw my head back and squeeze my eyes closed. “Fuck.”

“Soon, baby,” he murmurs.

Then his mouth is back on me. He licks, sucks, and strokes me to the precipice of ecstasy, then he stops and lifts my legs up higher so he can lick lower.

“Mm.”

Merrick preps me for his cock with his talented tongue and fingers, and after several minutes, he pops open the bottle of lube and rubs the liquid between my cheeks. After he slides the condom over his impeccable cock, he squirts more lube onto himself.

“You ready?”

I nod, biting down on my lip. “Give it to me.”

He grabs his cock in his hand and slowly guides himself into me, his eyes dancing from my ass to my eyes, making sure I’m okay.

Once he’s all the way in, he braces himself over me and kisses my lips softly. “You’re too good for me,” he whispers, slowly moving his hips.

“You’re perfect,” I say. “Now fuck me.”

He chuckles, then starts rocking his hips back and forth, letting me feel every inch of him. As his movements begin picking up speed, he gets up on his knees and grabs my cock in his hand, stroking me.

“Jesus,” I mutter, my muscles tightening. “It’s so fucking good.”

He grunts, thrusting in deeper. “Stroke yourself for me, baby.”

I do as he says, and he lifts my legs up higher, hitting that perfect spot and sending a wave of electric currents through my body.

I’m completely blissed-out. My body is hot all over, while also simultaneously getting goose bumps. He does everything right, and my hand moves quicker and quicker over my throbbing erection.

“I’m gonna come,” I manage to say through grunts. “Oh shit.”

“Yes, baby. Let me see it.”

He gives me one deep and hard thrust, and I’m sent over the edge. My cum shoots out and lands on my sweat-slicked stomach.

“Fuck!”

Merrick growls at the sight and his hips move faster and faster, then he braces himself over me, resting on his forearms as he pummels into me, seeking his own release.

“Oh God. Oh God.”

“Yes,” I cry out, squeezing his ass cheeks in my hands.

His body tightens up and he lets out a deep roar as he comes.

It takes him a minute to catch his breath and slowly pull himself out of me. He runs his fingers over his stomach where my cum mixed with his sweat.

“I love when you make a mess.”

I roll my eyes while I smile. “You’re a disgusting perv, aren’t you?”

He brings his fingers to his mouth. “Yep.”

After we’ve showered and climbed into bed, he wraps himself around me and I push my ass into his crotch.

His fingers dance delicately across my arm, then he runs them through my hair. He’s quiet, and I can tell he has something on his mind, but I don’t ask.

He kisses my neck and whispers into my ear, “I love you, Alejandro. I love you so much it hurts.”

I’m pretty sure my heart’s about to break through my ribs and flop onto the floor. I spin around quickly, looking into his eyes. He looks sad. Maybe scared I don’t love him back.

I touch his cheek with the palm of my hand. “I love you, too. I probably always have.”

He grins. “Wanna kiss me?”

I laugh. “Definitely.”

We kiss so much we end up starting round two.

Later, as I’m falling asleep, I murmur, “Best date ever.”

He’s gone two days later.

14

Alejandro

Present Day

Lunch is awkward as fuck. Mom and Lili keep the conversation going, but me and Merrick don’t talk to each other at all.

“So, where you staying while you’re here?” Lili asks. “Elijah’s?”

Merrick shakes his head and finishes chewing his food. “No, Elijah’s a newlywed, so I didn’t want to interrupt whatever they have going on over there,” he replies with a grin. “I’m in a hotel.”

Mom gasps like he just said he was staying on the streets. “A hotel? No, that’s not good. Why don’t you stay with one of your other brothers?”

I keep my eyes on my food as he answers. “They have girlfriends, too. Cillian and his girlfriend just moved in together, and Royce and London live together and are elbow deep in their own wedding plans.”

“Mami, it’s not like he’s staying in Motel 6,” Lili says. “He’s rich. I’m sure he has a fancy suite or something.”

Mom raises her hands in defeat. “Well, I don’t know.”

“How long are you in town for?”

Lili asks the question I want the answer to, but I try not to act like I’m interested in the response as I casually take a sip of my soda.

“I’m not sure. I had a plan, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

I feel his eyes on me when he speaks, but I go back to my food.

“But you aren’t going to live here permanently again?”

“Lil, why are you badgering him?” I say.

“I’m not. I’m holding a conversation. Do you know how to do that?” she questions, rolling her eyes.

Merrick clears his throat. “I don’t really live anywhere permanently. We’ve recorded our previous albums in New York, so we usually stay there until that’s done, then soon after, we’re on the road. This is our first extended break from recording and touring, so I wanted to come home.”

“Do you think you’ll buy a house here in Gaspar? Or will you probably make home base New York?”

“Jesus, Lil, can we talk about anything else?” I ask.

Mom narrows her eyes at me before flashing a smile at Merrick. “So, you say your brothers are settling down. What about you, huh? Will you be able to settle down with this rock and roll stuff going on?”

Merrick chuckles nervously. “Um, I’m not really sure. I mean, of course I’d love to settle down, but I’d need to find somebody who’s okay with my rock and roll stuff,” he says, winking at Mom.

She smiles. “I see. Well, you know Alejandro’s gay, right?”

“Ma!” I exclaim.

“What?” she questions.

I shake my head. “Nothing.”

Merrick glances at me then back at my mom. “Yeah, I know.”

“Well, he doesn’t ever have any boyfriends,” Mom says. “I don’t know why. He’s handsome. He’s smart. But he doesn’t find anybody to date.”

My cheeks feel like they’re on fire.

“Is that what it was?” Lili asks, looking between me and Merrick with a furrow in her brow.

Oh no.

“What?” Mom questions. Confused.

“Why you two stopped talking. What messed up your friendship. Did you—”

Before she can finish her question, Mari lets out a high-pitched screech from the living room, and Lili rushes to tend to her.

Me and Merrick share a look.

Mom, completely unaware of anything, says, “You boys gonna go out later? They’re having some sort of movie thing at the park tonight. Setting up a screen and having some local vendors out. Might be fun.”

“I’m sure Merrick’s busy, Mom. Plus, he’s famous. He doesn’t want to be out and about.”

He turns his head to inspect me, then focuses his attention on my mom. “I’m actually not busy at all, and that does sound fun. You think you can convince your son to go with me?”

Mom wipes her mouth with a napkin and smiles. “Of course he’ll go with you.” She pins me with a stern look that dares me to say otherwise.

“I thought I was a grown man.”

She laughs. “You’re still my son, no matter how old you are. Take your friend out. Be nice.”

“You’re not worried about being seen?” I ask, barely looking at his handsome face.

“It’ll be dark, right?”

I shrug.

Mom gets up to take her dishes to the kitchen, but she fastens her gaze to Merrick before she walks away. “I expect to see you around here while you’re in town, okay? You two were as thick as thieves growing up. I always felt like I had two sons.”

Merrick smiles at her. “You keep making food like this and you’ll have a hard time keeping me away.”

She laughs and swats his shoulder.

“So, I guess we’re going out tonight,” I mumble.

15

Merrick

Present Day

“All right, let’s go,” Ali murmurs, making his way through the front door of his mom’s house.

“Don’t sound so excited.”

“I’m not.”

Clearly, Ali didn’t spend the rest of the afternoon and early evening as excited as me about our night together.

“My car or yours?” I ask, ignoring his shitty mood.

He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter to me.”

“I’ll drive then.”

Once inside the black Escalade I rented, I start it up and begin making my way toward Meadow Acres.

“I’m glad your mom forced you to come out with me.”

Ali snorts. “Yeah, she’s fun like that.”

I sneak a glance at him and notice he’s staring out the window. He’s barely looked at me for more than a few seconds today.

“Why haven’t you been looking at me? Am I ugly now or what?” I joke, hoping to lighten the mood.

He makes a noise I can’t quite figure out. Did he laugh? Is he annoyed?

“I’ve never been to this outdoor movie thing,” he says, changing the subject. “So I don’t know what to tell you to expect.”

“That’s fine. We can figure it out together. We’ve done that before, right?”

Again, he makes a noise in the back of his throat. Pretty sure he’s annoyed by me.

We don’t speak until we’re at the park and looking for a place to sit.

The grass is littered with blankets and chairs, and a lot of people. I spot a few vendors selling popcorn, hotdogs, and pretzels. The drink station has one half dedicated to all your non-alcoholic stuff, and the other half offering beer to people of age.

“Want something to eat?” I ask.

He gives me a look. “I’ll get it. I don’t need you to be recognized right away. What do you want?”

“Whatever you get is fine.”

“All right. Pick a place for us to sit and I’ll find you.”

I decide sitting toward the back where there’s less people is probably best. We don’t have blankets or chairs, but that’s okay. I’m not really here to watch the movie, I just want to be near Ali.

A few minutes later, Ali approaches with his hands full.

“I got everything. Hotdogs, pretzels, popcorn, and I decided to get Coke instead of beer.”

“Cool. Thanks,” I say, taking some of the items off his hands.

“Still not really sure what the movie is,” he says, sitting next to me.

“That’s all right. Doesn’t really matter to me.”

His eyes cut to mine briefly, but he doesn’t say anything. We get halfway done with our food before I decide to speak again.

“What do you do now?”

After swallowing his food, he answers, but he doesn’t look at me when he does. “I’m a science teacher at a high school, and I coach the football team.”

“No shit?” I ask with a laugh. “That’s cool, man.”

“Yeah, I like it.”

“Your sister said you were in town, so where do you live now?”

He lets loose a little sigh. “Chaparral.”

“Oh, so not too far away.”

He shakes his head and pushes his hand in the bag of popcorn, still not looking at me.

“So, you’re free all summer?”

Because I’m studying his face pretty hard, I notice when his brows furrow slightly. His eyes once again flicker in my direction, but only for a second.

“I have some plans with friends, but yeah, I guess I’ll be pretty free.” He chews his food, takes a sip, then says, “Why? You gonna be here all summer?”

“Probably.”

The movie starts, and it’s some animated family movie, but I don’t care. I’m more focused on getting Ali to actually look at me for more than two seconds. I want him to ask me questions instead of just giving my questions the quickest responses.

“Maybe I can hang out with you and your friends.” I throw it out there, hoping he’ll have more to say.

He surprises me when he starts laughing, and though I don’t know why he’s laughing, I can’t help but smile. I’ve missed his laugh, and that tiny dimple that appears on his left cheek.

“What’s so funny?” I finally ask.

“You don’t want to hang out with me and my friends.”

“Why not? As long as they’re cool and won’t be all weird around me, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, maybe I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, leaving me wondering what was so funny.

“It’s good to see you smile,” I tell him, shifting around so I can face him. “You’ve barely looked at me today, and you’ve been so serious the whole time.”

He looks at me and sighs. “What’re you doing, Kingston?”

Kingston. He likes to call me by my last name when he’s annoyed with me, and it’s always accentuated, just to get the point across.

I pop a piece of popcorn in my mouth. “Nothing. Just eating and hanging out with a friend.”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you. I’m visiting my family while I have the time off.”

“But you’re not with your brothers. You’re here with me.”

“I have time for everybody,” I answer with a shrug.

He looks away again, facing the screen. I nudge his foot with mine, bringing his gaze back to my face.

“Why can’t you look at me?”

After a few seconds of silence, he huffs and gives me an answer. “Because you’re too fucking handsome. Because being near you again is driving me crazy. Because when I look at you, I remember everything, and I’ve been trying to forget you for years. But here you are, back in town, back in my house, and trying to work your way back into my heart. I can’t allow it to happen.”

His words slam into me, making me jolt back a little. “I’m not trying to work my way back into your heart. I’m just wondering if I’m still there.”

Ali shakes his head, frustrated. “Why does it matter? What’s your plan now, Kingston? You here to tell me you want a future with me? And then once I drop everyone and everything to be with you and get my hopes up, you’ll leave? Is that it?”

“No, Ali, that’s not it,” I say softly, realizing he’s too mad to hear me out right now. This is going to take some time.

“Then what? What do you want from me, Kingston?”

“I’d settle for being your friend again.”

Ali snorts and angles his head back to the screen. “Friends.”

“I could use a friend, Ali. You’re the only one who knows me through and through.”

His head slowly swivels back in my direction. Seconds feel like hours as he studies my face, but I don’t dare break the contact. This is the longest he’s looked at me, and I’m going to enjoy his gaze on me before he decides to turn away.

His lips pull up in the tiniest of grins. “You’re so needy.”

Relief floods me, and as much as I want to throw myself at him and pull him into an hour-long hug, I just grin. “Only for you.”

The rest of the time we’re at the park, things flow a little smoother. We talk about Lexie and Leo’s wedding, and I fill him in on what’s going on with my brothers. We don’t talk about us—past or future. We just try to be friends again.

But I can’t help but think back to when I broke that friendship. It will always be my biggest regret.

16

Merrick

5 ½ Years Ago

“You all packed and ready to go?” Elijah asks me, standing in my doorway.

“I think so. I mean, I’ll be back.”

He grins. “If you do come back, it won’t be for long. You’re on your way to the big-time, baby bro.”

My smile grows. “I can’t believe I’m about to go to New York to record an album! That’s crazy, right?”

Elijah nods, still grinning. “I’m so proud of you. Mom and Dad would be, too.”

“Thanks, man.”

He pulls me into a hug, and we stand in the middle of my room for a couple minutes while a few tears roll down my cheeks.

When I step back, I wipe away the tears and clear my throat. “Uh, I have to go tell Ali.”

“He doesn’t know you’re leaving tomorrow?” he questions, aghast.

I shake my head. “I didn’t know how to tell him.”

Elijah frowns. “Waiting till the last minute probably wasn’t the best idea.”

“I know, but I didn’t want. . .” I don’t finish, because I can’t explain it to my brother without giving away what me and Ali are to each other. “I don’t know. I’ll be back, though. It’s not like I’m leaving forever.”

Elijah pins me with another look that says, you know better.

* * *

Ali opens the door and lets me in with a smile on his face. “Hey, I just got off the phone with Lexie, and she invited us to her birthday dinner next weekend. You’re free, right?”

He turns around and walks back into his living room, leaving me having to tell him my news right away.

“Um, well, no.”

Ali spins around. “No?”

I take a deep breath and blow it out. “I need to talk to you.”

His expression instantly morphs into one of apprehension. “What?”

After I sit on the couch, I wait for him to do the same. He slowly makes his way around, never taking his eyes off me.

“I’m leaving town tomorrow.”

Ali’s face doesn’t change for a few seconds, like the information hasn’t quite hit his brain yet. “What? For how long?”

I chew on my bottom lip. “I don’t know. Probably a few months.”

“A few months? What for?”

I pop my knuckles in a nervous gesture. “I didn’t know how to tell you, but me and the guys, we got a deal. We have to fly to New York to record an album.”

Ali’s eyes bulge. “What? How long have you known this?”

I scoot forward on the couch and reach for his hand. “When we came off the road last time, we had already left music with a label in New York. We had met up with someone there and talked a little, but nothing was set in stone. We just had to wait to see what happened.”

“Since you came home? That was months ago!”

“But I didn’t know what was going to happen. We’ve left music with other labels before and heard nothing back. It was just another shot in the dark.”

“When did you know for sure?”

“It’s been a few months, I guess,” I say, feeling like shit.

“Months.” He snatches his hand away and stands up. “You’ve known for months that there was a strong possibility you could be signed to a label, and then knew for sure that you were about to leave, and yet you decided to keep all of that to yourself. Am I hearing this right?”

“When I found out for sure, I didn’t want to ruin what we had going on. I wanted us to enjoy our time together without worrying about having an expiration date.”

He scoffs. “An expiration date? So, we’re done for sure? That’s what you’re saying? You going off to New York to record an album means the end of us?”

I stand up and go to him. “No, I just meant I didn’t want either of us to be so preoccupied with me leaving that we didn’t enjoy every second we had together. I’m coming back, Ali. Once this album is done, I’ll be back.”

Ali shakes his head. “And if you’re successful?”

“I’ll always come back to you.”

“You didn’t even tell me you got signed. I’m sure you celebrated that, and you left me out of it, Kingston. That hurts.”

“Ali, I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I do know that I’ll always want what we’ve always planned. I want us no matter what.”

He gently touches my cheek as he stares into my eyes. “You’re about to be one of the biggest celebrities in the world. I’ve heard you guys, and you’re all so talented. You’re about to be everywhere. There’s no way you’ll have the time to come back to little ol’ Gaspar, and you certainly won’t have time to have a gay lover.”

I circle his wrist with my fingers and pull him into me. “You’re so much more to me than a gay lover.”

Ali plants a soft kiss on my lips before stepping back. “Not anymore.”

17

Alejandro

Present Day

“Well, looks like the movie’s over,” I say, noticing people getting up.

“There was a movie?” Merrick jokes.

“You were too busy running your mouth.”

“Well, it’s been a long time. Just trying to catch up.”

Merrick gathers our trash and walks it over to the bin about twelve feet away. I’m just getting to my feet when I notice a couple girls approach him.

He’s been recognized.

As I get closer, he poses with them for a selfie, smiles that adorable fucking smile, and says something that makes them laugh.

“Still charming as ever, huh?”

His eyes find mine. “You tell me.”

I shake my head and playfully smack him on the shoulder. “Come on, rock star. Those girls are about to post those photos to social media, and everyone’s gonna come swarming.”

After we’re in the SUV, he just sits behind the wheel, not making a move to start it up.

“What’s up?”

Merrick shifts in his seat and faces me. “I don’t want to take you home yet.”

I glance at my watch. “It’s only nine o’clock, and it’s not like I have curfew anymore. What do you wanna do?”

That was the wrong question to ask, because when Merrick looks at me, his eyes are hooded, and nothing but lust-filled thoughts rest behind them. When he looks at my mouth, I unconsciously lick my lips.

“I don’t know. I don’t care, really. Nothing too public would be nice, though.”

“Well, I don’t know. We could just drive.”

I think briefly about saying we could go to my place, but that would definitely send a message that I’m not trying to send. I can tell Merrick’s got a lot of things on his mind, and I can try to be his friend again, but I’m not willing to put my heart on the line anymore.

“That’s fine,” he says, turning the key to crank the engine.

Merrick drives through our small town, and we reminisce about our childhood.

“Remember when we were parked in that little lot,” he says, pointing out a small spot near another park. “And we got so fucking high in the car, and then a cop pulled up?”

I laugh. “Oh, yeah! Shit, I was scared out of my mind.”

“I remember,” he says with a laugh. “I was so paranoid. I didn’t know if leaving would bring attention to us, but didn’t really want to stay there either. The car was smoked out!”

“Good thing that other car got his attention first.”

“Yeah, ’cause the windows were steamed up and the car was rockin’.”

“Teenagers are so stupid, man.”

“Aw, man. They closed down Box O Tacos?” he says, noticing the boarded up windows. “They had the best fucking Strawberry Mountain Dew and cheese sticks.”

“Wrong. They had the best Strawberry Sierra Mist, and you would always pull the cheese sticks open and only eat the cheese, like a fuckin’ weirdo.”

“Hey, man. Don’t judge me.”

After driving for another ten minutes or so, he pulls up to our old high school and puts the vehicle in park.

“So many memories here.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “There’s that table we used to sit on at lunch.”

He chews on his lip, fighting off a laugh. “That fucking table.” Before I can ask what he means, he goes on. “You see the alcove to the music building?”

“I see it.”

“That’s where we met.”

“What? Really?” I ask.

“You don’t remember?”

“I thought we met in English.”

“No. I was coming out of choir, but it was raining its ass off. I mean, you’d think we were in the middle of a hurricane or something, so I stayed in the alcove, looking at my schedule and map of the campus, trying to figure out where I needed to go. Right before I was about to make a run for it, you came darting around the building and into the alcove with me. You were drenched, looking like a drowned rat.” He laughs, shaking his head. “You looked up at me and gave me a lopsided grin and said, ‘The weatherman said there’s a slight chance of rain today.’ and I started cracking up. I don’t even know why I thought it was so funny, but I kept thinking about it the rest of the day.”

“You were so bundled up,” I say, remembering. “You had a hood on and it hung low over your forehead. That’s probably why I didn’t recognize you when I saw you in English.”

“And that picnic table,” he says, staring at it with a small grin on his face. “It was on that table that I realized I wanted to be more than your friend.”

He cuts his eyes at me nervously, gauging my reaction.

“Tell me.”

“We were both sitting on the tabletop with our feet on the bench. You were talking to someone else but I was staring at you the whole time. I watched that dimple appear when you laughed, and noticed every time you’d lick your lips. I remember thinking how cute you were, and then thinking, why do I think he’s cute?

“You shifted and leaned back on the table, and our hands touched. Your eyes flew to mine, and there was a fraction of a second where we just looked at each other. I thought maybe all of my thoughts were written on my forehead and you knew what I was thinking, but you just murmured a sorry and turned away.

“That was when I realized I didn’t just look at you like a friend, because I wanted your hand back on mine. I wanted to kiss your lips to see if they were as soft as they looked. And then every time we were back on that table, I hoped and waited for another brief touch—a pinky, knee, thigh, anything.”

I can’t help myself. It’s like my hand has a mind of its own as I reach over the console and grab his. I squeeze and he squeezes back, giving me a grin.

My heart soars. Merrick fucking Kingston is going to be the death of me.

18

Merrick

Present Day

Cillian free falls onto my bed. “Let’s make a deal. You stay at my house, and I’ll sleep here a few nights.”

“No, thanks,” I say with a laugh.

“But there’s maids and room service.”

“Exactly.”

“You act like Midge isn’t the one cleaning your house and making your food,” Royce adds, sitting in the chair near the window.

“Hey, I’m the one who cooks,” he says. “But yeah, she does most of the cleaning.”

“How’s the wedding planning going?” I ask Royce, nudging Cill’s leg out of the way so I can sit on my bed.

“Good. London’s basically in charge of all the decisions, so that makes my part easy.”

I laugh. “Nice.”

He smiles. “Nah, she asks my opinion on stuff, but I really want her to have everything she’s ever dreamed of. We’ve settled on turquoise and yellow for colors, which seems to fit a nice summer wedding. Yellow flowers, turquoise dresses for the bridesmaids, and turquoise ties for the guys.”

“And it’s gonna be outside?” I ask.

“Yep. Our property.”

“That’s nice.”

“Kind of stressful,” he admits. “Vendors, lighting, decorations, seating, and a whole bunch of other shit to figure out, but it’ll be worth it.”

“I told Midge we should just fly to Vegas and get married there,” Cill says.

“And what did she say about that?” I ask.

“She gave me a look that said enough.”

We all crack up.

“So, whatcha been up to since being back in town?” Cill asks, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

“Not much. It’s only been a week. I saw Ali and Liliana. Lili invited me over to her mom’s house for lunch so I could see her baby. Then me and Ali went to this movie in the park thing that his mom told us about. Since then, nothing really. I’ve seen a couple other friends, and I’ve hung out with Elijah and Nova.”

“Midge has been wanting to do that movie in the park thing. We’ve only gone once, but it’s been a while,” Cill says.

“How’s Alejandro?” Royce asks. “I thought y’all had a falling out or something.”

I shrug. “Eh, we did, but we’re working it out.”

“That’s good. Y’all were really close back in the day. I don’t think I’ve kept many friendships from high school,” Royce says.

“Yeah, ’cause you’re a shit friend,” Cill jokes.

“Fuck off.”

“So, is this shit getting to you yet?” Cill asks.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“You know, being famous, losing privacy, always traveling, partying too much.”

I chuckle. “Ah, well, it’s not too bad yet. The privacy thing sucks, but what can you do? That comes with the job. The traveling was nice for the first couple years. Now I feel like I’ve seen everything I’ve wanted to see. Being here for these past seven days has been amazing. I’m not expected to wake up at five in the morning to hop on a plane, do a show, and get on another plane. Not that I hate it, though, but it’s been a lot of work. I’m glad we’re at a point where we can slow down a bit.”

“And partying too much? Nobody’s developed any habits, have they?” Royce asks.

“Nah, I don’t think so. I mean, we definitely party and drink, but it hasn’t gotten to the point where anybody needs rehab. I hope we don’t ever get there.”

“That’s good,” Royce says.

We’re all quiet for several seconds before Cill opens his mouth and brings up the last thing I want anybody to bring up.

“So about these girls. . .”

He and Royce laugh while I pull my shirt over my face.

“Do we have to talk about it?” I murmur.

“Uh, fuck yes! You conveniently forget to answer my questions when I text you, so yes, we’re talking about it. Are you actually sleeping with all these women? I mean, I know the tabloids can be full of shit, but you have been photographed in clubs, restaurants, hotels with a lot of women.”

“Is our baby brother a womanizer?” Royce laughs. “Or what did that one magazine call him?”

“Philanderer,” Cill answers.

Royce laughs. “Yeah, a philanderer.”

“Jesus,” I breathe. “I’ve been with a tiny percentage of the women they’ve photographed me with. The rest is bullshit.”

“Shit, if I was single, famous, and rich, I’d probably sleep with more than a tiny percentage,” Cill says. “Don’t tell Midge I said that.”

“And you’d probably have STDs with your dick falling off, and sixty-two chicks saying they’re pregnant with your baby,” Royce says.

“I’m just sayin’,” Cill says with a shrug.

I shake my head at them. It’s probably time for me to tell them the truth, but I wonder if I should talk to Elijah first. I think he may already suspect something, and he’s always been the one to give me advice. At the age of eleven, he became a father-figure, so I always seek his approval first.

Cill gets up from the bed and stretches. “Well, it was good hanging out with you today. I gotta get home and work on this painting. It feels so fucking good to have a studio space at my house now,” he adds.

When him and Midge bought a house together, they got one with a huge backyard and erected a large shed back there for him to use as a studio.

Royce gets up. “Yeah, I’m gonna head home, too. We’re gonna see you at Elijah’s tomorrow, right?”

“I’ll be there.”

After we hug goodbye, I drop down to my bed and turn the TV on. It’s only eight o’clock, and it’s a Saturday. I’m not used to being alone and having nothing to do. While I’m enjoying the break, some stuff takes some getting used to.

Plus, I can’t stop thinking about how Ali’s in the same town. I’ve given him space since last weekend. I haven’t seen him at all since I dropped him off at home after our drive.

I bring out my phone and text Lili, asking for Ali’s number. She quickly sends it to me with a happy face emoji.

Me: Hey, wanna get together tonight?

Ali: Who is this?

Me: It’s Merrick.

Ali: Oh my gawwwwd! Merrick Kingston? Yes, he wants to get together tonight. And if he doesn’t, I do.

I look at my phone with a furrow between my brows. What?

Ali: Sorry about that. It’s me now. My friend had my phone. Please ignore him.

Me: Oh. I was really confused for a second.

Ali: Yeah, sorry. I’m out with my friends right now. I’m in Chaparral.

Me: Oh. Okay. Maybe another time?

I don’t hear back from him right away, so I settle in for a quiet night in my hotel room.

19

Alejandro

Present Day

“Stop picking up my phone,” I tell Jordy, sliding it to the other side of me.

“What? You were in the bathroom.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to answer my texts.”

He shrugs. “I thought you were getting a booty call. I was being a good wingman.”

“Being a good wingman means offering yourself up?”

He laughs. “Okay, let’s not distract from the real fucking juicy news. Merrick Kingston is texting you. You! What? Why is this happening? And why haven’t you texted him back yet?”

I sigh, take a big gulp of my beer, then put it down. “If I tell you, you have to swear you’re not gonna tell the guys when they get here. I mean it, Jordy. I know you’re a gossip queen, but I don’t feel like fielding a million questions tonight.”

He purses his lips and runs his fingers through his blond hair. “Mm. Okay, I guess. Now give me the juicy deets.”

“Me and Merrick go way back. We went to school together and were really good friends. I ran into him last weekend, and I’m guessing he got my number from my sister because I didn’t give it to him.”

Jordy makes a face. “If you two were such good friends, why doesn’t he have your number?”

“Well, I moved. I got a new phone and number. He’s been on the road, so we haven’t talked in a long time. It’s not like we run in the same circles.”

He laughs. “No, you most certainly don’t. Anyway, why didn’t you mention this when we were talking last time?”

“I just told you. I don’t want to have to answer a million questions about what Merrick Kingston is like. Plus, we aren’t really friends anymore. It’s been years since I’ve talked to him.”

Jordy gives me a sly look. “But here he is texting you about wanting to hang out.”

“Stop it.”

“What?” he asks, trying to portray innocence with a doe-eyed look and parted lips.

“You always have mischief in your eyes.”

“Well, that’s because I’m always mischievous, baby.” He pushes away from the table and walks behind me, his hand dragging across my back. “I’ll be back. Gotta go to the little boys’ room.”

I take another drink of my beer, spotting Charlie and Dennis walking in.

“No AJ?” I ask, not really caring, because I know Dennis better than AJ.

“He has a date,” Charlie answers. “Where’s Jordy?”

“Bathroom.”

The two of them make themselves comfortable around the table after getting their drinks from the bar.

Mad Minnie’s is a gay bar we visit once a month. It’s not too big, and the main room is quiet enough to allow conversation either around the bar or at the tables spread through the room. There’s pool tables on one half, and in the adjoining room, there’s a dance floor. There, the music is pretty loud, but out here, we can still hear the music and each other.

“I’m back, the party can start,” Jordy announces, prancing around the table.

“What’s the plan? Are we hanging here for a little while then going somewhere else? ’Cause I’m hungry,” Dennis says.

Jordy smacks his lips. “You should’ve eaten before you came. Who moves from a bar to a restaurant? They’d kick us out, baby.”

“They’d kick you out, because you’re a lush,” Dennis counters.

“Whatever. We can stop by that Gyro sandwich stand a couple blocks over. In the meantime, let’s drink.”

“I wanna head to Shamrocks after this,” Charlie says.

“Shamrocks? With the straights?” Jordy questions.

Charlie waves him off. “I’m an equal opportunist. I need the variety.”

“I’ll go with you,” I tell him.

“You know I’ll go,” Jordy says, taking a sip of his drink. “I’m just giving you a hard time. Plus, I like to see if I can get any ‘straight’ guys to give me a chance,” he says, shimmying in his seat with a grin.

I shake my head. “You’re too much.”

Half an hour later, I notice Charlie’s eyes tracking someone over my shoulder. Jordy notices as well and turns in his seat to check it out.

“Is that. . .” Charlie trails off, shaking his head. “Nah. Can’t be.”

Jordy’s lips draw up into a grin I know too well. He’s a trouble-maker.

Dennis puts his phone down and joins the conversation. “Who? Where?”

“It’s kind of dark in here, but look by the door. Why does he look familiar?”

I begin to shift around so I can see who the hell they’re talking about, but Jordy slaps a hand on my shoulder.

“What?” I ask.

“He’s tall. Broad. Jesus,” Dennis breathes. “He looks lost. If he would just turn this way a little bit. . .”

I twist around, ignoring Jordy’s protests and spot Merrick at the door. When my jaw drops, I spin back and face Jordy. “What did you do?”

He bites his lip. “Nothing.”

Snatching my phone from the table, I go through the messages and find that during the time Jordy was in the bathroom, he took my phone and held a text conversation with Merrick, posing as me. He invited him here. To a gay bar. I’m going to kill him.

“What were you thinking?” I seethe. “He’s fucking famous, and you invite him to a gay bar? What if someone takes his picture? Do you know what this could do to him?”

Jordy’s face pales a little. “I didn’t mean. . .”

I push out of my seat and head straight for Merrick. When he finds me, his face shows relief. I quickly grab him by the arm and pull him outside. “Come on.”

“What. . .what’s happening?” he asks.

I don’t say anything until we’re out on the street and halfway down the block. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were coming. My friend was the one who texted you. He plays around a lot. That’s a gay bar.”

Merrick’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m so mad. I can’t believe he did this. I don’t want you to be seen or photographed there. You know, it’ll just start rumors.”

“Not really rumors,” he says with a wry grin.

“I know, but—”

I’m cut off by Jordy’s voice as he comes running down the street.

“Wait!”

I watch as he makes his way closer, slowing down his pace. Dennis and Charlie are a few feet behind him.

He sucks in a deep breath. “God, why did you come this far? You know I hate running.” He fans himself dramatically. When he’s done with his show, he makes eye contact with Merrick and grins. “Wow, you’re even better looking in person.”

Merrick chuckles. “Uh. Thanks.”

“Look, I’m sorry I invited you out here. Alejandro told me y’all were friends. . .kinda. And I’m a jokester.”

“Shit-starter,” Charlie adds as he steps us.

“Anyway, I didn’t think about the fame and being at a gay establishment. I just don’t think of it as being wrong, you know?” Jordy looks at me. “I’m sorry, Al, seriously. I wasn’t thinking. Well, I was thinking I’d meet a celebrity, but that’s it.”

Merrick clears his throat. “It’s okay. I’m Merrick,” he says, holding his hand out to Jordy.

Jordy smiles flirtatiously and takes his hand. “I’m Jordy. I’m Al’s best friend.”

“I used to be his best friend,” Merrick adds with a small grin.

“This is Charlie and Dennis,” I say, gesturing to them. “I knew Merrick back in school.”

They all shake hands, and then Charlie faces me. “Oh, we’re gonna talk about this later.”

“Want a gyro?” Jordy asks Merrick. “We’re gonna go get something for Dennis to eat, because he doesn’t know how to properly prepare for a night of drinking. Then we’re gonna go to Shamrocks. Don’t worry, it’s not a gay bar.”

I’m a few steps behind them, watching Jordy walk as close as possible to Merrick all while gazing dreamily at his face.

Merrick glances over his shoulder at me. “Uh, sure? If it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay, sweetie,” Jordy says, touching his arm. “I need to buy you a drink to make up for my antics.”

“Jordy, what are you doing?” I groan.

“Honey, if you’re not gonna be friends with him, I will.”

Charlie chuckles behind me and I settle in for what’s definitely going to be a long and annoying night.

20

Merrick

Present Day

Shamrocks isn’t too bad of a spot. The lighting is sparse, so I feel confident I won’t be noticed. It’s not extremely crowded, but there’s definitely a good amount of people in here.

I pull the bill of my cap low and keep my head down as I follow Ali and his friends. They find us a booth all the way in a corner, behind the bar and away from the dance floor. I’m sure it’s for my benefit.

“This isn’t the most prime spot for scouting out the potentials, but I don’t know how many gay people are here anyway,” Jordy says, scooting to the middle. “We come here for Charlie, because he swings both ways, and I like the challenge of seeing how straight the straight ones really are,” he says with a wink.

“Oh God,” Ali groans, rolling his eyes.

I scoot in toward the middle and have Jordy on one side and Ali on the other. Dennis and Charlie went straight to the bar for drinks.

“What? I’m not trying to turn your friend,” Jordy says, looking up at me. “Unless you’re interested.”

“Don’t answer that,” Ali says. “Don’t even pay attention to Jordy.”

Jordy pouts. “Meanie. I said I was sorry, and you know I don’t do that often.”

“You see why I laughed when you said you wanted to hang out with my friends?” Ali asks, a smirk on his face.

Jordy scoffs. “He acts like we’re so embarrassing.”

I grin. “Well, I’m not embarrassed or uncomfortable. I’m just ready to drink.”

“Yes! Where are those two with our drinks?” Jordy questions. “I’ll go help them out. Be right back, kids.”

Ali sighs. “Sorry. He’s a handful, but he’s been a good friend. You just gotta get used to the way he is.”

“It’s fine,” I assure him with a grin.

“I can’t believe he invited you out to a gay bar.”

I laugh, and without thinking, I place my hand on his thigh and squeeze him gently. “Ali, it’s okay.” When he tenses up, I snatch my hand back. “Sorry.”

Ali gazes into my eyes, and we get lost in each other for a few seconds. His lips part like he wants to say something, but the words never come out.

“We’re back. Oh, are we interrupting something?” Jordy asks in a teasing tone.

We both turn and face him, but Ali’s first to speak up. “No, just apologizing for your behavior.”

“My behavior?” he questions, sliding back into the booth. “Oh, inviting your friend to have a good time with us? Please,” he waves his hand. “Merrick is already over it. Aren’t you, baby?”

I grin. “Yes, I was trying to tell Ali that it’s fine.”

“Oh, Ali? That’s cute.”

Ali scowls at him. “No, it’s not. Don’t call me that.”

“Merrick gets to call you Ali but I don’t?”

“Yes.”

Jordy’s eyebrows shoot up and he purses his lips as he looks at Charlie and Dennis. “Well, okay. Goodness.”

Under the table, I knock my knee into Ali’s, but I fight off the grin. I love that I’m the only one who calls him Ali.

“We got shots and a little bit of everything,” Charlie says, unloading a tray of drinks on the table. “Didn’t know what the rock star usually drinks.”

“Oh, I’m good with anything, but typically I stick to vodka.”

Dennis passes me two different glasses. “Pretty sure these have vodka.”

“Thanks.”

“But the shots are patron, so. . .” Charlie trails off, making a face. “We’re about to get fucked.”

“From your lips to God’s ears,” Jordy murmurs.

After we take our shots, we sip on our drinks and I get to know Ali’s friends. They ask me questions about life on the road and want to know all the famous people I’ve met, but they’re really cool. I don’t feel like I have to worry about them taking pictures of me to sell to tabloids, which has happened in the past. Jordy’s definitely a character, but he’s fun to be around. Ali actually seems to be the tense one. I think he’s more concerned about people spotting me than I am.

“So, how did you all meet?” I ask the group.

“Oh, this is a fun story,” Jordy chirps. “Alejandro came walking into a gay bar one night, and he was all alone and looked like a lost and scared little puppy. I spotted him right away, because of course I did. I mean, look at him! He’s gorgeous. I ran over and introduced myself, then introduced him to these guys,” he says gesturing to Charlie and Dennis. “I used to work as a bartender with Dennis, and I knew Charlie in school.”

“I didn’t look lost and scared,” Ali says.

“But you did look gorgeous!” Jordy chirps.

Ali rolls his eyes and I try to hide my jealousy.

“Have you two ever. . .” I stop talking, not wanting to finish the question, but also kind of wanting the answer.

Ali gives me a weird look and Jordy laughs. “Oh, no. I’m not his type, and we later determined we wouldn’t be compatible.”

“Why’s that?” I ask.

Jordy gives me a grin. “We’re both bottoms, baby.”

“Oh.”

Charlie and Dennis laugh, but Ali lets out an annoyed sigh. “Why are we talking about this?”

“Hey, he’s asking questions. It’s only polite to answer,” Jordy replies.

Charlie finishes his drink and stands up. “I’m gonna head out to the dance floor, maybe hang by the bar and see if I can find anyone. I’ll be back.”

“Ooh, I’m gonna come, too. See if I get lucky out here,” Jordy says, sliding out of the booth.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Dennis adds.

Ali and I are left alone once again.

“I can’t believe you asked if me and Jordy had been together.”

I laugh. “What? He was talking about how gorgeous you are, so I was curious.”

Ali gives me a look. “Jealous?”

“Maybe.”

He smiles and rolls his eyes. “I love Jordy, but we’d never make it.”

“Because you’re both bottoms?” I ask with a smirk. “And because he’s not your type? What is your type, by the way?”

Ali laughs. “Stop.”

“I’m curious.”

“I’m sure you can guess.”

I bite down on the corner of my lip. “Hmm.”

He shakes his head but he doesn’t stop grinning. “You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that, right?”

I lift my brows and quirk my lips on one end. “I can be, but I can be a real pleasure, too.”

Ali makes a noise in the back of his throat. It’s a mix between a whimper and a moan. He catches himself and clears his throat before taking a big gulp of his drink.

“Wow, it’s kind of hot in here, huh?” he says, scooting back and looking away.

This time, when I rest my hand on his thigh, I leave it there. “Ali, you’re driving me crazy, you know that?”

He swallows, looking nervous. “How?”

“I’ve dreamt of being with you again. I’ve played it over and over in my mind. I basically mapped out everything I ever wanted to happen when I saw you again, but I can’t do any of it.”

Ali’s tongue swipes across his bottom lip. “Why’s that?”

I allow my eyes to study his face. His soft lips, his beautiful honey brown eyes framed by dark, thick lashes. His sharp cheekbones and strong jaw. He’s the most attractive man I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been all over the world.

“You still don’t trust me,” I tell him. “I haven’t earned your forgiveness yet, and I don’t want you to think that I’m only around because I want to fuck you.”

Ali shivers at my words.

“I’m aware of everything you’ve done for me. You’ve had to lie to everyone to keep my secret. You’ve dropped boyfriends for me. You’ve chosen me instead of others. And all I did was let you. I feel like such an asshole, Ali. I’ve treated you like you weren’t the whole world to me, but you are. You’ve always been everything.

“I want to kiss you and touch you and bury myself deep inside you. But I won’t do any of that until you’re ready. Until you decide if that’s what you want to happen.” I squeeze his thigh again and draw my lips into a crooked grin. “But know that I really want to do all those things.”

Ali’s lips quiver just slightly, and he stares at me like I’m an alien. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths, and as soon as it looks like he’s about to lean in, Jordy approaches the table.

“Whew, it is slim pickin’s out there. Let’s just get drunk.”

Our spell is broken as we look away from each other and go back to pretending we’re just old friends.

21

Alejandro

Present Day

When I wake up, my head feels like it’s going to explode. My pulse throbs in my temples, making me reach for my head with a grimace.

“Fucking shit.”

Last night, Jordy and Dennis kept bringing us shot after shot and drink after drink. Charlie lucked out and found a chick to take home, leaving the rest of us in the club with nothing to do but get drunk.

I pull the comforter over my head, turning in the other direction, and come in direct contact with another body.

“What the fuck?”

I peel my eyes open and yank the cover off my head to see who’s in bed with me.

“What is happening?” Merrick mumbles.

“What are you doing in my bed?”

“Trying to sleep.”

“No, why. . .what happened? How drunk was I?”

“Pretty drunk,” he says with a chuckle, his voice deep and scratchy from sleep.

“But you’re in my bed.”

Merrick pushes the covers down to his waist, showcasing his chiseled abs, and showing off the newest tattoos along his side that I’ve never seen before.

My cock is already hard because I just woke up. . .morning wood and whatnot, but seeing a half-naked Merrick in my bed isn’t helping.

“Don’t worry. I was a complete gentleman,” he says, moving to sit up. “I gotta take a piss.”

When he stands up, I can’t take my eyes off him. He stretches his arms to the side, then brings them back in as he yawns. Every muscle flexes, and all I want to do is re-acquaint myself with his body.

His wide shoulders and upper back taper down into a slim waist, and two dimples rest above his ass cheeks, which are unfortunately covered by a pair of boxers.

Merrick glances over his shoulder and catches me checking him out. He smiles but lets me off without a sly comment before walking to the bathroom.

I flop back onto my bed and cover my eyes with my forearm. “Jesus Christ.”

After he’s done, he emerges through the door and I wish I would’ve just kept my eyes closed, because if I thought Merrick from the back was hot, Merrick from the front is a Greek god.

He was in shape before, but not like this. The muscles in his chest are full and thick, and his abs look like they belong on the body of a fitness model. Does he even have an ounce of fat on him? And good Lord that V. . .I know what that leads to, and I lick my lips just thinking about what’s resting behind those boxers. Well, I can’t really say it’s resting. He has his own morning wood tucked in the waistband of his underwear, and I can see just the tiniest bit of his tip peeking out.

“I used some mouthwash. Hope that’s okay.”

I divert my gaze from his body and look into his eyes. “Uh. Yeah.”

After shoving the covers off me, I get out of bed and head for the bathroom. Merrick lingers near the doorway, and when I’m about to pass him, he reaches out and grabs my wrist.

“Hey.”

I come to a stop and try to control my eyes. It’s not like I haven’t seen a half-naked man before. But this feels different. My brain has checked out and all I want to do is throw myself at him so I can have his body against mine once more.

“Good morning,” he says with a smirk, like he’s aware of the effect he has on me.

I grin. “Good morning.”

He allows his eyes to do a slow perusal down my body, unabashedly checking me out. When his gaze meets mine again, he says, “Lookin’ good, Ali.”

My cheeks heat as I duck my head, unsure how to respond to the compliment. My heart does a flip in my chest and my cock twitches.

“You, too.”

I ease out of his grip and rush to the bathroom where I internally scold myself for such a lame response.

My dick begs for me to stroke it, so I can release some of this tension, but I can’t do that with Merrick on the other side of the door. He doesn’t need to know I’m barely clinging to any sort of self-control.

Once I’m done with all my bathroom business, I step back into my room and find Merrick standing near my bedroom window wearing only a pair of jeans. He has his phone pressed against his ear, so I keep my mouth shut while I make my way to my dresser for some clothes.

He turns and watches me as he listens to whoever’s on the other end.

“Uh-huh. Yeah, I got it. Nope, I’m being good,” he says with a laugh. “No, you don’t have to worry about that. I have a friend here who will keep me in check.”

I turn and look at him and he arches a brow, giving me a crooked grin.

“Okay, bye.”

He ends the call and throws his phone on the bed.

“Sorry. Manager wants to make sure I’m behaving myself.”

I pull on my shorts and T-shirt. “Well, you do have a reputation.”

Merrick finds his shirt on the floor and pulls it over his head. “Yeah, but I told you it’s not true.”

“Not one-hundred percent.”

He sighs but doesn’t argue. “Ali, I have to know something.”

I cross my arms over my chest and lean against my dresser. “What’s that?”

“Do I even have a chance?”

It takes me a few seconds to respond, because I have too many thoughts ping-ponging in my brain.

“Why me?”

He furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Why do you want me?”

“Have you not heard what I’ve told you?” he asks, taking a step forward.

“You’ve said I’m everything to you. Yeah, I heard that.”

“But,” he offers, knowing I have more to say.

I drop my arms and grip the edge of the dresser. “But those are just words. We’ve said a lot to each other over the years. You’ve consistently told me one thing just to do something that completely contradicts it. Why should I believe you now? Or ever?”

“I’m trying to get you to realize I’m not like that anymore. If I say something, I want you to believe it. I’ve had years to dwell on my bullshit. I’ve had so many regrets, and honestly, if I was in your shoes, I don’t know if I’d forgive me. But you’re better than me, Ali. You always have been, and you make me want to be better. For you.”

My heart sings at his words, but I can’t allow myself to be naive. “Let’s pretend I tell you that I forgive you for everything and that you do have a chance. Then what? This is the problem we always had. I let you suck me back into a secret relationship because you weren’t out yet, and that’s still the case. I will not be a skeleton in your closet. I will not be forced to love you in secret.”

He takes the remaining steps to reach me, wrapping his hands around mine. “Tell me I have a chance, Ali. Tell me you’d give us one last shot and I’ll risk it all. I’ll risk everything for you. For us.”

My heart explodes in my chest, and tears burn the backs of my eyes. He’s serious. I can read the sincerity in his eyes and his tone. But one word sticks with me. Risk.

“Risk everything?” I question.

“My career. The careers of my bandmates. Everything.”

I shake my head. “You think. . .you think the label would drop you?”

“I don’t know. I’ve heard the way some of these guys talk. They make jokes and use slurs. They’re degrading. There’s still a lot of awful, close-minded people in charge of a lot of things. I don’t know how the fans would react, and I don’t know if it would affect our sales. I’d like to think it wouldn’t, but you never know.”

“I don’t want you to lose your career.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Tell me, Ali. Just tell me if we have a chance.”

I slip my hands from his and place them on either side of his face. “Merrick, if you come out, I want it to be because you’re ready, not because you want to be with me. Don’t do this for me. Do it for you.”

He drops his forehead onto mine. “I want to know you’ll be there if everything crumbles around me.”

“We’re friends, right?”

A humorless laugh escapes his throat. “Are we?”

“I think you still have a lot of thinking to do, and you should probably start talking to your family about this. Then you can make the decision that’s best for you.”

“I get what you’re saying.”

I pull back and drop my hands to his shoulders. “But?”

He smirks. “But I still really want to kiss you.” I’m about to give in, because I want his lips on mine, too, but he stops me by bringing his hand to my face and cupping my cheek. “But I’m afraid if I kiss you once, I’ll want another.” His thumb brushes over my lips softly. “And then that won’t be enough and I’ll want to be inside you.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips, touching the tip of his thumb in the process. His hand slowly drops down until he has a soft grip on my throat. “And once I’m inside you again, I’ll never want to be anywhere else, and then we’ll be back to where we always were—in a secret relationship.”

“Oh,” I breathe.

“Yeah. And you don’t want that again.”

“I don’t?” I ask stupidly, staring at his perfect pink lips.

He chuckles. “So, we’re friends.”

I barely manage a nod. “Yeah. Friends.”

Merrick releases me and steps back. “Okay.”

22

Merrick

Present Day

After leaving Ali earlier today, I went back to my hotel just to shower and change, then slipped back into my car to head to Elijah’s house.

Paparazzi are in town, but not many. I only noticed a few hanging outside my hotel. They took their pictures, and now they’re following me to my brother’s place. Great.

I park on the street and get out, finding two photographers standing near their cars snapping photos and throwing out questions.

“Merrick, you gonna be in town long?”

“How’s vacation going? You ready to be back on the road?”

“Are you visiting any ex-girlfriends?”

“Have you seen what Sky’s been up to? Do you wish you were with him instead of here?”

I stand at the front of my car before heading inside. “Hey, guys. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I’m just enjoying time with my family right now. You can take pictures of me, but give my family a break, okay? Don’t snap any pictures of the house or anything.”

I find being nice to them and allowing them to get some shots is usually better in the long run. Sometimes they’ll respect your wishes, but sometimes they’re just assholes who do whatever they want.

“Okay, but have you talked to the guys? Sky’s been photographed skinny dipping in the Caribbean. Looks like it’s quite the party over there.”

I chuckle. “I haven’t seen the photographs, but I’m not surprised. I can guarantee you’ll get better shots out there than here with me. I’m just trying to keep a low profile and enjoy some downtime. Have a good day, guys.”

Their cameras go off as I walk away, but when I get inside Elijah’s house, I peek through the window and see them driving off.

“Are they being annoying?” Elijah asks, coming toward the foyer.

“They’re all right. I’m glad they’re leaving though.”

I follow Elijah to the kitchen and find Royce and Cillian standing around the island making sandwiches.

“Oh yeah, I’m starving,” I say, grabbing a plate for myself.

“You live in a hotel with room service, why are you not eating all the time?” Cill asks.

“I wasn’t there this morning.”

“Oooh!” Royce sings, then he stops. “Wait. That doesn’t make sense. If you’re hooking up, then being in the hotel makes sense. What were you doing?”

I shake my head and swipe the cold cuts from him. “I hung out with Ali and his friends last night. We drank too much, so I ended up crashing at Ali’s, then I drove back to the hotel today to shower and change. Then I came here.”

“Well, it seems like you and Alejandro worked your shit out,” Cill says, before taking a bite out of his sandwich.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine, I think,” I say, squirting mustard on the bread. “His friends are cool, and it was nice being out without being swarmed.”

“You don’t want to invite him over for dinner tonight?” Elijah asks. “It’s been a long time since he’s been around the table with us.”

I shake my head. “Nah, I was actually wanting to talk to you guys tonight.”

They all straighten up and stare at me. “What’s going on?” Royce asks.

“Nothing, just wanted to run something by you.”

I take a bite out of my sandwich to keep from having to say more, but their eyes are still trained on me.

Elijah takes his plate and grabs a bag of chips. “Let’s go to the dining room.”

After we’re all settled around the table, Cillian meets my gaze. “You want to tell us now? The girls are out doing wedding shopping and stuff.”

I take a deep breath as fear licks up my spine and nerves gather in my stomach. This is the first step. I have to tell my family before the media finds out and starts snapping pictures and posting them all over the internet and magazine covers. God forbid I get caught with Ali in an intimate moment. My family deserves to know first, and I need to be the one to tell them.

After them, I have to talk to my band members, and then everyone at the label. After that, I come out to the public.

God, just thinking about that makes sweat bead across my forehead.

“I was planning on talking to Elijah first,” I say, cutting my eyes to him. “But I guess it doesn’t matter.”

Something crosses over Elijah’s eyes, an understanding perhaps. The other two look almost scared. I wonder what’s going through their heads right now. I imagine whatever they’re thinking is way off base, because I don’t think they’d ever guess what I’m about to say.

I lean back in my chair and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. There is no way to lead up to this. I don’t want to beat around the bush or travel back in time and talk about my childhood and when I started questioning things. My best bet is to just spit it out all at once and wait for a response. Then we can go from there.

My eyes meet each one of theirs before I take a breath and say, “I’m gay.”

23

Alejandro

Present Day

I’m making a pot of coffee when a knock sounds on my door.

Pulling it open, I spot Jordy on my porch wearing a huge pair of sunglasses and holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Let me in, I’m already starting to sweat,” he says, fanning himself with his free hand.

“Yeah, it’s pretty hot today,” I reply, stepping back and letting him in. “What’re you doing here and why don’t you look the least bit hungover?”

Jordy removes his sunglasses and smiles. “I’ll take that to mean you think I look good.”

I roll my eyes and head to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. “So, what’s up? I don’t usually see you after our nights out. You’re usually too hungover to get out of bed, let alone leave the house.”

He makes himself comfortable at the sitting bar in my kitchen and grins that trouble-maker grin of his. “Maybe I wasn’t as drunk as you thought I was.”

“You were ordering us shots after shots. We were all fucked up.”

“Just because I ordered them doesn’t mean I was drinking them. I was more sober than you think.”

I lean against the counter, holding the mug of steaming hot coffee in my hand. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I’m a little more conscious of things than you give me credit for. My suspicions were raised and I had to conduct a little experiment.”

I take a sip before saying, “What the hell are you talking about?”

He smiles again. “How long have you known Merrick was gay, and are you aware of the sexual tension you guys radiate?”

The mug nearly drops from my hand, and I have to bring my other hand to steady it. “What? What do you mean? Merrick’s not gay,” I lie, trying to keep his secret just that.

Jordy rolls his eyes. “Honey, please. My ability to scope out the gays, both closeted and out, and even the curious boys, has always been top notch. On top of that, did you not hear me when I said you two vibrate with sexual energy? While you two were getting loose with each drop of liquor, my eyes were trained on you. If he wants to stay closeted, I’d suggest not being anywhere with you. Good Lord. You two look at each other like you want to rip the other one’s clothes off. He’s looking at your mouth while you’re checking out his biceps. The smiles that are usually reserved for lovers were being tossed between you two every ten seconds. Plus, let’s not forget he seemed interested to find out if we had been together. Jealous much? And he didn’t even blink or blush at the us being bottoms comment. Tell that to a straight guy and watch him squirm.” He crosses his arms on the counter and leans forward. “So, what do you have to say?”

“I’d say you’re crazy,” I reply quickly, hoping it’s believable. “We were best friends for years, of course there will be some sort of connection. Anything sexual is just your sex-driven brain coming up with things. There isn’t any sort of attraction or special smiles.” I laugh. “You’re insane.”

His lips curl up on one end as his eyes twinkle with amusement. “That may have been believable if you would have just said you were attracted to him. I know you’re gay, and it wouldn’t be weird for you to think he’s hot, friend or not, and whether he’s straight or not. But you want to pretend there is zero attraction? Not even one-sided? You want me to believe you weren’t checking him out last night? You think I don’t know what eye-fucking is? Or maybe it’s because I forgot to tell you that I saw you reach over and touch his thigh?” He smiles, pleased with himself. “And that’s what leads me to believe you’re full of shit.”

I attempt to keep my face in check. This is all pretty damning evidence, but I can still say that yes, it is just one-sided but he isn’t gay.

“Okay, fine. I’ve always found him attractive. You happy now? And maybe when I drink I become a little flirtatious and touchy. He deals with it because he’s my friend, not because he’s interested.”

Jordy laughs. “Do you not know who I am? I’m your best friend. I’ve seen you drunk around a lot of different people, and not once have you ever been touchy feely or flirtatious with straight guys. That’s my thing.”

We enter a silent staring contest, because I no longer know what to say, but admitting the truth seems like a bad idea. I have to talk to Merrick about this first, but Jordy is an annoying and unstoppable force.

“Okay, let’s do this,” he says, standing up and walking toward me, snatching my phone off the counter. “I’ll text him from your phone, and we’ll see how he responds.”

“No.”

Jordy smirks, holding my phone in his hand. “You can’t just leave this thing around for anybody to take.”

“Jordy, don’t.”

“Why? I’ll just send a quick text, and his response will tell us what we need to know.”

I put my coffee mug down. “No, because you’re probably gonna send some hyper-sexual ridiculous message and make me look like a fool.”

He scoffs. “I wouldn’t.”

As he clicks on my text app, I reach over and try to steal the phone, but he spins around.

“Jordy! Cut it out.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Nothing, but you’re being childish, and it’s really fucking annoying.”

With a grin, he turns back around and hands me my phone. “And by your response, I know all I need to know.”

I take the phone and look at the screen to see if he sent anything. He didn’t.

I watch as he grabs his glasses and coffee cup and saunters toward the front door. Confused, I follow him, wondering if he’s going to pull anything else.

When he opens the door and steps on the porch, he spins around and looks me in my eyes. “I know I can be hard to handle at times, and I’m known for my big mouth and constant jokes, but when it comes to a closeted person, a celebrity at that, I’d hope you’d know me well enough to know I’d never say anything to anyone. You’re my friend, and I want you to be happy, but I’m serious when I say that being around you two makes it clear there’s something there. He needs to be careful if he wants to keep this secret.” He slips his sunglasses on and turns on his heel to walk down the steps. “I’m off. Call me when you need me.”

24

Merrick

Present Day

Cillian and Royce’s shocked faces stare back at me while Elijah simply pulls his lips into a small smile. I always figured he knew.

My heart slams against my chest repeatedly as I wait for someone to say something. Should I explain? Is there even more to say?

“You’re gay?” Royce asks.

I nod. “Yeah.”

Cillian lets out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, do the chicks you’ve been photographed with know? I’m confused.”

Royce rolls his eyes at Cillian before looking at Elijah. “Why don’t you look surprised? Did you know?”

I shake my head. “I never told Elijah, but there was a situation when I was sixteen—”

“Sixteen?” Cillian says. “For all these years, Merrick?”

I furrow my brow slightly. “Yeah, I’ve been gay all these years.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. I mean you’ve been hiding it for all these years. You knew back when you were sixteen, and now you’re twenty-seven.”

“How did you keep such a big part of yourself a secret? Why?” Royce asks, his mouth pulling into a frown and his eyes turning sad.

I shrug. “I was scared. I was even ashamed at first. I didn’t know how to talk about it. I worried Mom and Dad wouldn’t approve. I wondered if I’d be a disappointment, and even thought maybe it was better they never got the chance to know.”

“Merrick, no,” Elijah says, shaking his head. “Mom and Dad would love you just the same. They would never see you as a disappointment. I know you were young when they died, but you should know Mom and Dad were the most loving and supportive people. They weren’t homophobic in any way.”

“And neither are we,” Royce adds. “I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes, but I wish you would’ve felt comfortable talking to us about this. We love you.”

“Being gay doesn’t change who you are. You’re our little brother, always,” Cill says.

“I’m so sorry you’ve been keeping this to yourself all this time,” Elijah says. “I can’t imagine the frustration and pain, but always know we have your back one thousand percent.”

I smile, emotion flooding my body and bringing forth a few tears. “God, it feels good to get it out.”

They each get up from their seats, so I stand up, and one by one, I embrace my brothers as I allow some of the weight I’ve been carrying to be lifted from my shoulders.

After a few minutes, we all get comfortable again and I wipe away any remaining tears.

“Are you going to come out publicly?” Royce asks.

“That’s the ultimate goal. I have to talk to the guys.”

“Nobody knows?” Cill questions.

I shake my head. “No, well, one person knows.” They all watch me expectantly. “Ali. He’s known since I was sixteen.”

A few seconds tick by before Cillian says, “Sixteen. You said something happened at sixteen.”

I glance over at Elijah. “I. . .uh, well, you know Ali’s gay, right? He came out years back. Well, one night Elijah walked in on us kissing. I thought I might have gotten away with it, because he never brought it up, but I always wondered if he saw more than he led on.”

Royce stares at Elijah and Cillian keeps his eyes trained on me. “You and Alejandro?”

I sigh. “It’s a long, convoluted story. I’ve messed up a lot, and I’m ready to make things better now.”

“You knew all along?” Royce asks Elijah.

“I assumed, but I wasn’t going to question him about it if he wasn’t comfortable. After I caught them, I didn’t want to put any more pressure on a sensitive situation, so I didn’t get onto him about the drinking and smoking. Everything kind of clicked in that moment, though. The acting out made sense to me, so I figured I’d wait for him to be ready to talk to me about it. I’ve tried a few times to get him talking,” he says, giving me a look, “But he’s a good bullshitter.”

Royce takes a deep breath, letting his shoulders drop as he exhales. “Wow, well, I wasn’t expecting this, but I’m glad you told us. And I hope everything else goes okay. I’m sure it’s been harder since becoming famous.”

“Right, which is why I let people see me how they want to see me. There’s no questions about my sexuality if I’m always seen with women. But I don’t want to mess things up for the guys by coming out.”

“I don’t know if that’ll happen,” Cill says.

“And that’s the problem. I wish I knew everything would be fine. Straight people never have to come out and have a whole speech prepared explaining how long they’ve been straight. It’s annoying as fuck to have to stress over. But I’m going to tell the guys first, because they deserve to know the media frenzy I’ll start when I come out. If they want me to leave the band, I will.”

“Whoa,” Royce says. “I don’t think they’ll make you do that, and that’s quite a decision.”

“Yeah, but living my life as me is more important. I don’t want to live this lie anymore. It’s physically painful. I can’t keep pretending to like women. I can’t keep pushing away a guy who means more to me than I’d ever imagined. Not coming out means never being able to be in love and settle down.”

“And everyone deserves that,” Elijah says. “So, we’re behind you one hundred percent.”

Cill smirks. “You can invite Alejandro over now.”

I shake my head, a smile on my lips. “I have a lot of making up to do. I’ve just convinced him to be my friend again. I’m not gonna push him. Plus, taking these steps; telling you, the band, the label, that’s what I need to do to prove to him I’m not full of shit.”

Now I need to find a way to meet up with the guys. I don’t know if they’ll all want to come back to Gaspar, but I’m going to try my hardest to convince them. And I can’t wait too long. I’m dying to be back with Ali.

25

Alejandro

Present Day

Ever since Merrick showed back up in my life, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. To be fair, even when he was gone I thought about him fairly often. . .too often, considering we hadn’t spoken in years.

But now. . .now it’s on another level. When I wake up, I wonder what he’s doing. When I’m eating, driving, and even talking to somebody, I think about when I’m going to see him again. I’m already craving his affection and attention, but now he’s holding back. I can’t be mad at him for the reasoning, because the truth of the matter is he’s doing this for me.

When it comes to Merrick, I’ve always been willing to go along with whatever he wants to do, and as much as I want to be with him, I know if I fall into the same routine, I’ll only hate myself. I meant what I said when I told him I need more than words, and even if it means torturing myself in the process, I have to keep from succumbing to my sexual desires.

We can go back to being friends. I know he has more on his plate than I do, and I’m willing to support him. I just have to find a way to not think about him naked. I have to forget what it feels like when his lips are against mine, and what it does to me to have his hard body pressed against mine as he thrusts inside of me.

Fuck.

Yeah, it’s hard to only be friends with someone when you can close your eyes and remember the way their body feels against yours, and the way they taste on your tongue, but fuck it, let’s give it a try.

I’m two houses away from mine, sprinting as fast as I can like I’m trying to run away from the memories of me and Merrick together, when my phone starts vibrating against my arm as it rests in the armband.

When I come to a stop in my driveway, I answer the phone, breathing heavily.

“Hello?”

“Oh, uhh, are you busy?” Merrick asks.

“No, I’m good. What’s up?” I ask, still sucking in deep breaths.

“Kinda sounds like you’re working out. . .or something else I hope isn’t happening right now.”

I laugh as I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. “I just went for a run.”

“Oh. I need to do some running, too. I’ve been eating all this hotel food and not working out at all. I’m gonna get fat.”

“I doubt it,” I say, making my way inside my house.

“You gonna let me run with you or what?”

I shake my head and pull the refrigerator door open. “You can if you want. If you think you can keep up with me.”

Merrick chokes out a laugh. “Please, I’ve always been the fastest of us two.”

I snatch a bottle of water out of the fridge and uncap it, pouring half of it down my throat before I reply. “Your memory must be out of whack if you think that.”

“You’re crazy. I was always the fastest and the best basketball player. Remember?”

“I’ll let you think that. What’re you up to?”

He sighs. “Shit, nothing. Just hanging out at the hotel for now.”

“How was Sunday dinner with your brothers?”

“Good. Really good,” he replies, and I can practically hear the smile in his tone.

“Nice. I have to go back and visit my mom and sister soon. They always hound me in the summers if I don’t go see them every weekend.”

“So, you’ll be back in town soon?”

“You anxious to see me or what?” I flirt, then instantly regret it. We’re supposed to be friends. Only friends.

“Always,” he answers immediately. “We need to get to a basketball court so I can refresh your memory.”

“Oh please.”

“Oh, sounds like someone doesn’t want to be proven wrong,” he says with a chuckle.

“You’re crazy, and I need to get in the shower. I’m a sweaty mess.”

“Mm.” Merrick’s moan threatens to bring my cock to life. “It’s too bad we’re only friends, because we could definitely have some fun revisiting some other activities that turned you into a sweaty mess.”

My pulse races as my cock twitches. “Merrick,” I warn, though, I really want him to keep going.

“Ali.” He growls my name in the sexiest way. “I know we’re just friends, but a man can remember the past, can’t he? You’d never be able to wipe my memories of you even if you tried.”

“It’s okay to remember the past,” I say, making my way to my room where I remove my socks and shoes. “We did a lot of growing up together.”

“I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for you,” he says, bringing me to a halt. “I worried I was the only gay kid in Gaspar back then, but I had you. I always had you, and you made everything better.”

My heart swells, and I take a seat on the edge of my mattress. “I was glad I had you, too.”

“Fuck, Ali,” Merrick breathes. “There’s so much I want to say to you.”

“So say it.”

He sighs. “It’s not the right time, but don’t give up on me yet, okay?”

I wonder what he’s talking about, but I don’t hesitate to reply. “Okay.”

“Now go take a shower, and let me know when you’re in town. I want to see you.”

“Okay, I will.”

26

Merrick

5 Years Ago

After recording our album, me and the guys came back home to enjoy some time with our friends and families before the album was released.

Royce invited us all to King’s Tavern so we decided to put on a little show by performing our single. With me on the guitar, Carlos on the bass, and Jay behind the drums, Sky grabs the mic and begins to sing.

When we’re done, cheers fill the room, and Sky tells everyone to go buy our album when it comes out. He and the other guys go straight to the bar, but I stop and talk to Elijah and Royce.

“Damn, man. Y’all seem to have gotten even better,” Royce says.

“Well, we’re always fucking playing,” I say with a laugh. “I can’t wait for y’all to hear the rest of our shit.”

Royce looks past me. “Is that Alejandro?”

My heart jumps in my throat. I had no idea he was going to be here. After glancing over my shoulder, I try to play it cool. “Well, shit. I think so. I’ll be back. Thanks for letting me perform.”

“Are you kidding? Go on, man,” Royce says, pushing me toward Ali.

He’s standing near the wall with Lexie. She smiles when I approach, but Ali remains stoic.

“Oh my gosh, Merrick. You guys are so good!”

I give her a grin. “Thank you.” My eyes cut to Ali. “Hey, Ali.”

Lexie looks between us before noticing someone at the bar. She places her hand on my arm and smiles. “I’ll be back, but congratulations. Don’t forget us little people when you’re rich and famous.”

I chuckle. “I won’t.”

Left alone with Ali, I slip my hands in my back pockets and watch him. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. Lexie got me here. I guess she got wind y’all might show up and forced me to come along.”

“Oh.”

“So, how long are you in town for this time?” he asks, barely looking at me.

“Not long. Tomorrow is my last day.”

He lifts his chin in the air and looks to the side. “And then you’ll be gone forever?”

“You know it won’t be forever.”

Ali finally meets my gaze. “Do I? I only know what you tell me, and it seems you pick and choose what to say.”

“Besides this being my home, you’re here. Of course I’ll come back.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t say things to try to make me feel better.”

“I’m not. It’s the truth.”

His eyes connect with someone behind me, and when I spin to get a look, I see Lexie calling him over.

“I gotta go. Congratulations on everything.”

“Ali.”

He walks away without looking back.

* * *

Hours later, I’m at Elijah’s finishing dinner with my brothers. At the last minute, we decided to have a going away party. I was sure to get in touch with Lexie and invite her and Ali, hoping she’d get him here, because I know he won’t show up if I invite him.

Sky and the guys show up with a handful of people, and I try not to pace the room waiting to see if Ali shows up. I join everyone in the den as people start drinking and mingling, and when the doorbell rings, Elijah gets up to answer it. Seconds later, as my heart pounds in my chest, I spot Lexie, Leo, and Ali. My breath leaves my lungs in rush and my lips curl up on one side.

I approach them with a grin. “Hey, thanks for showing up.”

“Are you kidding me? Like I’d ever turn this down,” Lexie says, her pink lips stretching into a wide smile. “Thanks for inviting us. Me and Leo were just. . .”

She keeps talking, but I can’t help but gaze over her shoulder where Ali stands, looking both uncomfortable and annoyed. I wonder what she did or said to get him here, because I’m pretty sure this is the last place he wants to be.

Ali’s eyes find mine, but he just stoically stares at me. He doesn’t look angry, but he’s definitely not happy either.

“Mind if we get a drink? Merrick?”

I snap out of my daze. “Oh, yeah. Sorry. Help yourself,” I say, gesturing to the liquor.

She and Leo walk away, and it looks like Ali’s about to follow them, but I step in front of him and put my hand on his chest briefly before dropping my arm to my side.

“Hey.”

When Ali looks at me, my heart shatters because he looks broken and sad, and I know it’s my fault.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I tell him.

“Why’s that?”

I take a step back, giving us a respectable distance. “Because I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”

He shakes his head and bites on his bottom lip, not in the way I’m used to. It’s not because he’s flirting with me or because he’s turned on. He’s biting his lip in a way that lets me know he’s trying to keep from saying something.

“You know what, Kingston?” He chuckles humorlessly, and I brace myself for the attack. I know he’s getting ready to aim an arrow at my heart and let loose. “Even after the lies and bullshit, my heart still sings when I see you, and I wish more than anything that I’d never met you.”

I jolt back. “Why would you say that?”

His brown eyes have lost their warmth, and now as he looks at me, they appear to be slightly red and on the verge of releasing tears. “Because I know I’ll never love anybody the way I love you. I’ll never find anybody who will be able to compare to you, and I’ll live the rest of my life knowing my soulmate is out there and I can’t be with him.”

The arrow he fired off makes its way through my heart, splitting it in two, leaving an ache in my chest. I quickly glance around to see if anybody’s paying attention, and when I find that everybody’s preoccupied, I tug on his shirt sleeve and say, “Follow me.”

I leave the den and make a left turn and go straight to the back door. When I turn the knob and pull it open, Ali walks past me and steps onto the platform of the staircase. I join him and close the door behind us, giving us some privacy.

“Why are you mad? Because I’m leaving?”

Ali scoffs. “No. Of course I want you to be happy and successful, but I also want you to be honest with me. Since the beginning, we had plans to be together, and I get that your music took off and changed things, but you kept stringing me along, letting me believe things would be better. You tell me you love me and then you leave me two days later. You had so much time to let me know what was going on. I had no clue you had been signed to a label. I was in the dark about you going to New York for months to record an album. I was like a stupid kid, lost in my own little love-sick bubble thinking you were gonna come out soon and we’d be together and happy. Meanwhile, you knew exactly what was coming and decided that I didn’t need to know until the last possible minute. You don’t make decisions for me, Kingston!” he yells, pushing me in the chest. “Fuck you for keeping shit from me.” Another shove. “Fuck you for lying.” He pushes me again, and it’s only because of the barrier behind me that I don’t fall off the steps. “And fuck you for making me fall in love with you.”

I grab his wrists and yank him into me. He angles his head up, tears brimming his eyes as his chest heaves with deep breaths.

“Alejandro,” I say softly, leaning in slowly, waiting for him to pull away.

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much.”

My resolve breaks and I slam my mouth against his. He doesn’t stop me. Instead, his arms wrap around my back and I frame his face with my hands, sliding my tongue against his.

Our kiss is passionate.

Angry.

Devastated.

It’s full of love and frustration.

The wetness of his tears touch my thumbs and my heart shatters.

We kiss so we don’t have to talk.

We kiss because we love each other.

We kiss to apologize.

We kiss to say goodbye.

27

Merrick

Present Day

It’s nearly seven-fifteen when Ali pulls up next to me in the parking lot of one of the elementary schools in Gaspar.

I hop out of the SUV, wearing a pair of black and white basketball shorts and a black T-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

“’Bout time, slow ass,” I say, coming around the front of the car to greet Ali.

“Whatever, it hasn’t been that long. Plus, we still have like an hour of daylight.”

“You bring the ball?”

Ali reaches into his backseat and then tosses me the basketball. “I haven’t played in a while.”

I laugh. “Already making excuses. You think I have time to play basketball when I’m on tour? But yet, I still know I’ll beat you.”

Ali just shakes his head then grabs a small duffle bag before closing his door.

“What all do you have in there?” I ask, dribbling the ball.

“Water, a small towel, and another shirt.”

“Shit, I didn’t even think to bring water.”

“I guess I can share.”

We make our way to the old basketball goal they have at the side of their building. There’s no net, but it’ll work.

“Want to take a few practice shots first?” I ask, giving him a hard time.

“Shut up and start playing.”

The first fifteen minutes goes by and the score is ten to twelve. I’m surprised we’re even that high considering we’ve been doing a lot of shit talking and laughing.

“Well, you aren’t completely terrible, but I’m still winning.”

“By two!” he shouts. “I still have a chance.”

I grin. “Sure. I’ve been taking it easy on you.”

“Fuck off, I’m getting a drink.”

He bends over to get the water bottle and I can’t help but check out his ass. As soon as I’m about to open my mouth to make a comment, I see movement off to my right. When I turn my head to get a good look, I notice two of the paparazzi cars parked along the street and one of the guys leaning against his vehicle looking through his camera.

“We got company,” I say.

Ali straightens up and follows my gaze. “Damn.”

“Yeah, but they’re the same ones who’ve been following me around. I don’t expect many more. I’m surprised they’re still here, actually. I told them I was gonna be pretty boring.”

“You wanna leave?”

I look back at the paps and shake my head. “Nah. It’s okay. Let’s finish.”

When we both get to eighteen points, a couple teenagers come from behind the school and keep stealing looks in my direction.

They linger around, and when Ali pauses to tie his shoe, they decide to approach.

“Hey, are you Merrick Kingston?” the tallest one asks.

I lift my chin in a nod. “Yeah, that’s me. What’s goin’ on, guys?”

“Shit, I told you it was him,” the shorter of the two says.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe it’s you!” the tall one says, his smile growing.

I put the ball under my left arm and reach out to shake their hands. “What’re your names?”

“I’m Kyle,” says the short one.

“I’m Kenny,” the other says.

“How long are you in town for? We always hear that you’d been here after you’ve already left. I can’t believe we actually got to see you this time,” Kyle says.

“Not sure. I’m just enjoying my time off.”

“Are the other guys here?” Kenny asks.

I shake my head. “Sorry. Just me.”

“No, it’s cool. Can we get a picture? Our friends will never believe this!”

“Yeah, sure.”

Each of them take a selfie with me.

“Thanks,” Kenny says, looking at the picture on his phone. “I’m sending this to Savannah now. She’s gonna be so pissed. She has a huge crush on you, too.”

As soon as he says too his head pops up and his wide eyes fly to mine. “I mean. . .”

I grin and put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s cool. Here, I got something for you.”

After I walk to my car, I reach inside and grab a couple guitar picks that are in my console. I always keep a handful with me.

I toss one to each of them. Written across the pick on one side is the name of the band, The Unwanted, and Kingston is on the other side.

“Oh, wow.”

“Thanks, dude.”

“No problem.”

After they leave, Ali approaches me with a grin on his face. “You just made those kids’ night. Whole life, probably.”

I rub my hand over my jaw. “We should probably go before Savannah and all her friends show up here.”

Ali snorts. “Yeah, true.”

“What do you wanna do now?” I ask, not ready to go our separate ways yet.

“I’m starving. Do you wanna eat?”

“Yeah. Let me know where to meet you.”

Ali regards me for a few seconds then says, “Why don’t you drop your car off at Elijah’s and just ride with me. His place is only a couple blocks away.”

“Okay, cool.”

* * *

Thirty minutes later, we’re in Ali’s car, parked at a drive-in restaurant called D&V’s Burgers and already digging into our food.

“God, I’ve missed the local food here,” I say, munching on steak fingers.

Ali laughs. “You’re crazy. You’ve been all over the world and you’ve missed steak fingers from a fifty-year-old restaurant in Gaspar Ohio?”

“Yep. This place holds a lot of things I find important,” I say, cutting my eyes to him briefly. “There’s just some things you can only get in your hometown.”

Ali shifts in his seat and focuses his attention on his tater tots.

“I have to tell you something,” he says, sounding nervous.

“What?”

He meets my gaze. “You remember Jordy?”

I chuckle. “Hard to forget.”

Ali raises his brows, giving me a look. “Oh? Have a crush?”

I throw a fry at him. “Nice to know you’re jealous. What about him?”

“Well, he came to my house yesterday and informed me that he knows you’re gay.”

“What?” My wide eyes meet Ali’s nervous ones.

“He said he saw something between us and that if you’re wanting to stay closeted we shouldn’t be seen together, because people will be able to tell.”

I twist my mouth up, looking at my food as I think. “Well, shit. I thought I was playing it pretty cool.”

“You’re not freaking out?” Ali asks, surprise in his tone.

“What did you tell him?”

“I denied it. I said that maybe I was flirting with you because I found you attractive and that you put up with it because we’re friends. Then he acted like he was gonna text you from my phone and I may have panicked a little and tried taking it from him because I was afraid of what he was gonna say and what you might’ve typed back. I’m guessing that gave it away. But honestly, Jordy’s great, and he’s not gonna say anything to anyone. But yeah, he knows.”

I take a deep breath. “Okay, thanks for telling me.”

Ali’s face scrunches up. “You’re freaking me out.”

I laugh. “Why?”

“Because you’re not freaking out.”

“You said he won’t say anything. What do I have to worry about?”

“I don’t know, I just thought you’d be losing your shit over this.”

“I have something to tell you, too.”

“Okay,” he replies hesitantly.

I shift in my seat, wanting to face him. “I told my brothers last night.”

Ali’s brows furrow as he tilts his head, staring at me. A few seconds later his lips part. “That you’re gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God! What? Why? What did they say?”

I grin. “They’re fine with it. I never had to worry, and I’m sad that I didn’t tell them sooner, but they know now.”

Ali’s eyes light up as his smile grows. “Wow, how do you feel?”

“So much lighter.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” I reply with a grin.

We’re quiet for a little bit before I speak up again.

“Do you remember the last time we kissed?”

Ali looks at me. “Yeah.”

“I was thinking about that night recently. You said you wished you’d never met me.”

“I was just angry,” Ali says, his tone soft.

“Rightfully so,” I tell him. “It was fucked up of me to keep stuff from you. I’m sorry I didn’t handle things better back then. You should’ve been the first to know about us getting signed, but I was afraid to ruin what we had. I didn’t realize I was ruining it anyway.”

“I guess we can’t change the past,” he says.

“No, we can’t. If we could, I would have done so many things differently. I want to come out for multiple reasons, Ali. I want it for myself, so I can shed the facade. I hate pretending to be something I’m not. I want it for us, because I want you in my life more than I want anything. And I want it for kids like Kenny. Kids like him deserve to have idols that are just like them. Gay kids need to know that being gay isn’t wrong, and it isn’t something that should be kept a secret. You can be gay and successful.

“I don’t know how messy shit’s gonna get, but the guys are coming into town soon and I’ll be telling them, too.”

Ali’s eyes are wide and dancing over every inch of my face.

“What?” I ask. His gaze moves to my mouth and I smirk. “Wanna kiss me?”

“I do, but there’s so many people around.”

“Then let’s go somewhere where there’s none.”

28

Alejandro

Present Day

After getting rid of our trash, I hightail it out of the parking lot and go straight to Elijah’s so Merrick can get his car. The plan is to follow him to his hotel, and then . . . see what happens.

My heart hasn’t stopped racing since he asked if I wanted to kiss him in his boyishly charming way. The way he’s asked since we were teenagers.

Is this the smartest thing to do? I no longer care. I can’t keep denying what I want, and my heart and my body have always wanted Merrick Kingston.

I pull up behind his SUV, but as soon as I come to a stop, another car drives into the driveway.

“That’s E and Nova,” he says, staying in his seat.

When Elijah and Nova get out of the car, they wave him out.

“We might be stuck here for a minute,” he says before getting out. “Hey, guys. Date night?”

“We just went to the grocery store,” Elijah responds. “Is that Alejandro?”

I duck and meet his gaze through the window, giving them a wave and smile.

“Why don’t you two come in for a minute? Royce is on the way, too. He’s picking up some stuff Mom had. He’s going to incorporate it into his wedding.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Merrick responds. He looks back at me and gives me an apologetic look.

I shut the car off and get out.

Before we can even make it inside, Royce pulls in and parks behind Elijah’s car.

“Hey, what’re y’all doing here?” he asks, looking between me and Merrick.

“We just got done playing basketball, and Ali was bringing me back to my car.”

“Let’s head inside,” Elijah says.

Once the door closes behind us, I take in all the changes that have been made since I was here last.

“Wow, this place looks great,” I say.

Elijah smiles. “I’ll give most of the credit to Nova.”

“Not much needed to be done,” she says. “We painted some walls and changed up the furniture a little. And of course I had to add a feminine touch to the decor, but it’s always been a great house.”

Sugarfoot comes trotting up. “Wow, and this guy’s still around,” I say, petting his head.

“He’s an old man now, but he’s still doing good,” Elijah responds.

“Like you,” Royce quips.

“Ha-ha,” Elijah responds sarcastically.

As we head to the living room, Merrick asks Royce, “What’re you using in your wedding?”

“Oh, Mom kept her veil, so London’s gonna use that, and we still have the glasses they drank out of at their reception, so we’re gonna use those, too.”

“I’m glad we kept that stuff,” Merrick says.

“Yeah, and Dad has his cufflinks and tie, so if you ever get married you can use those,” Royce adds, his eyes cutting to me for a second.

Merrick just lifts his head in response.

“You guys want something to drink?” Nova asks.

“I can get it,” Merrick says.

“No, it’s fine,” she replies, heading for the kitchen.

“I’ll take water or Gatorade. Ali?” Merrick asks, looking at me.

“Yeah, either is good with me. Thanks.”

“So,” Royce says, looking between me and Merrick again, a small smile on his face. “Are you two up to no good tonight or what?”

Elijah clears his throat, and when I look at him, I see him giving Royce a look.

“We’re not up to anything,” Merrick replies. “Just needed to remind Ali that I’m the better basketball player.”

I roll my eyes. “We were tied before we had to quit.”

“Why did you quit?” Royce asks.

“Some kids showed up and texted their friends that Merrick was there. Figured they’d be showing up, so we left.”

“Ah,” Royce says, inclining his head.

“Well, I’m glad you seem to be friends again.” He smiles like he’s privy to something I’m not.

I furrow my brows slightly and glance at Merrick who’s sitting next to me on the couch.

Merrick sighs. “I told them about us when I told them I was gay.”

“Oh.” My cheeks grow warm, and I’m not even sure why. They’ve known I was gay, but knowing I slept with their brother is totally different.

Royce smiles. “I think it’s great. I never would’ve guessed, but I suppose it makes sense. Where Merrick was, you were there, too.”

“We’re not together, Royce. You know that.”

“But you were. At least you can be friends. I can’t say I’d be able to be friends with an ex.”

“You never really dated anyone seriously until London,” Elijah adds.

Royce shrugs.

We end up hanging out for an hour before Merrick says he has to leave. After our goodbyes, we make our way to the cars, and I wonder if we’re still sticking to the plan we had before, or if the mood has been killed.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that they knew about us,” I say.

He chuckles. “Sorry, I guess I forgot.”

“Yeah right. What all did you tell them?”

“Honestly, it wasn’t much. I told them about our first kiss and how Elijah walked in on us. Turns out he saw more than I thought, but never brought it up. I said it was a long and complicated story and that I had a lot of making up to do.”

I cross my arms and lean against the trunk of my car. “I wondered if he suspected anything.”

“He was waiting for me to come to him.”

“You have a great family.”

He nods. “I do. I was afraid for a long time that my parents wouldn’t have approved of me being gay. You hear horror stories about kids being kicked out of their house for being gay. I didn’t have as many years with my parents like my brothers did, so I didn’t have a grasp on how they thought about certain things. Even though they’re dead, I wondered if it was possible for them to look down at me and be disappointed.”

“Merrick,” I breathe, my heart breaking for him. “Parents can be disappointed in their kids’ actions and decisions sometimes, but being gay isn’t a decision we make, it’s who we are. Parents who disown their kids for something that’s not their choice are ignorant and don’t understand that. I know I didn’t know your parents, but I can’t imagine them being ignorant like that. They created four amazing men. Your parents would never be disappointed in you.”

He nods, looking down at the ground. “I wish they could’ve met you.”

I push off my car to step up to him and wrap my fingers around his wrist before I remember the paparazzi could be lurking out here somewhere. I let go and shove my hands in my pockets. “I wish I could’ve met them, too.”

When Merrick meets my gaze, his eyes roam my face for a few seconds before he says, “Do you still want to come to my hotel room?”

I study his beautiful face, my eyes tracing invisible lines over his cheekbones and angular jaw. His perfect lips call to mine, and the intense look in his narrowed eyes plead for me to say yes.

Why this god-like man wants me, I’ll never know. Not only is he handsome enough to get anyone he wants, he’s rich and famous. He’s everybody’s wet dream, but he’s here in this small town doing everything he can to prove to me he wants me.

As perfect as someone can seem, there’s always more. Me and Merrick have history, and it hasn’t always been good. We’ve had tough times. We’ve had fights. I’ve been angry and annoyed. But I’ve also been the happiest I’ve ever been when I’ve been with him. Our good times outweigh the bad, and isn’t that what love and relationships are all about? You’ll never have perfection a hundred percent of the time, but you have to decide if that person is still worthy of your time and affection in spite of whatever negatives there might be.

Will I be wasting my time and setting myself up for disappointment again? Or will things turn out okay? At this point, it’s hardly a question. Merrick fucking Kingston will always own my heart. He might as well tattoo his name across it, because I’ll never find anyone who makes me feel the way he does.

“Yes.”

29

Merrick

Present Day

At the hotel, I do my best to appear cool, calm, and collected, however I’m anything but. My heart thrashes against my ribs, and my cock and my brain are working together, because the second me and Ali are behind closed doors my dick thinks it’s time to get hard. But in defense of my dick, I’ve been thinking about fucking Ali for a long time.

“I’m gonna shower,” I say, gesturing with my thumb to the room behind me. “There’s another shower in the other room if you want to as well.”

“Uh, yeah, okay,” Ali replies, seemingly as nervous as me.

“Oh, I can give you fresh clothes, so you don’t have to put those back on.” I head to my room and grab a shirt, some boxers, and a pair of shorts. “Here,” I say, handing them to him when I get back to the living room area of the suite.

“Thanks.”

Fifteen minutes later, I step out of the bathroom wearing only a towel around my waist. I drop into a chair in the corner, needing a few minutes to collect myself. Just because Ali decided to come with me doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex. I shouldn’t expect that, and honestly, I’m happy he decided to come at all. We could watch TV, eat some food, and maybe if I’m lucky he’ll let me kiss him again. It’s only been five years.

Ali knocks on my partially open door before stepping inside. He’s only wearing the boxers I gave him, and my cock stirs to life under the towel as I study his near naked body.

His flawless brown skin glistens with remnants of shower water. Ali’s body is perfect. He’s cut without being too bulky. His abs are well-defined, and his chest has a dusting of hair across it that screams for my hands to touch.

“Hey.” My voice comes out breathier than I intended.

Ali slowly walks toward me, his eyes perusing my bare torso. “Hey,” he replies.

I stand up. “Did you need different clothes?”

He shakes his head and comes to a stop directly in front of me. “I’ve been dying to touch you, but we’re always in public.”

Before I can say anything, he reaches out and places his hands on my chest before letting them travel lower.

I gulp and lick my lips. “I don’t want you to think we have to do anything.”

“Merrick?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

This is the moment I’ve been waiting five years for. I’ve dreamt about this. I’ve thought about how it would feel to have his lips on mine again, and now it’s here. I have to take my time and enjoy it. I don’t know what’s going to happen later, but this has to be perfect.

I close the distance between us, bringing us chest to chest as I softly caress his cheek before cradling the back of his head and threading my fingers through his wet hair.

Angling my head down and to the side, I press my lips against his in a series of soft kisses. I bring my other hand to his lower back because I’m desperate to touch him, and then I lick the seam of his lips. Ali parts them, allowing me access.

My tongue softly dances across his, and when he moans I release my own. Ali’s arms connect around the back of my neck, and because I’m in no mood to rush, I languidly enjoy exploring his mouth with my tongue.

My pulse races, and soon, our soft and sensual kiss begins to turn frenzied. His tongue dips into my mouth and twirls around mine as one of his hands travels down and rests on my ass. I arch my back and let him feel what he’s doing to me.

Ali moans into my mouth, and I pull away just slightly, enough to bite his full bottom lip before swiping my tongue across it.

I bury my face in his neck and pepper kisses down to his shoulder, then work back up to his cheek. After tightening my grip in his hair, I tug, yanking his head back so I can lick and kiss the hollow of his throat.

Ali takes over and brings both hands to my face and forces his lips against mine. We kiss for another long minute before we pull apart, breathless.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long,” I say, pressing my thumb to his swollen lips. “You have no idea how many nights I went to bed thinking about your mouth.”

He twirls his tongue around my thumb before releasing it. “I hope it was worth the wait.”

I rest my hands on his hips. “So much better,” I reply with a smirk. “You’ve always been so skilled with your mouth.”

Ali’s fingers dip inside the towel. “Oh yeah?”

I tilt my head back and groan. “You’re not gonna believe me, but I actually didn’t expect anything to happen, so I don’t have lube or condoms up here.”

“Then I can just use my skilled mouth,” he says without missing a beat, loosening the towel.

I bite down on my lip and stare into his whiskey-colored eyes. “It’s been a long time, don’t show off too much or I won’t last long. Also, don’t worry, I’m clean.”

Ali nods slightly, walking me back to the chair. He yanks the towel off my waist and pushes me into the soft cushions. “Just sit back and enjoy.”

He lowers himself to his knees and settles between my thighs. His large hands travel from my knees to my hips before he brings his right hand to grip the base of my cock. Torturously slow, he moves his fist up and down the length of me.

Our eyes connect before he parts his lips and sucks the tip into his mouth.

I throw my head back. “Fuck!”

He moans and twirls his tongue around my crown before taking me deeper. His hand continues to jack me slowly while he teasingly tastes the pre-cum leaking from my slit, then he swallows me whole again.

Ali’s free hand finds my balls and massages them gently while he keeps that talented mouth wrapped around me.

“Fuck, baby,” I moan, leaning forward to push a few strands of hair out of his face.

His cheeks hollow as he sucks me deep. When he frees my cock from his mouth, he moves lower and licks my balls while stroking me.

“Holy shit,” I breathe.

I wasn’t lying when I said it had been a while. I already feel like I’m about to combust.

His tongue licks a path back up my shaft until I’m fully enveloped between his lips. He goes to work, stroking and sucking me, his pace quickening.

As much as I want to come, I need him to come, too. I need to see it. I can’t be the only one who’s getting something out of this.

“Baby,” I whisper.

I don’t know if he can hear me, or if he’s choosing to ignore me, but I try again.

“Ali, baby. Please.”

He pulls off me and his lust-filled gaze meets mine.

“Come to the bed with me.”

I stand up and pull him to his feet before bringing him to the bed. I quickly push the boxers down and he kicks them to the side.

His erection is thick, the veins protruding on each side.

Without thinking, I reach out and grab a hold of it. The heated flesh is rigid and velvety soft in my grip.

Ali gasps. “Shit.”

“Get on the bed,” I tell him.

He obeys, quickly laying on his back. I climb onto the large bed and lie on my side, my face near his cock. Ali shifts to his side and takes my shaft in his hand.

I lean in and lick around his cockhead, causing him to gasp just as he puts me in his mouth. We spend the next couple minutes tasting each other, but I can’t hold out any longer. Next time I’ll be sure to enjoy the feel of his cock in my mouth, but he’s already brought me right to the edge of orgasmic bliss.

I jack his cock harder and faster, and he mimics my moves.

“Fuck,” I grunt. “I’m about to. . .”

I release his cock so I don’t squeeze it too hard when I come. My body tenses up and then I have the strongest orgasm I’ve had in a long fucking time.

Ali’s free hand strokes his cock as he swallows down everything I have to give him.

“Oh shit,” he grunts, releasing me just as cum shoots from his cock and lands partially on him and the blanket. I quickly bring my mouth to the tip and catch the rest.

“Mm,” I moan.

“Fuck.”

We both flop onto our backs, completely spent, trying to catch our breath. When I finally get up, I see a small amount of cum on Ali’s hip.

“You’ve always been so messy,” I tease, straddling his legs.

He glances down at me and I lick it up. A sinful moan leaves his lips. “But you love cleaning my messes up.”

I continue to crawl over him, my semi-hard cock against his. “I do.”

Ali grins and runs his hands up my arms. “Disgusting perv.”

I slip my tongue between his lips and taste myself on his tongue while allowing him to do the same to me.

“You’re fucking right about that.”

30

Alejandro

Present Day

“So, you look. . .pleased,” Jordy sings.

“Pleased?” I choke out a laugh. “Do you mean happy?”

He grins. “No, I mean it looks like you’ve been pleasured recently.”

I nearly spit out my water. “What? I look like I always do.”

“Sure. Where have you been lately? I’ve stopped by a couple times throughout the week, but you haven’t been here.”

“So why didn’t you text me?”

“It’s not about that,” he says, swiping his hand through the air. “You’ve been with Merrick, haven’t you?”

“Well, we’re friends, so yeah.”

“Oh, now you’re friends.”

“Shut up. Why are you here anyway? Just to give me a hard time?”

“Oh honey, I’m not the one giving you a hard anything.”

I put my water bottle down on the counter and narrow my eyes at him. “You’re annoying.”

He smiles. “I know. Now tell me what’s going on with you and Merrick.”

I turn my back to him and pretend I’m busy washing a cup in the sink. “Nothing.”

Jordy gasps dramatically, hurrying into the kitchen to tug on my arm. “Oh my God, you did it.”

I hope I don’t look as flushed as I feel. “I didn’t do it, Jordy. And what are we? Ten?”

“Is his cock ten inches? Because that’s all I care about.”

I bark out a laugh, then pin my lips together. “You’re crazy.”

He pouts. “I just want the juicy details.”

The truth is, we haven’t done anything more than what we did in his hotel five days ago. Have we talked? Yes, we talk on the phone all the time. We text, we flirt, we tease each other. It’s been fairly normal. We’ve hung out at my mom’s house once, but his bandmates came into town two days ago and he’s been busy with them.

He hasn’t brought up when he’s going to tell them he’s gay, and I haven’t asked. I’m not going to be the one to pressure him into it. This is just another thing he’s going to have to do on his own.

“Fine. Don’t tell me,” Jordy huffs. “Just be careful.”

“Careful?” I question.

“Don’t get your hopes up. He may not come out and things might not work for you two.”

I furrow my brow. “Why do you say that?”

Jordy grins. “I knew he was gay, and you just confirmed it.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever. I already told him you know.”

He looks surprised, but he just says, “Anyway, I say it because it’s true. I’m not saying that to be mean, honey. I’ve been with my fair share of guys who want to suck a dick behind closed doors but aren’t willing to hold your hand in public. It sucks.”

“He told his brothers.”

“That’s good,” he says with a nod.

“He said he’s going to tell his bandmates, and they’re in town now, so he’s taking the steps.”

“Then I hope he does it, and I hope it works out well for him. He deserves to be happy just like anyone else.”

“You don’t think he’ll come out, do you?”

“Publicly?” He shrugs. “Not sure. It’s a mean world, and it takes a lot of courage to be authentically yourself, especially when you’re such a public figure.”

“I’m holding out hope.”

Jordy squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sad smile. “I hope it works out.” He straightens up and glances at his phone. “You gonna hang out with us this weekend?”

A knock on my door keeps me from answering. When I pull it open, I’m surprised to see Merrick on my doorstep.

“Hey.”

He smiles wide and steps forward, and before it happens, I can tell he’s going to lean in for a kiss.

I step back and say, “Jordy’s here.”

Merrick straightens up and looks past me, finding Jordy settling himself on the barstool and waving with a grin on his lips.

“Hey, Jordy,” Merrick greets with a nod.

Then he grips my hip and leans in and kisses me anyway. “Missed you,” he growls in my ear.

My body is on fire as I close the door.

“I didn’t mean to ruin any plans,” he says, sauntering into the living room.

“Um, no. I. . .we didn’t have plans. Jordy just shows up.”

Jordy looks like the cat that ate the canary. “Well, my best friend disappeared on me for a while. I had to check in and make sure things were okay.”

Merrick grins. “He’s been with me, so you can rest assured he’s been taken care of.”

“Mm. Seems like it.” Jordy hops off the stool. “Well, it’s really good to see you, Merrick. I was inviting Alejandro to come out with us this weekend. Do you want to join us?”

Merrick glances at me for a second before shrugging. “Sure. I’m down.”

“Great!” Jordy exclaims, heading for the door. “Talk to you both soon.”

Once he’s gone, I walk toward Merrick. “You kissed me.”

“I did.”

“In front of someone.”

“It’s not like he doesn’t know.”

“I know, but. . .”

“I missed you,” he says with a crooked grin.

I roll my eyes. “It’s only been a day and a half.”

“Way too long if you ask me.”

“How’s things going with the guys?”

Merrick sits in the middle of the couch. “Good. Sky’s already ready to leave,” he says with a chuckle. “We got together and talked about what each of us have been working on. Well, it’s mostly me and Sky who do the writing. We’ve already put music to one of the songs. A rough draft, but still.”

I nod. “That’s good.”

The silence between us stretches. He knows I’m curious if he’s said anything to them, but the fact that he hasn’t told me he has lets me know it just hasn’t happened yet.

“How long are they going to be in town for?”

“A couple more days, probably. I mean, we’re still not required to be anywhere right now, so they can always come back.”

He shoots me a nervous look, like he’s hoping I don’t question when he’s going to tell them, and fear settles in my stomach.

Merrick may never be ready, and while it’s upsetting for me, I feel even more sad for him, because he’ll never be able to live his life the way he wants.

31

Merrick

Present Day

“Are you sure we should be here?” Ali asks for the second time, glancing around.

I lean back in the booth and smirk. “You’d think you were the famous one.”

He rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“It’s my brother’s bar. He’s not gonna let anything get out of control, plus it’s not even that busy yet,” I say, inspecting the room.

“It’s Friday, it’s bound to get busy.”

“So? We’re just hanging out. Those two guys over there are hanging out,” I say, gesturing to two older guys at the bar.

“Yeah, but I can’t get what Jordy said out of my head. I wonder if people look at us and know we’re not just friends.”

I bite down on my bottom lip and smirk, leaning forward. “If we’re not just friends, what are we?”

Ali points at me. “See. That’s what I’m talking about. If anybody saw the look you just gave me, they’d know something.”

I sit back again. “Fine, I won’t look at you like I want to devour you, but know I do.”

“When are we gonna be alone again?” he asks quietly.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

He licks his lips then his eyes go to the door behind me and he shifts back. “The guys are here.”

I spin around and lift my hand in the air, and the few people who are in here turn their heads and start getting excited. A couple people pull out their phones to take pictures or record videos, but nobody rushes up.

Sky, Jay, and Carlos join us. Sky sits next to me while Carlos slides in next to Ali, and Jay grabs a chair from a nearby table and sits in it backwards at the edge of the table.

“What’re y’all up to tonight?” Sky asks, elbowing me in the side.

I look across to Ali and say, “Nothing. Just hanging out.”

“Cool. We’re probably gonna chill here for a while and drink, then I was gonna head over to this chick’s house. You remember Megan Appleman from high school? She has a nice place up in Jonquil Park and is having a little party.” Sky grins. “There’s gonna be some hot girls there if you’re interested. You should’ve joined me in the Caribbean. Dude, chicks galore, and they were topless like ninety percent of the day.”

I snort. “Right, so I could’ve been photographed right next to you as you jumped into the water completely naked? No thanks.”

“I thought you said only one dick was allowed on that island,” Jay says.

“I can change my mind.”

“Where did you two go?” I ask, looking at Carlos and Jay.

“I spent time with Tish,” Jay says. “But we broke up.”

Sky’s laugh fills the room. “Yeah, tell them why.”

Jay shoots Sky a dirty look before meeting my curious gaze. “She was fucking someone from another band.”

“Man, I told you that chick was a groupie,” Sky laughs.

“My girl is in Florida with her family, so I went there, then I joined Sky on his party island,” Carlos says.

“Anyway, so you comin’ or what?” Sky looks at Ali. “You can come too.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Ali says with a laugh. “I don’t think it’s my kind of scene.”

“Why? Because you’re gay? There’s gonna be dudes there, too,” Sky states.

“Leave him alone,” I say. “He doesn’t want to go.”

Sky pushes his black hair out of his face and shrugs. “All right, well, let’s start drinking.”

An hour goes by and we’re all enjoying the drinks and having a good time telling Ali stories about stuff that happened on the road. The bar gets a little busier, and a few people stop by and ask for pictures, but for the most part, people have kept their distance.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot the best story,” Jay says. “We were in. . .shit, I don’t remember. Australia? I don’t know, anyway, after the show’s over, there’s some girls hanging around near our dressing room, so Sky pulls a few in.”

“You got two for yourself, so don’t make me out to be the deviant,” Sky adds.

“Shut up, let me finish the story. Anyway, Sky has three chicks hanging all over him, and he came over to me to see if I wanted one of his chicks because he said he was too tired to fuck all three of them.”

Sky rolls his eyes as we all crack up.

“I was like, dude, I already have two! Go ask Carlos.”

“So you were too tired to fuck three, too?” Ali questions with a grin.

“I’m a drummer. My arms were already like Jell-O.”

“Right,” I say with a smile.

“Anyway, Carlos was actually sick, so he was already getting ready to head to the hotel and crash, so that left Merrick.”

My heart skips a beat. I don’t remember this night, and I have no idea what Jay’s about to reveal to everyone.

Ali’s eyes find mine, and he looks almost as nervous as I feel.

“I watch Sky make his way to Merrick, who’s already drinking out of the bottle of vodka. Were you having a bad night that night?” he asks, looking at me.

I shrug. “I don’t even remember this night. When was this?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Three years ago? Anyway, Merrick’s getting wasted, and Sky goes and convinces Merrick to take one of these chicks off his hands. We stay there for like an hour before we all pile into the limo and go to the hotel. Merrick is so fucking drunk already. He’s talking to this girl and keeps calling her Alley, even though her name was like Zia or some weird shit with a Z.

“Before we’re even out of the limo, this chick is all in Merrick’s lap, trying to take his pants off to do God knows what,” he says with a laugh. “I’m trying to focus on my own girls, but Merrick just busts out and says, ‘You’re not gonna be able to get my dick hard. You’re just not my type.’ And this chick burst into tears. She was probably a little drunk herself, but she’s crying in the limo while Merrick zips his pants back up and keeps drinking out of the bottle.”

I shake my head. “There’s no way that’s the best story you have.”

“Pretty memorable, though.”

“And because she was all sad, I lost one of my girls, because she had to be a good friend and console her,” Sky says, rolling his eyes.

I choke out a laugh. “I honestly don’t remember that.”

“Why were you calling her Alley? Like an alley cat?” Carlos asks with a laugh.

I shake my head, but I can only imagine I was thinking of Ali.

“I’m gonna go get another drink,” Carlos says, sliding out of the booth.

“Me too,” Jay says, getting out of his seat to join him.

“I couldn’t imagine living this life you guys live,” Ali says, shaking his head. “Seems unreal.”

“It’s pretty crazy, but I’m glad I got this guy by my side,” Sky says, elbowing me. “Keeps me grounded.”

Ali makes a face and laughs. “Seems like you two just get in trouble together. I’ve seen the pictures.”

Sky looks at me then back at Ali. “Yeah, but I can admit I’m the bad influence. Merrick’s just a good friend. You should know that.”

Me and Ali meet each other’s gaze, and Ali’s lips curl up into a small grin. “He’s all right.”

Sky laughs then says, “I’ll be back.”

“They’re good guys,” Ali says. “Sky seems to really like you.”

“I’m not his type,” I joke.

Ali shakes his head. “What’s up with that story?”

I shrug. “I honestly don’t remember.”

“Three years ago I had just moved to Chaparral,” he says. “And changed my phone number.”

My eyes widen. “Oh shit, yeah. I came home hoping to get in touch with you. You always ignored my calls, but when I called that time it said it was disconnected. Then I heard you moved and assumed it was somewhere far away. I think I was just angry and sad and felt like I had lost all hope.”

Ali frowns and I instantly reach across the table and touch his hand. “Don’t feel bad. It’s okay now. Everything’s fine.”

He eyes my hand and I pull it back.

Sky slides back in next to me, giving us a weird look. “Y’all good?”

“Oh, yeah. We drinkin’ or what?”

Me and Ali never get the chance to be alone. All of us end up staying in King’s Tavern until it closes, even Sky who initially wanted to go to that girl’s party. We ended up getting way too drunk and having too good a time to think about anything else.

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow should be a big night.

32

Alejandro

Present Day

“So, where’s you beau?” Jordy asks, his eyes twinkling.

“Do people actually still use that word?”

“I do,” he says with a shrug.

“Anyway, Merrick is with his band, or his brothers. I’m not really sure. We aren’t together, you know?”

“Is he still coming out with us tonight?” he asks.

I slip my wallet in my back pocket. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Is he meeting you here or meeting us wherever we’re gonna be? Should we hit up the gay bars before he joins us? I doubt he’s ready to be in those.”

I spray some cologne on my neck before turning and looking at Jordy who’s perched on my bed. “He said he’d text me, so we can head out now.”

We get in my car and drive down to Prince Street and pull into the parking lot of Wingin’ It, which is just a local version of a Buffalo Wild Wings. Dennis and Charlie are already standing near the door waiting for us.

“’Bout time, I’m starving,” Dennis says, opening the door.

“You could’ve gone in already,” I tell him.

“They won’t seat us unless our whole party is here. Now hurry up.”

“Someone’s hangry,” Jordy teases.

Once we’re seated and have ordered appetizers and drinks, Charlie asks about Merrick. “I thought Jordy said he was gonna come out tonight. I was looking forward to some eye candy.”

“What am I?” Jordy questions, affronted.

I roll my eyes. “He’s busy, but he’ll text me later and I’ll let him know where we are.”

Dennis isn’t talkative until the food comes. Once he’s eaten a few wings and onion rings, he’s back to his normal self. “So, where we headed after we’re done here?”

“Text Merrick and see what’s goin’ on,” Jordy says. “We can hit up the usual spots if he won’t be joining us for a while. If he’s about to head over, we can go somewhere he’ll be more comfortable.”

“It’s not about comfort,” I say.

“I know, but just text him.”

Me: Hey, are you gonna make it out here soon? Jordy’s trying to make plans.

I put my phone down and finish my food. As we’re waiting for the bill, I check my phone and don’t find a response from him.

“Let’s just head to Mad Minnie’s,” I say.

Jordy gives me a look, but surprisingly he doesn’t say anything.

The four of us go on about our night like we usually do when we decide to bar hop, but I continue to check my phone every ten minutes.

Merrick never mentioned that he might not be able to make it, but I try not to think too much into him not responding to me. Maybe he’s busy. He might be deep in a writing session with Sky, or preoccupied with his family. I would’ve thought he would at least let me know if something came up, but it’s not like it’s too late yet.

Jordy keeps eyeing me as I check my phone, and I’m sure he’s already planning his I told you so speech.

At our second bar of the night, I check the time, noticing it’s already nearing eleven o’clock. I wonder if another text would be too clingy, but it’s been hours. Maybe I’ll just keep it casual.

Me: Hey, we’re at the second bar of the night. I probably won’t stay out too late. You gonna be able to come?

While Dennis and Charlie are dancing, Jordy sidles up to me and bumps my shoulder with his. “You okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“He’s not responding?”

I shake my head. “It’s okay. I’m sure he’s busy.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Wouldn’t he text to let me know though?”

Jordy frowns. “I don’t know.”

“I’m not really sure why I got my hopes up.”

“Because you like him.”

“I shouldn’t have let him in so soon. I was worried this would happen.”

“What’s happening exactly?”

I rest my elbows against the bar top as I stare at the group of swaying bodies in front of us. “He’s making me fall head over heels again, just to disappear.”

Jordy sighs. “Well, it’s only been a few hours. I wouldn’t say he disappeared.”

“I haven’t talked to him since yesterday. He could be in New York or fucking Paris for all I know. It’s not like he has the best track record for filling me in on things.”

“I’d give him some more time. Don’t count him out yet.”

I cock my head at him and narrow my eyes. “What’s gotten into you? You were just telling me to be careful, and now you’re Team Merrick?”

Jordy looks away from me and focuses on the people dancing. “I just want to believe in true love.”

Jordy doesn’t have the best dating record. He seems to always choose the guys who aren’t ready to be out or the ones who don’t want a relationship.

I nudge him. “Fuck it. Let’s get drunk, okay?”

He grins. “Yes, please. Drinks on you?”

“Whatever,” I say, spinning around to get the bartender’s attention.

I don’t check my phone the rest of the time we’re out. When I finally stumble into my house, I shove my jeans off so I can flop into the bed, and my phone falls on the floor. That’s when I see the screen again. It’s free of any messages.

33

Merrick

Present Day

When I wake up, I can barely turn my head. My neck and shoulders are stiff as a board. I unfold myself off a small couch and look around to see the rest of the guys sprawled out in equally uncomfortable looking positions.

Me and the guys ended up crashing in this small studio Sky rented out. He wanted to put a few songs together, so from about nine to two in the morning, we were re-writing songs, putting them to music, and recording a couple.

I make my way to Sky who’s sitting in a rolling chair with his head resting on his folded arms on top of the table.

“Sky,” I say, hitting his arm. “Sky, wake up.”

He groans and lifts his head. “Oh, fuck. Ow.” Sky rubs the back of his neck as he glances up at me. “What?”

“Where’s the phones?”

Sky has a rule that we have to put our phones away when we come to work, mostly because Carlos wouldn’t focus because he was always on his phone.

“By the door. There’s a big vase on the table. They’re in there.”

“All right, well I’m gonna head out. I need to shower and head to Elijah’s.”

He holds his fist out for me to hit. “Good session last night, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” I turn to leave then spin back around. “You aren’t gonna leave town soon are you?”

Sky cranes his head from shoulder to shoulder while he grimaces. “Uh, probably tomorrow or the next day. I think we’re gonna need to be in New York at the end of next week, so I wanna fit some more fun into my time off before I have to deal with Evan.”

“But we’re not due to have the album done for a while, right? And we just got off a long ass tour, I can’t imagine them wanting to do it again already. What the hell does he want?”

Sky shrugs. “You got me.”

“All right then, I wanna talk to you before you leave. All of you,” I say.

Sky spins around in his chair to face me, his brows furrowing slightly. “Do I need to be worried?”

“I don’t think so.”

He cocks his head. “Doesn’t sound promising, Kingston.”

“I’m not trying to quit or anything,” I say with a forced laugh.

“Well, shit. You should’ve started with that. Text me whenever.”

Before I leave, I grab my phone and then head out the back door of the building and jump into my car. I plug in the phone and start the car. When the screen lights up, I read through all my texts.

Fuck. I forgot yesterday was the day I was supposed to hang out with Ali and his friends. We never talked about it again after Jordy invited me. I assumed Ali would remind me, but I was already in the studio without my phone when he texted saying they were out.

I send him a quick message before I start the drive to my hotel.

Me: Hey, sorry I missed your messages. I was holed up with the guys and didn’t have my phone. Call me.

I get to the hotel, order some room service, and take a shower. Once I’m dressed, I grab my breakfast burrito to go and eat it in the car as I drive to Elijah’s.

Ali still hasn’t responded.

Elijah looks slightly confused when he opens the door for me, because I didn’t tell him I was coming over beforehand.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asks, stepping back to let me in.

“Not much. Sorry I didn’t call first.”

He scoffs. “You don’t have to call first. This will always be your home. You okay? Want some coffee?”

“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”

In the kitchen, I sit down at the island and wait for him to finish pouring the coffee. He puts a mug next to me and chooses to stand across from me on the other side of the island as he sips his.

“So, what’s goin’ on?”

I take a deep breath. “I’m going to tell the guys soon. Maybe tomorrow.”

He nods. “That’s good, right?”

“I’ve had a few opportunities to tell them already, but when I open my mouth to say it, I freeze up. It’s not that I think they’re gonna hate me or anything. I don’t think any of them are homophobes, but I worry they’re gonna be concerned about the band’s public image. Which I can’t blame them for. What if I tell them and they would prefer I keep it to myself for the sake of the band?”

Elijah takes a sip before putting it on the counter. “You’ve been friends with these guys for a long time. Almost fifteen years now. Do you think that’s how they’ll feel?”

I sigh, shrugging one shoulder. “I don’t think so, but you can never be too sure. I was going to tell them last night, but we were so caught up with making music, I just didn’t.”

“I think they’ll react better than you think, and I understand your reservations, but you have to ask yourself this: Is it worth the risk? Are you willing to risk potentially losing your friends and fans so you can be yourself?”

I let out a short laugh. “Isn’t it ridiculous to even have to ask a question like that?”

He nods. “Yes, it is.”

I rotate the mug, staring into the black liquid as I mull over my thoughts.

“What does Alejandro think of all this?” Elijah asks.

My head snaps up. “What do you mean?”

“About whether you come out or not. Has he said anything? If you’re going to be together, he’ll be thrust into the spotlight.”

I chew on my bottom lip. “I didn’t think about that.” I sigh, letting my shoulders drop. “Me and Ali stopped talking because I wouldn’t come out. Well, that’s part of it. Like I said before, I really messed up. We had plans to come out when we were eighteen, but I chickened out. I kept convincing him to wait, then I’d leave him here alone while I was out with the band. I came home one time when we were twenty, and he had already come out and had a boyfriend.

“He ends up breaking up with the guy to go back into a secret relationship with me, which was mainly us hooking up when I was around. I knew there was a possibility we were gonna get signed and I didn't tell him. I kept it from him until the day before we left for New York. You remember, right?”

Elijah nods.

“He was pissed. He felt like I was making decisions for both of us. I was stringing him along because I wanted to be with him, but I wasn’t ready to be with him publicly. I hurt him, I lied, and I turned my back on our plans.

“He wants me to be out but he wants me to do it for myself, not for him. And I want that too. I want to be out because I’ve really struggled the past few years with hiding who I am by acting like someone else. I’ve taken the first step by telling you guys, and next is the band, then the label, and then the world.” I blow out a long breath. “It’s fuckin scary as shit, but I think I’ll feel a huge relief once it’s over, no matter what happens.”

“And then what? You and Alejandro can be together and he travels with you?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know, man. I’ve been doing what I can to prove to him that I’m serious about him. I don’t want to be the guy who says one thing and does another. We haven’t had a conversation about us yet. I won’t be on tour for a while, so I can be here with him. When we tour, I’ll just have to see what he wants to do. I mean, he has a job, and I wouldn’t expect him to leave it for me.”

“Well, it sounds like you need to talk to him about all this.”

“Yeah,” I say on a sigh.

I pull my phone out to see if he’s responded yet.

He hasn’t.

34

Alejandro

Present Day

When I wake up, I see Merrick’s message, but instead of replying right away, I go to my kitchen and down a bottle of water before I stand under a scalding hot shower for fifteen minutes. I do everything I can to wash away the feeling that alcohol is leaking through my pores.

We got way too drunk last night and I’m definitely paying for it today. My head throbs viciously and it feels like my eyes might pop out of my face with each beat of my heart. My stomach rolls with queasiness, and I decide here and now that I don’t want any sort of alcohol for a long time.

I force myself to eat toast just to have something in my stomach when I swallow down three Tylenol.

It’s just past one o’clock when I pull my phone out to text Merrick back.

Me: Okay, I’m hungover. We can talk later.

Was I short? Yes, but honestly, regardless of his excuse, I’m still upset. Mainly at myself. I know what Merrick does to me, and I should’ve known better than to have things get physical. My heart is already making plans my brain knows won’t come to fruition, but my body still craves his.

As soon as I put the phone down it starts to ring.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Are you mad at me?” Merrick asks.

I release a heavy sigh as I lie across my couch. “What happened last night? I thought you were coming out with us.”

“Yeah, I remember when Jordy asked me, but then we never discussed it again. I didn’t know what the plans were or when.”

“You said you’d text me yesterday. I thought it was about our plans.”

“No, I just meant I’d text you because I like to talk to you, I really forgot about the plans, and you never mentioned it. But I ended up getting so caught up with the guys in the studio yesterday, and Sky keeps our phones hidden away when we work. We all passed out in the studio after two in the morning. I’m sorry, Ali. I didn’t mean to ditch you.”

I guess he’s right. I suppose I assumed he remembered the plans, but maybe I should’ve reminded him. He does have a lot of stuff going on right now.

“It’s okay, you didn’t miss out on anything except a potential hangover.”

He chuckles. “Poor baby.”

“I was looking forward to seeing you, though.”

“You like me or something?” he asks, and I can tell he’s smiling as he questions me.

“Anyway,” I say, changing the subject. “So, you got some work in last night?”

“Yeah, it was cool. I’m probably gonna hang out with them again tonight because Sky is already itching to leave town. We also have to be in New York late next week.”

My heart sinks even though I knew it was inevitable. Of course he’s going to have to leave.

“How long?”

He sighs. “I’m not sure. I don’t even know what they want to talk to us about. Our next album isn’t due for a while, and we just got off a long ass tour. We should get some damn down time.”

I stay silent for a while, debating on whether I want to say the words that are dancing on the tip of my tongue.

“Do you know when or where you’ll buy a house? I know you’ve been traveling a lot lately, but eventually you should have more time at home, right? Wherever you choose for that to be. Have you thought about it? Do you want to live in New York?”

“Would you live in New York?” he asks, surprising me.

“Me? Why?”

“Just curious,” he replies.

“I know that was our plan when we were kids,” I say with a short laugh. “But I haven’t thought about that in a long time.”

“Do you like living in Chaparral?”

“I do. It’s nice here, and it’s still close to home.”

“Hmm.”

We fall silent again, and when I open my mouth, I ask him the very thing I said I wouldn’t.

“Have you told the guys yet?”

Merrick clears his throat. “No, not yet.”

I nod my head. “Yeah, I figured.”

He releases a breath. “Well, I was gonna invite you to come to King’s Tavern tonight. Are you interested?”

“Ugh, alcohol.”

His deep laugh makes me smile. “Just drink water.”

“Fine. When?”

“Park at your mom’s and I’ll meet you at eight.”

* * *

“Ugh, that smells awful,” I say, making a face at Merrick’s glass of whiskey.

He licks his lips. “But it tastes good. Wanna suck the flavor from my tongue?”

I shift in my seat as Merrick grins at me. “No, thanks.”

“Liar.”

Two women hesitantly approach the booth, walking up behind Merrick.

“Looks like you got a couple fans,” I say with a nod.

Merrick angles his head over his shoulder and gives them a grin that lets them know they can come up.

“Hi,” a pretty brunette says with a nervous smile.

“Sorry to bother you,” the redheaded one says. “But it’s kind of a once in a lifetime situation.”

“It’s all right,” Merrick replies, still smiling.

“Can we get a picture with you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

The redhead looks at me briefly. “Want me to take it?” I ask.

“Oh, yes. Thank you!”

Merrick stands up and gets in between the women, draping an arm over each of their shoulders while I stand in front of them and take the picture.

“Thank you,” the women say simultaneously.

“No problem,” Merrick answers, sliding back into the booth as I hand them their phone back.

I watch as the redhead elbows the brunette.

“Um. Are you gonna be in town a while? We were wondering if you might want to hang out with us.”

I scratch my nose to hide my smile.

Merrick keeps his smile in place. “Sorry ladies. I’m gonna be pretty busy, but it was nice meeting you.”

After the women have gone back to their table, I grin at Merrick, but he just shakes his head. “Don’t say anything.”

“What? I have nothing to say.” I mull over my thoughts for a few seconds. “Do you think guys will come up to you if you come out?”

He fixes me with a look. “Would that make you jealous?”

“If guys propositioned you?”

He nods.

“Would I be in a position to be jealous?”

“Don’t answer questions with questions.”

“I’d like to think you wouldn’t take up any offers if you were in a relationship with someone.”

“Not someone, Ali. You.”

He takes a sip of his drink as he watches me trying to fight off my smile.

“Would you be jealous if guys came on to me?” I ask.

His eyes narrow. “Did someone come on to you last night?”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

Merrick growls which makes me laugh. Guess that answers my question.

“You didn’t take anyone up on any offers, did you?”

I give him a look that says you should know better. “I’m still waiting on one particular offer.”

His lips curl up on one side. “You want me?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” I say after rolling my eyes.

“I want to hear you say it,” he whispers huskily.

“Why? You already know.”

He glances around before leaning in. “You know it makes my cock hard to hear you beg.”

His words set my body ablaze, and my dick jumps at the thought of Merrick getting hard.

“You know I—”

“Hey fuck face. I’ve been texting you,” Sky says, appearing out of nowhere.

The two of us lean back in our seats as Merrick pulls his phone from his pocket and looks at the screen.

“Sorry, I had it on silent.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, sliding into the booth next to Merrick. “Jay said he’d be coming by. Carlos is with his girlfriend, I think. One last fuck before we head back to sex island.”

Merrick snorts. “Sex island?”

Sky shrugs and looks around the room. “Those two girls are eye fucking the shit out of me.”

I glance over and laugh. “They were just over here asking Merrick if he wanted a threesome.”

“What?” Sky asks, his eyes going wide. “Why aren’t you fucking them right now?”

“In my brother’s bar?”

“There’s a bathroom.”

Merrick laughs. “The bathroom isn’t my favorite place for sex.”

“Well, shit, if you aren’t gonna fuck them, I might.” He throws them a wink before looking at me. “Alejandro, what about you? You like bathroom sex?”

“Dude,” Merrick says, smacking Sky’s arm.

“What? I can’t ask that?”

“It’s fine,” I reply. “Bathroom sex can be fun, but it limits what you can do.”

Merrick gives me a look like he isn’t happy with my answer, but Sky just nods. “True. I’ll be back. I’m gonna get a drink.”

“So, bathroom sex is fun, huh?” he questions.

“What?”

“How many times have you had sex in a bathroom?”

I scoff. “We had sex in a bathroom.”

“Besides us.”

“Maybe twice.”

“I don’t like thinking about you with other guys.”

“I don’t like thinking about you with other guys either.”

Merrick rubs his palm over the scruff on his face. “I haven’t been with other guys.”

My jaw drops just as Sky comes back with his drink. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be fucking those chicks later.”

Merrick and I are locked in on each other before he snaps out of it and responds to Sky. We spend the next hour talking and drinking, but I only consume Ginger Ale.

Sky invites two different girls over to the table after he spotted them staring from a couple tables over. One of them slid in next to me because it was the only open seat, and the other one is currently sitting on Sky’s lap.

“So, what are you two up to later?” Sky asks them.

“Nothing,” the one on his lap says with a giggle.

“Is that right? We should fix that, shouldn’t we?”

The one sitting next to me keeps eyeing Merrick, obviously interested in spending time with him.

“Are either of you dating anyone?” she asks, directing her question to Sky and Merrick.

“No, baby, I’m as single as they get,” Sky replies quickly.

Her eyes move to Merrick, waiting for him to answer. When Sky peeks over his shoulder to see why he hasn’t said anything, Merrick sits forward and smiles at the blonde at my side. “No, I’m not with anybody.”

A smile stretches across her face, and my lips turn down at the corners. It kind of hurts to hear him say he isn’t with anyone, but I understand.

She grabs a pen out of her purse and reaches for a napkin on the table. “Let me give you my number. Call me and let’s see if we can change that.”

Merrick continues to smile at her as he grabs the napkin from her hand and stuffs it in his pocket.

“Excuse me,” I announce, wanting to get out of the booth. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

The blonde slides out, and as I’m walking away, I hear her say, “Wanna sit over here next to me?”

I have no doubt she’s talking to Merrick, and even though I know he’s not interested in girls, it still sucks to see this play out in front of me.

35

Merrick

Present Day

When I get to the bathroom, I see Ali at the sink, washing his hands.

“Is anyone else in here?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

I lock the door behind me before I stalk toward him.

“What are you doing?” he questions, shutting off the water.

I press my chest to his back and trap him between my arms as I place my hands on the sink. I lock eyes with him in the mirror. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You know what. I’m so used to playing along. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It’s fine,” he replies standing straight, his ass pushing against my crotch.

I pull the napkin from my pocket and toss it in the sink. “She’s not the one I’m interested in.”

He lays the back of his head against my chest, still staring at me through the reflection. “You want me?” he asks, throwing my question back at me.

I smirk and bring my hands to his hips, tugging him into me. “I do.”

“It’s too bad you hate bathroom sex,” he says with hooded eyes as he arches his back.

“I’d bend you over this sink and fuck you right now.”

“Do it,” he taunts.

I angle my head and nip at his neck. “Don’t tease me, Ali.”

“I’m not.”

Outside, someone tries to open the door, killing the moment.

We pull apart, and Ali heads to the door and unlocks it. When the guy walks in, he does a double-take when he sees me.

“Sorry about that, man. Just making sure Mr. Kingston has some privacy,” Ali says smoothly.

We slip by him as he nods in understanding.

Before we exit the hallway, we run into Sky.

“Oh hey, I was just coming to tell you I’m heading out.” His eyes move between me and Ali. “You gonna go with that girl or am I taking them both?” he asks with a grin, hoping I’m not interested.

“I’ll let you have her,” I tell him, smacking the side of his shoulder. “Have fun.”

Sky chuckles. “Oh, I will. I’m gonna use the bathroom first. You still wanna talk, right? I’m probably leaving the day after tomorrow.”

“Okay, yeah. I’ll meet up with you guys tomorrow.”

“Cool. Night, guys,” he says, heading toward the bathroom.

“What do you wanna do now?” I ask Ali.

He looks me up and down, and though his desire is obvious, I can tell he’s warring with himself. He wants me, but he’s still afraid. Afraid I’ll disappoint him. Lie to him. Leave him.

I can’t be mad about that. It’s my own fault, but it makes me want to prove him wrong.

“You said you haven’t been with any other guys.”

I nod. “It’s true.”

“Ever?”

I let loose a sigh as I scratch at my growing beard and shake my head. “You’re the only one.”

“You’re killing me,” he breathes. “Let’s go to your hotel. We need to get away from people.”

“Okay.”

* * *

In my hotel room, I kick off my shoes and empty my pockets, placing my wallet, phone, and keys on the table.

Ali stays near the door like he’s ready to flee at any second.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what’s going on between us. I feel like I never really have. I’ve just gone with the flow. Whatever you wanted, I was okay with, but there was never really clarity.” He toes off his shoes and slowly walks toward me. “I told myself not to get close to you again. You broke my heart before, and I swore I’d never try to be with a closeted person again. It’s too hard.” My eyes track his steps as he gets closer. “I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t know when you’re going to leave, or for how long it’s going to be. I don’t know if you’ll come out to the world or what it’ll even mean for us if you do. I don’t know almost anything except that I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anybody, and that I love you so much it hurts. So, I’m going to stop thinking about the future. I’m not going to worry about the what ifs. I’m going to enjoy this moment, because I can’t stand another second of not touching you.”

He’s stunned me silent, and though I have answers to some of the things he’s wondering about, now’s not the time to talk.

Ali grips the hem of my shirt and yanks it up and over my head, dropping it to the floor. As his fingers reach for the button and zipper of my jeans, I do the same to his. Our pants fall to the floor at the same time, and then I remove his shirt and add it to the pile of clothes.

I reach for the back of his neck and yank him forward, wanting his naked chest against mine. I let my tongue dance across his full bottom lip, and when he releases a sensual moan, I thrust my tongue into his mouth and get lost in his taste.

As things turn frantic, and my cock hardens against his, his body vibrates with the same urgent desire. He cups my ass, taking control of the kiss as his tongue slides over mine, then he pulls back slightly, giving him just enough space to stroke my erection through my boxers.

My cock jumps, eager to be in his hands, mouth, ass . . . anywhere he’ll let me. “Room. Now,” I say, tugging him behind me as I rush to get to the bed. “I made sure to be prepared this time.”

Ali smirks as he pushes his boxer-briefs down and reveals his amazing cock. He grabs the base of it and languidly strokes himself. “Good, because we have a lot of making up to do.”

A low, rumbling growl builds in my throat as I reach into the nightstand for the lube and box of twelve condoms I bought the other day. I toss them on the bed. “Is that enough?”

“Maybe.”

“So needy,” I say with a grin.

He lets go of his cock and approaches me, staring into my eyes as he shoves my boxers down. I kick them the rest of the way off, and reach down to wrap my fingers around his erection. He drops his head back, enjoying the way I stroke him, so I lean in and lick a path up his throat until I get to his chin.

With my lips ghosting over his, I say, “Get on the bed. All fours.”

He hums his excitement, his body quivering, then quickly obeys.

I position myself behind him, getting on my knees and letting my hands explore his perfect body. I squeeze the muscles in his upper back, gripping his shoulders as I let him feel my cock press against his ass.

I leave a trail of kisses down his spine, and he bucks when I reach his ass. I take pleasure in his moans when I let my tongue slide down between his cheeks.

“Oh God, Merrick,” he cries.

I squeeze his ass, spreading him apart to allow more room for my face. He shifts when he grabs his cock with one hand, stroking himself as I taste him.

When I pull away, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and reach for the bottle of lube. I make sure to use a generous amount on my fingers before I start prepping him to take my cock.

I slip one finger in, slowly stretching him out, and then I add another finger.

“Oh fuck,” he grunts.

I gently grip his hip as I finger fuck him. “I can’t wait to be inside of you.”

“God,” he breathes.

After a couple more minutes, I remove my fingers and reach for a condom. I roll it over my cock and squeeze lube into my hand and coat the latex. Another small pump of lube on my fingers and I rub them over his hole, making sure he’s ready.

“Roll over. I want to see your face when I slip inside you.”

Ali gets on his back and spreads his legs for me, letting me get into position. With my cock in hand, I begin to cautiously push in.

“Ah,” he says after a gasp. I pause my movements and then he tells me, “Keep going.”

I slip past that tight ring of muscle and moan as I push all the way in his tight ass. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.” His voice is thick with lust.

I ease back before traveling back in, loving how he clenches around my cock. Bracing my arms on either side of him, I plant a kiss on his mouth while I slowly rotate my hips.

“Fuck,” he growls, biting my lip as he arches his hips. “Harder.”

My lips draw up into a lopsided grin. “Stop trying to top from the bottom and let me enjoy this. I don’t want to bust in five seconds.”

Ali places one hand on my neck while his other rests on my back, and he draws me in for a toe-curling kiss. I start thrusting in and out, grunting with each movement.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this. You. God, your ass is tight,” I say with a moan.

After a couple minutes, I get on my knees and move back, trying to stay enveloped in his tight warmth. I stand at the side of his bed and pull him to the edge, holding his muscled thighs in my hands as I fuck him harder and deeper.

“Oh shit. Yeah. Fuck me, Merrick,” he cries out, grabbing his veiny cock and stroking it with vigor.

Watching him jack off does things to me I can’t explain. My already rapid pulse increases even more and I swear my erection grows thicker as I watch his muscles flex while he strokes that beautiful dick. I thought being on stage in front of millions gave me a high unlike anything else, but I was wrong. Watching Ali get off to my touch is out of this world.

I push his legs up higher and watch my cock dip in and out. The visual alone is enough for me to come. Good God.

Ali’s eyes are squeezed closed as he fists his cock, seeking release. I slowly pull almost all the way out before burying myself to the hilt with one quick thrust.

“Ah!” he bellows. “Fuck, yes.”

I keep it up, holding his hips off the bed and getting the perfect angle to hit that perfect spot every time I thrust in.

“Shit,” I grunt, sweat dripping from my forehead and falling to Ali’s stomach.

“I’m close,” he says.

“Yes, baby,” I pant. “You gonna come for me?”

He nods. “Oh, God.”

I pummel myself into him, trying to get as deep as I can. I want him to remember this night for a week to come. I want him to remember what I feel like every time he moves.

“Shit!” He drags the word out as his fist moves up and down in a quick pace before cum shoots up, landing on his stomach and hand. “Merrick.” My name is a whisper on his tongue.

I’m done for after that. I grip him so tight I’m afraid I’ll leave bruises, but I move my hips back and forth until my own orgasm hits, sending waves of bliss coursing through my veins.

“Fuck!”

My body crumbles over his, and we suck in heavy breaths together before I reach down and pull out.

I stand up and remove the condom, tossing it in the trash before I collapse onto the bed next to him.

Ali moves to wipe the cum from his hand and stomach, but I catch his wrist before he does it and make a tsk noise.

“You know I like to clean you up.”

His eyes twinkle with delight as I bring his hand to my mouth and suck the section between his thumb and forefinger.

I interlock my fingers with his when I’m done and kiss his knuckles. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

36

Alejandro

Present Day

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” I tell Jordy as I walk toward my kitchen.

Jordy follows. “Um, I think you have some explaining to do. Here I am, coming to visit my best friend,” he says, checking his watch, “at five o’clock, and end up running into you outside, lookin’ like the poster boy for the walk of shame.”

I grab a Sprite out of the fridge and pop the tab. “Who’s to say I’m not just coming home from the store?”

He grins. “The way you’re walking tells me you had sex at least twice last night,” he says, waggling his brows.

I roll my eyes and try to cover my smile by taking a drink.

“And your clothes are wrinkled like they’ve been in a heap on the floor. Am I wrong?”

I glance down. Yeah, my clothes aren’t wrinkle-free like they usually are.

“And I’m pretty sure,” he continues, stepping closer and inspecting my neck, “that this right here looks like whisker burn.”

I subconsciously rub at the side of my neck. “Oh, whatever.”

Jordy laughs. “So, things are going good?”

“You know, I’m just not gonna think about things anymore. Me and Merrick have history. We have a connection that I can’t explain to people. He’s always going to be the most important person to me, and I don’t want to think about anything else.”

“I get that.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “But?”

He shrugs and pins his lip together before opening them back up. “I don’t want you to get your heart broken again.”

“I’m just gonna live with the assumption that he’s not going to come out and he’s going to leave again. I’m not getting my hopes up or anything. I know he’s got a career to think about, so I’ll just enjoy this for as long as I can, because I’d rather have him briefly than not have him at all.”

Jordy nods. “Okay.”

“Now I need to shower, eat, and go back to Gaspar to visit my mom, Lili, and the baby.”

“Tell Merrick hi for me.”

“I’m really going to see my family.”

He prances to the door. “Okay. Tell him we should hang out again.”

“Stop crushing on my. . .”

Jordy raises his brows, waiting for me to finish.

“Friend.”

“Right,” he says with a chuckle. “Talk to you later.”

37

Merrick

Present Day

“What the fuck are we still doing in this town?” Jay gripes. “I thought we were going to sex island?”

Sky laughs. “Tomorrow. Merrick wants to talk to us,” he says, coming over to sit on the couch.

I stand near the bar in my hotel suite, pouring a stiff drink while the other three guys sit around the glass coffee table and wait for me. Sky and Jay sit on both ends of the plush, ivory-colored couch while Carlos lies across the matching loveseat.

After downing half the glass, I pour a little more and add some tonic water to the vodka, then head over, dropping into the single armchair. My right leg bounces as I hold my drink in my left hand, and my heart convulses in my chest as I think about every response they could have.

I remember what Elijah told me. These guys are my friends and have been for years. We’ve grown up together. I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

“So, I wanted us all together so I could tell you something I should’ve told you a long time ago. It’s really been eating away at me lately, and it’s time to get it out.” I take a sip and try to calm my nerves and find three sets of curious eyes staring back at me. I make sure to connect with each one of them before I continue. “I’m. . .gay.”

I leave it there and let them soak it in. I find it hard to meet their gaze now, but I force myself to keep my head up and watch their reactions.

Jay’s mouth drops open as his blue eyes blink at me. Carlos watches me like he’s waiting for me to say I’m joking, then he cuts his eyes to the other two, wondering who’s going to talk first. When I look at Sky, he has his head cocked and his brows furrowed in confusion.

I take another drink before placing the glass on the table next to me. I drop my hands to my knees, rubbing them over the denim, waiting for someone to break the silence.

“Uhh,” Jay laughs nervously, glancing at Sky. “How is that possible?”

“I thought. . .” Sky starts, scratching his head, “I thought maybe you were bi.”

My brows shoot up at that comment, but before I can say anything, Carlos speaks up.

“Wait, what?” He stands up, running his hands through his wavy hair. “No, you’re not gay. I’m so confused right now.”

“Well, I am gay,” I say, looking at Carlos. “But you thought I was bi?” I aim the question at Sky.

He nods and chuckles. “I mean, I didn’t start thinking that until recently. I knew you didn’t always spend the night with some of the women we met. Some would come find their friends and complain.”

I snort. “Didn’t anticipate that happening.”

Sky shrugs. “I knew you had been with women before though. I’ve seen you with them.”

“Yeah,” Jay says. “That’s why I’m like. . .” He trails off, miming an explosion around his head.

With a sigh, I say, “I did what I thought I had to do. I didn’t want anybody wondering and asking questions about why I wasn’t doing what the rest of you were doing. I’ve been in hiding. I’ve been lying, because I’ve been afraid, but it’s really been weighing heavy on me lately.”

“Have you ever been with a guy, though?” Carlos asks, his brows still furrowed. “I mean, we haven’t seen anything. Why’d you think he was bi?” he asks Sky.

Sky’s eyes flicker to mine briefly, but he doesn’t say anything. “Uh, I’m not sure.”

I give him a look, but he just shakes his head. He doesn’t want to say anything in front of the other two.

“I haven’t been with a guy in a long time, but I have been with a guy. I knew I was gay in high school, and I was secretly with someone then.”

Jay shoots up from the couch. “What? Who? High school?”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Carlos questions.

I take a breath. “Are you guys mad?”

“Yeah, I’m mad,” Carlos replies. “Mad you’ve been lying to us this whole time. What the fuck, dude? We’re family. We’ve spent time away from our own families, having only each other. We’ve been through so much shit together, and yet, you didn’t think you could tell us something as big as this?”

Sky stands up. “Hold up, you can’t expect Merrick or anyone else to find it easy to talk about this. There’s still such a stigma around being gay, and come on, we’re famous. I mean, famous gay musicians still get shit for being themselves. Having fame and money doesn’t prevent you from getting hate comments. If anything, you get them a hundred times more.”

“Look, I hated lying to you guys. To everybody. I just told my brothers, so it’s not like you were the only ones who didn’t know. I had planned on coming out way before we made it big, but I was afraid. Then we were signed, and I started thinking it wouldn’t be a good time to come out. I didn’t want me being gay to overshadow or even ruin our chances just as we were starting out. Then things kept getting bigger and bigger, and you hear how some people still talk. Slinging around the word faggot like it’s not a slur. Making jokes about fairies and fruitcakes. We may be taking steps in the right direction, but the world still has a lot of ignorance.

“On top of all that, I was no longer only concerned about me. I have to worry that me coming out will ruin your careers too. It’s not just me. It’s us. If I come out, it could ruin our sales, we could lose fans, I mean, I don’t know.” I take a deep breath and blow it out as I let my head fall in my hands. When I look back up, I say, “I’m at a point where I can’t keep lying. I can’t pretend any longer. I want to be free and happy, and I’m willing to risk everything for that.”

“Risk everything?” Jay asks.

“If you guys want me out of the band, I understand.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Sky exclaims. “Now I’m pissed. You think we’d kick you out?”

“I don’t want to mess up anything for you guys.”

“Merrick, we’re family,” Carlos says. “I’m mad you felt you had to hide this from us, but I’m not mad that you’re gay.”

“And what do we care who you’re attracted to or who you fuck?” Sky adds. “You’ve been in the band since the beginning. We practically lived at your brother’s house, practicing and driving him insane. There is no band without you.”

Jay sits down across from me, resting his elbows on his knees. “And if we lose fans because they don’t like that you’re gay, then so be it. We don’t need fans like that, and I’m more than positive we’ll still have plenty.”

Relief pours over me, washing away any fear or doubts. Overwhelming love and appreciation for my friends fills me up, creating a lump in my throat that I have to clear before I start talking.

“Fuck,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t explain how I feel right now.” I meet their gazes again, fighting off tears. “Thank you. Thanks for accepting me for me.”

After we all embrace and go back to our seats, I decide to tell them one more thing.

“I’m in love with Ali. He’s who I was with ten years ago, and he’s who I want to be with forever.”

Sky grins. “I knew it.”

“Alejandro?” Carlos asks, his eyes wide.

Jay laughs. “Are you serious?”

“How did you know?” I ask Sky.

“This is why I thought you were bi, because you’re different around him. I noticed little things the last couple times we’ve all been together.”

“Apparently we aren’t as good at keeping this secret as we used to be.”

“Yeah, because we had no clue back then,” Carlos says. “Holy shit.”

“I have to talk to him, but first I’ll tell the label, then the world. After that, hopefully he’ll agree to be with me. Just wanted you guys to not be surprised, because I’m hoping he’ll be around a lot.”

“Well, shit. At least we already know and like the guy,” Jay says.

My heart feels full, and after a few minutes, everything feels like it used to. Except now I feel a hundred pounds lighter, which makes me happier.

38

Alejandro

Present Day

After I get off the phone with Merrick, I make sure to clean up my place, focusing on the living room and bedroom, then jump in the shower. He said he’s coming over with good news, but the fact that he’s coming over is good enough news for me. Though, I won’t pretend I’m not curious what he has to tell me.

I scrub myself clean, lotion up, and throw on a pair of gym shorts and a black tank top. We’re staying in, so it’s not like I need to be dressed up, plus, I’m sort of hoping we end up without clothes anyway.

Curious if I should make something to eat, I pick up my phone and send him a text.

Me: Are you hungry? Should I cook? Order something?

Kingston: I got it taken care of. Be there soon.

Ten minutes later, Merrick arrives with his arms full.

“What is all this?” I ask when I open the door, reaching out for a bag.

“Dinner. I went to Freeman’s and got curbside service so I wouldn’t have to go in. I looked it up before I drove out here. They have a good selection of food,” he says with a shrug. “Let’s hope it’s good.”

“I’ve been there before. It’s pretty good,” I reply, taking the bag to the kitchen.

“I got steak medallions, chicken teriyaki, rice, baked potatoes, fries, steamed veggies—”

“Is that all?” I ask, cutting him off with a chuckle.

“What? I was trying to cover my bases,” he says, putting two more bags on the counter.

“What’s that?” I ask, pointing to a brown paper bag.

He pulls out a bottle of Johnnie Walker with a wicked grin on his face. “For the celebration portion of this night.”

I cover his fingers with mine when I move to grab the bottle. “What are we celebrating?”

He comes in close and presses his lips to mine. “I’ll tell you later. Let’s eat.”

“What if I want to celebrate a different way?” I ask cheekily.

He wraps his arm around my waist and squeezes my hip. “We could have a threesome with Johnnie,” he says with a wicked grin. “We can lick it off each other if that’s what you want.”

“Maybe.”

He smirks and kisses me again. “Where’s the dishes?”

We fill our plates with food, and I grab a couple bottles of Coke out of the fridge, and we sit down at my small dining room table and enjoy dinner together.

“What’s the news?” I ask between bites. “You seem awfully happy, so are you gonna fill me in, or what?”

Merrick wipes his mouth with a napkin and grins. “You’re impatient.”

“I’m curious,” I amend.

He pushes his plate away and rests his arms on the table. “I told the guys.”

My eyes widen as I stare at him in shock. “You did?”

“Yep.”

“And they’re okay with it?”

“Carlos was mad that I felt I had to hide it from them for this long, but they’re not mad-mad.”

“And Sky? Jay?” I ask, forgetting my own food.

“Sky said he was suspicious. He knew I wasn’t always going with the girls we’d meet up with. I guess they would go find their friends who were with Sky, so he knew I wasn’t hooking up with them.” He pauses and chuckles. “And I guess Jordy was right, because Sky said he noticed I was different around you, plus I ran after you in King’s Tavern that night and blew off that chick and left her number in the sink. He probably saw it when he went to the bathroom after us.”

“You told them about me?” I ask, my voice going higher.

“Was I not supposed to?” he questions.

“No, I mean, it’s fine. I’m just surprised.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just thought maybe you’d keep all that to yourself.”

Merrick’s brows pull together as he reaches for my hand. “It’s never been about being embarrassed of you. I’ve just been afraid of how people would react to me being gay in general.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I say. “So we’re celebrating that they took the news well and you don’t have to leave the band?”

He shakes his head. “No. Well, sure, we can celebrate that, but there’s something else.”

“What?”

“We go to New York in a few days to have a meeting with our manager and the head of the label, and while I’m there, I’m gonna tell them, too. They can come up with some sort of strategy on how to come out to the public, whether it’s a statement written by a publicist or if I need to get online and say it myself, but soon it’ll all be out there.”

Joy threatens to escape through my lips in the form of laughter and a smile. I want to jump up and down and throw myself at him for taking these steps, but something deep in the pit of my stomach keeps me from getting too happy. He’s said this before. He’s told me he had plans to come out, only to not. I keep a tight grip on my happiness, because I can’t allow myself to believe it until I see it.

“That’s good,” I say with a smile.

“That’s it?” he questions. “I’m coming out, Ali. This is huge.”

I stroke his hand with my thumb as he keeps a light grip on my fingers. “I know it is, and I’m happy you’ve told your brothers and bandmates. That in itself is huge. I’m proud of you. I am.”

“You don’t think I’ll do it, do you?”

I sigh. “I don’t want to fight with you about this, but we’ve been here before, and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. That’s all. If I let myself believe that when you come back from New York, I can run outside and throw myself in your arms and kiss you in front of any and every one walking by, only to have that not be the case, I won’t be able to handle it.”

“Ali, I’m telling them. I’m tired of the secretive shit, too.”

I squeeze his hand and give him a small grin. “Okay.”

He growls. “I hate that you don’t believe me, but I guess I understand why.” Merrick pushes away from the table and stands up, tugging me to my feet as well. He holds my face in his hands and says, “I’m telling them because I owe it to myself to live my life the way I want, but I won’t lie and say it has nothing to do with you. I yearn for the day we can go out and be ourselves. I want to hold you and kiss you in front of people like everyone else has the right to do. I want this for us. I want you to know how much you mean to me, Ali.” He steps back and makes a point to look deeply into my eyes. “I’m telling them, and once it’s all over and done with, me and you are gonna have a long talk about our future, and this time I’m sticking to the plan.”

My heart flutters in my chest, and hope begins to take flight. It’s hard to ignore the sincerity in his voice and eyes. He wants me. He wants a future together, and I have no doubt that the shroud of secrecy is killing him. It feels like it’s the right time. Maybe it’ll happen this time, and perhaps I should stop being such a pessimist about this.

I wrap my arms around his waist and step toe-to-toe with him, angling my head up slightly. “Okay. Let’s take Johnnie to bed and celebrate. Then we can talk about these plans.”

Merrick bites down his lip before they curl up into a satisfied smile.

39

Alejandro

Present Day

Sprawled naked across the bed, I watch Merrick as he grips the bottle of Johnnie Walker and pours a small amount of the amber liquid on my chest. The alcohol drips off both sides, and travels down the middle of my stomach.

Merrick leans over me and licks the whiskey from my skin. “Mm,” he moans, gazing up at me with hooded, lust-filled eyes. “This is the best threesome we could have.”

“The only threesome we’ll have.”

He chuckles. “Someone doesn’t like to share.”

He crawls on top of me, straddling my hips while wearing nothing but his boxers. “Open your mouth for Johnnie.” I do as he says and he carefully pours a sips worth of the alcohol into my mouth. “Now open up for me.”

Merrick frees his erection through the slit in the boxers and scoots up, running the tip across my bottom lip.

I open my mouth and swirl my tongue around the circumference of his cockhead before he pushes in farther.

“Goddamn,” he groans.

He fucks my mouth for a minute before climbing off me. “Mm,” I moan, licking my lips.

“Who tastes better? Me or Johnnie?” he asks teasingly.

“I’m not sure,” I reply, reaching down to stroke my cock. “I may need another taste test.”

Merrick shoots me an unamused look before wrapping his lips around the head of the bottle and swallowing down a mouthful of whiskey.

“Come suck the taste off my tongue,” he commands.

I scramble up and get on my knees, capturing his face in my hands, and plunge my tongue in his mouth. I suck his whiskey-flavored tongue into my mouth, eliciting a low moan from his throat.

“Lay down,” I tell him.

He lifts a brow but lies his large body across my mattress. I yank his boxers down, revealing his impressive erection. I keep to the side of him and steal the bottle from his hand, and pour a generous amount of the liquid onto his stomach. The man is so cut, the alcohol pools in the crevice between his abs.

I drop down and slurp the liquid into my mouth, taking some time to lick up the trails that traveled a little lower.

Merrick watches me with intense eyes, so I move between his legs and slowly lick and kiss my way around his cock, putting my lips everywhere except where he wants them to be.

“Goddammit, Ali,” he growls. “Suck me.”

My eyes flicker up to his and I offer him a wicked smile as I bypass his cock and lick around his balls.

“Oh. Mmm,” he moans, flopping back to the bed.

After teasing him for a little while longer, I get off the bed and put the bottle of Johnnie on the nightstand before reaching into the drawer and grabbing a condom and some lube.

I toss those on the bed before getting comfortable between Merrick’s legs again. This time, I don’t play around. I grip his cock in my hand and take him deep in my mouth.

“Jesus,” he gasps, his hands shooting to my head where his fingers tangle in my hair.

I do a mixture of licking, sucking, and stroking his cock, loving the way he reacts to me. He’s nothing but grunts and moans of pleasure.

When I finally pull myself away from his dick, I grab the lube and pour a generous amount in my hand before reaching around and prepping myself. Merrick snatches the condom up and rips it open, quickly sheathing himself in latex.

With another handful of lube, I stroke his cock and then straddles his hips. I rise up and reach for his erection and slowly sink down on him.

“Fuck, baby,” he exclaims, holding onto my waist.

Once I’m comfortable, I start rocking my hips back and forth and move up and down, letting him fill and stretch me.

“Come here,” he murmurs, pulling me down.

I keep moving as I lean over him, bringing my chest to his. Merrick places his hands on my back and stares deeply into my eyes.

“You’re so fucking sexy.”

I find it hard to think the sexiest man I’ve ever seen finds me sexy, but his compliment sends warmth through my chest. I press my lips against his in response.

His hands move to my ass as I ease away from the kiss. “You know how much you mean to me, right?”

I nod against his head with a moan, but that isn’t the response he wants. He brings his hands to my face and aligns my eyes with his.

“You know I love you, right?”

An overwhelming urge to cry hits me and I don’t even know why. He’s deep inside me, but his words reach a deeper part of me. Those three words penetrate my heart and burrow themselves far in the center.

“I love you, too.”

He kisses me softly and passionately, bringing our tongues together in a dance.

“Never forget that,” he says, grabbing a hold of me and rolling us over in one quick movement. He readjusts his cock and pushes back inside.

He thrusts deep and hard, lighting every one of my nerve endings on fire. Merrick braces himself over me, rocking his hips back and forth while his mouth nips at my neck and jaw.

“Fuck. Your body was made for mine,” he grunts. “It’s just so fucking good.”

“It’s yours. I’m yours,” I pant, feeling the beginnings of an orgasm building.

Merrick gets on his knees and keeps fucking me while he reaches down to stroke my throbbing cock.

“Oh, yes,” I moan.

“This is mine?” he questions.

“Yes. Oh, God. Yes,” I cry.

He drops his head back. “Jesus Christ.”

I chance a glance at him and feel like I’ve just been transported into my favorite porn. His body shines with sweat. His abs contract as he thrusts in and out, and his bicep flexes as he strokes my cock. Merrick’s hair flops onto his forehead and his tongue dances across his sinful lips.

“Oh, my God!”

My balls tingle and tighten and I force myself to watch his every movement.

Merrick hitches one of my legs up higher on his hip as he continues to fuck me into ecstasy, and his hand strokes me to perfection.

“I’m. . .oh shit,” I yell just as the first ribbon of cum shoots out.

“Ah, fuck,” he says with a grunt, watching the cum cover his fingers.

After my cock is spent, he lets go and yanks me even closer, holding onto my hips as he punishes me with his cock.

It’s only a couple minutes later that he’s filling the room with a guttural roar as he comes while buried deep inside my ass.

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes.

He stays inside me as he leans over and drops his forehead to mine, and I trail my fingers up his arms, holding onto his biceps.

“Mm, that was amazing,” I say.

He slowly pulls out and lies on his back next to me, pulling the condom off. “Probably better than that, but I’m too exhausted to think of a better word.”

I chuckle. “And you call yourself a songwriter.”

“I could write a song about you.”

“My lips? I remember you telling me that,” I say with a grin.

“Oh, no. This song would be about much more than your lips,” he says, caressing my face.

My grin grows into a Cheshire Cat smile. “I look forward to hearing it.”

Merrick winks at me before climbing out of bed to get rid of the condom and go to the bathroom. It takes me a few minutes before I’m willing to even attempt to get out of bed, but when I do, I throw on my boxer-briefs and strip the bed of its covers. We were kind of careless with the whiskey, but it was definitely worth it.

An hour later, after we’ve both showered and gotten the bed fixed up, we crawl under the covers together.

Merrick wraps his arm around me and nuzzles his scruffy face into the crook of my neck.

“You’re gonna leave the tell-tell sign of whisker burn on me again.”

“I don’t care,” he says. “Soon everybody will know we’re together, and I dare them to say anything about me leaving any sort of marks on you. Should I give you a hickey, too?” he teases, sucking a small section of flesh into his mouth.

“Maybe if we were seventeen,” I say with a chuckle.

“Ah, seventeen. That was a good time, huh?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Remember our first time?” he says with a low laugh.

“How could I forget?”

“Mm.” He pushes his body against mine. “Good night, baby.”

I can’t help the ridiculous smile that covers my face. “Good night.”

40

Merrick

9 Years Ago

Tonight’s the night. After months of hand jobs, blow jobs, and intense make out sessions with a little dry humping, me and Ali are finally going to take the next step.

I think everyone is nervous about their first time, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t do a little research about this. Me and Ali had some things to learn when it came to anal sex. We started off by trying solo anal play, then learning about lubes, stretching, and the importance of foreplay.

Yesterday, we went to the store to stock up on condoms and lube, and tonight Elijah is out with Jenn, so we have the house to ourselves for a little while.

When I hear the doorbell ring, I jog down the stairs, racing Sugarfoot to the front door.

“Hey,” I say with a heavy breath as I pull it open.

“Hey, is he gone already?”

I circle his wrist with my fingers and yank him inside. “Yep, so kiss me.”

He chuckles before leaning in and giving me a soft kiss.

Sugarfoot nudges our connected hands with his wet nose, wanting our attention.

“Hey, buddy,” Ali says, reaching down to pet his head.

“Let me give him a bone so he’ll leave us alone,” I say, heading to the kitchen.

With the bone in his mouth, Sugarfoot trots off to his bed, and I grab Ali’s hand and pull him upstairs to my room.

“You in a hurry?” he says with a chuckle.

“Uh. Duh. Plus, I wanna make sure we don’t waste any time. I’d hate for Elijah to come home early and ruin this.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be good.”

Once we’re in my room, I close and lock the door, then spin around and gather Ali in my arms. “Are you nervous?”

“A little.”

“You sure you still wanna do this?” I question, pushing his wavy hair out of his eyes.

“I’m sure.”

I plant a few kisses on his soft lips before I pull away and reach into my sock drawer to dig out the condoms and lube I shoved in one of my socks the other day.

After tossing them on my bed, I sit down on the edge of the mattress and tug Ali onto my lap. He straddles me, leaning in for another kiss. Our lips and tongues are already in tune with each other, moving together in a slow dance that sparks desire in both of us.

We break apart to start removing our clothes, and we stop when we’re both only wearing our underwear.

“Lay down,” I say softly.

He does, and I start to plant kisses over his chest and stomach, moving down until I reach the waistband of his boxers. Tugging them down, his erection pops free, and I make sure to spend plenty of time bringing him pleasure with my mouth. I move lower, knowing I need to focus on his ass to get him ready.

Ali gasps, curses, and pants with heavy breaths as I do everything I read I should do. I use my mouth, and then my lubed up fingers. My cock gets exceptionally hard, and I can’t wait to see what he feels like when I get inside him.

“You ready?” I ask, reaching for a condom.

He locks eyes with me, his cheeks full of color and eyes heavy with desire. “Ready.”

I add a massive amount of lube to my dick and the crease between his cheeks, hoping it helps lessen the pain.

My heart hammers against my ribs as heat courses through my veins, firing me up. Ali laid out before me is the most amazing sight I’ve ever seen.

With my dick in my hand, I begin to nudge at his entrance. He sucks in a shuddering breath as he tightens up.

“Relax, baby,” I whisper. “I’ll stop when you tell me to. I won’t hurt you.”

He nods and takes a deep breath.

It takes a good five minutes to get fully inside, but the tightness wrapped around me is something I wasn’t prepared for. My balls draw up and an orgasm builds instantly.

“Oh shit,” I breathe.

“Move,” he moans.

“No, don’t move,” I say. “I’ll come. Give me a second.”

Ali chuckles.

“It’s not funny. God, your ass is so tight.”

He wiggles slightly. “Yeah, well, your dick isn’t small.”

I stroke him while I try to get my body under control, but I can already tell this is gonna be quick.

My movements are awkward. I’m trying to do everything to keep from coming too fast while trying to make sure I make this feel good for Ali while also making sure it doesn’t hurt. We’re a combined mix of grunts, gasps, and groans.

Five minutes later, I can’t stave off my orgasm any longer. Once I’ve carefully pulled out and disposed of the condom, I go back to Ali and make sure to finish him off with my hand and mouth.

As he’s coming down from his own release, I flop next to him and stare up at the ceiling.

“That was crazy. I’m sorry I was so fast, but fuck, you’ll never believe how that feels.”

Ali chuckles, reaching for my hand. “It’s okay, I liked it, but it’ll take some time before we’re both fully comfortable.”

“The good news is that we still have plenty of time before Elijah’s home. We could try again.”

I chance a glance at Ali who grimaces. “Uh, it may not have lasted long, but your cock was still just in my ass. Unless you want me to fuck you, I don’t think we’ll be trying again tonight.”

I shift to my side and look at him. “Are you okay? Was it awful?”

“No, it wasn’t awful. Just different. It’ll take some getting used to. Are you saying you don’t want me to try with you?”

I make a face. “Now I’m scared.”

He laughs. “Chicken shit.”

Downstairs, the door slams closed followed by the raised voices of Elijah and Jenn. They’re fighting again.

“Shit!” I jump up and throw my clothes on while Ali slowly gets out of bed, reaching for his own.

“Ow,” he whines, bending down to get his pants. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to sit down.”

We break into a fit of laughter as he tries to quickly get dressed all while complaining about his ass.

Elijah’s loud footsteps travel up the stairs, so I put the TV on real quick and jump back onto the bed, casually leaning against the headboard.

“Act natural!” I whisper loudly. “Sit down.”

“I can’t!” Ali whispers back with wide eyes.

“Unlock the door.”

He quietly turns the lock on the doorknob and then moves toward my small walk-in closet, and acts like he’s looking for something.

Elijah opens the door, and I can see the annoyance etched on his face immediately. “Hey.” He spots Ali shifting through my shirts. “Oh, I didn’t know you were here, Alejandro.”

“Hey, Elijah.”

“What’s goin’ on with you and Jenn?” I ask.

Elijah clenches his jaw. “It’s fine. Just wanted to let you know I’m home.”

I snort. “Yeah, I heard.”

Elijah pins me with a look.

“Don’t be a pain in the ass,” Ali says from the closet.

I choke on my laugh, and Elijah leans against the doorjamb. “Sorry you have to hear that, but she’s about to leave. Did you eat dinner?”

I shake my head. “No, you cookin’?”

“I can.”

“All right. We’ll be down soon.”

Elijah eyes the both of us before walking away, leaving the door open.

“Pain in the ass?” I say quietly, laughing.

“Well, you are,” Ali responds with a shrug.

“And what the hell were you doing? Literally coming out of the closet to my brother?”

Ali barks out a laugh. “I didn’t even think about that.”

“Come on, let’s go get ready to eat.”

“Oh shit. Would it be weird to eat standing up?”

I throw my head back with a deep laugh. “Yes, it’s weird. We’ll figure it out.”

Before we leave my room, Ali tugs me back and gives me a quick kiss. “I’m glad you were my first.”

“I promise to get better,” I say, kissing him back. “And then you’ll want me to be your only.”

He smirks and then we head downstairs to have an awkward dinner with my brother.

41

Merrick

Present Day

The flight to New York is around an hour and forty-five minutes, and once we all land, we head straight to the label, hoping to get this over and done with as fast as possible.

“Evan says Kit is abnormally pissy today,” Sky says as he leans back in the limo.

Kit is the owner and CEO of K&T Entertainment, and he’s pissed off on a good day.

“Why? Did Evan say what was going on?”

Sky closes his eyes. “Nope.”

“Great,” I groan.

When the limo comes to a stop in front of the building, we get out and go straight inside where our manager, Evan, waits for us.

“Hey, guys. Lookin’ good. How’s your break been? Staying out of trouble, I hope,” he rattles on, moving ahead of us.

“Yeah,” Jay and Sky mumble.

“Break would’ve been better if I wasn’t here,” Carlos adds. “What’s goin’ on?”

Evan doesn’t bother turning around as he talks to us, going directly to the elevators. “Kit wants to talk to you guys. We also need to go over the tour sales and what you’re planning for the next album.”

The chrome doors slide open and Evan turns and gives us a smile while gesturing for us to get in.

“I thought we weren’t expected to have another album out for a while,” I say.

Evan looks through his papers. “Uh, no. It’s already been almost a year since the last album.”

“And we just got off an almost year-long tour,” Carlos says. “We have loyal fans, they’re not going anywhere if we don’t release once a year.”

“You think that,” Evan quips. “Another band will take your spot in a heartbeat. Have you been writing anything?”

Me and Sky nod. “Yeah, we have a handful of songs.”

“Well, let’s get a handful more. Maybe a handful and a half.”

When we get to the top floor, the doors slide open and we step out to hear Kit going off on someone.

“Mr. Brower will be with you a minute,” his executive assistant says from her desk.

Kit spots us and slams his door closed, but the glass windows allow us to see how red his face gets as he yells at someone on the phone.

“Jesus, what’s up his ass?” Jay asks.

Evan stands in front of us, reading something on his phone. “I think it’s a problem with another artist.” He lifts his head and looks at us. “Don’t worry about that, just don’t do anything to piss him off.”

I sneak a glance at Sky who’s already looking at me with worry etched between his brows.

Ten minutes later, we’re finally allowed into his lavish office. The large mahogany desk could fit two people behind it with the ability to work comfortably. A matching bookcase lines the wall behind the desk, holding several awards, picture frames, and a few books. The other walls are filled with platinum records and photos of Kit and the artists under his label.

“Come in, come in,” he says, ushering us in with impatience.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Brower,” Evan starts.

“There’s nothing good about today, Evan,” Kit spits. “Nothing.”

Evan shifts uncomfortably as the rest of us take our seats on the brown leather couches. “Sorry to hear that, sir.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kit huffs, standing behind his chair, giving the top of it a death grip. “Just don’t give me any shit news today. I’ve had enough, and if you’re friends with Tony, you better tell him to stay the fuck away from me for the next fucking year.”

I share a look with Carlos, wondering what the hell is going on. Tony manages a solo artist named Jax Night, and a group called Three X. I wonder who did what.

“Yes, sir,” Evan replies.

“What did he do?” Sky asks, bringing all eyes to him.

Evan looks furious that he would open his mouth, but Sky’s known for saying whatever the hell he wants.

Kit stares at him with a clenched jaw, his face still red. “Nothing. He didn’t do a fucking thing. Especially his job.” Kit pins Evan with a look and points at us. “You need to make sure you keep them in check, otherwise they’re gonna do something that gets you in trouble.”

“Oh. Yes, sir. These are good guys. They wouldn’t do anything to get me or your label in trouble.”

Evan shoots us a look, gritting his teeth like a mom threatening her kid in public. Evan’s typically a good guy, but he definitely gets frustrated with us from time to time. He’s in his early forties, and has no wife or kids, so he’s a workaholic one hundred percent of the time.

“Give me the numbers,” Kit huffs.

Evan goes over the ticket sales for the tour we just went on. We sold out every location, so neither of them should have anything to complain about. I tune them out as Evan rattles off album equivalent units, which songs were on what charts and for how long.

I don’t bother listening, because all I can think about is how am I supposed to tell them I’m gay when Kit’s head is already about to explode. Evan would strangle me for not telling him first and going straight to the man in charge.

Sky hits my knee with his, getting my attention.

“Are you?” he asks quietly, jerking his head in their direction.

“I don’t know. Terrible timing, right?”

Evan clears his throat, staring right at me and Sky, which shuts us up.

“So what’re we thinking for the next album? Can we manage a release by November?” Kit asks.

“We can get it done, sir,” Evan the ass kisser says, like he actually has anything to do with creating music.

“Yeah? Boys?” Kit asks, running his hand along the side of his white hair, making sure it’s perfectly in place.

“We have some songs ready, but I didn’t think we’d need another album ready this year,” Sky says.

“Were you not informed of what was expected?” Kit questions, moving his glare from us to Evan.

Evan laughs nervously. “Of course they were, sir. They’re fast writers, we can have it done.”

“Before Christmas,” Kit says, moving to sit in his chair. “That will be five albums in five years, and then we can discuss your contract.”

“And the next tour?” I question. “When is that supposed to be?”

“You need to ask your manager,” Kit replies gruffly, looking at his computer screen.

“Sir, do you think anything needs to change stylistically?” Evan asks. “I think they’re good. They’ve evolved a little, but not so much that they’ve alienated their original fan base.”

“Based on their sales numbers and how they’re holding steady on the music charts, I wouldn’t change too much.”

“Right. That’s what I was thinking,” Evan says.

“Great. I have another meeting,” Kit says, dismissing us.

When we stand up, I decide in that moment to just go ahead and tell them.

“Uh, sir?” I say, taking a step toward his desk. “I have something I need to tell you. Both you and Evan, actually. It’s pretty serious and. . .”

I stop talking when Kit looks up at me and releases an annoyed sigh as he rubs his temple. “You haven’t told your manager this news?”

Evan rushes over to me. “No, he hasn’t, and he won’t tell you now. I’ll talk to him and if it’s something you need to know, we’ll make another appointment.”

“No, I need to tell you now,” I say, yanking out of his grip.

“So help me God, Merrick, if you don’t walk out of this office right now I will ruin your life,” Evan mutters quietly near my ear. “We’re gonna go. Have a good day, sir,” Evan says to Kit, pushing me toward the door.

I spot Sky and he gives me a slight shake of his head, telling me to let it go for now.

Storming out of the office, I head to the stairwell, not wanting to be in the elevator with Evan right now. All I can think about is how I promised Ali I would be coming back with good news. I told him over and over again that I was going to tell them. And now he’s going to be pissed because I’m, once again, going to look like a piece of shit liar.

When I finally reach the lobby, I find the guys waiting for me sans Evan.

“You good?” Jay asks.

“Where’s Evan?”

“He said he didn’t have time for your tantrum and to call him later.”

“Fuckin’ dick.”

“I know you’re disappointed,” Carlos says, “But you tried. It was just bad timing. Kit was already pissed, and had you told him, he probably would’ve reacted even worse just because he was already mad.”

“It’s way more than being disappointed,” I say, running my hands through my hair. “This shit is gonna kill me. This ruins everything.”

They share glances, not sure what I’m talking about. I didn’t tell them about my promise to Ali, and they don’t know all the details about what we’ve been through, so they couldn’t get it. But shit, I don’t know how I’m supposed to face Ali now. How can I explain what happened without looking like someone just grasping at excuses.

“I gotta go,” I huff. “I’ll catch y’all later.”

I storm out of the building, hail a cab, and go straight to the airport. In the time it takes me to get back home, I hope I find the right thing to say to Ali, and I hope more than anything that he believes me.

42

Alejandro

Present Day

I expect to hear from Merrick about how the meeting went, but he doesn’t call or text, so as I try to patiently wait for what I hope is good news, I distract myself by visiting the ladies in my life.

“’Bout time you showed your face around here again,” Lili says, walking into the kitchen with Mari’s car seat hanging from the crook of her arm.

“It hasn’t been that long,” I say, rolling my eyes as I continue to help my mom with dinner.

“Merrick came to town and you disappeared.” She eyes me as she gently places the baby down, unbuckling her from the seat.

“I’ve also been back home and hanging out with my other friends,” I shoot back.

“Mari needs a diaper change,” she says, bringing the baby to her chest.

“Let me do it,” Mom says, pushing past me with outstretched arms.

Once she disappears into the other room with the baby and the diaper bag, Lili crosses her arms and stares me down.

“What?” I ask, stirring the chili verde.

“What’s going on with you and Merrick?”

My heart rate picks up speed. “What do you mean?”

“You went on and on about the huge falling out you had, then got mad at me for inviting him over, and now everything’s okay? Y’all made up?”

I release a breath of relief. “Yeah, we did. Everything’s fine.”

“I never got to finish my question when he was here for dinner, and you’ve been scarce, and I want an answer.”

“Okay,” I reply hesitantly.

“This fight y’all had. Did it have something to do with you being gay?”

“No,” I answer immediately.

“So it wasn’t because he was a homophobe or something?”

I bark out a laugh. “No, it wasn’t that.”

“Well, what was it then? Were you mad that he left?”

With a sigh, I say, “No.”

“You’re not gonna tell me?”

“It’s not really worth talking about now. We’re friends, we’re fine, and we’re moving forward.”

Lili keeps staring at me, chewing on the inside of her lip. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell her soon, but as of now, as far as I know, Merrick is still in the closet.

“Did you have a crush on him and told him and made things weird?” she asks.

“Oh my God, Lili,” I breathe. “I’m not gonna have this conversation with you.”

“What conversation?” Mom asks, coming back into the kitchen with the baby.

“Nothing. I gotta go make a call,” I announce before stepping out onto the porch.

I remove my phone from my pocket and dial Merrick’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me. Just wanted to talk to you and see how things were going. Call me when you can.”

I hang up feeling frustrated. Not being able to be with Merrick in public is just one of the reasons I didn’t want to start up anything with him if he was still closeted, but the hardest one is not being able to talk to my family or friends about him. I can’t tell my sister something as simple as why me and Merrick had a falling out. I can’t tell my mom that I found someone to love and who loves me back. I can’t tell my friends stories about me and him. I have to lie and avoid certain topics.

I hate lying to my family. I hate not being able to share my happiness with people close to me. When you’re in love, you want to be able to talk about that.

The rest of my night is ruined by my sour mood. I can’t help but worry about what happened in Merrick’s meeting today. The fact that I haven’t heard from him gives me a bad taste in my mouth. If things had gone well, he would’ve told me immediately.

Dread sits heavy in my stomach, and as soon as I’m done eating, I say goodbye and head back home.

Before I fall asleep, I think about what’s going to happen if he’s decided to not come out after all.

43

Merrick

Present Day

I took the coward’s way out and turned my phone off as soon as I got back to Gaspar. I didn’t know how to approach the situation with Ali, and still don’t, but I know I won’t be able to ignore him for long. Today is a new day, and I’ll have to invite him over and tell him what happened and hope he can be patient with me for a little longer.

I’ve tried calling Evan, but he must still be pissed at me, because he keeps sending me straight to voicemail.

Because I’m afraid Ali will ask me questions over the phone, I send a text and tell him to come to the hotel.

I pace through each room for about half an hour until I hear a knock on the door. When I open it, I can read the apprehension on his face immediately. He eyes me curiously before stepping inside.

“Hey,” I greet with what I hope is an easy-going smile.

“Hey.” His response is stilted.

“Thanks for coming,” I reply, hearing the tension in my voice.

“Yeah, what happened to you yesterday? You disappeared on me.”

“Yeah.” I run my hand over my face as I make my way to the couch. “Sorry about that. It was a crazy day.”

Ali takes a seat on the same couch, but on the opposite end. The air is radiating with trepidation, and we both seem to be aware that things are about to take a turn.

I realize now I should’ve kissed him as soon as he stepped inside, because I’m not sure I’ll get the chance once I tell him what happened yesterday.

“What happened?” he asks, sitting stiffly in the corner.

I take a deep breath and slowly blow it out, then I lift my head and meet his gaze. “Ali.” His name is a plea for forgiveness on my lips.

Ali gives me a disappointed sigh as his shoulders drop. “You didn’t do it, did you?”

“I can explain,” I say before realizing immediately that it was the wrong thing to say. It’s the cliché I fucked up phrase.

He stands up. “Don’t bother. I already assumed you didn’t, otherwise you would’ve been excited to tell me and wouldn’t have vanished for nearly twenty-four hours. You know, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I told you I didn’t want to think about it, but you made me believe you. Once again, Merrick fucking Kingston got into my head and my heart and convinced me to do something I knew I shouldn’t.”

I jump to my feet and approach him. “Ali, don’t. Please let me explain. I was going to tell them. I was ready! But Kit was in a terrible mood, and Evan—”

Ali holds up his hand. “Merrick, stop. I can’t listen to any more excuses. I spent all of last night thinking about what I should do if this situation arose. I stayed up late, warring with myself over what the right decision would be. My heart says one thing and my brain says another.” He takes a deep breath and the heartbreak in his eyes is like a punch to the gut. Once again, I’ve hurt the only person I’ve ever loved. “Merrick, I love you.”

“I love you,” I reply hurriedly.

He shakes his head. “But I can’t do this.”

“Ali, no. I’m going to tell them. I’m trying to get in touch with Evan. He won’t answer me, but—”

“I stayed in the closet longer than I wanted to for you. I waited and waited, thinking you’d be ready soon, but that never happened, so I did it on my own. I found a boyfriend who really cared about me and who I really liked, but as soon as you were back in town, you tell me you’ll tell people. You tell me you want a future with me, so I end it so I can be with you. Because it’s always been you, Merrick.” He swallows down his emotion as my heart cracks in my chest. “And I let myself be in a secret relationship with you. I let myself listen to you tell me about our plans, all the while you had other plans coming to fruition. Plans you didn’t tell me about.”

“Ali,” I plead, wanting him to stop. It hurts too much to hear what I’ve done. I can’t imagine how he feels.

“And after years of trying to put you behind me, you come waltzing back in my life. You gave me hope again. You promised me things again.” He sighs, turning around to walk to the door. When he gets there, he spins back around and faces me. “I love you more than I’ll ever love anybody, but I can’t do this to myself again. I have to hurt us both by walking away just so you can’t hurt me again.”

“Ali,” I beg, rushing for him and grabbing his hand in mine. “Don’t. Don’t do this. Please.”

His eyes brim with unshed tears. “I can’t keep lying either, Merrick. I hope you understand. I want you to do whatever it is you want to do on your own time and for your own reasons, but I have to do this for me.”

I watch as his eyes roam my face, like he’s studying me one last time, then he tugs out of my grip and opens the door and walks out of my life, leaving me an empty shell.

44

Alejandro

Present Day

It’s been a week. The longest and hardest week I’ve had since Merrick left the first time. Jordy and Lili have called and texted, but I’ve wanted nothing to do with anybody. I can’t bring myself to tell Jordy he was right, and I can’t even tell Lili anything. It would only be another lie.

Surprisingly, Merrick hasn’t tried to get in touch either. If I expected him to grovel, beg, apologize a thousand times, I was wrong. He seems to be leaving me alone, which was what I wanted, but it still hurts.

My phone vibrates next to me, and I reach for it, almost hoping I see Merrick’s name across the screen.

Jordy: Clearly something happened. You may not want to talk about it, but please let me know you’re okay.

Me: I’m fine. I’ll call you later.

As a string of messages from Jordy start coming through, I shut off my phone and toss it onto the coffee table. I busy myself by cleaning and rearranging some furniture, doing everything I can to keep from thinking about how things ended between Merrick and me.

I know in my heart that this was the best decision for me to make, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

An hour later, as I’m lying across the couch, someone knocks on my door. After ignoring it for a few minutes, a knock on my window makes me jolt up.

“Fucking Jordy,” I mumble, trying to get a glimpse outside.

A baby starts crying and then I hear Lili’s voice. “For fuck’s sake, Alejandro, if you don’t open the goddamn door and leave me and your baby niece out here in the heat, I will murder you.”

I shake my head, fighting off a smile as I rush to the door and swing it open. I take a step onto the porch and peek over toward the window, finding Lili trying to look through the closed blinds.

“Uh, hello, peeping Tom.”

She scoffs, facing me and marching toward the steps. “Is your phone broken or what? You can’t call anybody back?”

Lili pushes past me and into the house. “It’s off. What did you need?”

She makes another noise in the back of her throat as she unbuckles Mari from her seat. “I don’t need anything but my brother to not disappear and not answer his phone. I had to hear from Jordy that you were okay.”

“I just texted him. Did you come straight over after hearing from him?”

“Yep.” She turns, holding the baby in one arm while trying to unzip the diaper bag.

“What do you need?” I ask, taking the bag from her. “I’ll get it.”

“My cover up. I need to feed her, and I’m not whipping my tit out in front of my brother.”

I snort and find the aqua-colored material and hand it over. “Here.”

She plops down onto the couch and tugs it over her head before positioning Mari underneath. “So, what the hell is going on? You were supposed to come over to Mami’s on Wednesday, and when we call and text, we get ignored.”

I drop to the chair to the left of her, blowing out a deep breath. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Well, I’m done letting you get away with not telling me stuff, so I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

“You’ll have to leave eventually. You don’t have enough diapers in that bag to last that long.”

“Joke’s on you, because I just stopped by the store before I came here, and I have diapers and wipes in my car.” She throws me a satisfied smile and stares at me with wide eyes.

“Lili, I’m fine.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Lili.” I say her name on a breath. It’s basically a plea to stop asking because I can’t keep lying. I don’t even have the energy to come up with a lie right now.

“When are you going to stop treating me like a little kid? You’ve always acted like you couldn’t be bothered with me. Like I’m just annoying you with my presence. I’m an adult, too, you know? I’m only three years younger than you. You can tell me things. I have advice I can give. I can listen and be a shoulder to cry on. You’re my brother, Alejandro. You don’t have to go through things alone.”

Her words are like a slap in the face. I never meant to make her feel like I don’t care about her or that I’m annoyed by her. I’ve always had that big brother mentality. I’m always willing to protect her and listen to her cry when she’s had her heartbroken, but I never go to her when something’s happening in my life.

“You don’t annoy me, Lil.” She gives me a look. “Well, you do, but I annoy you, too. That’s what we do.” I laugh a little before turning serious again. “I love you, and I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. I don’t think you’re a kid. You’re an amazing woman, and already such a great mother.”

She cracks me a smile before dropping it and saying, “Good, now fucking tell me the truth.”

“Ah!” I exclaim, falling back into the chair and bringing my hands to my face briefly before letting them drop. “You’re killing me.”

Lili shifts Mari around under the cover, feeding her from the other side, then she pins me with her eyes. “It’s Merrick, isn’t it?” she says softly, tilting her head.

“What do you mean?” I ask cautiously.

Her shoulders drop with a sigh. “Just tell me, Alejandro. I’m not going to say anything. I’ll let you talk.”

After years and years of lying, omitting, and withholding details from my sister, I finally open my mouth and tell her everything. Surprisingly, she actually stays quiet, though she releases a few gasps, and makes enough faces to convey what she’s thinking.

Once I’m done, she says, “Can I talk now?”

I nod with a small grin. “Go ahead.”

She stands up and sways back and forth while patting Mari on the back as she holds her up on her shoulder. “Okay, wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. Merrick is gay. I was starting to think maybe this was an unrequited love situation.”

“You can’t say anything about him.”

“I know, I won’t say anything, but holy shit!” she widens her eyes. “And you two were dating as teenagers?”

I move my head from side to side. “Not dating, per se, but yeah, we were hooking up.”

“Okay, so you’re mad because he kept saying he was gonna come out but never did, and that made you have to stay on the down low for longer than you wanted?” I nod. “Okay, and then you came out, he came back, and you went back to secret dating because he still wasn’t ready?” I give her another nod. “But he kept saying things that led you to believe you were gonna be together and have all these plans, but instead he was signing with a label and about to bounce, but didn’t tell you?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Her eyes dart around like she’s trying to put together a puzzle in her head and is figuring where all the pieces are.

“But he came back just recently and you two made up, right? I mean, you’ve been hanging out and. . .stuff.”

I give her a look, but nod. “Yeah.”

“And now, he’s come out to his brothers, his bandmates, and was about to tell his label people so he could be out-out. Like, to the world?”

“But he didn’t. He had just been here, telling me he was going to do it and that we could make plans, and that he’d stick to them this time.”

Liliana sighs. “I understand the dilemma. You waited until you were twenty to come out, and that was later than you wanted to. I know how relieved you were to be out, but you can’t expect everyone to be so eager to come out, especially someone in his position.” I open my mouth to cut in, but she raises a hand. “I’m not saying you’re forcing him to do this, but he knows how you feel, so I’m sure he feels a little pressure regardless. He’s made huge steps already telling his family and closest friends, and that means that when you’re around any of them, you two can be yourselves.”

“I know, Lil, but it’s not just about that.”

“Did he tell you why he didn’t tell them?”

“I wasn’t in the mood for excuses.”

She shakes her head. “You have to hear him out, Alejandro.”

“I thought I could enjoy him for whatever time he could give me, but when it comes to him, I need more. I’m trying to protect my heart, Lil. I can’t go through this again.”

“Looks like you’re already heartbroken,” she says, her lips pulling down into a frown. “You disappear, don’t answer calls or texts and never leave your house.”

“It could be much worse.”

“I get why you’re upset. I know what it’s like to be lied to, but it wasn’t like he kept lying to you about every little thing. He said he wanted to come out, but never mustered up the courage to be able to do it. That doesn’t mean he never intended to, it just means he’s scared.”

“I know, and I feel for him. I really do. But there comes a time when I have to put myself first, you know? If I continue to keep up this affair we’re having, that means I lose the freedom I have now. I won’t be able to date, because I’ll be with him, but I won’t be able to talk about him. I won’t be able to visit him or have him visit me. We won’t be able to walk outside and hold hands or even look at each other too long.”

Lili sighs, sitting back down on the couch and lying the baby across the middle cushion. “I get it. That would suck.” She grabs a diaper and some wipes. “But I don’t want you to miss out on something that might be amazing. You two have known each other since you were kids. There’s clearly something special between you.”

“I’ll never feel about anyone the way I feel about him,” I admit.

She smiles, her eyes watering. “Maybe just hear him out first and see what he has to say. Even if it doesn’t change your mind about being with him, because of having to keep it under wraps, maybe it’ll allow you to let go of some of this anger.”

“Maybe.”

She goes about changing the baby’s diaper, and once she’s done and has tossed the diaper in the trash, she sits back on the couch and says, “Now, tell me when you first knew you loved him.”

45

Alejandro

10 Years Ago

“I’m going to Merrick’s,” I tell my mom as I emerge from the hallway into the living room.

“When are you gonna be home? Just because it’s summer doesn’t mean you can stay out all night. You’re still only sixteen.”

I sigh. “I don’t know. When do you want me home?”

She levels me with a stern look. “Before eleven. Is his brother home?”

“Yeah,” I lie. Merrick specifically told me Elijah wasn’t home.

“You’re not going anywhere else?”

“No, Ma. Gah,” I complain.

“Keep it up,” she warns.

“Sorry. I love you,” I say, kissing her forehead. “I’m gonna grab a Coke then I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Okay. Be careful.”

When I get to the kitchen, instead of taking a Coke, I swipe a few bottles of beer that she’s had stashed in the back of the pantry for a while, then I rush out before she can see me.

Me and Merrick have been best friends for the last year or so, ever since Mami moved me and my sister here after leaving our father. I can’t say I miss my dad; he wasn’t a good person when he was around, and we began to look forward to the times he’d disappear for days at a time.

It was hard leaving my friends and school behind, but when I met Merrick, we hit it off right away and we’ve been pretty inseparable since.

I’ve known I was gay for a few years now, but I’ve never told anybody. I don’t really know how I feel about it, and I have no idea how my mom and sister will react if I tell them. Homosexuality has never been discussed in our house, but that doesn’t mean my mom thinks it’s wrong. Maybe she’s just never had to think about it.

Either way, it’s my little secret, and I’ve done a good job keeping it to myself. However, as soon as me and Merrick started getting close, I knew right away how much I was attracted to him. I’ve found other guys attractive before, but it’s always been in passing. Like, I’d see someone on the street or someone at a restaurant that I thought was cute. This is the first time I’ve spent a massive amount of time with a guy that I was sexually attracted to, and every day we’re together, I hope I’m not making it obvious how I feel.

Not only is he drop-dead gorgeous with his blue eyes, blondish-brown hair, and tall, lithe frame, he’s also fun to be around. We’re always laughing, and we’ve never been in a fight about anything.

He’s brushed against me, making my body go stiff, and I’ve had to hope he didn’t question why I was being such a weirdo. He’d strip out of his clothes in front of me, which isn’t usually a big deal for guys, but I’d catch glimpses of his naked chest or wide back and would have to hide my face, knowing redness was blooming in my cheeks.

Merrick talks about girls, so I’ve never questioned his sexuality. I play along, but I’ve never been with a girl before. I don’t even want to try it, but I’d love a chance with Merrick. Not that that’ll happen, but I can continue to dream.

Hours later, after I accidentally nearly admitted to finding him attractive and had to backtrack, we’re on his steps drinking and smoking. Merrick begins looking at me in a way that sends heat traveling through my body and blood pouring into one particular part.

“Merrick.” I say his name like it’s a question.

It takes several seconds before he snaps out of his daze. “Yeah?”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing. What do you mean?”

“You’re looking at me like. . .”

Like I’ve always wanted you to. Like you want me.

“Like what?” he asks, arching his brow.

God he’s hot. My eyes travel to his lips, wondering how they’d feel against mine. My heart hammers in my chest as the air around us shifts.

“Like. . .” I leave the word hanging there, unsure of how to finish. Is he gay? Is he curious? Is he bi? Or is he just high and I’m overthinking his gaze?

“Like you’re looking at me?” he questions.

My heart does a flip. So, he knows. He can tell I’m looking at him differently, but didn’t he just admit to looking at me the same way? Does that mean. . .

I decide not to say anything, I only lean forward. Inch by tiny inch, we close the gap between us as slowly as possible. I’m waiting for him to ask what the fuck I’m doing. I wait for him to stand up and rush into the house, but he keeps coming closer.

His lips dance across mine softly and hesitantly, like he’s afraid too. After a couple pecks, he cradles my face in his hand and plunges his tongue into my mouth. I moan, loving the taste of him. I’ve wondered how this would feel, but nothing I ever dreamt up can compare to reality. His lips were meant to kiss mine. His tongue was meant to dance with mine.

Merrick kicks up the intensity a bit, and then we can’t keep our hands to ourselves.

It’s in this moment, as his large hands hold my face and our lips and tongues connect in a passionate first kiss that I think I might love my best friend.

A half minute goes by and he eases away just slightly, keeping his hands on my face while mine continue to touch his body.

“Ali.” My name falls from his lips in a soft, breathy tone.

Our eyes connect, and a realization passes between us.

Yep. I’m in love with my best friend.

46

Merrick

Present Day

I disconnect the call and slide the phone back into my pocket, raising my head to look at Sky.

“You’re sure?” he asks.

“Yep. Are you sure?” I question. “This affects you and the guys too.”

He twists his mouth up while rolling his eyes. “Don’t be stupid.”

I laugh and slap him on the shoulder. “I really appreciate you guys. I’ve loved being in this band with you.”

“Oh no, are we getting emotional over here?” Jay says as he and Carlos walk up.

“I’m just saying how much I’ve enjoyed all our years together.”

Jay rests his hand on my back. “We support you. Always.”

“Are you ready to make this announcement and break some hearts?” Carlos questions.

I take a deep breath and straighten my back. “I am.”

“Okay, let’s do it then,” Sky says.

We make our way into King’s Tavern through the back entrance, and when the guys veer off to go to the table Royce reserved for us, I go straight to the door that leads to the apartment Royce has upstairs.

He used to use this as his bachelor pad when he didn’t want to take girls to his house, or when Cill or Elijah needed it after drinking too much. Now that they’ve all settled down, it rarely gets used, but I need the space and quiet right now.

I plop onto the small loveseat in the living room area and rub my palms over my knees, trying to settle my nerves.

It’s been two weeks since Ali walked away from me, and though it hurts like a sonofabitch, I’m not even mad that he did it. I can’t blame him for making that decision, but I wish he would’ve given me time to explain what happened that day. I don’t want him thinking I just chickened out.

I’ve taken this time apart to really think about what I want to do and how I hope things play out, but it’s not all on me. Ali has to make a decision too, but I don’t know when or if he’ll give me the time of day.

Fifteen minutes later, my phone buzzes with a text from Sky, letting me know we have five minutes.

Before we made it big, King’s Tavern on a Saturday night was our spot. We played through our songs and garnered local fans. Since we’ve been gone, Royce has tried karaoke nights, which he hated, but now he filters through other local talent. Tonight, we’re back, and Royce has promoted this special little concert to all of his customers, so we should be playing to a pretty packed house.

I take another deep breath before I push up from the couch and head to the stairs. When I open the door and enter the bar, the guys are waiting for me.

“You good?” Carlos asks.

“Yep.”

“Your brother is about to announce us now,” Jay says.

“All right, all right,” Royce says into the mic. “I know I’ve been talking about this non-stop for the last week, but it’s finally here. The Unwanted—Gaspar’s very own home grown rock stars and future musical legends are back! Please don’t act up. No rushing the stage, no harassing the guys, just enjoy the show. I have a couple security guys here ready to kick you out if you do anything crazy, but let’s not get to that point.” Royce smiles. “Okay, come on guys.”

The four of us head onto the small stage posed in front of a red brick wall and get into position.

Sky takes the mic and greets the room as I sling the guitar strap over my head and smile at a few familiar faces in the crowd.

Royce and London are standing behind the bar, and Cillian, Midge, Elijah, and Nova are sitting in the stools in front of them. My eyes scan the room as Sky continues to talk to the audience, recognizing a few people, but the person I’m looking for isn’t anywhere to be seen.

We start playing, beginning with our latest single, and go through two more popular songs before we pause and allow Sky to talk about the next song we’re about to perform.

Jay steals my attention by saying, “Hey.”

I spin to the side, gripping the neck of the guitar as I raise my brows at him. He juts his chin out to the crowd, so I turn and look. After several seconds, I spot him.

Ali leans against the wall to my left, standing next to a very excited Lexie and Leo. He doesn’t look nearly as thrilled as the other two, but he’s here. Lexie waves at me when I meet her gaze, and I lift my head in response and give her a smile. I texted her earlier and begged her to get Ali to come, and just like she did ten years ago, she was able to convince him to show up.

We start playing another song, but my eyes keep finding Ali, making sure he hasn’t left. After one more, I finally catch him looking at me. When our eyes meet, he doesn’t look away. His face lacks any emotion. He doesn’t look happy to see me, but he doesn’t look angry either. He’s unaffected, and that might hurt more.

When we’re done playing that song, Sky takes the mic off the stand and starts talking. “I don’t know if y’all know it or not, but I’m not the only one who writes our songs. It’s usually me and Merrick,” he says, jerking his head in my direction. “That’s right, we’re not just pretty faces.” The crowd laughs and I shake my head. “Merrick’s written a new song, and we haven’t even recorded it yet. You’re getting never before heard music, people, so I hope you’re fucking excited about that.”

The people cheer and clap, and Sky glances back at me and nods. I reciprocate the gesture, and step forward.

“Oh, did you not know Merrick can sing, too? I think he’s gunning for my job,” he jokes.

More cheers erupt, and I spot the surprised faces of my brothers before I position myself in front of the microphone.

“Hey, guys. Don’t let Sky fool you, I’m not as good as him, but I’m trying. Don’t judge me too harshly.”

We start playing a slow melody, and I open my mouth to sing while looking directly at Ali.

My love for you is like nothing I’ve ever felt//

I’ve flown around the equator, traveled the earth’s belt//

But your soft lips call for me and I willingly reply//

Return to your whiskey-colored eyes, swimming blissfully in your paradise//

You think that I’m afraid, and maybe that’s true//

But my greatest fear is living my days without you//

Don’t you know you’re my everything? My happiness, my reason to live//

But I’m tortured and ruin everything, I need your willingness to forgive//

I’ve fucked up and I’ve hurt you. Oh where do I begin?//

When my wish is to make amends. In the end, you’re my closest friend//

So please give me one last chance, I can’t live without my heart//

You were destined to be my first and last, I can’t make it if we’re apart//

I’ve loved you since we were kids trying to figure things out//

And I’ll love you until the end of time, of this I have no doubt//

You’re my miracle personified, fate and destiny holding hands together//

We can weather any weather, We were meant for forever//

When the song comes to an end, my eyes stay locked on Ali’s. I barely register the cheers and applause. All I see is him.

I take the mic in my hand and walk to the edge of the stage and say, “I love you, Ali. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about that. I love this band and I’ve always thought music was my life, but I’ve been wrong. You are my life. One day I’ll be old and I won’t care about making music, but I’ll always care about you.

“Fuck everything else. Nothing is worth being unhappy, and you’re my happiness, Ali. I want a life with you. You’re my heart, and I can’t live without you.”

I turn toward the crowd who is now shocked silent as they watch with rapt attention. “I’m gay, and I’m in love with my best friend.”

Gasps and a few awws reach my ears, but I spin back and face Ali, because his reaction is the only one that matters to me. His eyes shine with tears as his bottom lip drops in surprise, and I wait for his response.

47

Alejandro

Present Day

Never in a million years did I expect this to happen.

Lexie coaxed me out, using the fact that she’s been one of my closest friends for ten years, and the fact that I’m in their wedding. She gave me puppy dog eyes and pouty lips, and Leo joined in, making me feel bad for not going out with them to a pre-bachelor/bachelorette party.

I knew it was weird. This plan was ridiculous and made no sense, but they said more of the wedding party would be meeting us here.

I expected to have a decent time, but when we walked in the door, Merrick and his band were already on stage. Lexie ignored my glares and then danced around my questions about who else was supposed to be here. Clearly, she’s loyal to Merrick as well, because I was pretty sure it was him who got her to bring me, and now it’s obvious he did and why.

A public declaration and outing was the last thing I thought he was going to do, and now I need to find my words to respond. Merrick just came out to everyone in this bar. He declared his love for me in the beautiful lyrics of his song and then his speech.

Lexie pushes me forward, tears glistening in her eyes. She doesn’t look surprised, so maybe Merrick told her.

I slowly make my way to the stage, vaguely aware of all the eyes on me. Merrick hops down and stands in front of me.

“Ali, I’m sorry for all the bullshit. I’ll never be able to take that back, but please—”

I cut him off by grabbing his wrist and saying, “I love you.”

His lips pull up into that cocky smirk, but relief swims in his eyes. “I love you, too.”

With a slight tug, I bring him closer, our chests nearly touching. I want to kiss him, but I’m still aware of the audience, and I don’t know if he wants pictures of us together to come out, so I hesitate.

Merrick doesn’t. His left foot steps between my feet, and he presses his entire body against mine as his hand wraps around the back of my head and pulls me in for a kiss.

I nearly melt into his arms as I rest my hands on his hips and let his tongue slide across mine. This kiss isn’t gratuitous and doesn’t last long, but it’s perfect. I barely notice the few hoots and hollers, because I’m completely lost in his touch.

When we ease away from each other, he gives me a lopsided smile. “I have to finish this set. Wait for me? We can talk more later.”

I nod, a smile painted on my face. “Okay. I can’t believe you did that,” I whisper.

He plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “Believe it and get used to it.”

As I stumble backwards, he climbs back on stage and faces the crowd. “So, that’s that,” he says with a boyish smile and shrug. “Want us to continue?”

Sky comes up and pats him on the back with a wide grin on his face, taking the microphone. The crowd cheers for more, so they don’t seem too bothered by this revelation.

The band plays a few more songs, and Lexie and Leo pull me toward the bathrooms where it’s only slightly quieter.

“Oh my God!” Lexie yells, slapping me in my arm. “All these years! I can’t believe it.”

I can’t wipe the grin off my face if I tried. “It wasn’t my story to tell.”

“Well he just told a hell of one,” Leo says, jerking his thumb to the stage. “Babe, I hope you don’t expect me to write you a song now.”

Lexie rolls her eyes. “Dude! This is amazing! I couldn’t believe it when Merrick told me. I was curious about what the hell was going on with you two since he’s been needing me to get you places, but when he told me, so many things fell into place. And you’re all in love and shit.” She puts her hand on her heart as she tilts her head. “I’m so happy for you. We’re all gonna have to get together for dinner or lunch or something. I want more details.”

“Babe,” Leo chides.

“Not like that, weirdo.”

“We’ll definitely plan something. Me and him still have a lot of talking to do to figure out what happens now.”

She nods. “Like, are you moving away?”

I shake my head. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I need to talk to Merrick.”

We make our way back to the crowd and as soon as Merrick spots me, he gives me a wink and my stomach does a flip.

* * *

“Holy shit, dude!” Royce says to Merrick once the bar’s cleared out.

By the time they were done performing, it was time to close, but all of Merrick’s brothers and their girls stayed behind.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Royce continues, standing behind the bar with London at his side.

“Go big or go home, right?” Merrick says with a wide grin.

“Alejandro.” Cill rests his hand on my left shoulder. “I guess we’ll expect to see you tomorrow for Sunday dinner.”

“He’ll be there,” Merrick says, reaching for my hand.

“Aww,” Cillian’s girlfriend, Midge, says from her barstool. “Merrick I’m so happy.”

“Me too,” Merrick replies, squeezing my hand.

“Does your label know?” Elijah asks as he rests his hands on Nova’s shoulders as she sits in a stool in front of him.

“They will soon.”

“You didn’t tell them?” I ask.

“I tried. I told our manager, but he told me to keep it to myself. Me and the guys already talked. We owe them one more album, and once that’s done we can look for another label.”

“Wow,” I breathe.

“It’ll be fine,” Merrick assures everyone. “I can’t take it back now, and I wouldn’t if I could. What’re they gonna do? They need me to make music so they can make money, but if the CEO has a problem with it, then we’ll leave.”

“I’m proud of you,” Elijah says.

“And we can’t wait to get to know you more, Alejandro,” Nova says. “I know the guys know you, but us girls will be armed with questions tomorrow.”

“I’ll be ready for them,” I reply with a grin.

“We’re gonna head out,” Merrick says, standing up from his seat. “See you guys tomorrow.”

And for the very first time, we walk outside, holding hands, without a care in the world.

48

Merrick

Present Day

It’s three in the morning by the time we get to my hotel, but I’m not even close to tired. I’m too excited to be sleepy. I’ve been dying to have this conversation with Ali.

I drop onto the couch and make sure Ali sits next to me, tucked into my side as I drape my arm over his shoulder.

“I think you said something about making plans for our future,” I say.

He chuckles. “Did I?”

“I think we should, but I want to start off by explaining what happened before. I really went to New York with the intention of telling them. Kit, who is the head of the label, was another level pissed. But at the end of the meeting, I stood up and said I wanted to tell them something. Our manager looked like he wanted to strangle me, and Kit was already annoyed that I had something to say that Evan didn’t know about. Evan basically pushed me out of the office while threatening to ruin me, whatever that means. Sky shook his head, telling me to let it go for now. I was pissed. I tried calling Evan over and over, but he was mad at me and didn’t pick up my calls. When I finally got in touch with him and told him, he was shocked silent, then he told me it wasn’t the right time to tell Kit, let alone the world. But I had already made the decision. You’re everything to me, Ali,” I say, gripping his shoulder and reaching down with my other hand to entwine our fingers. “I can’t be without you.”

Ali shifts, turning to face me. “I can’t believe that’s how you did it. You’re gonna wake up tomorrow and the internet is gonna have a million stories about last night.”

I shrug. “Who doesn’t like a good love story?”

He grins. “Our story is pretty great.”

“And we have so much left to tell. Which leads me to the next part. I love my hometown. I love my brothers, and I want to be close. I know you work in Chaparral, and I’m not gonna ask you to stop working, so I was thinking what if I bought a house nearby. For us. There’s a lot of land about twenty minutes from Chaparral. It puts us smack dab in the middle of Gaspar and Chaparral, so the commute isn’t bad either way. It’s another small town, but that’s probably a good thing, and the amount of land I’ll buy will give us plenty of privacy.”

“You want to live together?” he asks with surprise written all over his face.

“Was that not obvious? With the whole buying a house for us thing?”

He twists his mouth up at me. “Okay, smartass. I’m just surprised.”

“Why?”

“What about your career?”

“I can fly to New York in an hour and a half if I need to be there. When we record our albums, you can come with us, or at least take weekend trips if you’re working.”

“Wouldn’t that be expensive? Flying every weekend.”

I stare at him blankly for a few seconds. “You know I’m loaded, right?”

Ali barks out a laugh. “I guess I forget that part.”

“We can get you on a private jet. Or if you want to fly commercially, I’ll get you in first class. When it comes to touring, I’ll try to do what I can to see if we can tour in the summers, then you can come with us.”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I am. I love you, Ali. I went without you for too many years, I won’t do it anymore.”

He climbs into my lap, straddling me. I wrap my arms around his waist as he brushes his fingers through my hair while studying my face.

“I love you so much.”

My lips pull into a smile. “I know you do.”

He rolls his eyes. “Okay. I’ll move in with you. I’m on board with our plans.”

“And being in the public eye doesn’t bother you? There will be pictures and stories and who knows what else.”

“I don’t care if you don’t.”

My hands travel down and squeeze his ass. “I don’t care.”

“Okay.”

“Wanna kiss me?”

Ali laughs, his eyes twinkling with joy. “Definitely.”

49

Alejandro

Present Day

When I wake up, I don’t hesitate to give Merrick the best wakeup call possible.

The blanket is already pushed down to his waist, and after showering before falling asleep, he crawled into the bed naked.

I move between his legs and lick his shaft from root to tip. I do this a few times before he begins to stir.

“Oh. . .oh shit,” he murmurs, his voice scratchy.

As he grows harder, I take him in my hand and stroke him slowly while twirling my tongue around his cockhead. When I wrap my lips around him, I remove my hand and take him as deep as I can.

“Fuck, Ali,” he moans, his legs spreading wider as he places his hands on my head.

I moan around him, playing with his balls as I lick and suck my way up and down his shaft. His fingers grip my hair and he starts thrusting upward, fucking my mouth like he can’t get enough.

Merrick’s cock nudges the back of my throat, and my erection grows thicker.

“Shit,” he breathes heavily. “Get on your knees before I come in your mouth.”

I do as he says, getting to my hands and knees in the middle of the wide mattress as he scrambles for lube and a condom.

The bed dips as he gets behind me, and then his hands caress my ass before traveling up my back and down again.

He reaches for the lube and starts sliding his fingers between my ass cheeks before gently and slowly pushing a finger inside. He teases me, fucking me with his finger while reaching around and stroking my cock.

“Fuck,” I grunt. “Just fuck me already.”

His deep chuckle reaches my ears as his free hand rubs my back. “Hold on, baby. I’m about to fuck you into oblivion.”

Merrick tears open the condom and puts it on before coating himself with lube. One large hand grabs onto my hip while his other one positions himself at my entrance.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

He pushes deep inside me with one quick thrust, ripping a gasp and moan from the depths of my throat.

“Holy shit.”

“I told you. Hold on tight.”

Merrick fucks me relentlessly. His hands go from holding my waist, to squeezing my ass, to dancing over the muscles in my back to grip my shoulders.

He never loses momentum as he thrusts in and out. It’s hard and rough, but I love our sex this way just as much as I enjoy when he’s gentler with me. But this, this turns me on like nothing else, because having Merrick uncontrolled is hot as fuck.

“Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Your cock feels good,” I say through grunts and heavy breaths.

He growls, reaching around to grab my cock. “You dripping for me yet?” He moans when he feels the pre-cum leaking from cock, and he spreads it over my head and gives me a few strokes. “Mm.”

We flip over and he takes my legs and pushes them up and back, before he continues his deep thrusts.

I grip my dick, giving it a few languid strokes before upping the pace. Merrick’s muscles are flexed and wet with a thin layer of sweat, and I can’t get over how fucking sexy he is.

With every thrust, my body moves a fraction of an inch up the bed, inching closer to the headboard. Merrick drops down, bracing himself over me with his fists as he rocks in and out of me. I keep stroking myself as I let out a string of unintelligible words.

“Fuck yes,” he grunts. “Make a mess, baby. You know I love it.”

His words send me over the edge and as my orgasm hits and cum lands on my chest, Merrick tenses up above me.

“Shit!”

He speeds up for a few seconds before coming to a stop as he roars his pleasure, his body spasming above me. He starts slowly moving in and out again, and I let go of my spent cock and drop my arm to the side, completely done for.

“You’re so good,” I pant.

“At fucking?” Merrick asks with a chuckle as he eases out of me.

“Yep. Everything else too.” I close my eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

“I’m glad you think so,” he says, kissing my forehead.

My eyes pop open and I smile. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Pft.”

He laughs as he struts his sexy naked ass to the bathroom. While he’s gone, I check my phone and find several texts from my sister and Jordy.

“Oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Merrick asks as he walks back in.

“You better check your phone.”

Without hurry, he finds his pants and pulls them up before grabbing his phone from the end table. “I turned the ringer off last night.” I watch his face as he scrolls through what I’m sure is a million notifications. He lets out a low whistle. “Well, looks like I need to make a few calls.”

“It’s everywhere,” I tell him, clicking on a link Lili sent me. “There’s pictures from last night, and video.”

“Yeah.”

I watch as he continues to stare at his phone, tapping the screen to either read more messages or find the internet articles himself. “Did your manager call?”

“Five times. He also sent a few scathing text messages.”

“Merrick.” I say his name, not knowing what else to say.

We can’t take back last night. We can’t change what people saw and heard. But I can’t help but feel slightly responsible. A picture of us kissing is all over all the gossip sites. There’s a few different shaky videos of Merrick’s speech last night. People are posting them all over social media and re-tweeting articles that journalists wasted no time writing.

Merrick walks over to the bedroom window and barely pulls back the curtain, gazing down. “Lots of people out there now.”

“Damn,” I say, moving to get out of bed. “I’m sorry.”

He lets the curtain close and turns to face me. “Don’t be. I’m not.”

“All these stories. Details about your personal life.” I step into my boxer briefs right as Merrick rounds the bed and takes my hand.

“Stop. I told you I don’t care. They’re gonna go on about this for a little while, but they’ll eventually move on.” He tips my chin up with his fingers. “Your personal life is gonna be out there too. Our lives. You gonna be okay with that?”

I nod.

“Good.” He kisses my lips. “Now, I need to call Evan then probably Kit, and maybe my publicist.”

“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower and order breakfast.”

“Sounds good.”

Merrick turns and has the phone to his ear before he leaves the room. As I’m about to get in the shower, I hear his raised voice and hope like hell the label doesn’t make this harder.

50

Merrick

Present Day

I ended up being on the phone for over an hour and a half. First with Evan, who was furious that I disobeyed him and came out anyway. I told him he could go fuck himself, which he didn’t appreciate. I think he was mostly mad that I didn’t give him a warning, because he wanted to go to Kit first, and now he has to explain why he didn’t inform the boss about what I was going to do.

After talking to Evan, I called Kit and explained that this is what I wanted to tell them a couple weeks ago, and also admitted that I told Evan and that he wanted me to keep it to myself. I couldn’t care less that I was throwing him under the bus.

The good news is that Kit isn’t too angry. Well, he’s definitely mad, because he likes to know everything ahead of time so he can have a good plan in place. Had Evan had gone to him when I told him, things likely would’ve been handled better, but Evan was too afraid of Kit. So I don’t need to find a new label, but we will be looking for a new manager.

After a conversation with the guys to let them know what happened with Evan and Kit, I called our publicist who was already working on something. Instead of releasing a generic statement that reads “Please respect my privacy at this time,” I told her I’d write something up and send it to her for approval, and then we’ll release that. There won’t be any press tours and interviews or any shit like that. I don’t find it necessary.

I toss the phone on the table and rest my hands on the arms of the dining room chair Ali’s sitting in and give him a kiss.

“Everything okay?” he asks once I pull back.

“Perfect. Sorry it took so long.”

He shrugs. “It’s okay. Your food might be a little cold.”

“I don’t care,” I say, sitting next to him and uncovering the different plates of food.

I tell him everything that happened, and I can tell he’s relieved that it didn’t cause too big of a problem with my label.

“So, now what?”

“Well, I imagine the next few days will be crazy. Paparazzi won’t leave until they get some pictures, so we might as well not even try to avoid that. The quicker they get their shots, the sooner they’ll leave. Hopefully.”

“Okay. I’m fine with that,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee. “Another thing we have to deal with is my mom. She’s not happy that we didn’t tell her what was going on between us.”

“Uh-oh,” I say around a mouthful of cold pancakes.

“Oh, and by the way, my sister knows. I mean, she knew before today.”

I raise my head and meet his gaze. “Oh?”

“I couldn’t lie to her anymore, and she threatened a sit-in at my house until I told her what was going on.”

I snort. “Okay, well, I guess our next lunch over there might be a little more awkward.”

“It shouldn’t be awkward.”

“No? You know your mom has no filter. She’s probably gonna ask all kinds of questions.”

“Shit,” he murmurs. “I’ll talk to her first.”

“I’m cool. I won’t tell her about all the filthy things you do with that mouth.”

“Oh, I’m the filthy one?”

I smirk and wink at him. “We have dinner at Elijah’s tonight. Don’t forget.”

“Oh, and Jordy wants to get together soon. He lost it when he saw all the Tweets about us and was pissed he wasn’t invited to the show.”

“Okay, looks like we’ll be busy for a while.” I chew another bite of food and swallow down some water before I say, “And Royce and London’s wedding is coming up. You’re gonna be my date, right?”

Ali makes a face. “Is that really a question?”

“Nope,” I say with a grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

I smile wide, hoping the heat in my cheeks isn’t too obvious. Being stuck with Ali is all I’ve ever wanted.

* * *

We decide to stay in the hotel until we’re ready to go to Elijah’s. Since I’ve already talked to all my brothers, they know to expect the paparazzi around the house, so I’m making sure we get there a little late so everyone’s already inside.

Ali and I waste time by lounging on the couch and talking about how we’re gonna decorate the house and arguing the importance of having a bowling alley and theater room.

“It’s not the White House,” he says with a laugh.

“But how often are we gonna be able to go to a movie theater or bowling alley?” I say.

“Okay, I understand a movie theater, but a bowling alley? We’ve never gone bowling before.”

“But now we’ll be able to every day if we want, because it will be in our house!”

Ali laughs and shakes his head. “What about an indoor pool instead?”

“Ooh,” I squeeze his hip. “Can we skinny dip?”

“Of course.”

“Then yes.”

Ali looks at his watch before standing up. “We should head out.”

“Yeah. You ready for this?” I ask, getting to my feet.

“To be out in public with you? To hold your hand in front of people? I’ve been ready,” he says, yanking me into him with a tug on my belt loop. “Are you ready?”

I cup his cheek and look deeply into his eyes. “You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and my future husband. My past, present, and future. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready sooner, but I’m absolutely ready now. It’s time to show the world what amazing taste I have.”

I kiss his lips, and when I pull back, he stares at me like he’s never seen me before.

“I love you.”

“Why did you say it like you just realized it?” I tease.

“Because every day you make me fall in love with you again.”

My heart swells and when I look at his handsome face, I hate that I ever let time and distance get between us.

There aren’t words for this moment. I’m afraid if I open my mouth to speak, my emotions will get the best of me. I don’t know how or why I was lucky enough to have Ali give me another chance, because he’s definitely the better man between us. He deserves the world and more, and I’ll do everything I can to give it to him.

I wrap one arm around his waist and cradle his head with my other hand and kiss him deeply. When we ease away from each other, I whisper, “You’re too good for me.”

He shakes his head. “Stop saying that. You’ve always been everything to me.”

“God.” I drop my head back before meeting his gaze again. “Do you know I love you?”

He grins. “I do.”

“Do you know all the things I want to do to you right now?” I ask, dropping my hands to his ass.

Ali laughs. “I have an idea, but we have to go, so get your mind out of the gutter.”

He pulls me along, heading for the door.

“Fine, but it’s going back the minute we return.”

“Deal.”

51

Alejandro

Present Day

“Merrick, Merrick. Over here. How long have you two been dating?”

“Let us get a picture.”

“Merrick, do you worry you’re going to lose fans over this?”

“Have you always been gay?”

“What’s your boyfriend’s name? Is he worth risking your career?”

The questions yelled at us as soon as we step out of the hotel are a bit overwhelming. The paparazzi yell over each other and flashes go off, blinding us as we make our way to the parking lot.

“Do you love each other?”

Click.

“Are you quitting the band?”

Click.

“Alejandro. That’s your name, right? How long have you known each other?”

Click. Click. Click.

“Will there be wedding bells in the future?”

“Hey, come on, man. Give us a picture.”

“What’s up with all the girls you were seen with?”

“Give him a kiss.”

Click. Click. Click. Fucking Click.

I don’t know how people deal with this shit. I feel my anger and frustration rising as they follow us to the car.

Merrick squeezes my hand and gives me a little smile and wink. When we get to his SUV, he unlocks it and I rush to get inside, but he lingers outside after opening the door.

“Look, you’ll know everything you want to know soon enough, but if I answer a few, will you let us get out of here without any issues? I don’t wanna worry about running anyone over just trying to get out of the parking lot because your flashes are so fucking bright.”

They all murmur a response, still recording. Still taking pictures.

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend. We’ve known each other a long time. He’s definitely worth it, and no, I’m not quitting the band. Have a good night, guys.”

More questions are shouted at Merrick as they continue to take their pictures. He sighs when he gets in and starts the engine.

They take a few more, but eventually back away enough for him to maneuver out of the parking space. Once we’re leaving the lot, a few more flashes go off behind us, and then they scurry to their cars to follow.

“Jesus Christ, how the fuck can you be so calm dealing with them?”

He shrugs. “I’m not always calm. I try to be cool, because I get that it’s their job, and I hope if I respect them and give them what they want, they’ll do the same for me. It doesn’t always happen that way.”

“Good lord. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to that. Why people feel like they need to know every detail of someone’s personal life, I’ll never know. Even if you are a celebrity.”

Merrick reaches over and places his hand on my thigh. “It’ll die down eventually.”

I cover his hand with my own and we continue our drive to Elijah’s house. My first time attending Sunday dinner as a significant other and not a friend.

* * *

“Sorry we couldn’t bring anything,” Merrick tells Elijah and Nova. “The hotel doesn’t have much, and the paparazzi followed us over.

Elijah makes a face. “We didn’t expect you to bring anything. How’re you two doing?” he asks, looking between us.

“Well, it’s been a crazy day,” I answer. “Never thought I’d see my name and face on gossip sites.”

Nova arranges some dishes on the island while Elijah removes a pan from the oven. “Yeah, I bet.” After removing the oven mitts and placing them in a drawer, he leans against the counter and looks at Merrick. “And you? Your label? How’s everything going?”

“I’ve been on the phone a lot, but to sum up, we’ll be getting a new manager, but staying on at K&T. I’m releasing a statement soon, and then we’re moving on.”

“So, not too bad?”

“Nah.”

Nova smiles. “That’s good. I know it wasn’t the way your label probably wanted it to play out, but I’ll tell ya, I think that was one of the most romantic declarations of love I’ve seen. It was like right out of a book.” She aims her smile at me. “And you! How did that feel? Oh my god, I would’ve burst into tears!”

“She did,” Elijah says with a smirk.

Nova makes her way over to him and playfully smacks him on the arm. “Shush. I’m a romantic.”

“It was definitely a shock,” I say. “I wasn’t expecting it at all.”

“And the song!” She brings her hands to her heart. “My god, I need that song on my playlist, ASAP!”

Merrick chuckles. “I’ll do what I can.”

Within ten minutes, Cillian, Royce, Midge, and London arrive. London and Royce place a couple of pies on the table while Midge and Cill unload two huge bottles of champagne.

“Tonight, we celebrate,” Cill announces.

“We don’t have to celebrate my coming out,” Merrick groans.

“We’re not. We’re celebrating that you’re in love. It’s different.”

Merrick grins as he shakes his head.

“Dinner’s ready,” Elijah announces. “Everybody head to the dining room and we’ll eat.”

The formal dining room holds a rectangular table that seats eight people. Nova and Elijah sit on the ends, me and Merrick sit together on one side, with Cill to his right. Midge sits across from Cillian, and Royce and London take up the other two seats next to her.

The table holds a large bowl of salad, garlic bread, and two large pans of lasagna. As everyone serves themselves, I look to the end of the table and find Elijah watching everyone with a smile on his face. Merrick notices too.

“You look happy, E.”

“I am. The table is full for the first time in a long time. My brothers are happy. I have an amazing wife.” He winks at Nova, making her smile. “This is the life.”

“To family,” Royce says, holding up his drink.

Everyone grabs their glass and raises them up. Nova takes a sip of her water before clearing her throat. “We’re gonna have to get a bigger table soon, because there’s going to be a new member of the family.”

The table is silent minus a couple gasps. Wide eyes and open mouths stare back at Nova before shifting to Elijah.

“What?”

“Oh my God!”

“You’re pregnant?” London asks.

Nova nods, looking across to Elijah who can’t stop smiling. “Seven weeks.”

Everyone gets up from the table to hug and congratulate the parents-to-be.

“A dad. Holy shit,” Cill says.

“Well, you did a really good job with us,” Merrick tells Elijah. “You’ve got this.”

Elijah grins. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I remember what it was like when you were a baby and screamed your head off, but I never had to calm you down, or feed you. So, that’ll be new.”

“And the lack of sleep, and the spit up and the exploding diapers,” Nova adds, making a face.

Everyone laughs. “You guys will be great,” London says.

“We’re excited!” Nova squeals, touching her stomach.

“Another thing worth celebrating,” Cill adds. “Glad I bought the champagne.” He pauses and glances at Nova. “Sorry you can’t have any.”

She playfully rolls her eyes and shakes her head with a smile on her face.

“We got an upcoming wedding, an upcoming baby, a new relationship. . .kinda. What’re y’all bringing to the table?” Royce asks Cill and Midge.

Midge eyes Cill before facing Royce again. “We’re gonna be parents, too.”

“Stop!”

“No way!”

“What?”

“Babe,” Cill says with a laugh. “Stop.”

“What?” she says innocently, looking around the table. “We’re getting a puppy. Jeez!”

“Midge! I’m gonna kill you!” London says, tearing off a piece of bread and throwing it at her.

Merrick looks at me and reaches under the table to touch my thigh. “What about you, huh? You wanna be parents?”

My eyes bulge. “Wh—what?” I stutter.

He chuckles. “Puppy parents.”

I smack him in the arm which only makes him laugh harder.

Our night at Elijah’s is one of the best nights I’ve had. Everyone gets along, there’s so much to celebrate and be happy about. Conversation ebbs and flows with ease, there’s no awkwardness about our new relationship. Everything feels normal and right. I was blessed with a wonderful mom, sister, and now niece. But now I have an even bigger family. I have what will eventually be brothers and sisters-in-law, and I can’t wait to blend the two.

52

Merrick

Present Day

It’s been three days since the news broke, and while there’s still paparazzi hanging around, it’s not too bad. Ali’s gotten better at putting his head down and tuning them out, but we’ve still been pretty prominent in the news.

Guitar player, Merrick Kingston, from the rock band The Unwanted, and his boyfriend, Alejandro Barerra, step out for a bite to eat, holding hands.

Merrick and Alejandro leave the hotel hand-in-hand and spend time with family. Do we hear wedding bells for these two?

Finally, a kiss! Since Merrick came out in the middle of a show in his brother’s bar, we have yet to see these two lock lips, but today they gifted us this adorable picture. Merrick and Alejandro kiss good-bye before they go separate ways.

Today, we’re finally having lunch with Ali’s mom and sister. I’ve yet to see them since everything came out, but I’m not too worried about how things will go. We’ve always gotten along.

“Babe, you ready?” I ask.

Ali comes out of his room, looking too damn good. “Yep.”

I push up from the couch and saunter over. “Why do you have to look so good?”

He wraps his arms around my back, grinning at me. “You’re just trying to get in my pants.”

“Mm.” I let my fingers dip into the waistband of his dark blue jeans. “Is that so bad?”

“When we have to be at my mom’s in forty minutes, and I live forty-five minutes away? Yes.”

I groan into his neck. “Just keep clothes at the hotel and stay with me. You don’t even need to live here anymore.”

“We’re building a house from scratch. It won’t be ready for a year, and school starts up in a couple months, so maybe you should live with me here until we can move into our house.”

I pull back and smile at him. “Our house. I love how that sounds.”

“Me too.” He kisses me softly, but it quickly turns passionate. “Mm. You’re too tempting. We have to go. Mom and Lil are gonna kill us both.”

“All right, all right.”

* * *

“You’re ten minutes late,” Lili says as soon as she opens the door. “Hey, Merrick.”

“Oh, he gets a hey, but I get scolded,” Ali complains.

“It was probably your fault,” she says, “Come on in, Mami’s waiting.”

I give Lili a peck on the cheek before I enter. “It was all his fault.”

Ali spins around and pins me with a look and Liliana giggles.

“Ma? We’re here,” Ali calls out, heading to the kitchen while I stay put with my hands in my pockets.

“Don’t look so nervous,” Lili chides, hitting my elbow. “You’ve been here a million times.”

“Do I look nervous?” I ask with a lopsided grin. “I thought I was confident coming in here, but now I’m worried your mom’s gonna smack me on the head and get onto me for lying.”

She laughs. “She might.”

I glance to my left as Ali trails behind his mom, coming toward me.

“Come here,” she says, holding her arms out for a hug.

I sneak a peek at Lili who just raises her eyebrows, and remove my hands from my pockets to embrace Luisa.

“Thanks for having me,” I say.

She pats my back a few times, and when she’s easing away she smacks my hand lightly. “Why didn’t you tell me you loved my boy? I’m over here thinking he’s doomed to never find love, and yet he had it his whole life.”

“Mom!” Ali exclaims, throwing his arms up. “Doomed? I’m only twenty-seven.”

“Ah!” she says, waving her hand at him. “You two didn’t do anything in my house did you? You know, behind my back?” she stares at me with an intensity that makes me start to sweat.

“Uh.”

“No, Mom,” Ali says.

He’s not lying. We did everything at Elijah’s house. We may have snuck in a quick kiss over here, but Lili followed us everywhere, so we were always afraid to get caught.

“Mmhmm,” she murmurs, grabbing my hand and taking me to the kitchen. “Let’s talk.”

Ali and Lili try to follow us, but she looks over her shoulder and stops them. “Just me and Merrick. Go watch TV.”

My eyes connect with Ali’s, but he just mouths good luck before turning and making his way to the living room.

“I understand why you kept this a secret,” Luisa says. “The world can still be so ugly and cruel. Add fame on top of that, and I wouldn’t want to deal with that either.” She stops at the stove to stir something in a pot. “Alejandro came out to me when he was twenty, but you know what? I already knew. Call it motherly instinct or something, but I knew. It wasn’t right away, though. It was right around the time he graduated high school, but I just waited for him to feel comfortable enough to come to me.”

“He might’ve come to you sooner, but that was my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“We planned on coming out together when we were eighteen. We had made plans, but they never came to fruition because I was busy with the band, and I was afraid. Ali’s always been braver than me, and he held out for me until he just couldn’t any longer.”

She frowns and places a lid over the pot before stepping back. “I see.” Luisa gazes up at me with the same whiskey-colored eyes Ali has. “You loved him, though.”

“I still do. I’ve never stopped.”

She smiles. “Not everyone moves at the same pace. You did what you felt you had to do. You chose yourself over a relationship.” Luisa holds up her hand when my face falls. “I don’t mean that in a negative way. Over and over again people put lovers before themselves. I was one of those people. My ex-husband wasn’t a good man, but I constantly did what he wanted me to do. I didn’t take time for myself. I didn’t finish college. I didn’t better myself, because I was too busy bettering him. You two were teenagers. Nobody ever thinks those relationships are gonna last. You made the best decision for you, and look!” she says, gesturing to me with a wide grin. “You’re known world-wide. You’ve secured your legacy, and I’m sure you’ve made enough money to last you the rest of your life.”

“I still wish I would’ve done things differently. I could’ve handled things better.”

“We all make mistakes, honey. You were a kid. Alejandro forgives you. You two love each other, and you have so much history and such a strong foundation. You were friends for years. You’ve both experienced life without each other. He did what he wanted to do, too. If you had stayed here, who knows that he would’ve gone to college. You may have struggled financially, and that brings stress to a lot of young couples. You don’t know that things would’ve been better, that’s all I’m saying.

“You’ve lived your lives a little bit, and you’ve come together again. I think that’s the best kind of love story. You know that old saying? If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don't they never were. You came back.”

“It was always the plan,” I tell her. “It just took me a little longer than I wanted.”

She steps forward and holds my hands in hers. “You two will be just fine. Take care of each other and love each other.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She squeezes my fingers with a warm smile on her face. “Okay. Let’s eat.”

53

Alejandro

Present Day

“I’m not sure why I didn’t see it before,” Lili says, watching me and Merrick sitting side-by-side on the couch a couple hours after we’re done eating.

“You were too busy trying to annoy me.”

“Oh right. Sorry for loving you so much,” she quips with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m kidding,” I say.

“Whatever. So, what’s the plan now?” she asks, holding Mari in her arms. “You’ve obviously kissed and made up,” she says, waggling her brows. “What’s next? Are you taking my brother away?” she asks, aiming her question at Merrick.

“Not really. We’re gonna have a house between Gaspar and Chaparral, so it’s close to family here, and to Ali’s work.”

“You’re still gonna work at the school?” she questions, brows furrowed with confusion. “You just hit the jackpot, big brother!”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, I’m still planning on working. Merrick’s money is his.”

She glances at Merrick who’s shaking his head. “We’re getting married. What’s mine is yours and all that. Come on, man.”

Lili lets out a squeak. “Aww.”

“I haven’t heard a proposal yet,” I tease, looking at Merrick.

His perfect lips curl up on one side like he already has a plan, and butterflies take flight in my stomach.

“So, you’re staying close?” Lili says, getting us back on track. “What about everything else?”

“Well, I’ll be in New York soon to finish an album. Ali’s invited to come. As far as tours go, I’m hoping I can manage to have them during the summers so Ali can join us.”

“Or he could just quit and go with you whenever, but he’s trying to be all righteous,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“He is right here, so shut up,” I tell her.

“Oh hey,” she says, acting like she forgot I was right next to her.

“I thought you wanted me nearby anyway.”

“Sometimes,” she says with a shrug before giving me a small grin.

“We’re gonna figure it out no matter what,” Merrick says, squeezing my knee once.

“When’s your statement going out?”

“I’m waiting for it to be cleared by my publicist. Should be soon, though.”

“Well, we should head out,” I say, standing up. “We need to meet up with Jordy.”

I lean over and kiss Mari on the forehead and do the same to Lili.

“Mami’s in her room,” she says.

I walk through the hall and find my mom sitting on her bed with a photo album laid out in front of her.

“We’re heading out, Ma.”

“Okay, baby. Come here real quick.”

I make my way to the side of the bed and look at the photos she’s putting in the album. “Aww, Mari’s so cute.”

“I know. She looks just like Liliana when she was a baby.” She points to one of me when I was six or seven. “You look just like my dad.”

I smile and rest my hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

“I’m good, Mijo,” she replies, grabbing my hand. “I’m happy that you’re happy. I know things are different for you because you’re in a relationship with a man, but please give me more grandbabies.”

“Ma,” I say, choking on a laugh. “How many more?”

“At least two. Hopefully Lili will find a good man and give me another one.”

I shake my head. “I love you. I’ll see what I can do.”

She smiles. “See you soon?”

“Of course.”

I say good-bye and make my way down the short hall and find Merrick waiting for me. He smiles and my heart skips a beat. “Sorry. Mom was asking crazy questions.”

“Like what?”

“Bye Lil. Love you.”

“Love ya.”

When we cross the threshold, I say, “Asking for grandbabies.”

Merrick stares at me for a few seconds, his face hard to read. He slings an arm over my shoulder and gives me a crooked grin. “Maybe not too crazy.”

* * *

We leave my mom’s house to meet up with Jordy at Corner Bistro on Main Street, but I can’t stop thinking about how Merrick said having kids isn’t too crazy of an idea. Now I’m picturing mini Merrick’s running around and it takes all my focus to push that thought to the back of my head, because it’s too early to think about something like that.

I luck out by getting a spot in front of the tiny restaurant, and find Jordy sitting outside at one of the small tables, seemingly flirting with the waiter.

“Can we get a seat inside?” I ask right away.

“But the weather’s so nice,” Jordy whines, standing up to greet me with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, but there’s already paparazzi parking along the street,” I say, gesturing to a couple of cars looking for a parking space.

“Hey, Merrick,” Jordy says in a sing-song voice, ignoring me to give him a hug.

I get the attention of the waiter and ask him for a table inside while Jordy talks to Merrick.

“Well, fine. I guess I can understand, but it’s a shame,” Jordy complains. “I look so good today. The world should see.”

I roll my eyes as Merrick chuckles, but we follow the waiter inside and get seated at a small table near the front, but luckily away from windows.

“Well, it’s about time I see the love birds,” Jordy says, pushing his sunglasses up to rest on his head. “I wish I had a front seat to the concert and coming out party, but I guess I can forgive you both. You’re buying, right?” he asks, glancing between me and Merrick.

I scoff, but once again Merrick laughs at him and says, “You got it.”

Jordy smiles while picking up the menu. After we order our food, Jordy folds his arms on the table and stares at Merrick.

“How does it feel?”

Merrick blows out a breath. “Fucking amazing.”

“I bet. I never really had a huge coming out moment. I came home one day and told my mom I was bringing my boyfriend over the next day and she was like, ‘Okay, dear.’”

“So she knew,” Merrick says.

“Oh, honey. It was indisputable. It was like the sky is blue and Jordy’s gay.” He shrugs and aims a smile at the incoming waiter holding our drinks. “Thanks, darling,” he flirts with a wink.

The waiter blushes. “I’ll be back with your food soon. Can I get you anything else?”

“Mm.” Jordy eyes him up and down. “Maybe later.”

“Don’t harass the waiter,” I say.

“Who’s harassing?”

I shake my head. “Anyway.”

“Yes, anyway,” Jordy says, cutting me off. “I’m happy for you two. I won’t lie. I was worried for a little bit, but I’m glad things seem to be heading in the right direction. What’s next for you two?”

We tell him what we’ve told everybody—our plans to buy a house, making trips while he’s recording, and hopefully figuring out how to see each other through his touring.

Once we’re all finished, we head outside where a couple of photographers are eagerly awaiting our exit.

“Oh,” Jordy squeaks, running a hand through his hair. “I feel so LA right now.”

“I’ll call you soon,” I tell him, giving him a hug.

“Yeah, I’ll be expecting to see more of you two now. And you can even hit up some of our famous clubs now if you’re up to it,” he says, waggling his brows at Merrick.

Merrick chuckles. “Okay. Nice seeing you again.”

Jordy sidles up to him and gives him a couple air kisses. “It’s always nice seeing me, darling.”

He waves as he saunters toward the photographers, telling them something I can’t make out while posing. We take the opportunity to dive into the car and make a getaway before they can follow.

“He’s a trip,” Merrick says with a laugh.

“He’s something, all right.”

54

Merrick

Present Day

It’s been three weeks since I came out, and it’s been the greatest twenty-one days of my entire life. Sure, I’ve read some negative comments and articles. I’ve also seen a few dirty looks thrown mine and Ali’s way, but I’m still happier than I’ve ever been. I’m no longer hiding and lying and pretending. I feel weightless and free.

We were in New York for a couple weeks, and we’ve almost finished the album. Ali came along, so we also used our time there as a vacation, doing things we said we’d do when we were teens, thinking we’d move to New York and start a life there.

We may not live in New York, but being able to visit whenever we want is just as good. We’ve done the main touristy stuff: Times Square, Central Park, Statue of Liberty, and Rockefeller Center, and when we go back, we’ll do even more.

Now we’re back in Gaspar for Royce and London’s wedding. Ali and I had to fly back ten days ago for Lexie and Leo’s wedding. At first I wasn’t going to attend, because I didn’t want to take any focus away from them, but apparently, they didn’t care. It wasn’t a huge wedding, and there were some people who came up for pictures, but nothing ever got out of hand.

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of people,” Ali breathes.

I look out the window of the limo and spot a huge crowd in front of Royce’s gate. “Damn.”

“How do these people find out where your brother’s wedding is gonna be?” Sky asks.

I shrug. “Small town. They probably heard about the wedding, then news spreads. They knew we’d be coming into town, so people from all the nearby towns probably made the trip out here hoping to get a glimpse.”

“Well, good looking out on paying for those privacy screens,” Carlos says.

“Yeah, I didn’t want Royce and London to have to worry about their special day being shared with the world just because we were coming.”

People started showing up a few days ago, and when Royce told me, I made sure to get a company out here to erect privacy screens around his property so nobody would be able to watch their outdoor ceremony. They already had plans for luxury wedding tents, so hopefully everything will still remain private.

Once we’re taken up to the house, we file out of the limo and head inside. I find Royce, Elijah, and Cillian standing in the kitchen all decked out in their tuxedos.

“Hey, you made it. How crazy is it out there?” Royce asks.

“Pretty crazy. I’m almost sure nobody jumped on the back of the limo as we came in.”

He laughs. “Good.”

I give him a hug. “It’s your big day. How you feelin’?”

“I feel good,” he says with a wide smile. “I was ready for this day after she first walked into my bar.”

“Just the little issue with her having a boyfriend at the time,” Cill says with a laugh.

Royce makes a face at him. “Anyway, yeah, I’m excited.”

I hug my other brothers and they all say hi to the rest of the guys. Cill lifts his chin slightly in Sky’s direction, and I shake my head, hiding a smile.

Years ago, Cill’s girlfriend hooked up with Sky, and clearly, Cill has some feelings about Sky seeing Midge again.

“Where’s the ladies?” I ask.

“London’s getting ready upstairs in our room. Midge and Nova are up there with Nova’s sister.”

“I’m gonna go say hi,” I say, pulling Ali along with me. “Make sure she’s not getting cold feet.”

“Fuck off,” Royce says.

I laugh and jog up the stairs. When I get to their room, I knock on the door. “It’s Merrick.”

Midge pulls the door open. “Hey!”

I pull her in for a hug. “Hey, you look great.”

She fluffs her shoulder length dark hair. “Thanks, but wait till you see the bride. Hey, Alejandro,” she says, giving him a hug.

I spot Nova straightening out London’s veil, getting ready to put it on her head. London spins around, and she nearly takes my breath away. She’s definitely gonna bring Royce to his knees.

Her long, blond hair cascades down her back in waves, part of it being pulled back in an elaborate braid with tiny white flowers and crystals entwined within. I couldn’t tell you the type of dress, but it hugs her every curve, flaring out near the bottom with a small train. The top part appears to be nothing but lace, but it’s one of the most elegant dresses I’ve ever seen on a woman.

“Holy shit. You look phenomenal,” I say, going in for a delicate hug so I don’t mess up the dress, hair, or makeup.

London beams at me. “Thank you. I can’t believe the day is finally here! I’m so glad you guys could come.”

“I wouldn’t miss it. The rest of the band is down there, too.”

“Oh Lord,” Midge groans.

“Yeah,” I say with a chuckle. “Cill’s giving Sky the evil eye down there.”

She shakes her head. “Men.”

“How’re you feeling, Nova?” I ask as she settles the veil on London’s head.

“Oh, I’m good. No crazy cravings or morning sickness yet. And I still fit into this dress, so that’s good.”

Nova’s sister says, “Well, it’s almost time. I’m gonna head down and get my seat. Greg’s probably mad I left him alone so long.” She smiles at me. “It’s nice seeing you again.”

“You too. Oh, this is Alejandro. My boyfriend.”

She smiles and shakes Ali’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I’ve only seen her a few times since she lives in Florida, but she’s been here to visit Nova a couple times that I’ve been here. She’s never met Ali, but I’m sure she’s seen the news, so it probably wasn’t a surprise who he is to me.

“Is that the first time you’ve introduced him as your boyfriend?” Midge asks.

I glance at Ali who’s got a smile on his face. “I think it is. Felt good,” I say with a grin.

“I agree,” he says, giving me a kiss.

“Well, I’m gonna head back down and make sure Cill isn’t threatening Sky.”

Midge chokes out a laugh. “Thanks.”

“See you ladies out there.”

* * *

Standing with my brothers at the altar as Royce recites his vows to London, I glance down at Ali in the front row and give him a wink. He smiles at me, looking sexy as fuck in his black on black tux. His facial hair is just a smidge past a five o’clock shadow and trimmed to perfection. I can’t wait to get him alone tonight.

Ali shakes his head with a grin on his lips before slightly nodding his head in the direction of my brother and London, telling me to pay attention. He must’ve known my mind was going elsewhere.

After the ceremony is over, we head to the huge reception tent where London and Royce are introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Kingston.

Later in the evening, after everyone is done eating and people are starting to drink and let loose, I invite Ali to the dance floor with me.

“You wanna dance?”

He looks a little surprised, but he grins and gives me his hand. “Of course. I didn’t take you for much of a dancer.”

“I’m not, but we can sway.”

He chuckles and we move to the music, my right arm low on his waist while I grab his hand with my left. Ali rests his head on my shoulder, and we finish the song out just like that. When the next song begins, he quickly lifts his head and stares into my eyes.

“What. . .when?”

I grin. “While you were asleep in the hotel room me and the guys added a hook and recorded it.”

My song to him. Our song. It’s going to be the single on the next album.

“I love you,” he says softly.

“I love you more.”

We get closer, our bodies pressed tightly against each other as the music plays. After the final lyric plays, we can weather any weather, we were meant for forever, I pull away and drop to my knee, removing the ring from my pocket.

Ali’s eyes bulge as his hands fly to his mouth. “Oh, my God.”

“Ali, we’re meant for forever. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you. I know what it’s like to be in the absence of your touch and your love. I can’t go through that again. I love you more than anything in this world. Please marry me.”

Ali’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “Yes, of course,” he says shakily.

My lips curl up on one side. “I need your hand, baby.”

He stretches his arm out, his hand shaking like a leaf. I slide the ring on his finger and stand up to kiss my husband-to-be.

“I can’t believe you kept this a secret,” he whispers in my ear as people clap around us.

“I’m pretty good at secrets, but don’t worry, that was my last.”

He chuckles and kisses me.

Our families come up and congratulate us, but my brothers knew it was happening beforehand. I wanted Royce’s permission to do this on his wedding day, and of course, he and London were happy to let it happen. I also informed Ali’s mom and sister what I was planning, and they were invited to be here so they could witness this special moment.

When it’s just us again, Ali tugs on my hand and brings me close. He angles his head slightly, staring up at me with a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Wanna kiss me?” I ask with a crooked smirk.

He laughs. “Definitely. For the rest of my life.”

Epilogue

Five Years Later

Merrick

“Hey, babe, can you bring the pan over here? The chicken’s almost done.”

Ali walks over with an empty pan in his left hand and our son in his right. “Here you go, Daddy. Say hi to Daddy,” he tells Gabriel, waving his hand for him.

I kiss Ali’s temple and then kiss Gabriel’s chubby cheek. “It’s okay. He’ll get there. Can you tell everyone the food’s about done?”

“You got it,” he replies, smacking my ass before walking away.

Gabriel’s nearing his ten month mark, and he’s one of the cutest babies on this planet. The other being our daughter, Ava, who’s almost three years old.

I pile the chicken into the pan, cover it with foil, and then grab the other foil-covered pans holding the hotdogs and hamburgers, and take them to the six foot table we bought specifically for when we have get-togethers.

All of my brothers and their wives and children are over. Elijah and Nova are in the pool, playing with their two sons, Kai and Mason, as well as Royce and London’s daughter, Aurora.

London, along with Ava, Cill, Midge, and their son, Vincent are playing a game of freeze tag in the grass.

Royce exits my house holding a cooler. “I’m fucking starving, man. I hope you made enough.”

I chuckle. “I’m pretty sure there’s enough for everyone to eat twice. No worries.”

“Ava, baby,” I call out. “Come eat.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Her dark hair flows behind her as she runs toward me with a wide smile on her face. She looks so much like Ali it melts my heart.

It didn’t take us long to decide we wanted kids. We were married nine months after we got engaged, then moved into our house as soon as we were back from the honeymoon. A little over a year later, we decided to have kids. We chose to have Ali father one with an egg donor and surrogate first, and then my turn came with Gabriel. We may have one more, but for now, we’re completely happy with our two, and they keep us on our toes as it is.

Nova and Elijah’s oldest son, Kai, is four, and Mason is two and a half. Cill and Midge got married a little over three years ago, and their son came exactly nine months later. Royce and London’s daughter, Aurora, joined the family three years ago, so now our family has grown by six.

“Is Lili on the way?” I ask Ali as I make a plate for Ava.

“She’s running late as always, but she’ll be here soon. She blamed it on Antonio, but I’m sure she’s lying.”

“Blaming the new husband, huh?” I say with a laugh.

“Poor guy,” he says, cradling our baby boy while feeding him a bottle.

I never thought Ali could get any sexier, but watching him be a father is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

With Ava’s plate in hand, I escort her to the small table and get her settled.

“I’ll be right back, okay? Be careful.”

“Okay,” she says with a nod, pushing her hair out of her face.

“I got her,” Ali says, heading in her direction as I make my way back to the table. “Make me a plate?”

“Okay.”

At the make-shift buffet table, Vincent runs up in between Cill and Midge and says, “Daddy, I’m like you.”

All eyes turn in his direction and I instantly spot the pen markings on his arms. I bark out a laugh as Midge gasps. “Where did you get a pen from?”

Her head swivels around until she finds the purse that’s been dumped out.

“Sweetie, we don’t write on ourselves.”

“But Daddy. . .”

“I know, let’s go wash up.”

Cill laughs as he continues making their plates. “Guess he’ll be asking for his first tat soon.”

I shake my head and finish making a couple plates for me and Ali.

“I’ll be right back. I forgot Ava’s cup. You know she won’t drink anything without it.”

Ali laughs and nods his head. “Yeah, better hurry. I hear a fit happening in three. . .two. . .”

“Daddy! My cup!”

I squeeze his shoulder as I walk by, laughing. “I’m getting it, baby. Hold on.”

After I grab her green and yellow cup with dinosaurs all over it, I fill it up with some juice and head back outside. Before I join in, I take a second to look over the backyard.

Me and Ali settled into our dream house about four years ago. I’ve been on tour twice since then, and after having Ava, Ali decided to quit his job and be here for her when I’m gone.

The band continues to be successful, and I’m due to go on tour in about six months. It’ll be the first one since Gabriel’s been born, and the first one Ava will likely remember. However, it’s only for three months, and it’s a US tour, so we won’t be separated for long. Thank God for video chats.

I don’t know how long we’ll continue to make music, but eventually the tours will have to stop. Or at least happen very rarely. I love making music, but I love my family more, and I don’t want to be gone while my kids grow up.

I watch my family interact with each other, laughing and talking, and feel like the luckiest man on Earth. Not only was I fortunate to have the most amazing and supportive brothers, but I was lucky enough to fall in love with my best friend and start our own family.

Ali turns in my direction and grins when he spots me. He still has the ability to make my heart skip a beat with a single look.

I jog over and give Ava her cup before joining Ali at the table.

He continues to watch me, and as I stare down at him, he opens his mouth to ask the question that’s become our thing. Before he can get the words out, I bend down and say, “Yep.” And I press my lips against his in a soft kiss.

Merrick’s Statement

It was a little over ten years ago that I realized I was gay. Shortly after, I fell in love with my best friend, and I’m lucky to still have him in my life today. Like a lot of people, I was afraid of coming out. I worried about how my family and friends would react. Fear kept me in the closet. Fear kept me from being an out and proud gay man. Fear kept me from the love of my life, and I refuse to continue to let fear control me.

Nobody should have to explain or talk about their sexuality, but I understand that while we appear to be taking steps toward equality, there’s still a lot of people who have to endure bullying and discrimination, and we’ll only continue to make progress if people stand up and have their voices heard. My platform allows me a louder voice than most, and I plan on using it.

While I want to keep my relationship private, I can now happily and proudly say that I’m in a relationship with a man who I love more than anything in this world.

-Merrick Kingston

Preview of On the Rocks

Royce

“You break up with your boyfriend for me yet?” I ask London as she wiggles into the barstool across from me.

She purses her pink lips and tilts her head. “Sorry to disappoint,” she answers, placing her wallet down in front of her. “You know what I want.”

I smirk at her. “You know what I want, too.”

She rolls her eyes, but a smile plays on her lips. Her head turns toward the stage where the band is setting up.

“New band?”

“Yep,” I answer, pulling the Johnnie Walker bottle out and then pouring it over ice. “They’re pretty good.”

“Gonna be hard to fill the last band’s shoes,” she says, raising her brows at me.

I chuckle. “Yeah, I’d say so. But we can’t keep doing karaoke every Saturday night. It’s been months of that shit, and the last thing I want to hear is a bunch of drunk asses getting up there and screaming the wrong lyrics into the mic.” I slide her glass over to her. “Black Label. On the rocks.”

“Thanks, Royce.”

I give her a nod and quick smile before moving down a few seats and serving another customer.

It’s only six-thirty, so it’s not too busy yet. The place usually starts filling up around nine, and it doesn’t slow down until about one.

Gaspar is a small town and it isn’t really known for its nightlife, but we get plenty of business throughout the week, regardless. In fact, we’re probably the number one place people choose to spend their time after work or on the weekends.

“Same thing, Jim?” I ask one of our regulars.

“You bet,” he answers, knocking on the wood before going back to a conversation with his co-worker, Craig.

Because I’ve lived in Gaspar my whole twenty-seven years of life, I know most everyone who comes in here. Craig and Jim always come in after work on Wednesdays, and most Saturdays and Sundays.

I pour him a Jack and Coke, heavy on the Jack, and place it on one of our King’s Tavern napkins.

“Craig, buddy. What are you talking about? The Bengals are way better than the Browns!”

“No they’re not,” Craig scoffs. “A Bud Light, Royce.”

I grab a pint glass and begin filling it up, still listening to their conversation.

“What?” Jim exclaims dramatically, his hand slapping against his forehead. “We lead the overall series fifty to forty-one.”

Craig waves his hand through the air, dismissing the stats.

I place his beer in front of him. “Good luck.”

“You’re not gonna help me out here?” Craig asks, gesturing to Jim before sliding me his credit card.

“Sorry, man. I’m staying out of this one.” I leave them to their arguing and start their tab before I go back to London.

“Need me to fill you up?” I ask, my lips pulling up on one side.

“Why does everything you say sound dirty?” she asks, running her dainty pointer finger around the rim of the glass.

“Maybe you have a dirty mind. I’m just asking if you need a refill.”

“You could just ask if I need a refill, and not if I need you to fill me up while you look at me like that.”

“Like what?” I ask, leaning onto my forearms in front of her. My tongue briefly slides across my bottom lip as my eyes drop to her mouth.

London attempts to keep a serious face as I stare into her light blue eyes, but she falters after several seconds and dismisses me with a laugh. “You know what you’re doing,” she utters, taking a sip from her drink.

I stand up straight, raising my arms in surrender. “Hey, I’m just making sure my customers are satisfied. It’s part of the job.”

“Mmhhmm,” she murmurs. “I’ve seen you in action. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

“What do you mean you’ve seen me in action?” I ask, leaning my hip against the bar.

“Oh please,” she says with a laugh, pushing her long, blond hair behind her shoulder. “Everybody in here knows you hook up with some rando who laughs too hard at your jokes, which aren’t even that funny, by the way.”

“Rando? And what do you mean I’m not funny? Remember that joke I told you about how French fries weren’t first made in France, but in Greece. You laughed!”

“I chuckled, maybe. But that was only because an eight-year-old had just told me the same joke the day before.”

“Ouch,” I say, placing a hand over my heart.

She laughs and shakes her head at me. “Anyway, you don’t need lame ass jokes. Just ask them if they want to sleep with you. I’m sure that’s all it’ll take.”

“Oh really?” I ask, placing my chin in my hand as I lean over the bar again. “And why is that? Because I’m the most attractive man in all of Gaspar?”

She rolls her eyes. “And the cockiest.”

“But the most attractive too, right?”

“Anyway,” she sings, changing the subject and gazing at her phone. “Midge should be here soon.”

“Oh good. I like Midge. She gets you drunk and makes you dance.”

“Oh shush. That was only like three times.”

I look down the bar and notice Chad’s taking care of a couple new people who walked in.

“Well, maybe tonight will be four.”

“Don’t count on it. It’ll be an early night for me. Got plans for tomorrow morning.”

I don’t bother asking about them, because I’m sure it involves her boyfriend, Hunter. I’ve seen him once. He had to come pick London up when she got absolutely shit-faced, which was one of the nights Midge got her drunk and on the dance floor. But I’ve never talked to Hunter. He doesn’t join her when she visits the bar, and I’ve never thought to ask why.

I point at the glass she has clutched in both hands. “You sure you don’t need a refill?” I ask.

She grins. “I’m gonna babysit this one for a while.”

“All right. I’ll come check on ya later.”

I end up getting sucked into Craig and Jim’s fight while I’m at their end of the bar, but when I serve Curtis his Hennessy I tell him about the Bengals vs Browns argument knowing he’s from Pennsylvania, and a Steeler’s fan.

“Hold up, guys. The Browns ain’t better than anyone,” Curtis pipes in, moving over a seat to get closer to them.

“Oh, here we go,” Craig responds, taking a drink.

I chuckle as I slip away, making my way to the other side of the bar.

About a half hour later, I spot Midge taking a seat next to London, so I saunter over to take her order.

“Hey, Midge. What can I get ya this time?” She wants a new drink every time she’s here. She’s not a creature of habit like most drinkers.

“A tequila sunrise sounds good. Thanks, Royce.”

“You got it.”

I pull the orange juice from the fridge under the bar, grab the tequila and grenadine, and place them in front of me.

“So, Royce. How’s your brother?” She rests her cheek in her palm, her head tilting to the side as she stares up at me with a smile.

“Which one?” I ask, pouring the tequila and orange juice over ice.

“Any of them. Who’s single?”

I laugh. “All of us are single except Cillian.”

After I stir the two ingredients, I slowly pour the grenadine inside the edge of the glass, observing the red syrup settle at the bottom. I plop a cherry on top and put an orange slice on the rim before sliding it over.

“The Kingston brothers,” Midge sighs, grabbing the glass. “Everyone wants a piece of one of you boys.”

“Not everyone,” I state, glancing at London. Midge laughs as London once again rolls her eyes.

“Hunter’s not a bad guy,” Midge says.

“Oh, God,” I mutter in disgust. “If anyone ever describes me as not a bad guy I want you to shoot me in the face. What a terrible way to be described.”

“Hunter is kind, generous, and thoughtful,” London defends.

Not really a better description, but okay.

“Anyway,” Midge interrupts. “Merrick. How is he?”

“Not the one you should be interested in since he just left.”

“I know. Damn. I should’ve put the moves on him a while back. Now I’m gonna miss out on the good life. How about Elijah?”

“Probably too old for you.”

“He’s what? Thirty?”

“Thirty-five.”

“That’s not too old for me, plus I love his sexy professor vibe.”

I scrunch my face up. “Well, Elijah and Cillian will be by later.”

“I’ll be sure to say hi,” Midge says with a grin, tucking her short black hair behind her ear.

“London? Need me to. . .” I stop myself and just gesture to the glass.

“Yes, please.”

After I give London another drink, I go busy myself with a group of girls who’ve approached the bar. Two are pretty hot, but neither have anything on London.

When London first walked into the bar, my dick twitched, wanting to say hello immediately. She strutted in wearing a black shirt tucked into a white skirt with a white blazer to match. Her long legs were on display, showing off a slight tan, and her black heels click-clacked across the hardwood floor as she made her way to me. Her blond hair fell well past her shoulders in waves, and all I could think was that she didn’t belong in this small town. She belonged in Hollywood or on a runway. More importantly, she belonged in my bed.

However, that was also the day I found out she was off limits. Hunter called her shortly after she settled in in front of me, and I heard enough to know she wasn’t single.

So, while I still like to flirt with her, I mainly focus on the people who are available.

“Hey ladies. How can I serve you?” I flirt.

“Service me?” One of them asks, flirting back. “I can think of some ways.”

I throw her a smile and take her order first. She orders a Long Island iced tea, two of the other ones get margaritas, and the last one orders water since she’s the designated driver.

“You guys here to check out the band?” I ask.

“They are,” the flirty one states. “I’m here to check out the bartender.”

Midge and London’s high-pitched cackle floats across the room.

“Is that right?” I slide the drink across the bar, allowing my hand to linger for the briefest moment. “You hear something about me?”

Her tongue snakes out and runs across her top lip. “Maybe.”

Small town means big gossip. I’ve had my fair share of women, so I don’t doubt they tell a friend, and that friend tells a friend, so word gets around.

“Must’ve been good.”

Once I get the other girls’ their drinks and gather their money, they wander off, leaving their friend to me.

“Oh, it was good.”

“What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Olive,” she answers, batting her long, dark lashes at me.

“Well, Olive. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Royce.”

“I know who you are,” she states, before sinking her teeth into her plump bottom lip.

I take my time to look study her as she ogles me. She’s got a pair of black, skinny jeans on, a white top that shows an inch or two of her flat stomach, and her perky tits look like they want to bust out of the tight shirt. Her big brown eyes pin me in place, waiting for my response.

“I’ll be here all night, darlin’. If you’re willing to wait around for me.”

She nods her head. “Okay.”

“Okay, then,” I say, giving her a parting wink.

“Just that easy, huh?” Craig says.

“What can I say?” I remark with a shrug.

“Did you tell her one of your hilarious jokes?” London inquires as I walk past her.

“I didn’t. You think I should?”

“Pretty sure you already got that in the bag,” Midge giggles. “Or bed.”

“Well, London told me all I needed to do was ask them to sleep with me. You know, since I’m the most attractive man in this town.”

Midge’s eyebrows shoot up right before she gapes at London. “That’s what you said?”

London scoffs. “Definitely didn’t say he was the most attractive man in town. I said he was the cockiest.”

I shrug. “I heard what I heard.”

“You are pretty good-looking,” Midge admits, giving me a once over. “You and your brothers definitely have the top four spots sewn up. I’m not sure in which order I’d rank you, though.”

“Well, for the sake of my ego, and since you’re right in front of me, please say I’m number one.”

“Oh whatever. Get back to work,” she jokes, throwing her cherry stem at me.

I glance at my watch and notice it’s almost nine. The band is about to get on stage soon, so it’s time to get things ready.

“Well, ladies. Time to see how these new guys measure up.”

I adjust the lighting, making it even darker throughout the room, while lighting the stage up. I cut off the music that’s already blaring through the surround sound and head to the stage to introduce the new band.

“All right, people. It’s time to introduce an up-and-coming band. They have big shoes to fill, but let’s give ‘em a shot, okay? Welcome to the stage, The Remington Six.”

As I make my way back to the bar, Olive stops me by grabbing my forearm. I chat with her for a minute before getting back to work, but it doesn’t go unnoticed that London was watching me the whole time.

Acknowledgments

As always, I want to start off by thanking my husband. He’s my sounding board, the guy who listens to my rants, and the one who supports me the most. Babe, I appreciate you more than you know. Thanks for listening, reading, and helping me in any way you can.

P.S. The song that Merrick wrote for Ali? That’s because of my hubby. I threw him a mess of words and begged him to turn them into a song. He’s written music before, so it was easy for him. Thanks, boo!

Robin, I can’t thank you enough for your time and patience with me. Thanks for creating everything I need!

Kay, thanks for your time. I appreciate you going through my manuscript and polishing it up. Plus, I love reading your comments!

The ladies of Give Me Books, you’ve been amazing. I love how thorough you are. Thank you for setting me up for the best possible release.

Bloggers, readers, bookstagrammers, and anyone in between, I can’t thank you enough for your dedication to reading, reviewing, and posting on social media. Authors rely heavily on word-of-mouth, so thank you!

I have to thank my beta readers who gave me great advice and feedback. You ladies are the best.

About the Author

Isabel Lucero is a bestselling author, finding joy in giving readers books for every mood.

Born in a small town in New Mexico, Isabel was lucky enough to escape and travel the world thanks to her husband's career in the Air Force. Her and her husband have three kids and two dogs together, and currently reside in Delaware. When Isabel isn't on mommy duty or writing her next book, she can be found reading, or in the nearest Target buying things she doesn't need. Isabel loves connecting with her readers and fans of books in general. Keep in touch!

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