To Love a Scoundrel: Regency Romance (London Season Matchmaker Book 5)
Author: Adams, Lucy
Date: 2019-08-21

To Love a Scoundrel

London Season Matchmaker Book Five

Lucy Adams

© Copyright 2019 by Lucy Adams - All rights reserved.

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document by either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited, and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.

Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher.

This is a work of fiction, and though I do strive to be historically accurate, you may find some historical discrepancy along the way. I am growing as an author and learning as I go along. Please forgive me for that and enjoy the story.

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Epilogue

Want to read the prologue in its entirety?

Also by Lucy Adams

Author’s Note

About the Author

Prologue

“Do come in, my dear girl. You look quite weary.”

Miss Dinah Shepherd shivered violently as she stood on the threshold of Lord Whitehaven’s manor house but did not take a single step forward.

“Come, my dear.” Lady Whitehaven’s voice was soft, her expression entirely compassionate, but still Dinah felt nothing other than the same unrelenting fear that had crept into her heart ever since she had crawled under her bed to hide.

“I am truly sorry to hear of what has occurred,” Lady Whitehaven continued, stepping closer and settling her hands over Dinah’s tightly gripped hands. “But we shall be your family now, Dinah. You will not be alone. There is nothing to fear, truly.”

Dinah’s throat worked painfully, her heart aching furiously as she thought back to what had been a happy and contented life with her dear mother and father. They had been taken from her so swiftly, gone together in almost the very same moment, that still she could not quite take it in.

“Your cousins are waiting for you,” Lady Whitehaven urged gently, now carefully tugging Dinah forward. “And there are honey cakes and hot tea already being prepared. Of course, if you are hungry, then we can have anything you wish sent up to you.”

Dinah found herself moving forward without being aware of having had any intention of doing so. This was all so strange, so unfamiliar and confusing, and when intertwined with her grief, it made her feel quite overwhelmed. A ragged gasp left her throat, her hands tugging free from Lady Whitehaven’s as she came to a stumbling stop, swaying just a little as she stared all about her.

Her life, as she had known it, had now come to an end. Her parents were gone, taken from her by cruel thieves who had attacked her father and mother and had left them both to die, having taken everything of worth from the house. Only Dinah had been left alive from their family, cowering under her bed and praying to God that she would not be found. God had answered her prayer, but what she had been left to endure was now so painful that she almost wished she too had gone on to heaven.

“You are not to be afraid any longer,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, her eyes searching Dinah’s face. “There is nothing to harm you here, Dinah. You are loved, you are safe, and you are protected.”

Dinah let out another shuddering breath and closed her eyes tightly. She had been sent to this family, to her aunt and cousins, in order that she might continue her life in whatever way she could, but there seemed to be no easy way forward. Her mind told her that all she had to do was to step forward and walk into the drawing room, where her cousins would be waiting, but she simply could not bring herself to do it. It was as though she was setting her back on the memories of her family, making the conscious decision to forget her parents and all that they had been to her, and instead looking to her future, to whatever her life was to be without them.

Always look to God. He will show you the path your life is to take.

Dinah started visibly as the voice of her mother seemed to fill the room. Lady Whitehaven was now staring at her with wide eyes, evidently all the more concerned that Dinah was now reacting to something she herself could not see. Dinah’s breathing became quick and heavy as the words went all the way around her, securing her in what felt like a compassionate embrace. The sorrow and the pain that had gone previously, Dinah believed, had been brought about by the sinfulness of men and the greed of their hearts, and now, because of that, she had been brought here, to the Whitehaven estate with the expectation that she would now become a part of their family.

He will show you the path your life is to take.

Her mother had so often said those words to her and had told her repeatedly that all she had to do was continue to pray and fix her mind upon God and that He would show her the path she was to follow. And now the path was directly before her. Somehow, she would have to find her way to continue towards it, no matter how much pain she had to endure. Perhaps, somehow, there would be some goodness to come out of her agony.

“Thank you.”

Her voice was hoarse, her words weak and filled with a misery that she could not fully express, but at the very least, she did manage to say something. Lady Whitehaven let out a long slow breath, looking a little less concerned now as her hand once more pressed Dinah’s.

“You don’t have to thank me,” she murmured, a small smile on her face as her eyes warmed. “We are truly glad to have you here, Dinah. We wish to give you as much comfort as we can, truly.”

Dinah nodded and swallowed hard, feeling a lump continue to form in her throat.

“I think,” Lady Whitehaven continued shrewdly, “you should greet your cousins briefly, and then I shall show you to your bedchamber. Your new maid shall take care of you thereafter. You look as though you need to rest.”

“I would be very grateful for such a kindness,” Dinah replied honestly, feeling a little less overwhelmed now. “Thank you, Lady Whitehaven.”

Lady Whitehaven squeezed her hand again. “And you are to refer to me as ‘Aunt,’” she answered, gesturing for them to move forward once more. “I am aware that I married into the Whitehaven line, but I still consider us to be family.”

“And I shall be glad of you all, I am certain,” Dinah replied, feeling a trifle stronger now as they walked along the softly lit hallway. “I have no other. Not in all the world.” A sob caught in her throat, but she suppressed it with an effort. She had already cried a great deal over the loss of her parents, and yet the tears still pressed at her eyes. She could not say more but simply walked alongside her aunt until she was led into a softly lit drawing room, where a fire blazed in the hearth and candles decorated every surface. The room was ornate in its furnishings, almost resplendent, but it was not the décor that drew Dinah’s attention. Instead, it was the presence of four young ladies, who rose to their feet at once, turning towards her as one.

Her cousins. Cousins whom she had never met before in her life.

“My dear girls, this is Dinah Shepherd,” Lady Whitehaven said gently, staying close to Dinah as she spoke. “Your cousin and now a part of our family.”

Dinah swallowed hard and dipped a curtsy, which was not particularly graceful given that she was shaking all over. Her eyes lifted again to her cousins, who were curtsying also. She knew nothing of their characters, knew nothing of them at all, and could only pray that she would be accepted by them, as their mother so obviously wished.

“We are glad you are here,” said one young lady, stepping forward. “I am Eliza, and the others here are Catherine, Merry, and Titania. Our brother is not, as yet, with us, but he will be present soon.”

“You are mistaken.”

Dinah jumped in surprise at the loud, masculine voice that filled the room. Turning her head, she saw a tall, broad-shouldered man walk into the room, although there was something about his gait that was a little unusual. He had a mound of thick, brown hair that fell across his forehead in a somewhat unruly fashion. His square jaw and sharp green eyes gave him a foreboding expression and sent a shudder through Dinah. He, perhaps, did not want her here. He would not welcome her as his sisters had.

“This is my son, Grayson,” Lady Whitehaven said, as the fellow continued to scrutinize Dinah, leaving her feeling entirely uncomfortable. “He will, of course, welcome you into our home and our family.” This was, Dinah thought, said more for Grayson’s benefit than for her own for she could hear the note of warning in Lady Whitehaven’s voice.

“Goodness, you are nothing more than a bird!” Grayson said, sounding quite astonished as he walked around Dinah, evidently now looking her up and down whilst Dinah did her very best to avoid his gaze. “Nothing but skin and bone.” He tutted loudly, as though this was her fault, her doing. As though she ought to have kept herself pristine and in the best of health as she lost herself in her grief. A flicker of anger began to burn within her heart, but Dinah pushed it aside with ease. The gentleman did not mean to be harsh, she was sure.

“You shall have to improve yourself almost at once, Miss Shepherd,” Grayson continued, walking towards the fire and standing in front of it, regarding her now with a slight lift to his brows. “After all, the Season will soon be upon us and you shall have your turn to find a husband!”

Dinah closed her eyes, swaying just a little. She could not even begin to think of doing such a thing as that, not when everything she had known, everything that had once been hers, was now lying in smithereens at her feet.

“That is quite enough,” Lady Whitehaven said firmly, taking Dinah’s arm and turning her towards the door. “Goodness, you are being quite ridiculous, Grayson, truly. Try and put yourself in Miss Shepherd’s situation and consider how she must think of you at this moment.”

Much to Dinah’s shock, the only response that came from the gentleman was a laugh. A harsh, burning laugh that ran right through her and made her heart turn over within her chest. He did not want her here. He wanted to have her married off just as soon as possible so that she would not be a burden to him. The fellow cared nothing for her torment, nor for her sorrow nor her grief. There was not a single modicum of kindness or compassion in his heart—and that tore at Dinah’s soul.

“I will take you to your rooms now,” Lady Whitehaven said quietly, as the door was held open for them by one of the footmen. “I will make certain that refreshments are brought up to you. Pray, do not concern yourself over my son’s demeanor nor his comments, Dinah.” She squeezed Dinah’s arm gently. “In his own way, he is trying to lift your spirits.”

“Then he is failing,” Dinah replied hoarsely, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “Failing entirely.”

Lady Whitehaven said nothing but continued to lead Dinah up the long staircase and then along the hallway until she came to a large room with the door propped open. It was beautiful and bigger than anything Dinah was used to but, in her grief, Dinah noticed nothing.

“I do hope you will feel at home here with us—in time,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, helping Dinah to sit down carefully in a chair by the hearth. “I will leave you to rest now, unless you wish for company?” Seeing Dinah shake her head, Lady Whitehaven gave an understanding nod and then pressed Dinah’s shoulder gently. “Your maid, Sarah, will remain with you until you retire. Do rest for as long as you wish, Dinah. You have a good deal to recover from.”

Dinah, who was feeling more and more exhausted, managed a small nod. “Thank you, Aunt, for everything you have done for me.”

“It was the very least I could do,” Lady Whitehaven replied, letting go of Dinah’s shoulder and making her way back towards the door. “You will be safe here, child. Rest now. Sleep. You have nothing to fear any longer.”

Chapter One

“Well, Dinah, now we come to you.”

Slowly, Dinah lifted her head to see her aunt standing framed in the doorway, a gleam in her eye and a small, expectant smile on her face.

Dinah’s heart sank.

“You know, do you not, that we have come to London for the Season?” Lady Whitehaven continued, coming into the drawing room and coming to stand directly in front of Dinah. “Your cousins – some of them, at least, are come back to support you.”

“Support me in my endeavors to find a husband,” Dinah replied dully, knowing full well that the last few years had been not only a chance for her to complete her education but also to ensure that she was entirely prepared for the life that was to come. The life that would make her a wife to some as yet unknown gentleman. It was a thought that did not bring any joy to her heart—for it was the very last thing that she wanted.

“That is it precisely!” Lady Whitehaven said loudly, practically beaming at Dinah. “I am certain that 1817 will be the year that you shall find yourself happily married and truly content, just as my daughters have been.” She threw a sharp glance towards Dinah. “And I would not have you complain nor state that you do not wish to marry. For Catherine did the very same, did she not?”

Catherine, Dinah’s cousin, had been quite determined never to marry but only last Season had found a very suitable gentleman who had been more than willing to accept her just as she was – even with her penchant for riding astride instead of side saddle! This, Dinah realized, was meant to reassure her that even though she believed she did not wish to marry, there was no reason for her not to attempt to seek out a husband, given that she might thereafter find herself in a similar situation to that of Catherine’s.

“And Lord Whitehaven–Grayson–is to join us also,” Lady Whitehaven continued, referring to her son, who had gained the title and was now the Marquess of Whitehaven. Unlike most, Lady Whitehaven still referred to her son by his Christian name, which Dinah found somewhat unusual but did not reject outright. She, of course, referred to him as Lord Whitehaven, as was expected, but that did not mean that she had a great deal of respect for her older cousin. He had proved himself to be as disagreeable, as rude, and as inconsiderate as he had appeared on the first day she had met him. His eagerness to attend the Season would have nothing to do with helping Dinah, of course. It would merely be to do with seeking his own pleasures and delights.

“I thought that Lord Whitehaven preferred to stay at home during the Season,” she commented, as a small twinge of curiosity ran through her. Lord Whitehaven had remained at his estate these last years and had certainly made no attempt to aid his sisters in their search for a husband – so why was he to come to London now?

Lady Whitehaven sighed and shrugged. “I believe that Grayson has taken some time to understand his role,” she suggested carefully. “Now that he has a good grasp of estate matters, and since the estate is doing well, I believe that he can finally allow himself a few weeks of respite. Besides which,” she added with a rueful smile, “he enjoyed the quiet that came with remaining at the estate whilst his sisters were in London. Now that they are all wed, I wonder if mayhap he feels the quiet becoming a little too great.”

“Perhaps,” Dinah murmured, wondering if this meant that she might see very little of her cousin. That, at least, would be something of a relief. “When does he arrive?”

“Later this afternoon,” Lady Whitehaven replied, looking rather pleased. “And we are all to attend a ball this evening. He will have to refresh himself and change rather quickly before we go, but I am certain he will be prepared on time.” Her eyebrow arched. “You have remembered, have you not, Dinah? You have a new gown for it.”

Dinah screwed up her face and closed her eyes. The dressmaker she had been forced to attend had insisted on a few new gowns, all of which Lady Whitehaven had approved of. Dinah, who thought that they revealed far too much of her décolletage, did not care for them in the least – but Lady Whitehaven had insisted. There would be the maid to do her hair, which would take a good deal of time, and then she would be dressed and prepared to depart. She would have to endure hours upon hours of inane conversation floating all about her – for she had no intention of continuing on with any such discussions – whilst attempting to make herself as inconspicuous as possible. Not that such a thing was likely. During previous Seasons, Dinah had been able to hide herself away, given that her cousins were being pressed forward by their mother, but now that she was the only one left, there was to be no escape.

“You should repair to your room soon,” Lady Whitehaven continued, clearly ignoring Dinah’s reaction. “There is to be a bath prepared and thereafter—”

“Very well, very well,” Dinah sighed, interrupting Lady Whitehaven by getting to her feet and making for the door. “I shall go at once.”

This seemed to please Lady Whitehaven, who smiled and accompanied Dinah to the door, as though she wanted to ensure that Dinah did as she had said. Nothing more was said, for Dinah hurried quickly through the door and made her way to the staircase that would lead to her bedchamber here in Lady Whitehaven’s London townhouse. It was a good deal smaller than the one back at the Lord Whitehaven estate, but Dinah did not complain. She had been given a very great deal, and she did not want to ever appear ungrateful – even though, at this present moment, she was feeling both frustrated and irritated over Lady Whitehaven’s insistence that she be primped and preened in preparation for this evening’s ball.

“I am certain Grayson will be delighted to accompany you to this evening’s ball,” Lady Whitehaven called, as Dinah began to ascend the stairs. “And do try to look forward to this evening, my dear. It will be quite wonderful, I am sure.”

Dinah said nothing, her heart sinking to the floor with each and every step she took. She did not want to go to the ball, no matter how wonderful it might be. Nor did she want to converse or dance with eligible gentlemen. She would much prefer to stay at home, resting in her bedchamber, so that she might read her book, continue with her embroidery, and mayhap, pray for her cousins and her aunt. She did not want anything to change at the present moment, for Dinah enjoyed her life such as it was. She was a good companion to Lady Whitehaven and, now that Lady Whitehaven’s daughters were all wed and settled, they spent a good deal of time in each other’s company. There was a friendship there that had begun from the very first moment Dinah had stepped into the Whitehaven estate. Lady Whitehaven seemed to be quite contented to allow Dinah to forge a new life for herself with someone new, but Dinah did not feel that way at all. She had taken some years to become used to her life as part of the Whitehaven family and was not yet ready to set it all behind her. This was her stability, her anchor, her place of strength. She feared that to leave it would make her return to that weak, frightened little bird, as Grayson had called her at the first. She did not want to become that again.

* * *

“I suppose I must dance with you, Miss Shepherd, for I fear you will remain hiding in the shadows if I do not.”

Dinah grimaced as Lord Whitehaven came near to her, a broad grin on his handsome face. He was teasing her again, even though he had behaved impeccably during their greeting one another back at the townhouse. In fact, he had been quite the gentleman in the way he had assisted both herself and then Lady Whitehaven into the carriage, asking after their health and commenting on how grand it was to be in London after such a long time away from it.

Now, however, out of earshot of Lady Whitehaven, Lord Whitehaven was to begin his teasing all over again.

“I do not wish to dance, Lord Whitehaven,” Dinah replied primly, turning her head away. “You need not trouble yourself.”

“Trouble myself?” Lord Whitehaven replied, putting one hand mockingly against his heart in feigned shock. “Dear lady, I am only doing my duty.”

Dinah closed her eyes momentarily and prayed for strength to endure his teasing without speaking sharply in response.

“As I have said, Lord Whitehaven,” she replied carefully. “I have no desire to dance with anyone this evening. I am only present because your dear mother has insisted upon it and I found myself quite unable to argue with her.” This was, of course, the truth, for Dinah could not have brought herself to be both insolent and argumentative, knowing that such an attitude would have brought a sorrow to Lady Whitehaven’s heart. She herself could not have behaved so, believing that it would have been wrong of her to show her such ungratefulness.

Unfortunately, Lord Whitehaven appeared quite determined to dance with Dinah, for he took a step closer and, before she could prevent it, grasped her dance card which dangled from her wrist. Lifting it upwards and bringing Dinah’s arm with it, he regarded it with interest, before laughing loudly.

“I am aware that there is no one as yet written on my dance card,” Dinah told him swiftly. “But I do not care for that. I am determined to–”

“The quadrille and then the waltz.” Lord Whitehaven’s voice was firm and hard, sending a shudder through her. “And of course, I must insist that you find other gentlemen to partner you for the other dances. I know I could take three, but…” He dropped her card and winked heavily. “We must allow other gentlemen the chance to become acquainted with you.”

Dinah jerked her hand back, a fire burning in her chest. “I do not want to become acquainted with anyone,” she hissed, wishing that her cousin would leave her alone. “Please, you must stop this.”

“Stop?” Lord Whitehaven repeated, still looking at her lazily. “What is it that you wish me to stop doing, Miss Shepherd? Stop trying to encourage you towards a gentleman or two? Trying to force this little bird to fly from her nest?”

Dinah went cold all over, looking up into Lord Whitehaven’s face and seeing his arrogant smile. He did not care for her. He wanted her gone from the house, from his estate, and from his life. The only thing he cared about was himself. If he wanted a quiet life without cousin nor sisters to care for, then the only way he could achieve that would be to encourage his cousin to marry. A cold hand grasped her heart. Mayhap he already had potential gentlemen in his mind, gentlemen who would be supposedly suitable for her. Was he about to introduce her to them?

“You say nothing, little bird,” Lord Whitehaven murmured, looking at her with a small, roguish grin on his face. “You did not think me interested in your Season, I think.” Leaning forward, he tipped her chin with one finger, making Dinah step back. “Oh, but I am very interested, Miss Shepherd. Once you are wed, you are no longer my concern. Can you not see how that thought encourages me?”

Dinah shook her head, going white hot with anger but forcing herself to keep her mouth closed so that she would not say anything at all. She had been brought up to act with decorum, to speak carefully and in accordance with how God wanted her to behave. Keep a watch over my lips, she prayed silently, aware of just how much she despised her cousin. Let me remain silent rather than speak with anger.

“Ah,” Lord Whitehaven said knowingly, shaking his head at her in mock dismay. “I see that you are doing your utmost to keep your temper in check, dear cousin. How very admirable.” He gave her a mock bow, still grinning at her as he lifted his head. “Most likely, I suspect, you look down upon me and think me both a fool and a disgrace. Is that not so?”

Dinah lifted her chin, looking up at her cousin with a firm gaze. “I know your character, Lord Whitehaven,” she reminded him. “You do nothing but mock me, tease me, and treat me as an unwelcome guest rather than accepting me into your family’s embrace, as your mother and sisters have done. I do not know why you have done such a thing nor why you appear to dislike me so, but in behaving in such a way, Lord Whitehaven, you have ensured that my opinion of you is, in fact, very low indeed.”

“Hmm.” Lord Whitehaven rubbed his chin, his eyes now appearing somewhat thoughtful. Dinah held her breath, not knowing what it was he intended to say next and silently pleading for him to leave her side so that she would not have to endure his company any longer.

“I think then, Miss Shepherd, that you will think all the worse of me when you hear that I have come to London to not only secure your future, but to also ensure that I have a most enjoyable few months,” he continued, making her frown as he spoke with an almost airy confidence. “You will think that my enjoyment of gambling is quite improper; you will look down on me for my drunkenness and idleness. Of course…” He took a step closer to her, his grin becoming something of a leer. “Of course, should I frequent a bawdy house, then you shall pray for my damnation, shall you not?”

Repulsed, Dinah moved back, turning her face away and beginning to slowly sidle away from her cousin. Lord Whitehaven had become a good deal more repugnant than before, making her wonder if whether or not seeking out a husband would be more tolerable than living under his house any longer.

“If it were not for mother’s insistence that your father and mother would wish you to marry well, I would send you off to marry some old parson,” Lord Whitehaven hissed, his brows lowering now and his mouth dropping into a sneer. “Apparently you have some fortune or other that shall soon be yours, and therefore Lady Whitehaven is quite determined that you shall marry a titled fellow.” He snorted. “Not that your father held any such title.”

“My father was an admiral and a respectable gentleman.” Dinah wheeled around, her hand raised and one finger shaking in front of his face. “He had a good deal more respectability and firmness of character than you have ever displayed, Whitehaven. Do not think that you can ever come close to being the sort of man my father was. He loved me and gave me more consideration and compassion than you have ever shown.” Her voice was low but her words forcible, making Lord Whitehaven’s eyes round just a little, evidently surprised by her ferocity. “You are not worthy to speak his name, as far as I am concerned. He was a greater man than you shall ever be.”

So saying she pulled the dance card from her wrist, her face hot with both anger and upset. Ripping it into two pieces, she threw it at Lord Whitehaven, turned around, and stalked away. He had gone too far, speaking about her father in such a way. Lord Whitehaven might mock her, and she would allow him to do so for as long or for as much as he wanted, but one thing she would not tolerate would be his mockery of her father. She would not dance with him, she would not go near him, and she would not even converse with him. Lord Whitehaven was one of the most disgraceful gentlemen she had ever met, and regardless of the fact that he was her cousin, she would not tolerate his company any longer. Their relationship, as little and as broken as it was, was now entirely at an end. Dinah could only hope that Lady Whitehaven would understand.

Chapter Two

Grayson gritted his teeth as Dinah walked away from him. The two ripped pieces of her dance card were at his feet. He had said too much, pushed her too hard, and now she was gone from him.

He hated himself.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the wall of the ballroom and tried to take in a few steadying breaths so that he could easily push down the feelings of guilt and shame that were biting at him. Unfortunately, he knew only too well why he was treating Dinah so, but he did not want to admit it even to himself. She had spent the last few years in his manor house, in his estate, and his emotions had become slowly more and more tangled.

It was utterly ridiculous. Dinah was everything he was not. He was loud and outspoken, whereas she was quiet and thoughtful. He was brash; she was calm. He spoke without thinking, cruel and almost intolerable, whereas she was always measured, always kind, and practically invisible at times. It made no sense that he wanted to pull her out of her quietness, wanted to know what she hid underneath her piety.

And yet, all he found himself doing was being cruel and unkind. It was as if, in doing so, he could convince himself that he felt nothing for her and that in pushing her as far from him as possible, his own feelings would fade. He had meant every word when he had told her that he wanted to find her a husband. If he managed to do so, then that would be a huge relief, for it would mean that he could continue on with his life without any fear that he might allow his heart to draw out to her, or that he might end up blurting out his confusing feelings of affection for her when she felt nothing but anger towards him.

Of course, he mused, opening his eyes, Dinah had much too lovely a character to be wed to someone such as he. The last few years, he had been forced to accept his new role in life as the new Lord Whitehaven, whilst dealing with the sorrow that came with the loss of his father, and such a thing had been much more difficult than he had anticipated. On top of which, he had discovered he had a good deal more wealth than he had ever had to deal with before – and with that knowledge had come the eagerness to enjoy himself a little more. His mother and sisters knew nothing of his frequent trips to Bath whilst they had been in London seeking out husbands and the like, and he fully intended to keep such information to himself—for it was both his shame and his great pleasure at the same time. Gambling was one of his greatest passions, even though he frequently lost more than he ought, and yet he had managed to keep his obsession entirely to himself. Now, finally, he had come to London during the Season to both ensure that Dinah found a husband and so that he might find one of the many “gambling hells” that he knew were a good deal better than those in Bath.

He had teased Dinah that she would consider him even worse than before—now that she knew he gambled and the like. Most likely, she would not say anything to Lady Whitehaven for fear that she would upset her, which meant that his secret was quite safe. Besides which, trying to find his determination once again, he was the Marquess of Whitehaven, was he not? He could do as he pleased, no matter what his mother or his cousin thought of him!

“It should not matter what she thinks,” Grayson said aloud, moving forward so that he might begin to thread his way through the other guests. “It does not matter.” This was said so emphatically that one or two young ladies turned towards him, perhaps thinking that he was attempting to garner their attention, but Grayson merely smiled briefly and continued on his way. He knew what would happen. Their eyes would catch the way he limped, would drop to the floor at his feet and the usual shame and embarrassment would capture him. He did not want to be made a spectacle. Of course, he had never intended to dance with Dinah, for he never danced, given his limp, and even though he had put his name down on two spaces, he had known that she would either refuse him or be entirely absent when the music began. This ball no longer held any interest for him. He would find his mother and take his leave. He would do as he had intended and seek out a gambling house and enjoy himself in the only way he wished. Perhaps then, he might be able to remove all thought of Miss Dinah Shepherd from his mind.

* * *

“Another round?”

Grayson blinked wearily, looking up at his friend, Lord Darnley, and wondering just how late in the evening it was.

“How many rounds have we played?” he asked, seeing the other gentlemen at the table begin to count their winnings.

Lord Darnley shrugged. “A few,” he commented, picking up his brandy glass and throwing the rest back. “But I’m game if you are.”

Grayson looked down at the table, seeing the small pile of coins in front of him. He had not done well. At least he was not in debt, although his winnings were very poor compared to others.

“Faro, was it?” he muttered, rubbing at his forehead and trying to remember what game they were playing. “Or was it Loo?”

“Faro,” Lord Darnley replied with a chuckle, as one or two gentlemen got up from their chairs, with one staggering away. “Although Loo might make an excellent change?”

Those gentlemen who remained seated muttered their approval, and Grayson found himself nodding, although everything in him told him that he ought to be doing precisely the opposite. It was good that he had not lost a good deal of money, but he was not at all satisfied with his winnings thus far. He wanted more. He wanted to be the victor, leaving the gambling hell with a bounce in his step and a sense of pride puffing out his chest.

And then, for some inexplicable reason, his mind returned to Dinah.

“What say we all get another drink?” Lord Darnley suggested, pushing himself up carefully and reaching for his brandy glass. “I’ll have one of the lads here to shuffle the cards in preparation. What say you, gentlemen?”

This was agreed to at once and Grayson found himself ordering a large whisky, half praying that this would be all he would need to get Dinah from his mind once and for all.

Leaning heavily on his chair, his leg a little painful as he waited for his whisky to be brought, Grayson lowered his head and let out a long, loud groan. His mind just would not let her go. No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to fill his thoughts with something other than her, she remained steadfastly within. He did not want to think of her, did not want to be remembering her with every moment that passed, but yet she was there, haunting him. For years, he had battled the strange, incomprehensible feelings that lingered on in his heart, hating how they grew instead of fading. He had battled them continually, thinking he could beat his own heart into submission, but his determination had quite failed him. Trying to push her away, trying to make her think the worse of him in an attempt to break his own feelings apart was not working either. He was entirely at a loss.

Even now, he realized, running one hand through his thick, brown hair, he could remember how she had appeared when she had first set foot in the manor house. He had called her a bird, for she had held a sparrow-like appearance that had been borne from grief, pain, and weakness. At the time, he had not meant to offend her nor had he meant to discourage her or make her feel unwelcome, but his words had left his mouth before he had been able to prevent them. She was not a bird now. Instead, she was a graceful swan, dazzling and elegant in its quiet beauty. How much did she hide underneath her quietness and her piety? Was there still the pain over the loss of her parents? Was there still a sense of being displaced, of having no home of her own? Shame filled him as he recalled how he had not often made her feel welcome. In a strange way, his growing desire for her company had made him all the more cruel and unwelcoming towards her.

“You look quite broken.”

With an effort, Grayson lifted his head and waited for a moment or two until his world stopped spinning.

“Something wrong?” Lord Darnley asked, a broad smile plastered on his face whilst his eyes danced with mirth. “Or is it just that you now regret suggesting Loo and realize you should have gone home with the money you have already made?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Grayson said, as firmly as he could. “I am just weary.” He shrugged. “I only returned to London this very day, you know.”

“I am well aware of that,” Lord Darnley replied with a broad smile. “And you came straight away to find me and bring me to this gaming hell, knowing full well that neither of us ought to be gambling.” He arched one thick eyebrow but laughed resoundingly. “You especially ought not to be doing so, given that you still have creditors waiting for you in Bath.”

Grayson shuddered violently, having put all thoughts of such gentlemen out of his mind. The last time he had been in Bath – which had been during the London Season last year – he had done very badly indeed and owed a good deal of money. He had not paid it as yet, for the money had been required for Dinah’s gowns and the like, for the estate and for various other things that were essential to someone such as he. Besides which, he half hoped that those he owed money to would have forgotten by now. There had been no letters to his estate, no demands that he paid what he owed, and no visits from those who were out of pocket. Therefore, there was every chance, as far as he hoped, that there would be no one searching for him.

“Perhaps that is why you came to London instead of returning to Bath?” his friend asked, elbowing him uncomfortably in the ribs. “You fear to go back there, in case you and your debts are discovered!”

“I am not afraid,” Grayson replied stoutly, accepting the glass of whisky from one of the bar hands. “It is only that I need to find a husband for this dratted cousin of mine. Then, mayhap, I shall finally have the manor house to myself, for Mama might very well chose to move into the dowager house, which is very grand indeed.” He shrugged, seeing how his friend grinned and finding it rather irritating. “I do not know what else I could say or do to convince her otherwise. Therefore, Dinah must have a decent husband.”

Lord Darnley looked interested for a moment, tipping his head and looking back at Grayson thoughtfully. “You know that I—”

“No.” Grayson held up one hand immediately, stemming Lord Darnley’s words. “No, indeed not. I am well aware that you are, at present, without a wife, but you are not the sort of gentleman that she requires.”

“Oh?” Lord Darnley appeared a trifle insulted, lifting one eyebrow and sniffing in a somewhat disdainful manner. “What can you mean, old boy? I would have thought that you would be open to throw her at anyone, given your apparent eagerness.”

Grayson shook his head, trying to think of an explanation that would satisfy Lord Darnley without upsetting him. “My mother would never agree,” he said, trying to appear as apologetic as possible. “She knows of your reputation, I fear.”

Lord Darnley seemed to sink into the floor. “As do a good many of the ton,” he muttered, accepting this explanation without question. “That is why I am, as yet, without a wife.”

“Not that you would remain faithful to her should you marry,” Grayson interjected ruefully, as Lord Darnley nodded heavily. “You know that as well as I do – as do the rest of the beau monde!” He saw his friend shrug and turn his head, knowing inwardly that even should his mother have agreed, he would never have allowed Lord Darnley to marry Dinah. He was a drunken oaf, who cared for nothing but pursuing his own pleasures. There was no expectation that any lady who married him would be treated with respect, for most likely Lord Darnley would continue on just as he was at this present moment. That was not a life he wanted for Dinah.

“Might go in search of a woman to warm my bed later on, once this game is finished,” Lord Darnley muttered, leaving Grayson and wandering back around to sit down in his seat. “What say you, Whitehaven? Will you join me?” His voice became louder as he threw the suggestion out towards Grayson, who only grinned and shrugged. He might do so. The thought of returning to his townhouse, knowing that Dinah slept only a few doors away from him, was a torturous one. Perhaps it would be better to go to a bawdy house, in the hope that the warmth of another lady’s embrace would push her from his mind.

“Shall we play then?” one of the gentlemen asked, before Grayson had time to answer Lord Darnley. “Loo, was it?”

“I’ll deal,” Lord Darnley muttered, reaching for the cards and beginning to set them out one at a time, near to each player. Grayson watched with a bored eye, thinking silently that he might have had enough of this particular gambling house for a while. The suggestion of going to a bawdy house had caught his attention.

“The jack!” Lord Darnley exclaimed, gesturing towards Grayson. “That means you are to deal, old boy.” He gathered up the cards and made to hand them to Grayson, only for one gentleman to slam his hand on the table and push himself up threateningly.

“You’re cheating.” One long, bony finger was pointed in Grayson’s direction, only to then be pointed at Lord Darnley. “You’re in on this together.”

Grayson rolled his eyes. “Do not be ridiculous,” he muttered, reaching for the cards again. “You know very well it is a game of chance.”

“No!” the gentleman exclaimed, slamming a fist on the table this time. “No, you made certain to give your friend the jack, didn’t you?” His eyes narrowed as they swung back towards Grayson. “And now you’re going to deal him and yourself a pretty little hand, so that one of you is bound to proclaim victory.” His eyes became slits, his cheeks bright red. “And you’ll share the winnings after that, will you?”

Insulted by such a declaration, Grayson drew himself up as best he could, struggling to his feet and trying his best not to lean too heavily on his bad leg.

“I am not a cheater, sir,” he told the gentleman firmly. “I resent the accusation and reject it entirely!”

“How dare you!”

Much to Grayson’s horror, a second gentleman now rose to his feet also, glaring at Lord Darnley and then back at Grayson himself.

“You are a cheater,” the second gentleman hissed, pushing his chair back and slowly coming around the table to where Grayson stood. “And a liar. You’re going to steal from us.”

“I am not. I—”

What was meant to be Grayson’s final word on the matter disintegrated as the fellow slammed his fist right into Grayson’s jaw. He tasted blood, his ears ringing furiously.

And then, Lord Darnley threw himself at the first gentleman, whilst Grayson himself tried to defend himself against the second. Fists flew, groans were expelled and pain ricocheted through Grayson on more than one occasion. Cards were forgotten, money thrown across the room and drinks being flung over the heads of others.

At least, Grayson considered, staggering back as another gentleman slammed into the one who had been throwing punches at him, this was one way to forget all about Dinah, although perhaps rather a painful one.

“Cheater!” came another man’s roar, and ready to defend himself once again, Grayson threw himself into the melee.

Chapter Three

“Quite a disastrous start, I must say.”

It was with these words that Lady Whitehaven quit the room, leaving Dinah sitting alone by the fire in the drawing room, her eyes fixed on the flickering flames. Lady Whitehaven was obviously disappointed that Dinah had not thrown herself into the joys of dancing and conversing and the like, but in her heart, Dinah felt no guilt. She did not want to marry, did not want to be forced into matrimony when she was content just as she was. What was the urgency? Even if she was to become a spinster, she would rather become a nun than worry with utter desperation over her lack of success as a lady of the ton.

“A nun.”

She spoke those words almost reverently, the idea coming to the forefront of her mind and lodging itself there. It all seemed so very simple.

It would mean leaving the manor house behind, leaving Lady Whitehaven whom Dinah had come to consider a mother in many ways, but Lady Whitehaven had made it clear that such a thing was to occur regardless, given that she was pushing for Dinah to marry. Besides which, Lord Whitehaven, as odious as he was becoming, would not make her return to the manor house and estate particularly easy, especially when he too had made it apparent that he did not wish for her to be present. Of course, Lady Whitehaven would never agree initially, but in time, when it became clear that Dinah was not about to marry and certainly would not seek gentlemen out in the way Lady Whitehaven expected, she might come to consider the nunnery. After all, it was better than being a spinster, as regarded the ton, for it would not be that she had failed in her desire to find a suitable husband but rather that she had found a higher, better calling. It would take a good deal of time – mayhap two or more Seasons – before Lady Whitehaven would be prepared to even consider the notion, but Dinah decided that she was willing to wait.

All she would have to do would be to remain steadfast in her desire to remain without husband. It was not wrong of her to do so, she considered, for whilst one must be obedient to one’s parents – or guardians, given that she was without both father and mother – Dinah did not believe that extended into ensuring that her desires aligned with that of Lady Whitehaven’s. Lady Whitehaven could think of nothing better than being married and settled, whilst she herself had no such inclinations. Some gentlemen were certain to be kind and generous, she was sure, but none incited any feeling nor emotion within her – unless she considered her feelings of anger and anxiety whenever Lord Whitehaven drew near!

“Is this the plan you have for me?” she whispered, closing her eyes and lowering her head, praying as she had so often done before. “Is this what my mother meant when she told me to keep looking for the path You would one day show me?”

There was no immediate answer, no ringing voice nor sense of peace that settled over her however. Her heart twisted this way and that, considering what it would be like to become a nun, and also what it would be like to leave the family she had come to love so much these last few years. Lady Whitehaven would no longer be able to be a part of her everyday life. She could not expect to see her cousins and their husbands and, perhaps, one day their children, if she went to a nunnery. They would not be able to visit very often, and she would be expected to remain where she was.

“But then,” she murmured, lowering her head all the more, “they may not wish to see me.” A small flush colored her cheeks, as she thought back to her time with the family. Yes, she loved her cousins, but they were so very different from her. They each had their own personality but none of them, as far as she had thought, had prayed as much as they ought. It had, she realized, put a strain on their relationships, and it was only now, when they were mostly absent and she the last one at home, that she had come to realize that.

Which meant that, mayhap going to a nunnery would be the best thing for everyone. She would be able to worship, pray, and read as much as she wished. There would be no interruption, no other tangent for her mind to disappear to. Surely that would bring her happiness.

Rising to her feet, Dinah wandered to the window and looked out at the dark street below. It was late enough for her to have retired to bed just as Lady Whitehaven had done, but her mind was now so tumultuous with thoughts and ideas that she did not feel at all tired. For a moment, she had thought that her idea of becoming a nun would bring her the peace that she had been missing for some time, but now it seemed that it was adding to her struggles. Sighing heavily, she ran one hand over her eyes and turned, preparing to retire to bed in the hope that sleep might bring a rest to her mind.

The door flew open.

“Ah, Dinah….there you are.”

Dinah blinked rapidly, looking at the ragged figure of Lord Whitehaven as he stumbled into the room. Practically falling into a large chair, he hung onto it with apparently all the strength he had, his legs buckling beneath him and his knuckles white as he held on.

“Lord Whitehaven,” Dinah murmured, aware of how her heart clamored furiously within her chest. “You appear to be in a little…difficulty.” Her eyes drifted to the red, angry marks on his knuckles and the darkness about one of his eyes. His clothes were ripped in places and his cravat was entirely gone. In all, he appeared to be more than a little worse for wear.

He chuckled loudly, his eyes sliding shut. “I am in no difficulty at all,” he slurred, trying to open his eyes but appearing to fail miserably. “I am quite all right.” This was, however, accompanied by one of his hands sliding free of the chair and Lord Whitehaven falling forward, leaving him half kneeling, half standing in a most awkward fashion. Rubbing one of his eyes, he let out a yelp, clearly having forgotten that he had been injured in some way.

“You were not set upon, I hope?”

Again, that harsh, cruel laugh that told her just how much of a fool he thought her. Clearly, he had not been set upon. This was, it seemed, all of his own doing.

“Did I not warn you that I wished to frequent gambling dens?” he slurred, still hanging onto the chair. “This is just the marks of a man who has enjoyed himself immensely.”

“I—I should ring the bell,” Dinah said hurriedly, a spiral of fear settling in her stomach at the dark look in Lord Whitehaven’s eyes. “Someone must help you.”

“They will all be abed,” Lord Whitehaven said, waving his free hand before letting go of the chair entirely and ending up on his hands and knees. “Just come and help me, Miss Shepherd. Dinah. Whatever it is I am to call you, come here at once.”

A little confused as to what she ought to do and certainly not at all eager to go closer to Lord Whitehaven when he was in such a state, Dinah remained exactly where she was, her hands tightening as she pressed them together. Lord Whitehaven was cruel when he was not in his cups, and she could not imagine what he would do in his current state.

“Attend to me, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven said, sounding quite weary now. “Do stop being ridiculous.”

Dinah bristled, wanting to state that if anyone was appearing ridiculous, it was Lord Whitehaven himself, but instead she chose to remain silent, questioning inwardly what was best for her to do. She did not want to go near Lord Whitehaven, but he was correct to state that everyone else had already retired. It was not as though she could go to Lady Whitehaven and beg for her help, for Lady Whitehaven would be mortified to see her son in such a state and certainly would not thank Dinah for wakening her to see him so drunk.

“Does not your God tell you to care for others when they are in need?” Lord Whitehaven’s voice had become low, his eyes finally fixing fully upon her face. “And am I not now in need?”

Dinah closed her eyes for a moment, her hands balling into fists. This was not at all what was meant, and Lord Whitehaven knew it well, but he was using such a thing against her so that he might try and manipulate her into doing as he wished.

“I just need your arm to help me up to my bedchamber,” he said, turning slowly back towards the chair and attempting to haul himself up. “Is that too much to ask?”

Drawing in a long breath, Dinah moved swiftly towards Lord Whitehaven, telling herself that the sooner she did as he asked, the sooner she could retire to bed. Most likely, Lord Whitehaven would not recall this incident in the morning, and it would probably be best for her to help him up to bed before he passed out completely.

“Very well,” she said heavily, coming to stand by Lord Whitehaven as he clung to the chair. “We should go at once.”

“At once,” he agreed, laughing mockingly as he turned to her, his hands reaching and grasping at her clothing. Dinah stiffened but forced herself to remain standing as quietly as she could, until Lord Whitehaven had regained his balance.

How they made it up the staircase towards Lord Whitehaven’s bedchamber, she did not know. Her legs were heavy, her limbs aching as she held onto Lord Whitehaven as best she could, feeling him lurch from side to side and almost knocking her from her feet as she pushed the bedchamber door open.

“There,” she said, her breathing ragged. “You are in your rooms, Lord Whitehaven. I will…” She tried to let go of his arm, but he would not be removed. Instead, both hands now clung to her arm, whilst he leaned into her heavily, his breath stale as it brushed across her cheek.

“Just take me to my bed,” he murmured, his head lolling towards her shoulder as he leaned on her all the more heavily. “I do not think I can make it alone.”

Dinah’s heart raced furiously as she helped him towards the bed. She had never been so close to a gentleman before, and even though Lord Whitehaven upset her, antagonized her, and frustrated her dreadfully, there was something about his nearness that had her whole body buzzing with a strange sense of awareness.

“You might join me, you know.”

The sensation went from her in a moment as she turned her head to glare at him – only for Lord Whitehaven to be directly there, his head lowering and, much to her shock, his mouth seeking hers.

His lips pressed to hers, his weight pressing her back against the bed until she was struggling to remain standing. And yet, there was something about his kiss that had her yearning for more.

Collecting herself and horrified to realize what Lord Whitehaven was doing – and what he might be intending, given that they were in his bedchamber, Dinah pushed him back hard, making him stagger backwards before falling to a heap on the floor. Heat seared her cheeks as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her eyes burning with hot, angry tears as she walked towards the door.

“You cannot pretend that you are so pure of heart and mind that you have never had a single thought of entertaining a gentleman.”

Dinah stopped dead, closing her eyes as she leaned against the doorframe, hating the conflicting emotions that were whirling through her. She wanted to rail at him, wanted to shout at him for what he had attempted to do, and yet no words came to her lips.

“If you should ever consider it, Dinah, you need only ask. I should be here waiting for you.”

There was nothing she could say to such a remark. Without even a single look back, she quit the room and moved away as quickly as she could, allowing the door to slam behind her. Her whole body was shaking as she moved quickly to her own rooms, from both anger and a deep, unsettling sensation that did not leave her. Even as she locked her door, undressed hurriedly, and climbed into bed, it remained within her, growing slowly and yet steadily. A sensation that part of her had almost liked what he had done, that she had enjoyed the sensation of his lips upon her own. It was the most ridiculous notion, and yet it was not something she was easily able to get rid of.

“I must pray,” she murmured, climbing from her bed to kneel beside it. “Pray for my soul and for my heart.” Closing her eyes and bowing her head, she began to pray in a desperate attempt to remove the strange feelings that were beginning to swarm about her heart.

Chapter Four

It was not until a few minutes had passed before Grayson slowly began to realize that the groaning that had woken him was coming from his own lips. Trying to open his eyes, the pain that lanced his skull from the beam of light coming from the chink in the curtains was enough to have him burying his head into the blankets once more.

“Your mother requests your presence at breakfast, Lord Whitehaven.”

The butler’s firm tone had Grayson frowning, despite the pain this brought him.

“She has received a note that has her greatly concerned, and I was told to rouse you at once.”

At this, Grayson lifted his head, feeling a shock running through him. “A note?” he croaked, suddenly afraid that his creditors had done the unthinkable and written to inform Lady Whitehaven of her son’s debts.

“Indeed, my lord,” the butler replied in a rather frustrated fashion, evidencing the fact that he had been pulled from his other duties in order to seek out Grayson and waken him. “Now, your valet is present and your breakfast tray has been set out on the table, unless you should like it set before you in bed?”

Grayson wanted to retort that the only thing he wanted to do was to close his eyes and crawl back down into the bedcovers, but instead he merely took in a long breath and murmured that he would rise and sit to eat. Not that he intended to eat very much, for the smell of the toast and coffee was sending his stomach twisting into knots rather than giving him any sense of hunger. The butler appeared satisfied with this, however, clicked his heels together, and excused himself, leaving Grayson in the capable hands of his valet.

“Go and lay out my clothes,” Grayson told the man, trying still to lift his head from the pillow but finding it much too painful to be able to do so with any ease. “I shall rise in a few moments.”

The valet said nothing but withdrew to Grayson’s small dressing room, which had its own adjoining door. Being left alone, Grayson was able to close his eyes tightly again and pull the blankets over his head once more, burrowing into the darkness and feeling his pain lift as he did so.

But there was nothing for it. He could not remain abed, for if his mother had received some sort of note, then he would have to ensure he was dressed and prepared to speak to her about it with as much dignity as he could muster. Probing at his forehead with long fingers and wondering if there was any easy way for the pain in his head to disappear altogether, Grayson forced himself to sit upright – and then immediately regretted doing so. His head felt as though it were being split in two, for the agony that lanced through his skull was like a red hot poker being pushed into his head.

“Here, my lord.”

The valet had returned on silent feet, and Grayson felt something being pushed into his hand. A glass of water, mayhap. Throwing it back, he swallowed it before he had time to gag, coughing furiously as he half threw the glass back at the valet.

“And now some water,” the valet added, before Grayson could speak. “Here, my lord. I have been told that the concoction that you took before will bring an end to your pain.”

Grayson said nothing but grasped at the filled water glass with greedy hands, throwing it back as quickly as he could and feeling the last remnants of the first drink being chased away. Coughing heavily for a moment, he wiped his eyes and handed the glass back to his valet. “I do not know what that was, Featherstone,” he muttered, passing one hand over his eyes. “But I must hope that the torture of drinking it will be worthwhile.”

His valet inclined his head. “Should you eat first or dress first, my lord?” he asked, not commenting on what Grayson had drunk. “If I might, I would also suggest a cold compress for your eye, although it may be a little too late to help.”

“My eye?” Grayson repeated, reaching up to touch it only to pull his hand back with a yelp. No wonder he felt sore all over! He had quite forgotten that he had been in a fight last evening. Groaning, he shook his head and lowered it into his hands, trying to remember exactly what had happened.

“How did I get back into my rooms?” he asked his valet, keeping his head in his hands for fear of what he would see on his valet’s face. “I do not recall anything other than stepping over the threshold.”

The valet cleared his throat. “I could not say, Lord Whitehaven,” he replied, seemingly honestly. “The rest of the staff were abed, as per both your and Lady Whitehaven’s instructions.”

Grayson lifted his head slowly and looked up at his valet, surprised that the agony in his head was already beginning to fade. “You mean to say that no one knows how I made it to my rooms?” he asked, seeing the valet both shrug slightly and nod at the same time. “I cannot imagine that I climbed the staircase myself, given the effects of my drunkenness this morning, but still…” He trailed off, trying his best to remember. “Surely my mother would not have come to my aid.”

The valet said nothing, leaving Grayson to consider this for some moments before sighing and rubbing at his forehead again.

“I think I may break my fast after all,” he muttered, attempting to rise from the bed and shaking off his valet’s assisting arm. “Whatever it was you put in that, Featherstone, it seems to have worked rather well.” Grimacing as he recalled the taste of it, he shrugged and then stumbled across to the small table that sat close to the fire, sinking down into a chair as quickly as he could. Mayhap he had, after all, managed to make it up to his rooms alone. There wasn’t really any other explanation now, was there? Mentally shrugging, Grayson quickly poured himself a cup of coffee and allowed the smell of it to wash over him. He would have to appear as presentable as possible when he went to speak to his mother, and that would start with removing any stench of liquor from his breath and, hopefully, settling his churning stomach. Grimacing, Grayson threw aside the niggle of worry and set about trying to eat a small piece of buttered toast, hoping silently that this note was nothing of any great importance.

* * *

“Ah, Grayson!”

Grayson grimaced, inclining his head and finding his mother’s somewhat shrill voice rather painful to listen to. She had thrown aside convention to refer to him as “Grayson” rather than “Whitehaven,” as she ought, but part of him presumed that this came from the agony that must still linger within her heart over the loss of her husband and his father.

“Mama,” he murmured, lifting his head and thinking silently to himself that he needed to ensure that his valet was given some sort of reward for the concoction he had made Grayson drink, for it truly had done wonders. “I hear that you have received a note of some sort?” He tried to keep his voice light as he came to sit down opposite his mother at the dining room table, where she was breaking her fast. “What is it that concerns you so?”

Lady Whitehaven, he noted, looked a little distraught, which he found to be a little concerning. His mother was usually quite at ease, with a ready smile and a welcoming word or two, but now she was tightlipped with a sharp look in her eye. Her brows knotted.

“Whatever happened to you?” she asked, sounding a little horrified. “Your eye, it is quite bruised and swollen!”

Grayson waved a hand. “It is nothing that should concern you,” he replied, desperate for his mother to ignore it. “Tell me about the letter. You received it this morning, I understand.”

“I did, yes,” Lady Whitehaven proclaimed, straightening in her seat. “A note that I have found quite extraordinary and certainly have very little idea as to what I ought to do about it.”

Grayson swallowed hard, his hands tightening into fists underneath the table.

“Do you not wish for something to drink?” his mother continued, her tone a little gentler as she gestured to the waiting cups and saucers. “Pray, do not allow me to prevent you.”

Shaking his head, Grayson gave her a tight smile, trying to calm his frantically beating heart and praying that his mother would not lose her temper with him when she discovered the truth of his gambling.

“It is about Dinah!”

He blinked rapidly, staring at his mother and seeing her brows lift in evident awareness of his astonishment.

“I am quite at a loss!” Lady Whitehaven continued, gesticulating furiously. “This gentleman – a Viscount Irving – has stated that he wishes to court Dinah and seeks my permission to do so. I cannot understand it, Grayson. Truly, I cannot!”

Grayson swallowed hard, feeling his heart flood with both relief and an overwhelming sense of anxiety as he thought about Dinah. The idea of her being courted by a gentleman – any gentleman, in fact – ought to bring him a good deal of joy, but instead he felt himself reject Lord Irving entirely, even though he knew nothing of the fellow.

“Might I ask why you are so disturbed over this letter, Mama?” he asked, trying to make sense of his mother’s reaction. “Surely this is to be expected, given that Dinah is out.”

Lady Whitehaven shook her head firmly. “Lord Irving has danced only once with Dinah, Grayson,” she explained, her brow lowering. “Only once, you understand.” Her lips twisted, as though this was something truly regrettable. “He does not know Dinah at all. He has not called upon her, taken tea with her, nor suggested that they might take a turn about the park together or anything of a similar nature. I am not inclined to accept a gentleman’s request to court her when it seems he does not know her at all!”

Grayson, rather relieved at this but aware that he could not reveal an eagerness about the matter, tried to appear nonchalant. “But all the same, Mama, it may be that he has simply taken a liking to Dinah and wishes to court her. That cannot be a bad thing, surely?”

“It is not as simple as that,” Lady Whitehaven protested, waving a hand. “You know as well as I that Dinah does not simply require any gentleman to wed her. She needs someone who is sensitive to what she has endured, who understands her need for her continued piety. She requires someone to seek her out, to pursue her so that the truth of her character is revealed to them.” Sighing, she set her hand back on the table and picked up the letter again. “I am not convinced that Lord Irving is such a gentleman, especially when I know nothing of his character.”

“Then seek it out,” Grayson replied, trying to force himself to consider Lord Irving’s request without the immediate sense of rejection that filled him. “State so in your letter. Tell him that given that neither you nor Dinah know Lord Irving particularly well, you cannot accept him as yet. That way, if he is truly interested in her, he will pursue matters further.”

“Who will?”

Grayson turned quickly, seeing none other than Dinah standing framed in the doorway, one hand on the door and her body ramrod straight.

“Oh, it is nothing,” Lady Whitehaven said quickly, rising from her chair and gesturing for Dinah to come forward. “It is only that a gentleman has requested to court you, and I sought out Grayson’s opinion on the matter.” She patted Dinah’s arm, as Dinah quickly sat down in the seat next to where Lady Whitehaven had been sitting. “I have to write to Lord Irving now, although I should inform you that I will not be granting his request to court you, my dear.”

Grayson allowed a small smile to tug at his lips as he saw the relief etch itself into Dinah’s expression.

“After all, as Grayson himself has said, the fellow does not know you from Adam – and you do not know him either,” Lady Whitehaven continued, leaving Dinah’s side and making her way to the door. “I shall write this very moment, have no fear. Do excuse me.”

“Oh.”

Dinah half rose from her chair, looking at the departing figure of Lady Whitehaven, as though she wanted to follow her.

“Did you have something more to say to Mama?” Grayson asked quietly, aware of how Dinah flushed red and wondering what it was he had done or said to make her appear so. “I can have the footman call her back.”

Dinah swallowed, shook her head, lowered her eyes, and sat back down in her chair.

“Then please, do not allow my presence here to prevent you from breaking your fast,” Grayson added, unable to keep the hint of sarcasm from his words. “I am well aware that you do not seek my company, Dinah.”

Inwardly, Grayson berated himself for speaking so, aware that his hackles were rising and that his sense of confusion was growing within him. He did not know what it was nor what he ought to do with it, for his heart grew warm within him at her company, and yet his defense of such a feeling was, it seemed, to speak to her cruelly. Angry with his own demeanor and quite unable to understand it, he simply lowered his head and picked up his cup and saucer, thinking to drink his coffee quickly and then excuse himself.

“Little wonder that I do not seek your company after your behavior last evening, Whitehaven.”

Astonished at not only the boldness of her words but also the agony of what was held within them, Grayson lifted his head and looked directly into Dinah’s eyes. She was holding his gaze steadily, although her lips were trembling just a little. His heart sank to the floor, realizing suddenly who it was that had helped him to his bed. It had not been one of the servants, and he certainly had not managed to climb the staircase himself. Instead, it had been Dinah who had helped him to his rooms. Closing his eyes, he laced his fingers behind his head and set his elbows on the table in a most uncouth fashion, groaning quietly. What was it he had done?

“I am not surprised that your head aches,” Dinah continued, mistaking his demeanor for that of someone who has a painful head after a night of debauchery. “But if you believe that speaking to me and treating me in such a fashion is appropriate, Whitehaven, then you are very much mistaken.” Her voice was shaking now, her anger and upset more and more apparent. “I am aware that you want me gone from this house and that your only wish is to see me wed so that I might no longer be a burden to you, but I will not be forced from it by you, Whitehaven. You may attempt to encourage me from your side in all manner of ways, but I will not accept them from you.” Drawing in a long, audible breath, she let it out slowly. “How dare you treat me with such inconsideration?”

“Whatever it was I did or said, I am truly sorry.”

Raising his head and letting his hands drop, Grayson looked directly back into Dinah’s face and saw the tears glistening in her eyes. Guilt seared him, his eyes closing tightly so that he did not have to see her sorrow.

“I mean no ill will,” he said, even though his behavior had said otherwise. “I was not in my right mind, Dinah. Truly.” Opening his eyes, he saw her stiffen, her gaze somewhat fixed as she looked back at him. “I am truly sorry.”

It took some moments before Dinah reacted. It was as if she were trying to work out whether or not she could trust him, whether or not she could accept what he had said to be the truth. Grayson looked back at her with a calmness in his expression that he did not feel for inwardly, his emotions were running wildly though him, his heart clamoring and his mind begging her to believe him.

“You do wish me to be gone, however, do you not?” she said eventually, her eyes no longer glistening with unshed tears. “You will, of course, push me towards this Lord Irving.”

“That is not so,” he replied at once, a small flicker of anger in his heart. “I have told my mother that she ought to refuse Lord Irving’s request to court you until he knows you a little better.”

“And should I refuse to accept his court?”

The question was thrust at him like a knife, a sense of coldness rushing through him. What would he do if Dinah refused to accept Lord Irving? Would he force her to do so? Demand that she court the fellow regardless of what she felt? It would be one way to remove her from his house and, in doing so, hopefully allow his own affections to go with her.

“I think that you would push me towards Lord Irving regardless,” she said, answering for him. “It is obvious to me that you want me gone from your house.” Lifting her chin, she sniffed and turned her head. “And that will occur, Lord Whitehaven, you need have no fear about that. But only I will determine when it will take place and in which direction I shall go.”

Grayson did not know what to say for this displayed more strength than he had ever seen before in Dinah. She was as regal as a queen, sitting across from him and refusing to follow anyone’s path but her own.

“Then if not Lord Irving, then mayhap someone else,” he suggested slowly, aware that his heart leapt at the thought of taking her in his arms but knowing that he could not do so, not when she was so pure and he so ugly. She deserved a gentleman who, as his own mother had said, would treat her with the kindness, gentleness, and love that she deserved. He was nothing more than selfish, and Dinah had seen more than enough of his arrogant character these last few years. No doubt she would refuse him even if he were to lay his heart out for her to see. “You shall have to dance with gentlemen, converse with them and the like, if you are to make a decent match.”

Dinah let out a short, guttural exclamation before turning her head back to his.

“Or mayhap I should be permitted to follow my own path,” she told him bluntly. “Mayhap there are other ways that I might seek out my future.”

Frowning and not at all understanding what she meant, Grayson tilted his head, regarding her. “If you mean to say that you wish to vet the gentlemen who seek you out, then by all means do so. Or if it is that you fear that your dance card will remain empty, then I should be glad to aid you in such a thing.” He did not quite know what he meant by such a remark, for given that his damaged leg could not even allow him to walk without limping, he did not think that he would be able to dance and certainly had refused to do so over the last few years whenever he had been in company.

But for Dinah, Grayson knew he would do so.

“I hardly think so, Whitehaven,” Dinah replied, picking up her teacup, drinking it quickly and setting it back down so hard that it rattled in the saucer. “For to be quite frank, I should much prefer to dance with a pig than to step out onto the floor with you.” And so saying, she rose to her feet and hurried from the room, leaving Grayson open mouthed with shock and surprised that the quiet, pious Dinah had spoken to him with such vehemence and disdain. Evidently, his behavior last evening had sunk him even lower in her consideration of him. Groaning, Grayson set his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. Everything was going so terribly wrong, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.

Chapter Five

“Forgive me.”

Dinah closed her eyes at the recollection of how she had spoken to Lord Whitehaven earlier that day. She had been honest in her words, yes, but they had been cutting and cruel, and whether or not Lord Whitehaven deserved them, she ought not to have said any such thing.

“Dinah, do not look so melancholy!”

Lifting her head from where her gaze had settled on the floor by her feet, Dinah looked into Titania’s face and saw her usual bright smile and warm expression that was meant to encourage her.

“I am not melancholy,” she replied truthfully. “I am regretting something that I said and am quite content in my feelings regarding this.”

“Stuff and nonsense,” Titania stated, firmly. “You ought not to be so concerned about such things, Dinah. We are all inclined towards making mistakes, are we not? Why then must you torment yourself over your own fallibilities?”

Considering this, Dinah shook her head and felt the guilt pierce her soul. “My mother was very devout,” she replied, answering Titania’s question as best she could. “It is the one of the few things about her that has left its mark upon my heart. She was as kind, as gracious, and as loving as a mother could be, and I wish to emulate that.”

Titania frowned. “And you believe that piety is how you become such a lady?” she asked, as Dinah nodded. “My dear cousin, I believe you are quite mistaken.”

Dinah’s anger flared hot, her jaw working furiously, but Titania merely smiled and put a gentle hand over Dinah’s.

“I can see that I have angered you, but if you would only give me a chance to explain,” she said, her hand squeezing Dinah’s. “Please, dear cousin. I know that I have earned your displeasure many a time by my behavior, but I hope you can see that I am a little improved now. and that—thanks to not only your concern but that of my mother’s—I am changed enough to be able to bring even a modicum of wisdom to your circumstances.”

Sighing inwardly and feeling her anger fade away, Dinah nodded and gestured for Titania to continue. Inwardly, she considered that Titania’s words would have very little worth, given that Titania had been nothing more than a flirtatious young lady who had, somehow, found a devotion within her heart for only one gentleman. She was happily married now, yes, but that did not mean that she would be able to speak to Dinah’s circumstances, and certainly she did not believe that Titania understood anything about what it was to be devoted to God in the way that Dinah’s mother had been.

“A love and an affection, such as the one you saw in your mother, does not come solely from prayer and study,” Titania said gently, her hand still atop Dinah’s joined ones. “They come from a willingness to accept people as they are, to let go of their mistakes, and to allow forgiveness to flow towards them. Love does not point out other people’s faults but rather seeks to treat them with kindness and consideration. It does not hold onto wrongdoing – and I believe that includes not even holding onto your own guilt, Dinah. It holds you back; it restrains you. You must allow yourself to feel God’s forgiveness over your sins, my dear cousin, for I am certain that you have asked it of Him.”

Dinah nodded mutely, hating that her cousin was making such sense and yet trying to tell herself that she ought to listen and accept what was being said.

“You have nothing to concern yourself with then,” Titania continued quietly. “Allow yourself to make mistakes and not to fall into despair over them. Seek to give an apology if you require it, but do not linger on your faults – nor linger on the faults of others, Dinah. I know that you have often thought me to be failing in one way or another, but I have never allowed your consideration of me to affect my decisions nor my behavior—for I have never thought them to be any of your concern.” She shrugged, speaking as bluntly and as plainly as ever. “My behavior is my own concern, for do I not also pray and study God’s word as you do? It may not be with such devotion as you, and mayhap you think that wrong of me, but I believe, Dinah, that my behavior and the choices I make are seen by God and therefore only to be my concern and no one else’s. You should not judge me, and I should not judge you, not unless there is something of great wrongness in my character or my behavior.” She smiled gently, her words betraying nothing but a consideration and a love for Dinah. “In doing so, one’s character becomes quite lovely, for it is filled with a love for others that brings out compassion, consideration, and hope. I do not yet have such traits in all their fullness, but I long to do so. I believe that is the character that your mother possessed, Dinah, and it is a credit to you that you wish to emulate her – but do not be mistaken in your belief that. in order to gain such a character, you must judge others, berate yourself often, and turn towards shame, guilt, and disfavor. Rather, seek out the light.” Her hand dropped from Dinah’s, although Titania’s smile remained. “I hope I have not offended you, but I had to speak to you in such a manner so that you might understand my perspective.”

“No,” Dinah replied, surprised that her voice was hoarse with emotion. “No, indeed, I do not feel any anger towards you, Titania. Thank you.” A little astonished that she did, in fact, feel gratefulness towards her cousin, Dinah looked into Titania’s face and saw the surprise in her eyes as she looked back at her. Perhaps Titania had not thought that Dinah would be so willing to accept such words from her, but the truth had been in everything Titania had said. Dinah knew that she did, very often, linger over her own faults. She would seek forgiveness from God as she ought but thereafter would continue to cling onto her shame, going over and over it in her mind and praying almost continually until the feeling slowly faded.

Perhaps there was another way.

Suddenly, a wall of shame crashed into her, making her blink back sudden, forceful tears. In that one moment, visions of herself as she had behaved in the past came flooding back to her, reminding her of all the times she had spoken harshly to her cousins, how she had criticized them and laid out Bible verses in defense of what she had said. Covering her eyes for a moment, Dinah fought to keep her composure, feeling as though she had been washed in weakness, overcome by all that she now knew.

“Dinah.” Titania’s voice was gentle. “I did not mean to upset you.”

“No,” Dinah replied, lifting her face and taking in a long breath so as to steady herself. “No, you did not upset me, Titania. Thank you for speaking to me.”

Titania said nothing, looking back at Dinah with her intense gaze that Dinah knew to be so familiar and yet so unwelcome.

“I—I should go and seek out—”

“Oh, of course,” Titania interrupted, screwing up her face in evident frustration. “You have missed the first part of this dance. I am sorry, dear cousin. I did not know that you were engaged for the cotillion. Which gentleman was it you were to dance with? Here, do let me see. We should be able to find him together.”

Before Dinah could protest, Titania had grasped Dinah’s dance card and had lifted it to try and find the name, only for her eyebrows to lift and her hand to drop back down to her side.

“You have no gentlemen as yet,” she commented, as a faint blush came to Dinah’s cheeks. “Why is that, Dinah?”

Dinah tried to shrug in a casual fashion. “I have found none I wish to dance with,” she answered, with as much conviction as she could. “I have not been engaging in conversation or the like, Titania. I would not hide the truth from you. I have not been seeking out such a thing from anyone.” Thoughts of joining the convent were still circling around her mind, which was combined with Lady Whitehaven’s insistence that she marry and the confusion that came with considering both things at once.

“Are you afraid of doing so?” Titania asked bluntly. “If so, then why do you not seek out my brother? I know that he would be glad to…” She frowned and then shook her head. “Although I do not recall him dancing as yet, even though this is now his fifth ball of the Season.”

“I was seeking out Lord Whitehaven, in fact,” Dinah told her cousin, truthfully. “If you will excuse me, I will speak to him now.” She saw Titania nod, giving her a half smile before taking her leave. Wishing that she could find a way to tell Titania just how much her words had meant, Dinah could only squeeze her cousin’s hand briefly before moving away. Titania had been right to state that Dinah had always looked down upon her behavior, for she had found her much too forward, much too brash and flirtatious – but yet, Dinah knew that Titania was also correct to state that such things were none of Dinah’s concern. She might pray for her cousin, as she did for the rest of them, but that did not mean that she ought to pronounce judgement on Titania. Beside which, Titania had now found a suitable match and was, in fact, deeply in love with her husband. There had been no consequences for Titania’s behavior, as Dinah had once believed. There had been nothing but joy and contentment, which, Dinah thought, throwing a look over her shoulder towards Titania, was what Titania had always wanted.

Turning her head back, she only just prevented herself from walking directly into Lord Whitehaven, who, catching himself, moved back quickly, although his gait was somewhat awkward.

“Oh, good gracious!” Dinah exclaimed, a flush creeping up her neck. “I am truly sorry, Whitehaven.”

Lord Whitehaven did not look particularly pleased, for his expression was dark and his brows low. “Whatever are you doing, Dinah?” he muttered, grasping her by the elbow and turning her away from the other guests so that they might converse in a quieter corner of the room. “Is something the matter?”

Dinah swallowed hard, waiting until his gloved hand had left her elbow before she spoke. Looking up into his face, her eyes lingered on his lips for just a moment, sending her flush all the hotter as she recalled how they had been pressed to her own. A delicious sensation flooded her as she thought of it, licking her lips and dropping her eyes to the floor so that she would not betray herself to Lord Whitehaven. It seemed he did not recall it, and therefore, there was no need for her to even consider mentioning it to him.

“I do apologize, Whitehaven,” she stammered, feeling more than a little awkward. “I came to find you. I–”

“Came to find me?” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, sounding quite astonished. “You mean to say that you have come here specifically to speak to me?” He chortled loudly, although it did not hold any meanness of spirit. “And after all I have done to you, Dinah? Goodness, something must be afoot!”

Dinah, thrown a little off balance by his remark and wondering if he did, in fact, remember trying to kiss her, cleared her throat gently. She looked away from him, trying to regain her sense of composure.

“It is only that I wish to apologize, Lord Whitehaven,” she told him, only seeing out of the corner of her eye how his smile began to fade as she spoke. “I compared you to a pig and that was wrong of me to say. I ought not to have tried to insult you, even though my feelings on the matter were quite legitimate.” So saying, she took in a long breath, lifted her chin, looked back at him. “I seek your forgiveness, Whitehaven.”

Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some moments. His eyes were wide with surprise, his expression one of utter shock. Dinah felt her heart begin to pound furiously in her chest, fearing that she would begin to sink into the floor in embarrassment if he continued to say nothing. Lowering her head, she looked steadfastly at his feet, swallowing the lump in her throat and twisting her fingers together.

And then, Lord Whitehaven let out a low whistle, raking one hand through his hair as he shook his head gently.

“You are utterly remarkable, Dinah,” he said softly, making her look up at him sharply for fear that he was mocking her. “You come to me to seek out my forgiveness when it is I who has been treating you poorly for a good length of time.”

She shrugged, hearing the quietness of his voice but fearing that he was still to make a mockery of her. “I speak to you with all honesty,” she told him, wanting him to believe her and to keep his teasing to himself. “I feel a guilt in my heart that I have prayed over, but it has become apparent that I must seek your forgiveness also.” She drew in a long breath, steadying herself. “It does not matter about your behavior, I think, for how you feel about such a thing is not my concern.”

Lord Whitehaven blinked in evident surprise, whilst Dinah remained quiet. He did not seem to know what to say, for he looked at her with such astonishment in his eyes that she felt quite certain that either he would make some mocking comment by which to cover up how he had been taken aback, or he would simply shrug and turn away, leaving her without confirmation as to whether or not he would, in fact, forgive her foolish words.

“You have not always believed that another person’s conduct is not to be of your concern,” he said eventually, his tone even and without malice. “You have corrected, commented, prayed for, and frowned over some of my sister’s behavior, I think, and I cannot imagine what you must think of mine.”

Dinah’s lips twisted, knowing full well that she thought Lord Whitehaven one of the most unkind, most unpleasant gentlemen she had ever had the chance to meet. “Regardless of what I think, Lord Whitehaven, it has been pointed out to me that it need not be something that I discuss with either yourself or anyone else. My behavior is my own, as is yours.” She did not mention that it had been Titania who had made the remark only some minutes before, nor that such words had made such an impact upon her that she had realized, only in that moment, that she had been overly critical and harsh, for to admit such a thing would make her far too vulnerable in his eyes.

“Well,” Lord Whitehaven muttered, looking somewhat uncomfortable and running his hand through his hair yet again. “That is quite a surprise, Dinah. To hear you say such things, to hear you ask for forgiveness when it is I who….” Shaking his head, he spread his hands and looked at her. “I have nothing but forgiveness to give you,” he replied quietly, looking back at her with such a calm, steady gaze that, for the first time in as many months, Dinah felt as though he were being entirely open and honest with her. “After how I have treated you, Dinah, it is the very least I can offer you.”

Dinah blinked, a little confused at his words. How he had treated her? Was this his admission that he had been unkind towards her, unwelcoming and seemingly heartless?

“I – I have been reflecting on my own behavior of late,” he admitted, surprising her all the more. “I do not know what I did last evening, but I–”

“You tried to kiss me.”

The words ripped from her mouth before she could hold them back, and Lord Whitehaven, upon hearing this, went completely white. He looked so pale that Dinah almost stepped forward to ensure that he was not about to fall over in a faint, but he merely closed his eyes and shook his head, lowering his head to his chest for a moment.

“Can you forgive me, Dinah?”

It was her turn to be astonished, for the vulnerability in both his expression and his voice took her quite by surprise. Never once had he sought her out to ask for her forgiveness in some matter, to apologize for the way he spoke to her, or for the mocking words that seemed to come to his lips so easily. And yet now, here he stood, doing precisely that.

“I will not be surprised if you cannot,” he told her, when she said nothing. “I know I have not been the family you deserved, Dinah. I know that my conduct, most likely, only added to your grief, and for that, I am truly sorry.” He turned away, meaning to step away from her, only for his leg to buckle. Wincing, he groped about for something to lean on, and Dinah stepped forward at once, unable to prevent herself.

“Your leg is paining you?” she asked softly, aware that this was a subject that Lord Whitehaven had never discussed with her, and he had forbidden even his sisters from mentioning it. “I only ask because–”

“I just need to sit down,” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, his teeth gritting tight. “On occasion, when I have been, perhaps, a little worse for wear, I do not take as good care of it as I should.” This was said with a quick, guilty glance down at her, before he turned his head away again. “It is my greatest weakness, I think.”

Again, Dinah said nothing, surprised that he had been so honest with her when he had never once even mentioned his leg before. Instead, she simply clasped his arm, trying to make it look as though he were accompanying her instead of she helping him.

“You are much too good, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven murmured, as they walked slowly together towards a few vacant chairs. “Much too good for someone such as myself. Your kindness burns me.”

She swallowed hard, not quite sure what she ought to say in response. Should she remind him that she too had made mistakes, had made errors in judgement and spoken with harshness, in much the same way as he had done?

“This blasted leg,” Lord Whitehaven muttered, saving her the need to say anything at all. “My own fault, really.”

Waiting until he had sat down into a chair and adjusted his seat so that he was comfortable, Dinah took a breath and decided to be brave. “Might I ask what happened?” she began tentatively. “It is quite all right if you do not wish to tell me, of course, for I do not mean to pry.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “Ran out onto the road when I was a boy,” he said, without much emotion in his voice. “We were in London for some reason or other, and my father was busy talking to someone he had met. I saw something on the road that caught my eye – a coin or something like that – and thought I could dart between the carriages to get it.”

Dinah closed her eyes tightly, hardly daring to imagine what would have happened next.

“The carriage wheel and my leg ended up entangled,” Lord Whitehaven finished dully. “It has never been the same since, even though my father got the very best surgeon in all of London.”

“I do not think that makes you any less of a gentleman,” Dinah replied, wondering if this was the reason behind Lord Whitehaven’s demeanor. “You are not any different merely because of your leg.”

Lord Whitehaven’s jaw worked furiously, his eyes narrowing and his lips tugging into a thin, flat line. For a few moments, he looked up at her but said nothing, making Dinah fear that he was about to lay into her with harsh, brutal words that would remind her, once again, that she ought to say nothing at all about his leg. But then, the anger left his face and he sighed, closing his eyes and turning his head away.

“I should not keep you from the many, many gentlemen who I am sure will wish to dance with you this evening, Miss Shepherd,” he said to her, referring to her by her formal title and, in doing so, setting a wall between them. “Lord Irving, I am certain, will be nearby and seeking you out. Pray, do not linger here any longer.”

Dinah wanted to say that she had no reason to go in search of Lord Irving and certainly did not want to be welcomed into his company for it might then lead to a courtship that she would be forced into – but the words died in her throat at the blank expression on Lord Whitehaven’s face as he kept his head turned away.

Without a word, she turned around and walked aimlessly through the guests, her heart aching within her for some inexplicable reason. Was it because she thought there had been the first fragments of friendship between them, only for him to harden his countenance again? What was it she wanted from Lord Whitehaven? It could not be affection or the like, for that would be too mortifying to accept, but a gentle friendship between them would be a good deal better than the anger and frustration that seemed to flourish between them.

And then, the memory of his lips on her own came back to her, making her come to a stop right in the middle of the ballroom. Heat seared her, running from the top of her head all the way down to her toes. Catching her breath and resisting the urge to fan her face, Dinah lifted her chin and continued on her way, trying to push the memory of it from her mind. She did not want to recall it, did not need to linger upon it. It had been nothing more than a moment of drunken idiocy on his part and it meant nothing to him – just as it ought to mean nothing to her.

“Ah, there you are!”

The sound of Lady Whitehaven’s bright, welcoming voice caught Dinah’s attention, and she turned around to see her aunt approaching, with a gentleman walking beside her. This gentleman was tall and thin, with sharp, angular features and a long, thin nose. His eyes were small and very dark, hidden behind a pair of spectacles that appeared to be pinned onto his nose with the lenses catching the light. His hair was very dark in the candlelight and cropped close to his head, giving him an almost skeletal appearance. Dinah curtsied quickly as Lady Whitehaven introduced the gentleman, trying to remember if she had met him before.

“Lord Irving is delighted to see you here this evening, Dinah,” Lady Whitehaven said, gesturing towards the gentleman whom, Dinah realized, she had been somewhat forced to dance with at the previous ball. She did not recall his face – most likely because she had been eager just to have the dance completed and thereafter had forgotten about the gentleman entirely. “As you can see, Lord Irving, Dinah has her dance card already prepared.”

Seeing that she was not about to be able to escape such a thing, Dinah reluctantly held out her dance card and saw the gentleman smile almost in triumph. A little anxious and certainly repelled by the gentleman’s demeanor, she stood stock still whilst he wrote his name down in two spaces. This was not going to be an enjoyable evening, no matter what Lady Whitehaven hoped for. Lord Irving might prove to be the most wonderful gentleman in all of England, but she felt nothing for him. There was no immediate spark, no flicker of interest that grew in her heart. Instead, the only person on her mind was none other than Lord Whitehaven, no matter how much she wanted to remove him.

“Shall we, Miss Shepherd?”

Seeing that Lord Irving had written his name on the very next dance, Dinah unwillingly accepted his arm and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor. It was only by chance that she caught the gaze of Lord Whitehaven, who had risen from his chair and was now watching them both intently. Wondering at the look on his face and the set of his jaw, Dinah was soon forced to give her attention back to Lord Irving, who was busy talking with seemingly every expectation that she was listening to all that he said.

Quietly, Dinah wondered why she could not remove Lord Whitehaven from her thoughts when she knew him to be more unsuitable than any other gentleman of her acquaintance! Why did she torment herself with the memory of how she had felt when he had kissed her? Why did such a strange desire to do so again begin to grow in her when she knew him to be unwelcoming, angry, and altogether disagreeable? It was most confusing and rather upsetting, and even as she danced in another gentleman’s arms, Dinah found that he still lingered there, capturing her every thought as he had captured her lips only last evening.

Chapter Six

One week later

“You are being quite ridiculous, Grayson.”

The words that he spoke to himself held none of the conviction that he had hoped, even though he was trying to convince himself that he was nothing more than a fool. In the last week, he had found himself thinking of nothing other than Dinah, as though he were drawn closer to her than ever before. Of course, this had sent him into a whirlwind of despair, knowing that she was much too good a character for someone such as he, who was lost in gambling and the like, and so he had done the only thing he could think to do and had attempted to drink himself into oblivion on more than one occasion.

But each time he awoke, she would be there, lingering in his thoughts.

Running his hands through his hair, Grayson sat back in his chair and groaned. He had been caught unawares by her request for forgiveness, making him flood with shame and mortification as she had asked him to forgive her foolish speech and insulting words. Not that he had thought she had insulted him in any way, for he quite understood why she would have preferred to have danced with a pig than with himself, given that he had, apparently, tried to kiss her. But to see the vulnerability in her eyes, to hear her pained voice and her sorrowful expression had quite torn his heart from his chest. If anything, she was the one who required an apology from him, but instead she had come to him, seeking forgiveness for what had been the smallest of slights.

His heart dropped to the floor yet again as he thought of her. She was much too pure for him to pursue. To ask her to align herself with him for the rest of her days was nothing more than a dream – a dream that would fade away in time. Once she was married and settled with a good man, then, Grayson told himself, he would be able to forget about her altogether. These feelings would go, and he would be himself again.

A rap on the door startled him. Putting his hands down on the desk and sitting upright so that he looked as though he had been busy with his papers and the like, he called for them to enter. The butler came at once, holding what appeared to be a very thick letter. Grayson took it with a frown. Who could have written him such a long letter and what was the meaning behind it?

“I thank you,” he murmured, telling the butler to leave before he turned his attention to the letter. The seal was unmarked, making Grayson’s brows burrow low. Breaking it open carefully, he unfolded it – only for a large sheaf of papers to fall out. A sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he looked through each one, realizing with horror what they all were. They were copies of his vowels.

“Good heavens,” he whispered, rubbing at his forehead with a sweaty hand as he took in just how many of them there were. He knew he had been losing a good deal of money these last few days, but he did not remember writing vowels to one gentleman only! So why did there appear to be so many from one person at one time? He had, of course, had every intention of paying what he owed, he just simply had not yet managed to do so. The reason being that his money was tied up in his estate, and if he required such a large sum as his vowels dictated, he would have to go to his solicitors. Even then, that would take some time.

A bead of sweat ran down his back.

His hand was shaking slightly as he reached for the letter itself, pulling it free of the vowels and holding it carefully in front of his eyes. Aware that his breathing was a little quickened, Grayson tried to get a grip of his sudden anxiety and set himself to reading the letter.

“‘You may be wondering why I have copies of so many of your vowels, Lord Whitehaven,’” he read aloud. “‘This is because I have purchased them from those you gave them to. Therefore, it is now to me that you owe these funds. I would have them from you by the end of the day. You will take the funds to the Elder View House and deposit them there. Someone will be waiting for you.’”

Grayson swallowed hard, knowing full well that Elder View House was one of the establishments he had frequented over the last week. He was well known there. Turning the letter over, he looked for a sign to see which gentleman had done such a thing – only to discover that there was no name. The letter was unsigned. Screwing up his eyes, Grayson let out a long breath and tried to steady his nerves. This was all rather unusual, but that did not mean he had to panic. There was enough coffers within the house to pay the debts that he owed here in London, surely.

And then, something slammed into his memory. Opening his eyes, he began to search through each and every vowel, setting them aside once he had read the details. Somewhere in the middle of the pile, he found what he had been looking for.

It was one of the debts he owed to a gentleman in Bath. Setting it to the left of the pile, Grayson continued to sort out the papers, realizing with a growing horror, that all of his debts from last year in Bath were also a part of the debts he now owed this unknown gentleman. He had very little idea as to why someone would wish to do such a thing but, nevertheless, someone had done so.

Closing his eyes, Grayson set down the last vowel and covered his face with his hands. He had behaved recklessly, and now he was to pay the price. There could be no easy way to bring all the money that he owed to Elder View today. The solicitors would need to release some more funds and that would take a few days. So what was he do to?

Throwing his chair back, Grayson got to his feet and strode to the window that overlooked the gardens. Leaning heavily on the sill, he let out long breaths, trying to calm his frantic mind. He could take what he had with him, could he not? He could go to Elder View with some of the money so that the person responsible for the demand would know that he had every intention of delivering the rest. Surely that would be enough to satisfy them for a few days. Grimacing, Edward tried not to think about what the money he owed would have done for the estate. The tenants houses badly needed to be repaired and that had been the intention for this coming summer, but now he would have to write to his steward and ask for such a thing to be delayed. If only the estate had done well the last few years! Then, Grayson was certain, he would have been able to throw about as much money as he wished without worrying about the consequences.

“You cannot blame anyone but yourself for this,” he said aloud, looking at his pale reflection in the glass. “This was all your choice. Your doing. Your responsibility.”

The weight of that settled on his heart, making him wince. That was the truth of it, there was no doubt. He had done this to himself. He had been the one to go in search of gambling hells when he knew he ought not to do so. He had been the one who had drunk himself into a stupor, only to keep playing as best he could. This was all his own fault, and he had no one to blame other than himself.

Sighing again, he caught sight of someone walking through the small gardens. Her face was upturned to the sky, her fair head looking like strands of gold in the sunlight. He could not see her blue eyes, for she kept them closed, standing quietly for a moment or two. Most likely, she was praying. Praying for his dark soul, perhaps. A mirthless smile crossed Grayson’s face, reminding himself once more about how he and Dinah could never become anything more than what they were. She was almost angelic, and he so far down into a dark pit that it might never allow him to fully escape.

What would she think if she heard of his debts? What would she do or say? Most likely, she would close her eyes and shake her head in both sorrow and resignation, perhaps having expected as much from him. She would pray for him, mayhap, but make sure to keep out of his company as much as possible. That was something he did not think he could bear, for even though there was only a small flicker of understanding between them, he could not imagine that disappearing forever. It would quite break him.

Why can I not forget you?

His attempts at pushing her away had lost a good deal of their strength, Grayson knew. His affections were growing instead of fading, and it brought him a sense of pain to see her so hurt by his harshness. Instead, he had chosen simply to avoid her, to remain out of her company and out of her life as much as he could this last week. It had not been easy, for his eyes still sought to find her in amongst the crowd when they were at a ball or soiree, and he often found her looking back at him for a moment before turning her head away again.

The urge to go to her now was growing steadily, pushing him away from the window and half forcing his legs towards the door. Grayson stopped dead, catching himself. He was trying to stay away from Dinah, was he not? Turning back towards the desk, his eyes caught sight of the vowels and the demand for payment. If he remained here, then all he would have to think about would be the papers on his desk. Whereas, if he went to the gardens, then mayhap an idea would come to him, allowing him to see a solution to his current dilemma.

Again, his feet turned towards the door. He wanted to go to the gardens, to meet with Dinah, to talk to her, and to see her smile, if he could manage to garner one from her. And yet the other part of him told him to stay far from her, to remove himself from her company almost entirely and to ensure that he had nothing whatsoever to do with her. Warring within himself, Grayson turned back towards the desk and walked to the chair. Sitting down, he cleared his throat and began to pick through the vowels.

His heart screamed at him and, before he knew it, Grayson was out of his chair and out of his study, hurrying down the stairs towards the gardens before he could prevent himself from doing so.

* * *

“Lord Whitehaven!”

Dinah’s expression was one of surprise, as she turned to see him striding out towards her. She dipped a curtsy, her cheeks flaring with color as she glanced about him. “Is something wrong? Does Lady Whitehaven need me?”

“What?” he asked, only to realize what she meant “Oh, no. No, she does not. In fact, I believe my mother is resting.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks were still a shade of red, her blue eyes flickering across the gardens, looking anywhere but his face.

Grayson cleared his throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I–I just wondered if there was anything you required,” he said lamely, realizing just how foolish he sounded. “And it seemed like a fine day, so I thought a short stroll in these gardens might be worth my time.”

Dinah nodded quickly. “Then I should not delay you,” she stammered, making to move past him. “I am sorry if you expected the garden to be empty.”

“No, please.” His hand was on her arm in a moment, making Dinah stop dead and look down at where he had captured her.

“What I mean to say is,” Grayson continued quickly, all too aware of the searing heat racing up his arm, “is that you need not leave on my account, Dinah. I should be glad to walk with you in the gardens, should you wish it.” He left the decision up to her, seeing the surprise in her eyes and wondering what she thought of him at present. He was not even certain what it was he wanted or intended to do during this short time with her, but at least his urge to go near her and to be in her company had been satisfied.

“You…you wish me to walk with you, Whitehaven?” Dinah asked, sounding somewhat dazed. “Are you quite certain?”

“Quite,” he replied, as warmly as he could. “I know I have been mostly absent this last week but…” He trailed off, not sure what else he wanted to say. Thankfully, Dinah did not seem to react with surprise, for she merely inclined her head in assent and turned back so that they both faced the same direction.

“The gardens are lovely,” Grayson began, feeling a flush of embarrassment creep up his spine. “I have not often been out here.”

“I often like to walk here,” Dinah replied, looking all about her and speaking in such a quiet, almost dreamlike tone that Grayson wondered what was on her mind. “Especially when it is quiet.”

“I suppose it is a good place for prayer,” he commented, presuming that was what she did whenever she walked here alone, only for Dinah to lift one shoulder in a half shrug. “Or to think, mayhap?”

“To think, yes,” she replied, her voice softening. “To remember, I suppose.” Again, her expression softened, her voice still soft as she looked anywhere but him. “It is where I come when my mind grows too heavy.”

Grayson said nothing, trying to understand what she was talking about without making it apparent that he had no understanding whatsoever. His brows furrowed, his lips pulled flat and his mind chewed over every possibility, thinking to himself that she must be struggling with the Season and the gentlemen that were seemingly so eager to pursue her.

“And has the quiet allowed you to come to a decision about Lord Irving?” he asked, not certain whether or not he had any right to ask this or not. “He appeared to be quite taken with you at the last ball.” Turning his head, he watched her closely, not wanting to miss anything she would reveal in her expression.

Dinah’s lips twisted, as two small lines formed between her brows. Her cheeks caught with a little more color, and she shook her head. “I do not care anything for Lord Irving, Whitehaven,” she told him firmly, making Grayson’s heart leap with evident delight. “But that is not what I was thinking of. I have already made up my mind as regards the gentlemen of the ton, and there is nothing more to consider.”

Blinking at the hint of anger in her tone, Grayson tried to recover himself so that they could return to that quiet amicability that had been between them both only a few moments before. “I do not mean to pry,” he answered apologetically, half wishing he could take her arm so that he could squeeze it gently and allow her to know the truth of what he felt. “I apologize if you believe that I am doing so.”

He wanted desperately to ask her what it was that had been on her mind as she walked through the gardens, half hoping that it had been himself she had thought of, even though he knew that such a thought was nothing more than foolishness.

“And I should not have spoken sharply,” she replied, sighing and shaking her head. “I apologize again, Whitehaven.”

“You have nothing to–”

“I often think of my parents when I walk here,” she continued, interrupting him as her voice became wistful. “I think of my mother, who so often told me that the path for my life would show itself to me should I only continue to follow God.” A slightly frustrated sound came into her voice, and she bit her lip for a moment. “Except that path has not become clear.”

Grayson sighed to himself, irritated that he had not immediately thought of Dinah’s parents when it came to wondering what it was she thought of. Of course, it would be them. His own sense of shame came over him again as he remembered how little he had cared about Dinah’s loss. Having been caught up with his own confusing emotions and his determination to rid himself of such things, he had never truly considered what it would be like to lose not one but both parents in one horrific moment. Dinah had been left an orphan, had been forced to leave the continent where her home had been, and had come to start afresh in England. He could not even imagine the struggle.

“For what it is worth, cousin, and this may come a great deal too late, I am sorry for what you have lost.” He threw out one hand in a gesture of hopelessness. “I wish there was something more I could say, something more that I might do in order to share with you my own shame over my lack of compassion for you in these last years, for I recognize now that I have been quite selfish.”

This seemed to surprise Dinah, for her eyes widened just a little and her brows rose high, looking at him as though she had never truly seen him before.

“I hide a good many things away,” he finished, shrugging. “Even from myself, I think. I like to ignore my idiocy, my mistakes, and my wrongdoings.”

“That is something I believe we all do,” she replied with no hint of malice in her voice. “And it may come as a surprise to you, Whitehaven, but I do, in fact, appreciate your apology. It has been very difficult to endure the loss of my dear mother and father, whilst attempting to appreciate all that has been given to me thereafter.” She swallowed, her eyes glistening with tears as she looked away from him.

“How was it you came to England?” he asked softly, not wanting to push her to answer more than she wished. “Who was left to take care of you?”

There was a short pause, and then Dinah let out a long breath, carried away by the small gust of wind. “My father had a steward within the house,” she replied, sorrowfully. “He was not killed. Nor were any of the other household staff, and together, they came to care for me until it was time for me to leave them.” A sob caught in her throat, but she did not stop, only hesitating for a moment until she could capture her breath again. “My parents were the only ones taken.”

Grayson’s heart began to ache for her, his compassion growing into something so large that it seemed to explode from his chest. Without a moment of hesitation, he linked arms with her, putting his hand on her arm and pressing it gently. This did not seem to surprise Dinah—for instead of gasping and pulling away, she simply looked up at him with a small, grateful smile.

“I do not know how the thieves managed to get into our house,” she continued, her voice hoarse and yet pulsing with a hidden strength. “The servants were all gone out for the evening, for there was to be some sort of soiree of sorts within our small community and my father did not want a single one of our staff to miss it.”

“A kind gentleman,” Grayson commented, thinking that he would never have thought to even consider such a thing.

“The kindest you would ever meet,” Dinah agreed, closing her eyes for a moment as they continued to meander slowly through the gardens. “My mother was thrilled that the staff would be able to attend. We had been for a short time but had then returned home earlier than expected.” Tears began to stream from her eyes. “If we had remained a little longer, then mayhap we would have returned only after the thieves had gone.”

Grayson’s heart ached all the more at the sorrow in her eyes and the pain in her voice. “If this is too difficult, Dinah, then–”

She shook her head. “No. I want you to know this.” Taking in a shaking breath, she half clung to him as she continued, her fingers tight on his arm. “I went to my room to change, only to hear my mother’s scream. I wanted to go to her, wanted to help with whatever was wrong, but I soon heard another voice, another exclamation.”

“Where did you go?” Grayson asked, as quietly as he could. “You were kept safe from them, were you not?”

“I hid under my bed,” Dinah whispered, tears still falling like the rain. “They did not enter my bedchamber for some reason, although I could not say why. Perhaps they had already robbed it.” She sucked in another ragged breath, wiping her cheeks with her other hand. “I did not discover my parents, however. It was one of the servants as they returned from the soiree. They made certain I did not see them until they had been laid out, with only their pale faces revealed.” She came to a stop, her breathing coming in short, sharp gasps as she let go of the pain that had been in her heart for so long. “And then I was sent here. My father’s steward arranged it all, and I am grateful to you for being so willing to have me reside in the estate.”

He wanted to remind her that it had not been his choice, given that Lady Whitehaven had overruled each and every objection that had come from anyone’s lips, but instead he stayed silent. Turning towards her and looking down at her tear-streaked face, Grayson closed his eyes and felt his own mortification stab him like a knife. He had never once heard her speak so, had never thought to enquire. Instead, he had simply presumed that she was managing with her grief and had never once even asked about the details of her parents death. It was utterly horrific what had occurred, and he could not imagine what terror she must have felt on that dark night.

“I am sorry, Dinah.” His words were broken with emotion as he opened his eyes and looked down at her, seeing her nod gently and yet still her tears fell. She was so willing to accept his apologies without any question, without any difficulties when it came to forgiveness. She was pure of spirit, and he so broken. “I should have considered your pain long before this moment,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You have endured so very much and yet have remained so strong.”

“I have had your family to depend on,” she answered him, although Grayson knew all too well that he was not included in such a statement. “And God has helped me through it.”

“I am here to aid you now,” he told her, not knowing what it was he meant by such a statement and certainly having very little idea as to what he could do in particular but nevertheless wanting her to understand that he was no longer going to be entirely dismissive of her pain. “If there is ever anything I can do to help you, Dinah, then you need only ask.”

She did not say anything but looked up into his eyes, her tears beginning to dry on her cheeks. And then, much to his astonishment, she leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder, his hands dropping from her arm.

Grayson went hot all over, looking down at Dinah’s blonde head as it rested on his shoulder and feeling himself entirely inadequate. He had no other choice but to put his arms about her, holding her close to him and aware of just how quickly his heart began to beat at the sheer joy that came from having her in his arms. He did not deserve this, of course, for he was nothing more than a selfish, arrogant cad who made foolish choices and still continued along his chosen path regardless of what it would bring. The vowels and the threatening letter were on his desk as evidence of that.

Closing his eyes, Grayson sighed heavily, keeping his arms about Dinah and telling himself that, even though he knew there could be nothing between them, even though he would never even consider saddling her with someone such as he, he would merely enjoy this moment for what it was. The sensation of having her in his arms, of knowing that she had willingly gone to him for comfort wrapped itself around his heart, squeezing it gently and pushing away some of his own distress. At least now he knew Dinah better. He understood her pain, could know of her struggles and could attempt, in his own way, to comfort her in them.

That was all he was doing at the present, he told himself. Comforting her. Sharing her grief and allowing her to share it with him. After how he had treated her these last few years, it was the very least he could do.

“I thank you, Grayson.”

Dinah’s words were muffled as she remained in his arms, sniffing once or twice as she attempted to get ahold of her emotions.

“You are more than welcome, my dear lady,” he murmured, his gentle words bringing a peace to his own soul as well as to Dinah’s. “Whenever you wish to speak of it, know that I am now, finally, more than willing to listen to you. Even though it is, of course, much too late.”

Her head lifted, and she looked up into his eyes. “It is not too late,” she answered softly. “At least, I do not think so.”

Grayson’s mouth filled with sand as he gazed down into her eyes and thought her one of the most beautiful young ladies he had ever had the chance to meet. Wanting to say something, wanting to say more to her, he struggled to find anything of comprehension to say until, finally, he managed to come up with something.

“Thank you, Dinah,” he muttered, as she rested her head on his shoulder again. “You take after your father, I think, for you have the kindest heart I think I have ever seen. You are a credit to your parents. They would be very proud of you.”

Dinah’s hand pressed lightly against his chest, her body trembling for a moment as she battled more tears. Grayson held her tightly, knowing that he had meant every word. The air grew thick about him, sweat began to run down his back and still, he held her. He would not let her go until she stepped back out of his arms, wanting to reassure her that he would, as he had said, always be there for her to turn to when the pain became too great or her mind became too heavy.

Until she finds a husband, he thought, his eyes closing with the pain that washed over him, making him buckle for a moment. And then you will no longer be required. You will be left behind whilst she turns to her husband instead of to you.

What would he do then?

Chapter Seven

“For your name’s sake,” Dinah murmured, ignoring the way her knees had begun to ache. “Amen.” Letting out her breath, she opened her eyes and looked about the room, feeling a sense of disquiet still within her soul. She had prayed for a long time and had read her prayer book also, and still no peace came to her.

“Whitehaven.”

Getting up slowly and wincing at the pain in her knees, Dinah waited until they had recovered themselves somewhat before wandering to the window, thinking that perhaps praying a little more might help her forget what she was feeling for Lord Whitehaven. He had been so cruel to her before, so unkind and unwelcoming, and yet now he appeared to be sorry for how he had treated her. He had said so, for he had apologized to her profusely, and she had accepted it without question. When he had come to the gardens, when they had spoken and when she had discovered herself wanting to tell him everything she had endured, she had found him so markedly changed that something within her had cried out for him. It had become so overwhelming that she had stepped into his arms without even thinking of it, wanting to be right there, wanting to be in his arms and praying that he would allow her to do so.

He had held her tightly and yet with such a gentleness that Dinah had felt as though she were a china ornament, delicate and yet liable to break. Lord Whitehaven had said nothing, simply holding her until she was ready to step away from him and continue her walk through the gardens with him by her side.

Except, he had needed to excuse himself. Oh, the ache in her heart as she had watched him leave, feeling as though there had been something tremendous between them, something wonderful that had not yet quite reached its fullness, only to be dashed away with every step he took away from her.

“Foolishness,” she muttered, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand and perching on the windowsill for a moment or two, looking out into the darkness. It was nothing but foolishness to allow her heart to feel anything for Lord Whitehaven, for he was not the sort of gentleman she would ever be happy with. Yes, he had shown her that he could be kind and compassionate, but that did not mean that he would also give up his vices. She could not consider someone such as he.

And yet, her feelings were growing steadily, growing with a strength that frightened her. She found herself wanting to be in his company, wanting to be with him in whatever he did. Part of her longed to keep him from his vices so that he might discover an enjoyment that came without liquor and cards. She was certain there could be a happiness between them that would linger without the need to turn to gambling, to coarseness and frivolity that disregarded others entirely. Sighing heavily, Dinah closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead again, feeling a slight ache beginning to develop just behind her eyes. It was Lord Whitehaven that continued to linger on her mind, continued to make her question what she knew and what she felt. Lord Whitehaven had two characters – one where he was quiet, compassionate, and caring, and another where he was loud, brash, selfish, and entirely inconsiderate. She could not understand him, could not make him out. Which character was he, truly? Did he simply turn to his vices to hide something from himself? Was it a way to forget how he felt about his limp, so that he would no longer feel inferior in his own mind?

“I do not know,” she murmured impatiently, getting up from the windowsill and wondering if she ought to change. They had been at a dinner earlier that evening, with Titania residing with them now, given that her husband had been forced to return to the estate to deal with a matter of business. He would return to London very soon, but for the moment, Titania was with them. Would she still be awake? Most likely, yes, for Titania had always said she did not like to retire early. Mayhap she would be in the library or the drawing room. Dinah considered that she might quite like some company, for whilst she had prayed and read, she still did not have the peace she had been searching for. It had not come to her as easily as she had thought it might, leaving her worrying about what was going on in her heart.

“My path does not seem to be as easily laid out as I had hoped,” she said to herself, picking up a shawl and throwing it over her shoulders as she walked towards the door. Her thought of becoming a nun, of going to a convent and leaving her worldly life still held appeal, yes, but Dinah knew she could not even consider it until her feelings for Lord Whitehaven left her entirely. Only then could she focus the entirety of her thoughts on God, as she would be expected to do.

“And as I want to do,” she said aloud, her voice bounding off the walls as she made her way to the library. The problem was, she realized, wincing a little, was that she was trying to convince herself that this was what she truly wanted when the truth was that she was not entirely sure herself.

A sudden exclamation and the sound of a door slamming hard against the wall made her jump, her heart thundering furiously – only to see Titania hurrying towards her, although her eyes were fixed straight ahead as though she did not see Dinah.

“Titania?” Dinah asked, making Titania let out a little yelp of surprise. “Whatever is the matter?”

Titania hesitated, then shook her head. “It is nothing. It is not your concern, Dinah.”

Her curiosity piqued, Dinah put one hand on Titania’s arm. “Is something wrong?” she asked, a little concerned Lady Whitehaven was unwell or some such thing. “What can I do to help?”

Titania let out a long breath and shook her head, her expression set and angry. “It is nothing other than my foolish brother,” she stated firmly. “You need not worry, Dinah. I will be back shortly.”

“Back?” Dinah repeated, one hand at her heart as she let go of Titania’s arm. “You cannot mean to say that you are going out in search of him!”

Titania waved a hand. “Now is not the time for your comments regarding my lack of propriety, Dinah,” she said with a hint of frustration in her eyes. “My brother is, according to the servants who seem to know everything, being set upon by two gentlemen outside a particular establishment. I must go and fetch him.”

Dinah shook her head, her panic mounting with every second that passed. “You cannot go alone, Titania.”

“I have no choice,” Titania replied, shaking off Dinah’s restraining hand. “Mother is asleep, and I would not waken her for fear of what she would say or think over my brother’s lack of propriety.”

Dinah’s heart ached with a sudden sorrow over Lord Whitehaven’s behavior, wondering yet again how someone could appear so kind and compassionate all of a sudden, only to fall back into yet another vice.

“The carriage is being prepared,” Titania said, turning away from Dinah. “Pray, if you wish to help, have some hot coffee prepared and, mayhap, bandages and hot water.” She scurried away at once, evidently to dress and prepare for what she would need to take with her, leaving Dinah standing alone in the hallway.

Dinah’s mind was working furiously, telling her that she ought to do as Titania said and remain in the house. It was entirely improper for any young lady to go about London alone, and particularly not late at night! If the gossip mongers were to hear of what had occurred, then not only Lord Whitehaven but also Titania could be mocked and laughed at from behind gloved hands.

But if you go with her, then are you not also putting your own reputation in danger?

Closing her eyes, Dinah took in three long breaths and tried to find the same decisiveness that had once been such a part of her that she had never once questioned what she should do. Had this been a few months ago, then she would not even consider going with Titania, but now, now that Titania had pointed out her faults in being critical and judgmental about others and now that she knew full well that what she felt for Lord Whitehaven was a good deal more than she had ever expected, there was something in her that wanted her to go with Titania. She wanted to help. She wanted to be there to aid Lord Whitehaven, no matter what state he was in. Yes, she was disappointed and mayhap even sorrowful over his choices, but she could not linger on that. She would not remain in judgement on him any longer, especially not when he needed help.

Trembling just a little, Dinah lifted her chin and hurried towards the staircase, descending it quickly and thereafter giving rapid instructions to one of the maids. Then, before she could change her mind, she made her way to the front door and, seeing the butler open it for her, gave him a small, quick smile as though this was the confirmation she needed that she was doing the right thing.

* * *

“What do you think you are doing, Dinah?”

“I am coming with you,” Dinah replied calmly, as Titania stared at her in surprise. “Lord Whitehaven needs us, does he not?” She shrugged as though this was something Titania should have expected. “Besides which, accompanying you means that there is less opportunity for someone to question your reputation.”

Titania stared at her in evident shock for some moments, before climbing into the carriage and sitting down opposite her. The door was closed, and Titania rapped on the roof, telling the driver that they were ready.

“Goodness, Dinah, you have changed somewhat since I was last in London,” Titania commented quietly, looking at Dinah carefully. “What has come over you?”

Dinah shook her head, a little embarrassed. “It is not a change that has been within me for some time,” she answered honestly. “It has only been since you spoke to me with such frankness that I have realized that my piety has done no one any good, not even myself.” She spread her hands. “I am sorry for the times I have spoken words of judgement over you, Titania.”

Titania’s brows rose all the more, appearing quite astonished, only for her to let out a shout of laugher and shake her head.

“I can hardly believe that you are saying this Dinah – much less that you are in the carriage with me now, but I will accept your apology and state that I am glad you have decided to change so. I think, truly, that you will feel the benefit of it.”

Dinah let out a long breath, her stomach tightening with tension as the carriage made its way through the dark streets. “I must hope so,” she replied, as Titania smiled broadly. “Although I do not ever think I shall have the same boldness as you!”

Titania laughed again, her eyes softening. “No, indeed not. Although that is, mayhap, rather wise on your part, Dinah. I am so often still outspoken and act without thinking first.” She smiled gently. “I suppose everyone has something they need to change, do they not?”

“Yes, I believe so,” Dinah answered, wondering whether Lord Whitehaven would ever be willing to give up his vices. She looked out of the window at the darkness but saw very little—other than a few flickering lights in the windows. Her hands tightened in her lap, her anxiety mounting furiously.

“I do not know what Grayson thinks he is doing,” Titania muttered, referring to her brother in the same way as her mother did. “To go to Elder View and throw money around is utterly ridiculous and very foolish.”

“Elder View?” Dinah enquired, aware of just how quickly her heart was beating. “What is that?”

Titania bit her lip and looked away, her face lit by the two small lanterns that hung within. “A gambling house,” she told Dinah, making Dinah’s heart sink all the more. “Foolish man.”

Dinah said nothing in response to this, recalling how Lord Whitehaven had laughed in her face and stated that he had every intention of going to gambling hells and the like back when he had first come to London. Of course, she thought to herself, she ought not to expect a gentleman to change his behavior immediately and completely, reforming himself all at once. After all, she was not able to prevent herself from thinking judgmental or critical thoughts about others simply because she realized now she ought not to do so. They still came to her. She still had to battle them, had to force them away. Mayhap that was the same with Lord Whitehaven.

“Stay here,” Titania said, as the carriage came to a stop. “I have two of the grooms with me and–”

“Regardless of how many you have, I am coming with you also,” Dinah stated, interrupting her cousin and making Titania stare at her with surprise. “Do not try and prevent me.” So saying, she waited for the carriage door to be opened and then stepped out as quickly as she could into the dark London streets.

Titania joined her almost at once, and they stood looking up at a rather imposing building with a large wooden door that seemed to be shut up tight. There were obviously drapes in the windows because here and there, there came small chinks of light that caught Dinah’s attention.

“Do you think he is within?” she whispered, only for the sound of a shout and a scuffle to catch her ears. Frightened, she reached for Titania’s arm, holding onto her cousin tightly and praying that Titania would not laugh at her.

Her cousin did no such thing. Instead, she put her hand over Dinah’s and took in a long breath – mayhap trying to gain her courage, Dinah thought. Another shout of pain rent the air, leaving Dinah and Titania standing together and looking all around them for evidence of where it had come from.

“If I might,” said one of the grooms, coming closer to Titania. “There is a small alley just to the left of this building. I did wonder if…?” He trailed off, gesturing behind him. “I would not want to leave you, but–”

“We shall all go together,” Titania declared, as a hard, cruel laugh came towards them. “Do stay beside me, please, Dinah. We cannot lose each other.”

Dinah could say nothing, for her heart was beating so quickly and her mouth so dry that she could not even speak if she had wished to. Instead, she simply concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, aware that they were drawing near to the sounds of a fight, which her mind told her she ought to be running from instead of turning towards.

“Courage,” Titania whispered – although whether this was for Dinah’s benefit or her own, Dinah could not tell. Keeping their arms linked tightly together, the two ladies walked around the corner and came upon the most dreadful sight.

Lord Whitehaven was propped up against a pile of barrels. Two lanterns hung on the wall above his head, although Dinah suspected that this was to ensure that the three gentlemen who were beating him senseless could see what they were doing. Her stomach churned furiously at the sight of Lord Whitehaven, seeing the blood running down his face, the dark bruises around both eyes and the way that one arm seemed to hang at a haphazard angle.

Whatever it was he had done, Dinah did not think that he deserved this.

“Unhand my brother!”

Titania’s voice was loud and authoritative, but the three men turned towards her as one, their eyes narrowed and their jaws set hard. They each bore a steely gaze, a mop of unkempt hair and were in their shirtsleeves. Dinah did not think that they were gentlemen of the ton.

“Ah, look what we have here,” said one of the men, advancing towards Dinah and Titania. “Two angels come to save a devil from himself.”

Dinah swallowed hard, reminding herself that there were tigers with them and that they had nothing to fear. Her eyes remained fixed on Lord Whitehaven, seeing his weakness and how he could barely remain standing. Were it not for the barrels, then Dinah was quite certain that he would have collapsed entirely.

“You will leave my brother alone,” Titania said loudly, her voice shaking just a little. “You will not touch him again.”

The three men laughed as though this was the most ridiculous thing they had ever heard. The laughter was cruel and unkind, making Dinah tremble visibly. She did her best to remain strong, to show the same strength of character as Titania, but still her weakness remained within her. Praying silently that God would give her the strength to help Lord Whitehaven, and that He would protect both Titania and Lord Whitehaven, Dinah lifted her chin and let out a shaking breath.

“‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult,’” she quoted, giving the men a verse from the Bible that seemed to stop them in their tracks. “And is it also not said that ‘bloodshed follows bloodshed’?” She shook her head at them as though they were small children that needed her guidance, trying not to reveal a single modicum of fear to them. “You are doing wrong, and you will only reap the same sort of wrongdoing.”

The third man leered at her, although Dinah noticed that his expression was a little less certain than before. “An angel that knows verses from the Bible,” he laughed, waggling a finger at her. “Not that it means anything to the likes of us. We have a job to do, that is all.”

Dinah lifted her chin again, looking at them as disdainfully as she could. “And no one will admire you for it, nor look up to you,” she said, aware of the shake in her voice but praying that they would not notice it. “Does it not also say, ‘Do not envy the violent or choose any of their ways’?” Seeing the first and second man share a glance, she continued to speak. “You are in danger of destruction,” she said, filling her voice with warning. “You do not believe that God himself can see you at this very moment? That He does not examine your hearts and see you failing in every way? The Psalmist wrote that ‘the Lord examines the righteous but the wicked, those who love violence, He hates with a passion.’” Spreading one hand out wide, she gave them a fierce look. “You are doing a great wrong and the consequences you may yet discover to be eternal.”

This, for whatever reason, seemed to put a fear in each of the men’s faces. They glanced at each other, and then back at Titania and Dinah, although the first remained as menacing as before.

“He knows what will happen to him if he does not pay,” the first man said, his voice dark and his words grating. “This is only just a warning.”

That being said, he jerked his head to one side and led the other two men away from Lord Whitehaven, leaving both Titania and Dinah staring after them in shock. Titania let out a long breath, pressing Dinah’s hand tightly.

“I do not ever think I have been more grateful for your knowledge of the Holy Bible,” she said softly, grasping Dinah’s hand tighter again and beginning to make their way carefully across the dirty ground towards Lord Whitehaven. “Well done, Dinah.”

Dinah’s breath was shaking out of her, hardly able to believe what had just occurred. “I did not expect it either,” she said honestly, carefully picking her way across the broken glass and avoiding the dark stains that she feared was Lord Whitehaven’s blood. “It was all I could think to say.”

“He will rescue them from oppression and violence,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, as Titania and Dinah finally reached him. “Is that not so, Dinah?”

Dinah’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Lord Whitehaven’s battered and bruised face, hearing the weakness in his voice and feeling her own agony over it. Whatever he had done wrong, this was more than enough of a punishment.

“That is so,” she answered, as Titania pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket and pressed it against a seeping wound on Lord Whitehaven’s forehead.

“And God has sent you both to me to rescue me from my own stupidity,” Lord Whitehaven whispered, his voice barely loud enough to reach her ears. “What am I to do?”

Titania glanced at Dinah, the worry in her expression the very same that clouded Dinah’s heart.

“We must get you home,” Titania replied, trying to sound reassuring. “Thereafter, we can discuss what has happened to you, but you cannot be allowed to stay here.”

“I cannot,” Lord Whitehaven croaked. “Mother will–”

“We will make certain she does not see you nor know of this,” Dinah promised, wanting to alleviate his distress. “Come now, Whitehaven, you cannot remain here. You must have your wounds dressed.”

Thankfully, Lord Whitehaven agreed without any further concerns, although the cry of pain that left his lips as Dinah and Titania helped him to his feet to lead him towards the carriage almost had them setting him back down again.

“The tigers may have to carry you, Whitehaven,” Titania murmured, throwing a concerned glance towards Dinah. “I do not want to add any further pain to your injuries.”

Lord Whitehaven let out another low groan, his hand clinging to Dinah’s shoulder as they moved slowly forward.

“No,” he whispered, his breath hissing out through his teeth. “No, do not allow me to be shamed so, Titania. For even some of my staff to see me so is already shame enough.”

Titania grimaced but did not disagree, walking slowly forward with Dinah on Lord Whitehaven’s other side.

“It was one of your servants that came to tell me of what they had seen of you,” she commented, a touch dryly. “The servants are already aware of what has occurred, Whitehaven.”

Dinah said nothing, seeing Lord Whitehaven’s expression tighten as one of the carriage drivers came near them with a lantern held high, wondering if his expression came from his pain or from the knowledge that his staff knew of his beating.

“What did you do to have them inflict such pain on you, Grayson?” Titania asked, her voice softer than before. “You have endured a terrible beating.”

Lord Whitehaven said nothing, moaning just a little as he was aided into the carriage. Dinah climbed the steps after Titania and sat down opposite Lord Whitehaven, her hands tight in her lap as she fought back the gnawing fear that he had been terribly injured in some way. She did not care, she realized, what it was he had done nor how foolish he had been, for she just wanted him to recover. Quite how they were to keep him from Lady Whitehaven, she did not know, for the injuries to his face were many and could not easily be hidden.

Lord Whitehaven said nothing more, clearly unwilling to answer his sister’s questions, and set his head back against the squabs, closing his eyes and letting out a long breath. Dinah’s gaze flickered to Titania, who was looking at her brother in evident concern, biting her lip hard. Fighting to find something encouraging to say, Dinah simply reached forward and pressed Titania’s hand lightly, seeing how her cousin looked across at her in surprise, only for a small smile to cross her face – although the worry did not fade from her eyes.

“What must you think of me?”

Dinah sat back in her seat and looked at Lord Whitehaven, seeing how his face was contorted with pain and regret.

“I am lost,” he continued, his eyes still shut so that Dinah could not tell to whom he was speaking. “I have lost myself in my own desires, my own vices. I cannot turn from them, and now I am lost to it.” Heaving a great sigh, he finally opened his eyes and looked directly at Dinah, his eyes glazed with agony. “What must you think of me?” he said again, swallowing hard and then closing his eyes again as the lantern light flickered over his face, spreading shadows of all kinds in every direction.

Dinah spoke before she could prevent it, her thoughts in a myriad that spread out in every direction.

“I think you wish to numb yourself to whatever it is that torments you,” she found herself saying, aware of how Titania was looking at her in surprise. “I think you do whatever you can to hide the truth of your heart from yourself – and the way you have chosen to do so is to drink yourself into a stupor and to then gamble whatever you please, without any true consideration.” The words were still tumbling out of her, hastily spoken in the urge to have them escape from her lips. “If only you would confront such feelings, look directly into your heart and face the truth that lies there, then I believe you would no longer seek to numb yourself,” she finished. “I may tell you repeatedly that you are the same as any other gentleman, but you will continue to believe that you are less of a man because of your limp. Unless you can look at yourself and accept the truth of who you are, you shall never be content.”

Silence filled the carriage for some minutes, and Dinah’s cheeks slowly flooded with color as a slight sheen of sweat broke out over her forehead. She had spoken out of turn. She had said too much. She ought not to have been so forward.

“Very well said, Dinah.”

Her head lifted. Titania was looking back at her with a gentle smile on her face, one that spoke of reassurance and encouragement.

“And if you are wise, brother dear, you will listen you our fair cousin,” Titania continued, looking across at Lord Whitehaven, who managed to open his eyes just a crack. “For I believe you will find great wisdom in what she has to say.”

Lord Whitehaven made a small noise in the back of his throat, although what it was meant to signify, Dinah did not know. She sat quietly in her chair for the remainder of the journey, looking at the silent figure of Lord Whitehaven and wondering the very same question as he had asked.

Now that she had spoken so bluntly, now that she had told him the truth about what she thought of his behavior, just how did he view her now? Was he angry with her for what she had said? Would he revert back to how she had always known him—unkind, ill-mannered, and inconsiderate? Or would he look at her now with respect and consideration, continuing forward with the beginnings of an understanding that had started to grow between them?

Lord Whitehaven opened his eyes again suddenly and looked at her, his face a mask of pain. Dinah did not react, not smiling nor frowning at him, but rather merely holding his gaze to try and let him know that she was present with him and not about to turn her back on him or rain down judgement upon him. He gave a small, jerky nod and then closed his eyes again, making Dinah believe that, somehow, in that silence, there had come an understanding there. An understanding that she would not reject him now, just as she prayed he would not reject her also.

Chapter Eight

“My dear, you have a letter.”

Dinah jerked violently, embarrassed as she realized she had been dozing at the dining table, resting with her elbow on the table in a most unladylike fashion. Luncheon had been a quiet affair, and Dinah had thought that Lady Whitehaven had already departed the house, otherwise she would not have allowed herself to act with such impropriety.

“Are you quite all right, Dinah?” Lady Whitehaven asked, looking at Dinah in concern. “You have appeared rather tired these last three days, which is why I have not pressed you to go to the balls we had already agreed to.” She tipped her head slightly as though this would help her see Dinah better. “And Titania seems just as tired as you.”

Dinah tried to smile, finding that the first thing coming to her mouth was a lie. “Titania and I have been doing a great deal of talking lately,” she said, aware that this was not the truth in all its entirety. “We have stayed up rather late, I confess.”

Lady Whitehaven, however, looked quite delighted at this, with evidently no suspicion that Dinah was not telling her the whole truth. “Well, that is wonderful!” she exclaimed. “Since I know that you and Titania have not often seen eye to eye.”

“Indeed,” Dinah replied honestly. “I will be honest with you, Aunt. I have come to see that I have been often very critical of my cousins—and that such an attitude has been wrong.” She accepted the letter from her aunt with a smile, aware that the twinge of guilt she felt over not telling her aunt everything as regarded Lord Whitehaven would have to be dealt with later. “Thank you.”

Lady Whitehaven made to make for the door, only to stop and turn back around to face Dinah.

“I must say, Dinah, that I do not hold it against you to be so critical of your cousins. After all, you have endured a great deal and given that your mother was very devoted in her faith, I well understand that you wanted to emulate her.”

“But in doing so, I have become hard and crass,” Dinah responded, feeling the pain of such an acknowledgement but also a refreshing sense of peace filling her. “It was Whitehaven, in fact, who showed that to me. My mother was kind and compassionate – as was my father – and her devotion did not harden her in the way I have chosen to harden myself. It was my choice to be judgmental and condescending instead of accepting that how someone chooses to conduct themselves is entirely for their own deliberations.”

“Unless, of course, it is ruinous or hurtful to others,” Lady Whitehaven interrupted, making Dinah nod.

“My cousins did not act in the way that I thought they ought to, even though they did not hurt anyone by their actions nor ruin themselves entirely, as you have said,” Dinah finished. “Therefore, I was in the wrong. I hope to change my behavior now so that it is an improvement for both myself and those about me.”

Lady Whitehaven clasped her hands together, came around to Dinah’s chair, and reached down to hug her. Dinah, surprised by such a display of affection, hugged her aunt back and was surprised to see the tears gleaming in Lady Whitehaven’s eyes as she let Dinah go.

“I have only ever wanted you to be happy, Dinah,” Lady Whitehaven said, her voice a little hoarse with emotion. “I have seen how you have tormented yourself over the way your cousins have chosen to behave, and I have known that such an attitude could not bring you any such happiness. Now, mayhap, you will begin to enjoy your life instead of bringing such sorrow and struggle to your own heart. And what is more, I am glad that Grayson has been so willing to speak to you.” She let out a contented sigh and turned around to make her way to the door again. “It may be that, finally, he is also changing from a rather selfish and arrogant sort of gentleman to one who is considerate and kindhearted.” Pulling open the door, she gave Dinah a long smile. “Although I shall only see evidence of such a change once he has recovered from this illness of his, I suppose,” she finished, before walking out of the dining room and leaving Dinah to herself.

Dinah let out a long breath, wincing inwardly with the knowledge that she had deliberately hidden the truth from Lady Whitehaven as regarded her son. In fact, more than that, she had lied to Lady Whitehaven outrightly, telling her that Lord Whitehaven had taken ill and wanted to stay in his rooms in darkness until he was recovered. Lady Whitehaven had been instantly worried about him and had sent for a doctor, who was taken into Lord Whitehaven’s confidences as regarded keeping the truth of his condition from his mother. The doctor had obeyed, of course, and had reassured Lady Whitehaven that her son required only rest and quiet until he recovered, which should be within the week.

That had been three days ago. Since then, either Titania or Dinah or both of them had been sitting with him in the late hours of the evening, making certain that Lord Whitehaven was recovering and did not require anything. There had not been much conversation, however, which meant that Dinah did not know the truth about what had occurred to leave Lord Whitehaven in such a state, nor how he felt about her presence with him. Titania had reported that her brother had been utterly silent with her also, which brought Dinah a sense of relief.

Jerked back to the present and the letter that Lady Whitehaven had given her, Dinah looked down at the seal and saw that it was from her father’s solicitors. They had been in touch a good deal when she had first arrived in England, informing her of her dowry and such, but she had not heard from them in some time. There appeared to be no need to do so. Frowning, she saw how the address had been rewritten. Evidently, the solicitors had sent it to the estate, and it had then been forwarded to her here in London. Turning it over, she broke the seal and began to read.

Her heart leapt in her chest as she read it. The letter was brief but to the point. Her father’s house, remaining possessions, and everything else that had belonged to the admiral had been sold, and the money was now finally ready. It was settled into her account and entirely at her disposal.

But it was not this that filled Dinah with such surprise. Rather, it was the sheer amount of money that was revealed in the letter. It was more than she had ever expected, more than she could ever dream of! If she lived on this carefully, then it would do her very well for the rest of her life!

Suddenly, many possibilities opened up to her. Possibilities that she had never even considered. She could buy a small cottage and live there quietly. There would be no need to join with a convent, for she could concentrate on her faith in solitude whilst still be able to greet her family whenever they wished to see her. Lady Whitehaven would have to content herself with the fact that Dinah did not want to marry, which would come about in time, and at the very least, she would be content with the knowledge that Dinah would not be left to struggle through life with very little to support her. With this money, her whole world would change.

But what of Whitehaven?

Dinah sighed and buried her face in her hands, feeling the same sting of sadness catching her. The same sadness that came whenever she thought of never seeing him again. It had only come upon her the last few days. Previously, she had been delighted to be set apart from him, but now things had changed so very much that she was not at all certain what she felt for him at all. She was frustrated, confused, and sad over Lord Whitehaven. He had seemed so changed, only to lose himself in his vices all over again. But the regret in his eyes had told her more than he had ever said to her before.

When he had questioned what she must think of him now, Dinah had heard the shame in his voice and had felt her heart go out to him. The man was struggling with his own sense of self-worth, allowing his limp to be seen as a weakness in his own eyes. If he could only allow himself to believe that he was not looked down upon, that if he should only try, then a good few young ladies would wish to dance with him, then mayhap things would change for him entirely.

Her heart ached.

“Miss Shepherd?”

She looked up at once, dropping her hands to her lap and seeing the maid drop into a quick curtsy, clearly embarrassed at having disturbed Dinah at what was obviously a very private moment.

“Yes?” she asked, glad that her voice was not particularly hoarse. “What is it?”

“It is the master,” the maid said quickly. “He’s asked to speak to you, Miss Shepherd.”

Dinah’s stomach tightened. “I see,” she replied, trying to keep her voice as steady as she could. “Might I ask you what he wishes to speak to me about?”

The maid looked nonplussed, and Dinah cursed her foolishness. Of course the maid would not know such a thing, but in her nervousness, Dinah had asked something without thinking.

“Where is he?” she asked, folding up her letter and placing it in her pocket as she rose. “Is he still abed?”

The maid shook her head. “Lady Whitehaven has gone to take tea with a friend and so Lord Whitehaven has made his way to the library,” she said, a slight flush to her cheeks. “Should I bring you a tea tray, Miss Shepherd?”

Dinah nodded her thanks and moved toward the door, not wanting to keep Lord Whitehaven waiting. Her heart was racing, and she was certain that her own cheeks were a bright red, matching those of the maid. She did not know why she kept having such a strong reaction to the thought of being in Lord Whitehaven’s presence, particularly when he wanted to speak to her. Thinking of the letter in her pocket, Dinah wondered whether or not she ought to share her news with anyone in her family. Lady Whitehaven would need to know of it at some point, but her first reaction was to speak to Lord Whitehaven about it. Would he understand her plans to live alone? Or would he be entirely against them?

Having no further time to consider this, Dinah cleared her throat, put a small smile on her face, and stepped into the library. The day was bright and the drapes were pulled back, letting in beautiful sunlight into every corner of the room. Lord Whitehaven was sitting by the fireplace, even though there was no fire burning there today, with his eyes fixed on something Dinah could not quite make out. He did not turn towards her as she approached, although she was certain that he was aware of her presence. Walking into the room, she smiled tentatively as she reached him, watching his gaze and seeing that he was, in fact, staring at a bottle of the finest French brandy and an empty glass.

“I believe you wished to speak to me, Whitehaven,” she said, looking back at him and taking in his bruised face. “Are you all right?” His eye was still purple in places, with a good deal of green and yellow bruising about it. The injury to his head was covered by his dark hair flopping over it, but there was another large bruise to his cheek and a swelling to his jaw. Dinah knew that if he saw Lady Whitehaven any time soon, there would be no hiding that he had been badly beaten.

“I have been doing a great deal of thinking, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven said, his tone low and his expression dark. “That there is a source of a good many of my problems.”

Dinah did not need to look at the brandy again to know what he meant. “It can be,” she said carefully, making sure not to say too much. “If one is not careful, I suppose.”

Lord Whitehaven looked up at her from his chair, his dark green eyes brooding. “What does the good book say about liquor, Dinah? Am I condemned simply by drinking it?”

She shook her head. “No, indeed not. It is just drunkenness that is warned against, Whitehaven.”

He snorted. “I can well understand why,” he muttered, passing a hand over his eyes. “Do you see the state of me still, Dinah? This is all my own doing because I drink too much and forget all sense. I lose my head and do ridiculously foolish things, and now I am in great debt.”

Dinah’s chest tightened as she stared at Lord Whitehaven, finally realizing what it was that had caused him to be so badly beaten.

“You are correct in your assertion,” Lord Whitehaven muttered, even though she had said nothing. “I owe money to a good many gentleman and one person, for some reason, had purchased all of my vowels, and it is to he that I now owe.”

“And you do not have the money?” Dinah asked, sinking down into a chair and watching Lord Whitehaven intently. “Is that what the trouble is?”

Lord Whitehaven let out a long, pained sigh. “This is where you will think all the worse of me, for what must be the twentieth time,” he told her, looking still at bottle of brandy. “Yes, I do have the money, but it is tied up with the solicitors and I must request it from them. It will take some days to retrieve all of it and, in doing so, I must then pull money from what was to be repairs to the tenants’ houses.” He lowered his head all the more, clearly ashamed of his behavior. “It has taken me years to ensure that the estate is profitable again, and I was so glad when the coffers began to improve that I fear I rather lost my head,” he muttered, his voice barely audible as he looked down at his lap rather than at her. “I have gambled every year when you and my sisters and my mother have been in London. I have gone to Bath to do so, and then this year, since there has only been you left, I thought to come to London to seek out the gambling dens here.” A groaned exclamation left his lips as he ran both hands over his face. “And not only that, I did not dare go back to Bath due to the debts I had run up but never paid. And now it seems that this one gentleman, whomever he may be, has found every single one of my debts and has paid for them all.”

Dinah pressed her lips together and laced her fingers. “And he was the one who beat you so violently?”

Lord Whitehaven shrugged, his head still low. “I do not know who is behind it,” he said hopelessly. “Nor do I understand why such a thing is occurring. I went last evening with some of the money I owed, but it was not accepted. That is why the servants knew of what had occurred to me, for the footman who came with me had the money and was thereafter forced to take it back here again.” Lifting his head, he set it back against the chair and regarded her hopelessly. “I wanted to tell you everything, Dinah, so you knew precisely why I have been so injured. And also so that you are fully aware of the depths of depravity in which I lie.” A mirthless smile crossed his face. “Perhaps you might pray for me.”

“Of course,” Dinah whispered, not quite sure what else she was to say. “I-I wish there was more I could do, but–”

“It is not your burden to carry,” he replied heavily. “It is mine. Therefore, Dinah, I need you not to have any concerns over me any longer. There is nothing that you can do nor say that will aid me in any way and, besides which….” He trailed off, perhaps struggling to compose himself. “Besides which, I do not deserve it.”

Dinah shook her head. “Grace and mercy are given freely, are they not?” she answered, coming close to him for fear that he would fall into an even deeper despondency if she did not. Crouching beside him with one hand resting on the arm of the chair in which he sat, she looked up into his face. “Therefore, that is what I offer you.” A sudden idea hit her, wanting to give him something he could cling to that would not have him refuse to allow her in his company any longer. “Have I ever told you, Whitehaven, that I have been lately considering what life must be like for a nun?”

“A nun?” This seemed to shock him greatly for he turned his head towards her, his dark emerald eyes glinting at her.

“I have been considering it, yes,” she told him, not wanting to mention her fortune. “I have thought about devoting my life to the faith and I–”

“But why should you want to go there?” He was sitting up a little straighter now, his hand finding hers as it rested on the chair, and his fingers tightening upon her own. Dinah felt herself react inwardly, her heart clamoring with a wild fury and her mouth going dry, but she tried her best not to show it. Instead, she simply nodded and tried to explain.

“I have not wanted to marry, as you well know. I have not found any gentleman eager of my company, and I myself have not found anyone who might fit the role of husband.”

Lord Whitehaven frowned. “Lord Irving is interested in you, is he not? And what precisely is wrong with him?”

Dinah pursed her lips and tried to explain. “Lord Irving exhorts no feelings within me,” she said, looking away and a little embarrassed. “I feel nothing for him. In fact, I find his manner rather overwhelming and am disinclined to be in his company.”

A look of understanding dawned on Lord Whitehaven’s face, but still his fingers remained caught between hers, holding on as though they might never part from her again.

“I therefore do not think that I shall ever be inclined to marry,” she continued, aware that she was speaking at a much quicker pace now, as if she wanted to have her explanations given to him as soon as possible “So why should I not consider a convent?” Suddenly, Dinah found herself disinclined to speak to him about the letter she had just received. It was too soon, too sudden, she told herself. Besides which, there was a part of her that wanted to discover what he truly felt of her thoughts of becoming a nun.

Lord Whitehaven shook his head, sighing grievously as though she had harmed him. “It is because I have been unwelcoming towards you that you now seek to leave the estate in such a manner?” he asked, his eyes lifting to her face and searching them fervently. “Has my manner pushed you to this decision?”

“It may have done,” Dinah answered truthfully, seeing him wince. “But I have also considered that given my lack of desire to marry then a convent may very well be an excellent choice.”

“But I do not want you to go there.”

Dinah’s breath caught in her chest, her heart furious in its rhythm as she looked up into Lord Whitehaven’s eyes. There was no mockery in his words, no sense that he was teasing her or trying to pretend that he felt more than he did. Instead, it felt as though he had swept her up into his warm embrace once more, holding her close as if he might never let her go.

“I do not want you to go,” he said again, his voice now a little hoarse. “Say that you will not seek to join a convent, Dinah. I could not imagine seeing you so rarely, for I do not think that I would be a welcome visitor, given my reputation and my dark, blackening sins.”

Closing her eyes, Dinah let out a long breath and set her shoulders. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that she would not go, that she would, in fact, seek out another future for herself, but something prevented her from doing so.

“I would do anything I could to convince you not to become a nun, although I should, mayhap, be congratulating you on your passion and your devotion,” Lord Whitehaven continued in a broken voice. “I am not that sort of gentleman, Dinah. I speak what is within my heart without consideration of what one ought to do.” Leaning down to her, he reached out and, for a moment, Dinah thought he might brush his fingers down her cheek, only for him to hesitate, mutter something under his breath, and sit back. His hand loosened from hers and was pulled slowly back onto his lap.

The sound of footsteps coming towards the door had Dinah rising to her feet at once, her face coloring with both embarrassment and the knowledge that Lord Whitehaven had pulled away from her when they had been on the very cusp of something more extraordinary than she had ever felt before. The rap on the door came as no surprise, and the tea tray was brought in almost at once. Silence fell between Dinah and Lord Whitehaven as the maid set the things out, quietly asking Lord Whitehaven if he wanted anything before departing again. Dinah looked down at the tea tray dispassionately, her heart beginning to ache with a pain that she did not understand. Lord Whitehaven was not the sort of gentleman that she ought to have any sort of consideration for, and yet the urge to be more to him than she was at present still grew steadily.

“I will give it all up, you know.”

Lord Whitehaven was not looking at her and his voice was so quiet that she had to strain to hear him.

“What do you mean?” she asked, sitting down carefully and reaching to pour the tea – not because she wanted a cup but rather so that it would give her something to do whilst Lord Whitehaven spoke.

“I would give up the gambling in its entirety, Dinah, if you were to agree not to join the convent.”

Her head lifted sharply, her hand shaking as she set down the teapot.

“I mean every word,” he told her quietly. “I would give it all up for you, should you agree.”

It was one of the most beautiful things anyone had ever said to her and, for a few moments, Dinah was forced to hold back her tears. Whilst Lady Whitehaven and her cousins had been welcoming and loving, and whilst they had put up with a good deal of what Dinah knew now had been a very difficult attitude from herself, she had never had anything of such importance offered her. It told her that Lord Whitehaven truly did wish for her to remain and that, in his own way, he was trying to show her that he was honest in his intentions.

“Tell me, Dinah, if you will stay.” Lord Whitehaven rose to his feet, coming a little closer to where she sat. “If I swear to you that I shall never gamble again, along with all that such a decision entails, then will you stay here? You will not seek out a convent?” His hand rested on her shoulder, sending a tingle down her arm as Dinah struggled to deal with her overwhelming emotions. “Tell me, Dinah. I must know.”

His expression was one of utter torment, his voice begging her to stay. She could not refuse him now, especially when she herself had been questioning whether or not becoming a nun was the right choice for her. With her letter in her pocket and the promise of enough money to keep her settled and contented for the remainder of her days, Dinah knew precisely what she was to do.

“It is a very generous offer,” she replied throatily. “You would truly be willing to give up your gambling entirely? That would also mean that your love of liquor would–”

“Anything,” he grated, swiping the air with his hand in a decisive motion. “I would do anything required of me if it was to keep you from joining a convent and remaining so far from us all. You may not believe it, Dinah, but you are as important to this family as any other. My mother views you as another one of her daughters, my sisters see you as a sister of their own. And I…” He trailed off, his eyes lingering on her with such a gentleness in his expression that Dinah was drawn towards him, feeling herself rising to her feet so that she might stand near to him, without being certain as to why she was doing so or what she expected from it.

“I consider you much too important to lose you from my life,” he finished, his breath whispering across her cheek. “I am darkness and you the light. Surely you must see how valuable you are, Dinah?”

She swallowed hard, wanting desperately to reach out and touch him, to take his hand or to step into his embrace as she had done before. The atmosphere was beautifully tense, sending her stomach roiling but in a most delightful, expectant fashion.

“Lord Whitehaven!”

The knock on the door had them both jumping apart, as though the person at the door would stumble in and see them standing a little too close together.

“Your mother has returned, my lord.”

Lord Whitehaven went ashen. Giving Dinah a quick look, he bowed and muttered an apology, before hurrying towards the door.

“I will not go,” Dinah called, wanting to tell him that she would accept his offer. “I will stay.”

He paused, his hand on the door handle.

“Then this is the day that my life has changed for the better,” he told her, sending a beautiful smile to her face. “I will sort this matter out and be done with gambling for the rest of my days.” To her surprise, he seemed quite at ease with this decision, smiling at her tenderly. “You have brought my heart a good deal of joy, Dinah. I thank you.”

“Thank you,” Dinah replied, her eyes lingering on his retreating form for as long as she could before the door closed tightly behind him, blocking him from her view.

Chapter Nine

“Lord Irving has called for Dinah!”

Grayson’s head shot up, seeing his mother standing framed in the doorway. She had come into the study without even knocking, meaning that he had to lean forward over his desk so that she would not see his debts.

“He asked me if he might call upon her only yesterday, and I agreed without question.” Lady Whitehaven frowned suddenly. “I did think that he did not seem to care much for Dinah initially, for to ask to court her when he had not even called upon her once was quite forward, do you not think? But now, at least, he has shown his intentions to be fixed upon her, which I am glad of.” Coming a little further into the room, she tipped her head and frowned. “Although how many visits do you think he should be encouraged to have before he seeks to court Dinah again?”

Grayson let out a long, slow breath and tried to push down the flare of anger that had, for some inexplicable reason, begun to burn in his chest. “I do not think that Dinah is interested in Lord Irving, Mother.”

Lady Whitehaven laughed and shook her head as though Grayson was being ridiculous. “You cannot say that, Grayson!” she exclaimed. “And neither can Dinah herself, for she has spent very little time with the gentleman and one cannot make one’s mind up about someone’s character without at least conversing with them first!” She lifted her chin as though to make out that she was wiser in such matters than both he and Dinah. “Besides which, Dinah has a good deal to learn about society and the like, and whilst she may think that she will be content to live alone, I do not think that she will truly be happy in such a situation. No, I am quite convinced that matrimony is the very best situation for her.”

“Whereas I am convinced that Dinah is wise enough to know her own mind,” Grayson replied firmly. “Come now, Mother, you cannot simply force your will upon her and refuse to allow her to make her own choices.”

Lady Whitehaven’s eyes flickered.

“I know that you may think me uncaring and eager only to remove Dinah from my house and from my responsibilities – which is more than understandable, given that I have not shown any consideration for her whatsoever, but the truth is, Mother, that I wish for Dinah to be permitted to make her own choice in matters of the heart. It is what my sisters have each been allowed to do–”

“It was not as though I was able to prevent any of them from doing precisely what they wished,” his mother interrupted, her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked at him. “Dinah, however, needs a little more guidance.”

Grayson hesitated, not wanting to contradict his mother but feeling the need to defend Dinah prodding him unrelentingly.

“You have four girls of your own all happily married, Mother,” he said slowly, looking up at her. “Can you be content with that, if Dinah chooses not to wed?”

Lady Whitehaven’s lips whitened for a moment as she pressed them tight together, clearly battling her own thoughts and becoming aware fully, mayhap, of her own thoughts and desires on the matter of Dinah and her future.

“You should not leave her with Lord Irving,” Grayson finished, looking pointedly at the door. “I presume someone else is with her, but all the same…” Trailing off, he lifted one eyebrow and looked pointedly at his mother, seeing her sigh and nod.

“Titania is with her, Grayson,” she told him, her voice a little less firm than it had been at the first. “But I shall return to her directly.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

“Although…” Lady Whitehaven turned back to face him, her eyes roving over his face again. “Although I must say I am glad you are recovered so, Grayson. A heavy cold, was it?”

Grayson swallowed hard but nodded, well aware that most of his bruises had faded but that one or two still remained. His mother’s sharp eyes roved over his face, leaving Grayson with the uncomfortable feeling that she knew all too well that he was not telling her the truth.

“And it has taken you near a fortnight to recover,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, giving him a small shake of her head. “I do hope this means you can return to society soon, Grayson, for you appear to be a good deal improved.”

Again, Grayson merely nodded, putting a smile on his face that he hoped his mother would believe was genuine. This was only the second time in two days that his mother had seen him, with the first only being the previous evening when it had been late enough for candles to have been lit and most of his features fairly well hidden in shadow. Obviously, she had been informed by the staff that he was now working in his study and had come in search of him without hesitation.

“Good afternoon, Grayson.”

His smile remained fixed. “Good afternoon, Mother.”

When the door closed tightly behind her, only then did Grayson give vent to his feelings. Groaning aloud, he leaned his head down on his folded hands as they rested on the table with the sensation that a knife was being slowly pushed into his heart. There was nothing particularly wrong with Lord Irving, as far as Grayson knew. But still, he found his spirits rebelling against the man for daring to come near Dinah.

“Dinah.”

Her whispered name clung to his lips for a moment, lingering there and filling his mouth with sweetness. To think of her being courted by another was dread itself, but yet Grayson knew he ought to allow her to do whatever she wished. After all, that was precisely what he had just told his mother to allow Dinah to do, and he could not precisely turn around and force her to do as he wished, could he?

What is it you want her to do?

The answer was in his heart and rose to the surface without much difficulty. He wanted Dinah to turn away from Lord Irving altogether and to focus her attentions entirely upon him. That desire had not faded, even though he had been entirely honest with her and had told her everything about his difficulties and his struggles. She knew every part of him and had not, as yet, turned away from him entirely as he had thought.

That was the worst of it, Grayson thought to himself, barely able to find the strength to lift his head as the weight of his sins sank down onto his shoulders. Almost one full week ago, he had told her the truth about himself, told her everything with the mistaken belief that it would push her from him. That, he had hoped, would be the end of the matter. She would be gone from him, and he would have nothing to concern himself with any longer. In time, the feelings he had for Dinah would fade and he would be able to content himself with the knowledge that it had been she who had turned from him and not the other way around.

Except she had not done so. She had come to his side and offered her support. He could still see her face looking up at him, promising him that she would not leave to join a convent if he was willing to give up his gambling. Had they not been interrupted, Grayson was quite certain he would have kissed her – and then what would have occurred? Things would be a good deal messier than they were at present, for he was still fully convinced that Dinah was not the sort of young lady he should be pining after and certainly should not be eager to consider pursuing! That had been almost a sennight ago and still he could not get her face from his mind, could not forget her quiet voice as it spoke to him such words of kindness, gentleness, and understanding. In their own separate ways, they were growing and changing, but she more than he. She was turning away from her bitter harshness, away from her words of rebuke and her critical spirit, and in their place came a gentle beauty that warmed his heart all the more. He had promised to turn from his gambling—and that meant giving up liquor in almost its entirety – for he would only allow himself one small glass of brandy should he wish for something to drink – but that had not, thus far, been particularly difficult. However, given that he still had his debts to pay, Grayson did not quite know what to do.

Raising his head, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and then threw himself back into his chair, his eyes lifting heavenward. Perhaps he ought to pray. Mayhap God would be willing to listen to him if he asked for something that would be for the good of others and not just for himself.

“Remove my feelings from my heart,” he whispered, half begging, half praying. “Do not allow me to think of Dinah so. She deserves better than I. And help me to keep my promises. I do not want to bring her sorrow.”

This was said with such fervor that Grayson found himself almost convinced that his prayer had already been answered in some way. Mayhap Dinah would appear with the news that she had decided to permit Lord Irving’s attentions, meaning that his feelings would be pulled from him regardless. Or mayhap the gentleman seeking payment for his vowels would somehow forget the debts that were owed.

A knock at the door startled him, forcing him to sit up and gather up his vowels quickly before calling for the person to enter. Much to his astonishment, Dinah opened the door and looked at him, a small, hesitant smile on her lips as she drew near.

“Do come in, Dinah,” he said quickly, releasing the papers and pushing himself to his feet, a little too aware of the pain in his bad leg. It had not quite recovered since his beating a fortnight ago and seemed to be taking a good deal of time to return to its full strength, little as it was. “Are you all right?”

She nodded, her eyes holding something that he could not quite make out.

“Lord Irving has just left,” she told him, closing the door behind her and making his heart thump furiously at such an intimate action. There was nothing wrong with a cousin being in the same room as another, not when they lived under the same roof and had done so for some time, but all the same, he could not help but react to the awareness that they were both very much alone together. “He wishes to dance with me this evening, at the ball.” Tipping her head just a little, she looked at him. “You are to attend, are you not?”

“The ball,” he said slowly, a little overcome by the beauty of her expression and trying desperately to remember what it was she was talking about. “I do not think that I–”

“Lord and Lady Millington,” she stated, quite calmly. “You thought you would be recovered enough by then to attend, did you not?” A slight flicker in her eyes alerted him to the fact that Dinah was somewhat anxious about this evening. “I would like it very much if you were present.”

He nodded at once, not wanting to refuse her. “But of course.” Coming around from his desk, he limped towards two chairs that were close to the hearth, where a small fire burned, given that it was not the warmest of summer days. “Come and tell me what it is that you fear, Dinah. You do not appear to be looking forward to this evening.”

A small, rueful laugh left her lips. “You do not think me ungrateful, I hope?” she asked him, her eyebrows lifting.

“No, indeed not,” he answered quickly, “but rather it is that–”

“And you know me well enough to know that I do not care for dancing or the like,” Dinah continued slowly, interrupting him but without the intention of being rude. “Lord Irving is being somewhat pressing, and I find that I struggle with his direct attentions. I do not wish to be courted by him—for I have no feelings for the gentleman whatsoever—and yet I feel obliged to do so for the sake of your mother.” Her eyes lifted to his, searching his expression. “I am quite miserable for I do not know what I ought to do, Whitehaven.”

“And yet I fear I cannot advise you,” he told her truthfully. “I have no wisdom with which to offer an opinion, Dinah, for I have very little experience of matters of the heart—save for being utterly wretched over the state of my own heart.” He shook his head and sighed, running one hand over his eyes simply so that he could block the sight of her intense gaze for a moment. “You must not think of what my mother wishes or what Lord Irving wants. You must look into your own heart and do as you think is right.”

This, however, did not seem to please Dinah. Instead, she closed her eyes, put her head back against the chair, and sighed painfully. Grayson, not knowing what else to say, merely watched her and put a guard over his own lips so that he would not blurt out the truth of his affections. He would not influence her. He would wait for her to decide about Lord Irving and then support her in whatever decision was made.

“I do not know what is right,” Dinah murmured, opening her eyes but remaining looking up at the ceiling rather than towards him. “I have struggled to know what is best to do—for I do not want to act in a wrong manner. I do not care for Lord Irving, but yet it is all too clear to me that Lady Whitehaven wishes for me to accept his court.” Sighing again, she lifted her head and looked at him again. “I wish to show my aunt the respect she deserves without behaving in a selfish manner.”

“It is not selfish to refuse Lord Irving,” Grayson found himself saying, before he could prevent it. “Not in the least. If you allow Lord Irving to court you, then soon you would find yourself with a husband, Dinah. A husband that you have no consideration for, not even the smallest amount of feelings–and all because you did not wish to show disfavor to your aunt.” Leaning forward in his chair, he reached out and grasped her hand with both of his own, aware of how swiftly she caught her breath and feeling the same reaction plunge deep into his heart. “Listen to me, Dinah. Do not accept Lord Irving if you have no willingness to consider becoming his wife. It will bring you no happiness, and my mother would find herself miserable to see you so sorrowful in a marriage you did not want. You have to forge your own path, my dear.”

Dinah swallowed hard, tears suddenly forming in her eyes. A little afraid that he had been the cause of it, Grayson made to let go of her hand, his mouth opening ready with apologies, but Dinah instead placed her other hand over his and held it there.

“My mother said the very same thing,” she replied hoarsely, her words clearly struggling to be formed against the waves of emotion that were crashing over her soul. “You are right, Whitehaven. I must continue to pray and to seek out the path that God has laid out for me.” A tiny smile caught the corner of her mouth, her expression soft. “And I do not believe that includes Lord Irving.”

The relief that crashed into Grayson’s heart was almost overwhelming, to the point that he wanted to lean forward and pull her into his arms and confess everything. The look in her eyes made his heart quicken all the more as he licked his lips, feeling his mind pushing him to tell her all that he felt, even though he knew he should remain silent. Dinah was not the sort of young lady that deserved a selfish, arrogant gentleman such as he! And yet, despite the warring of his mind, the urge to tell her everything continued to mount a great pressure in his heart.

“Then you will come to the ball this evening, will you not?”

He nodded before his mind had fully formed an answer.

“I know you are not inclined to dancing, but to know that you are present will give me enough of an encouragement to refuse Lord Irving when he seeks me out,” Dinah continued, a little breathlessly. “You may have to sit with me in the shadows thereafter, so that I might hide from Lady Whitehaven’s wrath!”

He laughed softly, feeling the tension that had been swarming over him beginning to ebb away. “I should be glad to sit with you.”

“You still do not believe you can dance, Whitehaven?”

Dinah’s voice was gentle yet curious, her eyes no longer filled with tears but rather with a wondering that Grayson knew he had to answer.

“My dratted leg will not permit me to even walk at a smooth pace, so I dare not even attempt dancing,” he told her honestly, aware now of how her thumb was running back and forward over the back of his hand, sending shivers running up his arm. “I fear I would make a cake of myself and give the ton some fresh gossip with which they might keep their rumor mills running!”

Her eyes rounded just a little. “You mean to say then, that you have not even attempted to dance?” she asked him, suddenly pulling her hands from his and rising to her feet. “That will not do at all, Whitehaven!”

For a moment, Grayson thought that she was truly upset with him and was about to leave the room entirely, only to see her outstretched hand and the smile on her face.

“We shall have to change that,” she told him firmly. “Come now, we shall try the waltz. The room is large enough for us to have a small turn or two about the floor, I think, and you shall prove to yourself, Whitehaven, that you can very easily dance, should you so wish it!”

Not quite certain what she meant by such a thing, Grayson found his hand reaching out for hers, pushing himself to his feet and feeling his heart slam furiously into his chest as he did so. He had never permitted himself to try to dance, believing that his leg would let him down, but now with Dinah’s insistence that he at least attempt it, he found himself almost eager to do so. The way she stepped into his arms, the closeness of her body to his, had Grayson’s whole frame tingling with the awareness of her, and he had to force himself to look away, looking past her shoulder so that he would not look down into her face. What would happen if he did such a thing, Grayson did not even want to imagine.

“There we go,” Dinah murmured, her breath whispering across his cheek. “Now, imagine there is music. I shall hum some, if you wish it?” She laughed. “Although I cannot promise to be in tune!”

“I am certain you will be better than I,” he told her, his voice a little gruff as he tried to reign in his emotions. “And might I apologize for being so poor a partner, Dinah.”

She laughed again, her hand tightening in his. “We have not even begun yet, Whitehaven,” she teased. “You cannot apologize for something you have not done! Come now, let us begin.” So saying, she began to hum a waltz and then, giving him a small nod, took a small step to one side, encouraging him to follow suit.

Quite how Grayson managed to place his feet into the correct positions, he did not know, but for some reason, he found himself able to waltz without his leg paining him overly much. He did not step on Dinah’s toes, did not fall or stumble, and yet his brow furrowed so heavily with concentration that Dinah’s humming was interrupted by her giggles.

Surprised, he looked up from where he had been looking down at his feet, coming to a sudden stop.

“You need only look at me,” she told him, laughing. “Your brow is quite creased with concentration, and your eyes are such that they fix themselves between us, so that you can watch your feet instead of watching your partner.” Stepping a little closer, Grayson saw the smile on her face fade away, only to be replaced with a sudden, sharp look of awareness. “Look at me only,” she said again, softer this time. “And try again.”

The humming began again and Grayson began to move around the room, looking down into Dinah’s eyes and becoming more aware of her than ever before. The beauty of her gentle features crashed into his heart, his hand tightening in hers as he held her gaze. There was a gentle smile on her face that sent warmth spiraling into his heart until he did not even think about what he was doing. His leg did not seem to pain him in the least and the worries about his debts continued to fade away.

All there was at the present was Dinah. Dinah, who was his everything and yet whom he had to keep pushing from his mind and heart. She was so wonderful, so beautiful, and so pure in her urge to do what was right. He did not deserve her and yet the desire to be close to her, to be everything to her, would not leave him.

“Whitehaven?”

Grayson jerked his attention back to Dinah, realizing that they had come to a stop and that Dinah was now looking at him with a peculiar expression on her face. She was no longer humming, and they were no longer dancing. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her eyes bright and fixed upon his own, making Grayson swallow hard.

“Thank you, Dinah,” he said, clearing his throat, letting go of her hands and stepping back. Bowing low, as though they were at a dance, he reached forward and waited for her to place her hand in his. Lifting it as he might do at a ball, he pressed his lips to the back of her hand and felt his heart roar in both delight and frustration. Frustration that he was not kissing her lips, as he so desperately wanted to, but delight that he had behaved with such gentlemanly manners.

“Thank you,” she replied, her lips curving into a gentle smile now. “I hope I have proved to you that you can dance, Whitehaven.”

He nodded and let go of her hand. “Indeed you have, Dinah,” he told her. “And I will have one of your waltzes this evening, if you will permit it?” The look of astonished delight on her face made him smile, taking pleasure in her happiness.

“Thank you, Whitehaven. That would be quite wonderful,” she replied, her hands clasped together at her heart.

Chapter Ten

“I thank you, Dinah.”

“As I thank you,” Dinah replied, her heart seeming to swirl with nothing other than sheer delight at the look on Lord Whitehaven’s face. “You dance quite wonderfully, Whitehaven, truly.”

This was the first dance of the evening and to have stepped out onto the floor with Lord Whitehaven had brought Dinah so much happiness that she was quite certain that her heart would burst. There were now a good few whispers going about the ballroom, but Dinah ignored them all with ease. Lord Whitehaven had not been seen to have danced before, and so the ton had taken great notice of him. Most likely, now, Lord Whitehaven would have a good deal of interest from other young ladies – or their preying mothers – who would have spotted Lord Whitehaven’s waltz and wondered if this meant that he was now willing to court a young lady of his own choosing.

“They will all come after you now, you know,” she told him, accepting the offer of his arm and walking from the dance floor with him. “They will all be seeking you out.” This was said with a lighthearted smile, which Dinah did not really feel. She did not like the idea of Lord Whitehaven being pursued so, although she could not bring herself to admit as to why that might be.

“I do not think I should care for any of them, however,” Lord Whitehaven told her, sending a spiral of relief through her. “They only see my title rather than the gentleman I truly am.” A wry smile was sent in her direction. “In that, Dinah, I believe you are the only lady who has seen into the very depths of my heart and, no doubt, finds me greatly wanting.”

Dinah shook her head firmly. “You know very well that I do not wish to behave in such a manner any longer,” she replied, with as much fervor as she could. “I do not criticize you, Whitehaven. I do not have a disparaging eye which I shall cast over you before turning away in judgement.” Wincing at the memory of how she had behaved in the past, Dinah sighed and shook her head. “I regret my past behavior, truly. I would be glad not to behave so again.”

Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some moments, making Dinah wonder if she had said something he disapproved of or if she had spoken out of turn. Her heart seemed to tremble within her as the tension she felt only grew, her lips pressing together as she waited for him to speak.

“You are quite extraordinary, Dinah,” Lord Whitehaven told her eventually, as they continued to meander slowly at the edge of the crowd. “You are willing to bare your soul, to show me your wrongdoing, and to state quite clearly that you were wrong to behave in such a manner, whereas I want to do nothing other than hide my shame from you.”

“But you have not done so,” Dinah reminded him, seeing the wretched expression on his face and wondering at it. “Do you not recall? You told me everything.”

Again, Lord Whitehaven said nothing for some time, his gaze fixed straight ahead but his jaw firm. Waiting for him to speak and glad for the distraction of the music that swirled about them, Dinah pressed her free hand lightly against her stomach as though it would stop the swirling nervousness that remained within her.

“I told you such a thing in order to push you away from me, Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven came to a sudden stop, leaving them standing at the very edge of the ballroom with shadows reaching to pull them into their darkness. “I told you everything in the hope that you would reject me entirely. I, who had been so unwelcoming and inconsiderate, had yet more sins to be laid upon my shoulders.” He shook his head, although his eyes remained steady. “And yet, you did not do as I had expected.”

Dinah’s breathing quickened at the look in his eyes. She did not know what to say, feeling as though, yet again, they had reached the very edge of a precipice and did not dare take another step.

“I do not deserve to–”

“Ah, Miss Shepherd! You are hiding here, I see!”

Lord Irving’s loud voice shattered the moment that was growing steadily between Dinah and Lord Whitehaven, making her want to grind her teeth with frustration. There was a good deal to be said, she was certain of it, and yet again, they had been pulled away from the cusp of what might be a new and extraordinary situation.

Always look to God. He will show you the path your life is to take.

Looking up at Lord Irving and all too aware of Lord Whitehaven beside her, Dinah’s heart began to pick up speed. Her mother’s words had come back to her right at the very moment Lord Irving had bowed in her direction, making her realize that she was standing at a crossroads and needed to decide what it was she had to do. God had, in His own way, made her path clear – and Lord Whitehaven had been the one to show it to her. Her choices would guide her future. The path was there waiting for her, but she herself was the one who had to decide which road she had to take. God would be with her no matter what she chose.

And the decision was already clear to her.

“Lord Irving,” she said, curtsying quickly. “As you can see, I am in conversation with Lord Whitehaven and–”

“You must let me see your dance card,” Lord Irving interrupted, reaching for her wrist and making Dinah take a small step back. “I must have at least two dances with you.”

She shook her head, putting a small but determined smile on her face. “Alas, I am not inclined to dancing this evening.”

Lord Irving’s smile grew fixed, his eyes narrowing just a little. “And yet did I not see you dancing with Lord Whitehaven only some minutes before?”

She nodded. “Indeed, but I have decided that one dance is quite enough for me this evening, Lord Irving,” she told him firmly. “I am sorry to disappoint you.”

Lord Irving said nothing for a moment or two, his eyes twisting towards Lord Whitehaven before returning to Dinah.

“I see,” he said slowly, his voice a little grave. “I confess that I have been led to understand by Lady Whitehaven that you would be glad of my attentions, Miss Shepherd.”

Again came a small stab of guilt that Dinah had battled only earlier that day. When Lord Irving had called, Dinah had been forced to sit and take tea with him—although Titania and—soon after—Lady Whitehaven had had also been present. Lady Whitehaven had appeared quite animated, clearly considering Lord Irving as a potential suitor for Dinah and apparently quite delighted with his eagerness to court Dinah. Dinah, however, had no particular interest. The gentleman did not reveal his true character to anyone, she suspected, for there was a falseness to his smile and a shutter to his eyes. She did not know why he appeared so eager to court her, for he had made such a desire quite obvious in seeking Lady Whitehaven’s attention to court her when they had barely even met! He did not seek out her considerations on the matter but had gone directly to Lady Whitehaven who, thankfully, had been a good deal more reserved.

“I am quite certain, Miss Shepherd, that your aunt would be greatly pleased with your willingness to accept me,” Lord Irving said, his voice dropping low and, much to Dinah’s surprise, a small warning in his voice. “Do consider carefully what your decision is to be, Miss Shepherd. You cannot go back on any choice you make at the present.”

“I think Miss Shepherd is more than capable of making her own choices, Irving.” Lord Whitehaven’s voice held just a touch of mockery, although Dinah was grateful for his support. “Do allow her that consideration, at the very least.”

Dinah lifted her chin a notch, buoyed by Lord Whitehaven’s support. “I do not think we would suit, Lord Irving,” she told the gentleman, seeing how his frown grew. “I am sorry that my aunt has permitted you to believe that I might be willing to consider you, for that is not the case. Therefore, I must bid you good evening.” So saying, she dipped a curtsy and, ignoring the dark, angry look on Lord Irving’s face, turned to Lord Whitehaven and accepted his arm before walking away.

Her heart was pounding furiously and yet a smile of delight crossed Dinah’s face as she walked away from Lord Irving. Her decision to turn away from his offer of companionship and perhaps matrimony had been the right thing to do. She felt nothing for Lord Irving and did not ever think they would have the intimacy and the friendship that she was currently enjoying with Lord Whitehaven.

An intimacy that you do not want to end.

The revelation of her heart washed through her at such speed that Dinah was forced to catch her breath. Yes, there it was, standing out starkly before her. She did not care for Lord Irving because her heart was entangled with Lord Whitehaven. The man who had been so unwelcoming to her, the man who had mocked and teased her for so long, but who, for whatever reason, had slowly changed before her until they now shared a deepening friendship that she did not want to end. Her hand tightened on his arm, causing him to look at her, but she did not return his gaze. The awareness of what it was she wanted, of what she needed from Lord Whitehaven was capturing every single part of her. She wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to have his kisses, to have his affection, to have his love. There was no question over such a desire, for it was there within her, plain for her to see.

Her whole body shook for a moment, making Lord Whitehaven look down at her sharply.

“Are you quite all right, Dinah?” he asked, his expression concerned as he studied her with sharp eyes. “You are not cold, are you?”

“No, indeed not,” she answered breathlessly, spying the open French doors and guiding them slowly towards it, barely aware of the slight limp that Lord Whitehaven had. “It is something of a relief to have turned from Lord Irving, that is all.”

Lord Whitehaven nodded, but barely glanced away from her as they walked, his concern still greatly evident. The cool air brushed against her warm cheeks, her heart still pounding with a furious sense of anticipation and excitement. Now that she had rejected Lord Irving entirely, she suddenly felt as though her path had been laid out clearly for her, with only one person remaining before her eyes. Lord Whitehaven.

He had changed his character so greatly, had revealed his heart to her and the depths of his struggles and pain, that she had found herself growing closer to him than ever before. Her desire was to help him, to aid him in whatever way she could, instead of turning further away from him as she now knew he had intended. Even now, she could remember the fervency in his eyes as he had promised to give up his gambling if she would only forget all thoughts of joining a convent. He had wanted her to remain close to the family – or had it been close to him? Was there more to what he felt than he wanted her to know?

What of your own fortune? Of your chance to live alone and in contentment?

The idea, she realized, no longer held any sense of delight. She did not want such a life any longer, not if it meant turning away from Lord Whitehaven entirely. To be without his company almost every day was a life that she could not even consider without pain. There was, she realized, a deep affection for Lord Whitehaven within her heart. An affection that Dinah believed was already beginning to form itself into love.

The thought had her catching her breath, stumbling slightly as she clung to Lord Whitehaven’s arm. It was overpowering, for the realization that she loved him had taken her completely apart and was slowly putting her back together again.

“Dinah!” Lord Whitehaven exclaimed, turning at once and catching her in his arms. “Goodness, whatever is the matter?”

A laugh escaped her, breathless and joyous, as she looked up at him, seeing his features etched with concern as he looked down at her. The flickering lanterns—spread sparsely over the small gardens—illuminated his face and filled her with such a desperate longing that she could not fight against it.

“My mother always told me that should I continue to follow after God, then He would reveal the path for my life,” she began, her voice quiet and her heart filled with hope. “It has only been in turning away from Lord Irving that I have seen the path clear itself of all confusion and doubt, Whitehaven. I know now what I am to do.”

He nodded slowly, his brows furrowing together and lines forming across his forehead. “I see,” he replied, his hand sliding from her waist as he let her go carefully, clearly now less afraid that she was about to collapse in front of him. “And what is it that you intend to do?”

Dinah, linking her arm through his, began to walk slowly along the path again, aware that they were almost entirely alone save for one or two others. “I have recently come into a small fortune,” she told him, aware of how he stiffened for a moment with evident surprise. “The solicitors wrote to me to inform me that the money left by my parents had finally been accounted for in its entirety – including the sale of their property and the like – and now is in my own account and left entirely to my own discretion.” Hesitating, she glanced up at him but saw, even in the flickering light, that his eyes were fixed straight ahead and that he did not so much as glance at her. “I had thought that I might live quietly, mayhap in a small cottage, as the money would give me more than enough to live on should I be careful.”

“I see,” Lord Whitehaven replied dully. “And so you shall have a convent all of your own.”

Surprised by the sadness in his voice, Dinah turned to him, grasping his arm a little more tightly so that he was forced to come to a stop. He did not turn to her, however, but dropped his head low, as though he could not bring himself to look at her.

“I have considered it for some time,” Dinah continued quietly. “I have not informed another soul of the money, for fear that I would be talked out of doing such a thing.”

“I would not try to convince you to do anything other than follow the path your heart guides you towards,” Lord Whitehaven interrupted, his head suddenly lifting, his eyes sharpening towards her and his jaw set. “I would not want you to think that I have any ill will towards you, Dinah. The reason I urged you to step away from Lord Irving was simply because I could tell it was not within your own desires to accept his courtship.” He was speaking more quickly now, her hand falling from his arm as he turned to face her. “I am glad you have this fortune, Dinah, truly.” Pausing, he swallowed hard for a moment, his eyes darting away. “I will not say that I would be glad to have you in a small cottage away from my estate, for that would not be the truth. But if that is what you desire, Dinah, then I would be glad to aid you in whatever way I can. I will not try to talk you out of doing as you wish. That would be entirely wrong of me and is not something that I have any intention of doing.”

Dinah’s breath was gone from her chest, her eyes filled with none but him. The fervor with which he spoke, the tenderness in his eyes and yet the sorrow that flew from him as he considered her absence from his house all wound their way into her heart, leaving her breathless with anticipation. All she had to do was tell him what she had just discovered, what she had just understood about herself, and thereafter the path she had set foot upon would reveal itself. Either it would turn her further towards Lord Whitehaven or it would set her away from him. If it were to set her from him, then she would simply consider her cottage and her quiet life as she had done before, but if it set her towards him – then what possibilities might come from that!

“As I said, Whitehaven, I have considered it for some time,” Dinah answered, her heart beating so loudly she was certain he could hear it. “But my mind has turned itself from that idea, for I have only recently discovered something about my heart.” She saw his gaze slide back towards her, her whole body tingling with both anticipation and a small, desperate fear that he would reject her. “My heart does not incline itself towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven.”

He nodded. “I am aware of that. I am truly glad that you found the strength within you to tell him the truth.”

She swallowed again. “As I must now tell you the truth,” she said softly, reaching out in the darkness and managing to capture one of his hands in hers. “My path may not turn me towards Lord Irving, Whitehaven, but I believe it has turned me towards someone else.” Pausing, she closed her eyes, feeling the swirl of anxiety within her as she forced the final word. “You.”

Dinah did not open her eyes but heard the way Lord Whitehaven caught his breath. His hand slackened in hers for a moment, and she feared that he would drop it altogether and step back from her, shattering her heart entirely as he did so. The air grew thick as she struggled to keep her tension from overflowing, stopping herself from demanding to know what reply he would give her.

And then, his arms were about her, she was drawn close to him and his breath was warm on her cheek. Opening her eyes, she saw his head lowering and felt herself burn with a heady anticipation, realizing what was about to happen and welcoming it with every part of her. Wrapping her arms about his neck, Dinah felt his lips press lightly against her own and let herself melt into Lord Whitehaven’s embrace. Once more, his lips sought hers and, this time, Dinah returned his kiss, feeling his arms tighten about her waist all the more and wanting to laugh and cry in equal measure. When he tilted his head to deepen their embrace, she clung to him, her happiness and her desire burning through her and sending waves of heat down her spine.

“Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven’s breathing was ragged, his forehead resting against hers as he spoke. “Dinah, you do not know how long I have tried to hide my feelings from you.”

“Hide them?” she asked softly, her eyes still closed as sheer joy lingered in her heart. “Why would you do so?”

“Because,” he breathed, reaching up to trail one hand down her cheek. “Because I have so much darkness compared to your beautiful light, Dinah. I have vices, sins, and wrongs blackening my soul. And you – you are purer than any other creature I have ever met.”

Dinah shook her head gently, looking up at him as he lifted his head. “That is where you are wrong, Whitehaven,” she told him. “I am forgiven, not ‘pure’ as you say. I asked you to accept my apologies, and you did so. Titania also.” She smiled at him, capturing his hand in hers again. “God will forgive you, if you ask it of Him,” she continued. “His love is greater than you can even imagine, Whitehaven. That is the only difference between you and I. You have not failed in my eyes, Whitehaven, truly. I have come to care for you with an affection that has startled me, that has taken my breath from me when I have allowed myself to consider it.” Taking in a long breath, she settled her shoulders and silently prayed that Lord Whitehaven would not allow his guilt to break apart what had only just begun to grow between them. “You have promised to turn your back on gambling, and I have trusted your word. What else can show you that I do not consider you to be a failure, to be less than I?”

Lord Whitehaven swallowed hard, his head lowering again. “Nothing,” he replied truthfully. “You have shown me with your gentle consideration, your refusal to reject me even when I showed you the very worst of my heart. And now, you offer me your heart, when I am the least worthy gentleman to accept it.” His hands wrapped about her waist again, the tenderness in his eyes making the love in her heart burn anew. “But I accept it with all gratitude, Dinah, promising you that I will be true. I will be devoted to you. I will reform myself out of the love I have for you, in the hope that one day, I might truly be worthy of your heart and your love.” Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead gently. “Your love makes me a better gentleman than I have ever been before,” he finished quietly. “And I swear to you I shall never break your heart with sorrow, my dear lady. You mean too much to me for that to ever occur.”

“I believe you,” she told him, before reaching up to accept his kiss once more.

Chapter Eleven

“You have a visitor, Lord Whitehaven.”

The smile faded from Grayson’s face as the butler came into the room. He had, for once, not been checking his vowels and the copies of the documents sent to him, but rather had merely been thinking about the happiness that had been his ever since Dinah had stepped into his arms. Even now, that moment seemed almost unbelievable. In one astonishing moment, she had revealed the truth to him, showing him that she did not see him as he saw himself. That she wanted to be close with him as he wanted to be close to her.

The time he had spent pushing his affections away, begging for them to leave him – all that had been wasted. If he had, perhaps, been honest with her from the start, then how different might his life be at the present? Shaking his head to himself, Grayson told himself not to think about what might have been but rather, instead to focus on the present. The wonderful, joyous present that meant that Dinah could be his and only his. There would be no convent. There might, now, be a future for them both together and that was truly wonderful.

“His card, my lord.”

Grayson frowned, accepting the card from the butler and looking at it carefully. It was none other than Lord Irving, who had arrived without invitation nor request. How unusual.

“I do not think I have a good deal of time for any visitors at present,” he told the butler, who nodded at once. “I can only spare him a few minutes.” Most likely, Lord Irving wanted to try and attempt to change Dinah’s mind as regarded their suit, but the gentleman was, unfortunately, about to discover that Grayson was not at all willing to aid him in his desire – especially not when he and Dinah had only just discovered such a wonderous intimacy that he still could not quite accept! Not that he was about to inform Lord Irving of such a thing!

Sighing to himself, Grayson waited until the butler had departed before opening one of his study table drawers and ensuring that all the vowels were carefully set inside. He had studied each and every one, making certain that the debt had not yet been fulfilled, but had come to the sorrowful conclusion that he still owed each payment still. The gentleman who now held claim to each and every debt was still unknown to Grayson, although he had not, as yet, made any sort of contact as regarded the payment that was due. This surprised Grayson somewhat, for it had been at least a fortnight since he had last had the opportunity to attempt to pay the fellow – although that had gone rather badly indeed. He had thought that, in the interim, he would have received another note or at least another demand for payment. After all, he had not yet paid the money back and the debt was still outstanding. He rubbed his forehead and closed the drawer tightly. None of it made much sense.

“Lord Irving, my lord.”

Grayson, distracted from his thoughts by the arrival of Lord Irving, rose quickly and greeted the gentleman, who gave Grayson a languorous bow that took much too long. A little impatient for the fellow to depart, this only irked Grayson more, who then arched one eyebrow as though silently demanding to know what Lord Irving wanted.

“Lord Whitehaven,” Lord Irving began, his eyes glinting with a hint of steel as he approached the study table. “Thank you for seeing me when I did not request a meeting. It is a matter of great urgency, I assure you.”

“If you come to seek my permission to court Dinah, then I fear that I shall only disappoint you,” Grayson replied, steadily. “She has made her mind up, and I am not inclined to change it.”

Lord Irving sighed heavily, and shook his head. “I had expected as much,” he replied, with a hint of warning in his tone. “Nonetheless, I must inform you, Lord Whitehaven, that she is required.”

Grayson’s eyes narrowed, bristling at Lord Irving’s tone. “Required?” he repeated angrily. “I think you forget yourself, Lord Irving. Miss Shepherd has made up her own mind, and I am not about to change it. You have no right to expect or demand anything from her.”

Lord Irving, however, did not seem to listen. Instead, he folded himself into a nearby chair, crossed his legs at the ankle and stretched himself out as though he were quite at his leisure. Grayson watched him with a sharp gaze, all too aware of the anger that was burning in his heart.

“As I have said, she is required,” Lord Irving continued firmly. “She is pretty enough and pious enough to be an excellent little wife, and I have set my sights firmly upon her.” He shrugged, as though this were a mere expectation rather than a brazen demand. “Besides which, she is the only one whose guardian seems willing to give her to me.”

Disturbed by this comment, Grayson narrowed his eyes all the more, rising to his feet and approaching Lord Irving. “I should have you thrown out on your ear for demanding such a thing,” he hissed, thumping the top of the empty chair that faced Lord Irving. “Remove yourself from my house at once.”

Lord Irving stretched his long, thin frame in a cat-like manner, tilting his head and half smiling at Grayson. “Your mother did not look much into my character now, did she?” he commented, not moving an inch. “And nor did you.”

“That is because Miss Shepherd is not interested in you,” Grayson returned fiercely. “And as I have said, nothing will induce me to permit you to court her.”

Lord Irving sighed as though this comment pained him. “Had either of you done so, you would have learned rather quickly that I am not the sort of gentleman that any respectable young lady should approach. I am a cheat. I am a scoundrel, and I quite enjoy gaining the upper hand in the most nefarious of ways.” A dark chuckle escaped him, sending a shudder down Grayson’s spine. “And it is in this manner that I intend to gain Miss Shepherd’s hand in marriage.”

Rage burst in Grayson’s soul. Almost toppling the chair in his anger, he reached for Lord Irving, only for the gentleman to put one hand up and tut in a most irritating manner.

“I would not lay a hand upon the man to whom you owe so much,” he said softly, looking directly up into Grayson’s face and sending a shudder through Grayson’s frame. “You see, I am entirely devious, Lord Whitehaven, and was quite certain that you would not permit me to chase after Miss Shepherd, especially when she was not inclined towards me. And when you are not inclined towards me also.” He laughed again as Grayson stepped back, feeling a sheet of ice come down from the skies, shattering over his head and rendering him entirely speechless with both fright and pain.

“Yes, Lord Whitehaven, I did see the delight on your face as you stood by Miss Shepherd as she had refused me,” he continued, as Grayson began to shake with restrained fury. “It seems that I am to shatter your happiness, for unless you give Miss Shepherd to me, I shall not only demand every single penny that you owe but interest thereafter. Interest for all the days you have kept me waiting. And,” he continued, waggling a finger in Grayson’s direction. “And do not think that I shall keep such a debt quiet. No, indeed not! I shall have the ton know of it, should you refuse me. I will give them every single detail.”

“No,” Grayson whispered, his throat constricting. “No, I shall not give you what you ask. I would rather pay with my life than give Miss Shepherd to you.”

Lord Irving tipped his head. “Then consider your debt doubled,” he answered, with a small shrug. “Tripled, in fact. And it is due this very evening.”

Grayson shook his head, his heart tightening in his chest. “You know very well that I cannot pay you what you ask, not when you have given me such little time.”

Lord Irving stretched out of his chair, pushing himself up in a leisurely fashion that suggested he did not care an iota for the difficulties he was placing on Grayson. “Then I suggest that you bring Miss Shepherd to Elder View this evening, Lord Whitehaven. For either you bring me the money or you bring me the girl. I shall only be satisfied if the debt is paid in full, and if it is not, then you shall find yourself entirely ruined in society’s eyes – and in the eyes of your own family. The debt shall remain, and whilst you may be able to pay it in time, your status in society will be gone forever. You will struggle to find a suitable match. You may never marry, in fact, and then what will become of the family line?” He shrugged and made to walk towards the door. “The name of ‘Whitehaven’ will be gone forever. You will be forgotten, your family annals come to naught. And it shall all be your fault.”

* * *

Grayson stared at the door for a long time, long after Lord Irving had left. He did not know what to do. He could not turn away and allow Dinah to marry Lord Irving, especially when it would be against her will. But neither did he have the money with which to pay Lord Irving! The debt in itself was a heavy amount, and whilst the money was now available to him, he could not simply go in and ask for more – for two times that amount! That would bring him close to ruin and put the estate in danger. Closing his eyes, Grayson let his head fall forward as he felt the old familiar sting of shame darken his eyes again. He had done this. He had been the one to put the estate in danger in the first place and had he not been so brazen, so foolish, and so utterly without sense, then mayhap none of this would have happened.

He did not see the door being pushed ajar, did not see the pair of blue eyes looking in at him. Nor did he see how her face was whiter than ever before, her hand at her mouth as her gaze remained fixed upon his bent form.

“I will not,” he muttered aloud, turning so that both hands were resting on the back of the chair, dropping his head and trying to find some sort of answer to what seemed to be an impossible situation. “I will not allow her to go with him.”

A shudder ran through him as he recalled the beating he had endured the last time he had appeared without full payment. Had Lord Irving had this plan in its entirety then? Or had it only come to him once it had become obvious just how foolish Grayson really was? Grayson had no doubt that there would be a good deal of punishment due to him should he refuse to hand Dinah over. Whether that would come in the breaking of his body as well as his reputation, he could not say, but he would endure it if he had to. He would endure it because he loved Dinah and would never subject her to such a torturous future. Lord Irving stated that he would struggle to find a bride, would struggle to produce an heir, and that might now very well be the case. He could not ask Dinah to marry him, not when he had an estate crumbling around his ears, having lost the money to Lord Irving. That would be no future for her.

Groaning aloud, he leaned forward and rested his head on the edge of the chair back, feeling his inner shame burst over him, rendering him weak and useless. Perhaps this was what he deserved. Perhaps this was the punishment that had always been coming towards him for his own foolish behavior and his lack of regard for others. Mayhap he should simply endure and beg his mother to forgive him. His head clouded with sorrow and distress, imagining him having to send Lady Whitehaven off to one of his sister’s houses so that she would not have to endure living alongside him. The mortification that would come upon the Whitehaven name would be more than shameful. He would not be able to lift his head up high in society again, and certainly no gentleman would even consider looking at him when it came to cards or the like. A gentleman did not hide his debts. A gentleman did not leave them unpaid, and a gentleman certainly did not refuse to pay when he was called upon to do so. The ton would not care about Lord Irving and what he had done. The focus would be solely upon himself.

“I shall never treat you as dispensable,” he said aloud, as though Dinah was in the room to hear him. “I shall never allow you to be treated with unkindness again. I am sorry, my dear. I have no other choice but to go to Elders View just as I am. I cannot be certain that I shall ever return again.”

* * *

The night was dark, and the evening somewhat chilled by the time Grayson had prepared himself. The thought of taking what money he had in order to pay some of the debt had crossed his mind on more than one occasion, but given what had occurred the last time, Grayson had chosen not to do so. Lord Irving would not accept it, no matter how much Grayson tried to protest that he had not been able to acquire the money required in such a short space of time. The man had done so deliberately, in order to try his utmost to get what he wanted – which was either Dinah or a great deal of money.

Lord Irving had been right to state that neither Grayson nor his mother had sought to learn much about Lord Irving’s character. Grayson had not done so because, initially, he had believed himself to be the worst gentleman in all of London and had presumed that Lord Irving would be a better gentleman than he had ever managed to be. His mother, at least, had been rather uncertain about Lord Irving at the first, thinking him to be overeager, but the thought that a particular gentleman was, in fact, interested in Dinah had seemed to make her forget herself. Lord Irving had been much too wily, much too determined in his own schemes for any of them to have been able to escape him.

“Are you going somewhere, Grayson?”

He turned to see none other than Dinah herself coming down the staircase towards him, her eyes a little concerned.

“I—I thought you were gone out this evening,” he stammered, a little uncertain. “A soiree or some such thing, was it not?”

Dinah gave him a small smile, although her eyes remained curious. “No, indeed not,” she answered. “That was your mother’s invitation only and not one that either myself or Titania were invited to. Titania and I have been in the library for the last few hours, although we did stop for dinner. We did not see you there. Why did you not join us, Whitehaven?”

The question in her eyes made him want to tell her everything, but Grayson stopped himself with an effort. “I have some matters that I must take care of,” he told her, seeing her smile fade away. “Grave matters, Dinah.”

She took another step forward and put one hand on his arm. “Matters that trouble you, I think.”

Closing his eyes at the tenderness in her voice, Grayson nodded. “You know of my debts, Dinah. Those debts must be paid one way or the other.”

“And you are going to do so now?”

“I am.”

“You are going to Elders View?”

He nodded again, remembering that she knew of that place from when she had come to collect him in his battered and bruised state.

“Would that I could help remove some of this burden from you,” she murmured, moving closer and putting her other hand at his heart. “What can I do, Whitehaven? Is there anything that you require of me that will ease your struggle?”

Grayson felt his heart aching with the sense that he did not deserve this angel that stood before him and yet eager to take hold of the comfort she offered. With a long breath, he wrapped his arms about her and hauled her close, his eyes closing and his breath settling as he felt the warmth and the security of her arms around his neck. He knew she loved him. It was still as wonderous to him as it had been when she had first come near to him, and yet, within his heart, there was a small stab of pain. Pain that she might now never be his, that she might have to return to her life without him. Perhaps that life in the country with the little cottage and her solitude would be all that she could have. He could not draw near to her again, not when the shame that would cover him would then reach out towards her and stick to her also, should he try to come close to her. Kissing her cheek, he let her go and stepped back, his hands running down her shoulders and catching her hands in his.

“You look as though you are leaving for good,” Dinah whispered, her face holding an expression of fear. “What is it, Whitehaven? Can you not tell me?”

“No,” he murmured, his whole body aching with despair. “I must go, Dinah. I–I want you to know that my heart is yours. I love you with such desperation that it is practically impossible to keep it within myself. If only I could be everything to you that you require. If only I could be a better gentleman, then…” He trailed off, shaking his head and letting go of her hands.

“You are everything to me, Whitehaven,” Dinah whispered, a tear slipping from her eye and dropping to her cheek. “You know that I love you in return.”

“And I shall keep that declaration with me, no matter where I go or what occurs hereafter,” he replied hoarsely. “It shall be my one and only comfort.” Turning away from her and without another backward glance, he turned from the only woman he had ever loved and walked out into the night.

Chapter Twelve

“He has gone?”

Dinah nodded slowly, biting her lip and wiping her eyes as she returned to the library and to where Titania was waiting.

“You are quite certain about your next course of action?”

Again, Dinah nodded. “Yes, I am,” she replied, her determination running strongly through her. “I knew it from the moment I heard him refuse Lord Irving.”

Titania nodded slowly, looking up at her. “I must go with you.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Titania insisted, rising to her feet. “You cannot go to Elders View alone. You know that such a thing would bring great disgrace upon you.”

Dinah shook her head. “But you cannot endanger yourself again, Titania. Your husband’s good name might be brought into disrepute, and I cannot–”

“I will sit in the carriage then,” Titania interrupted, her hands now planted on her hips. “Please, Dinah. As much as I am glad to see this determination of spirit and your urge to do more and go further than you have ever done before, I cannot allow you to be so reckless.” She dropped her hands and gave Dinah a small, well-meaning smile. “You truly do love my brother?”

“I do,” Dinah answered, her voice suddenly hoarse as a swell of emotion crested within her heart. “As strange as it may seem, I have discovered within myself such a depth of affection that I cannot bear to allow him to do this. He is penitent enough already. He bears a great shame over his past behavior, and even though he is determined to reform himself, his past wrongs are being used against him.” Her chin lifted, her eyes settling on Titania and saw her nod in agreement. “I must prevent him from ruining himself forever.”

Titania put her hand on Dinah’s arm. “Then let us go with all swiftness,” she replied, a smile on her face. “You are truly changed, Dinah, and I cannot help but think just how wonderful it will be to one day have you as a true sister, instead of only a cousin.”

* * *

As the carriage rolled away, Dinah looked out of the window into the dark streets and felt her heart ache for Lord Whitehaven all over again. She had been on her way to the study merely so that she might see him, to talk with him, to perhaps even have the chance to warp her arms about him once more – but instead she had overheard the butler greeting none other than Lord Irving. A little afraid of what this meant, she had fought the sudden urge to follow after Lord Irving, knowing that she ought not to eavesdrop but still curious. Even though she had tried to return to the library, even though she had forced her steps in that direction, she had been unable to force herself to do as she knew to be right. Praying for forgiveness even as she had retraced her steps and walked back towards the study, she had clasped her hands together and pressed her ear close to the door.

What she had overheard had sent her world spinning furiously. Hardly able to believe Lord Irving’s demands, she had been frozen with shock, standing by the door and feeling her stomach swirling, her heart racing and fear rushing up and down her spine. When she had become aware that Lord Irving was about to leave, she had barely made it to the next room in time before he had walked out into the hallway. She had taken a few minutes to collect herself before returning to Lord Whitehaven’s study, pushing open the door without any understanding of what she might say or how she might say it.

What she had seen had practically stopped her heart. Lord Whitehaven had been standing, ashen face, with his head low and his back hunched. The wretchedness of him had been evident to her in every move that he made, his sorrow and frustration over what had occurred burning into her from where she stood. ‘I will not allow her to go with him’, he had said, vehemently, and Dinah had felt her heart ache with the love that he displayed so evidently. ‘I will never treat you as dispensable.’

In that moment, she had known what to do. She had chosen not to tell Lord Whitehaven of her plan, for she knew full well that he would not allow her to do as she wished. He would have done everything in his power to have her remain at home, and no doubt, had Lady Whitehaven known of it, she would have added her agreement to it also. Thankfully, Dinah had Titania to turn to, given that her husband had not yet returned to town. Trusting that Titania would be willing not only to listen but also to aid her in whatever way was required, Dinah had told her cousin everything.

Titania had listened with both horror and shock, her astonishment growing steadily as Dinah had laid out her plans. Thankfully, it had not taken long for Titania to agree and they had spent the last hour or so working out the plan in all its fullness.

“He will be very angry at first,” Titania commented, a little drolly. “But I am certain that in the end, he will be grateful.” She leaned across the carriage and patted Dinah’s hand. “You are very good to him, my dear. Especially when he has never been welcoming to you.”

Dinah gave her cousin a half smile, which she was not quite sure Titania was able to see, given the darkness that was only briefly broken by the dull streetlamps.

“I understand him better now,” she answered softly. “I understand how he saw himself. I understand how wrong I have been in my critical and judgmental spirit. I have treated people poorly, and yet forgiveness and tolerance has been shown to me.” She shrugged, her thoughts returning to Lord Whitehaven once more. “We have only just begun to realize what our lives might look like were they entwined together.” She swallowed hard forcing back her tears. “I am not about to allow him to throw that aside now, not when there is another way.”

Titania opened her mouth to respond, only for the carriage to slow and to eventually come to a halt. The door was opened, the steps set down for them, and taking in a deep breath, Dinah made her way out. The driver waited with the horses whilst the two tigers they had brought along with them, as they had done before, immediately came to stand behind the two ladies. Buoyed a little by their presence and placing one hand in her pocket, so as to reassure herself that her documents were still there, Dinah lifted her chin, took a long, deep breath and began to advance towards Elders View.

The noise that came from the place was almost deafening. There were shouts of joy, cries, and exclamations — and a good deal of rowdy laughter – and that was even before Dinah had dared asked for one of the tigers to open the door.

“I am here with you,” Titania said encouragingly, looping her arm through Dinah’s. “Come now. Courage, my dear. You will manage this, I am quite certain of it.”

Dinah nodded, swallowed hard, and gestured for the door to be opened. With one doubtful look towards Titania, the man scurried to do as he was bidden and Dinah made to step through it at once – only for a loud crash to rend her ears, making her stagger back. A harsh laugh soon followed but rather than send Dinah scurrying back to the carriage, it seemed to embolden her. She remembered what she had heard Lord Irving say, how he had practically demanded that she be brought to him, to be married off at once in some peculiar fashion. And now, no doubt, he was treating Lord Whitehaven with the very same distain – and all because Whitehaven had refused to do as Lord Irving had bade. Shaking free of Titania’s hand, Dinah strode forward and hurried through the door, coming upon another only a few paces within. Thrusting them both open wide, she marched forward without hesitation.

It was as though the world went silent at her presence. The room was large and bright, with almost every surface holding a good many candles. Gentlemen of all ages and appearance were thrust in every part of the room, but all turned towards her as one. She stood just inside, with Titania and the two tigers coming in thereafter. Tables were aplenty, with gentlemen seated or standing around them all. A long serving table was in one corner which, Dinah presumed, meant that liquor flowed very easily indeed. Continuing to look out across the room, her eyes then fell upon a prone figure to her left, with another gentleman standing over him. Lord Irving. He was looking at her with shock in his eyes, although the rest of his expression remained quite calm. Beside him were two burlier fellows, one of whom seemed to recognize Dinah—for when she caught his eye, he immediately looked away and lowered his head, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

“A woman!” one gentleman roared, shattering the silence. “Get her out of here!”

“I am come to find my cousin,” Dinah interrupted, her voice ringing out across the room despite the fear that lingered on in her heart. “Once we have him, we shall depart.” She turned and gestured in the direction of Lord Irving. The tigers moved together, the four of them, walking towards Lord Irving and the fellow who lay on the ground. Dinah had no doubt that it was Lord Whitehaven.

“Lord Irving.” She lifted her chin and looked up at the gentleman directly, even though she wanted to do nothing more than fall to her knees beside Lord Whitehaven and aid him in whatever way she could. “I am afraid that your conversation with Lord Whitehaven was not entirely unnoticed by the rest of us in the house.”

Lord Irving’s lip curled. “So he told you of what was said, did he?” He laughed scornfully, as the rest of the gentlemen within Elder View continued to stand silently, their eyes fixed upon what was being slowly played out before them.

“No,” Dinah replied, a touch of anger beginning to form in her heart. “No, he did not. I heard you speak, Lord Irving, and I am here to tell you that you are nothing more than a disgrace.”

Lord Irving’s eyes narrowed but Dinah continued on regardless.

“I am not to be bought nor sold like something a trader might wish to do. I am not to be used as your plaything, Lord Irving. I am not about to become your wife simply because you demand it of me. To triple a man’s debts when he is already struggling to pay the first merely because he will not do as you ask and give me to you as your wife is more than a little vengeful, do you not think?” Much to Dinah’s surprise, a few murmurings broke out at this, making her turn around to see a good many gentlemen speaking to one another about this matter, as though they had no knowledge of Lord Irving’s deeds nor of his character. Many of them were now looking doubtfully at Lord Irving, and there were many a furrowed brow. Dinah felt a flash of hope in her chest, turning back to Lord Irving with a lifted brow and seeing his lower.

“Lord Whitehaven is much too good to give me to you as your wife in order to try and save himself from loss and ruin,” she told the gentleman, as Titania helped an ashen-faced Lord Whitehaven to stand, with a tiger supporting him on the other side. “And now you have had him beaten for what is the second time, even though he has done nothing to wrong you.”

“He owes me money,” Lord Irving grated harshly. “It is not my fault that he cannot pay.”

“No, but it is your doing, is it not?” Dinah demanded angrily, putting both hands on her hips and feeling the last of her fears melt away. She knew she had a captive audience now and did not want to waste a single word. “You came to Lord Whitehaven’s home earlier today and not only told him that you had tripled the debt, but that you expected him to pay it fully by this evening!” Again, a murmur of surprise and obvious disagreement ran around the room. “You expected him to fail, Lord Irving. You wanted him to fail.”

Lord Irving took a step closer, leaning down to look into Dinah’s face. His eyes were nothing more than dark slits, his expression growing darker with every moment that passed. “Lord Whitehaven made his choice. He could have done as I asked and allowed us to marry and–”

“He would never have done so, not when he cares for me as he does,” Dinah retorted angrily. “And I have come to ensure that you can no longer have any part in his life.”

“Dinah.” Lord Whitehaven’s voice reached her, and she turned her head, seeing him leaning on the back of a chair instead of onto Titania. His eyes were fixed upon hers, blood running down in rivulets from a wound to one side of his head. “Dinah, what are you doing?”

She smiled at him then reassuringly, wanting to go to him but knowing that she could not. “I heard everything,” she said softly, seeing his eyes flare wide. “I know that you were determined not to allow me to enter into a union with Lord Irving, that you were determined I should not even come near the fellow. I knew you could not get the money that was demanded, but clearly you were still willing to come to Lord Irving and take whatever punishment he decided to mete out to you.” She shook her head, her throat constricting. “I could not bear it,” she finished, hating that he had already been hurt by Lord Irving. “I have another way, Whitehaven, and you will permit me to take it.”

“No,” he said, waving one hand and reaching out to her. “No, Dinah, you need not do so. There is no need.”

“There is every need,” she answered quickly, looking back up towards Lord Irving. “You are not guilty of the punishment Lord Irving has demanded from you in place of my hand in marriage, Whitehaven. You have a kind heart and a considerate spirit. You love me, just as I love you. I would not now leave you to your fate.” And, so saying, she pulled out the piece of paper she had taken with her in her pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to Lord Irving, who took it with a narrowed look still lingering in his eyes.

“This will suffice, I hope,” she stated, with unerring strength in both her voice and her stance. “I was, as you are fully aware, unable to get to my solicitors in order to take out such an amount, but it will come to you, Lord Irving. I am not inclined to break my word.”

Lord Irving sniffed, although his eyes still lingered on the paper. “No, you are much too pious for that,” he replied, as though this was some great failure on her part. “And you state that you are quite willing to give this to me in its entirety?” His eyes lifted from the page and fixed upon hers. “This is to remove Lord Whitehaven from his debt?”

Dinah nodded. “It is,” she said, seeing Lord Whitehaven drop his head but feeling no concern within her heart that she was somehow doing wrong. “What say you, Lord Irving?”

Lord Irving bit his lip, tipped his head, and then slowly began to smile. It was not a smile of warmth but one of dark malevolence, as though he had only just thought of something so truly awful that he could not help but laugh inwardly over it.

“It is enough, yes,” he replied, handing Dinah back the letter from her solicitors, declaring just how much money she had waiting for her. “But it is not, as you state, present with you this evening.”

Dinah flushed red, her palms curling into fists. “You know very well that I–”

“Then might I suggest that you and I play a little game?” Lord Irving continued, interrupting her. “As you know, I am a gentleman who enjoys a good many pleasures, and one is that I much prefer to have a little wager over matters such as this.” He grinned at her, his eyes sparkling now with a grim delight that left Dinah with no question over what he intended. “It is an accepted practice, is it not? Although I must question whether someone such as you should ever understand the rules of such a vice!”

Dinah lifted her chin and looked back at him steadily. She had suspected that Lord Irving would try something such as this and, having suspected it, she and Titania had played multiple games of ‘Faro’ until Dinah not only understood the rules but knew precisely what she had to do in order to try and win.

Although to play against someone such as Lord Irving would be quite a different matter.

“You scoundrel!” Lord Whitehaven cried, his voice rebounding off the walls as he managed to step away from the chair that had supported him and began to walk near to Dinah and Lord Irving. “You blaggard! You dare to suggest that Miss Shepherd, a young lady of propriety, should gamble with the money she has come to offer you?” He turned to the rest of the gentlemen, who were now all watching the unfolding scene with wide eyes, utterly agog. “He would ask this young lady to place all that she has in this world upon the betting table, when she has come here in good faith, offering it to him as it is in order to pay a debt that he has already tripled!” Seeing the shaking of the gentlemen’s heads and hearing the low-voiced murmurs, Dinah looked into Whitehaven’s eyes and saw the anger there also. Would Lord Irving buckle under the strain and the pressure brought to bear by those around him? Would the other gentlemen refuse to allow him to do such a thing?

“Miss Shepherd has offered you everything, Irving,” Lord Whitehaven grated, his eyes flashing with rage. “It is more than I deserve, yet she does it out of the love in her heart for me. Now take it and do not demand more. There is nothing else here for you.”

Lord Irving said nothing for some minutes. The air grew thick about Dinah as she looked up at the gentleman, refusing to drop her gaze and to let him see that she was, in fact, very nervous about what was to occur next. Should Lord Irving insist that they play, then Dinah knew she would have no other choice than to do so – although her chances of winning were rather low. Perhaps now, he would be inclined simply to accept what she had offered, given that so many gentlemen were clearly against his plans.

“No.”

Her heart sank to the floor, but she did not move an inch.

“No, we will play,” Lord Irving stated firmly, much to the dismay of almost everyone else present. “And the lady shall choose the game.” He gave a long, ornate bow, his eyes glinting with steel as he lifted his head. “And should you win, Miss Shepherd, then you can be assured that the money you offer shall remain yours and the debt I have called over Lord Whitehaven’s head will be let free. It shall no longer remain. Thereafter, I shall also retire from London for the rest of the Season.”

Her heart beating furiously, Dinah tried her best to keep her voice steady as she spoke. “And if I should lose?”

Again, he grinned at her, that dark smile frightening her more than she wanted to admit.

“Then I shall be the victor,” he replied quietly. “And I shall have your payment and your hand in marriage, Miss Shepherd.”

“No!” Lord Whitehaven cried, grasping Dinah’s hand and making to tug her away from Lord Irving. “No, indeed, Dinah, this is not worth the struggle! I am not worth it. Please, my love, stay away from this.” His eyes begged her to listen, his fear growing starkly in his expression. “Stay far from him. I would not lose you, my love.”

Dinah swallowed hard but looked directly back into Lord Whitehaven’s face and felt a sudden reassurance fill her. It brought with it a kind of peace to her soul, as though she knew that this was what she was to do. The path, as her mother had said, was beginning to reveal itself once again.

“I shall do as Lord Irving demands,” she murmured, reaching up one hand and brushing it along Lord Whitehaven’s cheek, seeing how he winced and feeling her heart ache for him. “And I shall do it in the confidence that God is with me and that, with His power, I can face even the tallest and strongest of giants.”

Lord Whitehaven seemed to crumple in front of her, his eyes squeezing shut tightly as he caught her hand and pressed it to his heart.

“Yes, Lord Irving, I accept your challenge,” Dinah replied, turning her head back and looking to Lord Irving.

He chuckled darkly and lifted one eyebrow. “Very good. And what shall the game be, Miss Shepherd?”

Glancing at Titania and seeing her nod, Dinah let out a long breath. “Faro,” she said firmly. “The game shall be faro.”

“Very good,” Lord Irving cheered. “Come then, let us sit down, Miss Shepherd, so that our game can begin!”

Chapter Thirteen

Grayson had taken the beating without any attempt to defend himself. A punch to his stomach had forced him to double over, only for something hard to hit him across the side of the head. As he had lain there, trying to recover himself, a sharp boot had bit into his stomach whilst another had kicked him hard in the back – and Grayson had lost himself to unconsciousness.

Now, however, he was fully awake although it felt as though he had woken up in a dream. Dinah was sitting opposite Lord Irving at a small square table with the felt layout ready and prepared for them, with another gentleman being ushered over to play the part of dealer. His heart was in his throat as he drew near to them, aching with fright and agony over what might occur next.

To lose her, to have her forced to marry Lord Irving, was a fate that Grayson could not even bear to consider. And yet, she had done so willingly, had entered into an agreement with Lord Irving that would, somehow, save him from his debts should she manage to win. If she lost, then the debt would be gone from him too, for Lord Irving would take Dinah’s money as forfeit – along with her hand in marriage. Grayson could not even think of what such a marriage would be like, fearing that Dinah would become a shadow of what she was at present, for Lord Irving would not treat her with any consideration nor kindness.

“Have courage,” Titania whispered, coming closer to him and wrapping one arm about his waist. “She has just as good a chance as any other to win.”

Grayson shook his head. “It may be a game of chance, but there is still some skill involved.”

“And she and I did nothing but play Faro in between her overhearing your conversation with Lord Irving and our departure to this place,” Titania told him, surprising him somewhat. “Besides which, we have also agreed upon a small system that may aid her still further.” A slightly guilty look came into her eyes as she glanced up at Grayson, making his brows furrow low.

“What is it that you have agreed upon, Titania?” he asked, as the gentlemen gathered around Dinah and Lord Irving. “What is it? Tell me, so that I might be of aid also?” He had promised Dinah never to gamble again, but he would not consider this situation to be one where he would have to keep such a vow. “I want to do all I can to help her.”

Titania lifted one shoulder. “It is a mere suggestion of what she ought to wager,” she explained. “If I have one finger showing, then that should be a Flat bet.” She pressed her hand to her heart with only one finger extended – something that everyone else would miss given that their attention would be on the table. “Two fingers are a Split. Three mean the High Card bet. Four, the Odd or Even bet, and a full hand means a Turn.” She shrugged. “I cannot tell whether or not such a thing will make any difference, but it does mean that she is not there alone, struggling over what she ought to do next.” A slight flush came to Titania’s cheeks. “Although there is a little cheating involved, I will admit.”

“No more than Lord Irving himself has shown already,” Grayson grated, feeling a small hope begin to flicker in his chest. This was a way for him to support, to help Dinah when he was unable to do anything else.

“You will aid her then?” Titania asked softly, as Lord Irving gestured for the dealer to begin. “What is your usual strategy?”

Grayson bit his lip before answering, ignoring the thundering pain in his head. “I would suggest to make only two types of bets. Flat bets when there are only two cards of a given rank left in the deck, given the probability.” He shrugged. “Case bets when there is a disadvantage to the dealer.” He narrowed his eyes as the dealer was handed a small, spring box, where the deck of cards was placed. “Although we must make certain that Lord Irving himself has not decided that he himself will also attempt to win by any means necessary.”

Titania’s eyes flared but her mouth pulled tight. “Indeed, I had not thought of such a thing, although I ought to have done,” she replied, linking arms with him so that they might walk across together. “What shall you do?”

He swallowed hard, feeling the urge to help Dinah in every way he could but still wanting to keep a sharp eye on the dealer and on Lord Irving. “You do as you have agreed with Dinah,” he told his sister, seeing her nod. “If I disagree with you then I shall make that known. However, if everything is as it ought to be, then I shall simply continue to watch the dealer and Lord Irving.” He kept his gaze trained on the small box and the dealer’s hands as they drew near the table. “Faro may be a game of chance, but there is still opportunity to cheat.”

Pushing their way through what was now a tightly packed crowd, Grayson and Titania managed to come to the edge of the table to Dinah’s left, with the dealer facing them. Looking down at Dinah, Grayson’s heart began to pound with a hint of fear and a good deal of longing. She was beautiful still, even though her face was a good deal paler than before and her anxiety more than a little apparent. Her hands were shaking just a little as she held Lord Irving’s gaze, although her determination remained more than apparent. Grayson did not think that he had ever seen her more wonderful than she was at this given moment. Her quiet strength astonished him, captured his heart more than ever before. What she had done for him, what she had been willing to give up…it was more than he ever felt he deserved. And yet, she had done so without hesitation, coming here and standing before all of the gentlemen within with the determination to save him from the punishment that would have come by Lord Irving’s hands.

“Are you quite certain of this, Miss Shepherd?” Lord Irving asked, as he gazed, mockingly, at Dinah, his lip curling into a sneer. “You have one last opportunity to turn away from it, my dear. I offer it to you now.”

Dinah merely smiled, although her eyes remained cold.

Lord Irving shrugged, laughing softly. “Very well,” he answered, spreading his hand out towards the dealer. “Then let us begin.”

Grayson’s heart began to pound furiously as the game began in earnest. He did not want to distract Dinah but could not take his eyes from her. Much to his surprise, she did not even glance towards Titania, not for a single moment. The bets were cast and the game began in earnest, with Dinah’s chin lifted and a fierce determination in her eyes as she continued to play against the one gentleman who had both her own fate and that of Grayson in his hand.

“She is doing this alone,” he muttered, as Titania drew near. “She is not looking to you.”

Titania shook her head, grimly. “No, she is not,” she agreed. “Mayhap she has decided that she must play with every ounce of honesty she possesses. You know as well as I that her heart is always seeking to do what is right, Whitehaven. Perhaps that extends even to this.”

He wanted to groan aloud as Dinah lost yet another bet. She did not look broken nor distraught, however, but rather continued the game with poise and quietness, not giving any appearance of anxiety.

“She is not winning, however,” he muttered, as Lord Irving chuckled aloud. “What are we to do, Titania?”

Titania swallowed and looked away, glancing around the crowd. “I do not know,” she replied, sounding a little hopeless. “If only she would look up, we might be able to help her in some way.”

Grayson nodded jerkily, his eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the dealer throwing a quick glance towards Lord Irving. Lord Irving gave the tiniest of nods, which Grayson would not have seen unless he had been watching the gentleman closely. Seeing it, however, his breath caught in his chest. Lord Irving was the one cheating it seemed, although he could not be quite certain as to how the fellow was doing it. One look towards the dealer and the box sent a flurry of suspicion into Grayson’s heart. The dealer, mayhap, was working with Lord Irving to ensure that he won. The dealer’s box could easily be manipulated. Grayson had seen it happen before – not that he himself had ever engaged in such a thing himself. The dealer’s box might discreetly reveal what cards were soon to be coming up so that any bets that would allow Dinah to win could be discarded without either she or Lord Irving seeing. The dealer would be good with his hands and well-practiced in working the cards. It would be easy to ensure that any card with a winning bet from Dinah was hidden back amongst the back, were the dealer box made in such a way to allow him to do so.

“Wait,” he hissed, seeing that, as yet, Dinah had not won a single bet. “I think there is more to this game than meets the eye. Watch.” He held his gaze over the dealer again, whispering to Titania to do the very same, which she did without question. Minutes passed as another round of betting took place and still, nothing untoward occurred. Titania whispered something, which Grayson ignored, making it quite plain that she was still to watch the dealer closely.

And then, it happened. The dealer threw another glance towards Lord Irving and the gentleman merely smiled, perhaps in confirmation that the dealer was doing precisely what he had asked for.

Beside him, Titania gasped.

“You must say something,” she hissed, as Dinah lost yet another bet. “He is a scoundrel and–”

“If I may.”

Grayson waved one hand high in the air, catching everyone’s attention as he did so. Lord Irving narrowed his eyes at once, the smile fading from his lips as he looked back at Grayson.

“What is it, Whitehaven?” he asked, sounding entirely bored. “You may speak when the game is at an end, if you wish, which I do not think will take long.” He chuckled darkly, throwing a hard look towards Dinah who remained utterly silent, her eyes flickering between Titania and Grayson.

“I have a question,” Grayson continued, feeling his heart begin to beat a little faster as the moment grew near. There was still a chance that he was wrong about this, that there was nothing wrong with the dealer box or with the dealer himself. If he was mistaken, then all he would be doing would be calling out Lord Irving’s behavior as ungentlemanly and suggesting he was nothing more than a cheat which might, if proven wrong, bring about even more consequences. But he could not wait. He had to risk this and trust that he was right about it all. “I have a question about the dealer that you have chosen, Lord Irving.”

Lord Irving snorted. “I did not choose him, Lord Whitehaven. He merely came forward.”

“That may be so,” Grayson retorted, as each and every gentleman turned to look at him. “But I have little doubt that you and he already have an understanding. Most likely, you use him whenever you wish to win a game of Faro or some other such game, Lord Irving.”

Lord Irving’s face began to go red, his lips thinning all the more and one hand curled into a fist which was then thumped hard on the table.

“You are accusing me of–”

“If you might take the dealer’s box, Lord Thorngood,” Grayson continued, interrupting Lord Irving without hesitation. “If I am wrong, then I shall admit it here and now and shall take every consequence that comes thereafter. However, if I am correct, Lord Thorngood, then the dealer’s box shall be somewhat unusual.” He gave the gentleman a firm nod, praying that the fellow was not too inebriated to do as Grayson asked. Thankfully, the man did as was requested and picked up the box, as the dealer sat back in his chair, a murmur of protest on his lips.

The room went still. Grayson locked eyes with Dinah, seeing the hope in her eyes and fearing that searing disappointment would soon fill them if he was mistaken. He did not look anywhere but her face, telling himself that he was correct, telling himself that he had done the right thing. Beside him, Titania held onto his arm, her fingers digging through his shirt sleeve and almost bruising his skin such was the intensity of her grip. His breath refused to leave his lungs, the blood roaring in his ears as he waited for Lord Thorngood to make his decision.

“This box has been tampered with!”

The cry of Lord Thorngood sent the room into uproar. Grayson closed his eyes, swaying just a little as relief poured into his heart. He had been right. The dealer and Lord Irving had been working together. Lord Irving was clearly determined to win by any means necessary and would not simply give up his chance to have both Dinah and a good deal of money by playing a game of chance. He had needed to win and had done the only thing he could. He had cheated.

“Lord Irving!” shouted another man, slamming Lord Irving on the back with a heavy hand. “You scoundrel!”

“I have done nothing wrong!” Lord Irving cried, his face now bloodless. Clearly, he had not expected Grayson to be proven correct, although why he had not expected Lord Thorngood to notice the altered box, Grayson did not know. “I have no understanding of what has occurred.” Rising to his feet, he sliced the air with his hand, rendering the room suddenly silent. A little concerned about what was to happen next, Grayson moved towards Dinah, putting one hand on her shoulder and feeling her fingers touching his as he did so.

“I have done nothing wrong,” Lord Irving protested, glaring at Grayson. “This is a mistake. This fellow,” he gestured to the dealer, “is not known to me. Lord Thorngood may have discovered a dealer’s box that has been tampered with in some way, but I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.” His voice was loud and filled with authority, leaving Grayson to fear that the gentlemen would believe him and that thereafter, he would have to play again against Dinah. Perhaps this was not over, as he had first thought.

And then, Dinah spoke.

“How very strange that is,” she said, her voice seeming to fill the room even though she spoke with quietness. “For I was certain that it was you who encouraged the dealer to the table and who, thereafter, fetched the dealer’s box and set it in its place.” She tipped her head and looked steadily back at Lord Irving. “If there is a question over your honor, Lord Irving, then I must truly wonder whether or not I can trust playing against you.”

“And I will not be silent,” Lord Thorngood said, waving the dealer’s box around a little unsteadily. “You have done such a thing before, Irving. I know of it, as do many others.”

“Thorngood,” Lord Irving grated, his warning clear, but Lord Thorngood shook his head, evidently emboldened by Dinah’s words to carry on.

“No, Lord Irving, I shall not be silent,” the man continued, saying the very same thing as he had done before, as though to emphasize his lack of unwillingness to keep his secrets. “Lord Irving has cheated on many a game before this time, using boxes such as this and dealers to whom he has promised a share of the winnings.” He swallowed hard and looked at Lord Irving, who had gone a shade of purple such was his evident fury. “I know this because I have been used in such a way myself.” He shook his head, hearing the angry murmurs that followed thereafter. “It is my shame, and I will not shirk from it, gentlemen. I have been struggling to recoup some of my losses, and Lord Irving suggested this scheme so that I might change my circumstances and, to my sorrow, I admit that I accepted it without question.”

Lord Irving shook his head, his jaw working furiously.

“You have been found out, Irving,” Grayson said firmly. “This is at an end. The debt is forgotten. You shall not have Dinah nor shall you remain victorious as you had intended. Instead, the shame you intended to push upon me has now become your own.” He smiled down at Dinah, who rose from her chair to lean into him, her head nestled on his shoulder. “We are free of you, Lord Irving, just as society shall soon be free of you, I think.” He gestured with his free hand to the many gentlemen, who were now clearly very angry with their gazes turned towards Lord Irving. Men who suspected they had been cheated out of winnings. They would not allow Lord Irving’s behavior to go unpunished. Society would be free of him now, just as he and Dinah would.

“Let us go home,” he murmured in Dinah’s ear, as Lord Irving began to protest, putting up his hands in a gesture of defense to those who began to approach him. “Let us go home so that I can tell you just how wonderful you are, Dinah, just how brave and determined and overwhelming in your beauty.” Unable to help himself, he bent his head and caught her lips quickly, seeing the tears in her eyes that came with one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen. “I love you desperately.”

“As I love you,” she whispered, before Grayson led both her and Titania out from Elders View.

Epilogue

“And that is the last of them.”

Dinah sighed in contentment as Lord Whitehaven threw the last of his vowels onto the fire, watching it burn up quickly as the flames consumed it. Lord Whitehaven watched the flames for a few moments, clearly thinking about what had occurred, before turning towards her and smiling warmly. She held out one hand to him, which he accepted at once, coming to sit down beside her. Nestling into his shoulder, she closed her eyes and felt a peace coming over her. It was a peace she had never experienced before, for it filled her with both joy and contentment, telling her that now, finally, they were to be freed from all shame, all fear, and all doubt.

“I could not believe it when I saw you step into Elders View,” Lord Whitehaven murmured, his lips close to her forehead. “You were quite determined that I should not be left to deal with my shame alone.”

She lifted her head and looked at him, seeing the way his eyes burned with love for her. “Lord Irving was cruel, Whitehaven. He tried to take your shame and multiply it so that you were forced to deal with something that ought not to have been yours. The punishment he wanted to inflict was for his own gratification so that he might feel powerful and victorious when, in truth, he was nothing but a cheater himself.” Smiling gently, she ran one hand down his cheek. “I will not pretend that I was fearful that I might lose the game and, in turn, lose you, but I had faith that all would turn out aright.”

“And it has,” he told her, the air growing thick with both desire and anticipation. “It has shown me clearly that I do not want to be without you, Dinah. I want you to be with me every moment of every day. I do not want to be parted from you.”

Dinah swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat at his words, feeling her heart quicken. “You know that I feel the very same, Whitehaven.”

He nodded but did not look away. “I have spent too long fighting my feelings,” he continued softly, his hand finding hers. “I should have confronted them long ago. But now, you know of them in all their entirety.”

“Yes,” she whispered, “I do.”

“And you trust me.”

She nodded. “Of course. I do not doubt for a moment that you love me, Whitehaven.”

A smile lifted his lips, his eyes aglow. “As I can see in your every action, your every word, that you love me also,” he finished, reaching up to cup her face. “Say that you will marry me, Dinah. Say that you will be my wife.”

She did not need to answer, for reaching up to kiss him, she told him precisely what she wanted. Whitehaven held her as close as he could, his kisses making her heart burst with love within her chest, her hands going about his neck.

“You have made me the happiest gentleman in all of England this day, Dinah,” he whispered against her mouth. “And you shall go on to make me an ever better gentleman than you find me at present.”

“I have found my path,” Dinah whispered back, her eyes closing again as she rested her forehead lightly against his. “And it has led me to you.”

Smiling gently, Lord Whitehaven lowered his head again to kiss her – only for the sound of a door slamming open to take them both by surprise. Springing apart, Dinah stared up into the astonished face of Lady Whitehaven, who had only just returned from her evening engagement. She did not know what to say, for the lady appeared so astonished, so overcome, that Dinah almost wanted to laugh.

“Mother,” Lord Whitehaven said, a little awkwardly. “I have some news for you.”

Lady Whitehaven said nothing but dragged her eyes away from Dinah to fix them upon her son.

“I am engaged,” he said, gesturing towards Dinah, who smiled at Lady Whitehaven, seeing how her eyes lit up with evident happiness. “And I am certain that you will approve of my choice of bride, Mother, for you know her to be just as wonderful as I.”

Lady Whitehaven clasped her hands together and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, as though taking a second or two to send up a prayer of thankfulness to heaven.

“I do approve,” she said at last, reaching out to grasp Dinah’s hand. “I approve of the match entirely. How truly wonderful a day this is!”

“Indeed,” Dinah replied. Her eyes filled with the sight of the gentleman she loved, as he smiled back down at her with all the hope and the promise of the days that would come.

Want to read the prologue in its entirety?

Lady Eliza’s Broken Heart, London Season Matchmaker Prequel is available for free!

Although The Return of Lord Avondale does have a short chapter length prequel at the beginning of the book, you can download the extended short story version of the prequel for free!

Interested? Click here to learn more…

Also by Lucy Adams

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LONDON SEASON MATCHMAKER SERIES

The Return of Lord Avondale, Book One

The Noble Spy, Book Two

The Earl She Despised, Book Three

The Duke’s Secret Wager, Book Four

To Love a Scoundrel, Book Five

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Author’s Note

Thank you for downloading To Love a Scoundrel.

I hope you truly enjoyed Book Five of my London Season Matchmaker Series!

My next series is currently in the works and the first book should be published by no later than November. It will be a Regency Spy Romance series.

About the Author

I grew up in a small town in New England. My father was a commercial fisherman for most of his life and I have two older brothers who followed in his footsteps

My mom was a housewife and loved every minute of it. Looking back now, it seems that every year she spent taking care of the three of us and my dad, made her happier. She loved cooking, she loved cleaning and sitting up all night when one of us were sick never seemed to phase her. She is a remarkable woman and in a small town, that didn’t go unnoticed. I can remember my friends coming home with me after school and before I could put my books away and change my shoes, they would be in the kitchen drinking milk and eating banana bread with my mom. She always made them laugh and I think they could have sat there for hours and hours listening to her. It made me proud, but I remember thinking ‘Mom! Can I have my friends back now?’

After I had written a few books, people began to ask my mom how did a girl who grew up in a family of fishermen end up writing Regency Romance? She would laugh and blame her brother. She had allowed me to go to England with my uncle and my cousin on vacation when I was thirteen, and it changed my view of the world forever. The Royal family and the history in that family was fascinating to me. Every past King and Queen had a story that could have only come out of a story book. The day we visited Buckingham Palace and went on the tour I was overwhelmed with the splendor of the rooms. The winding staircases, the tall ceilings and tall windows draped with satin curtains and gold beads. It wasn’t long before I knew I was in love with the grandeur of royal life. The more I learned about the family, the country, and its history, the more I felt the stories inside of me wanting to come out.

It wasn’t long before I had more stories in my head than I could put on paper.

I do hope you enjoy my books as much as I have enjoyed writing them!

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